# Neighbor issues - help!



## jkath (Sep 22, 2006)

I love my house. I love my street. I love my neighbors.....well, all except one that's driving me batty. 
There's a big wall between my back yard and her house. Every morning she puts out bread pieces for the birds, on this wall. (about 4' worth of crumbles) She's rather old and  tiny, so that all you see is this "hand" putting out the bread. Reminds me of the addams family's "thing". 
Anyhow, she doesn't just attract the birds. She attracts every other living creature you can imagine. Because of that, I'm having problems with keeping all the pests out of my yard. I hung a polite note on her side of the wall one morning, and the bread ceased....for the day. A few days later I wrote a more firm note, which she took down and paid no attention to. Today I wrote another note and she flipped it back onto my side of the wall. grrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Any ideas as to what I can do?


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## Half Baked (Sep 22, 2006)

Sounds like it's time to bring in the pup squad!  Darling little ol' ladies just want to help the birds but they don't seem to understand that their 'treats' bring in rats, squirrels, mice, strays etc.

Borrow a dog.  You are way too nice to hurt a little ol' lady's feelings..............unless she was driving a semi tractor trailer today.   

Ask a friend to bring her dog over.  That's the only suggestion I have, sorry.


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## Alix (Sep 22, 2006)

Do you have mediators there jkath? Here in Edmonton the police service has a mediator unit who will come out and work with the neighbours who are having issues. 

Other than that, I can't say I have any thoughts that would be productive. I've got some vengeful, spiteful maybe, but NOT productive.


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## amber (Sep 22, 2006)

The best approach I can think of is to know what types of birds are in your area and, if you dont mind the expense, buy her a bird feeder and some food, that should warm her heart a bit, and then explain that while you love (even if you dont) the idea of feeding the birds, it's really caused alot of damage to your yard in terms of critters digging in the grass to get to the crumbs.  

Could work right? Catch more flies with honey


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## jkath (Sep 22, 2006)

Jan - I have a dog - however, we are considering getting a cat who may like to "hunt" the creatures.
Alix, if we had mediators, I'd be thrilled, but the police are too busy for that sort of stuff.
Amber, you are sweet!!! I thought of that....but then I pictured bird seed weeds sprouting beneath my apple and pear tree....(which is right next to where she feeds them!)

Did I mention this was the same woman who complained that our cypress trees (which are 60' high) needed to be cut to the ground because she was sure they'd fall on her house? (PS - cypress are a windbreak tree)


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## Michelemarie (Sep 22, 2006)

Jkath, I feel for you.  That is a tough situation to be in. Do you belong to any type of association?  We bought a plastic owl to keep the birds from pooping on our pool cover and trying to make nests in our pergula.  I must say, it did work.  If you do get an owl (or two), make sure you get the one that has a moving head - sorta bobs.  They are hard to find (I think several people in our area had the same problem). We got ours at Ace Hardware. Other than that, I don't know what I would do - an outdoor cat might do the trick but thats just another thing to take care.


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## EatWell (Sep 22, 2006)

Great idea from Amber. An act of peacemaking. If it continues to be problematic then it might merit other steps. Are there any outdoor cats in the neighborhood. Once they figure there's a source of food (and entertainment) then the little old lady might stop feeding them. 

I used to feed the birds from my deck and made friends with some (don't get out much), but inevitably came the neighborhood cats and I had to stop. Felt bad, but didn't want to make it too easy for the cats. Ces't la vie.

Cheers, M


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## Andy M. (Sep 22, 2006)

If you haven't reached the stage when you want to kill each other, consider inviting her over for tea and explaining the problems her feeding the birds causes.


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## auntdot (Sep 22, 2006)

I like the idea of the bird feeder, we do feed birds from one during the winter and the seeds (the commercial bags of wild bird food) do not seem to germinate (they are supposedly treated not to).  But we live in the country and I cannot assure that those seeds will not attract vermin. And she might just fill the feeder with bread crumbs anyway. But at least that stuff would be in her yard.

She might find the feeder a delightful gift and improve relations between the two of you.

Or she might both fill the feeder and throw the stuff on the wall.

Are there other neighbors who are bothered by this?  If so, maybe y'all can get together and approach the local neighborhood association who may be able to exert more clout than just yourself.

Or, if she is attracting enough pests maybe the local pest control or health department (or some such) might be willing to intervene. She may be a bit intransigent to discussion, but a ticket or two (or threat of that) might make her stop.

It would seem to me that you have a right to keep your wall clean, if it belongs to you or is shared, and could always wash the stuff away after the hand is through depositing the crumbs. But that seems like a bit of a pain and will increase her animosity.

If the wall is yours, could you put up screening or something elso that would make it impossible for her to deposit the crumbs?

It is a difficult situation and perhaps you will just have to live with it, no matter how upsetting it may seem to you.

She may be just a little old lady who is lonely and gets little pleasure in life other than watching a few birds feed. And whose behavior no one else is going to be in a hurry to stop.

I don't know your situation but do know how frustrating such matters can be.

I certainly wish you well and Godbless.


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## suzyQ3 (Sep 22, 2006)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> If you haven't reached the stage when you want to kill each other, consider inviting her over for tea and explaining the problems her feeding the birds causes.


 
Good advice. These neighbor issues can be so intractable. If so, I'd consider slipping a little something into that tea.


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## shpj4 (Sep 22, 2006)

*jkath*

Since notes are not helping I would put some dog poop over the wall and into her back yard.

I know this is not nice but it the only suggestion that I can come up with.

Have a happy weekend.

Jill and Jolie


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## jkath (Sep 22, 2006)

Oh you guys are great! Auntdot - I'd not thought of the health dept! I forgot to mention we've spent $150 in the last 2 weeks on pest control. 

I think I'll also go to the hardware store and find some of the bobbing headed owls. My grandma used to use those to ward birds out of her fig tree and they do work - great idea, MicheleMarie!

Thank you!!!


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## Anne (Sep 23, 2006)

*I feel for you, too. I like the bird feeder idea, but I doubt whether she would want to use it, or else she'd see it as one more expression of dissatisfaction from you. If only you could use a bird feeder to lure them away from the wall. Have you tried taking a broom and whisking off the wall from her crumbs? If you're trying to combat all sorts of vermin from entering your yard, you have to get rid of the source. Your neighbor sounds stubborn.  **I like the owl idea.  If it would work, it's worth a try.  If not, I would look for a city agency that could intervene.  Good luck!*


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## jkath (Sep 23, 2006)

Anne said:
			
		

> * Have you tried taking a broom and whisking off the wall from her crumbs?*



I actually took the leaf blower to it earlier today!


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## Barbara L (Sep 23, 2006)

As soon as she goes back in the house, hose the wall down.  I would be tempted to do it before she went in, but I'm not that mean!  LOL  All the suggestions about making friends with her are great, but she doesn't seem to want to be reasonable about it.  James said you can buy this cat urine spray stuff that you could spray on the wall and the birds may not want to come around.  

 Barbara


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## jkath (Sep 23, 2006)

ooooooooooooooooh! I'm picturing myself at the hardware store, bobbing owl tucked under one arm, leaf blower under the other and holding a can of "eau de cat pee". Nice.


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## XeniA (Sep 23, 2006)

jkath said:
			
		

> There's a big wall between my back yard and her house.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## Mel! (Sep 23, 2006)

*Reply*

I would leave the old lady alone. 
If all u ever see of her is her hand. Then she probably does not get out, and is alone and lonely. Let her feed the birds, for Gods sakes.

Mel


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## jkath (Sep 23, 2006)

Mel, that would be nice, if she wasn't feeding the rodents. 
As for being a nice little old lady, I wouldn't say that either. Her next door neighbor calls her a cranky meanie. (This is coming from another senior citizen)


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## GB (Sep 23, 2006)

I like the owl idea. Stick that think right up on the fence to show her you mean business. 

I also like the idea of inviting her over for tea. Once she meets you she will love you just like everyone else and will not want to do anything to upset you.


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## jkath (Sep 23, 2006)

Thanks, GB - 
I was actually considering that, but even though our wall borders us, to actually walk to her house is 1/2 mile (!) I'm kind of in a cul de sac, and the entrance to her place is far away. 
Perhaps I can put something on the wall as a truce offering.


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## Barbara L (Sep 23, 2006)

They say (or maybe Abraham Lincoln said it) that the best way to get rid of your enemies is to make them your friends.  

Have her over for tea and win her heart.  And if that doesn't work...

Well, did you ever see the movie "Arsenic and Old Lace?"  I'm sure you get the picture!

      Oh my gosh, new people probably think I'm horrible!  Only in my plotting.  Not in real life!    

 Barbara


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## Wino (Sep 23, 2006)

I favor the mediation approach that someone suggested, although for it to work, both parties must be rational, and it sounds like your neighbor may not be in that category. 

Someone once said that good fences make good neighbors, so perhaps you should consider a better fence. Could you add to the existing fence, or replace it, making it high enough that the top is beyond your neighbor's reach?


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## kitchenelf (Sep 23, 2006)

Wino said:
			
		

> Could you add to the existing fence, or replace it, making it high enough that the top is beyond your neighbor's reach?



I like the higher fence idea!!  jkath - do you own the fence?


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## Barbara L (Sep 23, 2006)

OR...

You lower the wall a little every day and the lady thinks she is growing and moves to a retirement home because of the stress of it all.  

 Barbara


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## kitchenelf (Sep 23, 2006)

Barbara - you are soooooooooooo bad!


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## Barbara L (Sep 23, 2006)

kitchenelf said:
			
		

> Barbara - you are soooooooooooo bad!


LOL  It is just a little twist on what I have been doing to an elf up in Hickory.  (Haven't you noticed you are getting a lot taller lately?).      

 Barbara


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## jessicacarr (Sep 23, 2006)

I like Amber and Andy's ideas. 
Also, I don't know how you worded your previous 3 notes to her, but maybe a _card _worded a little something like the following left on her porch attached to the bird house could make a positive difference...

Dear Ms. ___
You certainly have a precious and kind heart in feeding our birds. I want to communicate to you that I respect you for this. In effort to live amicably as neighbors and as a contribution to feeding the birds, I am offering you this birds house along with some feed. Please accept this token of friendship.
Your neighbor,
sign

You may have worded your notes thoughtfully with noting an understanding of her perspective, but that is the best I can come up with. I hope it works out peacably. 
-JC


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## Anne (Sep 24, 2006)

*I agree with GB.  Show her  you mean business, then invite her over for tea.  It might mean the world to her.  For someone who is old and alone, life can get boring, and being cranky goes along with it.  She may be lonely, and the birds are her "friends."  I actually had a situation like that with a neighbor many years ago.  The entire neighborhood thought they were terrible.  It turned out that they were childless and getting old, and they turned out to be absolutely lovely.  I'd have missed something if I hadn't befriended them.  When we moved away, they were the saddest to see us go.*


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## Barbara L (Sep 24, 2006)

Anne said:
			
		

> *I agree with GB. Show her you mean business, then invite her over for tea. It might mean the world to her. For someone who is old and alone, life can get boring, and being cranky goes along with it. She may be lonely, and the birds are her "friends." I actually had a situation like that with a neighbor many years ago. The entire neighborhood thought they were terrible. It turned out that they were childless and getting old, and they turned out to be absolutely lovely. I'd have missed something if I hadn't befriended them. When we moved away, they were the saddest to see us go.*


I love happy ending stories.   

 Barbara


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## college_cook (Sep 24, 2006)

Call up city hall and find out if it is your wall.  If it is, then I'd file a complaint about her littering on your property.  Its a pretty harmless thing, and  you could probably have the police talk to her about.  Once the law gets involved folks usually tend to back off without any more hassle.

Or another option would be to get a few sprinkles and set them in your lawn, pointing them just so the streams hit the top of the wall and knock off the crumbs... or the lady gets wet wehnever she tries to feed the critters.

I think its great that she feeds the birds, btw, but there IS a right way and a wrong way to do it.


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## SpiritWolf (Sep 24, 2006)

Why not try kids rubber snakes, you know the ones kids get in sample bags or in toy stores,  We tried that where we live, even though I didnt agree with it as it was to get rid of our lorrikeets from our city mall, and I love any kind of bird or animal, but it is a solution, as it doesn't harm or kill the birds, just frightens them away, and it also solves the problem, most of the time,  but dont put them fully on the brick wall, or your neighbour friend may see them and know what you are doing, then she would just simply remove them, put them in a non-conspicuios place outa site of her, but not to the birds.  Half and Half I think, you just have to work out where the best place is for all concerned.  It does work, but will it work 4 you, all you can do is try, and let us know. 
                                   Thanks see ya from spiritwolf in Aussie land.


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## marmalady (Sep 24, 2006)

Simple - tell her you'd love to share your recipe for fried squirrel; squirrel stew; squirrel pot roast.................


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## jkath (Sep 24, 2006)

You guys are all the best!
GB's words kept coming back to me, so I went outside, picked a couple of asian pears, some apples and some strawberry guavas from my yard. I put them in a big ziploc with a long handwritten note, asking for her forgiveness, explaining that my stern manner was not appropriate. I gushed, basically.
After a half hour, there were no breadcrumbs, and the bag was gone. There are no breadcrumbs this morning. I hope this works.

Thanks to all of you.


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## Dina (Sep 24, 2006)

I'd say work it out tactfully.  The ideas of getting her a birdfeeder and talking it over tea is something I would do to keep the peace.


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## Michelemarie (Sep 24, 2006)

So far so good jkath - I hope it stays that way! You are a good neighbor!


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## kitchenelf (Sep 24, 2006)

awwwww - good jkath.  She might like a bird feeder more than ever now up closer to her house!!!  Maybe you could help her place it near a window or patio or in a tree where she can enjoy it.


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## TexanFrench (Sep 24, 2006)

Hmmm...  We have a lovely, friendly cat who loves ear-scratches and loves hunting, and cleans out all the undesirable "critters" from our backyard, and we did have (she has now passed away) a neighbor who fed the birds--attracting great numbers of pesky, poopy pigeons and grackles, I might add.  Some days we wouldn't have to feed the cat at all!


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## GB (Sep 24, 2006)

I hope her new found respect lasts jkath!


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## Anne (Sep 24, 2006)

*Now, that was really thoughtful, JKath!   A little bit of caring goes a long way.  I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.   *


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## In the Kitchen (Sep 25, 2006)

*Wall?*

Maybe that is what I need around my house?  I described my life w/my neighbor many times.  Having a wall would resolve many issues we have.  For one she wouldn't be able to see me and I wouldn't see her.  I don't know why people can't get alone anymore?  I am not saying I am perfect.  Always remember way back when we always could go to someone as if they were family.  Wouldn't sleep overnight or nothing but we hoped they would have good day like we did.  

Hope your gesture will make her think twice about what she is doing.  Maybe if she had birds in her house she wouldn't worry about ones outside.  Probably doesn't have lot going on in her life.  Does she have computer?  Maybe she would enjoy sharing her day w/us?  Like Clinton said, you get more w/honey.  

good luck Jkath.  Daily aggravations aren't funny.


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## RMS (Sep 25, 2006)

I was going to suggest tossing the crumbs into her yard daily, but this sounds like you handled it much better!  Hope she stays friendly!


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## expatgirl (Sep 28, 2006)

Good suggestions all. If your neighbor is senile or has Alzheimer's you may not be able to do anything about it--the fact that she was considerate one day and not the next may be a clue.  My husband's great-aunt in her last days of Alzheimer's swore that the people across the street were torturing her poodles--if you listened to her she sounded pretty convincing but we knew better.  Anyway of contacting her family or relatives?---if you're in my neighborhood in Houston that would be an emphatic "NO" but I don't know where you live.  If  she has a special time of the day to feed your "critters" you might want to have your sprinklers on at that time and see what happens--sounds cruel but you sound pretty frustrated and water has never harmed anyone--your new "guests" might thank you, even.  Good luck-----we had neighbors of a different variety--out of control teens--went on for nearly 2 years until they finally grew up and met the real world.  Now you don't hear a peep out of them.


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