# Helping the Homeless (Long and not sure if it's OT since food is involved)



## FraidKnot (Jan 11, 2007)

First please note, it is not my intention to start a controversy or a firestorm with this topic.  I'm simply relating a couple of experiences.

Last year when I was at the gas station I was approached by a homeless man who was trying to cadge quarters.  (1)  I rarely carry cash.  (2) Since there was a liquor store next door, if I'd had cash I *wouldn't* have given him any.  But what I *did* do was tell him I have no cash but if you want I'll buy you a sandwich.   [Note: And I knew the fast food places take credit & debit cards these days.  And I observed he was not (yet) drunk.]

Ladies and gentlemen, when I offered him food his eyes lit up like a kid who had just gotten a shiny new toy!   He said, "You'd buy me a sandwich?"  Sure!  (I didn't tell him this I've run into panhandlers who refuse any other sort of help, virtually spitting, not literally!  Harsh rude words to to people who won't give them cash.)

There was a Burger King (hereinafter known as BK) next door and a Wendy's across the street.  I asked which he would like.  He'd seen the sign at BK for a bacon/cheddar burger, asked timidly, "Could I have one of those?"  Yes; would you like some french fries?  Onion rings if they have them?  "Oh no, ma'am, the sandwich will be just fine."  I asked what he would like to drink.  "Oh, water, ma'am.  It won't cost you anything."  Imagine a man living in a box beside a strip mall worrying about my money!

Anyway, tonight, I was back at that same gas station.  And Steve was outside, petting a Daschundt that a woman had walked up.  I recognized him.  Unfortunately, this time he was drunk. (Last time he was sober.)  I asked if he remembered the lady who took him for a burger last year.  Oh, yes! (I'm not convinced, he'd been hitting the whisky - Scottish spelling, same results).  But I said the same thing I said last year.  I won't give you money for booze but I'll buy you a sandwich.

He perked up.  Said, "I remember you!  Are you going to buy me a sandwich?"  Yes sir, I am.  Last year it was a BK.  He said, "Is the Subway across the street still open?  I'd like a Subway.  I'm trying to eat healthier."    Okay, for a man living on the street, drunk on whisky most  of the time that was   But I can sort of appreciate it, too.  Anyway, we went across the street to Subway.

He didn't go inside the BK last year when I ordered his food.  He did walk into the Subway with me, for this was _his_ strip mall.  The merchants and employees knew him there.

He announced to the employees I was his guardian angel.  The people behind the counter laughed and prodded him to figure out what he wanted to order.  This time I asked if he wanted chips with his sandwich and he said he'd like some BBQ chips.

He was obviously drunk *but* I got some food in his stomach before someone gave him enough spare change; maybe it helped.

I left him sitting inside the restaurant with his sandwich, a bag of chips and a cup of Dr. Pepper.  It's cold outside in west Tennessee tonight and they'll let him stay inside the restaurant as long as he can 'nurse' that foot-long sub and some chips or until Subway shuts down for the night.

Fraidy


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## suzyQ3 (Jan 11, 2007)

Good karma to you, FraidKnot.


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## amber (Jan 11, 2007)

Thanks FraidNot, your story definately helps me to appreciate what I have in life.


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## luvs (Jan 11, 2007)

fraidy, i've gotten food to homeless people. only a select few. i screen them out.
won't give near my neighborhood here, although near my school that's different- my neighborhood is rich & those guys that aren't any semblance of poor tend to lurk cause they're aware of that- they're well-groomed, tuck thier many items beside them like you can't see thier expensive belongings- if they get to be too annoying, i dial authorities. 
yet several guys central city (far from here) look very weathered. old, alcoholic, filthy, tired & sunken. if they beg, usually i'm like, 'uh-uh' & leave that at that. 
couple of them, though, get a burger or a few $$ if they're obviously hungry.
although i probably shouldn't- they can get gourmet meals via food pantry- meals prepared by us Chef students get donated to that.


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## jkath (Jan 11, 2007)

Fraidy, you've done what many of us wish we had. 

Maybe next time, you'll "deliver" a homemade sandwich to Steve.


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## StirBlue (Jan 12, 2007)

luvs said:
			
		

> fraidy, i've gotten food to homeless people. only a select few. i screen them out.
> won't give near my neighborhood here, although near my school that's different- my neighborhood is rich & those guys that aren't any semblance of poor tend to lurk cause they're aware of that- they're well-groomed, tuck thier many items beside them like you can't see thier expensive belongings- if they get to be too annoying, i dial authorities.
> yet several guys central city (far from here) look very weathered. old, alcoholic, filthy, tired & sunken. if they beg, usually i'm like, 'uh-uh' & leave that at that.
> couple of them, though, get a burger or a few $$ if they're obviously hungry.
> although i probably shouldn't- they can get gourmet meals via food pantry- meals prepared by us Chef students get donated to that.


 
It's hard to tell who is hungry and who is not.  Many years ago, a neighborhood family bought a red sports car.  The family consisted of a husbnd, wife and three kids.  A few weeks later, I noticed the parents outside at midnight looking through the garbage for food.  I bagged up two sacks with captain crunch cereal, lil debbies, hot pockets, milk, chips, candy bars, sausage biscuits, etc.  The next night, I set it beside the garbage dumpster about 11:00 and prayed that they would find it.  Within a few days the red sports car was gone and they were back to paying their bills and eating.  About 8 years later, I stopped at a convenience store and a young man in a service truck jumped out and ran to open the store door for me.  He said that he had been watching out the window when I dropped off the groceries.  He giggled and said he ate gummy worms all night.  Then they decided the car was not worth it.  

I noticed a well dressed senior citizen couple in their 80's walk down the street about the same time each month.  I kinda thought they were looking for change along the curb side for some reason.  The next month, I put a $20 around a rock and left it at the curb side on the day that I usually saw them.  Sure enough they found it.  There was a donut shop on the block and they went inside.  They were so excited about the money that when they ordered, they told the lady all about it.  When she found out that they were not able to buy food and pay their bills all month, she called some agencies.  (she too had noticed them walking along the street).  They never had to go without again.  

People in all walks of life need a helping hand now and then.


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

luvs said:
			
		

> fraidy, i've gotten food to homeless people. only a select few. i screen them out.
> won't give near my neighborhood here, although near my school that's different- my neighborhood is rich & those guys that aren't any semblance of poor tend to lurk cause they're aware of that- they're well-groomed, tuck thier many items beside them like you can't see thier expensive belongings- if they get to be too annoying, i dial authorities.



We've all heard about folks who have nice homes and nice cars who go out and beg and pretend they are homeless.  These crooks go home with mega $$$ and I also am on the lookout.  No one gets cash from me.

I can't offer anyone work because I live in an apartment where everything - from yard work down to changing my smoke alarm batteries for me - is taken care of... not that I tell strangers where I live!  But this guy I've seen twice now and trust me, he's not an actor.  He's really down on his luck.



> yet several guys central city (far from here) look very weathered. old, alcoholic, filthy, tired & sunken. if they beg, usually i'm like, 'uh-uh' & leave that at that.
> couple of them, though, get a burger or a few $$ if they're obviously hungry.
> although i probably shouldn't- they can get gourmet meals via food pantry- meals prepared by us Chef students get donated to that.



Nothing wrong with directing someone to a food pantry or a soup kitchen... gourmet meals?  Must be a pretty unique place! 

Fraidy


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## StirBlue (Jan 12, 2007)

Thank you for helping Steve.  Some of the homeless people get abandoned by their families over time and some of them out live their families.  
   You didn't mention Steve's age.  Did you ever learn what his circumstances were about?


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## luvs (Jan 12, 2007)

fraidy, yeah, we cook quite a volume of food at school, so rather than get rid of that, we send our extra food to our local food pantry.

stirblue, it's easy to me to spot hungry people- i see them daily & thier appearance speaks volumes. 

& if someone is silly enough to buy stuff they obviously cannot afford due to thier lack of $$, that's thier own naive frivilousness. have to wring me dry to get me to offer them pity. people ought be aware of thier finances & not purchase these items when they cannot nourish themselves & thier babies.


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

StirBlue said:
			
		

> Thank you for helping Steve.  Some of the homeless people get abandoned by their families over time and some of them out live their families.
> You didn't mention Steve's age.  Did you ever learn what his circumstances were about?



This is a difficult subject for me.  Steve says he's 64 or 65 years old.  Depends on whether you talk to him sober or talk to him as he was tonight.  Doesn't really matter, he says he's a VietNam Veteran.  At that age he certainly could have been a young vet.

Having said that, my father is a Veteran of WWII (age 17), Korea in the 1950's (and was in Okinawa, Japan when I was born).  He did two tours in VietNam.  He's 82 years old and a retired Colonel, U.S.M.C.

Can't use the "VietNam Vet" thing as an excuse in my book.  I've seen too many people drafted who came back and went on and people who volunteered who went, came back and went on.  But I don't discount the ones who should not have been sent in the first place.  The U.S. military isn't the best place for screening out "problem children".

Fraidy


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## StirBlue (Jan 12, 2007)

luvs said:
			
		

> stirblue, it's easy to me to spot hungry people- i see them daily & thier appearance speaks volumes.
> 
> & if someone is silly enough to buy stuff they obviously cannot afford despite thier lack of $$, that's thier own naive frivilousness. have to wring me dry to get me to offer them pity. people ought be aware of thier finances & not purchase these items when they cannot nourish themselves & thier babies.


 
I will never turn my back on anyone; not even you.


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## luvs (Jan 12, 2007)

profound.
leaving said conversation cause others tend to be less rude.


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## StirBlue (Jan 12, 2007)

Food, clothing, & shelter and money are not the only things people will ask for in life.  
   People ask for directions.  
   People ask for the time of day.
   People ask for recipes.
   People ask for pens. 
   People ask for pay raises. 

People take cpr classes and give blood.  

Think of all the times that you were given a smile.


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## lulu (Jan 12, 2007)

I give food too rather than cash.  On the local radio station I used to liusten to in London there is often an ex homeless guy who says food is better, but to still be aware that food can be bartered for drink/drugs.  I know what he is saying, but then if people have jobss and money they can spend that on rubbish too, so the odd sandwich is ok in my book.   I got in trouble giving too close to home a couple of years ago though, its a safety risk and you need to be careful.  That was blankets, we were having a clear out and a few older but still warm blankets were given away, but unfortunately word got out.  I have a couple of regulars in London, people who I see regularly and offer something.  Its a policy DH and I have.  Therer have been many refusals of offers of food rather than cash.  The funniest one was when DH had bought two sandwiches expecting to meet be but I had to cancel, he offered the spare sandwich to a guy who looked cold and miserable who replied "No mate, I just had fish and chips, I only like hot food".  But, someone else got the sandwich.


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## kyles (Jan 12, 2007)

When I first moved to England, there was a man who used to sell The Big Issue (a magazine sold on street corners by the homeless, who then receive money for what they sell, and access to resources such as drug counselling, shelter and job assistance)

I had no friends at the time, and he used to talk to me every single morning, asking me how I was etc.

I started bringing him a coffee or soup (since the magazine only came out once a fortnight!)

He had fallen into a heroin habit, and had finished rehab, and was trying to put his life back together again. 

He gave me a lot more than I ever gave him, and taught me a lot about not judging people.


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

jkath said:
			
		

> Fraidy, you've done what many of us wish we had.
> 
> Maybe next time, you'll "deliver" a homemade sandwich to Steve.



It's doubtful I'll venture into the alley next to the strip mall... there's sort of a 'hobo camp' back there, shades of the 1930's Depression era camps formed by people who road the rails.  While Steve is a friendly sort I'm not at all sure about the others who reside there.  As a female I would not feel comfortable in doing that.  I'm sure you can understand that.

Fraidy


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

luvs said:
			
		

> & if someone is silly enough to buy stuff they obviously cannot afford due to thier lack of $$, that's thier own naive frivilousness. have to wring me dry to get me to offer them pity. people ought be aware of thier finances & not purchase these items when they cannot nourish themselves & thier babies.



While I certainly agree about the not having babies and frivilous spending thing, you're talking to a middle aged woman who has been out of work for 3 years.  People aren't exactly lining up to hire someone who will be 50 in a few short years.  If I didn't have 25 years worth of savings and loving parents of means, I'd be on the street.

I don't spend "frivilously".  I shop with coupons; I shop sales.  You won't see me at the grocery store stocking up on sodas and cookies and crap.  You'll see me buying vegetables (fresh when in season, frozen otherwise).  You'll find me buying inexpensive fish, beef, pork, cheese, milk.  Right now I'm planning to go buy some eggs so I can make some cornmeal griddle cakes for breakfast.

I'm betting Steve won't have breakfast, except for his bottle.  But when I see someone like Steve on the street, grateful for a sandwich and a tiny bag of chips, I think "That could be me."

Yes, you have to take things into account.  There are shysters out there.  And there are people who buy million dollar houses who can't afford to furnish them, too.  They are not my concern.  My concern is for people who don't have a dime to their name.  I am unemployed but I pick up extra cans of food and donate them to the food bank.  (Unfortunately the food bank cannot accept frozen or fresh foods, they don't have the storage.)

I don't begrudge someone a "gourmet" meal at a soup kitchen because trust me, what some think is gourmet is not what I think is gourmet under those circumstances.

Now, if someone tells me they get individual beef en croute (repleat with goose liver pate or duxelles under the puffed pastry) and roasted white asparagus with a lovely garlic/herb sauce and steamed new potatoes with butter and dill weed, then tell me where to line up!  Other than that, vegetable beef soup and a slice of bread doesn't cut the "gourmet" label mentioned previously.

Fraidy


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## suzyQ3 (Jan 12, 2007)

StirBlue said:
			
		

> I will never turn my back on anyone; not even you.



Succinctly put, StirBlue, and very empathetic.


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## kadesma (Jan 12, 2007)

_When I started reading this thread last night, I thought, what a nice thing to do. Now, reading more, I see, that we have begun to disagree about, food or  money to homeless people. I believe all of us deep inside have a desire to help, be it with food, money or kind words. Be it homeless, abused children, the sick..Its that feeling deep inside that whispers, that could be my brother.So, if there is compasion in our being for our fellow man, a respect for life, why can't we respect the opinions and feelings of our fellow members? We might not agree, but if you are allowed to give your opinion without question, isn't your  DC neighbor allowed his? Don't we welcome newcomers saying how great this place is? Don't we say, what great, kind and thoughtful members? Do we prefer the forum this way, or do we want to come to a point where we wonder to ourselves, do I dare post this recipe? Will someone be angry about how I spell, my grammar, the way I choose to provide food and shelter to others?  I hope,we will all, think about  each other and take a moment before replying to certain theads. Remember, all of us, have feelings and we should respect them.._
_kadesma_


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## suzyQ3 (Jan 12, 2007)

kadesma said:
			
		

> _When I started reading this thread last night, I thought, what a nice thing to do. Now, reading more, I see, that we have begun to disagree about, food or  money to homeless people. I believe all of us deep inside have a desire to help, be it with food, money or kind words. Be it homeless, abused children, the sick..Its that feeling deep inside that whispers, that could be my brother.So, if there is compasion in our being for our fellow man, a respect for life, why can't we respect the opinions and feelings of our fellow members? We might not agree, but if you are allowed to give your opinion without question, isn't your  DC neighbor allowed his? Don't we welcome newcomers saying how great this place is? Don't we say, what great, kind and thoughtful members? Do we prefer the forum this way, or do we want to come to a point where we wonder to ourselves, do I dare post this recipe? Will someone be angry about how I spell, my grammar, the way I choose to provide food and shelter to others?  I hope,we will all, think about  each other and take a moment before replying to certain theads. Remember, all of us, have feelings and we should respect them.._
> _kadesma_


I could not agree with you more, kadesma. We definitely should all be allowed our opinion (within legal limits and site policy, of course).  But in any type of conversational forum such as this, that freedom of opinion must be allowed in subsequent replies as well, provided it is not abusive or insulting and provided it remain relatively on-topic. Otherwise, we might as well not have any exchange of ideas and just post one-comment threads. 

We're all adults here. We should be able to respect one another enough to allow for our differences and not just for our similarities, so that we don't end up hearing only echoes.


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## shpj4 (Jan 12, 2007)

Thanks for your story - it really makes me grateful for what I have.


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## luvs (Jan 12, 2007)

kads, i said i wasn't posting to said forum, yet i'm rescinding. your post was quite appreciated. & fraidy, to clarify, those meals that we give usually tend to be quite gourmet- my school is a certified classical French school. our meals, they're rather fancy. 
-luvs


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## GB (Jan 12, 2007)

suzyQ3 said:
			
		

> We're all adults here.


This is actually not true at all. There are quite a few children who frequent this site and we do need to keep that in mind when posting.


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

GB said:
			
		

> This is actually not true at all. There are quite a few children who frequent this site and we do need to keep that in mind when posting.


 
I try to watch my language but I'm not sure what you're referring to. Are you suggesting they shouldn't know that there are homeless people?  Or that sometimes folks donate food and/or clothing to help them out?

I can tell you this: it doesn't help to shield children from the realities of the world.  Fairy tales don't exist.

I'm a military brat. When I was 9 years old, we were in San Francisco waiting to be flown by the military to Bangkok, Thailand. The Marines put us up in a hotel and we were walking down the street to find a Chinese restaurant at Dad's insistence. I recall very vividly seeing a *WINO* (much like Steve would have been) slumped in a doorway with a bottle of some kind in his hand. And I said to my mother, "Hey, Mom, that could be Daddy!" Out of the mouths of babes, eh? But it was true. The only difference with this guy was he didn't drink at the Officers Club on a military base.

Children are not unaware of what is going on. Nor, in my opinion, should they be sheltered. Sheltering leads to rebelliousness and problems. I was only 3 years old when John F. Kennedy was shot in 1963 but I sure as heck knew something serious had happened. My mother was crying in front of the television and I went to comfort her. She didn't try to hide this thing from me.

Two years after we got to Bangkok my middle brother (older only by 3 years) was kicked out of the only International School (ISB) because he was caught buying heroin. Never occurred to my parents to hide this from me (I was 10). We had to detox him and he and Mom and I vacated the country while my father stayed for his tour and my oldest brother graduated high school.

Oh, and it also never occurred to my mom to hide the fact from me that when I was 7 years old my father was shot while serving in Vietnam.

Shielding children from real life is a bad idea, period. But then again, unless they love to cook I'm not sure why kids would even read Discuss Cooking.

Fraidy <--Jill <--learned to cook rice for breakfast in Bangkok in 1969 and still love it for breakfast sometimes, butter and salt


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## FraidKnot (Jan 12, 2007)

luvs said:
			
		

> fraidy, to clarify, those meals that we give usually tend to be quite gourmet- my school is a certified classical French school. our meals, they're rather fancy.
> -luvs


 
I'm sure you wouldn't begrudge anyone those nice meals since you are, after all, in a school, learning  

Fraidy


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## GB (Jan 12, 2007)

Fraidy, I was simply replying to suzyQ3 who said 





			
				suzyQ3 said:
			
		

> We're all adults here.


I was just pointing out that we are NOT all adults here and we need to keep that in mind. Please do not read anything more into my statement. I am not saying anything about kids in relation to homeless people or anything else for that matter. I was just correcting and incorrect statement.


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## GB (Jan 12, 2007)

FraidKnot said:
			
		

> unless they love to cook I'm not sure why kids would even read Discuss Cooking.


It is unimportant why they would be here. It is just important that they are.


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## luvs (Jan 12, 2007)

FraidKnot said:
			
		

> I'm sure you wouldn't begrudge anyone those nice meals since you are, after all, in a school, learning
> 
> Fraidy


 
yep, i'm learning, & quite lovingly. sooooo..... adore my instructors. learning is a process that continues throughout your days..... & i appreciate that. learning is excellent. those who don't appreciate learning, well.....
that's thier item to contend with.....
luv my schooling.


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## suzyQ3 (Jan 12, 2007)

GB said:
			
		

> It is unimportant why they would be here. It is just important that they are.


GB, just to clarify my statement that we are all adults here. You've mentioned children before as a reason for some of DC's policies. While I have a sneaking suspicion that not too many kids log on and read our threads, I'll accept that the site is available to them. 

But I was speaking of the posters here when I said that we are all adults. It was less a literal reminder than a figurative one regarding how we conduct ourselves in our conversations with each other. I'm sure you would agree that it should be with maturity -- like adults -- despite the fact that an occasional visitor might be younger than 18 years old.

Adults, IMO, should welcome the challenge of different points of view, as long as they are offered with respect and don't violate any laws or site rules. And certainly, if one chooses to post a comment with a particular opinion, then that person should know that others may want to offer theirs in reply. Isn't that really the best way to learn?


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## GB (Jan 12, 2007)

suzy3, I was just correcting an incorrect statement as I have said before. Regardless of what you intended, others could read your statement take take away from it that there are no children here. I wanted to make it perfectly clear that that is not the case.

As to your sneaking suspicion, I can assure you that you are dead wrong (see this thread as just one example). Even if you were right though, but just one child read the posts here then that would be enough.

This thread has gone off topic long enough now. We need to get back to discussing the topic at hand. If anyone would like to continue discussing children at this site or any other topics other than that of the original post in this thread then it will need to go to PM's or start a new thread.


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## Constance (Sep 17, 2007)

While we live in the country, we are only two blocks from a shopping complex and 3 blocks from the interstate. At the intersection where you turn down our lane, there's a parking lot for big rigs on one side of the road, and a McDonalds and a filling station on the other side. We used to see panhandlers there quite frequently, but now the police run them off. 
This is a small community, but our ministerial alliance supports a food pantry for those in need. One of the local churches also maintains a clothing depository, where all the donated clothing is washed, ironed, sized and hung on racks. They have warm coats, shoes and other necessities for free. Occasionally a family that's traveling will have a breakdown on the road, and no money, in which case the food pantry will provide meal vouchers, diapers and a motel room. 
There is no need for anyone to go hungry here.


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## expatgirl (Sep 21, 2007)

I worked at a food kitchen that was maintained and received donations from our church. We also received food from the local food bank. Sister Maria Elena welcomed anyone who was willing to work to help serve 300-400 people a day--5 days a week.  YOu can't imagine what goes into an operation like that.  Most of our people who came through were really down on their luck and for some this was their only meal of the day much less a hot meal at that.  YOu can't imagine the number of single moms with young children.  Yes, by appearances some of our regulars didn't look like they belonged in that line and Sister Mary Elena did speak to them about the need to find jobs but overall, we helped many people who  really needed it.


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