# Mushroom Walks Into a Bar



## pdswife (Jul 19, 2005)

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 		[font=Verdana,Arial]Mushroom walks into a bar, bellies on up to the bar and orders a beer. Bartender says: "Are you kidding?  We don't serve mushrooms here!" Mushroom says:  "Why not?  I'm a fun-gi(guy)"       
Haha. Get it?



[/font]        *[font=Verdana,Arial][size=+2]Stress Diet[/size][/font]*


 		[font=Verdana,Arial]        [/font][font=Verdana,Arial]This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds            up during the day.         [/font]


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[*]*Breakfast
*1/2 grapefruit
            1 slice whole wheat toast - dry
            8 oz skim milk           
[*]*Lunch
*4 oz lean broiled chicken breast
            1 cup steamed spinach
            1 cup herb tea
            1 Oreo cookie           
[*]*Midafternoon Snack
*Rest of the Oreos in the package
            2 pints of Rocky Road ice cream
            1 jar hot fudge sauce
            nuts, cherries, whipped cream           
[*]*Dinner
*2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
            large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
            4 cans or 1 large pitcher of beer
            3 Milky Way or Snickers candy bars           
[*]*Late Evening News
*entire frozen cheesecake eaten directly from freezer         [/font]
 [font=Verdana,Arial]        [/font][font=Verdana,Arial] *Rules For This Diet*[/font]

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[*]If you eat something, and no one else sees you eat it, it has no              calories.           
[*] When drinking a diet soda while eating a candy bar, the calories              in the candy bar are canceled by the diet soda.           
[*] When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as              you don't eat more than they do.           
[*] Foods used for medicinal purposes *never* count. Example: hot chocolate,              brandy, toast and Sara Lee cheesecake.           
[*] If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.           
[*] Movie-related foods do not have calories because they are part              of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
            Example: Milk Duds, buttered popcorn, Junior Mints and Tootsie Rolls.           
[*] Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking the              cookie causes calorie leakage.           
[*] If you are in the process of preparing something, foods licked              off knives and spoons have no calories.
            Examples: peanut butter on a knife and ice cream on a spoon.           
[*] Foods of the same color have the same number of calories.
            Examples: green salad and Key Lime pie, mushrooms and white chocolate.              Note: chocolate is a universal color and may be substituted for any              other.         [/font]


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## middie (Jul 19, 2005)

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
so THAT'S what i'm doing wrong !!!!


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## SierraCook (Jul 19, 2005)

pdswife said:
			
		

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I love it. Thanks for the good laugh.


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## pdswife (Jul 19, 2005)

SierraCook said:
			
		

> I love it. Thanks for the good laugh.




You're welcome.  Nighty night!


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