# Adventures With Mom



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 13, 2021)

I'm starting this thread mostly for myself, to chronicle my Adventure With Mom.

Let me start from the beginning, my Mother had been having numerous issues at "The Home" as she called it.  Her Senior Living Community back in her hometown, a very small town in California, where she has been for about 9 years, was in great dis-repair and had many problems.
Mainly, her landline was on the fritz more than it worked (and she has no cell phone nor did she want one), the AC kept going in and out and then to top things off her life-long Gal Pal had taken one too many tumbles and was moved in to her Son's home and her car keys got lost somehow, that was her only means of transport (read as her Son had hidden them).

_THEN_, throw in this whole Covid thing, GEEZ!

We were unable to make that 9 1/2 hour drive, one way, that we would take quarterly to visit my Mother, by request of the admin to "The Home'.

Mom was contacting me in any way possible to help her deal with business for her and I think she had finally had enough.

In one of our telephone conversations a acoupla months ago she said to me, "I think I made a big mistake moving here", with great distain in her voice.

That opened the door for me.
"Mom what would you think about moving here with us?"
She jumped at the offer.

We took a trip out to Cali to talk this out in person as a family (and take care of more mishaps at "The Home").  We all agreed that in a months time DH and I would come back out to collect her.  This gave her plenty of time to purge what things she would no longer have a need for.

This is where I'm going to end this chapter of Adventures With Mom and I will continue this later, mainly `cuz it's time to get dinner on the table for us three ...


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## Andy M. (Sep 13, 2021)

...and don't forget dessert!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 14, 2021)

Andy M. said:


> ...and don't forget dessert!



But of course!
Mom claims to not care for sweets, 
WELL!
She's had some sort of dessert every night since she's moved to Cowboyville AZ


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 14, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz, my heart goes out to you!  Having gone thru much of this with my own mom (RIP) and now with my MIL, I can sympathize!  I'll follow your chronicle.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 14, 2021)

*The Start Of A Very Long Day*

My Dearest Husband, who is the best by the way, and I made yet another trek out to California to collect my Mother.

Mom had had 2 doctor's appointments that she cancelled so that we could head out to Arizona in a more timely manner.  I think it was more like she wanted the heck outta there, the faster the better is what she said, "I'm sick of this place, let's GO!"

When we got to Mom's apartment, she had done a bang up job selling most of her things and made herself $500 
Since the two bedrooms were cleared out, I thought ahead and made reservations at a hotel a few towns away.

Time to left for the last time!

We left fairly early so as to try to get a good head start on our 9 1/2 hour drive back to Arizona.  
Mom was a trooper, let me tell you!  
We had breakfast in the hotel right as they opened the free buffet.  I had brought with us sandwich makings so that we could eat when and where we wanted to.
We stopped several times for Bathroom Breaks and then for a picnic lunch at a "nice for Arizona" rest stop.  Most of them are pretty nasty, if they're even open!!!  

Once we pulled into our driveway, everyone gave out an audible sigh!

Home again, home again, jiggity jig!

No one was very hunger so I put together my infamous Snack Plates for us three and a large glass of Wine for Mom & I and coffee for DH.

We all made an early night of it.
That was a very long day, but a necessary one.
As Mom was toddling off to her room, I said, "Welcome Home Mom"
"Thank you Baby. night-night"


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## Katie H (Sep 15, 2021)

You've a lot on your plate and I hope you have the patience of Job.  Best wishes at what is ahead.  You are a good daughter


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 15, 2021)

I'm sure it gives you great peace of mind to have Mom with you!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 15, 2021)

*Welcome Home Mom*

Before we left to collect my Mother from her hometown in small town California, I had clued in all of my Gal Pals.
They were so excited to meet her!
Before Mom even got here to Cowboyville, she had three social engagements on her calendar 

Her first shindig was next door for Game Day.
As usual, I made snacks for the entire class to share.
Mom: What are doing?
Moi: I always take something whenever we're invited for Game Day
Mom: So what is it that you're making? Can I help you?

Aawwww! 

As we walked in the front door of our next door neighbors, Missus hugs Mom and says, "Welcome Home Mom"

double aawwwww!

There was 7 of us all together and we played a sort of Trivia Pursuit game, Boom Again, loads of fun!
Mom got almost every single question right.
Mister Next Door Neighbor asks Mom, "Do you take anything for your memory? You're so sharp, just on it!"
Mom's team won by the way  and we play for money 

Mom: THAT was fun!  When do we play again?


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## blissful (Sep 15, 2021)

That sounds so lovely and so fun for you and your mom. 

The first time I played poker for money with my 20ish kids, I found out what card sharks they were. I had no idea! It was a blast.


When the youngest child was over 21 we took him gambling at the slot machines. When he won $50 dollars ahead of where he started, we bolted. I told him, THIS is the way to gamble, most people leave poorer, you left richer. Was so fun.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 16, 2021)

*Week Two*

We made it to our second week having my Mother living with us in a 1500 square foot home.
It's a little tight, but Mom has her own room and bath.  I made sure that DH understood that it was off-limits to him 

I've been making sure that Mom is eating well, because honestly, both DH and I think that she has not.  She's far to thin and frail, her maneuverability is dicey and she's just about taken a few spills with us already.  
DH and I have come to the conclusion that Mom 
should not
be living on her own any longer. 

We had talked about buying a small home nearby to our place and renting it back to her, but we don't think that's going to work.
We haven't discussed this new twist with her as yet.  Our thoughts are to let her get settled first.  That was a pretty big change for her to leave her hometown and come here with us two.

Actually, this her 3rd big move as an adult.
First was leaving Hawaii for Southern Arizona.
Second move was back to her hometown that she left when she was 17 years old.
Now this third one back to AZ ... phew!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Sep 16, 2021)

I agree, if Mom is as frail as you think, she needs to be around help and someone to encourage her to eat.  You are doing great, as far as I can see.


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 16, 2021)

I 2nd PF's words!  Trust me, it is so much easier just to let time pass and keep her with you than to try and get her to move back again!  If she's got any of that stubborn independence stuff that my Mom and my MIL have!  

I just wouldn't bring it up, unless she does.  Chances are, deep down, she knows she should just stay put.  But she may worry over being a "bother" or cramping your style or something silly.  

Of course, my advice is likely worth about as much as you paid for it!  Or, your mileage may vary?  

If there are some little tasks you can delegate to her, so much the better.  Or, maybe there's a hobby or something she used to do that you might encourage?


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 16, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> We made it to our second week having my Mother living with us in a 1500 square foot home.
> It's a little tight, but Mom has her own room and bath.  I made sure that DH understood that it was off-limits to him
> 
> I've been making sure that Mom is eating well, because honestly, both DH and I think that she has not.  She's far to thin and frail, her maneuverability is dicey and she's just about taken a few spills with us already.
> ...



I should have also said that our initial proposal to Mom to move from California to Arizona was that we would purchase a place and then rent that back to her, at a reduced rate that she didn't need to know about. 
There's a great "Active 55+ Community" close to us and she liked it there, but... As DH said to me, "What's the point? We'd be going back and forth multiple times a day, why not just keep her here in our house?"
Makes perfect sense to me.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 17, 2021)

*More Social Engagements*

Missus Next-door Neighbor invited my Mother and I over for an afternoon of Mexican Train with the rest of our Gal Pal's so that they could met Mom.
Mom asked me, "Isn't that like dominos?"
Yupper Mom! 
And as usual, I made a sweet treat to take along, small Jell-O cups with Whipped Cream, MMM! 

Mom: well, where did you find those little disposable cups and spoons?
Moi: Dollar Tree
Mom: Oh, I love that place, I haven't been to one in ages. Can we go one day?
Moi: Sure Mom

Mom had so much fun
*AND WON!*
We play for cash, $5 each player, and we play until a pre-determined time ... when one of us needs to skedaddle back home.

When we got home Mom hands me back my five bucks, I told her to keep it and pay for lunch the next go around.


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 17, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Missus Next-door Neighbor invited my Mother and I over for an afternoon of Mexican Train with the rest of our Gal Pal's so that they could met Mom.
> Mom asked me, "Isn't that like dominos?"
> Yupper Mom!
> And as usual, I made a sweet treat to take along, small Jell-O cups with Whipped Cream, MMM!
> ...



Sounds like a great day.  One to treasure!  Do you ever make Deluxe Whipped Jello?  I don't see it around much.  I learned to make it in Jr. High School Home Ec class.  Long, long time ago!  Jello and Ice Cream!  If you don't know it, but would like to, holler and I'll type it out.  It will be easier to read than my "original" instructions from then!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 17, 2021)

Jell-O and Ice Cream?
I've never heard of that before *Ginny*


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 17, 2021)

Recipe makes about 7, 5 oz servings.


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## taxlady (Sep 18, 2021)

I sent away for a free Knox gelatin cookbook. One of the recipes was for ice cream and canned peaches, with gelatin dissolved into the peach syrup. The whole thing went in the food processor or blender. Then, it was poured into bowls. It made a really nice mousse desert that set up in about an hour, because of the cold ice cream.


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 18, 2021)

That sounds yummy, taxlady.  

I hope we aren't cluttering up your Adventures With Mom thread!!!  

Here's that ancient recipe from Mrs. Horowitz Home Ec Class...and never seen anywhere again...to the best of my knowledge!

Deluxe Whipped Jello

1/3	cup flavored gelatin (I like the mixed fruit red one or strawberry)
1	cup boiling water
4-5	ice cubes
1	pint vanilla ice cream, softened

Simply, dissolve gelatin in boiling water.  Cool, add ice cubes & stir until mixture begins to thicken.  Remove any remaining ice.

Then, beat gelatin mixture with rotary beater (we used a manual beater...ha, ha) until frothy.  Add ice cream & beat until well blended.

Last, pour into individual serving containers & chill until set.  I usually use old Tupperware dessert dishes.  They hold about 5 ounces and this will make about 7 of them.  But one could use the disposable kind too, from Chefs' Store or something similar.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 18, 2021)

*Mom's Favorite Past Time*

I may have made mention in other threads over the years, 
my Mother really does not cook and she also does not care
to grocery shop.

Mom's favorite past time is dining out.
Pre-Corona Virus Mom and her Life-long Gal Pal (who still drove) 
went out to eat 3-4 times per week.
Mom figured that by doing this, she always had leftovers in the 
`fridge and didn't have to bother with anything but a 
quick heat up in the micro, rinse her dish and into the
automatic dishwasher 

I'm the complete opposite.

I love grocery shopping, I spend hours in one store.
I love to cook, bake, grill, home can, you name it!
I do enjoy the occasional meal that someone else has
prepared and cleaned up after. 

I gotta tell y'all that my Mother has been lovin' the restaurant scene
here in Cowboyville.
I've made up a list of places to take her to and she's game
to try anything.  I've even enlisted my Gal Pals to tell me their go-to joints.  When we ask Mom what she'd like to eat,
she just says "Surprise me."


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 19, 2021)

*... And Speaking Of Food*

My Mother claims, all the time, that she's not hungry when I ask her if she'd like to have some XYZ.


Mom loves to snack!

You name it, or I should I say if I make, she'll eat it 

She has not just one snack _every day_ that she has been with us, 
but *TWO*!!!  

I offer her something small, not alot, about mid-afternoon.
I've given her all sorts of savory goodies from a simple plate of cheese and crackers to Cantaloupe wrapped in Prosciutto. 

But wait!

Then, DH goes for a snack for himself (he usually doesn't except my offer at mid-day), and quite gallantly brings some of whatever he's rustled up over to Mom, who's sitting on the sofa by this time of day.
Aawww, he's just the best! 

I think that Mom is eating very well!


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 19, 2021)

It sounds like she's doing well and has settled in too!  I don't think you can get a better compliment!


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## Cooking Goddess (Sep 19, 2021)

My observations after reading along about your new set-up:
1) You are an angel.
2) Your DH is a saint.
3) Your Mom is one lucky and blessed mother.
4) Can I move in with you when I start to fall apart? 

Seriously, I'm glad that adjustments have been going along so well. I remember from your posts about other times when your Mom was visiting for her regular month that there were times... It sounds like living with you rather than just visiting you relieves all of you from trying to cram in too many favorites and things to do that aren't an issue now with this arrangement.

Getting in good with the neighbor gals can't hurt either, right? They sound like a fun bunch!



Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> We made it to our second week having my Mother living with us in a 1500 square foot home.
> It's a little tight, but Mom has her own room and bath...


Would adding a small in-law suite be an option? I don't know about how much land space you have, or whether or not an addition is even an option in your development. I would think a bedroom/bathroom/tiny kitchenette of her own would be ideal. Back when I was still single, a former neighbor and I kept in touch after the family moved to the way-west side of greater Cleveland. When I went out to see their new digs, there were closed drapes along what I though was an outside wall. When she opened the drapes there was the sliding glass door, but beyond it was an in-law suite. Or, as she put it, an in-law "sweet". They were close, but when they had enough of each other, Mom and Pop could disappear into their own space and they could each live their own family lives.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 20, 2021)

*Let's Talk Dessert*

Yes, let's do.

I made mention at the beginning of this thread that my Mother claims to not care for sweets ... yeah right!  

Now mind you, DH and I really don't eat desserts that often.  But since having Mom here, it looks as though we have a regularly scheduled "Dessert Time". 
I mean Mom will ask me to "Stop tape" (reads as "could you please pause the streaming program that we're watching) ... "It's time for dessert." 

Moi: Well, what would you like Mom?
Mom: What'd ya got?


Then que DH.  He's always game and he pipes in his 2¢ 

BUT WAIT!

More afternoons than I could count, Mom gets a _second_ dessert/sweet of some sort after lunch!
That would be something a bit smaller though, like maybe a "fun-sized" candy bar, or a coupla cookies (store bought I'm afraid-I haven't had time) maybe some cut-up fruit.

I'd say Mom is sitting pretty


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 20, 2021)

Agreed, Mom is in a very good spot!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 21, 2021)

*Little Jobs And Chores For Mom*

Some folks here at DC have suggested that my Mother be given little things to do around the house to make her feel like this is her home as well.

I was ahead ya!

The very first morning that we were all home here in Cowboyville, I gave Mom the task of setting the table for breakfast.

Next on her list was she is to wash her own linens and clothing when she sees fit.
I showed her how to use our fancy-pants HE front loading washer & dryer set... 
"WOW! I've never seen anything like that before!"


A chore that she has taken on herself is to clear the table after each meal and load the automatic dishwasher.
Well, she doesn't do it quite to my specs, but I simply re-arrange everything when she's not around. 



I asked Mom not to wait for us to get up in the morning, `cuz we don't get up at the butt-crack of dawn, and get her own cup of Tea.  I showed her how to use the Keurig and have a cuppa in something like 5 seconds!  She was yet again amazed!
"Welcome to the 21st century Mom!"  

And lastly ... 
dusting, I hate to do that!  Mom loves to.


DH bought me a IRobot Roomba for my birthday a coupla years ago, so that alleviates my last dreaded household chore that I have to do.


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## blissful (Sep 21, 2021)

It really sounds like a match made in heaven between you and him and your mom. That is just so great!


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 21, 2021)

When my MIL stayed with us, when she was in between homes, she did her own laundry, but didn't bother to spin the washer to make sure she got all of her things....


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 22, 2021)

*Speak Up*

Neither DH nor I had caught this before, but having my Mother living with us, we've noticed that her voice is, well, I guess for lack of a better term, weak.

We have to keep asking her to repeat herself and then she gets frustrated with us and won't speak.
It almost sounds like her vocal chords are not right somehow.
DH is already hard of hearing, so now he just nods his head in her direction, with the occasional "yup".

I suppose I aught to say, "Mom, we can't hear you, you need to speak up", but each time that I try to say anything that sounds even remotely negative to her she becomes very upset.
The other day, she noticed how I load up the automatic dishwasher, "Well, I guess I messed that up, didn't I!  You put the knives and forks in opposite of how I do it." Add in an extremely snotty tone.  

I can't take her to a doctor yet because first we need to change her insurance plan and secondly, she says that she's in perfect health. 
She is due for her annual Medicare Wellness Check Up next month, so at least I have that one in my back pocket.

Heh folks, it ain't all peaches and cream here in Cowboyville.
The rolls are now reversed, I seem to be the parent and she the child.

But, paraphrasing  Super Chicken,  "I knew the job was dangerous when I took it."


(photo source: PCGamesN and yes, that's how I really look!)


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## PrincessFiona60 (Sep 22, 2021)

Wait for the wellness check up, talk to the MD about this and he can check. He could also tell her, her daughter and SIL are deaf and can't hear her.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 22, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Wait for the wellness check up, talk to the MD about this and he can check. He could also tell her, *her daughter and SIL are deaf and can't hear her.*



BAHAHA!
I've almost got DH convinced to get a hearing aid 
I've got hearing like a bat!  That's how softly she's speaking.


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 22, 2021)

There's always a chance that the doctor may have the same issue with hearing Mom?  Will you go in with her for the exam?  Or meet with the Dr. and/or her, at some point in that process?  

If not, maybe you can set her up with their online system and put a message to the doctor that way.  

In my Mom's later years, I always went in with her.  With MIL, not yet, although we have "offered".  She won't bite.  

With DH, I do go in with him to see any of his doctors, if there is a concern.  And, these days, sometimes that can be a challenge!  So, if I cannot, then I send a written sheet of notes along with his "updated" Meds List.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 23, 2021)

*Week Three*

This past week, Mom has had to stay at home while DH and I did some business.  You know, doctor's appointments and all that goes with them.  We felt that we didn't want to have her along on these outings.

To be honest, I thought for sure that she was not going to be too happy about that, but she was perfectly happy to sit and read her book.

I made sure that she had a really big breakfast, so that she'd be full until dinner time.  This gave DH and I an opportunity to have "couple's time" and we took full advantage of that... we went out to lunch after the business was attended to, just us two.


During our private alone time once Mom toddles off to bed, we were discussing how we both thought that we should make "appointments" for more couples only outings.  I say an overnight trip would be in order, but DH felt that we might want to wait a bit to do that.

And the adventure continues ...


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## PrincessFiona60 (Sep 23, 2021)

Caregivers must take care of themselves or they will burn out. Your Mom is doing great and she has the most loving family, ever.


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## Rob Babcock (Sep 24, 2021)

It sounds like a good kind of adventure!


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## dragnlaw (Sep 24, 2021)

I am your Mom - I have moved in with my son and DIL.  

I feel for you and I also understand what she is probably feeling and going thru.  

It ain't easy.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 24, 2021)

*Join Us In The 21st Century*

My Mother has been bucking the notion of creating online accounts for her bills, banking, etc.  My DH _finally_ got her to give in, and that's probably because she's now living with us and between myself and DH, she has her own tech support team at her beckon call. 

Mom's not the best with these new fangled thingamajigs!  I can understand, but it's just so much more convenient to do business on the computer, on your time, not theirs.

She also got herself her own cell phone  
No, really!
Now, ask me if she knows what the heck she's doing?


We had to have another hands-on training this morning, Laundry 201.
I don't know what she did to our beautiful front loading washer and dryer, but they weren't working for her, at all!
I could hear from the other room her struggles, but she didn't ask for help, so... DH advised me not to micro-manage and let her come to me.
She kinda did, when I didn't hear the chime go off-indicating the dryer was done, I went to investigate, I mean I just happen to be going through the Laundry Room and was removing her recent load.  Not dry at all.


Moi: Mom, how long did you set the dryer for? 
Mom: 30 minutes
Moi: I think we should have a refresher class Mom


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## dragnlaw (Sep 25, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> She also got herself her own cell phone
> No, really!
> Now, ask me if she knows what the heck she's doing?



and does this look familiar? LOL


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## cjmmytunes (Sep 25, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> and does this look familiar? LOL




dragnlaw, that reminds me of Mom one time, but it was kind of sad - she was getting all sorts of things mixed up, and ended up having a sodium and calcium imbalance.  It was causing all sorts of problems at work also.


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## dragnlaw (Sep 25, 2021)

Cindi - getting old and watching someone get old, are not for the faint of heart.

But if you can't _laugh at yourself or with them,_ then....


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 25, 2021)

*I Lost You, Where'd You Go?*

No, that wasn't me asking the question, but my Mother.  

The past couple of weeks, whenever I've taken Mom out with me, without DH, Mom gets out of the car and either just stands there or wanders off in the opposite direction.  

It was worst this last two times I had her out and about... she actually started to panic when she couldn't see me!  AND I couldn't see her!

"Mom, Mom, MOM!" I yelled.

As she came towards me, she said "I lost you, where did you go?"
I didn't go anywhere, I was looking for her!  
I circled the car, no Mom.
I started to walk towards the shop we were about to go into, no Mom.
I came back over towards the car and she was two aisles over in the parking lot.  

I know that really threw her for a loop, because when I asked her if she wanted to come with me to get a few things at the grocery store, she actually said no.

To quote *dragn*: getting old and watching someone get old, are not for the faint of heart.


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## blissful (Sep 25, 2021)

Kaneoh...it is hard watching someone get lost. I feel for you. It sometimes help a person compensate to put a flag or scarf on the antenna to the vehicle. Something bright and familiar.


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## cjmmytunes (Sep 25, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Cindi - getting old and watching someone get old, are not for the faint of heart.
> 
> But if you can't _laugh at yourself or with them,_ then....




You're right there, I'm going through that right now.  Mom laughs at herself sometimes, and at me too.  When she laughs, I laugh.  I just thank the Good One upstairs that I have this time with her.


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## GinnyPNW (Sep 26, 2021)

blissful said:


> Kaneoh...it is hard watching someone get lost. I feel for you. It sometimes help a person compensate to put a flag or scarf on the antenna to the vehicle. Something bright and familiar.



Do cars have antennas these days?  

K-Girl, how scary for both of you!


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## Andy M. (Sep 26, 2021)

K-Girl, I can sympathize. My older sister is getting there. Her memory is really bad and she can't think logically. She still lives on her own but the day is coming when she won't be able to. Her kids keep an eye on her and are preparing for the inevitable.


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## dragnlaw (Sep 26, 2021)

Perhaps you could also mention to her... 

1. "Mom, you are too fast for me! Wait outside the doors to the (specific) store so I can lock the car and catch up to you."

2.  "Mom, could you hold this bag for me while I get out the keys?"

3.  Make sure she is behind you at the check out counter.  In front of you means she can wander off to the doors and out before you finish at the cash.

4th is very devious....  open your door but then do a quick lock so hers locks also.  That way she can't get out until you come around and unlock it for her and say...  ooops!

*blissful* - probably better to tie a balloon to Mom's collar.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 26, 2021)

Mahalo, thank you all for your helpful suggestions and good vibes coming our way.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Sep 26, 2021)

K-Girl, I had Shrek wear neon colors after I lost him in a Walmart.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 26, 2021)

*Bingo!*

Here in Cowboyville, Bingo is 

HUGE!

Our small Community Center has Bingo afternoons once a month.
It's free to residents, you sign up ahead of time (I can't recall what the limit is for seating) and there's prizes.

Missus Next-Door Neighbor signed Mom & I up prior to Mom even moving here, knowing how much she likes to play games.

There was a small group of us from our street and we had planned on linner afterwards at one of the other communities near by ... they have a Golf Course and Restaurant.

We played four rounds and Mrs. N-D Neighbor won one!

We were down to the last round, Blackout ...

*MOM WON!*

In her very weak, soft voice I hear next to me this little squeak

bingo ... 

WHAT? 
So I yell, out loud 

BINGO!



Now Mom has a gift card for IHOP


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## Andy M. (Sep 26, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> ...
> 
> BINGO!
> 
> ...




So cool! Mom must have been thrilled.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 26, 2021)

... some folks here may recall that we also have a real big Bingo game every Tuesday evening and we play for real, for cash moola!  I won once, $150 went into my mad money stash 
But there was a super bad storm here acoupla months back and that community's social hall was badly damaged by water.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_7y_LGJZCE

We're all still waiting for them to open back up again so we can play!
Most times, we'd go to linner near by, piror to start time.
Soon, I'm sure.


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## Cooking Goddess (Sep 26, 2021)

K-Girl, hugs and hugs to you. It's probably just as tough on your Mom, knowing that she's on the downhill side of her life. I've heard it said that in old age, the child becomes the mother to her Mother. I guess that's nature's way of payback.





dragnlaw said:


> Perhaps you could also mention to her...
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Some cars have various unlock options. Originally, my car unlocked the driver's door as soon as you cut the engine. I didn't like that for when I was alone, so I reset it to unlock when the driver opens the door. I have to remember to manually unlock the rest of the doors, though, when I get out and need to get groceries from the back.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 27, 2021)

*Turn On Some Lights, Will'ya?*

I have to keep reminding my Mother that we do have lights in our home, unlike her apartment in California that we just recently rescued her from.  

But seriously, Mom only had a total of three lamps in her 2 bedroom apartment, and rarely used them.  

I'm of the camp more is a good thing.  
I can light this joint up like Times Square on News Eve!  
I had been told by our ophthalmologist that as we get older, our eyes _need _more light and its best to have plenty of it, day or night.

Mom also has taken to the new habit of "locking up shop" far before sundown.
She'll go into her bedroom and close the blinds and drapes long before it gets dark outside.  
So I made a comment about this last night, "Mom, why is your room so dark already?"
Her reply was its dark outside already. 
I started to say something, but DH shot me a look and that ever so tiny shake of his head as in "LEAVE IT!"



I did, and simply went and turned on some lights!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 28, 2021)

*And Did We Mention Linner?*

My Mother is sooooooooooooooooooo
diggin' going out to late lunch/early dinner or what I refer to as Linner.

Sometimes Mom will order an adult beverage to go with her meal, which is always huge!
The restaurants around these parts are quite generous with their portioning, which to me is great.  
This means that those "doggie bags" that we take home will morph into a mixed plate meal later.  
A little of this, a little of that and all I have to do is re-heat it.


Here in Cowboyville, there are many Mom & Pop places to eat, 
more so than fast food or chain restaurants.
This is fine by me, and this is giving Mom many, many choices.
She said that she was getting pretty tired of eating Fried Chicken and Hamburgers in her small home town. 


Mom is also enjoying dining with some of my Neighborhood Gal Pals.  
She wasn't doing much socializing back in California.  
But, to be fair, most things are still shut down since 
the World turn on its axis almost two years ago.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 3, 2021)

*Please And Thank You*

When I was growing up, manners were super important in our house.

We were taught to _always_ say please and thank you ("What's that magic word again?").
Also, we learned respect and courtesy; we called all of my parents friends and associates Mister and Missus (or Miss) So And So.
We weren't suppose to be loud and rambunctious in the house (aka NO throwing any balls, let alone any other objects ).
There was no cussing in our house, AT ALL!  I told my sister to shut up when I was a tween and got my mouth washed out with soap!

My Darling, handsome, best guy pointed out to me the other day that Mom was been forgetting her 'please and thank yous'.
HMMMM. 

He felt that he would take this task on himself and gently remind her of that common courtesy.

With each little nicety that I showed my Husband, I got a "thank you dear" and a kiss for good measure 
With each question of "...would you like to have some ...", he responded with a profound "*YES PLEASE*" ('who wants dessert?' )

WELL, let me tell you!
This worked like a charm.
Mom has finally remembered her manners and I'm being just amazed as each day passes since DH showed her the way


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 3, 2021)

Ha, ha!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 6, 2021)

*I Ran Away From Home*

My Mother has been acting like a bratty, cranky, foul-mood kid!

She has a terribly bad tone of voice towards me and only me.
I think she already knows better than to act this way around DH, he doesn't take any guff, from anyone. 
But with me, she acts badly from time to time, more so lately though.

DH called me on the carpet and said that I needed to put my foot down and start treating her like a kid.
"If she's going to act like one, then treat her like one.  There are consequences."

AGREED!

Mom wasn't having a good day and was acting out, so I told her that I did not care for her attitude and the way that she had spoken to me and I left.
I took my cell phone and sent a text to DH that I was visiting Mrs. Next-Door Neighbor and I'd be back before dinner.

Gotta love that great Gal Pal of mine!  She had told me before Mom ever got here that if ever I needed to run away, her door was always open and she had WINE!!!!


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 6, 2021)

Good move!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 6, 2021)

Some times you have to walk away. It's for your own good and peace of mind. Make sure Mom is safe and walk away.


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 6, 2021)

Maybe it is time for a spa day for mom?  Just thinking, as that always puts me in a better frame of mind...mani, pedi, hair, that kind of stuff?


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## cjmmytunes (Oct 8, 2021)

When my mom is acting like a toddler, I tend to think of it like I did when my kids were growing up.  I noticed that, as toddlers and olders, they only act out out with the people they feel safest with and trust the most.  Take a deep breath, get away from the situation for a bit and vent - just like you did.


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## Andy M. (Oct 8, 2021)

I think you did the right thing too. Keep in mind this move and relocation is a major change for her too. She probably doesn't adjust to change as readily as she did when she was younger.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 9, 2021)

*Team Trivia And Dinner Out*

My Neighborhood Gal Pals have been going to a restaurant a few towns up from us to play Team Trivia and have some dinner before had.
Each player puts in $3 to the kitty and there's first, second and third place winners splitting the bounty.
This all takes place on their outdoor covered patio.

I haven't had the opportunity to tag along until now, 
and dragged Mom with me.  

Missus Next-Door Neighbor volunteered to drive, thankfully, because DH had a late doctor's appointment and still had the car when it was time for us to leave.

My Pal and I decided to share a bottle of wine and happy hour priced appetizers.  Mom said that she didn't want any wine, but did want one of the specially priced small plates.
Not long after we finished our food that games began!
There was 6 of us all together and we kicked butt!!!  

WE WON!!!

I tell ya Mom is a ringer!  She got each question right.

My Pal asked Mom if she had enjoyed herself; she gave a very enthusiastic reply of YES!!
"I liked the food, I thought the Team Trivia was fun and when can we go again."


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 9, 2021)

Sounds like fun!!!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 9, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> Sounds like fun!!!



It was *Ginny*!
We already have a reservation foe next week!


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 10, 2021)

That's great!  Sounds like a busy mom is a happy mom!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 12, 2021)

*I Know, I Know*

I've been hearing this an awful lot as of late from my Mother.

I'll gently remind her of some little thing and I get "I know, I know" when she clearly didn't know.

When we come back from being in public, we all go and wash our hands with warm soapy water for 30 seconds... gotta get rid of those nasty germs.

Mom and I had just gotten in from a grocery store run and I reminded her to go wash her hands, "I know, I know ... I did already!" in a snotty tone to boot! 

DH heard that and calmly walked over to her and said, "Mom, we all wash our hands when we've been out and about, touching things.  We don't want to get sick.  AND don't talk to your daughter that way."  

Mom went in the bathroom, washed her hands, came out and said to me, 
"I'm sorry for speaking to you like that Baby."

I have never, ever in my entire life heard my Mother apologize to me, ever!

Later that evening, during DH and my private-quiet time, he told me that he felt so bad saying that to Mom; that he doesn't want to be the disciplinarian. 
I said that this is going to have to be a team effort.
"Yeah, but you have so much more patience than I do with her."

Deep breath, exhale and move on ... that's what I say.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 17, 2021)

*We Had Such A Good Week, What Happened?*

I could have just kicked myself!!!

Last night during DH and my private-quiet-time after Mom toddles off to bed, I said, "Wow!  We've had such a good week.  No outbursts, no crankiness, all was right with the World."

*WELL!
*
Mom kept asking what the date was all week long.  
Neither DH nor I thought much of it, until 

TODAY!

As soon as Mom got up we both knew it was NOT going to be a good day.
She had such a scowl on her sour-puss of a face that made it crystal clear her mood for the day.

Mom didn't speak all morning, she just sat on the sofa and sulked.

Then it dawned on me ... today was my Father's Birthday
AND
their wedding anniversary!

DANG IT ALL!

My Father has been gone a good 30 years and yet Mom still wants _EVERYONE _to acknowledge the day... I stopped that long after his death.

Yeah, yeah I know, that was her husband, but it wasn't all hunky dory with him.  He was a schmuck, sorry, I can't help it, but he was ... plain and simple truth of the matter.

SO ... 
DH and I bagged it for most of the day, without Mom!  
We went to run errands together; while we were driving back to the house, I got a text from Missus Next-Door-Neighbor, Gal Pal Wine Gathering on her patio at 3pm-be there or be square


DH said it was best that I went and that he would go nap in our bedroom for the rest of the day with the door closed-oh and took his IPad with him for entertainment.

Mom was left by herself to stew on it.
DH said that we would quietly "ice her out" when she acted this way until she got it.  No interactions with her, she doesn't go anywhere and we'd leave for the day.
I had given her a big breakfast and when I got back from the Wine Gathering, I made her dinner and DH & I retired back into our bedroom.

... and the adventure continues.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 18, 2021)

*A Follow Up To Turn On Some Lights, Will'ya?*



Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I have to keep reminding my Mother that we do have lights in our home, unlike her apartment in California that we just recently rescued her from.
> 
> But seriously, Mom only had a total of three lamps in her 2 bedroom apartment, and rarely used them.
> 
> ...



Since we did so well getting my Mother to remember her manors with Please and Thank You, I figured that I'd try a similar tactic with the lights.

DH and I have a running joke between us, his Father was notorious for not turning on lights and just sitting in the dark.  His name was Frank, so when DH has not gone around the house to lock up shop and turn on the lights, I comment, "Heh Frank!  Howz about some lights?"
I started to do that and then go around the house and turn on lights, even in Mom's bedroom.



She got the hint and last night when she went into her room to close the blinds and the drapes, she turned on the light not only in her room, but in the small hallway as well 

Small victories


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 18, 2021)

Maybe your Mom isn't of the mind that more light is good? In our house, the only time a lamp is on is when we are actively using it. I have candle lights placed strategically throughout the house so we can see to navigate. Some are on timers, set to turn off when we should be going to bed. My favorite is a short string (10 bulbs) of Christmas lights that I have hung from the curtain over the sink! But as far as lamps or ceiling lights? Only when we're reading or doing close work.

BTW, my system is born from being my Father's child. He would go through the house turning lights off if we didn't do it when leaving a room. [emoji38]


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## blissful (Oct 18, 2021)

Cooking Goddess, your lighting solution is such a good practical way of working around it all.
I had a similar situation with my dad growing up, we would not close the garage door to the family room quickly enough, and he'd say "are you paying the heating bill" Or "are you trying to heat the outdoors"? And with the refrigerator, "are you trying to use it as an air conditioner"?


When I became an adult who was conditioned not to waste the electric bill money, we kept the rooms fairly cold, especially the family room. So he came to visit in my home and he said, don't you heat this room? Internally I smirked since I was paying the heating bill, externally I just mentioned yes, we keep the temperature low. I am a child of my father's teachings. The teachings aren't wrong but how you get to understanding are important in a nuanced way.



The work around solutions, the timers, are less dependent on the work it takes to raise a child or manage an elderly adult. We use nightlights that go on when it gets dark, so if a light is on, the nightlight doesn't shine. We're never without some light when needed.


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 19, 2021)

We have the "candles" on timers too.  Our bedroom, entry, dining room, and the great room too.  And a lighted art piece in the hallway.  I like the bit of light they put out and that they continue to work even when we are not home.  Then there are my hydroponic gardens!  Talk about some light!  They come on a 4AM and off at 7PM-ish.  They are in the office and kitchen.  But still, most times of the year, we need to turn on lights.  This time of the year, lights are usually on in the kitchen all day, or it gets depressing!  

Sounds like Mom is learning and adjusting.  Looking forward to more great reports!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 19, 2021)

Thanks everyone.
I had thought about timers, but they make this funny noise that annoys Mom.


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 20, 2021)

You could leave the candle lights on all the time then, K-Girl. I do in two bathrooms and the living room. I still haven't figured out if the timer uses more or less electricity than the candle bulb. It's probably a wash.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 20, 2021)

I have two night lights in Mom's bathroom and then a small adorable ceramic Owl lamp on a cute little table in that hallway with a 7.5W bulb in it that we keep on all night, but Mom likes her room pitch black when she's sleeping.

I want her to have a bedside lamp on when she "locks up shop" so that it's not so dark that she hurts herself when she goes to bed at night.
DH like to have some sort of light on in each room, whether anyone's in there or not.

Like *Ginny*, we like loads of light, I don't like it dark, it's depressing.
If we have more than two days of gloomy weather, both DH and I are grumpy bears.


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 20, 2021)

When we remodeled the master bath, DH had them put an electric outlet in the toilet room.  This allows one of those plug-in lights that come on in the dark and just aim at the floor.  Kind of like the aisle lights in a movie theatre?  It is nice not to need to turn on a light at night.  It is enough light to guide you, not so much as to blind you.


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## dragnlaw (Oct 20, 2021)

My son has quite a few of those 'half moon' style nightlights.  Have them around the basement and they are perfect.  Just enough to see by and not be blinded.

Plus you don't need to turn off and on.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 21, 2021)

*Outside In The Sunshine*

My Mother really does not care for Air Conditioners nor the forced heat.
She does like to sit outside during the day.
When she was living at "The Home" in California, she had a nice patio, 
both front and back.  But the pollution had been getting so bad that
she could only take it for a short period of time.

DH and I live in a mountainous area, mile high, with gorgeous weather.
Our air quality is fabulous!
We too have a patio both in the front and back of our home, 
with nice, comfortable furniture on each.

Not long after Mom moved in with us, the new back patio furniture
finally arrived and she so anxious to use it!  It's much warmer in 
our backyard as opposed to the front.

I also ordered a matching Market Umbrella so she (and I) won't get scorched in the mid-day sun.  

Mom is just as happy as a clam out there.
"This is so nice.  I really like it here."


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## blissful (Oct 21, 2021)

That's so nice. Sometimes the high point of the day is coffee outside, or a meal outside watching birds and the clouds.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 21, 2021)

blissful said:


> That's so nice. Sometimes the high point of the day is coffee outside, or a meal outside watching birds and the clouds.



Right *Bliss *?!
I watch Mom from inside, and she's just looking around and marveling at all of nature.  We have loads of flora and fauna.  Mom will come inside to tell me about this group of Hummingbirds or the Falcon that has claimed our area of the neighborhood as theirs (it's a mated pair that hunt here ... watch your little dogs!).
She's so loving it here and that was the very first time that she actually said to me that she did! 

Aah, but wait until Winter!  She won't be outside then!


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## taxlady (Oct 21, 2021)

About spending time outdoors in winter, there is a saying in Scandinavia, "There is no such thing as bad weather. There is only inadequate clothing." Your mum might have to get used to the colder weather, before she can enjoy sitting outside in the cold - for short periods. I was visiting Copenhagen a number of years ago in November. It was definitely getting winterish. The restos still had tables outside. They also had "California heaters" and provided blankets for the clients. There were lots of people eating outside.


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## blissful (Oct 22, 2021)

I don't know, but I remember a January morning in Alaska, the sky was grey blue, the railing on the deck was covered in snow. My coffee cup put a dent in the snow, it was magical and my coffee cooled quickly but it was amazing. Sometimes we just need to BE, and let it all unfold.


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## dragnlaw (Oct 22, 2021)

Ditto to all! 

I never put away 2 of my folding deck chairs during the winter on the farm. Just threw a tarp over them and leaned up against the wall.  I always shoveled the entire deck there....   just so I could pull out the cushions I had stashed behind the cupboard next to the patio door and viola!  

Plunk myself down with my coffee and toast my bundled body in the sun.


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## Andy M. (Oct 22, 2021)

It’s nice to see mom happy.


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 22, 2021)

taxlady said:


> About spending time outdoors in winter, there is a saying in Scandinavia, *"There is no such thing as bad weather. There is only inadequate clothing.*" Your mum might have to get used to the colder weather, before she can enjoy sitting outside in the cold - for short periods. I was visiting Copenhagen a number of years ago in November. It was definitely getting winterish. The restos still had tables outside. They also had "California heaters" and provided blankets for the clients. There were lots of people eating outside.



I agree taxlady!  In the RV, I keep thermal underwear, all year long.  It can get cold at campfire time...and campfire time is the best time for hearing and telling stories!  Learning about friends, sharing, and so on.  I've had more than one friend ask, "Why aren't you cold!?"  I share the secret, but seems they don't remember to pack properly for the next campout.  Sigh.


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## taxlady (Oct 22, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> I agree taxlady!  In the RV, I keep thermal underwear, all year long.  It can get cold at campfire time...and campfire time is the best time for hearing and telling stories!  Learning about friends, sharing, and so on.  I've had more than one friend ask, "Why aren't you cold!?"  I share the secret, but seems they don't remember to pack properly for the next campout.  Sigh.



I haven't owned any thermal underwear in a long time. I tend to use tights and turtlenecks as "long underwear". When I'm packing a suitcase, I always bring tights that can be worn without a covering or as long underwear. If I know there's a chance it's going to be cold, I usually pack a turtleneck or two and extra sweaters. That way it all can serve double duty.

When I lived in a log cabin, we always wore thermal underwear and boots indoors. Usually wore two pullovers too. Didn't have to cut as much wood to keep it warm that way. It also meant that a trip to the outhouse only required putting on a coat, hat, scarf and mitts. Oh wait, we often wore our hats indoors too.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 22, 2021)

taxlady said:


> About spending time outdoors in winter, there is a saying in Scandinavia, *"There is no such thing as bad weather. There is only inadequate clothing." *.... snipped ....



*taxy*, you are so right!  I've tried to suggest that we go shopping for warmer clothes, but she *insists *that she has "Winter Clothes" 



blissful said:


> I don't know, but I remember *a January morning in Alaska*, ... snipped ....



*Bliss*, that is on my bucket list!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 22, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Ditto to all!
> 
> I never put away 2 of my folding deck chairs during the winter on the farm. Just threw a tarp over them and leaned up against the wall.  I always shoveled the entire deck there....   just so I could pull out the cushions I had stashed behind the cupboard next to the patio door and viola!
> 
> Plunk myself down with my coffee and toast my bundled body in the sun.



*dragn*, DH and I sit outside all year round too.



Andy M. said:


> It’s nice to see mom happy.



Mahalo, thanks *Andy*.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 22, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> I agree taxlady!  In the RV, I keep *thermal underwear*, all year long.  It can get cold at campfire time... snipped ...



Genius *Ginny*! 



taxlady said:


> I haven't owned any thermal underwear in a long time. I tend to use tights and turtlenecks as "long underwear". ... snipped ...



I may suggest this to Mom as well *taxy*.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 22, 2021)

DH and I discussed this topic last night and we've come to the conclusion that we'll let her flounder and learn on her own.
She does not want to listen any thing I tell her, I get "I know!"


sigh


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## blissful (Oct 22, 2021)

I love that Shirley Temple picture. How we feel when we sigh. 



Kaz, we don't live in a warm climate, we're in WI, lots of snow, so we shovel our deck and use it all winter. We only shovel about 200 square feet of it, enough to get things done and have some room to move around on it. 



We both have long underwear, layers of jackets going from front zip hoodies to over the head, to coats with thermal insulation and fur, layers of tights/yoga pants/lightweight and heavy weight joggers, jeans, insulated boots, 2 pairs of socks (yes in one day at the same time), hats that go from decorative, felt, baseball cap, thick and insulated and fur, with balaclavas, ice cleats to strap onto boots and shoes, and insulated open fingertip gloves with attached over mittens. It's Wisconsin. I don't think your mom will need all of them, but a few might help if she wants to be outside. Even in winter, we have extra night clothes, I keep thin sweater housecoats, then add under thicker to the floor full thickness housecoats, over top long underwear and long nightgowns, slippers over 2 pair of socks. If the slippers have rubber soles, then I go out on the deck in them midwinter with the snow shoveled. The luxuries we afford ourselves to stay warm. I'm not sure what she might want or need. A real wool shawl is really nice in winter, indoors or outdoors.


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## dragnlaw (Oct 23, 2021)

I love shawls, always have, perfect over the shoulders and back but sort of leave your arms free.  

You might buy a shawl as a gift for her at Christmas.  Maybe an extra warm sweater or two, kept aside, just to have on hand if she suddenly says she's chilly.  

Sometimes, if it's "just there" - 'here, put this on' - 'naw, you can keep it, looks good on you'   lol, works? 

Southern Ontario is quite warm but lots of snow.  When we moved to Minnesota people there couldn't believe we were from Canada and lived further south than there.   Like blissful says, it's cold!  My brother would shower, comb is hair (ducktail, hey! it was the 50's) and step outside, it would freeze in place and be good for most of the day! 

In Vancouver, even warmer, just rain in the city. Had to go to the mountains to get snow.  But then I moved to Quebec...  just like Minn. and Wis. I had my 2 X's days...  2 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants, 2 undershirts, 2 sweaters, hat and a hood, (sometimes a face mask and not for covid), plus my jacket had an inner jacket I would zip in for the winter.  But in the house, sorry, I did NOT skimp on the firewood. Log house, yes, but I could walk barefoot.


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## GinnyPNW (Oct 23, 2021)

Holiday craft shows can be a good place to shop for throws, shawls and ponchos.  If they have those in your area? Maybe she would express interest in something or even take something home on her own!?  One can hope and it is good to get out and walk around anyway?


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 23, 2021)

Believe me guys, I have tried to explain to Mom what a real Winter is like, but... 
`Member now, we're from Hawaii, where once it hits 70° we're freezing to death, and then we moved to Southern Arizona and then Mom went off to California, and not up in the mountains either.

She thinks that her "Winter Clothes" are adequate 
She doesn't want to hear anything about it from us.
But yes, Santa is bringing her underwear and such 

I tried showing her warmer things as we've been out and about shopping, she just keeps on walkin' past me with a "harrumph"  *shrug*

Ok then! (as she throws her hands up in the air)

DH said last night, she'll just be staying home then as we go do things "in the freezing cold" 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aJ1Zvfv-7q0


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 23, 2021)

Oh, and I forgot to add that Mom _claims_ to be allergic to anything but cotton clothing 
Some of your present clothing does contain man-made fibers as well, but basically she's saying no wool, it gives her a horrible rash 
layers, layers, layers!


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## taxlady (Oct 24, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Oh, and I forgot to add that Mom _claims_ to be allergic to anything but cotton clothing
> Some of your present clothing does contain man-made fibers as well, but basically she's saying no wool, it gives her a horrible rash
> layers, layers, layers!


I understand about the wool. I have a hard time with wool, even in outside layers. First off, if the layer isn't thick enough, it can itch right through it. Second, even top layers can manage to touch skin at neck and wrists. I have worn wool jackets, with a thick silk scarf around my neck and still gotten a rash. I wish it had actually shown as a rash when I was a kid and my mother just poopooed my complaints about itchy wool. "But, this is a fine, soft wool." Yeah, it feels soft enough to the palm side of my hands and fingers, but wearing it is another story.


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## dragnlaw (Oct 24, 2021)

Many people are sensitive to wool.  I'm not allergic per se, but I do find it itchy and just the scratching creates an irritation.  

My father had a beige cashmere sweater that he loved - I found it horribly itchy!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 25, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Many people are sensitive to wool.  I'm not allergic per se, but I do find it itchy and just the scratching creates an irritation.
> 
> My father had a beige cashmere sweater that he loved - I found it horribly itchy!





taxlady said:


> I understand about the wool. I have a hard time with wool, even in outside layers. First off, if the layer isn't thick enough, it can itch right through it. Second, even top layers can manage to touch skin at neck and wrists. I have worn wool jackets, with a thick silk scarf around my neck and still gotten a rash. I wish it had actually shown as a rash when I was a kid and my mother just poopooed my complaints about itchy wool. "But, this is a fine, soft wool." Yeah, it feels soft enough to the palm side of my hands and fingers, but wearing it is another story.




Here's what's funny gals, Mom had bought a beautiful London Fog Wool Car Coat years back and wore it during the Winter when she lived in Southern Arizona.  It gets cold there from time to time, but nothing like Northern Arizona!  We're excepting 18 inches of snow today just north from us, so that means we'll probably get the tail end of it!


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## blissful (Oct 25, 2021)

It is not the words that will convince anyone of the warmth of wool or cotton or fur.


I stood at a funeral mid winter for my grandfather, as his casket was lowered into the ground, my father's best friend's wife stood next to me, I put my hand under her arm to steady her (she was quite old). I realized the only place on my body that was warm was my hand. I was totally frozen and my hand was warm. Her coat was fur. 



I used my fur coat and when I worked at a corporation in WI, we had fire drills, standing out in the cold for at least 30 minutes. EVERYONE was cold and I was comfortable, fur.



Standing out in the cold and a man offers me his jacket, it happens to be wool, I am comforted. I realize I am warm because of his lasting body heat and this is wool.


I suggest let her get cold, give her comfort, let the comfort be something of wool or fur. Let her feel it. She might 'get' it.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 25, 2021)

*Small Bites*

My Mother has a freakishly small mouth.
She can only open it so wide, not very big at all.
I use to be the one who worked on her teeth back in the day and it was nothing like it is today.
She claims to have had lock jaw as a child and this is why she can't open wide.
 

I have also noticed that her dexterity and hand strength is poor.
She had been going to physical therapy for her hands when she lived in Southern Arizona, but when she moved to California 9 years ago, she stopped. 

She has a very hard time with cutlery.  I have to give her small forks and knives, which I already had, and she struggles trying to cut anything into bite sized pieces for her tiny pie hole.

I cut up all meats to what I consider bite sized pieces for dietary reasons: it looks like there's more on your plate then _DH _thinks, therefore he eats less! 

(an example of out typical place)

Mom was still having a difficult time even with those normal bite sizes.  
My solution: I cut everything much smaller just for her plate.
Fruit, meat, potatoes ... everything.

I made French Toast and Pork Link Sausages for breakfast this morning for us three, and I thought she'd do fine with that, nope, but she made it through though.

And *man*, can she eat!
She had twice as much food as myself, the same amount that I gave DH, and he's a big boy!


----------



## dragnlaw (Oct 25, 2021)

blissful, as much as fur coats are no longer accepted by many, when it is -40 F that is the only thing that kept me warm!  

I still have that poor old coat.  When my daughters played Ringette (outdoor rinks) games where not cancelled unless it was -10 F.  There I was wrapped in my huge coat, in my huge mukluk boots, warm as toast while the other parents stomped around shivering.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Oct 25, 2021)

I don't think her appetite is unusual.  In my Mom's later years, she could out eat MDH any day of the week.  She claimed that she doesn't eat much, but we know different!  Mikey is 6 foot tall, close to 190 pounds, give or take.  Mom was 5 foot, 4, in her younger days, and probably weighed about 100 pounds in her later days.  Go figure, huh?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 25, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> I don't think her appetite is unusual.  In my Mom's later years, she could out eat MDH any day of the week.  She claimed that she doesn't eat much, but we know different!  Mikey is 6 foot tall, close to 190 pounds, give or take.  Mom was 5 foot, 4, in her younger days, and probably weighed about 100 pounds in her later days.  Go figure, huh?



Pretty much the same here *Ginny*.
I eat half of what those two do!


----------



## blissful (Oct 25, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> blissful, as much as fur coats are no longer accepted by many, when it is -40 F that is the only thing that kept me warm!
> 
> I still have that poor old coat.  When my daughters played Ringette (outdoor rinks) games where not cancelled unless it was -10 F.  There I was wrapped in my huge coat, in my huge mukluk boots, warm as toast while the other parents stomped around shivering.


That is just satisfying as all get out!



I hear you on the fur coats no longer accepted. I hate to waste things, my husband is a trapper, so each year we deal with fur. It keeps the overpopulation of the muskrats in balance in the ecology of the area. This is why I suggest wool. It's as close as you can get to warmth, dry warmth. 



And cotton, I love it for how it feels, but it is a bear for how long it takes to dry. It takes twice the amount of time to dry when I hang it on the line than the poly-fabric and blends. 



I so get your outdoor rinks. Dragonlaw. My cousins in saskatchewan were BIG into hockey (not netball) and as a child I listened and watched my mom, tell me all about how important hockey was in her area. When I then lived there for short times, it was a huge, indoor complex financed by the town. It was a popular and talked about as much as the Packers are in WI.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 25, 2021)

** Follow Up To 'Lights' **



Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I have to keep reminding my Mother that we do have lights in our home, unlike her apartment in California that we just recently rescued her from.
> 
> But seriously, Mom only had a total of three lamps in her 2 bedroom apartment, and rarely used them.
> 
> ...



HEH!!!
Mom finally really got it! 
The past coupla nights, Mom has been turning on one of the bedside lamps in her bedroom, as well as the Owl Lamp in that small hallway! 


... and the Adventure continues ...


----------



## dragnlaw (Oct 26, 2021)

Hooray!  Sometimes it takes a lot of examples for an idea to sink in.  But you did it!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 26, 2021)

Now we need to to work on some other things 
I just had to throw out a half a stick of Butter, it was spoiled.
I've tried to lead by example when it comes to condiments on the table,
ie - Butter and Jam, I put it out on the table with an accompanying spoon/small knife for us to put the Butter and/or Jam on your plate FIRST and then on to your food. 
It didn't take me long to convince DH that he needed to do this.
But my mistake, I threw the Butter out before SHOWING it to Mom to drive the point home 

Oh well, we'll get there, together.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 29, 2021)

*I Love Magazines!*

When I was growing up, my parents didn't have much discretionary monies to spend on what my Mother called frivolous things.... no really!  That's exactly what Mom would say to us! 
One of them were magazines.
The only time we got to look at magazines was when we went to the dentist  ... loved Hightlights and National Geographic !!!!

I have accumulated a boat-load of Hawaiian Airlines Frequent Flyer Miles... 
not enough for a free ticket (it takes 50,000 + miles for a ticket to Hawaii from Cowboyville!!! ), but they were about to expire! 
I didn't want to bother with trying to update them by purchasing something from their "Sky Mall"... tried that before and it didn't work out 

So instead, I cashed in some (most) of my mileage as well as DH's for "Miles for Mags" for my Mother.
She is now receiving 6 different periodicals and loving it!

She finds People Magazine the funniest 

When she's done with them, she takes them to Missus Next-Door Neighbor who is just cuckoo for them!  And the ones that I ordered for Mom, Mrs. N-D-N doesn't get


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Oct 30, 2021)

** A follow Up To 'Wash Your Hands' **

After getting such *huge *resistance from Mom over washing her hands  
especially when we come back from being out in public, 
I racked my brain as how to combat this.



I've always kept hand sanitizing spray in the car for when we are out and about even prior to the World turning on it's axis ... gas pumps are horrible dontcha know!

Rather than have a battle royal when we got home and making the entire household uncomfortable, I now simple saw to her as she's sitting in the passenger seat of the front of the car at the end of our travels, "Mom, let me see your paws"... 
She holds out her hands and I proceed to spray them thoroughly and tell her to rub her hands together vigorously until the spray has dried...

IT WORKED!



Once again, a small victory, but also one less obstacle. 

We'll get there, little by little


----------



## dragnlaw (Oct 31, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I've always kept hand sanitizing spray in the car for when we are out and about even prior to the World turning on it's axis ... gas pumps are horrible dontcha know!
> :



I drove cars back and forth to/from Florida for quite a few years and it wasn't just the pumps that were yucky!  I've always kept a bottle in my purse and car. Was ready when Covid hit!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 1, 2021)

*I Don't Ever Want To Go Back There Again!*

I am not an early riser, but my DH and Mother are.
So those two have their hot beverage of choice
while sitting at the dining table and chat.

During mine and my husband's quiet-private time after
Mom has toddled off to bed, DH told me that the other
morning she said to him, "I'm so happy that I don't
have go back to California.  I don't *ever *want to go back there again!"


Mom was born and raised in that teeny-tiny little farming 
town and lived there until she finished High School.
Then she moved to Hawaii and stayed there until we all
left back in 2007.
About 9 years ago, Mom decided that she'd move back 
to her hometown to a Senior Living Community, were it was
quite inexpensive.
The hard rub for Mom was that all of her family is gone besides
my younger Sister and me.
I lived a good 9 1/2 hour drive, one way, from her and my
Sister was 3 hours away but still working.  So it wasn't like
either of us could visit her all that often.

I can't say as I blame Mom for feeling the way that she does now
about "The Home" as she called it.  It was cheap for a reason. 
There were very few improvements, let alone repairs done to the
individual apartments.  I was always afraid to plug anything in.    Sparks flew from the electrical sockets every time.
When I'd ask Mom if she had reported these obviously needed repairs,
she said that she had given up on trying to get "The Office" to 
do anything.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 1, 2021)

Yup, takes time, but coming around!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 10, 2021)

*I Ran Away, Again*

Acoupla days ago, Missus Next-Door Neighbor told me that our Gal Pal
who had moved away to another State was visiting her sisters in the
"Big City" and that she was going take an over night trip down there 
to hang out with all of them.
"I wish I could go too, but I have Mom" I said.
WHAT?!
Leave her at home with DH and let's GO!
When I brought this up to DH he enthusiastically said, 
"YES, GO!  Mom and I can get along just fine.  I'll take her out to eat 
and we'll go for a nice long drive out in the country, she'll like that." 

Did I say what a great guy my husband is?

I was gone for about 24 hours and had a great time with my Gal Pals.
The day before, I made a double batch of my Chili,
one for when I got home and wouldn't want to cook,
and one to take along to the big sleep over.
  We ate, we drank, we played cards and other games.  
All in all I only lost $1 


When I got home (just a bit hung over ), 
at first Mom didn't seem to happy with me, 
leaving her at home and not taking her with me,
but I simply ignored it and chatted on as I would usually.
Some how she'll need to understand that she can't be 
clinging to my apron strings, as she has been.

I think she got the clue and she's in a much better frame of mind today.

I forgot to say how many times DH has said to me, "Did I tell that I missed you?" 

Now, I'm not sure how often I'm going to be able to do this... 
I sat and thought about it and this is the first time that I've 
been apart from my husband for more than a few hours since 2005


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 10, 2021)

2005 and again in 2021. If you're not careful, he could get suspicious.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 10, 2021)

Andy M. said:


> 2005 and again in 2021. If you're not careful, he could get suspicious.



ROFL!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 10, 2021)

andy m. said:


> 2005 and again in 2021. If you're not careful, he could get suspicious.



bahahaha!

Prior to 2005, I had been going on a few business 
trips, but not many.  I'd be gone for 10-14 days
at the most... same for DH.  He hated not having me
with him, flying from Hawaii to where ever, I'm the 
organizer in the family, he did care for being on his own.
me-I was too busy with work.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 10, 2021)

Andy M. said:


> 2005 and again in 2021. If you're not careful, he could get suspicious.



Double ditto!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 16, 2021)

*Dietary Restrictions ~ Mom's Got High Blood Pressure!*

Yup.
Mom says that she has "a very mild case of high blood pressure" 
Her medication refill just came in the mail today.
I've been checking her pressure with our at home device, and 
even with her meds, it's ain't great!
I get the feeling that she wasn't keeping up with her regular
visits to her PCP back in California.
So we got Mom on to a new supplemental Medicare coverage
plan but we couldn't get her into see a new Doc until late
December 
DH and I were just talking last night about her general health
and we so want her to been seen and take care these ails.

In the mean time, we've been observing Mom's behavior,
in particular at the table.
Mom goes for the Salt before she ever tastes her food 

NO BUENO!

I made mention to her that having high blood pressure, she
needs to make adjustments to her diet, maybe not add
and Salt to her food.

"*WHY?!* No body ever told me that!"


I don't cook with very much salt, and have done so for many years.
It took a long time, but I got DH away from so much Salt.
Herbs and Spices, I don't need to tell y'all that.
But that doesn't seem to be working well with Mom.

My ultimate solution is that I've removed the Salt & Pepper
Mills from the table.
I plate everyone's meals and season accordingly for her.
Better that she thinks I'm a control freak than to have
on going battles with her.

And the adventure continues ...


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 16, 2021)

LOL....  that was going to be my first suggestion..  remove the salt from the table!  

But your solution is even better.  Plati_ng and seasoning_ for everyone (especially her) LOL


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 16, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> LOL....  that was going to be my first suggestion..  remove the salt from the table!
> 
> But your solution is even better.  Plati_ng and seasoning_ for everyone (especially her) LOL



Ya know *dragn*, at first I let everyone serve themselves straight from the stove, but Mom was giving herself so little food, even DH commented ... "Is that all you're gonna have Mom?" 

Now that I plate for everyone, she's actually eating more than I do, about the same as DH.  
She's a good eater, especially because I'm making all kinds of yummy dishes that she hasn't had in years.

In fact, DH and I were talking about that this afternoon as we were off "doing business" as he calls it (aka he had a follow up appointment with the Surgeon).  
We figure she wasn't eating very much at all while living by herself.  
At first DH thought that it was because of cost, and I said, no, she just didn't bother to making anything... "too much trouble, I'm not really hungry."
With us, it's like she back to enjoying food again... she hasn't said no thank you to anything yet!  DH remarked, "Yeah!  You're right, she hasn't turned down any food."


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 16, 2021)

I don't much care for eating by myself.  For just me, I'll make a sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal and that will be that.  For for others, well, it is going to be a social event then, so I'll make something to appreciate.  If that makes sense?


----------



## taxlady (Nov 16, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> I don't much care for eating by myself.  For just me, I'll make a sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal and that will be that.  For for others, well, it is going to be a social event then, so I'll make something to appreciate.  If that makes sense?



Sounds just like me.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 16, 2021)

I don't know gals, I love food _WAY _too much 
I'll make myself a dish, mostly because no one else wants to/cares to eat it.

Exhibit A: 







Lunch for Moi  

_Plus_, I'm not big on sandwiches nor cold cereal.  I've 
always had a hot lunch, all through school (we got fed K-12) and even in the working force.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 17, 2021)

Kgirl, you ain't alone!  Food, I'll eat it all.  But funny thing is, like you Mom, when I serve myself when others are present, I take just very small amounts and it seems to satisfy me.  

But when I'm alone - MAN - NOTHING is safe!  I'll have cereal (hot or cold) a sandwich AND soup, then go back and find something else in the fridge!  I eat late in the mornings but then I don't stop til mid afternoon.  Around 8 pm I'm hungry again but don't want to really eat as then I'll have intense dreams all night. But I kill a full meal for sure if I dared.


----------



## blissful (Nov 17, 2021)

The salt. Since we cut WAY back on salt, my blood pressure is now normal. (I was on two blood pressure medications previously.) But give me a bowl of delicious home fermented sauerkraut and I can hear my heart beat in my ears, so I can't do that. Besides that, salt seems to deaden tastes of natural food. Especially natural sweetness of foods you might not otherwise consider 'sweet'. It takes 11 days to grow new tastebuds, and that is an ongoing thing, for everyone. What you get used to, is what you usually eat, lots of salt, then lots of salt to get the same taste.



Anyways, my point is that, restaurant food will be a bigger problem for mom, if she is cutting back at home. Restaurants tend to want big profits based on taste, so more salt, oil, and sugar than cooking at home. Salt shakers off the table is a good idea.



The size of meals varies depending on if it is calorie dense or not calorie dense foods. The average US person eats 2000 lbs of food per year, or about 5 lbs per day, or 6-10 cups of food, divided by 3 meals and a snack, 2-3 cups/meal. (salads can be compressed by 2, so a 4 cup salad is a 2 cup meal)


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 17, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Kgirl, you ain't alone!  Food, I'll eat it all.  But funny thing is, like you Mom, when I serve myself when others are present, I take just very small amounts and it seems to satisfy me.
> 
> But when I'm alone - MAN - NOTHING is safe!  I'll have cereal (hot or cold) a sandwich AND soup, then go back and find something else in the fridge!  I eat late in the mornings but then I don't stop til mid afternoon.  Around 8 pm I'm hungry again but don't want to really eat as then I'll have intense dreams all night. But I kill a full meal for sure if I dared.



When I cooks big meals such as Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners, I'm never really hungry when we sit own at the table. Working over the food and absorbing all those aromas take the edge off your appetite.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 17, 2021)

*Andy +1*...  not to mention by that time I'm also exhausted and replete with my wine.  I just sit back and enjoy watching the others.  

How is it then, as I'm putting the leftovers away...  I continuously seem to have food in my mouth?  

Will wonders never cease!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 17, 2021)

I agree! 
When I make a big, involved meal, that takes me a good deal of time,
I don't want to eat. 
But Mom hasn't got that problem, she doesn't cook 
Even when we all lived back in Hawaii and had adjoining homes,
I cooked for all of us.
Mom claims that her blood pressure has come down since 
moving here to Cowboyville with us, she said it was much higher ... 
even with the meds  I still think that her PCP was not
looking for her very well, just sayin'  
That changes here and now!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 19, 2021)

*I Messed Up!*

I have a problem with allowing my Mother to touch
food or utensils in the kitchen.
She is extremely unsanitary! 
In other words, she does not wash her hands with
any sort of frequency and I don't want her cross 
contaminating anything! My biggest fear!
Same as there's no double dipping
There's no spooning up TWO bites of something straight from the pot
Wash your hands before handling any foods or utensils!!! 

My Mom is *insisting *upon setting the table for each meal.
I really don't want her to.
How do you tell your Mother that she needs to wash her hands 
before she even comes into your kitchen?

My work-around that I found was to set the table prior
to starting the prep for the meal, it's work for a bit now.

Today, I was multi-tasking and forgot to set the table!
DANG IT!!!!
Mom pops up like a Jack-In-The-Box ... "What do we need on the table?
Forks, knives, spoons, sharp knives?"

Uummmm ..." I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well."

CRUDE!  Too late.
She just plows past me and starts pulling everything out of
the Silverware drawer 

Another work around:
When she wasn't looking, I took the cutlery off the table and washed them!
(except for hers, she can make herself sick)


I know that this a conversation that we need to have,
but both DH and I can plainly see that her cognitive abilities
are waning.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 19, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I know that this a conversation that we need to have, but both DH and I can plainly see that her cognitive abilities
> are waning.



Poking my nose in...first you are doing your utmost best with your Mom.

Second, I appreciate that you as a Daughter are not blind to the difficulties your Mom is having. So many kids refuse to see or accept the changes that are occurring.

Third, write down your experiences, the things that trouble you and the behaviors you are dealing with. Present them to the doctor when she eventually can see one. By writing it down as they happen, Mom Journal, nothing will be missed. You will be presenting the "backstory" to what your Mom is telling the doc.

I hope this helps, wish I was closer so we could walk through this together. I sure love my old folks and wish your Mom the best life, she already has the best Daughter.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 19, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Poking my nose in...first you are doing your utmost best with your Mom.
> 
> Second, I appreciate that you as a Daughter are not blind to the difficulties your Mom is having. So many kids refuse to see or accept the changes that are occurring.
> 
> ...



First off, AAWWWW, you're just the bestest *PF*!

Second, yes, I keep a log of good days, bad days, things that I notice.

She's really trying to buck me on the doctor thing.

I knew that she has starting to get some sort of Allergy/Sinusitis/Upper Respiratory Issue.

DH & I discussed it and we let her go until I said enough was enough!
Hackin', coughing, sneezing, nose running so bad, she just held a handkerchief to her face. 
My work around was, take her temp ... 99.1° NO BUENO!

Took her to Urgent Care and yes, upper resp. viral infection and allergies.
She only heard allergies, turned to me while still on the exam table and said to me, "I told you so!" (Please insert the bratty 6 year old voice but minus the tongue being stuff out at me).
The upper resp. infection was bothersome to me!

She did not like when I spoke up in the doc's office and corrected her answers.  TOUGH! She wasn't being forth-right.

The doc scolded her, and told her the same things I had been saying for almost 3 months now ... you must take the OTC meds every day!

I don't want to disrespect her and treat like a child, but... 

We can't get her in to see a PCP for a New Patient appointment until the ending of December, so ... we'll muddle through this some how.

And any tips/tricks/advice you want to through my way, you poke your nose in all you want *PF*, I'd appreciate any and all advice ... from anyone here at DC.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 19, 2021)

I have had family members make an appointment for mom/dad and show up without them, just so they can discuss what's going on without their parent there. Then the parent has their appointment without the kid there so the Doctor can ask pertinent questions and sort of put them on the spot.

We all only hear what we want to hear and it gets worse with age. Me, I would have stuck MY tongue out at my Mom when she told me, "I told you so!"


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 20, 2021)

I gotta +1 on the World's Best Daughter comment!  You know Mom best.  Is there a way, being super careful with the "tone"...that you can just be honest with Mom?  

" I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well."  -- Followed by something like, "no wait, Mom, we want to keep our germs to our self, right?"  Just make a mental note for next time, so you'll be prepared with a comment that won't offend?


----------



## blissful (Nov 20, 2021)

I don't know how important tippee toeing around the issue is helpful.


When my husband comes home from anywhere, I ask him to wash up, 3 out of 4 times.
When I cook I wash my hands. When I use the bathroom I wash my hands, then touch the door knob, then wash my hands in the kitchen. (and yes I wash the knobs on the sink weekly)


When he helps me cook, I ask him to wash his hands before touching anything. When my son cooks with me, I ask him to wash his hands before touching things or handling dough. 



Between covid and general food safety, we ought to wash our hands in warm soapy water for 30 second and then rinse well.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 20, 2021)

There are a lot of online pages dedicated to the importance of handwashing...particularly these days...here's one that isn't so "kid" oriented: 

https://blogs.ifas.ufl.edu/alachuaco/2020/04/21/the-importance-of-handwashing-during-covid-19-and-everyday/

Just a thought, but maybe print it out and have a conversation with DH about it ask him to read it.  Then offer it to Mom too, "good info here!"??  Then, start reminding DH and then Mom too?  "I washed my hands!  How about you Mickey?  Mom?"  

Or, tell her if "I" get sick, you're next in line for the chef's hat, Mom!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 20, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I have had family members make an *appointment for mom/dad and show up without them*, just so they can discuss what's going on without their parent there. Then the parent has their appointment without the kid there so the Doctor can ask pertinent questions and sort of put them on the spot.
> 
> We all only hear what we want to hear and it gets worse with age. Me, *I would have stuck MY tongue out at my Mom* when she told me, "I told you so!"



And the insurance companies are okay with that, *PF*?
If so, I'm in!
I suppose I'd have to self-pay?

I sooooooo wanted to do that, but we were still in the doc's exam room... I just let her embarrass herself and I remained grown up.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 20, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> I gotta +1 on the World's Best Daughter comment!  You know Mom best.  Is there a way, being super careful with the "tone"...that you can just be honest with Mom?
> 
> " I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well."  -- Followed by something like, "no wait, Mom, we want to keep our germs to our self, right?"  Just make a mental note for next time, so you'll be prepared with a comment that won't offend?



*Ginny*, DH & I have already talked to Mom about handwashing and how very important it is given everything out there these days.
Being honest and upfront with her is exceeding tough... she's a _very _difficult person to get along with.
We've explained that we all live in this household as a family now, it's not just her by herself any longer.  Each of us impacts the other.
I don't want to be a nag, she already told her friend that "she's too controlling."

She hasn't seen anything yet! 

I know dog-gone well she's P.O.'d with me today.... I made her take her temp, reminded her of her meds, again, grilled her on what she's expelling (mucus, but she's lying to me that it's okay) and made her go out to the local pharmacy with me to get some Mucinex for the chest congestion.
She's got to get rid of that before it just gets worse.

She's just not getting it!  Upper respiratory infections are a killer for elders! 
I also took her for a rapid Covid Test, just to rule that out, like the doc wanted to do the other day and she REFUSED!!!

She's looking at all of this as I'm f___ing with her


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 20, 2021)

blissful said:


> *I don't know how important tippee toeing around the issue is helpful.*
> 
> 
> When my husband comes home from anywhere, I ask him to wash up, 3 out of 4 times.
> ...



You're right *bliss*... I'm not looking at this as tippee toeing, more of work arounds to resolve issues that talking about are not resolving.

We've explained to Mom over and over the importance of washing our hands, she seems to not want to do this at all.  I get a "tosh!" like I have no idea what I'm talking about.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 20, 2021)

Ah, well...pick and choose your battles.  Know that my heart goes out to you!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 20, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> Ah, well...*pick and choose your battles*.  Know that my heart goes out to you!



EXACTLY! 
I had to run away to be by myself for a bit, so this morning
after I "fed the animals"  aka gave DH & Mom breakfast, 
I quick like a bunny snuck out of the house and ran up to 
the Green Grocery for a few things.
I just had to get some ME TIME.
No one even noticed that I was gone ... it was only for an hour


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 20, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> And the insurance companies are okay with that, *PF*?
> If so, I'm in!
> I suppose I'd have to self-pay?
> 
> I sooooooo wanted to do that, but we were still in the doc's exam room... I just let her embarrass herself and I remained grown up.



I'm not sure how the visit is paid for, they may bill the visits like extended time in one visit or bill for both. I can say, sometimes it worth the extra if there are things you want the doctor to know without an argument from your parent.

My Mom has no problem "flipping me the bird" if she thinks I'm out of line. Ours is a weird relationship, heck we all, Mom, Dad and I grew up together. We talked about that this morning at breakfast.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 20, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm not sure how the visit is paid for, they may bill the visits like extended time in one visit or bill for both. I can say, sometimes it worth the extra if there are things you want the doctor to know without an argument from your parent.
> 
> *My Mom has no problem "flipping me the bird"* if she thinks I'm out of line. Ours is a weird relationship, heck we all, Mom, Dad and I grew up together. We talked about that this morning at breakfast.



BAHAHAHA!
I like your Mom *PF*!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 20, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> BAHAHAHA!
> I like your Mom *PF*!!



She's a 17 year older model of me...Dad, 18 year older model of me. We are quite the trio.


----------



## blissful (Nov 20, 2021)

Kaneoh, I did meet resistance in the beginning of covid when the handwashing and washing everything was really important, to stay healthy, for each time one of us left the house and came back. He thought it was overkill, media, exaggeration, political, hype, etc.


I went to the sink when he was in the kitchen, I asked him to come over by me. I grabbed his hands and I said, let me wash your hands. I massaged his hands with warm running water and soap, taking my time, and then I rinsed and asked him to rinse his, handed him the towel. I asked him, did that feel good? He said, yes. I wanted him to see that what I was asking (often) was just for that. We also talked about what a shame it would be for either of us to become ill due to neglecting something basic like this.


He still needs reminders at the time, almost all the time. I will run water for him and then thank him each time. He's not losing his mental faculties, he's lazy. I think we can all identify with feeling lazy at times.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 21, 2021)

Hey, *K-girl*!  Back on the salt thing.  Have you ever tried making or using a salt substitute?  Like the salt free Spike or one of the "Seasoning Salt" blends?  I love Bob's Big Boy Seasoning Salt.  It does have Celery Salt in it...but not sea or other salt.  Just a thought.  It might be okay to have on the table?


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 22, 2021)

and to add my 2 pennies,  you do not have to say what kind of salt is in the shaker.


----------



## Just Cooking (Nov 22, 2021)

I had to google 'celery salt'. 

Its simply salt with celery added for flavor. 
Salt is salt, no matter the makeup.


Ross


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 22, 2021)

Just Cooking said:


> I had to google 'celery salt'.
> 
> Its simply salt with celery added for flavor.
> Salt is salt, no matter the makeup.
> ...



If you make your own mix, you certainly can switch things up.  Leave it out, use celery seed, etc...


----------



## Just Cooking (Nov 22, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> If you make your own mix, you certainly can switch things up.  Leave it out, use celery seed, etc...



Absolutely. 

I was referring to commercial seasonings, which it seems were being discussed. 

I have been hunting and finding some salt free seasonings, such as Tony Chachere's Creole Seasoning and Dash Seasoning Blend. Good commercial products and I'm looking for more.

Ross


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 22, 2021)

Just Cooking said:


> Absolutely.
> 
> I was referring to *commercial seasonings*, which it seems were being discussed.
> 
> ...



Ahh...I see.  When I said, "Have you ever tried making or using a salt substitute?" I should have emphasized "making".  I have used copycat recipes for Bob's Big Boy seasoning, ever since we move to the PNW.  I miss Bob's!  And things like "Taco Seasoning" and BBQ rubs, I make my own.  Easier for me, in many ways...and I can adjust for our personal taste.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 22, 2021)

All great comments guys, but my work around of 
simply taking the Salt Grinder (as well as Pepper)
off the table is working out great!

Like this morning, we had those 
Pumpkin & Walnut Jumbo Muffins with a bowl of 
diced up Cantaloupe, which Mom _always _puts
Salt & Pepper on.  
She didn't even ask for it to be put on for her


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 22, 2021)

Well, it's true, what you don't see you often don't even think about.  For some just sitting down to the table, their arm just reaches out automatically to grab the condiments.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 22, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Well, it's true, what you don't see you often don't even think about.  For some just sitting down to the table, their arm just *reaches out automatically to grab the condiments*.




Exactly *dragn*!
I once told DH, who was also terrible about the Salt Shaker, 
that it's an insult to the Chef/Cook by not tasting your food
prior to adding anything!  Hot Sauce, S&P, Ketchup, etc.


----------



## GilliAnne (Nov 23, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I may have made mention in other threads over the years,
> my Mother really does not cook and she also does not care
> to grocery shop.
> 
> ...



If your mother doesn't like to cook or grocery shop, who taught you?

Gillian


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 23, 2021)

When you grow up with an extended family - Everyone teaches you!  plus a little trial and error, which we all find we still do. 

 Witness the disaster thread, there's two of them hanging around. A lot of seasoned cooks still have them.  and if you don't have many of them it is probably 'cause you ain't cooking as often as you thought!


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 23, 2021)

I am on blood pressure meds. Have been for decades. 

My logic is different. If I'm on meds anyway, why not enjoy salt on my food?

And, no, I don't think I could have avoided BP meds if I'd been more careful with salt. Per my PCP, only 5% of the population has a salt/BP issue.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 23, 2021)

Absolutely Andy, exactly what my doctor told me, but...  if you do have HP, extra salt doesn't help


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 23, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Absolutely Andy, exactly what my doctor told me, but...  if you do have HP, extra salt doesn't help



More importantly, it doesn't hurt. I check my BP regularly as does my Dr. Never an issue.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 23, 2021)

Andy, please note I said *extra salt*.  Regular use will not do anything but too much sodium can cause your body to _retain fluid_, which can increase blood pressure.


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 23, 2021)

dragnlaw said:


> Andy, please note I said *extra salt*.  Regular use will not do anything but too much sodium can cause your body to _retain fluid_, which can increase blood pressure.



I'm not sure where the line is between salt and extra salt. 

I season and taste while I'm cooking. When the dish is done, it's salted to a level I consider reasonable for my audience. I sometimes will add salt at the table to make my plate the way I like it. 

I don't know if I use 'too much' salt or just the 'right amount'. I salt to my taste and enjoy very good BP. I guess I'm not one of the 5% that salt bothers.


----------



## taxlady (Nov 23, 2021)

A few years back, I was eating a lot of salty foods. My BP went up to just over 160. I cut back to a more normal level of salt and my BP went back to my normal healthy level.


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 23, 2021)

LOL, Andy, taste is extremely subjective.  Yay! I'm in your group too!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 23, 2021)

*Ya Know Mom's Sick When ...*

... she goes off her feed bag 

No but seriously, Mom has not wanted to eat, _anything _

She had been eating everything and anything that I've put
down in front of her at the table, but since coming down
with a really bad case of Allergies that has now gone down 
into her chest, she says she has no appetite. 

I got her to start taking an expectorant to help
get rid of that congestion, she's says that she's taking too
many meds and its making her tummy "unhappy".

I asked her to expand on that more ...  is it upset, are
you nauseated, what?
She couldn't come up with a better description than that.

I'm thinkin' it's all that junk from her nose and chest 
going into her tummy and making it un-easy.
I'll give her a coupla more days before I say that
we're going back to Urgent Care.
Upper respiratory issues in elders can turn south


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 23, 2021)

GilliAnne said:


> If your mother doesn't like to cook or grocery shop, *who taught you*?
> 
> Gillian



*Gillian*, I am a totally self-taught home cook.
I wanted to make my own food from an extremely 
young age, mainly because my Mother's 
food was horrid! 
Once I could reach the stove without 
the aid of a stool or chair, I was allowed to cook,
and I've never stopped learning.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 23, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> *Gillian*, I am a totally self-taught home cook.
> I wanted to make my own food from an extremely
> young age, mainly because my Mother's
> food was horrid!
> ...



Ditto here!  I asked for a cookbook for Christmas, when I was only 10 years old.  Oh...I probably should give Mrs. Horowitz some credit too.  She was my 7th Grade Home Ec teacher for the cooking class.  I still make some of the recipes she gave us.  Spaghetti sauce, Deluxe Whipped Jello, some that aren't coming to mind at this moment.  But, never, ever the Tuna Noodle Casserole.  Bleh!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 23, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> Ditto here!  I asked for a cookbook for Christmas, when I was only 10 years old.  Oh...I probably should give Mrs. Horowitz some credit too.  She was my 7th Grade Home Ec teacher for the cooking class.  I still make some of the recipes she gave us.  Spaghetti sauce, Deluxe Whipped Jello, some that aren't coming to mind at this moment.  But, never, ever the *Tuna Noodle Casserole.  Bleh!*




Uuh!
Tuna Casserole ... 
https://mykitcheninthemiddleofthede...08/10/tuna-not-like-the-lunch-hall-casserole/
Try that one on for size, it's nothing like what we had in school *Ginny*!


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 23, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Uuh!
> Tuna Casserole ...
> https://mykitcheninthemiddleofthede...08/10/tuna-not-like-the-lunch-hall-casserole/
> Try that one on for size, it's nothing like what we had in school *Ginny*!



Thanks, K-Girl.  I will consider it...it is a memory that just never went away!?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 24, 2021)

*Sometimes Mom Cracks Us Up*

My DH has this habit of leaving the house wearing his
house slippers ... 



I needed to make a run to the local Post Office to pick
up packages that had been delivered.
I asked Mom if she'd like to go for just a quick ride,
nothing special, in and out.

We got into the car and she realized that she had
done the same thing as DH! 





Mom said, "Well, at least my feet will be warm 
and no one will see me anyways! Unlike your
husband who went into the bank wearing his
house slippers."


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 24, 2021)

I used to do the same thing!  I would get to the market and notice my feet and ask DH, "why didn't you say something?"  His reply: "You're always wearing those!"  Sigh.  So, now I have a pair of Merrill mules that are my "house shoes."  If I should happen to go out in them, no one will think anything, as they are really shoes.  That's how I solved my forgetfulness!  YMMV


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 24, 2021)

My Grandma used to take me to school in her house dress over a nightgown, her hair in curlers and scarf wearing her slippers. When she picked me up she was dressed to the nines, looking like a model.


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 24, 2021)

I wear these slippers around the house and have often thought I could wear them out in a pinch.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 24, 2021)

Andy M. said:


> I wear these slippers around the house and have often thought I could wear them out in a pinch.



Agreed.  Perfectly passable.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 24, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My Grandma used to take me to school in her house dress over a nightgown, her hair in curlers and scarf wearing her slippers. When she picked me up she was dressed to the nines, looking like a model.



Precious memories!  Love it!


----------



## dragnlaw (Nov 25, 2021)

LOL...  too funny!  Happened to me just yesterday!  Had to take my son to the airport at 5 AM 

When I got home I started to change back to house shoes and realized I was now putting* on *my outside shoes!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 26, 2021)

*Dealing With Depression*

... let's talk about that.

It's kind of a touchy subject, I mean we all get the down and out blues
from time to time, but I'm talking about the spells that linger for days
and consume you.

I realized long ago, when I was a small child, that my Mother had
shall we say issues.  She would go into cry jags for hours, hanging
on to me, balling her eyes out, babbling nonsensically about what
I had no idea.

Over the years, I've learned her trigger points:
My Father, who passed away some years ago (he was a schmuck!)
My Sister (also a schmuck!), who lived only a two hour car ride from her home in California,
but didn't come to visit, doesn't call her, she only communicates through Facebook, and I'm not talking about a PM or any of that 

AND lastly, any holiday!

Her birthday
My Father's birthday
Thanksgiving
Christmas

I'll stop now, you get the picture.

My defense mechanism is to ignore what's going on, 
keep chattering away as I usually do, and avoid eye contact!

When we lived in Hawaii all together,
Mom had horrible mood swings and both DH and I
felt like there was this black cloud that would 
creep up over our house when ever Mom "got into a funk". 

Then we all moved to Arizona and Mom got her own
apartment 12 miles down the road from us, PHEW!  

Fast forward a number of years, and here we are again.

Mom has a new patient appointment with a new PCP,
and don't you know that I'll be asking for a private
appointment, as *PrincessFiona60 *had suggested.
Both DH and I feel that Mom could benefit from
_drugs_!  I hate to say this, but there it is, that 
elephant in the room.  I truly don't think at this point
in Mom's life that therapy would help her, that ship sailed
long ago!

We deal with the cards we're dealt.


----------



## Just Cooking (Nov 27, 2021)

I hope that I can say this correctly.

My health is starting to deteriorate again, after the remarkable cardioversion procedure I had in October. Things were great but the afib seems to be making a strong comeback.

Now. My reason for mentioning this, in the wrong thread is that this thread has me thinking of my own experiences with older family members and my present situation with my family members.

My mother spent the last 7 years of her life with my first wife and me. Altho there were a few amusing incidences, our lives together were pretty serene and enjoyable. My mother and wife adored each other. We never had any problems.

A few years after my mother passed, my wife came down with cancer. I kept her in our home through her entire ordeal. Our children were with her constantly, until her death. We never had any problems.

I am near the end of my time. I understand and don't whine about the realities of life and death.

My one concern is giving Jeannie and my daughter any difficulties as my time comes closer. 
I, truly hope that at my end, my wife, child and all family do not have to sit and think of me being difficult in my final period of living.

Ross


----------



## GotGarlic (Nov 27, 2021)

I have been dependent on medicines to live a somewhat normal life since I was 16 years old, more than 40 years ago. I honestly don't understand why people have an issue with taking "drugs" when they're necessary for physical or mental health. Biochemistry is very complex and scientists are learning more every year about the connections between the body and the mind.

Also, therapy may be exactly what your mother needs. She is experiencing several big life changes in a short amount of time - more than you and your husband are, since she moved to a new place - but she doesn't have anyone to talk to about her frustrations and adjustments. You do. I encourage you to bring that up, too, when you talk to her doctor, because a therapist can help her develop better coping skills and make life easier for all of you.


----------



## Andy M. (Nov 27, 2021)

I agree with GG. Without drugs, you all would never have met me (sorry). They've kept me alive and in very good health for decades. I don't understand many folks' aversion to taking medications.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 27, 2021)

My MIL lost her DH in 2005 and her first born son in 2007.  She's been on Fluoxetine (Prozac) since she lost my FIL.  It helps her.  And, bonus!  They have recently announced that Fluoxetine is a very decent anti-viral...helping to fight off harmful virus, COVID-19 included!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Nov 27, 2021)

*A Question To The Group*

Well, like I said all, Mom has her first appointment coming up;
I went on her patient portal and requested that they fax to 
her previous PCP back in California, I'm hoping that there will
be some notations as to her demeaner.

A question to the group:

As an elder (I think it's 80 and older) when you have your
annual Medicare Wellness Check up, doesn't your PCP
ask you a battery of questions that are meant to determine
your mental capabilities?

Would the previous PCP have made notes to that affect?


----------



## GinnyPNW (Nov 27, 2021)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Well, like I said all, Mom has her first appointment coming up;
> I went on her patient portal and requested that they fax to
> her previous PCP back in California, I'm hoping that there will
> be some notations as to her demeaner.
> ...



Yes, they do.  I used to go in with my Mom to see her doctor.  When you take her, you can also do the "check in" for her and ask to see the doctor first and/or after...so you don't have to say stuff in front of her.  I never felt the need, I just went in with her and said what I needed to say.  Mostly, it was what her caretakers reports.  Long story...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 5, 2021)

*Too Much Junk Mail!*

As you may have figured out, DH and I live in a rural portion of Arizona, well, frankly, if you don't live in one of the major cities it's rural 

Anyhows, the postal service here is very spotty and provided by contract workers, not USPS employees.

Long before we moved to this new home, we realized that we'd best get a P.O. Box!  
Home delivery is horrible, if you even get it!

We don't get that much mail, as we've opted in for paperless bills and decline any catalog mailing lists.

We had only been checking our mail maybe twice a week and I felt even that was over-kill, we just don't get much mail, period.

*NOW!*

My Mother on the other hand does very, very VERY little business on the internet.  It baffles her most times, but has been asking either of us to help her with some online ordering.

So what does that mean to DH & I?
Our Post Office Mail Box is choked full

EVERY DAY!!!

To the point of over-stuffing!  I'm waiting for a notice from the Post Mistress telling me that we had too much mail and they're holding in the back room.

My work around:
Mom's catalog situation is out of control gang!
I've been pulling the back covers of each one that she has said already she never asked for and has never nor ever will order from.
I very quietly go that company's website and request to her name be removed from their mailing list.

As to the junk mail-advertisements, she gets alot of mail from organizations asking for donations.   I think that should not happen to elders, too many of them are being taken advantage of.

So, we have recycle bins in the Post Office, before I leave the building, I go through everything and anything that needs to be chuck, is!

And the adventure continues ....


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Dec 5, 2021)

Shrek still gets more mail than I do.  Even those places I sent copies of his death certificate (AARP) continue to send him mail. We are coming up on 4 years gone...he's still more popular than me...


----------



## GinnyPNW (Dec 6, 2021)

*K-Girl*, do you use USPS Informed Delivery?  It is free.  They send you pictures of your new mail, each day, but it is just the lettersize mail (not Flats, meaning catalogs, etc.).  You can sign up here: https://informeddelivery.usps.com/box/pages/intro/start.action

Additionally, for a small fee, you can use the Mail Preference Service to eliminate a lot of the advertising mail.  Scroll down on the USPS page to read about it here (How to remove my name from Mailing Lists): https://faq.usps.com/s/article/Refuse-unwanted-mail-and-remove-name-from-mailing-lists

You can also put your phone numbers on the National Do Not Call Registry, it is free.  See here: https://www.donotcall.gov/

Hope some of the above is helpful!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 6, 2021)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Shrek still gets more mail than I do.  Even those places I sent copies of his death certificate (AARP) continue to send him mail. We are coming up on 4 years gone...*he's still more popular than me...*







GinnyPNW said:


> *K-Girl*, do you use USPS Informed Delivery?  It is free.  They send you pictures of your new mail, each day, but it is just the lettersize mail (not Flats, meaning catalogs, etc.).  You can sign up here: https://informeddelivery.usps.com/box/pages/intro/start.action
> 
> Additionally, for a small fee, you can use the Mail Preference Service to eliminate a lot of the advertising mail.  Scroll down on the USPS page to read about it here (How to remove my name from Mailing Lists): https://faq.usps.com/s/article/Refuse-unwanted-mail-and-remove-name-from-mailing-lists
> 
> ...



Mahalo, thanks for that *Ginny*.
Yeah, I've looked at all of that and we use to have something of the sort way back, but I suppose when USPS came out with these new and improved was of tracking, the old way was dropped.
I think at this point it's just a matter of time for the catalogs and junk mail to weed themselves, since I notified all of them to remove her or unsubscribe to their sites.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 10, 2021)

*Little Struggles, Doing Laundry*

It's dawning on both DH & I that my Mother is very regimented.
By that I mean that she does certain things on certain days, and she does not vary one _iota _from that!

For instance, doing her laundry.
This must, and I mean *must *be done on Friday!
Here's the rub, some Fridays, we have other things to do.
Why does that matter you may be asking yourself, 

WELL

We have those new fangled computerized front loading washer and dryer that Mom just can't get right.  I've given her five "in service training" sessions, I've printed out a step-by-step instructional card that I even laminated and hung up in the Laundry Room ... 

NOPE!

She gets up usually before I do and asks DH to help her.

DH: I have no idea on this Earth how those things work.  The Girl has shown me over and over again and I don't get it.  Mom, you just have to wait for The Girl and ask her.  

I'm known as The Girl 

One Friday, I saw that she kept fussing with the dryer.
She must have gone to check if the clothes were dry 4 or 5 times.  
Finally I intervened.

Moi: Mom what are we doing here?
Mom: There's something wrong with this dang contraption you call a dryer!
Moi: Really?  Let's take a look

Somehow she had turned the heat off completely and DH said that it had been running for over an hour; he had been keeping track of the situation and was just about to call me for assistance.

At this stage of the game I told Mom that I would take over the laundry situation and she should just let me know when she needed it done.

Here's where the little struggle begins.

It's all about control... Mom is the sort of person who needs to be in control, at all times.  She's still the Mom and I'm just a kid in her eyes.
She insists that I start her laundry before 8am ... ummmm, I'm not an early riser, I'm retired, I don't have to do that anymore!

When I do get up, on any given Friday, the first words out of her mouth as I emerge from our bedroom still rubbing the sleep from my eyes is not "Good Morning Honey" but "I need my laundry done!" and not in a very nice tone either.

Today, I responded back with "I don't think that we're going to have time to do that today Mom.  We have other things that we really need to attend to."

DH gave me a huge thumbs up from the other room, where Mom couldn't see him.

Moi: We'll catch that tomorrow, okay Mom?
Mom: Yeah, okay I _guess_
Moi: Do you have clean clothes to wear for tomorrow?
Mom: Yes
Moi: Well then there ya go

I got another big thumbs up from DH.

My house, my rules ... little struggles, we'll work around them.


----------



## GinnyPNW (Dec 10, 2021)

Some years back when we were still living in L.A., a friend and his wife decided to move to the Mid-West.  His brother and family had already moved out of the area to the PNW.  His mother told him that she would have to move with them, as she didn't want to be left alone in L.A.  He told her that was fine and they would welcome her.  But, he said, remember it will be El's (his wife's) house.  Her house, her rules.  Mom decided to move to the PNW with the brother instead.  

No matter how you slice it, two women under one roof can be trying.  I applaud you for how well you guys do!  I know it isn't easy.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 10, 2021)

GinnyPNW said:


> Some years back when we were still living in L.A., a friend and his wife decided to move to the Mid-West.  His brother and family had already moved out of the area to the PNW.  His mother told him that she would have to move with them, as she didn't want to be left alone in L.A.  He told her that was fine and they would welcome her.  But, he said, remember it will be El's (his wife's) house.  Her house, her rules.  Mom decided to move to the PNW with the brother instead.
> 
> No matter how you slice it, two women under one roof can be trying. * I applaud you for how well you guys do!  I know it isn't easy*.



Mahalo, thanks *Ginny*.
DH & I are looking at this as a team effort, and we support and back each other up.
Sometimes I think, what if we hadn't brought Mom out here?
What would happen to her?
DH says that we'd be making that 9 1/2 hour drive one way at the very least once a month! 
And we hear tales that California is going to restrict travel into the State much more so soon.


----------



## taxlady (Dec 10, 2021)

(((Hugs Kgirl)))  That sounds really trying.

I don't know how to say this. I'm afraid that I will sound critical. Maybe there is a way to help make her _feel_ more in control. 

She's at a stage in her life where it feels like she is losing control. She's old enough that she is probably concerned that people will doubt her mental capacity. She might be feeling that she is starting to lose some of her mental capacity. It's probably a lot harder on your mum than she is letting on.

Sending positive vibes.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 10, 2021)

taxlady said:


> (((Hugs Kgirl)))  That sounds really trying.
> 
> I don't know how to say this. I'm afraid that I will sound critical. Maybe  there is a way to help make her _feel_ more in control.
> 
> ...



No, *taxy*, you don't sound critical at all.

Both DH & I have discussed this and we give her every opportunity to think that she's in control.  But she does push the envelope from time to time.

And yes, we see that she thinks folks are saying, oh she's not all together any more, and very frankly, she's not.

I've tried talking with her, but she's a very difficult person, quite plainly put.

She has her first PCP appointment here in Arizona on the 23rd, we can't wait!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 16, 2021)

*It's Mom's Birthday!*

Mom isn't very keen on her birthday or any holiday really, but I do my best to make them festive.

As we live in Cowboyville AZ USA, trying to find some things that you think of as ordinary everyday items, I have a devil of a time obtaining. 

My Mother _LOVES _See's Candies, and normally, we have a "Pop Up Store" here right next door to our local Trader Joes... not this year, of course! 

It took me a bit of research, but I found out where they were, made my way over there and purchased 1 box of each of her favorites, Nuts & Chews and Molasses Chips.

Beggars can't be choosers, so they're not dark chocolate, which Mom does favor, but ... 

I made a very large breakfast for Mom, Stuffed Biscuits with Fruit and then gave her her gift.  She was impressed that I found a See's store 

Mom said she was so full all day, until I said that for birthday linner (late lunch/early dinner) we were going to a new-to-her BYOB American-Italian joint, that we really like.

BINGO!

Let's go!

Now, normally Mom orders the same thing in an Italian Restaurant, Eggplant Parm, but she threw us a curve ball ...



Chicken Piccata

She ate the included lovely Mixed Green Salad, herds of still warm, homemade Bread with Garlic Herbed Butter, her plate of Pasta with a Garlic Olio sauce *AND *the slice of New York Style Cheese cake with macerated Strawberries free for her birthday.



The fresh whipped cream was gorgeous!





I had already ordered 2 Cannoli and a piece of Italian Lemon Cream Cake to go ... they'll get eaten, trust me 

Santa and Mrs. Claus were there entertaining the diners with Christmas Songs and cheer.  When they came over to our table I said, "I remember you!" and I got a huge, "HO HO HO HO!!"

Moi: Santa, today is my Mom's birthday!
Santa: It is? WELL ... 
Both Santa and Mrs. Claus sang a special Happy Birthday to her!
AAAWWWWW!


----------



## dragnlaw (Dec 17, 2021)

Sounds fantastic *Kgirl*.  What a party!  Yum all the way around! 

Tell your Mom Happy Birthday from the anonymous dragon! LOL


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## GinnyPNW (Dec 17, 2021)

It does sound like a fantastic day, indeed!  Good job, K-Girl!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 26, 2021)

*I’m So Very Frustrated, But Thankful*

Here we are at the end of another year and all of a sudden, I have my elder Mother living in our home with us.  This has been a huge adjustment for Mom as well as my amazing Husband and myself. 

Mom has been with us now for a bit more than 4 months and at times I have to just bite my tongue and walk away, I get so very frustrated.  My life has changed forever and there’s no going back.  I am now my Mother’s keeper. 

Both DH and I love Mom, but there are difficult times with her, with more to come, I’m sure.  We support one another in that fortunately, both of us don’t lose our ---- at the same time.  

I respect and honor my Mother, as she did so much for me growing up, I feel that I owe her this.  My younger Sister on the other hand, well, that’s a whole other story.

I’m so very frustrated at times, to the point of tears, but I am also so very thankful that I still have my Mother, while others do not.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Feb 11, 2022)

*When Last We Spoke ...*

... I was opining about how frustrated I have been … Then illness befell our household, DH and I got Covid-19 and were in self-isolation for about 2 weeks.  It’s taken us a time to get back up on our feet. 

This really stuck a chore in my head … what if something even worse happened?  What would become of my elderly Mother? 

We have watched her decline not only physically, but worse, mentally over the last six months. 

DH and I had been talking about placing Mom in another Senior Living Community, similar to what she was living in back in California, but neither of us could pull the trigger, so to say.  We felt as though we would be putting her out.  This was never the intent that Mom stay with us, but rather for her to have her own place.  The different options that we had been looking at just weren’t going to work.  So here she has stayed, with us. 

After some lengthy discussions during our private time alone, we both agreed that Mom needed to be re-located. 

We started to make some checks online as to what was available within a reasonable driving distance from our home.   We found a lovely place only a short 30-minute drive from us, not 9 ½ hours. 

Then came “the talk”. 

Naturally, Mom was upset, cried and didn’t understand.  She thought that she would live with DH and I for the remainder of her life.  We explained that we must think towards the future; DH and I are not getting any younger, only older and there will come a day when we would no longer be able to care for her.  Mom is still able to perform her own personal toilette, so there’s a plus – no assisted living, yet.  She can be independent and have her own apartment.  Her metal capacity is dwindling, but this happens to all of us as we age. 

I took Mom over to our first choice of new digs and she LOVED IT! 

It’s a much better maintained facility, newer, better staffed, with loads of activities that she might participate in.  A shuttle bus is provided to the residents for appointments and shopping at no extra charge.  She’ll get a continental plus breakfast or a choice of the daily special hot meal in the restaurant for free.  All of her utilities also are included with her rent.  Her only disappointment, there’s no pool for Water Aerobics – well, ‘The Y’ is three blocks away by shuttle! 

She and I were treated to lunch in one of the two restaurants onsite after our sales pitch and it was delicious!  Mom said that she thinks she would have dinner for the first month in the restaurants, so that she can meet new people.  They offer a FULL MENU, just like any other restaurant in the area, even Fillet Mignon, but WAY CHEAPER!  This would be added to her “tab” at the end of each month and we’ve set it up so that she doesn’t get the bill - we have her all set up online and will administer what’s needed; she doesn’t have to worry about finances, which she has never enjoyed doing … DH does, so there ya go. 

What DH and I liked was that everything is under one roof.  She would never have to take a step off the campus … safe and secure!  There are all enclosed corridors to go here or there, and nice big signs so that nobody gets lost.   

Mom singed her lease the very next day! 

I’m so excited for her.  This is a new chapter in her life and I hope that she’s looking forward to it.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Feb 11, 2022)

This is wonderful news. I am so glad you have taken this step. Hugs!


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## Andy M. (Feb 11, 2022)

That’s very encouraging. The move will provide Mom with new stimuli to help keep her in good shape mentally. Also, it will make life a ton easier for you guys.


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## taxlady (Feb 12, 2022)

That must have been hard. I'm glad your mum seems to like the new place. Sending positive vibes for a happy new chapter in your mum's life and you and your DH's too.


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## Rob Babcock (Feb 12, 2022)

It sounds like it will work out great!  I've enjoyed keeping up with your adventures; hopefully with her close by the adventures will continue!


My own mom is 76 now, hard to imagine!  She's still mentally and physically robust and barring something odd, will probably outlive me!  Her parents both lived into their late 80s and her oldest sister lived to be 95.  Pretty much every member of her side of the family that didn't die in a farm accident or one of the wars lives into their 80s.  I expect that my mom & my sister will likely live together for many more years, or so I hope.


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## Cooking Goddess (Feb 13, 2022)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> ...I’m so excited for her.  This is a new chapter in her life and I hope that she’s looking forward to it.


I'm excited for your Mom, and for you and your DH, too. We've read how kind and loving you have been to bring your Mom into your home, adding a totally new dynamic to your own retirement years. But living in a place where she can socialize on her own time without needing you to be a social director can only be a good thing for her. Best to her and both of you guys, too, going forward in this next chapter.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Feb 16, 2022)

*And the Adventure Continues ...*

Mahalo, thank you all for your kind words.

I recieved Mom's first invoice today for her rent for March.
I wanted to make sure that the admin at Mom's new digs had processed her auto withdrawal and when it would go through.

The gal that returned my call was just gushing about my Mother!
"She's made so many new friends already and is participating in many things.  This is highly unusual for a brand new resident you know.  In fact we all said Good Morning to her this morning as she board the shuttle for a Grocery Shopping expedition."
 

I've not called Mom as yet, but I will do so tomorrow after her next outing on "The Bus".  She has a dental hygiene appointment all on her own and wasn't real happy about that.  Mainly going to the dentist, she hates that. 

I wanted Mom to get back to her own independence.  She really doesn't need me, she can do things for herself.  I think that she was starting to get a bit spoiled 

Mom's only issue has been making arrangements for these appointments, calling places of business and doing business; that's was the determining factor in moving her closer to us to begin with.  Now, we can help her when the need arises and she's only 30 minutes away as apposed to 9 1/2 hours.


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## dragnlaw (Feb 16, 2022)

WOW...  what a turn around!  Great going for your Mom! 

and good on you two too!


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## Just Cooking (Feb 16, 2022)

Happy that it seems to be going well. 

Ross


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## buckytom (Feb 17, 2022)

It's good to hear things are going well, Kgirl.

Lol about "the bus".

My mom used to get on the "Blue Hair Bus" every so often to Atlantic City. Those old ladies can throw a hip check like you've never seen when claiming a seat at a slot machine after their mark (the person that they've watched lose a lot on one machine) gets up.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Mar 13, 2022)

*And The Adventure Still Continues*

As you all know, my Mother has been living in her own digs now for a month.  DH & I have been going over there to help her with small tasks and take her out to Linner (late lunch/early dinner).   

Since Mom decided to take her meals in one of the two dining rooms at “the new home”, she has made friends and even participates in two classes that are offered at no extra charge to the residents.  She’s even made friends along the way. 

This past Friday morning Mom called me, in panic... I could barely understand her, her speech was garbled but she finally got out, “I’m sick.”  Okay, Mom I’ll be there in a little bit, why don’t you go lay down for now. 

When I got to her apartment and let myself in, she was extremely lethargic.  She had herself tucked up into a ball on the bed.   

I called her doctor and spoke with her nurse, with Mom on speaker-phone.  The nurse said that she would consult with the doctor and call me back in just few minutes.  I was to take her immediately to the Emergency Room!!   Fortunately Mom was fully dressed, so all I needed to do was put her shoes on and a coat. 

When I pulled up to the entrance to the hospital, I asked straight away for a wheel chair and got her all-checked in.  We only waited for about an hour to be seen by a doctor.  They started an IV, drew blood and whisked her away. 

I sat there in the ER waiting room for_ 4 hours_ before finally wising up and asked someone, “Where’s my Mother?”  I was taken to one of the rooms located in another part of the building, where they were running a full battery of tests on her.  
Poor thing, she was almost beside herself, “Where were you?”  

I was* furious*!!  I didn’t say it out loud, but why did no one inform me what was happening or at the least come and get me to be with her, she was clearly upset. 

I have to say that I did come in barking and was very much not my regular kind and friendly self.  I went right into the nurse's station and requested a status update on her.  Not long after, the ER doctor came in and talked to me, “Your Mom is very ill, but we just can’t figure out what’s causing this.  She will be staying with us; we’re just waiting for a bed to open up in the main hospital.” 

I have never seen so much blood drawn from one person in a matter of a few hours before.  Not to mention all of the other tests they did on her.  The lab tech told Mom you'll be a raisin by the time you leave here. 

My Mother's nurse came in at one point and Mom asked her, “Can’t my daughter go home, she’s been here all day.”  I liked her answer, “I would do the same for my Mom.”  
I told her I wanted to wait with her until she did get a room and help her to get settled.  She said that would be fine, until 8pm, at that point I’d have to leave, that visiting hours would be over for the day in the hospital.  Mom was not happy, even though she told me to go home, I know she wanted me to stay with her. 

The next morning, I went over to Mom’s apartment and collected some things I thought that she may need, not knowing how long she’d be there. 

I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Mother so happy to see me before.  I sat with her for most of the day and chatted. 

So here we are on Sunday and they still have no clue what is wrong with Mom.  The doctor came in to check her this morning and all she wanted to know was, when can I go home?  NOPE!  Not until all of your blood work comes back clear, and so far, it’s far from that.  Mom was not in a good mood today. 

Tomorrow is a new day.  I’ll go over to apartment again and collect more things for her prolonged stay in the hospital and take her something nice to eat.  She told me today that she does not like the food there, that mine is much better.


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## GinnyPNW (Mar 14, 2022)

Oh, dear!  I'm so sorry to hear this news, *K-Girl*!!  Sending prayers for healing and that they figure this out soon!!!


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## taxlady (Mar 14, 2022)

Sending healing vibes for your mum, Kgirl. And god bedring (Danish for good bettering).


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## Andy M. (Mar 14, 2022)

CG, hope she's back on her feet soon. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, take care of yourself.


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## Cooking Goddess (Mar 14, 2022)

That's quite a bit of worry there, K-Girl. I would be scared for my Mom, too, if I was dealing with this. Hopefully, now that the weekend is over, I hope you get quick answers for what is ailing your Mom. Perhaps lab staffing is reduced on weekends.

Also, about sitting and waiting. When Himself was in the hospital for back surgery, he was the first patient for his doctor that day. While I was in the waiting room, I left briefly for a potty break. I told the staff member at the desk I was waiting for the doctor's update and if he came in to let him know I would be right back. I returned, started talking to the woman next to me a few hours later. She mentioned that her husband was having back surgery at the time... with Himself's doctor! Turns out the guy at the desk never noticed the doctor come in and call my name, never bothered telling me he had been moved to recovery. By this time Himself was out of recovery and in a room for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I had him dead. [emoji44]


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Mar 14, 2022)

GinnyPNW said:


> Oh, dear!  I'm so sorry to hear this news, *K-Girl*!!  Sending prayers for healing and that they figure this out soon!!!



Mahalo, thanks *Ginny*!



taxlady said:


> Sending healing vibes for your mum, Kgirl. And god bedring (Danish for good bettering).



You don't know what this means to me *taxy*, mom is danish!  I will pass this along to her.



Andy M. said:


> CG, hope she's back on her feet soon. Fingers crossed. Meanwhile, take care of yourself.



Right *Andy*!  DH is making sure that I don't over do it.



Cooking Goddess said:


> That's quite a bit of worry there, K-Girl. I would be scared for my Mom, too, if I was dealing with this. Hopefully, now that the weekend is over, I hope you get quick answers for what is ailing your Mom. Perhaps lab staffing is reduced on weekends.
> 
> Also, about sitting and waiting. When Himself was in the hospital for back surgery, he was the first patient for his doctor that day. While I was in the waiting room, I left briefly for a potty break. I told the staff member at the desk I was waiting for the doctor's update and if he came in to let him know I would be right back. I returned, started talking to the woman next to me a few hours later. She mentioned that her husband was having back surgery at the time... with Himself's doctor! Turns out the guy at the desk never noticed the doctor come in and call my name, never bothered telling me he had been moved to recovery. By this time Himself was out of recovery and in a room for the rest of the day. Meanwhile, I had him dead. [emoji44]



So true *CG*!
When DH had scheduled surgery in the same hospital, in the waiting room they have a TV like computer screen, showing each patients progress, where they where... not so in ER!   That might be a good suggestion to the Admin.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Mar 15, 2022)

*Exhale!*

Did you hear that?  Yup, I just gave out the biggest exhale, the breath I didn’t know that I was holding. 

Mom was released from the hospital this afternoon! 

My phone rang as I was on my way over to the hospital to visit with her, “*Come get me*!” 



“I’m on my way right now Mom.” 

Before going into her room, I stopped at the nurses' station for a status update.  Everything looked good except her blood pressure, but that’s for her PCP to deal with.  When I went into the room Mom was dressed and had her shoes on, “*Let’s GO!*”  I gathered up all of her things and collected the necessary paper work.   

The next stop was the pharmacy to pick up two medications for her to take at home.  
Here’s the rub on that though: Mom is directionally challenged and had no idea that the pharmacy that her script was sent to was two towns away from the hospital, where I live. 

Oh well, we’re going for a ride Mom. 

Since we’re around all of the places that we like to eat, aren’t ya hungry Mom?   

“Yeah, I’d really like a cup of soup and half sandwich.” 

HEH!  Today, our favorite soup, salad and sandwich joint has the soup we just love, that’ll work. 

By the time I got Mom all settled in, back into to her apartment, she was pooped!  I asked her to wait for me tomorrow to help her get a bath and get all cleaned up.  I didn’t want her trying that task on her own, not yet anyways. 

_PHEW!_ 

That wasn’t an easy path, but we all made it.


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## taxlady (Mar 16, 2022)

Yay!


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## GinnyPNW (Mar 16, 2022)

Great news, *K-Girl*!


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## Cooking Goddess (Mar 16, 2022)

Glad to hear the good news, K-Girl!


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## Andy M. (Mar 16, 2022)

Great news!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Mar 18, 2022)

Mahalo, thanks everyone.
Today is the first day that I won't be with Mom in a week. 
I feel that she can "handle" on her own, and quite frankly, I think she's tired of having so many people around her at this point.  
Not to mention that I need to just sit and do nothing, worry about nothing, just sit.


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## GinnyPNW (Mar 18, 2022)

Good to hear!  Sit, put your feet up and zone out!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Mar 18, 2022)

*New Experiences For Mom*

Mom had her very first “housekeeping” appointment at her new digs.  Mom has never had a cleaning service before, so I made sure to call her this evening to see how it all went. 
“Great!  For $35 I’m happy that I don’t have to do it.” 

The Senior Living Community that she lives in offers, how shall I say, a la carte services to the residents that they can cherry pick as to what they want and pay for outside of their rent. 

When Mom was still locked up in the hospital, I asked her if she wanted me to call my younger sister to let her know what was going on.  “No, what good is that going to do?  She can’t do anything and would just worry.” 
*shrug*
So during our conversation today, I asked her if she wanted to maybe call her youngest daughter herself. 
“Oh yes, I did that today as a matter of fact.  Your sister said that it was a good thing it wasn’t you calling her or she would have had a meltdown.” 

My sister and I do not get along and no longer speak, at least not on any sort of regular basis, and if I were to call her, she’d know straight off that something bad had happened. 

Upwards and on onwards …


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 5, 2022)

*Back To Some Basics*

*Well!* 

It’s been a while since I’ve posted on the Adventures With Mom thread. 

I seem to recall telling y’all that Mom planned on taking all of her meals in one of the two restaurants in her Senior Living Community, so that she could meet folks. 

That has now changed 

Mom said that the breakfasts and lunches are okay, but dinner really isn’t all that great.  Mainly, she doesn’t care for the way that they prepare their vegetables.  She has now decided that she wants to go back to cooking some for herself.   

Oh and, she’s made oodles of new friends, has joined two *more *of the many activity classes and goes to “the movies” there at her place.  It seems that they convert one of the multi-function rooms into, simply put, a big living room with a ginormous TV.  Every Sunday afternoon they play a “still in theater” movie for the gang.   

Oh wait!  And every evening they serve Wine and Beer (and non-alcohol beverages too) for Happy Hour before dinner starts. 

Wow!

But back to the topic on hand ... 

My Mother does buy a bunch of the frozen pre-made meals from the market, but has only grocery shopped twice in her, what, three months there in her own apartment.  I was talking to her on the telephone in fact today and she scheduled herself to take “The Bus” that the facility provides to “Wally World”. 

“I like Walmart better to get my Marie Callendar.” 



In the meantime, I have collected some of these  


(photo credit Walmart)

Pyrex 2 cup bowls with lids... perfect size to take Mom some of my home cooked foods. 


(Grilled Chicken, Asparagus and oven roasted Potatoes)

I intentionally cook more of the dishes that I know she loves and take those over and fill up her `fridge and freezer.  She said tonight for dinner she’s having my Chicken Enchilada Soup and crackers, “one of my favorites.”  

Ahhhh


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## GinnyPNW (May 6, 2022)

All great news!  I have those bowls too.  I use them for proofing (& freezing) pizza dough balls.  They are great little bowls.  

I'm happy for all 3 of you!


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## Cooking Goddess (May 6, 2022)

K-Girl, I'm so happy for you and your mom that you found such a great place for her that provides so many fun things to do. She has a better social life than I do, and I'm almost jealous. LOL! Not really.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 6, 2022)

GinnyPNW said:


> All great news!  I have those bowls too.  I use them for proofing (& freezing) pizza dough balls.  They are great little bowls.
> 
> I'm happy for all 3 of you!



*Ginny*, I'm going to go back and get more these bowls to take stuff over to Mom's!



Cooking Goddess said:


> K-Girl, I'm so happy for you and your mom that you found such a great place for her that provides so many fun things to do. She has a better social life than I do, and I'm almost jealous. LOL! Not really.



*CG*, Mom is having the time of her life, finally.  And this is what I wanted for her, a place just like this where she's with folks she has alot in common with and socialize!  She has never done this.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 24, 2022)

*Ah, family*

I made mention in another thread, that my sister and her husband were our unexcepted house guests last week.  They were on their way back home to Oklahoma from California.  They were picking up the last of their belongings to bring out to their new home.   

Back story: My sister and I do not get along and very rarely communicate.  Ah, but when an opportunity is set before her, she takes it.  Free room and board.  _*BINGO!*_ 

I got a phone call from a number that I was not familiar with but answered it anyway … my first mistake.

“Hello Sister”, I heard from the other end of the line.  I swear, it sounded like Mom!  I even said, “Mom?”  I heard a choking kind of sound and then a “No, it’s your sister.  We’ll be in your area tomorrow and we’d like to stay at your place.”  That wasn’t a question by the way. 

I said sure, Mom would love to see you. 

The arrangements were made and fresh sheets and towels put out in the guest room.

We took everyone out to linner (late lunch/early dinner) at a new restaurant that everyone loved.  After our meal, we all headed back to our house to sit out back on the patio to visit.  My sister and her husband didn’t take a breath, babbling none stop, so much so, that no one else got a word in edge wise!  

It got to a point that I could tell Mom had had enough by then.  She had that sour look on her face, shaking her head ever so slightly, in disapproval as she’s known to do. 

I had already served dessert, so I said, “Mom, you let DH know when you’re ready to go and he’ll run you home.” 

“I’m ready now.” 



A coupla days later, I went over to Mom’s apartment to do some chores for her and take her to lunch.  Do you think she said anything about my sister’s visit? 

NO! 

I don’t think that Mom is too overly anxious to see those two again any time soon!


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## taxlady (May 24, 2022)

Gotta wonder if sister and b-i-l don't get to socialize much, since they were talking non-stop. I know I talk a lot when I haven't been socializing and finally do. Maybe, other people don't much enjoy their company either.


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## Cooking Goddess (May 24, 2022)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> "...It’s your sister.  We’ll be in your area tomorrow and we’d like to stay at your place.”  That wasn’t a question by the way. ...


Sheesh, the nerve of some people...

Memorize this for next time, if she tries to pull this trick again: "I'm so sorry, but we have the guest room pulled apart and don't have the energy to get it company ready on short notice. We can suggest a few hotels in the area,  however."


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## dragnlaw (May 24, 2022)

LOL ...  you could always claim a Covid fear!  Say you think you might have symptoms again.  You're OK for a meal in a restaurant but staying in the same house might not be good.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 25, 2022)

taxlady said:


> Gotta wonder if sister and b-i-l *don't get to socialize much, since they were talking non-stop*. I know I talk a lot when I haven't been socializing and finally do. Maybe, other people don't much enjoy their company either.



I think you hit the nail on the head *Taxy*!
My sister no longer works and just stays at home by herself out in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma while her husband is a long haul trucker and gone ALOT!  Niether one really interacts with people.



Cooking Goddess said:


> Sheesh, the nerve of some people...
> 
> Memorize this for next time, if she tries to pull this trick again: "I'm so sorry, but we have the guest room pulled apart and don't have the energy to get it company ready on short notice. *We can suggest a few hotels in the area,  however.*"



BAHAHA!!!
RIGHT *CG*?!
That really upset me, but I can't deny my Mother seeing her daughter.
Mrs. Next Door Neighbor was so mad at me, she told me what you have to said was "Oh that timeframe just won't work for us, but there's a lovely Hampton Inn in town."




dragnlaw said:


> LOL ...  you could always claim a *Covid fear*!  Say you think you might have symptoms again.  You're OK for a meal in a restaurant but staying in the same house might not be good.



I'd hate to tell a lie, butcha know *dragn*, there's always that possibility that I was exposed when I went to Bingo last Tuesday.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 25, 2022)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Sheesh, the nerve of some people...
> 
> Memorize this for next time, if she tries to pull this trick again: "I'm so sorry, but *we have the guest room pulled apart* and don't have the energy to get it company ready on short notice. We can suggest a few hotels in the area,  however."



Hang on, hang on ... DH and I were just talking about downsizing even farther to a 1 bedroom, 1 bath condo ... that would eliminate that possibility of unexcepted or any guest for that matter!!!


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## dragnlaw (May 25, 2022)

dragnlaw said:


> LOL ...  * you think you might have *symptoms again.



I'd hate to tell a lie, butcha know *dragn*, there's *always that possibility that* I was exposed when I went to Bingo last Tuesday.
[/QUOTE]

Those are not lies!  They are possibilities!



Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Hang on, hang on ... DH and I were just talking about downsizing even farther to a 1 bedroom, 1 bath condo ... that would eliminate that possibility of unexcepted *or any guest for that matter!!! *



*Hey! I had my bag packed!*


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 25, 2022)

dragnlaw said:


> I'd hate to tell a lie, butcha know *dragn*, there's *always that possibility that* I was exposed when I went to Bingo last Tuesday.



Those are not lies!  They are possibilities!



*Hey! I had my bag packed!*[/QUOTE]

BAHAHAHAHA!


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## GinnyPNW (May 25, 2022)

You really don't have to go thru the expense and hassle of moving!!  Just get rid of the guest bed and repurpose that bedroom.  I'm sure we can "pitch in" with all sorts of ideas for what to do with the room!  I'll start!

1 - You do a lot of creative stuff...make it a craft room.  
2 - A home gym
3 - (My personal favorite), A hydroponic garden room!  Grow your own salads, veggie, flowers...

Whose next?


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## dragnlaw (May 25, 2022)

I 2nd Ginny's - #1 & #3...  

 #2, well, I'm a bit of a couch potato. 

Sorry, can't come up with anything better!

and actually when they do want to come you can tell them to bring sleeping bags for the living room floor....


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## GinnyPNW (May 25, 2022)

dragnlaw said:


> I 2nd Ginny's - #1 & #3...
> 
> #2, well, I'm a bit of a couch potato.
> 
> ...



Ooooh...that's a good idea!  Then mention the optional hotel room...


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## dragnlaw (May 25, 2022)

and be sure to mention there is NO pull out couch.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 25, 2022)

*Ginny *and *dragn*, you two gals slay me! 

Yes, I have thought about doing away with the guest room furniture all together, but I do use that dresser for off season clothes 
And I would really like to turn it into my craft room, DH & I have talked about that.
But then if I didn't have that guest room, if we needed to have Mom stay with us for a time she won't have a place.

And yes, I have told my sister in the past that she needed to bring a sleeping bag, since I got rid of the Aero Beds.  And damned if her and her husband didn't have sleeping bags with them ... damn free loaders! 

Just as a side note: DH & I stayed her my sister's apartment when she lived in Los Angeles ... we could only handle 1 night and had to leave ... it was disgustingly FILTHY!!!  
And I don't not call this thing that is her husband my brother in law, he passed away about 10 years ago quite suddenly.  Mom and DH feels the same way.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 31, 2022)

*And The Fun Just Keeps On Comin’*

I went over to my Mother’s apartment with some goodies for her. 

As I was putting them away in her cupboard, I found an opened jar of Mayonnaise, as well a jar of that Three Bean Salad that I made for her awhiles back. 

It took all of my patience not to have a kitten!  OH MY GAWD!! MOM! 

Calmly, I pulled these two obviously spoiled containers of food out from the cupboard and asked …  

Mom, why do you have these opened jars of Mayo and Three Bean Salad stored outside of the refrigerator? 

Her reply was, “Oh, well they’re okay.” 

Umm, *NO!* 

The Three Bean Salad was “fizzy” and the Mayo was turning an unusual color. 



“Mom, we don’t store food this way.  In the future, once something is opened it goes in the `fridge, okay?” 

Mom just looked at me with a puzzled look on her face, “If you say so honey.” 

I dumped the Salad down the garbage disposal and washed out my wide mouth Mason jar to take home.  I took the whole jar of Mayonnaise to the trash chute. 

When I got home and told DH about all of this he said, “Ya know, I’d bet you that’s why she got so terribly sick and wound up in the hospital.  You’d better be going over to her place more often and checking her food situation.” 

GEEZ! 

So, I have been making unscheduled visits to Mom’s place, explaining that I was in the area running an errand and thought I’d pop by to say hello.  

So far so good.


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## Andy M. (May 31, 2022)

Yikes!


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## dragnlaw (May 31, 2022)

oh boy, that's actually scary! 

 3 bean salad and mayo don't go bad easily (I assume it's not homemade mayo?).  They must have been in there for awhile...  yechh

You're gonna have to keep reminding her...  "Mom, I see you have a new jar of - whatever - that's nice,  but don't forget you have to put it in the fridge after you open it!"

Think that might become your Mantra?


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## Andy M. (May 31, 2022)

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I went over to my Mother’s apartment with some goodies for her.
> 
> As I was putting them away in her cupboard, I found an opened jar of Mayonnaise, as well a jar of that Three Bean Salad that I made for her awhiles back.
> 
> ...



I can commiserate. I have an 86 YO sister with dementia. She doesn't get along with technology. She has TVs throughout her home: living room, kitchen, den and BR. Sh is always pressing the INPUT button on the remote instead of the volume button. That causes her to lose her feed. She calls me and curses the TV. Having fixed this for her several times, I explain that she presses the wrong button and that's why this happens. Her response is always the same: Why do you always blame me?

The other day it was her cordless phone. She called on her cell complaining that she hated he house phone it wasn't working. Her neighbor found a handset still on in her closet. 

I try to be kind but I want to scream!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 31, 2022)

Andy M. said:


> *Yikes*!



YUP! 



dragnlaw said:


> oh boy, that's actually scary!
> 
> 3 bean salad and mayo don't go bad easily (I assume it's not homemade mayo?).  They must have been in there for awhile...  yechh
> 
> ...



*dragn*, I don't want to sound like a broken record or a nag, so it's probably best that I just "drop by" and check on things.
Also, since DH has become Mom's personal financial guru (he watches out for all of her accounts, pays her bills, etc. all online, which Mom couldn't figure out), we know when she's spent any money and what it was for.  So I can easily say, "so Mom, you got a new jar of XYZ? Don't forget to put that in the `fridge." 



Andy M. said:


> I can commiserate. I have an 86 YO sister with dementia. She doesn't get along with technology. She has TVs throughout her home: living room, kitchen, den and BR. Sh is always pressing the INPUT button on the remote instead of the volume button. That causes her to lose her feed. She calls me and curses the TV. Having fixed this for her several times, I explain that she presses the wrong button and that's why this happens. Her response is always the same: Why do you always blame me?
> 
> The other day it was her cordless phone. She called on her cell complaining that she hated he house phone it wasn't working. Her neighbor found a handset still on in her closet.
> 
> *I try to be kind but I want to scream!*



*Andy*, that's how I feel all the time, although, it is alot better that she now _does __not _live with us.

She was having so many problems that she couldn't deal with when she lived in California ... and it's not like I can just pop by and fix them, what living a 9 1/2 hour drive away.

My sister told me when she was recently here visiting that she was so glad that we moved her out here, nearer to us.  She lived only 2 hours away from Mom in Cali, but who did Mom rely on?
US!!!


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## Cooking Goddess (May 31, 2022)

I feel so bad for those of you dealing with family members with memory issues. My Mom developed immediate short term memory issues after a surgical misshap when she had bypass surgery at age 70. While she did learn to adapt and did better over time, she was still never as sharp as before the surgery. It was hard on both of us..

I've told Loverly that if I ever have serious memory issues, just take me for a long walk into the woods...then run like crazy and leave me behind. LOL! Fortunately, she keeps telling me that she would never do that. So far...


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## Andy M. (May 31, 2022)

Cooking Goddess said:


> ...I've told Loverly that if I ever have serious memory issues, just take me for a long walk into the woods...then run like crazy and leave me behind. LOL! Fortunately, _*she keeps telling me that she would never do that.*_ So far...





At least that's what she tells you.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (May 31, 2022)

Cooking Goddess said:


> I feel so bad for those of you dealing with family members with memory issues. My Mom developed immediate short term memory issues after a surgical misshap when she had bypass surgery at age 70. While she did learn to adapt and did better over time, she was still never as sharp as before the surgery. It was hard on both of us..
> 
> I've told Loverly that if I ever have serious memory issues, just take me for a long walk into the woods...then run like crazy and leave me behind. LOL! Fortunately, she keeps telling me that she would never do that. So far...



Heh, ya neva know, maybe Goober will take you for a walk


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## dragnlaw (May 31, 2022)

LOL, my thoughts exactly Andy! 

I'm very glad I don't have to deal with things like that, I so feel for you all.  

I'm also very aware that it's going to perhaps be *me* on that end of the stick.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Jul 30, 2022)

*Five Month Marker In Mom’s New Digs*

Yup, it’s been a little more than five months since Mom moved into her on apartment and has been doing pretty well I’d say. 

I was headed to her apartment the other day and got into the elevator with the facilities Executive Chef, Robert, very nice guy.  
I said, “My Mother really is enjoying your food compared to mine, except for the vegetables.  She told me that they’re cooked to long.”  
Robert said that this is a struggle for him, as they’re either too tough or to mushy for folks here, it’s a balancing act for him.  
In fact, today he’s putting on a Luau as the dinner special. 
Mom said that they’ve got up decorations, giving out plastic flower leis and one of the gals from the front office who is also from Hawaii will be entertaining the folks with music and hula with her halau (hula troop)! 

Of course, there is a small fly in the ointment.  
Mom has been using the community bus that runs every Monday, Wednesday and Friday to the various stores in the area.  
Mom hates, I mean detests grocery shopping.  
Now mind you, when she lived with us, she went each and every time with me that I went and loved it, so I offered to take her myself and then run some other errands that she needed to do.  
I have made mention to Mom several times that she could have her groceries delivered, but all she kept saying was “I can’t remember my password for Krogers.”  (aka Fry’s in the West) *shrug*  

As we were shopping for her the other day, she was complaining about something or another and I said, “Ya know Mom, I think this is your last time grocery shopping.  Let me order everything for you online and have it delivered.”  
Her response, “okay”  
Mom is having some mobility issues and I think walking that much is too painful for her, but won’t say anything. 

So, I spent today putting together a “list” online of all of the items that she has purchased in the past, which wasn’t much since I bring her homemade food or take her out to eat... but I think I’ve got this wired.  
I have all of her credit card info that she had given me years ago to pay for things for her; I’ll simply check in with her maybe once a week, see what she’s out of.   

When I dropped Mom back off at her apartment the other day, I went over to the front desk to inquire as to how it works with grocery deliveries.  
_Man, this is sweet! _ 
All deliveries are brought to the front desk and the complementary Valet will bring them up to her!!!!  
In my book, that’s a win-win for everyone!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Aug 7, 2022)

The last time I dropped Mom off at her apartment after a “it’s all about Mom day”, I gave her a big hug and *MAN!*  She has lost some more weight and not in a good way. 

I could feel every single bloody bone on her, she’s _way _too thin! 

I told DH when I got home and we’ve come to the conclusion that I need to make sure that she’s eating, `cuz I know damn well she’s not.  When I was putting away here groceries, she only had snack types of foods.  Crackers, Cookies, Ice Cream – junk basically. 

What I’m going to do from now on is make a lot and I mean a lot more prepared meals myself for her, the kind I know she likes and will eat by simply putting into the microwave oven.  



 I found some great what I’m calling Bento Box style containers at of all places, the Dollar Store!  I got 2 of each of these different styles for $1.25USD.  They’re pretty sturdy and it seems as though Mom could wash these in the top rack of our automatic dish washer and we could use them several times. 



I’m deliberately making extra of each of our meals for her. 



The other night I made a huge favorite for all of us, Zippy’s (a favorite restaurant back home in Hawaii-I bring back the Chili frozen) Chili Frank Plate Deluxe.  I called Mom the following morning and said “I have to come into town later this afternoon and I want to drop off dinner for you.”  Just a quick drive by. 

The next day I called her just to check in on her and she said she didn’t wait for dinner, she ate half of her bento box for lunch and the other later for dinner, “that was so good baby, you know what I like.”  Yes, why yes I do mommy. 

Also, she loves to go out to eat and we have so many mom & pop types of places here in Cowboyville and she’s loved each and every one that I’ve taken her to.   

I made up a list of different restaurants to take Mom to and we haven’t even made a small dent in the list.  On top of that, my Neighborhood Gal Pals adore Mom and love to go out to linner (late lunch/early dinner) with “Ruth”, this is what they call her. 

Oh, wait … I didn’t tell you that story. 

Mister Next Door Neighbor is extremely hard of hearing.  When he was first introduced to my Mother, he insisted that her name was Ruth and still calls her this... it’s become a real giggle for all of us and Mom is a good sport and goes along with him... her name is not Ruth by the way. 

… and the adventure continues.


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## GinnyPNW (Aug 7, 2022)

Bless you for being an observant daughter and stepping up, yet again!  You're adding bricks to your mansion in Heaven!


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Aug 19, 2022)

*Yeah, Great!*

My phone rang last week and it was Mom, she rarely calls me!  
“I’m sick again”.  
I called her PCP and got Mom into to see her, no ER this time thank you.  
She did some labs and come to find out Mom hasn’t been taking her medication for GERD.  She decided on her own to stop taking it, “I’m fine.”  Well, no she’s not.  
It was so bad that she was sick for 2 days.  On top of all of this, she had a UTI and needed to take anti-biotics for a weeks course. 

SO! 

We got her all squared away. 

I got an email from Mom, again something she doesn’t do, saying that she promised to not call me again about being sick.  I responded to her by assuring her she can call me any time, for anything!! 

Now here we are a week later and my phone rings again. 

“Can you still go grocery shopping for me?”  
I had offered many times to order her groceries online, pay for it with her credit card and I could pick it up and bring it over.  She has mobility issues and frankly hates to grocery shop.   

Sure Mom, let me get a pen. 

Once she had given me her order, she then said that she had been in bed so sick from “those pills that lady doctor gave me, I never want to take those again!”  
She had been ill the entire week and didn’t tell me, it was all I could do to keep my cool with her on the phone.  
I was madder at myself for not checking up on her during that week!  
I got busy and it seems to me that Mom is capable to deal with what she needs to … obviously not!   

“*MOM*!  _Why _didn’t you call me and tell me or for that matter call your PCP?!” 

Well, that’s water under the bridge now, she says she’s fine, but I’m going over to her apartment tomorrow to take her groceries and check up on her. 

DH and I just had a very long discussion about Mom, and granted, she does not quality for Assisted Living, yet.  She can still preform her daily needs like, personal hygiene, getting up and down from the bed/chair/etc, feeding herself, those types of things.  I just need to be checking on her more often, because she’s not telling me things.   

I’m over whelmed ...


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## taxlady (Aug 19, 2022)

When my mum was in assisted living, the place had many different levels of assistance. Some people got all sorts of care. Other people made their own meals most of the time, but had a meal in the dining room when they didn't feel like cooking or felt more social. They were mostly there so they wouldn't have to move when they eventually would need more care.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Aug 21, 2022)

taxlady said:


> When my mum was in assisted living, the place had many different levels of assistance. Some people got all sorts of care. Other people made their own meals most of the time, but had a meal in the dining room when they didn't feel like cooking or felt more social. They were mostly there so they wouldn't have to move when they eventually would need more care.



That's how Mom's place is too.
I think she'll do fine, for now, I just need to check up on her more often.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Sep 11, 2022)

*It’s Been One Year!*

Can you believe it?  We moved my Mother out of California and closer to us here in Arizona a year ago, WOW!   

She’s been living on her own again for 7 months and so far, so good.  We’ve had a few hiccups along the way, but all-in-all I think it’s a good thing. 

I finally convinced Mom to let me order her groceries and necessities online, pay for them with her credit card, I do a curbside pick-up, take them over to her apartment and put them all away for her.  Which is what we did today.  

*Side note: she was a little light on the grocery list she gave me the other day, mainly `cuz I had snooped again in her larder and knew she needed a bit more food than what she thought 

DH came with me this time and he was just amazed at how efficient this works out to be. 

“You mean that you just pull in, pop the back gate and they put your order in the car for you?  WOW!  Why don’t you do this for us?” 

Well, he seems to forget that when we were ill, I did do that, but not now.  I enjoy grocery shopping. 

As we were putting her things away today, DH was saying to Mom how great it is to have this service. 

Mom got super animated, “YES!  It’s really for people for like me who HATE to shop, I hate it!”   

I could take it a step farther, if need be, and have her groceries delivered to the Senior Community for free.  Walmart will bring her groceries to the front desk and the Valet will bring them up to her apartment... she doesn’t have to do anything but put them away! 

If for some reason I couldn’t bring her order to her, then for sure I’d utilize Walmart.  The Kroger’s that she likes charges $9.95 to deliver – no thanks – curbside pick though is free.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 12, 2022)

Been awhile ...

Well, I caved.

Mom needed a grocery run, but what with all the chaos we’ve got going on with poor DH’s heart issues, I just had to do a delivery order for Mom.

She’s not exactly computer savvy and she *HATES *to grocery shop ---  as I’ve mentioned before, it’s more of a mobility issue that she has and refuses to admit to.

I was a bit leery of using the local Kroger’s for her order, but the items that she had requested were better attainable from Fry’s aka Kroger’s.

The delivery vehicle if you will was Instacart and I’m not super familiar with them, but here goes.
I placed the order online with Kroger’s and set up the delivery time for early afternoon for her convenience.

I received text messages along the way, updating me as to the progress of the order, substitutions, etc. 

Her groceries were delivered promptly to the Senior Community’s front desk and the staff took her things up to her apartment at no charge to her --- _DONE_!

Granted, we paid an extra $9.95 + tip to the Instacart driver for this service, but given the circumstance, it was well worth it.


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## dragnlaw (Dec 13, 2022)

At least you know you can be satisfied it went without a hiccup.  You can still do the Walmart thing - when you have time .

The Kroger thing is probably worth that extra $10. in your time.


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 17, 2022)

You said it @dragnlaw !!! 
I could have ordered from Walmart and had it delivered for free, but the things that she wanted, they don't carry ... so ...


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## Kaneohegirlinaz (Dec 17, 2022)

Mom’s birthday was yesterday, and what with all of this S#!+ that DH and I have been going through, Mom said, “Let’s reschedule this entire month for a better time.”   

We had made planed to take Mom out to a lovely linner (late lunch/early dinner) but DH is sick, and we didn’t want to spread his germs around.  I mean it’s bad enough that I have to fight them off! 
Both DH and I felt just awful that we couldn’t celebrate her day with her, but she said that she had made alternate plans with her friends. 

I just _couldn’t _let the day go by without going over to Mom ‘s place to wish her a Happy Birthday in person.  So, I gathered up her gifts (See’s Candies Molasses Chips and that cute Gnome I bought) along with a flower arrangement that I made for her.  I “masked up” and stood outside her door, a good eight feet away in the hallway, knocked on her door and started singing “Happy Birthday” to her. 

A bunch of folks came out of the adjoining apartments and clapped when I was finished and wished Mom a Happy Birthday as well. 
Mom was tickled! 

She opened her gifts, we chatted for a bit, but her favorite part of the visit was the food that I had brought her.  Mom had requested my Stuffing Casserole made with Portuguese Sausage aka Linguica that I them make into Stuffin’ Muffins that are frozen to later consumption.   That with a fried Egg and that’s a meal!  (I brought her other things as well )

Hauoli la hanau Mommy!!


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