# What to do with a whiny husband??



## PolishedTopaz (Jan 25, 2012)

*Seriously Major WHINER!!!! No matter what I cook, method, style, protien, veg, starch. Honestly he is the reason I stopped cooking for 4+ years! *

* *
**
**
**

*What would you do???*


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## Claire (Jan 25, 2012)

Hmmm... wish I had a solution.  Yours, of not cooking, is the only one I know of.  You're not going to change him.  Have friends over when you want to cook.  I've been in that situation, as has at least one friend of mine over the many years.  No point in banging your head against a wall, that after 5 years, you know isn't going to give.  Concentrate on other areas of your marriage, and tell him if your food isn't good enough for him, go for it.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 25, 2012)

$5 million double indemnity clause in the life insurance.  I only collect if Shrek dies of asphyxiation on goose down during a full moon.

Cook for you!  He's a big boy, if he doesn't like what you fix he knows where the fridge and stove are.


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## Kayelle (Jan 25, 2012)

I feel for you as I don't think I could cook for someone who didn't appreciate it. You must feel very intimidated, but as hard as it must be, I'd turn a deaf ear to his whining and cook what you want to eat.  He's a big boy who is capable of getting out the milk and a box of cereal, or he can always learn to cook what he likes.


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## Dawgluver (Jan 25, 2012)

DH has been fancying himself somewhat of a food critic of late ("it needs something, it's not very good, I don't like it").  Fine.  He fends for himself.  And he always ends up eating what I made in the first place, no complaints, and comes back for more.   It's nice to hear compliments, but if you like it, and invite him to eat it and he doesn't, tough noogies.  Cereal it is.

Polished T,  you are a wonderful cook!  Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!  WE know!


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## Zereh (Jan 25, 2012)

I don't have time for ungrateful and mean people. There's no way I'd ever be able to have a battle about or over _food_ with an ADULT every day of the week. I'd kick his sorry ass to the curb ... <3 but that's just how I am.


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## Claire (Jan 25, 2012)

I'm laughing at this.  I started to answer and deleted and re-wrote it.  Was afraid it wasn't nice enough.  My first marriage (at age 19) was very short lived, and although that wasn't the primary reason, I swore I'd never marry a man who had no appreciation of good food!  More specifically, MY good food I may have lacked self-confidence otherwise, but not in my cooking).  Married to a man who's been eating my food for 30+ years, but also knows when I need a grand meal out or just to get out of the kitchen.  In 30 years, you know I've had a few disasters (hubby claims only two, but I can think of a few others!), but we laugh at them together.

I don't know how long you've been married, but hubby and I had one pre-nup.  S/He who is doing the job, is doing it right; PERIOD.  You don't think I'm doing it right, here's the stove (washer/dryer, mop, job), go for it.  

Fiona said what I did in that first (cancelled) answer (what else is new, have we ever disagreed):  Divorce or Murder!


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## chopper (Jan 25, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:
			
		

> Seriously Major WHINER!!!! No matter what I cook, method, style, protien, veg, starch. Honestly he is the reason I stopped cooking for 4+ years!
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Teach him to cook!  Then cook and eat what you like. You could let him take you out to places where he likes to eat  too.


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## TATTRAT (Jan 25, 2012)

If he doesn't like what YOU prepare, tell him he is on his own. For real.


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 25, 2012)

chopper said:


> Teach him to cook! Then cook and eat what you like. You could let him take you out to places where he likes to eat too.


 
 He managed to make raw and burnt eggs over easy in the same dish with the same eggs. A real accomplishment  Even he didn't eat them.


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## chopper (Jan 25, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:
			
		

> He managed to make raw and burnt eggs over easy in the same dish with the same eggs. A real accomplishment  Even he didn't eat them.



Did you eat them and say they were great so he would cook again???


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## chopper (Jan 25, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:
			
		

> He managed to make raw and burnt eggs over easy in the same dish with the same eggs. A real accomplishment  Even he didn't eat them.



When my kids were boy scouts they were good cooks but some of the other boys struggled. My favorite was when my son came home from a campout talking about "Oreo pancakes."; black on the outside, and still creamy in the inside.


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## Whiskadoodle (Jan 26, 2012)

I so want to reply to this thread. Because we all may have experienced this kind of thing in one way or another.  All I can say is if you didn't cook for 4 years,  don't wait so long next time.  Hand him the spoon as soon as he  opens his yap.  Or turn up the volume on the kitchen radio.   I have little wiggle room to talk tho.  We got divorced, and it's been so long, I forget why, probably didn't just involve whining.  We have learned a little bit about tolerance over the years, and can at least be in the same kitchen together,  and even put together parts of the same dish.  It's more productive and less elbows if we work at separate counters or at opposite ends of the table.   I hope the Lip Service never quits, from either of us.


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## CWS4322 (Jan 26, 2012)

Well...the nice side of me says sit down on Sunday afternoons and plan the week's menu as a "team" activity. The mean side of me says "boot his arse" to the curb or tell him he's in charge of cooking and grocery shopping.


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 26, 2012)

Kayelle said:


> I feel for you as I don't think I could cook for someone who didn't appreciate it. You must feel very intimidated, but as hard as it must be, I'd turn a deaf ear to his whining and cook what you want to eat. He's a big boy who is capable of getting out the milk and a box of cereal, or he can always learn to cook what he likes.


 
*I'm not intimidated, I Am Frustrated! And I do cook what I like, I laid down the law a week or so ago and said "Look.......it is rude to complain when someone cooks for you. I don't like it. It hurts my feelings. So KNOCK IT OFF, period" It worked well until last night. The thought and planning that went into the meal I cooked {not to mention the arguing with the manager at the supermarket} just pushed me over the edge for a minute.*
*The bright side......DD helped me cook {twas her BD dinner} and ate every bite.*


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## buckytom (Jan 26, 2012)

Zereh said:


> I don't have time for ungrateful and mean people...I'd kick his sorry ass to the curb ... <3 but that's just how I am.



lol, isn't that being mean?  



i find it funny how mean women get when they're ability to be caretakers is doubted (deserved or not).

sort of a self fulfilling thing.

i wonder, does anyone celebrate march 14th, valentines day for guys?


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

My first husband was a pro chef. We had one rule. Whoever cooks, no complaints and the one not cooking, cleans up. It worked for the whole marriage. Fortunately I learned to cook as a child so did not come into the marriage empty headed. 

Husband #2 was so grateful after being married to a Freezer Queen and eating food cooked on a fishing vessel for many years, no matter what I cooked, he thought was gourmet food. Even scratch pancakes were like heaven's clouds to him. He was a joy to cook for. In turn, he taught me how to filet a fish so there was minimal flesh on the frame when I was done. He also taught me a couple of shrimp dishes. 

Oddly enough I outlived both husbands.


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## Zereh (Jan 26, 2012)

buckytom said:


> lol, isn't that being mean?
> 
> i find it funny how mean women get when they're ability to be caretakers is doubted (deserved or not).
> 
> ...



There is absolutely nothing wrong with standing up for oneself. Nor for  drawing a line in the sand about what's acceptable and what's not. 

If you were being criticized for your work, in a similar manner, I'm sure you'd most certainly find a way to end it. Or you'd find a new job.


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## buckytom (Jan 26, 2012)

you missed the point of getting mean because you were critcized for not being nice. aww, forget it. 

but i wouldn't be bitter about it, and then proud of the fact that i simply had self respect. you don't have to be an ass to stand up for yourself. it can be done gracefully, internally. that's what counts, not the drama.


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## Al Pine (Jan 26, 2012)

Toss him some cheese, to go with his whine.

In all seriousness; don't do anything for him. If you can, eat a bigger meal at 
lunchtime, then for dinner just have a couple of Apples, or Oranges, or
Bananas, with some Cottage Cheese, and maybe some Carrot sticks.
When he gets hungry enough he'll figure out how to fix something for himself.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 26, 2012)

My dear departed mother used to have a little phrase that she used. 

_*Shut up and eat it!!!!!!!!!!!*_ 

It always worked for her and I am sure it will work for you!


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## bakechef (Jan 26, 2012)

I have to ask my partner if he likes something, he'll eat just about anything, even things he doesn't like.  I have to ask him, because I don't want to keep making something that he doesn't like.  

My mom made beets a couple times a week thinking that my dad liked them, dad didn't like them at all, but ate them anyway, until he just couldn't do it anymore and said something.  Mom was grateful because she didn't like eating them either!

I have the advantage that his mother and his previous relationship are both terrible cooks.  

If I had to deal with that, I would have likely lost my cool before now!


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

Aunt Bea said:


> My dear departed mother used to have a little phrase that she used.
> 
> _*Shut up and eat it!!!!!!!!!!!*_
> 
> It always worked for her and I am sure it will work for you!


 
Good one!


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## SherryDAmore (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *I'm not intimidated, I Am Frustrated! And I do cook what I like, I laid down the law a week or so ago and said "Look.......it is rude to complain when someone cooks for you. I don't like it. It hurts my feelings. So KNOCK IT OFF, period" It worked well until last night. The thought and planning that went into the meal I cooked {not to mention the arguing with the manager at the supermarket} just pushed me over the edge for a minute.*
> *The bright side......DD helped me cook {twas her BD dinner} and ate every bite.*


 
Many years ago, my stepfather, complained to my mother frequently about the food she made.  Mama was a pretty good cook, and took pride in what she made. Dad just kept fussing.   

I had gone over to visit, but had already eaten so when they sat down to dinner, and Dad started complaining, Mom smiled, said "You're absolutely right!" picked up the plates and scraped them into the trash and walked out of the room.  Dad was _stunned!! _So was I!  

Daddy never complained again.  Ever.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

SherryDAmore said:


> Many years ago, my stepfather, complained to my mother frequently about the food she made.  Mama was a pretty good cook, and took pride in what she made. Dad just kept fussing.
> 
> I had gone over to visit, but had already eaten so when they sat down to dinner, and Dad started complaining, Mom smiled, said "You're absolutely right!" picked up the plates and scraped them into the trash and walked out of the room.  Dad was _stunned!! _So was I!
> 
> Daddy never complained again.  Ever.



Oooh!  I like!


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## Bolas De Fraile (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *Seriously Major WHINER!!!! No matter what I cook, method, style, protien, veg, starch. Honestly he is the reason I stopped cooking for 4+ years! *
> 
> * *
> **
> ...


Women are not unknown to me, as a brit and therefore in touch with my feminine  side i have ruminated over your prob for the last 10 mins.
Solution, kick him in the bolas.


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## Timothy (Jan 26, 2012)

I think Sherry's solution is the best of all. When I was a youngster, my Dad had a statement he made if any of us children complained about the food; "You've just finished your meal...Go to your room until the rest of us are done." 

He meant it too. We had to get up, go to our room and stay there until the meal was finished and do without food until the next meal.

He served the plates and you were finished when your plate was empty, not before. 

Polished Topaz, I would strongly suggest that you use Sherry's advice. As soon as he complains, pick up his plate and dump it into the trash. Tell him he just finished eating!

Then, don't serve him again. Fix your own plate and sit down and start eating. Unless he's an idiot, he'll get the point.


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## CraigC (Jan 26, 2012)

"Surprise" him with his favorite take-out and "adjust" the seasoning in his portion! Exlax is your friend. J/k Cook something for yourself and leave him the exact same raw ingredients. Tell him he can cook them however it suits him because he obviously doesn't like your preparation.

Craig


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 26, 2012)

Have you heard of the Visine version of this trick?? Awesome way to get rid of a pesky patron at a bar.


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## Timothy (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> Have you heard of the Visine version of this trick?? Awesome way to get rid of a pesky patron at a bar.


 
I don't know what "trick" you're reffering to. ????


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## Sir_Loin_of_Beef (Jan 26, 2012)

*SIMPLE SOLUTION*


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 26, 2012)

Timothy said:


> I don't know what "trick" you're reffering to. ????


 

*AHHHHH Grasshoppa....a squirt of about a 1/4 of the small bottle of visine in a drink, or food. And you will see your "target" run for the facilities ASAP! Picture a dog drinking salt water at the beach, and how fast it runs for the dunes. Same thing, saline, same results.*


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## Timothy (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *AHHHHH Grasshoppa....a squirt of about a 1/4 of the small bottle of visine in a drink, or food. And you will see your "target" run for the facilities ASAP! Picture a dog drinking salt water at the beach, and how fast it runs for the dunes. Same thing, saline, same results.*


 
I've never heard of that one! Thanks for the explanation Master Po!


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## CharlieD (Jan 26, 2012)

Remember that movie with, ah, I never remeber names of actors/actreses, well, the two girls... Fried green tomatoes...


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## CharlieD (Jan 26, 2012)

What I was trying to say is, becasue I did not like my dw cooking, it is I who cooks for the last 16 years. She doesn't complain. Awesome.


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## Steve Kroll (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *Seriously Major WHINER!!!! No matter what I cook, method, style, protien, veg, starch. Honestly he is the reason I stopped cooking for 4+ years! *
> ...
> *What would you do???*


Did you ever see that movie "Arsenic and Old Lace"? Maybe he just needs a little Elderberry Wine.


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## CharlieD (Jan 26, 2012)

In all the truth I do not mind constructive criticism. If you do not like what I make you have to tell me what it is that you do not like so next time I won’t do the same thing. If you simply complain for the sake of complaining, that I cannot stand.


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## Rocklobster (Jan 26, 2012)

It's not your job to make him happy at all costs. You try and that's enough. If he doesn't like what you prepare, then he can either make his own or go without. He should appreciate your efforts...


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## roadfix (Jan 26, 2012)

He needs a time out.


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## taxlady (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> Have you heard of the Visine version of this trick?? Awesome way to get rid of a pesky patron at a bar.



I had to Google. It turns out it isn't very funny.

snopes.com: Visine Prank


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## CharlieD (Jan 26, 2012)

I say at least rent and watch Green Fried Tomatoes with you DH, and at the appropriate moment look at him and just say hmmm..., and we asks you what you just say, nothing, nothing dearrr.


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## Kayelle (Jan 26, 2012)

taxlady said:


> I had to Google. It turns out it isn't very funny.
> 
> snopes.com: Visine Prank



Ykies TL..........no kidding!!  Thanks for the warning, I hope everyone reads that !!


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## CWS4322 (Jan 26, 2012)

Bolas De Fraile said:


> Women are not unknown to me, as a brit and therefore in touch with my feminine  side i have ruminated over your prob for the last 10 mins.
> Solution, kick him in the bolas.


as you pick up his plate and dump it in the trash. Just make sure you haven't prepared a top-of-the-line cut of beef...or fish it out later after he's gone to a local take-out joint and feed it to the dog (or cat, or chickens). I bet the fill-in-the-blank critter would not complain.


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## SherryDAmore (Jan 26, 2012)

As amusing as it is to consider doing something vile and punitive to your husband (and I confess I have given it some thought for my husband on occasion, but once I realized how dreadful the lighting is on "Court TV' for a woman my age - well that was the end of that) I wouldn't recommend it.  

I don't want to go all psychobabbly on you, BUT it sounds as though it's more of a power play than actual objection to your food.  No one can be _that _picky/whiny.  Your reaction to it,  is I suspect, what gets a rise, (I know it did with my mom) but if you can, try to see it as funny and childish. 

Agreeing with him and dumping his plate is one way.  

Or, if you are clever, "mishear" him, and answer with something sweet (when the arrow doesn't hit it's target, it usually doesn't get reshot.

Or make your dinner, assure him he won't like it, but he's free to make whatever he thinks he would like.  And make sure your dinner is fabulous, and again, be sweet and "helpful."  You can do this.  You just have to change the way you think.


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 26, 2012)

taxlady said:


> I had to Google. It turns out it isn't very funny.
> 
> snopes.com: Visine Prank


 
*Well geeezze I guess I should get that life insurance policy that Fiona was talking about first. *
*But seriously I would never do that to someone even before I saw all that info on Snopes. Venting here did help alot. *


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

I am curious. What did he eat for the four years you stopped cooking?


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## Dawgluver (Jan 26, 2012)

I'm so glad DD enjoyed her wonderful birthday meal, Polished T!    Obviously made with love and great care.  DH may need some intensive social skills instruction, or an evaluation of his sense of taste!  Turning down steak au poivre?!?!  Maybe a psychiatric eval!


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## MrsLMB (Jan 26, 2012)

You might try involving him.  Ask him what sounds good, take him shopping with you and encourage him to choose something.  Then ask for his help in the kitchen for preparation.  Ask him, while eating, "what should I change about this next time we have it?"

All of these things helped my situation years ago.  And today we work more as a team and he is very happy to choose meals and make suggestions on the prep.

There are times when he likes something I don't and the other way around but that's no problem either ... once in a while we make our own favorite thing .. that way we are both happy without forcing the other to endure a miserable meal.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *Well geeezze I guess I should get that life insurance policy that Fiona was talking about first. *
> *But seriously I would never do that to someone even before I saw all that info on Snopes. Venting here did help alot. *




I showed Shrek a catalog with Goose Down Pillows, told him we really needed to get them, he just cracked up.  He already knows about the Insurance policy, good thing he has a sense of humor...he must, he married me...


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## babetoo (Jan 26, 2012)

my first husband had a very, very narrow range of what he would eat. mostly meat , potatoes and corn. i just gave it to him. my second husband thought i was a great cook and ate everything i made. he turned out to be a really bad guy. you never know.


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## Alix (Jan 26, 2012)

Awww PT, that would really be hard to live with. I'm sure he has lots of other wonderful qualities or you wouldn't have married him. 

As frustrating as it is, I would suspect some other cause for his whining. He's obviously GETTING your attention when he whines. Maybe he needs your attention and he's internalized this is a good way to get it? Does dinner happen at roughly the same time every day? Does he get a chance to decompress after work? 

OK, if none of that is helpful, a nice big shot of whiskey or bourbon as an aperitif might make your meals more palatable to him. If not, take the shot yourself! Then his whining won't bug you so much!


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 26, 2012)

*I yelled at him tonight when he first came home, demanded and recieved an apology. Heartfelt or not I feel better for getting it. DD gave him a dose too  *
*If I had adressed him about it last night .........well it woulda got really nasty. And would have spoiled kids BD, couldn't have lived that one down. *


*Thanks Everyone for your support *


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## Dawgluver (Jan 26, 2012)

You go, Girl!


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## Claire (Jan 26, 2012)

Alix said:


> Awww PT, that would really be hard to live with. I'm sure he has lots of other wonderful qualities or you wouldn't have married him.
> 
> As frustrating as it is, I would suspect some other cause for his whining. He's obviously GETTING your attention when he whines. Maybe he needs your attention and he's internalized this is a good way to get it? Does dinner happen at roughly the same time every day? Does he get a chance to decompress after work?
> 
> OK, if none of that is helpful, a nice big shot of whiskey or bourbon as an aperitif might make your meals more palatable to him. If not, take the shot yourself! Then his whining won't bug you so much!



Some people learn in childhood that whining is a way to get what they want.  More of the men in my life than I can count learned not to cry as children ("men don't cry")(my era, I'm 57), but they sure as heck can whine and have temper tantrums.  I have one nephew, I swear, who whined for the first few years of his life.  Constantly.  I mean, he never was not vocalizing, happy or sad, mad or frustrated.  He got the attention he wanted (youngest in a good-sized family) without having to cry or act out.  His mom would do just about anything to shut him up for a few hours!  Sometimes a response of, hey, you're going to whine and bitch no matter what I do, so I'll do what I please, and walk away.  In other words, in agreement, with Alix, don't reward behavior that bugs you (as in striving even more to meet his every food desire).  When possible, just ignore and walk away (after a session, without kids present, letting him know the new future).


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## SherryDAmore (Jan 26, 2012)

Claire said:


> don't reward behavior that bugs you (as in striving even more to meet his every food desire). When possible, just ignore and walk away (after a session, without kids present, letting him know the new future).


 
This was along the lines I was thinking:  The performance never continues when the audience has left the theater.


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## joesfolk (Jan 26, 2012)

My the same thing...whine.  But he also eats the food I give him and goes back for seconds and thirds.  If he had his choice he would live on 1950's food, primarily canned or boxed.  I have finally gotten to the point where I can say "If you don't like it don't eat it.  He's a big boy.  He can make a box of mac and cheese if he doesn't like what I serve.  On the up side, he does put up with me too.


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

joesfolk said:


> My the same thing...whine. But he also eats the food I give him and goes back for seconds and thirds. If he had his choice he would live on 1950's food, primarily canned or boxed. I have finally gotten to the point where I can say "If you don't like it don't eat it. He's a big boy. He can make a box of mac and cheese if he doesn't like what I serve. On the up side, he does put up with me too.


 
This certainly brought back memories. I was pregnant with my fifth child. As usual my hormones were running amok. I finaly asked my husband how could he take my mood swings. I couldn't stand myself. Answer? 
"You put up with mine, I put up with yours. And yours only last nine months." 
After that I did try to control my hormones.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Addie said:


> This certainly brought back memories. I was pregnant with my fifth child. As usual my hormones were running amok. I finaly asked my husband how could he take my mood swings. I couldn't stand myself. Answer?
> "You put up with mine, I put up with yours. And yours only last nine months."
> After that I did try to control my hormones.



Long-standing joke in my life...3 weeks a month I loved Shrek, for one week I hated him (I'm sure you undertstand why).  I used to joke that when I hit menopause, at least my hormones would level out...it did, they did and without medications...I hate him all the time.  It's how I knew I had a problem and needed medical help, I was definitely NOT myself.


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## Claire (Jan 26, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Long-standing joke in my life...3 weeks a month I loved Shrek, for one week I hated him (I'm sure you undertstand why).  I used to joke that when I hit menopause, at least my hormones would level out...it did, they did and without medications...I hate him all the time.  It's how I knew I had a problem and needed medical help, I was definitely NOT myself.



I have to laugh.  I, too, did it without medical help, and felt like I was being that word that insults my female dogs.  My husband simply said, "hey, when I was a kid my mom went through it.  No one explained what the hel- was going on to me.  You are doing just fine."  To this day, he says I was easy compared to his mom.  And for that matter, mine.  One time I was wondering why my mother was acting so bizarre.  Jer took me aside and asked me, didn't I know?  My mother was going through menopause!  Huh?  Duh?  Am I an idiot or what?


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

For both of you. My girlfriend just says there is a little girl inside of her playing with matches. Her daughter just stands there waiting for the little girl to blow the matches out.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Claire said:


> I have to laugh.  I, too, did it without medical help, and felt like I was being that word that insults my female dogs.  My husband simply said, "hey, when I was a kid my mom went through it.  No one explained what the hel- was going on to me.  You are doing just fine."  To this day, he says I was easy compared to his mom.  And for that matter, mine.  One time I was wondering why my mother was acting so bizarre.  Jer took me aside and asked me, didn't I know?  My mother was going through menopause!  Huh?  Duh?  Am I an idiot or what?



I was getting in my car and going to drive until I ran out of money...yes, run away.  I made a doctor's appointment instead.  I'm much better now and I don't cry at the opening of a Starbucks.


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## Dawgluver (Jan 26, 2012)

I've joked that I didn't need to have PMS, DH had it for me!   Am hoping there's a little place in heaven for those of us living with a temperamental man!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Dawgluver said:


> I've joked that I didn't need to have PMS, DH had it for me!   Am hoping there's a little place in heaven for those of us living with a temperamental man!



How about for those of us who live with a man who wakes up cheerful????


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

After I had my last child, I became ill. Had to have surgery. They left one organ so that I was still producing hormones. Every month I got my pimple in the middle of my chin. Then the day came that I realized that I hadn't had my pimple for several months. That was my menopause.


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## Dawgluver (Jan 26, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> How about for those of us who live with a man who wakes up cheerful????



What?  They make those?  Website?


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Dawgluver said:


> What?  They make those?  Website?



I'll give you mine!!!  At least until I've been vertical for two hours...then my brain wakes up and I can handle the chirping.


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## Addie (Jan 26, 2012)

Yup. They do, and I am one of them.

Good Morning, I am Cheery Mary,
And I am hear to say,
Wake up, wake up, wake up.
It's such a happy day!!

Now don't you just hate me? Little Miss Sunshine I am.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Addie said:


> Yup. They do, and I am one of them.
> 
> Good Morning, I am Cheery Mary,
> And I am hear to say,
> ...



Grr, mmmummpf, mumble, blert...


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## Claire (Jan 26, 2012)

Aside from both loving food and liking to cook, hubby and I both usually wake up pretty cheerful.  I don't mean Little Mary Sunshine, but not "I hate the world".  Once I had a job working an afternoon shift.  Once my boss forgot why I had the afternoon shift (he gave it to me!).  He thought I worked afternoons from choice (huh?).  He assumed I wasn't a morning person.  Said something to me.  I replied, "no, I actually AM a morning person .... I wake early and in a good mood.  But why should I come in here and let you all ruin it for me?"  He had the good humor to laugh.  When I did work morning shifts, the clients and their animals would come in (I was working for a vet), and yell at me, be peeved at the universe.  I really prefer to get all I have to get done in the mornings so I can putz for the rest of the day.  Husband feels the same.  So we're suited.  Except when he wakes in a very, very cheerful mood and whistles.  That can be irritating, but I've never complained.  I mean he could be screaming and yelling, bitching and kvetching, and yes WHINING.  Usually he saves that for later in the day and doesn't ruin my morning~  Guess this line has been somewhat hijacked!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 26, 2012)

Claire said:


> Aside from both loving food and liking to cook, hubby and I both usually wake up pretty cheerful.  I don't mean Little Mary Sunshine, but not "I hate the world".  Once I had a job working an afternoon shift.  Once my boss forgot why I had the afternoon shift (he gave it to me!).  He thought I worked afternoons from choice (huh?).  He assumed I wasn't a morning person.  Said something to me.  I replied, "no, I actually AM a morning person .... I wake early and in a good mood.  But why should I come in here and let you all ruin it for me?"  He had the good humor to laugh.  When I did work morning shifts, the clients and their animals would come in (I was working for a vet), and yell at me, be peeved at the universe.  I really prefer to get all I have to get done in the mornings so I can putz for the rest of the day.  Husband feels the same.  So we're suited.  Except when he wakes in a very, very cheerful mood and whistles.  That can be irritating, but I've never complained.  I mean he could be screaming and yelling, bitching and kvetching, and yes WHINING.  Usually he saves that for later in the day and doesn't ruin my morning~  Guess this line has been somewhat hijacked!



Actually, I'm not in a bad mood when I get up in the morning, just not firing on all cylinders...my brain needs to wake up and I need to be able to think.


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## taxlady (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Actually, I'm not in a bad mood when I get up in the morning, just not firing on all cylinders...my brain needs to wake up and I need to be able to think.



This.

and I don't want to hear any chirping.


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I showed Shrek a catalog with Goose Down Pillows, told him we really needed to get them, he just cracked up.  He already knows about the Insurance policy, good thing he has a sense of humor...he must, he married me...


I''m confused about how goose down pillows tie into a hubby who whines about what one cooks...or is it that Shrek is whining about the price of the pillows?


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 27, 2012)

CWS4322 said:


> I''m confused about how goose down pillows tie into a hubby who whines about what one cooks...or is it that Shrek is whining about the price of the pillows?



Because I have a double indemnity clause in his life insurance, if he dies by asphyxiation with goose down during full moon, I am the beneficiary...it's a joke about how to take care of a whiny husband.


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## bakechef (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> How about for those of us who live with a man who wakes up cheerful????



My partner always wakes up with a smile on his face, some mornings I just want to be grumpy for a while and can't deal with someone who's chipper.


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## Addie (Jan 27, 2012)

Because my nights and days are mixed up, I am jolted out of a sound sleep during the day by the door bell. It is very loud. By the time the person gets into the building and up to the second floor, I am wide awake. I never mention that they woke me up. It's not their fault. They have no way of knowoing that my days are screwed up. I just try to answer the door as friendly as I can be and with a smile. I am like that all the time.


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Because I have a double indemnity clause in his life insurance, if he dies by asphyxiation with goose down during full moon, I am the beneficiary...it's a joke about how to take care of a whiny husband.


So if he chokes on a piece of steak and you finish him off with a goose down pillow, you still collect??


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 27, 2012)

CWS4322 said:


> So if he chokes on a piece of steak and you finish him off with a goose down pillow, you still collect??



Only if it's a full moon...


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Only if it's a full moon...


right--full moon--why do I think you have that marked on your calendar with a shiny purple moon sticker and for some reason it coincides with the MS' schedule? I'd probably still kick him in the bolas to make sure.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 27, 2012)

Memo to self: Find shiny purple moon stickers...


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 27, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Memo to self: Find shiny purple moon stickers...



It's either that or make some room in the freezer! 

I can't wait for CSI Missoula!


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## Addie (Jan 27, 2012)

Aunt Bea said:


> It's either that or make some room in the freezer!
> 
> I can't wait for CSI Missoula!


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## MrsLMB (Jan 27, 2012)

Wow .. onto page 9 and I guess I was wrong to think this person really wanted some help.  It looks now like this was just a joke since things sound rather mean and rude.  I thought this person really wanted some help with an issue.  So disregard my input earlier and thanks for the dark humor here.


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 27, 2012)

MrsLMB said:


> Wow .. onto page 9 and I guess I was wrong to think this person really wanted some help. It looks now like this was just a joke since things sound rather mean and rude. I thought this person really wanted some help with an issue. So disregard my input earlier and thanks for the dark humor here.


 
*I DID ask for help, and thanks to these folks and you as well I got the advice that I needed. And support I needed. Fionas joke was just that a JOKE {i think} And if you can't laugh at yourself and/or others well....life looses just a bit of joy. *

*UPDATE, all he whined about last night was the unsalted butter for his bread. TOUGH NOOGIES.*

*Making lemon pepper pork tonight and bok choy, he doesn't LIKE bok choy I love the stuff, it will still go on his plate. TOUGHER NOOGIES*


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *I DID ask for help, and thanks to these folks I got the advice that I needed. And support I needed. Fionas joke was just that a JOKE {i think} And if you can't laugh at yourself and/or others well....life looses just a bit of joy. *
> 
> *UPDATE, all he whined about last night was the unsalted butter for his bread. TOUGH NOOGIES.*
> 
> *Making lemon pepper pork tonight and bok choy, he doesn't LIKE bok choy I love the stuff, it will still go on his plate. TOUGHER NOOGIES, *


I assume he knows how to use a salt shaker and can shake some salt on his own bread. Personally, I love unsalted butter. Good for you making want to eat. He can always dig around in the freezer/fridge if he is still hungry or doesn't like what you made. And, tell him to put a sock in it if he starts whining.  You could try sitting down on Sunday with the week's grocery ads and planning next week's menus as a "team." My DH and I read the grocery ads every Saturday a.m. It is our ritual...


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

CSI Missoula! I think there might be one or two regular "characters" investigated as "persons of interest" (wink-wink).


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 27, 2012)

*CWS........*
*Truth be told since I was laid off in Oct, I hit the market daily. Thinking I was Italian in another life. Call me a "fly by the seat of the pants cook" I don't plan {for the most part}. I just decided what to make tonight about a 1/2 hour ago. It's what I am in the mood for.*


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## CWS4322 (Jan 27, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *CWS........*
> *Truth be told since I was laid off in Oct, I hit the market daily. Thinking I was Italian in another life. Call me a "fly by the seat of the pants cook" I don't plan {for the most part}. I just decided what to make tonight about a 1/2 hour ago. It's what I am in the mood for.*


Well, maybe if he thought he were part of the planning process, he might not whine so much. I too cook by the seat of my pants, but we have a lot of staples on hand, so I rarely have to buy something to pull something together. And, I do cook that which I am in the mood to eat. Fortunately, the DH is like a "pig with wings," (he actually has said he was going to go out in the barn and eat with the chickens when I made up a veggie-rice combo from leftovers for the ladies). He eats darned near everything and hasn't decided that he could be like Dawg's DH, a couch potato food critic. He just utters "this is delicious" or "this is fantastic." He knows better than to say something is better than ... fill in the blank. For that, he got stabbed in the arm with a fork...didn't think of smothering him with a pillow...


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## MrsLMB (Jan 27, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *I DID ask for help, and thanks to these folks and you as well I got the advice that I needed. And support I needed. Fionas joke was just that a JOKE {i think} And if you can't laugh at yourself and/or others well....life looses just a bit of joy. *
> 
> *UPDATE, all he whined about last night was the unsalted butter for his bread. TOUGH NOOGIES.*
> 
> *Making lemon pepper pork tonight and bok choy, he doesn't LIKE bok choy I love the stuff, it will still go on his plate. TOUGHER NOOGIES*


 
Ok .. I am really glad you got some good stuff out of this.

Oh yeah .. I can take a joke .. and as you say ... you need a laugh even if it's at yourself !

I agree with CWS ... make him part of the process.

Rather than aggravate a situation, find a middle ground. If he hates bok choy, why give it to him? Give him something he likes and you enjoy your bok choy. 

I detest brussel sprouts .. hubby hates broccoli ... I cook them both .. it only takes one extra little step and that way we are both happy.

Think about how it would feel if the situation was reversed .. would you be happy having stuff forced at you? 

I always try to remember to think of how it would feel if the roles were reversed ... treat someone as you would want to be treated.

But that's my thing .. I love my husband and I just can't see a reason that makes any sense to not try to makes things as comfortable as possible for him .. and in return he does the same for me .. and life is awesome !

Good luck with your dinner problems .. I do hope they work out in a positive way for both of you !


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## Alix (Jan 27, 2012)

Hey, PT...do you serve the food on the plates or just put all the food out and let folks serve themselves? Maybe if you put the food out and he served his own plate he'd be happier? 

Just a thought.


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 27, 2012)

*Depends, if I am feeling lazy and craving crap  I make tacos from the box stuff, he serves himself. Generally I plate the food, less mess and I can control everybodys portions, This is important when I make my DD's favorite potatoes, left to her own devices she would eat the whole panful.*


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 27, 2012)

*To Mrs.......*

*With me currently being out of work and DH's paycheck half of what it was a year ago, I am trying to keep meals at $20-25 per dinner for 3 mouths. Doable?? Yes of course. Add to that a daughter that only wants potatoes for starch, makes it that much more challenging. Asking DH to help in the planning or prep is a joke in itself, just not gonna happen. I can accept this in our marriage. But constant complaining of what is put down in front of him is rude and not acceptable to me on any level. Oh, and did I mention that he NEVER washes a dish or even takes one off the table?? EVER, not kidding. *


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## Dawgluver (Jan 27, 2012)

Honey, you are doing great!  Kids' tastes change, and you've taken a big step to curb your DH's whining.  How stressful, trying so hard to please the ungrateful.  No worries, nobody's gonna starve.  Just keep cooking!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 27, 2012)

Aunt Bea said:


> It's either that or make some room in the freezer!
> 
> I can't wait for CSI Missoula!



<shriek>


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 27, 2012)

Sorry, I do tend to come off dark and mean...but I do say what's on my mind.  I would rather someone laugh about me getting an impossible double indemnity clause for Shrek, than keep it all bottled in and actually planning to do it.  I just thought it was funny that the same day Shrek and I had a laugh over it in the car, someone wanted to know what to do about a whiny husband.  

First and foremost, anytime I rag Shrek here on these forums, we've already gone over it for real in our life, there is nothing I say here that I would not say to him.  Second of all, I wouldn't trade him for anything, besides... I'm too lazy to train another.  How many girrrls have the chance to marry their Ogre?


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## Addie (Jan 28, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Sorry, I do tend to come off dark and mean...but I do say what's on my mind. I would rather someone laugh about me getting an impossible double indemnity clause for Shrek, than keep it all bottled in and actually planning to do it. I just thought it was funny that the same day Shrek and I had a laugh over it in the car, someone wanted to know what to do about a whiny husband.
> 
> First and foremost, anytime I rag Shrek here on these forums, we've already gone over it for real in our life, there is nothing I say here that I would not say to him. Second of all, I wouldn't trade him for anything, besides... I'm too lazy to train another. How many girrrls have the chance to marry their Ogre?


 
You gave us our laugh for the day. And we ran with it. Shrek sounds like a gem. I married rocks.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Jan 28, 2012)

Addie said:


> You gave us our laugh for the day. And we ran with it. Shrek sounds like a gem. I married rocks.



He is, Addie.  He even bought me what I told him I wanted for my Valentine's Day Present.


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## rodriguezk96 (Jan 28, 2012)

Zereh said:


> I don't have time for ungrateful and mean people. There's no way I'd ever be able to have a battle about or over _food_ with an ADULT every day of the week. I'd kick his sorry ass to the curb ... <3 but that's just how I am.


I like your post I would do the same thing


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## chopper (Jan 28, 2012)

I guess you could whine back (makes me think of Doug and Wendy Whiner). 

Seriously though, I am sorry that you are feeling the way you are. He should be treating you like a queen. Just the simple act of my DH putting both his plate and mine in the kitchen after we eat goes a very long way. I am spoiled.


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## Addie (Jan 28, 2012)

When I was raising my granddaughter, she was in the habit of whing for everything. Drove me crazy. So I would stop her in about her third word and make her ask me in a normal voice. Sometimes it took three or four tries, but after a couple of weeks she got the knack of not whining and would ask for something in a normal voice. I am not fond of whiny kids.


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## Alix (Jan 28, 2012)

Certainly no one deserves to be treated rudely. Ever. There are lots of things you COULD do, just remember that reacting and responding are two very different things. If you just react to his whining, things will go in a circle, you'll both feel upset at one another and it never ends. If you respond by trying to figure out what is behind all of it, he will feel better because you listened to him and you will feel better as well. 

Don't make the mistake of treating him like your child, he's not, even though he might be acting like a child. Perhaps if you made some very small changes that allow him more control over his meals he won't have so much cause to complain. It may mean slightly more work for you, but sometimes the smallest changes yield the biggest results. Continue to serve your daughter her portion on her plate, but put the rest of your wonderful cooking out on the table and let your husband serve himself. That way, he can take as much of whatever he wants and leave what he doesn't. It might be a nice lesson for your daughter too, she could learn proper portion control that way. 

Good luck PT. Again, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this crankiness. I hope you can figure out a way to get it all resolved.


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## taxlady (Jan 28, 2012)

How about asking your husband how the two of you can make this situation more pleasant. Does he have any suggestions?


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## CWS4322 (Jan 28, 2012)

chopper said:


> I guess you could whine back (makes me think of Doug and Wendy Whiner).
> 
> Seriously though, I am sorry that you are feeling the way you are. He should be treating you like a queen. Just the simple act of my DH putting both his plate and mine in the kitchen after we eat goes a very long way. I am spoiled.


I am slowly training the DH to put his dishes in the DW. One of my pet peeves is dishes in the sink. My dad does the same thing, has a bowl of ice cream and leaves the bowl (not rinsed) in the sink. Drives me crazy when I get up in the morning and I see that dirty dish with dried ice cream residue on it. How hard is it to rinse a bowl and put the bowl and spoon in the DW?


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 28, 2012)

taxlady said:


> How about asking your husband how the two of you can make this situation more pleasant. Does he have any suggestions?


 
*Why yes. Yes he does. "Is it breaded?? Is it fried??" A mantra.....of sorts.*


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## Kayelle (Jan 28, 2012)

Alix said:


> Certainly no one deserves to be treated rudely. Ever. There are lots of things you COULD do, just remember that reacting and responding are two very different things. If you just react to his whining, things will go in a circle, you'll both feel upset at one another and it never ends. If you respond by trying to figure out what is behind all of it, he will feel better because you listened to him and you will feel better as well.
> 
> Don't make the mistake of treating him like your child, he's not, even though he might be acting like a child. Perhaps if you made some very small changes that allow him more control over his meals he won't have so much cause to complain. It may mean slightly more work for you, but sometimes the smallest changes yield the biggest results. Continue to serve your daughter her portion on her plate, but put the rest of your wonderful cooking out on the table and let your husband serve himself. That way, he can take as much of whatever he wants and leave what he doesn't. It might be a nice lesson for your daughter too, she could learn proper portion control that way.
> 
> Good luck PT. Again, I'm sorry you've had to deal with this crankiness. I hope you can figure out a way to get it all resolved.



*PERFECTLY said !  Ditto from me.*


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## buckytom (Jan 29, 2012)

agreed, very well said, alix.

i'm amazed to see how many people here have complained about what their spouses get away with, especially about so many men. were they never taught manners and respect for others, especially their wife - the most important person in their life?

also, i'm saddened to hear about what spouses put up with. have they no _self_ respect? (i'm not trying to be mean, just incredulous).

i ALWAYS bus my own plates, usually my son's as well, and often clean up most of the table if i'm sure dw is done eating. dishes get a quick rinse, then are put in the dishwasher (lol, in the way dw showed me works best ), stuff is put back in the frdge, leftovers wrapped up, and the table wiped down. the only time i don't bus the table is when i'm physically exhausted from work, sick, or dw says don't bother if she's still doing things in her small kitchen and doesn't want a big oaf like me in the way. i still bus my own plates nonetheless.

when i cook, i try to clean up everything and dw helps as i go. the way i see it, i made the mess, i should clean it up. dw cook much more often than me these days, so it's not a big deal to do it all. the only thing i usually don't clean are the pots and pans when dw cooks. she has a habit of making the stove look like a tornado hit, then a wildfire, then a hurricane. when i cook, i clean pots and pans as i'm done using them, wiping up messes as they are created. it just makes life easier when your belly is full and you want to relax.

i wasn't taught to act this way, though. i learned it by living on my own (who else is gonna clean up?), then living with gfs who ranged the gamut of being obssively clean to disgusting pigs. you end up figuring out a middle ground that works for everyone so there's no resentment afterwards, such as is greatly evident in this thread. i've always advised every young male member of my family or friends to live on their own for a few years before getting married. most guys only learn with hands on experience.

i mentioned that i wasn't taught this in my childhood as my mom was my dad's servant of sorts; cooking, serving, cleaning, and so on. but dad did his part at his job and around the house in many other ways that she didn't have to deal with, so it was really teamwork. it must be a good match since they just passed their 64th wedding anniversary this past thursday.

the worsrt advice i've read here, which i pointed out in my previous post, was the "kick to the curb" type of attitude. that's plainly selfish and immature, bordering on narcissism. being selfish will never get you far in a *healthy* relationship. i'd imagine having an m.o. of ending relationships out of anger and frustration, or conversely putting up with years of resentment for not being able to "stand up for yourself" would lead to a crappy life. i'm lucky to have a very strong, intelligent wife that wouldn't put up with much b.s. in any way, so it rarely goes there.

p-top, while you are feeling badly about this, obviously you aren't being selfish simply because you care enough to try to figure out a way for this to work out. for you to feel appreciated and respected while pleasing your hubby. that's saying a lot about you, and sure as heck isn't easy to accomplish once ways are set.

taxy's concise advise, as well as alix's last post really stand out as the way to go imo. i truely hope you can get through to your hubby and get this all worked out.

oh, and i hope people get a sense of humour. i doubt anyone who knows princess fee would think what she posted was really intended as mean.


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## FluffyAngel (Jan 29, 2012)

My husband went through this stage very briefly 15 years ago. I turned the tables and let him cook (I refused), then criticized his every move. There was a breaking point, a pointing out of my title " wife" not "mommy", a careful consideration of what marriage is according to our beliefs and we decided that marriage isn't living at Mom & Dad's house, eating Mom & Dad's style but it's a new life complete with new rules and new cook. Now I'm the type of person who holds you at your word. If you agree to it - you WILL be accountable for it so be careful what you agree to. He agreed I was right. Since then its pretty much been all roses & tulips in the kitchen. My father however is much like this because he hates spices and wants all his food bland. No garlic, no onion, nothing green in or near his food. No fresh cilantro or parsley or basil or Rosemary or sage - which I love. I grew up eating this bland crap being deprived of flavor, I refuse to continue. This is why he more often than not eats alone - & he lives right next door - alone.


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## Aunt Bea (Jan 29, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *Why yes. Yes he does. "Is it breaded?? Is it fried??" A mantra.....of sorts.*




I can't stand it when the rapid fire interrogation starts!  I am not sure why some people have a tendency to do that.   I am not sure if they are thinking out loud or what?

This thread has been a lot of fun and also many practical hints to improve the situation have come up.  For my two cents I would say that I would be sort of a grouch if I was your DH only because dinner seems to be a last minute surprise in your world.  When I was a kid and even today I have always enjoyed knowing what was coming up for dinner.  If it was a dish I liked I would enjoy the anticipation of it and if it was a dish I was not looking forward to I could at least have time to adjust my expectations.  If every night of my life I was "treated" to a surprise I would feel like poor little Baby Jane when big sister unvieled the entree in the movie Whatever Happened to Baby Jane!  I have lived alone so long I cannot imagine living any other way!  Good luck and I hope you can get the lumps out of your relationship without resorting to a pillow!


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## buckytom (Jan 29, 2012)

fluffy, there's ways to disguise herbs and veggies in recipes for people who object like your dad, but you have to sell it that it was merely made from things they wouldn't mind. 


interesting devil's advocate, aunt bea.

i forgot to add that when (not if, it's weekly) dw makes something i don't like, i just go out and get something to eat. often under protest, "why can't you just eat (the disgusting thing ) that i made?"

you might suggest that.

it's especially effective if you're on a tight budget, or he's just tight. there's gotta be communication and compromise.


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## Addie (Jan 29, 2012)

My sons pay me the best compliment any mother could ask for. Whenever someone tells them how nice they are, they reply, "Well in spite of my best efforts to thwart her , my mother raised me to be polite and nice to everyone." And this hold true whether it is for me, or a total stranger. I never fail to appreciate the little things they do for me. 

You are so right buckytom. I have always had the rule with both husbands, one cooks, and one cleans. And neither one criticizes. My second husband came from the South. Until he was no longer able to stand up, he always stood when I entered the room. Secretly, I appreciated the gesture. But after twelve years of marriage it was no longer necessary. My first four children were from my first marriage. The fifth one was his. This simple gesture was not lost on any of them. He insisted that they show respect for women at all times. No matter what I cooked, he always thanked me for cooking supper. And he insisted that each child clear their own plate from the table. Family meals were always family efforts. My children learned from his example. And it has stayed with them through the years. 

Son #1 was always active in Little League. When he had his first heart attack, the word spread quickly. The hospital got so many calls, that they had to set up a transfer to my home phone to answer questions. Over and over, I heard, what a nice kid he had always been, how polite, etc. His wife died last year, and again, the same words were said at the wake. I am constantly hearing how nice my kids are. It is all a matter of respect and love. 

Son #2 presently drives a cab. He has a long list of elderly that ask for him specifically. He helps them in and out of his vehicle, brings their bags into their front door, etc. And inspite of their limited income, make it a point to give him a tip. No matter how small, or how much he helps them, he always says Thank You. 

Son #3 is a Physician Assistant in ER medicine. He recently got a major promotion. Because of his work ethic, the hospital is expanding the PA program. He is to be in charge of the new PAs. And he has been asked to teach the medical staff on bedside manner with patients and family. This class will be mandatory for all personnel. He has also been offered an Assistant Professorship at one of our major universities teaching the same class for medical students. 

In spite of the natural male aggressiveness in men, my three sons have managed to put that aside and bring out the nice side of their natures. I am very proud of all three of them. 

My daughter works with public every day at the RMV. I am sure all of you have had your dealings with that department on more than one occasion. Yet she has always kept her cool and made many friends. She has one customer that every Mother's Day, he sends her the biggest bouquet of flowers any person would love to get. He told her he sends them just in case her children should forget how nice she is. Yet she has never met this man. I have met many of her coworkers. Again I hear the same words over and over. It is all a matter of respect for the other person. I am just as proud of her also. I have great kids and I make it a point to say Thank You and tell them how proud of them I am. Everyone like to hear a ind word once in a while.

And having said that, I would just like to say, I think all of your are great folks also. I am glad and proud that I have found some fantastic friends. Thank you for being my friends.


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## Claire (Jan 29, 2012)

Oh, lord, what some of you live with.  Apologies, by the way, to the men in our group who are listening to gripes that seem against men.  I know it isn't universally so, because my husband wouldn't dream in a million years of treating me like any of this.  We've been married for 27+ years and lived together for a few years before that.  You know, I "get" this stuff when it is women & men of my parents' era.  But even my parents -- who were firmly raised in the woman-cook, husband-warrior tradition ... well, Daddy wouldn't dream of washing a dish, but he cleared his own place setting from the table, for heaven's sake, and put his clothes in the hamper.  But, large events aside, I mostly cook, he mostly cleans.  But that's an agreement we came to well before we married, and have stuck to.  When I mess up a meal, I know it and we agree and talk about it.  The word "yuck" is the worst four-letter word in our house, and I don't think we've ever used it under our own roof, and corrected spoiled brat kids who did.  And, as everyone has said, if you don't like the way I do something, well, here, do it yourself.


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## Addie (Jan 29, 2012)

Well said Claire. Not all men are abominable animals. Most are even human. With all the human foibles.


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## Soma (Jan 29, 2012)

I would sit him down for a Looooooong polite and gentle talk.... about cooking, about whose responsibility is each and every meal....about how I like to cook, about being kind to the cook, and how to inspire cooking confidence in someone who prepares a meal for you, about appreciation.....yaknow?.....all those fine qualities which make any relationship a good one.


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## CWS4322 (Jan 29, 2012)

I think I've mentioned that I don't make spaghetti often. I ate it every Monday night growing up. I really don't like spaghetti. But, when I'm doing "eldercare," and my dad requests spaghetti, I make it. I was really hurt last time when I made it--he went on and on about how my spaghetti sauce was so much better than my mom's. I make it like my mom did but I use only fresh ingredients. I was hurt because even though she has dementia, I could tell that she was really hurt. She had been making spaghetti sauce for him for more than 50 years, once a week. Truth be told, her fondness of spaghetti sauce probably equals mine...

I have a meal I'm going to introduce to their rotation this time when I'm there--Rachel Ray's chicken breasts marinated with salsa and spanish rice marinated with salsa. Both are very easy and something my dad could make (and would like because he likes spanish rice). I hadn't watched her meals for a week (or whatever it is called before), but I think I should make my dad sit down and watch some Food Network TV with me this time...since he is now in charge of cooking (and not very good at it). 

PT--maybe you could get your husband to watch some of the foodie shows with you...and as far as breading/frying goes, how about oven frying some chicken using cornflakes for the breading?


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 29, 2012)

*A standard recipe in my household is Chicken Schnitzel, Everyone loves it, breaded, fried for him, with a squeeze of lemon on top for me and the DD. AND it is a meal in minutes. Best of all worlds food wise in this house, but I get tired of having it more than once every few weeks.*


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## MrsLMB (Jan 29, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *A standard recipe in my household is Chicken Schnitzel, Everyone loves it, breaded, fried for him, with a squeeze of lemon on top for me and the DD. AND it is a meal in minutes. Best of all worlds food wise in this house, but I get tired of having it more than once every few weeks.*


 
Now that sounds like a yummy happy meal .. wtg !!


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## PolishedTopaz (Jan 29, 2012)

CWS4322 said:


> PT--maybe you could get your husband to watch some of the foodie shows with you


 
*This cracked me up.......as stated in the OP I stopped cooking for 4+ years, BUT, I always watched the cooking shows {new trends n all} DH could not understand WHY watch these things if not cooking at all.  *


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## CWS4322 (Jan 29, 2012)

PolishedTopaz said:


> *This cracked me up.......as stated in the OP I stopped cooking for 4+ years, BUT, I always watched the cooking shows {new trends n all} DH could not understand WHY watch these things if not cooking at all.  *


It is called "virtual" cooking--sort of like reading what everyone else has had for dinner when you're eating microwave popcorn...


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