# Nine words women use...



## Rom (Aug 7, 2007)

*Nine words women use...* 

*1.) Fine : *This is the word women use to end an argument when they are 
                    right and you need to shut up. 

*2.) Five Minutes :* If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. 
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house. 

*3.) Nothing :* This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. 

*4.) Go Ahead :* This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It! 

*5.)* *Loud Sigh :* This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement 
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.) 

*6.) That's Okay : *This is one of the most dangerous statements a women 
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard 
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake. 

*7.) Thanks :* A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say 
you're welcome. 

*8.)* *Whatever :* Is a women's way of saying FXXXX YOU!

*9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: *Another dangerous statement, meaning 
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but 
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3. 


Send this to the men you know, to warn them about arguments they can 
avoid if they remember the terminology. 

Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh, cause they know that it's true.


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## kitchenelf (Aug 7, 2007)

.......................

Sounds about right to me!


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## buckytom (Aug 7, 2007)

again, there is the suspicious lack of the words "yes", and "right now"!


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## letscook (Aug 7, 2007)

How about these 2

I'll Think about it

Maybe


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## Barb L. (Aug 7, 2007)

That about sums it up !


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## phil_uk (Aug 7, 2007)

number 7 is very rare 

Thanks for sharing made my day.


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## Rom (Aug 7, 2007)

Kitchenelf...sounds right..cos it is right LOL

buckytom... yes...right now?

"*I'll think about it*" and "*maybe*" mean a striaght out *NO*...don't be dillusioned into thinking she may actually be thinking about, she just doesn't want to start an argument as she may be in a good mood or she is wondering if you were actually serious to begin with 

Phil_uk....ur right lol "thanks" for pointing that out LOL


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## ironchef (Aug 7, 2007)

Don't forget about a**hole or jerk. Those two words are probably used more than any of those on the list, and often times in conjunction with them.

Man: Sorry I forgot to call. I got tied up in a meeting.

Woman: Whatever you a**hole.


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## Fisher's Mom (Aug 7, 2007)

ironchef said:
			
		

> Don't forget about a**hole or jerk. Those two words are probably used more than any of those on the list, and often times in conjunction with them.
> 
> Man: Sorry I forgot to call. I got tied up in a meeting.
> 
> Woman: Whatever you a**hole.


Ironchef, I didn't realize you are married!


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## ironchef (Aug 7, 2007)

Fisher's Mom said:
			
		

> Ironchef, I didn't realize you are married!


 
Actually, I'm not.


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## Rom (Aug 7, 2007)

but they have a very clear and specific meaning lol no translation needed hehehehehe


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## middie (Aug 8, 2007)

phil_uk said:
			
		

> number 7 is very rare
> 
> Thanks for sharing made my day.


 
Hey I say Thanks quite often.


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## Fisher's Mom (Aug 8, 2007)

ironchef said:
			
		

> Actually, I'm not.


Well, it appears some generous woman has prepared you well for wedded bliss!


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## keltin (Aug 8, 2007)

What the........???????
 
Humph......I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I wear the pants in my house.........when my wife let’s me............


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## Fisher's Mom (Aug 8, 2007)

keltin said:
			
		

> What the........???????
> 
> Humph......I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I wear the pants in my house.........when my wife let’s me............


It's okay keltin. I know a guy who also likes to wear his wife's clothes.


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## Andy M. (Aug 8, 2007)

Eventually, some more evolved men learn not to get into arguements with women at all.  Rather, they answer with, "Yes, Dear!", the two words that end all discussions.  

Don't tell me saying that means you're giving in without a fight.  That would mean you actually think you can win an arguement with a woman.


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## Fisher's Mom (Aug 8, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> Eventually, some more evolved men learn not to get into arguements with women at all.  Rather, they answer with, "Yes, Dear!", the two words that end all discussions.
> 
> Don't tell me saying that means you're giving in without a fight.  That would mean you actually think you can win an arguement with a woman.


Andy, you are clearly a very highly evolved man and your wife is a very lucky, and I'm sure very happy, woman!


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## expatgirl (Aug 8, 2007)

My husband and I have been married 33 years and he frequently responds with"Yes, Dear, whatever you say, Sugarlump".  And that's the end of the conversation---doesn't mean that I've won or that he has won---just that the tete a tete is over as far as he's concerned.


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## buckytom (Aug 8, 2007)

{{{{mindreading}}}}}}

just what does he mean by sugarlump?

oh god, is he calling me fat?  would he?

is there another woman? does he call her sweet-n-low, the little wench?

omg, i'm going to the gym. 

after i finish this pint of ice cream and tube of cookie dough.

buh-wahahahahaaaaaaaa.


ooh, look, the home shopping channel.


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## kitchenelf (Aug 9, 2007)

buckytom said:
			
		

> {{{{mindreading}}}}}}
> 
> just what does he mean by sugarlump?
> 
> ...



My monitor gets a regular cleaning from reading your posts!


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## foodstorm (Aug 9, 2007)

buckytom said:
			
		

> {{{{mindreading}}}}}}
> 
> just what does he mean by sugarlump?
> 
> ...


 
Buckytom, I am rotflmao!


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## middie (Aug 9, 2007)

Omg Bucky you dork. I love you !


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## expatgirl (Aug 9, 2007)

it's 10 am in the morning and I"m laughing my sugarlump off.  Bucky, you just kill me!!!  But you got it.  Sugarlump at the end of "Whatever you say----means he's actually winning the argument though I would never tell him. Ha!!


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## llvllagical_llkook (Aug 10, 2007)

Sugarlump? Haha, cant stop laughing about thinking to go to my girlfriend and say hello sugarlump. Hmm... better not. 

The vocabulary hopefully will help me out. Although, there's always that faint smile to look happy that a girlfriend does right before the tornado is unleashed. 

If a woman says "Nothing" and you keep persisting to know, does a storm always come or is it only with my luck?


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## expatgirl (Aug 10, 2007)

All of you guys need to handle the most important question that will ever be posed to you and that is "Does this make me look fat or do you think I"m putting on weight?"  If you value your lives and relationship----lie through your teeth and look very sincere about it.  Practice lying in front of the mirror if you have to.  But get it right.  My longterm husband (I'm too old to retrain another one so I'm stuck with him---just kidding) just looks at me and responds to that question with "Do I look stupid to you???"


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## Rom (Aug 10, 2007)

LOLL @ all these posts ...cookie dough....must be why i have been feeling like making cookies lately LOL

smart husband expatgirl lol


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## texasgirl (Aug 10, 2007)

"Go ahead" and "Whatever" is in my every day vocabulary


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## keltin (Aug 10, 2007)

What about “Did you hear me”? It seems I HEAR that all that time! My DW seems to be in the habit of posing rhetorical questions and statements and somehow expecting an answer! Huh?
 
I mean, what are you supposed to say to “I’ve had this a while, but I really do like this blouse”.........”Did you hear me”?  Uh, yeah, I heard ya’.......uh......nice blouse, it looks good on you! 
 
What in the world are you supposed to do in this situation? “That’s nice dear” works sometimes, but not all the time!


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## expatgirl (Aug 10, 2007)

As I said, Keltin, practice in front of the mirror until you get it right---if she's saying "Did you hear me?" you obviously need more practice.


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## expatgirl (Aug 10, 2007)

Don't you you wish there was a manual out there????


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## QSis (Aug 10, 2007)

Actually .... I like being called Sugarlump.  

I like being called pretty much any term of endearment from those I love.

Lee


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## expatgirl (Aug 10, 2007)

That's the right attitude, QSis!!


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## Andy M. (Aug 10, 2007)

The Five Toughest Questions Women Ask - And Their Answers


The five questions are:
1 - "What are you thinking?"
2 - "Do you love me?"
3 - "Do I look fat?"
4 - "Do you think she is prettier than me?"
5 - "What would you do if I died?"

What makes these questions so bad is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument and/or divorce if the man does not answer properly, which is to say dishonestly. 

For example:

1 - "What are you thinking?" 

The proper answer to this question, of course, is, "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, caring, thoughtful, intelligent,
beautiful woman you are and what a lucky guy I am to have met you." 

Obviously, this statement bears no resemblance whatsoever to what the guy was really thinking at the time, which was most likely one of five things:
a - Baseball
b - Football
c - How fat you are.
d - How much prettier she is than you.
e - How he would spend the insurance money if you died.

The best answer to this stupid question came from Al Bundy, of Married With Children, who was asked it by his wife, Peg. "If I wanted you to know," Al said, "I'd
be talking instead of thinking." 

The other questions also have only one right answer but many wrong answers:

2 - "Do you love me?" 

The correct answer to this question is, "Yes." For those guys who feel the need to be more elaborate, you may answer, "Yes, dear.” 

Wrong answers include:
a - I suppose so.
b - Would it make you feel better if I said yes.
c - That depends on what you mean by "love".
d - Does it matter?
e - Who, me?


3 - "Do I look fat?" 

The correct male response to this question is to confidently and emphatically state, "No, of course not" and then quickly leave the room. 

Wrong answers include:
a - I wouldn't call you fat, but I wouldn't call you thin either.
b - Compared to what?
c - A little extra weight looks good on you.
d - I've seen fatter.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.



4 - "Do you think she's prettier than me?"

The "she" in the question could be an ex-girlfriend, a passer-by you were starring at so hard that you almost cause a traffic accident or an actress in a movie you just saw. In any case, the correct response is, "No, you are much prettier." 

Wrong answers include:
a - Not prettier, just pretty in a different way.
b - I don't know how one goes about rating such things.
c - Yes, but I bet you have a better personality.
d - Only in the sense that she's younger and thinner.
e - Could you repeat the question? I was thinking about your insurance policy.


5 - "What would you do if I died?" 

Correct answer: "Dearest love, in the event of your untimely demise, life would cease to have meaning for me and I would perforce hurl myself under the front tires of the first Domino's Pizza truck that came my way."

This might be the stupidest question of the lot, as is illustrated by the following stupid joke:

"Dear," said the wife. "What would you do if I died?" 
"Why, dear, I would be extremely upset," said the husband. "Why do you ask such a question?" 
"Would you remarry?" persevered the wife. 
"No, of course not, dear" said the husband. 
"Don't you like being married?" said the wife. 
"Of course I do, dear" he said. 
"Then why wouldn't you remarry?" 
"Alright," said the husband, "I'd remarry." 
"You would?" said the wife, looking vaguely hurt. 
"Yes" said the husband. 
"Would you sleep with her in our bed?" said the wife after a long pause. 
"Well yes, I suppose I would." replied the husband. 
"I see," said the wife indignantly. "And would you let her wear my old clothes?" 
"I suppose, if she wanted to" said the husband. 
"Really," said the wife icily. "And would you take down the pictures of me and replace them with
pictures of her?" 
"Yes. I think that would be the correct thing to do." 
"Is that so?" said the wife, leaping to her feet. "And I suppose you'd let her play with my golf clubs, too."
"Of course not, dear," said the husband. "She is left-handed."


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## Andy M. (Aug 10, 2007)

Men's English and Women's English:  No such thing as plain meaning.
 
Keep this handy quick-reference list with you at all times!
 
 
*Women's English:*
 
 Yes = No
 
 No = Yes
 
 Maybe = No
 
 I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
 
 We need = I want
 
 It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
 
 Do what you want = You'll pay for this later.
 
 We need to talk = I need to complain.
 
 Sure go ahead = I don't want you to.
 
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
 
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
 
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
 
 Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
 
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
 
 I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
 
 Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
 
 I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
 
 Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive.
 
 How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going
to like.
 
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on  TV.
 
 Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.
 
 You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
 
 Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]
 
 Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he falls asleep.
 
 I'm not yelling! = Yes, I am yelling because I think this is Important.
 
The same old thing = Nothing
 
 Nothing = Everything
 
 Everything = My PMS is acting up.
 
 Nothing, really = It's just that you're such a jerk
 
 
 
 *Men's English:*
 
"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
 
 "I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
 
 "I'm tired" = I'm tired.
 
"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 
 "Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 
 "Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 
 "May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.
 
"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!
 
 "You look tense, let me give you a massage." = I want to fondle you.
 
 "What's wrong?" = I don't see why you’re making such a big deal about this.
 
 "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?
 
 "What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.
 
 "I'm bored." = Do you want to have sex?
 
 "I love you." = Let's have sex now.
 
"I love you, too." = Okay, I said it... we'd better have sex now!
 
 "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = I liked it better before.
 
 "Yes, I like the way you cut your hair." = $50 and it doesn't look that much different!
 
"Let's talk." = I am trying to impress you by showing you that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.
 
 "Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.
 
 (while shopping) "I like that one better." = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go home!


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## keltin (Aug 10, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> The Five Toughest Questions Women Ask - And Their Answers


 
LMAO!!!!!!  

Excellent!


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## Fisher's Mom (Aug 10, 2007)

Oh My Gosh, Andy, you are hysterical!!!! And the funniest part is that there's so much truth in all of it. Thank heavens for food and sex or men and women would have no common interests!


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## Jeekinz (Aug 10, 2007)

LOL @ Andy's list.

"Does this make me look fat?" 

"No, your big butt makes you look fat." 
.........................................................

"What can I do to lose weight?" 

"Arm exersises.  _Push, _the plate away."


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## keltin (Aug 10, 2007)

“How does this dress look”

“On you?”







Oh.........no...........


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## Rom (Aug 10, 2007)




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## ironchef (Aug 10, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> "What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?


 
I love this one.


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## *amy* (Aug 10, 2007)

setImgWidth();


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## keltin (Aug 10, 2007)

Any of you other guys ever get that look? It scares me!


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