# Create a story



## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

**EACH PERSON ADDS ONE SENTENCE TO CONTINUE THE STORY**
*1. THE STORY MUST HAVE CONTINUITY UNTIL A NEW CHAPTER.*

*2. YOU MAY ONLY COMPLETE ONE SENTENCE PER POST.*

*3. YOU MAY NOT POST TWICE IN A ROW, ONLY AFTER SOMEONE ELSE POSTS UNDER YOU.*

*4. YOU MAY NAME A NEW CHAPTER BUT NOT UNTIL AT LEAST 30 PEOPLE HAVE CONTRIBUTED A SENTENCE TO THE STORY.*

*5.** AFTER NAMING A NEW CHAPTER YOU MAY NOT CARRY ON THE NEXT SENTENCE.  THE NEXT POSTER WILL DETERMINE THE DIRECTION OF THE STORY ACCORDING TO YOUR CHAPTER TITLE.*

I will break rule 5 just once to begin the story......

*Chapter 1*
*--THE BIRTHDAY CAKE--*

It was a wet morning and I didn't want to drive to the market for eggs, so I went next door to borrow some from Roberta.

*****(someone continue with one sentence)*****


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta didn't have any eggs in the refrigerator so she went out back to the chicken house and picked out a whole dozen fresh eggs.


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## QSis (Nov 1, 2008)

I always hesitated going over there, since Roberta's house bore a strong resemblance to the Bates' creepy house in "Psycho".


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

The neighborhood just hasn't been the same since they moved in.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

the roof of the house has lots of moss hanging over the sides and there are lots of black spiders.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

I pre-heated the oven and put the cake in when I noticed that someone from the 'phycho house nex door' was peeking through the upstairs window at me.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

the person that peeking through the upstairs window at me looked like a scraggily old man with long grey hair and torn off finger nails.


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## B'sgirl (Nov 1, 2008)

I struggled to close the blinds but they were stuck, and so I was I facing the ghoulish figure in the house next door.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

I was frightened, I could tell that the person peering back at me was not Roberta, I thought she lived alone.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

I went back over to Roberta's house and explained to her that someone was peering through her upstairs window at me and i asked her if she had anyone living with her.


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## QSis (Nov 1, 2008)

I was torn between going back over to talk to Roberta, and staying home to tend the cake that I was making for my favorite person in the world.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta explaned to me that she has a brother that was just released from a mental hospital and he was now living with her because he had no where else to go.


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## babetoo (Nov 1, 2008)

roberta says it is really hard to care for him.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta also explained that her brother likes to wonder around aimlessly at night while she is sleeping and recommends that I keep all my doors and windows locked.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta said that her brother is rather harmless but when he roams around at night he makes a lot of noise and gets the neighbors dogs barking and the barking dogs gets the neighbors all woke up.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

At that moment we heard a loud crash coming from the room upstairs and smoke was coming from the window.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta started to cough and to run up the stairs calling her brothers name as she ran " CHARLIE"..!!!


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

charlie came rolling down the stairs yelling "Roberta" and as he got to the bottom of the stairs he turned and looked at Roberta and screamed BOOOOOOOOOOO!.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

In his right hand he held a candle shaped like a pumkin a tiny glow coming from it's mouth and a puff of smoke from it's lid.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta screamed "what are you doing"? and at that point charlie dropped the candle and ran toward the front door.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

I picked up the candle blew out the flame and then followed the two of them out to the front steps.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

charlie started running down the street howling like a wolf and was passing out milk bones to all the neighbor dogs.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

There were a few cats following along behind looking sad and hungry.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

and charlie said to the cats "let me run back home and get Roberts leftover fish that is in the refrigerator


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

So we all turned around and started running in the other direction.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

charlie ran back home, grabbed robertas leftover fish and just as roberta yelled "hey! where you going with that" in a flash charlie was out the door.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta being tired decided not to follow this time and instead just grabbed the phone to call animal control.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

Animal control said they were 'on the way' so she quickly hopped in the car to try to find Charlie, "please God, don't let him disappear again!"


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 1, 2008)

As she searched for Charlie, driving around the neighborhood in her Yugo it started to rain.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

The rain gave the air a fresh new smell but made the night driving difficult.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 1, 2008)

Suddenly her trusty Yugo came to a sudden stop without her setting a foot on the brake peddle.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

CRASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She hit something ...but what was it??


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

Roberta quickly got out of the car only to find a bicycle, bent, but no one around.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 1, 2008)

She started to get out of her car, but she hessitated when she heard a moaning sound.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

it was a large rock. the largest rock she'd ever seen.


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

What had she hit, who was making that horrid sound??


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

(there are now more than 30 posts)

*chapter 2*
*AT THE HOSPITAL*


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## pdswife (Nov 1, 2008)

Charlie, now in custody of drs. began to tell a stange story about little people covered with pink and yellow stripes.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

Charlie's story quickly began to circulate around the nursing stations.


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## lifesaver (Nov 1, 2008)

when charlie began to see nurses with greem spots and he began to yell and spin in circles


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## chefmaloney (Nov 1, 2008)

A couple of the nurses recognized Charlie from the mental hospital they used to work at.


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## smoke king (Nov 1, 2008)

Considering he'd undergone a lobotomy, they found his improvement nothing short of miraculous!!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

Althought he psychosurgery seemed successful, the doctors and nurses had no idea why he was repeated singing the same song, over and over again, "Danke Shoen."


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## jpmcgrew (Nov 2, 2008)

They did notice however that as long as Charlie was singing he did not have the nervous twitches and tics that he has suffered with his whole life.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 2, 2008)

A more throrough investigation revealed that back in the early 90's he had fallen into a vat of unrefined balsamic vinegar and when they pulled him out he looked exactly like Wayne Newton.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

The doctors and nurses soon found themselves all singing Danke Shoen as the were examining Charlie.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

and there sat poor ole charlie gazing at the nurses and thinking to himself "i wonder if these gals are all ok".


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

Over the loud speaker in the emergency room, Charlie heard them call, "Dr. Newton to the emergency room, Dr. Wayne Newton to the emergency room STAT."


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

just then charlie jumped to his feet and began to dance around the room


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

Charlie danced his heart out, doing the Mombo, the Hustle, a little Two Step and than he finished it off with a Hand Jive.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

Roberta talked with the doctors and nurses and they decided that charlie was doing a lot better and that he should be released to go back home.


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## pdswife (Nov 2, 2008)

Before picking up Charlie Roberta stopped at the local travel agancy and bought two tickets to France, thinking that a nice vacation would be good for both her and her and her beloved brother


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## expatgirl (Nov 2, 2008)

a brother????? how boring is that..........jest kidding............really, I'm jest kidding.............


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

as Roberta and Charlie pulled in to the drideway of her brother (Daniel) Daniel came out the front door to see who it was and saw Roberta and Charlie and greeted them both with lots of hugs and kisses.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

Roberta told Daniel about their impending trip to France and invited him to come along.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

Daniel was all in agreement about the trip and the three of them ran into Daniel's house to help Daniel pack his things.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

As Roberta helped Daniel pack they realized that Charlie was way too quiet.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

Charlie had gone into Daniel's kitchen and helped himself to the refrigerator and found a picher full of iced tea and got a glass full.


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## pdswife (Nov 2, 2008)

To the ice tea he added half an ounce of sour cream and 2 tablespoons of sugar a concoction he'd heard about from the famous R. Rae.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

Roberta just couldn't believe that Rachel Ray would give Charlie such a recipe so Daniel ran and picked up his telephone and emediately called the food network.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

At the Food Network, Emeril Lagasse answered the phone


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## pdswife (Nov 2, 2008)

Hello, " can I take your order please?"


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## babetoo (Nov 2, 2008)

he has been doing temporary jobs, since his show is going off t.v.


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## lifesaver (Nov 2, 2008)

And Just When Is This Expected To Happen???????????


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 2, 2008)

We don't know when it's going to happen, but when it does...BAM!


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## babetoo (Nov 2, 2008)

lifesaver said:


> And Just When Is This Expected To Happen???????????


 
they did not renew his contract for emerel live. i did hear there is one not sure of name but has to do with green cooking or whatever.really just saw in news somewhere and really did not pay that much attention.


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## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 2, 2008)

Roberta said; "I don't have an order but would like to speak with Rachel Ray, uh please, and oh by the way, sorry about your bad luck, and, uh, I know this place in Province that could use your skills."


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## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 2, 2008)

Roberta said; "I don't have an order but would like to speak with Rachel Ray, uh please, and oh by the way, sorry about your bad luck, and, um, I know this place in Province that could use your skills."


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## jessicacarr (Nov 3, 2008)

With a sudden jerk, I awoke and realized it had all been a dream..."Whew!  That's the last time I will eat jalepenos before I go to sleep!"


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## pdswife (Nov 3, 2008)

I decided that a cold glass of milk and a handful of my homemade chocolate chip cookies was just what I needed so I slipped on my slippers and skipped downstairs.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 3, 2008)

As I skipped down the stairs my heel got caught on the hem of my nightgown and I started to plummet head first down 200 feet of stairs.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 3, 2008)

I woke up with a big lump on my head and realized I needed something cold to put on it but all I had was some frozen homemade lemon sorbet.


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## pdswife (Nov 3, 2008)

Though messy it did taste good as it melted slowly into my mouth.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 3, 2008)

After I finished consuming all the sorbet I realized that I was quite messy and jumped in the shower.


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## pdswife (Nov 3, 2008)

The water was warm and the vanilla soap was just the right scent to wake me completely.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 3, 2008)

As a matter of fact the vanilla soap smelled so good I ate the whole bar.


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## jessicacarr (Nov 3, 2008)

*LOL...nah, I didn't eat the soap, but since i was wide awake, i toweled off, slipped into a comfy set of pajamas and curled up into a good movie with a hot cup of chamomile tea.*


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 3, 2008)

As I watched the movie, which was Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes and sipped on my chamomile tea I realized that I hate chamomile tea and wished I hadn't run out of coffee this morning, because I could really go for a cup o' joe.


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## pdswife (Nov 4, 2008)

Not that drinking coffee at 2:00am in the morning is a good idea.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 4, 2008)

*chapter 3*

*the french riviera*


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## smoke king (Nov 4, 2008)

Ah oui!! The "French" Riviera-in truth, it was actually a Buick Riviera, but since I _always_ wore a Beret while driving it...


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 4, 2008)

I thought calling it The French Riviera was more fitting and I always had a dream of going to the French Riviera.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 4, 2008)

The first thing I wanted to do when I got there was try one of those wonderful sidewalk cafes but I lost my english>french translation book and I couldn't figure out how to say "ketchup" in french.


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## smoke king (Nov 5, 2008)

So, in the spirit of Mcgyver, I decided to utilize what I had-Some Kyser broiler foil, some Aunt Jemima syrup and a pair of blunt scissors!!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 5, 2008)

I decided I wasn't hungry after all so I rented a bicycle and asked directions to the nearest vinyard.


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## smoke king (Nov 6, 2008)

Just my luck-I arrived just in time for a tasting!!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 6, 2008)

I was offered a taste of wine, which led to another taste, and another, and another, 72 taste tests later...


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## africhef (Nov 6, 2008)

I stumbled across a smoking caterpillar, who gave me directions to a tea party.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 6, 2008)

I followed his directions to the tea party, but no sooner was I there sipping some chamomile tea that I realize again that I hate tea, so I asked the server for a strong cup of 100% columbian.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 6, 2008)

This is the strongest cup of coffee I've ever had and I find myself extremely full of energy and more jittery than Mrs. Olsen.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 7, 2008)

I find myself looking for a way to burn off this caffiene buzz, so I take a walk downtown and what do I see?


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## africhef (Nov 7, 2008)

Revived after the coffee, decided to explore this wonderous and strange little village.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 7, 2008)

I soon grew tired of this two bit town, so I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was dry.


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## smoke king (Nov 7, 2008)

A dry levy held no interest for me, so I decided to leave-thats when I noticed the strange man in the bowler hat.......


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 7, 2008)

The strange man cast an erie shadow across the moonlit street and it gave me a feeling of impending doom.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 7, 2008)

I was completely petrified as the strange man came nearer and nearer to me (I thought I caught a whiff of garlic as he approached the streetlamp) and I suddenly  realized it was none other than the famous chef Jude W. Theriot!!!


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## smoke king (Nov 8, 2008)

Much to my surprise, and quite coincidentally I might add, Chef Theriot was in search of some Kaiser broiler foil, some Aunt Jamima syrup and a pair of blunt scissors!!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 8, 2008)

My curiousity got the better of me and I had to ask him, why the syrup?


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## africhef (Nov 8, 2008)

He said his wife needed the syrup for her new weight-loss plan, and all the stores were sold out, as it was all the rage now.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 8, 2008)

I finished my conversation with Chef Theriot and decided to head back home.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 8, 2008)

It was an unusually bumpy flight and we had to make an emergency landing in TimBuckToo where the airline put us all up at the Timbuck Four Seasons Hotel.


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## QSis (Nov 8, 2008)

Legend has it that the hotel is haunted by the ghosts of celebrities who have stayed there.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 8, 2008)

As I settled in my hotel room and was almost asleep, I heard a very faint knocking on my hotel room door.


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## QSis (Nov 8, 2008)

I opened the door just a crack, and saw standing there, with martinis in hand, Gregory Peck, Cary Grant, Bette Davis and Joan Crawford.


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## pdswife (Nov 8, 2008)

Hello, they all cried at once as they stepped in my door and handed me a kaluha and cream.


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## QSis (Nov 8, 2008)

Cary swept me into his arms and started to dance me around the floor, calling me "Judy" the whole time.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 8, 2008)

Bette just stood in the doorway smoking like it was her last cigarette saying something about 'writing a letter to daddy' and 'hanging on tight----bumpy ride' ---
couldn't get the rest.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 8, 2008)

Suddenly I heard Joan shout, " Three hundred dollar dresses on wire hangers."


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## chefmaloney (Nov 9, 2008)

When I woke up I was home in my own bed and some ghastly woman was standing over me holding a flower of garlic in one hand, a pot holder in the other saying "oy, kvetch, I see you are awake now darlink, and how about I should give to you some nice chicken soup?"


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## africhef (Nov 9, 2008)

Problem is I was now lost and without transportation.


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## pdswife (Nov 9, 2008)

not knowing where I was I decided to go to the internet and google maps.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 9, 2008)

As I searched the internet for my whereabouts I asked myself, "What is a Google anyway?"


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## chefmaloney (Nov 11, 2008)

After seaching through all 2,335,564,000 results I was more confused than ever and decided to forget about google and look up a recipe for roast duck with orange sauce.


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## pdswife (Nov 11, 2008)

It said to preheat my oven to 350 but... I don't have an oven so I decided to drive to Burger king instead.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 12, 2008)

I knew when I got there that they would hold the pickles, hold the lettuce, special orders won't upset them, all they ask is that I let them serve it my way, but did I have what it takes to handle a whopper, the two fisted burger, at Burger King.

(Good golly, I love this thread)


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## africhef (Nov 12, 2008)

It was obvious to the staff that the whopper was to much of a whopper, plus they did not like serving foot traffic.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 12, 2008)

So I left disgusted thinking, "my foots are just as good as anybody elses foots, why don't they like serving foot traffic?"


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## africhef (Nov 12, 2008)

This was a riddle that I could not solve, but knew of a lion in the wetlands that could steer me in the right direction.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 12, 2008)

But when I got there I heard... in the wetlands, the mighty wetlands, the lion sleeps tonight, aweema whip, aweema whip, aweema whip, aweema whip.


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## africhef (Nov 12, 2008)

Annoyed at this turn of events, I very rudely  prodded this lazy lion awake, and started singing in my awful voice.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 12, 2008)

*"Hey has anybody seen my, Sweet Gypsy Rose?"*


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## chefmaloney (Nov 12, 2008)

I didn't get any applause, however I did get a job offer at some local nightclub called Dirty Dan's


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 13, 2008)

Realizing that I was in a financial bind, I jump at the job offer and tried not to read to much into the name of the place.


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## pdswife (Nov 13, 2008)

I knew that it was a big mistake the second I walked in the door!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 13, 2008)

As my eyes scanned the room thru the smoke I couldn't help but notice the person on stage dancing what seemed to be the Irish Jig.


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## pdswife (Nov 13, 2008)

Sadly, the 200 pound woman wasn't wearing much of anything, just a green hat and a very tight swim suit.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 13, 2008)

She bore an incredible likeness to Julia Child, (whom I had studied the culinary arts with for 5 years on channel 13).


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## pdswife (Nov 13, 2008)

The main difference being ...the long gray beard that the dancer wore proudly braided down to her belly button.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 13, 2008)

When it was discovered that 'this was no lady' the bouncers tossed her (it) out back on the railroad track.


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## pdswife (Nov 13, 2008)

Now... you'd think that I'd feel safer with her (it) being gone but as soon as she left the stage the two men in the bar began to yell and scream saying " WE want Mable back!"


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## chefmaloney (Nov 13, 2008)

Now.... mind you....I was thinking about how I could take Mable's place by going back to my room in the sleezy motel next door to pick up my green hat and bikini, but I knew I could never pull off the braided beard part.


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## pdswife (Nov 13, 2008)

I decided to go to the costume shop in town to see if they had a fake beard I could use.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

It seems they were all out of fake beards, so I decided to go with the platinum blonde bee hive wig instead.


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## africhef (Nov 14, 2008)

And a itsy-bitsy polka dot string bikini.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

I hurried into my wig and bikini and nervously jumped on stage to take Mable's place at the pole.


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## africhef (Nov 14, 2008)

With my eyes closed I danced to the music, until heard the shocked and dismayed voices and realized I was dancing on my sons high school stage.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

"OH, goodness" I thought..."how am I going to explaina this to the PTA?"


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

But I soon realized that the high school principle was also clad in a bikini and wig dancing right along side me, and the voices I heard were actually cheers and shouts, along with dollar bills being waved in our faces and tucked in our bikini bottoms.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

"This is so going to pay for all those new typewriters" I thought as I continued to jiggle my way around the stage.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

We danced are fannies off all night, only to realize that the money they were stuffing in our bikini bottoms was Monopoly money.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

Now we would have to have that bake sale after all...


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

So at the next PTA meeting I made the proposal to hold a bake sale during the big Homecoming Game, we the Mighty Tinkerbelles -vs- the Pee Ridge Dandielions.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

After decided to hold the bake sale I went home and took out all my cookbooks and decied to make three different kinds of cookies.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

I decided I would make chocolate chip cookies, chocolate chocolate chip cookies and chocolate chunk cookies.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

My son said that we should also sell some ice cold milk at the sale so off to Safeway I went.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 14, 2008)

*chapter 4*

*the high school bake sale*
*(sponsored by the class of 2009)*


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

I opened the door to the gym and could smell all the wonderful cookies.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 14, 2008)

chocolate chip cookies, chocolate mint cookies, chocolate chunk cookies, chocolate macadamia nut cookies, chocolate chocolate cookies.........mmmmmmmmm........


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

I knew that somewhere there had to be a plate of chocolate brownies with my name on it so I started searching.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 14, 2008)

As I searched thru all the wonderful deserts I saw it from across the room, the plate of brownies, and for some odd reason my name was written on them with icing, but how did they know my name.


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

Then I looked up and saw who was selling them, it was my highschool boyfriend Markie Mike Mallonne!!!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 14, 2008)

Markie must not have recognized me because he just looked at me and said: "Hey lady, ya wanna buy some chocolate brownies to help support our school?"


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

Now I know that highschool was a long time ago but had I really changed that much?


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## chefmaloney (Nov 14, 2008)

Next thing I know, Markie leans over the table and plants a big fat kiss right smack dab on my lips! WOWEEEEEEEeeeeeee


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## pdswife (Nov 14, 2008)

It was love all over again and boy had I waited for this day to come!!!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 14, 2008)

I called everyone I know and in no time Markie had sold out all of the brownies and he was just standing there staring at me with a glazed look in his eyes saying: "ya wanna go to Burger King with me?"


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## smoke king (Nov 14, 2008)

As we made our way to BK, I found myself torn-should I tell him about the "incident" in New Orleans-or was it too soon?


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## pdswife (Nov 15, 2008)

Would he hold my sins against me or forgive me as all men of God are taught to do?


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 15, 2008)

We arrived at BK and went inside only to find they were all out of beef, chicken and those odd square shaped fish patties, just then he looked deeply into my eyes and with an italian accent said, "2 all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun?"


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## pdswife (Nov 15, 2008)

And off we ran to Micky D's where we also order fries and two large vanilla shakes.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 15, 2008)

As we ate our french fries like the Lady and the Tramp eating spaghetti our lips touched softly and I realized why I wouldn't go out with him in highschool.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 15, 2008)

I thought I had overcome my phobia but as our lips gently touched for the second time I realized it was something I could never conquer on my own.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 16, 2008)

I still have lipdoslowpokodoto, a fear of big lipped slow pokes and I had to get help, serious help.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 16, 2008)

As these thoughts were racing through my mind, Markie looked at me with his dreamy melting eyes and said: "I want to ask you something very important, something I've had on my mind ever since I saw you again......... will you........that is..............
would you............split a double bacon cheeseburger with me?"


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## pdswife (Nov 16, 2008)

"can we double up on the bacon too?"


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 16, 2008)

I couldn't believe what I was hearing, all my dreams were about to come true, when all of a sudden, BING BANG BOOM!


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## pdswife (Nov 16, 2008)

Maybe, kissing wasn't so important anyways...maybe we could show our love
by sharing beef patties!


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## expatgirl (Nov 16, 2008)

and then there was SQ yelling.........PG,,,,,,,,,PG.......PG.......


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## pdswife (Nov 16, 2008)

PG also known as Patrick Goodyard was slowly pushing his lawn mower around his yard and Suzi was trying to get his attention as he was about to run over his mothers prize rose bush.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 16, 2008)

She tried everything in her power to get his attention, as a last resort she picked up a garden gnome and hurled it across the yard.


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## pdswife (Nov 16, 2008)

Sadly, when it hit PG in the head he let go of the mower and it continued to roll...right over the roses and the daisy bush..


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 17, 2008)

Rose petals were flying every where and as they gently landed on the nicely manicured lawn, it was then that Markie said, "Hey we might as well put those rose petals to good use and get hitched."


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## africhef (Nov 17, 2008)

The garden gnome crashed into the lawn mower in an explosion of plaster dust, releasing the  trapped evil genie.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 17, 2008)

No wait, it wasn't an evil Genie, it was Barbara Eden in her skimpy pink genie outfit and she was looking for Major Nelson.


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## pdswife (Nov 17, 2008)

"OH Major, where are you?"


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 17, 2008)

All of a sudden Col. Bellows appeared and he informed them that Major's Nelson and Healy had to fly out on a top secret mission that was very dangerous, but fear not that spunky Blanche Devereaux was along for the ride to take care of them.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 17, 2008)

Well, Jeannie had other ideas because the next thing you know she crossed her arms, nodded her head, and blinked Major's Nelson, Healy & Markie to the National Chili Cookoff in Texas where they were all suddenly sitting as judges.


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## pdswife (Nov 17, 2008)

There they sat in the red striped tent eating bowl after bowl of texan chili.


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## expatgirl (Nov 18, 2008)

yeehaw.......Texas.......they had a grand time...................(hey, I have to let them have a grand time don't I)


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## expatgirl (Nov 18, 2008)

we'll check in tomorrow.............


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 18, 2008)

The chili kept flowing like the Rio Grande.


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## africhef (Nov 18, 2008)

After all that chili they realized that gluttony was a gaseous sin.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 18, 2008)

Suddenly thay all screamed at the same time, "Where's the Beano?"


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## pdswife (Nov 18, 2008)

Sadly NOBODY had thought to bring any so off we all ran to the local safeway.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 18, 2008)

They all got to the Safeway, only to find it closed, just than Major Nelson said, "Quick, to the Piggly Wiggly," "Yeah, let er' rip," said Markie.


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## expatgirl (Nov 18, 2008)

let her rip.........yep...... there were men on board...........all was fine........then the ship monitor registered a problem..........apparently their orbital monitoring system was going off-center............noone showed outward anxiety but things were terribly wrong...........then................


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## pdswife (Nov 18, 2008)

Bang!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Boooooooooooooooooooooooom!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 18, 2008)

There was a hole in the side of the ship the size of Texas and they knew thay were goin' down fast.


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## pdswife (Nov 18, 2008)

They all put on their parachutes and jumped out through the hole..  as they began to near the ground they all sceamed "GET OUT OF THE WAY" to the people below.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

But try as they may, no one heard them and they were all crushed by the speeding locomotive, all but one that is.


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## africhef (Nov 19, 2008)

After shaking the debris out of my hair and freshening up my lipstick I sauntered off, to find the closest spa.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

After arriving at the spa I asked the girl at the front desk if the jacuzzi was open or did I have to reserve a time, in a soft and slow southern drawl she politely replied, "Whut?"


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

Is the jacauzzi open or do I need to make a reservation I asked the ditzy girl again.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

She just stared at me with that deer in the headlights look and said, "Hi, Welcome to
the Wannahockalougie Health Spa, How can I help you?"


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

I decided to leave as quickly as I could so I jumped on my motor scooter and away I went.


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## expatgirl (Nov 19, 2008)

then the temperature gauge went up  and up and up........and my cell phone was totally kaput............noone to call to help and there I was in the middle of rush hour traffic....not one single male even offered to help........not one............then.........


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

wouldn't ya know it... a very nice lady stopped to ask if I need help and I couldn't help but notice that she looked very much like a Greek Godess


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

No that wasn't a Greek Godess, it was none other than Charro and she was looking for her Koochi Koochi.


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

I told her she might be able to find it back at the  Wannahockalougie Health Spa and that if she hurried she might even get a 20% coupon!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 19, 2008)

The traffic was jammed trying to get to the Wannahockalougie Spa due to the fact that someone crashed trying to avoid the KoochiKoochi which she must have dropped while the boys were whistling at her.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

A turnip truck overturned, along with a tanker truck of pasturized milk and a Wisconsin Cheese delivery truck, people were running up to the mashed mess with forks drawn ready to eat.


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

I've got some salt and pepper for you said Markie!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

"Why thank you," said Major Nelson, "but where's Genie?"


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## pdswife (Nov 19, 2008)

From the crowd came a little voice "here I am, Major!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 19, 2008)

Genie couldn't see wasting all of that precious milk so she immediately had the common sense to 'pop up' a cheese factory in downtown Hockalugie which created hundreds of jobs and helped the local economy with the Hockalugie Cheese Factory.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 19, 2008)

People were cuttin' the cheese all over town and you could smell the excitement in the air.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 21, 2008)

*            chapter 5*

*    i attend awanalerntokook*
*                          (an uknown culinary arts school)*


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 21, 2008)

My first day of school at Awanalerntokook Culinary Arts Academy, so far so good.


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## pdswife (Nov 21, 2008)

Today's guest teacher was none other than the famous Paula Dean,  "hi today we will learn how to bake gooey chocolate cookies using five pounds of sweet butter"!


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 21, 2008)

Ahh butter, surely that had to be Paula Deen, but why didn't she say Ya'll after that Hi?


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## pdswife (Nov 21, 2008)

Paula gave a little laugh and said "I'm trying to become "cityfied" so I'm dropping my southern accent.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 21, 2008)

This is just wrong I thought, Paula Deen without a southern accent is like Paula Deen without Maynaise (as she pronounces it).


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## chefmaloney (Nov 21, 2008)

So they ordered a freighter full of butter and the entire class made Gooey Chocolate Cookies and while they were baking Paula told the class: "Y'all go on ahaid and hep yersefs to some chips 'n' maynaise whall them cookies are a'baykin".(hard as she tried her southern accent kept on a'slip'n out)


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## pdswife (Nov 21, 2008)

"Do I smell something burning?"  Asked Jimmy as he munched on his 200th chip.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 21, 2008)

The entire first batch of gooey chocolate cookies had been forgotten about and was burned to a crisp!


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## pdswife (Nov 21, 2008)

oh what a smell..and oh what a racket the fire alarms made as they went off!!!


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## chefmaloney (Nov 21, 2008)

There was so much smoke that fire departments from cities all around showed up but we weren't fined because they all finished off our second batch of chocolate gooey cookies and left extremely happy with recipes in hand.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 22, 2008)

Soon the class was over and I had to leave, but oh how I looked forward to tomorrow's class with guest speaker...


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## pdswife (Nov 22, 2008)

Bucky Tom, the famous chef from the DC area.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 22, 2008)

Everyone was excoted about Bucky Tom coming to the classroom as a guest speaker, the topic was ...


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## chefmaloney (Nov 24, 2008)

*'How To Make Congressional Bean Soup Without Really Trying'*


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 24, 2008)

The topic was perfect for me because I would try anything as long as I don't have to try.


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

The first thing Bucky did was say to the class: "Can any of you imagine anything worse than a room full of congressmen after eating bean soup for lunch?"
(of course everyone knew that that was impossible because they are always at lunch and never return afterwards unless of course they need to vote on an increase in pay for themselves before breaking for vacation)(oopppss....hope this isn't too 'political')


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## pdswife (Nov 25, 2008)

The first thing we have to do is soak the beans for 24 hours...lets go to the bar and have a drink while they are soaking.....


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

Good idea, "margarita on the rocks no salt please" this gives me a great idea for next weeks class.


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## pdswife (Nov 25, 2008)

Bucky was looking proud as he told of his plan  "next week we'll be flying to Mexico to a tequlia farm to learn the process of tequila farming!!"


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

"We will study the life of the Agave cactus and learn to make our own tequila"


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## pdswife (Nov 25, 2008)

"Does everyone have their passports?"


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

"Now class, while those beans are soaking lets be chopping our onions, sip of your drink, mincing garlic, sip of your drink, cutting those carrots in rounds, sip of your drink, and don't forget to chop some par-hic, some pars-hic, some parsley and hic....
oh.... forget it"


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## pdswife (Nov 25, 2008)

just sip your drink and wipe up any spills you make...


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

can someone please grab the mop?


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## pdswife (Nov 25, 2008)

"will this bar rag work instead?" Asked a very drunk Paula who has snuck back in the room as soon as the booze appeared


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## chefmaloney (Nov 25, 2008)

After wiping up all the spills (with 3 bar rags) Bucky asked the class to please return to the classroom and concentrate on the task at hand, that being the bean soup recipe and getting those passport photos taken in time for the trip to Mexico.


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 26, 2008)

Once the individual passport photos were taken, Paula shouted, "O.K. Everybody, group shot!"


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## chefmaloney (Nov 26, 2008)

However, Bucky misunderstood what was meant by 'group shot' and he lined-up shots of tequila for the entire class which they immediately downed with sliced lime & sea salt. hic


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## getoutamykitchen (Nov 27, 2008)

After 37 rounds of group shots they soon found themselves dancing in a circle doing the Hokey Pokey as Bucky was ...


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## africhef (Nov 29, 2008)

dancing  the polka on a table with the floor mop.


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## expatgirl (Nov 29, 2008)

boy, the floor never looked shinier.........maybe this is what is meant being on the floor of Congress.......which reminded Bucky once his queasy stomach stopped churning was to get back to business at hand.......so.......


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## expatgirl (Nov 29, 2008)

addendum:  Bucky had waltzed that mop from the table down to the floor and then the above happened.......


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## Chef Ryan (Feb 3, 2009)

Bucky took the mop and cleaned the entire kitchen


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