# Alcoholism.



## Corey123 (Aug 14, 2006)

Are you, a family member or a dear friend that you have, an alcoholic? Do you know how to get help for that person, or do you have any suggestions on how to help someone who is an alocoholic? 

I have a dear friend whom I met in May who is an alcoholic. He loves to drink on weekends, and this past weekend, he drank to excess. He mainly drinks shots of vodka and beer I felt at the time when I first met him, that he was reaching out for help and that he didn't know who to turn to. I STILL feel that way. 

He told me that he wants me to be his mentor, and I told him that I'd be very happy to. Oh, his girlfriend is also an alcoholic! He IS in a program during the week which helps him stay clean (no alcohol in his urine). He also told me that I'm the best friend that he's ever had. 

He told me that his alcoholism goes back to when he was at home with his siblings and parents and he was rejected by them all. I really want to help him get over this, and I've been trying so hard, but I can only do so much. Hopefully, he'll at least slow down soon and ween himself off of it, but I want him to be in good health.

I know what alcohol can do to some people. I lost one of my brothers to alcoholism and diabetes, and I don't want to lose my friend to anything tragic. Any suggestions?


~Corey123.


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## Half Baked (Aug 14, 2006)

I divorced an alcoholic and I don't believe anyone can do anything. It is all up to the alcoholic to want to change. If he's not drinking during the week suggest he go to AA on the weekends.

The first thing I suggest is that he dump the girlfriend. He doesn't need a drinking partner.

He is blaming his family for his failures. He can go to therapy and the therapist will let him know that although he had a bad family life, now his choices are his alone. 

I suggest you not become his "mentor". When his drinking is out of line, he sees you as the controlling father figure and he can become verbally (or physically) abusive if you try to come between him and his alcohol...throw the girlfriend into mix and I see a disaster just waiting to happen.

If he will go to AA, he'll have a mentor who he can call day and night and who won't take excuses. If you choose to remain friends with him, plan evenings or outings that don't involve alcohol. If he insists on drinking, then you leave. I can't say this enough times...he drinks, you leave. No matter what.

Having been through this, I'm tough now. I went the supportive route and held him for years while he cried about how sorry he was and it would never happen again. BS. They have to make the decision to quit....we can't do a thing about it.


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## Corey123 (Aug 14, 2006)

I don't think he'll drink elsewhere. From what I've been observing, he won't drink away from his area. And yes, I've taken them BOTH out for lunch and dinner, and they've shown no desire to drink during that time at all. I think they feel safer drinking in their stomping ground (neighborhood) because they are not too far from home and they can walk back to their apartment.

He mainly drinks in his neighborhood (they both do). Also, he was once homeless and so he must depend on his girlfriend for a place to stay (they stay down the main street from me).

It is now much too hard for me to turn away from him! I just don't have the heart to do that. And I DID suggest to them that they BOTH start going to AA meetings.

His girlfriend told me that she once tried it and walked out. So, she doesn't seem to want to get the help, I imagine. 

And yes, it IS mainly HIS decision to either stop or get the help that he so desperately needs. He really is a nice person and he depends on me for support and suggestions as well as for brotherly companionship. He sometimes sort of has the mind of a small child, especially when he drinks he seems to lok so pitiful, sad and lonely. I'm not sure if it's his brain function or not. And he also said that he's skitzopranic and suffers from some depression at times.

And yes, you're right, he SHOULD DUMP his girlfriend, or at least seperate from her for a while, but he'll end up back out in the streets with no place to go, and I don't want that to happen either!! I think she's holding him back.

They both have some issues with disability and are on a fixed income. But to turn my back on him, I just can't do it. It's not in me to do something like that.
I'll be his best friend no matter what. But I'm not giving up on him. I'll still try to help him and hope that he'll do the right thing.


~Corey123.


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## Half Baked (Aug 14, 2006)

> And he also said that he's skitzopranic and suffers from some depression at times


 
That is another reason to get into therapy. He obviously needs medication. There are free clinics everywhere that help people on a limited income, especially if there is a disability. If he is on some type of disability do to his mental problems and is receiving money from the government, I'm surprised they will support him if he isn't in a program.

You say you are helping to support him. Have you read about 'enablers'? You've only known these people since May and it looks like he has found someone who is sympathetic and latched on to you.

IMHO, I'd be very wary of this relationship. 

I suggest that you Google enablers and see if you fit the profile.  I know I sound harsh and cold but I have been through this with my ex and a roommate.  It won't happen to me again.


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## pdswife (Aug 14, 2006)

A hug for you for wanting to help.
Listen to Half Baked.  She has good advice.

TAKE CARE OF YOU... you're in a dangerous spot.


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## Corey123 (Aug 14, 2006)

How is it a dangerous spot for me?

My dear late brother was also an alcoholic. And I've dealt with alcoholics for many years.


~Corey123.


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## ChefJune (Aug 14, 2006)

Hugs to you Corey, for caring enough to want to help him.  Keep on loving your friend, just know that YOU cannot help him.  Only HE and trained professionals can give him the help he needs and he DOES need it!  Your prayers and your friendship are the best gifts you can give him, as well as reminding him whenever he begs you for help that you can be his friend, but not his mentor.  He does need an AA member for that, and if he is going to AA, he does have one.  Sometimes it helps for friends like you to go to Al Anon.  This is a great program that can help you NOT be an enabler, as well as to understand what it does take to help someone like your friend.

You might want to check that out.


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## phu (Aug 14, 2006)

HB, a lot of that is certainly true, but it seems a little presumptuous to tell him to abandon this person whom he considers a friend without knowing more than you've read in a thread on the internet.

Aside from that... Corey, it's very cool that you're trying to help him, but HB seems to know her stuff, and it's good advice.  Helping him at this point is more a matter of getting him to help himself and perhaps backing off a little bit.

I definitely would not just drop someone who considers you a friend (even if it is partially for the sympathy), especially someone who obviously needs a hand, even if it's not yours.

[ edit: FYI, AA is not for atheists, in case that affects your/his/her situation ]


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## pdswife (Aug 14, 2006)

Cory... I grew up with family members that were/are alcoholics  I believe that they can be dangerous to your body, your mind and to your heart.


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 14, 2006)

AA is not for everyone and has very poor success rates.    Also be aware that AA is based on religion.  They say "spirituality" but that is not true.  It eventually all boils down to christian religion.  

Read about it here.    www.rational.org

"The American addiction tragedy is not so much that the addicted                        are leading the addicted, but that the professional community                        has endorsed the Addictive Voice of the recovery group movement.                        Accordingly, our social service system now requires all                        addicted people to remain in addiction, in a tentatively                        abstinent condition known as "in recovery."

                      It is not surprising that when addicted people provide guidance                        to other addicted people, the abstinent outcome is near                        zero. Those who leave recovery groups or undertake recovery                        through self-restraint do much better than those who remain                        in recovery groups or addiction treatment programs, according                        to sources including AA's official publication, _The Grapevine._                      In May, 2001 _The Grapevine_ reported that over 60% of all                        successful recoveries occur independently, without the use                        of recovery groups, professional counseling, or addiction                        treatment programs.  AA's 1989 Triennial Membership Survey disclosed that about 2% of newcomers are consistently                        abstinent after five years of program participation."

 (AA no longer publishes it's results)

i've been drinking since i was 14 and was a fall down drunk for a couple of years, having to be hospitalized twice, and nearly dying one time.  I went to a 12 Step based(aa) inhouse rehab facility and detoxed there.  The AA aspect of recovery is similar to a cult, very strange, and is definitely not for everyone.  But most rehab places are 12 step based, and you can actually learn alot from their lectures, and it is certainly interesting to hear people's stories of alcohol and drug abuse and how they have either risen above it or been consumed by it.

Personally, i have never gone to an AA meeting since i got out of rehab, i use rational recovery, it's all in your head.

AA teaches you alcoholism is a disease while there are no medical facts to prove this.  AA also teaches you that you will be an alcoholic for the rest of your life, that you can't just QUIT, you have to take it one day at a time

this is absolutely false.  If your friend is bad enough of an alcoholic that he will go into withdrawals if he stops drinking, like i was, then i suggest he go into an inpatient rehab.  If he is particularly religious, he may even like AA.  But as i said, their success rates are not high.  And the 12 step based  and meetings you attend in an inpatient rehab are filled with healthcare professionals giving lectures, so you still learn some.

the AA meetings on the outside have no healthcare professionals, it is just a fellowship of addicts.

AA is not for everyone and i urge you to check out the heaps of literature exposing the BS about AA, and to check out Rational Recovery.  It is a mind trick/exercise.

  It has worked for me very well.


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 14, 2006)

If you are considering using AA i would also suggest you read this.

http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-aalies.html

an excerpt:

[FONT=Times,Roman] At the beginning of every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, someone reads out loud a plastic-laminated document that says, among other things, that this Twelve-Step program has rarely been known to fail, except for a few unfortunate people who are "constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves": [/FONT] 
[FONT=Times,Roman][FONT=Lucida,Utopia bold,Utopia,New Century Schoolbook,Helvetica,Charter,Arial,sans-serif] RARELY HAVE we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are those who cannot or will not give themselves completely to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born that way.
[/FONT] [SIZE=-1]A.A. _Big Book_, 3rd & 4th Editions, William G. Wilson, page 58. [/SIZE][/FONT]​   [FONT=Times,Roman]Nothing could be further from the truth. Even the most ardent true believers who will be honest about it recognize that A.A. and N.A. have at least 90% failure rates. And the real numbers are more like 95% or 98% or 100% failure rates. It depends on who is doing the counting, how they are counting, and what they are counting or measuring.  [/FONT]
 [FONT=Times,Roman]    A 5% success rate is nothing more than the rate of spontaneous remission in alcoholics and drug addicts. That is, out of any given group of alcoholics or drug addicts, approximately 5% per year will just wise up, and quit killing themselves.[SIZE=-1]6  They just get sick and tired of being sick and tired, and of watching their friends die. (And something between 1% and 3% of their friends do die annually, so that is a big incentive.) They often quit with little or no official treatment or help. Some actually detox themselves on their own couches, or in their own beds, or locked in their own closets. Often, they don't go to a lot of meetings. They just quit, all on their own, or with the help of a couple of good friends who keep them locked up for a few days while they go through withdrawal. A.A. and N.A. true believers insist that addicts can't successfully quit that way, but they do, every day. [/SIZE][/FONT]
 [FONT=Times,Roman]Every disease has a spontaneous remission rate. The rate for the common cold is basically 100 percent -- almost nobody ever dies just from a cold. On the other hand, diseases like cancer and Ebola have very low spontaneous remission rates -- left untreated, they are very deadly and few people recover from them. Alcoholism is in the middle. The Harvard Medical School reported that in the long run, the rate of spontaneous remission in alcoholics is slightly over 50 percent. That means that the annual rate of spontaneous remission is around 5 percent.  [/FONT]
 [FONT=Times,Roman]Thus, an alcoholism treatment program that seems to have a 5% success rate probably really has a *zero percent* success rate -- it is just taking credit for the spontaneous remission that is happening anyway. It is taking credit for the people who were going to quit anyway. And a program that has less than a five percent success rate, like four or three, may really have a *negative* success rate -- it is actually keeping some people from succeeding in getting clean and sober. Any success rate that is less than the usual rate of spontaneous remission indicates a program that is a real disaster and is hurting patients.  [/FONT]


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## Half Baked (Aug 14, 2006)

I definately agree that an inhouse recovery program is the best.

One thing I have learned about AA is a percentage of the people there are forced to attend by a judge after an incident of some type.  They will only go as long as the court orders.

We had great difficulty finding a recovery house for my roommate because she had no job, therefore no insurance, no money, depression sets in and she drank more.  It is a troublesome circle.


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 14, 2006)

Half Baked said:
			
		

> I definately agree that an inhouse recovery program is the best.
> 
> One thing I have learned about AA is a percentage of the people there are forced to attend by a judge after an incident of some type. They will only go as long as the court orders.
> 
> We had great difficulty finding a recovery house for my roommate because she had no job, therefore no insurance, no money, depression sets in and she drank more. It is a troublesome circle.



i didnt realize how dangerous it was at the final level of drinking.  I thought it took like 30 years of drinking every day to die.

I was wrong.


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## VeraBlue (Aug 14, 2006)

Sometimes a short and sweet answer is a good way to go...so I'll say this:  By all means, remain friends if that is possible, but you really should leave the help your friend needs to the professionals.  It's natural for you to want to help your friend, but wanting to help and actually being able to help are two entirely different things.  Don't permit yourself the luxury of thinking that you are the one who can cure him.  More than likely, you are wrong.


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## Zlatko (Aug 14, 2006)

i like to drink near every day, but also my friends do same and we always have a fun time.  with neighbor, and with friend we meet.  always with the drink comes good food, good music, good people, but bad next day.

maybe should I cut back, because alcohollism is seriosu thing.

also some times i loose important things when i drink, like wallet/key/pants (ha ha ha  )


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## karadekoolaid (Aug 14, 2006)

Corey, you're a real hero to support your friend like this. 
BUT it's tough love, mate. 
I have a close friend who (was) an alcoholic. Her husband pleaded with her, screamed at her, whined at her, begged her, prayed for her... zilch. 1 1/2 bottles of Vodka DAILY so he tied her up, put her in the car and took her to a private clinic, and said that if she didn't go in and dry out, he'd divorce her. 
It worked. 25 years marriage  - she never, ever drank another drop.
But it was HARD, HARD, HARD .


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 14, 2006)

"I have a close friend who (was) an alcoholic. Her husband pleaded with her, screamed at her, whined at her, begged her, prayed for her... zilch. 1 1/2 bottles of Vodka DAILY so he tied her up, put her in the car and took her to a private clinic, and said that if she didn't go in and dry out, he'd divorce her."

This is EXACTLY how i was.  I drank 1 litre of vodka a day, and would pass out, wake up, drink more, make messes, black out, do horrible things i wont get into

my fiance eventually just left the house and stayed out of town with her parents - she said i will come back when you check yourself in a rehab

went to rehab and i haven't drank since


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## Loprraine (Aug 14, 2006)

I have a friend who is an alcoholic.  He said noone could help him.  He had to reach rock bottom by himself.  Checked himself into rehab, and has done well.  I think it's the same with many addictions, gambling included.


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## Corey123 (Aug 15, 2006)

Thank you all for YOUR help and support! I truly appreciate what you said. I feel a litle better emotional wise.

Last night, I came home and began to cry after seeing my friend in the druken state he was in. I told him this and he felt bad that I got so overcome with saddness and sorrow.

Today, I had asked him to go with me to JDC because I had to have my eyes dilated and examined for new prescription glass. The clinic wouldn't take me unless I had someone to be with me to help me get home.

He cheerfully and happily came along with me. In exchange for his willingness to help me, I happily paid his way there and back and bought him lunch at a McDonald's restaurant (he likes MD's). I thanked him for doing that for me. So it's like we are trying to help each other. 

He was completely sober today and didn't have one bit of liquor or beer to drink! I again mentioned the AA meetings, and told him that himself and his girlfriend should consider going. He then said that he is considering going.

He had a stomachache early today. I told him that maybe his body might be trying to tell him something - to lay off drinking so much. He agreed with me on that. So hopefully, this is a good sign for him to start trying to really help himself and get off of alcohol. I think that might have scared him.

I also told him that I'm helpless and powerless for him if he doesn't try to help hmself. But I love him like I love my brothers, and like I said, if I can get him to see that life is not worth being drunk and sick, I'll feel much better that I was able to reach him in time before anything disastrous happens to him.

He knows what I'm going through, having diabetes, and he tells me to stay on the meds, eat healthy and exercise. I said to him that I accept his advice, and that he should also take advise from me, so we'll see what else happens. 

And BTW, my father drank a lot, as do my all of brothers, ****, I even got drunk several times! My uncles on my father's side of the family drank. My mom drank when she was younger. I got a cousin who is an alcoholic. He drank for years and years. He even had a stroke a few years ago - and he STILL drinks!! Guess he's got nine lives, hey?


~Corey123.


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## kyles (Aug 15, 2006)

I found the literature you posted on AA very enlightening, Mylegisbig. My father is an alcoholic, and there seems to be little support in Australia at least, outside the traditional AA route, which I never thought was very successful. It wouldn't work for me if I was an alcoholic, which I'm not.

My parents are both addicted to alcohol. My mother went to an outpatient rehab program which was successful to a point, but she has gone back to regularly drinking now. She can't stay dry with my father around.

I think one of the huge problems with alcohol is that it works. I does numb pain, and makes you feel feelings that aren't real, like that you are in a friendly environment and having fun, and that you are witty, bright and a good conversationalist. I know the odd times I have been drunk I have initially felt good, then you cross that line and feel rotten.

Corey, I strongly believe you need to listen to your heart. Your heart will tell you when you have done what you can and need to walk away.

You can't make anyone change. You can be there for them, and encourage them, but don't get yourself caught up in a cycle.

I would love to see my dad have just one week sober. But I have to accept now that he's 81 and been drinking regularly since he was 18, that it is just not ever going to happen.


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## Corey123 (Aug 15, 2006)

kyles said:
			
		

> I found the literature you posted on AA very enlightening, Mylegisbig. My father is an alcoholic, and there seems to be little support in Australia at least, outside the traditional AA route, which I never thought was very successful. It wouldn't work for me if I was an alcoholic, which I'm not.
> 
> My parents are both addicted to alcohol. My mother went to an outpatient rehab program which was successful to a point, but she has gone back to regularly drinking now. She can't stay dry with my father around.
> 
> ...


 


So sorry to hear that your mom and dad are alcoholics. I hope that you can help and encourage them in their time of need and give him some support.

As for my friend, yes, I realise that I can't make him change. I can only encourage him. He has to be able to stand on his own two feet, say "Enough is enough!!", as they say and WANT TO make some changes with his life and dealing with alcoholism.

It's much too hard to just up and walk away, as I explained before. I don't have the heart to do that, as if I did, I'd feel awfully bad. 

He says that I'm the only true friend he's got and I believe him. My heart tells me to try to help and encourage him in acheiving his goals of overcoming his problems. 

Unless you mean just wait and see what he does and try to go from there.


~Corey123.


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## kyles (Aug 17, 2006)

That's what I meant, just wait and see. I'd never say "don't help anyone" but kinda like when your investing money in a failing business, there is a line where you might stand to make a return on your investment, or you might lose the lot. The winners are those who are able to stay on the right side of that line.

Unfortunately, with my parents, there is nothing I can do now. I can listen, which I do, but I can't make any suggestions or give advice, as it is ignored, thrown back in my face, and just not appreciated. All I can do is love my parents, and hope that one day things will change.


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## Bangbang (Aug 17, 2006)

I don't have time right now to go into this but I must say as an Alcoholic with 38 years of drinking experience and going to AA and in more than one program an Alcoholic MUST want get sober and  remain sober or he will not remain sober. He must take responsibility for his sobriety the same way anyone takes responsibility of his treatment for any other illness.


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## Toots (Aug 17, 2006)

Bangbang said:
			
		

> I don't have time right now to go into this but I must say as an Alcoholic with 38 years of drinking experience and going to AA and in more than one program an Alcoholic MUST want get sober and remain sober or he will not remain sober. He must take responsibility for his sobriety the same way anyone takes responsibility of his treatment for any other illness.


 
BangBang is right.  My dad drank for years, ruined his marriage, lost his job, hit rock bottom and kept on drinking.  Then one day he decided to stop for good and started going to AA, he has been sober for 20 years now but he still goes to an AA meeting EVERY week.  He says its hard not to drink.  I think it would take an incredible amount of willpower and determination not to pick up the bottle again.


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## SizzlininIN (Aug 17, 2006)

I too grew up in a household with an alcoholic father.  Granted he wasn't a deadbeat he faithfully went to work and provided for his family.  However, his behavior when he was drunk was vicious and brutal.  He was a brawler and a spouse abuser.  I can attest to the fact that if you are an alcoholic or know someone that is and they are physical and verbally abusive and there are kids in that household there is damage being done to their spirit each day.  Thankfully, I overcame the grief, anger and sadness I felt many, many years ago and forgave him.  I also forgave my mom for not divorcing him and getting herself and us out of that situation. I knew that I had to forgive and get on with my life and not blame him or her for my problems I had to take control of my own life and make my own choices and I'm proud to say I'm proud of the person I am today. However, my older sister is mentally scared and is a total mess and in total denial and won't seek help.  Its affected her whole being and family.....its truely sad. 
If your an alcoholic I pray you seek the courage to overcome this for life and seek out the help you despertely need to reach your goal of sobriety.


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## middie (Aug 17, 2006)

My grandparents on my mother's side, my mom (for a time)
and my dad were all alcoholics. For them to beat the illness
it's something they want to have to do. My mother is the
only one who quit drinking.


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## Sugarcreations (Aug 17, 2006)

Well,speaking from expereince I lost a father to this disease and its not pretty.  In order to help someone they have to want to help themselves first.  Its all a question of mind over matter, they don't mind, and the bottle does matter. Kudos to you Corey for trying to help but be aware that  this will be a long hard road both for you and your friend. He has to convince himself that he wants to quit if not then he won't quit.

Rgds Sugarcreations


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 17, 2006)

kyles said:
			
		

> That's what I meant, just wait and see. I'd never say "don't help anyone" but kinda like when your investing money in a failing business, there is a line where you might stand to make a return on your investment, or you might lose the lot. The winners are those who are able to stay on the right side of that line.
> 
> Unfortunately, with my parents, there is nothing I can do now. I can listen, which I do, but I can't make any suggestions or give advice, as it is ignored, thrown back in my face, and just not appreciated. All I can do is love my parents, and hope that one day things will change.



Your parents are still alive and that's good.

My father died of alcoholism when he was 40 years old.


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## kitchenelf (Aug 18, 2006)

My best friend's husband is an alcoholic (as far as I know he has been sober for about two years and has buffed back up and his skin tone is white again)  and it was so bad that no one could help him.  It's a tough road.  He lost EVERYTHING but most importantly he lost his wife and all his friends.  It got to the point he was stealing money from my husband and other people because his business had failed and he was not making an income anymore - he just failed to tell his wife that.  Came to the house and while no one was really watching made ONE drink that consisted of a 1/5th of vodka.  Vodka just doesn't disappear that fast when there's only 4 people and 3 of us haven't made a drink or really even intended to make one.  At first my friend denied he was drinking as much as I thought he was.  I would help him with his computer and he reeked of vodka.  I always thought the smell was the sucker he was eating or the bits of candy he was eating or maybe a Listerine mint.  Then one day I opened a bottle of Vodka and said - OMG - THAT'S THE SMELL!!!!  She then made what she thought was a minor comment about where he always stood out in the garage and smoked.  I opened up the BBQ and there was an empty bottle, I opened up a trash can and there were 3 empty bottles, and it only got worse from there.  In the hunt for bottles she found out that their boat was not being stored on a neighboring lake, it had been reposed, the 2 cars that he "sold" repossessed,  the $9,000.00 hos mother sent him to catch up on house payments went somewhere - they had 30 days to get out of the house - SHE KNEW NOTHING! She knew he had a problem but she worked late and he sobered up by the time she came home or they went to dinner.  We didn't want to turn our backs on him but he was never sober long enough to even talk to.  He fell down a few steps and his head went through the sheetrock - he doesn't remember.  He fell in his kitchen and his head went through the sheetrock in there - only this time he broke his neck.  He fell in his office and hit his face full force on a piece of wood that was on the floor - broken nose, black eyes.   It's one of those things that really can't be dealt with until you are ready.  He slid back into the routine many times but I am happy to say that he is doing much better today and has apologized to me, asked me to tell my husband the same and I told him that would have to come from him, not me.  His color is no longer yellow and he no longer walks that little funky way people walk when their liver is failing.  This is a man who had a successful business with a low-med 6-figure income.  One thing you DON'T do is go to the bank and talk to the president about a loan reeking of vodka, slurring your words, and stumbling!

I don't even know why I told you all of this.  I guess I just want you to know that you ARE very vulnerable to be hurt.  He wants you to make it better.  You can't make it better.  He needs professional help - in that way you can help him by looking in the phone book, talking to people, and then taking him where he needs to go.

If he asks for money to pay a certain bill be sure and just don't give him the money.  If you are able to help him then he must give YOU the bill and you will pay it.  

No one is asking you to desert him or turn your back.  Right now I think he thinks you can make it better with no effort on his part.  Watch for signs of that certain smell Vodka gives off - watch his color - and watch yourself be aware that you may be putting yourself into a situation that will leave you deeply disappointed and hurt by what he may do to you out of desperation.  You just have to remember there's nothing you can do short of dropping him off at an in-house rehab treatment program.

I feel like what I wrote above is very "shattered" and is so broken it doesn't make much sense - forgive me - I guess I just needed to talk about my experience to give you a little insight as to what possibly could happen.

Hugs to you Corey!!!!


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 18, 2006)

kitchenelf said:
			
		

> he no longer walks that little funky way people walk when their liver is failing.



i can not even describe how horrible it is to go through this.  it's no joke. im only 25 years old and my body felt like an old man.  i become consciously aware of all my organs the different pains associated with them. well my liver kidneys and pancreas at least.

Absolutely horrible.  It feels so great to be clean.  Lost 20lbs since i quit drinking as well.


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## silvercliff_46 (Aug 18, 2006)

In a way I guess I was lucky.  My folks ran a bar, neither one were alcoholics.  I used to clean up and restock the bar before going to school.  We had a couple of old guys come at 6:30 am every morning to have a shot or two to start the day.  They would have me put it in a shot glass so they wouldn't spill it before they got the first one down.  I never forgot that and that was a long time ago.

I agree with everyone that this is a personal choice.  Qutting alchohol is like quitting cigarettes.  It's rough, but it really does boil down to "Just Say No!"  No one, nor any organization can do it for you.  It's your choice and your personal victory when you beat it.


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## Bangbang (Aug 18, 2006)

Woweeeeeeeee! Four days now.


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## amber (Aug 18, 2006)

Bangbang said:
			
		

> Woweeeeeeeee! Four days now.


 
I cannot send you Karma, but just pretend you've got it from me   Four days is a great achievement!  I am proud of you, that takes alot of willpower


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## Bangbang (Aug 19, 2006)

amber said:
			
		

> I cannot send you Karma, but just pretend you've got it from me  Four days is a great achievement! I am proud of you, that takes alot of willpower


 
Thankyou. Your Pms help too. I am loosing weight,my apetite has improved,got more energy,read a book,and am in a much better mood.I am very excited about this.


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## BlueCat (Aug 19, 2006)

Bangbang said:
			
		

> I don't have time right now to go into this but I must say as an Alcoholic with 38 years of drinking experience and going to AA and in more than one program an Alcoholic MUST want get sober and remain sober or he will not remain sober. He must take responsibility for his sobriety the same way anyone takes responsibility of his treatment for any other illness.


 
You're absolutely right.  I have several family members who have or have had serious alcohol problems, and much as I'd love to have taken away their problems, I can't.  And I won't knock AA or any other program, because what works for one, may not work for another.  Sadly, I also think that there are some who can lick their addiction and some who are not strong enough.  At the heart of the matter, however, is Bangbang's observation that the individual must want it.  Even at that, it's a hard road to travel.  I'm a former smoker, and understand addiction in that way.  Thank goodness, that was the extent of my life as an addict.

BC


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## Bangbang (Aug 19, 2006)

Go purchase 6 packs of smokes and force yourself to smoke them all.....place all the butts in one container. You will see how nasty the habit is. Well.....I started smokin premium hand madeimported cigars. Ighhhh


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## BlueCat (Aug 19, 2006)

Bangbang said:
			
		

> Go purchase 6 packs of smokes and force yourself to smoke them all.....place all the butts in one container. You will see how nasty the habit is. Well.....I started smokin premium hand madeimported cigars. Ighhhh


 
I'm a FORMER smoker, not a smoker.  And as nasty as the cigarette habit may be, the drink habit is as well.  There's little that is as distasteful as the smell of stale alcohol on someone.  

BC


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## Corey123 (Aug 20, 2006)

I'm still helping my friend, giving him encouragement and understanding.

We went out yesterday evening with his girlfriend. A very dear friend of mine 
whom I've known for six years gave us all a ride to a seafood restaurant where we had dinner.

"Daquan" (not his real name) started getting a little dunk after having only two beers and two drinks of vodka and orange juice (vodka is his and his girlfiend's favorite liquor). Bad mistake!! But his girlfriend stayed sober. She held up fine! My friend of six years decided that also. He suggested that the next time we go out and Daquan and his grirlfriend come along, that we go to a restaurant where there are no alcoholic beaverages sold. That way, Daquan will stay sober and won't have access to anything containing alcohol - at least not until he and his girlfriend get home. 

After my other friend dropped us off in front of my apartment building, as soon as we all got out of the car, Daquan starts in on me - accusing me of trying to come between him and his girlfriend!! He also badmouthed me for "stealing" some of his drinks, but I only did that because the rest of us felt that he had enough alcohol to drink and I was looking out for him to keep him from becoming too intoxicated. And I told him this. We argued all the way back to their apartment!!

I didn't want to get into that with him, so as we got closer to their building, I told him that hew disappointed me by getting drunk after he said that he wouldn't. He was really acting like Frankenstein, laying the badmoputh on me!! I knew deep down, that he really didn't mean all that. 

But I really lit into him for the way that he was talking to me - especially since I've done nothing but try to help him the whole time. I grabbed him, shook him, and said to him; " Look at me! This is not you!! You're not thinking right and your mind isn't acting right right now!!" Daquan put up a mental block and wouldn't listen to me!

I went up to their apartment with them, sat down and cried out loud for nearly an hour!! Mainly because this is pretty much what I went through with my brother who died in '04, and I feared the worst for Daquan. He really went over the line!! 

Later last night, Daquan had came over to me, placed his arms around me, hugged me, kised me on the forehead and deeply apologized to me for treating me so badly just hours before.I immediately forgave him for the dispicable behavior that he threw at me, hugged him back and kissed him on his forehead. 

I later realized and knew the whole time, that he really didn't really mean those bad things he said to me, and that it was just his drinking that had temporaily poisoned his mind. 

I'm still very much there for him, but only HE can make the choice between trying to get help or not. I still love him very deeply like a brother and care very much about him, but only HE must make the choice. I can only encourage him to see the light.

I still hug and hold him in my arms to try to console him in his times of need, but you guys are right - HE MUST make the choice. So, I'll still be there for him, but I'm very far from giving up on him. I'll still share good times with him and be there for him through thick and thin.


~Corey123.


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## Bangbang (Aug 20, 2006)

I can't wait to go to the doc to see howmuch weight I have lost. I am giving it two weeks before weighing in.


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## Corey123 (Aug 21, 2006)

I've lost 20 pounds, so far!


~Corey123.


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## Dove (Aug 21, 2006)

Keep up the good work Bangbang. We are behind you 100%.

Corey,
Your friend is lucky to have you but this can take a toll on you. Take care of yourself. 
Marge~Dove


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## Corey123 (Aug 21, 2006)

Dove said:
			
		

> Keep up the good work Bangbang. We are behind you 100%.
> 
> Corey,
> Your friend is lucky to have you but this can take a toll on you. Take care of yourself.
> Marge~Dove


 


Thank you so much!!

Yes, this is also an upscale battle for the helper / friend as well as for the victim of alcoholism.

They sometimes unkowingly reject the efforts of the person who is trying to help them and can suddenly lash out at them for no reason. In an almost mad fit of rage, an alcoholic can temporarily turn on his best friend or loved one for almost no apparent reason.

Daquan's mind being poisoned that night is an all-too-familar classic example of that. As if he was bitten by a poisonous snake or spider, his mind just snapped and went completely into a tailspin and his attitude had changed. If you are helping someone try to get off alcohol, be prepared, as in BangBang's case with his parents - remember, that the victim can turn against you for no reason and start accusing you of things that you are not at fault for!! 

I was devastated and embarrassed when Daquan got drunk at the restaurant!! 
Especially after he told me earlier in the day that he wouldn't let me down and get drunk there! I couldn't do or say anytrhing to him there except to try to console him and be there for him. 

And since his mind got poisoned and he started in on me, the argument had escelated and I just let him have it full force!! Of course, I didn't hit him or anything like that. I'm not a violent person.

But as a dear and true friend to him, I just had to let him know right to his face point blank, that he had embarrassed and dissapointed me at the restaurant. I was calm while we were there and would have let it go if he had not turned on me later in the evening!

As I was crying my heart out over the meltdown I suffered because of Daquan's drunken attitude suddenly changing on me, I DID hear his girlfriend tell him that I was crying and that if he doesn't stop getting mad with me for no reason, that he would lose me as his friend. But I'm very strong, and it would take a whole lot for me to just give up on him like that. 

He's even told me the same thing - that he's lucky to have me as a friend, and that if we had not met, he would still be standing on the streets begging for money. I've been giving him some money to help him get by with a few things. We DID however, form a pact and bond to be friends for life.

He's alright now. We shook hands, hugged and made up that same night. I asked him that if I ever do anything that he does not like, to please tell me when he's sober and not while he's drunk. And that he say it in a calm manner in private. He now realises how much I hurt from his alcohol addiction, and told me that he doesn't want to hurt me because of that. 

I've always been honest and up front with him, as I am with everyone else. Hopefully, it will stay with him.


~Corey123.


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## Bangbang (Aug 21, 2006)

Corey123 said:
			
		

> I've lost 20 pounds, so far!
> 
> 
> ~Corey123.


 
Congrats. Keep up the good work. I am feeling pretty good. Went to see the shrink today. She was real pleased that I stopped drinking. Got some more meds just incase I get into trouble.


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## Corey123 (Aug 23, 2006)

Thank you!!

I'm happy to report that my dear friend has successfully checked himself into a detox center today. He will be there for at least 4 or 5 days.

When it almost came time for us to separate and for him to be taken to his sleeping quarters for the time that he'll spend there, I told him that I'll miss him for those days and broke down and cried!! I know that he needs the help badly. That being there for a few days will help him get it, but I just couldn't fight back the tears and cried uncontrollably!!!

We grabbed and hugged each other and he said softly; "Don't cry my brother. This is what you've been trying to help me do. And I'm very thankful to have you as my best friend and that you really care about me, that you're helping me try to beat this.
I'll be out and back sharing good times with you soon. Don't cry, my dear brother." I hugged him tightly and cried even more!!! "I love you," I told him. He gave the same answer back. Still in tears, sadly, I said to him; " See you when you get out, my dear brother." It really broke my heart to have to leave him there!! I lost it all and wept uncontrollably as I left the grounds! It was so **** hard for me to leave him there and I knew that I couldn't hold back the tears. I literally cried on his shoulders!!

He knows that we'll miss each other dearly those few days, and that I already do miss him, during this time, but he also knows that it will also give us both the satisfaction and happiness to see him get the help that he so desparately needs. But it will be awfully lonesome without him around for the next few days!!

When he gets out, I'll happily welcome him back home with open arms!!! And I'll continue to help him and support him with all of the care and understanding that he needs. 

I sincerely hope that he does not revert back to drinking so much again. It will take at least a few days for him to dry out.

He'll get counsiling, care, guidance and understanding, as well as educational values on the dangers of acute alcoholism. He'll also attend AA group meetings where he'll get to share with others, his past bouts with constant alcohol abuse. 

Yesterday, the doctor who tested his blood told him that the numbers for his liver are very high, and that he's setting himself up for the slow process of clerosis of the liver. I think that might have scared him to death. I, also, told him about the dangers of constant alcohol abuse

Hopefully, he'll change his lifestyle and stay away from alcohol for good, or at least have just one beer now and then. Now I gotta try to get his girfriend to do the same. She's going to be much tougher to try to turn around!!!! She flatly refuses to go into detox!!


~Corey123.


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## kitchenelf (Aug 23, 2006)

That's good news Corey - 4 - 5 days is a good start - it may not be long enough to actually change things but could be the much needed wake-up call.  It sounds like I'm just the bearer of bad news but I think other people will agree that 4 - 5 days may not do it.  Watch him after and make sure he's not "overly" excited because he is doing so well.  My friend did that and he wasn't doing well at all.  He at least realizes he needs help and that's a huge start.  Hugs to you!!!


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## Corey123 (Aug 23, 2006)

Thank you so much!!!

I just talked to to him. He just called me and said that he's beginning to see the benefits of getting the help that he needs.

I'm pulling for him all the way. But his girlfriend seems to be digging up bad stuff against him from the past. I was totally pissed at her for doing that, especially after he wanted to talk to her as well!!

I called him back and begged him not to let that bother him. He said that he cut it short and said that he'll talk to her later. But I told him that with or without her, I'm going to get over there Sunday evening to visit him for an hour!!!!!

I'm all he's got right now!! And I'm going to be there for him to help him get through this. He knows that I care about him very deeply.


Corey123.


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## kitchenelf (Aug 23, 2006)

Good for you Corey.  Sounds like this girl isn't what he needs right now.  Do you think he will realize that?  He needs support now (just what you're giving him).  He will be so happy to see you, and of course you, him.  You're a good friend.


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## Corey123 (Aug 24, 2006)

Thank you so much for those kind words, kitchenelf!!

It makes me feel real good to know that there are people like you out there who can give ME the encouragement to try and help out a friend who otherewise has no other support for him!! 

I'm hoping that he'll realise it. That his girlfriend is just a setback for him, and that she only seems to want to bring him down. And yes, he DOES need all the support that he can get!!! I'm with him all the way. He's been getting it from me. He knows that I'm his friend for life. I love him and I treat him as though he's very my own brother!!!  That's part of what being a dear and true friend to him is all about! 

I truly hated to have to part with him yesterday, which is why I cried so emmotionally yesterday!! We've shared some good times together already so far!!

The training program that he's in during the week, had suggested that he check into detox because he failed the breathylizer test twice, which they also said that his urine also had traces of alcohol in it. I helped him get in. 

His girlfriend doesn't really do much to help him curb his drinking, like I do, since she's an alcoholic herself. She gets drunk and wants to fight (argue with him or me). This is what I touched on in the post above near the top of this page. That alcoholics get drunk and then their attitude goes into a tailspin and they just start lashing out at the wrong people! If she loves Daquan as much as she says she does, then she should start trying to help him get off alcohol - not contnue to bring him down and or entice him into drinking again. And also, SHE should start trying to get help for herself and stop making lame excuses for herself. 

I'm a true friend to Daquan and his girlfriend. He acknowlleges that very well. Outside of going to my new job to sign the final paperwork for employment Tueday, I was with him for the whole time that he was in the emergency room to the time we hugged each other yesterday after he checked into the detox center. 

His girfriend was in the same hospital herself for a biopsy that day, but when she was let go yesterday afternoon, nothing much had changed with her!! 

She wants HIM to stop drinking, which he should and seems willing to do so now, but she's not trying to stop drinking to excess herself!! So you know how that goes. She SAYS that she'll stop, but both you, myself and others know that action speaks louder than words.  At least Daquan has BEGUN the healing process.

I think and sincerely hope that Daquan soon wakes up and realises that he's just wasting his time with her, gives her an ultimatum and puts his foot down. He should tell her that she needs to straighten up and fly right or he'll walk out of her life for good!! 

One thing that a recovering alcoholic DOES NOT need is a mate who is also in the same boat!! That is, if HE is trying to seek treatment from alcoholism, then so should SHE!! 

There are much better women out there who would be glad to have Daquan and treat him like a true friend and a human being!!! 

Technically and truly, he has no one else that he can rely on but me. I figure that the more support he gets from me, the more drive he'll have to kick his drinking habit to boot!! 

And yes, he WILL be estatically happy to see me, as well as me being so estatically happy to see him, and I AM a good friend to him!! This is the first step in helping him get on the road to recovery and off of his alcohol addiction. He needs me for support, and I have no problem at all with helping him try to rebuild his self-esteem, pride and respect. 

Four or five days in detox might not sound like much to some people, but it CERTAINLY CAN make a difference between staying on a dependency and becoming a healthy person, and it IS a good sign. At least he's not on drugs addiction, which would have made it much harder to deal with during the drying out process.

He knows that as long as he's in the program that he's in, and that as long as he's on probation, he MUST stay clean (alcohol-free), or he'll be ordered to go before the judge again and could go back to jail for a month. I don't want that to happen to him either!!! 

And once a person who has abused himself or herself with any type of substance abuse, and is on the road to recovery, and they eventually overcome their addictions, giving them the continued support does not stop! They STILL need love, friendship, guidance and understanding as well as any help and support to keep them on the straight-and-narrow. 

This is what I wanted to, and should have tried to do for my dear late brother. But at least I got a second chance now to try to help out a dear friend who has latched onto me for friendship, support, brotherly love and guidance, something that he never seemed to have gotten from his siblings and parents. 

I will be there there to continually support Daquan through thick and thin, good times and bad - to mentor him, not let him go astray and try to keep him on track. I think he needs me now more than ever. 

And I WILL NOT DRINK ANY ALCOHOL in front of him either!!! But at the same time, he MUST develop and maintain the willpower to turn it down. I think he'll be just fine and do the right thing! For I'm really pulling for him and I have faith in him.


~Corey123.


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## mjohnson (Aug 25, 2006)

To Corey123,   I am a wife of an ex-alcholic. We have been married for 32 years. We have known each other since high school. We got married when we were both 22 years old. My husband was drinking form the start of our marriage, and as the years went by he progressed to a full blown alcholic drinking soon as his eyes opened till he closed them at night!!!.  I got tired of his drinking, tired of being his mother, babying him making excuses for him... I could go on and on. I told him I would no longer put up with his drinking, that I loved him and would always love him but I was through with him (I had gotten up that morning and packed his clothes, they were sitting at the front door)  He looked at me and asked what was going on, I told him I meant what I said go get some help!!!! he went to a V.A hospital that day.....He slipped a couple of times before he finally got clean, but that has been over 14 years ago!!!!!! we are still together and life couldn't be sweeter!!!!!  So corey do as Chef june said, step back as an enabler and be firm if he wants you as a friend ( which you truly are, he has to do this on his on, when he's ready, he's got to be ready to do it) Keep the faith Corey... if he cannot help his self you have got to step away!!!!! so that you can keep your own sanity!!!! I hope this gives you some hope,... tough love... , tough love. Take it from someone whose been there.


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## Chef_Jen (Aug 25, 2006)

Corey

You want to be a help?? go to ALANON.. My best friend is an alcholic.. I say is because even though he is T-total he is and alwyas will be an alcholic. (just one in recovery)

Anyway i went to alanon its a program for friends families and lovers of alcholics.. I live practice and preach the 12 promises of AA.. (not the steps but the promises) and i find them helpful for a lot of situations

Anyway if you want to learn all about how to help and how to deal with the emotional blackmail and emotional rollercoaster your about to take then i suggest finding a local meeting. Because there is nothing worse then being told "your the reason i drink" "why wont you let me have one just one" "You are the worse person i know I hate you". These are things I had to get use to.... but at the same time i had to know HOW to walk away from it. Not let him abuse me like that.

Friends are the hardest. 

I went 2 a week.

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/


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## Corey123 (Aug 25, 2006)

Thank you all for your concerns!!

Yes, he MUJST  have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.

But I'll STILL give him encouragement. He's never told me that I'm the reason that he drinks. But this will be the biggest test of all, I think. Will he be able to stop drinking? Time will tell.


~Corey123.


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## Bangbang (Aug 25, 2006)

Corey123 said:
			
		

> Thank you all for your concerns!!
> 
> Yes, he MUJST have the will to do some of those things on his own. And yes, I CAN'T watch him every minute, for he will have the choice of staying on the road to recovery or derailing and going back to his old drinking ways.
> 
> ...


 
Never stop encouraging him.....DO NOT berate him about his drinking....it just makes it worse.


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## Corey123 (Aug 25, 2006)

I DO plan to continue to encourage him, and I have no intention whatsoever of berating or trash-talking him about his drinking.

One thing that I WON'T do is to berate him. That would defeat the whole purpose of the help from me that he will continue to need and appreciate!! I'd NEVER want him angry with me!!

I've said things to him in a friendly calm manner in a way so that he listens and understands me with patience and care. I've kindly let him know that he may make a few mistakes, and that I'd NEVER degrade or belittle him.

He knows deeply, that I will help him try to improve on his bad points while helping him boost his moral and self-confidence.


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Aug 25, 2006)

mjohnson said:
			
		

> To Corey123, I am a wife of an ex-alcholic. We have been married for 32 years. We have known each other since high school. We got married when we were both 22 years old. My husband was drinking form the start of our marriage, and as the years went by he progressed to a full blown alcholic drinking soon as his eyes opened till he closed them at night!!!. I got tired of his drinking, tired of being his mother, babying him making excuses for him... I could go on and on. I told him I would no longer put up with his drinking, that I loved him and would always love him but I was through with him (I had gotten up that morning and packed his clothes, they were sitting at the front door) He looked at me and asked what was going on, I told him I meant what I said go get some help!!!! he went to a V.A hospital that day.....He slipped a couple of times before he finally got clean, but that has been over 14 years ago!!!!!! we are still together and life couldn't be sweeter!!!!! So corey do as Chef june said, step back as an enabler and be firm if he wants you as a friend ( which you truly are, he has to do this on his on, when he's ready, he's got to be ready to do it) Keep the faith Corey... if he cannot help his self you have got to step away!!!!! so that you can keep your own sanity!!!! I hope this gives you some hope,... tough love... , tough love. Take it from someone whose been there.


 


Sorry to hear that you were pushed to your breaking point, but I could NEVER do that to my friend if he were living with me. I just don't have the heart to!!

It would truly hurt me more to even try it!! 


~Corey123.


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## Chef_Jen (Aug 25, 2006)

Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..

Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things.. 

You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.


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## Bangbang (Aug 25, 2006)

Chef_Jen said:
			
		

> Corey You would be a bad friend not to.. You need to take a firm ground and she was definitly right to pack his bags..
> 
> Like i said go to that Alanon website.. go read a few things..
> 
> You cant be kind.. you have to be hard and sometimes love hurts.


 
You can be kind but you must stand your ground and be firm. No negotiations. I am not only an alcoholic but an experienced Psychiatric Nurse and Substance Abuse Counselor.


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## Chef_Jen (Aug 25, 2006)

exactly my thoughts!


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## Mylegsbig (Aug 25, 2006)

before you dive into alcoholics anonymous and it's sister programs i URGE you to check out these sites.

AA is not what it seems and it boasts extremely poor success rates.  this is not opinion, this is documented fact.


http://www.orange-papers.org/orange-aalies.html


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## Corey123 (Aug 26, 2006)

I HAVE ALREADY shown him and his girlfriend some tough love.

But still, I have to see how he does - and every opportunity that's out there that would help him be successful against reverting back to his old ways, he should look into. I WILL try to explain that to him. If he wants to kick the drinking habit for good, there's everything out there at his disposal. It's to his advantage.

I'll STILL be there for him to support and encourage him though. And praise him when he does good. But I just can't turn my back on him. This is a very crucial time for him, and to just throw him out to the wolves now, that is not the answer. 

It's gonna take some time, paqtience, love, frienship, understanding, talk and guidance to help him get through this. As they say in cases like this, Time heals all wounds. 

Alcoholics sometimes feel like they are not loved - like they don't have a friend in the world, mainly because of some of society's stereo-types who think that it won't happen to them or their friends or loved ones. Not trying to say that any of you guys are. But like I said in earlier posts, I've dealt with alcoholics before, most of my adult life, became friends with some of them, helped them overcome their addictions and gave them some sound advice. 

My friend Daquan is one of the many classic zillions of people who became victims of alcohol abuse. I made a deal with him that as long as he tries to get help and gets on the road to recovery, that I would try to do everything humanly possible to help him. And so far, he's been showing me that he wants to
seek help and treatment against this sometimes complex and sad illness. 

And BTW, the doctor at the emergency room the other day told him that he drank so much that the alcohol ate up just about all of the nutrition that was in his body. So, in addition to his excessive drinking, he also has to try to rebuild his nutritional value back up to where it should be. This was due, in part, because he ate very little food and drowned himself in huge alcohol consumptions.

But in NO WAY am I going to leave or abandon him. I'm in too deep with helping him get the help that he should have tried to get several years ago. But also, if he has anything on his side, it's time and a very good friend standing with him for whom he can get brotherly love, help and continued support from.


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Aug 27, 2006)

VeraBlue said:
			
		

> Sometimes a short and sweet answer is a good way to go...so I'll say this: By all means, remain friends if that is possible, but you really should leave the help your friend needs to the professionals. It's natural for you to want to help your friend, but wanting to help and actually being able to help are two entirely different things. Don't permit yourself the luxury of thinking that you are the one who can cure him. More than likely, you are wrong.


 


Never once did I think or say that I, alone, can cure him.

I know that he needs professional help. I can only SUGGEST, PERSUADE, CONVINCE AND ENCOURAGE him to try to get that help.

His first step was ADMITTING that he's an alcoholic, which he has done. His 2nd step is trying to get the help, which he has started getting. His 3rd step is continuing on with the help, counsiling, theropy or whatever else are the powers that be.

And his fourth step, the one that will probably be his toughest of all, is willpower. He MUST have that in order to stay off his alcohol addiction, if his desire is to win that goal.

His girlfriend wants him to stop drinking - claiming that it makes him sick. It does, but SHE is no better off than he is because she, herself, drinks like a fish. She needs some serious help - more than he does, I think. She likes to drink, and then when she has a few, she starts arguing for no reason at all, bringing up stuff that happened with him or me in the past. Stuff that was put to rest, but she flatly refuses to let sleeping dogs lie!!

She started picking a fight with me, and I just left. She needs to go for some serious treatment because drinking poisons her mind as well!!! I know that she doesen't mean it, but how many times am I going to put up with that?

She's so deathly afraid that her boyfriend will go back to his old ways and she won't give him a chance to see what he'll do, or be like when he gets out of detox, yet and still, it's friggen ok for HER to drink like there's no tomorrow!! Go figure.

She gets drunk, then she starts getting or feeling insecure about Daquan, knowing **** well that he cares deeply about her!!! She keeps on accusing ME of planning to have him back over to my apartment so that he can drink alcohol and get drunk again when she really DOESN'T even know how things will work out with him yet! 

And BTW, the money Daquan gave her yesterday when we went to visit him at detox, to buy something to eat, she pissed it away on "nips"!!! She just can't stop drinking at all!! Even though she keeps on saying that she will. Claims that she can stop without professional help? That's so not gonna happen!!! I truly hope that Daquan cracks down on her and gives her an ultimatum. Either she try to get help or he walks!! She seriously needs to stop her wild drinking!!!


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Sep 1, 2006)

I'm very happy to report that my friend is out of detox, has done very well, and has officially sworn off drinking any alcoholic beverages!! He says that he's completely dried out now.

He told he last night when I finally saw him, that he no longer has the desire to touch another drink that contains any alcohol ever again! He has a much newer, better and brighter outlook about things, has decide to make a complete 360-degree turnaround / come around, and he has thanked me wholeheartedly for standing behind him and giving him the encouragement and support to kick his drinking habit. In fact, he just can't stop thanking me enough. I told him that I'm very proud of him and his achievments so far!!

I mentioned to him that the road ahead may be his toughest test of all. But he seems to be clear about one thing. That he doesn't ever want to go back to the way that he's been!! And so far, he hasn't touched any alcohol since he's been out! I'm going with him to an AA meeting tonight. I also told him that his expreience can help others who may be drowning in the sea of alcohol like he was.

He wants to work through the program that he's in so that he can clear his name of any glitches with the law. I'm still there for him and will continue to
be.

Let's all hope that he continues on the straight and narrow! He's a real trooper now!!


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Sep 5, 2006)

It's now day 6 since my friend Daquan was released from the detox center, and he STILL hasn't touch any alcohol!!!

I'm very proud of him. I praised him immensely for his efforts. He's been holding his own so far!!


~Corey123.


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## kitchenelf (Sep 6, 2006)

That's good news Corey - really good news!!!


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## Corey123 (Sep 7, 2006)

Thank you so much!!

My efforts to work with him and help him stay on the right track really seems to be paying off big time!! My guess is that he's tired of being restricted because he can't get decent housing or a job, and wants to get through the community work program to try to clear his record and his name.

I'm going  to, and will continue to show some love, guidance and support for him all the way!!


~Corey123.


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## AlexR (Sep 7, 2006)

Tobacco, alcohol, and caffeine are great friends of mine.

But I want quality, and I do my best to limit my intake. That way they stay friends. No abstinence for me!

Tobacco: only cigars, usually good quality (Cuban) and only 3 times a week or so. 

Wine: no cheap wine, only a meals, and usually no more than half a bottle. Recently went a week without wine and am not a slave to it.

Coffee: 3-4 strong espresso coffees a day.

I realize that some people can't handle moderation, but I can. I will not criticize the abstainers, but certainly won't accept their criticism of my lifestyle!

All the best,
Alex R.


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## Corey123 (Sep 7, 2006)

I DO still drink, but only in moderation, since it can have an adverse affect on diabetics. Alcohol has absolutely no nutritional value at all, and has tons of sugar at times, depending on the amount of percentage by volume.

But I don't smoke or chew tobaco of ANY kind, nor do I do any recrational drugs. Only those that are prescribed by my doctor. 

I pretty much live on a healthier diet and lifestyle now, and since my friend
Daquan has stopped drinking, he's now eating more, which is good, and he has pushed aside most of the junk food that he's been eating. He drinks lots and lots of water, has introduced healthier foods into his diet and lifestyle and he basically pretty much feels good about himself all over, now that there are no traces of alcohol in his system!!

I can't even BEGIN to tell you that I'm so impressed at the truly amazing progress that he's made from where he seemed headed a little over two weeks ago!! He no longer gets sick to the point where he would puke his brains out, and he is able to keep food down in his stomach, has a much more positive outlook on life as a whole!! I truly commend him for the stunning 360-degree turn-around that he's made!!!

And I STILL will be there for him to support and encourage him. He also tells me that if we had not met, that he probably STILL would have been drinking his life away and might not have made this drastic change without someone caring and 
supporting him. 

That makes me fell so good inside that I'm able to help him get out of the dangerous lifestyle that eventually would have killed him, that he was in and saved him from the many dangers associated with drinking to excess!!!

And now, to try to convince him that cigarette smoking is also dangerous. He knows it is, and I hope that he'll stop doing that soon, as well.


~Corey123.


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## kitchenelf (Sep 7, 2006)

About trying to get him to stop smoking - he just may whack you over the head with the closest object!  lol  j/k  I'm glad he's eating so well!  He's got to feel so much better!


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## mudbug (Sep 7, 2006)

one vice at a time, Corey.  I'm still struggling with the ciggie thing, and it's a b*tch.  Might even be worse than the booze.


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## goodgiver (Sep 7, 2006)

*alcoholic*

I myself am a recovering alcoholic. I have been dry for 20 years.  There is NOTHING you can do to get him to stop drinking. He has to have the want to. Just continue to be there for him when he needs you and DO NOT BE AN ENABLER. Why don't you yourself go to AA and find out all you can and become well informed. That way you will be able to help him even more.   JUST BE THERE.


			
				Corey123 said:
			
		

> Are you, a family member or a dear friend that you have, an alcoholic? Do you know how to get help for that person, or do you have any suggestions on how to help someone who is an alocoholic?
> 
> I have a dear friend whom I met in May who is an alcoholic. He loves to drink on weekends, and this past weekend, he drank to excess. He mainly drinks shots of vodka and beer I felt at the time when I first met him, that he was reaching out for help and that he didn't know who to turn to. I STILL feel that way.
> 
> ...


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## goodgiver (Sep 7, 2006)

*drinking*

I quit drinking about 20 years ago and I quit smoking about 8 months ago. Between the 2, quit smoking was by far the hardest of all. I have gained a lot of weight etc etc but I WILL NOT GIVE INTO SOMETHING SO STUPID AS A PIECE OF PAPER WRAPPED AROUND SOME TABACCO. I have more control over my life that. Now all I gotta do is lose the weight. Thats got to be really easy as compared to the other 2.

			
				mudbug said:
			
		

> one vice at a time, Corey. I'm still struggling with the ciggie thing, and it's a b*tch. Might even be worse than the booze.


 
​


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## Corey123 (Sep 8, 2006)

He's still holding his own though, I'm very pleased to say!!.

Last night was a test. On the way home from work last night, I purposely made a stop to a liquor store to get two 40-oz bottles of Budweiser. I stopped at him and his girlfriend's place.

I sat up with him, talking to him until the wee hours of the morning. We touched on a lot of subjects - from his troubled past to the present. 

AND NOT ONCE DID HE EVER BECOME ENTICED TO START DRINKING ANY OF THE BEER!! He drank soda and water instead. I told him that I'm amazed at the fact that he never even wanted any of the beer. I told him that it was a test to really see just how much willpower he has!

He said he knew, deep down, that I was testing him out to see how much willpower he has. He also told me that he won't go to the AA meetings right away because the people who have had bouts with alcoholism will start trying to put the subject back into his head again on drinking to excess.

We must take things one day at a time. I can't rush him or try to make him go to one sooner, or he may rebel against me, and I don't want that to happen. As for the smoking, yes, he'll probably quit it. But things have to be worked out so that in time, he'll wake up and smell the coffee.


~Corey123.


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## shpj4 (Sep 8, 2006)

*corey123*

I am very glad that your friend is doing better.  I had a old boyfriend who was an alcoholic but would not admit to it.

I tried time after time to get some help.  I even tried getting him into a 12 Step Program but he kept saying that having 5 or 6 drinks when he got home from work was normal.  On the weekends he didn't stop drinking.

Again corey I am so happy for your friend.


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## Corey123 (Sep 9, 2006)

mish said:
			
		

> Corey, with all due respect, you are very misguided. It has been mentioned here that you are an enabler. I reserved my judgement and opinions, but since everyone here has given you theirs, here's mine. Go to a coda meeting. Your friend got out of detox, went back to living with an alcoholic girlfirend, won't go to a support group, and you want to entice him/test the waters, and now you want him to give up smoking.
> 
> I followed your posts, and hoped to read that your friend followed up with an aftercare plan - i.e. he is living in a sober living house - and with your friendship - prior to his coming back to cohabitating with an addict - you might volunteer to put his belongings in storeage & help finalize his rental agreement (if he was renting) - and move in with a relative or sleep on your couch if need be.
> 
> ...


 


You're trying to make is sound like I'm using him to make only ME look good and not him. How dare you talk to me likat that!! That is an outrageous lie!

I think you got your stuff wrong, some of it, at least. I NEVER ONCE said that I want to entice him, and I can't make him leave his girlfriend if he doesn't want to. Where else can he go to live, back out in the streets? He doesn't get much money, as he's on a very limited income and he can't afford an apartment all by himself right now.

Sure, he can stay with me if he wants to, but he wants to try to work things out with his girlfriend now.

I'm trying to HELP him make the changes, not make or force him to make the changes. When did I ever say that I was a trained professional? Please stop putting words in my mouth. Stop accusing me of running the show. 

And how in the **** is it all just about me? You sound very disallussioned! I never once said or thought for even so much as for one minute to take all of the thunder for myself only, so please be careful what you say and stay in line.

I'm really trying to help him, not hurt him. And he knows this, because he can't stop thanking me enough. AND FOR THE LAST TIME, HE DID NOT TOUCH ANY ALCOHOL AT ALL SO FAR, SINCE HE CAME OUT OF DETOX!!!

So please stop this badgering.


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Sep 12, 2006)

shpj4 said:
			
		

> I am very glad that your friend is doing better. I had a old boyfriend who was an alcoholic but would not admit to it.
> 
> I tried time after time to get some help. I even tried getting him into a 12 Step Program but he kept saying that having 5 or 6 drinks when he got home from work was normal. On the weekends he didn't stop drinking.
> 
> Again corey I am so happy for your friend.


 


Thank you so much for those kind words!

And yes, he IS doing very well!! He's tired of having to go through life being scrutinized and having to urinate in a cup to check his alcohol level.

I hope sincerely, that he's turned over a new lease on life and has thought better of himself!! I commend him everyday on his amazing willpower to keep his guard up and for not letting alcohol entice him back into his old ways!!!


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## mish (Sep 13, 2006)

I am sorry you are upset.  I think you misunderstood.  I have deleted the post, and wish you and your friend all the best.  I recently lost a friend to alcoholism, and it still hurts.


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## Corey123 (Sep 13, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear that you've recently lost a friend to alcoholism. Please accept my most sincere condolences during this most difficult time for you. I'm also sorry that I got upset with you. I didn't really mean to. 

I lost a brother to the disease almost two years ago. But he also was a diabetic as well and ate very unhealthy food, also ( too many starches and sweets).

I might have misunderstood your post, but I was upset because I felt that you might have been attacking me. Daquan IS doing very well, for I don't want to lose him to any dreaded diseases.

Though it may be hard for his girlfriend to see the light, I hope that he can in some way convince her to make some drastic changes as well. 

She is suffering from resperitory problems. Him and I think that it's coming from her extremely heavy smoking. She has a very chronic cough that scares the living **** out of me sometimes. It's usually in the morning that she is coughing uncontrollably. 

She is supposed to go into the hospital soon and have the spot removed from her right lung. Docs still have yet to tell her just exactly what it is, since a biopsy was done on it about three weeks ago!!


~Corey123.


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## Corey123 (Sep 14, 2006)

My friend is doing VERY WELL! He STILL has not touched any alcohol since his drying out, but as for his girlfriend, I kindly explained to him that I can no longer try to help her because she deliberately continues to drink and smoke and won't try to get help. Unless she goes out and tries to seek professional help, which she does not seem to be willing to do.

He says that he understands, and told me that he's so glad that I helped get him out from under the clutches of alcoholism. He says that he feels very good about himself and not being drunk any more. But if anything happens to his girlfriend, I think he'll be so heartbroken!! I sincerely hope that nothing happens to her.

But If it ever does, I must be there to try to console and comfort him. She may have to have half of her right lung removed. We're not completely sure yet, but it may have to be done. It's from her heavy smoking addiction for many, many, many years. I would hate to find out how her liver is doing!!


~Corey123.


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## licia (Sep 14, 2006)

I have a friend whose daughter (still in her 30's) passed away about a year ago from alcoholism.  I never even knew she drank, but hadn't seen her in a few years.  It was really sad. She had two kids who are being raised by their grandparents.  I wish all the ads for alcohol had to be accompanied by visuals of  the heartbreak that can result from excessive drinking.


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## Corey123 (Sep 15, 2006)

I'm so sorry to hear of that. My condolences go out to you for your friend's daughter.

Alcoholism is a very terrible disease that's as bad as cancer or AIDS, and even though there is no known cure as yet for AIDS, I hope that anyone who has an alcoholic in their life, be it a friend, spouse or family member, I suggest that that person try to get some help for the victim.

But at the same time, the victim of the abuse MUST want to try to get some professional help for himself or herself as well. Otherwise trying to help the victim won't work.

But I'm so glad that my dear friend now sees the light and has woken up and smelled the coffee!!! I commmend him very honorably for his bravery against the perils of the disease of alcohol abuse! 

He now wants to start anew and work toward accomplishing some of the goals that he missed out on before because of his once severe chronic alcohol addiction. And I'm so proud to say that I will still continue to support and be there for him. He's just like a brother to me now - like the one whom I had and lost so tragically!!


~Corey123.


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## piersonhuff (Oct 31, 2006)

Just wanted to say that my husband & I have been members of twelve step programs for many years now and it doesn't matter if you are and atheist, a devout Chritian, a Muslim or a Wiccan, AA or any other program is for you.  Your higher power does not have to be God in a Christian sense.  It can be the program itself.  Anyone and everyone is welcome!


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## Snoop Puss (Nov 1, 2006)

Hello Corey123, hope everything is still going OK.


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## Corey123 (Nov 1, 2006)

Thanks for caring!!

Yes, it IS, but my friend's girlfriend is STILL heavily smoking and heavily drinking! He has told her that if she dosen't start trying to get some help soon, that he will have to start looking for another place to stay and move out. She was in tears over it the other night.

Hopefully now, she'll get off her rusty-dusty and go try to get some professional help!!


~Corey123.


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