# Just wondering...



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 26, 2008)

Hey everyone, I was just sittin here thinkin, and decided i'd start a thread asking everyone's opinion about something...

I am 20 years old, (husband's 22) and we've been married for a little over a year. We bought a house a couple months after we got married, and have just started doing some serious remodeling to it. We have big plans for our house, and are loving every new little thing we do to it! My guess is, in about 2 years we'll be finished with it. So the few times we've discussed trying for children, we just agreed it'd be 2-4 years. We've also always said we wanted the first 2-4 years to be time, set aside for us to grow together, and do things together as a couple. We agreed that "We have the rest of our lives to have a baby"......... So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, _craving _to have a baby!?! 

lol, I've mentioned it a few times to my husband, and he just stares at me with this scared look on his face ...lol kinda like that.. Nothing's changed really, we still both agree that we want to wait... lol it's just a little harder for me to say it now!

I was just wondering, if any of you could go back. Would you have waited longer to have start having kids?


----------



## bowlingshirt (Feb 26, 2008)

Remodel your house first, then have kids.  Once you do have kids, you won't have time for anything else.


----------



## texasgirl (Feb 26, 2008)

Yes, I would have. I would have waited until we were financially stable and more stable in our relationship, which, would be now. LOL And I'm 39.
Don't jump into it. You have plenty of time. Get to know yourselves better and get everything else perfect for you first. It will make having a baby even more wonderful for you.


----------



## GrillingFool (Feb 26, 2008)

So... are you unhappy in other aspects of life or the relationship?
Perhaps this is a subconscious message from your ID telling you 
that things are not well elsewhere.....

Just a thought.

(My sister had both her kids during times in her life where she was unhappy.
Many years later she admitted she had them for all the wrong reasons...
and it showed in how she raised them, poor things.


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 26, 2008)

That's interesting. I never would've thought of that. 

I don't believe that's it, in my case. There aren't any areas in my life that i'd say i'm unhappy about..

I just love kids.. We baby-sit alot for our friends, which I LOVE to do. Everyone says babysitting is the best form of birth-control, lol... I think it had the opposite effect on me! 

I'm sure this is probably just a phase that will pass.


----------



## JohnL (Feb 26, 2008)

Hi BC,
Both of you guys are young and have lots of time.
Don't be in a rush for either the remod or the kids. But, I hope that you and your husband will be happy with whichever comes first. I'm sure you will do just fine.
John.


----------



## Barbara L (Feb 26, 2008)

You'll know when it is the right time. Don't rush, but also tell your husband to relax and not worry so much about it. I do know that if there are problems (and it doesn't sound like there are) a baby won't fix them. I also know that if you wait until you can afford them, you will never have kids (this is not to say that if finances are critically low, such as both unemployed, that a baby should not be put off for awhile--I'm talking about people who want everything paid off and a healthy financial cushion in the bank). It is my experience (limited though it may be) that men are pretty much terrified of starting a family anyway. So, keep the lines of communication open and the right time will present itself before you know it.

Barbara
P.S. A lot of teachers find teaching to be a pretty good birth control method too!  And teachers have the hardest time coming up with names for babies.  "Nope, can't name her that.  Remember that horrible monster in my class last year?  That was her name!"  LOL


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 26, 2008)

Yeah, that is something I hear alot as well. "You'll never really be READY to have children". I understand what you mean though. We are getting pretty close to having all our debt paid off (except our house). If we could just sell DH stupid truck we'd be in MUCH better shape!!

I'm still, realisticly, thinking 2 years or so. I just thought it was odd that my personal view on it has changed so suddenly!

My MIL has been hoping for a grandbaby since we got married! lol She asked if I wanted a cookie the other day, and I said "No thanks, my stomach's kind of upset" and she immediatly said (very seriously) "Oh are you pregnant? Or is it just the flu?" LOL..
She is not pushy by any means, she just doesn't hide the fact that she's waiting..... paciently... lol..


----------



## Katie H (Feb 26, 2008)

Enjoy your time together.  As someone who has NEVER been alone with a husband, once you have children, it won't be the two of you for many, many years.

Let me explain my second sentence.  When I married the first time I married a widower with a 4-year-old son.  My husband and I had NO "just us" time during our entire 10-year marriage.  Vacations were even spent with someone.  The only time we were alone was the 3 days we were on our honeymoon, which was a business trip and he spent all day in meetings.

When we divorced, I met Buck.  By then I had 3 children and Buck had 2 children.  Again, no "just us" time, so enjoy and cherish the time you have with each other.  You will learn volumes about each other and build a firm foundation on which to build a strong family.

Have fun creating the house you will begin your family in and relish bringing your first child across the threshold of that loving and safe haven.  It will be more than worth the time and effort.  Think of it as the anticipation you feel on Christmas morning as you can't wait to open your presents.

Again, as I've said on these boards before, in the words of my wise maternal grandfather, "Take it easy; make it nice."


----------



## Uncle Bob (Feb 26, 2008)

beginner_chef said:
			
		

> So why for the past 2-3 months have I been, literally, _craving _to have a baby!?!




Because ya been bit by the bug!!! There's a lot of factors at play...all of them perfectly normal for most young women your age.. Not to worry...it's a beautiful, beautiful thing!!! I love your plan... It's rock solid and makes perfectly good sense! Execute it!!!

I'll share a couple of "truisms" (for me anyway)

"If you wait until you can afford to have them...you never will have them."
"Small Children are for young people...The later in life you have them the more trying(on you) they can be" (sometimes)...However, at age 20 ya got plenty of time...so get that house ready first...when the time is right..you will know ...

Blue Skies......

Your favorite Uncle...

Bob


----------



## VeraBlue (Feb 26, 2008)

The way I see it, you'll never have enough money or enough room for kids...so why wait?
Sure, there's something to be said for 'planning'....but the more you put deadlines, limits and boundaries to the things you want to accomplish, the more you'll discover that kind of control will make you nuts.  Let things happen.  Besides, the younger you are when you have your kids, the younger you'll be when they finally move out!

For the record, I was 23 and 26 when I had my kids...They are 22 and 19 now.  One has already gotten a place of their own, and the other is very close.  I'm only 45, living comfortably, have a great job and a wonderful guy, and get to relate to my kids as adults now.   

I, and my kids' dad wouldn't change a thing.


----------



## Barbara L (Feb 26, 2008)

beginner_chef said:


> ...I just thought it was odd that my personal view on it has changed so suddenly!...


It's not odd in the least.  That is just the way the majority of women are "hard wired" (hormones, etc.) to ensure that the human race doesn't die off.  Another thought (don't mean to scare you here)--is there a possibility you might (no matter what you might have done to prevent it) actually already be pregnant?  At first, when I was pregnant with my daughter, they told me I wasn't.  Hormones kicked in big time--I was devastated by that news (moreso because of the pregnancy hormones, not just my desire to have a baby).  Well, it turned out I was, after all.  Probably not the case for you, but it did cross my mind.

Barbara


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 26, 2008)

Thank you Uncle Bob.. 

You're alls posts have made me a bit 'teary eyed'..... GOSH what is wrong with me!?  

That's interesting Barbara.. I know i'm not pregnant (got somethin goin on at the moment thats confirming that...) But I have been off my 'birth control' (pill) for almost 2 months now. We're just using a different method. I didn't like the side effects that the pill had on me. Could me coming off the pill have anything to do with this?

Vera, if you don't mind me asking, How long were you married when you had your first?


----------



## LadyCook61 (Feb 26, 2008)

VeraBlue said:


> Besides, the younger you are when you have your kids, the younger you'll be when they finally move out!
> 
> .


and the younger grandma you'll be  I was a grandma at 42  but I do enjoy being grandma of 4 .


----------



## Barb L. (Feb 26, 2008)

This grandma says, take your time, enjoy each other.  You are still very young and learning about life , love and committed relationship.  Enjoy your home, hubby and your new baby will be in the near future waiting to be born and loved.  Wishing for all the best for you !
              Barb L.


----------



## mikki (Feb 26, 2008)

Beginner, I would say that yes coming off birth control could be the cause.  They do some weird things to your body sometimes. I was on them for almost 5 years before I  couldn't stand the effects they were having on me ( dr said they wouldn't cause them)
Went to different dr and she said definately the cause. When I went off them my cycles were messed up for awhile, dr said it was because the pill put the hormones in me now my body had to do it. Almost like my body was confused


----------



## Barbara L (Feb 26, 2008)

I agree with mikki.  Your hormones are probably a little confused, so to speak, since you stopped the birth control pills.  And, as I said earlier, it is pretty normal for women your age.  

Barbara


----------



## Fisher's Mom (Feb 26, 2008)

Beginner, coming off of the pill could be affecting your feelings somewhat but your urges for a child are instinctive and natural. You have a mate you love and a nest that you are busy feathering. It's completely normal and like Uncle Bob says, it's beautiful! That said, just make sure your husband is agreeable and the decision is mutual when you decide to go for it. After all, you want your children to have both of their parents to be totally thrilled with them. So I counsel you to talk openly and regularly with your husband with your husband about how you are feeling and keep communicating about this. In the mean time, maybe it would be fun for both of you to start fixing up a nursery and that sort of thing.

I got married at 15 and my first child was born 15 months later. My husband and I both wanted a houseful of children right away (6 was the number we thought would be perfect). Things didn't go exactly as planned - we have 7 children born over a 29 year period. So I had babies in my teens, twenties, thirties and forties. I can tell you that like VeraBlue, I wouldn't change a thing.


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 26, 2008)

Wow! 7 kids? I think we'll probably just have 2 or 3.


----------



## stinemates (Feb 27, 2008)

Kind of same situation here, just a bit backward 

I am 22 and my wife is 27, we've been married for almost 2 years, have a 1 year old girl and we're expecting our 2nd in mid June.

Let me tell you, being new to marriage AND having kids is tough! You're wise to wait a few years before having kids instead of getting started right away.

Your husband will always have that scared look, though. And who could blame him? It's a HUGE transition!!! 'Now is never a good time' is what they say. The best part is, though, that by some miracle of nature you have 9 months to prepare for it. And let me tell you, those 9 months are a godsend!


----------



## Bilby (Feb 27, 2008)

And now for some completely different perspective!!  When I was 18 to say early twenties, I wanted kids and six would have been fine.  Didn't have a partner at the time though.  By the time I was in what I thought was a stable relationship (but turned out not to be) I no longer wanted kids at all!  As it turned out, having no kids was the best thing for my life and the complications it has since produced.  I am 40 now and while I do the wonder what if thing every so often, generally I have no regrets.  My point is it is probably hormonal and is attached to the nesting you are going through with your new house and husband.  Stopping the pill has given those hormonal feelings a super boost! Not saying you will do a back flip like me, but the urge tends to evolve somewhat.  While nobody can comment on what works for you and your husband, waiting a couple of years isn't going to make you old but it will put you in a better financial position.  You'll know if this plan becomes too hard but I would resist the first urge just to ensure the urge is yours and your husband's and not just a hormonal surge.  Either way, good luck!!!


----------



## Cath4420 (Feb 27, 2008)

*You are still young...*

Wish I had the opportunity of having hindsight.

My first husband was a policeman and after 8 years of going out together we owned two properties.  Two years into our marriage he decided he didn't want children, or me for that matter I found out later on.  So at the ripe old age of 31, I found myself divorced, husbandless and childless.  I then met my wonderful present husband whom I have been with for nearly 10 years.  We married when I was 35 I went off the pill and we have tried for the past 5 years to have children including two failed attempts at IVF and two miscarriages.  My husband is 10 years younger than I am.

I suppose what I am saying is whilst you are still young, live it up and achieve what you can but don't leave it too long as you never know what is around the corner.  On looking back I wasn't overly maternal until I met the right one, hubby no. 2.  I am a little like Bilby with the "What if" but you learn to deal with it and realise there are a lot of people worse off than me.

When I went off the pill I was not the most pleasant person to live with and as everyone said your hormones will be see-sawing until they get back to the normal levels again.  Being around children as well always brings out the "coochie coos" too!!!

Take your time and enjoy each other for a little while, whilst you have time on your side.


----------



## VeraBlue (Feb 27, 2008)

beginner_chef said:


> Thank you Uncle Bob..
> 
> You're alls posts have made me a bit 'teary eyed'..... GOSH what is wrong with me!?
> 
> ...



Two years.  We were married in 83, our son was born in 85.  Not to sound morbid, but we actually got pregnant during the first year, but unfortunatley, that didn't work out for us.  I cannot say it was unexpected, but it was certainly unplanned...  It scared us at first, being so young and expecting, but you make adjustments to work everything out.  But like I said, that didn't work out for us.  We never planned any of the pregnancies.  We didn't avoid them, either, haha.  That's what life is all about....you make plans and then things happen to change those plans.  It's how you react to those changes that defines who you are.


----------



## expatgirl (Feb 27, 2008)

What an interesting thread---I think that everyone's situation is different---so many factors are at play here----age, economic situations, relationship dynamics.  You can ask  for  advice and we DC'ers are always ready and willing but this is a question that you are going to have to discuss with your husband and hopefully you two will come to a mutual agreement.  As someone who lived thru the last few downturns in the economy and we're talking about the 80's and losing nearly $30,000 on a home and luckily we had a buyer and didn't give it to the bank like a lot of our neighbors did----I would really caution you, given your young ages and good health (I'm assuming) to wait and ride out this latest economic downturn and see what happens.  In the meantime it would be a lot cheaper and safer to invest in another pet to lavish your maternal feelings on.  The fact that your hubby reacted like a deer in the headlights is some indication of his feelings right now.  I waited until I was good and ready to have children and worked a few years.  At age 28 I was more than ready to ditch the teaching job and "nest".  I would also suggest that you research the genetics on your side of the family----if all the women went into early menopause (mid 30's) then a serious talk is in order with your gyn.  My advice is to resist the urge, get a super, lovable pet, and see what's going to happen with the economy.  Waiting for a truck to sell so that your finances improve and then thinking about having a baby may be a bit daunting right now esp. since you've taken on home ownership and are in the process of renovating.  Lots to think through before committing to a full-time job for at least the next 18 years of your life.  And then you will  still worry about them no matter what.  Ok, you can push me off the soapbox.


----------



## suziquzie (Feb 27, 2008)

I don't think I would have waited much longer, the first was at 25, 2nd at 29 and last (whew!!) at 31. I almost think the last one was kinda late. She'll be home FOREVER.
I would have waited forever if I was waiting to be "ready". As a matter of fact, a week before we found out I was pregnant we were thinking how much it would suck to have a kid right now. I regret that conversation because I really don't know what I did with free time before! 
We were only "together" about a year, didn't get married til #3 was on the way. (I hate being center of attention and didn't want a "wedding"). We had been best friends and dated on and off since we were 17 though. 
Now I really really like him!!!!  kidding.
Anyway, remodel 1st.


----------



## buckytom (Feb 27, 2008)

beginner chef, my advice would be to wait. maybe even a little longer than 2 to 4 years. not too long though. if you can, plan to have your kids from your late twenties through your mid 30's.

over the past coupla years since we had our son (my wife and i were both 39 when he was born), a number of people have commented to me about how they see how much i love being a dad, and how i've completely dedicated myself to the experience. all i can say is that i can't take credit for it beyond that it's what i'm supposed to do. 
the reason it comes to me so easily is that i partied and travelled and experienced the heck out of life for the first 39 years, so i have no regrets and no doubts about having missed anything. now, there's a little guy that needs as much of me as i can give him, so there isn't even the tiniest shadow of any doubt in my mind, nor any wishes for more free time or space, nor any longings in any way that can distract me from what's the right thing to. what i'm doing isn't really all that remarkable; just natural.

so, try to live your life as best you can now, and try to become the kind of person that you want your future kids to be proud of. 'cause once they're here, your life will never be the same again.


----------



## jkath (Feb 27, 2008)

buckytom, you nailed it!

BC, think about why you married your husband. He was your best friend, your true love, your absolutely-everything, right? Enjoy this amazing time you have together with him, being a couple. Spend time with him, and remind him that he's your hero.

I really feel like the closer the parents are, the more they get along,  the more respect they have for each other, and the more fun they have together will equal a wonderful, safe, stable, happy environment for their babies.

Think about when you were 16, and in your mind, you probably "really knew" what life was all about....then you turned 20, and looked back at 16 and thought "holy cow! Boy did I have more growing up to do!"  There's never anything wrong with taking time to make such a life-changing and life-altering decision.

for the record, I'm 41 with 2 kids: 15 and 12. Looking back, I wish I would have waited just a few more years. I think I would have started college savings accounts for my kids before they were born, too, rather than waiting till they were 5 or so.


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 27, 2008)

Thank you all for the wonderful advice!

This definetly isn't something that's going to be happening in the near future. It's just something i've been thinking about lately. Me and my DH did some talking today, and I got him to agree that after we finish the house, and buy a street bike (very big deal to him....) we'll start talking seriously about possibly trying. It's most likely going to be about 2 years. And who knows, by that time my feelings may be different...... Hard to imagine...

Thanks again for all the great advice! Just so everyone knows, I didn't ask you all this to try to make a decision. I was just wanting everyones opinion! Wanted to make sure I'm not CrAzY!!


----------



## Katie H (Feb 27, 2008)

beginner_chef said:


> Thank you all for the wonderful advice!
> 
> This definetly isn't something that's going to be happening in the near future. It's just something i've been thinking about lately. Me and my DH did some talking today, and I got him to agree that after we finish the house, and buy a street bike (very big deal to him....) we'll start talking seriously about possibly trying. It's most likely going to be about 2 years. And who knows, by that time my feelings may be different...... Hard to imagine...
> 
> Thanks again for all the great advice! Just so everyone knows, I didn't ask you all this to try to make a decision. I was just wanting everyones opinion! Wanted to make sure I'm not CrAzY!!



Good girl.  You have the advantage of  getting a number of points of  view.  You are lucky in the respect that many young women in your position don't have  this wealth of information.

As has been said, get to know and love your spouse and enjoy your "alone" time together because it will be many years before you get to be "just  the two of you" again.

Have a great time and let nature take its course.  That is, after your body adjusts again after being on  and  then off birth control pills.  You  will  be fine.


----------



## Bilby (Feb 28, 2008)

Just another point of view about waiting until you are more mature-aged parents, my brother and his wife did like BT and travelled, worked abroad, got settled and then had their family.  Well, they had a bit of trouble getting pregnant but have still ended up with three kids.  The trouble they mainly found, and continue to find, is that their friends all had their kids when by brother was travelling. So when they wanted to do things with their friends, they were hampered by their friends babysitting/child/baby etc situations. Now that their friends' kids are all older or off their hands, my brother is still hampered from enjoying his friends' time fully because of his kids!  Now whether this is a problem to you or not, only you can determine. (and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that my brother would have done it any other way or that he isn't happy, just that these were part of the social problem he experienced.)

Another thing to consider in my brother's situation is that his youngest is 7 and he is 49.  He has NO hope of an early retirement!!!  Again, just another factor.


----------



## suziquzie (Feb 28, 2008)

Seeing my parents, there's another reason I'm glad I started earlier. My mom was 34 my dad 37, like more people are doing now, but this was back in 1974. They wanted masters degrees and such first, which I get. 
They also can't really keep up with my kids. Dad turned 70 the other day, mom is 67. I want to be able to be young enough to enjoy my grandkids fully, and not have the image I do of my grandparents just being the crabby old people that yelled if we ran too much or talked too loud. I see it in my parents with my kids and it REALLY bugs me. My dad gets all huffy if my 2 yr old drops a potato chip on the rug. 
All I really ever wanted was to be a mom and wife, which I guess is my version of a masters degree, and thats what I have!!!


----------



## Barbara L (Feb 28, 2008)

jkath said:


> ...I really feel like the closer the parents are, the more they get along, the more respect they have for each other, and the more fun they have together will equal a wonderful, safe, stable, happy environment for their babies...


This is one of the most important pieces of advice you will ever get.  It brought to mind something I read a few years ago.  It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."  Of course it applies to the mom too.  Once children start to come, a lot of couples begin to put all their effort into the kids.  They begin to forget each other.  By the time the kids grow up and leave home, the parents don't have anything in common anymore.  I knew a couple who devoted every waking hour to their kids.  One example is that when they went anywhere in the car, the kids would fight with each other over who got to sit in the front seat, and the mom ended up riding in the back!  Kids don't need parents who bend over backwards all the time for them.  They need parents who love each other and set a good example for them of what they should aspire to when they grow up and have children.

Barbara


----------



## expatgirl (Feb 29, 2008)

Amen to that, Barbara.  I had a friend, too, that rode with her son in the back seat of the car until he was 5 years old.  That's when we moved.......he should have graduated from university by now and who knows she may still be sitting in the back seat with him to this day. She and her husband's entire lives revolved around him.....


----------



## suziquzie (Feb 29, 2008)

Definately. The marriage comes first, all things revolve around THAT.


----------



## jkath (Feb 29, 2008)

Barbara L said:


> It brought to mind something I read a few years ago.  It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother."



Wasn't that Dr. Laura? I hear her say that a lot


----------



## TanyaK (Feb 29, 2008)

Talking about the mother driving in the back seat - when I au-paired in Italy the 8 year old son slept next to the mom in the double bed and the husband slept on a stretcher next to them as apparently the son refused to sleep in his own bed and their bed wasn't big enough ... Sorry to digress but I just had to share that


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Feb 29, 2008)

I agree with UncleBob.  Kids are for the young, but not too young.  My DW gave birth to our first child when she was 24 and I was 23.  We had three more after that.  Like you, I have always loved children, and had a great time raising mine to adulthood.  Yes, they did take up all of our time.  Yes, they were (and still are) somewhat of a financial burden.  But they are your family.  They are a part of you.  And if raised right, they can be your best freinds, and the people who you can trust above all others (except for your spouse of course).  

In my opinion, people look at children as property, as baggage, something that holds us back.  If one feels that way about children, then that person shouldn't have them.  They are not pets, or pests, or little brats.  Children are a part of you, and should be given all of the time and resources you have to give them.  If this is done, with love and respect given and expected, then they are part of a unit that is truly eternal, the family.  A successful family will provide you with more satisfaction and joy than any other endeavor you can undertake.  It is what makes you whole, and complete.

Make your family the most important thing in your life and you will have a wonderful life.  Cars rust away, or fail.  Physical bueaty fades with age.  Money can be lost with a quick turn of the stock market, or loss of a job (usually through no fault of the person losing the job, i.e. factory closes or lays off workers).  All things become corrupted through time, except familial relationships that are nurtured continuously.

Of course you must be able to provide a reasonable life for your family, which means that you prepare through education, training, building, and hard work.  You learn to organize your life to provide maximum resources while allowing time to truly enjoy your spouse and kids.  Go camping.  When you eat steak, feed them steak.  When you eat bread, they eat bread.  

In the house i grew up in, the best was researved for my stepfather.  He was the man of the house and desearved all the respect we gave him.  But in my house, the best was researved for my wife and children, as I was the primary provider and it was my choice who the resources went to.  I didn't go without.  but I made sure that each member of my household knew that they were the most important people in my life.  It has paid off in spades.  I have amazing relationships with my adult children.  I couldn't ask for a better family.  And I would do it over again every time if I had could go back in time.  But I would invest heavily in MicroSoft in the early 80's.

Oh, and as you are remodeling/rebuilding your house, now is the time to do a bit of research into alternative energy sources and techniques for reducing utility loads.  Specifically, look at periodicals such as Mother Earth News.  Look into house design, into Evacuated Tube Solar Collectors (amazing product), and other money saving technologies.  Look at ways to use natural lighting to limit the use of electric lighting, and compact flourecent lighting as well.  There are a host of ways to provied air-conditioning and heating for your home at virtually no cost, and to reduce your hot-water and refrigerator energy loads.  Typically, the cost to put in the technologies is low-cost, and virtually maintenance free when done right.

Seeeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## kadesma (Feb 29, 2008)

When we married, we both knew, we wanted kids and NOW..We started a family right away..4 kids later, we had our family, I was one lucky mom..We both had, had parents who worked,DH wanted the kids mom to be at home with them..So, I stopped working right as soon as I found out number 1 was on the way..My kids, never stayed with baby sitters, just my parents, I was not a mom who had a lot of pals to go shopping with or out to lunch, and I have to admit I get a tad grumpy with my daughters when they dump the kids on a baby sitter who is 15 and go out for the evening..It makes me wild...I know, they deserve some time for mommy! Well, I never had that and you know what?  I'm glad, because there are the times you think Oh Lord aren't they grown up yet?  Well that comes and way to fast...Then your left with an empty nest and scramble to find something to fill your time..
You see for me life is my kids and especially Cade,Carson,Ethan,Olivia,ALyssa and Gianna..They are what I get up every morning for, put up with all this crap to keep going on dialysis...Kids..
What life is about, so make sure they are what you want, have some fun, enjoy fixing your home and when the time comes you'll know yes or no..Don't ever have a child to appease someone  have them because you cannot live without them.
kadesma


----------



## Barbara L (Feb 29, 2008)

jkath said:


> Wasn't that Dr. Laura? I hear her say that a lot


Could be.  I read it on a plaque I bought my [now ex] son-in-law a few years ago.  You remember him--the "sweet" guy who left his wife and kids on Mother's Day a couple years ago?

Anyway, it may have been on a cheap plaque, but I really believe what it says.

LOL  Years ago I gave my mom and dad another cheap plaque (hey, it's what I could afford!) with a neat saying.  Last I saw it is still there.  It says, "Marriage is the union of two good forgivers."  

Barbara


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Feb 29, 2008)

Barbara L said:


> This is one of the most important pieces of advice you will ever get. It brought to mind something I read a few years ago. It said, "The best thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother." Of course it applies to the mom too. Once children start to come, a lot of couples begin to put all their effort into the kids. They begin to forget each other. By the time the kids grow up and leave home, the parents don't have anything in common anymore. I knew a couple who devoted every waking hour to their kids. One example is that when they went anywhere in the car, the kids would fight with each other over who got to sit in the front seat, and the mom ended up riding in the back! Kids don't need parents who bend over backwards all the time for them. They need parents who love each other and set a good example for them of what they should aspire to when they grow up and have children.
> 
> Barbara



That is some of the best advice ever stated on this site. Kudos to you Barbara.  Though I love my kids more than life itself, I made a promise to my wife, which I have kept to this day, and will keep forever, that if ever a choice had to be made between my dids and my wife, my choice would go to my wife.  I married her.  I chose her as my companion.  That's just the way it is.

Fortunately, as I stated, my kids are great, and I wouldn't change one of them, so the choice never had to be made.  And strong parents are a requirement of strong families.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 29, 2008)

Yes. There has been lots of great advice so far. Thank you all so much.

My husband and I moved to this small town just a couple months after we got married. Unfortunatly we had to leave behind our church, since we couldn't justify driving the 40 min. every Sunday, to still end up being late..

Anyways, we joined a nice church here.. and are probably the youngest married couple there, by at least 8-10 years, lol. A large group of the women will plan fun events together, and they all just love giving me a hard time about being so young...(Their favorite examples are...I'd never heard of MC Hammer, never owned a casset tape, I didn't know you used to have to lick postal stamps..I'll just stop there..) 

I went to a 6 week study called 'Mother Wise' with all these women, and am just, very blessed to have friends (that includes all of you!) who will give me pointers, and advice. I can't tell you how much I have grown, and matured just in the past year that i've been married, and been around these women.

So thank you all for the great advice..


----------



## Fisher's Mom (Feb 29, 2008)

beginner_chef said:


> Anyways, we joined a nice church here.. and are probably the youngest married couple there, by at least 8-10 years, lol. A large group of the women will plan fun events together, and they all just love giving me a hard time about being so young...(Their favorite examples are...I'd never heard of MC Hammer, never owned a casset tape, I didn't know you used to have to lick postal stamps..I'll just stop there..)
> 
> I went to a 6 week study called 'Mother Wise' with all these women, and am just, very blessed to have friends (that includes all of you!) who will give me pointers, and advice. I can't tell you how much I have grown, and matured just in the past year that i've been married, and been around these women.
> 
> So thank you all for the great advice..


I'm so glad you've found this group at church as well as here, beginner. Another thing you and hubby might like to do is offer to babysit (even overnight) for some of the members of your church. Ya'll will enjoy it, the parents will bless you for it, and you'll be building up a bank of people who will return the favor someday! Really, it's a great way for you and your hubby to start to figure out what your parenting styles will be.


----------



## DietitianInTraining (Feb 29, 2008)

We've thought about doing that. Saying that we'll babysit (overnight if they'd like) a week. We just havn't gotten serious about it.

We have a couple that we're pretty good friends with that has 3 boys and a girl.. 9 yrs, 7 yrs, 4 yrs, and 2 yrs. Or at least they're close to those ages. We've watched them a couple times, and had them stay the night 3 or 4 times so far. It can be exhausting sometimes, but I know I would like to have a married couple that I trusted be able to watch my kids for me someday. Usualy we keep them overnight on days that they go grocey shopping. We had them stay the night the day after Valentines Day, so they could spend some time together. They told us that we're the only couple since they had their 1st boy, who has ever offered to watch them. I couldn't believe that. So we babysit often for them.


----------



## Fisher's Mom (Mar 1, 2008)

That is just wonderful of you and your hubby, beginner. It's so true about really appreciating having someone you can trust to care for your children. 3 years ago, my mom fell down the stairs and broke a lot of bones, etc. She needed me to come and care for her but my husband had had to take a job in PA and the older kids lived in different cities. My youngest was 3 and I didn't know what to do. My best friend and her husband just sort of moved in and stayed here for 2 weeks while I went to care for my mom. I can't tell you what that meant to me to know my kids were safe and well cared for. You and hubby deserve a big pat on the back for this.


----------

