# more thoughts on cats



## luvs (Sep 26, 2005)

-you will hear a thudding sort of sound. all of the people in your household will be like, 'what was that sound?'.
it will have been a cat jumping on the washer or dryer in the end.
-when your cat runs outside and it is raining, and then returns from the outdoors, it will look more like a hedgehog gone awry than a feline.
-you will laugh.
-your cat will then laugh at you for holding the door open as it perched in anticipation of fleeing the indoors.
-one day there will be claw-marks in the furniture, and you'll be like, 'when did THOSE get there?'
-deli meat is no longer yours once the cat sees it. and just wait until kitty hears that deli bag crinkle......
-your meal will become the feline's meal, seeing as to how our cats rule us in some sort of inadvertant feline way
-you'll wake up to a kitchen that was clean before you went to bed, but that now has 2 phonebooks, a bowl of what was once breakfast, and a can of what you're fairly certain was a beer flung across the room. then you have to check. 'was that my BEER?' 
-a paperclip and your favorite pen and what was once a lightbulb will somehow end up having been destroyed by kitty by the end of the day.

but at the end of the day, kitty will stare up at you with that cat-stare, make that purr-meow noise, and make you smile.

tee-hee. i love my cats.


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## cara (Sep 26, 2005)

I also love cats, but we have no place for them...  

How To Give Your Cat A Pill​*Grasp cat firmly in your arms. Cradle its head on your elbow, just as if you were giving baby a bottle. Coo confidently, "That's a nice kitty.". Drop pill into its mouth.*

*Retrieve cat from top of lamp, and pill from under sofa.*

*Follow same procedure as in 1, but hold cat's front paws down with left hand and back paws down with elbow of right arm. Poke pill into its mouth with right forefinger.*

*Retrieve cat from under bed. Get new pill from bottle. (Resist impulse to get new cat.)*

*Again proceed as in 1, except when you have cat firmly cradled in bottle-feeding position, sit down on edge of chair, fold your torso over cat, bring your right hand over your left elbow, open cat's mouth by lifting the upper jaw and pop the pill in - quickly. Since your head is down by your knees, you won't be able to see what you're doing. That's just as well.*

*Leave cat hanging on drapes. Leave pill in your hair.*

*If you're a woman, have a good cry. If you're a man, have a good cry.*

*Now pull yourself together. Who's the boss here anyway? Retrieve cat and pill. Assuming position 1, say sternly, "Who's the boss here, anyway?" Open cat's mouth, take pill and...Oooops!*

*This isn't working, is it? Collapse and think. Aha! Those flashing claws are causing the chaos.*

*Crawl to linen closet. Drag back large beach towel. Spread towel on floor.*

*Retrieve cat from kitchen counter, and pill from potted plant.*

*Spread cat on towel near one end, with its head over long edge.*

*Flatten cat's front and back legs over its stomach. (Resist impulse to flatten cat.)*

*Roll cat in towel. Work fast; time and tabbies wait for no man-or woman.*

*Resume position 1. Rotate your left hand to cat's head. Press its mouth at the jaw hinges like opening the petals of a snapdragon.*

*Drop pill into cat's mouth and poke gently. Voila! It's done.*

*Vacuum up loose fur (cat's). Apply bandages to wounds (yours).*

*Take two aspirins and lie down.*

*(Sheesh, If you only would have asked me nicely!!)*


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## mrsmac (Sep 26, 2005)

Yesterday when we took the dog to the vet there was acge with 2 gorgeous fluffy kittens looking for a home. They were $25 each including micro chipping and thier first injection which is sooo cheap. I drooled and drooled so did Erin. DH in a resigned way said "if you want." The only thing I am worried about is how Keeley my 6 month old cat would cope. She is the most divine cat she never scratches or bites and lets Erin carry her around the house and has never once scratched her even though I would have!! I also worry that not all cats are as placid as Keeley and i would be disappointed- Keeley never scratches furniture or makes a mess either.
HELP!!!


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## luvs (Sep 27, 2005)

i'd so take the cats in, mrs. m, but that's just me.

i love the post on giving cats medicine, cara. my Mom will so want to see that one, seeing as to how our one kitty is on eardrops and the another is on antibiotics as a preventative measure. 

just one more thought on cats- why do they lay on a linoleum floor and grip something in thier teeth and then decide to have a fight with it just before they start kicking at it with thier hind legs and just before thier fur loses its grip and they start spinning around on the surface of the floor?

and another thought- why do things like dustbunnies and feathers upset kitty so much that he hisses before he cautiously bats at it, meows, then chews on it for a minute?

and another thought- why do they literally fling themselves at you and start purring like they haven't seen you in years when you just gave them 'pettins and cooed at them 15 minutes ago?


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## urmaniac13 (Sep 27, 2005)

mrsmac said:
			
		

> Yesterday when we took the dog to the vet there was acge with 2 gorgeous fluffy kittens looking for a home. They were $25 each including micro chipping and thier first injection which is sooo cheap. I drooled and drooled so did Erin. DH in a resigned way said "if you want." The only thing I am worried about is how Keeley my 6 month old cat would cope. She is the most divine cat she never scratches or bites and lets Erin carry her around the house and has never once scratched her even though I would have!! I also worry that not all cats are as placid as Keeley and i would be disappointed- Keeley never scratches furniture or makes a mess either.
> HELP!!!


Yes, yes, go for it!!  I know there is enough love to go around to everyone in your house hold!!  I had an incredibly spoiled boy "Hobbes", but he became a wonderfully loving big brother to the tiny "calvin" when he came home timid and scared... you may be surprised how Keeley takes to the new "sibling"!!


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## urmaniac13 (Sep 27, 2005)

*



*

*This little guy has just read the first two posts....*


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## middie (Sep 27, 2005)

you can't hear them jump up on counters... but you can sure hear them jump down lmao

mrsmac... i say go adopt one of the kittens. just talk with a vet about getting him/her declawed. the other cat may not like it at first but eventually they'll get along pretty well.


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## crewsk (Sep 27, 2005)

My kittens like to catch flys & play with them until they are dead. Then they chew them up, spit them out on the floor & leave them there. It drives hubby crazy!! Right now my kitten Tater's favorite thing to do is to lay down in the middle of the newspaper when I'm laying in the den floor reading it.


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## middie (Sep 27, 2005)

one of my cats (the bigger one of course)
will crawl in my lap and lay on whatever it
is i'm trying to read. doesn't matter where
i am. sometimes she'll lay ontop of my keyboard
too lmbo


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## luvs (Sep 28, 2005)

guys, mine so do that, too.  as soon as you get that newspaper opened, here comes kitty.


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## mrsmac (Sep 28, 2005)

I spoke to soon about keeley being the perfect cat!! Yesterday she climbed into my pot plant and dug heaps of dirt out onto the floor!


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## lindatooo (Sep 30, 2005)

What I don't understand is how Domino (our Maine Coon/odd eyed cat who is black and white and doesn't even WANT to go outside) absolutely KNOWS when I come into the house with  fresh corn on the cob (even when it's double bagged) and goes nuts over the silk.  Also how is it that she KNOWS it's a can of tuna I've just taken from the pantry when she is asleep on the TV?   The frozen chicken I understand...she DEMANDS her share of the breast - raw - and RIGHT NOW!


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## mrsmac (Oct 2, 2005)

I just had to rescue my cat from DH!! She got behind the TV cabinet and pulled the plug in the middle of the Football Grand final!! (Think Australian version of the superbowl) He was NOT amused.


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## Barbara L (Oct 2, 2005)

*How to Give a Cat a Bath*

*METHOD #1: CAT BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART*

  1. Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
  2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
  3. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)
  4. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have now begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life.
  5. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)
  6. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through. That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.
  7. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.
   In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.
   You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isn't usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath. But at least now he smells a lot better.
 
*METHOD #2: FLUSH 'N FLUFF*
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted.
3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
   CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for any purchase they can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power wash and rinse' which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. 

   Sincerely,

   The Dog
 
 Barbara


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## mrsmac (Oct 2, 2005)

Barbara that made me laugh so much I nearly squirted coffee out of my nose!!!!!


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## urmaniac13 (Oct 3, 2005)

Barbara L said:
			
		

> *METHOD #1: CAT BATHING AS A MARTIAL ART*
> 
> 1. Know that although the kitty cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, we recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)
> 2. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. We recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.
> ...


 
My beloved kitty I once had, "Hobbes" was an extremely docile boy and even during the bathing adventure he never turned physically agressive.  However he opted on turning his vengeance to embarrasing the ?xx! out of me for what I have done to him.  Every time I had to wash him he had to belt out this pitiful, desperate tortured wailing, as if to say I was trying to neuter him without anesthetics,  so loud that it rang out through the entire neighbourhood (and I lived in a townhouse type structure with very thin walls...)...the first time we did this I heard my front doorbell persistently ringing several times...  Then later on that day I had to confront several neighbours questioning me "Is Hobbes okay?  I heard him and I thought he was in some trouble..."  (but seemed to me they were really saying "What have you done to him?  Is he dead now?")  I had to explain the whole situation to everyone, they expressed their understanding... however everytime after the operation cat-wash, I always received a lot of raised eye blows and felt some icy look on my back....  Nonetheless I loved him to pieces he was the sweetest cat anyone could ever have....


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## luvs (Oct 3, 2005)

cats are so awesome. 
and barbara, i laughed so hard when i read your post. it was so funny.


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## Barbara L (Oct 3, 2005)

Barbara L said:
			
		

> 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.


What this didn't say is that the cat will lick himself dry and then roll in the dirt and weeds!

 Barbara


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