# The South



## texasgirl (May 7, 2005)

To any southerners, please don't be offended, I was born and raised in Texas. And I just thought this was hilarious.

*   *
_.
_
*The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating *
*services, The South has*
*family reunions.

The North has double last names, The South has double first names.

The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.

The North has green salads, The South has collard greens

The North has lobsters, The South has crawfish.

FOR NORTHERNERS COMING SOUTH*

*In the South: If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food *
*at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is *
*singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's" is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing "You*
* ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be i*
*nstructed later on how to *
* use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is *
*the adjective "big'ol," truck *
*or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. *
*All of them are in denial *
*about it.

The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin" is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this," you should stay out of the way. These are likely to*
* be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of *
*the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything *
*or not. You just have to go there.**(this is so true!!!!!I think they are giving stuff away..lol)**

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year-olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

**
Have a good day! *


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## Maidrite (May 7, 2005)

Boy you like to live in danger don't you ? I live in the south now and want to remain here so I will not say , ya or nay.  Because I live to close to some of them and Barbara will tell them were we live so, I love the South and the South is were I live !!!!!!!!!


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## texasgirl (May 7, 2005)

Danger?
Most of the stuff here is VERY familiar to me Ya'll. I am just able to see something like this, and make fun of myself and the way that my family and a lot of families that I know and love are. I love being a Texan. And I love texas jokes. I would never post anything insulting, these are just fun stuff. If I have insulted anyone, I'm very sorry. But being from Texas, I know that we have some strange ways of doing things. And not all of what is on here, pertains to ALL Southerners. It's just funny. So, I won't post anymore jokes like this. I'm truly sorry.


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 8, 2005)

That was enjoyable.


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## crewsk (May 9, 2005)

Texasgirl, I love it!! I've lived in SC all my life & all these really hit home & make me laugh!! Especially the one about the 10yr. olds & shotguns, my 8 yr. old son got his first 22 for Christmas year before last. He hasen't gotten to shoot it yet bacause we haven't lined up the scope yet, but I'm pretty darn good with the thing!


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## Run_Out (May 9, 2005)

Texasgirl you omitted "Fixin to" that is my favorite. Momma I am fixin to take out the trash....


Later


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## crewsk (May 9, 2005)

She also left out "over yonder" Run Out. "I'm goin' over yonder to see my cousin." There's also "down the road a piece". That could mean anything from a 1/4 of a mile to 10 or 20 miles away!


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## AllenOK (May 9, 2005)

I have that same list, and maybe one or two more.  You left out a couple, though:

-If you're driving down the road, and come across an old, beat-up pickup truck driving 25 MPH straddling the centerline, don't worry.  The driver learned how to drive on a combine or a tractor, and this is the proper speed and position for such a vehicle.

-Don't think that just because you moved down South, and had some kids, that Southerners will accept your kids as Southerners.  For example, if the cat had a litter of kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits, now, would we?

FYI, I HAVE driven a tractor.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

Thanks you guys, I was horrified that I had offended anyone. I LOVE southern or Texas jokes, as long as they aren't (notice I didn't use ain't) down right insulting. 
Have a great day, everyone!!


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## middie (May 9, 2005)

these are funny lol


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## digigirl (May 9, 2005)

I love it! Especially as I am a "northerner" born and raised in California who just moved to Texas last year! 

I don't think I've said "big 'ol" yet, but who knows.... maybe I just wasn't paying attention!

and with regards to this one:



> Don't think that just because you moved down South, and had some kids, that Southerners will accept your kids as Southerners. For example, if the cat had a litter of kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits, now, would we?


 
As my boyfriend's family says (all born and raised Texans) - "well, she's not a native Texan.... but she got here as soon as she could!!"


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## Maidrite (May 9, 2005)

TexasGirl you never have upset me I wish I had found this sooner, I loved it and was just teasing you back. Everyone here is Great. Please know I am truly sorry if you thought I was upset, I LOVE what you have written and enjoy further jokes from you ! I have been very busy the past few days and I would have given you a hug sooner if I had only known, Forgive me please !!!!!


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## pdswife (May 9, 2005)

I've always wanted to visit the south. 
Someday I'll get there.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

Maidrite said:
			
		

> TexasGirl you never have upset me I wish I had found this sooner, I loved it and was just teasing you back. Everyone here is Great. Please know I am truly sorry if you thought I was upset, I LOVE what you have written and enjoy further jokes from you ! I have been very busy the past few days and I would have given you a hug sooner if I had only known, Forgive me please !!!!!


 
OH, DEFINATELY FORGIVEN
	

	
	
		
		

		
			




I'm just not used to everyone yet, so, forgive ME for taking it wrong. Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

digigirl said:
			
		

> I love it! Especially as I am a "northerner" born and raised in California who just moved to Texas last year!
> 
> I don't think I've said "big 'ol" yet, but who knows.... maybe I just wasn't paying attention!
> 
> ...


 
Yep, give it time, you'll big talkin about all the big ,ol stuff we have here
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



Texas is definately different from California, I've never been there, but, have friends that lived there for years. I hear it's beautiful there, though.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

pdswife1 said:
			
		

> I've always wanted to visit the south.
> Someday I'll get there.


 
I have an aunt that lives in Spokane. She was born and raised here, moved there with her new husband about 30 years ago.
I think you would love ANY of the southern states. I've been east, but, not west. Lots of beautiful landscapes!!


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## kitchenelf (May 9, 2005)

All ya'all are in a mess o'trouble and need just one good whoop upside the head    

I used to know someone who would say "I gotta ask you a problem"   

And say "my uncle come of the night" - (put anything in place of uncle) - and it meant my uncle came to visit last night.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

kitchenelf said:
			
		

> All ya'all are in a mess o'trouble and need just one good whoop upside the head
> 
> I used to know someone who would say "I gotta ask you a problem"
> 
> And say "my uncle come of the night" - (put anything in place of uncle) - and it meant my uncle came to visit last night.


 
I can't say that I've heard those, but , I guess it depends on the woods your in or how far south.

Your a riot kitchenelf!! I put a few whoops upside my kids heads


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## licia (May 9, 2005)

What about "I reckon so". That is one I've heard most of my life.


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## texasgirl (May 9, 2005)

yep, that's down here too.


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## crewsk (May 9, 2005)

Never ever ask for just a small piece of pie, cake, or whatever dessert is being served at a meal in the south either. You'll still get a piece the size of Texas!!


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