# Pulling my hair out.



## Dove (Sep 2, 2005)

We made it through the  Colenoscophy but I didn't mention that DH fell (again) last week in the driveway. It was a week ago yesterday. I have had to lift him in and our of a chair, pick up his feet to put him in and out of the car etc. He wouldn't go to the Dr because he was afraid they would cancel his appointment. Soo off to the Dr. today..he is now in the hospital with a fractured hip!!    

I am about to pull my hair out.Enough is enough.........


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## PA Baker (Sep 2, 2005)

Oh, Marge, I'm so sorry.  All I can give you is my prayers and hugs! {{{big hug!}}}

You're a wonderful wife, taking care of him the way you do, but make sure you take good care of yourself, too, OK?


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## middie (Sep 2, 2005)

oh dove how terrible !!!!!
i'm so sorry !! but you are
a great wife !!


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## Dove (Sep 2, 2005)

Even if I closed the screen door to the sliding doors going out to the Patio (taking Miss Dove out) and then turned around and walked in the house without opening the screen??? Sort of bent the frame a little..  :}


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## middie (Sep 2, 2005)

dove... yes even then lol


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## KAYLINDA (Sep 2, 2005)

Dove!  How did that man stand the pain for a week?  Special prayers going up for you right now!


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## kadesma (Sep 2, 2005)

Marge,

bless you both. Now that DH is in the hospital, please take this time to rest and get yourself back into good shape..This will give you a rest, lifting and bending as you have must have been really hard. I was in misery when I had to pick up my dad from one chair or out of bed to get him into the wheel chair, this went on til he passed away about 8 months later...I was sore and achy all the time...At 105 lbs to his 125 it was hard..But, I'd do it again tomorrow if I had to,,,And I know you are going to give your all to DH when he gets to come home..So rest up, take care of you...Prayers and a heal soon to DH..A great big hug to you both.. He must be one strong man...to put up with the pain...
kadesma


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## Dove (Sep 2, 2005)

He just did..for the very first time he did ask for Tylenol..once. Thats just the way he is..never complains but I knew he was hurting. He always said "the man who treats himself, has a fool for a patient"  He is already asking to come  home since surgery isn't needed. He needs to be there at least for the week end..he eats like a bird once a day..Dr said today he is malnourshed (sp) and will end up in the hospital if he didn't eat. Well, he did..but not for that.If they have any sense they will figgure that out. the hospital 3 miles from us didn't have a bed so he is about 15 minutes from home or more. The food is Much much better there so maybe he will try to eat.
Marge


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## Dove (Sep 2, 2005)

Can you believe this!? 


_Date of Birth: 12/11_ 
You should be looking especially beautiful today, Margaret, but you may feel that it's wasted because your beloved isn't around to appreciate it. Cheer up! It'll only be for a few days, and you'll still look pretty good by then. Try to keep yourself busy, preferably doing something you love to do, so your enthusiasm will enhance your beauty. Your friend won't be away forever. It only seems that way.

Today Sept. 3rd


_ Date of Birth: 12/11_ 
Whatever you want, Margaret, you need only ask for it today and there is a good chance you will get it. And it's about time, too. It seems you have been working exceptionally hard lately. You are certainly due for your fair share of happiness and glory! Gather your thoughts, collect your supporting evidence and ask for what you want. If your yen for more public recognition is nagging at you, then take steps today to ensure that you get more time in the spotlight.





I just opened it and had to come back and post it.
this is scarry..


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## kadesma (Sep 2, 2005)

See Marge, that say's it all...

cheer up, I know it's hard and you're probably scared and lonely, but, he will be home and soon..Let him come through the door and see his beautiful girl..happy, smiling and lovely as ever..
kadesma


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## pdswife (Sep 3, 2005)

Please take care of YOU now for awhile.   Do something nice
just for you that you don't have time for when dh is at home!!


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## Dove (Sep 3, 2005)

What would I do with out you all...

thanks


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## texasgirl (Sep 3, 2005)

Men can be SO stubborn!!!!!
If he is anything like my hubby, and it sounds like he is, My hubby thinks that if you show pain, then your weak. He doesn't go to the doctor until he is in so much pain that he's in tears by then.  
Just keep being the wonderful lady that you are, Marge. He'll be up and around again soon, but, while someone else is taking care of him for now, rest and do something for yourself!! Hugs to you!!


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## callie (Sep 3, 2005)

Marge, I agree with everyone's advice - this is a great opportunity to take care of yourself!  Rest, put your feet up, read or watch a movie or do something YOU like to do.  Everything else can wait!!  Big hugs to you and DH.


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## licia (Sep 3, 2005)

I hadn't seen this til just now. I agree with the others - take very good care of yourself and enjoy something you don't usually get to do when dh is home. Best wishes.


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## SierraCook (Sep 3, 2005)

Marge, 

Keep your chin up.  I tried to call you yesterday, but lost my cell phone out in the woods and had to hunt for it.     Luckily, I just left it on the truckbox of my truck and it fell between the box and the bed.  

Take care and I will be thinking of you.  

Hugs, SC


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## lindatooo (Sep 3, 2005)

They're all correct, Marge, take some good care of yourself while he's being cared for in the hospital.  You've had your share of lumps, girl, get some rest!

2


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## Dove (Sep 3, 2005)

My hubby thinks that if you show pain, then your weak

Yep! He was the youngest of 8 so he wouldn't let them think he was a baby and then part of his training was with the Marine Corps..( 8 out of 21 years)  need I say more?


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## kitchenelf (Sep 3, 2005)

Marge!!!!!  It's going to get better from here!!!  I hope he starts eating now.  I can't believe he broke his hip!  Maybe the doctors will get him on the right road to recovery while he's in the hospital.  Give him my best!!!


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## Claire (Sep 5, 2005)

My husband is an only child, who feels he has to prove that he wasn't a spoiled wimp.  This is ridiculous -- his mother had TB, and he quite often did everything for him and his dad.  I'm tall and large and strong (we're actually about the same size), but when he flopped over this summer, and last summer had gout, I couldn't handle it alone.  Don't hesitate to ask friends who are willing to help.    I can do a lot myself, but when it comes to lifting and carrying things like air conditioning units, or my husband (around 190 lbs) ... well ...  Suffice it to say, if you get sick or seriously hurt your back or knees, you are no good to anyone.  so take care of yourself.  If you aren't willing to do it for you, do it to keep both of you alive.  

I hate it that it always seems that disasters hit you all at the same time.  You never have a family member's illness, you have that, and a weather disaster, and a major house mishap ... blablabla.  If only the disasters would hit one at a time!


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## Dove (Sep 5, 2005)

Thanks Clair...

I went to see him today and all he could say was he was coming home tomorrow...I do miss him and would love to have him home but I can't give him the care he needs right now. The Nurse said he only has 25% use of his left leg and should go to a Skilled Nurseing Home but he says no..my wife can take good care of me. ..I asked him to please give me a few days to get the rest of the inflamation out of my back..I've been on strong muscle relaxers since he went in last Friday. His sis that lives near us is a retired Nurse so she called him and told him the same thing. Sooo he goes to a home tomorrow. Probably for just a few days but that's ok. It will work out.


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (Sep 5, 2005)

> Marge, I agree with everyone's advice - this is a great opportunity to take care of yourself! Rest, put your feet up, read or watch a movie or do something YOU like to do. Everything else can wait!! Big hugs to you and DH.


 
I cant agree more with the above statement. Marge PLEASE try to relax. We love you very much. I wish I lived close to you so I could help you out. Im praying that everything goes smoothly. Just remember that my heart is with you and Paul.


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## KAYLINDA (Sep 6, 2005)

Still keeping you in my prayers Marge.  Tell Paul we are all thinking of him!


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## kadesma (Sep 6, 2005)

Marge,

 Paul will get great care, you can rest and be ready to see him come home and enjoy being together instead of worrying if you will be able to care for him. This way you will both be stronger..We all care for you a great deal, please, take care of YOU..Hugs and prayers for both of you. 
kadesma


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## Dove (Sep 6, 2005)

I don't remember how I found this site but let me tell you all..I'm so glad I did !  You have been the best friends a "girl " could have...

On the way home today I went into Lazyboy and chose a sofa..couch or what ever you want to call it..with the recliners on each end and a back support  to make him more comfortable when he gets home.

Love to you all,
Marge


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## In the Kitchen (Sep 7, 2005)

*Agree*

I have read all the comments and support you have received.  Sure is encouraging to share your thoughts at this time.  There is a famous quote, 'this too shall pass' and you have to believe that although right now it feels as if everything if 'falling' down on you.  Just look up and depend on a higher, stronger One who knows your pain, physical and mental. If I could make personal suggestion, when your loved one goes into any kind of home I surely would make every effort to try to monitor things that take place.  My brother broke his shoulder in March.  His doctor and the home were assuring me he would receive therapy.  I only know through divine intervention he got therapy for first time yesterday. All this while no one has seen him for therapy.  I 'happened' to see local therapist on tv show and called him.  He in turn made it possible for someone to investigate reason he hasn''t received any attention.  My brother seemed so thankful that he finally is getting attention.  I really didn't know that they would just ignore someone who needs attention and then tell me he would get help.  If only people would tell the truth.  Doctors are the same way.  Doct or I respected retired.  Today I have appointment with new one.  I am praying that I will get someone with integrity and wisdom. I am praying for you too at this crucial time.  As I expressed to my brother, we can't give up hope.


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## Dove (Sep 8, 2005)

Paul went to the Rehab, Home on Monday..yesterday Wed. i was there and he broke my heart..I have never heard that man beg in all of our 57 years together. He wanted to come home..all he could say was "Please Mom, take me home.." over and over. He didn't think they were doing any thing there that we couldn.t do at home. They had him up and walked him down the hall. I told him they had to start slow and I would go to the desk and talk to someone. I did and I was right and then I checked on what Meds they have him on. His sodium is low so he has a restricted diet..no more that 1 leter (2 cups) of fluid a day. We talked to the Dr's nurse and she said our Dr wanted him to stay..this is a man who plays hard ball..Dana said if he woul leave against Dr.'s orders then he would dismiss him as a patient. I told Paul that Dr Homler is the very best Dr in our area and he knows it is true since other Dr.'s have said this and that they sure don't want him as a paitent..LOL..The house Dr and the Occ. theripest (sp) came in and we talked and then when they left he said "I'll compromise" Get me a pack of Cigg. and I'll stay. Yesterday afternoon Kevin went to see him and told him "Dad, I'll bring you anything you want..call me day or night and I'll be here in a flash"

We will see what today brings. 
I don't think I can go over there today, I have re-injured my back again and can barely move.

Sorry guys, it sounds like all I do is complain.. I really don't mean to. Thanks for listening.


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## SizzlininIN (Sep 8, 2005)

I'm so sorry Marge....I don't know how I missed this post.  My prayers are with you both.  Stay strong!


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## PA Baker (Sep 8, 2005)

Marge, I'm glad Kevin's there for both you and Paul, too.  He sounds like a good guy!  Hopefully he can take a little of the strain off of you.  You're doing the right thing--just don't forget that!  Keep taking care of yourself.  I don't like to hear about your back hurting so much again.


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## Maidrite (Sep 8, 2005)

Dove said:
			
		

> We made it through the Colenoscophy but I didn't mention that DH fell (again) last week in the driveway. It was a week ago yesterday. I have had to lift him in and our of a chair, pick up his feet to put him in and out of the car etc. He wouldn't go to the Dr because he was afraid they would cancel his appointment. Soo off to the Dr. today..he is now in the hospital with a fractured hip!!
> 
> I am about to pull my hair out.Enough is enough.........


 



I will pray for a while though I do pray for you all everyday!


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## kadesma (Sep 8, 2005)

Hang on Marge, it's ok to come tell us what is going on, I Bet not one person thinks you are complaining, we all want to know how things are going for you. That's wat friedns and family do...So, please, rest, take care of YOU and talk to us anytime you want to.  hugs Marge

kadesma


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## pdswife (Sep 8, 2005)

Kadesma is right!  Please know that we care about you.  We are here to listen.  I just wish that I lived closer to you so I could really do something to help out.   Prayers are being sent.  

smiles and hugs, Trish


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## Charlotte (Sep 8, 2005)

Prayers and BIG HUGS going your way!

Please continue to update us... we DO care!!

Love,


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## Dove (Sep 9, 2005)

{{{{HUGS}}}}


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## Claire (Sep 10, 2005)

Xxxxxoooooooo


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## Dove (Sep 23, 2005)

Well guys, Paul comes home on Monday. Now the fun begins..forgive me for telling this but it is something I don't look forward to.( he has worn a "diaper" for the last month because he could'nt get out of bed with the fractured upper leg bone) soooooo it will be a 24/7 deal for me.

Other than that..Dove and I will welcome him home with open arms.


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## kadesma (Sep 23, 2005)

Marge,

I'm glad for the fact Paul is healed enough to come home, but, I'm still worried about all you are going to have to do..Is there some way to get some help, I know just how hard this can be...My mom and I had a lot of this with my dad when he was so very ill, and I still find it hard to believe that I was able to lift him from wheel chair to bed and bed to wheel chair and I weighed only 100 lbs. It wore me out until we got some help from Hospice...Dad didn't have cancer but needed a lot of help til the end And Hospice was a life saver for mom and I...At least Paul is mended and coming home...Look for some help Marge..You need that for both of you... 

hugs to you both
kadesma


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## Dove (Sep 23, 2005)

Paul's sister is about 7 minutes away..yesterday I said with a smile on my face "I may need a babysitter once in awhile" she said " no way, i might have that to do someday myself.." She is a retired Nurse !
 He needs two shots a day in the tummy to prevent blood clots. I guess I'll have to learn how if he can't do it. What ever it takes.


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## wasabi (Sep 23, 2005)

Oh Marge,

My heart is heavy for all that you and your family is going thru now. Please, please get some help. A back problem is  nothing to ignore. You cannot do this alone. All we can do here is pray and listen to you and give all the support we can. We love you, Dove, Paul and your sweet boys very much. Come back when you can and let us know how you are doing....... Hugs and Prayers,Linda


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## kitchenelf (Sep 23, 2005)

That's pretty selfish of his sister to say - hopefully she didn't really mean it.  The best advice I can give you is take one day at a time.  Will he be able to get out of bed with a walker when he gets home?


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## Dove (Sep 23, 2005)

and {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}
}


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## pdswife (Sep 23, 2005)

Good luck Dove.
We'll all be here for you.

smiles, T


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## mudbug (Sep 23, 2005)

oh jeez, Marge, I am so sorry I missed this thread until now.  I guess your brave Marine is home by now and you both are doing your best to deal with things.  Much love to the both of you and please PM anytime you need to vent.  I'm here for whatever you need.


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## Dove (Sep 23, 2005)

He never is in a bed. He has slept on the couch or a chair since they removed two discs and vertebre (sp) many years ago. He also has a damaged nerve that runs down his leg.(.can't spell siatatic or what ever..LOL) 
Yes he will be able to use the new walker I bought when this first went down.

His sis was dead serious. 
When they go back to N.C. she has said "You can come after we leave..I want the spotlight to myself"


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## kitchenelf (Sep 23, 2005)

Dove said:
			
		

> His sis was dead serious.
> When they go back to N.C. she has said "You can come after we leave..I want the spotlight to myself"



That's disgusting!!!

At times can the boys help?


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## marmalady (Sep 23, 2005)

Dove, Darlin - I don't know how I missed all this. I've been down the road you're on, with my son; it's a hard road - and that Mother Teresa quote wears pretty thin after a while!

Being a 'caregiver' which is what you are right now,  in addition to being a loving spouse - are hard roles to juggle. I had so many people tell me when Matt came home - just be his mom, let other people be caregivers. Well, it took forever and for reasons too long to go into here, but I and hubbie (Matt's stepdad, the most wonderful man in the world) were his primary caregivers for a year and a half. 

Here's what I would suggest to try and get some help for you - talk with YOUR doctor; if you have back problems that would prevent giving him the care he needs, insurance may pay for an aide to come in and help out. This is a toughie - and your hubbie may kick his heels and say he just wants you - don't let that wear you down. If you go down, too, you're not going to be any good to either of you. 

Check with your local social services; sometimes they offer 'respite' care to give you a break; sometimes senior centers have day programs where he could go and be supervised while you get some time off. 

Ask for help from your church, from your neighbors and friends, and family members. Make a list and don't be embarassed to ask people to do things like go grocery shopping, clean the bathroom (yes! - I had a dear friend come over and clean our house once a week - at first I was so embarassed, but it prevented me from being so exhausted I couldn't stand up); bring meals over; sit with hubbie while you get some 'you' time, even if it's just going for a walk or shopping, or taking a Calgon bath - whatever floats your boat and brings you peace.

You can get through this; just please, please don't think you can do it all yourself. 

(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Jackie


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## lindatooo (Sep 24, 2005)

My dear Dove!  Marmalady has it just right!  

You need to keep yourself healthy to be able to help him.

The shots are no big deal - I learned to do that when my Dad had cancer - sub cuetaneous are easy and if you need to do anything else you can practice on oranges - my suggestion would be to load the syringes with 100 proof vodka and eat them afterwards!   

And when your heart is tired and your spirit is exhausted - go into a quiet room, take deep breaths and light a candle - then remember that we are all breathing with you and praying for you and sending you all the strength you can handle.  

Gidgett and I send our love!

2


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## SierraCook (Sep 24, 2005)

Please Dove don't try to do this alone.  Your health and well-being is just as important as Paul's.  If you are hurt or not feeling well you cannot help him as much as you like.  Take care and call me.  I will PM you my home phone.  

Hugs, SC


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## mrsmac (Sep 24, 2005)

Please take time for you, it can be so exhausting caring for someone. When my mum had cancer I learnt to accept help graciously, it helps you and it makes people feel better that they can help.
Look into respite services, they can help you in so many ways.We had an occupational therapist come out to help us with shower aids and chair lifts etc which was great. Sub cutaneous is much much easier than other injections, when my grandma was dying in June we just bought a butterfly clip and could give her sub cutaneous morphine easily through that and none of us are nurses.
I will be thinking of you, please take care.


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## urmaniac13 (Sep 24, 2005)

Ooooh, Dove now I got a drift of the story with your poor darling Paul here in this thread... bless his soul, but he is lucky to have you on his side caring for you... I hope he will feel better soon, the best wishes to both of you!!


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## callie (Sep 24, 2005)

Marge, what can I possibly add to all this great advice?  Nothing except huge cyber hugs to you...breathe deeply, take one step at a time and don't sweat the small stuff!  Hope you can feel all the love on this thread!!!


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## PA Baker (Sep 25, 2005)

More hugs from here, Marge.  I have to second everything that Marmalady suggested.  I'm sure there's a way for you to get some much-needed support and breaks.  As we've all been saying, take care of you, too--that's how you can be the most help to Paul.

We love you!!!


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## texasgirl (Sep 25, 2005)

Marge, there is nothing I can add that hasn't already been said. 
We love you and want you to stay healthy. Please, don't over due it with your health also. Take care of yourself!!
We're here for you when you need to release!!


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