# Sushi's Funny Fish Standup Lounge



## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 30, 2005)

*heading up on stage with BRIGHT green suit* *grabbing mic*
Welcome everyone! 
I opened The Funny Fish because I want to make people laugh. And grab up more virtual real estate too.  

(BA-doom.... chssssssssss) 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





Please enjoy your time and make sure you tip the waitresses well..... but make sure they dont fall over!!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



(BA-doom..... chssssssss)

*sweating..... patting forehead with hankerchief*

Oh KAY! With out further adu...... lets LAUGH!!


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 30, 2005)

Im up first I guess...... Heres a couple of one liners I quickly copy, pasted and plagerized as my own.... for your pleasure!  

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot. *[/font]​ 
[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good. *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up. *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. *[/font]

*[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.[/font]*

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met. *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*OK, so what's the speed of dark? *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. *[/font]

*[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.[/font]*

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. *[/font]

*[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.[/font]*

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*Hard work pays off in the future, laziness pays off now. *[/font]

*[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]I intend to live forever -- so far, so good.[/font]*

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? *[/font]

*[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.[/font]*

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*What happens if you get scared half to death twice? *[/font]

[font=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]*My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder." *[/font]


*-------Here are your tissues for you tears of joy!  Thanks and make sure to visit the Discuss Cookings' Virtual Cafe across the street!*


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## jkath (May 30, 2005)

_Man : _"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."

_Doctor :_ "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

_Man :_ "Is it common?"

_Doctor : _"It's not unusual."

ba da da da.
Folks, I'll be here all week!

<<heard from the back>>
."...why?"


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## pdswife (May 30, 2005)

Where'd the Lone Ranger take his garbage?




To the dump
to the dump
to the dump dump dump.   


Hey, watch it!!  That tomato hurt!   
And look at the mess Sushi will have to clean up now.


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 30, 2005)

*getting mop and bucket* 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




Maybe we need a laugh track?


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## jkath (May 30, 2005)

What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt.
What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil.
What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs being tossed over a lake? Skip.

Hey! they weren't that bad! Stop hissing!


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 30, 2005)

I tell you, I'm not a ***y guy.  I was the centerfold for Playgirl magazine. The staples covered everything!

What a childhood I had, why, when I took my first step, my old man tripped me!

Last week I told my psychiatrist, "I keep thinking about suicide." He told me from now on I have to pay in advance.

I tell ya when I was a kid, all I knew was rejection.  My yo-yo, it never came back! 

When I was a kid I got no respect.  The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, "We want five thousand dollars or you'll see your kid again."

I tell ya, my wife was never nice. On our first date, I asked her if I could give her a goodnight kiss on the cheek - she bent over!

I tell you, with my doctor, I don't get no respect.  I told him, "I've swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills."  He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. 
 
My wife and I were happy for twenty years.  Then we met.
 
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
 
*Im telling ya.... I get NO respect!  *straightning tie**
 
When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.
 
I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
 
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday  
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	



 
*HEY!*





 Stop tossing that at me!  **running behind curtain**


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## wasabi (May 30, 2005)

Sush.......


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## middie (May 30, 2005)

sushi i'm  laughing so hard i'm crying. thank you !!


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## -DEADLY SUSHI- (May 30, 2005)

Nice to *avoiding tomatoes* have fans! DUCK!!!!!!! (SPLAT!!!!)        But where are YOUR jokes???!! And hey..... its a rough croud!


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## jkath (May 30, 2005)

3 women escaped from a local prison: a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. They ran a few miles till they were exhausted. They saw a barn up ahead, and got there, just before the police. The police walked in and just saw the usual barn stuff, including 3 big burlap bags. The officer kicked the first one, which held the brunette, and she said "meow, meow". "Awww, nothing in here, but a few kitties". Then he kicked the second bag, which held the redhead. "Woof, woof" was her reply. "Awww, nothing in this one but a few pups." He then kicked the third bag, which had the blonde inside.
Her reply? "Potato, potato"


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## AllenOK (May 30, 2005)

jkath said:
			
		

> What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs in a pool? Bob.
> What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs on your doorstep? Matt.
> What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil.
> What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs being tossed over a lake? Skip.
> ...



What do you call a smilie with no arms and no legs hanging on a wall?  Art.


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## Andy M. (May 30, 2005)

As a child I was so ugly...

How ugly were you?????

Why, I was so ugly my mom had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me!


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