# My Dad



## Barbara L (Apr 21, 2011)

Please pray for my dad.

We have suspected for several months that something was wrong with my dad. He is a soft-spoken, reasonable person, but a few times throughout the last year he has suddenly gone into a crazy, unreasonable rage.

We just found out that he went to the hospital today (apparently he had another episode and I think he was falling as well--that's not clear). They found a mass on his brain. They are doing surgery to try to remove it. 

My dad will be 78 next month. Fortunately he has kept his health up, so hopefully this will be a positive factor in his recovery. He is almost 3,000 miles away and I have no way to go back there.


----------



## GB (Apr 21, 2011)

You have my most heartfelt prayers!!!


----------



## Andy M. (Apr 21, 2011)

Barb, our thoughts are with you and your family.


----------



## jabbur (Apr 21, 2011)

Lord be with Barbara and her family especially her father as they face this health crisis that has come upon them.  Be with the surgeons as they attempt to remove the tumor.  Grant her father a speedy and full recovery.  Give the family the strength they will need during this stressful time.  Bring your peace and comfort to them whether they are near or far.  May they feel Your  Presence in their lives and accept Your will.  Thank you for hearing our prayers. Amen


----------



## pacanis (Apr 21, 2011)

My thoughts are with you and your father, Barbara.


----------



## buckytom (Apr 21, 2011)

of course we will keep your dad in our prayers, barbara.


i will say a decade for him today that all goes well and he recovers quickly.


----------



## Katie H (Apr 21, 2011)

Best wishes, Barbara.  May your father be whole again.


----------



## Kayelle (Apr 21, 2011)

Such a terrible worry for you Barbara, especially being so far away from him. I wonder what is worse, to be right in the minute to minute stress of this, or to be wondering what's going on minute to minute. I'm a big believer in prayer and you and your family will certainly be in mine. 
I will especially be praying that you be surrounded by peace.


----------



## kadesma (Apr 21, 2011)

Barbara,
my thoughts and prayers are with you and your dad. May he come through this and be whole and well again. Peace be with all of you we love you Barb.
cj


----------



## taxlady (Apr 21, 2011)

Sending soothing and hopeful vibes in your direction and healing vibes in your dad's direction.

(((hugs)))


----------



## Hoot (Apr 21, 2011)

Our thoughts and prayers for your Dad, you and all your family.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 21, 2011)

Thank you so much everyone.


----------



## Alix (Apr 21, 2011)

Big hug Barbara, prayers said. Love to you all.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 21, 2011)

I just got some news, and while it may be as bad as it sounded, it may not be quite as bad.  Like my daughter said, never trust my sister to relay important information about health! My sister has a tendency to turn molehills into mountains and mountains into planets. She apparently listened to the worst case scenario and ran with it.

All we know right now is that he has swelling of the brain. They won't know any causes or treatment until they do an MRI. It could be as bad as my sister said, or it could be something not so bad. 

Either way, it's not good, and I really appreciate your prayers.


----------



## Rocklobster (Apr 21, 2011)

That is tough news to take. Hope all works out well for him.


----------



## Saphellae (Apr 21, 2011)

Oh Barbara, please keep us updated on your Dad.. I am praying for him hard!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 21, 2011)

My thoughts and prayers for you and your family!  Huge prayers for your Dad and his prognosis.  Hugs!


----------



## babetoo (Apr 21, 2011)

i am wishing for a good outcome, for your dad and for you.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 21, 2011)

The news is not good. It is a cancerous brain tumor. They have to make sure it hasn't spread to other parts of his body, so it could be a couple weeks before they can do surgery. On top of all this his girlfriend of several months (less than half his age) appears to be trying to make some kind of power move. She is interfering when family tries to ask the doctor questions and is asking irrelevant questions. She just keeps going on about how she is the "love of his life" and about how good she has been for him. 

I appreciate the prayers so much. Thank you everyone.


----------



## LPBeier (Apr 21, 2011)

Barbara, you know how much I care about you and that I know exactly where you are at right now as you were there for me almost exactly one year ago.  My heart, prayers and thoughts are all with you, James and your family.  Anything you need, just holler!  I'll leave the window open so I can hear you better!


----------



## Saphellae (Apr 22, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear this Barbara.  Also about the girlfriend.. I hope he hasn't changed any POA's or anything.. that can be scary (I run into this working in a financial advisors office)... anyway, just remember that the family has been there more than "Several Months" and you deserve a heck of alot more authority than she is touting.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 22, 2011)

LPBeier said:


> Barbara, you know how much I care about you and that I know exactly where you are at right now as you were there for me almost exactly one year ago.  My heart, prayers and thoughts are all with you, James and your family.  Anything you need, just holler!  I'll leave the window open so I can hear you better!


Will do!  And thank you!



Saphellae said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this Barbara.  Also about the girlfriend.. I hope he hasn't changed any POA's or anything.. that can be scary (I run into this working in a financial advisors office)... anyway, just remember that the family has been there more than "Several Months" and you deserve a heck of alot more authority than she is touting.


My daughter made it clear to the staff that only family is to be told anything about his care, and they put it on his chart. The only reason they have let her stay this long is because when my dad sees her he looks happy, but if she continues to wake him up and interfere with his care, she will be out of there.


----------



## buckytom (Apr 22, 2011)

barbara, make sure you know at this moment who his power of attorney is. that person needs to make it clear that no one but family is allowed to anything at this point.


i will continue to include your dad in my prayers.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 22, 2011)

A new update!  The neurosurgeon now says that the type of tumor my dad has is one that has a 90% survival rate after 5 years. They can't do anything until his nausea goes down, but they will remove the tumor (all or part) and possibly (depending on how completely they can remove it) chemotherapy. His spirits were definitely lifted by this news. I got to talk to him on the phone today and he said he really appreciates everyone's prayers.

BT--The hospital staff knows not to tell anyone but family anything. There is a sign on his door that you have to check with the nurses before going in.  The girlfriend was stuffing him full of food, which could account for the nausea. He is now on a diet of Ensure. She has finally stopped waking him up to "make out" with him. My daughter said it is disgusting--she practically lays on him kissing him over and over--in front of my grandkids, in front of people from church, etc. When family leaves, if the girlfriend is there, the staff has been told that if she does anything but just sit there, they are to call the family immediately. The hospital has been working with the family. The only reason the family is putting up with her being there at all is that it makes my dad happy when he sees her.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 22, 2011)

That's good to hear, Barbara!


----------



## Somebunny (Apr 22, 2011)

Barbara,  So sorry to hear about your dad.  I know it is hard being that far away.  I'm thinking good thoughts for both of you, and will keep him in my prayers.


----------



## Andy M. (Apr 22, 2011)

Barb, it's great to hear some positive news.  We will continue to keep positive thoughts for you all.


----------



## Bolas De Fraile (Apr 23, 2011)

Barb mate I never know what to say in situations like this via this sort of medium, so my best wishes are with you and your family.


----------



## Claire (Apr 23, 2011)

Oh, I'm so sorry.  My thoughts are definitely with you.


----------



## babetoo (Apr 23, 2011)

barb my sis and i had a similar experience with my dad. he had a lady friend living with him. she ran up his credit cards, etc. some level of care, i guess. when he went in for surgery and then died, she was still in the house. we had to buy her out or she wasn't moving out. we did and she did. what a mess. bills on credit cards came in long after my dad died. she called me once long distance to tell me my dad had on two shirts wrong side out. i couldn't figure what she wanted me to do. i'm in ca. and they were in tenn. and my sister was right there. a piece of work, indeed. don't cut her any slack or you will be very sorry.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 23, 2011)

Well, we are bringing in the troops (family)--anyone who is able to come to show support for the family, as things are taking a nasty turn with the girlfriend. The doctors said last night that my dad is lucid (he was able to say what day it was and his full name, etc.), so if he wants the girlfriend there, the family can't do anything about it. 

HOWEVER, we are not letting that stop us. The GF is not going to be left alone with him. My daughter has requested an appointment with the hospital's "something or other" counselor (can't remember the word, but he helps when someone is taking advantage of someone for financial gain), and she is contacting his lawyer. 

The reason we (my daughter and sister--I'm too far away to do anything except give advice, like to call the lawyer) are having to move fast is that the GF last night completely ignored what the doctor said about having a good chance with surgery. She told my dad that he is dying and only has 13 months (the doctor said up to 19 months without treatment) and she just about had him convinced to check himself out of the hospital. She said she was going to take him to a cancer treatment place up in Anaheim. My daughter called the main headquarters for that place and they don't have one in California at all. The nearest one is Phoenix, AZ. They reasoned with my dad and convinced him (so far at least) that he needs to stay for the biopsy the doctor wants to do. Mind you, my dad has always been a very reasonable man, and he has never let anyone talk him into something he doesn't want to do. It is the tumor pressing on his brain that has him falling for everything she says.  We are afraid that if she is left alone with him she might whisk him away, either into hiding, or to a wedding chapel, or both.  We honestly could not care less if he wants to give her every penny he has--IF he is thinking clearly and is not being manipulated. We want him happy, but we don't want him manipulated.

I won't bore you with any more of the sordid details--sorry to go on!


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 23, 2011)

Good Idea Barbara, keep family in the room.  And get the doctor back in there to talk to your Dad again.  He needs it all explained again with the GF and Family in the room as witnesses.  Most likely a Social Worker in the room, too.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 23, 2011)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Good Idea Barbara, keep family in the room.  And get the doctor back in there to talk to your Dad again.  He needs it all explained again with the GF and Family in the room as witnesses.  Most likely a Social Worker in the room, too.


Yep!


----------



## Saphellae (Apr 24, 2011)

What a situation you have on your hands.. sounds like this woman is complicated everything...  there is usually at least one at times like these unfortunately  

Please keep us updated Barbara! I am still sending good vibes your way...


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 24, 2011)

I will keep you all updated as well as I can. They are working on getting me a flight as soon as possible, so I won't have as much computer access, but I will have some.


----------



## Somebunny (Apr 24, 2011)

Good luck Barb, thinking of you and keeping your dad in my heart.


----------



## Saphellae (Apr 26, 2011)

Keep us posted Barb, hope everything is going well...hugs


----------



## simonbaker (Apr 26, 2011)

I am sorry to hear about your dad's brain tumor. We will put him on the prayer chain here at our church. May God's peace be with you & your family during this difficult time, let others concern be a comfort to you & your family.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 26, 2011)

Thank you so much!

I haven't gotten any updates today, but it is kind of a case of no news is good news. The biopsy yesterday went well, then he was left alone to rest (which also meant the girlfriend couldn't be there). My daughter said he was remembering things better yesterday morning.


----------



## buckytom (Apr 27, 2011)

i'm so sorry this is going like it is barbara. your dad's illness is tough enough than to have to deal with other issues.

i have and will continue to say a decade on my rosary for your papa.


----------



## Midnight_Merlot (Apr 27, 2011)

Just read the entire thread Barb...WOW!! Sounds like your entire family has gobs of "soap opera" quality stuff going on. Whew! Just try to focus on your father during this horrendous time, &, pray that his pesterous GF picks up some type of septic hospital disease just to keep her AWAY from him (I know that doesn't read very nicely, but...point trying to be made)...Just ANYTHING to get her out of his hospital room, while trying to be all "ooey-gooey" over him especially w/seriously concerned family members present just turns my stomach!! 
I sincerely do hope for the best, &, your da is now in my prayers!...(should I send them to Carolina, or elsewhere?)


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 27, 2011)

Thanks BT!

MM--Thanks!  Actually my prayers regarding the girlfriend have been that she changes, but also that she goes away.  The lawyer has been contacted and the girlfriend is not being left alone with my dad.  Also, even though I am in South Carolina, my dad is in California.


----------



## Midnight_Merlot (Apr 27, 2011)

Thanks for the prompt reply...just in time for my rosary beads even!! *winks* California, - here it comes!! 
There is DEFINATELY something "quinky" (HA - a Scooby Doo/Themla remark) that just doesn't sit quite right as far as the GF goes....I KNOW that I am an UBER skeptical person to begin with, but...she just doesn't settle "right" with me...Through all of this though, I really am wishing the BEST for your Da...I lost my Grandpa many yrs. ago to a rare brain cancerous disease. At the time, it was so rare, that there were only 5 documented cases for it in the US. I know much has changed since then in modern medicine, &,...your plight strikes near & dear to me...My SINCEREST well-wishes are being sent your way!!!! *HUGS*


----------



## tinlizzie (Apr 27, 2011)

I'm also late in hearing about your situation and wish you the very best outcome, and as much peace of mind as possible in these sad and difficult days.

Liz


----------



## simonbaker (Apr 27, 2011)

We will continue to keep your dad & tour family in our prayers. Take Care.


----------



## Bolas De Fraile (Apr 28, 2011)

I read this thread with trepidation each morning. Barb mate you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Someone in your family should appear to break ranks and befriend the GF.


----------



## Katie H (Apr 28, 2011)

Bolas De Fraile said:


> I read this thread with trepidation each morning. Barb mate you catch more flies with honey than vinegar. Someone in your family should appear to break ranks and befriend the GF.




Bolas raises and interesting point, that is, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

It might be a good move to be warmer to the GF, if for no other reason than to get some sense of what she's up to.  Of course, not making the whole thing obvious, but I'm sure there are subtle ways of doing this.

Hang in there and be as strong as you can.


----------



## simonbaker (Apr 28, 2011)

Katie H said:


> Bolas raises and interesting point, that is, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
> 
> It might be a good move to be warmer to the GF, if for no other reason than to get some sense of what she's up to. Of course, not making the whole thing obvious, but I'm sure there are subtle ways of doing this.
> 
> Hang in there and be as strong as you can.


 I completely agree with that statement. A close friend I had always said people like the gf are put in our lives & are known as saint makers.  Hang tough & kill'em with kindness.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 28, 2011)

My daughter always treats people in a friendly and respectful manner, and it was the same with this girlfriend. The girlfriend is doing everything she can to try to drive a wedge between my dad and the family.

Anyway, he was moved into a temporary nursing facility while they wait for the biopsy results (doctors are going over them together and will meet with my dad next Tuesday). They do not like the place he is at, but the girlfriend has talked him into staying there. He has already fallen there once. The family is hoping to move him to one a little closer to home, where he can have a private room.

We have found out a lot about this girlfriend that I can't share here. Believe me, this is not a case of family vs girlfriend trying to get money. We do believe that is what she is doing (and have reason to suspect she has done this before), but we don't care if he gives her everything, if he is not being manipulated. None of his actions concerning her are consistent with his normal behavior. The tumor pressing on his brain is making him say and do things he wouldn't normally say or do. 

We just want my dad healthy and happy.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 28, 2011)

I'm sorry your Dad had a fall...falls are unavoidable, unless you tie the person in bed.

Chin up!  Still sending prayers and good thought to you and yours.


----------



## Barbara L (Apr 28, 2011)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm sorry your Dad had a fall...falls are unavoidable, unless you tie the person in bed.
> 
> Chin up!  Still sending prayers and good thought to you and yours.


His girlfriend was "helping" him get to the bathroom, and there were a couple nurses in the room as well.  Their stories changed 3 times in 10 minutes, Nancy said.  Fortunately they ran some kind of scan right away and he was ok.


----------



## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 29, 2011)

Barbara L said:


> His girlfriend was "helping" him get to the bathroom, and there were a couple nurses in the room as well. Their stories changed 3 times in 10 minutes, Nancy said. Fortunately they ran some kind of scan right away and he was ok.


 
Ah, the helpers are causing falls...been there, done that!  Makes you feel lower than whale poop when that happens.


----------

