# Tremendous stress/depression



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

Guys, this is a rough time for me.  Im hoping some of you can share your feelings and insight into this.

Im relatively young - 26 - and my life has always fared well, and ive been prosperous and blessed.

But recently its taken a catastrophic turn.  I am separated from my family because of my drinking problem, and i am not allowed to go to my house.

The only place i can stay is with my mother, and she is a severe alcoholic, with rage issues.  Also, my wife has my car, and access to our finances.

Ive never felt pain or stress like this, it's an alien feeling.  I always scoffed at comments like "stress kills""  "im so stressed......"

But man, this pain/stress/depression, coupled with my quitting alcohol in order to earn back my wife, is killing me.  Im completely consumed with fear.

I thought it was just mental, but it's not.  Some of my hair has fallen out.  I cant sleep, I can barely eat, and when i do, i only crave grease.  When i do sleep i am interrupted by my moms four barking dogs, and am plagued by nightmares.  I have constant diarrhea, and trouble breathing at times. My breathing rate increases and i start to hyperventilate.  I am scheduled to see a psychiatrist on the 28th.

I never knew the power of stress, and i just wanted to get this off of my chest, and to see if any of you have any ideas on how i can possibly alleviate even a fraction of the symptoms.

cheers,

legsbig


----------



## YT2095 (Nov 17, 2007)

well the Doctor on the 28`th is certainly a PLUS!

go to an AA meeting too if you can, the people there have been through what you are going through (some even worse sadly), they will be able to help plenty with practical advice, the number Should be in the yellow pages.

if it get`s Too bad call the Samaritans, they are are listed in the yellow pages.

if you like I can try put you in touch with a Scientist friend of mine, also a recovering alcoholic (in the USA), and he`s been clean for years now after having similar problems.
I will need to ask his permission 1`st though.

if he`s cool with the idea, I`ll PM you


----------



## jabbur (Nov 17, 2007)

Hey, first let me say that I'm sorry you're going through this.  It is not easy to kick any addiction.  While the psychiatrist is a good thing, with your other physical symptoms, see your regular doctor NOW!  If you can't get an appointment, go to the ER and tell them what is going on.  They usually have crisis counselors that can help you today.  Secondly, find somewhere else to stay even if it is a shelter.  Your mother's alcoholism will not help you.  You don't need the added temptation and stress her lifestyle adds.  Find an AA chapter you can easily get to.  Someone there will be able to help you with everything and will be a great support for you because most likely they have been where you are.  You cannot do this alone and you shouldn't but your mom is not the person to turn to now.  YOU CAN DO THIS!  We'll be praying for you.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

No friend, no need, i have some appointments coming up.

Tried AA, wasn't for me.  It was pretty depressing, and everyone was chugging coffee and smoking cigarettes.

I wonder if hitting the gym would help?

Ive been trying to do alot of all day cooking like chili, bolognese, lots of chopping and checking the pot, stuff to keep my mind off of it....

thanks for the kind words, YT


----------



## buckytom (Nov 17, 2007)

the best thing that i can say, legs, is that you're not alone.

many, many people have had to go through both of those he!!s (alcoholism and marriage seperation).

first of all, begin to believe in yourself. you're not giving yourself enough credit.

you didn't have a blessed life up 'till now because you were an a$$. you are a good person. i can say that based on what i've read from your posts, and especially from the fact that you're trying to nail down a problem and are suffering because of it. that shows that you know what's right and what's wrong. all ya gotta do is get rid of the things that caused you to get in such despair, then make up for the damage. unfortunately, that's easier said than done. 

now, as far as the wife thing goes? depending on what you did, what she's seen, what her life was up 'till now (relationships are a two way street, no matter how you cut them. and women drive mack trucks ), she's gonna make you jump through flaming hoops to get back out of the dog house. and it may take a while, while your butt gets burned. you still might lose everything. but if you believe in yourself, you'll land on your feet, and no matter what the outcome, you'll be alright. 

maybe even better than before.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

My friend the idea of going to a shelter is just terrible.  I could intrude on a friend before i have to resort to that.  Im no longer physically withdrawing from alcohol, but the mental symptoms im sure are adding to the other stress....... thanks for the words....

ive been steadily getting my mom to drink less and less...honestly now that im stuck here i feel kind of obligated to help her out.  She doesnt have many years left.  Im tapering her down of alcohol slowly but steadily.

ps - ive been smoking wayyyyy too much.  before i was a 1 or 2 cig a day guy.  i smoke prob a pack a day now.

as for going to my doctor - yes sir - already went monday, going again this monday, then the psychiatrist on the 28th.

I had some benzodiazepines initially prescribed to curb the withdrawal symptoms, but they are gone.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

buckytom said:


> the best thing that i can say, legs, is that you're not alone.
> 
> many, many people have had to go through both of those he!!s (alcoholism and marriage seperation).
> 
> ...



thank you my friend...yes my wife is still here, she just doesnt want to be around me until i can prove i can stay sober for 60 days.  Most ive ever done was like 20.  Shes says thats just not enough anymore.....


----------



## Katie H (Nov 17, 2007)

Oh, Mylegs.  I'm so sorry for your distress.  You must feel as though you are drowning in the bottom of a black pit.

Your idea of going to the gym is a good one.  Working out, especially on a heavy bag, is a good way to release stress.  The invigoration of a good workout and a nice shower after will help you to clean out some of the cobwebs in your head.

You have taken the first step toward making your world right by putting alcohol behind you.  You are smart enough to know that things won't get back to normal in one day so, in the wise words of my grandfather, "Take it easy; make it nice."

Don't forget that your DC family is always here to offer a shoulder when necessary and support.  You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.


----------



## buckytom (Nov 17, 2007)

well, then, you have an opportunity.

this is no time to feel down. you're never lost if there's an obvious goal ahead.

just 'cause you can't see it at the moment doesn't mean it's not there. you should feel lucky that you even have the chance.

it's all a matter of will and perspective. 

now, the gym would be a great thing. even if it's just trading one addiction for another for now, it's a healthy addiction. lol, unfortunately, it'll help you live longer, and if your life sucks, then it sucks longer as well. 

j/k.

ya see? it's all about perspective. try to think this one through, and see your way to what you want in life. then go do it. 

btw, exercise helps to flood the brain with chemicals that drugs try to replicate, so it'll help with certain feelings of need.


----------



## jabbur (Nov 17, 2007)

You say AA is not for you but how many meetings did you attend and was it always the same one?  There are different groups and maybe the one you were at wasn't a good match for you.  Check out several different meetings and you may be suprised at how different each one is.  While they all follow the 12 steps, the personalities of the group change the dynamics of the meetings.  You can also call your church if you have one for help.  Most pastors have contact info for many services available in your community and may be able to direct you to a group to help you.


----------



## GotGarlic (Nov 17, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> No friend, no need, i have some appointments coming up.
> 
> Tried AA, wasn't for me.  It was pretty depressing, and everyone was chugging coffee and smoking cigarettes.
> 
> ...



Hey, Legs. I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It sounds really difficult, but it also sounds like you're doing all the right things to turn things around. 

I think it would be a great idea to hit the gym. I have two chronic illnesses, and I think DH has suffered more stress from them than I have, but he always makes time for going running or riding his bike (and I always encourage him to keep up his routine). It definitely helps alleviate stress. There's more info about that here: Exercise and Stress Relief -How To Relieve Stress with Exercise 

Good luck and let us know how it goes.


----------



## buckytom (Nov 17, 2007)

legs, try finding a men only meeting of aa.

instead of all of the wishy washy, humour-less, self depricating sob stories of people who need to hear themselves speak, trying to find their way out of their mess, you'll hear a bunch of guys who'll talk about a lot of the same issues that you're dealing with.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

Honestly i only tried it once jabbur.  Ill give it some thought.  Ive been to rehab twice in the past though and im not a fan at all of the 12 steps.  It isn't for everyone.  Group therapy would be cool,  but im just not big on the 12 steps.

The heavy bag is an amazing idea.  Im gonna hit the gym.  I havent worked out in nearly 6 months


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

whoa, thanks for the link.


----------



## Angie (Nov 17, 2007)

I'm an addict.  I've got depression.  I almost lost my family a few months ago.  PM me if you need, we can talk.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

sorry to hear that angie...and thank you.....


----------



## QSis (Nov 17, 2007)

Hi MLB.  I don't have anything to add to the words of advice of all of the above posters - they speak wisely.

However, I just wanted to say that I feel so sorry for all the pain and heartache that you are going through, and to add my support of you in your journey to brighter days ahead.  I know you will get through this, and it will all be a tough memory.

I'm glad you came here to us.  Keep in touch - we are here for you!

Lee


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

thanks Lee


----------



## GB (Nov 17, 2007)

Well you are on the right track leg. You know what you need to do and you are taking steps to do it. 

You said the idea of going to a shelter is just terrible. Something you have to accept is that the situation you are already in is terrible (I know you already know that). staying with your mom, no matter how noble it may seem, is a bad move. You need to remove yourself for any environment where alcohol is part of the equation. If that means doing something you desperately do not want to do like going to a shelter or something then you just have to man up and do it. Do it for your family and do it for yourself. It is going to suck, but you will get through it.

Don't worry about the cigs right now. Alcohol is far more destructive to you at this stage of the game and trying to quit 2 habits right now would be too much to take on. Kick the booze and then once you have that behind you then you can conquer the butts. 

I wish you the best of luck man. You are a smart guy and I have no doubt you can do this.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

thanks so much guys....really has made me feel better to get this off my chest...im cooking right now, half baking some potatoes so i can fry them later..chopping up some jalapenos...doing prep for my tacos tonight....

also, i took out some frustration by scrubbing my fav calphalon 12 inch skillet.....i busted out some barkeepers friend and i just went at it like MAD...the before and after pics would be crazy...

GB...as for my mom....im her only son here and i didnt know her conditions were so bad. i have to do all i can to improve her condition...or if she dies i will live to regret it

people say life is short...but life is long....especially if your life is filled with regrets....


----------



## GB (Nov 17, 2007)

I hear what you are saying about your mom leg and I have no doubt you are right. You are in a tough situation though. You can help your mom which means you will be around alcohol and it might put you at greater risk of not kicking the habit yourself or you can let you her fend for herself in which case you will probably have guilt about that for the rest of your life. Neither choice is a happy one. You will not walk away saying wow I feel good about this. Only you can know what the right decision is for you. Whatever you choose, I really hope it works for you.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

thanks alot for taking the time to post GB.  seriously....yeah it's a rough situation either way.  but its getting better.   when i first got here it was absolutely unbearable....but i feel that ive been mending things....i want my mom to be in my daughters life and she is sick with diabetes and might not have many years left.

cheers.


----------



## redkitty (Nov 17, 2007)

I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering.  You have had some good suggestions from wonderful people in this thread.  The punching bag at the gym is a great idea.  Also just walking around your town/neighborhood.  Seeing a therapist will probably be the best thing (on top of not drinking anymore) you could do for YOU.

One suggestion, while you are staying with your Mom, buy some earplugs.  They will help block out the dogs barking so you can get more uninterrupted sleep.  Sleep is very very important.  It will help with some of the symptoms related to the anxiety.  (I suffer from mild anxiety and sleep really helps keep me calmer)  I sleep with earplugs every night.

Like GB said, you are a smart guy and you WILL get through this.  We are all here supporting you.  A quote I read years ago that I still think of daily, *courage is the power to leave the familiar. *


----------



## jpmcgrew (Nov 17, 2007)

The gym is a good idea or long brisk walks in the fresh air.Im thinking the physical symptoms is your body detoxing which causes stress to go along with the stress of your home life.A healthy diet would be good as well.You need to learn to put your self in a calmer state.Just know you will feel better soon.Just remember your wife must really love you to kick your butt out. 
The doctor could help you on this with something temporary to help you calm down and to take the edge off.I would explore every possibility.Go on the internet you might find a whole bunch of options and support as well.
Hang in there guy we are all here rooting for you and know that you are not alone.It takes a brave man to tell us your troubles.


----------



## Uncle Bob (Nov 17, 2007)

MLB....In July of 2005 I lost my beloved Mother, and 9 weeks later my only brother! To say I was grief stricken puts it mildly. One of the things that was suggested to me by a friend was, to go help, reach out to, love, lift up, and encourage others who were grieving from loses they had recently experienced. By doing all of this, it helped me overcome my own burdens, and grief. It was through 'giving' that I 'received' so much help and peace of mind.  I don't know if this principle would apply to you and your mom or not, but you could discuss it with your professional counselor. It could be that by "giving" your all, "dedicating" yourself totally to helping, encouraging, and lifting up your mother to help her over come her addictions, it may help you in turn to overcome your own. You may not be successful in helping your mother, but I promise you my young friend, you will never, never, regret trying!


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

Uncle Bob, i cant even begin to fathom a loss of that magnitude.  It really makes my situation pale in comparison.  I guess it could be worse.  God, that is a terrifying thought.  Crippling actually.

good idea, btw. great idea


----------



## GB (Nov 17, 2007)

Bucky, thank you for getting this discussion back on track. Everyone, lets stick to the topic at hand. If other things need to be discussed then please take it to PM's or a new topic if appropriate.


----------



## Uncle Bob (Nov 17, 2007)

MLB....Your Mother 'Gave' you life. Maybe you can help "Give" her life back. Don't walk away from your mother....Run to her!!! Help her in this hour of need. Both of your lives will be richly blessed!!! You are strong! You can do it!


----------



## buckytom (Nov 17, 2007)

legs, i'm not sure if you saw what i wrote before.

before you decide against going to aa, check out a guys only meeting. not everything there is about the 12 steps. the steps are just a guideline for people, umm, i guess who need or want more instruction or direction. but there's a lot of guys who've been through or are going through the same thing as you, and can offer good advice and a good sounding board for your feelings.

and good on ya for thinking about taking care of your mom. again, give yourself some credit and believe that you'll accomplish your goals.

once you get your life on the right track, you probably find that your shoulders are big enough to bear some of her burden as well. 

i hope all of this works out for you. if you have any questions, feel free to pm me.


----------



## Constance (Nov 17, 2007)

Man, I feel your pain. I've undergone some horrific stress/depression/anxiety in the past. Your doctor will give you some medication that will help, but the single best thing you can do is get some exercise! 
I know you don't feel like you can drag yourself out of the house, but force yourself to do it! Go take a walk...mow the yard, rake leaves, walk the dogs.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 17, 2007)

Awful situation to find yourself in Legs. At least you have the strength of mind to tackle your issues. 

As to living with your mum, I understand where you are coming from but it sounds like she should be okay without you for a short while. Can you take a holiday to somewhere quiet? No party places, just somewhere in the country or camping, somewhere that you won't be tempted and can have some time out from all the other issues surrounding you. Just a week or two. It won't solve your problems but it will give you a chance to sleep and get calmer.

Secondly, while not having your issues, I got to a point where everything was getting on top of me and my doc arranged for me to see a psych. It wasn't for me and in any case, by the time it happened, I had already started to deal with things. Do get a counsellor of some description - just someone to express yourself with. Even posting to DC seems to have improved the tone of your posts in this thread!!

Break down your problems into managable points - a huge problem is too daunting but you can tackle the nuts and bolts of it. Also think about why you drink. Stopping drinking will only happen when you can deal with the why. Same with smoking to some degree. Change habits. If you would normally have a drink in front of the tv after dinner, go for a walk after dinner instead. Take your mum with you and walk the dogs. That's good for all!!

Also write down a list of what is good in your life and leave it in a prominent place so you can see it everyday. Sometimes you need reminding as to why you need to fight.

Give yourself a small goal unrelated to your health, your mum or your marriage. Work out the reward that you will give yourself when you achieve it. It gives you something to strive to with an acknowledge bonus reward.

Definitely get into exercise of some sort.

Take things slowly and make sure you are doing this for you and your reasons and not someone else's. It is way harder if you are working to someone else's agenda. And don't forget to forgive yourself.

Think positive for long enough and it becomes just part of your life. And you know what they say, worry about the things you can change, not the things that you can't. It is very true and it helps dealing with unnecessary stress.

All the best with your struggles.


----------



## *amy* (Nov 17, 2007)

Kudos to you for taking the first step (stopped drinking), MLB. Give yourself a mental big pat on the back. Sorry you're going through such a rough time. I'll give you some of my suggestions/insight, & see what's right for you. The symptoms you describe may or may not be stress related. I would start w a physical & blood tests. (I have anxiety/panic disorder, & an MD wanted to rule out a thyroid problem.) Given the syptoms/illnesses you describe, I would call the doc that prescribed the benzos & discuss w him/her. Certain meds should not be stopped immediately, i.e. tapered off. Rule out if these ar wd syptoms from stopping medication. I won't offer medical advice - check everything w your docs. Keep the appt w the shrink. If you have suicidal thoughts call 911 or go to an er. See how it goes w the shrink. There are Psych/MD Addiction specialists out there as well. Try a search on the web.

Doesn't sound like you have much of a support group right now. That might help. AA, any 12 step program may help w that -- at least you will not be alone. As GB has said, I don't recommend being around anyone under the influence or around alcohol. Try o get out & not isolate. Your body may take a while to mend. Before any exercise, cunsult w your doc. Walks and fresh air may help.

Re living situation - check out Mens' Sober Living Homes. 

Other resources:

Recovery - Support group (for anxiety/dep - not alcohol)

EA - Emotions Anonymous - It's a 12 step

NCADA - National Council for Alcohol & Drugs 

Out Patient Day Treatment - try a search on the web for a facility

Ups & Downs - Bi-polar support group (They may work w anxiety/depression as well)

You may be craving sugar - not necessarily grease. I've heard eating sweets or a tbl of sugar may help.

Vitamins may help as well. B complex, etc. - & sublingual B-12 (sold at health food stores)

This is a difficult time of year for lots of folks. Perhaps volunteer to serve/cook at a local Mission. (It may help you get out of your head/problems.)

I wish you luck & much successs on the road to recovery. Keep doing what you're doing. Hugs to you.


----------



## auntdot (Nov 17, 2007)

Legs there is a light at the end of the tunel.  There truly is.

Grew up with many alcoholics, have driven family members to rehab many times and buried some as a result of their addictions.

As such became acquinted with 12 step programs and know they are not for everyone.  But I did learn two things from them that I carry with me.  One is the serenity prayer which I use probably not often enough.  But for me it helps get through difficult days. And the other is the idea of taking things one day at a time.  And if that seems to long, an hour, or a minute.  

You have a lot of DC friends.  Keep writing.  One of us is usually about. PM any of us, please, if you wish.

With tears running down my cheeks we are with you.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

wow...thanks for all the support...this is alot to take in right now and i have some stuff to do but i will keep you all posted and THANKS SO MUCH for your support.  This is the most difficult thing ive ever had to go through..believe it or not even worse than the death of my father.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 17, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> This is the most difficult thing ive ever had to go through..believe it or not even worse than the death of my father.


I would certainly believe that. Death is a reality that is out of our hands that we just have to deal with as best we can.  Your situation is worse -in your own mind- because (not trying to be unkind here) of the part you yourself played in getting there.  Self-recrimination is harder to deal with.  That's why I say not to forget to forgive yourself.  You don't need to kick yourself even more down! Just stay strong and focussed and you can accomplish whatever you set your mind to.  You are stronger than you think.


----------



## TATTRAT (Nov 17, 2007)

MLB, keep your chin up. There is nothing I can offer at this time advise wise, that has not been said already. I can offer my ears anytime. I have battled my own demons and know how hard it can be, and how boredom can be a REAL p.i.t.a.

Feel free to PM me if you feel inclined to chat or whatever, I am on Hawaii time, so your  late nights are afternoons here.

Stay strong, stay positive, and find the new balance in your change of lifestyle. IT is never easy, but you will get out of it what you put into it.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 17, 2007)

cheers guys.....today was much better!  I kept my moms drinking down and listened to her long winded diatribes with open ears rather than being visually annoyed...you know the type of person.  the type that tells a one paragraph story in about 10 pages.....yesterday was good, today was even better.  also spoke with my wife and she seemed pleased, in good spirits, and cheered me up.  my friend rob invited me to a barbecue at noon tommorow, first time ill see a friend since oct 31st.

things are hopefully beginning to turn around.

thanks again guys

legsbig

btw i hope when you guys see me type you dont picture that dude in my avatar. that picture is a joke, lol.

cheers.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 17, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> btw i hope when you guys see me type you dont picture that dude in my avatar. that picture is a joke, lol.


Nah, I see a Monty Python type leg sitting in front of a pc, toes tapping the keyboard madly!!


----------



## Angie (Nov 17, 2007)

Addictions are hard, no matter what kind. Mine is to pot and prescriptions. I can't take a chance losing my family, so I have to quit. Problem is, I'm still wanting to be messed up all the time. My cravings have not gone away yet, and I've been off/on, rehab twice, psych ward (detox) once in the last 8 months. BUT, I'm stronger and stronger each day. 

You can do it. It's hard but SO rewarding.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 17, 2007)

Angie said:


> Addictions are hard, no matter what kind. Mine is to pot and prescriptions. I can't take a chance losing my family, so I have to quit. Problem is, I'm still wanting to be messed up all the time. My cravings have not gone away yet, and I've been off/on, rehab twice, psych ward (detox) once in the last 8 months. BUT, I'm stronger and stronger each day.
> 
> You can do it. It's hard but SO rewarding.


Good luck to you too Angie.  Definitely not an easy battle.  My ex has had a multitude of addictions over the years. He would get off one and then replace it with something else.  He recently gave up cigarettes only to replace it with something else. I wish he would strive like you have been doing. He regularly has created families and lost them, or just walked away.  He doesn't care enough about anybody, including himself, to be as strong as you are.  Well done for keeping it up.


----------



## Alix (Nov 17, 2007)

MLB, sounds like you hit the bottom and you are now on the road back up. Tough road, but good for you. Can I just say that you need to do it for you and not for anyone else? And helping your mom is wonderful, but you are going to need to be strong for yourself first. 

Please do reconsider finding an AA meeting and getting sponsored. I'm not sure what other supports are available to you, but this is a battle you don't need to fight alone. There is lots of support out there and you need the help.

I'm glad you came to us. We are a big family and we're here to support one another. Hang in there big guy. 

Angie, keep up the hard work. Call on us when you need us, we're here for you too.


----------



## auntdot (Nov 18, 2007)

What Legs?  You mean that avatar is not your actual likeness????

I am crushed as mine certainly is. Don't remember when that picture was taken however.

As a crusty old bat let me just say we need a guy like you, and I am not just talking about on DC.

This can be a tough time of year. But it need not be.

Just do the best you can and with your obvious guts and gumption everything will work out.

God bless.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 19, 2007)

Hope all has been well in your world today, or depending on the time difference, will be well in your world today.


----------



## Dina (Nov 19, 2007)

Prayers are coming your way legsbig.  There is lots of help out there besides AA.  Seek help for you and your mother.  I will be praying for your health and your family's reunion.  Stay strong and know that we're here for support.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 19, 2007)

thanks so much..


----------



## Fisher's Mom (Nov 19, 2007)

Hey Legs, you're a brave man and I'm seriously proud of you.

My only advice is this - this early period has been hard on you physically and emotionally and you're shown a lot of courage facing this. I think sometimes the hardest part comes when life goes back to normal. All the little and big things that make up our lives. The car or the a/c breaks, your boss becomes a pain, your wife rags on you, your child goes through an annoying stage. If you have learned to get through those things, along with the boredom that sometimes exists in our lives, using alcohol, you may find it gets tough again. Plan for this. The best way to kick a habit is to replace it with another one. The gym sounds great. Hobbies are good. Many people use AA for this purpose. It doesn't matter - just make sure you have something you automatically do when/if the restlessness hits.

I have a lot of faith in you and know you can make it. You have a lot of friends here that care about you and what you are working on. I'm one of them.

Terry


----------



## CharlieD (Nov 19, 2007)

I am with Alix. You may find your own way latter, but when you hit bottom you need the organised structure of AA. I also think at this point you need to check into some facility that will not let you out. You may need somebody to bring youin and tell them to hold on on you untill you are ready to go. Adiction is a very hard thing to fight on your own, you need help, profecional help.


----------



## Reanie525i (Nov 19, 2007)

You can not do this on your own OR for anyone else but yourself. There are many upbeat and good AA meetings - All of them are different - Keep going untill you find a group you feel good about - Also remember if you are at a meeting you are not home thinking about not drinking - also you are further from temptation!!!  Keep going to the meetings - fake it till you make it - Just take one day and one thing at a time - Here if you need to talk -


----------



## David Cottrell (Nov 19, 2007)

Reanie525i said:


> You can not do this on your own OR for anyone else but yourself. There are many upbeat and good AA meetings - All of them are different - Keep going untill you find a group you feel good about - Also remember if you are at a meeting you are not home thinking about not drinking - also you are further from temptation!!! Keep going to the meetings - fake it till you make it - Just take one day and one thing at a time - Here if you need to talk -


 
Reanie525i (?) You just said what I wanted to say but I said it in such an unkind way it had to be rightfully taken off. You are right. You said it all. There is no other. Not cooking, not workouts, not anything. I wish mylegs all the best, I really do. There aren't any short cuts or easy outs. Good luck man, no, luck won't do it, good hard word on it with the support system you need will do it. Reanie said it correctly - you have to want it for yourself. All the best.


----------



## LEFSElover (Nov 19, 2007)

I've finally read all the responses to this thread and I, with you, am amazed at the brilliance of this wonderful group of fine individuals.

Please, do read and reread what they've said.  I pm'd you with a few things.

There are so many wonderful pieces of info on these pages.  I would agree to write things down.  That helps me when l'm having a rough bout with whatever is plaguing me.  Make a list of the goods and bads in your life.  Concentrate on the good more than the bad and really try hard to focus on one more good thing to add to the list, even if it's minimal.

You can do this, you can and must be strong, with the help of loved ones, and that includes us here, this will have a new ending to how you feel now.  Just believe...


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

UPDATE:

I got my mom to quit drinking!  Remember i saw i had been weaning her off the booze slowly?  Well yesterday she finally went to the doctor to get some benzos so she can detox, and she hasnt been drinking since. im going to keep her off this.

Im also doing excellent myself.  slightly better.  but a few times a day i still get very agitated, and pace around, and have trouble breathing, consumed with fear and panic.

I also still am having a hard time sleeping, but im staying strong.

Thanks so much again for all of your kind words.

Im making dinner tonight, going to marinate some chicken breasts in beer, lime juice, garlic, cilantro, and then bake them and serve them with cheddar cheese on flour tortillas, served with spanish rice.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

Fisher's Mom said:


> Hey Legs, you're a brave man and I'm seriously proud of you.
> 
> My only advice is this - this early period has been hard on you physically and emotionally and you're shown a lot of courage facing this. I think sometimes the hardest part comes when life goes back to normal. All the little and big things that make up our lives. The car or the a/c breaks, your boss becomes a pain, your wife rags on you, your child goes through an annoying stage. If you have learned to get through those things, along with the boredom that sometimes exists in our lives, using alcohol, you may find it gets tough again. Plan for this. The best way to kick a habit is to replace it with another one. The gym sounds great. Hobbies are good. Many people use AA for this purpose. It doesn't matter - just make sure you have something you automatically do when/if the restlessness hits.
> 
> ...



Much wisdom...fantastic post


----------



## Barb L. (Nov 20, 2007)

Keep up the good work, your on your way !!  Just keep looking forward!


----------



## GB (Nov 20, 2007)

Legs that is great news. Keep up the good work. I am a little concerned though. Why are you marinating your chicken in beer if you are trying to kick alcohol? You should really not have any alcohol in the house, even for cooking.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

There is half a tecate left in the fridge and i see no reason not to use it.  Be a good chance to get rid of it without being wasteful.

thanks for your concern though, friend.

cheers


----------



## YT2095 (Nov 20, 2007)

wording it Politely, it`s a BAD Idea!

throw it down the sewer! it`s a Toxin/Poison to you! and as deadly and insidious as any other you care to mention!

think: Superman/Kryptonite... Superman/Kryptonite... Superman/Kryptonite...
and keep repeating that.

and although I admire your attempt to get your mom off the bottle, you Really should be focusing on YOU and you alone, you have enough problems yourself, you do NOT need to shoulder someone else`s, no Seriously, you Don`t!

Bro, I`m sorry and all that but Now is the time to get really SELFISH! and start thinking about YOU alone, THEN when you concur your problem you may afford to be helpful to others.

and I really think you can do it too


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

YT2095 said:


> wording it Politely, it`s a BAD Idea!
> 
> throw it down the sewer! it`s a Toxin/Poison to you! and as deadly and insidious as any other you care to mention!
> 
> ...



Maybe youre right about the beer bro.  Ill toss it.

As for mom, so far, the job has been done.  The hardest thing has always been getting her to quit.

She has quit twice before, for four years one time, and 8 years another.

I had to get her off the sauce so i could better focus on my recovery.

She is a completely different person when she's sober.  Now i can recover in peace(relative peace, shes still very annoying)

btw - thanks for the referral.  Your friend is great.


----------



## DawnT (Nov 20, 2007)

Dear Mylegsbig, My husband and my FIL are recovering alcoholics. YT is correct in saying get rid of the booze. We have not had any in our home in 15 years. Don't ever cook or bake with it, don't even miss it!! My husband took the $$ he would have used on beer and bought his first motocross racer in just 3 mos. and hasn't looked back and said "gee I wish I had a drink." Good luck with every thing, I know you can pull yourself through it. Then you can have the energy to work with your wife to help Mom.
Dawn


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

Hey Dawn, i used to ride motocross too. I rode when i was younger. last one was a honda CR-125


----------



## *amy* (Nov 20, 2007)

Legs, I also read you are cooking w beer & wasn't going to say anything. Since GB brought it up - I'm gonna shoot straight from the hip.

No alcohol or drug of choice should be in the house. Any central office will wait on the phone while you dump it down the drain. You don't like aa because it's depressing & won't go to meetings. You are living w an alcoholic & think you are helping by weaning another alcoholic - then taking benzos (addictive) & sending your mom for benzos for relief.

Please know that this is not a criticism, but you are not ready to stop using. I wanted to post a link for sober living houses, but you will probably not like that either, as you go to meetings & must be substance free. If you drink or use you will probably be kicked out. I do think you may benefit from structure. i.e. go to meetings *every day*.

Go to a Speaker meeting. Get a booklet of meetings - there are non-smoking meetings & you don't have to drink the coffee. You are not thinking clearly right now. If you go to aa (any step meeting), you will be with people that are sincere about quitting & you will hear/read "We tried to find a softer way."

Another concern, is having benzos & alcohol in the house. The longer you wait from the time you get out of rehab or detox - with no backup plan - tools & support (& live with someone who is still using); the likelihood of relapse is very high. Please try not to sub one addiction for another - prescription meds. When you do go to the shrink, if you mix alcohol & anti depressants or benzos - you have a lethal combo & you can accidentally over diose. Alcohol is a depressant.

If & when you are ready to quit (& that is your choice), send me a pm. I do wish you luck, but you need to remove yourself from a drinking/using living situation.

During the holidays (particularly on Thanksgiving & Christmas day), 12 step programs have a bring your own dish get together after meetings; & social activities that are substance free. Call the central office & go to a meeting w another member.  They will have someone call you back in 20 mins & take you to a meeting,


----------



## Bilby (Nov 20, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> ... shes still very annoying...


Hey Legs - that goes with the territory of motherdom!  It ain't ever gonna change!!LOL


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

Yeah, well she is infuriating me.  She is going around town spreading lies about my wife.

Well, she was when she was drunk.  You have no idea.  She went to a bar we frequent and was telling MY friends that my wife was a whore and she was sleeping with other guys.

I had my friends report it to me.

She would black out and send multiple harassing emails to my wife calling her a whore, saying shes not a "real wife" and all of this.

This was why me getting her off booze was a top priority.


----------



## Bilby (Nov 20, 2007)

People do say things they shouldn't when they are under the influence, sometimes unforgivable things.  Does your wife not have a problem with you staying with your mum? I know several of us have suggested that you don't stay with your mum for your own health reasons but you don't think it might be more political to stay elsewhere as well?  That is if you still want to get back with your wife. I know it might impact my view of things if I was your wife. Do the women in your life get on with each other when your mum is sober? Just a couple of things you might like to consider.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 20, 2007)

i dont want to burden my friend


----------



## Bilby (Nov 20, 2007)

If a true friend, you will be a burden he/she is prepared to accept.  Goes with being a friend. And "burden" is a very loose term as there are always things you can do to lessen a burden.

I hate to impose on people but there are times you just have to.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 21, 2007)

Legs; You have stated that you enjoy watching martial artistis, and that your avatar is based on a particular martial artist.  Though I have never had a physical addiction, I, like everyone else has had emotional problems at one time or another in my life.  I have found that activities that require concentration, especially physical concentration will relieve stress, and improve your self image and self respect more than almost anything else.  

For me, it was Judo and Kuk Sul Won, dirt-biking, and archery.  Each of those activities required extreme concentration and enhanced my fitness level, ability to discipline myself, and acted as a stress relief.  

For some people, tyhing fishing flies does it for them.  Others enjoy the challenge of a puzzle.  Some play darts.  Teh point is, there is some activity out there that will capture your spirit, something you want to be great at.  It could be learning to play a musical instrument, or learning to sing.  I could be anything.

Other activities that really help are to put do good things for others, voluntarily.  When you give of yourself, then you build your self esteem like crazy, and receive the joy that comes from knowing that you helped ease the burdens of another.

Their are many paths to self-healing.  When you heal yourself, then you will be ready to be the husband and father that your family desearves.  And their is no greater satisfaction of being the best there is at that job.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## GB (Nov 21, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> i dont want to burden my friend


Part of accepting the fact that you have an addiction is also accepting the fact that you need to ask for and accept help. Others have said this in this thread before so it will not be news coming from me, but *you can't do this alone*. Stay with a friend or get to a shelter or some other living arrangement. It is going to suck, but guess what? You need to wake up to the fact that you are in a sucky situation right now and need to get yourself out of it by any means necessary. And if that means doing something you don't want to do, well then man up and do it.

You can not have any alcohol where you live. You can not be responsible for taking care of someone else. Your priority right now is to get yourself healthy. No one else. Once you are healthy then you can get your mother healthy, but not before that. You are doing neither of you any good even though your goal may be true.


----------



## texasgirl (Nov 21, 2007)

GB said it!!
You will not get your family back until you are sober. You will not get and stay sober being around your mothers drinking!! Most people will start drinking to relieve stress. Your mom is compounding the stress you are already experiencing. GET AWAY FROM HER!!!
I can tell you love your family, but, you HAVE to do something to show your wife that your willing to do what is neccessary to be with them. If it takes staying in a shelter, DO IT, if you have to put yourself into rehab, DO IT, stay with a friend, DO IT!!!
What is your priority here, you and your family or your mother?? Your mother made her choices, now, MAKE YOURS!!
Good luck to you, guy. You can do this, I know you can!!!! Lean on your friends, counselors, whomever other than your mom and the bars!!


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 21, 2007)

Again guys, this is the third day, my mother is almost detoxed..i got her to quit drinking.

before this stuff escalates again, im gonna wait it out...there is no alcohol in the house. i threw out that tecate and didnt cook with the beer.  ive stayed sober and am getting better every day, as is she.  no need for anything drastic just yet.

but yes, ive warned her, if she starts drinking again, im outta here.

on the 28th i have a psychiatrists appointment.  im gonna go talk to him and see what he says, and try to get some counselling referrals from him.

also, me and my wife are going to do some couples therapy. again, hopefully supplied by my psychiatrist.

had a doctor's appointment yesterday and im doing better. for sure.

things are well right now.  saw my wife yesterday and ironed out a couple of issues, got to play with my daughter as well

cheers, and thanks again fellows


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 21, 2007)

Goodweed, for how many years did you do judo?

I will osoto gari you on your head!


----------



## texasgirl (Nov 21, 2007)

As long as your doing okay. I'm glad that your going to the dr. and talking about therapy with your wife. It will do you both good to do that. Good luck!!


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 21, 2007)

cheers texasgirl


----------



## LEFSElover (Nov 21, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> There is half a tecate left in the fridge and i see no reason not to use it. Be a good chance to get rid of it without being wasteful.
> 
> thanks for your concern though, friend.
> 
> cheers


probably too late now to tell you this but I agree that you ought to dump any and all alcohol in your possession.  no more cooking with it either.


----------



## GotGarlic (Nov 21, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> also, me and my wife are going to do some couples therapy. again, hopefully supplied by my psychiatrist.
> 
> had a doctor's appointment yesterday and im doing better. for sure.
> 
> ...



I'm really glad to hear this, Legs. I had some friends during and after college who got married and had a son; he acted like he was still in college, drinking and smoking weed a lot, while she was moving on from that and was, of course, doing most of the child care while working full-time. She finally told me she was fed up and was thinking of getting a divorce. I suggested that she leave with her son and stay with family for a while, to knock it into his head how serious she was, but it was too late - she just didn't want to be married to him anymore, so they got divorced.

The fact that your wife wanted to separate but is willing to work with you on this is a very good sign  Best of luck to both of you.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 21, 2007)

Mylegsbig said:


> Goodweed, for how many years did you do judo?
> 
> I will osoto gari you on your head!


 
Enough to know that I am still a rank beginner, but a talented one. And my falling techniques, well let's just say that i have survived stepping off a two story building twice in the same day, being struck from behind by a car, while sitting on a motorcycle, flying off of a 60 foot cliff (again on a motorcycle), my feet slipping out from under me on ice, forcing me into a perfect back-fall, and too many other falls and tumbles to list.

Try to throw me with osoto gari, and a quick hand to the small of your back will negate that effort, I will quickly follow up with a choke/submission hold, or as you are spinning to regain your stance, execute horiah goshi. Been there, done that.

You would be absolutely amazed at how well horiah goshi works on a drunken person, another reason to stay sober, yes?

Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 21, 2007)

Oh, and just for the record, horiah goshi, hona goshi, epon sianagi, and maroti sianogi are much more fun to watch, and execute, and are much more punishing to the victim.  And then there are the grappling and pinning techiques, the arm-bars, wrist-locks, and other fun submission holds.  I especially favor the corotid chokes from the front, using the opponant's lapels or collar.  It takes a mere twenty to thirty seconds to make an opponant unconscious with that.  Quick tap-outs are virtually garunteed.

Seeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## Mylegsbig (Nov 21, 2007)

lol

Cheers goodweed!


----------



## DawnT (Nov 21, 2007)

You two play nice and have a Happy Thanksgivings Day!!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North (Nov 22, 2007)

Thanks.  We will.  And legs, have the best Thanksgiving ever knowing that you are on the way to reclaiming your wife and children, and your life.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


----------



## Bilby (Nov 22, 2007)

Glad to hear that things are on the improve for you Legs, esp with your holiday season nigh.  As I said earlier, your posts show that you are improving. Sometimes just having an outlet is enough to help you through dark times.  As you are aware, it is important not to bottle.  Just brace yourself for a bit of a dip. It will happen and can really hit you hard if you aren't expecting it.
Be happy.


----------



## lulu (Nov 22, 2007)

I wish you the very best of luck staying off the booze and improving your life: its a hard choice, but surely worth it!


----------



## Chefellas (Nov 22, 2007)

Hi MyLegsBig- I just read the entire thread and I can see by your responses that bit by bit you're doing a lot better.The advice that everyone has given you is so full of wisdom that I'm sure you're starting to see light at the end of that dark tunnel. The only thing that I have to add is this.I am a great believer in herbal medicine.Maybe instead of taking the chemical drugs to calm you, which can be detrimental to your liver, kidneys, etc., you could see a doctor of alternative medicine, to tell you what kind of herbal teas and such, would do the same job. Just keep up the good work. We're all rooting for you and I know with positive thinking and with strong will you'll pull yourself out of this debacle.!!!!!!


----------



## Michelemarie (Nov 22, 2007)

MLB - wow! I have not been on in a while - missed alot.  I am sorry to hear what you are having to endure right now. After reading every post - it does appear that you are improving.  Thats awesome!  The advice on this thread is amazing!  You are blessed to be surrounded by such a wonderful group of people.  In the end - your family is worth any sacrifice - including liquor!  Keep up the good work my friend!


----------



## DawnT (Nov 23, 2007)

Hope everything went well for you and your family on Thanksgiving Day.  How are you holding up?  I know it's not the easiest time right now but hold on, keep working through it and it will keep getting easier and easier the farther you get.  Trust in yourself,  you are your biggest friend.  We here at DC are moral support,  we can lift you mentally. You have to lift yourself physically.  You can do it.


----------



## Mylegsbig (Dec 3, 2007)

everything got better and now its a lot worse.


----------



## Bilby (Dec 3, 2007)

Without trying to sound pompous, that's the way it usually goes legs. Things will be up and down, and the downs can be deep.  May I ask what happened?


----------



## buckytom (Dec 3, 2007)

we're here, legs.

fire away.


----------



## DawnT (Dec 3, 2007)

Hey Legs; We're ready to help when you need us.  Just give a shout. Remember, you can do this. Believe in yourself because we here at DC do!!  It is a one day at time thing.  Sometimes, one minute at a time is more like it but you'll do it, I have *FAITH IN YOU!!!!!*


----------



## David Cottrell (Dec 3, 2007)

There was a time not too long ago when I had considerable exposure to three crack addicted people in a face to face, heart to heart way. Some wanted to get off the stuff but could not because they would not accept any professional help, any help from the narcotic equivalent of AAA, any help from their families or anyone else. The three are today probably dead or in prison. I have no way of knowing about any of them but I'm certain that one of them is dead.

This is hard stuff be it alcohol or drugs. We want to help but can't. It sounds like our young acquaintance has crashed. There comes a time for tough love and this might be the time but none of us knows and other than the admitted recovering alcoholics none of us really can give much in the way of advice. We would like to be friends but in an impersonal forum such as this we can't. 

I wish our young acquaintenance Legs all the best and that he reaches out to and accepts in his local community all the help he can find.


----------



## Michelemarie (Dec 3, 2007)

Keep looking up friend, even when you don't want to.


----------



## jabbur (Dec 3, 2007)

Now is not the time to give up.  You've made some good progress.  You need to push through this difficulty and when you arrive on the other side of it, you will be stronger for the next time things get rough.  Life is never smooth sailing.  You need to do it to prove to yourself that you can and to show you are serious about kicking this thing.  Continue with the therapy and call someone you can talk to about it.  We'll continue to pray for you too.


----------



## Chefellas (Dec 3, 2007)

I completely agree with jabbur.Don't give up!! All of us are here for you.


----------



## Bilby (Dec 7, 2007)

Hey Legs - how are you travelling?????


----------



## csalt (Dec 7, 2007)

There is nothing I can add to the words of wisdom and sound advice already given. I just want to add my care and concern for you MLB at this very poignant time of year. ( And for anyone else suffering in this way) All I can add is that I have a friend who 'came through it' and if you have faith then believe that God *can* and *will* help you all. Your Mother included.
Hang in there.


----------



## texasgirl (Dec 31, 2008)

I am bumping this up because he hasn't been on since this thread. Does anyone have any news about him?


----------



## Katie H (Dec 31, 2008)

Thanks, Stacy.  I've been thinking about him.  Hope he is well, happy and safe.


----------



## PieSusan (Dec 31, 2008)

Gee, Stacy--this was rather chilling to read. I hope for the best but I fear the worst.

May those with substance abuse problems stay strong and have a very sober (not dry) New Year!!!


----------



## GB (Dec 31, 2008)

I was actually thinking of him this week. I hope he is OK.


----------



## Fisher's Mom (Dec 31, 2008)

I've thought of him so many times. I spoke to him quite a few times early in the year but he was really having a rough time and not doing well. The only number I had for him was his mother's and then suddenly it was disconnected and I never heard from him again. He's a lovely young man struggling with such terrible addictions and depression - I hope he he's still fighting the battle. But his health was very precarious at that point in his addiction and I fear the worst as well.


----------



## Angie (Dec 31, 2008)

I struggle with my addictions every minute of every day.  

On 12/15 I was taken by ambulance to the hospital due to my addictions.  Here's to the new year and turning over a new leaf!


----------



## QSis (Dec 31, 2008)

Angie, I hope you are doing much better now, and that 2009 will be the best year ever for you!

Lee


----------



## Angie (Dec 31, 2008)

QSis said:


> Angie, I hope you are doing much better now, and that 2009 will be the best year ever for you!
> 
> Lee


 
Why thank you!  I really appreciate that! My life has really changed alot in the last few months.


----------



## Bilby (Jan 4, 2009)

Glad to hear that Angie!  I too wish you well for the new year.


----------

