# My reason for Leaving (Laurie's Story)



## LPBeier (Oct 10, 2011)

I am writing this because I feel it is time for some closure.  I am sure many of you have realized by now that I haven't been around and I wanted to clear up the reasons why.

It was not, as some may have thought, because of some cracks made regarding mistakes in one of my recipes.  That was just sort of the straw that broke the camel's back so to speak, but it would have happened around the same time anyway.

I have suffered from varying degrees of chronic pain for almost 20 years.  And through all this time I have deluded myself that I was handling it well.  The truth is I was not handling it at all, but trying to just push it out of the way and get on with my life.  The fact that I also suffered from depression and other illnesses would probably come as no surprise.

Around the time that I left DC I was trying to cope with severe asthma, the chronic pain, stress from my Dad's illness and several other things going on in our lives.  I was using DC as a distraction but there was stress happening here as well and I was feeling like I couldn't keep up as a moderator or a member.

I finally had to admit that I was not handling my pain and low and behold the day after I did this I got a call from a pain clinic at one of the Vancouver Hospitals....I had been on the waiting list for 2 years!  It is one of the best in North America.  I went for an assessment and found out that I wasn't a hopeless case, that there was much that could be done for me.  But I knew I needed to make some drastic changes in my life.

I have been attending a chronic pain workshop for the last month (2 more weeks to go) and it is amazing.  I have started what will be a very long process to get me off most if not all my pain medication and am on another wait list for an 8 week day program at the pain clinic which incorporates full self-management techniques.

But to do all of this I need to devote most of my time to getting better.  I am not an addict but am tired of taking medications that affect my moods, sleep, etc but don't take away the pain.  I am learning that I must carefully organize my time so that I do not do too much of any one thing as not to tire or get sore.  One of these is sitting at the computer.  Another is standing in the kitchen.  I am arranging meals so that I can do prep in stages and it is so much better but at the moment a lot of all of it is trial and error.

I miss you all terribly.  But I owe it to myself and my family to get better and if that means giving up regular attendance here then I am afraid that is what I need to do.  Since I already am seeing great improvement, I know it is the right decision.

I will keep myself  subscribed to this thread in case you want to answer, but don't feel you have to.  I just felt I needed to let you know I hadn't taken off in a huff.  

Love and hugs,
Laurie


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## CWS4322 (Oct 10, 2011)

Laurie,

I'm sorry to hear you are leaving DC. You have been such an inspiration to me. I am HAPPY that you are getting help with your chronic pain--I've been there, done that...thankfully, I was able to go to Sister Kennys years ago and recently found an accupuncturist who does IMS--that helped immensely. It was amazing to wake up and not be in pain--after all the years of being in pain. I couldn't believe it when I could turn my head and actually see over my shoulder instead of having to turn my entire upper body--I hope you will experience the same success. Yes, there are still days, but it is not EVERY hour of EVERY day. The stress of caring for your dad, etc., is also hard--that can't help. I hear you on that. You have earned your "good daughter" badge. 

Take good care of yourself. I hope at some time you can come back. You know how caring DCers are--DCers are here for you and I'm sure I'm not the only one who will miss your recipes, wisdom, stories, and insight. 

Sending big hugs to you and yours. 

K.


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## Bolas De Fraile (Oct 10, 2011)

LP fellow cake maker, I like CWS am sorry. When I first came here you asked me about my "cooking style" I thought blimey someone think I have a style. I do fully understand and support your reason for leaving and it gives me a further insight into your character that you penned the missive above.
I think you are a caring person Laurie and I think the decision to care about yourself is the right one. I for one will miss you.


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## Timothy (Oct 10, 2011)

Hey Laurie,

Let's call it a break while you set your priorities and complete them. Good luck to you in managing your problems and I hope you can come back to DC as soon as possible.


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## purple.alien.giraffe (Oct 10, 2011)

Please take care of yourself. I'm glad you are getting help and that you are already seeing improvement. I hope things continue to improve and I know you'll be missed here. I know you're one of my dad's favorites and you were one of the people he pointed out to me when I first joined. Best wishes to you.

Jess


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## Claire (Oct 10, 2011)

I hope things get better for you; my thoughts go out to you.


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## pacanis (Oct 10, 2011)

I hope you get well soon, Laurie.
In the meantime, DC has lost a major contributor and you will be missed.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 10, 2011)

Love you!  Take care of yourself and it's good to know that what you are doing is beneficial.  Miss you, too!


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## GB (Oct 10, 2011)

This is not goodbye Laurie. We will always be here anytime you need. Stay in touch and stay strong and know we love you.


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## DaveSoMD (Oct 10, 2011)

Miss you boat-loads my dear friend, but I am SO glad you are getting help with the pain.  I know you need to stay focused and get yourself better.  You know how to get in touch with me!


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## Andy M. (Oct 10, 2011)

I have missed you and your contributions to this family.  You do have a lot on your plate and I'm glad there are options available to you to improve your situation.  I look forward to a day when you can come back.  Until then, you and yours are in my thoughts.

Take care.


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## TATTRAT (Oct 10, 2011)

I can relate, Laurie, and I am sending positive thoughts and energy your way. I trust that everything will work out in the end, and, I know that the caring folks in our extended DC family are always here with an open ear, and open hearts. I know they were 110% supportive after I left the mod squad, and have been slowly getting back to forums.

Take care of yourself!


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## Zhizara (Oct 10, 2011)

I'm sorry you've left, Laurie, but understand your reasons.  

Take care of yourself.  I'll miss you.


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## Dawgluver (Oct 10, 2011)

Get well, Laurie.  We will miss you!


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## ChefJune (Oct 10, 2011)

Dear Laurie:

I'm so glad you're getting the help you need. You deserve to be well (or at least as pain-free as possible). I can't say I understand, because thankfully I have never experienced chronic pain. I wondered what happened to you.  

Take good care of yourself, and know you have a friend here if and when you need me. I think you know how to reach me via email.

And come back soon as you can. You are missed.


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## licia (Oct 10, 2011)

Laurie, I hope your situation improves very soon and maybe you will want to come back. I've enjoyed your chatter about your life and hope you find the answer to your problems.  Will I still see you on Facebook?


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## buckytom (Oct 10, 2011)

lp, i'm so sorry that you are hurting. 

your health and your family are of the utmost importance, so go take care of those and we'll be here at any time you want to pop in and see what's up.

my rosary tonight will be for your speedy recovery and return to us.

xoxo my friend.


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## PattY1 (Oct 10, 2011)

timothy said:


> hey laurie,
> 
> let's call it a break while you set your priorities and complete them. Good luck to you in managing your problems and i hope you can come back to dc as soon as possible.



View attachment 12194


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## chopper (Oct 10, 2011)

Laurie, 
You are now and will continue to be in my prayers. So sorry you are hurting.


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## Somebunny (Oct 11, 2011)

Laurie, I'm so glad you are getting help with your pain management.  I have been worried about you.  I knew you wouldn't go away without letting your family here at DC know....  so I was happy to see your post, but sad to hear that you will be absent for a while.  We will miss your clever repartee, cooking skills and recipes. Please come back when you feel your health is improved enough to allow.  Debbie


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## kadesma (Oct 11, 2011)

Laurie, as you unofficial ma I love you dearly and miss you so much. I haven't written as I felt it important to let you rest and regain your strength. You are very dear to me and I want you to know your health and life at home with Tony and your dad are of the utmost importance. Take care sweetie and know all of us here at DC love you so much and want out old loving Laurie back when it is possible.
Take care LP
ma


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## Chef Munky (Oct 11, 2011)

LP,
I know this won't be a forever thing. Your doing the right thing " for yourself." 
The coffee is always brewing at my house, and here at DC. Your always welcome to stop by and have a cup with me.
If you ever get to Cali, we can nab Ma and meet up at Phils.

All the best. Get better soon 
Munky... C.


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## LPBeier (Oct 13, 2011)

Hi Everyone,
First of all, I want to say I have been moved to tears by all of your replies.  I have copied and pasted them and will print them so I can look at them when I need some inspiration which is often.

I was sharing with Katie that through my group I have had to make a very strict schedule of tasks, rest, "rewards", etc. and how they affect my pain and fatigue.  Sitting at the computer is a bad one so I am limiting myself for the short term to an hour a week which is 10 minutes Monday to Saturday and none Sunday.  This includes email, Facebook (yes, you can get me there) and anything non internet.  It is harsh, but I will work up from that.  It is just to help establish patterns that will work well in the long run.

I really do miss it here but I know that what I am doing is what is best.  I am learning so much about myself and what works and doesn't.  The medication change is not going the best but I am toughing it out best I can.  I would really appreciate positive thoughts, prayers, whatever you have, on that one.  

I probably won't check in here again for a long while - it will defeat the purpose of "giving it up" but wanted to thank you for your kind words and let you know that I am okay.


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## jusnikki (Oct 13, 2011)

Hi Laurie, I know you said you won't be checking this for a while but I still had to respond. 

I'm sorry to hear about all the pain you're going thru with your illness. You just never know what lies beyound the monitors when you're chating with people. I pray that you get the relief you're so yearning for. 

I hope when you are better that you do come back. I'm still quite new here but I have appreciated your comments. Hope to see ya posting again soon...but improvement to your health first.. .


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 13, 2011)

Laurie, you know you have my love and prayers.  Keep up the good work and hang in there.


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## LPBeier (Nov 24, 2011)

Hi Everyone,
I wanted to pop in to wish all my dear U.S. friends a Happy Thanksgiving.

My health concerns are still in the forefront as I had to delay my pain clinic visits until the next session in January or March.  I contracted a very severe infection in my kidneys about 2 months ago and have gone through several different treatments with no results until now - I go for IV antibiotic treatments every day for two weeks.  I am finished next Monday and am just now starting to feel better.  But through is all I have been able to keep a very positive attitude.  I have felt your thoughts and prayers big time.

I miss you all so very much and hope that one of these days I will be able to sit at the computer enough to pop in on a more regular basis.

Oh, please have some turkey for me - these treatments have played havoc with my eating and I am unable to eat any form of meat.  I love turkey dinners!


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## Andy M. (Nov 24, 2011)

Hi Laurie.  It's great to hear from you and that your infection is clearing up.

We really miss you here and look forward to the day you return.  In the meantime, know we love you and wish the best for you.


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## Kayelle (Nov 24, 2011)

I sure have missed you Laurie!!  I had really hoped the news would be better about your health, and you were fit to play again.   How I wish you had a lap top so you could sit in a recliner and Discuss Cooking!!  I'm keeping good thoughts for you and your health issues, and thanks so much for checking in.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 24, 2011)

It is so good to hear from you, Thanks for checking in.

My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Ken and your Dad.  

Love and Hugs, Back!


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## LPBeier (Nov 24, 2011)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It is so good to hear from you, Thanks for checking in.
> 
> My thoughts and prayers go out to you, Ken and your Dad.
> 
> Love and Hugs, Back!



Thanks, Princess, but Ken is still with Barbie I think.  But I will be happy to pass on the message to Tony


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 24, 2011)

LPBeier said:


> Thanks, Princess, but Ken is still with Barbie I think.  But I will be happy to pass on the message to Tony



No Ken is with Alix...duh, when I have blonde moments, I really have Blonde Moments.  Extra hugs for Tony!  Hopefully that's my last mistake for the day, I still have to start dinner.


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## babetoo (Nov 24, 2011)

be well, my friend.


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## purple.alien.giraffe (Nov 25, 2011)

Glad you checked in and Happy Thanksgiving to you to.


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## Kathleen (Nov 25, 2011)

I hope and pray things are better.  Like so many others, I've missed you and love when you pop by.


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## Somebunny (Nov 25, 2011)

Laurie, so glad to hear from you today.  I hope things continue to improve.  We've missed you around here.  Hugs to you!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 25, 2011)

Somebunny said:


> Laurie, so glad to hear from you today.  I hope things continue to improve.  We've missed you around here.  Hugs to you!



You two live in the same area, just on the opposite sides of the border.  We have Montana Border Control, makes it hard to sneak across:


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## buckytom (Nov 25, 2011)

LPBeier said:


> Thanks, Princess, but Ken is still with Barbie I think.



boy, is alix gonna be pissed... 




i was happy to see your greeting, lp. all the best back atcha.

i hope you continue to feel better each day.


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## GB (Nov 25, 2011)

Love to you Laurie!


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## Bolas De Fraile (Nov 27, 2011)

Good morning from North Wales LPB, I sincerely hope you are smiling more


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## LPBeier (Nov 27, 2011)

Bolas De Fraile said:


> Good morning from North Wales LPB, I sincerely hope you are smiling more



I just did!  Thanks Bolas!


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## Sprout (Nov 28, 2011)

Take care of yourself, dear. You're in my prayers.


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## LPBeier (Nov 28, 2011)

*My Reason For Coming Back!*

Thank you so much everyone for your love, prayers, encouragement and hugs.  

I left because things were getting very difficult and while part of it was that I was having problems sitting and typing (still do but not as bad), I was also emotionally drained and feeling alone.

I am healing physically and mentally now, and have realized through leaving just how much everyone DOES care and I shouldn't have felt alone.

I may not be on as much as before but you are truly my family and I want to thank you for showing me I am loved.


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