# Terrible Day Today



## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

I am so very upset of this! Some classmates put this thing called Silly String all over my Joy! She was covered in it! I went to the parking lot with some classmates and they began to laugh of my Joy. I was so hurt of this I cried.

I put enough of this off the windshield to drive to the car wash and I knew people were looking and laughing of me. I could feel my face burn with very much shame.

The classmates think it is funny. I do not! When I cried, they told me to not become so serious over everything. No one understood of my hurt. Cars of my Joy are very large luxuries in Romania. For me to possess one of these, it means so very, very much to me. I take very good care for her.

Why is this so funny? I think it is a terrible thing. I could never do something of this to anyone.

My face burns just to think of this again.

With love,
~Cat


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## Katie H (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm so sorry to learn of this, Cat.

The people who did this are insensitive and have "small" minds who think only of themselves.

Try to rise above this unnecessary act and hold your head up high.  Anyone who would do such a childish thing belongs in nursery school not college.  Don't let this occupy much more of your time.

Get Joy cleaned up and go with honor.


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## GotGarlic (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm so sorry to hear this, Cat. That is an awful thing for them to do. Please don't feel ashamed. You have done nothing wrong. (((hugs)))


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## CarolPa (Oct 8, 2013)

I'm so sorry to hear that these people hurt you, Cat.  They only think it's funny because it happened to someone else.  It would not be funny if it happened to them.  It was mean of them to do this.  You are such a good person who would not hurt others and didn't deserve this.  

{{{{hugs}}}}


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Katie H said:


> I'm so sorry to learn of this, Cat.
> 
> The people who did this are insensitive and have "small" minds who think only of themselves.
> 
> ...



I cleaned her very well at the car wash. I took her to the one where you can wash your car with the sprayer and do this by hand. She is perfect again now.

I shall try to go above this. Thank you so very much, Katie H. And I shall try very hard to be away from this hurt. I received my new stove today, and this  did make me happy.

With love,
~Cat


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

What an immature thing to do!  Yes, hold your head up, Cat, you did absolutely nothing wrong.  {{{{hugs}}}}

And have fun with your new stove!


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## pacanis (Oct 8, 2013)

I wouldn't say it's exactly funny either, at least not to you, but it is what's called a practical joke. They do not have these in Romania? It's an immature form of entertainment that is usually not so much fun to the person on the receiving end. Like pulling a chair out from someone sitting down,  pushing someone into a lake, super gluing someone's lock so they can't get the key in... 
As the saying goes, don't get mad, get even. In a good way. It is easy to cross the line, as it seems they have done.


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

GotGarlic said:


> I'm so sorry to hear this, Cat. That is an awful thing for them to do. Please don't feel ashamed. You have done nothing wrong. (((hugs)))



Thank you. ((hugs)) also to you. I am happy to know I am not alone of this.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

CarolPa said:


> I'm so sorry to hear that these people hurt you, Cat.  They only think it's funny because it happened to someone else.  It would not be funny if it happened to them.  It was mean of them to do this.  You are such a good person who would not hurt others and didn't deserve this.
> 
> {{{{hugs}}}}



Thank you. I was wondering if because I am different of them that they did this?

Thank you for your kindness to me, and ((hugs)) also to you.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> What an immature thing to do!  Yes, hold your head up, Cat, you did absolutely nothing wrong.  {{{{hugs}}}}
> 
> And have fun with your new stove!



Thank you. I shall try to hold up my head.

My new stove is very amazing! ((hugs)) to you also.

With love,
~Cat


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

I have a feeling your classmates would have no idea as to what to do with a stove.  They embarrassed you, but you are so much more mature and sensible.  Thankfully, Joy was none the worse for the Silly String.

If this continues, it's called bullying, and it may need to be reported to the administrators.


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## Addie (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Thank you. I was wondering if because I am different of them that they did this?
> 
> Thank you for your kindness to me, and ((hugs)) also to you.
> 
> ...



Cat, unfortunately this is the typical mentality and behavior of our college kids today. It goes with binge drinking and other bad behaviors. If they had to work for their tuition they would be working harder at learning and not playing stupid acts of meanness on others. Sometimes bad things happen to very good people. That is you. A very good person.


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## taxlady (Oct 8, 2013)

Aw Pat, that wasn't very nice of them. Your classmates probably thought it made the car look funny. Try not to let them see you cry. Some mean people will do things to sensitive people, just to see them cry. I know it's hard. I used to get teased a lot until I learned how not to let them see me cry. I don't always succeed.


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## CarolPa (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Thank you. I was wondering if because I am different of them that they did this?
> 
> Thank you for your kindness to me, and ((hugs)) also to you.
> 
> ...




As Pac said, this is known as a practical joke and happens often in the US.  It is quite possible that the person who did it wasn't even aware that it was your car.  They just did it to any car.  As hard as it is, the best thing to do is to laugh it off.  Sometimes if they know that it upset you they will continue to do it or something similar.  Please don't think that it is because you are different.  You are different in a good way, Cat!  They would do well to try to be more like you.


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## CWS4322 (Oct 8, 2013)

What a terrible thing to do. The only thing I can think of is that they are jealous of the support you get from your family and how dedicated you are to DA. 

I too had a bad day--I came home and went out to lock up the girls for the night only to find Giselle hanging off of the latch to the gate. She has a very deep puncture wound under her wing and was in shock--I stapled it shut with surgical staples, packed it with sugar, wrapped her in a towel and have her in a dog crate on a heating pad. I also gave her "chicken" electrolytes. I don't know what else to do. Hopefully she'll still be alive in the morning.


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

pacanis said:


> I wouldn't say it's exactly funny either, at least not to you, but it is what's called a practical joke. They do not have these in Romania? It's an immature form of entertainment that is usually not so much fun to the person on the receiving end. Like pulling a chair out from someone sitting down,  pushing someone into a lake, super gluing someone's lock so they can't get the key in...
> As the saying goes, don't get mad, get even. In a good way. It is easy to cross the line, as it seems they have done.



We do have these, but I do not see of the humor of defacing my Joy. Making farting sounds in a public restroom is a joke, but not of putting messy things on a car. This cost me $9.50 to the car wash to remove all of this and I had to go to the bank to ask of quarters and single dollars before going to the car wash.

Good jokes do not cost money. The lady at the bank window laughed at me also. She said she would do this to her husband's car sometime.

I feel very sorry of him. But I shall not retaliate even if I found who did this.

Mamma and Papa are very angry. Papa is to be calling the college tomorrow of this. It takes very much for Papa to become angry.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

CarolPa said:


> As Pac said, this is known as a practical joke and happens often in the US.  It is quite possible that the person who did it wasn't even aware that it was your car.  They just did it to any car.  As hard as it is, the best thing to do is to laugh it off.  Sometimes if they know that it upset you they will continue to do it or something similar.  Please don't think that it is because you are different.  You are different in a good way, Cat!  They would do well to try to be more like you.



I am trying to understand this, but I do know that good jokes do not cost people money. And the bank lady laughed at me. I felt very much humiliation of this.

Thank you for saying the nice things of me! You are very kind.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> I have a feeling your classmates would have no idea as to what to do with a stove.  They embarrassed you, but you are so much more mature and sensible.  Thankfully, Joy was none the worse for the Silly String.
> 
> If this continues, it's called bullying, and it may need to be reported to the administrators.



Thank you, Dawgluver. I have so many blessings. I cleaned Joy perfectly, and Papa is calling the college tomorrow. 

I have not heard Papa to be angry like this for many years.

With love,
~Cat


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I am trying to understand this, but I do know that good jokes do not cost people money. And the bank lady laughed at me. I felt very much humiliation of this.
> 
> Thank you for saying the nice things of me! You are very kind.
> 
> ...



Cat, I truly doubt the bank lady was laughing at you, she was laughing at the prank, not at you.  Please don't feel humiliated, as we've said, this is not your fault.  You are much stronger than this!  I'm sure Joy enjoyed her (expensive) bath!


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Addie said:


> Cat, unfortunately this is the typical mentality and behavior of our college kids today. It goes with binge drinking and other bad behaviors. If they had to work for their tuition they would be working harder at learning and not playing stupid acts of meanness on others. Sometimes bad things happen to very good people. That is you. A very good person.



That is you also. Addie, you are a very good person. 

They do drink to excess at times. I hear of these stories and they make me feel nervous. This is not the first time a mean thing has been done to a car. Someone put very many pounds of horse manure in a girl's truck. She is one who is nice to me. 

Things of this are mean, and you are correct of this.

But I must say I am not working for my tuition. My parents are paying for this education. 

Thank you, Addie.
An extra angel for you and your daughter.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> Cat, I truly doubt the bank lady was laughing at you, she was laughing at the prank, not at you.  Please don't feel humiliated, as we've said, this is not your fault.  You are much stronger than this!  I'm sure Joy enjoyed her (expensive) bath!



I hope so. I only cried a little bit, but inside I was angry and shamed. I am sure the bank lady meant nicely but it hurt. 

I think Joy did like her bath. I apologized to her as I washed her. When the Silly String is in the sunlight on the car it is very hard to wash it away from it. It was very much work to make her clean again.

Thank you, Dawgluver. It will be all right tomorrow when Papa calls the college. Is Beagle doing better? How is she?

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

taxlady said:


> Aw Pat, that wasn't very nice of them. Your classmates probably thought it made the car look funny. Try not to let them see you cry. Some mean people will do things to sensitive people, just to see them cry. I know it's hard. I used to get teased a lot until I learned how not to let them see me cry. I don't always succeed.



I could not help it. I saw this and my heart hurt immediately and I was stopped in walking to her and just cried. I did not cry much because they were laughing at me and I was humiliated and angry.

They do not understand what having this car is meaning to me. Their parents buy them cars, yes, and my parents paid for this, but it is much different. I do not know how to explain of this, but having my Joy is just different.

Thank you, taxlady. Is Shreddy doing well with his treatments?

With love,
~Cat


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Is Beagle doing better? How is she?
> 
> With love,
> ~Cat



Yes, thanks, Cat.  She ate a little bit after I poured chicken broth on her food.  I think she has mouth sores, she also ate the people food I fed her, but we don't want her to get used to people food!  Then she'll get really picky and expect people food all the time!


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## taxlady (Oct 8, 2013)

Thank you for asking Cat. I got a call from the animal hospital this morning. He is eating well, and seems to be adjusting. He is sweet to the techs, but he is a bit shy. He got his shot Monday.


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> What a terrible thing to do. The only thing I can think of is that they are jealous of the support you get from your family and how dedicated you are to DA.
> 
> I too had a bad day--I came home and went out to lock up the girls for the night only to find Giselle hanging off of the latch to the gate. She has a very deep puncture wound under her wing and was in shock--I stapled it shut with surgical staples, packed it with sugar, wrapped her in a towel and have her in a dog crate on a heating pad. I also gave her "chicken" electrolytes. I don't know what else to do. Hopefully she'll still be alive in the morning.



CWS, I wanted to become calm for you before to answer your post.

I am so sorry of Giselle. My troubles are nothing to yours. I hope she shall survive! Life is so very, very precious. I know you have done the very best for her and so I shall add Giselle and you to my prayers of my friends here on this website.

Dawgluver and Taxlady have pets who are ill, Addie is experiencing so very many difficulties, and there are others who are also seeing troubles and now there are you and Giselle.

I had not thought of this before this posting. I think perhaps I should not become so overcome with these minor troubles of mine but to focus upon others' troubles, which are so very much more important.

I am very sorry of your terrible day of her. Please tell me of her condition and if she survives of this injury. I am certain that others, of reading upon this posting, shall be very concerned also and shall join me in thinking of this and of prayers for you and Giselle.

Thank you for this lesson. God bless you.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> Yes, thanks, Cat.  She ate a little bit after I poured chicken broth on her food.  I think she has mouth sores, she also ate the people food I fed her, but we don't want her to get used to people food!  Then she'll get really picky and expect people food all the time!



Well, it seems dogs are people too so it may happen. You do not like dog food, do you?

Can you take her to the veterinarian to check of these mouth sores?

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

taxlady said:


> Thank you for asking Cat. I got a call from the animal hospital this morning. He is eating well, and seems to be adjusting. He is sweet to the techs, but he is a bit shy. He got his shot Monday.



I am glad to know of his adjusting. Many cats are shy of veterinarians and strange people, so I believe this to be normal.

Are you allowed to visit with him during this confinement?

With love,
~Cat


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## taxlady (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I am glad to know of his adjusting. Many cats are shy of veterinarians and strange people, so I believe this to be normal.
> 
> Are you allowed to visit with him during this confinement?
> 
> ...


No, I'm not allowed to visit. They keep him in the "iodine room". It's because he is radioactive that they keep him. I think they will measure how radioactive he is tomorrow and again on Friday.


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Well, it seems dogs are people too so it may happen. You do not like dog food, do you?
> 
> Can you take her to the veterinarian to check of these mouth sores?
> 
> ...



 

Yes, we did take her to the vet, Cat, and he said she was fine.  But after she consumed the dried corn husks, I'm wondering if it would be like so many paper cuts in her mouth, and it just hurts to eat.

BTW, she has never chewed corn husks before in all the years we've had her!


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

taxlady said:


> No, I'm not allowed to visit. They keep him in the "iodine room". It's because he is radioactive that they keep him. I think they will measure how radioactive he is tomorrow and again on Friday.



I see. I am still checking of the NASA website for the glowing mushroom cloud.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 8, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> Yes, we did take her to the vet, Cat, and he said she was fine.  But after she consumed the dried corn husks, I'm wondering if it would be like so many paper cuts in her mouth, and it just hurts to eat.
> 
> BTW, she has never chewed corn husks before in all the years we've had her!



Oh this would be quite painful to her! I am glad to know she is well.

With love,
~Cat


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## Addie (Oct 8, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I see. I am still checking of the NASA website for the glowing mushroom cloud.
> 
> With love,
> ~Cat



 Cat, you have the most delightful sense of humor. I love it!


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## Dawgluver (Oct 8, 2013)

Addie said:


> Cat, you have the most delightful sense of humor. I love it!



I agree!


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## KatyCooks (Oct 9, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> I agree!


 
I agree too.  

But I bet the people who played that prank didn't have any idea either(and maybe didn't care).  

You seem to have been thrown into a new culture and a demanding "carer" situation at the same time.  It's a lot to expect of anyone, let alone a student.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

I am happy I can give you smiles! After a day of this, we need this! 

Thank you all! And KatyCooks, I came to here knowing what was expected of me about DA. It is why it is so important to do my very best.

But I am still learning. And I have become much better of a cook that we do not need of the fire extinguishers any more.

It was becoming expensive.

With love,
~Cat


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## KatyCooks (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I am happy I can give you smiles! After a day of this, we need this!
> 
> Thank you all! And KatyCooks, I came to here knowing what was expected of me about DA. It is why it is so important to do my very best.
> 
> ...


 
Just call me Kat! Or KC. 

Silly String didn't damage your Joy. It was a stupid prank by silly people. 

Good to see your sense of humour is undamaged!


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

KatyCooks said:


> Just call me Kat! Or KC.
> 
> Silly String didn't damage your Joy. It was a stupid prank by silly people.
> 
> Good to see your sense of humour is undamaged!



Ah, I see from one Cat to another Kat. Very well done!

All of you here brought it back around to me. Many of you are experiencing some very troubling things and these are so very serious.

I was allowed to explain of my sadness and humiliation and anger of seeing my Joy treated so badly, but I know Silly String on a car is nothing to compare to a sick pet or other very serious things.

It is because of all of you that I smile now. These things shall work through. 

It is a good thing to smile of bad things sometimes. Joy received a wonderful bath, I became soaked down to my tennis shoes, I have a new stove and we are not in need of a fire extinguisher any longer. 

The NASA website is on my favorites list, I have CNN and Fox News on speed dial, and Taxlady is going to let me gain my 15 minutes of fame.

Life is so very good!

With love,
~Cat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 9, 2013)

Geez, all this was just silly string on Joy?  When I saw the title I got a tear in my eye thinking "Cat came home from school and found DA had passed on???"  Phew, so DA is OK then, right?

Let me give you a different view of this silly string stuff.  Sure they might have done it as a prank to be funny or mean - I don't know, I can't read their minds.  But when our kids were in high school (1995-1999) it was a big thing to get your  yard toilet-papered.  Mostly your classmates did it to let you know you were part of their crowd.  Our son was always disappointed when the school year came and went and he didn't get TP'd.  Well let me tell you, he went to a school that was 25 miles from our home and the only transportation was if we drove.  Finally, after 3+ years of football/track/wrestling/mock debate team/etc our yard finally got toilet-papered!  The reason it took so long?  The kids in his class had to be old enough to get drivers' licenses and pay for the car insurance and gas before they could go 25 miles!   Whenever one of the kids from school got TP'd the same kids would show up the next day to clean up.  Fun, plus not trouble to the person draped in paper.  Heck, they even all got together and did it to the football coach's house at the end of the season.

Maybe your classmates were trying to initiate you.  Maybe not.  But if there is a next time with them pranking you, if they are around just smile, straighten your shoulders and stand tall, and say "OK, you had your fun.  Now come help me clean this up, OK?"  If you say it with a strong voice and a firm look in your eye they might help...but they probably won't ever mess with you again.


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> ...I too had a bad day--I came home and went out to lock up the girls for the night only to find Giselle hanging off of the latch to the gate. She has a very deep puncture wound under her wing and was in shock--I stapled it shut with surgical staples, packed it with sugar, wrapped her in a towel and have her in a dog crate on a heating pad. I also gave her "chicken" electrolytes. I don't know what else to do. Hopefully she'll still be alive in the morning.


Hope Giselle is OK CW.  Let us know how she's doing, OK?


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## CWS4322 (Oct 9, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Hope Giselle is OK CW.  Let us know how she's doing, OK?


Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.



I'm so sorry to hear that, CWS.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.



Oh CWS,  I am so sorry!  RIP Giselle.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I am so very upset of this! Some classmates put this thing called Silly String all over my Joy! She was covered in it! I went to the parking lot with some classmates and they began to laugh of my Joy. I was so hurt of this I cried.
> 
> I put enough of this off the windshield to drive to the car wash and I knew people were looking and laughing of me. I could feel my face burn with very much shame.
> 
> ...


It isn't funny. It's cruel and spiteful and tantamount to bullying. Have there been other incidents? If there have been, or this nastiness continues, does your school have a student counsellor? If not, or if s/he is ineffectual, then you need to go to the Principal/Dean or whatever the top person's title is. Make sure the counsellor and the Principal understand that this is bullying and vandalism and the law has been broken and you want it dealt with as a disciplinary issue. If s/he's a wet lettuce (ie limp and feeble) threaten to take it to the police. The perpetrators will hate you for standing up to them but would you want them as friends anyway?

I hate bullying and bullies and when I was teaching I used to make sure it was jumped on from a very great height.

Goodness, I got a bit carried away there but I meant it all. The only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them


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## taxlady (Oct 9, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Geez, all this was just silly string on Joy?  When I saw the title I got a tear in my eye thinking "Cat came home from school and found DA had passed on???"  Phew, so DA is OK then, right?
> 
> Let me give you a different view of this silly string stuff.  Sure they might have done it as a prank to be funny or mean - I don't know, I can't read their minds.  But when our kids were in high school (1995-1999) it was a big thing to get your  yard toilet-papered.  Mostly your classmates did it to let you know you were part of their crowd.  Our son was always disappointed when the school year came and went and he didn't get TP'd.  Well let me tell you, he went to a school that was 25 miles from our home and the only transportation was if we drove.  Finally, after 3+ years of football/track/wrestling/mock debate team/etc our yard finally got toilet-papered!  The reason it took so long?  The kids in his class had to be old enough to get drivers' licenses and pay for the car insurance and gas before they could go 25 miles!   Whenever one of the kids from school got TP'd the same kids would show up the next day to clean up.  Fun, plus not trouble to the person draped in paper.  Heck, they even all got together and did it to the football coach's house at the end of the season.
> 
> Maybe your classmates were trying to initiate you.  Maybe not.  But if there is a next time with them pranking you, if they are around just smile, straighten your shoulders and stand tall, and say "OK, you had your fun.  Now come help me clean this up, OK?"  If you say it with a strong voice and a firm look in your eye they might help...but they probably won't ever mess with you again.


I hadn't thought of that. It might be cultural differences. I don't know what the university culture is like where Cat lives.

CG, I think your advise is excellent.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

pacanis said:


> I wouldn't say it's exactly funny either, at least not to you, but it is what's called a practical joke. They do not have these in Romania? It's an immature form of entertainment that is usually not so much fun to the person on the receiving end. Like pulling a chair out from someone sitting down, pushing someone into a lake, super gluing someone's lock so they can't get the key in...
> As the saying goes, don't get mad, get even. In a good way. It is easy to cross the line, as it seems they have done.


No, it isn't a joke and shouldn't be viewed as such. If they get away with this what will they try next? Serious damage to the car - scratched paintwork, broken windows - or dangerous "practical jokes" - sugar in the petrol tank, interfering with brakes? 

As for "don't get mad, get even". That's downright childish and puts the victim (and "victim" is the correct word) in the same league as the perpetrators. If you can't give sensible advice and sympathy keep your fingers off the keyboard.

The next thing you'll be suggesting is that she should bake them a cake to apologise to them for getting so upset  !!!!!


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## Dawgluver (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.



Oh no!  So sorry, CWS.  RIP, Giselle.


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## taxlady (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS, I'm sorry to hear about Giselle.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Thank you. I was wondering if because I am different of them that they did this?
> 
> Thank you for your kindness to me, and ((hugs)) also to you.
> 
> ...


No, Cat, do NOT say this. If you think it, you are, effectively, saying it was your fault. It wasn't. THEY are the people at fault here not you. I can't think of bad enough words to describe them.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> What a terrible thing to do. The only thing I can think of is that they are jealous of the support you get from your family and how dedicated you are to DA.
> 
> I too had a bad day--I came home and went out to lock up the girls for the night only to find Giselle hanging off of the latch to the gate. She has a very deep puncture wound under her wing and was in shock--I stapled it shut with surgical staples, packed it with sugar, wrapped her in a towel and have her in a dog crate on a heating pad. I also gave her "chicken" electrolytes. I don't know what else to do. Hopefully she'll still be alive in the morning.


Poor Giselle and poor you.


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## CarolPa (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Well, it seems dogs are people too so it may happen. You do not like dog food, do you?
> 
> Can you take her to the veterinarian to check of these mouth sores?
> 
> ...




When my dog begs for my food I tell him "I don't eat your food, so you don't get to eat mine!"


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I could not help it. I saw this and my heart hurt immediately and I was stopped in walking to her and just cried. I did not cry much because they were laughing at me and I was humiliated and angry.
> 
> They do not understand what having this car is meaning to me. Their parents buy them cars, yes, and my parents paid for this, but it is much different. I do not know how to explain of this, but having my Joy is just different.
> 
> ...


 Oh, my dear, I think they DO know what the car means to you, else why would they have done what they did.


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## CWS4322 (Oct 9, 2013)

Mad Cook said:


> No, Cat, do NOT say this. If you think it, you are, effectively, saying it was your fault. It wasn't. THEY are the people at fault here not you. I can't think of bad enough words to describe them.


Cat--do NOT blame yourself for their behaviour. Their behaviour is unacceptable. Your car is your car and they had no right to do anything to it. What they did was mean spirited. You do not need people like that as friends. There are a lot nicer people in the world who will not behave like that. 

Practical jokes are not intended to hurt the other person. The fact that you were hurt makes what they did beyond the boundaries of what constitutes a practical joke.


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## taxlady (Oct 9, 2013)

Mad Cook said:


> No, Cat, do NOT say this. If you think it, you are, effectively, saying it was your fault. It wasn't. THEY are the people at fault here not you. I can't think of bad enough words to describe them.


Sometimes I got picked on in school for being different. That doesn't mean I'm saying it was my fault.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.


 So sorry to hear this, CWS.


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

taxlady said:


> Sometimes I got picked on in school for being different. That doesn't mean I'm saying it was my fault.


 Exactly!


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## Mad Cook (Oct 9, 2013)

taxlady said:


> I hadn't thought of that. It might be cultural differences. I don't know what the university culture is like where Cat lives.
> 
> CG, I think your advise is excellent.


I can't think of any culture which thinks bullying is acceptable. Anyway, Cat is in America, isn't she? The land of the free and equal opportunity for all.


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## taxlady (Oct 9, 2013)

Mad Cook said:


> I can't think of any culture which thinks bullying is acceptable. Anyway, Cat is in America, isn't she? The land of the free and equal opportunity for all.


I'm not talking about a culture that thinks bullying is okay. Cat is in the US, but the culture varies from region to region.

CG mentioned kids toilet papering a house and then cleaning it up. Where she was living it showed that the "victim" was a member of the group.

Where I grew up, it was just a stupid prank and the house owner was left to do their own cleanup.


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

Mad Cook said:


> No, it isn't a joke and shouldn't be viewed as such. If they get away with this what will they try next? Serious damage to the car - scratched paintwork, broken windows - or dangerous "practical jokes" - sugar in the petrol tank, interfering with brakes?
> 
> As for "don't get mad, get even". That's downright childish and puts the victim (and "victim" is the correct word) in the same league as the perpetrators. If you can't give sensible advice and sympathy keep your fingers off the keyboard.
> 
> The next thing you'll be suggesting is that she should bake them a cake to apologise to them for getting so upset  !!!!!



You know, people do have different viewpoints and the right to express them. You seem to be overreacting a bit.

There's no reason to think those kids have any desire to hurt Cat or seriously damage her car. They did something stupid but it's not criminal. 

I think cultural differences do have a lot to do with this. Cat is much more serious than many Americans her age. I think Cooking Goddess made some good points.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.



Oh no! I am so sorry. I am thinking of you.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Geez, all this was just silly string on Joy?  When I saw the title I got a tear in my eye thinking "Cat came home from school and found DA had passed on???"  Phew, so DA is OK then, right?
> 
> Let me give you a different view of this silly string stuff.  Sure they might have done it as a prank to be funny or mean - I don't know, I can't read their minds.  But when our kids were in high school (1995-1999) it was a big thing to get your  yard toilet-papered.  Mostly your classmates did it to let you know you were part of their crowd.  Our son was always disappointed when the school year came and went and he didn't get TP'd.  Well let me tell you, he went to a school that was 25 miles from our home and the only transportation was if we drove.  Finally, after 3+ years of football/track/wrestling/mock debate team/etc our yard finally got toilet-papered!  The reason it took so long?  The kids in his class had to be old enough to get drivers' licenses and pay for the car insurance and gas before they could go 25 miles!   Whenever one of the kids from school got TP'd the same kids would show up the next day to clean up.  Fun, plus not trouble to the person draped in paper.  Heck, they even all got together and did it to the football coach's house at the end of the season.
> 
> Maybe your classmates were trying to initiate you.  Maybe not.  But if there is a next time with them pranking you, if they are around just smile, straighten your shoulders and stand tall, and say "OK, you had your fun.  Now come help me clean this up, OK?"  If you say it with a strong voice and a firm look in your eye they might help...but they probably won't ever mess with you again.



I did not mean for this posting to scare anyone. DA is just fine but she and my parents are very mad of this.

The classmates did not help to clean it. They just pointed at Joy and laughed and walked away of me. I suppose I did look stupid standing at Joy and crying.

Joy is so special to me. She is my very first new car I have ever had. One only gets a first new car once in the lifetime.

With love,
~Cat


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## Steve Kroll (Oct 9, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Geez, all this was just silly string on Joy?  When I saw the title I got a tear in my eye thinking "Cat came home from school and found DA had passed on???"  Phew, so DA is OK then, right?
> 
> Let me give you a different view of this silly string stuff.  Sure they might have done it as a prank to be funny or mean - I don't know, I can't read their minds.  But when our kids were in high school (1995-1999) it was a big thing to get your  yard toilet-papered.  Mostly your classmates did it to let you know you were part of their crowd.  Our son was always disappointed when the school year came and went and he didn't get TP'd.  Well let me tell you, he went to a school that was 25 miles from our home and the only transportation was if we drove.  Finally, after 3+ years of football/track/wrestling/mock debate team/etc our yard finally got toilet-papered!  The reason it took so long?  The kids in his class had to be old enough to get drivers' licenses and pay for the car insurance and gas before they could go 25 miles!   Whenever one of the kids from school got TP'd the same kids would show up the next day to clean up.  Fun, plus not trouble to the person draped in paper.  Heck, they even all got together and did it to the football coach's house at the end of the season.
> 
> Maybe your classmates were trying to initiate you.  Maybe not.  But if there is a next time with them pranking you, if they are around just smile, straighten your shoulders and stand tall, and say "OK, you had your fun.  Now come help me clean this up, OK?"  If you say it with a strong voice and a firm look in your eye they might help...but they probably won't ever mess with you again.



I think this is good advice. My BIL lives in a town where there is a tradition of students leaving a golden toilet in the front yard of the homecoming king's house. I don't think my BIL was aware of the tradition when he found a toilet sitting in his own yard one autumn morning. Tim was mad as heck that someone would put garbage in his yard, until his son explained that it was only because he had been selected homecoming king. Then, rather than being a source of anger, it became a source of pride.

There are pranks born out of spitefulness and pranks born out of fun. It's hard to tell which type Cat's classmates belong to. These young people may have meant to bully her, but it could also have been an awkward, misguided attempt to include her in their group, without realizing it would make her very upset. Considering they could get into serious trouble for vandalizing someone's car, I can't imagine these kids owning up to the crime as they did, unless they though Cat would also enjoy the joke.

I have a daughter in college. I could honestly see some of her friends doing something like silly-stringing her car as a joke (although she is the type who would make them clean it off afterwards).

Not saying it was right, but things aren't always as they seem on the surface, and there are two sides to every story.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

Steve Kroll said:


> I think this is good advice. My BIL lives in a town where there is a tradition of students leaving a golden toilet in the front yard of the homecoming king's house. I don't think my BIL was aware of the tradition when he found a toilet sitting in his own yard one autumn morning. Tim was mad as heck that someone would put garbage in his yard, until his son explained that it was only because he had been selected homecoming king. Then, rather than being a source of anger, it became a source of pride.
> 
> There are pranks born out of spitefulness and pranks born out of fun. It's hard to tell which type Cat's classmates belong to. These young people may have meant to bully her, but it could also have been an awkward, misguided attempt to include her in their group, without realizing it would make her very upset. Considering they could get into serious trouble for vandalizing someone's car, I can't imagine these kids owning up to the crime as they did, unless they though Cat would also enjoy the joke.
> 
> ...



I understand this. I do not know of their side to this. They laughed and went away.

I know of jokes, but I play jokes that do not cost money or to hurt someone. I could never harm someone's car. Cars are very special to people.

With love,
~Cat


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.



Oh dear! Not a happy page for the Chicken Chronicles. I am so sorry. I know how important the girls are to you.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

Mad Cook said:


> It isn't funny. It's cruel and spiteful and tantamount to bullying. Have there been other incidents? If there have been, or this nastiness continues, does your school have a student counsellor? If not, or if s/he is ineffectual, then you need to go to the Principal/Dean or whatever the top person's title is. Make sure the counsellor and the Principal understand that this is bullying and vandalism and the law has been broken and you want it dealt with as a disciplinary issue. If s/he's a wet lettuce (ie limp and feeble) threaten to take it to the police. The perpetrators will hate you for standing up to them but would you want them as friends anyway?
> 
> I hate bullying and bullies and when I was teaching I used to make sure it was jumped on from a very great height.
> 
> Goodness, I got a bit carried away there but I meant it all. The only way to deal with bullies is to stand up to them



I have to agree with you Mad  Cook. It is a form of bullying and destruction of personal property. Even though no damage was done to the vehicle, it could have had chemicals in the silly string that would damage the car finish. And it is a stupid act that cost another student money. Not all students are rich enough that they can pass off an extra expense they weren't counting on.


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## Steve Kroll (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Cars are very special to people.


Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way. 

Here is an example. 

My own daughter came home one weekend with a dent in her front bumper. This was the car that her mother and I gave to her for her high school graduation. When I asked her what happened, she shrugged and said she thought it got hit by someone in a parking lot. It wasn't something that she thought about for more than a couple of minutes. I was probably more upset than she was. But in her mind, her car is nothing more than a thing that gets her from one place to another.

On the other hand, she has a bedroom set that I made for her when she was about 12. She took it to college with her. The bed is very small, since it was made for a child. But she still uses it. A few weeks ago, I asked her if she would like a new larger bed. She then asked what we would do with the old one, so I suggested we sell it. Well, the answer was a definite no. She said she would not want to sell something that I had made for her. This surprised me.

So you see, different perspectives. One thing she regards as special. Another thing she does not.

Again, I'm not saying that what these kids did was right. It wasn't. It was clearly wrong. But did they intend to harm you or your car? Or was it more a case where they just not thinking clearly? That, I don't know.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

Steve Kroll said:


> Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way.
> 
> Here is an example.
> 
> ...



Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police! 

It does not surprise me of the bedroom set. I would say the same. The things that are made for us do not have any price tags upon them. The worth of things like this are of the heart and there is no argument of this.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

Addie said:


> I have to agree with you Mad  Cook. It is a form of bullying and destruction of personal property. Even though no damage was done to the vehicle, it could have had chemicals in the silly string that would damage the car finish. And it is a stupid act that cost another student money. Not all students are rich enough that they can pass off an extra expense they weren't counting on.



Thank you, Addie. It is what I was very worried of. It is why I went to the car wash.

But she looks just fine.

With love,
~Cat


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police!



Cat, I don't think Steve meant that someone deliberately damaged his daughter's car. Bumps and scrapes happen sometimes. My car door has a couple of dings on it - maybe someone opened their door too fast and hit it, or maybe the wind caught their door as they were opening it and blew it out of their hands.

But I do understand that you're upset by this incident, and that your car is still very new and important to you. We're just trying to say that there is usually more than one way of looking at something.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

GotGarlic said:


> Cat, I don't think Steve meant that someone deliberately damaged his daughter's car. Bumps and scrapes happen sometimes. My car door has a couple of dings on it - maybe someone opened their door too fast and hit it, or maybe the wind caught their door as they were opening it and blew it out of their hands.
> 
> But I do understand that you're upset by this incident, and that your car is still very new and important to you. We're just trying to say that there is usually more than one way of looking at something.



I am trying to understand this. I am believing of this to be a cultural difference. I did not earn my Joy. She was given to me of the good faith that I perhaps one day shall earn her. 

And one day I shall earn my new stove also by becoming a good cook. I think when things are given to you and things are trusted to you, you should earn them for to be careful and responsible of them.

I do not know if this is sensible to all of you, but it is in my heart.

With love,
~Cat


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Oh! I would be very much hurt if someone damaged my Joy of that! I would go to the police!
> 
> It does not surprise me of the bedroom set. I would say the same. The things that are made for us do not have any price tags upon them. The worth of things like this are of the heart and there is no argument of this.
> 
> ...



I too can understand what Steve's daughter is saying. I have some of the most stupid and useless gifts from the grandchildren when they were small. They were each given a certain amount to spend and bought something that they thought was beautiful. I keep them because "they" thought I would love them along with their useless gifts. And I dust them with love. When something is made or given with love from the heart, you cherish it even more. Steve's daughter has some very good values.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

Steve Kroll said:


> Cat, you are right. To you, in your culture, cars are very special. But in the US, I don't think that many college kids think the same way.
> 
> Here is an example.
> 
> ...



The car thing is a 'man' thing. All men look at cars with different eyes. And the bed is something you should never sell. Pass it on down to your grandchildren. I can't imagine that you would even suggest selling it. Imagine the stories your daughter can tell her child about that bed. That is one bed that was made with love, not for lovemaking.


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## taxlady (Oct 9, 2013)

I have a 2005 Volvo that I bought used last year. I would be very upset if Sigrid got a ding.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

taxlady said:


> I have a 2005 Volvo that I bought used last year. I would be very upset if Sigrid got a ding.



I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.


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## MammaCat (Oct 9, 2013)

Hello, everyone! I thought I would weigh in on this issue.

Her Papa called the university and spoke to the Dean of Women. He was told that Cat is too "serious," and that "she does not fit in," and she advised him that Cat should "try harder to be sociable, and go out with her classmates."

Well, obviously, Cat can't do very much socializing. The university put the blame on Cat for this occurrence. She went ahead to say that if Cat were more like her peers, this would not have happened. She also suggested professional counseling for Cat.

We are nowhere with this problem. Cat's situation is unique, and the Dean knows this. Still, the Dean suggested counseling.

One of you stated clearly that Cat is more serious than others of her age. She is. Her family, and anything she's given or bought, she treasures all of it. With an adopted child, we don't know if this trait came from us or if it was inherent in her.

Whichever the case, the incident is where it stands now. They will do nothing.

Thank you for listening.

MammaCat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 9, 2013)

CWS4322 said:


> Sadly, she died. I will bury her under the cedar bush where she liked to nap. RIP, Giselle.


Oh CW, I'm so sorry.  Not a good day at the coop...


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

Addie said:


> I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.



These are major generalizations, Addie. DH got a new truck a couple months ago and keeps it clean, but only because it's new. His previous vehicle was a dump! I hated riding in it because it smelled bad from years of spilled coffee. And I sure don't keep my car that clean. Tidy, yes, but I don't clean it all the time. I just don't want to spend my time doing that. 

Different strokes for different folks.


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## CatPat (Oct 9, 2013)

Mamma, I love you but I am very angry of your posting. 

I am not mentally ill! I am going away of this. I did not wish to speak of this phone call!

~Cat


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

MammaCat said:


> Hello, everyone! I thought I would weigh in on this issue.
> 
> Her Papa called the university and spoke to the Dean of Women. He was told that Cat is too "serious," and that "she does not fit in," and she advised him that Cat should "try harder to be sociable, and go out with her classmates."
> 
> ...



Cat has no need to change. She is a delightful person. Her sense of humor is right on and she shouldn't have to fit in anywhere if it is not her nature to do so. She recognizes that she has a lot of responsibility and she lives up to it. What was done to her car is pure bullying. And in this country that is not a good thing. 

It doesn't matter where her traits come from. Only in how you raised her. Both you and your husband have done a wonderful job with Cat. Her days for laughter and fun will come. It is just not going to be the todays of now. You and your husband are very fortunate in having such a remarkable daughter. And we here at DC are so fortunate in getting to know such a delightful person. 

A lot of our colleges have older people in their 30's and older who have returned to finish obtaining their degree. Would the Dean suggest that they too go out with other students on drinking binges and playing stupid jokes on other people? The Dean is an idiot who fails to understand what her duties are. She has a duty to protect Cat as well as other students.


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> Mamma, I love you but I am very angry of your posting.
> 
> I am not mentally ill! I am going away of this. I did not wish to speak of this phone call!
> 
> ~Cat



Cat, here in the U.S., there are many reasons to seek counseling - mental illness is only one of these. Of course you are not mentally ill. Counselors can be helpful, though, when it comes to dealing with stressful situations in life.

Think about it this way: You have experienced several life changes in a relatively short period of time that would cause stress to anyone: moving to a new country, taking care of an elderly relative and going to school. Any one of these would be difficult for many people to deal with, and you are doing them all at once. You're doing a great job, but sometimes it helps to have an impartial third party to talk to. It's helped me a lot. PM me if you want.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

GotGarlic said:


> These are major generalizations, Addie. DH got a new truck a couple months ago and keeps it clean, but only because it's new. His previous vehicle was a dump! I hated riding in it because it smelled bad from years of spilled coffee. And I sure don't keep my car that clean. Tidy, yes, but I don't clean it all the time. I just don't want to spend my time doing that.
> 
> Different strokes for different folks.



You would never want to ride in Spike's car. He uses it to carry tools, and anything else in it that will fit. When he is going to take me shopping, he has to find an hour when he can clean it out enough so the groceries will fit in. 

A quick story. He has his father ashes in a cardboard box and has never gotten around to sending them back to England to be buried there. So one time when he and Sandy separated for a short time, he brought them with him. He put them up in my sister's attic. One day my sister was cleaning out the attic and came across the box. She shook the box and there were a couple of tiny bones in it that hadn't burnt completely. She wondered what was in it and when she went to open it there on the top were the words, "Cremains of Raymond Harris." She almost fainted. She called him to come and get them. He did and for the longest time kept them on the seat in his truck. Every time someone went to get in his truck he would tell them to wait. He has to move his father. He didn't like for people to sit on him. His father is now in the closet downstairs. Sandy refused to even hang her coat there when she would come inside. She wouldn't even open the door. A good place to hide stuff from her.


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 9, 2013)

CatPat said:


> ....The classmates did not help to clean it. They just pointed at Joy and laughed and walked away of me. I suppose I did look stupid standing at Joy and crying....


Just remember you WEREN'T stupid, you were hurt.  I'm going to give you some really tough advice here, but it is something that has served me well for decades.  You need to decide that, no matter what others say or how they treat you that makes you feel bad, you remind yourself that *you are better than that*.  Let that be your thought the next time someone does something that makes you feel bad.  Rather than show the reaction that others are hoping for from you, show them how strong and mature of a person you are.  But if they escalate their behavior to try and get a bigger reaction do be sure to let someone in authority know immediately - like your college advisor or the campus police.

Years ago it was OK to tease a little and it was OK.  Now anything is called bullying - I think by doing that it's only encouraged people who will tease to up the ante and go for more shock value, not help the issue.  I've never been the smartest, or prettiest, or most popular one in the room, so over the years I've been teased...a little.  I've never let that make me feel that that I was just as good as others, just good in my own way.  It's at that point you have to decide whether you chose to be strong or to be the victim.  You came to a strange land to help your aging aunt and to get a good education so that you can be a successful person throughout your life.  No way you can be a victim - be strong!


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## GotGarlic (Oct 9, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Just remember you WEREN'T stupid, you were hurt.  I'm going to give you some really tough advice here, but it is something that has served me well for decades.  You need to decide that, no matter what others say or how they treat you that makes you feel bad, you remind yourself that *you are better than that*.  Let that be your thought the next time someone does something that makes you feel bad.  Rather than show the reaction that others are hoping for from you, show them how strong and mature of a person you are.  But if they escalate their behavior to try and get a bigger reaction do be sure to let someone in authority know immediately - like your college advisor or the campus police.
> 
> Years ago it was OK to tease a little and it was OK.  Now anything is called bullying - I think by doing that it's only encouraged people who will tease to up the ante and go for more shock value, not help the issue.  I've never been the smartest, or prettiest, or most popular one in the room, so over the years I've been teased...a little.  I've never let that make me feel that that I was just as good as others, just good in my own way.  It's at that point you have to decide whether you chose to be strong or to be the victim.  You came to a strange land to help your aging aunt and to get a good education so that you can be a successful person throughout your life.  No way you can be a victim - be strong!



Yes! +1


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

CG is right Cat. Never let yourself be the victim. By giving others the reaction they want, you then have chosen to be the victim. If you must share or show your reaction, then come here. That is what we have the "Vent" thread for. Be strong and don't give others the reaction they want. Sooner or later they will find someone else to pick on.


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## CharlieD (Oct 9, 2013)

Well, American humor is much different. I am sure Russian humor would be different from yours too. I've been here in the states for 23 years; still do not understand what is funny about pie in the face. Or toilet paper around a tree. Makes absolutely no sense to me how it could be even remotely funny. BTW, how long have you been in America, Cat?


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## MammaCat (Oct 9, 2013)

Addie said:


> Cat has no need to change. She is a delightful person. Her sense of humor is right on and she shouldn't have to fit in anywhere if it is not her nature to do so. She recognizes that she has a lot of responsibility and she lives up to it. What was done to her car is pure bullying. And in this country that is not a good thing.
> 
> It doesn't matter where her traits come from. Only in how you raised her. Both you and your husband have done a wonderful job with Cat. Her days for laughter and fun will come. It is just not going to be the todays of now. You and your husband are very fortunate in having such a remarkable daughter. And we here at DC are so fortunate in getting to know such a delightful person.
> 
> A lot of our colleges have older people in their 30's and older who have returned to finish obtaining their degree. Would the Dean suggest that they too go out with other students on drinking binges and playing stupid jokes on other people? The Dean is an idiot who fails to understand what her duties are. She has a duty to protect Cat as well as other students.


 
It's certainly no wonder Cat likes you so much, and so do I. She is very angry with me for disclosing the phone call. Thank you for your understanding. I have read the posts and the threads and I see how so many of you like her, support her, help her, and understand her wicked sense of humor.

You speak to me as a mother. I'll speak to you as a mother as well. When we signed the paperwork to adopt Cat, we vowed to raise her so that she would be an asset to her world instead of a burden of it. We tried to have children, but it wasn't meant to be. But I believe we have a wonderful daughter. God gave her to us. We are very proud of her! 

I am also proud of her on this website. She does make some mistakes, but all of you are very forgiving. That toilet paper question nearly made me choke! Do you remember this? Heavens! 

We do not believe she needs counseling. Cat has a unique situation, which makes all of this the more frustrating. Cat is angry now, but she will calm down. We think this is bullying, since her classmates did not offer to help her wash the car. I have seen my daughter shamed for being adopted here, and I understand all too well how this is shameful to her.

I thank you very much for your kind words, Addie. Cat talks about you often. She loves you people here. She looks to this website as her socialization, while being available to help her DA. Right now she is angry with me, but she will get over this. 

You and the others are her friends, and I thought it was best to tell you of the phone call. I am very glad all of you have welcomed her to yourselves as you have. God bless you, Addie, and God bless all of you for being so kind to my little Cat.

MammaCat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 9, 2013)

Addie said:


> I can understand that. But would you bring it into the shop to have it fixed? A man would. He would be willing to spend the money. A woman is more practical. Is the ding bad enough that the paint has been removed and leaving room for rust to set in? A woman would think of that. A man would only want to get "his car" back to looking new. A woman is more concerned with keeping the inside clean. A man wants to wash his car every weekend.


Hmm, honestly can't say how long ago it's been since Himself washed a car.  He would go through the carwash at the gas station every once in a while since it was $2 with 8 gallons or more.  But that was at least two years ago.  You might be talking about our neighbor Steve though...washes his truck AND her car every weekend no matter the weather most times.  40 with flurries in the air?  No problem! 

Neither of us have been overly concerned with how our cars looked.  The interior when we go on vacation?  Of course, since we spend probably 10-12 hours each day in the rolling room.  BUT we've both been exceedingly attentive to making sure the mechanics are completely cared for and humming along.  Must be why all our cars make it well over 100,000 miles.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

CharlieD said:


> Well, American humor is much different. I am sure Russian humor would be different from yours too. I've been here in the states for 23 years; still do not understand what is funny about pie in the face. Or toilet paper around a tree. Makes absolutely no sense to me how it could be even remotely funny. BTW, how long have you been in America, Cat?



I am with you Charlie. And I have an excellent sense of humor. I think of it as a waste of good toilet paper and food that a hungry person would love to have. 

A good question for Cat. One none of us thought to ask.


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

MammaCat said:


> It's certainly no wonder Cat likes you so much, and so do I. She is very angry with me for disclosing the phone call. Thank you for your understanding. I have read the posts and the threads and I see how so many of you like her, support her, help her, and understand her wicked sense of humor.
> 
> You speak to me as a mother. I'll speak to you as a mother as well. When we signed the paperwork to adopt Cat, we vowed to raise her so that she would be an asset to her world instead of a burden of it. We tried to have children, but it wasn't meant to be. But I believe we have a wonderful daughter. God gave her to us. We are very proud of her!
> 
> ...



There is no shame in adoption in this country. It is looked upon as a blessing for the parents as well as the child. Adopted children are special because they were chosen. As we natural mothers didn't have that choice. We got what we were given. And we have to keep them. You will often hear a mother say that a child was an accident. Meaning that the couple was not planning on having another child. I think it is a bad choice of words. No child should ever have to think they are not wanted. Because every child is wanted by someone. Even if it is not their natural parents. Such as Cat has been. She was wanted and loved by you and your husband. She was a "chosen child". 

We love Cat. And she will always have a place in our hearts. And she will calm down. She can vent here and we will listen. And you were right in telling us about the phone call. We have taken her under our wing. And if there is any time she needs us, we are here for her. She is young and has a lot to learn. I have a theory, that by the time a child reaches 25, all of a sudden they become smart and realize that their parents knew what they were talking about all along. That is when a friendship between child and parents can occur.


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## MammaCat (Oct 9, 2013)

Addie said:


> There is no shame in adoption in this country. It is looked upon as a blessing for the parents as well as the child. Adopted children are special because they were chosen. As we natural mothers didn't have that choice. We got what we were given. And we have to keep them. You will often hear a mother say that a child was an accident. Meaning that the couple was not planning on having another child. I think it is a bad choice of words. No child should ever have to think they are not wanted. Because every child is wanted by someone. Even if it is not their natural parents. Such as Cat has been. She was wanted and loved by you and your husband. She was a "chosen child".
> 
> We love Cat. And she will always have a place in our hearts. And she will calm down. She can vent here and we will listen. And you were right in telling us about the phone call. We have taken her under our wing. And if there is any time she needs us, we are here for her. She is young and has a lot to learn. I have a theory, that by the time a child reaches 25, all of a sudden they become smart and realize that their parents knew what they were talking about all along. That is when a friendship between child and parents can occur.


 
Addie, again, there is no wonder Cat does, in her way, love you and all the others here. I also feel affection for you and others here. 

Her Papa and I made a very bad mistake with Cat. When she was older, I think 10 years old, she asked us about her adoption and why. We told her she was found in a trash can, taken to the hospital, and there she was found by me and we adopted her.

She listened solemnly as is her way, then she said nothing, but just hugged me. Then, she left to go to her room and said, "I am sorry you had to pick babies from a trash can. But it is right, Mamma. I know I am just trash." 

This broke my heart. We explained to her that she wasn't any trash, and that someone had put her there. It took us a long time to convince her that we wanted her. 

Her two cousins, my brother Nicu's daughters, were both sent to take care of DA (as is her nickname here) and both failed. Neither one of them took the responsibility; instead, they were social butterflies and both flunked out of the same university Cat is in. DA shipped them both back here quickly.

When we approached Cat about coming there, she agreed to do it. But as she was to board the plane in Bucharest, she said she knew she was a utility child. That is a derogatory Romanian term for a child who is born for a particular reason, such as taking care of elders, or for prostitution to earn money for the family. This stunned us. And there was no time for an explanation; she was leaving and that was it.

We have convinced her she is not a utility child. She is taking her responsibilities extremely well, we think. I appreciate you, Addie, and all the others who have taken her under your wings. You all have been so kind and helpful to her and to me.

You are right, Addie. She is young and she has much to learn. I am very glad she has found this cooking forum. 

I have tried to call her, but she is not answering. I think she is still upset. I will try again.

MammaCat


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

I will have a private chat with her about this "utility child" thinking.  She needs to know that she has been given the "privilege" of taken care of an elderly person because she can be trusted to do the job right. I would be very happy to have her care for me any day. I am 74 and the mother of five kids. So I think I have enough experience to know how she is feeling. Don't worry. She will calm down and will answer the phone.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 9, 2013)

Cat...it is plain to me that *you* ARE a Gift, you have made so many people very happy, your parents, your DA and us here at DC.  I wish we were close enough that I could hug and kiss you, wipe away your tears and tell you all the fart jokes I know.  

Please don't be angry with MammaCat, it is very clear that she loves you with all her heart and would never deliberately hurt you.  I understand why she told us about the phone call, she thought you would need the extra support and love of your friends here to help you through this, since she can't be here to help you herself.  Your Mamma has so much trust in us, your friends, that she knew we would be supportive and kind. 

I agree with your Papa and Mamma that the Dean of your college was wrong in what she said and that it is not your place to "fit in", but your classmates place to treat you with respect at the very least. 

Love You More!!!
P.Fiona


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## Addie (Oct 9, 2013)

Very wise words Cat. We all care about you and hate to see you in such distress.


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## CarolPa (Oct 9, 2013)

Mamma Cat - Welcome to our forum.  We are very glad to "meet" you.  I don't think Cat considers herself a utility child anymore.  We can tell how much she loves her aunt and worries about her.  I think she realized that coming to the US has been a gift that many never receive.  Taking care of her aunt has taught her a lot, and she is responsible enough to handle it.  There is a phrase we use here...."this too shall pass."  It means that no matter how bad things may seem right now, brighter days are ahead.  Cat will go on to graduate from college and do great things.  Right now we are enjoying her company.


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## Alix (Oct 9, 2013)

Ouch. CatPat, I'm sorry you had such a hard day. Sorry too that something that was so silly was so hurtful. Its hard to feel different from the others of your age and social group. 

MammaCat, its lovely to see such warmth in a family. You both bring such joy to our little corner of the internet. 

CatPat, that person that spoke to your father was an idiot. I'm a counsellor and I work with youth. My work is to help young people like yourself find their way a bit more easily. Counselling does not imply any mental illness at all! The suggestion to see a counsellor (while completely inappropriate at that moment) was not to imply a deficit on your part, but rather as a help to ease into a complex social structure more easily. 

They were stupid and thoughtless of how you might react. And sometimes when faced with tears, adolescents will try to save face by being jerks and laughing. Immature, thoughtless and stupid but not necessarily bullies. 

We didn't use toilet paper, or silly string, we used newspaper and wrapped up cars like presents. It was considered quite a feat to be able to "paper" a car without getting caught. The person whose car was covered might have been annoyed, but understood that it meant they were special as well. 

I hope you feel better soon CatPat. I'm sorry you had a rough day. 

CWS, I'm so sorry about Giselle! A big hug to you dear lady. Very sad day.


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

I thank you all so very much! I am not angry any more. I had to go away from this to ride my bike with Azia and to think of this.

Mamma did this what we do, to tell information and to express her opinions. She was right to say of the phone call. I was very much embarrassed and humiliated of this. 

I thank you all for being so kind to me, and for saying I am special. Thank you, PrincessFiona, and Alix and Addie and Carol!

I apologize for being angry and to being in a snot of this. Mamma and I did speak on Skype and I apologized to her.

I am so happy of life, I do not mean to be ungrateful. 

Thank you all!

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

Oh no, I meant "snit" instead of snot.

Well, to think of this, perhaps snot is appropriate. I did have tears when speaking with Mamma, and with those, snot occurs also.

Oh well!

With love,
~Cat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 10, 2013)

It's been a tough couple of days for you Cat.   You need one of these: 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I'm glad you got to talk to your Mamma and made up.  My Mom said you never go to bed being mad at someone you love.  It's good advice.

After reading and re-reading your Mom's post about your Dad's talk with the dean it gave me an idea.  You seem wise beyond your years, very smart but very sensitive.  My idea is a little strange, but it might work.  Maybe you could suggest to your Advisor or Dean that it might be a good idea to have a little "cultural differences" session for the girls who covered Joy with silly string.  Maybe a short meeting in the advisor's office so you can explain to these girls why you are so serious and such a hard worker with so much love for your family and country.  Better yet, perhaps you need to start with that Dean your Dad talked with and explain to her why those other girls might want to become a little bit more like you - responsible and respectful!


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## GotGarlic (Oct 10, 2013)

I'm so glad things are brighter this morning! I could use it because it's still pouring down rain outside!


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## Hoot (Oct 10, 2013)

Somehow, I missed this thread. I am so sorry you had a bad experience, Cat. The good folks here at D.C. gave you good advice and support. There isn't more I can add beyond saying, I am happy you have sorted things out.


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

Sometimes I become mad with Mamma but I never stop loving her. Just as she becomes mad  with me but never stops to love me also. 

I did apologize to Mamma, but she said no of this. She said to me that my feelings are just as important as hers are, and that we do not have to agree at all times.

I thank you all very, very much! Cooking Goddess, I may try this, but since the Dean believes I am needing counseling it will perhaps go over as a fart in church. She was very disrespectful to my Papa of all this. 

Thank you all of the hugs and all the good advice which was for me. Alix, Papa said she was an idiot also. 

I went to school today and I held my head up and I acted as if this terrible thing had not happened. I said nothing of this and went about the business of class.

I apologize if I scared anyone or made anyone upset of this. It was not meant for to do this.

I also apologize to you, Mamma. I know you said no to apologize, but it is that wrong is wrong and I was wrong. I love you, Mamma and Papa.

With love,
~Cat


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## Addie (Oct 10, 2013)

Good for you Cat. When you see your classmates, smile, nod your head and say "Good Morning." 

I have a saying. "Love your enemies. It will drive them crazy!"


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## Dawgluver (Oct 10, 2013)

Good job, Cat!  Keep holding your head up, and don't let them think they got to you.  Good advice here, and there's nothing I can add, other than to keep doing all the things you're doing!  It's working!  (And I agree, the dean was an idiot, shhhhh).


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## Addie (Oct 10, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> Good job, Cat!  Keep holding your head up, and don't let them think they got to you.  Good advice here, and there's nothing I can add, other than to keep doing all the things you're doing!  It's working!  *(And I agree, the dean was an idiot, shhhhh*).



A BIG idiot! She doesn't know her job is to protect ALL the students.


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## Dawgluver (Oct 10, 2013)

Addie said:


> A BIG idiot! She doesn't know her job is to protect ALL the students.



I have a feeling college deans and administrators are not as well-trained to deal with bullying as are K-12 school administrators and counselors.  It's unfortunate, as college kids (obviously) get bullied too, and need support.

Hang in there, Cat!  

Now, we want to hear more about your new stove.....


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## Addie (Oct 10, 2013)

Dawgluver said:


> I have a feeling college deans and administrators are not as well-trained to deal with bullying as are K-12 school administrators and counselors.  It's unfortunate, as college kids (obviously) get bullied too, and need support.
> 
> Hang in there, Cat!
> 
> Now, we want to hear more about your new stove.....



What are you going to be baking? Something good I hope. You can cook the Thanksgiving dinner on it. We will guide you along. Start think of your menu.


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

When Mamma sees of this, she will agree. We talked of this today, and I told her of holding my head up and becoming very normal. She and Papa were proud! 

Mamma likes this website very much and she has plans to spend time of it. This website is precious to me, and she is knowing of this. You all are treasures to me, and she has become to know this and she likes all of you also!

I am happy I made Mamma and Papa proud. DA is proud of me also. I hid my hurt of this very well.

It does still hurt me of this, but not so much any more. I asked God to help me forgive them of this childish prank, and He made this to happen in my heart. The hurt is very little now, and it shall disappear soon. I forgive them. I shall not carry any anger or hurt of them any more.

I had fun today, and I shall show you all this into another posting.

With love,
~Cat


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

Addie said:


> What are you going to be baking? Something good I hope. You can cook the Thanksgiving dinner on it. We will guide you along. Start think of your menu.



I shall post of this! It is too funny! I must attend to DA but when I return, you shall see of this!

I made her a ...... cake. Hm.

With love,
~Cat


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 10, 2013)

CatPat said:


> I shall post of this! It is too funny! I must attend to DA but when I return, you shall see of this!
> 
> I made her a ...... cake. Hm.
> 
> ...



Did it involve a fire extinguisher???


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## CatPat (Oct 10, 2013)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Did it involve a fire extinguisher???



Not yet.

With love,
~Cat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 11, 2013)

Good job today, Cat, to show those students that you can be more grown-up about this than they can.  Hope they leave you alone now if they don't want to be nice to you.  They don't know what they are missing out on. 





CatPat said:


> Sometimes I become mad with Mamma but I never stop loving her. Just as she becomes mad  with me but never stops to love me also........


This reminded me of my dear Mom.  When I got mad at her I'd say "you don't love me anymore".  (Put in a pouting lip here)  Her reply was "I love you.  I'll always love you.  But right now I don't have to like you."  I would then try really hard to make sure my Mom liked me too.


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## CatPat (Oct 11, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> Good job today, Cat, to show those students that you can be more grown-up about this than they can.  Hope they leave you alone now if they don't want to be nice to you.  They don't know what they are missing out on.
> 
> 
> 
> ...



Thank you! I do know Mamma and Papa are not required to love of me. One day I shall deserve this wonderful love they have for me. 

With love,
~Cat


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## Cooking Goddess (Oct 11, 2013)

But love you they do!  We can all tell your Mamma is very proud of you from her posts.  You certainly are earning their love and respect.

There is an expression we use in parts of the U.S. that goes "don't sell yourself short".  I looked around the internet for a better definition than I could have worded.  Here's what it means:

to underestimate someone or something; to fail to see the good qualities of someone or something.


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## Addie (Oct 11, 2013)

When my kids would yell, "I hate you", I would tell them that it was all right to hate me. That is what they were supposed to do. They were the child, I was the mother. It meant I was doing my job. Drove them crazy.

What kid hasn't said I hate you to their parent. I don't understand parents who think they should be popular with their kids all the time and feel hurt when they hear those words.


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## GotGarlic (Oct 11, 2013)

Cooking Goddess said:


> This reminded me of my dear Mom.  When I got mad at her I'd say "you don't love me anymore".  (Put in a pouting lip here)  Her reply was "I love you.  I'll always love you.  But right now I don't have to like you."  I would then try really hard to make sure my Mom liked me too.



My mom did the same, although she would say, "I love you, but I don't love what you're doing right now."

Cat, your parents love you because you're a sweet, thoughtful young woman with a wicked sense of humor  That's why we love you, too. You deserve it.


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## Alix (Oct 11, 2013)

Addie said:


> When my kids would yell, "I hate you", I would tell them that it was all right to hate me. That is what they were supposed to do. They were the child, I was the mother. It meant I was doing my job. Drove them crazy.
> 
> What kid hasn't said I hate you to their parent. I don't understand parents who think they should be popular with their kids all the time and feel hurt when they hear those words.



Count me as one of those kids who has never said I hate you to my parent. I never would. Words hurt and I try to be careful with mine. My Mom taught me that. 

I do agree with you mostly Addie, parents are meant to be parents as their kids already have friends and don't need you to be their buddy. But I think EVERY parent feels hurt when they hear harsh words from their kid. It doesn't mean you won't do your job, but it still hurts. 

CatPat, there is a big difference between "love" and "like". The kind of love your parents have for you is unconditional. It is wondrous and awe inspiring because you never have to do ANYTHING to deserve it. That is a bit humbling, but you just have to accept that it IS. You never have to deserve it. "Liking" is different. You do need to work to have someone LIKE you. I can LOVE my kids but not LIKE them very much when they are being naughty or rude. Parents love their kids no matter what they do.


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