# I lost my brother



## Chef Munky (Nov 13, 2011)

Just found out that my youngest brother has died. He went missing Thursday.
He was found this afternoon. Apparent suicide.

I'm just devastated. He was the baby of the family. We, especially me protected him. Not all of the family has been notified yet. My oldest sister who pretty much raised me to be who I am today, called me as soon as she could compose herself long enough to tell me. I didn't take it well.

I couldn't think or remember my husbands work #, I usually get jerked around when and if I do call. Had to call a close friend of ours to help me out and get him home, and now! Boy did he ever. He called another friend of ours, who directly called where my husband works, and got him relieved without any problems. He walked out to 2 people in command clearing his way to get home. Munky needs you home and now. I guess they know when I call I mean it. It's never been for a honey do list. One of his friends ( the first call, He's always been in my book my BFF!) actually came over to the house and kept me company until he got home. My husband called me from his cell phone as soon as he was relieved. Asked if I was ok, Told him no. He asked if I was sick. I told him no. By then I was just in tears again. He thought my mother had passed. I told him Allyn died, but didn't get into details about it. He was already on the freeway. He's already been put out for as long as he needs.

Never thought I'd be making memorial candles for one my own brothers.
If I'm not around for  a few days you guys know why. Services haven't been arranged yet. I'll be busy helping my mom through this mess. She's in her 80's now, dealing with dementia. She lives with my older sister who takes care of her.

 It's a long drive up for us. An all day trip one way. I'm planning on staying for a few days. He left behind 6 kids I want to make sure that they're ok and taken care of. I won't let them go without. Or be split up. I'll be hell bent to get them through this. They no longer have a Dad. That bothers me.

It's been one strange week for me. I've been kinda cranky since Wednesday. Waking up feeling like doom and gloom is looming. Maybe I subconsciously knew.
Played detective for my Uncle who was looking for my Mom. Got that mystery solved in an hour. And now all this? Ok my plates full and I'm rambling..

I did call him tonight and let him know what happened. I'm sure it will be a comfort to my mom having her brother to talk to. She had nobody but her kids to talk to, when one of my oldest brothers committed suicide in 83. So this is 2 for her and harder for her to deal with. I'll get by eventually. What's done is done. I'm not going to judge him or his actions. Just shush up for a little while. I have yet to judge my oldest brother, except that I miss him just as much today as I did when he passed. Remember his laugh and humor.

Munky.


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## Dawgluver (Nov 13, 2011)

Oh my God, Munky, that is just horrible.  Prayers and hugs for you and your family.  It's hard to know what to say.  We're here for you, sweetie.   This is heartbreaking.


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## Timothy (Nov 13, 2011)

I'm very sorry for your loss of your Brother. There are no words that can heal the pain this has caused you, but I hope with all my heart that you and yours get through this with as little pain as possible.


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## Andy M. (Nov 13, 2011)

My heart goes out to you and your family, Munky.  Our sympathies to you all.


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## kadesma (Nov 13, 2011)

Char sweetie, I'm so sorry honey. Is there anything I can do for you? I know this is awful for you and I want you to know you and the rest of your family are in my prayers. Know how very much you mean to me and the rest of your DC family. Take care do what you can. you're loved.
cj


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## Rocklobster (Nov 13, 2011)

Such terrible news. My thoughts are with you.


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## babetoo (Nov 13, 2011)

oh my dear, this breaks my heart. it is always so hard when loved ones die. don't forget to take of yourself.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 13, 2011)

Oh Char, I am so sorry.  It is very hard news to deal with.  I am here if you need to talk and Love You!  PM me for my e-mail.


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## vitauta (Nov 13, 2011)

oh munky, how unimaginably horrible what you must be going through. is it at all possible for you and your family to get some professional medical/emotional support?  this horrendous burden seems too much, too big for you without outside help. sorry if i'm sounding intrusive.  my thoughts and prayers go out to you and yours, dear.


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## Somebunny (Nov 13, 2011)

Munky,  my heart just aches for you, this is terrible news for you to have to deal with.  I hope you can find some strength for your self and your family.  My sincere sympathy to you dear.


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## buckytom (Nov 13, 2011)

i'm heartly sorry, munky. my deepest condolences and prayers for strength go out to you and your family. i will keep your brother in my prayers tonight.


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## purple.alien.giraffe (Nov 14, 2011)

You and your family are in my prayers. I can't even imagine what you're going through. I'm glad though, that you have friends and a husband who can be there for you. Please take care of yourself.


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## Steve Kroll (Nov 14, 2011)

Chef Munky, I don't know you, but I am deeply sorry to hear of your loss.


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## Bolas De Fraile (Nov 14, 2011)

Munky Mate, you and your family have been dealt a terrible blow, stay strong.

Steve.


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## Barbara L (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear about your brother. I will pray for your family as you deal with this horrible blow.

Barbara


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## bethzaring (Nov 14, 2011)

Munky, I am so sorry, I can't imagine....you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers..


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## pacanis (Nov 14, 2011)

Very terrible news, Munky. I'm sorry.


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## GB (Nov 14, 2011)

I am so sorry for your loss. I will be keeping you and your family in my thoughts!


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## Alix (Nov 14, 2011)

Oh Munky. My heart aches for you and for those 6 kids left behind. I'm grateful they have someone like you to make sure they're looked after and cared for. I'm so sorry for your brother's pain too, he must have been in an awful place to make such a choice. I've said a prayer for all of you and will say another later. Big hugs sweet friend.


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## ChefJune (Nov 14, 2011)

Oh my goodness, Munky!  What a horrible thing to have to bear.  

It's so hard to fathom why someone does that when in your mind it's not even a consideration. It's hard enough to lose a sibling, but  Oh, I don't know a thing about it, really.  Sending you hugs, and strength to get through the initial shock and funeral.  please give yourself permission to grieve, and take as much time as you need. There is no set time for its end.

I'm guessing you know alerady in your heart of hearts that he will always be with you, even though you won't be able to touch him -- but at a time like this it's hard to wrap your head around.

I hope you'll come here and vent whenever you need to. We're here to provide  you a virtual shoulder.  xoxo


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## taxlady (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm so sorry to read your very sad news. Sending hug vibes in your direction.


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## TATTRAT (Nov 14, 2011)

SO sorry to hear of your loss, there is little to do or say in a time like this that is honestly comforting, but know that you have a lot of people wishing you and your family the best in this time of tragedy.


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## spork (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm shedding tears...
I hope that's okay.  
Be well, Munky.


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## Chef Munky (Nov 14, 2011)

Just wanted to thank you all so very much for the kind words. It's hard right now. I wasn't aware that I had so many DC buddies. Thank you.

I just woke up. Didn't sleep well. Woke myself up crying in my sleep.
I don't know where to go from knowing to planning. Or how to approach his ex wife about making the arrangements. My mother forgot who I was for a minute yesterday. She snapped back into things and was trying so hard to calm me down. Feel like an idiot now. I'll get with my sister today. If he left a note, I don't know. Just know how the deed was done. It's breaking my heart that he had sunk so low, that's not his personality at all. It never was. He was always smiling willing to help you out if you needed it. A real go getter!

My hearts heavy. Especially when I think of the kids and what will happen to them?
Gotta fly. Can't talk about this without tearing up.

Munky.


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## CharlieD (Nov 14, 2011)

Oh, my gosh, I am so sorry.


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## blissful (Nov 14, 2011)

I'm so sorry too. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.


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## chopper (Nov 14, 2011)

Saying prayers for you and all who knew and loved your brother. May God hold you all closely during this awful time.


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## Claire (Nov 14, 2011)

I am so sorry.   I simply cannot imagine losing one of my sisters this way  (I did lose a cousin to suicide).  It breaks my heart.  I'm thinking of you.


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## Josie1945 (Nov 14, 2011)

Munky, I am so sorry for your loss Our prayers and thoughts are with you
I know there is nothing any of us can say to make it better. Just know that we care.

Josie


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## JoAnn L. (Nov 17, 2011)

I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and your family.


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## Chef Munky (Nov 19, 2011)

Things have been going from bad to worse. I'll get by, move on and deal with my own grief alone, in my own way.

The Black widows are busily spinning their webs. He apparently had remarried, and was going through his 2nd divorce. Those 2 now are fighting over who gets what from insurance, SS, bank account. Right down to the services. It still hasn't happened. His obituary in the paper wifey #2, wrote. She didn't even make sure his name was spelled correctly. She had nothing to say " In memory of, nothing!"

My main concern was for the kids, how are they doing with all this? Wifey #1 called me, have yet to hear anything from #2. My sincere effort to extend to her help in any way was manipulated. Her concerns about her kids welfare was to try and drag me into the family drama that I've had no part of in years, to get material things from Wifey #2. Who had at the time refused to jack with my brother until she see's some money. I'm not getting into anything for anyone. Your adults. Grow up and deal with it on your own, has been my attitude! If you've got the time, energy to bicker, your more capable then I am to get what your blood sucking souls needs. I won't help you!

I was told this morning that possibly after the holidays they would hold a service.
Frankly I think it's a little too late, afterthought. Both wives now know where I stand, and that I won't be in attendance. I don't like the drama that's been happening. I haven't taken this well at all. My BP has been fluctuating too high. It's not in my best interest that I expose myself to all that.

Munky.


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## Alix (Nov 19, 2011)

What a mess. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all of that. You are well out of it all. Those moms can look after the kids. They sound like they are well able to manage things! Maybe not in the right ways, but the kids will be looked after. I'm saying a prayer for your peace of mind Munky. Just breathe and rest. Love and serene thoughts coming your way.


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## Dawgluver (Nov 19, 2011)

Stay strong, Munky.  It's so sad that some people have to resort to this.  Bless you for thinking of the kids.


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## blissful (Nov 19, 2011)

That is just so sad. Sad, sad, sad. Not only to have such a terrible loss but to have it compounded by others. Try to find some happy memories to keep in your heart and know that I am so sorry for all you are going through.


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## purple.alien.giraffe (Nov 19, 2011)

How awful. I hope things get better. Thoughts and prayers to you.


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## vitauta (Nov 19, 2011)

those sister-in-laws are piling some heavy toxic stuff on you that you are wisely side-stepping.  spending time with your immediate family, your sister, your mom, is who you are there for--and for the memory of your brother...soon you will return home to your husband, and your home.  peace to you, munky....


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## Kayelle (Nov 19, 2011)

Munky, I was out of town when you first posted about your brother or I would have responded at the time.  I just wanted to add how very sorry I am for your loss, and sorry too for what has transpired in the following days.

I also lost a brother to suicide many years ago, and like you with your first brother, I still miss him every day.  I can't even imagine the horror of repeating such a terrible loss with a second brother.  My mother was nearly destroyed by the suicide of her son........it's just unthinkable for your mother and you to have to go through this again.  As you already know too well, this is a unique kind of grief like no other.

As for the two wives, you're doing the wise thing by removing yourself from them.

Sending you healing thoughts and prayers.


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## Timothy (Nov 19, 2011)

In times of trouble, people tend to show their best and worst. Keep your chin up Munky!

Don't grind yourself up with worry, just remember who is who and deal with it later, after the pain and sorrow fade a little.


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## kadesma (Nov 19, 2011)

Char, you've done the right thing. Rest easy honey you don't need to deal with a mess like this. Your own health can't suffer you have those who need you so please ignor the 2 mom's. They are perfectly capable of taking care of the children now and you  know they can. Please,please take care of YOU and let them tend their own. prayers for you, your mom and above all your brother. hugs Char.
cj


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 20, 2011)

Love you, Char, lots of hugs and well wishes for you!


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## Maidrite (Nov 22, 2011)

I feel very bad for you, I will keep you in my prayers.


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## Bolas De Fraile (Nov 22, 2011)

Munky mate I just read your second post, I think you are very sensible not to attend


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