# What's been happening in my life (Beth's Story)



## bethzaring (Dec 2, 2009)

For the past year Rich (dh) was having what he called indigestion.  Then he started to have spasms that he called hiccups.  Eating was getting problematic and uncomfortable, so he finally decided to go to his primary care physician.  He was referred to a stomach specialist who recommended a colonoscopy and endoscopy (sending a camera down his throat to look at his stomach).  I accompanied him to these procedures on October 7th.  During the endoscopy, the doctor said, “whoa, you have stomach cancer”.  As we were exiting that hospital, Rich stopped to call his brother who is a doctor.  Tom immediately recommended that Rich be seen at a larger hospital than the regional hospital where the first endoscopy had just been performed.  And that was wise advice.  The pathology report from this regional hospital came back “non-malignant”, which was not the case.  These same pathology slides of the stomach biopsy accompanied Rich to Nashville where he spent 10 days of more tests, scopes, CT scans, and meetings with cancer specialists and treatment oncologists.  This hospital read the biopsy slides not only as malignant, but as adenocarcinoma.  The recommended treatment was 3 courses of chemotherapy so severe he would be hospitalized for 2 months, then surgery to remove his entire stomach and where ever the cancer had metastized, then more chemotherapy.  Recovery from this treatment would be up to one year.  It took Rich a nano second to decide this was a course of treatment that he did not want to endure.
 
A few weeks ago we enrolled him in Hospice and he is very happy with that decision.  At this point Hospice visits weekly and have been very helpful in answering all our questions.
 
Since October 7th, Rich has been focusing on preparing the house and homestead to make it easier for me to stay here.  Most days he has felt okay, good enough to work on the various lists he makes daily.  And he has accomplished a great deal of work so far, with the help of many friends.  The house has been re-roofed, he has completed our part of the work required to hook us up to county water. We have always had our own water system that relies on two electrical pumps.  County water will flow even if the electricity doesn’t, and I won’t have to deal with the next time the submergible pump stops working.  Our own spring water has also corroded our faucetts and he has ordered all nine new faucetts.  Yesterday I ordered a new Bosch range and dishwasher and a new refrigerator.  He has now replaced all three toilets with Toto water conserving toilets and two years ago we purchased a new front loading washing machine.  So I should be set for low water usage since I will now be paying for water.
 
Our long range plan had been to keep the goats until we reached the age of 70, for eleven more years.  I knew I could not  take care of the goats by myself and especially when I was going to be taking care of Rich.  So it was heart breaking to make the decision to sell the entire herd.  The goats left on November 14th.  But that has enabled Rich to complete another major project, with the help of 3 friends, to remove all the fencing that contained the goats in a 6 acre parcel.  That will make mowing so much easier for me with the tractor and bush hog.  I plan to hire someone to mow the back hayfields once a year, but will have my hands full with mowing around the house, barns, garden and front hay field.
 
We are definetly taking one day at a time.  We hope Rich feels good enough to travel to Nashville for Christmas to see his Mom and both brothers.  We actually feel blessed to have this time to get our affairs in order.  One does not always get a heads up when your end is near.
 
Eating remains problematic for Rich and has many foods that he does not tolerate.  He eats many very small meals a day.  Ice cream is a staple in his diet right now. That means it is impossible for me to participate in the “What’s for Dinner?” thread.  I don’t know which tiny meal/snack is dinner anymore.
 
I find I don’t have much of an attention span these days and don’t spend  time on the forums that used to interest me.  But we do ask for any prayers and positive thoughts for Rich to maintain his present level of health for as long as possible.


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## Alix (Dec 2, 2009)

Beth you know we are here for you whenever you find a moment to be with us. My prayers go up for you and Rich and you know that my ears are yours whenever you need them. (OK I guess its really my eyes and fingers but you know what I mean)

Take care dear Beth, and come when you can.


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## justplainbill (Dec 2, 2009)

It’s deeply saddening to learn that such an idyllic lifestyle is coming to a premature end.


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## GrillingFool (Dec 2, 2009)

Wow. My sympathies and a big cyber-hug.
I understand his decision, I think, but golly, what pain for everyone involved.
If there is such a thing as psychic support, I am beaming it out.
wow.


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## GB (Dec 2, 2009)

You have my most heartfelt prayers and thought Beth. I am so sorry you and Rich have to go through this.


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## kadesma (Dec 2, 2009)

Beth, I've no words that will make this easier or make it go away..All I can give is my love and prayer that the Lord makes this time easier and as peaceful as possible for all of you. Life has a way of jerking us around when we least expect it. Know that you will be in my thoughts and my prayers..If you need to talk or just cry or yell, I'm here for you.
cj


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## Andy M. (Dec 2, 2009)

My heart aches for you and Rich.  You both will be in my thoughts.


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## Wyogal (Dec 2, 2009)

Prayers are with you...


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## Vanilla Bean (Dec 2, 2009)

I'm so sorry, Beth! 

You have my thoughts, prayers and especially hugs!!


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## jabbur (Dec 2, 2009)

Beth, you will be added to my prayers.  My mother made a similar decision after the cancer returned for her.  We had some good talks before she died.  It's great that you've involved hospice already.  They can be a wonderful support through this.  I'm glad he's feeling well enough to do things yet.  Know that the folks here at DC will be here when you need us.


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## Bilby (Dec 3, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear of Rich's cancer, Beth. My heart goes out to you both.  

I must also say how brave and strong it is of Rich to make that decision.  Treating cancer is not always the best thing.  Quality of life is so very important.

Put us on the backburner until you are ready. We will still be here when you return.  Take care.


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 3, 2009)

Thanks for the update Beth! You know y'all have been in my thoughts and prayers, and will continue to be....God bless and comfort both of you!


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## licia (Dec 3, 2009)

I am so sorry to hear about this. Rich must be one of the greatest people I've heard of to take such tender thoughts about your time after he is gone. Many people wouldn't have that as their major concern, but it shows what a nice and thoughtful person he is. My prayer is that he will be comfortable for a long time and the time you share will be a memorable one. You both are in my prayers also. We never know when life may throw any of us a sharp curve and you both are examples of the best way to accept it.


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## Alix (Dec 10, 2009)

Beth, I'm "sticking" this thread for a bit. I've had a request that we have a spot to send you our good wishes and our prayers. I think this is the best way. 

Much love to you and Rich dear friend.


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## Vanilla Bean (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi Beth!  My thoughts are with you on this Friday.  Was your husband able to enjoy the pizza you made?

You always have my prayers.


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## kadesma (Dec 11, 2009)

Hi Beth,
hope the two of you are having some calm and peaceful days.Know you are in my thoughts and prayers every day.....


cj


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## LPBeier (Dec 11, 2009)

Beth, I have sent my prayers and thoughts through another thread and FB, but this is the first time I found this thread.  Reading what you have gone through makes it all the more real.  As Alix says, we are here for you and appreciate your time whenever you can join us.  {{{{{{{{{{Beth & Rich}}}}}}}}}}


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 12, 2009)

Lots of Love and positive energy flowing into Southern Ohio from Small Town Mississippi this morning!! {{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}


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## bethzaring (Dec 13, 2009)

Vanilla Bean said:


> Hi Beth! My thoughts are with you on this Friday. Was your husband able to enjoy the pizza you made?
> 
> You always have my prayers.


 
Yes, he enjoyed the pizza. He ended up having 4 slices that day, one slice about every 2 hours. I made a sauted onion and garlic, venison summer sausage, red sauce, and home made mozzarella cheese pizzas. The first three slices went down with no problems. The fourth slice caused a sudden exit from the dinner table in the general direction of the bath room....but he insisted that exit was "normal" and in no way was associated with the pizza. I am making two pizzas more today.

His energy level varies, but he continues with the home improvement projects. We are now hooked up to the rural water company at the house. I do not like the taste of it. The barn still has our own spring water available at the freeze proof hydrant, so I go there daily to get water for drinking, coffee and tea. I still really miss the goats and going to the barn makes me sad. 

Three faucetts have been replaced so far; all three on the top floor, which was the bathroom basin and shower, and the kitchen sink. Rich started to build this house in 1986 and finished it the winter of 1994. We moved into the top floor in 1988 which was finished first. One winter project is to repaint the entire interior of the house which has not been repainted at all. In the basement he is replacing the laundry tub/sink and the faucett. Well, since he had to remove the old tub, he decided to start the interior painting project with the laundry room, yesterday, to paint the room since the laundry tub was already out. So we inched the washing machine and dryer out, prepped and taped the room and got the first coat of trim paint applied. Today he is painting the first coat and I will join in later with the second trim coat. I am in the kitchen this morning making pancakes, dinner rolls and two pizzas. He needs quite a bit of looking after. Making sure I have bread products and ice cream in stock, and seeing he sits down every two hours to eat something, giving him his medicines which he has never taken any before, making a tummy soothing tea, making sure he is home when Hospice makes their weekly visit. It looks like we will be able to make the trip to Tennessee for Christmas. He feels so much better now that we have a grip on handling his symptoms better. God bless immodium.

The visits have slowed down a bit which is good. I heard him say several times to people who have stopped by, that he feels like he is hosting his own funeral. We have postponed a few visitors too. It was turning into quite an intrusion on our time together, let alone preventing progress on the projects. Being the perfectionist, he wants to do most of the work himself. A few carefully selected friends have been asked to help with the majority of the interior painting. Friends he can trust to tape the woodwork properly and not apply too much paint close to the tape so the paint is not disturbed when the tape is removed. Did I mention he is a prefectionist?

And I am doing much better with learning the 16 steps to balancing the bank statement. I no longer hyperventilate when we sit down to the computer and the MS Money program. That issue is one reason for the anti-anxiety meds for me.

So we are plugging along and keeping our sense of humor. He has now asked me to get travel sized toiletries for him.

Prayers and good vibes always appreciated...


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## cara (Dec 14, 2009)

beth,

I wish you both even more strength you have already shown here... You can be proud to have such a brave ahead-thinking husband..


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## PrincessFiona60 (Dec 16, 2009)

Dear Beth,
My heartfelt prayers and good wishes for you and Rich.  I'm so happy he has something to keep himself going on a daily basis and you to keep watch over him.  It's also good to see Rich has a sense of humor and you do to, it is so important.
We are here for you and for anything as caregiving is both a burden and a blessing.  Feel free to contact me with PM's.  Not to boast or anything, but I am a good resource when it comes to caregiving and end-of-life care, it's what I do!
Elizabeth


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## Cooking Goddess (Dec 16, 2009)

Beth, I've been here a short time and posted just a little, but I still can let you know I am so sorry for this huge bump in life's road for the two of you.  You and Rich must be two of the strongest people I have "met" through internet postings; I admire your strength.  Know you both are in my prayers as you tackle this together.


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## Saphellae (Dec 18, 2009)

Oh Beth, I am glad that you are able to enjoy the time together like this rather than Rich being hospitalized. I also knew someone who had cancer twice, and the second time after trying everything possible, decided to just enjoy her time left and do what she could with the people she loved.  She passed feeling she was ready for the next stage of her being, and in peace. I find it admirable to make such a decision, admirable that you are doing whatever you can for him, and he for you to make your life comfortable.  Just be together Beth... you are both blessed to have each other!


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 29, 2009)

Good morning Miss Beth! Just wanted to check in and say Hi!!! 

Thinking of y'all!!!


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## ChefJune (Dec 29, 2009)

Dear Beth: I cannot believe I am just seeing this thread now.

I am so very sad to hear of Rich's illness. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I will be sending you cyber hugs on a regular basis, and if there is anything I can do for you in real time, please ask.

You two are doing what I would do in these circumstances... trying to live as normal a life as possible, and just love and take care of each other.

Who knows, maybe G-d will work a miracle!


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## kadesma (Dec 29, 2009)

Hi Beth,
just a quick note to say I'm thinking of you both. Prayer each and every day for the two of you. 
hugs,
cj


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## LPBeier (Dec 29, 2009)

Uncle Bob, thanks for bringing this forward again.

Beth, You and Rich were on my mind often during the holiday season.  I hope you were able to have some celebration together.

And as Kades said, you are both in my daily prayers.  

Please let us know if there is anything your DC family can do for you two.


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## bethzaring (Dec 31, 2009)

just checking in briefly...we both have very bad colds...and we will be zzzzzzzzzzzing shortly

thank you so much for the positive thoughts, prayers, warm fuzzies, hugs and well wishes.....it's all we have at this point..

here are some photos from my favorite Christmas tradition at a friends farm house...and one photo at dh's mom's house with the whole gang..


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## Alix (Jan 1, 2010)

Feel better soon Beth and Rich. I'd send you some of my turkey soup but I think I've used it all up!


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## ChefJune (Jan 1, 2010)

Lovely pictures. Thanks for sharing.  Hope you feel better soon.


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## bethzaring (Jan 9, 2010)

still trying to get over these colds...the hospice nurse said to expect them to last at least two weeks..

We over did it yesterday. The hardest part of dh's cancer is to recognize and respect his limitations. We pushed around some soft fluffy snow for about 1 1/2 hours yesterday and we both are feeling dreadful today. Also, the trip to TN for Christmas was too hard on Rich. From Thanksgiving up till we left for TN, we were in a surreal phase where it was easy to ignore his illness. But three hours into the trip, he started with the hiccups and they continue still. It is impossible for him to eat with the hiccups and guests just politely try to ignore them. He really does best at home with no company at meal time. He lost 2 pounds at Christmas due to his inability to eat.

And he is a person who will not use the excuse of having stomach cancer to not get something accomplished. He is slowly getting back to replacing the faucetts, he has replaced 7 of the nine faucetts. Will try to attach some photos. In the case of the faucetts, seen one, seen them all! He wants to continue with the enterior painting next week. And a positive sign; he is starting to tear down his motorcycle for the annual winter check up. At the first of November, he was convinced he would not live to see Christmas.

Oh, I almost forgot the new kitchen appliances. He installed the dishwasher before we left for TN but the range just got hooked up this week.  We had a serious delay trying to get the LP gas conversion fittings.

well, I am not able to add the photos right now...


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## bethzaring (Jan 9, 2010)

operator error in the inability to upload some photos..


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## bethzaring (Jan 9, 2010)

and the snow shuffling efforts of yesterday..


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## kadesma (Jan 9, 2010)

Oh Beth,
Love your pictures. While beautiful, I'd hate to have to move or shuffle all that snow.My prayers continue. Bless you both.Here's hoping Rich feels  a little soon.
cj


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## ChefJune (Jan 9, 2010)

Dear Beth:  you know you cannot keep him from at least trying to do the things he has always done.  Sending you tons and googobs of prayers and hugs.


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## Bilby (Jan 11, 2010)

Thinking of you and continuing to wish strength for you both.


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## bethzaring (Jan 11, 2010)

dh is home today...mostly he has been self employed in the home building and computer software writing businesses, but the last 5 years he has worked for a friend and neighbor in a commercial roofing business. That business closed its doors 12/31/09, for a variety of reasons including the economy and dh leaving. All that is left for dh to do is the taxes and final financial stuff. He has been going in most days lately but is taking today off. He has started a new project that he thought he would never do again...tearing down his motorcycle for its annual winter check up. He thinks he can't do any more long trips, but he gets such enjoyment even with short local trips.


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## justplainbill (Jan 11, 2010)

Pretty winter wonderland.  Nice basic white appliance color scheme.  Glad to hear Hubby is hanging in there.  You might want to look over his shoulder and take notes while he's doing the tax and financial stuff.


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## bethzaring (Jan 11, 2010)

justplainbill said:


> Pretty winter wonderland. Nice basic white appliance color scheme. Glad to hear Hubby is hanging in there. *You might want to look over his shoulder and take notes while he's doing the tax and* *financial stuff*.


 

LOL, this is precisely what drove me to get some anti-anxiety medicines.  DH is a spreadsheet nerd. He has a spreadsheet for everything.  Seriously, he started the day after we learned he has cancer in teaching me his system.  We had to develop our own retirement plan, being self employed and not being offered with my jobs....just this morning I watched him do some whizzerdry with our CD interest....I think he has no idea that I still have no idea what he is doing

anyway, we have declared today a Holiday.  He almost got giddy when I served him pizza for his first snack.....ah.... the joys of simple living


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## justplainbill (Jan 11, 2010)

You should be able to cope with Excel, as long as you keep backups of some 'good' prior versions of the spreadsheets.  Hopefully most of the spreadsheets aren't much more than 30 or 40 columns.  It can be considerably more difficult if he's using applications he  developed with tools like dBase or Visual Basic.


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## ChefJune (Jan 11, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> .just this morning I watched him do some whizzerdry with our CD interest....I think he has no idea that I still have no idea what he is doing


 
I tried one year to do my own taxes. What a mess!  It took me forever.  Yeah, I have a Masters Degree, and I should be able to do it, and I did, BUT.... never again!  That's why G-d made accountants!  Math is not my whiz-bang suit.  So I'll cook you dinner, and you do my taxes!  

imho, you save money by hiring someone who is a specialist to do those things that you are not gifted in.  Time is money, and that year I did my own taxes just about sent me to the looney bin. It took forEVAH, besides.


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## babetoo (Jan 12, 2010)

oh my dear, my thoughts are with you . you are both very brave in living the life he has left.

my brother in law just told he has lung cancer. i am afraid he will come to the same place. i hope he is as strong as your husband. he will need to be

keep us posted  please, 

babe


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## Barbara L (Jan 22, 2010)

Beth, I haven't been around as much lately, but I have been praying for the two of you.

Barbara


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## bethzaring (Jan 26, 2010)

picture time.....I have before, during and after photos of our recently started painting project.....dh has now decided he does not want anyone to help us, even though many friends keep calling wanting to know when they can come help.  It seems to be two things; we have had too many visitors in the past three months and dh wants a professional level job achieved.  As to the visitors, their coming to visit seems to be more for their benefit, not ours.  They really want to help, or do something, but for now, he just wants to be left alone....As he says, he feels like he is hosting his own funeral...

and we will soon continue a conversation about a topic that needs resolved.  He is a fix it person, and he has a few customers who are continuing to call him to do jobs.  One job in particular he derives no pleasure...that of buying a new computer for a customer and getting said computer up and running.  I am trying to get him to say no to any more outside jobs, especially jobs he doesn't like to do.  He wants to stay home now all the time, but he says he can't turn down these old friends/customers.  I am struggling with this one...

okay, some before photos..


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## bethzaring (Jan 26, 2010)

some during painting photos:


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## bethzaring (Jan 26, 2010)

and some after photos:  ...as long as Internet Explorer cooperates..


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## Cooking Goddess (Jan 26, 2010)

*Very nice!*

So clean and fresh looking I could almost smell the paint as I scrolled through the "after" photos....so tell me that your DH used low-VOC paint!   PS~Although I haven't been here long you are in my prayers.


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## bigdaddy3k (Jan 27, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> He is a fix it person, and he has a few customers who are continuing to call him to do jobs. One job in particular he derives no pleasure...that of buying a new computer for a customer and getting said computer up and running. I am trying to get him to say no to any more outside jobs, especially jobs he doesn't like to do. He wants to stay home now all the time, but he says he can't turn down these old friends/customers. I am struggling with this one...
> 
> okay, some before photos..


 
I can understand his need to do this. I am a computer person. I work in an IT office. Part of my job is to take the "scary" out of PCs. Rich sounds like he doesn't want people to get a poor first impression of the world of computers. What better way than to gently, personally, thouroughly guide someone in the right direction.


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## LPBeier (Jan 27, 2010)

Beth, like BD I can related to this.  My DH was a computer programmer, salesperson and technician for over 20 years and an instructor for 13.  He is now, by choice in a totally new career but old customers and friends are constantly asking him about computers and while his heart isn't in it he does it for the people.

In Rich's case it may also be a case of closure as well.

Thanks for the pictures, they are great.


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## CookLikeJulia (Feb 4, 2010)

Everyone has their highs and lows, just think about it this way, how are more blessings going to come when your glass is already oveflowing. Just think positve, life is beautiful. Always remember, when a door is closed, a window will be opened.


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## Uncle Bob (Feb 5, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth....Just thinkin about ya and the winter storm...Hope you are as snug as a bug in a rug.   If ya need me too..I'll send a war party, with many braves, many arrows.......and several snow shovels.

Y'all stay Warm!!!


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## bethzaring (Feb 6, 2010)

Uncle Bob said:


> Hey Miss Beth....Just thinkin about ya and the winter storm...Hope you are as snug as a bug in a rug. If ya need me too..I'll send a war party, with many braves, many arrows.......and several snow shovels.
> 
> Y'all stay Warm!!!


 

LOL, I saw this yesterday just before the wet heavy snow blanketed our  satellite and snuffed out all communications...

the good news is we never lost our electricity and as time goes on, it is less likely we will.....but the neighbors the next road over lost power last night and it's still out

and I won't tell you of how dh donned his fall protection gear and went up on the roof to clear off the satellite  so I could get to the "cooking channel" as he calls it

so I did send up the smoke signals and the many braves protected us from a power failure  (and from dh falling off the roof)...many thanks Uncle Bob


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## masteraznchefjr (Feb 13, 2010)

I'll be doing dance marathon (26 hours of non stop dancing) tomorrow raising money for pediatric AIDS.


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## bethzaring (Feb 19, 2010)

We both have been sick, again, and have been pretty quiet lately. Rich's symptoms were increasing; stomach discomfort, inability to finish meals, but he seems a bit better now that he is over his cold. He has been working on clearing out old papers. He was afraid I would be looking at these records and thinking they must be important if he was keeping them so long....he threw away 40 pounds of papers so far. Yesterday he almost got his motorcycle put back together from this winters minor tear down. The last house project was replacing the "temporary" stairs from the basement up to the first floor. We had been using his construction site treads all these years. Other house projects have been put on hold until we get our strength back. Hospice has missed the past two appointments because of the snow. Since school has been cancelled many days, our township is slow about clearing our roads, and he told Hospice to postpone our visits. Here are some recent photos..


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## bethzaring (Feb 19, 2010)

a snow photo and the work shop area when he was making the treads and risers


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## kadesma (Feb 19, 2010)

Hi Beth,
hope you both are beginning to feel a little better. You are both are on my mind and in my thoughts each day. Take care.
cj


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## DaveSoMD (Feb 19, 2010)

Hope you two kick those colds/flu soon.  The stair look great! I never have that kind of success with finishing wood.


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## Uncle Bob (Feb 20, 2010)

Love the new stairs Miss Beth!!! ~~~~ hate the Colds idea!

Stay warm and well........


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## Cooking Goddess (Feb 20, 2010)

Sorry to hear about your sniffles...feel all better soon you two.


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## bethzaring (Feb 20, 2010)

thank you...I am feeling much better today...I am finally able to play with some toys I ordered last week to cheer me up.....a new generation thermapen thermometer, and a copy of King Arthur Flour Whole Grain Baking....I am one happy camper...I have rising a loaf of ww bread, and the brownies are in the oven


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## LPBeier (Feb 20, 2010)

Beth I love the stairs.  I remember when I was in my early twenties I helped my Dad make some new stairs to our very large sundeck (a boyfriend at the time who was an Military Policeman went through 4 of the bottom ones with his army boots).  We did the risers and treads and it was a lot of work, but very fulfilling when it was done!  Yours look fabulous!

I am glad you are feeling better from your cold and hope Rich is as well.  You are both in my thoughts and prayers often.


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## CookLikeJulia (Feb 25, 2010)

mmmh life is not an easy way , were the one who can manage about this ..we must learn to go with the flow and ride we the tide .


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## cara (Feb 27, 2010)

I like your MF ;o))
I hope spring will arrive at your place, too, as it did in G now..

wish you both best days!


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## CookLikeJulia (Mar 1, 2010)

The prayer is key of all things you want to happened , just be strong ! and dont you ever forget to pray .


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## Gennie32 (Mar 1, 2010)

my prayers are with u.. be brave!


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## expatgirl (Mar 13, 2010)

nothing stops you two, Beth, does it?.........I'm truly amazed and humbled by you and your husband's "let's just deal with life on life's terms" attitude and you have amazingly accomplished so much in the meantime despite the prognosis...........the completion of your stairway and other home projects  reflect  such a powerful metaphor of taking life one step at a time and moving on and never stopping......that's living life as there is always another project that needs aspiring to ..........what an incredible pair you are and how brave to tackle life on life's terms.....if I have any  prayer to offer it's to wish you the strength.......you certainly have the love.......so many hugs .......


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## CharlieD (Mar 17, 2010)

Gosh, some how I missed this whole thread. All I can say I will pray for you. I wish you all the best.


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## bethzaring (Mar 18, 2010)

We are 5 1/2 months into this challenge. I find it hard to evaluate dh's condition. I see him failing but he does not see it. We will soon find out who is more correct. He wants to ride his motorcycle to TN in the next few weeks. His weight has remained stable since Dec., but eating is still very problematic. He does okay at home most of the time, but finds it difficult to eat away from home. He feels pressure in his stomach so it is physically impossible to force any food down his throat. His real goal is to ride to a BMW rally in the state of Washington this July, so this trip to TN is a test in his eyes. Hmmmmm.

I have taken over all financial business at this point...this is huge for me. I can remember a time when I could look at a phone bill and understand them.....not that I can understand the current one, but it just reminds me how complicated even phone bills have become. Since December I have been selling off his band equipment on eBay; mixers, speakers, monitors, microphones, volume control stuff, cables, drum sticks, tempo monitoring devices....still have his Zildjian cymbals to go. He has now gone through all his file cabinets and cleaned them out. Last week he completed an emotionally draining task of tearing down the goat area in the barn. He disassembled the hay manger, pens, gates and walls, to make that space usable again. Two weeks ago we had one friend help us paint about 60% of the first floor walls and ceiling. Dh is either working hard on some project here at home, or resting. He is not in the mood for any visitation at this time. "Chatting" with anyone is extremely fatiguing for him, and most people can't comprehend that. He is "chatted" out and feels that all people who have known him have had their opportunity to access him and he wants to be left alone while he is able to accomplish tasks. This wish is proving hard to enforce.

We have had many serendipitous events which have been very happy to experience. An old friend of mine has resurfaced and she is about to help me with getting dh to talk about what kind of service he wants. Dh has always been a planner, but is not keen on this particular project. What we have needed so far has neatly fallen into place.

Dh has been resting more, sometimes taking two naps a day. And he is accepting this!! We will be working on some outside digging projects while we have this lovely weather. I want to dig up the front flower bed to dig out and dispose of some of our dreaded Johnson grass....whatever was that invented for anyway? 

And a few more photos: painting the kitchen/dining room, the guest bedroom/storage area while painting, the living room painting, and the living room getting ready to wax and buff the floor.


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## ChefJune (Mar 18, 2010)

I admire both of you for your courage and your "keep on keeping on" attitude. Not sure I could do as well.

Still sending prayers your way.


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## bethzaring (Mar 18, 2010)

I always forget to say that I appeciate peoples comments, thoughts, prayers and perspectives.  They really help me through this.  I feel I am only doing what needs to be done and feel humbled by some of the things I read here, like they can't possibly be talking about me.  Thank you..


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## kadesma (Mar 18, 2010)

Beth, each of us love and admire you both. Being able to share this with you even from a distance makes us feel like family. We all I'm sure wish we could do more. I was just looking at the pictures you posted, you can  see and feel the love that has gone into the refurbishing your home. It's love at it's best.
cj


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## Uncle Bob (Mar 18, 2010)

Bethzaring said:
			
		

> I feel I am only doing what needs to be done and feel humbled by some  of the things I read here, like they can't possibly be talking about me.



Miss Beth a lot of people can "talk the talk"... but,.few can "walk the walk"..with chin up, head held  high, and shoulders back...Your strength, courage, and bravery is an inspiration, and testimony to all..Yes! I am talking about you!!!! ~~~ May all the blessings of Heaven continue to rest upon you both, and give you peace!...
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


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## expatgirl (Mar 18, 2010)

keep posting, Beth, we all care deeply about what you're going through..... and lots of .hugs and hugs and more hugs........you surely are  married to something special.......


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## Alix (Mar 18, 2010)

Beth, I know the disassembling was hard for both of you. I'm glad that you are able to be together so much. You are a shining example of "for better or worse, in sickness and in health". Your love for one another shines brightly and makes me strive to be a better wife. Thanks my friend. My love and prayers still going up for you both.


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## Uncle Bob (Mar 31, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth!! .... How ya doin?? ....I've been chasing Tractor parts all day..The John Deere dealer ordered the wrong size parts so I am fit to be tied!! Grrrrrrrr!!!!
I've been waiting for them for almost a week!! ~~~ Just got off the phone with the Manager, and after I explained things to him real good  The right size parts will be over-nighted...Did good didn't I??? ~~~ Anyway...Just came in for a long cool drink of water and was thinking about ya....Check in when you can.......


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## bethzaring (Apr 2, 2010)

Uncle Bob said:


> Hey Miss Beth!! .... How ya doin?? ....I've been chasing Tractor parts all day..The John Deere dealer ordered the wrong size parts so I am fit to be tied!! Grrrrrrrr!!!!
> I've been waiting for them for almost a week!! ~~~ Just got off the phone with the Manager, and after I explained things to him real good  The right size parts will be over-nighted...Did good didn't I??? ~~~ Anyway...Just came in for a long cool drink of water and was thinking about ya....Check in when you can.......


 
Hey Uncle Bob!...doing just fine...yesterday was a good day...dh left at 6:45 am on his motorcycle and arrived safely at his mom's 9 hours later...he was only able to take in about 700 calories on the trip so will see if he can make up some in the next few days.  He lost a pound last week because eating is proving to be so difficult for him.  He wasn't going to decide until the morning of, if he was taking his motorcycle or his truck to TN.  He is resting today and will go sailing with his brother tomorrow on Percy Priest Lake.

Last week a friend called and asked him if he had any scrap metal he wanted rid of.  So the friend brings over a trailer and dh proceeds to fill it up, leaving no room for the friends' stuff.  No matter, they will take a fun day next week and travel together to the junk yard and see how much $$ we get for the stuff dh has been stewing about how he was going to get rid of.  It did take a toll on dh to load that metal up, think that is why he lost a pound last week.

So sorry, UB, to hear of your JD troubles, you did good!!,  hope you got your parts!!  Dh has been working on fixing me up with some suitable mowing machines.  I got new wheels!!!.  Of course will post some photos.  My main mowing machine has been the JD 111 which I have had for about 15 years...dh's dad had bought it new.  So now I have a 2002 JD GT(garden tractor)225...we were going for an LT (lawn tractor), until I mentioned I would be using it to mow what parts of the garden I would no longer be planting.  So I guess I need a GT to mow the garden?!

I had some friends over for lunch yesterday and will meet with my regular monthly lunch bunch on Monday.  The weather is beautiful, no humidity, and will get to play in the dirt some more.

The photos: the trailer loaded with our scrap metal, my faithful JD 111, my new wheels, the two push mowers dh put together for me, the garden that I rototilled all by myself for the first time, some veggie and flower plantlets and the front flower bed that I have been working on to cut back the Johnson Grass


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## bethzaring (Apr 2, 2010)

rest of photos


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## ChefJune (Apr 2, 2010)

That's beautiful, Beth.  Are you sure  you don't want to continue planting even a little herb garden?  I get so much contentment from mine.

Sending you hugs and good thoughts.


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 2, 2010)

Wow!!! 9 hours on a "Motor- Sicle" is quite an accomplishment!! I don't  know if my  boo-hiney could take that ride! Glad to know he made it safely and I know he will thoroughly enjoy the time spent with family...especially sailing with his brother!! 

I need to go on a scrap iron hunt myself...Might pick up a few bucks...although I hear it's not bringing very much right now..I tried to give a guy some copper pipe awhile back and he wouldn't take it...Said it wasn't bringing anything. Huh??  Time was when people would go in houses and rip out the copper to sell..For money to buy drugs and booze! 

Yep I got the parts yesterday...The right ones this time...2 O-Rings that go in the hydrolic lift system on the 1050 JD...Glad to have it back running...it' time to plow! 

 Love your new ride!!! Bought the DW a New Ride last year..(See photo) She loves it....Also just last week I bought this little wagon that goes behind her new ride..(See Photo) She ask why on earth I bought that thing??..I told her not to ask too many questions, and if she behaved herself I would let her ride in it, instead of walking, when we go to the store!........ She was not amused!

Mow the garden??? Hey don't laugh!! Been there done that!! A few times in the past, late in the fall, when I've been totally burned out on gardening, and I'm tired of tilling/hoeing etc. I've let the grass get ahead of me...especially if it's been raining a lot...So one year...last year I think...I just went up there and mowed the grass between rows Pretty smart huh???...Only problem I got stuck So if you've never gotten stuck while mowing the garden I'm one up on ya!!! 

Take Care...and Stay in Touch!!!


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## bethzaring (Apr 3, 2010)

gosh Uncle Bob, that is an adorable ride you have there for DW...what is the inch cut on that deck?  I had to go with a 42 inch cut to get the machine through the garden gate!  I had not thought about a trailer, but what a good idea.  Up until last year I had a golf cart for that very purpose but I sold it, too much exhaust fumes and I thought using the wheel barrow was better for my health......oh, now I am coveting a trailer.....

you might want to check out the recent prices for scrap...they are on the rise..


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 3, 2010)

I need a 42" or larger due the size of the yard but buy a 38" to go through the back yard gates...I've thought about enlarging one of the gates for that purpose...but just haven't done it....
The rest of the place (open area) I use a 6' bush hog and tractor to keep it in check!

The little wagon is neat...we constantly have to pick up sticks under oak/pecan trees...Sometimes I load them in the truck, but mostly just pile them up in a burn pile....Hoping the little wagon will save some steps...Mostly I bought it to transport one of my generators to the house, (from the shop) during long power outages...Can you say Katrina!! The truck and one of my flatbed trailers is just over kill...considering they wreak havoc on the yard when it's wet and muddy...Which it invariably is during such periods of stormy weather...The little wagon is easy to hook up and the wide tires on the mower and wagon are "kinder and gentler" to the yard...Not to say we have such a fancy yard....The wagon has a dump feature too...Check out Home Depot and such places as well as JD dealers for wagons....They make them in poly (plastic) material (no rust) but they have a sloped rear design that just did not suit my main purpose (generator transport) for buying one.....

Will check the scrap metal prices soon! 

I don't know how many times I've thought about buying a golf cart to run around on!!!


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## LPBeier (Apr 3, 2010)

Beth, I can't relate to your "new ride" conversation with Uncle Bob as our yard is about 8 x 8 ft and DH uses a weed eater to mow it!

But I want to say again that you and Rich have been an incredible inspiration for me during my recent 3 month health battle.  Mine was shorter and fixable but I had to rely so much on other people while you two have done most of it together.  Your story and friendship are something I cherish.  You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers!


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## texasgirl (Apr 3, 2010)

Beth, I'm sorry to just now be saying anything. I've been away too long and just now seeing this. I'm sorry that you two are going through this.  My prayers are with you both!!


The house is beautiful!


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## bethzaring (Apr 4, 2010)

LOL Laurie, I can't get along without my weedeater...the least I need it for is to carve out the mailbox from the weeds so the mail lady can get to it...my mailbox is not on my property and is in an area that does not get mowed otherwise.

Oh Uncle Bob, I loooooooved my golf cart...would still have it today if it had been an electric one...I could get seven bales of hay on that sucker....it started every time in an instant...and could that thing CLIMB. I would get into trouble at times when riding my lawn mower because I would think it could go like the golf cart.  And dh wants to trade in our 5' bush hog for a 6' one for me..I plan to mow our 4 acre front hay field, but hire some one to use our equipment to do the back hayfields.

Did you say the wagon has a DUMP feature?!


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 4, 2010)

Yeah, the electric carts are nicer IMO...Less noise...Just park them,  plug then up, and they stay ready to go! ~~ I've looked at used ones in the past..but have shied away...nervous about the batteries on an old used one..."They" say if you ever have to replace them --- Get your pocket book out!!!! 

You wouldn't think one foot would make a difference, but over the long haul it adds up...I had a 5' bush hog once, and up graded to a 6' ...Lots better...faster etc....Even thought about going up to an 8' but that would put it outside the rear tires..Out in the open that would be ok, but I'm always maneuvering around trees etc..So I  stayed with the 6'  which comes just inside the rear tires...no danger of catching a corner on a tree etc. 

I saw the hay bailer in one of your pictures, and was wondering what you were going to do with it.. I think hiring someone to cut and bail, with your equipment, and putting it in the barn is the wisest course of action...As you know that is long, hard, hot work! ~~ My first job as a kid was hauling hay...Daylight to dark for $3 a day, 6 days a week...That's per day...not per hour!! $18 a week!!...I thought I was really making the money!!!

If you are interested in a "wagon" check out the JD ones...Like I said they are poly/plastic whatever..want rust...well built...sloped rear end to make dumping easy.
They make 3 sizes I think...7..10...and 14 cubit feet. Be sure to measure the outside width ..,.outside tire to outside tire to make sure you want have any "going through the gate" issues....

Grits and eggs are calling............

Take care....Stay in Touch!


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## bethzaring (Apr 10, 2010)

Even though dh had the strength and stamina to ride his motorcycle to TN and back, he now admits that he can not take any long trips related to his inability to eat away from home.  Not that eating at home is foolproof...He never knows when the hiccups will strike, but they start up every time he is away from home.  He has said he is ready to try the medicine, Thorazine, that may stop the hiccups, but he can not ride the motorcycle while taking that medication.  To me, Thorazine is a scary medication and I am afraid he remembers me talking about it back when I worked at the state mental hospital long ago.  But the truth is he will not live long enough to suffer from its most notorious side effects.  He actually has not tried to take it yet, he has only said he is ready to.

Yesterday was a difficult day for dh.  The local farm implement dealer came to haul away most of our farm equipment, and to deliver the 6 foot bush hog.  Uncle Bob, we don't need the hay any more, since we sold the goat herd last fall.  And finding anyone to help us get in our hay was a perennial problem because the few people who do hay in our area, were occupied with getting in their own hay.  I had no emotional attachment to that equipment, but dh did.  He felt about it like I did about the goats; we are better off with them gone, but it was so sad to see them go.  Even though we have made great progress in downsizing things and responsibilites, there is still a lot of stuff here.  We haven't even touched his carpentry tools and still have one car and two trucks. He is not going to sell his motorcycle.  He has made plans for a friend to sell it after he dies.

We are going to plant the onion seedlings in the garden this week. We are still about 6 weeks from our last frost date so will not put out any other plants in the garden for a few weeks.  It is time to start my tomatoes and basil.  We had a freeze last night and am anxious to find out if our apple tree blossoms survived.  We planted spinach a few days ago so that should be germinating soon. 

Well, we are off for a little walk to see if we can tell if the various apple tree blossoms are okay.  It was looking like a good year for apples, but Mother Nature likes to play tricks.


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## kadesma (Apr 10, 2010)

Beth you both are in my thioughts and prayers. Take care and know you are loved.
cj


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## babetoo (Apr 10, 2010)

beth you are the bravest woman i have ever known. and your husband is the bravest man. it makes me cry when i think about this turn in your lives. i don't know any people that have  handled it better. bless you both.


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## CharlieD (Apr 12, 2010)

babetoo said:


> beth you are the bravest woman i have ever known. and your husband is the bravest man. it makes me cry when i think about this turn in your lives. i don't know any people that have handled it better. bless you both.


 

As I was reading the above post I was thinking the exact same thing. Beth, the best to bouth of you.


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 12, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth...Glad to know DH made the round trip OK, and got back safely!! I know he enjoyed the trip and spending quality time with his family! 

I understand downsizing...Boy do I!! I just came in from running through the garden again with the tractor...I'm thinking...Why do I need all of this? We need peas (pink-eyes) and corn Pencil Cob) for the freezer, but I'm so tired of fighting coons in the corn, and deer in everything!! I don't mind sharing you understand, but these devils don't wanna share...they want it all!! ~~~ I've thought about fencing, but by the time I go to the trouble and expense, I'm not sure I'd ever get my money back..Plus I don't know how many more years of big gardening I've got in me....Raised beds are looking more and more attractive ~~ By the time I buy seed, fertilizer, diesel fuel, wear and tear on the tractor, plus the time to hook up planters, plant, then come back to cultivate two or three times..then pick and shell...Ahmmm I'm thinking a few bushels of peas (shelled) from the Farmers Market is sounding better and better.

Gotta buy a new bush hog too! The one I've got is just two notches above scrap iron...I think it's one Noah through off the Ark when he was passing through here...
Musta been a big storm (Hurricane) and he was taking in water...Had to lighten the load so over the side it went!! 

We are well past the last frost...Time to plant...It want be much...Tomatoes, squash, Cukes and Okra etc. My friends the White Tail Deer love...love okra!! Think I'm gonna plant one long 175' row....If I can cut it three times before they take over I'll be set for Gumbo, and Okra and Tomatoes for another year....

So how did the apple blossoms do... Did they weather the frost?? Hope so....

Off to do some painting....

Take Care and Stay in Touch!


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## ChefJune (Apr 13, 2010)

babetoo said:


> beth you are the bravest woman i have ever known. and your husband is the bravest man. it makes me cry when i think about this turn in your lives. i don't know any people that have handled it better. bless you both.


 
What Babe said.

I think anyone who goes through a protracted illness with the love of their life has a special place ascribed in heaven when they get there. Hugs to you both.


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## LPBeier (Apr 13, 2010)

I must say I agree with Babe, Charlie and ChefJune.  Beth, I have told you before here and privately that you and your DH are true inspirations and that I was able to put my own problems in perspective with your challenges - mine are almost insignificant in comparison but you have both handled it with grace and strength.

Our cherry tree and Japanese plum have taken a beating.  The blossoms were beautiful but too early and now the trees are having a hard time with their foliage.  Like Uncle Bob, I am curious about your apple blossoms, did they make it?

You are both in my thoughts and prayers always.  I look forward to the next time you can share.


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## kadesma (Apr 13, 2010)

A few of us must face uncertianty every day, life is a hard task master. Not many of us live with the grace and beauty you show us each day. For me you have helped me accept what life has dealt me and to live it with grace and as much strength that I can muster. I give thanks for knowing you.
cj


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## LPBeier (Apr 13, 2010)

Kades, that is exactly what I was trying to say.  Between you and Babetoo, my thoughts have been spoken perfectly!


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## kadesma (Apr 14, 2010)

LPBeier said:


> Kades, that is exactly what I was trying to say.  Between you and Babetoo, my thoughts have been spoken perfectly!


Thanks Laurie,
I know you and I know you live as much for helping others as for your self. I feel fortunate to be your friend. There is a specialness about you I wish more had .
Thank you Laurie, for letting me be your friend.
cj


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## bethzaring (Apr 14, 2010)

well, you all have certainly lifted my spirits!

some of my core beliefs also help me, that things happen for a reason, and that things happen as they should

one of the serendipitous events that has also helped both of us was the introduction to the Harry Potter books. Dh and I have both read all seven books since Christmas. I have found inspiration from how Lilly and Harry Potter, Albus Dumbledore and even Severus Scape faced death so bravely and courageously. I found many parallels in the lives of the charcters of those books and our lives. Death is featured many times and I found comfort in reading how they looked at death and were not afraid of it.

Today dh is setting up the scaffolding to begin spray painting the exterior of the house. He is getting discouraged about his diminishing energy level. If he looks tired after a meal/snack, I encourage him to rest a bit. Sometimes he does and sometimes he doesn't. We have spent a lot of time getting the mowers started and writing a list of the yearly maintenance for the Massey-Ferguson tractor. I bush hogged for the first time with my "new" bush hog. The spinach has germinated!!!! and we will set out the broccoli and cabbage plants today.

Dh has admitted that he can not ride his motorcycle to the state of Washington this summer. But he is planning a trip again, with his middle brother. This will be the third summer they have taken a trip together. The first trip was through West Virginia, the second was around New England and they are talking about upstate New York for this summers' trip.

I think the apple blossoms all made it through the freeze. No freezes are expected in the near future so I think the applelets are safe now. I don't think the baby apples can be harmed by freezes, only the blossoms were susceptable to damage.

a photo of dh sailing last week and one taken a few years ago of his motorcycle


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## bethzaring (Apr 23, 2010)

It has been an intense past few weeks, both physically and emotionally. Dh has started on the project of painting the exterior of the house. He had planned to take one week per side, but with the help of friends, it has proceeded much quicker than that.

I had a long talk with one of the friends. He plans to ask dh if he can be present at his death. This conversation has opened up all kinds of ideas of how to handle a service. Dh wants to leave his body to science. So I think we can do any type of service we want, since his body will be taken directly to a university.

He is getting discouraged about his lack of energy and losing weight again. Pepto Bismol is his new friend. He chugs it right out of the bottle.

A few days ago when I was out hunting mushrooms, I could hear the water flowing out the overflow on our old water system that we no longer use. It is still hooked up at the barn so I have been running a hose out to the garden. It has been very dry here and the baby onion plants were starting to die. When we were using this water for household use, there simply was not enough for both us and the garden. It is pretty neat to be able to water the garden now.

some photos of the house painting..


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## bethzaring (Apr 23, 2010)

mollyannes' posting of the very funny Tom Rush video, made me think of, not sure why, this song that has once again come into my life... I have only recently started to listen to music again, was really enjoying silence..this is by the Traveling Wilburys', a super group that came together for a short time, has George Harrison, Bob Dylan and others...they were so good that they have Roy Orbison doing BACKUP vocals on this cut...hope this link works..this song has provided comfort to me an other occassions in my life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cwqhdRs4jyA

hmmm may not work, the song is entitled "The End of the Line"  if you want to google it


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## kadesma (Apr 23, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> mollyannes' posting of the very funny Tom Rush video, made me think of, not sure why, this song that has once again come into my life... I have only recently started to listen to music again, was really enjoying silence..this is by the Traveling Wilburys', a super group that came together for a short time, has George Harrison, Bob Dylan and others...they were so good that they have Roy Orbison doing BACKUP vocals on this cut...hope this link works..this song has provided comfort to me an other occassions in my life.
> 
> YouTube - Traveling Wilburys - End Of The Line
> 
> hmmm may not work, the song is entitled "The End of the Line"  if you want to google it


googled, perfect.Just lost my b-i-l he loved this song,
cj


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## babetoo (Apr 23, 2010)

i really enjoyed that, thanks.


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 26, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth...Just wanted to say Hi, and "show off" my new Bush Hog "Squealer"....I've only used it once...Wow!....what a difference from the old scrap iron one...Really!! What a dangerous piece of junk I was using...If  DW hadn't have insisted...I'd prolly woulda tried to get another year out of the old one....Anyway, just want to say Hi and to take care....Think of y'all often!
Stay in Touch!


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## bethzaring (May 18, 2010)

okay, still trying to get dh to deal with end of life issues, and he is doing pretty well. He has signed the forms to leave his body to Ohio University for research. The selling point for the tightwad was this will incur the family no expenses at all. The University will pick up his body and mail me the ashes when they are finished. Other universities charge for transport of the body and to return the ashes. I was interested in Ohio State University where a great amount of cancer research takes place, but the no cost option won out.

Just noticed a heavy metal rock star died over the weekend from stomach cancer. I have had a hard time learning how the end plays out. He was diagnosed last summer with early stage stomach cancer, had radiation, was considered beneficial in his case, then he died. In any case, he did not last one year from diagnosis, and with treatment. It has become easy for us to overlook dh's condition because he still functions relatively well....and then we read a story like this..

A book that has been a great help to me is "Dying Well, Peace and Possibilities at the End of Life" written by a Hospice doctor. Even before he knew he had cancer, dh would say he was going to check out, if he ever found himself in a debilitated state. This book directly addresses common fears, especially suicide and not wanting to be a burden on caretakers. It can be a blessing for caretakers to be given the opportunity to care for their loved ones as they lay dying, and this book clearly explains this from both perspectives.

Work on the house exterior continues. Rain has stalled a few projects. The last project on the exterior of the house will be to replace the stationary glass panes in the greenhouse. That will be in a couple of weeks.

Blackie, our tuxedo cat continues to provide comfort to dh. She is let in the house every morning for a while, before going outside for the day. He holds her while he eats his oatmeal every morning.

We are back going over financial stuff. We switched homeowners insurance agents and upgraded our policies. Also he made a spreadsheet (he wanted me to make it) that will show if it pays to take social security benefits early or late. It appears to be beneficial for me to start taking them at age 62 rather than 70.

Dh says he is operating at about 80% of his past energy level. Some days he feels really bad and other days he feels okay. Last week was bad, but this week is tolerable. He is wavering if he can make the motorcycle trip to New England with his brother in July. He is eyeing some BMW rallies in Kentucky and Alabama in the next two weeks. He says what he really wants to spend time doing is working at home, or riding his motorcycle.

And some photos....one for Uncle Bob of my 6 foot cut bush hog...painting the house and the greenhouse glass that will be replaced..


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## ChefJune (May 18, 2010)

I never cease to be amazed at your calm and resilience, Beth.  Please know that both of  you are in my prayers daily.

Sending you hugs.


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## Uncle Bob (May 19, 2010)

Thanks for the up date Miss Beth!! I've been thinking about you. ~~~ Sounds like y'all have been busy --- My Mother would say..."You've been as busy as a Bee in a Tar Bucket!!  Bravo on finishing up with the exterior projects before it gets so blasted hot!! ~~~ Love the pictures of the work in progress and the new bush hog!!! 

Take Care.......


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## bethzaring (Jun 3, 2010)

We are in the final stages of completing the projects dh wanted to do around the homestead. Yesterday the glass in the greenhouse was switched out, right before we were hit with major thunderstorms, and nearly 3 inches of rain. Photos are of the glass coming out, the condition of the glass that was installed 24 years ago, the last pane installed and the almost completed job.

He is off today on his motorcycle to Nashville to see his mom and one brother. We have reservations to visit Fallingwater, Frank Lloyd Wrights creation in SW PA, (will drive a car and stay in a B&B) and then a trip with his other brother on their motorcycles somewhere.


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## Uncle Bob (Jun 3, 2010)

Thanks for the update Miss Beth...The new glass in the green house looks very nice...Pretty picture!! ~~~ Thunderstorms are everywhere....almost a daily thing here....We don't always get rain, but can hear thunder rumbling in the distance....One afternoon it rained 3 1/2 inches in no time...water was everywhere...ditches over flowing, water across the roads...It want be much longer and it will get to the point where you can't buy a drop of rain...Grrrrrrrrr! ~~ Anyway, it's good to hear that DH is riding and visiting his mom...Your upcoming trip sounds like fun too!!!

Take Care and Stay in Touch!!!


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## licia (Jun 3, 2010)

Beth, the greenhouse looks great. We are having rain most afternoons and like Uncle Bob says, even if it doesn't rain - there is thunder about. Everything is blooming its' head off here but I know soon it will be so hot that nothing feels like blooming. Take care and enjoy your trip. I really admire what you and your dh are doing.


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## ChefJune (Jun 3, 2010)

Gosh, Beth. That looks lovely!


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## Uncle Bob (Jun 17, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth!! Just wanted to say Hi, and say I wuz thinkin about y'all. ~~~ It is HOT in Mississippi and it's just starting. Check in when you can!


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## CookLikeJulia (Jun 17, 2010)

Thanks for the update Beth. I've just read your thread. Sad to know what you are encountering now. You'll be in my prayers together with rich. Take care always.


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## bethzaring (Jun 18, 2010)

Thanks for asking Uncle Bob!

The good news is we just returned from a wonderful visit to Fallingwater. We spent about 7 hours on the grounds, including lunch and a nap in the car.  Our tour of the house lasted 2 hours, but we could stay on the grounds until closing.  But once the house tour was over, we could not get back into the house...very tight security there because the family left all their furnishings/antiques/Tiffany lamps/art work/etc. in place.

The bad news is dh has decided he can no longer travel anywhere, he is home for good.  For the first time, he has encountered times where he could not eat or drink anything.  He has cancelled his motorcycle trip with his brother to New England.  And because of this, he has started taking the heavy duty medicines.

Here's a few photos from Fallingwater..


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## Wyogal (Jun 18, 2010)

Beautiful pictures... take care. You are both in my prayers.


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## ChefJune (Jun 18, 2010)

what a lovely, tranquil place.

I think of you often, Beth, and send you prayers and strength.


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## licia (Jun 18, 2010)

Beth, I'm glad you both enjoyed the trip and sorry dh isn't able to do the things he planned but I'm sure there will be plenty to do closer to home. I will keep you both in my prayers.


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## kadesma (Jun 18, 2010)

Oh Beth,
Im sorry to hear this. I've got you both in my heart and in my prayers.I hope you know just how much you both are loved. May HE keep you close and may you have peace.
cj


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## Uncle Bob (Jun 19, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth!! ~~ As I began reading your lines, I guess the blood of some distant and ancient ancestor flowed through my brain as I immediately had visions of a waterfall and and a beautiful Indian maiden named Fallingwater...Then as quickly as the vision appeared it was swept away by the realization that it was just an ole house!!
I admit I had to go to Google to check the place out! ...Only after the Google Tour did I realize it wasn't just any ole house, but a very special and beautiful ole house. Wow! I know y'all had a grand time there..It seems so restful and peaceful...I bet you hated to leave ~~ Sorry that DH doesn't feel like taking any long trips now...maybe you can work in a few short day trips hear and there. Sometimes those are the best kind! 

Continue to take care, and stay in touch!!!!


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## kitchenelf (Jun 19, 2010)

Words come and go and I can't seem to form the right sentences ... I'll simply say that my heart and my prayers are with you and Rich.  The pictures are wonderful; thanks for sharing them.  They are truly a gift for all of us!


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## bethzaring (Jun 19, 2010)

Hi KE!!...nice to hear from you.....I would think it is kinda hard to chime in on this thread, really, what can one say? I really appreciate knowing folks are pulling for us..

We are assessing Rich's condition for a few days, hoping his symptoms subside. He was on the road for most of the last two weeks and he always has done better at home.

I was the one to choose Fallingwater as a destination and even though Rich was excited to go, he was surprised at the effect it had on him. Yes, we did not want to leave. He felt he was in the presence of a great place. He has designed a few homes himself so he was quite interested in the house. And we both had read many books on Fallingwater over the years.

If he feels up to it, I have the next destination picked out.....Batson Cemetery  in rural Henry County Indiana. I have been there many times to visit my ancestors, and have stayed in a lovely old home in Richmond Indiana. Before I had decided on Fallingwater, Rich had suggested an ancestral cemetery of mine.

But right now we are trying to get a pound or two back on the boy......not easy considering he is out mowing right now


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## justplainbill (Jul 8, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> Hi KE!!...nice to hear from you.....I would think it is kinda hard to chime in on this thread, really, what can one say? I really appreciate knowing folks are pulling for us..
> 
> 
> But right now we are trying to get a pound or two back on the boy......not easy considering he is out mowing right now



Consumption of tapioca with heavy cream can put on a few pounds.  Just bought a bunch through Amazon.


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## bethzaring (Jul 8, 2010)

justplainbill said:


> Consumption of tapioca with heavy cream can put on a few pounds. Just bought a bunch through Amazon.


 
jpb, we wish it was that easy, but it is not.  His main manifestion of stomach cancer is the inability to eat.  Dh would give just about anything to be able to sit down and eat a bowl of anything.  He physically can't.  He has a pressure coming up from his stomach.


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## buckytom (Jul 8, 2010)

you're darn tootin' it's difficult to chime in on this thread. i'm rarely at a loss for words, but the strength, the beauty of your love for each other, the amazing life that you are living has left me completely speechless.

it is what you've shared here that made me realize that _we_ are in the presence of something great. as uncle bob said, it's not some ol' house. 

i will say a decade of the rosary on the way home tonight for you and yours, beth. add my heart to all of those here who are with you.


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## bethzaring (Jul 8, 2010)

buckytom said:


> i will say a decade of the rosary on the way home tonight for you and yours, beth. add my heart to all of those here who are with you.


 
thanks BT, really appreciate it


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## kadesma (Jul 9, 2010)

Beth, I hope you realize how much hope you give all of us. We all love you and pray for you both.
cj


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## LPBeier (Jul 9, 2010)

Beth, I want you to know that your note to me yesterday was something special.  As I have said often you and your DH are constantly in my thoughts and prayers.  And I am with BuckyT that it is hard to have words to say in answer to what you are going through and how you are handling it.  It is something special indeed and we can all learn by your examples.  I am deeply humbled.


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## bethzaring (Jul 11, 2010)

kinda an update....we labored for about one week, in mid June, when dh had decided he could not travel any more. He was despondent with that decision. So he decided the trip to New England with his NYC brother was back on. But at literally the last minute, the morning he was to leave, he realized he could not do the trip. So his brother rode here. They ended up doing a two day trip to Elkins, West Virginia that went well. He is sad that he can't tell when he will feel okay to do things, and went he feels crappy and has to cancel plans. He really does not like being unreliable. We have plans to go cemetery crawling in Indiana this coming week that he thinks he can do no matter how he feels. We also plan to visit the Wilbur Wright (we seem to be on a Wright theme) homestead and Museum which is close to my ancestral cemeteries, and also take in the historical museum in New Castle. He is getting better at taking the morphine in a timely manner, instead of waiting way too long suffering and struggling to eat. It is really curious how the morphine affects him; it stops the stomach pressure and nausea, and is very short-lived, while having no other side effects; but he takes a tiny dose which he says is unbelievably bitter. And he plans to drive his truck to Nashville in two weeks. Still taking one day at a time and trying to adjust to each new symptom.


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## Uncle Bob (Jul 11, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth....Thanks for the update. I've been thinking about y'all and wondering how things were going. ~~~ So glad the NYC brother made the trip to see dh. I know they had a good ride into West Virginia...Really pretty there. Flew into Huntington a couple of years ago...Drove into eastern Kentucky cemetery crawling for dw family...It was a nice trip...met a lot of super nice people. Crossed over the Ohio river, so I could say I'd been to Ohio! ~~~ Sounds like y'all have some fun days planned. Look forward to hearing about them soon! Take care...one day at a time, and stay in touch!!


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## Claire (Jul 19, 2010)

OK, the latest is that I broke my foot.  No biggie, really, except that I'm used to walking almost anywhere under a mile.  For two weeks I thought it was nothing, just a sore foot. But my husband didn't know what to think this morning; he didn't like my  color or attitudes.  So I gave in, and got just what I expected.  Broken bone in foot, not much we can do about it.  A "shoe" to keep it stiff (basically, as far as I'm concerned, it used to be call a splint).  It really is a no big deal except that I'm used to doing a lot of walking, which probably won't happen any time soon.  Not happy.


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## babetoo (Jul 20, 2010)

sorry to hear that claire, i spent summer before last in a cast up to my knee. fractured my foot in a fall. no fun at all. my still swells once in a while so take care.


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## Uncle Bob (Jul 25, 2010)

Morning Miss Beth..... Been thinking about y'all and the trip you went on...I know it was a fun time.....My garden is winding down...It's a good thing I suppose...Yesterday we had to look everywhere to find 8 pint jars for "Chili Sauce"...I kicked up this batch with 6 cayenne, and three Jalapenos ....It has a pretty good "bite" to it and will definitely get your attention!!  ~~~~~ Anyway, just wanted to say Hi! When ya have time drop us a note...Everyone would love to hear from you!


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## bethzaring (Jul 27, 2010)

Morning all,

I see I did not mention my incident of early July...seems like I passed out coming back to bed one night, in the bathroom.  I have no memory of it; it scared the crap out of dh.  I had Hospice take my blood pressure and it was around 200/110.....thinking it may be stress related but the doc is checking out all options.   This did not stop us from taking our trip to Indiana, had a great time.  This is where we stayed  Quaker Hill - Facilities.  We ended up having the whole house to ourselves, including the kitchen and dining room.  I packed all our food that trip and dh could take his time trying to eat all breakfasts and dinners there.  Lunches were a problem, he had great difficulty with them.  We spent 3/4ths of one day at the Wilbur Wright museum and were sitting in the car under a shade tree trying to choke down a pancake and he was getting really discouraged, when we heard a funny noise.  I spotted a tiny plane zooming around and it turned out to be a family flying several remote controlled airplanes.  DH perked up and with pancake in hand, set out to find the remote controllers.  They were behind the museum and dh really enjoyed watching them and didn't even notice that he was eating his pancake with no trouble.  They even let him fly a trainer, under close supervision, because he about crashed it 12 times.  Actually we have noticed that distractions can help him eat.  We just signed up with Netflix so we can watch movies while he tries to eat.  His attitude is still very good.  He took a small consulting job this morning because it is lovely outside and he could ride his motorcycle to the job.

I ended up riding with him, in my car, to Nashville to see his Mom and brother, just got back yesterday.  He wants to stay close to home for a while.  He is feeling a little scattered because he does not have a big home improvement job going at the moment.  I am encouraging a shift into the fun mode, rather than work mode.  He is getting ready to sell his work truck and is clearing out a storage room to accommodate all the tools and supplies that are in the truck.

Here is one photo of him looking at one of the airplanes, and one of him helping his Mom wash her dog.


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## jabbur (Jul 27, 2010)

So glad you all had a good trip.  It is important to keep making memories like that so you have something besides all the hardships to recall.  Hope you figure out your own issues with your blood pressure.  You guys certainly don't need any other problems!


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## bethzaring (Aug 3, 2010)

DH's symptoms continue to gradually evolve. Eating has proven so difficult that he is eating fewer meals now. He remains stupifyingly cheerful through all this. And I am sure it is for my benefit. He says he has to have a project going to keep him hopeful. He gave me a choice of three projects; replace some rotten boards on the barn, continue interior painting of the house, or take down a dying white ash tree that was leaning over our power line. I chose the tree project. It was tricky, seeing that one of the two trunks was leaning over the line and needed to be felled in the opposite direction of the lean. So a tugging with the tractor was needed, and a few prayers that the wind would cooperate. All fell well. Here are a few pics.


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## Uncle Bob (Aug 3, 2010)

Great photos Beth....I admire your bravery too! ~~ Last year I needed to take down a big oak that lightning had struck..Only one way for it to go... through the eye of a needle....As luck would have it the tree wanted to go somewhere else...I was afraid to risk it so I had a tree removal company take it down...It proved a challenge for them, so I'm glad I didn't attempt it by myself....Glad that all went well for y'all!

*Now...How is your blood pressure? Are you monitoring it? Been to a Doctor??? What gives??
*


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## bethzaring (Aug 3, 2010)

Uncle Bob said:


> *Now...How is your blood pressure? Are you monitoring it? Been to a Doctor??? What gives??*


 

My blood pressure is still too high.  Have had two visits with the doctor, one phone consultation and my next visit is next week.  We are working on finding the correct dosage.  It has been reduced from the alarming level.  I have a nifty machine that takes and records my blood pressure and heart rate and I take all readings to my doctor visits.

Dh has been felling trees annually since 1974.  It still makes me nervous to watch.


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## Uncle Bob (Aug 3, 2010)

Good news Beth!!...Happy to hear you've taken the necessary steps to get the blood pressure under control....I take daily medication to keep mine in the normal range...Simple as taking a pill once a day ~~ After the Doctor visit next week give us an update...OK? Take care!


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## kadesma (Aug 3, 2010)

Beth, I too take b/p meds a lot of them. Please be faithful taking them. I'd hate for you to have any more problems. Bravo for taking things in hand.My continued thoughts and prayers.
cj


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## ChefJune (Aug 4, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> My blood pressure is still too high. Have had two visits with the doctor, one phone consultation and my next visit is next week. We are working on finding the correct dosage. It has been reduced from the alarming level. I have a nifty machine that takes and records my blood pressure and heart rate and I take all readings to my doctor visits.


 
My guess is a lot of your blood pressure problems are being exacerbated by the incredible stress you're having. Not saying that to say you don't need to watch it carefully.  As we get older our bodies change. We may not like it, but we have to take care of ourselves.  

You're such a trooper. Prayers flying your way, as always.


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## buckytom (Aug 6, 2010)

lots of people think taking down trees is easy, until you realize how much energy builds up in a single bending branch, let alone the weight of the entire tree.

most of the landscrapers that i've been friends with call tree surgeons "brothers of the bark" because they're a special group unto themselves. very brave and skilled, but a little nuts, lol.

btw, still keeping you and yours in my thoughts and prayers as well, beth. i'll say another decade today. the light of your love is a constant reminder of what's good in the world, so it should never be far from mind.


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## bethzaring (Aug 17, 2010)

We have finally had a break in the weather; it has been so hot and humid the past few weeks, which is normal for SE Ohio. So dh is off on a short motorcycle ride this cool morning and plans to be back home in time for our weekly visit from Hospice.
He is experiencing more pain and discomfort than before.  He only tries to eat about 4 times a day instead of the 6 small meals, and his portions are smaller.  And as expected, he is losing weight again.  He lays down after most meals now, to settle his stomach.  Some days he feels really bad all day.
A dear old friend is flying in from NH for the weekend, and next weekend his brother from TN will be here.  This Friday is our 34th wedding anniversary and Sunday is dh's 60th birthday. We didn't have any plans for this weekend, until the upcoming surprise visit from our NH friend.
The firewood project has been completed and he is resting before the next project.  He wants to replace the 15 extremely large juniper bushes that shield the house from the road.  The township keeps triming the bushes with a side mounted bushhog, which just shreds the bushes and is starting to kill them.  It will not be easy getting 25 year old bushes gone.  His brother thinks beginning that project is on the docket for his visit next week.  I'm hoping for a relaxed weekend.
Here is a photo of our firewood storage.


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## ChefJune (Aug 17, 2010)

Sending you prayers and good thoughts as always, Beth. 

I'll be scarce around here this week as I'm on a road trip up the coast of California from LA to Sonoma, so I'll say Happy Anniversary to you both, and Happy Birthday to DH now....

Cherish these moments. I know you will.


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## Uncle Bob (Aug 22, 2010)

Hey Beth..Happy Anniversary (belated) and Happy Birthday to DH ! ~~ That's enough "flavoring wood"  for a couple train loads of pork ribs, butts, chickens, etc!! ~~~ How is your blood pressure??? Getting it under control???


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## bethzaring (Aug 24, 2010)

Well, Uncle Bob, I take my blood pressure reading every day and record them for my doctor. This morning is was 165/94 with a heart rate of 53. Don't know if that is under control but I suspect it is not. My medicine dosage was doubled a few weeks ago and my next appt. is in two weeks. My stress level remains high and I think it will get worse.

Rich thinks he is living on borrowed time right now. We believe one of two things could cause his death; the tumor growing and causing an obstruction so he can't swallow any food or water, or he will stop eating because eating is too difficult. He had reached the point of wanting to stop eating in June, right after our trip to Fallingwater. He then tried all the medicines that Hospice had provided in their "comfort pack". Nothing worked, until he tried the last med which was morphine. The morphine actually allows him to eat something, about 95% of the time. Right now he is eating 3 to 4 times a day. Breakfasts are usually trouble free but he is using the morphine to help him eat the other two meals every day. He naps daily and lays down after eating until his stomach settles down. He is slowly losing weight. We watch movies almost every night while he tries to eat dinner. We received a new flat screen TV for his birthday!

His attitude remains cheerful. He still has projects he is working on. Currently he is planing lumber to replace some rotting boards/siding on the barn. And he is considering removing and replacing the overgrown juniper bushes in front of the house.

I am exploring cancer support groups online and they are just heartbreaking and interesting to read. I have learned that we never went through a denial phase, and that I am not alone at all!

This photo was taken a few days ago at a friends house/barn.


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## licia (Aug 24, 2010)

Beth, Just remember we are thinking of you and dh and keeping you in our prayers. I'm sure this is a terribly difficult thing to be dealing with now. I certainly hope the support group is helpful.


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## ChefJune (Aug 24, 2010)

Dear Beth:

Still sending lots of prayers for both of you.


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## bethzaring (Aug 26, 2010)

I did something for dh's birthday that worked out very well.  About one month before his birthday, I sent out an email to family and friends asking them to write dh a letter, explaining what effect he has had on their lives.  My intent was to collect them and give them to him on his birthday.  But the letters started coming in right away.  So I gave them to him as they arrived.  He has received 28 so far and he is making comments like I was at the beginning of this thread; they can't possibly be talking about him.  

Thank you all for the prayers and good vibes..


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## Uncle Bob (Aug 26, 2010)

Well now....Double Bonus Points for you Miss Beth!!!~~ What a great idea that was!!....I know his heart was/is overflowing...knowing/realizing he has touched so many lives in so many positive ways...What a beautiful gift!!

{{{{{{Miss Beth}}}}}}


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## Chrissy13 (Aug 26, 2010)

Hi Beth, I don't know you, but I just want to say that  I am very sad after reading this and will keep you in my prayers. God is with Rich and all of you ALWAYS. Stay positive!


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## Uncle Bob (Sep 12, 2010)

Morning Miss Beth...

Woke up this morning thinking about y'all...Wondering if fall weather was in progress up there...It is so blasted hot here, and locally dry. We did have a couple of days that were nice...not so hot and low humility...it felt soooooo good!! Can't wait for cooler weather...Maybe then I can get out into my shop and clean it up...What a mess...So disorganized ~~~ Anyway, just wanted to say hi and let y'all know we are thinking of you!!


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## ChefJune (Sep 12, 2010)

You've been on my mind, too, Beth.  Hope everything is okay.


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## bethzaring (Sep 12, 2010)

Thanks for the thoughts, all. Kinda keeping a low profile now. Still having a problem getting friends to respect our desire for no visitors. Dh is only trying to eat 3 meals a day and not being successful at the supper meal. He can eat ice cream and I have been whipping up a fortified product that he likes; Breyers vanilla ice cream, instant breakfast, and a product called benecalorie, all mixed together. He tolerates scrambled eggs and ham and I mix in the benecalorie to that too. He is up early most days and still doing projects around the house and barn. He now has pain, this is new. The pain is in his stomach and it is controlled by the morphine. He is never without his little bottle of morphine. The pain can be quite intense. He still has a positive attitude.

I am sure the excess of visitors has contributed to my high blood pressure. Our main form of entertainment used to be to have friends over for dinner and conversation, and they honestly do not understand that I can not put out a meal, and keep up with dh. The good news is I now have a good idea who I want around when dh is bedridden. And it not who I thought. Some of his friends need picked up after a lot.....one instance....it has been hot here and I make ice cubes in three trays. Would it not occur to you to refill the ice cube tray after you emptied it, instead of putting an empty tray back in the freezer?.  Ice is a really big deal for dh, he wants his drinks literally full of ice.  So it makes me cranky to find an empty tray in the freezer.  Still working with the doc on the high BP, he recently added a second med, didn't want to increase the first med any more.

The last time we were in TN dh said it was his last trip there.  Now his Mom is making noises about wanting to come here to visit.  She hasn't been here since 1992.  She hates Ohio and does not do well on long car rides. She is very unstable on her feet. It would not be a good idea for her to visit. So dh is not considering going back to TN.  Sigh.  We really just want to be left alone.  Except for brothers and sisters and a few close friends.

Please keep those prayers and good thoughts coming..


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## LPBeier (Sep 12, 2010)

Beth, you continue to have my thoughts and prayers big time!  Having looked after Dad these past several months I can relate to a lot of things you are going through (specially the food problems and who to/not to have around).

I have actually gained much of my strength from how you and your DH have handled your situation.  

Big gentle hugs to both of you {{{{{{{{{{Beth & DH}}}}}}}}}}


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## Barbara L (Sep 12, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> Thanks for the thoughts, all. Kinda keeping a low profile now. Still having a problem getting friends to respect our desire for no visitors...


We are continuing to pray for you both.  I'm not at DC as much as in the past, but I do keep up, and I do pray for both of you.

You may have to get tough about visitors.  I think it is human nature for the average person to believe that he/she is the exception to the rule when it comes to things like that.

 Barbara


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## bethzaring (Sep 13, 2010)

Barbara L said:


> We are continuing to pray for you both. I'm not at DC as much as in the past, but I do keep up, and I do pray for both of you.
> 
> You may have to get tough about visitors. I think it is human nature for the average person to believe that he/she is the exception to the rule when it comes to things like that.
> 
> Barbara


 
I agree that these folks think they are the exception.....and also a bit of "oh, she is just having a bad day, she doesn't REALLY mean it".
I'm meeting girl friends for lunch today and will get their take on how to handle this.


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## ChefJune (Sep 13, 2010)

sending you strength to help you get through even the "stuff" you hadn't thought of.

We're all right here for you, Beth.


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## kadesma (Sep 13, 2010)

Sorry I havent written, Beth I think of both of you each day. I've been laid up an anti-biotic got me and it was bad so they changed me to oral meds. Take care sweetie.
cj


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## CookLikeJulia (Sep 14, 2010)

Beth, my prayers goes to you and Rich. May our good Lord guide and give you strength. Take care and God bless!


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## Uncle Bob (Oct 17, 2010)

Morning Miss Beth....Was thinking about ya, and wanted to say HI!!

Dry as a powder keg here..A Total Burn Ban is in effect...Having to water Azaleas in front of the house, and in "The Park" to keep them alive...We did get a sprinkle the other night...I checked my rain gauges, and they were just "damp"  

When ya have time, check in and tell us how you are doing.....

UB......


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## kadesma (Oct 17, 2010)

Thinking of the two of you. Stay safe and well.
cj


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## LPBeier (Oct 17, 2010)

Beth, I pray all is well, and you are just enjoying each others company right now.  You are both in my thoughts and prayers always.  Just know you are well loved and cared for here at DC.  {{{{{{{{{{{{{Beth & Rich}}}}}}}}}}}}}


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## ChefJune (Oct 18, 2010)

Beth, you and Rich have been on my mind as well. Saw this thread up at the top and decided I just had to check and see how you are doing.

Prayers and good thoughts are continually flying your way.


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## mudbug (Oct 20, 2010)

oh, jeez, Beth.  I am both sorry to hear about this and uplifted by your perseverance.  Best wishes to you and Rich.


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## Barbara L (Oct 20, 2010)

More hugs and prayers from James and me.

Barbara


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## LPBeier (Oct 20, 2010)

*A Message From Beth*

I got an email from Beth today.  Things are not going so well with Rich at the moment; however she has had some great company helping her out.  She will visit DC when she can and appreciates everyone's support and concern.


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## Barbara L (Oct 20, 2010)

LPBeier said:


> I got an email from Beth today.  Things are not going so well with Rich at the moment; however she has had some great company helping her out.  She will visit DC when she can and appreciates everyone's support and concern.


Thank you so much for letting us know.

Barbara


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## Alix (Oct 20, 2010)

An extra helping of love and good wishes going your way today Beth.


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## kadesma (Oct 20, 2010)

Beth, you and Rich are in my heart,prayers and good thoughts.Thank  you Laurie ma
cj


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## buckytom (Oct 20, 2010)

my heart is with you and rich, beth. i'll say a decade tonight for you two.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Oct 21, 2010)

My thoughts and prayers going out to Beth and Rich!


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## ChefJune (Oct 21, 2010)

Thanks for the update, Laurie.

Beth, you and Rich are in my heart and prayers, as always.


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## kadesma (Oct 21, 2010)

Beth, may today bring some warm comforting sunshine into your lives. Hugs for both of you.
cj


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## bethzaring (Oct 21, 2010)

Almost one month ago dh met another crisis threshhold and finally relented to try a steroid medicine that Hospice had been suggesting. He feels it is helping him and he has continued to take the steroid. It has given him energy and a sense of well being. It has enabled him to continue to ride his motorcycle, mainly on day trips, several times a week. He is probably working on his last major home improvement project. The next door neighbor has a backhoe and was enlisted to help with removing the row of over mature juniper bushes that are in front of the house and offers privacy from the road. It did not go as dh had invisioned, but it did go. Dh has planned to chain saw off bits of the huge bushes to make removal easier, but the neighbor ended up digging out the whole bush. Removing the bushes turned out to be a problem, so all retired to lunch and contemplation, but by the end of the day, our bushes were no where in sight. Dh has ordered 56 baby juniper bushes which will arrive next week. Three friends are lined up to help and dh says he can not predict if he will feel well enough to help plant them or not. He just may supervise.

He says his body is ready to lay down and die, but mentally he is not ready to let go. He now weighs 112#. He chokes down a decent breakfast but eating the rest of the day is minimal. He feels really bad during and after eating, so he tries to delay any attempts at eating.

Have had lots of company lately. Currently my sister from New Mexico and a cousin from Wash DC are here and it is wonderful!! They are prepping dinner right now....a sweet potato and apple casserole and crockpot rotisserie chicken and broccoli with rice. It has been a good year for apples in Ohio and several folks have dropped off small bags of apples. I am still seeing my doc on a regular basis for my high blood pressure, it is okay right now but he may change dosages later. I simply can not sleep without medicine, so I take that nightly.

I will be asking for prayers for a peaceful and calm environment for dh and me.

and the photos: The cement pouring at the barn, bathroom painting, bush removal and a photo taken last week of a friend, dh and me.


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## CharlieD (Oct 21, 2010)

wow, you are a good woman, every man's dream as the matter of fact. I know your husband feels great having you near by. I know he could not have done it without you. You should leve and be well untll a 120.


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## CookLikeJulia (Oct 23, 2010)

All I can say is that, you a rare kind of a woman.


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## licia (Oct 24, 2010)

Beth, you and your dh are in our prayers. Thanks for updating us.


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## Kayelle (Nov 9, 2010)

Once again, the two of you inspire me Beth.
  You said


> I will be asking for prayers for a peaceful and calm environment for dh and me.


You most assuredly have those prayers. 
The signature I've used here from my start at DC, rings true once more.


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## LPBeier (Nov 9, 2010)

Beth, you know that both of you are in my heart and prayers.  Please give your DH a gentle hug from me and take a couple for yourself.  Thanks for the pictures.


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## Barbara L (Nov 9, 2010)

Thank you for the update and the pictures Beth.  You are both in my prayers, always.

Barbara


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## kadesma (Nov 9, 2010)

Beth you and Rich have my lheart and you both fill it heart with love for both of you. You both insprie me to keep going thank you. I love you both.
cj


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## buckytom (Nov 10, 2010)

i thought of you and yours today, beth. it happened to cross my mind as i was saying grace before dinner. i'm glad to have this thread to let you know.

you are thought of in prayer, the kind that reminds us to be grateful for what we have, when we have it. everything is so impermanent in life, but you have such a facility with the only thing that lasts forever. the strength of your love. 

god bless you and keep you, always.


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## bethzaring (Nov 11, 2010)

The surreal saga continues. This guy is supposed to be dying but he gets up at 4:30 am, works all day, and sleeps a few hours at night. He is getting more accomplished every day that a normal person. This is the effect of the steroids and dh is content to be able to work as hard as he can. He thinks the medicine has given him a new lease on life; I worry about how hyper it is making him. We get a variety of Hospice nurses who visit weekly and the one who came this week had not been here for four weeks. She was concerned at his recent weight loss and increased pain. She asked if we wanted more frequent visits. Dh said nope, he was getting ready to leave on a trip to TN. We have been able to stabilize his weight loss at 110# and his intake has improved over the last several days. You wouldn't believe the last project that has been undertaken. He keeps asking me what I want done, so I suggested a project that I was going to have a professional service do. Take down an old (163 yo) white oak tree that is/was shading the garden. He took down three other trees that would have been damaged by this tree that had far reaching branches, and he missed the power line when the old tree came down. We have quite a bit of the 4 trees split and stacked, but that project is on hold while he visits him Mom and brother in TN. He is amazing. I am a nervous wreck.

Some photos of the tree project and one of the new bushes in front of the house. Since I will be gardening in a much smaller part of the garden, at the top of the garden, I really wanted this tree gone so my main gardening area was not shaded.


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## ChefJune (Nov 11, 2010)

Beth, you say it is the steroids that are giving him this "Incredible Hulk" stamina.  Maybe, but more I think it is Rich's love and concern for you.

I wish I could send you the ability to relax and just enjoy the time you have left with him here, but I know if I were in the same place I'd also probably be a nervous wreck. Sending you many hugs, and prayers, as always.

xoxo

BTW, great pix.  especially the one of the kitty on the tree trunk.


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## Alix (Nov 11, 2010)

As always, when I read some of your story, my heart just fills up. Love and prayers going up for you both Beth. Rich is an amazing guy, and I'm glad you are storing up so many wonderful memories and feelings. Your pictorial record alone is awesome. I'm with June, that kitty picture is classic. It reminds me of my own Tuxedo baby. Yours looks very girly though. She is a girl kitty isn't she?


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## bethzaring (Nov 11, 2010)

the kitty in this photo is currently a boy.  This past February, we had a female tuxedo cat show up (Blackie), took about 2 months to get a hand on her, had her spayed, she became a house cat, then she peed on the bed and became an outdoor cat.  She then moved into the barn a few months, but took off and we see her maybe once a month now.  This kitten showed up, looks remarkably like Blackie, about two months ago and immediately stole our hearts.  This cat is more like a dog.  He purrs all the time, follows us around, goes on walks with us, is always trying to get in the house.  I will schedule him on Saturday for a sex change operation next month.  He is so friendly.  Donna one of the Hospice nurses named him Donna, until we discovered he is Don.


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## Alix (Nov 11, 2010)

Beth, you just described my Tuxedo boy. He was such a lover and snuggler. He followed me from room to room in the house (indoor cat ONLY) and would take every opportunity for snuggling he could get. Maybe he came back to be your boy for a while.


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## bethzaring (Nov 11, 2010)

oh Alix

it doesn't take much to make my cry these days


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## Alix (Nov 11, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> oh Alix
> 
> it doesn't take much to make my cry these days


Me either!  Its been 7 months (not that I'm counting or anything) and I still cry everytime I think of him. I'm kind of hoping he DID come to be with you, he'll love you lots!


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## PrincessFiona60 (Nov 12, 2010)

I find yours and Rich's story to be very uplifting and full of love.  I hope that when I am in your situation in the future that I carry myself with the same poise and calm.

My prayers for you and Rich.  Hugs!


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## Uncle Bob (Nov 23, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth!!!! ~~~ Just thought I would drop in and say Hi and that I'm thinking about y'all!! ~~~ Take care....write when you can! 

UB


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## jabbur (Nov 24, 2010)

Beth, I've been following your story and it is very inspirational.  The strength of character you both have displayed is beyond amazing.  Treasure every minute you have together.  This will be a wonderful Thanksgiving for your family.  You have been truly blessed.


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## bethzaring (Nov 24, 2010)

hey UB, thanks for the thoughts, 'ppreciate them.

We had that one week in October where he lost six pounds, but since then, we have been able to keep his weight stable at 110#. We guess his cancer was going haywire that week. Even though he continues to take the steroid, his energy level is decreasing. And his discomfort level is increasing after eating.

Today we will finish up the big tree felling project. He will be bringing to the woodshed the last of the firewood...will get a picture probably today, after it is all stacked. His next project is the upstairs of the barn, going through all the stuff that has been stored there. He has three friends lined up to come for a visit. Two will be here for practice shooting and one will haul away stuff from the barn. There are a lot of things we don't talk about, like, why is he practice shooting? We also don't talk about the holidays, still taking just one day at a time. We are not expecting anyone over tomorrow. I am fixing a brined and roasted chicken, that's all! But Hospice was here yesterday and asked if we are accepting the catered meal they are providing and I said no. And then she said, yes, we were. So we will have delivered a full Thanksgiving meal which serves 6 to 8. I am hoping they deliver some gravy!! Never was good with gravy.

He has plans to ride his motorcycle to TN in a few weeks.  He just bought an electrically heated vest for the trip.  I just hope he feels like making that trip. 

Here's hoping you all have a happy Thanksgiving and that you all appreciate what you have!


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## Alix (Nov 24, 2010)

Its not our Thanksgiving here this week, but I just want to say I'm thankful that there are people like you and Rich around, Beth. I'm just so touched by your story and am humbled that you would share it with us. I'm thankful as well that you get this day and each new one together.


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## LPBeier (Nov 24, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> Here's hoping you all have a happy Thanksgiving and *that you all appreciate what you have!*



Beth, this is a very profound statement and even more so by the fact that you said it.  You and Rich are the perfect example of that statement and while, as with Alix, this is not our Thanksgiving, I give thanks for your strength, openness and incredible courage to take each day at a time.


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## bethzaring (Nov 24, 2010)

Thanks for the kind words everyone

and here are some photos of the firewood project, with one "before" photo and the "after" photos including shots of Donna/Don/Donette


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## taxlady (Nov 24, 2010)

Wow, that's a lot of firewood. Do you heat with wood?

Is that kitty wearing a "cone of embarrassment"?


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## Barbara L (Nov 24, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> ...Here's hoping you all have a happy Thanksgiving and that you all appreciate what you have!


I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving Beth and Rich!

Yes, we definitely need to learn to appreciate what we have.  As I get older I learn more and more to appreciate the little things.

Barbara


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## Uncle Bob (Nov 25, 2010)

bethzaring said:


> hey UB, thanks for the thoughts, 'ppreciate them.
> 
> We had that one week in October where he lost six pounds, but since then, we have been able to keep his weight stable at 110#. We guess his cancer was going haywire that week. Even though he continues to take the steroid, his energy level is decreasing. And his discomfort level is increasing after eating.
> 
> ...



Morning Miss Beth....Hope your day is off to a good start!! Thanks for the update on all the 'goings on', on the Zaring Plantation!! Looks like someone has been very busy splitting wood!! Wow!!! What a Wood Shed!! Great pictures. I knew that tree would produce a lot of wood, and it did

I wouldn't worry to much about the gravy...with your roasted chicken you can make a fine gravy!! ~~ Instead, I would be hoping for a ...Chocolate Pie, maybe a Chocolate Cake..or sumpin Chocolate anyway!!

Take care and Enjoy your day!!!!!


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## Andy M. (Nov 25, 2010)

Happy Thanksgiving Beth and Rich.


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## ChefJune (Nov 25, 2010)

Dear Beth, you've been on my mind today, and then I checked in here and saw your updates.  Sending you hugs.

Learned long ago to appreciate the little joys in life, but sometimes need reminding.


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 17, 2010)

Hey Miss Beth...I saw your Christmas tree with the new lights in the Christmas tree thread....Very pretty! .... I've been thinking about y'all and wanting to say hi....So Hi Miss Beth!!  ~~~ I know the wood shed is coming in handy with all of the cold weather...Has been cold here in Dixieland too...but not like at your house I'm sure....Prolly lots snow too huh? Brrrrrrrrr, Makes me shiver just to think about it....These cold mornings make me glad I got rid of the milk cow a long time ago..... Anyway, just wanted to drop in and say hi.

Take Care.......


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## bethzaring (Dec 17, 2010)

Howdy back atcha Uncle Bob.....yep, got lotsa snow, 3 1/2 inches yesterday and dern it, its' snowing again, weren't supposed to get any today.  I'm keeping the fires burning!   Yesterday morning dh went to TN to see his mom and both brothers.  I'm sitting this one out, for a couple of reasons.  His Mom can be with all her children.....and I'm not doing so well.  The long term stress is affecting me.   I'm thinking of going to Bryn Mawr PA to see my other sister when dh returns..think getting out to a big city will do me good..


You take care too!


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## ChefJune (Dec 18, 2010)

Aw Beth, I'm so sorry.  It's no use telling you to relax, because your inner self has understandably taken this on.  Sounds like a change of scenery would do you good.

Sending you hugs.


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## babetoo (Dec 18, 2010)

stress is a terrible thing, especially when it is constant. hope you can de-stress enough to enjoy the holidays.


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 24, 2010)

Hiya Miss Beth...Just dropping in to say Hey on Christmas Eve!! Were you able to go to Pennsylvania to see your sister??? I hope so! ~~ I know you two had a grand time visiting and catching up on everything...We have been as busy as bees in a tar bucket around here.. Lots of cooking going on etc. ~~ Anyway, I hope your tomorrow is special!! ~~~ Take care of yourself and drop us a line when you can........


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## recipeontology (Dec 29, 2010)

I just joined the site, but I'm really sorry to hear about your husband. I hope you can find the support you need and are able to make it through okay.


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## bethzaring (Jan 26, 2011)

Been going through a bit of a rough spot lately.  Found out I have anticipatory grief.  That at least explains my mood swings and forgetfulness.  I have talked with two Hospice counselors and will be participating in an online, moderated, grief support group, which will last about 3 months.   This will start in Feb.
 
The trip to Bryn Mawr for Christmas was fabulous.  Got snowed in there with the blizzard that hit the east coast.  Had a wonderful time with the extended family.
 
But, I still was stressed out.  So I implemented some new rules….no more work on the house, no visitors, and no more advice from dh….he was driving me crazy.  He has embraced theses changes, much to my surprise.  So, what was going to be his new project??
 
We bought a new motorcycle, a small one, 200cc, for him to ride when he gets too weak to ride the BMW.  It’s a Suzuki DR 200 SE, an off and on road bike, fully legal for field or road.  He is so excited.  It won’t be delivered until next week. He is fixing up a place in the basement to park it.
 
We have been watching the Ken Burns series on the National Parks.  Dh did have the dream of riding his bike to the west coast last year but felt too sick to do it.  Now he is thinking about doing it this spring.  He wants to see some of the National Parks out west.  He will take a few shorter rides soon to see how he does.  Because of weather, the last several trips to TN have been in his truck.
 
He has been relatively stable since his rapid weight loss in October.  He is backing off on his steroids to see if that is the cause of his behavior changes.
 
That’s all folks!


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## ChefJune (Jan 26, 2011)

So glad you had a great Christmas, Beth.  Been thinking about you and Rich a lot.  

Anticipatory grief, eh?  that's an interesting concept, and I can see it. I think my good friend and neighbor is having a bout of that too. Her husband is declining quickly from advanced stages of MS. Probably good to give those feelings a name. That's a new one since my grad school psychology days, but it makes real sense.

Hope your weather isn't as bad as ours here. We're having a real stinker of a winter. Much more like Chicago than New York. 

Still sending you hugs and prayers, as always.

xoxo


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## Alix (Jan 26, 2011)

Thanks for the update Beth, you've been on my mind lately. Sending lots of love and peaceful wishes your way.


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## licia (Jan 26, 2011)

Beth, it was good to hear an update. I hope the diagnosis and support treatment help you. I must say your dh just keeps going and doing the things he likes - and that should be a good lesson for all of us. Too much of the time we think we don't have time to do a bucket list when we should actually be doing them.
Take care and best wishes for many good trips.


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## Barbara L (Jan 27, 2011)

Thank you for the update! Hopefully your new rules will help your stress, along with the online support group. 

You two still amaze me!

Barbara


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## Uncle Bob (Jan 28, 2011)

Anticipatory grief makes sense....never thought about it, but I can grasp the idea....I encourage you to continue with any and all counseling available to you...It's always best to let things out and not keep them bottled up ~~~ Think about y'all often...especially when I see a big snow storm moving across your area...I  bet that big wood pile is coming in handy, huh?

Stay warm and cozy...take good care of yourself!


{{{{{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


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## bethzaring (Feb 7, 2011)

okay, no changes with dh, he is holding at 110# since October!  I am doing better after my recent quest for help.  Turns out I am reacting normally... here are a few photos...Alix, I dug these carrots today, will use them in carrot cakes and cole slaw..


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## ChefJune (Feb 7, 2011)

So glad you checked in, Beth.  You've been on my mind lately. I guess no news is good news.  Extremely glad to hear you are doing better. It's hard to take care of yourself when you're not sure what that entails.  I'm praying that you will continue to thrive.  

hugs,
June


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## Uncle Bob (Feb 7, 2011)

Carrot Cake? ~~~ Did someone say sumpin about Carrot Cake??? ~~ I'm glad you said "Cakes"... Plural...It'll take a half of a cake for me before I slow down long enough to get a swallow of milk....And that's before supper!!!

Miss Beth it's great to hear from you, and I'm happy to here you are doing better. ~~ Continue to reach out for help as needed...I pray that you be given strength every day.

Take care, stay warm, and if it's not to much trouble....Would you mind posting a picture of one of those carrot cakes sometime?


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## bethzaring (Apr 28, 2011)

I think we are in the final stage. On Tuesday, Rich quit eating and has not been suffering the unpleasant consequences of eating any more. The medicine is keeping him comfortable. He has found he can sleep sitting up, with head phones on. We both operate on the top floor, so I can keep an eye on him. He rests on the couch. I am either at my sewing machine or computer or sitting with him holding his hand. He listens to the radio or a book on CD through the head phones, although the book requires too much concentration on his part. A few friends are coming over today and tomorrow, and his brother arrives tomorrow night. He thinks he is losing his ability to speak. He looks like he is 90 years old. I am surprised at his rapid decline in the past week.

Thank you are all your positive energies.

Love, Beth


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## jabbur (Apr 28, 2011)

Praying for peace for both of you.  It's nice that you can be together even though it is so hard to watch someone you love declining.


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## kadesma (Apr 28, 2011)

Beth, what to say or do? I hope you know just how much we all love you two.While I knew this day would come, it still is impossible to hear. Please know I pray for you each day and will continue to do so. If you need anything at all just ask.May peace be with you both.
cj


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## PrincessFiona60 (Apr 28, 2011)

Thank you for sharing this time and allowing us to be with you, Beth.  I'm keeping you and Rich in my thoughts and prayers.  Peace for you both.


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## LPBeier (Apr 28, 2011)

My dear Beth, I agree with the others in thanking you for letting us in and this time and also that it is hard to know what to say.  You have both shown so much courage and love for each other during this time.  Know that my thoughts, prayers and love are on their way to you now and always.


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## ChefJune (Apr 28, 2011)

Dearest Beth:  My heart is aching for you now, as it has during this whole journey. As the others have said, know how much we love you, and support you and Rich.  Also know that you can come here and cry, scream or anything else you need, now and forever.

I am so sorry.

Love,
June


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## Kayelle (Apr 28, 2011)

Beth, I'm so sorry to hear this. It's been a long loving journey for both of you. Sadly, I understand and know just what you are going through at this time. You are in my heart and on my mind.


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## blissful (Apr 28, 2011)

Beth, I'm sending positive energy for you and Rich through your journey together. Peace be with you both. Let love guide the way and provide you much comfort.


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## licia (Apr 28, 2011)

Beth, I don't know what to say except you are in my prayers. I realize that both of you have been through so much in the last months. You will remain in my prayers.


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## babetoo (Apr 28, 2011)

oh my dear, i weep for you.

babe


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## Uncle Bob (Apr 28, 2011)

Beth know that y'all are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day...I pray that you are surrounded by a loving support group of friends and family during this time...and may you continue to be strong, and full of courage...May you be given a peace that passes all understanding ~~ 

{{{{{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}}}


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## Alix (May 4, 2011)

Beth, prayers for strength and peace going up for you and for Rich. Much love my dear friend.


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## buckytom (May 4, 2011)

beth, there aren't words, really, to express the feeling in our hearts at this time, for the love and support we can only hope you know exists for you and rich.


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## Barbara L (May 4, 2011)

Dear Beth,

Like the others, I just don't know what to say, other than thank you for sharing your life together with us. I am praying for peace and strength for you both. Only God knows how long you have left here together, but I pray that your time together remains as rich and full of life and love as it always has.


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## bethzaring (May 6, 2011)

whew!  I've had to call in the reinforcements.  Rich is still able to stand and walk with assistance, but needs help with most tasks.  And he doesn't want me out of his sight.  I just emailed all my friends who have offered to sit with him and the first one comes today.  My plan was to go to the local quilt show, where I am showing a baby quilt, but the sitter is coming about the same time as Hospice.  So I will mow after my friend arrives and until Hospice gets here...  The quilt show runs three days, so maybe I can get there tomorrow.
We are in transition from oral morphine to a morphine patch and the patches did not arrive yesterday, to add to the stress.  He only has one more morphine pill.  He can't swallow the other medicines so he is supposed to be getting a cream that has the medicines in it.  I have to wear gloves when applying it so I don't get zonked!

Thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts!!!!!


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## PrincessFiona60 (May 6, 2011)

Beth,  You can also ask for Roxanol, liquid morphine, it's a sublingual form, fast acting.

Hugs,
PF


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## ChefJune (May 6, 2011)

Beth, your "reinforcements" here may not be physical, but we are walking with you every step of the way.

Sending you love and hugs and crystal light to help you do what you have to do.

xoxo


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## bethzaring (May 6, 2011)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Beth, You can also ask for Roxanol, liquid morphine, it's a sublingual form, fast acting.
> 
> Hugs,
> PF


 
Yes, PF, we have plenty of Roxanol.  The long acting pills were to replace some of the Roxanol.  Have you ever tasted Roxanol, LOL, neither have I, but dh says the taste is unbearable. He shoots it down the back of his throat.  I know he would not consider taking it subling, at least as long as he is conscious.

Many thanks for all the reinforcements


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## PrincessFiona60 (May 6, 2011)

bethzaring said:


> Yes, PF, we have plenty of Roxanol. The long acting pills were to replace some of the Roxanol. Have you ever tasted Roxanol, LOL, neither have I, but dh says the taste is unbearable. He shoots it down the back of his throat. I know he would not consider taking it subling, at least as long as he is conscious.
> 
> Many thanks for all the reinforcements


 
Nope, never tasted it, but I do understand it's not nice!  Well, any port in a storm if you run out of pills before the patches kick in. 

Take care of yourself!  And Rich, of course.


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## licia (May 6, 2011)

Beth, I'm so glad you chose to include us in your life. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to go thru the daily routine of caring for your dear husband and yourself as well. I was with my dad the last 90 days of his illness and I know that is hard work and changing each day. My thoughts and prayers are with you both.


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## bethzaring (May 19, 2011)

He gave up the fight this morning.  I really couldn't tell for sure that he had died, he just stopped breathing, it was very peaceful.  Just minutes before, I woke my cousin who is staying with me and we held both his hands.  

Have made many phone calls to family, still fairly numb, may go outside for a walk.


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## Alix (May 19, 2011)

Oh Beth. I have no words. God's grace be with you.


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## PrincessFiona60 (May 19, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss, Beth.  We are here for you.

Hugs,
PF


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## Andy M. (May 19, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss.  We love you.


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## blissful (May 19, 2011)

I wish I could say the right thing. I'm so sorry. Peace and God Bless.


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## licia (May 19, 2011)

Beth, you are in my prayers. What wonderful things he did to prepare you for his leaving. I'm sorry for your loss, but he was really a caring person and showed how much he loved you.


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## kadesma (May 19, 2011)

May the LORD be with you Beth, You are so loved. 
cj


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## LPBeier (May 19, 2011)

Beth, my heart aches for you.  Know you are loved and we are all here for you.  Thank you for sharing this journey that you have both been on.  You are in my thoughts and my prayers.


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## Uncle Bob (May 19, 2011)

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Beth}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

My thoughts and prayers are with you.......


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## ChefJune (May 19, 2011)

Dearest Beth:

There really are no words at a time like this.  Know that he will always be with you.

Sending you much love and many hugs. Take very good care of yourself, and understand that the grief process takes a very long time. And we are here for you, virtually, if not actually, for you to scream, cry, rant, whisper, whatever you need.  You are not alone.

Love,
June


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## taxlady (May 19, 2011)

I have no words.

(((hugs)))


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## jabbur (May 19, 2011)

Beth, I know your heart is breaking right now.  I'm glad you had someone there with you.  May you take comfort in the memories of all you two have been through together.  May God bring you peace.


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## Kayelle (May 19, 2011)

I also am so very very sorry for your loss Beth.  You are now starting a lonely new journey, no one is ever really prepared to take.  Be very gentle with yourself. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this most difficult time.


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## babetoo (May 19, 2011)

beth, this news brought me to tears. i have felt that you two were family. thank you for sharing this with us. beth's story is not over. be content with knowing you did everything you could for him. you made the last journey of his life with him. this kind of loss is almost overwhelming. we care for you and we cared for your husband.


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## buckytom (May 19, 2011)

i 'm heartly sorry for your loss, beth. the love you shared is a beauty so many of us can only hope to know.
 you were blessed to have each other, and may god continue to bless both of you until you are together again with the one.


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## JoAnn L. (May 19, 2011)

Sending deepest sympathy and heartfelt thoughts. I am so sorry for your loss.


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## DaveSoMD (May 19, 2011)

I'm so sorry for your loss.


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## Dawgluver (May 19, 2011)

My deepest sympathies on the loss of your beloved husband.


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## Josie1945 (May 20, 2011)

Beth, I am so sorry for your loss,I know it dosen't seem like but it will get easier with time, I have been there before. May God Bless you.

Josie


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## NoraC (May 20, 2011)

I am one of you prayer reinforcements. You don't know me particularly; I joined DC a few months ago, but your story and your generosity in sharing it touched me. I am praying for you. My husband died suddenly just over 3 years ago, so I have some inkling of what you are going through.


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## blissful (May 24, 2011)

Beth, my thoughts are with you.
How are you doing? God Bless, Bliss


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## bethzaring (May 26, 2011)

Thank you all for your words of comfort.
 
How am I doing? It changes by the day. It is actually getting worse for me. Rich died one week ago today and the reality of his absence is slowly dawning on me. I am quite busy with duties around the house and grounds, and have just started the paperwork trail regarding his death. I don't have a death certificate yet, so activities will pick up when I receive that. I am blessed to have so many family members who have various specialties. I will start working with a cousin who just passed his test to be a Certified Financial Planner, is that luck or what ?
 
This grief thing is a long process.  I am enrolled in a 6 week grief support group that starts June 30th.  That seems so far away, but grief support groups are rare in my area.  This one is an hour drive for me.  I have a lot of grief type work to do; this is not an easy thing to go through.   I just wish time would pass more quickly and I would not be so sad.
 
Family and friends have been very helpful and call daily.


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## ChefJune (May 26, 2011)

Beth:  I hate to say it, but it does get worse before it gets better.

In the Jewish religion, we expect the Grief Process to take at least one full year. That doesn't mean one goes around in sackcloth and ashes, tearing one's hair and muttering, "Oh, Woe is Me," but that one should allow oneself to take the time to feel sad, cry, whatever, and to realize there is not a date when one should feel "fine" again (whatever "fine" is). 

I don't expect you will ever stop missing him, but the intensity of it does lessen over time. Lots of time.

Be good to yourself, and find folks who will just listen to you, or just sit there in the same room. Try to find some new activities. Sometimes they can help lift you up.  The Grief Group is a _very_ good idea. I recommend it.

If there's ever anything I can do, or if you want to talk, feel free to contact me.
xoxo
June


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## Uncle Bob (May 26, 2011)

ChefJune said:


> Beth:  I hate to say it, but it does get worse before it gets better.
> 
> In the Jewish religion, we expect the Grief Process to take at least one full year. That doesn't mean one goes around in sackcloth and ashes, tearing one's hair and muttering, "Oh, Woe is Me," but that one should allow oneself to take the time to feel sad, cry, whatever, and to realize there is not a date when one should feel "fine" again (whatever "fine" is).
> 
> ...



This is worth repeating Beth ~~ We are all here for you!! ~~ One day at a time...Slowly but surely...you will have peace.


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## justplainbill (May 26, 2011)

My dad died 13 years ago and my mom 7 years ago.  I am still saddened by their passing but I take comfort in the saying that 'This too shall pass' .


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## babetoo (May 26, 2011)

beth, i am fifteen years out from the death of my husband. i still think about him most everyday. most of the thoughts are happy as i remember our lives together. i miss him, i wish he was with me. but that constant sense of despair and sadness is gone. you don't think so now, but it will be a long journey. one day you will realize life has gone forward and that you can be happy again. grieve as long as it takes. no matter what friends or relatives think. it is a process you have just begun. you are doing good things for yourself with the group to help you. 

babe


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## taxlady (May 26, 2011)

babetoo said:


> beth, i am fifteen years out from the death of my husband. i still think about him most everyday. most of the thoughts are happy as i remember our lives together. i miss him, i wish he was with me. but that constant sense of despair and sadness is gone. you don't think so now, but it will be a long journey. one day you will realize life has gone forward and that you can be happy again. grieve as long as it takes. no matter what friends or relatives think. it is a process you have just begun. you are doing good things for yourself with the group to help you.
> 
> babe



(((hugs)))

I think that is how you know the grieving is over, but not the loss.


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## licia (May 27, 2011)

Beth, I was glad to see that you had posted again. Be assured that we will do whatever we can to help you in your process.  It sounds like you have surrounded yourself with some good people to help you.  You are in my thoughts and prayers.


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## Charlotte (Jun 17, 2011)

Beth, I am so very sorry about your DH's passing... Of course you know we're all here for you, as much as you want and need us... My prayers and love are with you now and always. I have read this entire thread since yesterday.... I'm sorry I was absent  from the site lately and was not aware of what life has dealt you both. {{{{{{{Beth}}}}}}}


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## Vanilla Bean (Jun 18, 2011)

Beth, I am so sorry.  I wasn't on here for awhile, and I just now read this.  You are in my prayers, dear lady!  My thoughts are with you.

HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGS!


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## bethzaring (Jun 26, 2011)

I want you all to know that your prayers and positive energies have definitely helped me.  Thank you!
 
I am confronting this grief thing head on.  It seems best to define it, address it, and work through it.  Crying is good and I am doing quite well at that.  I started one grief support group last week and will be doing two different groups starting next week.  I need all the help I can get.  I don't believe that dealing with the loss of a long term partner through death is intuitive, but some people do.  I have always been weak on recognizing and expressing my feelings, so I get an opportunity to work on that.  I am finding that there is nothing quite like losing a spouse, and talking with others who are going through this same trauma is very therapeutic.
 
The paperwork is finally slowing down.  But I am surprised at all who need notified.  Who would have thought I needed to send a death certificate to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles?  They recently sent Rich a letter reminding him he needed to renew his drivers' license as well as his license plates with scary messages of late fees and such.  Wanted to nip that issue in the bud but it takes the death certificate to do it.
 
My friends and family call and email often.  I have not wanted any overnight company since shortly after Rich died, (I had people stay with me the last two weeks of his life).  I need the quiet and space to do what needs to be done.  I am now responsible for doing what two people used to do to maintain the homestead, plus work on this bereavement stuff.  I still have not started to cook again.  I am eating foods out of the freezer that friends sent me.  The garden is doing well but not producing anything yet.  Pretty soon I will have broccoli, potatoes, celery, and onions so I hope that gets me to cooking again.  A cousin is coming for 5 days, in a couple weeks, when some local friends are hosting a celebration of Rich's life.  I am not sure how I will get through that event.
 
And the mowing.  When it is not raining, I am mowing, trimming and bushogging.  I am without my main riding lawn (garden) mower.  A friend loaded it up and took it back to where we bought it to get it repaired.  Fortunately I kept Rich's family heirloom, the John Deere 111, which is an early riding mower JD made.
 
Hugs right back to everyone!


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## Kathleen (Jun 26, 2011)

Beth, thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.  Though you may not realize it, your way of handling every thing shows how much love and caring you possess for your husband, but it also demonstrates an inner strength that is an inspiration to me.  

The celebration of Rich's life is a heart-warming thing for your friends to do.  If you are up to attending, great, but do not feel that you have to attend.  Though far from the same, I could not attend the remembrance for my grandmother.  A friend reminded me that such things are for the living and not for the one who passed.  Though friends may need to have their celebration, you should continue to do as you feel is best for you, and they should understand.

The Bureau of Motor Vehicles....priceless.  It's good to know that bureaucracy will not end when we pass.    I will wager your dh would find humor in that.  

~Kathleen


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## Kayelle (Jun 27, 2011)

> I am finding that there is  nothing quite like losing a spouse, and talking with others who are  going through this same trauma is very therapeutic.



It's so good to hear about your progress Beth, and that you are being so proactive in seeking your own recovery.  That says much about your devotion in honoring your husband who so wanted the very best for you after he was gone.  You are absolutely right in the notion that there really is no other grief like widowhood.  Perhaps that's why there is a name for only this particular grief. Widow groups can be a tremendous help, including online groups. I know you will find, like I did, that supporting other widows will really help with your own recovery.
Kathleen is right about not attending the "celebration" others have planned if you don't feel up to it.  While friends and family may feel it's appropriate, it's you who has lost the love of your life and understandably finds nothing to "celebrate". The most important thing is to take good care of *yourself* as you travel this long and lonely bumpy road. Friends mean well but when all is said and done, you travel that road alone.  You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers, Beth.


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## bethzaring (Jul 24, 2011)

I thought I would try to write an update. I am beginning to understand why the literature says to expect it to take from one to three years to successfully work through the grief of losing a partner. I am still working on the beginning of the first step, which is to define all your losses. A person who has lost their partner has also lost, in my case, my confidant, mechanical fixer of all things, partner in retirement, goals and plans for retirement, source of income, my desire to eat and cook, my advisor, tax preparer, work partner, support person, investor guide….. Each loss must be addressed and resolved. Basically I need to reinvent myself as a new whole single person, when this grief work is completed. And then there is identifying the emotional reactions to all these losses. This is where I need to do a lot of work. I never was good at recognizing or expressing my emotions and I am starting to amass some books to read. Really, that is what I expect to do a lot of in the next year, is to read and think. I am grateful that I have the opportunity to do this work at my own pace in the comfort of a beautiful home that Rich built for me. The grief support groups remain vital to my progress.

 It has been so blasted hot here that I have not done any outside work at all for almost a week. I do walk the garden as the sun rises and see the onions need harvested and the garden needs mowed and weedeated. I had thought that this coming Tuesday looked like a good day to harvest the onions, but they have taken away the cooling trend. I had everything mowed leading up to this hot weather, and I even had thoughts that this could be the last mowing for this season, but we have had over 4 inches of rain in the past week and more is expected in the next two days. We have been lucky to get the heavy rains in pop up thunderstorms, so no drought here this summer. But the grass is growing like it was May again. I have been eating lots of broccoli, mainly in fresh broccoli salads.

 My support system remains well entrenched. That is a blessing. A person really can not get through this grief without people to talk to, and especially people who have also lost a partner through death.

 I have lots of work to do, but fortunately I remain an optimistic person.


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## justplainbill (Jul 24, 2011)

Expending the effort to keep the things that you and your husband enjoyed going should help.  Finding folks who share your interests and enjoy you and your lifestyle should also help.


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## ChefJune (Jul 24, 2011)

So good to hear from you, Beth. Sounds like you are taking a considered, thoughtful, one step at a time approach to recovery. That's so good.

We're still and always here for you when you want to talk, cry, scream, whatever.

xoxo
June


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## bethzaring (Jul 24, 2011)

ChefJune said:


> So good to hear from you, Beth. Sounds like you are taking a considered, thoughtful, one step at a time approach to recovery. That's so good.
> 
> *We're still and always here for you when you want to talk, cry, scream, whatever.*
> 
> ...


 

Okay

 Here’s my meltdown of this past Thursday.  Rich had a life insurance policy that he was very proud of.  He took it out when he graduated from high school in 1968.  He received great comfort thinking that the death benefit from this policy would be the money I would live on these first few years after he died.  I submit the application for his death benefit and wait.  And wait.  Finally I contact my local office to see when I might expect to receive it.  After a few calls to the home office on their part, I come to find they have “lost” my application, but they did not lose the check they asked for, for an annuity payment to Rich that I knew was mine to keep, but that was another issue. I had the cancelled check in front of me so I know they received the death benefit application, which was in the same envelope with the check I mailed them. So I finally get the check, deposit it in my bank and as I exit the bank, I start to cry and ended up sobbing for two full hours.  On the check, in large black BOLD letters was; DEATH BENEFIT FOR RICHARD DAVIS.  It could not have been more stark, or final.  And I did finally get the annuity issue straightened out and got my money back.  You just can’t trust a business to do what it is supposed to do.
 
End of rant, thanks for listening.


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## licia (Jul 24, 2011)

Beth, I wish I had the right words to say to relieve you of your pain.  I"m so glad that Rich was the person he was to you and paved the way for the time when he would no longer be there.I always enjoyed your reports of all the things he did to make life better and certainly wish that the same was true for so many who have lost their partners without the same nurturing feelings. When my dad died, he owned three separate pieces of property consisting of  a small farm, the house where they lived and another house with a separate apartment. All of it was in his name and as executor of his estate I had to jump through hurdles to put it all in my mother's name before we could sell the properties that she didn't want and certainly couldn't care for. Dad was a very loving person but always put off things that should have been done in a timely manner. I'm glad Rich wasn't that way. You can rest assured that even in his sickness he was showing his love for you by making things easier for you in the ways that he could.  I hope with each day, your grief becomes less and your hope for the future is greater.


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## kadesma (Jul 24, 2011)

Beth,
I can't imagine how hard this is for you. Bless those who are helping you and are there for you at this time. That check was an awful thing for you to have to see. I wish I could do more for you. You mean so much to all of us here on DC I'm sure we all wish we could do more with and for you.I'm always here if you need someone to talk with. Know how much you are loved and cared for. Cry if you must it does help and makes it easier to breath and see the world in a good light. Remember I'm here if you need me 
Love you Beth.
cj


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## CWS4322 (Jul 24, 2011)

Beth--
I'm so sorry for your lose. A friend of mine's husband died--she kept getting calls from the satetille TV provider--they hadn't received her husband's paynent--it was coming from her account. She had to send the death certificate not once, not twice, but three times to the satellite provider and copies of the cancelled cheque before the name on the account was switched. The last time they called her and asked for her husband by name, she answered "He's dead. If you do talk to him, could you tell him I can't find the key to the lawntractor?" After that call, the issue was resolved. But it took months and it took her getting downright blunt.


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## Barbara L (Jul 25, 2011)

I am continuing to pray for you Beth. You are such a strong woman, but even strong women need support. I'm glad you have that, here and in your off-line life.


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