# Subtle insults to your cooking



## corazon (Mar 10, 2008)

I make an elaborate meal.  I put so much time and effort into it, only to get compliments on how good the bacon is or how the biscuits out of a tube taste so great.  

Tonight my beef stroganoff (made from scratch) was compared to a powdered package version of beef stroganoff (powder+water+sour cream+beef = schlock)

I'm happy getting suggestions on how to improve a meal but I find these comments a little offensive.
Does anyone else get those kind of subtle insults?
I probably read to much into it but it's something I've been thinking about lately and wanted to hear thoughts from all of you.


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## kitchenelf (Mar 10, 2008)

I made Greek meatballs one time - my *EX *BIL asked if anyone knew any swamps that needed to be drained   But that wasn't so subtle!  LOL  They were so dry we couldn't even eat them!

So, did this person like your beef stroganoff?  Maybe the boxed version is remembered as real comfort food and yours was also VERY good?


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## Inferno (Mar 10, 2008)

I get much worse insults on the concotions from the kitchen I've produced. I don't think they're meant to be offensive. People are telling you what they like that you've made and giving you tips on perhaps what to improve upon.


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## Dave Hutchins (Mar 11, 2008)

As a chef in a 1/2 and 1/2 country club I went out every night and ask how was your dinner.  Activley asking if they liked it or not and how would you like it changed?? and so on.  I was better enabled to cook to there taste and comfort level.  I stayed there for 6 years  1/2 &1/2 half Jewish and half Goyem


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## AMSeccia (Mar 11, 2008)

Is it possible they don't have any other perspective than the packaged foods they're comparing it to?  Only you know that answer, but I hope it's their limited scope and not an intention to hurt your feelings.  Is this person a better cook than you are?  

Sometimes you gotta consider the source or just come right out and ask them if you misunderstood.  I can be pretty direct if need be, which is uncomfortable for some but not as uncomfortable as feeling the way you are feeling right now.  

I would love to try your beef stroganoff!


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## Fisher's Mom (Mar 11, 2008)

I'm really sorry, corazon. It's obvious how much love you put into preparing meals so the comments must really hurt. Is this a family member or a friend? If it's a friend, maybe they were subconsciously a little jealous because your dish was awesome? Or because they don't invest that much time in making the same dish and they were being defensive? In any case, you filled their plates with a lot of love and that is wonderful!


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## TomW (Mar 11, 2008)

Your story reminds me of eating spaghetti at home as a kid.  On spaghetti days, my mom used to start the sauce effort around mid-day, and simmer it, with constant stirring, until suppertime.  

One meal time, I noticed that the sauce tasted a little different and thought Mother had just adjusted the seasoning.  My dad, though, all but flipped over the meal and made some remark that we should have spaghetti more often.  Mother just smiled, nodded, and moved on.  

Later, I found out that Mother had had a coupon for a free jar of store-bought sauce, and used it.  We never had home-made sauce again.

I have found that the more effort I put into a meal, the less likelyhood there is that everyone will like it.  The meal's reviewers include my "meat & taters" wife and two elementary school boys.

New flavors are just about always a bust.  I once tried adding something other than salt, pepper, butter, and milk to the mashed taters, and was all but booed off the stage.

So, when I decide to try something new, or something with flavor, I always make sure that everyone has a favorite side dish with which to fill up on when the dish of effort does its lead balloon imitation.  Everyone is, however, required to try a bite of the flavor de jour.

Tom


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## GB (Mar 11, 2008)

This is a glass half full or glass half empty situation. You could either look at it like they are insulting you by comparing your cooking to lousy (by your standards) food, or you could look at it like they are comparing it to food that they enjoy. Go with the latter.


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## Andy M. (Mar 11, 2008)

If all they can do is compare it to a boxed dish, don't be insulted. Feel sympathy for them. The box is all they know so it becomes the frame of reference.

Often, people decide something is really good based on how much it tastes like what their moms made. Until you know how good the original was, you can't tell if they are saying it's great or awful.

I'd guess your stroganoff was excellent. I know the box stuff is not. (Don't ask me how I know)


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## Barb L. (Mar 11, 2008)

I hear ya Corazon, when I make a good dinner (to me), and DH when asked says -Not bad !   Lol, but when something isn't that great, its ok.  Guess I just want them to love all my meals -  without negative  feed back.


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## YT2095 (Mar 11, 2008)

the only one I tend to get regularly is "Which half of Tipton are you feeding Today?"
(Tipton is my home town)

I always tend to cook for an Army (not surprising), and now there`s only 2.5 of us, Old habits die hard!


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## Robo410 (Mar 11, 2008)

hmmm, yeh.  I made a perfect by the Russian cookbook recipe of Beef Stroganoff with tenderloin of beef and several mushroom types and butter brandy mustard sourcream etc...all the items.  Served with beautiful parsleyed potatoes and baby beets with dill.  What a dinner!  Well, I heard my "MIL" say she didn't get any meat in her serving.  It's true she got no undercooked stew beef in her serving and didn't recognize what she had.

I come from a family that cooked with the kids so we were exposed to new foods and helped make them and accepted them.  THe change from "minute rice" to real rice or boxed mac and cheese to real mac and cheese went without issue because we were involved.  Often color is an issue.  Or a real texture.  

There are some people I don't invite over for dinner but only for buffet parties because of what they will or won't eat.  so be it.


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## Chopstix (Mar 11, 2008)

I feel for you Corazon!  I think anyone who puts enough care into their cooking would be sensitive to any comments, bad or good.  Myself, fortunately, I don't recall insulting or even mildly catty comments, at least not within earshot.    

Once I asked my 15-yr old niece how she liked a dish I made, and she answered matter-of-factly that it didn't seem as tasty as my mom's (her grandma) when she realized what she just said, so she quickly added other things to compensate but ended up saying the wrong things making matters worse.  So I watched her squirming and struggling for words to dig herself out of the hole until her voice just trailed off.  I was laughing so hard afterwards. She was so sweet.


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## YT2095 (Mar 11, 2008)

LOL, I can picture it 

as I tend to be my Own worst critic anyway, no one gets a chance to make insults, I find a flaw a good 50% of the time that no one else ever seems to notice, but I DO!


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## expatgirl (Mar 11, 2008)

We had a mutual friend in our group of ladies and I never ever heard Susie enjoying any dish she ever ate at a restaurant.  There was always some complaint and lots of sending back to the kitchen.  Therefore when she criticized my seafood gumbo that had won first place and judged by Cajuns I just totally ignored her.  So did everyone else!  Ha!


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## Katie H (Mar 11, 2008)

Sorry, corazon, about your meal.  You did a superb job and it wasn't appreciated.  It wasn't appreciated because the person didn't have an understanding of quality cooking.  It was their loss.  Hold your head high and know you prepared a first class dish!!!!


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## Wart (Mar 12, 2008)

corazon said:


> Does anyone else get those kind of subtle insults?



I did. Once.

With proper simmering and seasoning those people made quite a few tasty meals.

Just Kidding.


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## Rob Babcock (Mar 12, 2008)

When I was a smalltown kid just starting out in cooking I would often try to match the storebought packaged mixes!  I didn't know any better!  There was a stroganoff mix I particularly liked, so I set out trying to recreate it.  Each time I'd make it I got a bit closer.  Of course, eventually I realized I was barking up the wrong tree- mine was far better than any mix.

Your non-foodie friends are probably coming from the same spot.  They're probably so used to mixes and packaged food that they have no taste for anything else.  I wouldn't be offended.  They probably actually mean it as a compliment.

In their ignorant way!


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## DrThunder88 (Mar 12, 2008)

Hanlon's Razor, my friend.


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## Mel! (Mar 12, 2008)

I used to give my neighbour pickles and preserves periodically. One day she told me not to bring any more. I was more than a little insulted. 

Mel


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## VeraBlue (Mar 12, 2008)

Is it possible that the comments come from someone who has nothing else to compare with?  Perhaps all they know is pre-packaged mixes....and it's not meant to be an insult at all.  Rather, they are simply trying to be complimentary.
Hard to say, really, without actually seeing/knowing the people.


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## lyndalou (Mar 12, 2008)

I get mostly good comments on my cooking. I have one friend who will tell me he likes something I've made (a side dish, usually) just not enough to eat it. Mostly, he does like my cooking.

In our 32 years of marriage, my husband only one time told me gently, that I didn't have to make a particular dish again. Not sure what it was, but it had cabbage in it.


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## Andy M. (Mar 12, 2008)

lyndalou said:


> ...In our 32 years of marriage, my husband only one time told me gently, that I didn't have to make a particular dish again. Not sure what it was, but it had cabbage in it.


 

Sometimes, you just don't like a recipe.  That's not a reflection on the cook's ability.


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## Alix (Mar 12, 2008)

Been there corazon, and I didn't much care for it either. I put a smile on my face and fumed silently til the offender had gone. They were never invited back needless to say. 

My family is pretty good. (But they have seen my temper!) If they don't care for something they just eat everything else and quietly leave what they don't like on their plates.


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## GrillingFool (Mar 12, 2008)

I don't get insulted.... because there are foods that, no matter who prepared
them or how... I will not like.

So I just assume that the complainer is in the same boat.
Or they had a bad day and I'm the dog being kicked...

I guess I get my happiness and sense of self worth out of the cooking, not
the reception by the consumers, LOL! If I like it and I enjoyed cooking it, then
all is well.... 

If they don't like it.... MORE FOR ME! 

For example.. you could make the world's best eggplant anything, and I will not
touch it. Or you could make a superb (to you) pasta sauce, but if it is really sweet,
I won't be impressed. Or or or.... each person's taste buds are their own. Look inward
for happiness!


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## Andy M. (Mar 12, 2008)

Just a thought, Grilling Fool.   Don't open a reataurant.


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## Constance (Mar 12, 2008)

My ex couldn't do anything around the house, but he had a cousin who was quite handy, and he often helped us out. In return, I'd cook a meal for him, his wife and their three boys. 
His wife was an ignorant, hypocritical woman with a big mouth, and she never approved of me because I drank and smoked, which made me a wicked woman in her eyes. 

Anyway, after I started gardening and canning, we had the family over to dinner (cousin had hooked up our clothes dryer), and I made stuffed peppers, green beans with new potatoes, corn and pickled beets. As I was getting supper on the table, she spent the time loudly preaching to me the dangers of home canning. I assured her that I followed all the federally approved instructions, but my assurances seemed to fall on deaf ears. 

As she dished up the boys plates, she made sure they got nothing she thought I might have canned. One of the little ones wanted some corn, and she said, "No, you can't have that. It's no good." 
I had to smile, though, as she dipped up the new potatoes, as I had canned those, too.

Her husband ignored her rantings (which I suspect is how he managed to stand living with her), ate everything I'd fixed and went back for more. 

It comes down to the fact that some people are just plain rude.


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## GrillingFool (Mar 12, 2008)

Andy M. said:


> Just a thought, Grilling Fool.   Don't open a reataurant.



Why? Is it a requirement that a restaurant cook/chef has to have an attitude
about their food skills? It often sounds like it around here.

I didn't say that I don't care about the QUALITY of my cooking.....I know
it rocks.

I just don't get my panties in a wad if someone doesn't like something I cook.
As I said, I don't invest my self-worth in stuff like that. I KNOW I can cook and cook well. 

I also know that each person's taste is different, and that people complain
for a host of reasons, some accurate and some just venting.
If the complaint is valid (Hey man, you burnt the **** out of that... or hey, too salty...) then I accept and learn from it. But otherwise... to each their own.

Besides, restauranting is too much work, and cooking is too much fun!


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## Andy M. (Mar 12, 2008)

GrillingFool said:


> ...I guess I get my happiness and sense of self worth out of the cooking, not the reception by the consumers, LOL! If I like it and I enjoyed cooking it, then all is well....
> 
> If they don't like it.... MORE FOR ME!...


 

It is the above portion of your post that prompted my response.


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## B'sgirl (Mar 12, 2008)

My Chinese exchange student adds soy sauce and hot chili sauce to EVERYTHING I cook. Spaghetti, Asian stir frys, even pancakes. At first I was insulted, but then I figured if I was in China I'd probably want to remove some of the soy sauce in their food just so I wouldn't have to eat it for every meal.

The real insult is when my husband also reaches for the chili sauce, implying that my cooking was too bland for his Idaho-boy tastes.


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## Chopstix (Mar 12, 2008)

B'sgirl said:


> My Chinese exchange student adds soy sauce and hot chili sauce to EVERYTHING I cook. Spaghetti, Asian stir frys, even pancakes.



Pancakes??!!!


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## Jeekinz (Mar 12, 2008)

I'm kinda like this guy. Never any complaints.


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## jpmcgrew (Mar 12, 2008)

I know I pull off good meals but you can't please all the people all the time it may have an ingredient in it someone just doesn't like. It could also be a mood thing if there is a dish I love I might not want it because I just don't feel like it and would rather have something else. I always tell people if I made something you don't like don't feel obligated to eat it you wont hurt my feelings.. I understand when someone doesnt like something I don't like certain things either. What I do hate is when I make a nice dish and someone will come up and ask me if it's any good I tell them " no it sucks that's why I made it"  Also some people just don't have educated palates so anything different freaks them out well that's just to bad and it's not my problem. I know when I make something and if it didn't turn out quite the way I was expecting it goes straight into the trash.


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## CharlieD (Mar 12, 2008)

Tell me about it. I hate those snotty remarks. I am famous for my chicken soup. It is really good, even I like it. Most of other things I make, I usually complain about that they are not as good as my grandma's or my mothers'. But soup, soup is always good. So this one time we are having diner with my in laws and sisters in-law. One of the sisters finished her soup and says it is so good; it is almost as good as Swanson’s. I almost exploded. My soup, MY SOUP AND SWANSONS. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I tell, and this is the person who's never cooked in her life. Her husband cooks. Where do people get of to be so rude to say things like this?


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## Fisher's Mom (Mar 12, 2008)

CharlieD said:


> Tell me about it. I hate those snotty remarks. I am famous for my chicken soup. It is really good, even I like it. Most of other things I make, I usually complain about that they are not as good as my grandma's or my mothers'. But soup, soup is always good. So this one time we are having diner with my in laws and sisters in-law. One of the sisters finished her soup and says it is so good; it is almost as good as Swanson’s. I almost exploded. My soup, MY SOUP AND SWANSONS. GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I tell, and this is the person who's never cooked in her life. Her husband cooks. Where do people get of to be so rude to say things like this?


That _was_ unbelievably rude Charlie! Do you think she was just teasing you or trying to get you to react? Whatever it was, I think you should set a place for her on the porch next time!


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## corazon (Mar 12, 2008)

This is my dh I'm talking about here.  I guess after dinner the other night I was just feeling a little unappreciated.  He likes beef stroganoff, so I thought I would make it for him and he'd enjoy it.  I like that I can go out to a restaurant and find something I really like (or dh really likes) then I go home and make an even better version.  I thought this would be one of those times.
I'm happy to get ideas from him about how to make a meal better.  I ask him for those ideas every time I make something new.  This was a "what's wrong with the stuff in the package?"
I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one this has happened to.


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## Chopstix (Mar 13, 2008)

Jeekinz, I can only assume that's the Soup Nazi. LOL. (I've only seen his TV counterpart.)

CharlieD, what's Swanson's about?


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## Jeekinz (Mar 13, 2008)

If it happens again, tell them to get their lazy butt in the kitchen and cook dinner themselves.


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## larry_stewart (Mar 13, 2008)

I like the people who only eat 1/2 of what you gave them. Then when asked how it was, they reply how great it was, but they just cant finish it becuase they are too full.  Then, immediately after dinner, you see them stuffing their face with something else.  I guess they are just trying to be polite by not saying they didnt like it.  But they can atleastmake it a little less obvious.


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## Jeekinz (Mar 13, 2008)

larry_stewart said:


> I like the people who only eat 1/2 of what you gave them. Then when asked how it was, they reply how great it was, but they just cant finish it becuase they are too full. Then, immediately after dinner, you see them stuffing their face with something else. I guess they are just trying to be polite by not saying they didnt like it. But they can atleastmake it a little less obvious.


 
The DW does that, but she's usually pacing herself for the Molten Chocolate Lava Cake.


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## Wart (Mar 13, 2008)

Heres the thing, I make deep pizzas for a group. One person says there isn't enough meat even though the pizza is covered. Another says the sauce wasn't spicy enough even though it was just right.

Then 

Numerous people approach me and say how good the pizzas were. One person said she went back on her heals it was so good. I could go on. And on.

I make these pizzas, they disappear by the slice or whole. Never had a leftover. And still people get sniffy.

Cant please everyone.


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## B'sgirl (Mar 13, 2008)

No you can't please everyone. But the best compliment is when everyone takes huge helpings and looks disappointed when the dish is all gone. Then you KNOW it was well-liked, even if no one says anything.


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## CharlieD (Mar 13, 2008)

Chopstix said:


> Jeekinz, I can only assume that's the Soup Nazi. LOL. (I've only seen his TV counterpart.)
> 
> CharlieD, what's Swanson's about?


 

Swanson's are your regular canned soup.


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## CharlieD (Mar 13, 2008)

Wart said:


> ... heals it was so good. I could go on. And on.
> 
> I make these pizzas, they disappear by the slice or whole. Never had a leftover. And still people get sniffy.
> 
> Cant please everyone.


 
Care to share recipe. I make thin crust pizza, but we have friends who love deep dish one, need good recipe.


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## Dove (Mar 13, 2008)

*I use to laugh at Paul...while I was frying bacon and the smoke alarm would go off he would tell Kevin " when its burning its cooking, when its burnt its done..breakfast is ready lil Bud" ( that is an old Marine corps expression..LOL)

thats what he gets for putting a smoke alarm in the kitchen...Bless his heart.*


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## Weeks (Mar 13, 2008)

If they don't spit it out, wipe their tongues with their napkins, swish the wine in their mouths and spit THAT out just to clear the taste from their mouths and then curse at you for 10 minutes, it isn't that bad.


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## Fisher's Mom (Mar 13, 2008)

Weeks said:


> If they don't spit it out, wipe their tongues with their napkins, swish the wine in their mouths and spit THAT out just to clear the taste from their mouths and then curse at you for 10 minutes, it isn't that bad.


That's the way I look at it, too. Of course, if the dog won't eat it, I just pick up the phone and order pizza.


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## babetoo (Mar 13, 2008)

*borning meal*

sometimes it works the opposite for me. i make a killer chicken cassor. when ever i serve it people love it.so when ever i have a bday dinner for family members, that is what they always ask for. i am so sick of making it. i try offering other things and the answer is always no. they want that **** cassor. my oldest grandson and wife coming for his bday dinner. guess what he wants.lol. i offered shrimp scampi but it was no go. all in all i make it sixteen times a year, at the very least. have offered the recipe but nope , only mine is good enough for them. flattering for sure, but boring.it is good but it is not that good, babe


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## GrillingFool (Mar 13, 2008)

Babe... make a really bad one and end the cycle! 
You can do it! Love that salt shaker or something, LOLOL!
Maybe sometimes it is GOOD to get insulted! 
(humorrrrr... ark ark)


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## expatgirl (Mar 14, 2008)

babetoo said:


> sometimes it works the opposite for me. i make a killer chicken cassor. when ever i serve it people love it.so when ever i have a bday dinner for family members, that is what they always ask for. i am so sick of making it. i try offering other things and the answer is always no. they want that **** cassor. my oldest grandson and wife coming for his bday dinner. guess what he wants.lol. i offered shrimp scampi but it was no go. all in all i make it sixteen times a year, at the very least. have offered the recipe but nope , only mine is good enough for them. flattering for sure, but boring.it is good but it is not that good, babe[/quote
> 
> When are you inviting the rest of us over for your killer chicken casserole?


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## Wart (Mar 14, 2008)

CharlieD said:


> Care to share recipe. I make thin crust pizza, but we have friends who love deep dish one, need good recipe.



Standard bread recipe, 2 batches:

Since this isn't the place I'll write the basics.

Sponge:

18 oz water, 1 Tb sugar, 2 ts cake yeast, 10 oz flour, watch to make sure yeast lives, then stow in cooler overnight.

The rest:

in bowl, 2 oz water, 3 ts cake yeast, 1 ts sugar, let sit to liven up.

add to sponge.

add 22 oz flour (or more or less). Knead.

Autolyse.

Add 1 TB Kosher Salt, 2nd knead. Dust with whole wheat or all purpose.

Nothing unusual. Nothing special.

Hard part: Leave rise in cooler 1 ~ 2 days.

Now the dough is ready to be made into ... Kaisers? Pizza? Baguettes? Maybe even bread. I know, the Blasphemy!! Each are suppose to have their own special dough .....

If I'm making Garlic Herb I add these to the sponge while waiting for the second yeast to wake up.

Let the dough come up to room temp.

For the pizza I work it a little to redistribute the yeast. Form it, rest it, shape it, coat the bottom of a 14 inch cast iron skillet with olive oil, insert dough, bead of oil around dough perimeter and lightly coat the top. Rise.

Hmm, this is becoming involved.

Top (I use chopped stewed tomatoes and reduce/ herb the juice), put in 400 degree oven 15 minutes, cover with foil (laid on top), cook another 15.

Of course this depends on skillet weight (the ones I use are heavy) and the oven, and the amount of toppings.

What makes it so good is that it is different, around here you can't get a real thick and light pizza, Specially with an almost oil bread/dough. 

Time to pack up the mixer and head over.


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## Elf (Mar 14, 2008)

What makes me do the slow bun is when I prepare a steak or roast and someone asks for ketchup


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## babetoo (Mar 14, 2008)

Elf said:


> What makes me do the slow bun is when I prepare a steak or roast and someone asks for ketchup


 
lordy, lordy, me too. especially if i paid a small fortune for the meat. babe


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## babetoo (Mar 14, 2008)

*anytime*



expatgirl said:


> babetoo said:
> 
> 
> > sometimes it works the opposite for me. i make a killer chicken cassor. when ever i serve it people love it.so when ever i have a bday dinner for family members, that is what they always ask for. i am so sick of making it. i try offering other things and the answer is always no. they want that **** cassor. my oldest grandson and wife coming for his bday dinner. guess what he wants.lol. i offered shrimp scampi but it was no go. all in all i make it sixteen times a year, at the very least. have offered the recipe but nope , only mine is good enough for them. flattering for sure, but boring.it is good but it is not that good, babe[/quote
> ...


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## auntdot (Mar 15, 2008)

Corazon, I wish I could have had that meal.

I am sure it was great.

Let me turn my attention to guests.  

I very much appreciate anyone who has the kindness to prepare a meal for me.

If it includes bananas and hard boiled eggs, both of which I detest, I will eat them.

Will always thank the person for their efforts, and make them feel good.

The host has duties as being the host and the guest has reciprocal duties.

I do not understand how anyone could try to diminish ones efforts in the kitchen.  

Give me a meal.  Thank you.  It is great.  That is the way I was brought up and that is the way I think folks should act.


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## corazon (Mar 15, 2008)

That's how I was raised too Dot. 

Even if you don't like the food you still eat it to be polite. And lots of compliments to the host.


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## LEFSElover (Mar 15, 2008)

This past week, I was in Vegas for our birth.  Our daughter asked me to make her pot roast, I did.  Good cut of meat, onions, carrots, potatoes, broth, red wine, seasonings, it was lovely.  I ran to the hospital [no time for me to eat dinner] being the first one to see our Landon.  When I arrived at the hospital, my son asked me, "Mom, did you bring my dinner?"  I didn't think he wanted any and no one reminded me to make him a plate to take to the hospital.  Our daughter arrived and he said thanks to her, sarcastically.   She said, "You really didn't miss much, we had to put Worchestershire sauce on it to make it palatable.  Sorry Mom, it wasn't very good, it was very tough meat."  Since I didn't have any myself, I felt badly but thought oh well, my little baby is so cute, forget dinner.

I visited the hospital the next day but before going, I called.  He asked me to bring him a sandwich, he was starving.  I made him a [pot] roast beef sandwich and another one of turkey/cheese/ham.  Chips, cookies, sodas, etc. He opened the bag of lunch while I snatched Landon.  He said, "Thanks mom, this is wonderful, I was starving, I love roast beef sandwiches."

So see, yep, I get those cuts all the time but there's always some good that comes out of it, even if it's me telling me how good it is.​


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## CharlieD (Mar 17, 2008)

Wart said:


> Standard bread recipe, 2 batches:
> 
> Since this isn't the place I'll write the basics.
> ....


 
Thank you very much.


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