# For whom the cook toils



## buckytom (Sep 20, 2014)

my wife and i are very different cooks. while i'd say we both are foodies and have a fairly equal passion for food, what we cook tends to run in very different directions.

my wife is all about healthy cooking. healthy and plain. 
plain, plain, healthy, and plain.

the only spices she uses are salt and pepper, and only a few dishes get some herbs if necessary like parsley or garlic. 

she almost never cooks red meat, or adds fat or a fatty or cholesterol laden ingredient to anything. lots of chicken (plainly grilled, skin off, or roasted, with nothing but s&p) and fish. plainly broiled.  on a very rare occasion breaded and fried in very little evoo.

it all tastes ok, but boy is it boring after so many years. i've tried to get her to cook things that i like, but i'm lucky if that happens once or twice a year.


now on the other hand, i cook to please both myself and my family. i've learned to make things healthier (or figure on eating all of it myself), but i find it very frustrating to love to cook all sorts of things and not be able to do so with any frequency.

my son mentioned to my wife recently that she needs to expand her culinary horizons like i do and make some new things, or at least make the things she cooks more interesting.

it got me to wondering how many other people here cook for themselves, or better said for their own tastes and reasons while turning a deaf ear to their family's requests, or do they cook what their family (spouse, so, kids, what have you) likes. do you mix it up, meaning one for you, one for them? is it all about one family member for health reasons? do you cook and whomever doesn't like it fends for themselves? do you just cook what they like and spite yourself?

i remember my mom making certain dishes 2 or 3 different ways in order to please all of my sisters, my brother, and my dad. but then she is a miracle worker with food.

so, for whom do you toil?


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## Kayelle (Sep 20, 2014)

I guess I've been very lucky throughout my life, as both my husbands have loved my cooking, and both of my kids did too. I've always been the primary cook, and I must say that I cook what tastes good to me as I just can't imagine cooking any other way.
For example, I don't like the flavors of Indian cuisine and if Steve did, he'd have to learn to cook it himself. When Steve and I married there were some foods he thought he didn't like until I cooked them. As it turned out, they were foods his late wife didn't like, and he thought he didn't like them either. Funny the way that works, as he now is fond of all the foods he thought he didn't like. Either that, or he's even smarter than I thought.


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## Andy M. (Sep 20, 2014)

Tom, your timing for this topic couldn't be better.  

SO and I also have different tastes.  Not so much in the same manner as your DW and you. She just doesn't have as broad a range of eating experience so finds fewer foods desirable.  When she cooks, he meals are simpler and plain.

For example, she doesn't like foods in gravies or sauces.  So pan fried pork chops in onion gravy is out.  She doesn't like cream sauces so no Alfredo, e.g.  She also doesn't like lamb, salmon, or Luca Lazzari's lasagna bolognese.

I cook all the meals.  Until three weeks ago she was working a regular job so that was convenient.  I expect this to continue. I wouldn't cook meals she dislikes.  That's rude.  Some nights we eat different meals, but not often.

She is currently on a 3.5 week vacation with her daughter in Florida.  I have taken this opportunity to embark on the "Andy eats whatever he wants" adventure.  I'm enjoying lasagna, gravies, sauces, and a host of other things. 

It works both ways.  I never made (or ate) lasagna as I really don't care for ricotta.  Then Luca posted his recipe (In italy they don't use ricotta in lasagna) and I was in heaven.  I must have made it 4-5 times when she offhand mentioned she really didn't like it.  I asked why she didn't say something sooner and she replied that she kept her mouth shut because I liked it so much...

What I really dislike is when she decides to diet with an Atkins-type low carb plan.  You know how many recipes that eliminates.

All in all, it's part of peaceful co-existence.


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## Andy M. (Sep 20, 2014)

Kayelle said:


> I guess I've been very lucky throughout my life, as both my husbands have loved my cooking, and both of my kids did too. I've always been the primary cook, and I must say that I cook what tastes good to me as I just can't imagine cooking any other way.
> For example, I don't like the flavors of Indian cuisine and if Steve did, he'd have to learn to cook it himself. When Steve and I married there were some foods he thought he didn't like until I cooked them. As it turned out, they were foods his late wife didn't like, and he thought he didn't like them either. Funny the way that works, as he now is fond of all the foods he thought he didn't like. Either that, or he's even smarter than I thought.



Can't wait to hear souschef's side of the story.


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## Souschef (Sep 20, 2014)

Before we got married, I had to pass certain tests: I had to love her Chile Verde, eat pork ribs with my fingers, and love her turkey dressing.
In fact the first time I sampled her dressing, it was after Thanksgiving, and we were meeting for lunch. She took it out of the trunk of her car, and I put it in mine. It looked like a dope deal lol
I passed all 3 tests, and we will be celebrating our 7th anniversary this year in November.


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## buckytom (Sep 20, 2014)

lol, andy. 

sousie has a choice of in-flight meals and k-l's cooking. that's a no brainer.

unless that's why he flies... 


j/k k-l. 

actually, andy, your recent bachelorhood was part of the genesis of my thoughts on this matter.


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## Dawgluver (Sep 20, 2014)

If DH doesn't like what I cook, then he can help himself to the Cheerios.  Thankfully, even if he doesn't like something, I find him digging into it later.  My SIL cooks really healthy, and refuses ANY help in the kitchen when we visit.  The stuff she makes would gag a maggot.  Baby Bro does a much better job, but he's not allowed to cook.


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## buckytom (Sep 20, 2014)

lol @ gag a maggot. i've gotta remember that one.


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## Andy M. (Sep 20, 2014)

Souschef said:


> Before we got married, I had to pass certain tests: I had to love her Chile Verde, eat pork ribs with my fingers, and love her turkey dressing.
> In fact the first time I sampled her dressing, it was after Thanksgiving, and we were meeting for lunch. She took it out of the trunk of her car, and I put it in mine. It looked like a dope deal lol
> I passed all 3 tests, and we will be celebrating our 7th anniversary this year in November.



I love tests you don't have to study for!


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## KatyCooks (Sep 20, 2014)

I still cook for myself and my brother.  (He won't go near prawns or strong goats cheese, but otherwise is very happy to sample whatever I produce!)


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## buckytom (Sep 20, 2014)

_strong_ goat's cheese? 

i hate bully goats.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Sep 20, 2014)

I cook for myself and am more than happy to fix things Shrek would like.  Sometimes I'm cooking two separate meals.  Most things Shrek does like and we just have to adjust texture with a food processor.

I follow my health needs requirements closer then Shrek does, he eats lots of things I can't get away with without problems.


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## KatyCooks (Sep 20, 2014)

buckytom said:


> _strong_ goat's cheese?
> 
> i hate bully goats.


 

Bully goats are a total menace BT! And the cheese they produce is jolly pronounced!* 

* jolly pronounced = very strong


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## jabbur (Sep 20, 2014)

I tend to cook for myself with DH in mind.  There are a few things he doesn't like like mushrooms and green peppers.  I can sneak them into certain dishes but I know better than to try something like LP's mushroom gratin on him.  He says he doesn't like green peppers but I can use them in chili and jambalaya just fine.  When I come across new recipes, I think about what he would like.  The things I know he won't eat, I cook when he's not home.  It's not much.  After our first Thanksgiving together when I made turkey ala king with cracked black pepper and he dumped his down the garbage disposal, he's much more forgiving and will eat just about everything.


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## KatyCooks (Sep 20, 2014)

jabbur said:


> I tend to cook for myself with DH in mind. There are a few things he doesn't like like mushrooms and green peppers. I can sneak them into certain dishes but I know better than to try something like LP's mushroom gratin on him. He says he doesn't like green peppers but I can use them in chili and jambalaya just fine. When I come across new recipes, I think about what he would like. The things I know he won't eat, I cook when he's not home. It's not much. After our first Thanksgiving together when I made turkey ala king with cracked black pepper and he dumped his down the garbage disposal, he's much more forgiving and will eat just about everything.


 
Way, way back when I was married, I was lucky because my poor hubby had had to fend for himself - his mum had died when he was 17.   He was literally living on cheese on toast.  As soon as we could afford a cooker, he was eating like a king!  I experimented and he was very happy to try the results.    Sadly, food was not going to keep us together.     Which is interesting reading posts here tonight about differences in appetites.


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## Cooking Goddess (Sep 21, 2014)

My Mom used to use an expression to describe someone who would eat practically any food.  






 Nope, can't post it here...

Offhand, I can't think of one food that I've made in nearly 40 years that caused Himself to say "don't ever fix that again". There are foods, though, that he likes that I won't touch: kippers (I buy them, he opens the can in the sunroom or front porch, eats it there, then bags and throws the can right into the outside garbage can), Zatarain's Dirty Rice (he makes it for himself when I'm out of town for a few days, making sure the smell leaves before I return), and a few other things he gets when we eat out. All in all, he's been really easy to feed. As far as him doing any cooking?


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## Addie (Sep 21, 2014)

My first hubby was a pro chef which made it difficult for a new bride. 
So we had an agreement. Whoever was in the kitchen, made no comment and ate what was on the plate. It worked out fine.

Hubby #2 would eat anything I put on the table and always asked for seconds. A joy to cook for.


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## medtran49 (Sep 21, 2014)

We both have things that one really likes and the other not so much or not at all.  I can't think of anything Craig won't eat at least 1 meal of that I like and he doesn't (no leftovers though) and I'm the same way with his likes except for canned tuna.  Cannot stand the stuff taste wise, smell wise, visual wise, it just grosses me out.  I do, however, suck it up and let it in the house when he wants tuna salad.  I eat egg or chicken salad those times though and just try not to breathe too deep when the tuna is out.


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## CWS4322 (Sep 21, 2014)

The DH doesn't really like eggplant. He'll eat it, but it is not his favourite. Luckily, he will eat almost anything except organ meats. As far as seasonings, anything goes. But, we don't live in the same house, so we don't eat together every day. When we do, we decide what we're going to eat (a lot of our conversations center around food). His cooking is plain--get it in the pan, on the plate, eat it. He tends to use a lot of hot peppers and garlic, but other than that, he doesn't do Indian/Chinese/other. That's up to me.


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## Rocklobster (Sep 21, 2014)

I cook whatever I want.  GF will eat anything I make as long as there are no green peppers in it. Even then she has picked them out. I won't cook with them anymore. I just substitute red peppers. No probs. I try to cook and eat  vegetables with every meal. Sometimes very little meat. Especially with Asian and Indian. I am still very interested in cooking things I have never had before. I search out authentic ingredients, cookware, utensils, and try to copy previous restaurant meals, or other dishes I come across on the web. Some are hits, some are misses.  GF thinks she is spoiled. I hope she really feels that way and isn't just trying not to hurt my feelings. 

She is a meat and potatoes type cook. Her previous husband, along with her two boys(who are men now) were never adventurous, so she was limited in what she could prepare. She is enjoying my take on eating and cooking.


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## GotGarlic (Sep 21, 2014)

I'm lucky that DH will eat pretty much anything I make and the foods he doesn't like - primarily broccoli and cauliflower - I can't eat for medical reasons. He also doesn't like eggs, so no quiche or frittatas, or mushrooms, but I just work around it and substitute things we do like. I make quiche for me and eat it for breakfast, for example.


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## Kayelle (Sep 21, 2014)

Rocklobster said:


> I cook whatever I want.  GF will eat anything I make as long as there are no green peppers in it. Even then she has picked them out. I won't cook with them anymore. I just substitute red peppers. No probs. I try to cook and eat  vegetables with every meal. Sometimes very little meat. Especially with Asian and Indian. I am still very interested in cooking things I have never had before. I search out authentic ingredients, cookware, utensils, and try to copy previous restaurant meals, or other dishes I come across on the web. *Some are hits, some are misses.  GF thinks she is spoiled. I hope she really feels that way and isn't just trying not to hurt my feelings.*
> 
> She is a meat and potatoes type cook. Her previous husband, along with her two boys(who are men now) were never adventurous, so she was limited in what she could prepare. She is enjoying my take on eating and cooking.



Someone like your GF and my husband really make cooking a joy...as it should be. 
We are very lucky people Rock. 
If I had to cook for someone who didn't appreciate it, I'd make nothing but reservations.


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## GotGarlic (Sep 21, 2014)

Kayelle said:


> Someone like your GF and my husband really make cooking a joy...as it should be.
> We are very lucky people Rock.
> If I had to cook for someone who didn't appreciate it, I'd make nothing but reservations.



My DH, too. I can't remember what it was now, but there was something I used to make regularly and he didn't tell me for 20 years that he didn't like it


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## buckytom (Sep 23, 2014)

in reading back on this, i realized that i should add that dw would LOVE to have me cook to my heart's desire almost every night. 

she is just a gym rat who keeps herself in great shape and doesn't want to make that harder by eating unhealthy stuff.

we eat out at least once or twice a week, and she goes out for lunch about another once or twice, so the rest of the meals have to be healthy.

i just wish healthy didn't necessarily mean bland.

and who do i have to shoot to get a steak around here?


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## Mad Cook (Sep 23, 2014)

buckytom said:


> in reading back on this, i realized that i should add that dw would LOVE to have me cook to my heart's desire almost every night.
> 
> she is just a gym rat who keeps herself in great shape and doesn't want to make that harder by eating unhealthy stuff.
> 
> ...


I don't think healthy has to mean bland.


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## buckytom (Sep 23, 2014)

i agree, but when i ask her why, she asks why am i asking....


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## Mad Cook (Sep 23, 2014)

buckytom said:


> my wife and i are very different cooks. while i'd say we both are foodies and have a fairly equal passion for food, what we cook tends to run in very different directions.
> 
> my wife is all about healthy cooking. healthy and plain.
> plain, plain, healthy, and plain.
> ...


When I'm cooking for two I don't make anything the other person won't eat because it's wasteful if he's going to leave it on his plate. I certainly wouldn't cook one meal for me and another for the other person. If I'm cooking dinner for a crowd and one person is, for example, a vegetarian, everyone gets vegetarian but if I'm doing a buffet-style meal I'll do both veggie and flesh-based dishes.

However, when he married my mother my dad came with a list of things he didn't like. Mum quickly realised that most of the things he "didn't like" were things he'd been told by his mother and grandmother that "Oh, you wouldn't like that, dear" because they didn't. In some cases, such as mushrooms which he'd only ever had boiled in milk (yuck!), it was a revelation when Mum got going in the kitchen - he realised that mushrooms were very good fried in butter!


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## buckytom (Sep 23, 2014)

and wine! and herbs! and soups! and stir frys! so many things.

i guess your dad, after he met your mum, became a funghi to be with. 

as far as cooking different meals for the family goes,  my most vivid memories from childhood were of pork chops.

mom made some breaded and fried, some broiled until medium rare or medium,.and some pan fried until  cooked into shoe leather. all in order to please 4 girls, 2 boys, and my dad.

only my dad and i would eat anything presented to us. 
that's not because we're great, but it does explain my love for mustards, aiolis, and hot sauces. something discreet to help it out.


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## Cheryl J (Sep 23, 2014)

*For whom the cook toils...*

I live alone, so it's mainly just cooking for me. I happily welcome the opportunity to cook for my family members when we get together, and we usually end up grilling steak or chicken, with several sides. In CA we grill all year long.  Most of my family members aren't very adventurous eaters and want to stick with the fam faves and not stray from them, so I do my best to make what they like. I love to try new things but don't experiment on them very often.  

The hardest part for me when I'm normally on my own, is when I'm wanting to make a new dish that calls for a family of eight, and scaling it down to a family of two. I can only eat on the same dish so many times.  It's not easy when you want to make an eggplant parmesan, or chicken tikka masala, or my newest interest I want to make - Country Captain - without making a boatload. Saw it on Bobby Flay a couple of years ago and it's been stuck in my mind.  

Interesting topic, bucky.


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## GotGarlic (Sep 23, 2014)

Cheryl J said:


> ... or my newest interest I want to make - Country Captain - without making a boatload. Saw it on Bobby Flay a couple of years ago and it's been stuck in my mind.
> 
> Interesting topic, bucky.



Dang, he goes all out. Rachael Ray has a much simpler version. We liked it a lot. I think I need to make it again soon.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/...n-classic-country-captain-chicken-recipe.html


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## Cheryl J (Sep 23, 2014)

Thanks, GG.  I so want to try this.  I've looked at many recipes online. 

ATK has a really nice sounding one, too. I saw it in my new Cooks Country cookbook I recently got at a yard sale for $1. It calls for the addition of Major Grey's chutney.  I might need to start a new thread about Country Captain to see if others have made it and what they think.   I couldn't find one here.


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## GotGarlic (Sep 23, 2014)

That's a good idea, Cheryl. I don't remember seeing it come up before.


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## Katie H (Sep 23, 2014)

I've been cooking since I was 8 and, at that time, I cooked to feed my siblings.  They didn't seem too picky and were desirous of volume over quality.  

When I married the first time, my then husband thought himself a gourmand, which I suppose he was...in a way.  He preferred to eat rather than to cook so cooking was left up to me.  Except for onions in any form, the sky was the limit with him.  He even had issues with onion powder.  Sheesh!  How does it go...first, chop an onion!  Oh, well.

Then I married Buck.  He was like the all-food channel, all the time.  He loved to eat; loved to cook; loved to talk about food; enjoyed food shows on TV.  You name it.

We spent many hours as a team in the kitchen in our 32 years together.  Most of the time he acted as my sous chef and loved it.  He would eat just about anything, prepared any way.

Now, there's Glenn.  He's not a kitchen kind of guy and prefers to leave that domain to me.  He excels in eating what I produce.  He has definite "no" items but those are few, so we have been eating quite happily.  He says I've been trying to kill him with food.  Nah!  The way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right?

I introduced him to Cornish game hens and he often asks if we can have "those little birds" for dinner.  No problem.  Happy to oblige.


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## buckytom (Sep 23, 2014)

the next time i get married (in my next life, of course. dw is part preying mantis. i'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop), i'm going to marry a woman likes to eat and has a metabolism of a chihuahua.


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