# Opinions on Potluck Parties.



## Claire (Mar 8, 2012)

I don't know how to do this anymore.

I'm sure I've asked before, but I am curious.

How many people are actually offended by getting a "potluck" invitation.  

My friends love to cook, but actually love to come to my house for some reason.  So I scrub up and host, make the main dish, put out requests, and they do the rest.

One friend actually thought it was tacky for me to ask people to bring things to a party (she didn't think it was _too_ tacky, she always brings food).  

Is anyone out there actually offended by an invitation that says "bring something .... "  I often do theme dinners... as in, I'm making halupke, bring something eastern European.  

I'm just curious as to how many people entertain this way.


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## Steve Kroll (Mar 8, 2012)

I'm not offended in the least to be asked to bring something to a get together.


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## gadzooks (Mar 8, 2012)

Love potluck...when I was a kid, my parents, or sometimes a neighbor, used to have rent parties. People would bring food and drink, roll up the rugs and break out the accordion. Nowadays, I live alone, so it's nice to get to cook for friends and sample some of their kitchen magic.


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## taxlady (Mar 8, 2012)

Heavens, no, I'm not offended. Most of my friends do potlucks.

I am offended when someone insists on bringing food when it isn't potluck. I was having an elegant Solstice supper. A friend asked if she could bring a friend of hers who was visiting from farm country in Manitoba. She wanted to bring cabbage rolls. I said, "Thank you very much, but please don't." Well, this got into a big kerfuffle with hurt feelings. Apparently it's traditional for her friend to bring food for Xmas celebrations. I put my foot down and explained that this wasn't a Xmas celebration, that I detest the smell of cabbage rolls, and no she couldn't bring them. I had already promised I wouldn't scare the poor little Christian farm girl with any scary pagan stuff.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 8, 2012)

I wouldn't be offended at all.  Sounds like fun!


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## Claire (Mar 8, 2012)

I do have to laugh at this one.  Once upon a time, many years ago, I did TWO parties a year.  One, in the summer, was potluck, the other, in early december, was just me.  Well, when I moved here, all my friends were bringing food.  So I took to making huge batches of chili -- Cincinnati for the holidays, green New Mexico for summer.  Then I just asked people to join in.  It's worked well, but one friend thinks it is tacky.  So I just was curious.  Believe me, no one has turned down an invitation, and they all love the opportunity to try out a new recipe.  I was just curious as to what you all thought about it.


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## Sir_Loin_of_Beef (Mar 8, 2012)

Two places where I formerly worked used to have pot lucks every once in a while. Whomever organized it would ask each person what they would like to bring so that we didn't get too many main courses or desserts and not enough sides. I've done pasta carbonara, Israeli couscous, jambalaya stuffed bell peppers, and my world famous spaghetti and meatball cake, among other things.


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## FrankZ (Mar 9, 2012)

When I get invited to a dinner party the first thing I ask is what I can bring.  Seems reasonable to me.

I have hosted gatherings and told people to bring nothing, I have hosted and told them what they need to bring, or at least the category to bring.

Offended?  Bah... You invite me into your home, do all the cleaning and provide me food, the least I can do is offer to help some how.  Even if you don't want any.

A friend of mine several years ago wanted to do a nice party for her new husband for his birthday.  She decided steak was a great way to celebrate (and I can't argue that).  There was 30 people there and I cooked the steaks and a couple sides since she asked if I would do it.  In the end she realized feeding steak to 30 people would not be cheap so it was a bring yer steak, we have everything else.  Big hit, everyone got the cut they wanted, and I took extra care to be sure they were grilled appropriately.

Offended?  Bah.


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## buckytom (Mar 9, 2012)

i'm not offended at all. in fact, i relish being able to bring a dish to a party. it both pleases me to be have a part in the dinner, and it challenges me to make something the best i can to please my friends and those who i may befriend.


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 9, 2012)

I am not offended at all but, I don't enjoy eating at Potluck parties.

I do like to have some direction in what to bring.  If your name ends in A-D bring a salad type of thing or think Irish food etc.......

If you do not like the group landing in your home look for a new gathering spot.  We used to congregate at our local saloon.  Everyone had a good time and the bar had an extra good day, cha-ching!  We celebrated many minor holidays, sporting events, blizzard parties, etc...


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## Claire (Mar 9, 2012)

Yes, we do provide guidance.  For example, Sunday is brunch at a friend's house and I'm in charge of garlic bread.  For my husband's 65th birthday a couple of days ago I requested finger food with a fifties/sixties theme if possible.  When we get together, whoever is hosting tells the call-backs, I'm making (whatever) and need and appetizer, a salad, a side, and a desert to go with it.  By the way, the friend who says it's not right, always brings great food and doesn't seem to mind it.  Go figure.  She just thinks it is one of those confusing things Americans do!  

I have to say, I really, really _really_ miss the parties we had in Hawaii.  The scope of Asian cuisines that would show up were just amazing.  Most of the Asian women I knew didn't drink, and my Guamanian friend (when it was his house) would sneak me a cocktail.  I didn't then know that many Asian women can't drink ... not a cultural thing, a physical one.  They get sick and very, very quickly.  But I loved those dinners and when I think of things I miss from when we lived in Hawaii, that's near the top of my list (OK, the weather has to be top, then the ocean).  We had friends from every Asian country you could name, and potlucks were spectacular.


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## Claire (Mar 9, 2012)

Aunt Bea said:


> I am not offended at all but, I don't enjoy eating at Potluck parties.
> 
> I do like to have some direction in what to bring.  If your name ends in A-D bring a salad type of thing or think Irish food etc.......
> 
> If you do not like the group landing in your home look for a new gathering spot.  We used to congregate at our local saloon.  Everyone had a good time and the bar had an extra good day, cha-ching!  We celebrated many minor holidays, sporting events, blizzard parties, etc...



For awhile I realized I was hosting more often that most and it bothered me a bit.  Then I thought, well, I like it, really.  Several of our friends are single women (divorce, widows, or just plain single) for whom entertaining is a real chore.  My husband is still able to assist me if it's inside.  

We do have a "third place" where we all meet on Fridays.  And yes, the restaurant owners appreciate the $$ that is brought in, and even on occasion sponsor a dinner for us, give us a table at a local concert, etc.


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## Rocklobster (Mar 9, 2012)

I like potlucks.....


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## taxlady (Mar 9, 2012)

The problem with having parties at restaurants is that it can be a budget breaker for some of our friends. I have an older friend on a fixed income. I have a few friends on fixed income for disabilities. The economy has sucked for a while, friends are sometimes out of work. So, when we do restaurant get togethers we usually limit it to cheaper restaurants. At least we know a few good, non-chain less expensive restaurants.

One of my pet peeves is someone having a party and showing off by choosing an expensive, but crappy restaurant and I have to pay "that much for crappy food!"

A pot luck is a great way to include folks with tighter budgets.


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## CWS4322 (Mar 9, 2012)

A group of us used to do potlucks every 2-3 months. They were great. We'd pick a theme and then go from there. We'd list the types of foods (salad, main dish, dessert, other sides) and people would "sign up" for what they'd like to bring. We did Chinese fondue, Italian, Mexican, comfort food, etc., themes.


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## Andy M. (Mar 9, 2012)

No offense.  

My SIL (who doesn't cook) tells SO what to bring (usually a dessert), I usually make an appy or side.  She counts on it as a part of the meal when she doesn't order take out.

My sister really doesn't want people to bring anything because she wants all the dishes to be hers.  When we offer, she just says to bring a dessert and we end up with a dozen or so desserts.  She then gets to complain about, 'what is she going to do with all these desserts as she can't eat them'.

When we have a small dinner party, we tell guests thanks but we already have the menu set.  I let my sister bring something to avoid an argument and hurt feelings.

When we have an open house, people bring stuff and we make stuff.

As a side note, we used to host an annual open house with our neighbors in December.  One year two other couples offered to host next year.  When the time came, both couples backed out.  We don't have open houses anymore.


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## taxlady (Mar 9, 2012)

Andy M. said:


> ...
> As a side note, we used to host an annual open house with our neighbors in December.  One year two other couples offered to host next year.  When the time came, both couples backed out.  We don't have open houses anymore.



It's a shame when that sort of thing happens. When people do that, it takes the shine off and I understand not feeling like doing it any more.


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## Bolas De Fraile (Mar 9, 2012)

I went to one threw my keys in the bowl and went home in a 1978 datsun


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## Gravy Queen (Mar 9, 2012)

Bolas. I'm ashamed.

Our minds are sadly too much alike.


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## Kayelle (Mar 9, 2012)

*How do I feel about potluck parties?

It depends on who the guests/participants are.

If I know the guests well I enjoy them very much. 

If I don't know all the guests, I'd just as soon pass.  Frankly, the thought of eating food from questionable kitchens and cooks turns my stomach. 

We are expected to participate in several potlucks a year, sponsored by our retirement community of 120 homes, and I just won't go.
*


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## Rocklobster (Mar 9, 2012)

I am curious to find out how you all like the food at potlucks? Do you generally enjoy it or not? Sometimes I skip lots of it. I'm not picky, just hard to please


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## Kayelle (Mar 9, 2012)

*That's another thing about those huge potlucks I just mentioned Rock.

The food sucks.  
*


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## Aunt Bea (Mar 9, 2012)

Kayelle said:


> *That's another thing about those huge potlucks I just mentioned Rock.
> 
> The food sucks.
> *



Don't hold back!!!!!!!


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## Rocklobster (Mar 9, 2012)

Kayelle said:


> *That's another thing about those huge potlucks I just mentioned Rock.
> 
> The food sucks.
> *


Sorry, my bad for not reading all of the previous posts. I do agree with you, though....


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## Steve Kroll (Mar 9, 2012)

Rocklobster said:


> I am curious to find out how you all like the food at potlucks? Do you generally enjoy it or not? Sometimes I skip lots of it. I'm not picky, just hard to please


I'm the same way, but I also find that to be the beauty of potlucks. Some of it isn't that good, but every so often you find a hidden gem. Our wine club has a potluck every year, and there's one guy in particular who always brings something incredible. Last year it was a wild mushroom soup. The year before it was venison stew. I've picked up a few good recipes here and there.


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## Rocklobster (Mar 9, 2012)

I also have a hard time finding all of those flavors appetizing when eaten all together. Lots of them would probably be good on their own, but when you have a big plate of saucy meats, vegetables and/or salads from cuisines from all over the place, it can be a bit overwhelming on the taste buds and digestive system. It has to come out, too,  after all......


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## Kayelle (Mar 9, 2012)

Aunt Bea said:


> Don't hold back!!!!!!!



*That's me Bea........a woman of few words. *


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## FrankZ (Mar 9, 2012)

Kayelle said:


> *That's me Bea........a woman of few words. *



Not too few...


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## Alix (Mar 9, 2012)

If we're hosting a potluck, I'll often ask what their specialties are and work around that. It helps to have one person organizing though so not everyone brings an entree or all salads etc. 

When I host a dinner, there are some folks who just FEEL better if they bring something. My MIL is one of those. She wants to feel she has contributed, so I always ask her to bring lefse. Its something I don't make and that everyone loves. We all win. 

Meals and parties are about enjoying one another. I firmly maintain that celebrations are about the people not the food. I've had as much fun at a weiner roast as I've had at a 7 course elegant dining experience.


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## GLC (Mar 9, 2012)

Well, you're kind of asking the wrong group if they're offended by being asked to bring food. The only thing about any party is that you, as host, are obliged to select guests to whom the particular kind of party appeals. It might well be negligence to invite someone just because they were in your list, when you know they do not enjoy that kind of informal party. 

I am reminded of the story from the 1930's. A wealthy but playful couple delighted in creating awkward parties. And they were influential enough that no one would dream of refusing their invitation. For instance, two versions of the invitation were printed. One specified that the party was strictly formal dress. The other made it clear that dress was strictly casual. They sent the casual version to their friends who delighted in dressing to the hilt. They sent the formal version to their friends who abhored anything more formal than Hawaiian shirts and sandals. They would apologize profusely at the door for the supposed printer's error but got a kick out of watching the discomfort.


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## DaveSoMD (Mar 9, 2012)

Nope not offended at all.  

Lately we have been having pot lucks at work every-other Wednesday now as we have meetings from 10 - 3:30 with an hour lunch break.  Some people cook, some buy, it all seems to work out in the end.


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## Veri Similitude (Mar 9, 2012)

I love eating food from questionable kitchens! I love a good potluck, but not when folks simply stop at the grocery store or drive-through for something already prepared. I don't want KFC at a potluck, I want home-cooking!


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## NZDoug (Mar 9, 2012)

The best  potluck parties ive had are with members of my neighbourhood watch that is, the FBI, the French Bay Interceptors.
We go to one house for pre meal drinks and snacks, next house for next house for soups( my famous French CDN ham and pea soup,next house for mains, next house for deserts, next house for cigars and scotch and chocolate.
This way nobody get stuck with all the dishes and everybody gets to see everone elses mansion!
Great night out!


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## spork (Mar 9, 2012)

Love potlucks & dinner parties.  Most all of them are coordinated and communally contributed.  There aren't many people or couples I know who have the kitchen chops to pull one off solo.


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## Cerise (Mar 20, 2012)

Claire said:


> I don't know how to do this anymore.
> 
> I'm sure I've asked before, but I am curious.
> 
> ...


 
I actually had to look up "Potluck" as I've never been to, or been invited to same. By definition "Potluck" means everyone brings a dish. If a "friend" called me tacky, he or she is not a friend - or like myself, doesen't know the definition

I would not be offended if invited to a potluck. I have brought dishes to gatherings. I hope you wont be offended, but I'm not a big fan of casserole dishes. They are okay at Thanksgiving. My main concerns are - transporting cooked dishes, leaving them out for periods of time, and not being held or transported at the proper temperature. People can get sick.


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## Merlot (Mar 20, 2012)

We do potlucks for our rehab department about once every two months.  On the plus side since I am in a rehab setting we have a stove, oven, refrig/ freezer and microwave.  There are 13 of us and easy to coordinate.


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## PattY1 (Mar 20, 2012)

Claire said:


> Is anyone out there actually offended by an invitation that says "bring something .... "  I often do theme dinners... as in, I'm making halupke, bring something eastern European.
> 
> I'm just curious as to how many people entertain this way.




No, I just tell my friends to bring what they want to drink. I can afford to feed them but not their drinking consumption.


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## PattY1 (Mar 20, 2012)

Bolas De Fraile said:


> I went to one threw my keys in the bowl and went home in a 1978 datsun



That is not how the movie went. "Who ever pulled your keys went home with you". I can't think of the name of the movie right now.


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## PattY1 (Mar 20, 2012)

Kayelle said:


> *That's another thing about those huge potlucks I just mentioned Rock.
> 
> The food sucks.
> *



That is why I bring side dish/entree I like so I have something to eat.


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## Bigjim68 (Mar 20, 2012)

For years when I was married, there was a large dinner group in the neighborhood that did recipe specific pot luck.  The menu was themed and  predetermined.  Recipes were passed out, and exchanged if one was not confident with their item.

The parties went over very well, and the host did not have to cook for the 30 or so.  We had fold up tables and a sit down dinner.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 20, 2012)

Merlot said:


> We do potlucks for our rehab department about once every two months.  On the plus side since I am in a rehab setting we have a stove, oven, refrig/ freezer and microwave.  There are 13 of us and easy to coordinate.



We haul food in all the time and have Unit Potlucks.  As long as we invite the therapists, we can use their kitchen


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## Merlot (Mar 20, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> We haul food in all the time and have Unit Potlucks. As long as we invite the therapists, we can use their kitchen


 
hehe thats a thought, invite the unit, more food  I happen to love the nurses in the whole building, I practically grew up there. When I had been away for a few years and came back, they said "hey! theres our kid!" I'm not a kid anymore, will be turning 40 in October but started there as a rehab tech,around 17 or so, just right from high school before therapy school !


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 20, 2012)

Merlot said:


> hehe thats a thought, invite the unit, more food  I happen to love the nurses in the whole building, I practically grew up there. When I had been away for a few years and came back, they said "hey! theres our kid!" I'm not a kid anymore, will be turning 40 in October but started there as a rehab tech,around 17 or so, just right from high school before therapy school !



I found out that anything Chocolate attracts therapists...


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## Merlot (Mar 20, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I found out that anything Chocolate attracts therapists...


 
How true, it's like a moth to a flame when someone brings in dessert, diets are blown, portion control goes out the window!


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## Kaukau (Mar 20, 2012)

Potlucks are awesome. I rarely "showcase" anymore when the hubs and I entertain. It's too stressful and I don't get to enjoy my guests. It is way more laid back and fun if everyone pitches in. My friends all get involved meal planning over the phone, then everyone either brings their contribution ready to serve or we cook together as a group. I think potlucks are misunderstood as lowbrow or a way to save money and still entertain. That is silly. Food shouldn't have to be so serious. 

I actually did a thanksgiving potluck for 50 once and I told everyone what I wanted them to bring and how much they needed to make. Kinda bossy I guess, but everyone came, everyone ate, and everyone had a great time.....as far as I know


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 20, 2012)

Merlot said:


> How true, it's like a moth to a flame when someone brings in dessert, diets are blown, portion control goes out the window!



We do have some fun salad bars when the therapists are invited.  There's things you would never even imagine...


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## SherryDAmore (Mar 24, 2012)

First, I disagree with the definition of "Potluck."  As I understand it, potluck means if you show up for dinner, you'll get whatever I have and can rustle up for dinner.  E.g. the luck of what's in the pot.

However, Dish to Pass means that everyone brings something to share.  I believe that this was labeled "tacky" is because it is perhaps not the best manners to ask your guests to  provide for your event.  The person inviting is NOT the host, he/she is, rather, the organizer.  A host provides everything for entertaining.  

I realize that this has become the norm, but that does not make it right.  If I invite people for dinner, I provide everything.  I always thought doing this kind of thing at work or church was Ok.

On another note, years ago, after a "Dish to Pass" at work, one of our employees revealed that he had hepatitis.  Everyone - 800 people - was offered gamma globulin injections, and our insurer said "no more."  I don't like eating food when I don't know the health/safety habits of the cook.


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## bakechef (Mar 24, 2012)

SherryDAmore said:
			
		

> First, I disagree with the definition of "Potluck."  As I understand it, potluck means if you show up for dinner, you'll get whatever I have and can rustle up for dinner.  E.g. the luck of what's in the pot.
> 
> However, Dish to Pass means that everyone brings something to share.  I believe that this was labeled "tacky" is because it is perhaps not the best manners to ask your guests to  provide for your event.  The person inviting is NOT the host, he/she is, rather, the organizer.  A host provides everything for entertaining.
> 
> ...



If I throw a dinner party, I provide everything.  This means that I have personally invited people for a meal that I am going to prepare.

If our friends are coming over for a casual pot luck, then we all contribute.  This can be a barbeque or maybe a movie night.  These types of gatherings are usually planned as a group effort.

There are times for both, neither one, is right or wrong.


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## SherryDAmore (Mar 24, 2012)

I consider Miss Manners the final authority 

When potluck is OK - Miss Manners - The Buffalo News


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## bakechef (Mar 25, 2012)

I don't think anyone is forced to attend a potluck if they are offended by bringing a dish.

If someone is having a pot luck dinner, they need to say so from the beginning.  If someone invites people to dinner and then asks them to bring something after the invitation is accepted, then that seems a bit tacky.  But just hosting a pot luck seems perfectly acceptable to me.


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## taxlady (Mar 25, 2012)

SherryDAmore said:


> I consider Miss Manners the final authority
> 
> When potluck is OK - Miss Manners - The Buffalo News



She addresses one of my pet peeves: someone who wants to bring a dish to a meal that you already planned and it wasn't a pot luck.


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## simonbaker (Mar 25, 2012)

I am never offended to bring a dish to a potluck & I enjoy going to small pot luck gatherings.  When the potlucks get to be to many people,  100 plus,  it seems like food poisening just waiting to happen.


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## Vanilla Bean (Mar 25, 2012)

I have never been offended by bringing something for a potluck. I've brought several things to work and church potlucks. Most of the people that have contributed in the past, I have known. So, I don't have a problem with their cooking practices, and I'm not that paranoid. The bottom line is... if you have a problem with bringing something or trying something from someone, then don't do it... plain and simple. I think they are a lot of fun. Everyone's tastes are different.... one person might rave about that, and another person might think it stinks. I can't remember who said it.... it is taken way too seriously.

When my family had birthday parties or holiday get-togethers, we all brought something. My grandma or aunt would provide the main course. I love to exchange recipes, and it's a great way to get to know people and cooking-style.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 25, 2012)

You invite acquaintances to dine, family is invited for dinner and/or potluck.  If I'm inviting folks to a potluck, it's because I think of them as family.


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## simonbaker (Mar 25, 2012)

Going to large event pot lucks the food sits at room temperature for such a long time it makes a person think what food borne illness is brewing in some of those dishes.


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## Claire (Mar 26, 2012)

You're right about when you do potluck, you usually are inviting friends who are that, friends.  I sometimes "declare" a theme; most recently it was my husband's 65th birthday and I mentioned stuff with a 50s/60s theme.  It was great.  I think my favorite was a fellow cookbook collector who came up with meatballs using grape jelly as one of the sauce components.  

I think the thing I miss most about living in Hawaii .... well, like here, most parties were potluck and the vast variety of foods that would show up was knock your socks off great.  You might have, for example, lumpia and Vietnamese spring rolls; five different noodle dishes from various Asian countries, but also a vast array of European dishes.  It would be a real adventure in eating.  

One thing I learned when I first moved here was that people are going to bring something even if you aren't planning potluck.  After ten years, I've learned to go with it.  It's an odd community in that some people are quite wealthy, some not so, and the not so (includes me) like to contribute, and this is how.  For us, if we had to provide everything, we probably wouldn't entertain.  So it's really become a way of life for us.  Whoever is hosting provides the main dish, then "assigns" the sides.  As in:  appetizer, salad, vegetable, starch, desert.  The guests look at what your main dish is, and coordinate with each other.  The first person to call in gets to pick what course, and so forth.  It really works wonderfully.  But, yes, I've actually had someone say that in _their_ culture, no one would dream of having people bring food to their house.  Ironically, this couple are always happy to bring food when we host a potluck.


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## PrincessFiona60 (Mar 26, 2012)

First thing out of my mouth when asked to a meal at someone's home, "Do you need/want me to bring anything?"  If they say "yes," no problem, if they say "no"...still no problem.  Most of the time the answer is, "yes."  And they already know what they want me to bring.  If they say "no," I bring a non-food hostess gift.


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## bakechef (Mar 26, 2012)

PrincessFiona60 said:


> You invite acquaintances to dine, family is invited for dinner and/or potluck.  If I'm inviting folks to a potluck, it's because I think of them as family.



That kind of sums it up for me!

We do a lot of potlucks because we tend to only entertain people that are close friends.

Sometimes when my partner is introducing someone new to his game group, we'll invite them over for dinner and I'll cook the whole meal, it's kind of a "getting to know" this person or couple.  He holds his game here in the basement den and I really don't want strangers coming into my house, so I do this to meet them one on one.


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