# In the opinion of adults



## tsi88kid (Feb 20, 2007)

Ok so I might have accidentally forgot to take my girlfriends birthday at work. I tried every possible way to have someone cover my shift, I even had a kid who would but the manager doesnt think he is good enough to work a thursday. Now i already gave my girlfriend the diamond necklace i spent 300 dollars on and suggested that maybe we go out on wednesday instead of thursday sense everyone who was gonna go can still go. She says im horrible and I ruined her birthday. I mean I buy her nice little presents all the time and got her a 3 diamond ring for our 1 year and i have taken her to The Top of the Hub twice. Was I really that bad of a boyfriend?


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## amber (Feb 20, 2007)

I'm guessing she's saying the "things" you bought her dont matter, but more the idea that you would remember her birthday matter more?  Not sure.


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## Andy M. (Feb 20, 2007)

You are not a bad boyfriend.  Being a good boyfriend does not include risking your job to take her to dinner on her birthday.

The fact that she reacted as she did tells me more about her than it does about you.  Get the necklace back and tell her to go fly a kite.


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## tsi88kid (Feb 20, 2007)

HAHAHAHAHA that fly a kite thing was hilarious it made me laugh thank you!

Keep the opinions coming I want to know what you guys think.


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## sattie (Feb 20, 2007)

You can be my boyfriend!!!  Hey, I think it is great what you did.... and if it is the day before or the day after makes no difference to me.  And I would not think it would make much difference to her.... but keep in mind this all comes from a woman that does not put much stock in dates... meaning birthdays, anniversaries, and what not... they are days just like any other days to me!


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## Clutch (Feb 20, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> You are not a bad boyfriend. Being a good boyfriend does not include risking your job to take her to dinner on her birthday.
> 
> The fact that she reacted as she did tells me more about her than it does about you. Get the necklace back and tell her to go fly a kite.


 
+1

I made sure I was off for my GF's Bday, but even if I couldn't have made it, it would have been fine with her. A better example. Valentines day. I was working, I worked from 12-8:30pm. My solution, the weekend before, we did something for the entire weekend (mainly slept, we was tired). 

Lemme ask a few questions before I go any further. How old are you/her, where do you/her live (parents or place of your/her own), what are you/her doing for a living (school, college, training programs, ect.)?

Here's my scenario. My GF is 3 1/2 years older than me (i'm going to be 23 she just turned 26. In my experiance, girls my age and younger are worth it for the wrong reasons (no comments please) and women who are a little older know what they want, don't play games and are ready to settle down. It's very uncommon for a guy my age to be ready to settle down and be with only one person. Everyone I know has told me that. 

My honest advice, Find an older woman and do what you can. If a woman doesn't understand that you can only do so much and can't forgive you for something that minute, that she is not worth your time. I'd say, get you ring and necklace back, visit I Do...Now I Don't to sell the ring at a reasonable price and find an older woman! WOO-HOO!!!!!!


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## StirBlue (Feb 20, 2007)

I would rather think that she may be embarrassed because she now has no plans for her birthday day.  It would truly be nice if the two of you could celebrate her birthday on Wednesday and she could celebrate on Thursday with a few close friends and maybe her family.  
   When a birthday falls on or about Valentine's Day, that person is sensitive about having their birthday remembered.


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## corazon (Feb 21, 2007)

Sometimes you just can't get the day off.  Heck, my husband will be working our anniversary, one of our son's bday, thanksgiving and xmas this year.  I'm not gonna get angry with him over something he has little or no control of.

A $300 necklace, wow!  

You didn't ruin her birthday.  She probably just wants a day that is all her own.  Make it up to her over the weekend.  Ladies choice the entire weekend.


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## luvs (Feb 21, 2007)

my boyfriend/fiance tries. $$$$$$ is great, so is love. if your relationship is meant to be, so be that. she doesn't appreciate you, ditch 'er. my gal opinion.


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## Dove (Feb 21, 2007)

My honest advice, Find an older woman and do what you can. If a woman doesn't understand that you can only do so much and can't forgive you for something that minute, that she is not worth your time. I'd say, get you ring and necklace back, visit I Do...Now I Don't to sell the ring at a reasonable price and find an older woman! WOO-HOO!!!!!!   

*Hey Kid...I'm available..LOL LOl LOl 
Grandma Dove*


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## SizzlininIN (Feb 21, 2007)

Dove said:
			
		

> My honest advice, Find an older woman and do what you can. If a woman doesn't understand that you can only do so much and can't forgive you for something that minute, that she is not worth your time. I'd say, get you ring and necklace back, visit I Do...Now I Don't to sell the ring at a reasonable price and find an older woman! WOO-HOO!!!!!!
> 
> *Hey Kid...I'm available..LOL LOl LOl *
> *Grandma Dove*


 

    "Oh Marge ..... your back....


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## college_cook (Feb 21, 2007)

I think I'm one of the younger guys that frequents this site, and I've got to tell you, dating in High School just sucks.  There are very few kids at that age who are mature enough to handle a serious, loving relationship.  It sounds like you can definitely hold your own, and that you're going to extra mile with the fancy jewelry, and trying to get your days at work switched.

It sounds like she's still just your typical young girl who wants the world to revolve around her.  She doesn't see that you guys have been together for a year, or that your hard-earned money goes to get her gifts that are really way to nice to give a HS g/f ( not judging, i'm guilty of the same crime    What she sees is that you didn't do everything exactly perfectly the way she wanted.

99% of HS relationships fail.  I'm not saying yours will, but it sounds like the two of you are in slightly different places.  It sounds like you want to be serious, and she just wants someone to call boyfriend.  Try to work it out with her, but don't kill yourself trying to make it work if it won't.  You have to be realistic about it.


As an aside, when you DO find the girl that you know is the one, never ever  let go.  The horror stories i hear about dating in college make me so thankful that it worked out with me and my HS g/f.


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## Chief Longwind Of The North (Feb 21, 2007)

My reply is based on my beliefs, and you may or may not like what you read.  But it is what it is.

A relationship between two people is based on numerous aspects. These include respect, attractions, a desire to love and to be loved in return, honesty, integrity, selflessness, mutual interests, disimilar interests, and a willingness to put the needs of your partner before your own needs. And both persons in the relationshipa must exhibit all of these.

In the real world, we are taught from a young age that we are important, and to watch out for number one. This might not be the mantra spoken in your home, but it is in our society. This molds us into strong, independant individuals who are capable of acting and reacting according to our perceived needs. Unfortunately, it also makes us somewhat egocentric.

For a relationship to work, we must put away the ego and relplace it with love, and I'm not talking about a physical relationship here. Love is exhibeted by the man who agrees to alllign the toilet paper roll according to his partners preference, realizing that which way it rolls doesn't really mean a hill of beans. It also means that if his partner is behaving badly, he let her know his true feelings, with love, patience, and tenderness.

True love is never violent, nor does it manifest itself in anger. The couples who last a lifetime and beyond, are aware of each other, and each other's requirements for praise, for respect, for tenderness, for playfullness, of each other's strengths & weaknesses. True love always tries to build, never tear down. Sincere and honest communication is practiced every minute of every day. 

Fights are inevitable. The things learned from those battles, and the change in behavior that comes from self-evaluation makes the relationship stronger. True love scrapes and claws its way through the hurdles thrown by life, by the pressures that try to break it. It never gives up. It refuses anything less than success.

Ask yourself a couple of questions to find out if you are ready for a life-long relationship with your girlfreind.

1. Are you willing to put her needs before your own, at all times?
2. Is she willing to put your needs before her own, at all times?
3. Would you sacrifice your time, your resources, even your life for her?
4. Would she sacrifice her time, her resources, even her life for you?
5.  Is her happiness and fulfillment more important to you than is your own?
6. Is your happingess and fullfilment more important to her that is her own?

It is hard to find a partner who meets all the qualifications to truly be your perfect partner. And a strong relationship is no trivial thing. And contrary to what our society seems to throw at us, the act of marriage is far more than a simple piece of paper, and a fee paid to the state. It is an agreement that states "I will give all of my energies and love to my partner, as she will do the same for me." It is supposed to be an unbreakable commitment between a man and a woman to love, support, and be there for each other, no matter what state the world is in, or what challenges rise up before you.

Simply stated, a wife should be her husband's best freind, and vice-versa.  The strength of marital bonds must be stronger than the relationships with your Mother, or Father, or siblings, even stronger than is the bond between parent and child.  And you could not possibly believe how much I love my children.

Sadly, many of today's marriages are based on finances, or physical lust, or the kids, or supposed security. These marriages are doomed to failure before they start, and usually end badly for everyone involved.

Don't be afraid to search for the right girlfreind.  And when you find her, you must be the right boyfreind.

This advice comes from a man married to the same woman for thirty years now, and still going strong. The trials have been many, and there are many more awaiting us. But my wife truly loves me, and I truly love her. And I have two children who are married, both with exceptional relationships that have all the markings of lifetime comitments. I expect the other two children will have the same. I hope you will as well.

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


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## jkath (Feb 21, 2007)

The necklace is a small price to pay for learning such a valuable life lesson. 

She's immature, which is really typical for a young girl. Get focused more on your schooling, your work and deepen relationships with your dear family members. 
When the right woman comes along (and yes, she'll be a "woman", not a "girl") you will know. Just as Goodweed said, she'll put your needs first, just as you'd do for her.
Thank you for trusting us with your dilema, kid - hope we've been some help to you.


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## licia (Feb 21, 2007)

I suppose I'm older than many here and have never heard of taking the day off from work for a gf, or even a wife's birthday. Unless one works 24 hours a day, there would be some time during that to celebrate. I think of her attitude to have you take off from your job would be quite immature and it also seems you may be trying to buy her love with the presents. The whole relationship needs an overhaul, in my opinion. I would think it would probably be better not to be involved with a person who was so demanding. No good will come from it.


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## lulu (Feb 21, 2007)

I could not dream of taking a day off, or now I don't work, expecting DH to take a day off for a day like a birthday.  Last year my F-I-L remarried and we could not make the wedding because it was in US, we were in Europe and it would have meant effectively three days of work to go, be there for the wedding, and fly back.  He celebrated with a group of friends on a Saturdya and DH flew over for the afternoon.  He needs all his days off for interviews for getting his next job!

There are a thousand things you can do to acknowledge her actual birthday.  A letter sent in advance and timed to reach her then, a delivered bouquet, something that lets her know you are thinking of her while you aren't there.    If she is hoping to build a long term reationship with you she will realise that you going to work on her birthday proves what a responsible young man you are and how that will in the longterm make you a better partner than some one who used the excuse to loaf and spend an evening with her.  Your work has allowed you to give her something she will be able to have forever and know you were thinking about her, where as an eveniong passes.  There are somethings you absolutely should be there for, but they are usually unexpected and come up because you are there.  anniversaies/birthdays etc are for remembering and celebrating what you have all the time, and are NOT the event in hemselves, just the celebration of it.  I would ratehr never have a party to celebrate my wedding anniversary but have a marriage I am blessed to have everyday, just as my birthday is the day I thank goodness I am a live, not the day I live for!

You sound like you are a good boyfriend, not because of the trinkets you gave her, but because you are examining he relationship.  I hope it all works out for you and I think you needd to ask yourself, and maybe her, some big questions about your life philosophies, because ultimately they matter.  Hopefully she was speaking emotionally and thyat happens and should not be held against her if when she calms down she thinks of the bigger picture.   Good luck.


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## Uncle Bob (Feb 21, 2007)

Having traveled from the West to the East (and back) again many, many times in this life...My wise counsel...

Find yourself another lady!!


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## YT2095 (Feb 21, 2007)

ask her This: Where does she think you got the money from to Buy the gift in the first place?

if that question ( with it`s built in Duuugh factor answer) doesn`t make her realise something, you should sell her Brain on eBay, you get a fortune for goods that are unused


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## CharlieD (Feb 21, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> You are not a bad boyfriend. Being a good boyfriend does not include risking your job to take her to dinner on her birthday.
> 
> The fact that she reacted as she did tells me more about her than it does about you. Get the necklace back and tell her to go fly a kite.


 
I am with Andy 100%. What a ... spoiled brat.


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## Half Baked (Feb 21, 2007)

imho, You're way too young to be buying presents like that.  That money should have gone into a savings account for college or a car.  

What did this little gal do for you on your birthday?


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## tsi88kid (Feb 21, 2007)

YT2095 said:
			
		

> ask her This: Where does she think you got the money from to Buy the gift in the first place?
> 
> if that question ( with it`s built in Duuugh factor answer) doesn`t make her realise something, you should sell her Brain on eBay, you get a fortune for goods that are unused




hahaha that is a good point. However we didn't talk last night and she called me today and apologized and said sorry that she was being like that and she understands what happened. I believe she did not want to go out tonight because her best friend wouldnt be able to come. However, she came to her senses and me her and another couple we are close with are going out for dinner tonight. Thanks for all the support everyone, I dont even talk about cooking on here half the time its like you guys are my physcologists!


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## YT2095 (Feb 21, 2007)

Half Baked said:
			
		

> What did this little gal do for you on your birthday?



YT Grins Wryly, now THIS could get Interesting


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## RMS (Feb 21, 2007)

I agree with most of the others, she's immature.
You are trying to be responsible.
Find someone who wants to be responsible too.


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## tsi88kid (Feb 21, 2007)

Half Baked said:
			
		

> What did this little gal do for you on your birthday?



My birthday is 5 days after hers I'll let you guys no what she does for me haha.


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## TATTRAT (Feb 21, 2007)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> You are not a bad boyfriend.  Being a good boyfriend does not include risking your job to take her to dinner on her birthday.
> 
> The fact that she reacted as she did tells me more about her than it does about you.  Get the necklace back and tell her to go fly a kite.




+1

sounds like she has some growing up to do.


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## YT2095 (Feb 21, 2007)

Gaaah, I still say sell her brain on eBay, I mean it`s not like she`s gunna Miss it or anything


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## QSis (Feb 21, 2007)

Half Baked said:
			
		

> imho, You're way too young to be buying presents like that.


 
I agree.  For all of the reasons others have mentioned.

Lee


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## jkath (Feb 21, 2007)

tsi88kid said:
			
		

> ..... its like you guys are my physcologists!



just wait till you get the bill, kid  


necklace....$300
dinner out.....$150
free help from friends.....priceless!


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## GB (Feb 21, 2007)

I am glad she apologized to you. You did not deserve to be treated that way. And I agree with the others who said $300 is a lot to be spending on a girl at this point in your life. Save that money now. You will be happy you did later on.


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## philly29 (Feb 21, 2007)

You did nothing wrong, sure she has a right to be a little disapointed, but to go that far is a little overboard, you migght be better off.


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## Clutch (Feb 21, 2007)

GB said:
			
		

> I am glad she apologized to you. You did not deserve to be treated that way. And I agree with the others who said $300 is a lot to be spending on a girl at this point in your life. Save that money now. You will be happy you did later on.


 
+1

I told my GF flat out from the start that I am building my 1966 Mustang and if it means we have to have a homemade picnic for her birthday or Valentines day or any other holiday, that's what it means. She didn't wanna hear about it at first, but she know that I will do what I can to put her first either way and wouldn't spend money I don't have on the car. 

I'm not really one to talk seeing as Crystal andI were dating for 2 weeks before her 25th B-day and I went out and spent the last 100 bux I had on her. 75 on a Victoria's Secret GC and the remaining on a card, chocolates and a beanie baby. I knew I would have to hold on to her when I handed her that and she handed me a Jean Paul Gaultier _Le Male_ set. 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I don't mind spending my money on her cause I know she'll buy me things in return. I'm going out and getting her a Wii as a "just because" gift. It was originally supposed to be her V-day gift, but they sold the last bundle to the guy in front of us so I got her Dior perfume instead. The stuff is E-X-P-E-N-S-I-V-E! LOL!! J/K!


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## auntdot (Feb 21, 2007)

Tsi, you need someone who understands the reality of life.

When we got married we lived for quite a while cooking with a pot, two sets of 'silverware', one lousy cutting knife, an enamel baking dish, and an hibachi. All purchased at K-Mart.

We were lucky to get a mattress, but not a bed.

After a while we were able to negotiate a set of embarrassingly tacky furniture to sit on.

But we kept going, together.

And by being there, always together, we got through and are now doing OK.

No engagement ring, we could not afford one.  No great gifts on birthdays or at other times, no money.

Maybe because of the difficult times we started with, we can now deal with those that come along.  And believe me difficult times intrude on all our lives.

But through it all we know we will manage together.

And so I give you this piece of advice for what it is worth.

Just my humble opinon, but you don't need this gal.

Her attitude is what can you do for me?  Not what can we do together.

There are many good people out there and she sounds like she needs to grow up a bit.

As difficult as it may seem to you, would suggest you find the nearest exit and walk away.  However difficult you may find that decision, in the long run I believe you will be better off.


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## Clutch (Feb 21, 2007)

Couldn't have put it better myself Dot!

I decided it would be best for Crystal and I to work on getting all the cookware, tableware, housewares furnature, ect., ect., that we would need together _before_ we moved out. Now we are just working on getting it back out of her room and into my room at my parents house. Her only stipulation was that she doesn't want to move out without a ring on her finger. I agreed seeing as I had been there and done that. I made that mistake before. We've got nearly everything we need and now we are working on getting up the money for furnature (about 4 grand) and rent (first month inc. dep. and at least three months just in case). 

I'm glad to hear she cleared things up with you, but just watch out for yourself bud.


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## jpmcgrew (Feb 21, 2007)

She is young and probably read too many fairy tales.We all want the fairy tale but that is not reality.However it it takes years and having a demanding job of her own to realize that you can not always have the the perfect day.I have spent many christmas ,thanksgivings,valentines alone because of a job.Of course you call,send a gift etc early if you can.
What really counts is the quality time you spend together when you can and the things you do and give for no reason at all.
My DH and I have  been married 10 years we dont take xmas,valentines or even anniversarys{spelled wrong Im sure} very seriously because every day should be a holiday.Im hoping she is as generous to you, if not it's a one way street.


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## Katie H (Feb 21, 2007)

You know what, ts, a good relationship is like a see-saw.  It goes down.  It goes up.  Except...there are two people operating it.  That's the catch.  When one is down, the other works to catch up to make things happen. And it works, time and time again.  I've been there, in a relationship that was one-sided and one that is 100%-100%.  I'll take the last one every time.

It sounds to me that your girlfriend is more interested in what keeps "her" going than what makes the two of you going as a team.

I think the best thing for you to do is to distance yourself from her, gradually if necessary, and then find someone who will appreciate you.

And, as someone else said, save your money for college or something else.  You'll not regret it.

Best wishes for a happy ending.  They DO happen.  You'll see.


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## kitchenelf (Feb 21, 2007)

Dove said:
			
		

> My honest advice, Find an older woman and do what you can. If a woman doesn't understand that you can only do so much and can't forgive you for something that minute, that she is not worth your time. I'd say, get you ring and necklace back, visit I Do...Now I Don't to sell the ring at a reasonable price and find an older woman! WOO-HOO!!!!!!
> 
> *Hey Kid...I'm available..LOL LOl LOl
> Grandma Dove*



Oh yea, she's back!!!!!!     

tsi88kid - I don't know what you mean when you say you *MIGHT have accidentally forgotten to take her birthday off of work* - did you forget?  If you did then you've got some making up to do!  If your relationship is a good one to begin with it will work out but you've just got to face the fact that you messed up.  If you TRULY couldn't get off work then that is something SHE will have to figure out herself.


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## Clutch (Feb 21, 2007)

It's more about the time spent together. I make sure to interact with Crystal from the time she gets home to the time we fall asleep. Even if it's as little as me cooking and her standing ther talking to me. It's the memories more than anything. We take lots of pictures every time we go out so we can cherish forever the things we did. We spend quite a bit on each other for holidays, but we work extra hard to do it. We celebrate everything, but our "just because" gifts are the greatest. 

I brought a rose to Cyrstal while she was at work for no reason what-so-ever about 6 months ago and the girls she works with are still talking about it. They thought I had done something wrong! LOL!!!


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## tsi88kid (Feb 22, 2007)

I realized today that she never has acted like this before and that it might be the whole college thing and AP classes and huge research papers that got her a little stressed and worked up. I really believe that might have contributed to her anger and the way she acted.


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## skilletlicker (Feb 22, 2007)

Katie E said:
			
		

> And, as someone else said, save your money for college or something else.  You'll not regret it.
> 
> Best wishes for a happy ending.  They DO happen.  You'll see.


Yep!


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## csalt (Feb 22, 2007)

tsi88kid said:
			
		

> I realized today that she never has acted like this before and that it might be the whole college thing and AP classes and huge research papers that got her a little stressed and worked up. I really believe that might have contributed to her anger and the way she acted.


 
Your words demonstrate that you are a thoughtful , generous hearted and caring person. I hope all works out for good in the end.


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## StirBlue (Feb 22, 2007)

tsi88kid said:
			
		

> I realized today that she never has acted like this before and that it might be the whole college thing and AP classes and huge research papers that got her a little stressed and worked up. I really believe that might have contributed to her anger and the way she acted.


 
We do not even know you or her!    Information here was just given based on what you said.  

When my employer asked me to work on October 31st, Tuesday, it did not register that this was Halloween!   

When you saw work on February 22nd, Thursday, it did not register this is my gf's birthday.  

When they asked me to work November 24th, Thursday, I checked my little calendar and said "no way, that's Thanksgiving!"  

Sounds like the two of you have talked it through and things are better.  If you have a relationship that needs work once in a while that is okay.  

  You do not even know us either!  But.....you do know her.


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## GB (Feb 22, 2007)

tsi88kid said:
			
		

> I realized today that she never has acted like this before and that it might be the whole college thing and AP classes and huge research papers that got her a little stressed and worked up. I really believe that might have contributed to her anger and the way she acted.


Like StirBlue said, we only know of her what you have told us. You actually do know her and know what type of person she is. Everyone gets stressed from time to time and takes it out the wrong way. It is great that she seems to have realized that she did that and also that you realized that that is not really how she is. You guys will get past this and get back to having a great relationship in no time (if you have not already).


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