# Cookbooks you'll never see!



## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

Just got an idea for a new game.  I've learned there's a lot of creative and wacky people on this site, so let's have some fun.  Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with the title of a cookbook that will never happen.  Here  are a few to get you started:

_Emeril's Complete Guide to Microwave Cooking_
_Veggies, Veggies, Veggies_ by The Texas  Cattlemen's Association
_Eat Right and Stay Fit - A Diet Guide for Sumo Wrestlers_

You get the idea.  Who's up next? 

Buck


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## Alix (Oct 2, 2006)

Where's the Beef? ---the Alberta Cattle Association

Milk. It does a body good. ---Soy lovers Unlimited.


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

Thanks, Alix for picking up the gauntlet right away!   Great response.
Let's run this thing into the ground!


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Eat Right The Trim-Fit Way by Anna Nicole Smith


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## MJ (Oct 2, 2006)

*Baking with Kitchenelf*, your guide to perfection.


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

Bad burn, M.J.  Naughty!   Naughty!


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## Alix (Oct 2, 2006)

Pizza Sucks! --- by MJ (you better start running buddy, kitchenelf is gonna GET you)


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

No Butter Cookbook by Paula Deen


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## Half Baked (Oct 2, 2006)

All Day Cooking by Rachael Ray


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Olive Garden's Best by Mario Batali


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## Mr. D (Oct 2, 2006)

What To Do With Fish On Mondays - By: Anthony Bourdain


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## MJ (Oct 2, 2006)

Alix said:
			
		

> Pizza Sucks! --- by MJ (you better start running buddy, kitchenelf is gonna GET you)


 

*10,000 Apple Recipes*, by Alix.  or - "How not to burn bridges" by MJ.


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Pork, the Other White Meat by Miss Piggy


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## Half Baked (Oct 2, 2006)

How to Use a Paring Knife by Yan Can Cook


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## Mr. D (Oct 2, 2006)

gordan ramseys guide to etiquette


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## Alix (Oct 2, 2006)

La Cucina Imaculatta --- Julia Child


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

Alix said:
			
		

> La Cucina Imaculatta --- Julia Child


 
Alix, she really didn't mean to drop that lobster on the floor.  Cut a girl some slack!


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## Alix (Oct 2, 2006)

LOL!


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## Aunt Lisa's Kitchen (Oct 2, 2006)

*Finger Food,* by Martha Stewart

Lisa


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## Aunt Lisa's Kitchen (Oct 2, 2006)

*Cheeze Wiz It*, by Martha Stewart

Okay, enough Martha,
Lisa


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## kitchenelf (Oct 2, 2006)

Everyday Gourmet - The Ironchefs

MJ - baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad boy!  lmao  I can bake - I baked in the sun one time and got a really bad sunburn!!!


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## kitchenelf (Oct 2, 2006)

Cooking With Charcoal - The Naked Chef


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

This awesome title just came to me:

_101 Ways to Prepare Hot Dogs_ by Auguste Escoffier

True genius, yes?  Not me.  Escoffier, of course.


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## shpj4 (Oct 2, 2006)

Jill's quide to "Keeping The Refrigerator Door Closed."


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Sweet Meats by Hannibal Lecter


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## kitchenelf (Oct 2, 2006)

Buck said:
			
		

> This awesome title just came to me:
> 
> _101 Ways to Prepare Hot Dogs_ by Auguste Escoffier
> 
> True genius, yes?  Not me.  Escoffier, of course.



oh gosh, I have to admit that is true genius!!!!!!!!


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## pdswife (Oct 2, 2006)

You guys crack me up! 

Krama to you all.


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

wasabi said:
			
		

> Sweet Meats by Hannibal Lecter


 
Just 2 questions:  Are you having a friend over for dinner?   And are you serving fava beans?


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Bringing Up A Healthy Baby by Britney Spears


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

wasabi said:
			
		

> Bringing Up A Healthy Baby by Britney Spears


 
And that has to do with food because...?


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

If you don't read the rags.........it's hard to explain.


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## kitchenelf (Oct 2, 2006)

WAAAASAAAABI - I should report your post    

Cooking From Scratch by Sandra Lee


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

OHHH-OHHHH!  
	

	
	
		
		

		
			





I'll be good. I promise.


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

Cooking the RIGHT Way by Hillary Rodham Clinton


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## Buck (Oct 2, 2006)

wasabi said:
			
		

> Cooking the RIGHT Way by Hillary Rodham Clinton


 
Didn't she also author:   _Baking Cookies While Standing by Your Man_?

And,  un-cookbook related:  _Stain Removal for Your Work Attire_

Just a thought.


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

102 Ways To Steam Veggies by Elvis Presley


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

50 Last Meal Ideas by Saddam Hussein


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## Andy M. (Oct 2, 2006)

Cooking with Campbell's Soups by The Iron Chefs.


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## wasabi (Oct 2, 2006)

In The Kitchen by Wasabi


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## jkath (Oct 3, 2006)

McDonald's copycats.......by Anthony Bourdain

The cookie and cake book ........by Rob Rainford

Cooking methods really don't matter...by Alton Brown


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## jkath (Oct 3, 2006)

Well-Done Meats...........by Bobby Flay

Cooking for One..........by Michael Chiarello

Learnin' how to cook 'cause your Mama never taught you how...by Jamie & Bobby Deen


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## middie (Oct 3, 2006)

101 Meat Ideas by Peta


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## wasabi (Oct 3, 2006)

Cooking For the Rugged Outdoors Life by Paris Hilton (or any cookbook by Paris Hilton)


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## middie (Oct 3, 2006)

Great Vegetarian Reecipes by Middie


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## TATTRAT (Oct 3, 2006)

COOKING WITH POOH!


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## middie (Oct 3, 2006)

lmao Tat good one !


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## TATTRAT (Oct 3, 2006)

thanks! I can't stop smiling over that one!


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## wasabi (Oct 3, 2006)

Healthy Cooking For A Longer Life by Dr. Jack Kevorkian


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## TATTRAT (Oct 3, 2006)

FUNdamental Sushi......Hannibal Lecter


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## wasabi (Oct 3, 2006)

Extraordinary Eggs by TATTRAT
(Your avatar always makes me chuckle)


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## AllenOK (Oct 3, 2006)

kitchenelf said:
			
		

> Cooking From Scratch by Sandra Lee



I was gonna say that!



			
				wasabi said:
			
		

> Healthy Cooking For A Longer Life by Dr. Jack Kevorkian



The funny thing is, the prison where the good Doctor is kept is about 2 miles north of me.

Ok, here's my submission:

_Truck Stop Cooking_ by Iron Chefs America


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## TexanFrench (Oct 3, 2006)

"Mild and Gentle Taco Sauces" by my DH


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

_Fabulous White House Broccoli Dishes_ by President George H.W. Bush


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## ChefJune (Oct 3, 2006)

Katie E said:
			
		

> _Fabulous White House Broccoli Dishes_ by President George H.W. Bush


More Fabulous White House Broccoli Dishes by Dubbya.


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

_Killer Fresh Spinach Recipes_ by Popeye


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## Robo410 (Oct 3, 2006)

Emeril's Kosher Kitchen

Barbequeing with PETA (People Eating Tasty Animals)


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## jkath (Oct 3, 2006)

The Budget Cook.........by Oprah


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## mish (Oct 3, 2006)

Everyday Mexican - Giada

Grease - John Travalta

Sweatin' to the Onions - Richard Simmons

Applebee's Copycat Recipes - T. Florence

365 Days of Cheesecake & Chocolate - American Heart Association

The Joy of Cooking - Linda Lovelace

Punching Up Your Wok - George Foreman

How to Boil Water - Julia

Grillin' and Chillin' - Barefoot Contessa


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## kitchenelf (Oct 3, 2006)

mish said:
			
		

> Everyday Mexican - Giada



ROFLMAO - I was going to post that yesterday but then didn't!!!!  Mine was more like - Mexican Favorites


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## Buck (Oct 3, 2006)

_From Bubble  and  Squeak to Spotted Dick _by Tony Blair


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## Anne (Oct 3, 2006)

*Hide Your Cleavage and Cook Modestly  -- Giada DiLaurentis*
** 
*Small Portion Cooking -- Ina Garten*
** 
*Cooking for Nobodies -- Wolfgang Puck*
** 
*How to Hire A Good Male Chef -- Laura Bush*
** 
*AND ........... (drum roll, please) ..........*
** 
*My Computer Search for Good Recipes -- Fmr. Cong. Mark Foley*
** 
**


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## vagriller (Oct 3, 2006)

Cheeseburger and Fries - by Julia Child
One Pot Meals - by Martha Stewart
I Hate Chipolte Peppers - by Bobby Flay
How to Make Chicken Broth - by Rachel Ray
Cooking is Easy - by Fernand Point


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## Buck (Oct 3, 2006)

Anne, you are a genius.  Katie E, if you're reading this...I only watch Giada for the cooking.
Honestly!
Buck


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## ella/TO (Oct 3, 2006)

My Jewish Bubby's Favourite Pork Recipes


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

Do not! Yeah, right.


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## mudbug (Oct 3, 2006)

How to Blacken Everything - Paul Prudhomme
I'm Really German and Have the Recipes to Prove It - Marcelle Bienvenu
How to Cook Without A Tool - Alton Brown
Comfort Me With Lard - Ruth Reichl (sp?)


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## vagriller (Oct 3, 2006)

Cooking Indoors - by Steve Raichlen
Low Fat Cooking Tips - by Paula Deen


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

Comfort Me With Lard - Ruth Reichl (sp?)[/quote]

Yup!  Spelling's correct.


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## vagriller (Oct 3, 2006)

Favorite Bread Recipes - by Martin Yan
Yankee Pot Roast and Other Favorites - by Emeril Lagasse


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## mudbug (Oct 3, 2006)

Bad Food, My Way - Jacques Pepin
Lidia's Formica Table - Lidia Smith


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## Alix (Oct 3, 2006)

101 things to make with Spam --- Ishbel


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## Ishbel (Oct 3, 2006)

Hahahaaaa


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## middie (Oct 3, 2006)

Cooking With Beer... AA


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

_Cooking Without Onions_ by Justin Wilson


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## middie (Oct 3, 2006)

Cajun Cooking by Morimoto


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## Buck (Oct 3, 2006)

_Deep-fried Oreos, Twinkies and Other Delights: Staff Recipes from CSPI_


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## mish (Oct 3, 2006)

kitchenelf said:
			
		

> ROFLMAO - I was going to post that yesterday but then didn't!!!! Mine was more like - Mexican Favorites


 
Picture it! Ms. DeLaurentiis making Tacos. Ouch! My eyes. My eyes! (What would grandpa say!)


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## VeraBlue (Oct 3, 2006)

Rosanne Barr Cooks lo-fat, lo-carb with Style and Grace.

100 ways to serve Kryptonite by Clark Kent

I'm hungry again by Scarlett O'Hara

Fish, Fowl and Game by The Muffin Man....who lives on Drurey Lane.

Cake by Marie Antoinette


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## VeraBlue (Oct 3, 2006)

Katie E said:
			
		

> _Cooking Without Onions_ by Justin Wilson



I loooooooooove Justin Wilson.   I haven't seen his show in ages...


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## TATTRAT (Oct 3, 2006)

101 Favorite Shake and bake Recipies by C. Zier.


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## Katie H (Oct 3, 2006)

VeraBlue said:
			
		

> I loooooooooove Justin Wilson. I haven't seen his show in ages...


 
'cause he's assumed room temperature.  He be dead, dead, deadski!  Pretty much bad for ratings and audience participation.


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## VeraBlue (Oct 3, 2006)

awwwwwwww...well, thanks for the update!


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## TATTRAT (Oct 3, 2006)

Katie E said:
			
		

> 'cause he's assumed room temperature.  He be dead, dead, deadski!  Pretty much bad for ratings and audience participation.



WOW! that's about as suttle as a fart in a space suite!


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## Katie H (Oct 4, 2006)

_Pork MY Way_ by Kermit the Frog


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## corazon (Oct 4, 2006)

You all are cracking me up!!!


			
				mish said:
			
		

> Picture it! Ms. DeLaurentiis making Tacos. Ouch! My eyes. My eyes! (What would grandpa say!)


   

The french toilet - Thomas Keller
Yes!  Soup for you - The Soup Nazi from Seinfeld
børk! børk! børk! - The Swedish Chef from the Muppets


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## tobiasknight (Oct 4, 2006)

wasabi said:
			
		

> Pork, the Other White Meat by Miss Piggy



I'd also think:
Pork, the Other White Meat by Kermit the Frog


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## tobiasknight (Oct 4, 2006)

Kriken Good Stingray - Steve Irwin



What... too soon?


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## RMS (Oct 4, 2006)

101 Ways to Serve Stingray- by Terri Irwin
as a follow up to her ever popular:
101 Ways to serve Crocodile

 365, 30 minute meals that don't contain Smoked Paprika- Rachael Ray

I loved Steve!!!!!


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## Anne (Oct 4, 2006)

*Cook Your Way to a Man's Heart -- Condoleeza Rice*

*Cook Quicker with Liquor -- George Bush*

*Alcohol-Free Recipes -- Ted Kennedy*

*Cooking Can Save Your Marriage -- Liz Taylor*

*Gargantuan Meals Guaranteed to Sate You -- Nicole Ritchie*

*Forget the Blessing! Let's Eat! -- Rev. Billy Graham*

*AND ........ (Drum roll, please) .........................*

*THE AMERICAN MEAL :*
*Planning and Executing to the Smallest Detail*​ 

*by*​ 


*Donald Rumsfeld*​


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## vagriller (Oct 4, 2006)

Amish Tex-Mex Favorites - by Jacob Hernandez


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## middie (Oct 4, 2006)

How to Make The Perfect Ceaser Dressing by Mark Anthony


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## goboenomo (Oct 4, 2006)

The Perfect Diet for your Underweight Child.


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## Snoop Puss (Oct 4, 2006)

Know-Nos in the Kitchen - Donald Rumsfeld
Cooking the Books - E.N. Ron
Beef Cake and Brawn - Arnold Schwarzenegger
Crumbs and Croutons - Sylvester Stale One


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## Buck (Oct 4, 2006)

GENIUS,Snoop.
High fives!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Buck


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## Chief Longwind Of The North (Oct 4, 2006)

wasabi said:
			
		

> Sweet Meats by Hannibal Lecter


Wasabi!  Are you sure you don't have some "Goodweed Blood" in you?  You could help write the villain in one of my Fantasy or SF novels.

How 'bout, The Great Canadian Crawdad Cookbook.

Emeril's guide to Humble Pie

Gourmet Recipes from Sault Ste. Marie Restaurants

Boiling Water for Chemists

A Thousand Ways to use Potted Meat, by Giada deLaurentis

Seeeeeeya; Goodweed of the North


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## RMS (Oct 5, 2006)

Creative Ways to Use Leftovers  by Mary Shelley

Jerky Treats  by Vladimir Dracula


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## Snoop Puss (Oct 5, 2006)

On the theme of the Windows for Dummies type books:

Potatoe Dishes for Dummies - Dan Quayle


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## Katie H (Oct 5, 2006)

Crumbs and Croutons - Sylvester Stale One[/quote]

Bloomin' brilliant!!


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## vagriller (Oct 5, 2006)

30 Minute Meals - by Martha Stewart
Thanksgiving Dinner the Hard Way - by Rachel Ray


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## RMS (Oct 5, 2006)

Meals for the Man in your Life  by Rosie O'Donnell


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## Buck (Oct 5, 2006)

_Cook it RIGHT _by Rush Limbaugh
 
_LEFTovers _by Al Franken
 
 Buck


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## Ellen (Oct 5, 2006)

Use and Management of Bain Maries    by Dr Crippen.


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## Chief Longwind Of The North (Oct 6, 2006)

Ellen said:
			
		

> Use and Management of Bain Maries by Dr Crippen.


 
 Ya lost me with this one.


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## middie (Oct 6, 2006)

Great Venison Ideas by Bambi


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## Katie H (Oct 6, 2006)

middie said:
			
		

> Great Venison Ideas by Bambi


 
Yes, Middie.  Must be from the Disney series of cookbooks.

Another in the treasured series is _365 Ways to Prepare Rabbit_ by Thumper.


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## jkath (Oct 6, 2006)

and have you seen "Mice....they aren't just for dinner anymore" by Cinderella?


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## jkath (Oct 6, 2006)

Perhaps you've seen the collaborative book by Alix and Snow White:
"The Apples you love to eat"


and of course, 
"Crustacean Delights!" by Ariel, the Little Mermaid

which was soon followed by:

"20 ways to prepare Tiger" by Jasmine, princess of Agrabah


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## Katie H (Oct 6, 2006)

Or, in collaboration with Alix:

_Snow White:  Eat Apples, Eat Healthy!_


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## jkath (Oct 6, 2006)

Katie, genius minds think alike!


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## Katie H (Oct 6, 2006)

jkath said:
			
		

> Katie, genius minds think alike!


 
 High five, jkath!!!


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## Mr. D (Oct 6, 2006)

lo-fat cooking by homer simpson


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## Alix (Oct 6, 2006)

Oh you two need a good slap. LOL. 

How about

Starfish and Squid Done My Way, by Spongebob


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## Andy M. (Oct 6, 2006)

jkath said:
			
		

> Perhaps you've seen the collaborative book by Alix and Snow White:
> "The Apples you love to eat"
> 
> 
> ...


 
You guys send waaaayyyy too much time watching kid flicks!


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## Alix (Oct 6, 2006)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> You guys send waaaayyyy too much time watching kid flicks!


 

LOL! And thats BAD??? I love Disney. 

OK, how about...

101 ways to prepare mouse...er I mean MOUSSE...by Walt Disney


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## Andy M. (Oct 6, 2006)

Alix said:
			
		

> LOL! And thats BAD??? I love Disney.
> 
> OK, how about...
> 
> 101 ways to prepare mouse...er I mean MOUSSE...by Walt Disney


 

I prefer, "Cooking Moose, and I Don't Mean Chocolate!" by Rocky the Flying Squirrel


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## Alix (Oct 6, 2006)

OMG!!! LMAO! Andy thats a beaut! Poor Bullwinkle!


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## Katie H (Oct 6, 2006)

This isn't a cookbook, but it is related to food.  I offer:

_365 Ways to Say Grace Before a Meal_ by the South Park Gang


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## RMS (Oct 6, 2006)

Cooking on a Budget   by Donald Trump


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## Buck (Oct 6, 2006)

_Recipes by my Children; Rose, Herb and Kinder_ by The Barefoot Contessa.


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## Katie H (Oct 7, 2006)

_Beans, Beans...The Musical Fruit.  The More I Eat, The More I Toot_ by Arthur Fiedler and the Boston POPS


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## Maidrite (Oct 7, 2006)

Stick a folk in him, hes done !  by Paul Bearer  

If it moves on this hunt........Serve it up !     by  D. C.  

The Choke and Puke Diet CookBook..........."You'll Just  Hurl over these Recipes".    by T.K.B.


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## Jeekinz (Jun 13, 2007)

ROLF - How'd I miss this thread?

Iron Chef Ice Cream Recipes

Not Your Mother's Cuisine - Tyler Florence

Silence is Sweet - Rachel Ray

1001 Ways To Use Tofu - Uncle Bob 

Yankee Pot Roast - Amber, Andy M., QSis & Jeeks

Good Eats - Ina Garten

Emeril Live - NYFD  (New York Fire Department)


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## bandonjan (Jun 13, 2007)

365 ways to Cook a Bird by I.M. Roadrunner


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## Katie H (Jun 13, 2007)

"Miss Muffet's 101 Ways to Cook Curds and Whey."


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## jpmcgrew (Jun 13, 2007)

101 ways to wok (walk) your dog.


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## expatgirl (Jun 17, 2007)

"Cuisine de Refinement en Confinement" by Paris Hilton or English translation : "200 Best Recipes for Beans and Franks"


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## Katie H (Jun 17, 2007)

Awesome, blossom.  I'm rolling on the floor.  Thanks for the chuckle.


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## expatgirl (Jun 17, 2007)

Thanks, Katie E!!


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## Rom (Aug 3, 2007)

Frog Leg's Made Easy by Miss Piggy


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## Renee Attili (Aug 3, 2007)

Authentic Mexican Meals by Taco Bell Co.
Vegetarian Grilling by Ted Nuggent
101 recipes for Buffalo by  P.E.T.A.


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## Healthy Gourmet (Aug 3, 2007)

The 1000 Points a Day Diet by Weight Watchers
The Low Fat, Low Carb, Low Calorie Fast Food by (take your pick) McDonalds, Burger King, Jack In The Box, etc.


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## ella/TO (Aug 3, 2007)

The Joy of Cooking Bad Recipes for Company You Don't Want to Have Again!


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## Robo410 (Aug 3, 2007)

Do it with Dairy by Nolac Toseme


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## keltin (Aug 3, 2007)

Cooking Neighborhood Meats – Jeffrey Dahmer
 
Elegant 7-11 Surprises – Martha Stewart
 
Fun with Fava Beans – Hannibal Lechter
 
Working With Wieners – Lorenna Bobbit


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