# Dumb things  you have done in the kitchen...that you are willing to admit



## Reanie525i (Nov 7, 2006)

OK guys - here we go - Tonight I had the urge for some homemade chips topped with a little sea salt and a little Old Bay. I just finished pulling them out of the oil and topping them when my son came in the kitchen He went to grab one and I stated ( alittle loudly)"Wwatch out their hot!!!!" At the end of which I placed one in my mouth and burn't my tongue!!!! Said the "S" word and my son looked at me and said "but mom, you said they were hot!!! DUHHHH!!! So come on everyone fess up - lets laugh a little here at ourselves


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## texasgirl (Nov 7, 2006)

I grabbed a pan that was smoking, without my glove.
I've touched a shelf in the oven several times and burned my arm
I stirred fudge last year and melted some skin off of my finger after stirring a little too vigorously.


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## Reanie525i (Nov 7, 2006)

texasgirl said:
			
		

> I grabbed a pan that was smoking, without my glove.
> I've touched a shelf in the oven several times and burned my arm
> I stirred fudge last year and melted some skin off of my finger after stirring a little too vigorously.


 YIKES - But did you still eat the fudge?? I would have


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## FraidKnot (Nov 8, 2006)

I burn the top of my wrist re-arranging things on the oven rack way too often to not know better!  (I need longer oven mitts!)

Years ago my best friend bought a canned ham.  She didn't realize it was also  wrapped in plastic.  She put it in a baking dish in the oven to heat up....  Oh look, a lovely plastic-coated ham!

Another friend bought some canned tamales.  Rather than heat them in a pan on the stove top she put them in a baking dish in the oven.  She happened to call me and mentioned this.  I said uh, you do know they're wrapped in paper, right?  She got off the phone _*real*_ fast!

Fraidy


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## SizzlininIN (Nov 8, 2006)

When visiting one of my brothers in MI I went to make me a cup of hot tea.  I proceeded to put the cup of water into the microwave.  Well little did I pay attention to the gold rim around the top of their fancy cups........needless to say sparks started flying in the microwave ..........shhhhhhh don't tell


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## bullseye (Nov 8, 2006)

I once finished a beautiful 2" ribeye in a skillet in a 450* oven, carefully removed the pan with oven mitts, and used oven mitts to hold the pan while I removed the steak to rest.  I then proceeded to grab the 450* handle full on, bare handed when I started the pan sauce.  It's been a few years ago, and fingers, palm, and thumb have yet to forget that lesson.  I know where they came up with the expression "Once burned, twice shy!"


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## Dove (Nov 8, 2006)

When Paul and i were first married wayyyy back in 1954 we use to play Bingo on the Base. I won a pressure cooker so we invited my parents over for Sunday dinner. I cooked a chicken in said pressure cooker.............we had melted chicken. It was good though. Just had to reach in and pick out all the tender little bones.


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## Gossie (Nov 8, 2006)

Let's see how many I can list before I run out of room: 

Toaster oven:  Put a bag of bread on the top while said toaster oven was on, still have melted plastic on the top.

Boiling something on the back burner AND the front burner, did NOT use long-handled spoon and went to stir on back burner, got a nice burn mark on my b**b from what was on the front burner.  OH DID THAT HURT!!! Took about 3 weeks to really start healing. 

Biggest mistake that I keep making, is telling Steve to watch something I'm cooking.  I guess I should not use the word WATCH, but also add to it and say STIR or FLIP or TURN THE TEMPERATURE DOWN if needed.  Oh, and I should turn the tv off till I come back (and take the remote with me)  hehe

My sister-in-law once made a MEAT lasagna and forgot to put the meat in. 

How many times have I decided to make something and forgot one of the ingredients? 

How many times have I put buns in the oven and forgotten till I smelled a slight burn smell.  LoL   I KNOW I'm not the only one that's done this one. 

OH .. this one is a good one ... I know someone who roasted chestnuts (I was a witness), after a while we heard pop poppop, knew it wasn't popcorn, LOL .. he forgot to put a slit in the chestnuts before putting in the oven.  I tried to help him clean up the mess but I was laughing too hard. 

Went to an IHOP, you know how they have the syrup at the end of the table?  I leaned on an already wobbly table, and upended all the syrups. I laughed too much at that one too.  I was embarassed, but I immediately saw the humor in it. Bet the waitress was po'd at me. hehe

I'm sure there are others, I'm a klutz, has to be more, just can't think of anymore right now.


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## Chopstix (Nov 8, 2006)

I once tried to smell the food I was sauteing, by lifting up the fry pan and at the same time lowering my head to smell it.  Guess I was over eager as my nose hit the searingly hot lip of the pan instead.

Result? I had an upturned crescent shaped brown scab on the tip of my nose for several days.  Worse of it was that people kept asking me to explain the strange little smiley ...!


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## bullseye (Nov 8, 2006)

Cindy said:
			
		

> My sister-in-law once made a MEAT lasagna and forgot to put the meat in.


  My mother did this when we were children, but it was turkey tetrazzini.  My parents were having guests over, and we kids were all warned to be on our best behavior.  I was 13ish, which would make my sister 8 at the time.  A few minutes into the main course, the tetrazinni, my sister starting saying, "Mom, is there turkey in here?  Cuz I can't find any turkey.  Are you sure there's turkey?"  Being the dutiful son I was, I kept kicking her under the table, but she wouldn't let up.  Over 30 years later, we sill laugh about it!


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## expatgirl (Nov 8, 2006)

Dumb mistakes----hmm, got a calculator?  One of the worst was a turkey I once made in Egypt where they didn't have fat butterballs.  Found a recipe that called for seasoning the turkey, stuffing with onions, etc., covering with cheese cloth soaked in olive oil and leave to marinate in the fridge overnight, then bake the next day with the cheesecloth still on. I didn't have cheesecloth but used a muslin cup towel. Turned out tender, juicy, and compliments all the way round.  
So the following year I was begged to bake one again--same routine as the year before.  Only this time when I pulled my turkey out after an hour to check on Mr. Tom he was a bright green and so were all the juices.  I had used a green cup towel to cover the turkey and as it had been washed several times I thought that it would be safe.  I guess the combination of olive oil and heat leached out whatever dye must have been left.  Talk about embarrassment !!!  I managed to get most of the green  dye out with lots of hard work and wiping down with paper towels and suctioning off the green juices with a turkey baster. I fumed the entire time it cooked, smacking myself on the forehead for being so DUMB!!  Ending??  Everybody loved it, anyway!!!


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## licia (Nov 8, 2006)

I've had a few, but the worst one was once when my dh's family was all coming for dinner. Some of them are bad cooks and the rest don't cook at all so I was doing everything myself, plus my mil was sticking closer than a brother while I was cooking.  I was making potato salad on one counter and fruit salad on another.  I opened the coconut and poured it in the potato salad. It is impossible to get all the bits out.  Someone wrote of a calamity in IHOP.  My son and dil were eating at IHOP when her water broke.  Needless to say, when they go in now, there is always someone who remembers them well.


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## mrsmac (Nov 8, 2006)

I've melted a few things on toasters and hotplates I forgot were hot. I made a batch of scones a few weeks ago with the wrong flour so had to throw the whole lot out and start again.
Dad was making gravy for me recently and couldn't find my flour container so accidently used salt which is for DDs fish tank instead!!!!!!! Needdless to say that didnt get eaten either.


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## lulu (Nov 8, 2006)

Too many to even think of listing, I am really foolish sometimes   I hate oven gloves, and forget not to get the cloth I hang on the oven door dry, so steam myslef sometimes.  My arms/hands/wrists are often burnt a teeny bit.  I often get cerried away when using a recipe and don't read things properly, often making an entirely different dish to the one I thought I was making, but those sort of accidents are usually ok.  But really, I don't believe any body makes more ballsups than I do in the kitchen!


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## Barb L. (Nov 8, 2006)

Burnt my hand two times Sunday trying to get one of my beer can chickens to sit straight !!  Dang Bird !   I have more scars on my arms --, and I think I'am Careful !!!!                                                                                                       --Roll of paper towels started to burn -- on top of Toaster!  Whew !              -- Ever open fridge - to nuke coffee ??  Just remembered one ! -My girlfriend was unthawing liver for her family for dinner - when she went to fix it, she realized she had unthawed a brown wash cloth, she had in there for her daughters fever !!  We still laugh about is one, thirty years later !!!!


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## Bernhard (Nov 8, 2006)

*The entire hotel staff knew ...*

when I was an apprentice chef the head chef sent me down to the cellar where all dry goods were kept. He told me to *wash some more salt* (as if it was normal to wash salt.)

I believed what he said and brought 20 kilo salt, just before rinsing the salt they stopped me. Meanwhile the entire staff stood there and had a big laugh.

It was just normal to have fun with the newbies and they catched me on two or three other occasions. (Weigh the trouts in the aquarium and stick a little note with the exact weight on the trout's back. --> I already made little paper notes, prepared everything, when I took out the first trout they told me it was a joke. Another one: The boss of the hotel sent me to a befriended hotel in that village to return our *Ice Cube Cut Machine. *The other hotels staff was informed and they prepared a huge box with stones in it which I carried on my back back to our hotel where everybody had a big laugh. )


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## YT2095 (Nov 8, 2006)

Microwaving Canned goods, baked beans, potatoes and carrots are the worst, they quite literaly Explode!
don`t deep fat fry canned potatoes either, they do NOT make quick roast potatoes, rather a very dangerous way to make potatoe bits that float and get soaked in oil.
leaning forwards and dropping your headphones into the soup isn`t great either 

I could continue, but I wish to maintain whatever remaining "street Cred" I still have left :P


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## Half Baked (Nov 8, 2006)

Chopstix said:
			
		

> I once tried to smell the food I was sauteing, by lifting up the fry pan and at the same time lowering my head to smell it. Guess I was over eager as my nose hit the searingly hot lip of the pan instead.
> 
> Result? I had an upturned crescent shaped brown scab on the tip of my nose for several days. Worse of it was that people kept asking me to explain the strange little smiley ...!


 
Chopstix, this had me rolling on the floor!


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## Gossie (Nov 8, 2006)

mrsmac said:
			
		

> I've melted a few things on toasters and hotplates I forgot were hot. I made a batch of scones a few weeks ago with the wrong flour so had to throw the whole lot out and start again.
> Dad was making gravy for me recently and couldn't find my flour container so accidently used salt which is for DDs fish tank instead!!!!!!! Needdless to say that didnt get eaten either.



Oh, goodness, that reminds me of the time I did NOT fill the sugar bowl.  My Uncle came down, had coffee, Dad filled the sugar bowl with what looked like sugar.  Nope, it was salt!!!!   That was about 4 years ago, I'm still laughing about it as I'm writing this.    I wish I could have seen my Uncle's face  ... TOO FUNNY!!!!


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## Reanie525i (Nov 8, 2006)

These are great - I needed a good smile today - I am sure the one I am about to tell has happened to someone you know -- My cousin wanted to make Thanksgiving dinner at her house when she first got married - So the table was set - so much food you could not see the table - but no stuffing - where is the stuffing my mom asked - Straight faced she said - Oh I did not make any - the bird was already stuffed - She cooked the bird with the bag of innards still wrapped in the middle - lol


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## boufa06 (Nov 8, 2006)

One day I was happily spooning my cool strawberry jam into a jar.  The moment the jar filled and I was about to cap it, its bottom fell off hitting the floor and smashing it into pieces to my great disappointment.  That has taught me to check all my sterilized jars before transferring jams.


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## YT2095 (Nov 8, 2006)

Jeez! you were Lucky it was Cool!!!!
any idea what damage hot jam can do to you, it`s as bad as molten plastic


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## goboenomo (Nov 8, 2006)

Started cleaning the slicer before the blade had finished slowing down and stopped. 

I cut myself.


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## Snoop Puss (Nov 8, 2006)

goboenomo, for some reason I have sympathetic ankles. Someone tells me a story involving serious pain, my ankles ache. Your slicer story got my ankles twinging all right.

Anyway, the once burned, twice shy saying isn't true in my case. More than once I've put a pan on the hob to boil, gone away and forgotten all about it till the flat fills up with smoke. Nice pans they were, too. One had to go in the bin and the other has never been quite the same since, despite weeks of soaking and gradual chipping away at the coal face.

I've got my sense of smell back since an operation a few weeks back so with any luck next time I'll notice before it's too late!


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## TATTRAT (Nov 8, 2006)

I have had all the fun in the world of cleaning/boiling out th fryers, in my green years, then dumping gallons of grease back into them WITHOUT closing the vaule. Big Fun!


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## middie (Nov 8, 2006)

One time I was sanitizing nipples for my son's bottles. I went and sat on the couch for a minute. Well I dozed off. Needless to say I woke to a burnt rubber smell, nipples melted inside the pot cause all the water boiled away. Never did that again lol.


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## Constance (Nov 8, 2006)

The first time I cooked a turkey, I cooked it with the little paper bag of giblits in it. It didn't really hurt anything, but my ex got a large charge out of it. 

One Thanksgiving, I cooked fresh broccoli from my garden without soaking it in salt-water first. When the water came to a boil, MANY little green worms came floating to the surface of the water. My guests were in the kitchen, chatting, so they all got to see my faux paus first hand.

After brewing a kettle of tea, I laid my hand on the burner to see if it had cooled off enough to set a plastic bowl on. It hadn't. I had burner marks on my hand. Thank heavens for aloe and ice.

I was making homemade pizza for friends, and discovered that my yeast was out-dated...so I doubled the amount. The pizza got a good 6" tall. No matter how we poked and prodded, it kept rising. It could have been a scene from an I Love Lucy episode.The ironic thing is that I never can get bread to rise properly. Go figure.


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## college_cook (Nov 8, 2006)

I have a problem at work where I think I can lean against our convection oven... it's this massive steel box with super-thick walls, so it never looks like it will be hot, but it always is. When I first started, I think I did it at least once everyday for about 3 weeks.


I also cut myself on the mandolins at work all the time... though thats not really my fault, our handguards dont work for ****.


I accidentally grab hot pans with what feels like a dry towel, but is actually slightly moist, resulting in frequent burns.

Just your normal "not-thinking" moments you have that your pay for later when in the kitchen.


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## goboenomo (Nov 8, 2006)

Here's another. I made a stupid mistake by listening to my boss who knows nothing about the kitchen when she told me to cut lettuce faster when I was already going fast enough.

I did that and cut the top of my thumb. The piece of the thumb was just barely holding on. I had to hold it in place, clean it out, and cover it up all at once. Then I had to get back to work, cutting the rest of the lettuce.


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## Snoop Puss (Nov 8, 2006)

Good grief, goboenomo. Don't have any more accidents like these. I'll be getting sympathetic knees next!


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## bethzaring (Nov 8, 2006)

just this morning, I was trying to clean my mister and sprayed my self square in the face with olive oil.  I really was grateful I had my glasses on.

But the funniest story I have ever heard is told by a friend of mine.  She has no interest in cooking.  Just after she married, she had the inlaws over for dinner. She wanted to make spaghetti.  So she put on a pot of water to boil.  When it came to a boil, she added the pasta.  Then she added the raw ground meat.  Then she added the jarred spaghetti sauce.  Then she wondered why something did not look quite right.


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## Barb L. (Nov 8, 2006)

bethzaring said:
			
		

> just this morning, I was trying to clean my mister and sprayed my self square in the face with olive oil.  I really was grateful I had my glasses on.
> 
> But the funniest story I have ever heard is told by a friend of mine.  She has no interest in cooking.  Just after she married, she had the inlaws over for dinner. She wanted to make spaghetti.  So she put on a pot of water to boil.  When it came to a boil, she added the pasta.  Then she added the raw ground meat.  Then she added the jarred spaghetti sauce.  Then she wondered why something did not look quite right.


  That is too funny!!


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## Half Baked (Nov 8, 2006)

Barb L said:
			
		

> That is too funny!!


 
Hilarious!


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## Shunka (Nov 8, 2006)

I can truthfully say that I have done many of the same things that the rest of you have. Yup, I'm a klutz too!!


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## Reanie525i (Nov 8, 2006)

bethzaring said:
			
		

> just this morning, I was trying to clean my mister and sprayed my self square in the face with olive oil. I really was grateful I had my glasses on.
> 
> But the funniest story I have ever heard is told by a friend of mine. She has no interest in cooking. Just after she married, she had the inlaws over for dinner. She wanted to make spaghetti. So she put on a pot of water to boil. When it came to a boil, she added the pasta. Then she added the raw ground meat. Then she added the jarred spaghetti sauce. Then she wondered why something did not look quite right.


  LMAO - What a way to save time - You can cook and do a facial treatment at the same time - lol - just have this image in my mind - too funny


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## goboenomo (Nov 8, 2006)

Snoop Puss said:
			
		

> Good grief, goboenomo. Don't have any more accidents like these. I'll be getting sympathetic knees next!




Here's another good one. 

I was taking a chicken spit out of the rotisserie and I didn't realize there was a hole in our oven mit. So i grabbed it, and burnt myself, then I lost grip of the spit and dropped it onto a metal insert of hot chicken grease drippings which splattered perfectly in my direction.



I've got plenty more where that came from.


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## fireweaver (Nov 9, 2006)

holy crap goboenomo!!!  perhaps a change of career is in order, or else, switch up from your cursed work place!

tho it could be karma...i had a roomie back in college that *swore* that if she didn't burn or injure herself in some minor way, the food wouldn't end up all that good.  well, there were plenty of tiny traumas in our kitchen, and yeah, the times she made it out unscathed were oddly the times that dinner was just ok.  thank whoever's watching over me that i don't need the same karmic trade-up to eat well!

i've done the same plastic bag o'bread on a hot toaster oven top as some of you guys.  btw, when you're taking things out of said toaster oven, even if the heating elements aren't glowing red anymore, buggers are still hot!  i still have that scar across my index finger almost 13 years later.

my biggest genius moment came when i was having a *bunch* of friends over for a southern fish fry.  i had a plate lined with paper towels next to the pot of frying oil that i was putting the onion rings on as they came out.  said plate was of course sitting on the next burner over, and i totally failed to notice when i'd bumped up against that burner's dial and lit a fire under my little stoneware plate.  i noticed alright when it literally exploded, dumping greasy paper towels and pile o'rings right onto the flaming burner.  needless to say, the back door was open for the rest of the night to vent the smoke.

best kitchen boo-boo in my family is from my mom, who is a nurse, and was working night shifts when we were little kiddos.  she was frying up some okra for dinner and had stepped into her bedroom to get something.  well, in her irregular-sleep-cycle-just-woke-up state, she got mesmerized by the tv and fell asleep.  i remember walking towards an orange glow emanating from the kitchen as mom raced past us to start fighting the grease fire going on in the kitchen.  dad happened to be getting home 2 minutes later, and as he ran through the kitchen he kept on running right out the back door!  mom was calling him all sorts of un-mom-approved names, right up until he brought the garage fire extingiusher in  to put out the fire.  dad always said there had to be a less dramatic way to get a new stove.  we didn't get fried okra at home for many years afterwards!


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## expatgirl (Nov 9, 2006)

My father-in-law has always had the habit of trying anything new for the first time which is why my MIL found herself seated in a rustic village "diner" in the mountains of Puerto Rico.  All was going well though MIL was a bit nervous about the sanitary conditions.  All speculation ended when a chicken came running and squawking from the swinging kitchen doors right at her and the "chef" galloping after it.  They ate at home that night.


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## goboenomo (Nov 9, 2006)

Next story.

I had to refill the deep fryer. The problem was:

The deep fryer was still hot and we needed it right away.
It still had alot of fat left in it
My boss wouldnt let me empty it out first.
And we used lard in a big block in a box.


I got the big box, and got someone to help me put it in.

We tried to lower the box as much as possible without touching the fryer.
The top of the box was sticking out, and knocked a piece of lettuce into the fryer that pretty much exploded and spit hot lard all over us. We both lost grip of the lard and the whole block fell right out of the box and splashed tons!! of hot grease on both of us.


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## skilletlicker (Nov 9, 2006)

I seldom use skillets in the oven.  At least half a dozen times I've used a towel or hot pad to move a skillet from the oven to the stove top, put down the hot pad and immediately grabbed the skillet handle bare-handed.


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## Andy M. (Nov 9, 2006)

skilletlicker said:
			
		

> I seldom use skillets in the oven. At least half a dozen times I've used a towel or hot pad to move a skillet from the oven to the stove top, put down the hot pad and immediately grabbed the skillet handle bare-handed.


 
I've done that in the past then I got a couple of Lodge handle covers.  Insulated sleeves that fit over the handle and stay on by themselves.  I slide it on to take the pan out of the oven and leave it there until after dinner.


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## miniman (Nov 10, 2006)

I have a number of sillys including some of those mentioned by others but my favourite story is from when I was at university. A group of us had gone on a conference and were sharing a chalet. My friend was on cooking duty one night and duly turned around and said:
"Do I mash the potatoes before I cook them?"

Hes never been allowed to forget it.


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## Snoop Puss (Nov 10, 2006)

Goboenomo, sounds to me like you, your colleagues but most especially your boss need training on health and safety in the kitchen.


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## goboenomo (Nov 10, 2006)

This was over a 4 year period.

2 of which were during the training.


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## lindatooo (Nov 10, 2006)

Just this week I made dh's favorite dish, Tuna Noodle Casserole.  I realized after we'd eaten that I'd forgotten the Cream of Mushroom soup!  Fortunately I'd sauteed up enough mushrooms and onions that it wasn't too dry!


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## pdswife (Nov 10, 2006)

Cuts...burns...
setting the veggies to steam and then forgetting about them until
the smoke and the smell brought me back to the kichen...

We have a double oven and I put my roast into cook and after an hour went to check on it... I'd put it in the cold oven NOT the one I'd turned on.


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## miniman (Nov 10, 2006)

Just had one last night.

Put some burgers on the griddle for supper for my boys and went through to do something else in the living room. The smoke alarm went off, which is always doing. I ignored it and then went through to find the kitchen rather full of smoke and two burgers a little crispy on the bottom - so had doors and windows open with cold air blasting through the house to clear the air.


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## mudbug (Nov 10, 2006)

Andy M. said:
			
		

> I've done that in the past then I got a couple of Lodge handle covers. Insulated sleeves that fit over the handle and stay on by themselves. I slide it on to take the pan out of the oven and leave it there until after dinner.


 
Those things are lifesavers, Andy.  I use them too.  However, I often forget to turn the oven off after I'm finished using it.  

This usually gets noticed by whoever is doing the dishes about 30 minutes later.


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## Alix (Nov 10, 2006)

Does cutting off the tip of my thumb on the mandoline count? Or burning my belly with a hot cookie sheet at work?


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## kitchenelf (Nov 18, 2006)

skilletlicker said:
			
		

> I seldom use skillets in the oven.  At least half a dozen times I've used a towel or hot pad to move a skillet from the oven to the stove top, put down the hot pad and immediately grabbed the skillet handle bare-handed.



This is something I always do too - or take a casserole dish out of the oven, set it down, and then move it without use of the mitts.

The spaghetti in water reminds me of a friend who, while in college, said it was her turn to make the popcorn - it took forever - went to check on her and she calmly stated the water wasn't boiling yet


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## FraidKnot (Nov 18, 2006)

bethzaring said:
			
		

> Just after she married, she had the inlaws over for dinner. She wanted to make spaghetti. So she put on a pot of water to boil. When it came to a boil, she added the pasta. Then she added the raw ground meat. Then she added the jarred spaghetti sauce. Then she wondered why something did not look quite right.


 
  Okay, some people could definitely benefit from a basic cookbook   Or, she could have read the directions on the back of the jarred spaghetti sauce, I'm pretty sure it says to add to cooked, drained pasta!

Fraidy


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## FraidKnot (Nov 18, 2006)

miniman said:
			
		

> I have a number of sillys including some of those mentioned by others but my favourite story is from when I was at university. A group of us had gone on a conference and were sharing a chalet. My friend was on cooking duty one night and duly turned around and said:
> "Do I mash the potatoes before I cook them?"
> 
> Hes never been allowed to forget it.


 
You should have said "*YES*!" and then proceeded to watch him try  

Fraidy (who says HI Miniman!  Nice to see you again!)


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## Katie H (Nov 18, 2006)

One silly on me and one on a friend.

Me first.  One time several years ago I was making clam chowder and had set the drained clams aside in the microwave to add to the chowder a little later.  (We have several inside kitties, so the microwave is also known as the kittie "safe.")  I was a bit harried and, I think, had a lot on my mind.  I'd diced my potatoes, cooked the bacon, etc. and hurridely completed the soup.  I served it and Buck even commented that it was the best batch of clam chowder I'd ever made.

It wasn't until I was cleaning up after the meal that I discovered the clams in the microwave.  This time the cats DID get the clams.

Now Buck asks me if we're going to have clam chowder with or without clams.

As for my friend, we were in the later years of high school.  She'd had several years of home ec classes.  I'd opted to take French instead since I'd been cooking since I was about 9-years-old.

One Saturday she was charged with the task of making lunch for her parents who worked at the local lamp factory.  She was going to make BLTs and she called me to ask how much shortening to put in the pan to cook the bacon.  It took a lot of convincing to get her to put the bacon in the skillet without any added fat.  I told her not to worry.  She'd see what would happen pretty quickly after putting the raw bacon in to cook.  She wasn't much of a cook.


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## Claire (Nov 19, 2006)

I will absolutely, consistently burn the bread.  It is one thing that has to be left to the last minute.  Whether you're reheating bread so it is warm at the table, or using pre-made rolls or biscuits, or broiling some great garlic bread, to get it hot at the table it has to be done last-minute.  Right when you're making the gravy or sauce, carving, etc.  I did finally learn to grab a guest and put him/her in charge of only ONE THING.  MAKE SURE THE BREAD DOESN'T BURN!!


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## TigerMoon (Nov 19, 2006)

At a friend's home I was asked to make a pitcher of lime Kool-Aid.  In an unfamiliar kitchen, none of the canisters were labeled, the first one I grabbed had a white crystalline substance, good! sugar!  Made the Kool-Aid, poured it into tall glasses with ice and sat down giving a glass to my friend. He took a couple of gulps and choked, spraying the room (just like you see in the movies). I had used salt.


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## expatgirl (Nov 21, 2006)

Glad to see that this thread is still active and alive.  My 8 year old sister once wanted to bake a potato--knew that Mom wrapped it in something to keep it moist----no foil on hand so she used the next best thing.  Saran Wrap!!!!!!!  Could not understand where the billowing smoke was coming from.

Another time I was living in Egypt and wanted to grill a stuffed pork tenderloin that had been marinating for hours.  Took it to the grill outside and left the pan next to the grill while I ran in to find last minute foil to lay it on.  Well, in the 2 minutes that I was gone I came back outside to find that the pan had been pulled all the way against the wall, there was a marinade drip line where the meat had been hoisted up and over the wall and the pork tenderloin was GONE!!  Looking down at the street level I saw this cat with my dinner in its mouth.  The next day I was informed by one of my neighbors that she saw at dead cat with a severely bloated stomach.  I think that my tenderloin killed it.


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## Andy M. (Nov 21, 2006)

expatgirl said:
			
		

> ...The next day I was informed by one of my neighbors that she saw at dead cat with a severely bloated stomach. I think that my tenderloin killed it.


 

Good Grief!  That cat saved your life!


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## kadesma (Nov 21, 2006)

_I have to fess up, _
_yesterday I made a mincemeat pie for a fellow who use to be our delivery person. I set it on the table to cool, sat down, as I had really been busy with the kids and baking and making dinner..So, I'm sitting about an hour later I go to put the pie in the refrigerator and low and behold right in the very center the crust about the size of a soft ball was gone. I'd heard a noise in there but thought DH was getting something and let it go..Well, when mom passed I took her doxie Mollie, dear little Mollie had jumped onto a chair and helped herself to PIE!!!! Now I know the meaning of seeing RED..So today Cade and I get to make another pie..._
_kadesma who can laugh about it now, but last night whoooo eeee _


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## boufa06 (Nov 21, 2006)

Oh Kadesma, your pie must have looked so tempting and smelt so nice for little Mollie to devour it!  Reading your unfortunate incident, makes me recall a similar incident a long time ago.  My sis had gone for a short holiday and had asked me to look after her black dobberman, Sherbet.  One day I was late coming back from work and decided to marinate my chicken slices first for my dinner before feeding Sherbet.  I put the plate of uncooked chicken on top of a high cabinet nearby and went about preparing Sherbet's food.  After I got her food ready, I turned around to grab the plate of marinated chicken as the oil was already sizzling.  

To my utter horror, only a quarter was left on the plate.  I was really incensed.  Since I was the only one at home, I knew who the culprit' was so with a cane in hand, I went looking for her.  And there she was hiding under the table looking so frightened and so remorseful that I did not have the heart to mete out her punishment.  When I narrated the incident to my sis upon her return, all she said was that it was my fault for not feeding her pet first rather than proceeded with other chores first!  A lesson well learned!!


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## kadesma (Nov 21, 2006)

_boufa,_
_I know, my little Maggie and Mollie both get fed before anyone i the morning.And, I didn't have the heart to whack the poor little thing. She misses my mom so much and when I use anything that was my mom's she just will beg to be picked up. How could I chastize her for a piece of pie? _
_I was angry though and she knew it, just hung her head and went strait to her bed, jumped in and never moved the rest of the night.._
_ Ahhh welll Happy thanksgiving little dog._

_kadesma _


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## BigDog (Nov 21, 2006)

This has been a hoot to read!

Knock on wood, I've not had any real devastating mishaps. A few experiemental dishes not turn out well, and some of what have been mentioned previous, but that's it. I probably just cursed myself saying that . . . .   

Now, I got stories from growing up and my dad's feeble attempts to cook!

My dad is the type of cook that missed Emeril's lesson about using the knob on the stove. He cooks everything on blow torch hot high. Seriously, the man can burn water. Here's 3 events coming to mind:

First, when it came to grilling outdoors, Mom or I tried to take over. On occassion, no luck, and Dad cooked. Growing up in Massachusetts, the Boston Bruins never had a shortage of hockey pucks for their season, because when Dad was grilling burgers, they got donated to the Bruins. If we were down the Cape, the Providence Bruins got 'em. 

Second, I recall Dad and I were flying solo for supper as Mom had an appointment. We had frozen pot pies ready to go, the kind in the tin foil pans. He set the toaster oven at whatever temp the pie box said, and put the pies in and came outside to play. Somewhere along the way I had to return to the house for something. The back door led right into the kitchen, and when I entered, I found flames coming from the toaster oven. I hollared for Dad, who came running. He didn't know that the pies should have been placed on the metal cooking sheet that comes with the toaster oven. He put them right on the rack. I was about 7 years old.

The third, and greatest blunder I recall of Dad's culinary attempts was when Mom and I were going to be gone for dinner for whatever reason, and not get back home until 9pm or so. I was maybe 8 years old. Anyways, we get home and see the back spot lights on, and Dad outside with the garden hose. Wondering what was going on, we went over to find out. Dad hadn't eaten yet, because he burned *everything* he was going to eat. Not just burned it, but attached it to the pans! He had his putty knife and wire brush out trying to scrape the roughly *one half inch* of burnt on food off the pans!


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## Snoop Puss (Nov 21, 2006)

What happened after you reached the age of eight? Did your mum decide he was too dangerous to leave alone in the house with food that needed cooking? Are you sure this wasn't a strategy on his part?


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## BigDog (Nov 21, 2006)

Snoop Puss said:
			
		

> What happened after you reached the age of eight? Did your mum decide he was too dangerous to leave alone in the house with food that needed cooking? Are you sure this wasn't a strategy on his part?


 
He was essentially banned from the kitchen. Mom cooked, and I learned. That way the times Mom went "on strike" and we were left to fend for ourselves, we at least had a shot of eating good food with what I made.

Strategy on his part? Nah, not bloody likely, as they might say in your homeland. He's just a cooking dunce.


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## carolelaine (Nov 21, 2006)

DH made me a chicken with stuffing once.  He used uncooked rice for the stuffing and that was it.  They were like little rocks.  We still laugh about it.  My hand and wrists and arms arms are so scarred up from burn they look like I have grill marks.


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## expatgirl (Nov 21, 2006)

LOL!!! I didn't look at that way!




			
				Andy M. said:
			
		

> Good Grief!  That cat saved your life!


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