# Feeling blue



## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Ok, so today I'm feeling very depressed.  I can usually hide that I'm a wreck inside, but it's getting to the point that it's driving me crazy.  9 months ago the place I worked closed. We had just bought a new double wide (we had finally got our finances stable enough to purchase) and my daughter was going to college. When I first lost my job, I figured no problem I'm young and can do anything I set my mind to.
  Well here it is 9 months later, I still can't find a job. Ive even resorted to applying for the teenager jobs that I said I would never do again. My DH is not very supportive.  One time after an interview, I came home and was telling him about it and all he had to say was " I hope you didn't say anything dumb". When I told him what he said bothered me he said he was joking and I needed to get a sence of humor.
  I know I should feel blessed because I have my health and my family, But I've never felt as worthless as I feel right now.  All our savings is just about gone and I don't know what I'm going to do when it is gone.
  I'm trying to stay positive for my 15 YO, I don't want her to worry,but it's getting really hard.  When I lost my job I lost most of my freinds, so I don't have anyone to talk to.  I just feel like I'm going to explode.
  Well I just needed to get some things off my chest. Thanks for listening.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 8, 2007)

Hang in there somethings gotta give.How big is your town.Alot of places need extra help during the Holidays you might be able to find something temporary until something else comes up.Also what kind of jobs do you usually work there may be other options.I know its hard but try to stay positive it will bring good things eventually.I will send positive vibes your way.


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## buckytom (Dec 8, 2007)

you haven't lost us, mikki. 

when times are tough, you gotta dig down deep and find another reserve, another level of "i can do it". i'll bet you'd be surprised at how resillient you are. 

and when things _do_ turn around, as they will (all things in life are cycles), you'll have this time to look back on and be proud of how you made it through.

i know that sounds like banal, patent crap, but it's really the way things work. in an absolute entirety, life ain't all that great when it really _is_ good; it's a matter of perception. so the bad times can be perceived as a beginning of good things to come. right?

and don't let the hubby thing bother you. he's going through this with you, and may not have known how much this is bothering you.


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## Uncle Bob (Dec 8, 2007)

mikki said:
			
		

> But I've never felt as worthless as I feel right now.


 
Miss Mikki...

Your self worth is not dependent on whether you are employed or not. Whether a butcher, baker, candlestick maker, doctor or lawyer it is not who you are, and has no bearing on your self worth. You are worth far more than any of these. One door has closed...another will open. Have Faith. Anyway, you have a "new" cast iron skillet, and know how to bake cornbread!!


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## csalt (Dec 8, 2007)

That's beautifully put by Uncle Bob Mikki and I do so agree with him. You are *you* and a very courageous you at that. Try not to let DH's remarks upset you. Sorry guys, nothing personal, but men don't have a huge gift of tact.!
He has said he didn't mean it and I'm sure wouldn't have intentionally hurt you.





Hang in there. It sounds awful but sometimes you have to reach the bottom before you can climb up again.


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## Renee Attili (Dec 8, 2007)

My heart goes out to you. 
I am in a similar position at my present workplace. We probably will close around New Years.
I am not so young, but I look at as a chance to explore new possibilities I might not have if my normal trades were hiring.
I am getting my resume' together and submitting to the Big Green Egg Company for a sales rep job.(see avatar). I never would have done that if jobs were abundant here. So I have a chance to do something I would love, enjoy and make money at. Plus, I have a few other options I am considering out of nescessity.
So in a nut shell, think outside your box for jobs. You might just end up where you are meant to be.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

jp-I live in a small town outside a very small city that is not booming at all, and thats what is most depressing is that I have tried  the temp. retail and I think pretty much every employable place around here and even they don't want to hire me.
UB- you are great! your kind words mean a lot!!!! I am glad I got the skillet,now I need more things to do in it.
Csalt-this is not the only comment,he thinks he can say what he wants to anyone, the it's a joke is the excuse he uses to make it someone elses fault and that's a whole different story of my life.
 Thanks for the support,it's what I need!!! In my heart I know I can do anything I set my mind to, but sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself when noone else does.


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## buckytom (Dec 8, 2007)

well, after being ignored, renee and i feel pretty unsure about _our_selves...


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Bucky-didn't mean to ignore you and Renee, your encouragement is greatly appreciated. Hubby thing will always bother me because I have told him how much I am bothered and he still makes dicouraging comments instead of encouraging.


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## buckytom (Dec 8, 2007)

lol, i was just teasing. thank god you forgot renee or i would have really felt badly.


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## Barb L. (Dec 8, 2007)

Prayers have been sent, some men -(many) are clueless with womens or emotional issues.  I have one !  We are all here for you with support and comfort!     We are always here too !!!!  Take care, everything will work out, even though it doesn't seem like it now.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 8, 2007)

Barb L. said:


> Prayers have been sent, some men -(many) are clueless with womens or emotional issues. I have one ! We are all here for you with support and comfort! We are always here too !!!! Take care, everything will work out, even though it doesn't seem like it now.


I got one like that to.DUMB OLE BOYS!


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 8, 2007)

Mikki,Have you ever worked at a restuarant?Those can be some of the easiest jobs to get.There were times I had no money no nothing so thats when I put on my waitress shoes.I would find a good place with plenty of business and apply but usually they didnt need anyone.So this is what I would do I would go back every week to check if any jobs were open they always say we will call you.Being very stubborn in nature I would keep going even offering to wash dishes or bus tables,hostess anything that would get my foot in the door well they got so sick and tired of me I would finally get hired.A waitress job in the right place can get you instant cash and a good amount in tips.There is usuallly alot of turn around in jobs at restaurants.A really popular cafe or diner is also a good option.


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## Cordel (Dec 8, 2007)

I remember feeling like that, Mikki.  You didn't say what line of work you are in.  Is Ashville somewhere near Buffalo?  I hear the whole area is pretty depressed, so it isn't you, it is just the way circumstances are, right now.  Your DH must be worrying and suffering himself, and is taking what he feelis is his inadequacy out on you.  He probably believes he should be able to take care of you, and obviously he can't on his own, and it is easier to blame you than to accept that for himself. 

Things like this often feels so much worse right after you thought things were starting to go really well.  Did you really lose friends, or were those only acquaintances?  Have you lost them because they are worrying too?  Perhaps you could contact them and talk.  They may need someone to listen as well as you.

What Uncle Bob said, you are not your job, and you have that great pan to experiment with.


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## expatgirl (Dec 8, 2007)

If you're needing a listening ear, Mikki, then I would suggest that you and your hubby sit down and talk face to face.  Tell him that you don't like the way he is responding to you. If he sat you down and told you that he didn't like something that you were doing would you comply?  Have that in mind when you tell him.  Simply....you're seething with resentment and he may not know it, if not then you need to let him know. Do it in a noncombative way as much as you can.  Then y'all need a plan for getting your finances back on track.  You two pecking at each other is not going to solve the problem.  You need to be working together.  Work together on goals.......if by this time something hasn't happened then we do this.......etc...... if you've managed to get a child into college and still be married you have superglue somewhere...open the lines of communication ...your hubby may be as concerned as you......best luck and good wishes coming your way.....keep us posted


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## auntdot (Dec 8, 2007)

i will go with jpmcrew.

There are jobs.  You just have to convince people you are the person.

Be proactive - I hate that term - but do it.

Keep going to all the places and be enthusiastic.

As someone who has been in a position to hire, I want a person who wants a job.

Keep knocking on doors and always be entusiastic.  Even if they say no.

Leave a card or number. Perhaps that place doesn't need help but someone else they know may.

Be a sweet pain in the bloody ***.  You will find a job.

Just make yourself someone whom anyone would want to hire.

Good luck and God bless.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Cordel- 90 miles south of Buffalo, it's terrible.  
jp- I was a waitress for three years (1st job) I have limited hours, I can not work in the evenings. Most of the good restaurants in area are only open for dinners until summer. I have been going back to places,one manager actually told me that if they are going to hire me they will call and bothering them won't help(thought this was very rude).Emailed company told them about manager, haven't heard anything. I'm finding that most companies do there hiring from different offices or through employment services and don't want to be bothered by people.
My DH is a whole different story, we were having problem before this happened, We have talked numerous times about the way he talks to me,he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong. His own sister has told me if he talked to her that way she would punch him in the teeth. I agree he does alot of it because of his own insecurities( but he won't admit it).Thinks everyone else is wrong not him.
 As far as lost friends yes I have lost friends. I worked in a warehouse there was only one other female out where I worked. My friends were male, DH is/was jealous of my friendship with all of them. 
 As far as superglue, I'm the superglue and I'm drying out. Just so tired of EVERYTHING.


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## Renee Attili (Dec 8, 2007)

Sounds like you are feeling the "Blues" all the way into your soul.
When the blues get in that deep, they show, to your husband and to prospective employers. 
Be very aware of how you are coming across to others. When you go to ask about jobs
Do you walk in thinking, "This place probably won't hire me." or "Why would they hire me?" or "I would love to work here, but, they probably aren't hiring."?
If you are, you are wearing that mindset when you walk in.
If you would instead try to think and (most important) believe "This place needs me." or 
"They would be silly not to put me on their staff." or "The only thing this place is lacking is... Me"
People are attracted to confident, and positive people. Same applies to your spouse.
Think better of yourself, and it will shine through to those around you!


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## Cordel (Dec 8, 2007)

Ah Mikki, it does sound tough.  I'll be thinking about you, but don't blame yourself; you are in one of the worst hit areas in the country.  The unpleasant manager may be facing letting staff go, or seeing many out-of-work people every day, looking for that job.  

In another vein, I know you need paying work, but could you volunteer somewhere (part time) like in a nursing home, a school, a library, that might get you some experience to get a job that takes training?


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## LEFSElover (Dec 8, 2007)

I've just read through these responses and think they are all correct in their supportive words to you.
Mikki, you have friends here. We all do. We all also suffer with stress and angst in our daily lives. It must be what makes us stronger in the long run.
Husbands some times don't know the right words to use to us sensitive women, I know mine sometimes goofs with what he says, trying to be funny, only it isn't taken as funny, it's taken as cutting somehow.  But, honestly, I know after being married to him all of my life, he means nothing bad and wouldn't purposely hurt me for the world.
I'm not a good adviser when it comes to getting a job or being employed.
My past life, I was self employed and now, I work for a major Worldwide company and I've been with them for a hundred years, so I'm out of the loop. I know some in here are brilliant with this type of thing, and know they'll help you with their opinions. My only advice is, pick your passion when looking for a job. As much as I love to cook/bake do anything in the kitchen, I'd probably be looking into something like that, but look where you're interests are.  Whoever in here that said confidence is a circle around you whether you know it or not, was right. And it goes with what I wrote to you in the PM I sent you.
Best of good fortune to you Mikki and always come in here for support.  These are fine and smart individuals and we all learn from each and every one of them.


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## buckytom (Dec 8, 2007)

and don't print your resume in sky blue typeface.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Your right Renee, I'm feeling it deep right now.  Yesterday was I think the first time I went into places thinking badly, but other than that I have been real upbeat and positive. It just starts to wear on you after numerous turndowns.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

No Bucky-resume is in black. Thanks for making me smile.


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## Renee Attili (Dec 8, 2007)

I feel you. But you could look at being turned down as being one step closer to the job that will fill your needs. 
We all have heard of the "Power of Positive Thinking" well the same thing holds true for the "Power of Negative Thinking." 
Your results are directly connected to which therory you truly *feel.*
It's not enough to have the montra "I am happy, I am pretty, or I will win." going through your brain, you have to believe it and feel it in your soul.
As deep down and 100% as you are feeling the "Blues" now.


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## LEFSElover (Dec 8, 2007)

mikki said:


> No Bucky-resume is in black. Thanks for making me smile.


oh Mikki, that was a poke at me, I fixed it tho


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

LEFS- I know he was picking on you, I was thinking if doing my resume in funky colors,might draw attention to it.LOL Just kidding I had it done by the job service office in our area,so it's business black all the way.


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## jabbur (Dec 8, 2007)

Maybe now is the time to get some special training in something.  If there is a need in your area maybe you can find a way to train for that.  Schools are another area where they are usually understaffed.  You may find something there even if it is cafeteria or janitorial staff.  When I lost my job 3 years ago, I didn't know what I was going to do and so I prayed about it alot.  Next thing I know I'm back in school learning a new skill at the tender age of 49!  Finances have not always been easy with my youngest in college also but with faith, you can make it.  Contact your pastor.  If you don't have one, find one.  They are a great source of support and can help you in ways you may not realize.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

I was going to go back to school, but can't stay afloat without income. and unemployment would not give me an extension. I could not see how I could go to school FT, work FT, and be the mom I want to be FT. My children come first.


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## jabbur (Dec 8, 2007)

You don't have to go fulltime.  I started with just one class a semester.  You may qualify for financial aid as well.  Don't give up.  Things will turn around.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Thats where the catch 22 is, for the courses to be fully paid for you have to at least 12 credit hours, so if I go part time I have to pay which I can't afford unless I get a decent job and I can't get a decent job unless I go back to school.  No matter what I have to work full time to make enough to live on. Part time jobs don't pay enough. But at this point I'm going to take any job I can get, Full time, part time, temporary it doesn't matter right now I need $$$$$


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 8, 2007)

Mikki,why is it you cant work nights?


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## elaine l (Dec 8, 2007)

An Inspirational Poem


Don't Quit 
by Edgar A. Guest
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 
when the road you're trudging seems all uphill, 
when the funds are low and the debts are high, 
and you want to smile but you have to sigh, 
when care is pressing you down a bit - rest if you must, 
but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns. 
As everyone of us sometimes learns. 
And many a fellow turns about when he might have won had he stuck it out. 
Don't give up though the pace seems slow - you may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than it seems to a faint and faltering man; 
often the struggler has given up when he might have captured the victor's cup; 
and he learned too late when the night came down, 
how close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out - the silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 
and when you never can tell how close you are, 
it may be near when it seems afar; 
so stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - it's when things seem worst, 
you must not quit.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 8, 2007)

elaine l said:


> An Inspirational Poem
> 
> 
> Don't Quit
> ...


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

Thanks Elaine that is a great poem
JP husband works evenings,need to be here for my daughter. She's older but has school activities she is committed to. If it totally comes down to it that might have to be sacraficed. It will break my heart if I have to do that though. But I haven't even been offered a evening job either.
  After a long day of tears and saddness, the support from my new DC family has picked me up and I feel like I can face tomarrow. Thanks to everyone who took the time to give me support, It helped me get through today.


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## buckytom (Dec 8, 2007)

lol, mikki. what about joining the upstate production of these guys?

Blue Man Group

j/k. glad you're feeling better.


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## mikki (Dec 8, 2007)

I do look great in blue, wait then my eyes wouldn't stand out, could I go with pink. LOL


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## Cordel (Dec 8, 2007)

Mikki, glad you are feeling somewhat better.  I hope things look better tomorrow.


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## Dave Hutchins (Dec 9, 2007)

Mikki I am male and a sensitive one at that. Boot you insensitive husband where it would hurt the worst.. Then tell him up front to knock off the negative nonsense and start being supportive or show him the door.  You do not kneed this aggravation at this time in your life. G d works in strange ways at times and I have faith that the Master is looking out for you. He has helped me numiorus times. I am a fully trained Chef and when I had to I worked as a cleaner of bathrooms just to survive But a new door will open
It is always darkest just before the dawn so hang in. QUIT TAKING RUBISH FROM YOUR HUSBAND. It is hard but ask G D for help and think positive.


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## Bilby (Dec 9, 2007)

Wow a lot of worthwhile posts here Mikki! And I agree with everyone!

Somebody mentioned volunteer work - great idea cos it can give you your confidence back and make you feel worthwhile (even though you are).

We aren't defined by our jobs. We define our jobs.

At 15, let your daughter worry a little. It won't kill her! You don't need to share everything but don't play charades either. My dad died when I was 15, and my mum sheltered me from a lot of the problems she was experiencing, mainly financial.  It was quite isolating really.  I would have understood if she had shared with me.  

At 15, you are deemed old enough to get a job, so why not let her try as well? She doesn't have to support the family but can at least pay for her luxuries/activities herself. Also if you did have an evening job, like waitressing, could your daughter spend the evening with a friend who also has the same activities as her? They could go together on those nights and you can reciprocate when you have the opportunity. Or with lots of home baked cornbread! 

Have you considered virtual jobs -  one's that are internet based that you can do from home? Not talking about the dodgy ones here but for example, there is a site in Oz for a virtual assistant, where they act as the go between for client and temp - no on-site work.

Good luck with whatever the future brings you.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

Dave Hutchins said:


> Mikki I am male and a sensitive one at that. Boot you insensitive husband where it would hurt the worst.. Then tell him up front to knock off the negative nonsense and start being supportive or show him the door. You do not kneed this aggravation at this time in your life. G d works in strange ways at times and I have faith that the Master is looking out for you. He has helped me numiorus times. I am a fully trained Chef and when I had to I worked as a cleaner of bathrooms just to survive But a new door will open
> It is always darkest just before the dawn so hang in. QUIT TAKING RUBISH FROM YOUR HUSBAND. It is hard but ask G D for help and think positive.


 
Same here I will take any job just to survive


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

Dave, your right I don't need him agrravating me now no more then I needed it before when I gave him the ultimatum ,thats when he siad he wasn't the one that would be leaving( that was just before I lost my job). I know at this point I can not support myself so I'm kindof stuck. Husband is a whole different story,for the most part we don't have a marriage. I admit when I first lost my job I was picky about what I applied for,Made a mistake doing that, I am now willing to take any job I can get.


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

Bilby, I have not kept everything from my daughter, I just dont want her to see me a total wreck.  She has been really great, she has not asked for anything since I lost my job, and I recently found out she used her last 10$ to pay for a review book that she had to have for school. As far as a job, very few places will hire before the age of 16, she tried all summer to get someone to hire her. I have already told her that if it comes down to me working evenings,which if one is offered I will take it, we'd have to make arrangements. 
 What is the oz site?, I've checked on some internet things in the area,but other then that I'm always afraid I'm going to get one thats, like you said, dodgy.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

mikki said:


> Dave,I have gave him ultimatum before,thats when he siad he wasn't the one that would be leaving( that was just before I lost my job). I know at this point I can not support myself so I'm kindof stuck. Husband is a whole different story,for the most part we don't have a marriage. I admit when I first lost my job I was picky about what I applied for,Made a mistake doing that, I am now willing to take any job I can get.


Wow Im so sorry to hear that not wonder you feel so down no work is bad enough but to have that on top of it just raises the stress level to almost unbearable.Have you thought of day care at home just make sure you know the limit of kids before you need a license it could bring in some cash or care for the elderly in their house its basically baby sitting some light house work some cooking etc.They usually have a day shift a night shift and a weekend shift, pay is usually pretty good


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## texasgirl (Dec 9, 2007)

Hey, your going to be okay mikki. There is nothing that I can say that is going to make you feel better, I know, because, I was there last year. I lost my job and it seemed like everytime I thought I would get one, it never went anywhere. Our bank account was down to a couple of hundred dollars and I was so stressed, I cried on a daily basis. I would look online and in all the papers and go to everything I qualified for and even some that I didn't. The one job that I passed up once, I finally called because I was desperate and you know what? The owners are good people and I found a job that I thought I would never do. I manage my own storage facility now after a year of being there. Something is just around the corner for you, just have faith in yourself. You are feeling worse now because of the holidays, that's natural. Try to get through the holidays and not be down, because, you feeling this way isn't going to make anything better, just make you more miserable. Watch what becomes available to you after the 1st. Don't let DH get you down. Anytime you need to talk, you have friends here that will be here for you, just as they were for me. You just can't get a better group of people than the DC family!!


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

I have been able to deal with the stress pretty well,yesterday was the worst,DH had taken half of Thur and all of Fri. off and was in making remarks almost constantly about me not haveing o job, so I had 3 days of him poking at me and couldn't handle it. Babysitting in my home is out,DH is a fanitic about the house,15 year old gets yelled at for eating popcorn in livingroom, so I could just see what would happen if I had someone elses kids in the house. Never thought about the elderly, I'll have to check into that. Thanks for the idea


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## Cordel (Dec 9, 2007)

Mikki, when you do get work, make sure that the first 10% goes in a savings account for you.  Lie, if you need to, about how much you are making, but better still, state it as an announcement.  There is nothing like some money in your bank to make a bh (bad husband) shape up.  And when you get work, if he wants the living room perfect, let him look after it.  

I like the idea of elder care, and you could probably do some shift work, so you spent more time in the house alone, and less when your husband is there.  A little time on his own might be good for him.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

Cordel said:


> Mikki, when you do get work, make sure that the first 10% goes in a savings account for you. Lie, if you need to, about how much you are making, but better still, state it as an announcement. There is nothing like some money in your bank to make a bh (bad husband) shape up. And when you get work, if he wants the living room perfect, let him look after it.
> 
> I like the idea of elder care, and you could probably do some shift work, so you spent more time in the house alone, and less when your husband is there. A little time on his own might be good for him.


You are so right Cordel.My father used to tell me that even if I was marrried I should have an account the husband doesn't know about then he would go HeHeHe that way you have bus money to get out of town if you hafto.Well I dont have a secret account but I do have some some savings that he knows about and he cant touch it because its mine.So in the back of his mind he knows if I really wanted to which I dont I have the means to leave.
A CD is a great way to go go with the highest interest even if its only 90 days then you go to the bank and shop around to findest the highest again and transfer to the next one.Also have your own mad money account


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

I plan on setting aside of some cash. I had started that, have my own account he knows nothing about.  My previous job was 10 hours a day,we didn't see each other much, probably why we were not seperated yet.  When we are together he thinks I should be stuck up his you know what. I know I've got to make changes just have to have cash first.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

mikki said:


> I plan on setting aside of some cash. I had started that, have my own account he knows nothing about. My previous job was 10 hours a day,we didn't see each other much, probably why we were not seperated yet. When we are together he thinks I should be stuck up his you know what. I know I've got to make changes just have to have cash first.


Where do you parent live? Do you have any family?


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

My parents live in the same area,but are in no position to help.


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## auntdot (Dec 9, 2007)

A couple of years ago a woman came to us looking for a job.  She really had no qualifications but she needed a job and we gave her a chance.

Several months later she was grabbed up by another department.

Then they paid to send her to school.

Now she has a great position.  And I could not be happier.

Just keep going, there is a job.  If not today, tomorrow.  Do not get down on yourself - I know it is easy to do.  Was in a position where I desperately needed a job and found one by not giving up - although I had every reason to do so.

Please don't stop looking.  You are worth while.  Tomorrow may be the day.

It is tough, but I have been there. Walk down the street and drop into shops.  Maybe they were thinking about hiring someone.  Or know someone who is looking. Talk to everyone you can.

It can be really tough, but you can do it. I did. In a sea of 'no thank you' I found a real job. Am there today, twelve years later.

YOU CAN DO IT.

Although at times it may seem you can't.  Don't give up, please.

Just the ramblings of Auntdot.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

check out this site you might get a few ideas there
Frugal Mom, Frugal Living, Work from Home & Home Based Businesss


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

Whats your towns population do you have veterinarians there sometimes they need help.Does your town have house cleaning services?If not you can put an ad in the paper if it works out it could turn into a full blown business with employees etc.The private house keepers I know can make quite a bit of money.You could put an ad in your local paper along the lines like.To busy to get your house in order for the Holidays?Call here for expert results make it catchy also make sure to charge plenty the average wage is around 10-12 bucks an hour or you can go to the house and give them an estimate which would be even more.Again its the elderly and people that would rather pay some one else to do it this could set you up temporarily for some work some peoply may need someone more than once a week.If there are such services ignore them and place ad any way people might not like the work they do.


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## *amy* (Dec 9, 2007)

mikki said:


> jp-I live in a small town outside a very small city that is not booming at all, and thats what is most depressing is that I have tried the temp. retail and I think pretty much every employable place around here and even they don't want to hire me.
> UB- you are great! your kind words mean a lot!!!! I am glad I got the skillet,now I need more things to do in it.
> Csalt-this is not the only comment,he thinks he can say what he wants to anyone, the it's a joke is the excuse he uses to make it someone elses fault and that's a whole different story of my life.
> Thanks for the support,it's what I need!!! In my heart I know I can do anything I set my mind to, but sometimes it's hard to believe in yourself when noone else does.


 
Hang in there, mikki. Being out of work, particularly this time of the year, can bring your spirits a little down. Try not to let it phase you. It's not you personally that is being rejected, it's what the prospective future employer is specifically looking for. While a job does not define who you are, it does bring your self-esteem down a notch when you have to go out there & "sell" yourself. If you need the income, then your full-time job now is, to find a job.

If your unemployment has run out & no extensions, there may be counselors at the Dept of Human Resources that will help you, and possibly jobs posted there as well. You may be able to train for a new career/job thru same. But, you have to be diligent & follow thru. And, sometimes, when you feel low, you literally have to put your thumb under your chin & lift your head up - because you are worthwhile & have something to offer.

This may be a bad time of year for a job search. People may be hanging on till the beginning of the new year, taking vacations, & hard to reach folks because of parties, as well. Still, keep on plugging away. The job market is very competitive - make sure your skills are honed, or take an Adult Community College course or refresher.

Call some of your old friends you haven't spoken with in a while & get together for lunch or whatever. Network - call any contacts you had from the old job, & let them know you are looking and available. Re the hubbie's remarks, well, you know him better than anyone. Hold your head up, be positive, & keep on going. Hope that helps/gives you some support. Good luck.


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

Amy, It does help. Just hearing someone else say it's not me ( which in my heart I know) helps, Thanks. I'm definately not giving up.  Yesterday was just an extremely bad day.


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## DawnT (Dec 9, 2007)

Mikki,  Sorry to hear about your problems with bh, $ and the blues.  I see you are also doing college,  have you checked into online or independent studies?  Empire State College is great for that.  Check with your local high school counselers for info.  If I can find the catalog in DS's room I could PM you the address.  Will try.    Keep the faith, and while you're at the school, put in your resume.  You never know when they need a substitute!!  A fellow New Yorker, suffering the weather too.  Dawn T


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

Dawn,at this moment I'm not taking courses,I just recently heard about Empire State college. I'm going to go to our job service office and check it out. I have 14 college credit hours and would love to go back to school if it is possible. They had a whole bunch of stipulations on paying the total tuition. We'll see what they say tomarrow. If you find it please PM me. Thanks a bunch. The only good thing about the bad weather(freezing rain) is husband goes to work, finally some peace and quiet.


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## DawnT (Dec 9, 2007)

Mikki, Check your mail!!  :>)  Dawn


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

I just wanted to tell everyone who took the time to post and offer me support *THANK YOU!!!!!!*  I feel a little better and I will hit the bricks hard tomarrow, I will be able to do this thanks to all the encouragement I have received from everyone on this site.  I never thought a site full of stranger would make me feel the way you guys have made me feel.


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## DawnT (Dec 9, 2007)

Mikki, don't forget - we're family by default- default of the cookin!!


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## expatgirl (Dec 9, 2007)

Go! Girl--we're behind you!!!!


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 9, 2007)

And dont forget walk in with a positive attitude even if its a job you wouldnt normally apply for, look at it as a way to get money thats your main goal get the money.Make sure your smile is a real smile not a pretend smile.Look them in the eye when you apply not a stare but a genuine type of connection.I have read that if you are relaxed and kinda of mimic the employers body language they get a connection to you.Also if you are applying for a certain job let them know you will work in any capacity until the job you want opens up.Im here for you as are the rest of us.There has to be something out there you just havn't found it yet.Oh and by the way just how far away is the small city you mention?


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## mikki (Dec 9, 2007)

about 10 miles. We call it the city,but most of the stores are closed. More nonprofit organizations trying to revitalize the city the there are stores. I live out where all you here is birds chirping, the city is any place that has street lights. LOL


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## Bilby (Dec 10, 2007)

VIRTUAL ASSISTANT
Hi Mikki! The site above is the one I referred to but I don't know if they are still hiring or if there is any restriction to foreigners but it can't hurt to shoot of an email.

This link below is to avoid the dodgy coys and is US based so the info should be good for you.

Tips for Avoiding Work-at-Home Scams, from the Internet Fraud Watch

The site for frugal moms on the previous (?) page of posts looked interesting.  Also have a look at the govt job site for NY State. You might find something suitable within travelling distance and if not, it doesn't hurt to sit any exams and be ready just in case.

Government Jobs in New York - NYJobsource.com

Hope those sites help you somewhat, or at least help you think of other google searches that might get you where you need to be.

Two "tricks" I use for interviews - one I interview them (gives you the upperhand mentally and they know that you are "with it") and two, think of a good time before you go in to the interview that will put a genuine smile on your face - but try to avoid those times that make you burst out laughing.  Not a good look....


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## suziquzie (Dec 10, 2007)

Mikki I'm sorry I'm just now seeing this, I don't get online much on weekends. 
To my fellow cornbread baker  I'm so sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Jobs have been hard to find in your area a long time haven't they.... 
My DH gets essentially laid off in winter, and I only work 13 hours a week, winter is hard here. I was thinking about maybe some house cleaning, but my guess is in your area people aren't going to have the extra $$ to pay someone else to clean the house. 
I thought about daycare, but I stay home with my kids because I don't believe in sending then TO daycare, so what would be the difference? I think if your husband wants you to work so badly he should get over himself and his living room and let you do what you gotta do. 
In the meantime, cheer up, and you can always get online and cook w/ me all day! 
New oven day tomorrow. YIPEEEEEE!
Then you can stop hearing about it.


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## LEFSElover (Dec 10, 2007)

Dave Hutchins said:


> Mikki I am male and a sensitive one at that. Boot you insensitive husband where it would hurt the worst.. Then tell him up front to knock off the negative nonsense and start being supportive or show him the door.  You do not kneed this aggravation at this time in your life. G d works in strange ways at times and I have faith that the Master is looking out for you. He has helped me numerous times. I am a fully trained Chef and when I had to I worked as a cleaner of bathrooms just to survive But a new door will open
> It is always darkest just before the dawn so hang in. QUIT TAKING RUBISH FROM YOUR HUSBAND. It is hard but ask G D for help and think positive.


Mikki, you know how some people are brighter^^^^^than others?  Some spouses are less sensitive than others.  Dave is right here.  You should be asking for help from a much stronger source than the one you're married to.  Your husband is not being supportive right now, but there is One Who will be.  You need pats on the back, encouragement, a sensitive ear to listen to you in times of need, a soft place to fall, and the time for that is now.  You don't seem to be getting that so go out on a limb here and be firm with that man that keeps putting you down.
It's easy for us to say, all of us probably seem to be in an easier place than you are right now, but you never know what lies beneath the surface.  Others are hurting and in pain now too. 
I don't care much about the things you said to me in your PM [regarding things you 'used' to do].  I care about now.  DO THEM NOW...[that was in Caps but it's meant as a loving gesture so you'll pay attention] (((((Mikki)))))


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## mikki (Dec 10, 2007)

LEFSE-As per your advice,I had a good long talk with a good neighbor who teaches religous education.Has offered to get together with me once a week and "talk".
 Its amazing what difference a day makes. Got up this morning and oneof my good friends from work (who also knows husband and how he is) called to see how I was doing,of course broke down to him. Told him everything I was feeling, told me he promised to call at least once a week,so I didn't feel alone. Gave me the extra boost for job hunting today. Put in lots of applications,with a big  on my face. I'm hopeful someone will call.


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## Barb L. (Dec 10, 2007)

mikki said:


> LEFSE-As per your advice,I had a good long talk with a good neighbor who teaches religous education.Has offered to get together with me once a week and "talk".
> Its amazing what difference a day makes. Got up this morning and oneof my good friends from work (who also knows husband and how he is) called to see how I was doing,of course broke down to him. Told him everything I was feeling, told me he promised to call at least once a week,so I didn't feel alone. Gave me the extra boost for job hunting today. Put in lots of applications,with a big  on my face. I'm hopeful someone will call.



Hi Mikki,  My heart goes out to you, hang in there hon,times will get
  better.  Don't know if you have faith, but this is the only thing has  gotten me to 62 -(yuck).  I don't go to church, but my Mom taught me the gift of faith.   Wishing you and your children  the best, try and have  a nice holiday..  Better ones are coming !  Some Hubby are clueless,   I have two sons, 27 and 38 - the oldest, is very selfish (Leo)  everything has to be his way.  My other is a sweetheart -  I raised both of them the same too, love  them the same but  can see any women that  would put up with him.  He has been separated for   almost  2 yrs.  I think some men should never get married !!
Wishing the best for you, take care.  We are all here for you whenever you need us.  Great family here !
                                                               Barb L.


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## jpmcgrew (Dec 10, 2007)

mikki said:


> LEFSE-As per your advice,I had a good long talk with a good neighbor who teaches religous education.Has offered to get together with me once a week and "talk".
> Its amazing what difference a day makes. Got up this morning and oneof my good friends from work (who also knows husband and how he is) called to see how I was doing,of course broke down to him. Told him everything I was feeling, told me he promised to call at least once a week,so I didn't feel alone. Gave me the extra boost for job hunting today. Put in lots of applications,with a big  on my face. I'm hopeful someone will call.


Good for you Mikki you got in a solid productive day.Try to stay positive Im really glad you have some people at home to talk to as well.As for BH ignore him the best you can, tune him out if you can.Rest easy now, as you did real every thing you could possibly do today.


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