# Today's Funny



## PrincessFiona60

Roflmfao!!!


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## Dawgluver

Yes!!!


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## taxlady

and did you see where the C-I-L-A-N-T-R-O was in the list?


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## Barbara L

Funny!


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## Aunt Bea

Sad!


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## Addie

Good one PF.


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## Barbara L

I hope you don't mind me adding another "funny" to this, but I thought this was cute!


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## PrincessFiona60

I don't mind at all, we need a funny each day!

That is funny!  Thanks!


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## amandadun

Hahahaha, reminds me of myself.


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## taxlady

And here's one for today, 2012 March 11:







Too bad they didn't use Google translate, which got it right, but always ask someone who knows the language.


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## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!  Love translations!


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## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!  Love translations!




Which one of those two is Polish?


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## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> Which one of those two is Polish?



Neither, Google the French phrase...


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## Andy M.

I realize one is English and the other French.  If I babbelfish the French I get polish sausage as a translation.

Nevermind.  I get it.  It's a direction to polish a sausage, not the adjective Polish.


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## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> I realize one is English and the other French.  If I babbelfish the French I get polish sausage as a translation.
> 
> Nevermind.  I get it.  It's a direction to polish a sausage, not the adjective Polish.



Google throws in "the" in there.


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## Aunt Bea

I thought you were supposed to "grill" a sausage!


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## taxlady




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## DaveSoMD

ah.....polish vs Polish. We had a similiar discussion at work today, some put on their task post-it "Finish / Polish Document"


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## PrincessFiona60

DaveSoMD said:


> ah.....polish vs Polish. We had a similiar discussion at work today, some put on their task post-it "Finish / Polish Document"



ROFL!!!


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## buckytom

i wonder what they call furniture polish in poland?

us wax?


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## PrincessFiona60

*The True Story Of St. Patrick's Day*

The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St.Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland.

It seems that some centuries ago, many Norwegians came to Ireland to escape the bitterness  of the Norwegian winter. Ireland was having a famine at the time, and  food was scarce. The Norwegians were eating almost all the fish caught  in the area, leaving the Irish with nothing to eat but potatoes. St.  Patrick, taking matters into his own hands, as most Irishmen do, decided  the Norwegians had to go. 

Secretly, he organized the Irish IRATRION (Irish Republican Army to Rid Ireland of Norwegians).  Irish members of IRATRION passed a law in Ireland that prohibited  merchants from selling ice boxes or ice to the Norwegians, in hopes that  their fish would spoil. This would force the Norwegians to flee to a  colder climate where their fish would keep.

Well, the fish spoiled, all right, but the Norwegians, as everyone knows today, thrive on spoiled fish So, faced with failure, the desperate  Irishmen sneaked into the Norwegian fish storage caves in the dead of  night and sprinkled the rotten fish with lye, hoping to poison the  Norwegian invaders. 

But,  as everyone knows, the Norwegians thought this only added to the flavor  of the fish, and they liked it so much they decided to call it  "lutefisk", which is Norwegian for "luscious fish."

Matters  became even worse for the Irishmen when the Norwegians started taking  over the Irish potato crop and making something called "lefse." 

Poor St. Patrick was at his wit's end, and finally on March 17th, he blew  his top and told all the Norwegians to "GO TO H**L". So they all got in their boats and emigrated to Minnesota---- the only other paradise on  earth where smelly fish, old potatoes and plenty of cold weather can be found in abundance. 

         The End.


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## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> The reason the Irish celebrate St. Patrick's Day is because this is when St.Patrick drove the Norwegians out of Ireland...


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## Dawgluver

ROFL!!!!

A tale beautifully told, PF,  and so true!!!  Thanks!!!

This will be shared!!!


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## Addie

I have never celebrated St. Patrick's before. But I will now.  I am going to take up drinking so I can yell SKOAL! Or whatever Norwegians yell when drinking.


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## taxlady

Addie said:


> I have never celebrated St. Patrick's before. But I will now.  I am going to take up drinking so I can yell SKOAL! Or whatever Norwegians yell when drinking.



Close enough.

You have to start drinking Addie  I was just telling Princess Fiona how much fun it would be to go to bars with you and her and be rowdy and get kicked out.

We could be "Hell's Grannies" (even though you are the only actual granny).


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## Rocklobster

taxlady said:


> I was just telling Princess Fiona how much fun it would be to go to bars with you and her and be rowdy and get kicked out.
> 
> ).


It's over rated. Trust me....


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## Addie

taxlady said:


> Close enough.
> 
> You have to start drinking Addie  I was just telling Princess Fiona how much fun it would be to go to bars with you and her and be rowdy and get kicked out.
> 
> We could be "Hell's Grannies" (even though you are the only actual granny).


 
Heck, if I can kicked out of funerals and church, bars should be no problem. I have never had an alcoholic drink in my life. I have friends that cook with wine and other alcohol enhanced food. They think that when they cook for me, they have to leave the alcohol out. As long as they cook the alcohol out so that I don't taste the rawness of it, I am fine with it in food. Most Italians put red wine in their pasta gravy. 

One time when I was about 18, someone gave me a small glass of straight Scotch. Once I got past the smell of it, I took a small sip. I immediately spit it out right back into the glass. That is my whole career with alcohol. When I have food in a restaurant and can taste the alcohol, I send the dish right back to the kitchen. It usually happens with seafood dishes. My friends know that I don't allow alcohol in my home. So when I visit their home, they hide their drinking. I don't care if anyone drinks outside my home. I don't care where they drink. Just not in my home. I don't care if they get rip roaring drunk. Just not in my home. 

The one thing I don't understand is if alcohol smells and tastes as bad as that sip of Scotch did, why do people drink? I guess I have been scarred for life by that one sip.


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## DaveSoMD

DaveSoMD said:


> ah.....polish vs Polish. We had a similar discussion at work today, someone put on their task post-it "Finish / Polish Document"



So today.. we are in a meeting with the customer. There are about 15 people in the room,managers,customer team members...I'm up at the podium running the power point presentation.... hit next slide for the presenter.. and what do I see on the slide it large font ... 

yep... you guessed it....

*Finish / Polish Document *

I couldn't react... but I really wanted to.


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## Dawgluver

While on vacay in Mexico, we stop at the local grocery store for provisions and pick up some bananas, which DH can't do without in the morning.  I thought they looked a bit strange, but when in Rome, etc.  This morning, DH peeled and took a big bite, and YUCK!  Plantains....

Funny, as Plantans is the same word for both plantains and bananas.  I had to reassure him when we went back to the store that the new bananas labeled plantanas were actually bananas!  

Plan to fry and eat the plantains later.


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## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Close enough.
> 
> You have to start drinking Addie  I was just telling Princess Fiona how much fun it would be to go to bars with you and her and be rowdy and get kicked out.
> 
> We could be "Hell's Grannies" (even though you are the only actual granny).



Heh!  I am a Granny, too!  5 Grandkids...


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## Rocklobster

Ermmmm


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## Addie

All of a sudden I am not hungry.


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## DaveSoMD

Is this better?


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## PrincessFiona60

I got the biggest laugh from a laundromat owner when I complained that ALL my clothes came out covered in Pooh...I must have had 7 Winnie-the-Pooh t-shirts.


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## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I got the biggest laugh from a laundromat owner when I complained that ALL my clothes came out covered in Pooh...I must have had 7 Winnie-the-Pooh t-shirts.


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## DaveSoMD

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I got the biggest laugh from a laundromat owner when I complained that ALL my clothes came out covered in Pooh...I must have had 7 Winnie-the-Pooh t-shirts.


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## Barbara L

In honor of all of us Wonder Women:


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## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> In honor of all of us Wonder Women:



 Good one Barbara.


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## Katie H

This is one of my all-time favorites.  We still can't say cat "f-*o*-*o*-d.


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## Barbara L

Katie H said:


> This is one of my all-time favorites.  We still can't say cat "f-*o*-*o*-d.


I had that on a mug! We often say it that way too!


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## Addie

Katie H said:


> This is one of my all-time favorites. We still can't say cat "f-*o*-*o*-d.


 
Good one. Equal to the sound of the electric can opener.


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## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> In honor of all of us Wonder Women:



I am Wonder Woman...people watch me and say, "I wonder why she did that..."


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## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I am Wonder Woman...people watch me and say, "I wonder why she did that..."


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## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I am Wonder Woman...people watch me and say, "I wonder why she did that..."


 
They wonder what was I thinking. Or was I even thinking! And just to let all of you know, any time I give a response that appears to be sarcastic, it is done with love and laughter. Because I wasn't even thinking.  Thinking hurts my brain.


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## Rocklobster

...


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## Barbara L

I'm not eating there! I'm fat enough already!!!

And I have had some pretty "yu kee" BBQ before, but they didn't warn you like that place did!


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## Aunt Bea

Barbara L said:


> I'm not eating there! I'm fat enough already!!!
> 
> And I have had some pretty "yu kee" BBQ before, but they didn't warn you like that place did!




Me too!

I have more chins than a Chinese phone book!


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## Barbara L

Aunt Bea said:


> Me too!
> 
> I have more chins than a Chinese phone book!




I don't know why I suddenly thought of this, but it is kind of funny watching "Hawaii 5-0" with James. He keeps forgetting Wo Phat's name and calls him Lo Phat.


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## Addie

Barbara L said:


> I don't know why I suddenly thought of this, but it is kind of funny watching "Hawaii 5-0" with James. He keeps forgetting Wo Phat's name and calls him Lo Phat.


 
For those of you who haven't been to Oahu, there used to be a restaurant in the seedy part of Chinatown called Wo Fat. I don't know if it is still there today. It was down on River Street.


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## Orryette

Before I say this i will defend him by saying hes never been over sea's isn't very world wise but at the same time pls dont think all aussies are this clueless!! Lol .....We were at my brother in laws place and we were all talking of places we wanted to visit. My BIL was saying how he'd like to see Pearl Harbour, then he wants to hire a car and drive from there to New York. Ahuh! Lmao!


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## PrincessFiona60

Orryette said:


> Before I say this i will defend him by saying hes never been over sea's isn't very world wise but at the same time pls dont think all aussies are this clueless!! Lol .....We were at my brother in laws place and we were all talking of places we wanted to visit. My BIL was saying how he'd like to see Pearl Harbour, then he wants to hire a car and drive from there to New York. Ahuh! Lmao!



ROFLMFAO!!!  and another cartoon that got me chuckling:


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## Dawgluver

Hilarious!


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## Orryette

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
We love you.
And, in
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
What we'll do.


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## Barbara L

This picture totally cracks me up!


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## PrincessFiona60

Snorkling

Chickens!!!


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## Barbara L

Funny!


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## Rocklobster

I saw this a few weeks ago at a local grocery store called Food Basics(I just figured out how to get the photos from my new phone to the pc)...That is some whopper of a sale!!


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## PrincessFiona60

Rocklobster said:


> I saw this a few weeks ago at a local grocery store called Food Basics(I just figured out how to get the photos from my new phone to the pc)...That is some whopper of a sale!!



 A heck of a sale!


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## taxlady

Rocklobster said:


> I saw this a few weeks ago at a local grocery store called Food Basics(I just figured out how to get the photos from my new phone to the pc)...That is some whopper of a sale!!



Oh yeah, I'm impressed.


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## Andy M.

I hope you stocked up!


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## Barbara L

I just saw this on Facebook and thought it was the cutest picture ever! So funny! I guess, from the comments, this is a Goldendoodle.


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## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!  The floor is LAVA!!!


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## Dawgluver

ROFL!  The original Truccula Tree!


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## FluffyAngel

View attachment 13277

This is for PrincessFiona60.


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## TATTRAT

The ORIGINAL Hunger Game


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## TATTRAT




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## FluffyAngel

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> The ORIGINAL Hunger Game



ROFL! Hungry Hippo! I loved that game.


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## PrincessFiona60

fluffyangel said:


> View attachment 13277
> 
> this is for princessfiona60.



roflmfao!


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## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


>



OMG, he's using the Corningware...


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## DaveSoMD

Orryette said:


> Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
> We love you.
> And, in
> Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
> Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
> What we'll do.



Now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day......


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## PrincessFiona60

DaveSoMD said:


> Now I'll have that song stuck in my head all day......



Looks like it's a good day to go shopping...strolling down the aisles with a grocery cart singing _Chitty, Chitty Bang, Bang_.  You'd have the store to yourself!


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## PrincessFiona60




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## FluffyAngel

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

>



Too Cute!


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## Barbara L

So cute!  And funny!


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## Claire

Addie said:


> For those of you who haven't been to Oahu, there used to be a restaurant in the seedy part of Chinatown called Wo Fat. I don't know if it is still there today. It was down on River Street.



Been there.  I wonder if Chinatown/Honolulu still has a seedy part?  It used to be the Red Light district if you went there at night.  Still  have friends in Hawaii, I'll have to ask.  Wo Fat, though, was respectable enough.  I think it might be the first place I had dim sum.  When I left Oahu, Chinatown had become mostly Vietnamese.  Good food, good times.


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## PrincessFiona60




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## Rocklobster

Gotta love some foodies...FOODIES on Vimeo


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## Barbara L

Rocklobster said:


> Gotta love some foodies...FOODIES on Vimeo


Oh my gosh, I know a few people like that! Not just about food either.


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## Barbara L

It's food o'clock somewhere!


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## Barbara L

I don't normally like swearing, but how can you not like this little guy?


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## TATTRAT

Great shirt placement


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## TATTRAT




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## PrincessFiona60

Darn it Tatt...I've been watching kitten vids on You Tube for the last 25 minutes because of this GIF.  DAWWWWW!


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## tinlizzie

Tatt, those are totally hilarious!


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## PrincessFiona60

ROF!


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## CWS4322

TATTRAT said:


>


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## taxlady

Love 'em both, Tatt.


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## Vanilla Bean

I'm just layin' here laughin'.  The picture and video are great, Tatt!!


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## PrincessFiona60

Here's one...


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## Andy M.

This one made me smile.


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## TATTRAT

Andy M. said:


> This one made me smile.


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## Vanilla Bean

I'm not spying on anyone... my ears do the talking.  Sometimes, I feel like a bat.


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## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


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## Claire

Oh, I wish I was better at forwarding stuff.  The Siamese cat on the rumba and the dog are to die for, and I have a cat fanatic friend who'd love to see it!


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## Dawgluver

Pooshy, Pooshy Galore....

LOL!  Loving the Sean!


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## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> ROFL!!!



Cuteness!


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## Barbara L

Sounds like our bank account!


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## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


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## TATTRAT




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## TATTRAT




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## Barbara L

TATTRAT said:


>



Poor guy!


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## PrincessFiona60

I'll have mine rare...


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## TATTRAT




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## Dawgluver

LOL!


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## Vanilla Bean

I would poop, if I saw that at breakfast.


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## Dawgluver

Vanilla Bean said:
			
		

> I would poop, if I saw that at breakfast.



ET phone home!


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## PrincessFiona60

Pigments...


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## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Pigments...



Sooweet!


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## TATTRAT




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## TATTRAT




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## tinlizzie

My dog looks at me funny when I sit in front of the silent computer, laughing like crazy.  And it's all your fault.


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## Andy M.

I had to share...


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## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> I had to share...





You probably shouldn't assault a marine when he is with three of his buddies.


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## Alix

Got this today, a personal favorite.


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## Katie H

Andy M. said:


> I had to share...




Mmm, mmm, mmm.  My, that was a nasty fall.


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## PrincessFiona60

andy m. said:


> i had to share...



roflmfao!!!!!!!!


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## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:
			
		

> I had to share...



OMG.  Too funny!


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## Dawgluver

Alix said:
			
		

> Got this today, a personal favorite.



For real!


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## PrincessFiona60

Lol!


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## PrincessFiona60

heh!


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## Dawgluver

http://www.wimp.com/dadipad/

(courtesy of Blissful)


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## Skittle68

The Cat's Diary

Day 983 of My Captivity

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!



    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

    Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now ...


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## Skittle68

The Dog's Diary

  8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
  9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
  9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
  1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
  3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
  5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!
  7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
  8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!


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## Andy M.

Thanks for posting, Skittle68.  I'm convinced I'd rather have a pet that's always happy to be around me over one that despises me and wants to kill me.


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## Skittle68

My cats have a cat door so I wanted to add something to the effect: "I'm allowed to come and go freely, but I can no longer survive the harsh winters because I have acclimated to the controlled climate. I go on progressively longer excursions, but there isn't enough wild game in the area to sustain me.  I try to build up stores for when I make my final escape, but my captors periodically find my hiding spot outside the door and dispose of my hard earned prey. I can tell by their reaction they are very opposed to me having such resources. I must find a new hiding place!"


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## Barbara L

Etch an Ex:


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## Barbara L

Dawgluver said:


> So dad, how do you like the iPad we got you?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your browser does not support the video tag.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your browser does not support the video tag.






		
		Your browser does not support the video tag.


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## PrincessFiona60

coffeeee....


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## TATTRAT




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## taxlady

I got this in a email a while ago.


These are not made up. 
Check them out yourself!

1.   'Who Represents'is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:  
whorepresents.com

2. 'Experts Exchange'is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look 
no further than' Pen Island '.
It can be found at:
penisland.net

4. Need a therapist?  Try 
'Therapist Finder' at:
therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
powergenitalia.com

6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art'
await you at their wacky Web site: 
speedofart.com


#4 has changed their domain, but the old one directs to the new one.
#5 seems to have sold their domain to a more appropriate company.

If anyone can explain #6, I would appreciate it.


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## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I got this in a email a while ago.
> 
> 
> These are not made up.
> Check them out yourself!
> 
> 1.   'Who Represents'is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
> WhoRepresents?com | Database of Talent Representatives
> 
> 2. 'Experts Exchange'is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
> expertsexchange.com
> 
> 3. Looking for a great pen? Look
> no further than' Pen Island '.
> It can be found at:
> Welcome to Pen Island! The best pens on the internet!
> 
> 4. Need a therapist?  Try
> 'Therapist Finder' at:
> Marriage and Family Therapists | Find a Therapist
> 
> 5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
> www.powergenitalia.com
> 
> 6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
> ipanywhere.com: The Leading IP Anywhere Site on the Net
> 
> 7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art'
> await you at their wacky Web site:
> Speed of Art website of Nigel Talamo
> 
> 
> #4 has changed their domain, but the old one directs to the new one.
> #5 seems to have sold their domain to a more appropriate company.
> 
> If anyone can explain #6, I would appreciate it.



I usually p in the bathroom...


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## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I usually p in the bathroom...



Thank you.


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## taxlady

taxlady said:


> Thank you.



BTW, please go back and see my corrections. I forgot to tell it not to retrieve the titles from the links.


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## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> BTW, please go back and see my corrections. I forgot to tell it not to retrieve the titles from the links.



they showed up correctly in the e-mail...


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## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> I got this in a email a while ago.
> 
> These are not made up.
> Check them out yourself!
> 
> 1.   'Who Represents'is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity. Their Web site is:
> whorepresents.com
> 
> 2. 'Experts Exchange'is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views at:
> expertsexchange.com
> 
> 3. Looking for a great pen? Look
> no further than' Pen Island '.
> It can be found at:
> penisland.net
> 
> 4. Need a therapist?  Try
> 'Therapist Finder' at:
> therapistfinder.com
> 
> 5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at:
> powergenitalia.com
> 
> 6.'IP computer'software, there's always:
> ipanywhere.com
> 
> 7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art'
> await you at their wacky Web site:
> speedofart.com
> 
> #4 has changed their domain, but the old one directs to the new one.
> #5 seems to have sold their domain to a more appropriate company.
> 
> If anyone can explain #6, I would appreciate it.



rofl:

This must be shared!


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## FluffyAngel

Too funny!


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## Barbara L

Yikes!  The one website reminds me of a New York Times Sunday Crossword Puzzle I was doing years ago.  The clue was, "The ___ __ mightier than the sword."  Of course, in a crossword puzzle there are no spaces between words, and I didn't notice the "one word" result until I had filled in the blanks!


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## Barbara L

I no longer allow my cats to read the paper.


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## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I no longer allow my cats to read the paper.


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## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> I no longer allow my cats to read the paper.



I had to quit getting the paper...


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## taxlady

My cat used to sit on the fashion inserts from the newspaper. We don't get the newspaper regularly any more.


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## Barbara L

From The Dukes of Munchkinland?


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## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> From The Dukes of Munchkinland?



Cute!


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## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


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## Dawgluver

LOL!


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## PrincessFiona60

rofl!


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## PrincessFiona60

teehee!


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## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> teehee!



I have mornings like that.


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## TATTRAT




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## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Addie

I love this subject line. It starts my day off just right. I got up this morning absolutely exhausted from two days of medical appointments. Cancelled my appointment for today. Just couldn't make it. So my plan was to do nothing today. Now you have me laughing so hard I am getting  my excercise for the day. Thanks everyone. My day is looking brighter.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, this is close to home.  Today a traffic jam that caused 30 minute delays was caused by a Mountain Lion.  Only in Montana...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, this is close to home. Today a traffic jam that caused 30 minute delays was caused by a Mountain Lion. Only in Montana...


 
Now that is funny. Occasionally we will have a bear or moose running through the streets and back yards. But no mountain lion, YET. A couple of years ago there was a bull moose in heat that was creating havoc. Tried to fight his own image in a glass patio door. Broke the glass and that made him madder. They had to shoot it. Of course you know what a stink that made. The do-gooders would rather see a small child harmed instead of the moose. The one complaint that they had and I agree with them, was that some children had to see the moose shot. I blame the parents for that. The kids should have been out of harms way at home. We have also had coyotes and other critters that have had to be shot. Raccoons, foxes, etc. They all were showing signs on rabies. One woman when interviewed wanted to know why couldn't they give the raccoon rabies shot like they do for humans. There was no comment from the newscaster. Just the look on her face said it all. The next time they should let the woman hold the animal while he gets his shots. Can youi imagine what the husband must have thought when he saw the news that night?


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, this is close to home.  Today a traffic jam that caused 30 minute delays was caused by a Mountain Lion.  Only in Montana...



Can you imagine the stories that she had to tell when she got back to the den today!


----------



## Barbara L

Funny stuff everyone! Yikes, the poor mountain lion!

This is me sometimes:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Muahahahahaha!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Labs...ROFL!!!

Great one!


----------



## TATTRAT

lol, glad you like. 

I am a huge fan of the ingenuity of the baby, kid cracks me up!


----------



## Barbara L

TATTRAT said:


> lol, glad you like.
> 
> I am a huge fan of the ingenuity of the baby, kid cracks me up!


James said, "A stuntman in the making!"


----------



## TATTRAT

Barbara L said:


> James said, "A stuntman in the making!"



LOLZ!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> lol, glad you like.
> 
> I am a huge fan of the ingenuity of the baby, kid cracks me up!



Makes you wonder if he did it first without a pillow to land on...Ouch!


----------



## TATTRAT

You have to learn some how, lol


----------



## Merlot

Love the stunt baby!


----------



## Dawgluver

Love all of these!

This is me:



View attachment 13498


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Love all of these!
> 
> This is me:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 13498



ROFLMFAO!!!  I'm going to try this.


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Love all of these!
> 
> This is me:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 13498




All I have to do is invite someone from my family for dinner and the house gets cleaned top to bottom.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:
			
		

> All I have to do is invite someone from my family for dinner and the house gets cleaned top to bottom.



Could you please send someone from your family to my house?


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Could you please send someone from your family to my house?



That would be my sister.  She cleans before the cleaners arrive.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:
			
		

> That would be my sister.  She cleans before the cleaners arrive.



Perfect!  What does she eat?  Ham OK?


----------



## Addie

The Meth Lab cracked me up completely.


----------



## chopper

Tattrat,
The jiffy pop cartoon had me in rolling on the floor!  Too funny!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13553

From my fridge.


----------



## Dawgluver

More.

View attachment 13554



View attachment 13555

View attachment 13556

View attachment 13557


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## taxlady

My favourite was "No dude... there supposed to fit like this."


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

oops!


----------



## Dawgluver

Love the creepy clown!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> oops!



They look just like the ebil kittehs I had in college!


----------



## Barbara L

Whoooo?


----------



## Barbara L

Just saw this (right after playing Angry Birds!)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I get in trouble with these types of remarks, too:


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I get in trouble with these types of remarks, too:


muahaha


----------



## Barbara L

This came with the caption: California implements new earthquake prevention measures (seriously though, isn't that cool outdoor art?!):


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Skittle68

Nom nom nom...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> This came with the caption: California implements new earthquake prevention measures (seriously though, isn't that cool outdoor art?!):



That is cool!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


>



ROFL!!!!!


----------



## PattY1

Andy M. said:


> I had to share...




As it should be.


----------



## Barbara L




----------



## PrincessFiona60

So cute!

The Kitten and The Pitbull


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


>


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So cute!
> 
> The Kitten and The Pitbull


That is adorable. I love when kittens do that sideways hopping/walking. "See how big I am." We call it the crab walk.


----------



## taxlady

Just saw this on facebook


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So cute!
> 
> The Kitten and The Pitbull


 
Again, thanks for giving me my laugh for the day and filling my heart with joy.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Just saw this on facebook



Love this!  Will have to share with my Canadian rels!


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So cute!
> 
> The Kitten and The Pitbull


 

So cute!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> So cute!
> 
> The Kitten and The Pitbull



Shoot.  Will have to watch at work as Verizon limits our bandwidth.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Shoot.  Will have to watch at work as Verizon limits our bandwidth.



Save it for when you need a smile!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Who'da thought!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Save it for when you need a smile!



Tomorrow... Tomorrow...


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


>


+1


----------



## CWS4322

This tickled my funny bone this morning:


----------



## Katie H

CWS4322 said:


> This tickled my funny bone this morning:




Those E*TRADE babies really get around.  Cute.


----------



## Barbara L

I have had many days like this!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That was me last Friday!


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I have had many days like this!


That's me right now.


----------



## CWS4322

Another reason to train the "DOWN" position:


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!  Sting couldn't have said it better!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Addie

Did someone say "finger in a light socket?"


----------



## tinlizzie

Re the Fieri duo and others -- sadly, their hair doesn't even look funny any more.  Heaven help us.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Addie

Good weapon for hitting hubby over the head to get his attention.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:
			
		

> Good weapon for hitting hubby over the head to get his attention.



My grandpa raised his hand to my grandma one time during their 55 year marriage- she told him if he ever did that again she would hit him over the head with a frying pan while he was sleeping. My grandma is a woman of conviction, and he must have taken her at her word, because he never laid a hand on her again. Love my grandma


----------



## babetoo

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So cute!
> 
> The Kitten and The Pitbull



that was really heart warming. fearless kitten and gentle dog.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>



Oh man, I need one of these!!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Always...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Always...


 
I wonder if they use leaves for wipinig. That is really an "outhouse."


----------



## Andy M.

Addie said:


> I wonder if they use leaves for wipinig. That is really an "outhouse."




You think they wipe?


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> You think they wipe?


 
Well I certainly hope so. I wouldn't want them sitting on my furniture if the didn't. Come to think, they do rub their backside against a tree all the time.


----------



## CWS4322

Watching Canada a.m. today, I heard a euphemism I'd never heard before:

operative misadventure

Modeled structures of bone, etc., are being used at some medical schools to teach med students how to do certain surgical procedures (lack of cadavers). The hope is that the training received using these models will help prevent operative misadventures....I've had a lot of fun playing with that euphemism this morning...


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> Watching Canada a.m. today, I heard a euphemism I'd never heard before:
> 
> operative misadventure
> 
> Modeled structures of bone, etc., are being used at some medical schools to teach med students how to do certain surgical procedures (lack of cadavers). The hope is that the training received using these models will help prevent operative misadventures....I've had a lot of fun playing with that euphemism this morning...


 
Translation: Potential Malpractice Suit.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> Translation: Potential Malpractice Suit.


Possible, but not very likely in Canada.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Always...


Love it.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> You think they wipe?


Well, I've seen cats and dogs wipe.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> Well, I've seen cats and dogs wipe.



Must have been Canadian dogs and cats.


----------



## taxlady

My mummy-in-law just sent me this:






It said, in the email, "I  e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

there was an atheist who also happened to be a nature lover, and a photographer.  One day he was in a pristine and beautiful forest.  The air smelled of water, and ferns, and was moist and cool, with the sun splashing though a canopy of leaves that crowned old growth maple, oaks, and birch trees.  Sounds of songbirds filled the air, as did the splashing water of a nearby stream.

The man saw a beautiful elk in the distance.  He adjusted his camera on its tripod and prepared to set the camera settings for a perfect shot.  As he adjusted the camera dials, the blissful scene was shattered by a great crashing sound behind him.  He turned in time to see a huge black bear coming at him like a locomotive.  In his hast to run, he sent his camera sprawling onto the ground.  The man ran for his life; but the bear ran faster.  To his surprise, he was able to increase his speed.  He looked back and saw that the animal was still gaining.  Adrenaline kicked in, providing a charge of energy that made his legs churn even faster.  

The atheist fairly flew across the forest floor.  He looked back again.  The bear was almost upon him.  And then he tripped and found himself spraling on his back.  He looked at the great beast that towered over him like the angel of death.  As the animal raise one huge paw to deliver a killing blow, the man quickly mouthed "Oh God, don't let him kill me."  

Everything stopped.  The world became still, frozen in time.  There was no sound, not movement.  Then, a great voice filled the forest and said; "You have been denying me for all of your mortal existance, and at your time of death, you seek to plead with me."

The man was dumbfounded for an instant, then said; "God, if that's who you are, you are right.  At my moment of death, it would be hypocritical of me to cry out for your help, rather than face my doom.  But, I would ask one favor, not for myself, but for the great bear that hovers over me.."

"And what is your favor, unbeliever?"

"If I am not worthy to be called - Christian, then for this day, at this time, let the bear take upon himself that Christian belief."

"I will grant you this one favor, unbeliever."

The world became animated once more.  To his amazement, the bear backed away a step and stood on its hind legs.  It lowered its deadly pause and said; "Thank you father for your bounty.  Please bless this food that I am about to eat."

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> My mummy-in-law just sent me this:
> 
> It said, in the email, "I  e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"



ROFL!

Ah, Chief Longwind, one of my faves!  A true classic!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> My mummy-in-law just sent me this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It said, in the email, "I  e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"



I WAS drinking coffee...Shrek is now wearing it.


----------



## Andy M.

A wealthy ninety-one year-old man married a smoking hot twenty-six year old blonde of extraordinary beauty.  He was blissfully happy during the honeymoon.  As they settled down in their new home together, the young bride announced she was pregnant.

Shortly thereafter, the old guy was having his annual check up.  He was very proud to inform the doctor he had gotten his new bride pregnant!

The doctor tried to tell the old guy he wasn't the father, it was physically impossible but his proud patient wouldn't hear it.  So he told a little story in hopes the message would get through.

He told his elderly patient this story:

_An elderly man decided to go hunting.  He was distracted as he set out and instead of grabbing a rifle, he took an umbrella.  He realized his mistake too late to turn back so decided to turn his hunting trip into a nice walk in the woods.  

Lo and behold, he hadn't been walking for more than ten minutes when he came upon a bear cub.  He was immediately wary as he knew the mother would be near and very protective of its cub.

No sooner had the thought entered his head when he heard an angry roar and turned to see the mother bear charging towards him.  

The old timer figured he was doomed without a rifle and all he had was an umbrella.  He figured, "What the Hell"  and raised the umbrella, pointed it at the bear and yelled "BANG!"  as loudly as he could.  The bear fell dead in its tracks.  The old hunter was dumbfounded._

The doctor then asked his elderly patient what he thought of the story.  He replied, "Obviously, someone else shot the bear!".  

"That's what I've been trying to tell you!" replied the doctor.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> My mummy-in-law just sent me this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It said, in the email, "I  e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> Translation: Potential Malpractice Suit.


Yeah--but is another way of saying the person died on the table...or the wrong parts were taken out--"Oh, this was supposed to be an appy? I thought it was a gallbladder surgery!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It would be funny if not so true...


----------



## Katie H

taxlady said:


> My mummy-in-law just sent me this:
> 
> 
> 
> It said, in the email, "I  e-mailed this to my Japanese doctor friend; he e-mailed back: "If light stay on more than 4 hour, call erectrician"



OMIGOSH!!!!! I just snorted orange juice all over the place.


----------



## taxlady

Good one PF.


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It would be funny if not so true...




That one pretty much sums up my life!


----------



## tinlizzie

My daughter sent me a picture of this, but I don't know how to embed, so:  the picture was of a Home Depot regular orange in-store sign.  The hand-lettered word "Restroom" with a big pointing arrow was in the middle.  At the bottom was Home Depot's latest slogan, "You can do it.  We can help."


----------



## taxlady

tinlizzie said:


> My daughter sent me a picture of this, but I don't know how to embed, so:  the picture was of a Home Depot regular orange in-store sign.  The hand-lettered word "Restroom" with a big pointing arrow was in the middle.  At the bottom was Home Depot's latest slogan, "You can do it.  We can help."


I don't want any help.


----------



## Barbara L

tinlizzie said:


> My daughter sent me a picture of this, but I don't know how to embed, so:  the picture was of a Home Depot regular orange in-store sign.  The hand-lettered word "Restroom" with a big pointing arrow was in the middle.  At the bottom was Home Depot's latest slogan, "You can do it.  We can help."


Yikes!


----------



## Merlot

tinlizzie said:


> My daughter sent me a picture of this, but I don't know how to embed, so: the picture was of a Home Depot regular orange in-store sign. The hand-lettered word "Restroom" with a big pointing arrow was in the middle. At the bottom was Home Depot's latest slogan, "You can do it. We can help."


 

This


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## tinlizzie

Thanks, Merlot.  A picture is worth a 1,000 words, isn't it?


----------



## Merlot

tinlizzie said:


> Thanks, Merlot. A picture is worth a 1,000 words, isn't it?


 
YW


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei (Sulu in Classic Star Trek) on Facebook:


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> From George Takei (Sulu in Classic Star Trek) on Facebook:


True!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Good menu...


----------



## Barbara L

Happy...


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> Happy...


George Takei had that on his page too. I didn't get it until just now.


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> George Takei had that on his page too. I didn't get it until just now.


I needed a hint too!  That is why I included the "Happy" part!


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Happy...



What am I missing?? I don't get it!


----------



## Barbara L

Skittle68 said:


> What am I missing?? I don't get it!


Happy Cinco de Mayo (sink-o de mayo[nnaise]).


----------



## Skittle68

Oooohhh I didn't even realize that was today lol


----------



## PrincessFiona60

tis the season...


----------



## Barbara L

I love it PF!!

I just found this:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  I always liked Andy Capp!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!  I had to swipe that!  Thanks TL!


----------



## Zhizara

I wish my bladder would understand that.  I don't want to get up but....


----------



## Merlot

*For pf!*

Happy Nurses Week!!


----------



## Matts girl

Happy Nurses Week to all!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

*Thank You for Nurses Week!*

Here's me...


----------



## Merlot

and in reply to that....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> and in reply to that....



ROFL!!!!!!


----------



## taxlady

This probably wasn't meant to be funny, but it cracked me up and had me going .

It's from my Danish recipe site. They are learning about grilling from North Americans and how to make beer can chicken:


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> This probably wasn't meant to be funny, but it cracked me up and had me going .
> 
> It's from my Danish recipe site. They are learning about grilling from North Americans and how to make beer can chicken:



Eek!  Get your wings off of me!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Eek!  Get your wings off of me!


They look like they are having a conversation.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Two birds just sitting for a chat...they look a little cold...


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> They look like they are having a conversation.



Or something.  Sumo Chickens!


----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Or something.  Sumo Chickens!



That's what I thought too lol


----------



## Addie

My first thought.... Shall we dance? Who is leading, you or me? Ouch, you stepped on my toes you clumsy oaf! You've had too much beer.


----------



## Zhizara

Don't let the girls see that!!!!


----------



## Barbara L

Love the Nurses' Week and chicken funnies!


----------



## Barbara L

I love this!


----------



## taxlady

That's so cute Barbara.


----------



## CWS4322

Zhizara said:


> Don't let the girls see that!!!!


That was my thought! And especially not Rocky! He attacked me yesterday while I was feeding them...I'd been in the City since Saturday. The DH was out at the farm from Sat evening until Monday a.m., but they were locked in the barn from Monday until I got back here around noon. Rocky obviously was telling me he was not pleased, or, he figured out this: "We managed to knock over the feeder and get all the food that was left...If I can know the "Big Chicken" over, wow! bonanza! Imagine all the food in that one!" Never thought of myself as a giant pinata in a rooster's eyes...Normally, he doesn't "attack" me when I'm feeding them. He usually attacks me if I'm wearing clothes that change my profile.


----------



## FluffyAngel

Barbara L said:
			
		

> I love this!



Cat lover here. Love that.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> I love this!



You got a pic of my cats in the kitchen, how'd you do that?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Yes...


----------



## Dawgluver

princessfiona60 said:
			
		

> yes...



roflmao!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13692


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## Addie

If laughter is good for the soul, then mine is in great shape.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Yup!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Yup!



Oh yeah!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yup!


 
Is laughing this hard good for the heart? I do look forward to this thread each day. 

I know it might sound crazy, but ever since I joined this group of misfits, I am feeling better healthwise. You folks are definitely good for me. It has been a while since I took a trip in the meat wagon. Here's hoping it stays that way. Thanks!!!  To all of you.


----------



## CWS4322

I always wondered what the cutlery was doing when it was in the drawer...


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> I always wondered what the cutlery was doing when it was in the drawer...


 
I will have to be careful from now on when I take a knife out of the drawer. It could be dangerous to my well being. Thanks for the laugh. I love this thread. It makes my day.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Heh!


----------



## Barbara L

I love it PF! I hope you don't mind me stealing it for my FB page!

I found these today:


----------



## taxlady

I don't understand the one with Stonehenge.


----------



## Zhizara

Me either, but it looks cute.  Alien building blocks, maybe?


----------



## taxlady

Zhizara said:


> Me either, but it looks cute.  Alien building blocks, maybe?


Maybe it's something to do with some video game we don't know about.


----------



## Andy M.

If you look closely at the Stonehenge one, you'll see a fish swimming by and a couple of green fish perched on the stones, suggesting that stonehenge started out life as a two-story decoration for a giant fish tank before it fell to ruin.

Wait a minute!  Are those the idiotic Angry Birds I hear so much about?  If so,  changes to explanation.  

(Make note to have glasses checked)


----------



## FluffyAngel

Yes those are Angry Birds. My Husband has gotten into this latest game craze.


----------



## Aunt Bea

The picture of the boy with the knitted beard made me think of these nose warmers.  My mother used to make them from her scraps of yarn and give them to us as stocking stuffers.  Kids put up with an awful lot of evil deeds at the hands of parents years ago!


----------



## Barbara L

Yes, it is Angry Birds! It is a game in which you shoot various birds from a slingshot and try to kill all the nasty pigs! Sounds ridiculous, and I resisted playing it for a long time, but it is ridiculously fun!   This particular picture was showing that there was more to Stonehenge but the birds knocked much of it down when attacking the pigs.


----------



## Barbara L

Aunt Bea said:


> The picture of the boy with the knitted beard made me think of these nose warmers.  My mother used to make them from her scraps of yarn and give them to us as stocking stuffers.  Kids put up with an awful lot of evil deeds at the hands of parents years ago!


----------



## taxlady

Aunt Bea said:


> The picture of the boy with the knitted beard made me think of these nose warmers.  My mother used to make them from her scraps of yarn and give them to us as stocking stuffers.  Kids put up with an awful lot of evil deeds at the hands of parents years ago!


I crocheted something similar to that for my ex, but it wasn't a *nose* warmer.


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks for the belly laugh, TL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I remember the name: Natty Knitted Nose Warmer.  It was in the back of Parade Magazine, as I recall.

Not sure if there's a similar name for Taxlady's version...


----------



## CWS4322

The girls think those would be very practical...


----------



## CWS4322

Couldn't stop laughing...


----------



## Dawgluver

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> Couldn't stop laughing...



I am printing this out...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Couldn't stop laughing...




Okay, I had to swipe that one!


----------



## CWS4322

My cousin posted it on her FB page--I just had to share, I knew someone on DC would like it (wink, wink).


----------



## CWS4322

CWS4322 said:


> The girls think those would be very practical...


Oops--the girls want them on the other end to catch eggs and keep their "rumps" warm in the winter...it is hard sometimes understanding chicken speak--they saw the picture, liked it, but I misunderstood their conception of where one would wear such an article of clothing...


----------



## Barbara L

I'm stealing that one too!


----------



## Addie

Thanks for my laugh for the day. Twice.


----------



## CWS4322

Barbara L said:


> I'm stealing that one too!


+1. I think every menopausal woman (or maybe those who live with them) can see the value in that statement.


----------



## Zhizara

CWS4322 said:


> The girls think those would be very practical...



Geez!  what a true laugh out loud!  My neighbors must think I'm crazy!

Do we need to send you the yarn and a hook to get started?  They're small enough to work on in the summertime, and when it gets colder again you can start making the panties and capes.


----------



## Barbara L

Run!!!


----------



## Zhizara




----------



## FluffyAngel

I can't remember if I posted this before or not but here it is anyway.  Hope it's not offensive to anyone.


----------



## Hypnosis Changes Lives

Thanks for a great laugh.  If you're insomniac I'll be awake again in about 8 hours.  But it's 2.45am in Queensland Australia I'm in my warm bed, or what I can get of it.  My large snoring husband is sprawled with Jill Russell our Jack Russell and Gremlin the cat taking up enormous amounts of bed space.  Can tell the weather is getting cold here by how close the furkids snuggle.


----------



## CWS4322

Barbara L said:


> Run!!!


+1


----------



## CWS4322

Zhizara said:


> Geez!  what a true laugh out loud!  My neighbors must think I'm crazy!
> 
> Do we need to send you the yarn and a hook to get started?  They're small enough to work on in the summertime, and when it gets colder again you can start making the panties and capes.


Thanks for the offer, but I was a runner-up in the "she who has the most yarn, wins" contest back when I was into spinning, weaving and dying. Still have most of that stash.


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei on Facebook:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I was the guest speaker...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I was the guest speaker...


 
And this is what you bring home to Shrek each day?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> And this is what you bring home to Shrek each day?



Oh yeah...I drag my scraggy hair and chewed up butt home every night...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Oh yeah...I drag my scraggy hair and chewed up butt home every night...



And we love you anyway!  :


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cheeseburgerzzzzzz.......


----------



## Barbara L

I've asked myself this very question.


----------



## tinlizzie

, Barbara!


----------



## CWS4322

Barbara L said:


> I've asked myself this very question.


I'm right behind you!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The cheeseburgers are angry...


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Bork, Bork, Bork, Bark


----------



## Barbara L

Found this on Facebook:


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Bork, Bork, Bork, Bark



  This has got to be Wegman.

Had to make it a point to annoy DH with my rendition of the Swedish Chef song.


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Found this on Facebook:



Makes sense!


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> Found this on Facebook:


 
She is my heroine!! Every birthday, my kids make it a point to find a card with her on it. We both have the same attitude on life.


----------



## Addie

The pusher for my food processor is open at the top. It is for liquids. It is designed so that the top is just narrow enough so that when you pour something from it down the feed tube, none will spill. Well I have never used it for that. Just as a pusher. Then I was washing dishes and took a look into the open pusher. OMG!!! It is a wonder I am still alive. I wash the outside and even scrub it, But I Just squish it around the hot soapy water and then rinse it. 

I have a Robot Coupe. It is so old that the plug doesn't even have a wide blade, and no grounding implement. But the motor is really strong. And it never gets hot no matter how long I run it. It is really a work horse. 

I see all the newer ones on TV, and when I am surfing the net. "Gee, I would love to have that one." And then I think of the one I have. I can't think of a good reason to replace it. I have all the different disks. So it does all the jobs the others do. The bowl is a five quart one. Big enough when you are cooking for one. It is really heavy. So heavy that I can no longer pick it up. I have to slide it now. 

I got this food processor from a fire sale. A triple decker had a fire and the woman on the second floor was selling whatever she could salvage for sale. It was covered in soot and ashes. I got it for $2.00. That was back in 1977. It has never failed me. So I will keep looking at all those new ones, read about the problems folks are having with their newer ones, and keep mine.


----------



## taxlady

Addie, can you use that pusher for measuring? Mine has measuring marks on the side.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

a little one...


----------



## Dawgluver

Awww, Sweetness!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13763


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My mornings...


----------



## taxlady

Love it PF.


----------



## Addie

Shrek looks so handsome.


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> Shrek looks so handsome.


We know that's PF, she's wearing purple...I suspect s/one doctored the image and removed what she's thinking "You are so close to having this cup of coffee poured on your head..."


----------



## Barbara L

Hai-ya!


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Hai-ya!



Ha!  It's Cocky Rocky! 

OMG.  This cracked me up!


----------



## taxlady

Good one Barbara.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> We know that's PF, she's wearing purple...I suspect s/one doctored the image and removed what she's thinking "You are so close to having this cup of coffee poured on your head..."



I usually threaten him with pillow therapy...


----------



## CWS4322

Okay--now we know how good the person who doctored the image is with Photoship...oops, PhotoShop.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


>


+1


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I've been having problems with my Firefox...


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I've been having problems with my Firefox...


LMAO!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I've been having problems with my Firefox...



So cute!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I've been having problems with my Firefox...


 
 Now I have to clean off my screen AGAIN!! Good one PF. Luv it!.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

now what?!?


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> now what?!?


 
Either I quit drinking coffee, or you get your little feet here right now and clean my screen AGAIN!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

dang...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> dang...


 
Persistant little bugger, aren'tcha!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Had to finish getting all my laughs in for the day.  The facility is in Quarantine and is really quiet right now with everyone stuck in their rooms.  I'm not allowed to go in and see folks.  I may have to become "direct care staff" any day now.  Lots of staff are sick too.  I'm on call for night shift as needed.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Had to finish getting all my laughs in for the day.  The facility is in Quarantine and is really quiet right now with everyone stuck in their rooms.  I'm not allowed to go in and see folks.  I may have to become "direct care staff" any day now.  Lots of staff are sick too.  I'm on call for night shift as needed.



Eeks!  What does everyone have, PF?  Sure hope you don't get whatever it is.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Eeks!  What does everyone have, PF?  Sure hope you don't get whatever it is.



 Just our yearly session of stomach flu (viral gastroenteritis).  So far, I've been lucky, but odds are if I end up working for a sick nurse I will come down with it.


----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Just our yearly session of stomach flu (viral gastroenteritis).  So far, I've been lucky, but odds are if I end up working for a sick nurse I will come down with it.



They let the nurses come to work sick?? Wouldn't they be better off running short handed?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> They let the nurses come to work sick?? Wouldn't they be better off running short handed?



No, they don't come to work sick, that's why I will be called in to work...


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> No, they don't come to work sick, that's why I will be called in to work...


This problem is easily solved. As soon as someone gets sick, put a few cases of canned ravioli and spaghetti in each patient's room, along with a box of plastic spoons and a couple cases of bottled water, then all the nurses and the rest of the staff go on a 2-week vacation in a sunny beach location. 

(And no, I am not really that mean!!!!).


----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> No, they don't come to work sick, that's why I will be called in to work...



Oh pfft. Sorry I mis-read that lol.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> This problem is easily solved. As soon as someone gets sick, put a few cases of canned ravioli and spaghetti in each patient's room, along with a box of plastic spoons and a couple cases of bottled water, then all the nurses and the rest of the staff go on a 2-week vacation in a sunny beach location.
> 
> (And no, I am not really that mean!!!!).



So far only one staff member has gotten sick.  But, it's still leap frogging around the facility.  If we could just keep well-meaning visitors out..."But Mom isn't sick..."  No, not yet...have fun taking that home!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> Oh pfft. Sorry I mis-read that lol.



The year before last, it was a matter of working short with the staff who were the least sick.  There were not enough well-people to take care of everyone.  So many of us worked through two or 3 shifts, just because we weren't throwing up as much as others were.  I love my job...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

oops...


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So far only one staff member has gotten sick.  But, it's still leap frogging around the facility.  If we could just keep well-meaning visitors out..."But Mom isn't sick..."  No, not yet...have fun taking that home!


That kind of thing drove my dad nuts at work. He owned and managed a vacuum cleaner/sewing machine store. People were always coming in practically at death's door with the flu, and they would hack and cough and touch everything in the store, then say things like, "I should be home in bed because I'm sick and running a fever, but I had too many things to get done." I hate to break it to those selfish, oblivious people out there, but it's not all about you!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> oops...


But I switched back, really I did.


----------



## taxlady

This looks just like my cat. My hand isn't that, um, plump, yeah, that's the word, plump. Shreddy has done this to me.


----------



## Addie

Good one. Nothing lke a numb arm.


----------



## Skittle68

taxlady said:
			
		

> This looks just like my cat. My hand isn't that, um, plump, yeah, that's the word, plump. Shreddy has done this to me.



This is how my bf's cat feels about my feet lol.


----------



## Addie

My granddaughter used to have to sleep on her tummy so Tasha could sleep on her backside. And if not there, then she like to get tangled in GD long hair. My GD was always trying different smelling shampoos. If Tasha didn't like the aroma of the present one, she let GD know. She would slap GD in the face continuously until GD had to make her stop. I told GD that she was to take Tasha with her when she was going to buy shampoo. I had a whole collection of shampoos that Tasha didn't like.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

pleased to meet 'cha!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> pleased to meet 'cha!





Sweetness!


----------



## Barbara L

Dawgluver said:


> Sweetness!


Cute!  I wondered where Wilson was hanging out these days!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> pleased to meet 'cha!


 
Are you looking for dinner? Pull up a chair.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13792


----------



## taxlady

I don't want no popsicles that are that colour.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 13792



ROFL!


----------



## Addie

Tha must have been a blueberry popcicle.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> I don't want no popsicles that are that colour.


Or any that have been where that tongue was before it got the popsicle. But wait--are you sure there wasn't a typo in that?


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Or any that have been where that tongue was before it got the popsicle. But wait--are you sure there wasn't a typo in that?


Can't see any typos, just intentional bad grammar.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> Can't see any typos, just intentional bad grammar.


Right--you're a cat person and would not know dog people call frozen poo poopsicles if dogs eat them...TMI, and kitty poo out of the litter box (if dogs eat that) self-serve hors d'oeurves.


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Right--you're a cat person and would not know dog people call frozen poo poopsicles if dogs eat them...TMI, and kitty poo out of the litter box (if dogs eat that) self-serve hors d'oeurves.


I have met more than one dog (one who was "my" dog) that is picky about what dog food they are served, but head straight for the gourmet cat poops. Just what I always wanted - doggy kisses with cat poop breath. Cat food breath is bad enough.


----------



## Barbara L

Amen!


----------



## Barbara L

My poor grandson! He will be 3 next month. They are just finishing the process of moving next door to my dad's house (he left the house to my daughter in his will) and have a lot of stuff to get rid of.  She posted the following on Facebook this morning:

"Oops... Salvation Army came to pick up a TON of stuff... it was all set outside. When they got here Thomas said "What are they doing?!" I said "Oh, they're just taking our stuff" Poor lil Thomas started certifiably freaking out "NO NO NO! They can't take my sippy! Please no take my toys!!!" Poor kid, mommy shoulda worded that better, huh?"


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> My poor grandson! He will be 3 next month. They are just finishing the process of moving next door to my dad's house (he left the house to my daughter in his will) and have a lot of stuff to get rid of. She posted the following on Facebook this morning:
> 
> "Oops... Salvation Army came to pick up a TON of stuff... it was all set outside. When they got here Thomas said "What are they doing?!" I said "Oh, they're just taking our stuff" Poor lil Thomas started certifiably freaking out "NO NO NO! They can't take my sippy! Please no take my toys!!!" Poor kid, mommy shoulda worded that better, huh?"


 
Poor baby. Mommy's bad!


----------



## LPBeier

Barbara L said:
			
		

> My poor grandson! He will be 3 next month. They are just finishing the process of moving next door to my dad's house (he left the house to my daughter in his will) and have a lot of stuff to get rid of.  She posted the following on Facebook this morning:
> 
> "Oops... Salvation Army came to pick up a TON of stuff... it was all set outside. When they got here Thomas said "What are they doing?!" I said "Oh, they're just taking our stuff" Poor lil Thomas started certifiably freaking out "NO NO NO! They can't take my sippy! Please no take my toys!!!" Poor kid, mommy shoulda worded that better, huh?"



lol Barbara! It's funny but also heartbreaking.  Violet (our dog), was traumatized by our move and then 6 months later dh and I packing togo to work on Vancouver Island at a camp for four months. We could not take the dogs with us but took a good chunk of our belongings. She had someone stay with her but was moping the whole time.  Now we can't pull out a suitcase or even move a piece of furniture with out her shaking in terror. I have been slowly moving things around in Dad's room. I would like to get it done as there are too many reminders but don't want to upset the dog!


----------



## Barbara L

Addie said:


> Poor baby. Mommy's bad!


 At least she wasn't really getting rid of his stuff!  He just thought she was.

Grandma is bad too!  Of course, I was just joking when I offered this "practical joke" and I know Nancy wouldn't do it.  As I mentioned, they are moving just next door. Thomas insisted that it wasn't their house, but that it was "Aunt Diana's house" (she lived at my dad's house the last year of his life, and he was in a health facility the last several months). Finally one day he said, "This is our house! This isn't Aunt Diana's house."  Here is where the practical joke comes in. I told Nancy that after they get settled in, she could one day say, "Okay, well it's time to move into Craig's house!" (on the other side of my dad's house.).  Poor Thomas would need therapy if she did that!


----------



## LPBeier

Bad Gramma!!! lol


----------



## Addie

I too am guilty of traumatizing my child. When Son #1 was small, it was so hot out. He was whiny so I sent him on an errand with ten cents in his hand. I told him to go to the store and get me ten cents worth of elbow grease. Don't come back without it. Have any of you seen that commercial for Home Depot for "Ask This Old House" where the men are trying to move a rock and mention needing some elbow grease? Then a panel truck pulls up filled with barrels of elbow grease. Well, every time it comes on, Son #1 does not let me forget it. 

Not only didn't none of the stores let him know it was a joke, but they sent him on to the next store. I did let him keep the dime. Enough to get a big ice cold slush.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:
			
		

> I too am guilty of traumatizing my child. When Son #1 was small, it was so hot out. He was whiny so I sent him on an errand with ten cents in his hand. I told him to go to the store and get me ten cents worth of elbow grease. Don't come back without it. Have any of you seen that commercial for Home Depot for "Ask This Old House" where the men are trying to move a rock and mention needing some elbow grease? Then a panel truck pulls up filled with barrels of elbow grease. Well, every time it comes on, Son #1 does not let me forget it.
> 
> Not only didn't none of the stores let him know it was a joke, but they sent him on to the next store. I did let him keep the dime. Enough to get a big ice cold slush.



Omg that is hilarious. I work in a tourist area with tons of restaurants close together, and they have a running practical joke that they play on new people. They tell the new person that the bar is out of (can't remember name of made up liquor), and to go ask the bar at the green mill if we can borrow some. Green mill sends them to little Angie's, little angie's sends them to grandma's, to old Chicago, to timberlodge, and so on, until new person either gives up, figures it out, or doesn't know the running joke and tells the person that there is no such thing as (can't remember name of made up liquor).  The manager at red lobster also gives new hosts a squirt bottle of water, tells them it's lobster food, and has them pick up the lobsters and try to squirt it in their mouths if they happen to ask if we feed the lobsters. It's hilarious.


----------



## Addie

We must as PF is she has had to use a neck tourniquet on any patient lately. I sure there have been times when she wishes she could.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> We must as PF is she has had to use a neck tourniquet on any patient lately. I sure there have been times when she wishes she could.



I always ask what alternate sites blood pressure can be checked.  Wrists, thigh, ankle and I toss in neck...big thumping arteries there to listen to.  Luckily, no one has taken that seriously for more than half a minute.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13809

Air flossing.

This just made me laugh!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 13809
> 
> Air flossing.
> 
> This just made me laugh!



ROFL!  Can you imagine the flappage of a basset doing the same thing?


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> ROFL!  Can you imagine the flappage of a basset doing the same thing?



Or being in the car behind said basset?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> .



  There ya go!  Big ears will make that sound!


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 13811


----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!


----------



## Barbara L

I think my favorite of all those is "No sir, it's the same dog."


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I think my favorite of all those is "No sir, it's the same dog."


Me too.


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> I think my favorite of all those is "No sir, it's the same dog."



My favorite is "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet" lol


----------



## taxlady

David Attenborough narrates the shoe-mounting tortoise video - The Graham Norton Show - BBC One - YouTube

I can't figure out how to embed this. I've done it before.


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> David Attenborough narrates the shoe-mounting tortoise video - The Graham Norton Show - BBC One - YouTube
> 
> I can't figure out how to embed this. I've done it before.


That was so funny!


----------



## Barbara L

It is that hot here!


----------



## Barbara L

Angry Birds!


----------



## taxlady

Thought bubble over the cat who is watching the human clean the cat box, "I wonder what she wants them for."


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 13818


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 13818


Someone noticed and made that mirror image of the Nazi Swastika.


----------



## MrsLMB

Too Cute !!!

Adorable Hamster gets Shot and pretends to be dead. [Original] - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Thought bubble over the cat who is watching the human clean the cat box, "I wonder what she wants them for."



ROFL!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Too Cute !!!
> 
> Adorable Hamster gets Shot and pretends to be dead. [Original] - YouTube




That's wonderful. That hamster is a little ham.


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Too Cute !!!
> 
> Adorable Hamster gets Shot and pretends to be dead. [Original] - YouTube



Way too cute!


----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Too Cute !!!
> 
> Adorable Hamster gets Shot and pretends to be dead. [Original] - YouTube



Wow. That is amazing! Lol!


----------



## Barbara L

Confession time. Whenever I see a thread with a title like, "Can I..." (eg. "Can I use walnuts instead of peanuts," "Can I fry this instead of baking it," "Can I leave out the milk?") I get this strange urge to respond with, "It's ok with me. Go right ahead."


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> Confession time. Whenever I see a thread with a title like, "Can I..." (eg. "Can I use walnuts instead of peanuts," "Can I fry this instead of baking it," "Can I leave out the milk?") I get this strange urge to respond with, "It's ok with me. Go right ahead."


 
I understand. Your evil twin wants to come out.


----------



## Barbara L

Addie said:


> I understand. Your evil twin wants to come out.


Yep!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Barbara L said:


> Yep!



My evil twin gets to come out and play, in my novels.

Muhuahahahaha!

But that's the only place he ever gets to play in.  I never play any practical jokes, engage in sarcasm, and am a perfect gentleman to everyone I meet.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> Yep!


 
My evil twin's name is Evilynne.  Does your have a name?


----------



## Barbara L

Addie said:


> My evil twin's name is Evilynne.  Does your have a name?


Yes, her name is Addie.    Just kidding of course! No, I will have to ask her the next time I sense her presence!


----------



## Barbara L

Gotta love those rescue dogs!


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Gotta love those rescue dogs!



LOL!

Another rescue dog:



View attachment 13821


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> Gotta love those rescue dogs!



ROFL!!!!!


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> Yes, her name is Addie.  Just kidding of course! No, I will have to ask her the next time I sense her presence!


 
Has there ever been a time when you wanted to say something nasty to a  person and didn't have the nerve? Ask me to do it. I will do it with  pleasure. I will gladly be your evil twin sister. 

I used to call my second husband Charlie Brown. It never dawned on him that Charlie was always a loser. He just thought it was cute and told everyone that it was my pet name for him. But I always said it with a smile. I didn't want him to think I was being rude.


----------



## Barbara L

Addie said:


> Has there ever been a time when you wanted to say something nasty to a  person and didn't have the nerve? Ask me to do it. I will do it with  pleasure. I will gladly be your evil twin sister.
> 
> I used to call my second husband Charlie Brown. It never dawned on him that Charlie was always a loser. He just thought it was cute and told everyone that it was my pet name for him. But I always said it with a smile. I didn't want him to think I was being rude.


I had a little chat with her and I found out that her name indeed is Addie McBaddie!


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> I had a little chat with her and I found out that her name indeed is Addie McBaddie!


 
 I like the name. Suits me to a T. I am a smoker. My next door neighbor is going crazy. I am supposed to be on oxygen. So the man came and even before he knocked on my door to deliver the oxygen stuff, he stuck a sign on my door about there being oxygen in my apartment. No smoking, no open flame, etc. I didn't even let him bring the equipment into my apartment. but I told him to leave the sign there. So he left with the equipment. Now the old biddie next door thinks I am now smoking with oxygen in my apartment. Every day she goes down to the office to complain. Since it is a medical problem, the manager can't say much without violating my medical confidentiality. She just tells her she has made a note of it and will take care of it. That is all she is allowed to say in this State. She is afraid to confront me. I already had a big blowup with her last year and she thought for sure I was going to hit her. She complains to anyone who will listen to her. Now she has the whole building thinking that I am smoking with oxygen in my apartment and I will have a fire some day. I just want you to know I am enjoying every minute of this affair. I walk around with a smile on my face. There are a couple of folks who know the truth, but they won't tell her. They just say it is a medical thing and they shouldn't be talking about my medical ailments. It is private information. 

I think of the sign as a decoration. She has a cross on her door with a wreath. I have a scary sign. To each his own.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:
			
		

> I like the name. Suits me to a T. I am a smoker. My next door neighbor is going crazy. I am supposed to be on oxygen. So the man came and even before he knocked on my door to deliver the oxygen stuff, he stuck a sign on my door about there being oxygen in my apartment. No smoking, no open flame, etc. I didn't even let him bring the equipment into my apartment. but I told him to leave the sign there. So he left with the equipment. Now the old biddie next door thinks I am now smoking with oxygen in my apartment. Every day she goes down to the office to complain. Since it is a medical problem, the manager can't say much without violating my medical confidentiality. She just tells her she has made a note of it and will take care of it. That is all she is allowed to say in this State. She is afraid to confront me. I already had a big blowup with her last year and she thought for sure I was going to hit her. She complains to anyone who will listen to her. Now she has the whole building thinking that I am smoking with oxygen in my apartment and I will have a fire some day. I just want you to know I am enjoying every minute of this affair. I walk around with a smile on my face. There are a couple of folks who know the truth, but they won't tell her. They just say it is a medical thing and they shouldn't be talking about my medical ailments. It is private information.
> 
> I think of the sign as a decoration. She has a cross on her door with a wreath. I have a scary sign. To each his own.



You have a very interesting sense of humor lol.


----------



## Aunt Bea

Addie said:


> Has there ever been a time when you wanted to say something nasty to a  person and didn't have the nerve? Ask me to do it. I will do it with  pleasure. I will gladly be your evil twin sister.
> 
> I used to call my second husband Charlie Brown. It never dawned on him that Charlie was always a loser. He just thought it was cute and told everyone that it was my pet name for him. But I always said it with a smile. I didn't want him to think I was being rude.



Addie your post made me think of this quote from Teddy Roosevelt's daughter. 


 [FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]   If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.  ~Alice Roosevelt Longworth

[/FONT]


----------



## Addie

Aunt Bea said:


> Addie your post made me think of this quote from Teddy Roosevelt's daughter.
> 
> 
> [FONT=georgia, bookman old style, palatino linotype, book antiqua, palatino, trebuchet ms, helvetica, garamond, sans-serif, arial, verdana, avante garde, century gothic, comic sans ms, times, times new roman, serif]If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me. ~Alice Roosevelt Longworth[/FONT]


 
Good one. I like that. I know a couple of women in this building it fits to a T.


----------



## Katie H

Addie said:


> But I always said it with a smile. I didn't want him to think I was being rude.



Here in the South, we say "Bless your heart."  It achieves the same end.

Whenever someone is being a jerk, someone in the crowd will almost always say, "Well, bless your heart."

All I can do is giggle because I know what's behind the remark.


----------



## Aunt Bea

Katie H said:


> Here in the South, we say "Bless your heart."  It achieves the same end.
> 
> Whenever someone is being a jerk, someone in the crowd will almost always say, "Well, bless your heart."
> 
> All I can do is giggle because I know what's behind the remark.



At our house my Mother or my Grandmother would always smile and say " Oh she means well."  That phrase has become a joke in our family!


----------



## Barbara L

Katie H said:


> Here in the South, we say "Bless your heart."  It achieves the same end.
> 
> Whenever someone is being a jerk, someone in the crowd will almost always say, "Well, bless your heart."
> 
> All I can do is giggle because I know what's behind the remark.


I think it was Jeff Foxworthy (but don't quote me on that, LOL) who said that in the south you can say anything you want to anyone as long as you end it with "Bless your/his/her heart!"  "Is this your new baby Mrs. Smith? Oh, he looks just like a shriveled up little monkey, bless his little heart!"


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I think it was Jeff Foxworthy (but don't quote me on that, LOL) who said that in the south you can say anything you want to anyone as long as you end it with "Bless your/his/her heart!"  "Is this your new baby Mrs. Smith? Oh, he looks just like a shriveled up little monkey, bless his little heart!"


 
Babies can look like shrivelled up little monkeys. I finally found out what to say when the proud parent shows you a picture of a butt ugly baby: "precious".


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Babies can look like shrivelled up little monkeys. I finally found out what to say when the proud parent shows you a picture of a butt ugly baby: "precious".



You don't tell a mother the baby looks like E.T....


----------



## Merlot

taxlady said:


> Babies can look like shrivelled up little monkeys. I finally found out what to say when the proud parent shows you a picture of a butt ugly baby: "precious".


 

ha!  are we talking LOTR precious


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> ha!  are we talking LOTR precious



Don't look at the baby and say, "gollum."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I don't know why my sister has no sense of humor when it comes to her kids...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Don't look at the baby and say, "gollum."



  I can see sitting in the mall or park, pointing and commenting, "Gollum.".  "The Precious.".   :rolf:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Enough making fun of ugly babies...for now.  We have bigger things to deal with...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

umm...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Enough making fun of ugly babies...for now.  We have bigger things to deal with...



Love this!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> umm...



Awww, Sweetness!


----------



## Barbara L

Poor pug! He's about to be turned into pug-etti!  I love the alpaca one!

Ever wonder where pandas really come from?


----------



## tinlizzie

Barbara L said:


> Poor pug! He's about to be turned into pug-etti! I love the alpaca one!
> 
> Ever wonder where pandas really come from?


 
You hit that one out of the park!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13835

Gaah!  ESPRESSO!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 13835
> 
> Gaah!  ESPRESSO!



ROFL!!!!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

well can you?


----------



## Dawgluver

Gotta love the Mutts!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13837

Taco Tuesday!


----------



## Barbara L

I love them all! I had to steal the taco one for Facebook!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Wow!!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Wow!!



ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Wow!!


Ooh, shiny.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## MrsLMB

TATTRAT said:


>


 

ROFL 

I've known a few of those "elegant" talkers.


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 13842


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## tinlizzie

It's no wonder this is the first thread I visit in the morning.


----------



## Andy M.

Saw this on another site.

My Blackberry Is Not Working


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> Saw this on another site.
> 
> My Blackberry Is Not Working


 
That is hilarious. Thanks.


----------



## Barbara L

I checked the mail today. Mostly junk, and the electric bill. I opened the electric bill and almost died of shock! Until, that is, I realized that what I thought was a 5 was a dollar sign! $28.31 (We had paid a little ahead last time, which had further added to my shock!).


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I checked the mail today. Mostly junk, and the electric bill. I opened the electric bill and almost died of shock! Until, that is, I realized that what I thought was a 5 was a dollar sign! $28.31 (We had paid a little ahead last time, which had further added to my shock!).


Phew!


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> Phew!


That's what I said!


----------



## Dawgluver

In light of the rabbit thread:

Bad Rabbit!



View attachment 13856


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!


 
+1 Good one.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Barbara L

I want to do #9!!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Merlot

Lol!


----------



## Zhizara

I love #1.  Thanks for the belly laugh!


----------



## TATTRAT

Barbara L said:


> I want to do #9!!!!!!!!!!



#1 is a classic. 

Mayo/Pudding Switch - April Fools 2011 - YouTube


----------



## Skittle68

Omg #1 and #10. Ha ha ha ha!!!


----------



## taxlady

I think #6 is my favourite, "6. Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answeres, yell 'It worked!' and run out cheering." That could leave some folks scratching their heads.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I think #6 is my favourite, "6. Run into a store, ask what year it is. When someone answeres, yell 'It worked!' and run out cheering." That could leave some folks scratching their heads.



Sounds like something I would do...


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Barbara L

I have to send that to my OCD friend!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

I love it!!!


----------



## Barbara L

Bowl of Cat


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> Bowl of Cat


I always liked those kind of bowls. Now I know why I need one.

BTW, is that the same cat as in you avatar Barbara?


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> I always liked those kind of bowls. Now I know why I need one.
> 
> BTW, is that the same cat as in you avatar Barbara?


I said the same thing to my husband, that it looks like the same cat. It could be, but chances are it is not, as I grabbed them both off of Facebook months apart.

I love the picture!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Barbara L said:


> Bowl of Cat




Reminds me of some of the hats at the Queens Jubilee or the Kentucky Derby!


----------



## Dawgluver

Aunt Bea said:
			
		

> Reminds me of some of the hats at the Queens Jubilee or the Kentucky Derby!



  True, dat!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


 Good plan.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB

Proof that there really is a pot at the end of the rainbow !!!!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Proof that there really is a pot at the end of the rainbow !!!!


Mwahaha


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I saw a truck with a portapotty on a trailer behind it this morning and my first thought was, "I bet he _never_ has to find a public restroom."


----------



## Barbara L

Even if the "phone" is a hairbrush or spatula!


----------



## MrsLMB

Barbara L said:


> Even if the "phone" is a hairbrush or spatula!


 
LOL   that is soooo true !!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I saw a truck with a portapotty on a trailer behind it this morning and my first thought was, "I bet he _never_ has to find a public restroom."


 
My first thought would have been, "Have potty, will travel."


----------



## MrsLMB

Addie said:


> My first thought would have been, "Have potty, will travel."


 
Like this one?????


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Like this one?????



ROFL!!!


----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


> Like this one?????


Love it!


----------



## Barbara L

A little background information for those who don't use Facebook -- Facebook has a "poke" feature. It is very silly and simple, but sometimes fun. Anyway, you just click "poke" and it lets the intended recipient know "Barbara poked you." All that for this little picture!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


>



I love it!


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


>


Classic!


----------



## Addie

I love it!


----------



## Merlot

taxlady said:


>


 
How funny!  I may have to steal it for my FB!


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


> How funny!  I may have to steal it for my FB!




I stole it from someones Facebook page.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 13889

Now, finally, True Dat!


----------



## Barbara L

My friend just posted this on Facebook.


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> My friend just posted this on Facebook.




"No Weirdos."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> My friend just posted this on Facebook.



My interview is Wednesday!!!


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My interview is Wednesday!!!




The already called me for a reference.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My interview is Wednesday!!!


I guess a house does have to fall on some people. Tax Lady even pointed out the obvious -- "No weirdos!"


----------



## Dawgluver

Will ask for her recipes.

View attachment 13895


----------



## Barbara L

Dawgluver said:


> Will ask for her recipes.
> 
> View attachment 13895


Yikes!


----------



## Barbara L

I just saw this article on Facebook, and it reminded me of a class I taught. One summer when I was teaching summer school, I discovered that the 4th grade students I was teaching did not know that meat came from animals. We had to do a project, so for our project they made mobiles. They put a picture of an animal at the top, then they found pictures in magazines of foods made from their particular animal. I'll never forget when one of them asked me, "What animal do potatoes come from?"


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> I just saw this article on Facebook, and it reminded me of a class I taught. One summer when I was teaching summer school, I discovered that the 4th grade students I was teaching did not know that meat came from animals. We had to do a project, so for our project they made mobiles. They put a picture of an animal at the top, then they found pictures in magazines of foods made from their particular animal. I'll never forget when one of them asked me, "What animal do potatoes come from?"



  Apparently someone else would benefit from your class!


----------



## Barbara L

Dawgluver said:


> Apparently someone else would benefit from your class!


Yep!

For some reason this all reminded me of a thing I heard several years ago (I think on Jay Leno's "Headlines"). A woman wrote a letter to the editor of her local newspaper requesting that the city remove the Deer Crossing sign near her house because there were too many deer crossing there already!


----------



## Andy M.

A friend of mine told me a story from her college days in Vermont.  

She and a car full of other girls were driving the mountainous roads in their area and they came across a sign stating, "Beware of Falling Rocks".  One of the other girls turned to my friend and asked, "How do they get the signs up fast enough?".


----------



## Cindercat

One summer Dad decided to make homemade ice cream. Our 17 year old neighbor had never seen it made. She came over to watch. She saw the mixture in the canister, the canister put in the bucket, ice & salt added and the crank turned.  She watched & waited. Later when Dad added more ice & salt, she asked "When is the ice going to turn into ice cream?"


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> One summer Dad decided to make homemade ice cream. Our 17 year old neighbor had never seen it made. She came over to watch. She saw the mixture in the canister, the canister put in the bucket, ice & salt added and the crank turned.  She watched & waited. Later when Dad added more ice & salt, she asked "When is the ice going to turn into ice cream?"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> The already called me for a reference.



And you said?



Barbara L said:


> I guess a house does have to fall on some people. Tax Lady even pointed out the obvious -- "No weirdos!"



That was my sister...

The one the house fell on...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> And you said?
> 
> That was my sister...
> 
> The one the house fell on...



Can I borrow the house, please?  I have a sister....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Can I borrow the house, please?  I have a sister....



LOL!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Can I borrow the house, please? I have a sister....


 
I would suggest a nice two seater brick outhouse. It has a stronger message.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

Who the heck is Kristen Stewart?


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Who the heck is Kristen Stewart?



I'm ashamed to say, I don't know either.  Tat, is it someone you went to school with?


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


> Who the heck is Kristen Stewart?





Dawgluver said:


> I'm ashamed to say, I don't know either.  Tat, is it someone you went to school with?



It is some "Actress" that was in those Twilight films, and is now in the new flick, Snow White & The Huntsman.

I have never seen the Twilight series, but have seen her on Letterman, Graham Norton, and I think Conan. . .she had the personality of a stump, and from all the clips they showed, she looks like she can't act her way out of a wet paper bag. Just a no talen girl, who is now famous for lord knows what, making money hand over fist, for having the same acting prowess as a plastic bag, blowing in the wind.

I actually wanted to see the Snow White & The huntsman, but will NOT waste money in the theaters for it.

LOL @ Dawgluver, She was 3 when I graduated high School.


----------



## taxlady

I just Wiki'ed her. I could be her grandmother.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> I just Wiki'ed her. I could be her grandmother.



I guess I could be too!

I have heard good things about "Snow White and the Huntsman".


----------



## TATTRAT

Dawgluver said:


> I have heard good things about "Snow White and the Huntsman".



me too, and that is what frustrates me. . .I can't believe that put Theron second billed to Stewart. I will still see it, but will wait for netflix, or smarthub.


----------



## MrsLMB

So can you tell who is in charge here


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> So can you tell who is in charge here



Made me laugh!


----------



## CWS4322

This made me think of my mom...and laugh! (And think of PF--for the purple and the age group!)


----------



## Barbara L

Both are hilarious!


----------



## Skittle68

This is a long one, unknown origins, supposedly true story. Even if it's not true, something like this could easily happen, because the actions described are consistent with how deer are known to act when they are cornered. Heard this story many years ago and just recently came across it again. Definitely worth the read IMO 


Roping the Deer

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home. 

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education. 

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED. 

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer— no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. 

At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slowly and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set beforehand ... kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back. 

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head — almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. 

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. 

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. 

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are lying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away. 

Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was theCo-Op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling, "What happened?"

I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear... not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something. 

EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the Co-Op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider — a "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering, "There is the dumbass that tried to rope the deer!"


----------



## Barbara L

That is one of the funniest deer stories I have ever heard!


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> That is one of the funniest deer stories I have ever heard!



It really is just very well written to get the most humor out of the story. I was sitting at the computer cracking up the first time I read it. My parents probably thought I was losing it (I was probably about 16 the first time I came across it)


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

I knew a guy who jumped from the branches of a tree down on top of a full grown buck, with antlers, thinking he would kill it with a knife.  Needless to say, the deer escaped.  It was probably pure luck that my freind's older brother is still alive today.

Deer are not animals to fool with.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## tinlizzie

Browsing the local Craigslist the other day, I ran across these offerings:

A guy had "wood widdling tools" for sale.
A woman makes wall hangings out of "palm frowns."
There's a "big mirrow" for sale.


----------



## MrsLMB

OMG  that is the funniest story !  My cheeks hurt from laughing so hard.

Thanks for sharing this one .. it's hilarious !!



Skittle68 said:


> This is a long one, unknown origins, supposedly true story. Even if it's not true, something like this could easily happen, because the actions described are consistent with how deer are known to act when they are cornered. Heard this story many years ago and just recently came across it again. Definitely worth the read IMO
> 
> 
> Roping the Deer
> 
> I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.
> 
> I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it...it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.
> 
> The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.
> 
> The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer— no chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.
> 
> At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slowly and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn't want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set beforehand ... kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.
> 
> Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head — almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.
> 
> The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective. It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.
> 
> That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day. Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape. This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.
> 
> The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down. Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are lying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.
> 
> Now for the local legend. I was pretty beat up. My scalp was split open, I had several large goose eggs, my wrist was bleeding pretty good and felt broken (it turned out to be just badly bruised) and my back was bleeding in a few places, though my insulated canvas jacket had protected me from most of the worst of it. I drove to the nearest place, which was theCo-Op. I got out of the truck, covered in blood and dust and looking like hell. The guy who ran the place saw me through the window and came running out yelling, "What happened?"
> 
> I have never seen any law in the state of Kansas that would prohibit an individual from roping a deer. I suspect that this is an area that they have overlooked entirely. Knowing, as I do, the lengths to which law enforcement personnel will go to exercise their power, I was concerned that they may find a way to twist the existing laws to paint my actions as criminal. I swear... not wanting to admit that I had done something monumentally stupid played no part in my response. I told him "I was attacked by a deer". I did not mention that at the time I had a rope on it. The evidence was all over my body. Deer prints on the back of my jacket where it had stomped all over me and a large deer print on my face where it had struck me there. I asked him to call somebody to come get me. I didn't think I could make it home on my own. He did. Later that afternoon, a game warden showed up at my house and wanted to know about the deer attack. Surprisingly, deer attacks are a rare thing and wildlife and parks was interested in the event. I tried to describe the attack as completely and accurately as I could. I was filling the grain hopper and this deer came out of nowhere and just started kicking the hell out of me and BIT me. It was obviously rabid or insane or something.
> 
> EVERYBODY for miles around knows about the deer attack (the guy at the Co-Op has a big mouth). For several weeks people dragged their kids in the house when they saw deer around and the local ranchers carried rifles when they filled their feeders. I have told several people the story, but NEVER anybody around here. I have to see these people every day and as an outsider — a "city folk". I have enough trouble fitting in without them snickering behind my back and whispering, "There is the dumbass that tried to rope the deer!"


----------



## Merlot

Skittle68 said:


> This is a long one, unknown origins, supposedly true story. Even if it's not true, something like this could easily happen, because the actions described are consistent with how deer are known to act when they are cornered. Heard this story many years ago and just recently came across it again. Definitely worth the read IMO
> 
> 
> Roping the Deer ...


 
That was so funny!  My cousins and I like to laugh at my brother when we are all together.  He went down close to a deer at the park when we were younger and got kicked.  reading that story.. should be happy he is alive!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> This made me think of my mom...and laugh! (And think of PF--for the purple and the age group!)




I'm not quite that old...I don't think anyway.


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm not quite that old...I don't think anyway.


Thought of the folks at the home...they'd do something like that!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> This is a long one, unknown origins, supposedly true story. Even if it's not true, something like this could easily happen, because the actions described are consistent with how deer are known to act when they are cornered. Heard this story many years ago and just recently came across it again. Definitely worth the read IMO
> 
> 
> Roping the Deer




You owe me a cup of coffee and a new monitor.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Thought of the folks at the home...they'd do something like that!



I told it to Shrek...he thought it was hysterical...


----------



## Addie

At least once a year during rutting season, we have one news story about a deer going through a window or open door and then going beserk because it feels trapped.


----------



## Addie

Quick question. What does &mdash mean? Maybe I am just slow or tired considering it is 2:50 a.m.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> Quick question. What does &mdash mean? Maybe I am just slow or tired considering it is 2:50 a.m.


It's just a long dash in HTML. It shouldn't really have showed in the post. Sometimes it happens when someone copies & pastes from a website.


----------



## CWS4322

And that's when I lawyered up...


----------



## Skittle68

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> And that's when I lawyered up...



Lol! The dwarf had it coming. Who is happy about being rear ended??


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> This is a long one, unknown origins, supposedly true story. Even if it's not true, something like this could easily happen, because the actions described are consistent with how deer are known to act when they are cornered. Heard this story many years ago and just recently came across it again. Definitely worth the read IMO



I sent this story on to Mom, she said it made her pee her pants!  I owe her a chair cushion.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I sent this story on to Mom, she said it made her pee her pants!  I owe her a chair cushion.


That's why I got leather upholstery in my car.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Where'd you get the pic of Shrek trying to eat?

Poor little guy, didn't want to hurt his friend.


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 13922


----------



## PrincessFiona60

There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."                                                                  

 Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.

 When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.

 I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.

 They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 13922



I love it.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."
> 
> Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.
> 
> When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.
> 
> I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
> 
> They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!


You can dress her up, but you can't take her any where.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."
> 
> Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.
> 
> When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.
> 
> I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
> 
> They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!


Oh my gosh! I have to steal this! So funny!


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."
> 
> Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.
> 
> When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.
> 
> I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
> 
> They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!


I'm stealing this!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## CWS4322

TATTRAT said:


> The story of my life--open the door...close the door...open the door...close the door...I'm well trained.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."
> 
> Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.
> 
> When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.
> 
> I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
> 
> They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!



ROFL!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I had Shrek going with this one.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

lol


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> lol


ROTFLMAO!


----------



## CWS4322

My cousin posted this on FB after I posted the "birth announcement" for the chicks:


----------



## Hypnosis Changes Lives

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> My cousin posted this on FB after I posted the "birth announcement" for the chicks:



Bahahaha


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Animal Videos: Tub Tail Chase - Lolcats - Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Animal Videos: Tub Tail Chase - Lolcats - Funny Pictures of Cats - I Can Has Cheezburger?


Love it.

I also love the reaction when a kitty catches its tail and bites down hard.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

Love the car ride! 
*******

I know some men like this:


----------



## taxlady

Good one Barbara.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Love the car ride!
> *******
> 
> I know some men like this:



Lol maybe she accidentally wrote in to a car talk advice column?


----------



## CWS4322

Barbara L said:


> Love the car ride!
> *******
> 
> I know some men like this:


I sent a copy to the DH:

"Reminds me of some of our conversations."

To which he replied this morning:

"I don't think it should. I think his advice was far too specific and he  leaped to conclusions in the absence of data. He should first have  determined what type of car was involved - gas or diesel engine would be  a fundamental difference and they have quite different faults. As he  said at the outset, many different problems could cause the stalling  behaviour. He had no basis to jump to the conclusion that it was vacuum  or fuel line related. It could just as easily have been an ignition  related fault."

And yeah, he's got all those initials after his name and is probably the smartest person I've ever met, practical and theoretical. He got all brains, passed on height.


----------



## Addie

CWS, I know you love DH very deeply and without hesitation. But I think you are better off with the hens and chicks. They don't think like a man.

My BIL would have said, "What is she complaining about? At least he is staying at home and not out in some barroom getting drunk." When it comes to common sense, women have it all.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> I sent a copy to the DH:
> 
> "Reminds me of some of our conversations."
> 
> To which he replied this morning:
> 
> "I don't think it should. I think his advice was far too specific and he  leaped to conclusions in the absence of data. He should first have  determined what type of car was involved - gas or diesel engine would be  a fundamental difference and they have quite different faults. As he  said at the outset, many different problems could cause the stalling  behaviour. He had no basis to jump to the conclusion that it was vacuum  or fuel line related. It could just as easily have been an ignition  related fault."
> 
> And yeah, he's got all those initials after his name and is probably the smartest person I've ever met, practical and theoretical. He got all brains, passed on height.




 Now that is funny!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Addie said:


> CWS, I know you love DH very deeply and without hesitation. But I think you are better off with the hens and chicks. They don't think like a man.
> 
> My BIL would have said, "What is she complaining about? At least he is staying at home and not out in some barroom getting drunk." When it comes to common sense, women have it all.



Excuuuuuse me.  I have lot's of common sense, such as, your worst day fishing is more enjoyable than your best day at work.  Then there's all those things that seem to elude my wife, like being able to repair almost anything, where all it takes is a simple look at the problem to recognize the fix.  And it's obvious to all (or at least the great majority of us) that just because it's on sale, doesn't mean we need to buy it, you know, like Lucille ball buying horse feed at the blue light special, when she doesn't even own a horse, or a lady I know who purchased 3 wedding dresses, because her 2 daughters might get married some day.

I could go on.  It's not that ladies have no common sense, just not usually when it comes to things like the proper not to secure the canoe to the car top, or anything to do with shopping.  In situations such as that, men rule, women drool. (Duck and Run)

Now before anyone gets there feelings rustled here, I am merely poking fun.  Nothing stated above is to be taken seriously.  I believe we men received a little ribbing, and I'm simply returning in kind.  

We as men, (at least I by my DW) are often accused of having no common sense.  It drives me nuts sometimes, as things that are obvious, and common sense to me elude her completely.  Some of the things she believes are common sensicle, elude me.  Neither is better, or smarter, just work with different knowledge bases to form our ideas, problems, and solutions.  And that's what I truly think.  (and yes, men have a better knowledge base to work from.  Duck and run faster)  Ain't I a stinker?

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## PrincessFiona60

.


----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


Interesting. I am over 50 and I saw it as both John Denver (not John Lennon) and Harry Potter.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> .



I LOVE it!


----------



## Merlot

MrsLMB said:


>


 

I am 39, will be 40 in October.  I see them both!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

MrsLMB said:


>



this is why I write, make fishing flies, and cook.  No visualization skills.  I see a kitty with Granny glasses.

On the plus side, I'm having pulled pork tonight.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Addie

PF, any word of when Shrek will be coming home? 

I was on a  vascular pump for more than two months at home for the wound on my leg. I always thought Medicare was all about keeping the patient in the home as much as possible because it was less expensive. And the patient heals faster when in familiar surroundings. I thought the Happy Face would get him home faster. Give him my love and a hug.


----------



## Merlot

Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> _just because it's on sale, doesn't mean we need to buy it, you know, like Lucille ball buying horse feed at the blue light special, when she doesn't even own a horse, or a lady I know who purchased 3 wedding dresses, because her 2 daughters might get married some day._
> 
> 
> *Ain't I a stinker*?
> 
> Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


 
I don't do that myself but I know plenty of people who do.  Like my mom.. and my MIL....   Kind of comes in handy sometimes!  hey (insert mom/ MIL) do you have a (insert object that they shouldn't have but do) Thanks!  

and yes to the 2nd part of your statement but we already knew that!


----------



## Barbara L

LOL!


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> LOL!



  DH and I are on the far left.

Heh, they're on tour again!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> PF, any word of when Shrek will be coming home?
> 
> I was on a  vascular pump for more than two months at home for the wound on my leg. I always thought Medicare was all about keeping the patient in the home as much as possible because it was less expensive. And the patient heals faster when in familiar surroundings. I thought the Happy Face would get him home faster. Give him my love and a hug.



Hopefully tomorrow.

While medicare will pay for at home care, they won't pay for it unless a HOME Health Agency is involved.  It does not matter that I am able to do the care myself and can take the time off for it.  Shrek prefers that no nurses are traipsing in and out at whatever hours they want.


----------



## Merlot

Gee, I just couldn't decide where to post this.. it is helpful hints after all....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Merlot said:
			
		

> Gee, I just couldn't decide where to post this.. it is helpful hints after all....



I like number 5.


----------



## Zhizara

That's hilarious, Merlot!  Thanks!


----------



## CWS4322

I like #7.


----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Maidrite

*Bear in the woods *

Ok just me jumping in


----------



## Barbara L

That must be where the term "dumb bunny" comes from.


----------



## chopper

Maidrite said:
			
		

> Ok just me jumping in



Too funny. Sending on to my son!


----------



## Dawgluver

Maidrite said:
			
		

> Ok just me jumping in



ROFL!!!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Got to your office and think of the biggest bully in the place.  Now think of his or her favorite target.  Print the bear/rabbit picture, with the caption.  Created bubbles with arrows, filled with the appropriate names and attach to the picture.

On second thought, personalities are usually such that this could get you in trouble.  But it might work as an inside joke with a friend who shares the same ideas as you, and can be trusted to remain discrete.  This allows the joke to take on a more personal, or secondary meaning.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

.


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Merlot

Hope this isn't a repeat, I'm tired


----------



## Dawgluver

For those of us who remember:



View attachment 14001


----------



## Cerise

Dawgluver said:


> For those of us who remember:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 14001


 
"To the moon, Alice." LOL


----------



## Cerise




----------



## Cerise

As seen on ebay


----------



## Dawgluver

I love this thread!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I created this LOL my page as I can haz...PrincessFiona60's Profile - Lolz - Cheezburger.com


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I created this LOL my page as I can haz...PrincessFiona60's Profile - Lolz - Cheezburger.com



Love it, love it, love it!!!


----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> I love this thread!!!



Meeee tooooooo!!!!

Lol!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Dawgluver said:


> For those of us who remember:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 14001



"One of these days, Alice..."

Yeh.  I remember.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I created this LOL my page as I can haz...PrincessFiona60's Profile - Lolz - Cheezburger.com



I so love this one


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## babetoo

i have to hide the large sack from charlie.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I can't leave a bag of cat food out, either.  Both cats would rather claw the bag open than eat the food in their dish.


----------



## Dawgluver

When I had cats, they were able to open the door to the food cupboard.  They also preferred the food in the bag to that in their dish.


----------



## taxlady

At one time I had three cats and a Siberian husky. One of the cats was born fat and really stupid. His name was Dumbshit. He used to get in the big bag of dog food and eat. Never caught him doing it, but I found the cat hair.


----------



## Barbara L

TATTRAT said:


>


Funny!  And a little creepy!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Barbara L said:


> Funny!  And a little creepy!



"Whoa-oh-oh, it's magic, you know, never believe it's not so."

I hated bubble-gum music, but it just sticks in your head, even after forty years!

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## PrincessFiona60

They found my picture...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> They found my picture...



And you're adorable!  

I love what you've done with your hair.  Very nice!


----------



## Kylie1969

TATTRAT said:


>



That is sooooo funny


----------



## TATTRAT

PrincessFiona60 said:


> They found my picture...



LOL, I love these!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have hundreds of them...


----------



## Somebunny

taxlady said:
			
		

> At one time I had three cats and a Siberian husky. One of the cats was born fat and really stupid. His name was Dumbshit. He used to get in the big bag of dog food and eat. Never caught him doing it, but I found the cat hair.



Lmao Taxlady!   What a name!   My cat whom we sadly just lost was named Bozo Kitty by DH 22 years ago.  I had to start calling her BK, because I couldn't face telling the Vet her real name.


----------



## Addie

Every Friday my kids brought home their Weekly Reader. On the back was always a couple of jokes. The following was one of them The most inane, stupid joke. It sent me and my sister into gales of laughter. For years anyone mention the word 'cow' and it would start all over again. It just struck us as hilarious. It goes like this:

First friend: Look at that bunch of cows.

Second friend: Nooo. A herd of cows.

First friend: Of course I have heard of cows.

Second friend: Noooo. A cow herd.

First friend: What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets from a cow. 

Has anyone been talking to the cows lately?


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Addie said:


> Every Friday my kids brought home their Weekly Reader. On the back was always a couple of jokes. The following was one of them The most inane, stupid joke. It sent me and my sister into gales of laughter. For years anyone mention the word 'cow' and it would start all over again. It just struck us as hilarious. It goes like this:
> 
> First friend: Look at that bunch of cows.
> 
> Second friend: Nooo. A herd of cows.
> 
> First friend: Of course I have heard of cows.
> 
> Second friend: Noooo. A cow herd.
> 
> First friend: What do I care what a cow heard. I have no secrets from a cow.
> 
> Has anyone been talking to the cows lately?



Who's on second?

Seeeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14021


----------



## Addie

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 14021


 
That is a good one!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 14021


----------



## PrincessFiona60

.


----------



## Barbara L

Chocolate! (Sorry for fuzzy quality on the one picture).


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh so true!  LOL!!!  Leftover chocolate!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> .



Yes indeed...


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Chocolate! (Sorry for fuzzy quality on the one picture).



Leftover chocolate?  Never heard of it.


----------



## taxlady

From _Joy of Cooking_, "CHAMPAGNE SAUCE

"Not every householder has to worry about what to do with leftover champagne, but should this appalling dilemma be yours, there is no better way than this to solve it and make a light but rich sauce for fish or chicken."


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> From Joy of Cooking, "CHAMPAGNE SAUCE
> 
> "Not every householder has to worry about what to do with leftover champagne, but should this appalling dilemma be yours, there is no better way than this to solve it and make a light but rich sauce for fish or chicken."



Something else I can't imagine, leftover champagne!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Something else I can't imagine, leftover champagne!


I don't think the authors of _Joy of Cooking_ could imagine it either.


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> Lmao Taxlady!   What a name!   My cat whom we sadly just lost was named Bozo Kitty by DH 22 years ago.  I had to start calling her BK, because I couldn't face telling the Vet her real name.




Dumbshit was born into a very stupid family. His mum was stupid; his dad was stupid; and all but one of his siblings were stupid.

His mother's name was Elizabeth (nickname: Lizzy Biz). So, my friend gave all the kittens names from the English royal family. Dumbshit was born with rolls of fat, so he was called Henry. We had a friend named Henry. We thought it would be really insulting for the cat to have the same name, so we changed it. He was the dumbest of the litter. I also got his sister, the runt of the litter. So, she didn't get a royal family name. She was so tiny she was named, "Musaraigne", French for shrew. It got changed to Musmus. She got all the brains that all the other members of that family didn't have. She got to about 5 lbs as an adult and was the most adorable shenanicat.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Leftover chocolate?  Never heard of it.



Me either


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Dumbshit was born into a very stupid family. His mum was stupid; his dad was stupid; and all but one of his siblings were stupid.
> 
> His mother's name was Elizabeth (nickname: Lizzy Biz). So, my friend gave all the kittens names from the English royal family. Dumbshit was born with rolls of fat, so he was called Henry. We had a friend named Henry. We thought it would be really insulting for the cat to have the same name, so we changed it. He was the dumbest of the litter. I also got his sister, the runt of the litter. So, she didn't get a royal family name. She was so tiny she was named, "Musaraigne", French for shrew. It got changed to Musmus. She got all the brains that all the other members of that family didn't have. She got to about 5 lbs as an adult and was the most adorable shenanicat.



ROFL!  Aww.  Poor little DS.  What was his name on his medical records?


----------



## Barbara L

A few more I just found:


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> ROFL!  Aww.  Poor little DS.  What was his name on his medical records?


I believe it was Henry.

He was a great big tomcat. He was extremely affectionate, but if you let him sit in your lap he would purr and drool. We never had him neutered, because he was an indoor cat and he never figured out to spray, even when his sister was in heat.

She got locked in a room and then taken to the vet for spaying. She wasn't pregnant. I loved that vet. This was back in the '70s. I asked how long I had to keep her from food and water and he said, "Don't bother. We'll keep her in a cage overnight and know for sure that she didn't find and food or water." I know that's fairly common practice now, but it was unheard of back then.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Mondays...


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww, that is just too cute


----------



## Merlot

Speaking of chocolate, about a month or so ago I had taken my 8 year old to get his hair cut and they had this sign up in there.  He looked a little confused and asked the girl about it.  After she explained it he said in wonderment "Oooooooh, that's what happened to my dad!"


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Mondays...


That is so funny and so sweet!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Awesome!  I want that!!!


----------



## Skittle68

Omg giant kitkat is brilliant! I would make it out of really soft chocolate between the layers of cookie so you could serve it like cake. Yummy!!!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'd like to make a Mounds bar like that...


----------



## Skittle68

taxlady said:
			
		

> I believe it was Henry.
> 
> He was a great big tomcat. He was extremely affectionate, but if you let him sit in your lap he would purr and drool. We never had him neutered, because he was an indoor cat and he never figured out to spray, even when his sister was in heat.
> 
> She got locked in a room and then taken to the vet for spaying. She wasn't pregnant. I loved that vet. This was back in the '70s. I asked how long I had to keep her from food and water and he said, "Don't bother. We'll keep her in a cage overnight and know for sure that she didn't find and food or water." I know that's fairly common practice now, but it was unheard of back then.



My parents have a female cat named Roger (the vets probably shake their head a little at that one, but I'm sure it's just mildly amusing compared to some of the names they see), and she drools when you pet her. She also kneads the floor so hard she gradually pulls herself away until you can't reach anymore, and jerks up to her feet, shakes herself off, and looks at you like, "What did you stop for??" then comes back and flops back in front of you again. She is definitely not the brightest bulb. 



View attachment 14037

She even just looks dopey lol


----------



## Barbara L

TATTRAT said:


>


That is so cool!!


----------



## Barbara L

I'm on a diet, however...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> I'm on a diet, however...



ROFL!!!  I'm sending that one to everyone!!!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14043


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## taxlady

Stirling linked to this on FB.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

Taxy, they are both so funny


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


>


----------



## taxlady




----------



## tinlizzie

Is there a belly-laugh smiley for these?


----------



## tinlizzie

In the same vein as "caution - coffee is hot,"  this morning on the radio I heard a local warning as it applies here in South Florida, "do not approach large pythons."  Made me laugh - that'll be the day.


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny Lizzie 

I agree, that is one thing I would not approach


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

That's bad.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

CWS4322 said:


> That's bad.



That's disturbing.  Don't let my daughter's see this.  It would make one think - Those dolls, in their original boxes, in twenty years, will be worth money to collectors.  The other daughter would break out a barbecue, just to drive her sister crazy.  And I'm not saying which DD would do which action.

Seeeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Actualy neither of us would do that. Burning plastic releases toxic fumes, smells gross, and is bad for the environment.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Barbara L

Duckmato!


----------



## tinlizzie

Oh, my side, people!!


----------



## Barbara L

I posted the Vulcan Mind Meld picture on Facebook with the message, "Your mind to my mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts. Your food to my dish." 

Just found this one:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Barbara L

Yikes!


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> Yikes!




Or, "You, out of the gene pool, now!"


----------



## taxlady

I got that Vulcan mind meld photo from George Takei's (Sulu from Classic Star Trek) Facebook page.


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em all!


----------



## Merlot

taxlady said:


>


 
LOL!  I love it!


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot, that is so funny


----------



## Merlot

Kylie1969 said:


> Merlot, that is so funny


 
I thought so too and as much as I would like to take the credit, taxlady is the one who found it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

OMG.  Those eyes!


----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


Oh my gosh. I felt embarrassed all over again when I saw this one!

Years ago I was teaching Kindergarten Sunday School. I was chatting with this one woman who came by while the kids were playing and I said something about one of the little girls--nothing too, too horrible, but about how much she talked, and I think about how she kind of thought she knew it all. Suddenly I realized who the woman was, and without missing a beat, and without changing my voice from the bright cheery voice I was speaking with, I said, "You're her mom, aren't you?!" and I did my best to turn it around to a positive thing (I truly did love all my kids!). Things were a little tense for awhile after that, but before long we got along great. I learned a huge lesson that day about thinking first, and being mindful of what was coming out of my mouth.


----------



## Barbara L

Unfortunately, a certain family member would no longer have any pants.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Barbara L said:
			
		

> I posted the Vulcan Mind Meld picture on Facebook with the message, "Your mind to my mind. Your thoughts to my thoughts. Your food to my dish."
> 
> Just found this one:



I love this one.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14052

But only in the summer.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

DL, that is hilarious


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It's True!


----------



## Kylie1969

I have never seen Jersey Shore, is it pretty bad?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

oh,  yes!


----------



## Kylie1969

Note to self, dont ever watch Jersey Shores


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

"Donut seeds"


----------



## Katie H

MrsLMB said:


>



That's cute and it reminds me of something Buck used to say about M&Ms.

He called them Godiva seeds.


----------



## Barbara L

I should have never listened to you all!


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I should have never listened to you all!


Uh oh!


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> I should have never listened to you all!



So funny


----------



## Cindercat

These must be the mice in my house. Simon, the cat is their only worry.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cindercat said:
			
		

> These must be the mice in my house. Simon, the cat is their only worry.



Squ(eek)!!!

Cute!!!


----------



## Zagut




----------



## Kylie1969

Cinder, I love those mice photos


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14061


----------



## taxlady

Has anyone else read any of Terry Pratchett's Tiffany Aching books? If you have you might appreciate this short bit of dialogue from _Wintersmith_,

"Aye, well, we're as light as wee feathers," said Big Yan [a Nac Mac Feegle or Pictsie - they are about six inches tall]. "An' the wind blowin' through the kilt keeps a man well aloft, ye ken."

"I'm sure that's a sight to see," said Nanny Ogg.

 

I've been giggling about that all day.


----------



## Cindercat

Kylie, Thanks. I often use one or the other pic in my school email signature with a "Work for the prize." caption. I also have a large collection of mouse figurines, but that's another long story.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Has anyone else read any of Terry Pratchett's Tiffany Aching books? If you have you might appreciate this short bit of dialogue from Wintersmith,
> 
> "Aye, well, we're as light as wee feathers," said Big Yan [a Nac Mac Feegle or Pictsie - they are about six inches tall]. "An' the wind blowin' through the kilt keeps a man well aloft, ye ken."
> 
> "I'm sure that's a sight to see," said Nanny Ogg.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been giggling about that all day.





Will have to check those out!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Has anyone else read any of Terry Pratchett's Tiffany Aching books? If you have you might appreciate this short bit of dialogue from _Wintersmith_,
> 
> "Aye, well, we're as light as wee feathers," said Big Yan [a Nac Mac Feegle or Pictsie - they are about six inches tall]. "An' the wind blowin' through the kilt keeps a man well aloft, ye ken."
> 
> "I'm sure that's a sight to see," said Nanny Ogg.
> 
> 
> 
> I've been giggling about that all day.



I think a Nac Mac Feegle has made off with my copy, will have to track it down.


----------



## MrsLMB

It's never too early to start thinking about the holidays !!!


The Meatnativity !!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I think a Nac Mac Feegle has made off with my copy, will have to track it down.


Have you read any of the other ones with Feegles?

BTW, that was brilliant writing on the part of Terry Pratchett. The first part of the quote is pretty good, but when you read what Nanny Ogg says, you can't help visualizing the little blue guys floating with their kilts all puffed out and their ..., well you get the picture. (It comes up earlier in this book that they don't wear anything under their kilts.)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Have you read any of the other ones with Feegles?
> 
> BTW, that was brilliant writing on the part of Terry Pratchett. The first part of the quote is pretty good, but when you read what Nanny Ogg says, you can't help visualizing the little blue guys floating with their kilts all puffed out and their ..., well you get the picture. (It comes up earlier in this book that they don't wear anything under their kilts.)



Yes, I've read all of them except _Wintersmith_.

Picked uo a new series...Pratchett and Stephen Baxter,_ The Long Earth_, it may be my next read.  I have too many choices...


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> It's never too early to start thinking about the holidays !!!
> 
> The Meatnativity !!



ROFL!!!

That is brilliant!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14063


----------



## Barbara L

Great stuff everyone!


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14052
> 
> But only in the summer.


+1


----------



## Kylie1969

Not licked preferably


----------



## babetoo

MrsLMB said:


> It's never too early to start thinking about the holidays !!!
> 
> 
> The Meatnativity !!



now that certainly made me smile.


----------



## babetoo

Kylie1969 said:


> Note to self, dont ever watch Jersey Shores





i watched about five minutes of it when it first came on. makes me afraid for the future generations of kids.


----------



## Kylie1969

Oh dear, it certainly does sound truly awful


----------



## taxlady

I get Danish recipes by email - a weekly menu guide, with recipes arriving daily. Some of them are really hokey.

Today, I got one for "Wienie rissoto". It uses long grain rice, curry powder, green peppers, leeks, and chicken wienies. Sometimes the Danish interpretation of an international dish is a bit bizarre.

Um, no. As I said to Stirling, "We don't have kids, we don't have to eat stuff like that."


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> I get Danish recipes by email - a weekly menu guide, with recipes arriving daily. Some of them are really hokey.
> 
> Today, I got one for "Wienie rissoto". It uses long grain rice, curry powder, green peppers, leeks, and chicken wienies. Sometimes the Danish interpretation of an international dish is a bit bizarre.
> 
> Um, no. As I said to Stirling, "We don't have kids, we don't have to eat stuff like that."



Sounds, umm, interesting....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Pweeze....


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is so sweet Fi


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hot Weather in Richmond this Weekend - YouTube


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kylie1969

They are so funny Tattrat


----------



## MrsLMB

Shot my first turkey yesterday!

Scared the crap out of everyone
in the frozen food section.

It was awesome!

Getting old is so much fun....


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Shot my first turkey yesterday!
> 
> Scared the crap out of everyone
> in the frozen food section.
> 
> It was awesome!
> 
> Getting old is so much fun....



OMG.

Love it!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There was a bit of confusion at the store      this morning.  When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier      said, "Strip down facing me."
> 
> Making      a mental note to complain to my congressman about Homeland Security running      amok, I did just as she had instructed.
> 
> When      the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out that she      was referring to my credit card.
> 
> I      have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future.
> 
> They need to make their instructions to us seniors a little      clearer!





MrsLMB said:


> Shot my first turkey yesterday!
> 
> Scared the crap out of everyone
> in the frozen food section.
> 
> It was awesome!
> 
> Getting old is so much fun....


I told both of these to Stirling, who enjoyed them. Then I said, "Wouldn't it be fun to get all these ladies together?" "No, they should never be all in the same place at once."


----------



## MrsLMB

taxlady said:


> I told both of these to Stirling, who enjoyed them. Then I said, "Wouldn't it be fun to get all these ladies together?" "No, they should never be all in the same place at once."


 
That would be fun but might be embarrasing because


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> That would be fun but might be embarrasing because


That's why I wanted (and got) leather upholstery in my car.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I told both of these to Stirling, who enjoyed them. Then I said, "Wouldn't it be fun to get all these ladies together?" "No, they should never be all in the same place at once."



We'd be cheap entertainment...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Shot my first turkey yesterday!
> 
> Scared the crap out of everyone
> in the frozen food section.
> 
> It was awesome!
> 
> Getting old is so much fun....



ROFL!!!

I got Shrek with it!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> That would be fun but might be embarrasing because



That really is so funny


----------



## Barbara L

You are all cracking me up!  Oh my gosh, I loved that weather forecast!

I just found this (If you have never seen Harry Potter movies, trust me, it's funny! LOL):


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> That really is so funny


 
If we all got together, tears rolling down our legs would be the order of the day.


----------



## Barbara L

This is how hot it is here today!


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> This is how hot it is here today!



  I saw that too!  (I couldn't get it to download)


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14147


----------



## Cindercat

Dawg, you beat me to it. I was going to post that one! :grin:


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14173

Sweetness!


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> If we all got together, tears rolling down our legs would be the order of the day.



I think you could be right there Addie


----------



## taxlady

I didn't know where to post this, but it is so cute I have to share it.
*
Awww yeah, flowers!*


----------



## Barbara L

That is SO cute! 
******************
Just found this...


----------



## Dawgluver

Sweet mousie!

  I saw that one yesterday too, Barb!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

I thought it was a lab or a seal when I first looked at the pic!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love that mousie picture!


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14207


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!!!  

Hope CWS sees this!


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>



I love it


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14208


----------



## Kylie1969

That is very funny DL


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14208


Where can I order this?


----------



## Kylie1969

Taxy


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Where can I order this?



Try 1-800lockmeupandmedicatemenow.com


----------



## Kylie1969

You guys are cracking me up today


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

While not funny, it will make you smile.

Som Sabadell flashmob - YouTube


----------



## Andy M.

Thanks, PF that was cool.  It was interesting to hear how the balance and tone of the music changes as instruments are added.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Welcome!  I thought it was good for a morning wake up call.


----------



## Cindercat

Thanks,  PF. I love that kind of thing. I used to be in a women's barbershop group. It was fun to sing in WalMart or Union Station. We didn't do it flash mob style, but that would have been fun.


----------



## taxlady

Thank you for that PF.

What a great way to teach kids to appreciate classical music. There was nothing stuffy about it. The kids didn't have to sit still.

I love the quick glimpse of the guy who looks like Billy Connolly. The look of wonder and joy on his face was great. Of course the kids were great.


----------



## Dawgluver

LOVED this!!!


----------



## Addie

For those of you who would like to know. That was Ode To Joy from the Ninth Symphony by Beethoven. The words are by Shiller. 

Thanks PF. That was one of my lullaby's growing up. We didn't have pop music. My father always had a record of classical music playing. And when I was learning the piano, it was always classical music. I thoroughly enjoyed it.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> While not funny, it will make you smile.
> 
> Som Sabadell flashmob - YouTube


 
This reminds me of Ravel's *Bolero.* It starts our very softly with one reed instrument playing the one theme over and over and by the end of the piece the whole orchestra is playing it in full. When it is played in it entirety, it goes into reverse and just the one reed instrument is playing and the last notes the whole orchestra plays the last four notes with an explosion. I love to watch the maestro leading this piece. 

PF, you have me searching YouTube for more pieces so I can listen to them. Thanks.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> This reminds me of Ravel's *Bolero.* It starts our very softly with one reed instrument playing the one theme over and over and by the end of the piece the whole orchestra is playing it in full. When it is played in it entirety, it goes into reverse and just the one reed instrument is playing and the last notes the whole orchestra plays the last four notes with an explosion. I love to watch the maestro leading this piece.
> 
> PF, you have me searching YouTube for more pieces so I can listen to them. Thanks.


When I watched this on YouTube, it showed a link to the Copenhagen Symphony Orchestra doing a flashmob thing at the main train station in Copenhagen. They played Bolero. Bolero de Ravel - estación Central de Copenhague (flashmob) - YouTube I don't know why the text is in Spanish.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cat traps....LOL!!!


----------



## Barbara L

Love the cat traps!  The video was great PF!


----------



## Barbara L

Behave?????!


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> Behave?????!



  Gee that is funny, I love it!


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


> While not funny, it will make you smile.
> 
> Som Sabadell flashmob - YouTube


 
That was awesome.  I love watching those flashmobs as they always bring smiles and happiness to the people watching.

Great share !!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I thought it was brilliant choice of music for a flashmob, not your usual piece.  I was brought up listening to classical music, too.


----------



## buckytom

Addie said:


> This reminds me of Ravel's *Bolero.* It starts our very softly with one reed instrument playing the one theme over and over and by the end of the piece the whole orchestra is playing it in full. When it is played in it entirety, it goes into reverse and just the one reed instrument is playing and the last notes the whole orchestra plays the last four notes with an explosion. I love to watch the maestro leading this piece.
> 
> PF, you have me searching YouTube for more pieces so I can listen to them. Thanks.


 
i don't know if it's true, but i read somewhere that bolero was written to help an orchestra warm up their instruments (and themselves, i guess) on stage before a concert.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> When I watched this on YouTube, it showed a link to the Copenhagen Symphony Orchestra doing a flashmob thing at the main train station in Copenhagen. They played Bolero. Bolero de Ravel - estación Central de Copenhague (flashmob) - YouTube I don't know why the text is in Spanish.



I introduced my boss (in the record store) to Ravel's Bolero, she really enjoyed the music and turned it up full blast one morning before the store was open, we wer often found working before opening with some riotous classical music playing so it could be heard across the street.  We played "In the Hall of the Mountain King," by Edvard Grieg, so loud it was making the plate glass windows bow out.


----------



## Andy M.

I thought Ravel's Bolero was written for Bo Derek...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hmmm...it was written for Russian Ballerina Ida Rubenstien.  It was a partial experiment on taking a repeating phrase, not developing it, but adding in more orchestral instruments.  Cool!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  Laser Dots.  My two will sit and stare at the spot on the floor waiting for it to come back if I turn it off.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> LOL!!!



LOL!!!

I have actually seen something like this!


----------



## Dawgluver

For you, PF.



View attachment 14231


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny DL


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> For you, PF.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 14231



Yep, that's exactly what it's like...you know, they only let you take off a certain amount of clothing before they call the cops...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Yep, that's exactly what it's like...you know, they only let you take off a certain amount of clothing before they call the cops...



Heh.  That's what I like about winter.  Put it on!  Put it on!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> MrsLMB's pic was here



I wrote a short story called "Kordigan and the Red Dot". It was about this same subject. The dot was the cat's nemesis and kept invading his "kingdom".


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I wrote a short story called "Kordigan and the Red Dot". It was about this same subject. The dot was the cat's nemesis and kept invading his "kingdom".



I am interested in reading that story...


----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


I love this!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Yes, that is very well done


----------



## PattY1

This was posted on my Facebook page by a Canadian Friend today. It reminded me of a past thread.View attachment 14235


----------



## Dawgluver

PattY1 said:
			
		

> This was posted on my Facebook page by a Canadian Friend today. It reminded me of a past thread.



LOL!!!!

Oot and aboot!


----------



## Skittle68

What am I missing in the mime pic?? I don't get it..


----------



## Barbara L

Skittle68 said:


> What am I missing in the mime pic?? I don't get it..


Look at the guy who runs up next to him.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

My kid, a bit older but all the same!


----------



## Barbara L

Tragic!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

me too, baby me too!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> me too, baby me too!



+1!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14240

Heh.  This IS a cooking forum.....


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14240
> 
> Heh.  This IS a cooking forum.....


+1

Here's one that tickled my funny bone today:


----------



## Merlot




----------



## CWS4322

Merlot said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

They are both very funny guys


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14252


----------



## Barbara L

To be fair, it doesn't say anything about learning to land!


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> To be fair, it doesn't say anything about learning to land!


I'm not going to that flying school, no, no, no.


----------



## Addie

Come Arbor Day, I am not planting a tree there either.


----------



## MrsLMB

JET FUEL DRINK

Dick and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft mechanics in Louisville, Kentucky . One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in 
the hangar with nothing to do.

Dick said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!'

Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'

So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. 
 
The next morning Dick wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!

Then the phone rings. It's Jim. 

Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'

Dick says, 'I feel great, how about you?'

Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'

Dick says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing.We ought to do this more often..'

'Yeah, well there's just one thing.'

'What's that?'

'Have you farted yet?'

'No.'

'Well, DON'T - cause I'm in Tennessee '


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14256


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it CC


----------



## Cheryl J

Been looking through the Funnies - there are some good ones here that made me laugh out loud! 

I loved the mime one....hahhaha!


----------



## taxlady

jet fuel


----------



## Merlot

You all have a great sense of humor   Not sure if I showed the "hip" one before.  I made a copy of it for a couple of my patients, they love it!


----------



## Addie

Love both of them. I can think of a couple of folks who would fall over with the hip one.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Gee these images crack me up


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14264


----------



## PattY1

*There comes  a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for  example...*

 

*A wife comes  home late at night and quietly opens the door to her  bedroom.**
From  under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.  She reaches for  a*

*baseball bat  and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.  Once she's  done,*

*she goes to  the kitchen to have a drink.*

 

*As she  enters, she sees her husband there, reading a  magazine.*

*"Hi  Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them  stay*

*in our  bedroom. *

 

*Did you say  ‘hello’?”*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

now what the heck...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

PattY1 said:


> *There comes  a time when a woman just has to trust her husband... for  example...*
> 
> 
> 
> *A wife comes  home late at night and quietly opens the door to her  bedroom.**
> From  under the blanket she sees four legs instead of two.  She reaches for  a*
> 
> *baseball bat  and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.  Once she's  done,*
> 
> *she goes to  the kitchen to have a drink.*
> 
> 
> 
> *As she  enters, she sees her husband there, reading a  magazine.*
> 
> *"Hi  Darling", he says, "Your parents have come to visit us, so l let them  stay*
> 
> *in our  bedroom. *
> 
> 
> 
> *Did you say  ‘hello’?”*



ROFL!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

that is one big cat


----------



## Barbara L

The cat one reminds me of the episode of "I Love Lucy" where she tries baking bread. She adds all the yeast and it rises to a huge mountain of dough. Not only does the loaf grow so big in the oven that it comes across the kitchen, so does the pan it is on! Yeast is a marvelous wonder!


----------



## Barbara L

My daughter would love this one!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14302


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


> From George Takei



love it!

more science humor


----------



## taxlady

Good one Tat


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> My daughter would love this one!



Sooo funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Lap dog!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Lap dog!


That poor doggie is hanging off the couch.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I love pix like that, that clearly demonstrate the need for decent punctuation.


----------



## Cindercat

I wonder why I can never get Taxlady's pictures to show up on my phone. I get everyone else's pictures. It just shows up as a gray box.


----------



## Cindercat

This could be me. I can fall asleep just about anywhere as long as I'm reasonably  comfortable. 

View attachment 14314


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> I wonder why I can never get Taxlady's pictures to show up on my phone. I get everyone else's pictures. It just shows up as a gray box.


Do you see them on your computer? Do you see a picture above, where I quote MrsLMB?


----------



## Cindercat

Yes, I see one in the quote. I only access DC on my phone. No internet at home.


----------



## Skittle68

Cindercat said:
			
		

> This could be me. I can fall asleep just about anywhere as long as I'm reasonably  comfortable.



Oh my gooodddd!!!! Cuteness!!!!!!!


----------



## Skittle68

This is so true!!! Lol



View attachment 14319


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14320


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:
			
		

> Yes, I see one in the quote. I only access DC on my phone. No internet at home.



I thought that maybe it was because most of my pix are from Facebook. So, I logged out of FB, but I can see them. What kind of phone do you have?


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> I thought that maybe it was because most of my pix are from Facebook. So, I logged out of FB, but I can see them. What kind of phone do you have?



I have a Samsung Captivate. I'm looking forward to trading it in this October.


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> I have a Samsung Captivate. I'm looking forward to trading it in this October.


Is that Android?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

nice nap...


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> Is that Android?



Yes, it's an android phone.  I just posted the Friday 13 pic to the Friday 13 thread. The pic didn't show so I tried posting it again. By the time I did it the 2nd time the 1st one showed up. So now there are 2 of them in that thread. I've waited for your pic to show up but they never do.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Oh my gosh that is funny!  It took me a minute to figure out that it was the stools that they were sitting on. How fun would that be to have!  LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!!!

It's Bolas and Bucky Tom!  Harry and Tat are in the next 2 seats beyond camera range....


----------



## taxlady

chopper said:


> Oh my gosh that is funny!  It took me a minute to figure out that it was the stools that they were sitting on. How fun would that be to have!  LOL


I'm glad you figured that out - I didn't 

Yes, I would love to have stools like that.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> I'm glad you figured that out - I didn't
> 
> Yes, I would love to have stools like that.



Took me a minute too, but would love to have some as well!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14325


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14326


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14326



That cracked me up DL 

I must admit, I tend to agree with the dance moves part


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14328

He he


----------



## taxlady

Someone posted this as a pic on FB.

I typed it up so Cindercat can see it too.

An English professor wrote the words:

"A woman without her man is nothing"

on the chalboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the males in the class wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the females in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

*Punctuation is powerful.*


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 14328
> 
> He he



Love it


----------



## Cindercat

Thanks, taxlady. Perspective certainly can change things.


----------



## Kylie1969

CC, I agree, it certainly does


----------



## TATTRAT

Dawgluver said:


> LOL!!!
> 
> It's Bolas and Bucky Tom!  Harry and Tat are in the next 2 seats beyond camera range....



Or taking the pic!


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


> Someone posted this as a pic on FB.
> 
> I typed it up so Cindercat can see it too.
> 
> An English professor wrote the words:
> 
> "A woman without her man is nothing"
> 
> on the chalboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.
> 
> All of the males in the class wrote:
> 
> "A woman, without her man, is nothing."
> 
> All the females in the class wrote:
> 
> "A woman: without her, man is nothing."
> 
> *Punctuation is powerful.*



Or:

Let's eat Grandpa!

-----

Let's eat, Grandpa!


----------



## Kylie1969

Ahh yes, 2 very different ways of taking it there Tatt


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14333


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny CC


----------



## TATTRAT

Inception cat!


----------



## MrsLMB

Here's one for TATTRAT


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

LOL!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14348


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14349


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14350

View attachment 14351


----------



## Barbara L

This is a friend of mine, to a T!


----------



## Kylie1969

All very funny, thanks guys


----------



## Skittle68

Most accurate pie chart ever: 



View attachment 14361


----------



## Kylie1969

That is brilliant Skittle


----------



## Barbara L

Skittle68 said:


> Most accurate pie chart ever:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 14361


I love it!


----------



## Ratchett

The other side........


----------



## buckytom

they don't call it the badlands for nothin', ratchett.

lol.


----------



## Ratchett

How very boring....where's my milk?


----------



## TATTRAT

well, in 2006, it was a great picture too. . . .


----------



## Ratchett

Garage sale........


----------



## Kylie1969

Ratchett said:


> The other side........



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

Ratchett said:


> Garage sale........



So true...sometimes in is just a Garbage Sale


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Ratchett said:
			
		

> Garage sale........



That is SP true!!!  Love that!!!


----------



## Ratchett

Could be an interesting result...............


----------



## Ratchett

I guess that says it all..................


----------



## Kylie1969

Ratchett said:


> I guess that says it all..................



I have seen this one before recently


----------



## Addie

I feel so bad for that child. Her day has been ruined.


----------



## chopper

Ratchett said:
			
		

> I guess that says it all..................



No fun!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kylie1969

Tatt....that is so funny 

Also made me really dizzy...imagine that poor guy


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14393


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I love that one. I thought I recognized it. I posted it, back in March.


----------



## Addie

It looks like a prarie dog on its hind legs. I am really enjoying this thread. If I start to get down for any reason, this thread is my therapy. All I have to do is go back just a couple of pages and I am good for the day. Thank you everyone for helping me to keep my sanity and sense of humor.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969

Very funny Fi


----------



## Skittle68

You move, human. 



View attachment 14401


----------



## taxlady

I'm not sure if this qualifies as funny, but it is so cute, I have to share:


----------



## taxlady

Okay, I'm childish, but I still have tears from laughing so hard.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Okay, I'm childish, but I still have tears from laughing so hard.



It's one of my favorites too!

And unlike Taxlady, I am not childish.


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny and I love the squirrel one, so sweet


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

Finally!  Someone understands!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Okay, I'm childish, but I still have tears from laughing so hard.



You owe me a monitor!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I'm not sure if this qualifies as funny, but it is so cute, I have to share:



Very sweet!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




OH My DOG!  WANT!


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww, now that is cute


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  Poor baby!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> OH My DOG! WANT!


 
Is this Patron?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

No, that's someone's dachshund...simply a cutie.


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14430


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14431


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## lifesaver




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## lifesaver




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Me too! Even Shreddy, my cat, was proficient in with this instrument, as  a kitten.


----------



## Kylie1969

What is it?


----------



## Merlot

Kylie1969 said:


> What is it?


 
It's a door stopper, to keep your door from slamming into the wall  I don't know the technical term  or at least I think it is!


----------



## Dawgluver

Merlot said:
			
		

> It's a door stopper, to keep your door from slamming into the wall  I don't know the technical term  or at least I think it is!



Heh.  It's a sproingy.  We had them all over as well.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

meh!


----------



## Merlot

Dawgluver said:


> Heh. It's a sproingy. We had them all over as well.


 
erm.. so I decided to look up sproingy and what did I get....3rd from the top "Men, Keep Your P**** Sproingy!"


----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> What is it?


As Merlot wrote, it's a door stopper. If you bend it and let go, it straightens out with a sproing noise.


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


> erm.. so I decided to look up sproingy and what did I get....3rd from the top "Men, Keep Your P**** Sproingy!"




Mwahaha


----------



## Kylie1969

Thanks guys...I really had no idea


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

This was on Happy Tails: Yoga: A Paws for Cause fb page:

https://www.facebook.com/happytailsyoga

How could you not laugh???


----------



## tinlizzie

Kylie1969 said:


> Thanks guys...I really had no idea


 
At times this site beats Googling!


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14491


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## Skittle68

Lol! I'm so glad my bf likes to close the lid, so the seat is always down. He doesn't like the idea of curious little kitty paws being in there, and then tracking toilet water around the house. When I lived with my parents, there were a couple times I went into the bathroom half asleep, didn't bother turning the light on because there was enough light coming through the window and I didn't want to shock my eyes, and got a different kind of shock when I plopped down lol. All I could think was, "God I hope they flushed..."


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Skittle!  I needed that laugh!


----------



## Skittle68

Zhizara said:
			
		

> Thanks, Skittle!  I needed that laugh!


----------



## Kylie1969

tinlizzie said:


> At times this site beats Googling!



That is so true Lizzie


----------



## Kylie1969

lifesaver said:


>



That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen...so funny!


----------



## Kylie1969

*Crazy*

OMG 

[youtube]KuSRisDMZ90[/youtube]


----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> OMG
> 
> [youtube]KuSRisDMZ90[/youtube]


That poor piranha now has three pieces of stick in its mouth.


----------



## Kylie1969

I am hoping that guy is not standing in those piranha infested waters


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie's new RV...<duck and run>>>>>


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Addie's new RV...<duck and run>>>>>


 
 Good One!! That trailer is about the size of some of the apartments in this building. The odd thing is that is my new scooter. Only mine is a three wheeler. And it is blue. I terrorize everyone with my scooter. I refuse to slow down or stop for anyone.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny Fiona


----------



## TATTRAT

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Addie's new RV...<duck and run>>>>>



Wow, is it horrible that I saw that, and was like "Hell, that _COULD_ work!"?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> Wow, is it horrible that I saw that, and was like "Hell, that _COULD_ work!"?



Shrek says it would be perfect for us...


----------



## LPBeier

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Shrek says it would be perfect for us...



Maybe I should get one too!


----------



## Skittle68

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> Wow, is it horrible that I saw that, and was like "Hell, that COULD work!"?



Lol I thought, "Good idea!!" you would have to bring extra batteries to get very far, but so what?? Might be fun!!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14507



View attachment 14508


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Skittle68 said:
			
		

> He doesn't like the idea of curious little kitty paws being in there, and then tracking toilet water around the house.



+1


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14521


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14522


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 14521


Yes!


----------



## taxlady

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 14522


 I'm stealing this one.


----------



## Dawgluver

So true, so true....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ding...


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14524

My cousin, who is going to grow up to be a very large black man if he looks anything like his birth parents, is going to be saying this about his two amazing moms


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cake!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Cake!



How cute!!!

He really needs a hair net....


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is classic!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## babetoo

MrsLMB said:


>



sure sounds like my charlie. when he is good he is very,very good. and when he is bad he is awful.


----------



## taxlady

But next time he/she will want two or four rubs.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A man walks into the psychiatrist's office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

"What's the matter with me?" he asks.

The psychiatrist says, "You're not eating properly."


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14585


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 14585


OMG!


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 14585



WOW!


----------



## Addie

It is seven a.m. and I am sitting here laughing my head off. Thank you for starting my day off with laughter.


----------



## CWS4322

Kylie1969 said:


> That is one of the funniest things I have ever seen...so funny!


I keep telling the DH that there are two things that drive women crazy--leaving the toilet seat up at night is one of them.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

CWS4322 said:


> I keep telling the DH that there are two things that drive women crazy--leaving the toilet seat up at night is one of them.



I keep telling my wife that their is one thing that drives men crazy, women!  i mean, how hard is it to look at the toilet before sitting down?   Ducking very low, with something to protect the head, and running very fast (and yes, I do put the toilet lid down religiously).

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## taxlady

I'm reminded of a male comedian who said, "Men, put the toilet seat down!"

Then he launched into the explanation. If you don't put the seat down, the wife/gf will get one of those fuzzy toilet tank covers with matching lid cover. Then the seat won't stay up and your goodies are at risk.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

10 best reasons to put the toilet seat down, in no particular order:

1. Your DW is like Lucy from the Peanuts cartoon as she closes her fist, one finger at a time, while counting.

2. Your daughters are the same as DW

3. It makes you seem like a thoughtful guy (in reality, you're afraid of the Lucy scenario)

4. You don't want to hear about it for a month.

5. You truly are thoughtful

6. Your DW is the main cook and you want your meals edible

7.  Your DW is the laundry expert of the house, and you don't want starch in your shorts, or Tabasco Sauce

8.  She sleeps with you, and if you leave the lid up, that's all she'll do with you, is sleep.

9. She takes great pleasure in announcing your inability to put the lid down to all of her female friends, and you know that they will plot something to get even.

10. She's not above hiding your rifle, or bow, or boat keys, or motorcycle keys, etc.

So give me all of the reasons you put the lid down.  Men of DC, give it up.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Andy M.

Only one reason is important.  

When she's happy, you're happy.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Andy M. said:


> Only one reason is important.
> 
> When she's happy, you're happy.



Good answer!

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I want the lid down, not just the seat. Why, well first, studies have shown (and no, I don't have specific referances and I'm too lazy to look them back up) that flushing the toilet with the lid up sprays micro-particles of what's in the toilet all over the bathroom. Those particles can even end up in your the medicine cabinet. I don't want that stuff on my tooth brush. Second, it's bad enough when the cat puts dry paws on my face because I onow those things have been in the litter-box. Wet paws after having played in the toilet... So yeah, forget the whole I don't want to fall in bit. Put the lid down and keep the toilet contents where they belong.


----------



## taxlady

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I want the lid down, not just the seat. Why, well first, studies have shown (and no, I don't have specific referances and I'm too lazy to look them back up) that flushing the toilet with the lid up sprays micro-particles of what's in the toilet all over the bathroom. Those particles can even end up in your the medicine cabinet. I don't want that stuff on my tooth brush. Second, it's bad enough when the cat puts dry paws on my face because I onow those things have been in the litter-box. Wet paws after having played in the toilet... So yeah, forget the whole I don't want to fall in bit. Put the lid down and keep the toilet contents where they belong.


The study I read (Several years ago and I don't remember where) said that flushing with the lid down didn't really help. It means that the person who lifts the lid gets a face full of that aerosol.


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> I keep telling the DH that there are two things that drive women crazy--leaving the toilet seat up at night is one of them.



I am so used to it now...I always remember to put it down when I get there...in the dark and all


----------



## Merlot

Try working at a nursing home.  I hold my breath as often as I can since I know the particles are floating through the air.   (Not really but it has crossed my mind)


----------



## Skittle68

Yes!! I would go there just to exercise. Going down the stairs is hard on the knees. Hard work rewarded by FUN!



View attachment 14598


----------



## TATTRAT

Skittle68 said:


> Yes!! I would go there just to exercise. Going down the stairs is hard on the knees. Hard work rewarded by FUN!
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 14598



Exactly

Fast Lane - The Slide - YouTube


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 14601


----------



## taxlady

Piano stairs - TheFunTheory.com - Rolighetsteorin.se - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

Guys, they are all so funny


----------



## CWS4322

I like this...for the lack of a comma, a grandma is eaten?


----------



## taxlady




----------



## lifesaver




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## TATTRAT

How to scare my wife - YouTube


----------



## Skittle68

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> How to scare my wife - YouTube



Lol that's awesome.


----------



## Merlot

TATTRAT said:


> How to scare my wife - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> How to scare my wife - YouTube



DH would be sleeping in the car for a night or two or ten...


----------



## Dawgluver

purple.alien.giraffe said:
			
		

> DH would be sleeping in the car for a night or two or ten...



You got that right.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> DH would be sleeping in the car for a night or two or ten...



If Shrek did that to me he'd have to open the lid on his bed...and if that happened I would stake him...


----------



## Andy M.

I have to agree.  I didn't think that was funny.


----------



## TATTRAT

well


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I do know some people who enjoy being scared and once the got over the initial panic would think something like that was funny. They'd plot some serious revenge, but they'd be laughing shortly after finding out they weren't about to die. I just don't happen to be one of those people.


----------



## TATTRAT

no one was hurt, the mom was sleeping through her kids yelling and screaming, I am SURE he paid the price, I don't see the harm. . . oh well. I am glad that some enjoyed it. Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny.


I guess back to animal pics we go.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I wouldn't sweat it Tatt. To each his own and all that.


----------



## Dawgluver

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> no one was hurt, the mom was sleeping through her kids yelling and screaming, I am SURE he paid the price, I don't see the harm. . . oh well. I am glad that some enjoyed it. Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny.
> 
> I guess back to animal pics we go.



It WAS funny, Tatt!  I plan on finding a backwards truck next time I drive, would love to see DH's expression!


----------



## TATTRAT

Dawgluver said:


> It WAS funny, Tatt!  I plan on finding a backwards truck next time I drive, would love to see DH's expression!



ME TOO, Please be sure to get it on video! lol


----------



## Andy M.

TATTRAT said:


> no one was hurt, the mom was sleeping through her kids yelling and screaming, I am SURE he paid the price, I don't see the harm. . . oh well. I am glad that some enjoyed it. Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny...



Several people posted who thought it was funny.  I just expressed an opposing opinion.  I've never enjoyed the "scare" thing and refuse to do it to someone.  That's just my two cents.


----------



## TATTRAT

Andy M. said:


> Several people posted who thought it was funny.  I just expressed an opposing opinion.  I've never enjoyed the "scare" thing and refuse to do it to someone.  That's just my two cents.



no worries, Andy.


----------



## Somebunny

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> How to scare my wife - YouTube



Whoa!  That was really mean!  He should sleep with one eye open for a while.


----------



## TATTRAT

Somebunny said:


> Whoa!  That was really mean!  He should sleep with one eye open for a while.



Yeah, I think that's already been established.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Several people posted who thought it was funny.  I just expressed an opposing opinion.  I've never enjoyed the "scare" thing and refuse to do it to someone.  That's just my two cents.


+1


----------



## Kylie1969

TATTRAT said:


> no one was hurt, the mom was sleeping through her kids yelling and screaming, I am SURE he paid the price, I don't see the harm. . . oh well. I am glad that some enjoyed it. Personally, I thought it was pretty darn funny.
> 
> 
> I guess back to animal pics we go.



They are both brilliant Tatt!


----------



## MrsLMB

TATTRAT said:


> How to scare my wife - YouTube


 

OMG that was funny ! 

Reminded me of this one

Funny Old Woman- extra steering wheel !!! - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it MrsL


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> I have to agree. I didn't think that was funny.


 
+2. Ditto. Don't play around when you are driving.


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> OMG that was funny !
> 
> Reminded me of this one
> 
> Funny Old Woman- extra steering wheel !!! - YouTube



LOL. I can't wait to show my Hubby these. He will love them!
Thanks for the laughs!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14642


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14644

This isn't exactly funny, but it made me smile


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14642


----------



## Dawgluver

Got a light?

View attachment 14646


----------



## Merlot

a little food humor


----------



## taxlady

I would call this reckless endangerment.



MrsLMB said:


> OMG that was funny !
> 
> Reminded me of this one
> 
> Funny Old Woman- extra steering wheel !!! - YouTube


----------



## Merlot

saw this on FB, made me laugh


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


> saw this on FB, made me laugh


That does explain a lot.


----------



## taxlady

I'm not usually a big fan of the "ermagherd" stuff, but I like this one:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> saw this on FB, made me laugh



No wonder I've been having problems.


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot said:


> a little food humor



Love it


----------



## Cindercat

I can't see taxlady's posted funny picture so I hope I'm not duplicating.

View attachment 14654


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> I can't see taxlady's posted funny picture so I hope I'm not duplicating.
> 
> View attachment 14654


Oh, that is a good one.

Have you tried clicking the square where the picture is supposed to be?


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


> I'm not usually a big fan of the "ermagherd" stuff, but I like this one:



That does have an especially geeky tone to it, and I LOVE it, nice!

Much nicer than 






Or, my recent fave


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> I can't see taxlady's posted funny picture so I hope I'm not duplicating.
> 
> View attachment 14654



That is so funny CC


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> Have you tried clicking the square where the picture is supposed to be?



Yep, I get nothing. It is just blank.  I got your pics when you posted your wallpaper. Do you post these pics differently?


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> Yep, I get nothing. It is just blank.  I got your pics when you posted your wallpaper. Do you post these pics differently?


Yes, as I wrote in the wallpaper thread, the wall paper pix were "attached" as opposed to linking to somewhere else on the web. To attach a photo, I have to have it on my computer.


----------



## chopper

Love the one with the sub woofers!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is adorable


----------



## Merlot

Cindercat said:


> I can't see taxlady's posted funny picture so I hope I'm not duplicating.
> 
> View attachment 14654


 
So funny!  I can almost picture Addie busting that out on someone!


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat, does this link take you to the picture? https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/555042_499247710104687_454532440_n.jpg


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14664


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> Cindercat, does this link take you to the picture? https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/555042_499247710104687_454532440_n.jpg



Yep, I got it.  Guess that was the problem.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

poor baby...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> poor baby...



Ohhh, want....


----------



## taxlady

That kitten isn't borked, he's faking.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> That kitten isn't borked, he's faking.



But so cute while faking...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> But so cute while faking...


Cute, well yeah.

They have been selectively bred for cute since they started living with us. The cuter the kitten/cat, the less chance we strangle it.


----------



## Kylie1969

Very cute indeed


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Oh, that face!


----------



## Kylie1969

Now that is hilarious


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14667


----------



## chopper

Ha ha ha ha. I had a hamster that would steel a strike anywhere match off of the coffee table (yes, he had time out of his cage). He would shove it in his cheeks and wander off to hide it in his house.  I had this hamster when I was in the Air Force, and hid his cage in the closet during room inspections. He rode around in my pocket until the inspections were over. They didn't check the closets, but I knew he would make too much noise, and I wouldn't be able to convince anyone that he was a fish (the only pets allowed in the rooms).


----------



## chopper

Dawg, that is not one of the cute kittens you have been talking about!


----------



## taxlady

and for Cindercat: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/523994_267934733311971_1567769029_n.jpg


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:
			
		

> and for Cindercat: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/523994_267934733311971_1567769029_n.jpg



We have all been there at one time or another. I've heard that it is good to be flexible.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14667


I believe it. I won't be trifling with that kitty.


----------



## Skittle68

OMG lol

View attachment 14668


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> OMG lol
> 
> View attachment 14668


I love it. That should prevent tail gating.


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:
			
		

> OMG lol



Brilliant!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all great!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Great photo


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




ROFL!!!


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> and for Cindercat: https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/523994_267934733311971_1567769029_n.jpg



Thanks TL.  I can't wait to get rid of this phone! There's so many things it is supposed to do but doesn't. Hurry up October. Well, maybe I shouldn't wish away time. I've got a lot to do in the next 2  months.


----------



## chopper

Too funny!  It looks just like him!  LOL


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Olympic Fun!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

snerk


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh, sheesh!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Cheryl J

Ahahaha!  Love the funnies!


----------



## Kylie1969

Me too Cheryl, I love coming here every day and looking at them all, they make my day


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## Kylie1969

Cheryl...that is sooooo funny


----------



## Skittle68

OMG this is the sweetest video...

http://youtu.be/14pYl9bBwsI


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> OMG this is the sweetest video...
> 
> 3 Bear Cubs Rescued From Dumpster - YouTube


Oh, that is sweet. Looks to me like the people had done this before. Mom bear looked kinda exasperated with the babies for getting trapped.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Very nice Skittle!  Love happy endings.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

My kitty especially likes attention from people who are busy. Plus, she was sitting in his chair. 



View attachment 14685


----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love the photo Skittle


----------



## MrsLMB

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxkry_7t_Pk


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is so sweet


----------



## PrincessFiona60

_The wife left a note on the        fridge..._

_"It's not        working!!!!"_

_"I can not take it anymore; I've gone        to stay at my Mom's!"_

_I opened the fridge, the light came        on and the beer was still cold..._

_What the heck __is she talking about? 
_


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> The wife left a note on the        fridge...
> 
> "It's not        working!!!!"
> 
> "I can not take it anymore; I've gone        to stay at my Mom's!"
> 
> I opened the fridge, the light came        on and the beer was still cold...
> 
> What the heck is she talking about?



  

DH got a HUGE kick out of this!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxkry_7t_Pk


I love it. What a way to fetch the cat.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14688


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14689


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxkry_7t_Pk



Adorable!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14689



LOL!  Reminds me of Sir Didymus and Ambrosius from Labyrinth:


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!  Reminds me of Sir Didymus and Ambrosius from Labyrinth:


+1


----------



## Dawgluver

Must watch that movie again!


----------



## Cheryl J

MrsLMB said:


> www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zxkry_7t_Pk


 
OMGosh, I love this!  Looks like they've been buddies for a long time!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Some dogs are just too smart...

ice cube jackpot 002.MOV - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

there went my monitor again...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> there went my monitor again...



Mine too.....

ROFL!!!!


----------



## taxlady

That turtle is soooo cute.


----------



## Kylie1969

Very funny guys


----------



## taxlady

https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/376305_500235740005884_785469768_n.jpg


----------



## TATTRAT

Good morning, DC


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

No explanation needed:


----------



## taxlady

Yippee! From George Takei.






https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/602496_500920253270766_953153227_n.jpg


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, all of these are great!  especially the Incorgnitos...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, all of these are great!  especially the Incorgnitos...


+1


----------



## Dawgluver

+2


----------



## PrincessFiona60

for Addie


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> for Addie



  She needs to print this out!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> for Addie


 

 One for the fridge! Thank you.


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:
			
		

> One for the fridge! Thank you.



I was thinking you should take it with you to sit on the porch while you're doing your needlework.  Maybe tape it to your chair!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> I was thinking you should take it with you to sit on the porch while you're doing your needlework. Maybe tape it to your chair!


 
Attach it to my forehead when I look straight at them.


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all so funny


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> Yippee! From George Takei.
> 
> https://fbcdn-sphotos-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc6/602496_500920253270766_953153227_n.jpg



Yea! I can stop trying to grow up!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14721



View attachment 14722


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14725


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

yup


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 14730


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 14730


There used to be a monster in our big easy chair. Both cats (when I had two) could tell it was there. They would check out the back corners of the seat of the chair and jump away. It was hilarious to watch.


----------



## TATTRAT

Not so much funny, as it is amazing, but what skills! A stack of Boston shakers, each with a Martini/shooter of some sort:


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


> Not so much funny, as it is amazing, but what skills! A stack of Boston shakers, each with a Martini/shooter of some sort:


Holy cow!


----------



## taxlady

From my mummy-in-law:


----------



## TATTRAT

I couldn't imagine getting married knowing that 50% of them last forever.


----------



## Kylie1969

TATTRAT said:


> Not so much funny, as it is amazing, but what skills! A stack of Boston shakers, each with a Martini/shooter of some sort:



That is brilliant...I agree, great skill


----------



## taxlady

I'm wondering what kind of messes he made while learning that.


----------



## Merlot

It seems like I have seen this before, if so I am sorry about the duplicate!  The thread is too long to go back and check!


----------



## Dawgluver

I hadn't seen it, Merlot.  Love it!

Today's funnies have all been adorable!


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:
			
		

> From my mummy-in-law:



Love it!


----------



## chopper

View attachment 14751



View attachment 14752


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Dawgluver

Awwww.  That's your puppy, Chopper?

Oh geez, Tat!


----------



## chopper

Lol


----------



## chopper

Yes Dawg, that is Cooper!


----------



## Dawgluver

Well, you got Cooper's good side!  He's darling!

I'm sure the other end of Tatt's dog is adorable too....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> Yes Dawg, that is Cooper!



I dunno... that is a very unhappy looking dog...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

blatant panhandling


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> blatant panhandling



I'll get my checkbook!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

You looked at the eyes, didn't you?


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> You looked at the eyes, didn't you?



Oh yeah.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Oh yeah.


+1


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

dang...


----------



## TATTRAT

I found a pic from my first body building comp:


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 14756


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

This made me giggle a ridiculous amount.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> LOL!  Reminds me of Sir Didymus and Ambrosius from Labyrinth:



I love those two!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> I found a pic from my first body building comp:



Which one are you, Tatt?

  Loving all the pics!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 14787


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14799


----------



## Merlot

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 14799


 
! I love it


----------



## Merlot




----------



## taxlady

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 14799


Love it. It reminded me of this one, which may already have been posted here.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Love it. It reminded me of this one, which may already have been posted here.



I thought of that too, TL, when I saw Patty's post!


----------



## chopper

That is great!  I love the batman funnies!!


----------



## taxlady

I just remembered, for Cindercat: http://media.noob.us/ihopetogod.jpg


----------



## Skittle68

Someone is anxious for grand kids...

View attachment 14821


----------



## Addie

Skittle68 said:


> Someone is anxious for grand kids...
> 
> View attachment 14821


 
Or just loves to embarrass her kids.


----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh, sweetness!


----------



## Cindercat

taxlady said:
			
		

> I just remembered, for Cindercat: http://media.noob.us/ihopetogod.jpg



Thanks TL, but it came through the first time. You must have posted it as an attachment.


----------



## Cheryl J

LOL, love these funnies!


----------



## Cindercat

Have you checked the chicken coop lately?

View attachment 14827


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> Thanks TL, but it came through the first time. You must have posted it as an attachment.


Nope, not an attachment. That's weird that you could see the batman shadow in the bathtub when you usually only see my attachments.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

oopsies....


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> oopsies....


I want a slinky dress that would let me go down the stairs like a slinky.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 14829


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


  

I'm going to share this.


----------



## Skittle68

This is hilarious- one of the funniest I've seen on here! Thanks for sharing!!


----------



## taxlady

You can kiss my...







https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qa5IcinW-2M/UBq3OOLwUnI/AAAAAAAAKts/pb5vciu_ek0/s572/2012-08-02


----------



## chopper

lol!!!  :d


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Eeeeks!  

Glad there wasn't a spare foot in there.....


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> You can kiss my...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-qa5IcinW-2M/UBq3OOLwUnI/AAAAAAAAKts/pb5vciu_ek0/s572/2012-08-02



That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

lol


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Mrs LMB, you come up with the greatest funnies. Thanks!


----------



## MrsLMB

Well thanks !!  I guess it's just my twisted sense of humor.  I find all sorts of things funny .. and here at DC I found an audience who also loves to laugh !!


----------



## TATTRAT

I liked some of the restaurant signboards:


----------



## Skittle68

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> I liked some of the restaurant signboards:



Here's one for the sign theme:



View attachment 14852


----------



## TATTRAT

Nice!

A Mexican place we go to has a great sigh along those lines, but it says: "FREE BEER!" and under, in smaller font "tomorrow".


----------



## Skittle68

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> Nice!
> 
> A Mexican place we go to has a great sigh along those lines, but it says: "FREE BEER!" and under, in smaller font "tomorrow".



Lol that's a little much in my opinion. What if you come back tomorrow for the free beer?? That's false advertising. It should say in smaller font "some other day" That's what I tell people who joke about not wanting to pay the check- "Sorry, today isn't free food day- that's some other day, but I'm not allowed to tell you when!"


----------



## MrsLMB

Love the meatball one .. very funny signs !!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Great sign


----------



## Kylie1969

TATTRAT said:


> I liked some of the restaurant signboards:



These are fabulous!


----------



## taxlady

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/319434_396285927099961_1068616384_n.jpg


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/319434_396285927099961_1068616384_n.jpg



  This is one of my faves!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

um, yeah...we had the upholstery done...


----------



## Addie

PF, just want you to know I was in Missoula once. Driving cross country, stopped on the  outskirts at an old gas station. I don't know which was older. The gas station or the attendant. A big billboard stating Missoula, Capital of Bulls. We had our own ending to that statement.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> um, yeah...we had the upholstery done...


They remodelled the city?   Pray tell, what did they do?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> PF, just want you to know I was in Missoula once. Driving cross country, stopped on the  outskirts at an old gas station. I don't know which was older. The gas station or the attendant. A big billboard stating Missoula, Capital of Bulls. We had our own ending to that statement.




It's still true...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


 I want to do that to my cat.


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 14862

View attachment 14863

View attachment 14864

View attachment 14865

View attachment 14866


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## Cheryl J

LOL!  Thanks for the laughs, all!


----------



## TATTRAT

Skittle68 said:


> Lol that's a little much in my opinion. What if you come back tomorrow for the free beer?? That's false advertising. It should say in smaller font "some other day" That's what I tell people who joke about not wanting to pay the check- "Sorry, today isn't free food day- that's some other day, but I'm not allowed to tell you when!"



Well, I just think it's funny...wasn't over thinking it as it's just a joke.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> Well, I just think it's funny...wasn't over thinking it as it's just a joke.



It is funny  didn't mean to over think it, but I have worked in the restaurant business for awhile now and I can just imagine some irate customer demanding a free beer because he came all the way back to the store just for the "free beer special". I'm sure that's very unlikely, but you have to be careful with people because not everyone is able to recognize a joke, and there are others who might just make a stink to try to take advantage of it.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

I especially liked #8, "Shut your mouth and eat your supper."


----------



## TATTRAT

Smart escape plan, for a baby!


----------



## taxlady

Maybe more cute than funny.





https://fbcdn-sphotos-h-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-ash3/535042_10151019049094294_11609182_n.jpg


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Skittle68

Ha ha ha ha... I wonder if this was an accident, or if the guy really didn't get it that you're supposed to back in...


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

c'mon...


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Fiona


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> c'mon...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> They remodelled the city?   Pray tell, what did they do?



New trees, upholstery, that's about it...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> New trees, upholstery, that's about it...


I'm having visions of upholstered park benches


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I'm having visions of upholstered park benches



That sign was outside an old motel.  Shrek and I got a huge laugh out of it.

They did paint all the bus stop benches to look like sofas...


----------



## Kylie1969

That would have looked so cool


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969

YUKKY


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


ROTFLMAO


----------



## Merlot




----------



## CWS4322

This one made me laugh:


----------



## Merlot

Wow, that is really hard to see!  (The one I posted previously! )


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> ROTFLMAO



I was waiting for you to see that one.


----------



## CWS4322

And, it's going to FB on my account where several friends are Saint people.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB, good one. As Art Linkletter used to say, "Kids say the darnedest things."


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>




One day Shreddy, my tomcat, sneezed on me. I mentioned to Stirling that it was a shame that Shreddy didn't cover his mouth when he sneezed. I guess Shreddy heard me. The next day he sneezed into my hand.


----------



## taxlady

An old woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio  with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I  could ever live without you"...Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the  wine talking?"...She replies, "It's me....talking to the wine."


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Taxi, I can't get your pic.


From FB:


View attachment 14942


----------



## taxlady

I can't see it either.
It disappeared again!

Here's a link: http://www.lolriot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Okay-Ralph-let-me-splain-it-you-again-570x500.jpg

That didn't work either. I'll attach the pic.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> I can't see it either.
> It disappeared again!
> 
> Here's a link: http://www.lolriot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Okay-Ralph-let-me-splain-it-you-again-570x500.jpg
> 
> Now, it keeps wanting me to delete the message.



Love the site!  All sorts of funny stuff!

Ah! There it is!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Love the site!  All sorts of funny stuff!
> 
> Ah! There it is!


You caught that post between edits.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> You caught that post between edits.



Heh.  I'm keeping the site!  Too cute!


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> I can't see it either.
> It disappeared again!
> 
> Here's a link: http://www.lolriot.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Okay-Ralph-let-me-splain-it-you-again-570x500.jpg
> 
> That didn't work either. I'll attach the pic.



Awwwwww


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14967


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  We're foodies.....

View attachment 14968


----------



## MrsLMB

Because I am not the only Doxie owner here ...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Love Doxie's!  Thanks for the giggle!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


Yes, how could you?


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> Yes, how could you?



E-zactly.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I dunno, it just happens when I sleep...


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all fantastic guys


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 14985


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 14985


 
 I think I have blown my monitor with this one. I may never recover.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Love Doxie's!  Thanks for the giggle!



Have you ever seen "The Ugliest Dachsun"? This made me think of that movie.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15010

The first image received from Curiosity on Mars.

(from George Takai)


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 15010
> 
> The first image received from Curiosity on Mars.
> 
> (from George Takai)


I love it.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Awww that is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Have you ever seen "The Ugliest Dachsun"? This made me think of that movie.



Oh Yes!  Very good Movie!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 15010
> 
> The first image received from Curiosity on Mars.
> 
> (from George Takai)



Amazing, that was the first picture from the Rover, too...


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

Real men also head boop with kittens


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww....I love them


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:
			
		

> One day Shreddy, my tomcat, sneezed on me. I mentioned to Stirling that it was a shame that Shreddy didn't cover his mouth when he sneezed. I guess Shreddy heard me. The next day he sneezed into my hand.



Real life experiences with pets are sometimes the funniest things!  Thanks for sharing!!


----------



## Skittle68

chopper said:
			
		

> Real life experiences with pets are sometimes the funniest things!  Thanks for sharing!!



+1


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>




Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:
			
		

> Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.



I think I just found a new catch phrase.

"Hey Jess you forgot to feed the cat." Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.
"Is it raining outside?" Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.
"Aren't you supposed to be leaving for work?" Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.
"We're out of milk." Said the monkeys with the funky punk hairdos.
<insert gleeful, maniachal giggling>
It works with everything! This should so be an internet meme. Taxlady you're a genious!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 

It does look like a suit of maile.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I'm not sure that's funny...


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## TATTRAT

LOL


----------



## TATTRAT

I got an "Awwwwwwwww" out of this today.



> A newborn baby gorilla at Melbourne Zoo gets a checkup at the hospital and shows surprise at the coldness of the stethoscope


----------



## Dawgluver

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> I got an "Awwwwwwwww" out of this today.



Where'd you get that picture of my niece, Tatt?

  Absolutely precious!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> I got an "Awwwwwwwww" out of this today.



Oh so cute!  I have to send that to Shrek!  Such a beautiful baby!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Barbara L

You all have me laughing like crazy now!


----------



## Barbara L

I don't know if this has already been shared, but I just saw this:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## chopper

I can't see this one PF.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

There big as day for me...let me attach it.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

Love the recent pics!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## chopper

LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em all!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all great


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



That is so true


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


>


That's brilliant.


----------



## Addie

TATTRAT said:


>


 
Someone has too much time on their hands. I must show this to Teddy and his father. He is just a slacker dog. All he wants to do is roll in the grass.


----------



## Dawgluver

Hilarious!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny Merlot


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


>



Brilliant!  LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## Katie H

MrsLMB said:


>



Tooooooooooo true!!!!


----------



## Barbara L

As a teacher for several years, I do not find this the least bit funny!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

even on the veldt...


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> As a teacher for several years, I do not find this the least bit funny!



Love it


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> Love it


 
Ditto and I am off to bed. I can hardly keep my eyes open. Good night.


----------



## Kylie1969

Have a lovely sleep Addie, see you tomorrow


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Oh yes you are, I could just eat you all up.


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> Have a lovely sleep Addie, see you tomorrow


 
Thank you. And I did. I woke up at 11:00 this morniing. Slept right through the whole night.


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## Addie

lifesaver said:


>


 
Looks like some earings I bought at the cherry festival many, many moons ago in Washington State.


----------



## Skittle68

Reminds me of this picture of my kitty:



View attachment 15241


Why do people like to hang things on cats' ears?


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


Sounds about right to me.


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



I love this one


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Skittle68 said:
			
		

> Reminds me of this picture of my kitty:
> 
> Why do people like to hang things on cats' ears?



Because it makes them twitch and that is hilarious. Payback for the paw in the eye while you're sleeping.


----------



## Barbara L

I love this one!


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I love this one!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## tinlizzie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
I've always suspected that rather than a sign of greeting, Native Americans may have been raising their palms in front of their faces to fend off those early-morning spider webs while walking through the forest.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>


  Shrieking uncontrollable laughter...


----------



## Kylie1969

That is really funny


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15255



View attachment 15256

A twofer, that have absolutely nothing to do with each other.


----------



## Merlot




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  Mittens the Destroyer...


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!  I would be unhappy too, wearing that on my head!

A teacher friend wore a similar headgear,  all I could say was, "I've never seen an adult wear something like that!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> ROFL!  I would be unhappy too, wearing that on my head!
> 
> A teacher friend wore a similar headgear,  all I could say was, "I've never seen an adult wear something like that!"



I guess I'll have to model my Soft Kitty hoodie...complete with tail and ears.


----------



## chopper

Merlot said:
			
		

>



Reminds me of the movie Christmas Story where Ralphie has to wear the bunny suit. He didn't like it either.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I guess I'll have to model my Soft Kitty hoodie...complete with tail and ears.



See?  You do have something clean to wear tomorrow!


----------



## chopper

dawgluver said:
			
		

> see?  You do have something clean to wear tomorrow!



lol.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> See?  You do have something clean to wear tomorrow!



It's covered in cat hair...


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> It's covered in cat hair...



So is the cat, and you seem to be ok with that.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> So is the cat, and you seem to be ok with that.



LOL should see me run out of the house in the morning hoping not to encounter a cat that will cover me in hair.  They get all their loving before I shower and dress.


----------



## taxlady

chopper said:


> So is the cat, and you seem to be ok with that.


 

Stirling wanted to know what I was laughing about. He's upstairs in his office; I'm on the ground floor.

I love this silliness. The giggles just kept getting bigger 'til I lost it with this one.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

But the cat is SUPPOSED to have cat hair...I do have to remember no kissing cats after putting on lip balm.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> But the cat is SUPPOSED to have cat hair...I do have to remember no kissing cats after putting on lip balm.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
I can so identify!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I've been a member since Shrek turned 50...16 years ago.  I get all his AARP mail, they haven't sent me anything, yet...now that I am eligible.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> LOL should see me run out of the house in the morning hoping not to encounter a cat that will cover me in hair.  They get all their loving before I shower and dress.



I understand. The Goldens are the same way. They only try to lean against me if I have black on. :O


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I've been a member since Shrek turned 50...16 years ago.  I get all his AARP mail, they haven't sent me anything, yet...now that I am eligible.



Oh my gosh they send us both things all of the time trying to get us to join. What part of "we don't want to be members" don't they understand?


----------



## Barbara L

We love our AARP membership! Great car insurance through The Hartford. 

Just found this on Pinterest and thought it was cute--Balding Post-Its:


----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> We love our AARP membership! Great car insurance through The Hartford.
> 
> Just found this on Pinterest and thought it was cute--Balding Post-Its:



Too funny!!!


----------



## Hoot

I got my feelings hurt by the AARP commercial a few years ago when they were celebrating 50 years...That's when I realized I am older than the AARP!!


----------



## Barbara L

This is me all over! I can't tell you how many times... Squirrel!


----------



## chopper

barbara l said:
			
		

> this is me all over! I can't tell you how many times... Squirrel!



lol!!!  :d


----------



## chopper

View attachment 15266

Thought this little turkey was cute!


----------



## Barbara L

chopper said:


> View attachment 15266
> 
> Thought this little turkey was cute!


Cute!


----------



## Barbara L

If this has already been shared, sorry! (This cat--not the "royal" one--looks just like our cat Booder Dooders!).


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> If this has already been shared, sorry! (This cat--not the "royal" one--looks just like our cat Booder Dooders!).


I love it. I guess your cat looks like my Shreddy.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> Oh my gosh they send us both things all of the time trying to get us to join. What part of "we don't want to be members" don't they understand?




I don't know how to get them to stop, but being members has saved us a lot of money.  Our AARP card got Shrek a $135 discount on his new glasses, Medicare paid absolutely nothing.  Hotel and motel discounts have more than paid for our memberships over the years.

Besides, AARP hopes at some point you forget you don't want their mail...then they got you.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I don't know how to get them to stop, but being members has saved us a lot of money.  Our AARP card got Shrek a $135 discount on his new glasses, Medicare paid absolutely nothing.  Hotel and motel discounts have more than paid for our memberships over the years.
> 
> Besides, AARP hopes at some point you forget you don't want their mail...then they got you.


James was already a member (because of my membership) when he turned 50, but he started getting some of their mail. Now he doesn't get it (at least I don't remember any lately), but sometimes Barbara Pendleton (my name before I married James) does.

Which reminds me of something funny, but not funny at the same time. I used to take National Geographic. After years of taking it, they sent me some mail accidentally addressed to "Barbara Pendleto." Within a few months I started getting junk mail from other places addressed to Barbara Pendleto. So if you ever wondered, yes National Geographic does sell your name and address!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> James was already a member (because of my membership) when he turned 50, but he started getting some of their mail. Now he doesn't get it (at least I don't remember any lately), but sometimes Barbara Pendleton (my name before I married James) does.
> 
> Which reminds me of something funny, but not funny at the same time. I used to take National Geographic. After years of taking it, they sent me some mail accidentally addressed to "Barbara Pendleto." Within a few months I started getting junk mail from other places addressed to Barbara Pendleto. So if you ever wondered, yes National Geographic does sell your name and address!



I get things sent to Fiona Mans....that is not my last name, they've lopped off a lot of it.  And it is National Geographic, too.  Interesting.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I don't know how to get them to stop, but being members has saved us a lot of money.  Our AARP card got Shrek a $135 discount on his new glasses, Medicare paid absolutely nothing.  Hotel and motel discounts have more than paid for our memberships over the years.
> 
> Besides, AARP hopes at some point you forget you don't want their mail...then they got you.


I joined CARP when I turned 50. I kept the membership for a few years because it wasn't much for the membership. But, I got better deals with my corporate AMEX and now I get better deals through CAA.

I only bothered to quit because I got so much junk mail from them.


----------



## chopper

So many magazines, etc. will sell mailing lists. Sometimes I will just use initials or do something so I can tell who sold the list. 

We get discounts for all sorts of different things by being members of car clubs, the NRA, and various other things, but choose not to be a member of AARP. I have tried to get them to stop sending the offers, but they keep coming.


----------



## Addie

My telephone is under my maiden name. And I get mail with that name. It is the only account I have using my maiden name. But the real shocker is when I get mail with my first married name. I haven't used that name since the late 60's. That is when I got married for the second time. 

I love to take a prepaid envelope and stuff it with offers from other companies and mail it back. It doesn't matter what company name is on the envelope. I just make sure my name is not on any of the stuff I send them.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:
			
		

> My telephone is under my maiden name. And I get mail with that name. It is the only account I have using my maiden name. But the real shocker is when I get mail with my first married name. I haven't used that name since the late 60's. That is when I got married for the second time.
> 
> I love to take a prepaid envelope and stuff it with offers from other companies and mail it back. It doesn't matter what company name is on the envelope. I just make sure my name is not on any of the stuff I send them.



+1 I HATE HATE HATE junk mail!!

Sales calls too. I've been getting this recorded sales call saying they have great news about my credit card account, but I've never had a credit card...


----------



## Addie

Skittle68 said:


> +1 I HATE HATE HATE junk mail!!
> 
> Sales calls too. I've been getting this recorded sales call saying they have great news about my credit card account, but I've never had a credit card...


 
I get those calls too. Depending on what mood I am in, I will press #2 and talk to a live person. I pretend I don't understand what the problem is. I pay my bill and above the required amount. I am never late. I can keep that person on the phone for about five minutes wasting their time so that they can't go on to the next call that just might give them a commission. I am good. I can even make them think I am crying because that person is going to shut off my credit card immediately. A couple of times I have even gone into hysterics.


----------



## Addie

Skittle68 said:


> +1 I HATE HATE HATE junk mail!!
> 
> Sales calls too. I've been getting this recorded sales call saying they have great news about my credit card account, but I've never had a credit card...


 
My mailbox used to be filled everyday with junk mail. I started to take a sharpie and wrote across the envelope without opening it, "Return To Sender." Our boxes are those small ones that the mailman opens a door to. the outgoing mailbox is just below them. So I just put them "Returns" right back into the outgoing mailbox. I did this for about two months. Now I very rarely get junk mail. Evidently, when they get it back, they take my name of their mailing list.


----------



## Barbara L

I dedicate this one to anyone who has ever done bunny ears on someone in a photo!


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara, that is so funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So true


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Addie

That is definitely me!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Fiona


----------



## CWS4322

I had to share this:

(https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...19511099.84966.119825421424458&type=1&theater)


----------



## chopper

Skittle68 said:
			
		

> +1 I HATE HATE HATE junk mail!!
> 
> Sales calls too. I've been getting this recorded sales call saying they have great news about my credit card account, but I've never had a credit card...



I get that same call a lot. I have credit cards but I would never answer to these calls!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

For the Brevelians.  The Mothership.

View attachment 15312


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> For the Brevelians.  The Mothership.
> 
> View attachment 15312


What? I thought the Mothership was PURPLE!


----------



## Dawgluver

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> What? I thought the Mothership was PURPLE!



The color was off.  Sorry.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> For the Brevelians.  The Mothership.
> 
> View attachment 15312



I love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

Ah ha ha ha ha... That was my orange kitty's mama. She used to go CRAZY for catnip!! Catnip is related to mint, so she would rub her face up against yours and try to get to your mouth when you're brushing your teeth too. It was so cute! 

My orange kitty and his mama:



View attachment 15335


Boy I miss her... Another rescue. She was already older when I got her, so we only got to have her for 6 years.


----------



## lifesaver




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15341


----------



## taxlady

One of my favourite urban legends.

A young woman was in line for the lift at the ski hill. She had to pee, but it was a long line and she was already more than halfway. She figured she would use the facilities at the chalet at the top of the hill. It just got worse. By the time she was on the lift and near the top her back teeth were floating. She got off the lift and saw some bushes. She dashed over to the bushes, planted her ski poles, pulled down her trousers and the skis took off.

She was now heading down the slope with no ski poles and her trousers around her ankles. She was picking up speed, as one does when skiing crouched down. She was starting to panic. She couldn't use the beginner method of slowing down: just drag your bum. So, eventually, she tipped herself sideways and came to a stop. She was bruised and scraped and the Ski Patrol brought her to the first aid station.

There was a young man being patched up. He was pretty badly injured. He had skied into a tree and had broken several bones. When asked what happened he said, "I didn't see the tree because I was watching some b***h who was mooning me."

They rode to the hospital in the same ambulance.


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!!!


----------



## TATTRAT

Mike Rowe is one of my favorite Man Crushes, I would love to hang out, and have some beers with that guy.


----------



## Barbara L

Good night! Sleep tight!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all great


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Bed pugs


----------



## taxlady

I just got this from my mummy-in-law:(Four worms and a lesson to be learned !!!)




 A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
 Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
 The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
 The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
 The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
 The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.
 At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
 The first worm in alcohol ... 

 Dead.




 The second worm in cigarette smoke 

 ... 

 Dead.




 The third worm in chocolate syrup 

 ... 

 Dead.




 The fourth worm in good, clean soil 

 ...Alive.
 So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
 Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised 

 her hand and said,




 "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have 
 worms!"
 That pretty much ended the service !!​


----------



## Addie

Maxine is my idol. I love her outlook on life.


----------



## Skittle68

taxlady said:
			
		

> I just got this from my mummy-in-lawFour worms and a lesson to be learned !!!)
> 
> A Minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
> Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
> The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
> The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
> The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
> The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.
> At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
> The first worm in alcohol ...
> 
> Dead.
> 
> The second worm in cigarette smoke
> 
> ...
> 
> Dead.
> 
> The third worm in chocolate syrup
> 
> ...
> 
> Dead.
> 
> The fourth worm in good, clean soil
> 
> ...Alive.
> So the Minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
> Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised
> 
> her hand and said,
> 
> "As long as you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have
> worms!"
> That pretty much ended the service !!



I hope this isn't a true story... Maybe I'm weird but this seems like unnecessary cruelty to worms lol. Ok I'm weird. I like fishing, but I also cringe putting a worm on a hook. Can't help thinking, "poor little worm..."


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Skittle68 said:


> I hope this isn't a true story... Maybe I'm weird but this seems like unnecessary cruelty to worms lol. Ok I'm weird. I like fishing, but I also cringe putting a worm on a hook. Can't help thinking, "poor little worm..."



That's why I tie flies.  But you should hear the little rascals complain while I'm cinching the knots tight.

Tying flies is a great way to lure in fish, without having to impale worms.  I know the feeling you're talking about.  I feel that bit of sadness for the fish as well.  But it's still going to be caught by me, and fried up for supper.

Just so's ya knows, I don't feel any remorse about smacking a horse fly, or deer fly, especially after being bitten by them, and putting them on a hook.  I've caught many a brookie that way.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Skittle68

Chief Longwind Of The North said:
			
		

> That's why I tie flies.  But you should hear the little rascals complain while I'm cinching the knots tight.
> 
> Tying flies is a great way to lure in fish, without having to impale worms.  I know the feeling you're talking about.  I feel that bit of sadness for the fish as well.  But it's still going to be caught by me, and fried up for supper.
> 
> Just so's ya knows, I don't feel any remorse about smacking a horse fly, or deer fly, especially after being bitten by them, and putting them on a hook.  I've caught many a brookie that way.
> 
> Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North



I feel a little bad for the fish, but since I want it for dinner (or it's being released) it doesn't seem so pointless to me.


----------



## Merlot




----------



## Skittle68

Merlot said:
			
		

>



LOL! Wish I had the guts to say that to some of these guys...


----------



## Kylie1969

Mergot, that is so funny


----------



## Zhizara

They are so funny.  I saw a pair at the bus station when I arrived here.  They were trying to juggle luggage and keep pulling their pants up.  Hilarious.


----------



## chopper

Yum!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

chopper said:
			
		

> Yum!!!



Chopper!!!  Yum what???

I prefer Bed Pugs.


----------



## chopper

Oh.  Too funny.  I thought I had quoted the funny.  I said Yum!  to the bacon and two eggs picture.


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh geez, I thought you were yumming to the ones following.  ROFL!


----------



## chopper

Bed pugs was cute and funny, not yum.


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


>



STC (Scaring the cat)


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> STC (Scaring the cat)


Here are some more:


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15362


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15362



That is so funny


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> Here are some more:



That is fantastic


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15362



One of my favorite verses...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

This is weird. I can't see the picture that I posted yesterday. It came from my phone, same as always, shouldn't I be able to see it?  hmmm...


----------



## Zhizara

Cindercat said:


> This is weird. I can't see the picture that I posted yesterday. It came from my phone, same as always, shouldn't I be able to see it?  hmmm...



It's still there Cindercat.


----------



## taxlady

Just saw this on Facebook:


----------



## Barbara L

These caps are the living end!


----------



## MrsLMB

Emergency Flashers

Yesterday I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to 
the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the
trunk.

I took out 2 cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of
my car facing oncoming traffic. 

They look so life like you wouldn't believe it!

They are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to the approaching
drivers..

To my surprise, cars start slowing down looking at my lifelike men which
made it safer for me to work at the side of the road. 

And of course, traffic starts backing up. 

Everybody is tooting their horns and waving like crazy. 

It wasn't long before a state trooper pulls up behind me.

He gets out of his car and starts walking towards me.. I could tell he
was not a happy camper!

'What's going on here? '

'My car has a flat tire', I said calmly..

'Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road? '

I couldn't believe that he didn't know. 

So I told him, 'Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!'


----------



## Merlot

I dont always reply but I read this thread everyday.  Thanks for the laughs!   Nothing new to add, my FB is clogged up with back to school pictures instead of new funnies.


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all brilliant


----------



## taxlady

Emergency flashers. Groan.


----------



## Zhizara

That one got me.  I roared!  Best laugh of the day!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

I want THIS cat!  Nanananananananana....

View attachment 15375


----------



## taxlady

From a man's point of view:


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

taxlady said:


> From a man's point of view:



Hey now!  Let's not get a gender joke war going.  I know judo, and I'm not afraid to use it.

Let me see fi I can find some amunition...  Nope, it's just not fair.  Men don't make clever jokes about women, at least none that I can find in a quick google search.  And I simply refuse to be vulgar or base toward the gentle gender, or anyone else, for that matter. Suffice it to say, that I know the truth about all of you.  I've been married for 34 years to a woman, and grew up with 3 sisters and a mother.  And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the the North


----------



## taxlady

Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> Hey now!  Let's not get a gender joke war going.  I know judo, and I'm not afraid to use it.
> 
> Let me see fi I can find some amunition...  Nope, it's just not fair.  Men don't make clever jokes about women, at least none that I can find in a quick google search.  And I simply refuse to be vulgar or base toward the gentle gender, or anyone else, for that matter. Suffice it to say, that I know the truth about all of you.  I've been married for 34 years to a woman, and grew up with 3 sisters and a mother.  And that's all I'm gonna say about that.
> 
> Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the the North


I got that from my husband.


----------



## Barbara L

I KNEW it!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> I want THIS cat!  Nanananananananana....
> 
> View attachment 15375



I love it...I want one too


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> From a man's point of view:



That is classic


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> I KNEW it!!!!



So funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

For Tatt!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is great!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Cuddles on demand -buy a dog.


----------



## CWS4322

I'm sure some of the cat folks can relate to this:


----------



## Katie H

taxlady said:


> Cuddles on demand -buy a dog.




Yes, especially a Bichon.


----------



## Barbara L

CWS4322 said:


> I'm sure some of the cat folks can relate to this:


These are all so funny!  Yes, I can relate to this one! Our dog gets the cottage cheese containers when we are done with them (he cleans them out really good so I can use them for garbage later, LOL). He often has bits of white on his forehead and muzzle when he is done.


----------



## Cheryl J

Love the animal funnies! 

A friend posted this to my facebook page - OMGosh - this is so funny and sweet at the same time!  

Awesome Dogs - This is The Collie Walk


----------



## Kylie1969

That was weird 

Steve actually said is this in slow motion, but it wasnt as it said at the end of the video


----------



## Cheryl J

Dogs 'play stalking' with their friends are so funny...


----------



## Kylie1969

Oh, play stalking, I had not heard of that before...thank you for letting me know Cheryl as I knew they were stalking, but didnt know why all the other dogs chased them


----------



## Barbara L

I loved the dog video! I kind of wish they had pulled the camera back a little more at some point to show the trainer. Such well-trained dogs!

Here is another picture from George Takei:


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is adorable


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## LPBeier

MrsLMB said:


>



The dog even LOOKs like my Violet!  That's her all over including the proud look!


----------



## CWS4322

MrsLMB said:


>


I once left a carrot cake on the table, covered. Went to the City. We came home, the table was flipped over, and there were two Saint Bernards with cream cheese frosting on their faces....I must say, it was good carrot cake, but I didn't realize it was THAT good!


----------



## Barbara L

My cats took one look at this and laaaaaaaughed!


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



Awww that is just too cute!


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> My cats took one look at this and laaaaaaaughed!



That is one of the funniest looks I have seen


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> My cats took one look at this and laaaaaaaughed!


Mwahaha


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Barbara L

The first picture is one my daughter took of a sign at the Oceanside Harbor in Oceanside, California (most likely at Harbor Fish and Chips).  The second is funny because of the cub, but isn't that one of the most gorgeous manes you have ever seen on a lion? I love it!


----------



## Barbara L

I have to post one more before I get off of here for the night. My daughter took this picture of our youngest grandson Thomas. She said he is going incognito.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny Barbara


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

I love that one


----------



## chopper

Cheryl, those Border Collies were great. Thanks for sharing.


----------



## chopper

All of your funnies are great. I really enjoy looking at this thread at the end of a long day. Thanks.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot




----------



## Barbara L

Dinner choices!


----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Dinner choices!



I love it!


----------



## MrsLMB

Guess where I am now

Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, 
and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn’t funny, 
but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. 

My parents told me to always tell the truth. 
I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. 

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher 
was probably a member of PETA. 

He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. 

I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. 

Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me 
what my favorite live animal was.

I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, 
so I told her it was because you could make them 
into fried chicken. 

She sent me back to the principal's office. 

He laughed, and told me not to do it again. 

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. 

Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." 

Guess where I am now...?!?"


----------



## Barbara L

I love it! So much that I have to steal it!


----------



## Kylie1969

These are all great today guys


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 
Oh yes Ma'm. Right from the Chef's own garden out back.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I love it. But, I don't think my cat would ever use the box again.


----------



## Barbara L

Now we know!


----------



## chopper

You are great at making me laugh!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A woman was rushed to the hospital unexpectedly,
so she called her husband to bring her a few items from home.  
One item on her list was comfortable underwear.

Not sure what she considered comfortable, he asked,
"How will I know which ones to pick?

"Hold them up and imagine them on me," 
she answered. "If you smile, put them back."


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Merlot

Barbara L said:


> Now we know!


 

  I was just getting ready to post that one!  so here are some more


----------



## taxlady

I have had a mammogram. I wouldn't inflict that on any man who wasn't insisting that I have another one.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I have had a mammogram. I wouldn't inflict that on any man who wasn't insisting that I have another one.



I will gladly have a mammogram a year...having a bad result makes nice clean mammograms a thing of beauty.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I will gladly have a mammogram a year...having a bad result makes nice clean mammograms a thing of beauty.


I can understand that. But, for those of us not particularly at risk, the results are just too iffy. I would probably rather have a biopsy if I had a lump. I do the Feel Your Boobies thing.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I can understand that. But, for those of us not particularly at risk, the results are just too iffy. I would probably rather have a biopsy if I had a lump. I do the Feel Your Boobies thing.



I like Feel Your Boobies and Save The Ta-Tas


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

LOL


----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


This reminds me of a true story. Many years ago a convenience store in San Diego County asked the police to stop coming into their store every day (they went in for coffee, doughnuts, snacks, etc.) because it was "driving their customers away." I would not want the kind of customers that would be kept away by police merely being there! Anyway, the police obliged, and next thing you knew, the store was asking them to come back because they started getting robbed! Duh!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are both so funny guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

taxlady said:
			
		

> I have had a mammogram. I wouldn't inflict that on any man who wasn't insisting that I have another one.



I'm supposed to start having them when I'm 30 :/  High risk. Lucky me. Getting one at 40 saved my mom's life tho. She had to have a double mastectomy. On the plus side she doesn't have to worry about the twins being uneven. 



			
				PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> A woman was rushed to the hospital unexpectedly,
> so she called her husband to bring her a few items from home.
> One item on her list was comfortable underwear.
> 
> Not sure what she considered comfortable, he asked,
> "How will I know which ones to pick?
> 
> "Hold them up and imagine them on me,"
> she answered. "If you smile, put them back."



Lol!!! Love this! I don't think this one would work on my bf tho... I could be wearing men's boxer shorts...


----------



## Barbara L

These fishermen seem to be very popular with the natives!


----------



## taxlady

taxlady said:


> I have had a mammogram. I wouldn't inflict that on any man who wasn't insisting that I have another one.


On second thought, maybe all doctors should have one every year until they approve something more accurate and less uncomfortable.

As a possibility, there's Digital Tomosynthesis: Another Possible Mammogram Replacement for Breast Cancer Diagnosis? - Early Detection - Breast Cancer which they was mentioned as early as 1997! It's only supposed to be used for research, until they have tested it enough. Come on guys, we use Computer Aided Tomography and that's very similar.


----------



## Barbara L

P.S. to the cats and fishermen photo--yes, it is obviously Photo-Shopped (didn't notice it at first), but it is still cute.


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> P.S. to the cats and fishermen photo--yes, it is obviously Photo-Shopped (didn't notice it at first), but it is still cute.



Aww I see now that it's shopped. Thanks for ruining it


----------



## taxlady

Here's the original. Still pretty good. Actually, I think I like this better. Look how all the kitties are sitting politely and waiting and nicely separated.


----------



## Barbara L

Skittle68 said:


> Aww I see now that it's shopped. Thanks for ruining it


The funny thing is, I didn't notice it until someone pointed it out, but now it sticks out like a sore thumb that there are only about 4 cats. It is actually a pretty good Photo Shop job, but they could have used more cats!


----------



## Barbara L

taxlady said:


> Here's the original. Still pretty good. Actually, I think I like this better. Look how all the kitties are sitting politely and waiting and nicely separated.


Thank you for posting this!  Yes, I do like this one better too!  Why do people think they have to mess with something that is already good?!


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Thank you for posting this!  Yes, I do like this one better too!  Why do people think they have to mess with something that is already good?!



I agree!! The original is way cooler.


----------



## Barbara L

One last post, then off to the doctor, pharmacy, and O'Charley's.


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> Here's the original. Still pretty good. Actually, I think I like this better. Look how all the kitties are sitting politely and waiting and nicely separated.



That is brilliant..love it


----------



## Dawgluver

Another from George Takei, some light humor.

View attachment 15470


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Another from George Takei, some light humor.
> 
> View attachment 15470


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> These fishermen seem to be very popular with the natives!



If only they had thumbs and could open cans themselves.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Another from George Takei, some light humor.
> 
> View attachment 15470


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My Mom should get half priced mammograms.    Actually, as strange as it sounds, Breast cancer saved Mom's life...discovering it led to the discovery of stage 1 Ovarian Cancer, something that would not have been noticed until it was too late.


----------



## Addie

I have stopped having mammograms. At my age, if I find a lump, please take both of them off. Then maybe I can find a blouse that I can button without gapitis. I am no longer nursing babies, and I sure am not trying to catch me a new man. They served their purpose, now it is time for them to go.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> I have stopped having mammograms. At my age, if I find a lump, please take both of them off. Then maybe I can find a blouse that I can button without gapitis. I am no longer nursing babies, and I sure am not trying to catch me a new man. They served their purpose, now it is time for them to go.



I'm getting tired of tucking what's left in my waistband...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm getting tired of tucking what's left in my waistband...


 
 I am tired of wearing a bra and pulling it high enough so 'they' will look perky like the young kids. I never succeed. I am past the age of "perky"! All I do is walk around very uncomfortable in a bra that is making me miserable.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> I am tired of wearing a bra and pulling it high enough so 'they' will look perky like the young kids. I never succeed. I am past the age of "perky"! All I do is walk around very uncomfortable in a bra that is making me miserable.


I wear one when I have to. Or if I am wearing a blouse that is tucked in to the waistband of a skirt or trousers. I'm not real fond of the look of using a belt as a brassiere.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!!!


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I wear one when I have to. Or if I am wearing a blouse that is tucked in to the waistband of a skirt or trousers. I'm not real fond of the look of using a belt as a brassiere.


 
 I only wear a bra if I am leaving the property. I really don't care what the residents here think. I never tuck in a blouse. And when I am shoppiing for an everyday dress, I look for the Empire style. No waist. I like my clothes to hang loose. Now if I could just find a bra that does that I would be happy.


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 
  Best one I've seen in a while .. reminds me of my hubby


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:
			
		

> I have stopped having mammograms. At my age, if I find a lump, please take both of them off. Then maybe I can find a blouse that I can button without gapitis. I am no longer nursing babies, and I sure am not trying to catch me a new man. They served their purpose, now it is time for them to go.



I know this  is the funny thread, but one last thing on this serious subject: My mom's breast cancer was discovered by mammogram when it was still too small to feel. It was smaller than a dime, and they still chose to remove both breasts because that particular type spreads fast and can pop up later in the other breast.  My point is that you want to catch it early in case it's an aggressive variety that spreads fast. Just saying.


----------



## chopper

View attachment 15481


----------



## Barbara L

Excellent advice Skittle!

******************
I wonder how hard he will try to get the 2nd peanut in?


----------



## Skittle68

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Excellent advice Skittle!
> 
> ******************
> I wonder how hard he will try to get the 2nd peanut in?



Lol so cute!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15483


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> Excellent advice Skittle!
> 
> ******************
> I wonder how hard he will try to get the 2nd peanut in?



So funny


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 15483



Awww, I love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is classic...good exercise too


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



Gee, he doesn't look suss at all does he


----------



## chopper

LOL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.



View attachment 15493


----------



## Barbara L




----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I like Feel Your Boobies and Save The Ta-Tas


I also like "Save the Blue-Footed Booby."


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15502



View attachment 15501


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

>



Ack!  I was just going to blow dry one!  Thanks for the heads-up!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Mondai...


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Mondai...



That white kitty looks SO soft!!!  Love them both!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> I also like "Save the Blue-Footed Booby."



My favorite!


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My favorite!


That's us, doing our little DC dance!


----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> That's us, doing our little DC dance!



LOL. You two are looking good then!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> That's us, doing our little DC dance!



I've been wearing socks so my feet are not so blue


----------



## Barbara L

Dawgluver said:


> Ack!  I was just going to blow dry one!  Thanks for the heads-up!


Thank goodness I stopped you on time!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Barbara L

I just about died laughing!  (If you haven't seen Titanic--go see it!).


----------



## Kylie1969

These are all brilliant guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Yeah, I think I would get out of bed


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15502
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 15501



These are so funny CC


----------



## Barbara L

I love "Princess Bride!"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Barbara L

Um..... I'll hold the camera!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



And the necklace...


----------



## Barbara L

Oh my gosh, that face!!!!!!


----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Oh my gosh, that face!!!!!!



That is a great one!  I think I peed a little!  LOL


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Oh yes...I know that feeling


----------



## Chef Munky

*Life With My Dog*

He's just hilarious when the camera comes out. Love his antics and that sly grin of his. He jumped into the bushes while the guys were washing the truck.
Watching over his kingdom.


----------



## Dawgluver

Chef Munky said:
			
		

> He's just hilarious when the camera comes out. Love his antics and that sly grin of his. He jumped into the bushes while the guys were washing the truck.
> Watching over his kingdom.



What a gorgeous dog, Munky!


----------



## chopper

Oh, what a beautiful dog!!!


----------



## Chef Munky

Thank you ladies. He thinks he's a chick magnet. Must be that golden hair of his.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Chef Munky said:


> He's just hilarious when the camera comes out. Love his antics and that sly grin of his. He jumped into the bushes while the guys were washing the truck.
> Watching over his kingdom.



Aww, what's the wee Beastie's name?  What a gorgeous dog!


----------



## Chef Munky

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Aww, what's the wee Beastie's name?  What a gorgeous dog!



"Trouble"


----------



## Merlot




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Chef Munky said:


> "Trouble"



Well, you go asking for "Trouble" and see what happens?


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## CWS4322

I like this one:


----------



## chopper

Chef Munky said:
			
		

> "Trouble"



My Coopers daddy was named Trouble too!  We can see that Cooper has a little of his dad in him.


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot said:


>



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

MrsLMB said:


>



I've know women like that.  I've had to deal with kids who had that kind of a mother.  You know the type; "My little Johnny wouldn't do that.  I don't care if you say you saw it happen.  You just get back to your own house and leave us alone.  C'mon Johhny.  You just stay away from *that* family."

You just want to take the parent, Mom or Dad, and turn them over your knee and give them the spanking little Johnny deserves.  Oh, wait, we don't spank children any more.  So we put bad mommy, or bad daddy in a corner, facing the wall, for a good, 3 hour time out.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Addie

Fortunately I was not one of those parents. My kids knew, if someone came to my door telling me they did something, they already were filled with fear. 

When my youngest was five years old. he threw a good size rock and broke a windshield. I offeredd to pay for it, but I wanted three estimates. The guy started to get really nasty. Now in Mass, a child under 6 y.o. is a non-person and cannot be held responsible for any acts. I never questioned that my son did the dastardly deed. But according to the car owner I taught him to be a hooligan. I had enough. I walked away and told him to take me to court. He did. The court sided with me due to my son's age. I told the judge what happened. The jerk again adopted the same attitude. He left empty handed. 

I never denied what my kids did as long as there was reasonable proof. And they got punished accordingly.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Addie said:


> Fortunately I was not one of those parents. My kids knew, if someone came to my door telling me they did something, they already were filled with fear.
> 
> When my youngest was five years old. he threw a good size rock and broke a windshield. I offeredd to pay for it, but I wanted three estimates. The guy started to get really nasty. Now in Mass, a child under 6 y.o. is a non-person and cannot be held responsible for any acts. I never questioned that my son did the dastardly deed. But according to the car owner I taught him to be a hooligan. I had enough. I walked away and told him to take me to court. He did. The court sided with me due to my son's age. I told the judge what happened. The jerk again adopted the same attitude. He left empty handed.
> 
> I never denied what my kids did as long as there was reasonable proof. And they got punished accordingly.


 
I know jsut what you mean.  Sometimes adults can act so much worse than children.  But we won't go there.  This thread is supposed to be about good, uplifting humor, and I won't hijack it.

There was this father and son who loved fishing.  They lived in Tennessey and had fished every lake, pond, and stream in the state.  One day, the father turned to his son and said; "Son, we've fished every body of water around, and done every kind of fishing that we could, except for one."
"So what kind of fishing haven't we done, Dad?"
"Well, we've never been ice-fishing."
"Ya know, maybe it's because we never have any ice."
"Keep it up, and I might just have to toss you in the lake."
"Ya gotta catch me first, dear _*old*_ Dad."
"Ok, you win this one.  But we've still never been ice fishing."
"So what's up.  I don't think the weather's gonna get any colder around here?"
"Well, you've kept you grades up in school, and I talked it over with your Mom, and teacher.  They agreed that you could afford to take a week off from school, and we'll take a little trip up North, you know, into Canada, maybe in February."
As could be expected, the boy became excited.  He replied; "Really!  you're not kidding?"
"Nope, so long as you keep your grades up.  Your teacher said that she can send you some schoolwork so that you don't get behind."
"Wow!  I'll be ready.  You just watch me."

So time went on and February finally came around.  One night at the dinner table, without warning, the father said; "Son, pack up a light suitcase, and your fishing gear.  We're leaving for Canada in the morning."

Again the boy responded positively, with excitedment in his voice.  He said he would be all set by morning.

Morning came, and bloth father and son rose before the sun rose.  They kissed Mom goodbye and headed for the garage.

"Let's make sure we have everything we need before we hit the road." said the father.  So they checked their list and decided it was time to go.

They made good time and were at the Canadian border before the sun went down.  Shortly after they crossed the border, Dad said; "Ya know son, we jsut don't know a lot about this ice fishing thing.  Maybe we ought to stop at a bait shop and ask some questions."
"Seems like a good idea to me." remplied the boy.

So they kept driving northward untill they hit the outskirts of a small town they'd passed through.  There, they saw a shop that advertised minnows and worms.

"This looks liek a good spot." said the dad.
So they pulled in and stopped to get more information.

The proprietor of the shop explained the sport of ice fishing, and sold them an assortment of minnows, worms, a minnow bucket, and some gear needed to fish through the ice.  After they'd paid for everything, and were about to leave, the father turned to the propietor and said; "Oh, and I guess we'll be buying a cou[ple of ice picks too."

So they were sold a few ice picks.  Following directions to a good lake, not too far away from the little shop they'd just left, they set about the task of preparing to fish.  After about an hour, the dad packed up his son and headed back to the shop.  He went in and bought two more ice picks.  Again, they headed for the frozen lake.

Two hours later, the father and son got in the car and headed back to the bait shop.  Both went in, and the father, with an exasperatied tone, said; Give me every ice pick you got."

The proprietor thought the request was a bit odd.  He asked; "So how you boys doing out there?  Catching any fish?"

The father exclaimed; "Well ya know, I'm not sure that this ice fishing thing is for us.  We've been out on that ice for near onto three hours now, and we haven't even picked a hole big enough to put the boat in the water yet."


You might have to live in the North to really appreciate this joke.  But believe me when I say, I'm just poking a little fun.  I'd love to go south and hit some of those fly fishing streams one day.  But I'd probably be a little tentative walking around the streams and ponds, down there.  I mean, you've got gators, water moccasons, copperheads, and boars the size of bears.  It's safer up here, no poisonous snakes, insects, spiders, etc.  We do have sufficeint biting bugs to pick you up and carry you away though.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


I sure hope that's pounds, not kilos.


----------



## CWS4322

LOL!

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...99832319.96133.435218629832676&type=1&theater


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

I haven't been able to come on DC as much the last few days, but I just looked at all the new funnies and they are great!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all guys


----------



## tinlizzie

Barbara L said:


> I haven't been able to come on DC as much the last few days, but I just looked at all the new funnies and they are great!


 
Me, too!  I'm entertaining a house guest with all these cute and funny entries.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is brilliant 

Machine gun would work even better


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Ginger family (


----------



## CWS4322

This is a food forum, after all:


----------



## Katie H

CWS4322 said:


> This is a food forum, after all:




Man,oh, man, oh man.....  We must have an over-infestation of these little critters.

And, I've noticed they're especially rampant at Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!!


----------



## CWS4322

Katie H said:


> Man,oh, man, oh man.....  We must have an over-infestation of these little critters.
> 
> And, I've noticed they're especially rampant at Thanksgiving and Christmas!!!!


Like horses, they have an 11-month gestation period, typical season during which most are born is between the middle of November and the end of the December (why they can't have the same gestation period as elephants, I have not idea--Mother Nature's cruel joke!)--and, the critters seem to be particularly attracted to the clothes of people over 50.


----------



## Addie

I wish there was an icon for shaking ones head in disbelief. Because that is what I am doing right now. I just love this thread. It is right up there with Chicken Chronicals.


----------



## MrsLMB

Not a funny but an awwwww !!!

HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> This is a food forum, after all:



Love it


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Not a funny but an awwwww !!!
> 
> HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube



Sweet!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Not a funny but an awwwww !!!
> 
> HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube




So cute!


----------



## Hoot

*An elderly man  was stopped by the police
 around 2 a.m and was asked where he was
 going at that  time of night. *







*The man  replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture 
about alcohol abuse and the effects
 it has  on the human body,*​ *                   as well as  smoking and staying out late." *
 
*The officer  then asked, 
"Really? Who's giving that lecture 
at this time of night?"  *

*The man  replied, "That would be my wife."*​


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Not a funny but an awwwww !!!
> 
> HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube



Cute!  Momma cat is gorgeous.  She reminds me of the one in the cat food commercial, Friskies?


----------



## Dawgluver

Hoot said:
			
		

> An elderly man  was stopped by the police
> around 2 a.m and was asked where he was
> going at that  time of night.
> 
> 
> The man  replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture
> about alcohol abuse and the effects
> it has  on the human body,
> 
> as well as  smoking and staying out late."
> 
> The officer  then asked,
> "Really? Who's giving that lecture
> at this time of night?"
> 
> The man  replied, "That would be my wife."


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Not a funny but an awwwww !!!
> 
> HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube


awwwww !!! is right.


----------



## taxlady

Hoot said:


> *An elderly man  was stopped by the police
> around 2 a.m and was asked where he was
> going at that  time of night. *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *The man  replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture
> about alcohol abuse and the effects
> it has  on the human body,*​ *                   as well as  smoking and staying out late." *
> 
> *The officer  then asked,
> "Really? Who's giving that lecture
> at this time of night?"  *
> 
> *The man  replied, "That would be my wife."*​


 Mwahaha


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> I wish there was an icon for shaking ones head in disbelief. Because that is what I am doing right now. I just love this thread. It is right up there with Chicken Chronicals.


It could be worse, the critters could have the incubation period of a chick!


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> It could be worse, the critters could have the incubation period of a chick!


 
I don't want to one to brag, but I was able to exterminate some of them this past year. Fifteen pounds worth. I think when I moved some of my clothiing from one closet to another is when it all happened. Those critteres didn't know where the clothes went. So far they haven't found their way over to the end of the apartment. Another ten pounds worth would be just great. 

According to all the charts I should weigh 95 pounds. Yeah. In my dreams. I haven't weighed that since I was 15.


----------



## Barbara L

One of my favorite photos ever! I love Meerkats!


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> One of my favorite photos ever! I love Meerkats!



"Ooh, is there food in there?". Or "All right, Mr. DeMille, we're ready for our closeup."

Love it!  Meercats rock!


----------



## taxlady

Those meercats are adorable and obviously not shy.


----------



## Barbara L

"Mama, guess what I just saw?!"


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is lovely


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny  



Hoot said:


> *An elderly man  was stopped by the police
> around 2 a.m and was asked where he was
> going at that  time of night. *
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *The man  replied, "I'm on my way to a lecture
> about alcohol abuse and the effects
> it has  on the human body,*​ *                   as well as  smoking and staying out late." *
> 
> *The officer  then asked,
> "Really? Who's giving that lecture
> at this time of night?"  *
> 
> *The man  replied, "That would be my wife."*​


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> One of my favorite photos ever! I love Meerkats!



Aww how lovely is that!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Ginger family (



As adorable as this is, it's really dangerous for the chicks. Even if the cat would never hurt them intentionally, cats saliva has a bacteria in it that is toxic to birds. Not only is the cats fur covered in it, if she affectionately licks the chicks they would be exposed to it that way too. Very cute, but cats and birds don't mix well...



			
				MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Not a funny but an awwwww !!!
> 
> HOW TO STOP A NIGHTMARE - YouTube



Omg this is so adorable!!! I love kittens!






View attachment 15582

I used to wear goggles sometimes lol. It helped quite a bit. Especially when I had to cut a whole tub of onions at work!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


I don't see anything.


----------



## Kylie1969

No, I cant see it either


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I attached it, take another look.


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww, how cute is that


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I attached it, take another look.


Now it's showing. Cute.


----------



## Cheryl J

Oh, I love the kitty funnies!


----------



## Kylie1969

Me too Cheryl and there are a lot of them


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so cool


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I want this one


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I want this one


Me too.


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww I love them


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

MrsLMB said:


>


 
Amen to that sister  *shudder*


----------



## Kylie1969

Oh yes....that is so true


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Barbara L

These are so funny!


----------



## Barbara L

Yikes!


----------



## Zhizara

Not my best side!! LOL


----------



## Barbara L

Zhizara said:


> Not my best side!! LOL


LOL  Silly! Too bad someone couldn't have gotten another shot, but from down in the "moat." Could you imagine that photo?!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## TATTRAT

MrsLMB said:


>



This, is pure awesome goodness, love it!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

Mom? Dad?


----------



## Kylie1969

I love it Addie


----------



## Merlot

TATTRAT said:


> This, is pure awesome goodness, love it!


 
 I don't know how many times I have put a little extra umph in it and stabbed it all the way through the other side.  So technically I might not hit the right spot but I can put some force behind it.


----------



## Cindercat

Sneeze, feel free to put a stupid look on my students' faces and PLEASE leave without making yourself known in my classroom. I've seen enough snot in the past week to last the winter.

(It didn't copy MrsLMB's post about sneezes.)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

I feel like this sometimes...


----------



## taxlady

Once Again, Car Thieves Thwarted By Manual Transmission


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## CWS4322

This is a cooking forum...that was me last night during MC!


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> This is a cooking forum...that was me last night during MC!


Doesn't everyone do that?


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

CWS4322 said:


> This is a cooking forum...that was me last night during MC!



I do watch cooking shows the way guys watch sports.

"What!  you just burned your caramel, you idiot.  And this guy's supposed to be a professional chef!  You know hon, it's easy to make great meals when you have access to ingredients like Wagyu Beef, truffles, virtually any ingredient you want, plus all those tools that the iron chefs have.  Oh!  Did you see that!  He just tasted the sauce by dipping his finger.  Then he added more salt, and dipped the same finger in again to taste it, without even washing it off.  Any fool knows you have to wash your finger, or get a spoon, or something.  And I'd have made an ice cream with those candy caps and pecans."

Don't all of you?

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em all!


----------



## Kylie1969

Yes, all very funny


----------



## Merlot

From FB and for those who have it will understand this one as of late.


----------



## Zhizara

Reminds me of how I am when Emeril pours a sauce over something incredibly crispy.  Sauce on the side!!!!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot said:


> From FB and for those who have it will understand this one as of late.



Love it


----------



## Barbara L

CWS4322 said:


> This is a cooking forum...that was me last night during MC!


I do this!  I agree Taxlady--I think we all do this!


----------



## Barbara L

Just found these.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> This is a cooking forum...that was me last night during MC!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have tears rolling down my face after all these.  Thanks!


----------



## chopper

Oh my gosh, you find the funniest things to post here!  I was laughing so hard I was crying when I read about apple's iTit.


----------



## Kylie1969

I cant see Barbara's pictures


----------



## Barbara L

Kylie1969 said:


> I cant see Barbara's pictures


I wonder why?  I'll try again here.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Awwww...


----------



## Kylie1969

Thanks Barbara, I can see them now and they are very funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

HP Printer Commercial - Evian Babies - Brand New Key - Widescreen 16:9 - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> HP Printer Commercial - Evian Babies - Brand New Key - Widescreen 16:9 - YouTube



So cute!  Hadn't seen the whole thing, don't try this at home, folks!


----------



## taxlady

That was adorable, PF.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> HP Printer Commercial - Evian Babies - Brand New Key - Widescreen 16:9 - YouTube


It is amazing how people can make that look so real!  The printer they are advertising is very close to the model I have.


----------



## Barbara L

Funny, cute, and amazing all at the same time!


----------



## Barbara L

This is an actual dog toy! I want to get Cubbie one!


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> Awwww...



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> Funny, cute, and amazing all at the same time!



That is all 3 wrapped in one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so sweet


----------



## TATTRAT

Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. RAmen.


----------



## Dawgluver

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> Our pasta, who art in a colander, draining be your noodles. Thy noodle come, Thy sauce be yum, on top some grated Parmesan. Give us this day our garlic bread, and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trample on our lawns. And lead us not into vegetarianism, but deliver us some pizza, for thine is the meatball, the noodle, and the sauce, forever and ever. RAmen.



  :rolf:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zhizara

Me too!


----------



## Addie

+2 I also will just throw something on the floor if it is not breakable when it keeps going there. If that is where it wants to be, I will help it. 

"Okay, you want to be on the floor, then here you go. Now stay there!"


----------



## Barbara L

Addie said:


> +2 I also will just throw something on the floor if it is not breakable when it keeps going there. If that is where it wants to be, I will help it.
> 
> "Okay, you want to be on the floor, then here you go. Now stay there!"


And then it jumps back to where it belongs and says, "Oh yeah?!"


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> And then it jumps back to where it belongs and says, "Oh yeah?!"


 
 My second good laugh for the day. Thank you. You have me laughing so hard.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> And then it jumps back to where it belongs and says, "Oh yeah?!"



I just hate those "strong willed" objects.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


>


----------



## Dawgluver

Stand by, er, on me....

View attachment 15655


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Stand by, er, on me....
> 
> View attachment 15655



They must be very good friends


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>



That is soooooo funny


----------



## Dawgluver

Kylie1969 said:
			
		

> That is soooooo funny



Sad but true...


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## Dawgluver

Cheryl J said:
			
		

>


----------



## taxlady

Good one Cheryl.


----------



## Barbara L

All so funny!  My Forrest Gump loving husband will love the Lieutenant Dan one!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hours...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Hours...



Az long az u wantz....


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Az long az u wantz....


Sure bet, when you are that cute.


----------



## Cheryl J

Barbara L said:


> All so funny! My Forrest Gump loving husband will love the Lieutenant Dan one!


 
I love Forrest Gump too, have seen the movie umpteen times!  lol    Thanks Barbara L, and all.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## TATTRAT

one of my banks approved my image, for my "Create your Own Card":






I am honestly excited!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

TATTRAT said:


> one of my banks approved my image, for my "Create your Own Card":
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am honestly excited!



I am excited too 

Imagine the possibilities


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


> one of my banks approved my image, for my "Create your Own Card":
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am honestly excited!


Cool. did you take the picture?


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 15659

Omg that is so funny!! Reminds me of when I had to bathe the cats after they got sprayed by a skunk. The one who got the worst of it got baking soda and peroxide. And the other one got tomato juice (peroxide was gone), so we had a pink and orange cat for awhile lol

My quote from mrsLMB disappeared


----------



## TATTRAT

taxlady said:


> Cool. did you take the picture?



Yeah, lol.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> one of my banks approved my image, for my "Create your Own Card":
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am honestly excited!



Love it!  Perfect card!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My ride is here...


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 15659
> 
> Omg that is so funny!! Reminds me of when I had to bathe the cats after they got sprayed by a skunk. The one who got the worst of it got baking soda and peroxide. And the other one got tomato juice (peroxide was gone), so we had a pink and orange cat for awhile lol
> 
> My quote from mrsLMB disappeared



I love this one


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Not exactly funny but this kid is the fantastic...Stay Calm, Dad - Video


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Not exactly funny but this kid is the fantastic...Stay Calm, Dad - Video


Adorable, but how did things go for Dad?


----------



## CWS4322

TATTRAT said:


> one of my banks approved my image, for my "Create your Own Card":
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> I am honestly excited!


How cool! What is the image of?


----------



## Zhizara

Bacon!!! Yum yum!

It took me a minute too.


----------



## CWS4322

Zhizara said:


> Bacon!!! Yum yum!
> 
> It took me a minute too.


Oh--now I see it. I was thinking a canyon s/where...duh!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Adorable, but how did things go for Dad?



I don't know about Dad...he must have been okay or I'm sure they would have said so in the clip.


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I don't know about Dad...he must have been okay or I'm sure they would have said so in the clip.


 
I have watched that clip before, it's a good one.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Not exactly funny but this kid is the fantastic...Stay Calm, Dad - Video


 
That is a treasure.


----------



## Zhizara

CWS4322 said:


> Oh--now I see it. I was thinking a canyon s/where...duh!



Because of the curve on the upper right corner, I thought I was seeing the surface of the sun at first.  I like bacon better!


----------



## MrsLMB

Funny little things.

Goofy Hamsters Spin Around - Yahoo!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Awww love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is adorable!


----------



## Barbara L

I think I'm going to do this!  LOL


----------



## taxlady

Barbara L said:


> I think I'm going to do this!  LOL


I love it. I'm going to discuss changing the name of our network with Stirling.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

okay...


----------



## taxlady

I posted the one about naming your wifi network "FBI Surveillance Van". One poster wrote, "Or CSIS as the case may be." and another suggested putting a neighbour's address.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Barbara L said:
			
		

> I think I'm going to do this!  LOL



I wish I could say no way were people gullible enough to believe that, but without trying the names of three friends popped into my head.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> I posted the one about naming your wifi network "FBI Surveillance Van". One poster wrote, "Or CSIS as the case may be." and another suggested putting a neighbour's address.



My neighbor did that.  I told him it was a Federal offense to impersonate a member of a Federal agency even in jest.  He changed the network name.


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> My neighbor did that. I told him it was a Federal offense to impersonate a member of a Federal agency even in jest. He changed the network name.


 
That was my first thought when I read that post.


----------



## Zhizara

Barbara L said:


> I think I'm going to do this!  LOL



Excuse me while I wipe the beer off my screen.  You made me spew beer out of my nose!

Thanks for the great laugh!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

When I have ruined at least one computer screen, I know my day's work is done.  

I laugh so much at this thread!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

snicker....


----------



## Barbara L

Winter's coming, are you ready?


----------



## CWS4322

The difference between men and women:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

so easy...


----------



## chopper

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Winter's coming, are you ready?



Hee hee hee. It looks like a cat hat!  I love it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Ancient mystery solved.

View attachment 15691


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## TATTRAT

Andy M. said:


> My neighbor did that.  I told him it was a Federal offense to impersonate a member of a Federal agency even in jest.  He changed the network name.



My network name:
"Pretty fly, for a Wi-Fi"


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> Winter's coming, are you ready?



Awww love that one


----------



## Barbara L

TATTRAT said:


> My network name:
> "Pretty fly, for a Wi-Fi"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

Barbara L said:


> I think I'm going to do this! LOL


 
Darn, you beat me to it, I picked that one up from FB this morning 

Heres another....


----------



## chopper

That last one is how I feel now that the days are getting shorter and it isn't as light in the morning.


----------



## Barbara L

Shared laughter is the best!


----------



## Barbara L

A hamster on stilts!  (Just noticed the tail, so I guess it is a gerbil?).


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> A hamster on stilts!  (Just noticed the tail, so I guess it is a gerbil?).



I think it's a mouse, but so cute!


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> A hamster on stilts!  (Just noticed the tail, so I guess it is a gerbil?).



Awwww love it


----------



## Barbara L

I'm not old, I'm a multi-tasker!


----------



## Addie

I found that with all the weight I lost, I no longer pee my panties. I wonder what else I could cure if I lost more weight.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## CWS4322

Oops!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

a little more time on the grill...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

you said


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



LOL...that is so funny MrsL


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> you said



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

A dog was sitting alone and having himself a think. These people, they feed me, they groom me, they clean up after me when I poop, they put a roof over my head. They must be god.

A cat was sitting alone and having himself a think. These people, they  feed me, they groom me, they clean my litter box, they put a roof over my  head. I must be god.


----------



## Barbara L

This is me! Seriously, this is a photo of me.


----------



## Barbara L

Just found this:


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> This is me! Seriously, this is a photo of me.


 
When someone asks me "How are you?" My answer is swift and to the point. "I am up and dressed. Don't expect anymore."


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Dang, I love this thread!


----------



## chopper

I share this thread with anyone who is near by when I look at it. We all have a good laugh. Thanks to all!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## Barbara L

With the caption, it is funny. Without the caption, it is just plain stinkin' adorable!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is a good one Barbara


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


>





Kylie1969 said:


> That is so funny


Yes, it is!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I suspected this.
View attachment 15719


----------



## Dawgluver

Have a feeling Jim Henson would like these:

View attachment 15720


----------



## Kylie1969

They are excellent!


----------



## Merlot

Dawgluver said:


> Have a feeling Jim Henson would like these:
> 
> View attachment 15720


 

I love those!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

This is definitely me:


----------



## tinlizzie

Dawgluver said:


> Have a feeling Jim Henson would like these:
> 
> View attachment 15720


 
Called "Mupcakes" no doubt.  Really cute!


----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
Teddy does this when he is tired of walking. Only he does it on grass so that my son has to drag him along the grass.


----------



## chopper

I don't know what my grandsons did to wear out their cat, but he sure looks tired. 

View attachment 15726


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great guys


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> I don't know what my grandsons did to wear out their cat, but he sure looks tired.
> 
> View attachment 15726



That's one tuckered cat!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

chopper said:


> I don't know what my grandsons did to wear out their cat, but he sure looks tired.
> 
> View attachment 15726


Sometimes cats sleep in the oddest positions.


----------



## Barbara L

Yum! Toonah!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## Barbara L

Yep!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> View attachment 15733



Lol so true!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> Yep!



Oh Yeah!

I want that on a t-shirt!


----------



## Barbara L

Very interesting sea creature! It is a Banded Piglet Squid.


----------



## Dawgluver

Barbara L said:
			
		

> Very interesting sea creature! It is a Banded Piglet Squid.



Oh how cute!  Would love to meet one!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

need one...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> need one...



Cool, now I can order one of these:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Cool, now I can order one of these:



That's the Deluxe kit! Nice!


----------



## Barbara L

Never have a staring contest with an owl!


----------



## Barbara L

One more, and then I'm off for a Sunday afternoon nap (not sure if it can be called a nap when I never even went to bed last night -- yikes!).


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Now I have to get serious about carrying doggie treats.


----------



## taxlady

Not so much funny as OMG cute:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A purse size hippo!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Another from George Takei:



View attachment 15739


----------



## taxlady

The North American house hippo:

House Hippo - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

mmmphf...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all guys


----------



## Barbara L

I'm afraid that if I don't post this one now I will forget at Christmas!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is classic


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> I'm afraid that if I don't post this one now I will forget at Christmas!



Oh Great, now I need to go buy a house in the university district where they do lights like that.


----------



## Barbara L

Yep, that's me!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  me too!


----------



## Barbara L

That's because it's a Ferretcicle!


----------



## Merlot

I wish I could post what I just saw on FB but out of respect to the family I wouldn't repost a family photo.  (I assume it was her little boy!)  

A gals little boy somehow was sitting in the large end of the toilet with his head and arms through the seat stuck.


----------



## Barbara L

Now this is just mean and vicious!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Barbara L said:


> Now this is just mean and vicious!



Very cruel...


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15751


----------



## taxlady

Shreddy sits like that, in a chair sometimes. We call it his truck driver pose.


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15751



I love it


----------



## Barbara L

Hilarious!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Barbara L said:


> Yep, that's me!




My memory is fine but, I could use a new search engine!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

Gotta watch those lawyers!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15759

  Same old same old.....more than yesterday's news.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Help me Superman!


----------



## mollyanne

That should do it


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

Good one Tatt.


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Help me Superman!



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

This one speaks to me MrsLMB. It makes me want to run outside and twirl with my arms out and do ballet pirouettes...i might just do that....after the rain stops


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

mollyanne said:


> This one speaks to me MrsLMB. It makes me want to run outside and twirl with my arms out and do ballet pirouettes...i might just do that....after the rain stops



Why wait 'till the rain stops.  I can't tell you how many hours I stood silently, bow in hand, waiting for a deer to show up, in the woods, during a cold, October or November rain, in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.

If you love doing it, don't let a little rain stop you.  You might just find that you enjoy dancing in the rain.

Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the north


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Addie

Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> Why wait 'till the rain stops. I can't tell you how many hours I stood silently, bow in hand, waiting for a deer to show up, in the woods, during a cold, October or November rain, in Michigan's Upper Peninsula.
> 
> If you love doing it, don't let a little rain stop you. You might just find that you enjoy dancing in the rain.
> 
> Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the north


 
Dancing in the rain on a warm sunny day is pure joy with the world.


----------



## Barbara L

Can you spot the imposter?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>



I have that sign present in my house and my office.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

heh heh


----------



## Dawgluver

Rock On!  And a movie with Johnny Depp!

View attachment 15768


----------



## Dawgluver

Thanks George Takei!



View attachment 15769


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!!

Stating the obvious.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Things have gone a bit off-color.  Let's remember to only post those cartoons you wouldn't mind explaining to your 10 year old why it's funny.

Thanks!


----------



## Barbara L

I love the chicken strips! It would be funny to put that up and see if people try to take them to KFC or another chicken place, trying for free chicken!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


I have done that, as well as scratching my face!


----------



## TATTRAT

Hilarious goat scream - YouTube


----------



## TATTRAT

Close Encounter With a Zebra - YouTube


----------



## chopper

TATTRAT said:
			
		

> Close Encounter With a Zebra - YouTube



LOL


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


> Close Encounter With a Zebra - YouTube


That would be kinda startling.


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great Tatt


----------



## mollyanne

Good morning everyone, rise and shine. This oughta' wake you up!
Gangnam Style - USNA Spirit Spot - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

mollyanne said:


> Good morning everyone, rise and shine. This oughta' wake you up!
> Gangnam Style - USNA Spirit Spot - YouTube


Is that funny? Not my kind of music.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Is that funny? Not my kind of music.


 
+1 Is that where our tax dollars are going?


----------



## Merlot




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
That says it all for me. Bacon Rules!


----------



## mollyanne

taxlady said:
			
		

> Is that funny? Not my kind of music.





Addie said:


> +1 Is that where our tax dollars are going?


Our military men deserve a break and some good clean fun every now and then...as does anyone who works full time. It was just a spoof of a popular video by a south korean rapper. The nightly news ran it and laughed. I shared in their sense of humor.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

mollyanne said:


> Our military men deserve a break and some good clean fun every now and then...as does anyone who works full time. It was just a spoof of a popular video by a south korean rapper. The nightly news ran it and laughed. I shared in their sense of humor.


 
Amen to that !!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## taxlady

mollyanne said:


> Our military men deserve a break and some good clean fun every now and then...as does anyone who works full time. It was just a spoof of a popular video by a south korean rapper. The nightly news ran it and laughed. I shared in their sense of humor.



I certainly agree that military men deserve a break. They show a lot of talent. I was waiting for the punchline.  

I'm not a morning person. I hate when people say "rise and shine". I'm more like the bear I posted (http://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f26/todays-funny-78388-182.html#post1186445), "I'm up! If you're expecting bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, go catch a squirrel"


----------



## Merlot




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so adorable


----------



## mollyanne

I saw this on pinterest a while back:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

haha MrsLMB

PHOTOBOMB...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

sleep mode?


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## mollyanne

What are friends for.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

heh!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> heh!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

That is brilliant


----------



## Kylie1969

mollyanne said:


> What are friends for.



Awww, I love this one


----------



## PrincessFiona60

[FONT=comic sans ms, sans-serif]I bought a brand new digital computer controlled intelligent washing machine, 
loaded it all up, and pressed start.  It said, "where`s the other sock?[/FONT]"


 [FONT=comic sans ms, sans-serif]My doctor has given me some anti-gloating cream.
Now all I want to do is rub it in......[/FONT]


----------



## Kathleen

If this is not edited, we need another cat.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kathleen said:


> If this is not edited, we need another cat.



I can get mine to mew on cue...if I squeeze her right!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## tinlizzie

Merlot said:


>


 
The captive here is the exact double of my cat Larry.


----------



## CWS4322

Here's what cats really want:


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Here's what cats really want:


I think you're right. But if cats had hands they would be worse than raccoons as pets. I knew someone who had a pet raccoon and she said that raccoons do all the "naughty" things that cats only wish they could do, including raid the refrigerator.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> I think you're right. But if cats had hands they would be worse than raccoons as pets. I knew someone who had a pet raccoon and she said that raccoons do all the "naughty" things that cats only wish they could do, including raid the refrigerator.


Raccoons are very destructive. They don't make good pets at all. They will, however, use a litterbox (although sometimes they use the water dish for that). And, they are very good at using those "hands." At the wildlife sanctuary, the coons are locked in their enclosures. Otherwise, they'd get out and into everything. I've known dogs that could open the fridge...a friend had a padlock on hers to keep her Newfoundland from eating the butter when she was at work.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I think you're right. But if cats had hands they would be worse than raccoons as pets. I knew someone who had a pet raccoon and she said that raccoons do all the "naughty" things that cats only wish they could do, including raid the refrigerator.


 
When I lived in Tacoma, I worked for a short time at a golf course in the restaurant. There was a raccoon that was a big nuisance for the golfers. So one day it ended up dead. Unfortuantely someone found the babies. One of the golfers took one home and had it spayed, and all the other stuff you do to a family pet. They thought it was really cute for the first month or so. But that wore thin real quick. The vet advised against releasing it to the wild. It had no training that its mother would have provided. The animal had to be put down.


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> When I lived in Tacoma, I worked for a short time at a golf course in the restaurant. There was a raccoon that was a big nuisance for the golfers. So one day it ended up dead. Unfortuantely someone found the babies. One of the golfers took one home and had it spayed, and all the other stuff you do to a family pet. They thought it was really cute for the first month or so. But that wore thin real quick. The vet advised against releasing it to the wild. It had no training that its mother would have provided. The animal had to be put down.


I'm surprised a vet would spay it. The ones at the wildlife sanctuary are bottle fed for the first while and after that, not handled at all. They have to be a a certain size to be released, so often they are over-wintered because they are too small to be released.


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> I'm surprised a vet would spay it. The ones at the wildlife sanctuary are bottle fed for the first while and after that, not handled at all. They have to be a a certain size to be released, so often they are over-wintered because they are too small to be released.


 
It was going to be a pet. Not to be released back to the wild. But the owner found out real quick they don't make good pets.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:
			
		

> It was going to be a pet. Not to be released back to the wild. But the owner found out real quick they don't make good pets.



One of my best friends growing up had a dad who was a hunter.  Our teacher had just read Sterling North's book,"Rascal", about a boy and his pet raccoon, to our class.  My friend's dad brought home a whole bunch of the babies.  We bottle fed them, cuddled them, and in return they bit and scratched the heck out of us.  Nasty beasties.  No way would I make them pets!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15811

With friends like this.....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 15811
> 
> With friends like this.....



This one has both of us in the floor!  Thanks for the laugh!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love this one


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 15811
> 
> With friends like this.....



I like it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## bakechef

mollyanne said:


> Good morning everyone, rise and shine. This oughta' wake you up!
> Gangnam Style - USNA Spirit Spot - YouTube



That's a great spoof of an already goofy video 

They have the dance down!  One of the more fun ways to blow off steam!


----------



## CWS4322

This one had me laughing!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em all, guys!

Oh yeah:



View attachment 15813


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15815



View attachment 15816


----------



## Dawgluver

Where's Ernie?

View attachment 15818


----------



## mollyanne

mmmwwwwaaaaaaaaaaa


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love this one


----------



## Kylie1969

mollyanne said:


> mmmwwwwaaaaaaaaaaa



That is so sweet


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Where's Ernie?
> 
> View attachment 15818



ROFL..this is the best!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

Partners in Crime:


----------



## chopper

mollyanne said:
			
		

> Partners in Crime:



That is so cute Mollyanne. I love it!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

mollyanne said:


> Partners in Crime:



ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Dang, I love this thread!

View attachment 15823


----------



## MrsLMB

Kitty Mittens   LOL


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Dang, I love this thread!
> 
> View attachment 15823



That is so funny DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

So true!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is funny


----------



## mollyanne

...funny Japanese girls prank:

funny japanese girls prank - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

mollyanne said:


> ...funny Japanese girls prank:
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=soCQEOMXXL0




LOL!


----------



## taxlady

That's brilliant.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

haha...or you can watch the neighborhood like this:


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Love it. That's why I have vertical blinds.


----------



## Merlot




----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


>




The cat is looking at me funny, 'cause I'm laughing so hard.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

Video below shows the Misheard Lyrics from
Creedence Clearwater Revival's song
"HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN" 

The ORIGINAL goes...

"Someone told me long ago
There's a calm before the storm, 
I know 
It's been comin for some time. 

When it's over, so they say, 
It'll rain a sunny day, 
I know 
Shinin down like water. 

I want to know, have you ever seen the rain 
I want to know, have you ever seen the rain 
Comin down on a sunny day 

The MISHEARD lyrics go...

Creedence Clearwater Revival - misheard lyrics - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB

mollyanne said:


> Video below shows the Misheard Lyrics from
> Creedence Clearwater Revival's song
> "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN"


 
That was funny.  

I saw several others while I was in there.  

My husband sings like that and I gave up many years ago trying to "help" him learn the right words.  

Needless to say he LOVES this post  LOL


----------



## Merlot




----------



## PrincessFiona60

mollyanne said:


> Video below shows the Misheard Lyrics from
> Creedence Clearwater Revival's song
> "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN"
> 
> The ORIGINAL goes...
> 
> "Someone told me long ago
> There's a calm before the storm,
> I know
> It's been comin for some time.
> 
> When it's over, so they say,
> It'll rain a sunny day,
> I know
> Shinin down like water.
> 
> I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
> I want to know, have you ever seen the rain
> Comin down on a sunny day
> 
> The MISHEARD lyrics go...



Very funny!  However, somehow, when going to You Tube to find other Missed lyric songs I ended up listening to the Numa Numa song...about 6 times...now I've got that running through my head and I had to download it. Shrek thinks I've lost it jumping around to something he can't hear.


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot said:


>



I love that one


----------



## PrincessFiona60

dang


----------



## Kylie1969

Dang indeed


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> dang


 
No kidding.  When I am 92 (notice I say "when") I am going to smoke, drink and eat my heart out!  (Of course then I will have to ask forgiveness for abusing my body...  I could go at anytime!)


----------



## Addie

I am 73 and I have decided to do what makes me the happiest. I have congestive heart failure along with a plethera of other health problems. So don't tell me to stop so I can live longer. That only means I will develop more health problems. I have enough, thank you.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

MrsLMB said:


>


 
I want those!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh, I must have!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

more than most


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15839



View attachment 15840


----------



## Merlot




----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Oh, I must have!


 
What Happened? Bandages - Urban Outfitters

I actually ordered some... talk about a impulsive purchase


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

Merlot said:


> What Happened? Bandages - Urban Outfitters
> 
> I actually ordered some... talk about a impulsive purchase


Now that's funny 


Trick or Treat:


----------



## Merlot

mollyanne said:


> Now that's funny
> 
> 
> Trick or Treat:


 
I can't help it, I have no control over my actions 

Cute dog, wonder if my cat would let me do that....


----------



## Merlot

Dogshaming  cute and good for a laugh!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> What Happened? Bandages - Urban Outfitters
> 
> I actually ordered some... talk about a impulsive purchase



Thanks for spreading the joy...


----------



## babetoo

my granddaughter was supposed to drop off a vaccum on my front porch. that was three days ago. this a.m i called to see if she had forgotten. she said she left it there. i searched and no vac. she went on about it for a long time.i figured someone had taken  it. then she started to really laugh and laugh. she hadn't left it, got to busy. i will not tell you what i called her. it was funny .


----------



## Kylie1969

They are brilliant!


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15839
> 
> 
> View attachment 15840



These are great CC


----------



## PrincessFiona60

babetoo said:


> my granddaughter was supposed to drop off a vaccum on my front porch. that was three days ago. this a.m i called to see if she had forgotten. she said she left it there. i searched and no vac. she went on about it for a long time.i figured someone had taken  it. then she started to really laugh and laugh. she hadn't left it, got to busy. i will not tell you what i called her. it was funny .



That happens to me all the time, I know i did something, but I must have just thought I did it.

I was describing one of the more obnoxious (and often hilarious) side effects of my medications to Shrek, he almost fell out of the car, he did spray the windshield with Perrier out his nose.


----------



## Addie

babetoo said:


> my granddaughter was supposed to drop off a vaccum on my front porch. that was three days ago. this a.m i called to see if she had forgotten. she said she left it there. i searched and no vac. she went on about it for a long time.i figured someone had taken it. then she started to really laugh and laugh. she hadn't left it, got to busy. i will not tell you what i called her. it was funny .


 
You wonderful darling granddaughter was not one of the names you called her? Hmmmm....


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That happens to me all the time, I know i did something, but I must have just thought I did it.
> 
> I was describing one of the more obnoxious (and often hilarious) side effects of my medications to Shrek, he almost fell out of the car, he did spray the windshield with Perrier out his nose.


 
One of the worst "I thought I did it moments" for me was years ago (when I still had a mind!)  I had went to the gas station near my boyfriends house and got gas.. $5.00 to be exact.  I know this because I only had $5.00 at the time.  The lady at the store stopped my Bf's brother and told him I had ran off without paying.  I called and swore up and down that I had paid.  Sure enough I dug in my pocket and there my 5 bucks was.  I was so embarrassed!   (I did go back and pay!)


----------



## bakechef

A friend did just the opposite a couple years ago on our way to Florida.  He argued with a clerk that he had gotten $46 worth of gas. He set the handle on the pump and washed his windshield and figured that it had clicked and finished, so he went to pay for it and the clerk tried to convince him that he hadn't paid but he insisted on paying.  We get going down the highway and the gas light comes on, and he realized what had happened, he called the station and apologized to the clerk, and a week later when we were traveling back through, she refunded his money.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I've gotten messages like that...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

I couldn't resist....


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15851



View attachment 15852


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> I couldn't resist....


 
She is my her my heroine! I try to emulate her every chance I get.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>



That's when you laugh at your cat and call everyone in the house to come laugh at the cat. Call the neighbours if there aren't enough people in the house to laugh at the cat.

Serves him right.


----------



## CWS4322

For the DC bacon-lovers' group:


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Merlot

I'm not sure if this should go in the funnies or the "I need to pull my hair out." This is my son 2 mornings ago before school. Not sick just still half asleep not wanting to go to school.   (yes, that is the bathroom floor and no, I don't want this to be a warning for what is in the future for him!)


----------



## Addie

Merlot said:


> I'm not sure if this should go in the funnies or the "I need to pull my hair out." This is my son 2 mornings ago before school. Not sick just still half asleep not wanting to go to school.  (yes, that is the bathroom floor and no, I don't want this to be a warning for what is in the future for him!)


 
That is funny. Remind him that a mother in Calif. has beeb sentenced to 180 days in jail because her children missed too many days of school. And good luck. Poor baby. POOR MOTHER!!!


----------



## Merlot

Addie said:


> That is funny. Remind him that a mother in Calif. has beeb sentenced to 180 days in jail because her children missed too many days of school. And good luck. Poor baby. POOR MOTHER!!!


 
No wonder my hair keeps getting grey so fast....  You should hear me trying to get him to do homework.  I should record it one day.


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15871



View attachment 15872


----------



## Addie

Merlot said:


> No wonder my hair keeps getting grey so fast.... You should hear me trying to get him to do homework. I should record it one day.


 
Remind him that he can repeat a grade for not doing and turning in his homework. It is grounds for a failing mark.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> For the DC bacon-lovers' group:



You beat me to it...LOL!


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em!

Then there's this:  (can't remember where I found it...)



View attachment 15873


----------



## mollyanne

ROTFL Dawg. I really did laugh out loud


----------



## TATTRAT

Reminds me of:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Hmmmm....I better print this and post it for the DH. He might get it worded that way...


----------



## CWS4322

CWS4322 said:


> Hmmmm....I better print this and post it for the DH. He might get it worded that way...


The DH said that he just removed the check engine light and got rid of that...not sure what I should read into that...sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, right?


----------



## CWS4322

It took me a couple of seconds to get this:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> It took me a couple of seconds to get this:



I looked at this and cracked up...so the other two people in the room looked at it and said, "what?". I had to say, "a nose on the floor!!!". Then we all had a good laugh. LOL


----------



## chopper

By the way CWS. I love the new avatar.


----------



## CWS4322

chopper said:


> I looked at this and cracked up...so the other two people in the room looked at it and said, "what?". I had to say, "a nose on the floor!!!". Then we all had a good laugh. LOL


Exactly!  Probably could replace the baby with "grandma" wearing Depends!


----------



## CWS4322

chopper said:


> By the way CWS. I love the new avatar.


PF deserves the credit--she found it for me. I think it is very cute. I haven't asked Rocky for his opinion...maybe in the morning, he's sleeping right now--let a sleeping rooster roost is my philosophy. We watched Grey's Anatomy while I rocked him tonight. I think he would rather be out with his hens...but I'm all he's got for now.

Rocky: What is wrong with the Big Chicken? Why does she wrap me up in this thing and rock me...I'm getting seasick...


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## chopper

chopper said:
			
		

> By the way CWS. I love the new avatar.



By the way PF, I love CWS's new avatar!


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15882

Sometimes by the end of the day I feel like the poor computer mouse. Just don't have much life left in me.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> By the way PF, I love CWS's new avatar!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 15882
> 
> Sometimes by the end of the day I feel like the poor computer mouse. Just don't have much life left in me.



That will be me tonight.  Today is an office only day, I will be sick of the computer when I get done.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## mollyanne

vintage girls in trouble...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 15885

My feelings exactly.  Though meatloaf is good.


----------



## Merlot

So I was at Wal-Mart buying a bag of During dog chow for my dog, in check out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???? So on impulse I told her that no I didnt have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and I probably shouldn't because last time that I'd lost 50 lbs from it I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you had to do is load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two everytime you feel hungry. The food is nutrionally complete so it works well and I was going to try again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story) Horrified she asked if I ended up in ICU, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask when we meet and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy stuff to say ...now that You've read it I have to confess , I copied it from someone else, share and make someone smile.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> So I was at Wal-Mart buying a bag of During dog chow for my dog, in check out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???? So on impulse I told her that no I didnt have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and I probably shouldn't because last time that I'd lost 50 lbs from it I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you had to do is load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two everytime you feel hungry. The food is nutrionally complete so it works well and I was going to try again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story) Horrified she asked if I ended up in ICU, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask when we meet and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy stuff to say ...now that You've read it I have to confess , I copied it from someone else, share and make someone smile.



I so wish this was true, I love this story!


----------



## Dawgluver

Another:


View attachment 15886


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it DL


----------



## Addie

Merlot said:


> So I was at Wal-Mart buying a bag of During dog chow for my dog, in check out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. Why else would I be buying dog food, RIGHT???? So on impulse I told her that no I didnt have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again, and I probably shouldn't because last time that I'd lost 50 lbs from it I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and all you had to do is load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two everytime you feel hungry. The food is nutrionally complete so it works well and I was going to try again. ( I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story) Horrified she asked if I ended up in ICU, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's butt and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Better watch what you ask when we meet and be prepared for my answer. I have all the time in the world to think of crazy stuff to say ...now that You've read it I have to confess , I copied it from someone else, share and make someone smile.


 
This sounds like something I would do. Ask me a stupid question, and you will get a stupid answer. I once had a total stranger ask me if I wore my glasses all the time or did I go blind when I took them off. "These are not really glasses. It is a radio and I get updates from the Defense Department. I am a government agent." Her eys got big  and she backed away from me.


----------



## CWS4322

Roflmao! I always suspected something like this...


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I so wish this was true, I love this story!


 
I know, I loved it when I saw it!


----------



## Merlot

Addie said:


> This sounds like something I would do. Ask me a stupid question, and you will get a stupid answer. I once had a total stranger ask me if I wore my glasses all the time or did I go blind when I took them off. "These are not really glasses. It is a radio and I get updates from the Defense Department. I am a government agent." Her eys got big and she backed away from me.


 
This story reminded me of you when I saw it Addie!


----------



## Dawgluver

CWS, DH sent me a similar one, will have to find it.

Look closely, it's not what you think:


View attachment 15888


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

None in the house and Shrek will find one...


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Look closely, it's not what you think:



Lol!  This is both funny and disturbing not because of the "pooch in the pants" or the "dog in the drawers" but because those legs are really hairy and suspiciously male yet the feet although largish are somewhat feminine and appear to be sporting nail polish! Lmao!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:
			
		

> Lol!  This is both funny and disturbing not because of the "pooch in the pants" or the "dog in the drawers" but because those legs are really hairy and suspiciously male yet the feet although largish are somewhat feminine and appear to be sporting nail polish! Lmao!!!



I know, I thought the same thing, have the same silver toenail polish, but it's not me as my legs aren't quite that hairy, yet!  

Check back in January....


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> Roflmao! I always suspected something like this...



So funny


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> CWS, DH sent me a similar one, will have to find it.
> 
> Look closely, it's not what you think:
> 
> 
> View attachment 15888


I have seen that at my house, with sweat pants and a very large cat.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

haha MrsLMB

Gotta' love this dishwasher:


----------



## Dawgluver

Beagle enjoys snacking from the dishwasher too!

More cooking humor:


View attachment 15893


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> None in the house and Shrek will find one...



You mean it was the cat all along???  Hubby did blame the kids, and the cat was black like this one...?


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

I love them all


----------



## mollyanne

"Did you make me a bubble bath again?"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em alI!!

I haven't  read the series yet....just say neigh?

Another George Takei.


View attachment 15905


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> I haven't read the series yet....just say neigh?
> 
> Another George Takei.



LOL


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 15907

View attachment 15908


----------



## Dawgluver

OMG, Patty,


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh good gravy, MrsLMB, Whitney incarnated!


----------



## mollyanne

Dawgluver said:


> Love 'em alI!!
> I haven't  read the series yet....just say neigh?
> Another George Takei.
> View attachment 15905


----------



## taxlady

Yup, that's how we use this powerful technology.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## CWS4322

Self-explanatory:


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Love 'em alI!!
> 
> I haven't  read the series yet....just say neigh?
> 
> Another George Takei.
> 
> 
> View attachment 15905


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That one is classic


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Have I mentioned that I love this thread?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



There is peanut butter cookie and coffee sprayed everywhere.


----------



## CWS4322

This explains why...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> This explains why...



That happens to me all the time.


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There is peanut butter cookie and coffee sprayed everywhere.



Love this one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## tinlizzie

Boy, did I miss a lot of choice stuff in just a couple of days away.  Great choices, all!


----------



## Addie

*How dumb can you get*

Yesterday a Boston Police officer spotted a man with blue surgical gloves on trying to open the door to a local bank. The door was locked. 

Sorry big guy, yesterday was a bank holiday. All banks were closed. In his  pocket was a note for holding up the bank. 

No, not all Bostonians are that dumb.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

From my Mother...

_Have to tell you what I did hope you are sitting down.  We have all been  sick here flu I guess. Anyway Dad wanted cinnamon toast so I fixed it  and he ate it and never said a word. A while later he wanted another.   He asked me what cinnamon/sugar I used and I said the one I have been  using for years.  He said let see it so I went and got It it did look a  little peaked. He tasted it and I had made his toast with chili powder.   I won't live that down for a while._ _Love, Mama

_Now you know where I get it from..._
_


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> From my Mother...
> 
> _Have to tell you what I did hope you are sitting down. We have all been sick here flu I guess. Anyway Dad wanted cinnamon toast so I fixed it and he ate it and never said a word. A while later he wanted another. He asked me what cinnamon/sugar I used and I said the one I have been using for years. He said let see it so I went and got It it did look a little peaked. He tasted it and I had made his toast with chili powder. I won't live that down for a while._ _Love, Mama_
> 
> __Now you know where I get it from...__


 
A family trait.  We have a few of them in my family also.


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> ROFL!!



Mom is not only going to get it from Dad and my Brother...you can bet I will ask her for her famous chili toast and so will Shrek.  I may even make sure that chilies have a part in her memorial when that ever happens.

I write all these things down that she tells me and am busy making a memoir.


----------



## taxlady

Chili toast. Your mum invented a new dish!


----------



## chopper

Chili toast. LOL.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> Chili toast. LOL.



I find it funny that Dad ate one and asked for another...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I find it funny that Dad ate one and asked for another...


They must be good.


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I find it funny that Dad ate one and asked for another...


 
Chili toast would probably be good if you make it right.  +1 for your momma!


----------



## Merlot

lame foodie joke and a cute halloween costume


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I find it funny that Dad ate one and asked for another...



Mom did say she's been using the same "cinnamon sugar" for years!  Maybe he doesn't know the difference anymore.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Mom did say she's been using the same "cinnamon sugar" for years!  Maybe he doesn't know the difference anymore.



Most likely.  Dad is a food hoarder and they have lots of stuff that needs to be tossed.


----------



## Kylie1969

Merlot said:


> lame foodie joke and a cute halloween costume



They are so funny


----------



## Snip 13

This nearly made me pee my pants lol!



The Washcloth - warning - gynecologist joke
I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early
one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone
off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am. 
The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to 
spare.

As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making
such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So,
I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting
next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was
at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.

I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing
the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the
other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a
million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have
made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.

After the appointment, I went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy,
where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'

Never going back to that doctor . Ever.
Glitter


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Mom is not only going to get it from Dad and my Brother...you can bet I will ask her for her famous chili toast and so will Shrek. I may even make sure that chilies have a part in her memorial when that ever happens.
> 
> I write all these things down that she tells me and am busy making a memoir.


 
Some of the best (?) wakes I have been to are those that had a lot of humor. Happy memories.


----------



## taxlady

washcloth, sparkles - snort, giggle


----------



## Snip 13

taxlady said:


> washcloth, sparkles - snort, giggle


 
I'm still laughing, staying far away from my daughter's washcloth!


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> washcloth, sparkles - snort, giggle


 
When my sister died, the WHOLE (50+) family came back here to my building and we had a catered meal. There was laughter to no end and it was all about my sister. She certainly had her lovable quirks. My family still tells stories about her. There is no end to them. 

I certainly have my quirks. And that is how I want to be remembered. For my silliness. Just remember, I will be looking down and I expect to see you laughing.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> washcloth, sparkles - snort, giggle


 
 

 I doubt anyone can top that one.


----------



## Kylie1969

Snip, that is soooo funny


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> Snip, that is soooo funny


 
It will be months before I can get that picture out of my mind. I really think she should change her name to Sparkles.


----------



## Snip 13

Addie said:


> It will be months before I can get that picture out of my mind. I really think she should change her name to Sparkles.


 
Thought you guys might like it  It wasn't actually me just a joke I felt like sharing. I did have an equally embarrassing moment once.
My Dad was alway very tight with money and we were going on a school tour.
My Dad bought me a pkt of panties with the days of the week and flowers on them at the oriental market.
Forgetting all about the panties I went for a shower after swimming with all my school friends and I was wearing the wednesday pants and it was a friday. 
My friends were teasing me for months after that


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## CWS4322

What not to do--even if you suffer from arachnophobia.


----------



## Kylie1969

So, so funny CWS


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

Snip, I had my appointment yesterday. Don't know if I could have kept it together if I'd read that before going. I know I wouldn't have had sparkles but I would have had a case of giggles.


----------



## Katie H

Snip 13 said:


> This nearly made me pee my pants lol!
> 
> 
> 
> The Washcloth - warning - gynecologist joke
> I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early
> one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
> been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone
> off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
> The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
> spare.
> 
> As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making
> such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So,
> I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting
> next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was
> at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
> clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
> 
> I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing
> the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the
> other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a
> million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have
> made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.
> 
> After the appointment, I went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy,
> where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'
> 
> Never going back to that doctor . Ever.
> Glitter



Omigosh!  I laughed until I was coughing and I read it to my husband and I thought he was going to hurt himself laughing.

As it turns out, I have my "annual" appointment in a couple of weeks and my doc has come to expect a stellar joke from me.  Boy, do I have a beaut for him this time.  Yeah!!!!!!!!

Thanks, Snip!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.


That's what I was thinking too.


----------



## Snip 13

Katie H said:


> Omigosh! I laughed until I was coughing and I read it to my husband and I thought he was going to hurt himself laughing.
> 
> As it turns out, I have my "annual" appointment in a couple of weeks and my doc has come to expect a stellar joke from me. Boy, do I have a beaut for him this time. Yeah!!!!!!!!
> 
> Thanks, Snip!


 
Only a pleasure!
If you laugh the world laughs with you, if you cry , you cry alone.
Laughter truelly is the best medicine!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is classic!


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.



  

Snip may have started a new trend


----------



## Snip 13

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
with my students.

It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
amazement.

"Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
duck walk and groaning.

"My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.

"And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
psshhheew!'" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking
water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'.
They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
there."

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.


----------



## Snip 13

Kylie1969 said:


> Snip may have started a new trend


 
You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most


----------



## Andy M.

Snip 13 said:


> You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most




I disagree.  I think proctologists need it way more than ObGyns.  Some Febreze might be a good idea too.


----------



## Snip 13

Andy M. said:


> I disagree. I think proctologists need it way more than ObGyns. Some Febreze might be a good idea too.


 
Snort!


----------



## Kylie1969

Snip 13 said:


> You go girls! Of all the people in the world I think your OBG's need sparkle the most



That is for sure


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> I disagree.  I think proctologists need it way more than ObGyns.  Some Febreze might be a good idea too.


So Andy, next time you go, are you going to put sparkles?


----------



## Snip 13

I'll never be able to top the Sparkles will I? No one even noticed the Middle wife joke I posted on the previous page lol!


----------



## taxlady

Snip 13 said:


> I'll never be able to top the Sparkles will I? No one even noticed the Middle wife joke I posted on the previous page lol!


Yes I did. It was great. I was just about to comment to that effect.


----------



## Merlot

Oh so many good ones!


----------



## Katie H

Snip 13 said:


> I'll never be able to top the Sparkles will I? No one even noticed the Middle wife joke I posted on the previous page lol!



Yes, Snip, I saw the Middle wife one and am just now "recovering" from it.

I read it aloud to Glenn and both of us were beyond laughing.  By the time I finished, we both had tears running down our cheeks and he was holding his sides.

The "sparkles" one was funny but this one nearly put us in the hospital.


----------



## Dawgluver

Snip 13 said:
			
		

> This nearly made me pee my pants lol!
> 
> 
> [*]The Washcloth - warning - gynecologist joke
> I was due for an appointment with the gynecologist later in the week. Early
> one morning, I received a call from the doctor's office to tell me that I had
> been rescheduled for that morning at 9:30 am. I had only just packed everyone
> off to work and school, and it was already around 8:45 am.
> The trip to his office took about 35 minutes, so I didn't have any time to
> spare.
> 
> As most women do, I like to take a little extra effort over hygiene when making
> such visits, but this time I wasn't going to be able to make the full effort. So,
> I rushed upstairs, threw off my pajamas, wet the washcloth that was sitting
> next to the sink, and gave myself a quick wash in that area to make sure I was
> at least presentable. I threw the washcloth in the clothes basket, donned some
> clothes, hopped in the car and raced to my appointment.
> 
> I was in the waiting room for only a few minutes when I was called in. Knowing
> the procedure, as I'm sure you do, I hopped up on the table, looked over at the
> other side of the room and pretended that I was in Paris or some other place a
> million miles away. I was a little surprised when the doctor said, 'My, we have
> made an extra effort this morning, haven't we?' I didn't respond.
> 
> After the appointment, I went home. The rest of the day was normal ... some shopping, cleaning, cooking. After school when my 6-year-old daughter was playing, she called out from the bathroom, 'Mommy,
> where's my washcloth?' I told her to get another one from the cupboard. She replied, 'No, I need the one that was here by the sink, it had all my glitter and sparkles saved inside it.'
> 
> Never going back to that doctor . Ever.
> Glitter



Believe it or not, this joke has been around for at least 15 years!  One of the places I worked, we almost made ourselves sick laughing so hard!


----------



## Phocaena

Rocklobster said:


> Ermmmm


 
Oh thank goodness, I thought it said cooking with Pho, I'm Pho


Pho.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Love the Middle Wife!  Thanks, Snip!


----------



## Dawgluver

Too funny!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That will be my new motto


----------



## PattY1

***WARNING** This is a joke, only a joke posted in "Today's Funny" for that reason. If you are offended, don't respond, just don't read it.*

*It’s tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody..... 

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. 

Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. *

*
CEO's are now playing miniature golf. 

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. 

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. 

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. 

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. 

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. 

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. 

A picture is now only worth 200 words. 

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. 

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! 

And, finally... 

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. 

It’s tough out there I tell ya!*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL! Patty!


----------



## Snip 13

PattY1 said:


> ***WARNING** This is a joke, only a joke posted in "Today's Funny" for that reason. If you are offended, don't respond, just don't read it.*
> 
> *It’s tough out there I tell ya, the recession has hit everybody..... *
> 
> *I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. *
> 
> *Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries. *
> 
> 
> *CEO's are now playing miniature golf. *
> 
> *Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. *
> 
> *A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. *
> 
> *I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. *
> 
> *McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. *
> 
> *Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. *
> 
> *A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. *
> 
> *A picture is now only worth 200 words. *
> 
> *When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. *
> 
> *Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! *
> 
> *And, finally... *
> 
> *I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck. *
> 
> *It’s tough out there I tell ya!*


----------



## taxlady

It was funny, but it's a bit too late, after being offended, not to read it.


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Love the Middle Wife! Thanks, Snip!


 
Out of the mouths of Babes! Most of my funniest real life stories include my kids


----------



## Phocaena

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm taking sparkles to my next appointment in a couple of weeks.


 

I dare you Fiona!


----------



## Snip 13

When I was younger the only place I never wanted to end up was Brakpan, guess where I live now?
You have to be South African to know why, it's the place that is most known for what I guess Amreicans would call Trailer Trash lol!
Anyway here are some Brakpan one liners...

- You know you're in Brakpan when your Grandmother's pregnant.

- When a Brakpanner walks past the dam the ducks throw bread at him.

- Brakpanners can only count to 3, 1 lt brandy, 2 lt coke and 3 lt Ford Cortina,

- The most confusing day in Brakpan is Fathersday.

- Brakpanner's homes all look the same, tinted windows and dropped foundations.

- What is the difference between a Brakpan girl and a moquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.

- You know you're in Brakpan when your children think Jack Daniels is a family member.

- In Brakpan the dogs walk in pairs, they're scared the children bight them.

- You know you're in Brakpan when you see children chasing the postman.

- Brakpan pick up line- Are you going to bend or can I trip you?


----------



## Kylie1969

Phocaena said:


> I dare you Fiona!



  Fiona will you know Derek


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it MrsL


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Phocaena said:


> I dare you Fiona!



Shrek has already told me I couldn't take them...darn betcha I will now.


----------



## CWS4322

I found 4 funnies today...can't decide which one to post...eanie...meanie...miney..moe...


----------



## Kylie1969

That is hilarious


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> I found 4 funnies today...can't decide which one to post...eanie...meanie...miney..moe...


 
Go for all of them.


----------



## taxlady

I've seen that one about the turkey before, minus the pic. I love it.


----------



## Kylie1969

Yes CWS...more please


----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> Yes CWS...more please


+1


----------



## CWS4322

Here's the one that made me chuckle-especially since last night was the first night of curling for the season and I didn't want to tumble out of bed thus morning...the other two are kitty-cat ones...


----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL...that is classic


----------



## mollyanne

*Presidential Candidates Switching Hair...*
*Romney and Obama*


----------



## mollyanne

*Vice Presidential Candidates Switching Hair...*
*Biden and Ryan*


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 15949


----------



## CWS4322

For all the cat lovers:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

Gray (my child) loved the cat and doggie ones. Here is another he likes. :/


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Mrs.LMB,
Thanks for always making me laugh. I love checking this thread for your posts!


----------



## Addie

Lis said:


> Hi mrs merlot, i dont know that it is that hard to get kids to school, there must be something he is avoiding for ex his friends or girlfriend..


 
Science has determined that as the child enters his teen years there is a *major *hormonal change. It is not that they don't want to go to school, but that their body needs a whole lot more sleep to keep up with all the changes going on inside. Trying to get them to bed earlier is just another battle. the first thing is the growth spurt they go through. Their bones and joints ache. They have mood swings that can make menopause look like child's play. Their favorite foods are now the most hated ones. Burger Kind is their new idol. They hate their siblings. Why couldn't they be an only child. Someone's else mother never makes one of his friends do the mean things he has to do. Like go to school and do homework. Forget chores. They have. And heaven forbid. DON'T WASH THEIR FAVORITE JEANS! 

I know. I went through it. Times five. Try having four teens in the house at the same time. What was I thinking having my children so close together.


----------



## chopper

Addie, my mom and dad had four kids within four and a half years. (I'm the youngest). I bet it was tough, but it is great having adult siblings all about the same age. I wanted to kill my siblings as a teenager, but I love them now. I bet your kids are happy to be close in age now.


----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> Addie, my mom and dad had four kids within four and a half years. (I'm the youngest). I bet it was tough, but it is great having adult siblings all about the same age. I wanted to kill my siblings as a teenager, but I love them now. I bet your kids are happy to be close in age now.


 
Growing up, there were more days than no when they wanted to kill each other. But let someone outside the family give anyone of them a hard time and the next thing they knew, they were facing a force to be reckoned with. Today, you would never know that they once held murder in their sweet little hearts.


----------



## Merlot

Lis said:


> Hi mrs merlot, i dont know that it is that hard to get kids to school, there must be something he is avoiding for ex his friends or girlfriend..


 
He seems to be on track with all the other kids.  (according to my co- workers tales)


----------



## Dawgluver

Ahoy, Matey!

View attachment 15968


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

I need this....


----------



## Kylie1969

LOL DL


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I had that sign in the med room, the big boss didn't think it was funny.

Of course it covered a hole in the wall


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I had that sign in the med room, the big boss didn't think it was funny.
> 
> Of course it covered a hole in the wall


 
Big bosses have no sense of humor. That is how they got to be a big boss. I would rather have a sense of humor.


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> Big bosses have no sense of humor. That is how they got to be a big boss. I would rather have a sense of humor.



Me too Addie


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

For some reason, I've missed this warning in the past:


----------



## chopper

cws4322 said:
			
		

> for some reason, i've missed this warning in the past:



its a fact!!!


----------



## Merlot

CWS4322 said:


> For some reason, I've missed this warning in the past:


 After my child saw this sign in the hairdresser shop he told them that his dad had that problem


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Snip 13 said:
			
		

> The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher
> 
> I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but
> the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade
> classroom a few years back.
> 
> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions
> with my students.
> 
> It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame.
> Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch,
> stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on
> them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're
> welcome.
> 
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid,
> takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow
> stuffed under her sweater.
> 
> She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and
> I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a
> symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke
> grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
> 
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to
> laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in
> amazement.
> 
> "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh,
> Oh!'" Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the
> house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'" Now this kid is doing a hysterical
> duck walk and groaning.
> 
> "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a
> sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed
> like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.
> 
> "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he
> got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like
> psshhheew!'" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands mimicking
> water flowing away. It was too much!
> 
> "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe'.
> They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden,
> out comes my brother.. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it
> was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside
> there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
> there."
> 
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.
> 
> I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell
> day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.



Snip! I've missed you. This one is great! Going to have to make sure my sister sees it.


----------



## Dawgluver

From FB:

View attachment 15979


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> From FB:
> 
> View attachment 15979


That's brilliant. Gross, but brilliant.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> That's brilliant. Gross, but brilliant.



My thoughts exactly!  Hmm.  Haven't carved a pumpkin in a while.....


----------



## CWS4322

How true:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em!


----------



## Phocaena

Addie:

<"I know. I went through it. Times five. Try having four teens in the house at the same time. What was I thinking having my children so close together.  ">

Yep! mothers of teenagers soon find out why some animals actually EAT their young.  Don't they?


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> How true:



I love this one too


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## CWS4322

Another use for a toothbrush...


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Addie

Phocaena said:


> Addie:
> 
> <"I know. I went through it. Times five. Try having four teens in the house at the same time. What was I thinking having my children so close together.  ">
> 
> Yep! mothers of teenagers soon find out why some animals actually EAT their young.  Don't they?


 
Ah yes! The urge to kill was so strong some days.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 15985

View attachment 15986


----------



## Kylie1969

They are so funny Patty


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Aww I love this one


----------



## CWS4322

Here are two that had me laughing--one for the play on words!


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Here are two that had me laughing--one for the play on words!


I liked the first one, but the second one really cracked me up.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


I only see your sig line.


----------



## taxlady

This might work.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> This might work.


 
That would be me. And I always go an A+ in English comprehension.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 
Okay, I will laugh at nothing.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Try again


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Try again


 
Got it, love it. Thanks.


----------



## Kylie1969

That one is cool


----------



## Merlot




----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


>


Mwahaha


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 15998


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> Okay, I will laugh at nothing.


+1


----------



## CWS4322

This made me chuckle (but, I'm in a good mood today--just about everything is funny today, Premier McGuinty resigned)!!!! Maybe, just maybe, the high hydro rates can be rolled back and I can live like a real person.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

MrsLMB said:


>


 
How cute  Wonder if those come in Bath shapes, my son still drinks his bath water and he's nearly 6. Even when he's peed in it


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Good one!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

Embarrasing but I have to share...

A few months ago I woke up needing to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. The girls will be able to relate to this. You know those times when you wake up to go wee but you're half asleep and kinda do it without thinking. Sometimes when you just sit down you realise in the nick of time that the toilet lid is still closed?
Well I noticed a bit too late and ended up having to mop the bathroom floor, changing my pants and cleaning the loo before taking "the walk of shame" back to my bedroom where hubby had been woken up by the noise lol! He was trying hard to pretend he's still sleeping but he couldn't contain the giggles! Just heard him snorting from under the covers and muttering something about "you did tell me to put the seat down honey" lol!


----------



## Snip 13

When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. 
Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the stall.
You get in to find the door won't latch._It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants!_
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers"_(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt)_ is handy, but empty.
You would hang your purse on the door hook,_if there was one_,but there isn't - so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (_Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the_FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume " The Stance." 
In this position your aging, toneless_(God I should have gone to the gym!!!)_thigh muscles begin to shake. 
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance".
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser._In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying,_ "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would haveKNOWN there was no toilet paper!"Your thighs shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -_the one that's still in your purse_. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck, that now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time)._That will have to do._You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. 
The door hits your purse,_which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest_, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing altogether, and slide down directly onto theTOILET SEAT._
It is wet of course._ 
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seatbecauseYOUnever laid down toilet paper -_not that there was any_, even if you had taken time to try. 
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly,_dear_,"You just don'tKNOW what kind of diseases you could get".
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that covers your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes.
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too 
At this point, you give up.. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat.
You're e-x-h-a-u-s-t-e-d. 
You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket! and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.
You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, .....so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. 
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when youNEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might need this".
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used, and left the men's restroom. 
Annoyed, he asks,"What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?" ........... 
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms (rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!).It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs.It's so the other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse, and hand you Kleenex under the door!


----------



## taxlady

Snip, 

I wish it wasn't so true.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Awww...I love it


----------



## Dawgluver

Another great batch, guys!

Thought this was cute:


View attachment 16009


----------



## taxlady

I can see how this could work:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


 I've done that.


----------



## Merlot

MrsLMB said:


>


 
 I have waved at people that pull up next to me in a car only to realize I really don't know them.. that is quite awkward at a stoplight.


----------



## Merlot

On the bathroom subject....

My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.  

Here was our exchange the other day...

"Mom!  I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
"Did you type BRB?"
"Yes, I typed BRB GP."
"What does GP mean?"
"Be right back, gotta poop." 

He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor.  

Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad."


----------



## Addie

Merlot said:


> I have waved at people that pull up next to me in a car only to realize I really don't know them.. that is quite awkward at a stoplight.


 
That is when you turn it into a RAK. Give them a big smile and mouth the words "Good Morning. It will make their day.


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


> On the bathroom subject....
> 
> My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.
> 
> Here was our exchange the other day...
> 
> "Mom!  I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
> I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
> "Did you type BRB?"
> "Yes, I typed BRB GP."
> "What does GP mean?"
> "Be right back, gotta poop."
> 
> He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor.
> 
> Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad."


That reminds me of the scene in "Uncle Buck" where the kid says, "You have much more nose hair than my dad." Uncle Buck, "Nice of you to notice." Kid, "I'm a kid; it's my job."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> On the bathroom subject....
> 
> My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.
> 
> Here was our exchange the other day...
> 
> "Mom!  I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
> I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
> "Did you type BRB?"
> "Yes, I typed BRB GP."
> "What does GP mean?"
> "Be right back, gotta poop."
> 
> He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor.
> 
> Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad."




BRB...GP...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
My kids used to wear me down with:

Can I? Huh Ma huhmahuhma, Huh? CanI canicanicani? Huh ma huhmahuhma? And you want to know why they are still alive tody.


----------



## Dawgluver

This also applies to beagles:



View attachment 16012

And I just thought this funny:


View attachment 16013


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16015


----------



## Snip 13

Good ones guys lol!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16016


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16017


----------



## Addie

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16016


 
That one is for me and my math abilities. Zilch!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

Addie said:


> That one is for me and my math abilities. Zilch!


 
This is the neatest thing for math!  
Times tables using your hands! - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Thanks, Merlot!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Snip 13

How cute PF


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Somebunny

Lol!  I love this!

View attachment 16021


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Thanks, Merlot!


 
When I explained it to my co workers this morning they said I was confusing them lol, I thought it was easy!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## chopper

Merlot said:
			
		

> I have waved at people that pull up next to me in a car only to realize I really don't know them.. that is quite awkward at a stoplight.



"Please turn green!.......". LOL


----------



## chopper

Merlot said:
			
		

> On the bathroom subject....
> 
> My child plays a online game called minecraft on a kids server.
> 
> Here was our exchange the other day...
> 
> "Mom!  I gotta go to the bathroom, type BRB on my chat!"
> I do it and then walk to the bathroom.
> "Did you type BRB?"
> "Yes, I typed BRB GP."
> "What does GP mean?"
> "Be right back, gotta poop."
> 
> He flew up off the toilet seat so fast, his socks slid and he busted his knee on the floor.
> 
> Although I didn't really type it, that was getting him back for the time I couldn't make it home and had to stop at a gas station a mile from my house where he proceeded to tell the whole station that we only stopped because "Mom needed to poop really bad."



You know that someone here will use this now.


----------



## chopper

You want me to go where with this on???  Walmart???
This goes with the pug!


----------



## Merlot

chopper said:


> You know that someone here will use this now.


 
and years to come when it is brought up, we will be in on the secret when others are like.. say what?


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16022


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Merlot said:


> When I explained it to my co workers this morning they said I was confusing them lol, I thought it was easy!



Well, I think it's great!  I just now not only remembered how it worked after the whole day, I got the question I asked my self right!  I have always had troubles with Multiplication.  Again, Thanks!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

cindercat said:


> View attachment 16022



roflmfao!!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it CC


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

So, I was walking across the yard from my sister's apartment to my own when something ran across my foot. I froze, my heart thumping and slowly turned my head to see what it was. It was a bunny rabbit. I almost peed myself I was startled so badly. By a bunny rabbit...


----------



## Snip 13

As You Slide Down the Banister of Life Towards 2013 --Remember: 






1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written an impressive new book. It's called ... 'Ministers Do More Than Lay People' 

2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary. 

3. The difference between the Pope and your boss, the Pope only expects you to kiss his ring. 





4. My mind works like lightning, one brilliant Flash and it is gone. 

5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 





6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and that ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 

7. It used to be only death and taxes, Now, of course, *there's shipping and handling, too.* 





8. A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house. 

9. My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines and a large trash can







. 





10. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment ... for enjoying sex. 

*Thought for the day:* Be who you are and say what you feel... because those that matter... don't mind ... and those that mind ...don't matter! 

*And As You Slide Down that Banister of Life You Should Pray That All The Splinters Are Pointed The Other Way...*




​


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

Where are the graham crackers & chocolate??!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

I love that one


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So very funny


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!


+1 (says she who went out and got 14 more hens--2 for Rocky, 6 for the DH, and 6 for me).


----------



## CWS4322

Oh yay..


----------



## Dawgluver

Have I mentioned how much I enjoy this thread?





View attachment 16030


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, not funny...but it made me feel good:

[FONT=georgia,serif][/FONT]Baby elephant rescue will steal your heart | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not funny...but it made me feel good:
> 
> Baby elephant rescue will steal your heart | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News


Wow!


----------



## Merlot

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not funny...but it made me feel good:
> 
> Baby elephant rescue will steal your heart | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News


 
Awww!  I loved that


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Have I mentioned how much I enjoy this thread?



+1


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not funny...but it made me feel good:
> 
> Baby elephant rescue will steal your heart | The Sideshow - Yahoo! News


 
I saw this the other day of TV. It doesn't matter how many times I see it, I still well up every time. It tells you how strong mother love is, no matter whether you are an elephant or a human. Well worth the showing and viewing.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Have I mentioned how much I enjoy this thread?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16030



I love this one


----------



## mollyanne

*Chia Pet Costume*


----------



## Kylie1969

That is very funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

mollyanne said:


> *Chia Pet Costume*


----------



## Dawgluver

Beagle would never speak to me again!


----------



## Dawgluver

This could be my back yard, except the cat would be black.



View attachment 16034


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> This could be my back yard, except the cat would be black.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16034


 
They have bettere looking beds than I do.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

Good ones guys


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16036


----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 16036


Love the photo.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## mollyanne

I didn't say it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

mollyanne said:


> I didn't say it


----------



## mollyanne

Dogs who look like their owners:

I'll be Doggone- People really do look like their dogs! - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love this one


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So sweet


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16045


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny as DL


----------



## chopper

That one is funny, but wrong. LOL


----------



## taxlady

chopper said:


> That one is funny, but wrong. LOL


+1 (I couldn't come up with a way to describe that.)


----------



## Dawgluver

snort:

View attachment 16051


----------



## Addie

What I love about this thred is that our sense of humor knows no bounds.


----------



## Kylie1969

DL, that has certainly cracked me up


----------



## Somebunny

DL,  that was hilarious!  I thought DH would get a kick out if it, but I had to explain it to him, he just wasn't getting it.  That cracked me up even more!  He finally got it, but by then it was meh...


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> What I love about this thred is that our sense of humor knows no bounds.



So very true Ads


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says,' 'When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'.'' The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies,' 'Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios." The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son,' 'And what would YOU like for breakfast?''' 'I don't know,'' the 4-year-old blubbers,' 'but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!''


----------



## taxlady

Snip 13 said:


> A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says,' 'When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'.'' The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies,' 'Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios." The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son,' 'And what would YOU like for breakfast?''' 'I don't know,'' the 4-year-old blubbers,' 'but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!''


----------



## chopper

Lol.


----------



## Kylie1969

Snip 13 said:


> A 7-year-old and his 4-year-old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. The 7-year-old is explaining that it is high time that the two of them begin swearing. When his little brother responds enthusiastically, the 7-year old says,' 'When we go downstairs for breakfast this morning, I'll say' hell' and you say' ass'.'' The 4-year-old happily agrees. As the two boys are seating themselves at the breakfast table, their mother walks in and asks her older son what he would like to eat for breakfast. The 7-year-old replies,' 'Aw hell, Mom, I'll just have some Cheerios." The surprised mother reacts quickly and whacks him one. The boy runs upstairs, bawling and rubbing his behind. With a sterner note in her voice, the mother then asks the younger son,' 'And what would YOU like for breakfast?''' 'I don't know,'' the 4-year-old blubbers,' 'but you can bet your ASS it's not gonna be Cheerios!''



I love it


----------



## Addie

I get all my emails for DC only in my google account. I am walking by the computer, and up on the screen is an email titled "How to cook a turkey." Only as I walk by it quickly, I read it as "How to cook a tummy." Oh, I think to myslef., a new way to lose weight? Shouldn't that be in the "Is anyone trying to lose wieght?" PF, are yous sure you want to trust Shrek in my hands even if only for a couple of days? I am the one that needs a vacation.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> I get all my emails for DC only in my google account. I am walking by the computer, and up on the screen is an email titled "How to cook a turkey." Only as I walk by it quickly, I read it as "How to cook a tummy." Oh, I think to myslef., a new way to lose weight? Shouldn't that be in the "Is anyone trying to lose wieght?" PF, are yous sure you want to trust Shrek in my hands even if only for a couple of days? I am the one that needs a vacation.



Yes, please take him...he's making me crazy.  I do know how to do things and if he wants me to stop telling him how to get where in the car it would be nice if he told me.  I've always been the nag-ivator.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yes, please take him...he's making me crazy. I do know how to do things and if he wants me to stop telling him how to get where in the car it would be nice if he told me. I've always been the nag-ivator.


 
The bain of every wife who has a retired husband while she still has work to be done. I think my daughter is going to kill her husband now that they are both home together 24/7 constantly. The only problem is that she is not feeling her best and he is one step below useless when it comes to keeping a home functioning.


----------



## Dawgluver

I can relate:



View attachment 16058


----------



## MrsLMB

The carburetor 

"The car won't start," said a wife to her husband. "I think there's water in the carburetor."

"How do you know?" said the husband scornfully. "You don't even know what the carburetor is."

"I'm telling you," repeated the wife, "I'm sure there's water in the carburetor."

"We'll see," mocked the husband. "Let me check it out. Where's the car?"

"In the swimming pool."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> The bain of every wife who has a retired husband while she still has work to be done. I think my daughter is going to kill her husband now that they are both home together 24/7 constantly. The only problem is that she is not feeling her best and he is one step below useless when it comes to keeping a home functioning.



Wouldn't be so bad if I didn't turn into an instant idiot as soon as I got home.  You'd think I was still in Kindergarten...


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 16064


----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!!


----------



## Chef Maloney

*funny kitties*

Look at these funny kitty cats


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

Good animal jokes guys lol!


----------



## Snip 13

Little Jacob had a hard time getting use to a new baby in the house. Coming out of his bedroom talking rather loud and being told to be quiet, the baby is asleep, he very seriously said, "Well ya'll better be quiet, cause my foot`s asleep." _Submitted by his Grandma_
~~~~~​One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"
The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't, dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."
A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."​~~~~~​After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.
At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that?"​Submitted by Zaxgram
~~~~~​An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then four-year-old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. Be still, my heart, thought my friend, my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!
Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"​Submitted by Qiltmeister
~~~~~​A new neighbor asked the little girl next door if she had any brothers and sisters. She replied, "No, I'm the lonely child."​Submitted by Zaxgram
~~~~~​One day a guy was driving with his four-year-old daughter and beeped his car horn by mistake.
She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied, "I know that, Daddy."
He replied, "How'd you know?"
The girl said, "Because you didn't say 'JERK' afterwards!"​~~~~~​


----------



## Snip 13

*A first grade teacher collected some well known proverbs.* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]She gave each child in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.[/FONT]* 

*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Here are their completions:[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Better To Be Safe Than... Punch A 5th Grader.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Strike While The... Bug Is Close.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Never Under Estimate The Power Of...Termites.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]You Can Lead A Horse To Water But... How?[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]No News Is... Impossible.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]You Can't Teach An Old Dog New... Math.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Smell funny in the morning.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Love All, Trust.. Me[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Where There's Smoke, There's... Pollution.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Two's Company, Three's...The Musketeers.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Don't Put Off Until Tomorrow What...you put on to go to bed tonight.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Laugh And The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry And... You Have To Blow[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Your[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Nose.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]None Is So Blind As...Helen Keller.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]Children Should Be Seen And Not...Spanked Or Grounded.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.[/FONT]* 
*[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]When The Blind Leadeth The Blind...You better get out of the way.[/FONT]* *[FONT=Arial,Helvetica]There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Edie.[/FONT]*


----------



## taxlady

I love them all, but the one about not saying jerk afterwards was my favourite.

I'm reminded of another true story. A couple was putting their son to bed and the son asked if he could sleep with his parents. They said no. He said, "But, you are grownups and you don't have to sleep alone. I'm just a little kid." Guess who got to sleep with his parents that night.


----------



## Snip 13

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
2. A kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."
6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted. “’Cause your feet ain't empty."
7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.”


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 16070

View attachment 16071

View attachment 16072

View attachment 16073


----------



## taxlady

Love 'em Patty.


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all wonderful


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 16075


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 16075



ROFL!  I think I have that problem, too!


----------



## Merlot

mollyanne said:


> Dogs who look like their owners:
> 
> I'll be Doggone- People really do look like their dogs! - YouTube


 
 That lady in the pink (2:24) is just not right


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

oh yeah...


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> oh yeah...


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is soooooooo funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

I showed Hubby the one with the two golden retrievers and he couldn't believe how much these dogs look like our dogs!  He started looking at the table, placemats, etc. To see if it was our house. LOL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

fashion stars...


----------



## Snip 13

*I am not forgetful*

Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can't remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich." 

The second lady chimed in with, "Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can't remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down." 

The third one responded, " Well, ladies, I'm glad I don't have that problem. Knock on wood," as she rapped her knuckles on the table, and then said, "That must be the door, I'll get it!"


----------



## Snip 13

*Benefits of having Alzheimer's disease*

5. You never have to watch reruns on television.

4. You are always meeting new people.

3. You don't have to remember the whines and complaints of your spouse.

2. You can hide your own Easter eggs.

1. Mysteries are always interesting.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them Snip


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
Took me about 15 seconds before I got it. My mind is becoming numb.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## PattY1

View attachment 16097


----------



## chopper

Oh my gosh, you guys are great!  I love this thread.


----------



## Dawgluver

When ya gotta go:


View attachment 16098

And another:


View attachment 16099

And one more:


View attachment 16100


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them DL


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> fashion stars...



Wow, somebody needs to tell Paris Hilton and her new friend to lay off the feathers.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I've wondered that myself. If there was a tuna bird, I would understand it.


----------



## Snip 13

taxlady said:


> I've wondered that myself. If there was a tuna bird, I would understand it.


 
I have wondered why you guys say that? 
I just say tuna sandwich and I don't point at my wrist when I ask for the time either


----------



## Kylie1969

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
"You all have obsessions," he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mum , Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turned to the third Mum, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us."


----------



## Kylie1969

An eight-year-old boy went into a shop and picked out a large box of washing powder. The shopkeeper asked him if he had a lot of washing to do.
"Oh, no," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my dog."
"But you shouldn't use this to wash your dog," said the shopkeeper. "It's very powerful and if you wash your dog in this, he'll get sick.In fact, it might even kill him."But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the washing powder to the counter and paid for it.
A week later, the boy was back in the store to buy some sweets. The shopkeeper asked the boy how his dog was doing.
"Oh, he died," the boy said.
The shopkeeper said he was sorry, but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your dog."
"Well, the boy replied, "I don't think it was the washing powder that killed him."
"Oh? What was it then?"
"I think it was the spin cycle!"


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Needs some tuna-bird:

View attachment 16105

Another:


View attachment 16106

And:


View attachment 16107


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Rofl!!!


----------



## Merlot

Days of the week, explained by cats!


----------



## Merlot




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Dawgluver

+1

Eeeks!!   Scary clown!!  Hate clowns.....

View attachment 16115

Mine too!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh yeah, chewing is my favorite, too!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Oh yeah, chewing is my favorite, too!


+1


----------



## PattY1

PattY1 said:


> View attachment 16097



I posted this because my oldest granddaughter doesn't eat anything that had a mouth and my oldest grandson says he won't eat anything that doesn't have eyes. (meat and potatoes)

View attachment 16119


----------



## Snip 13

Lol! Great jokes today


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

A Reminder:

Posts must be PG-13, this is a family friendly site with young members.  This is clearly worded in our Community Rules. 

Thanks and now back to the funnies.


----------



## taxlady

Shreddy often sleeps something like this, but on the top of the back of the sofa. I always think of this caption.


----------



## Cindercat

MrsLMB said:


>


Even better when you have the day off work!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I so love this one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

View attachment 16126


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love this


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot

This may have been put up before but here ya go!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Yup, it sure is. You know there wasn't that much fluff and lint on your clothes. I think the dryer just chews them up.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Yup, it sure is. You know there wasn't that much fluff and lint on your clothes. I think the dryer just chews them up.


 
I thought everyone knew that those nice hasp graters are built into the dryer. They are not for cheese only.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## MrsLMB

Talking Dog

Talking dog - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

I wonder what this cat is thinking.

Oh Long Johnson... - talking cat - YouTube


----------



## chopper

I about wet my pants watching the talking dog!  My Hubby and son watched it several times laughing all the time. I didn't think I would ever get my phone back. Too funny!  We loved it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

LOL Mrs LMB.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yikes!  Cat-astrophy!


View attachment 16147



"I haven't slept a wink since my husband developed restless leg syndrome."


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> all!



Makes sense to me.


----------



## taxlady

This is really weird. I wouldn't want to see that in my garden.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is hilarious


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> This is really weird. I wouldn't want to see that in my garden.



I'm still LMFAO!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> This is really weird. I wouldn't want to see that in my garden.



Hilarious!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

darling


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> darling



Eeee! That's so cute! I love that movie, what a great costume for a little guy.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



I need to know where that store is!!!

ROFL!


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> darling



I love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

cute babies!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny


----------



## taxlady

And a timely one:


----------



## chopper

I live the cereal kitties. They belong in the cereal city.


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16154



View attachment 16155

The moon is awful big & round tonight. Had to send this one. :grin:


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 16154
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16155
> 
> The moon is awful big & round tonight. Had to send this one. :grin:


The first one cracked me up. I love the second one. The picture is gorgeous.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

Not really a funny, but true.

View attachment 16170


----------



## Cindercat

My niece posted this on FB. Guess which one she used to de-ice her windshield this morning.


View attachment 16171



 She said her boss just shook his head when she explained why she was late to work. It seems windshield wipers & fluid don't work well on buttered windshields.


----------



## MrsLMB

Senior Cell Phone for those of us who remember the good old days !!


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Senior Cell Phone for those of us who remember the good old days !!



I'm gonna get one for my mom.


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Senior Cell Phone for those of us who remember the good old days !!



LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Senior Cell Phone for those of us who remember the good old days !!



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Merlot




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



LOL!


----------



## Dawgluver

Mess with the Bull, ya get the horns.

View attachment 16178


----------



## Kylie1969

They are so funny guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
PF is still looking for her tapioca pudding. The last place I look is where the item is supposed ot be. There it is! That's why it is the safest place.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That has happened to me before


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16182


----------



## Kylie1969

That is funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> PF is still looking for her tapioca pudding. The last place I look is where the item is supposed ot be. There it is! That's why it is the safest place.



I did find it about a week ago...it was behind the ground flax seed bin.


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I did find it about a week ago...it was behind the ground flax seed bin.



Right where you thought it was.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it MM


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16189


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16190

A reminder FOR ME!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 16190
> 
> A reminder FOR ME!



A smart reminder, thanks...I had managed to forget.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> A smart reminder, thanks...I had managed to forget.


Me too, but my computer and my phone won't forget.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Me too, but my computer and my phone won't forget.



Okay, everything that needed to be changed is now done.  Thanks for the second reminder!


----------



## Addie

I just have to change my watch and wall clock. I don't care about the stove one or the one on the coffee maker.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I still work, the clocks have to be right or I can't function.  I'm such a dolt in the morning that my alarm clock, set 15 min ahead, can fool me every morning.


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I still work, the clocks have to be right or I can't function.  I'm such a dolt in the morning that my alarm clock, set 15 min ahead, can fool me every morning.



LOL. Hubby does that too.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16201
It doesn't show on the pic:  The longer you look, the funnier it gets.


View attachment 16202


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I like it


----------



## mollyanne

You'll have to click on these photos 
to enlarge them so you can see what's 
going on...so funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

yes!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is a good one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Aww, love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Dawgluver

This fascinates me for some reason:


View attachment 16221


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> This fascinates me for some reason:
> 
> 
> View attachment 16221


Me too!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is cool


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Good one


----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
An oft complaint of my girlfriend in Atlanta.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Even more satisfying would be to use a phone like this:






and put the opening of the ear piece in front of the speaker. I saw that in the movie "Funny Girl". Made wonderful, screechy feedback.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16233

Bet the putting was really messed up.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Even more satisfying would be to use a phone like this:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> and put the opening of the ear piece in front of the speaker. I saw that in the movie "Funny Girl". Made wonderful, screechy feedback.


 
I am old enough that I still remember a few homes of my friends had one of those. I also remember when you had to ring for the operator and then hang up while she called them. When she got an answer, she would connect you both. The handle to ring was on the big black box on the wall and you cranked the handle about three times. Remember when Andy would askthe operator to connect him with someone in town? Well, when I lived on the Cape as a kid, that is what we did. Good Grief! I am oooold.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love this one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16250


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## CWS4322

'Tis I. Now y'all know how wrinkled and old I am :


----------



## MrsLMB

The Express Lane

I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.

Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. 

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"

Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Maxine, my inspiration:


View attachment 16266


----------



## Kylie1969

Very inspirational


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> Very inspirational


 
Maxine is my heroine. I try to live just like her. Only because I look just like her.


----------



## Kylie1969

Yes, I can see the resemblance Addie


----------



## taxlady

I love Maxine, but that particular inspiration I can do without. I already do that too much.


----------



## Kylie1969

Me too Taxy


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16279


Ahhh! I'm too tired to get up and go to bed!


----------



## Kylie1969

Awwwwwwwww love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16289


----------



## taxlady

I came across this on Facebook. I nearly peed myself laughing.


----------



## Kylie1969

Cindercat said:


> View attachment 16289



That is so very funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I came across this on Facebook. I nearly peed myself laughing.



Okay, I just got Shrek up off the floor!  I need to change the cushion on the couch.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Okay, I just got Shrek up off the floor!  I need to change the cushion on the couch.



Made me laugh too!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

YouTube - Babies Eating Lemons for the First Time.mp4 - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> YouTube - Babies Eating Lemons for the First Time.mp4 - YouTube


I love it.

I once saw a video of a baby with a piece of lemon in his hand. The face that baby made gave one the impression that he had just eaten the nastiest, sourest, thing in the world. Then he took another bite and made the same face. Then he did it again.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, I just got Shrek up off the floor! I need to change the cushion on the couch.


 
You need to put plastic on the furniture ala Marie Barone. I had to read it twice before I got it. Now I have to clean off my screen.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I love it.
> 
> I once saw a video of a baby with a piece of lemon in his hand. The face that baby made gave one the impression that he had just eaten the nastiest, sourest, thing in the world. Then he took another bite and made the same face. Then he did it again.



Same thing happens with pickles...cracks me up!


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Same thing happens with pickles...cracks me up!



Or an olive when they have had grapes in the past.


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> YouTube - Babies Eating Lemons for the First Time.mp4 - YouTube



That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have a SIL that would get mad at me for giving her daughter lemons so we could watch her eat them.  Cured that by my brother stepping in and giving the lemon to his daughter himself.  I also remember the first time we gave him a piece of lemon, there is a pic somewhere of his reaction.  (I'm ten years older than him.)


----------



## Dawgluver

Will have to watch it with the free Wifi at work tomorrow.  Stupid Verizon.

Handsome devil:


View attachment 16295


And from my home state:


View attachment 16296


----------



## CWS4322

Since this is a food forum (and there are so many cat-lovers on it):


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## CWS4322

Chuckle....


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!!


+1


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So funny


----------



## Dawgluver

+3


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL


----------



## taxlady

"Ted prepares to exercise the cat."


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so sweet


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL



That is sooo funny


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL


----------



## Addie

Good ole Ted. That cat looks like it could use some exercise.


----------



## Kylie1969

It sure does Ads  

That is the first one I have seen of Ted, does he have a few out there?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Ballard Street is the name of the strip, I get them every day and most of them are very funny.

That one had me on the floor...I know a couple of cats who need some exercise.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16352


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny SB


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Ballard Street is the name of the strip, I get them every day and most of them are very funny.



Thanks Fiona...I will look them up now


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Man, go for a walk or something...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

o noes!!!!!!


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16352


That's only funny because it's true.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:
			
		

> That's only funny because it's true.



+1


----------



## Kylie1969

All hilarious


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is a classic 

Showed Steve, he loved it


----------



## Somebunny

Lol!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Another George Takei:



View attachment 16365


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Another George Takei:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16365


"Apoohcalypse"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

zombies got my brain ...I didn't see the spelling.


LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Another George Takei:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16365



That is funny


----------



## Dawgluver

Sad but true:



View attachment 16368


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Sad but true:



Roflmao!


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> Another George Takei:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16365


+1 (My Pooh married my Barbie and they had Little Poohs...what part of this picture did my parents not understand re: why I didn't have children????)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Underwear over the years


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Oh my!


----------



## Dawgluver

Too funny, Kylie!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Glad you like them DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16373


----------



## taxlady

I've had one or two days like this:


----------



## chopper

View attachment 16375


----------



## Kylie1969

I love them both


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

LOL. Too funny!


----------



## chopper

View attachment 16376


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## chopper

View attachment 16378


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## chopper

View attachment 16379


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Chops


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> View attachment 16378


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



LOL!!


----------



## chopper

I love the turkey one!!!  Too funny.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## chopper

That is a "chick bike" if I ever saw one!

Lol


----------



## Kylie1969

It sure is Chops


----------



## Kylie1969

Mrs Claus???


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Awwwwwww


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LwyL


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LwyL


It certainly looks like it.


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em all!

I won't forget:



View attachment 16385


And for our Canadian friends:



View attachment 16387


----------



## Kylie1969

They are so funny DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16390


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16391


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16392


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## MrsLMB

I'm passing this on because it worked for me today. 

A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives after this election, we should always finish things that we start. 

Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I'd started & hadn't finished. 

I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. 

Yu has no idr how fablus I feel rite now.

Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.


----------



## taxlady

Love it MrsLMB.


----------



## Kylie1969

I so love that crockpot one


----------



## chopper

You are a funny woman MrsLMB


----------



## Kylie1969

chopper said:


> You are a funny woman MrsLMB



+1

We luv ya!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Oh Mrs LMB, you are wonderful at making me laugh. That is a cute one!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'll need a 50 ft roll.


----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL MrsL and Fiona


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'll need a 50 ft roll.


+1


----------



## Kylie1969

It is also a feel good thing, I just love playing with bubble wrap


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Especially for Canadians, sad, but true:


----------



## Whiskadoodle

Bzzt. No, Canada has not lost its cool factor.


----------



## MrsLMB

It's ok tax .. the Americans have something similar


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'll need a 50 ft roll.


 
I had bought a full roll to send just seven presents. Now I have an awful lot of bubble wrap left. The next year my girlfriend in Atlanta tells me she needs some bubble wrap to send out some presents. Aha! I have the solution to your problem. I tear off about ten squares and divide them between two large manilla envelopes. Tape them together and send them off. Postage was minimal. When they arrived, her daughter was all excited. "Oh Mom, something from Addie." Her mother told her to open it. Her mother told me the look on her face was priceless. She asked if I forgot to send the present.  Nope, that is the present. Bubble wrap.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> It's ok tax .. the Americans have something similar



Yes, that is a big change!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Aww, I love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Me too


----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> It's ok tax .. the Americans have something similar



Yeah, that is sad. I used to watch Shirley temple movies all the time when I was a kid. Honey boo boo making the duck face just makes me shake my head. 

And I clear my calculator 5 times too!!! I'm used to using a ti-83 where I can see the screen clear, so when I use a regular calculator where I can't see what it's doing, I just don't trust it lol!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16413


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16414

A little late, but still cute!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16415


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16416


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all so funny


----------



## Dawgluver

Kylie1969 said:
			
		

> They are all so funny



Yes they are!



View attachment 16417


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Yes they are!



Rofl!  This was hilarious!  I'm still laughing!


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:
			
		

> Rofl!  This was hilarious!  I'm still laughing!



  Me too!


----------



## Dawgluver

heh.

View attachment 16420


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all brilliant


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL


I love it.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16425


----------



## Kylie1969

Brilliant guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Good ones, guys!

LOL:

View attachment 16426


----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


What an expression on that cat's face!

It works on my cats. No one owns cats.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Good ones, guys!
> 
> LOL:
> 
> View attachment 16426



This one just put Shrek on the floor!  And I still cant breathe...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> This one just put Shrek on the floor!  And I still cant breathe...



Oops, sorry!


----------



## Addie

Anytime I am feeling a little down, all I have to do is come to this site and I am feeling so much better in a matter of seconds.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Oops, sorry!



Better now...that was very funny...<snort> Okay, Okay...I'm almost over it.


----------



## Dawgluver

Gotta love Jeff Foxworthy AND small towns, this was how I grew up:



View attachment 16429


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Of course it isn't going to work. This is just to make sure they are duely warned before the spray bottle comes out. Or the squirt gun. Or if it's a hot summer day and I'm really that annoyed and there are no electronics to get damaged, a glass of ice water. The couch/table/floor/etc. will dry.


----------



## Dawgluver

Huh.  Yes.  Yes it is.

View attachment 16430


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Huh. Yes. Yes it is.
> 
> View attachment 16430


 


Because I live in a studio apartment, I not only remember all the things I am supposed to do, I SEE them. Like the pile of laundry to be folded. I need a set of horse blinders.


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:
			
		

> Because I live in a studio apartment, I not only remember all the things I am supposed to do, I SEE them. Like the pile of laundry to be folded. I need a set of horse blinders.



Do they sell horse blinders at WS?  I may need some too!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Do they sell horse blinders at WS? I may need some too!


 
Once, just once I would like to go to bed and have nothing left undone. The only problem with that is the dust is always settling on your househohld while you sleep. As the saying goes, "A man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Addie said:
			
		

> Once, just once I would like to go to bed and have nothing left undone. The only problem with that is the dust is always settling on your househohld while you sleep. As the saying goes, "A man works from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done."



The hubby and I both have trouble shutting down our brains to go to sleep but for different reasons. He's usually the one remembering all the stuff he wanted to get done or fretting over the bills or planning the next day's chores. My brain just doesn't work like that. Even if I start out thinking about anything like that in seconds I've jumped to "It's cool the way leaves veins branch out who invented dental floss in the summer time, when the weather is hot no no no getting that song stuck in my head was that the cat that walked across my legs 'cause if not I'm going to need to kick something hey that dot left by looking at the light looks kind of like a hippo."


----------



## Addie

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> The hubby and I both have trouble shutting down our brains to go to sleep but for different reasons. He's usually the one remembering all the stuff he wanted to get done or fretting over the bills or planning the next day's chores. My brain just doesn't work like that. Even if I start out thinking about anything like that in seconds I've jumped to "It's cool the way leaves veins branch out who invented dental floss in the summer time, when the weather is hot no no no getting that song stuck in my head was that the cat that walked across my legs 'cause if not I'm going to need to kick something hey that dot left by looking at the light looks kind of like a hippo."


 
I think just like you do. All over the place. I can so relate!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Addie said:
			
		

> I think just like you do. All over the place. I can so relate!



 Sometimes I can amuse myself just by not reigning in my brain. It's interesting to see what it comes up with.


----------



## MrsLMB

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> The hubby and I both have trouble shutting down our brains to go to sleep but for different reasons. He's usually the one remembering all the stuff he wanted to get done or fretting over the bills or planning the next day's chores. My brain just doesn't work like that. Even if I start out thinking about anything like that in seconds I've jumped to "It's cool the way leaves veins branch out who invented dental floss in the summer time, when the weather is hot no no no getting that song stuck in my head was that the cat that walked across my legs 'cause if not I'm going to need to kick something hey that dot left by looking at the light looks kind of like a hippo."


 
Similar situation here too.  We found a simple way to help that so we can get better rest.

Bought a couple of wee tiny little MP3 players and iFrogz earbuds - they actually fit in the ear unlike those round ones that sit there.  Anyway .. we each recorded what we like for music and we put in our "ears" and the brain goes in the right direction.  I change my music periodically .. it goes from just sounds like rain, or waves to oldies, to piano or organ to who the heck knows what !

We found that it really helps .. might want to give it a try !


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> Gotta love Jeff Foxworthy AND small towns, this was how I grew up:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16429


LOL, I totally get it, growing up in rural Maine!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Gotta love Jeff Foxworthy AND small towns, this was how I grew up:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16429


As Bakechef wrote, I totally get it. I didn't grow up in a small town, but I lived in a village for four years.

He left out that one always stops for a car stopped at the side of the road and always picks up hitchhikers (unless you don't know the person and it's near the prison ). Might be your car that's stuck the next time.


----------



## CWS4322

bakechef said:


> LOL, I totally get it, growing up in rural Maine!


I grew up in Northern MN and gas stations still sell bait there!


----------



## CWS4322

I didn't see that this one made it to this thread:


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it CWS


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
 I just love silly puns.


----------



## MrsLMB

SLOOPY THE DANCING CHIHUAHUA - YouTube


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16435


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love that one


----------



## taxlady

Do you believe in reincarnation?
=^..^=


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16435


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB

*Where to park*

One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today.

You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio
announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. 
You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. 

You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With the love and understanding in his voice like all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says, " Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time? "


----------



## CWS4322

I was driving home and heard a radio announcer say...whales aren't fat, it's just water. His co-announcer said, "I heard it was a layer of blubber." The idea of whales being overweight because of water weight, almost had me in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny Mrs L


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> I was driving home and heard a radio announcer say...whales aren't fat, it's just water. His co-announcer said, "I heard it was a layer of blubber." The idea of whales being overweight because of water weight, almost had me in the ditch, I was laughing so hard.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Gee that is funny


----------



## Whiskadoodle

One of the best televison shows and the best episode Evar.
in two parts/ 
For PF,  because. 

Carol Burnett - Gone With The Wind Part 1 - YouTube

Carol Burnett - Gone With The Wind Part 2 - YouTube


----------



## Skittle68

Cute!!



View attachment 16448


----------



## Kylie1969

That is very cute indeed


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Love the cat lady tree.

I may have posted this one before, if so, sorry.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em!

True:


View attachment 16454

And this might have come out when I was in 6th grade:


View attachment 16455


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Awwwww


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16460

I saw this a few years ago, and it cracked me up!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 16460
> 
> I saw this a few years ago, and it cracked me up!


Oh yeah, I love that one.

NAPkins, is really very cute. It even got an "Aww" from my husband.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Do they make a 24 hourglass???


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Cindercat

View attachment 16463


----------



## Cindercat

CWS, I thought of you & the hens going down the highway when I saw this. Aren't you glad you didn't have a favorite cow instead of chickens?

View attachment 16464


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Dawgluver

Can't see it....


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Can't see it....


+1


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Always shows for me.  Don't understand.  Anyway, I attached it.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 
That sure would make me give up a life of crime in a hurry.


----------



## Dawgluver

They can guard my home anytime!

I've got to get a copy of the Popup book of Phobias, $10 is a bargain!


----------



## MrsLMB

Lawyer vs Senior

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easily.

So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.

The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot of fun...."I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5.00. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.

This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?"

The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"

The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.

He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00. The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.

The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, "Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"

The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

Don't mess with old people!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## CWS4322

Cindercat said:


> CWS, I thought of you & the hens going down the highway when I saw this. Aren't you glad you didn't have a favorite cow instead of chickens?
> 
> View attachment 16464


LOL!


----------



## CWS4322

This cracked me up!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Love the peacock!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

I came home from work today,  went to put my long hair up in a clip, heard a crinkley noise.

I have no idea how long I'd been wearing a piece of packing tape at the bottom of my hair....or where it came from!  Wish someone had told me!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I came home from work today,  went to put my long hair up in a clip, heard a crinkley noise.
> 
> I have no idea how long I'd been wearing a piece of packing tape at the bottom of my hair....or where it came from!  Wish someone had told me!



How long ago was you last played with packing tape?


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16472

Cat Lady sorting system!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> How long ago was you last played with packing tape?



I'm hoping it came from a bulletin board today!  Otherwise, I need to get a new shampoo.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I'm hoping it came from a bulletin board today!  Otherwise, I need to get a new shampoo.


----------



## Kylie1969

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16472
> 
> Cat Lady sorting system!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> I came home from work today, went to put my long hair up in a clip, heard a crinkley noise.
> 
> I have no idea how long I'd been wearing a piece of packing tape at the bottom of my hair....or where it came from! Wish someone had told me!


 
You really should invest in ribbons.


----------



## Zhizara

Could it have been a practical joke?


----------



## Dawgluver

It was clear tape, thankfully!  I think it was from a bulletin board I leaned against, freaked me out though!  A whole new meaning to cellophane conditioner...


----------



## Addie

I have a girlfriend that lives in Atlanta. We have been friends for almost 15 years. 

She was a newlywed. Still in love with her new husband. She had been reading articles on how to keep the excitement in a marriage. So to surprise him one day, she decides to wrap herself naked in plastic wrap and greet him at the door all wrapped up for him. Forgetting that her walls are stucco, she brushed up against the wall in the hallway around 3:30 p.m. He was due home around fivish. The stucco wall grab hold of her and kept her captive. There she is stuck to the wall, sweating from being wrapped up in plastic, can't sit down, thirsty, and miserable. Why is it taking him so long to get home?

Her husband had just started a new job. He wanted to impress his boss. So he decides that this is the night to bring him home and introduce him to his new bride. Bob puts his key in the lock, and hears Nance crying. He rushes in with his boss behind him. There she is, stark naked, stuck to the wall, and his boss standing behind him. All Bobby could say, was "I would like to introduce my new wife." His boss said his polite hello and graciously said that maybe another night would be better. He made a hasty exit. Or so Nance thinks. She doesn't remember. She spent the whole night crying, thinking she got him fired. This little episode in their relationship has never been mentioned between them again in the following 30 years. They have been divorced for a long time. At least once a year I like to tease her and tell her it was this little episode that was the cause of the divorce. I am lucky I am still alive. Up 'til today, there were only four people who knew about this. Nance and her husband, his boss and me. Now the rest of you know it also. It is one of those traumas you never get over.


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16474


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it SB


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I'm hoping it came from a bulletin board today!  Otherwise, I need to get a new shampoo.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> I have a girlfriend that lives in Atlanta. We have been friends for almost 15 years.
> 
> She was a newlywed. Still in love with her new husband. She had been reading articles on how to keep the excitement in a marriage. So to surprise him one day, she decides to wrap herself naked in plastic wrap and greet him at the door all wrapped up for him. Forgetting that her walls are stucco, she brushed up against the wall in the hallway around 3:30 p.m. He was due home around fivish. The stucco wall grab hold of her and kept her captive. There she is stuck to the wall, sweating from being wrapped up in plastic, can't sit down, thirsty, and miserable. Why is it taking him so long to get home?
> 
> Her husband had just started a new job. He wanted to impress his boss. So he decides that this is the night to bring him home and introduce him to his new bride. Bob puts his key in the lock, and hears Nance crying. He rushes in with his boss behind him. There she is, stark naked, stuck to the wall, and his boss standing behind him. All Bobby could say, was "I would like to introduce my new wife." His boss said his polite hello and graciously said that maybe another night would be better. He made a hasty exit. Or so Nance thinks. She doesn't remember. She spent the whole night crying, thinking she got him fired. This little episode in their relationship has never been mentioned between them again in the following 30 years. They have been divorced for a long time. At least once a year I like to tease her and tell her it was this little episode that was the cause of the divorce. I am lucky I am still alive. Up 'til today, there were only four people who knew about this. Nance and her husband, his boss and me. Now the rest of you know it also. It is one of those traumas you never get over.


new wife - he hadn't even taken her out of the package yet.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

He he


----------



## CWS4322

I like this one:


----------



## Kylie1969

That is very funny CWS


----------



## Dawgluver

Have I said how much I love this thread?

A few more:

View attachment 16493



View attachment 16494



View attachment 16495



View attachment 16496


----------



## PrincessFiona60

lol!


----------



## Addie

Poor Santa.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> lol!



!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16500


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16501


----------



## Kylie1969

I so love them


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## Dawgluver

Picky picky:

View attachment 16504


----------



## MrsLMB

ITALIAN SECRET TO A LONG MARRIAGE

At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Toronto, they have weekly husband's marriage seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Giuseppe, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Giuseppe replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her nicea, spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Giuseppe, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Giuseppe proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Skittle68

The caption on the photo is a joke, but the picture is real  

View attachment 16506


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

It was a camera...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so funny


----------



## MrsLMB

You are never too young to dance !

2 year old dancing the jive - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

Not bad moves for a 2 year old


----------



## chopper

Too cute Mrs. LMB


----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:


> You are never too young to dance !
> 
> 2 year old dancing the jive - YouTube



That's so cute!! On the same note:

http://youtu.be/tdxr0z3SZ74

Bruno Mars, the worlds youngest Elvis impersonator


----------



## MrsLMB

The ultimate cat lady Christmas gift


----------



## Skittle68

The best way to enjoy the snow!



View attachment 16526


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:


> The best way to enjoy the snow!



That looks like such fun, Skittle!  Enjoy!


----------



## Kylie1969

Looks nice and warm there, in the spa anyway


----------



## MrsLMB

Skittle68 said:


> The best way to enjoy the snow!


 
Oooohhh that looks so inviting !!! Glad you are enjoying it .. I sure would.


----------



## MrsLMB

He's got rhythm !


Dog's got rhythm. 



		
		Your browser does not support the video tag.
	




		
		Your browser does not support the video tag.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> He's got rhythm !
> 
> 
> Dog's got rhythm.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your browser does not support the video tag.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Your browser does not support the video tag.






		
		Your browser does not support the video tag.


----------



## Kylie1969

Mrs L, that is soooooooo funny...what groove that lovely dog has 

He was making me get rhythm too 

You find the funniest things, you certainly have the same sense of humour as me


----------



## Skittle68

I love grumpy cat 



View attachment 16536


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> I love grumpy cat
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16536


When Shreddy was a kitten I had to get a covered litter box. He would look for his poops and get more and more frantic, finally looking like a cartoon dog digging a hole, with cat litter flying out of the box. You just knew he was thinking, "I'm sure I left them here."


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## MrsLMB

Once again this year, I've had requests for my Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. 

Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality. 

Repeat. 

Turn on the electric mixer. 

Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. 

Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. 

Beat again. 

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. 

Try another cup just in case. 

Turn off the mixerer thingy. 

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit. 

Pick the fruit up off the floor. 

Mix on the turner. 

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. 

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. 

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. 

Check the tequila. 

Now shift the lemon ice strain your nuts. 

Add one table. 

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. 

Whatever you can find. 

Greash the oven. 

Turn the cake tin 360 s and try not to fall over. 

Don't forget to beat off the turner. 

Finally, throw the bowl through the window. 

Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Mristmas


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!  Sounds a lot like my Rum Cake recipe.


----------



## Addie

*The Day After Christmas*

'Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Everey creature was hurtin' even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa pased out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
While upstiars the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
I went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there rose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversize mirror

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox.
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shoulting he called them by name.

"Now Dillard's, now WalMart, now Penny's and Sears,
Here's Robinson's, Levitz's and Target's and Mervn's.

To the tip of your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway, chargeaway, chargeway all." 

He whooped and he whistled as he fiinished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
*"ENJOY WHAT YOU BOUGHT . . . . . . .YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"*


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Ads!


----------



## MrsLMB

The Grinch Tree


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Addie

*The 12-Step Internet Recovery Program*


I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to before the Internet.
I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
I will get dressed before noon.
I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
I will read a book-if I still remember how.
I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
I will not be tempted during TV commericials to check for email.
I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime . . . And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!


----------



## Kylie1969

Ads, that is brilliant


----------



## Addie

When you work in a large office, stuff like this flies around all the time. Some I kept, most I didn't.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:


> [*]I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to before the Internet.
> [*]I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing.
> [*]I will get dressed before noon.
> [*]I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes and plan dinner before even thinking of the Internet.
> [*]I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Internet-deprived.
> [*]I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Internet.
> [*]I will read a book-if I still remember how.
> [*]I will listen to those around me and their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Internet.
> [*]I will not be tempted during TV commericials to check for email.
> [*]I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not.
> [*]I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Internet.
> [*]Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime . . . And the Internet will always be there tomorrow!



Lol I need to add: [*] I will finish my homework before I even think about checking my Facebook, or DC


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

MrsLMB said:


>




Math tricks are cool.  If you "add 8" instead of "add 6" your answer would be four.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I expected...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB

Put Em Up .. You Aren't So Tough ......


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## Dawgluver

I think they meant "assorted".... From George Takei:



View attachment 16545


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I think they meant "assorted".... From George Takei:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16545



Have you ever tried abbreviating assessment?  Took me two months to realize I was saying, "Nurse Ass."  Now I use "Assm"


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Have you ever tried abbreviating assessment?  Took me two months to realize I was saying, "Nurse Ass."  Now I use "Assm"



  Bet the residents enjoyed that!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Bet the residents enjoyed that!



At least it wasn't on anything they would ever see.  But the Medicare offices will see it.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16546


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16547


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## medtran49

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Have you ever tried abbreviating assessment? Took me two months to realize I was saying, "Nurse Ass." Now I use "Assm"


 
How about docs who dictate and say "pus-see" (except it's actually spelled with a y instead of 2 e's and means the wound has a lot of pus).  Then, think of a little kitty or slang for something else .  Especially when you are required to transcribe exactly what they say.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, not I have that song stuck in my head...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not I have that song stuck in my head...


 
Do you get the feeling that folks do sneaky things to just torment you?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I can think of worse songs to have stuck!


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not I have that song stuck in my head...


----------



## MrsLMB

My New Bumper Sticker !!


----------



## Kylie1969

Great bumper sticker Mrs L


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> I can think of worse songs to have stuck!



My son once said that he had Frosty the Snowman stuck in his head.  Then he said, "the song...not the actual snowman.". Good thing he made that clarification. LOL


----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> My son once said that he had Frosty the Snowman stuck in his head. Then he said, "the song...not the actual snowman.". Good thing he made that clarification. LOL


 
  All right, I can't stop laughinig.  It gives me a mental picture.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> My son once said that he had Frosty the Snowman stuck in his head.  Then he said, "the song...not the actual snowman.". Good thing he made that clarification. LOL



ROFL!!!


----------



## Somebunny

chopper said:


> My son once said that he had Frosty the Snowman stuck in his head.  Then he said, "the song...not the actual snowman.". Good thing he made that clarification. LOL



Rofl!!!!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16553


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it SB


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

Oh my! How true. My husband used to get really worried when I was chattering away.


----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:


> View attachment 16560



This is so true! I get quiet when I'm mad because I need time to gather my thoughts and calm down. If I try to talk before I've had my quiet time it just comes out wrong. I try to organize my thoughts into "I feel" statements in order to have a constructive conversation. No shouting in this household!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, not I have that song stuck in my head...


+1


----------



## Skittle68

Lolololol



View attachment 16561


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So very true


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> Lolololol
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16561



That is so funny


----------



## Dawgluver

Another Takei:


View attachment 16562


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


That sounds about right.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



I resemble that remark!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Adorable Golden Retriever Puppies in the Snow! - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB

Car Keys


Several days ago as I left a meeting at a hotel; I desperately gave myself a personal TSA pat down. 

I was looking for my keys.

They were not in my pockets. 

A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing.

Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. 

Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. 

My husband has scolded me many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. 

My theory is the ignition is the best place not to lose them. 

His theory is that the car will be stolen.

As I burst through the door, I came to a terrifying conclusion. 

His theory was right. The parking lot was empty.

I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all, "Honey," I stammered; I always call him "honey" in times like these. "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." 

There was a period of silence. 

I thought the call had been dropped, but then I heard his voice. 

He barked, "I dropped you off!"

Now it was my time to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this policeman I have not stolen your car."

Yep, it's the golden years.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16565


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them both


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Adorable Golden Retriever Puppies in the Snow! - YouTube


 
They way they plow through the snow, they would make great rescue dogs. That is adorable. Thank you. I loved it!


----------



## Addie

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16565


 
I believe the cookie. It has never led me wrong.


----------



## Katie H

Heard this one this morning from my physical therapist, "What did the fish say when he hit a wall?"

















"Dam!"


----------



## Kylie1969

Simple yet funny...love it Katie


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16580


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16581


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

These are getting bettera and bettera. They make my day. Thank you all.


----------



## bakechef

This is a great thread for a little comic relief!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16582


----------



## Somebunny

Addie said:


> These are getting bettera and bettera. They make my day. Thank you all.



Addie, I "steal" most of the ones I submit from Facebook!  A little comic thievery.....

View attachment 16583

Here's another, enjoy!


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:


> Addie, I "steal" most of the ones I submit from Facebook!  A little comic thievery.....
> 
> Here's another, enjoy!



Bunny, I do the same!  Best place to "steal" from!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## Skittle68

He he 
View attachment 16584


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16588


----------



## Kylie1969

All so funny guys


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Got stopped for speeding the other day.

I was in the middle of sweet talking my way out of the ticket when
the cop looked in the back seat ... game over.


----------



## Dawgluver

Now this just creeps me out:



View attachment 16605


----------



## Kylie1969

All so funny


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> Now this just creeps me out:



Rofl!  Hilarious!  And maybe a little "creepy"!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 16582


 
Take the house, husband, kids. Even the family dog. DON'T TOUCH MY COFFEE!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

True Story!!!

We went to the movies tonight (saw _The Hobbit_) and the cashier charged us for two regular tickets, I asked him if Shrek could get the Senior discount.  He changed it and said, "That's one Adult and one Hobbit."  I about shrieked, he called Shrek a Hobbit...he was falling over himself apologizing and I was cracking up.  Shrek told him it was the first time it wasn't assumed I was the Hobbit...still has me giggling.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> True Story!!!
> 
> We went to the movies tonight (saw _The Hobbit_) and the cashier charged us for two regular tickets, I asked him if Shrek could get the Senior discount. He changed it and said, "That's one Adult and one Hobbit." I about shrieked, he called Shrek a Hobbit...he was falling over himself apologizing and I was cracking up. Shrek told him it was the first time it wasn't assumed I was the Hobbit...still has me giggling.


 
 It is too late in the night for this kind of laughter. Here in Mass. you get the Senior Discount at age 55 everywhere.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> True Story!!!
> 
> We went to the movies tonight (saw _The Hobbit_) and the cashier charged us for two regular tickets, I asked him if Shrek could get the Senior discount.  He changed it and said, "That's one Adult and one Hobbit."  I about shrieked, he called Shrek a Hobbit...he was falling over himself apologizing and I was cracking up.  Shrek told him it was the first time it wasn't assumed I was the Hobbit...still has me giggling.


I love it.


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> True Story!!!
> 
> We went to the movies tonight (saw _The Hobbit_) and the cashier charged us for two regular tickets, I asked him if Shrek could get the Senior discount.  He changed it and said, "That's one Adult and one Hobbit."  I about shrieked, he called Shrek a Hobbit...he was falling over himself apologizing and I was cracking up.  Shrek told him it was the first time it wasn't assumed I was the Hobbit...still has me giggling.



That is so funny Fi


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Catmas is coming!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> True Story!!!
> 
> We went to the movies tonight (saw The Hobbit) and the cashier charged us for two regular tickets, I asked him if Shrek could get the Senior discount.  He changed it and said, "That's one Adult and one Hobbit."  I about shrieked, he called Shrek a Hobbit...he was falling over himself apologizing and I was cracking up.  Shrek told him it was the first time it wasn't assumed I was the Hobbit...still has me giggling.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

worksh fur me...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Muahahahahahaha!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16618


----------



## Kylie1969

He he


----------



## PrincessFiona60

poor Neal...


----------



## Skittle68

Lol 



View attachment 16620


----------



## MrsLMB

Skittle68 said:


> Lol
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16620


 

very cute and very true !!


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

Love the suicidal cat and the old couple.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kayelle

View attachment 16621


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## bakechef

They were filming a commercial for a famous truck stop in Maine (they have really good pie!) here are the outtakes, the Maine accents crack me up.  This could be any older couple in Maine, LOL.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIrQ9ilL8aw


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> They were filming a commercial for a famous truck stop in Maine (they have really good pie!) here are the outtakes, the Maine accents crack me up.  This could be any older couple in Maine, LOL.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DIrQ9ilL8aw


I love it.


----------



## Kayelle

That cracked me up!!  haahaahaaahaa.  It's been a while since I laughed out loud that long.  The looks on her face reminded Steve of mine.


----------



## Dawgluver

Hilarious!


----------



## Dawgluver

Aha!

View attachment 16628


----------



## Kylie1969

Very funny


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Aha!
> 
> View attachment 16628


I saw that on Facebook, but it said, "Wanna beer?" with the same reply.


----------



## Dawgluver

Snicker:



View attachment 16630


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I saw that on Facebook, but it said, "Wanna beer?" with the same reply.





I prefer tequila!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I prefer tequila!


Me too.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> They were filming a commercial for a famous truck stop in Maine (they have really good pie!) here are the outtakes, the Maine accents crack me up.  This could be any older couple in Maine, LOL.



Hysterical!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Snicker:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16630


----------



## bakechef

Kayelle said:


> That cracked me up!!  haahaahaaahaa.  It's been a while since I laughed out loud that long.  The looks on her face reminded Steve of mine.



If I closed my eyes, I could easily imagine that these were my parents!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

ROFL!!!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16634


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cindercat

That would be hilarious!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



I don't think I will be able to stop laughing over this one...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So funny


----------



## MrsLMB

In the spirit of the season .. let's have a little Grumpy Cat !


----------



## bakechef

Grumpy cat always brings a smile to my face!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> In the spirit of the season .. let's have a little Grumpy Cat !


I love Grumpy Cat, her real name is Tardar Sauce and she is super lovable, despite what her face says.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16642


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Awww, that is sweet


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Tinker McJingles here .. who are you???


----------



## taxlady

Stirling wrote in his Facebook status, 





> was  going through a pile of clothes to pack for the trip to my Mom's and  came across something mysterious. My thoughts went something like "I  don't remember these pants. Wait, its just one pant leg? Held up with  just an elastic at the top???  Oh, wait, its one of taxlady's skirts."


----------



## Addie

Hello. My name is Perky Plum Pants.


----------



## GotGarlic

I'm Cookie Toe-Bells!


----------



## Katie H

Y'all can just call me "Cookie Peppermint!"

However, you can call me anything, but don't call me late for dinner.


----------



## bakechef

Twinkle McJingles checking in..


----------



## Skittle68

Katie H said:


> Y'all can just call me "Cookie Peppermint!"
> 
> However, you can call me anything, but don't call me late for dinner.



I'M cookie peppermint too!! Lol! Bf is twinkle plum pants he he


----------



## Kayelle

taxlady said:


> Stirling wrote in his Facebook status,     Quote:
> was  going through a pile of clothes to pack for the trip to my  Mom's and  came across something mysterious. My thoughts went something  like "I  don't remember these pants. Wait, its just one pant leg? Held  up with  just an elastic at the top???  Oh, wait, its one of taxlady's  skirts."


  *MEN!! Now that's typical, and FUNNY!! 

He could wear one skirt on each leg....uhh well, I guess that won't work. ***


----------



## Dawgluver

Hmm.  He'd have to sport a VERY long shirt and a pair of suspenders!


----------



## Kayelle

Dawgluver said:


> Hmm.  He'd have to sport a VERY long shirt and a pair of suspenders!



 now I have the mental picture of him with no crotch cover.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Stirling wrote in his Facebook status,



ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Tinker McJingles here .. who are you???



I am Squeezy Sparkley-Toes, Shrek is Bubbles Angel-Pants...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I am Squeezy Sparkley-Toes, Shrek is Bubbles Angel-Pants...



I'm not playing.  Any time a "name" for me starts out with "PERKY" it can't end well.


----------



## MrsLMB

Andy M. said:


> I'm not playing. Any time a "name" for me starts out with "PERKY" it can't end well.


 


Come on .. no guts no glory !!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

My motto:

View attachment 16689


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> My motto:
> 
> View attachment 16689




That's me!  That's Me!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL



Oh too funny...I cleaned out the fridge yesterday!


----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> Oh too funny...I cleaned out the fridge yesterday!


 

I just need to wash off the shelves. I want to know who spills all that stuff in there when I am not looking?


----------



## chopper

Addie said:


> I just need to wash off the shelves. I want to know who spills all that stuff in there when I am not looking?



LOL. Me too!


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:


> I just need to wash off the shelves. I want to know who spills all that stuff in there when I am not looking?



I know exactly who spills things lol. He's about 6 ft tall, and spends his free time on my couch lol


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



OMG!!!  That is definitely me!


----------



## Kylie1969

Very much me too


----------



## Dawgluver

Now this makes sense:



View attachment 16715


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Now this makes sense:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16715



Makes sense to me, too!


----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:


> Now this makes sense:



+1 lol


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL!


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 16719


----------



## Skittle68

Sad but true:



View attachment 16720


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny Skittle


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Mwahaha


MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Mwahaha



Indeed.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16732

Lol!   Sorry Snip!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So true


----------



## Snip 13

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16732
> 
> Lol! Sorry Snip!


 
I was not hungover, I was still drunk


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

-Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

 In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called  his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He  approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded,  'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a  boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you  cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind  their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to  realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper  pusher. Yes, I know you.'

 The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing  what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do  you know the defense attorney?'

 She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He  can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is  one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his  wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know  him.'

 The defense attorney nearly died.

 The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 

 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'


----------



## taxlady

Too true and still relevant.


----------



## MrsLMB

I'm pretty sure I've encountered this person before !!!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Makes sense:

View attachment 16752


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Whoo?

View attachment 16756


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Roflmfao!


----------



## Skittle68

Lol MLB: ain't that the truth?!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it 

That is why we had solar panels installed


----------



## Skittle68

Kylie1969 said:


> Love it
> 
> That is why we had solar panels installed



Ugh, if only!! I'm a renter! But some day when the artificial leaf is mainstream, you'll be able to roll up your solar panel like a floor mat and put it wherever you want. It also uses low grade silicone, unlike current panels so they will be a lot cheaper, if it works as well as I've been lead to believe.


----------



## Addie

The Federal Government and the City of Boston have taken closed and old school buildings and converted them to housing for the elderly. For the life of me I don't understand why they haven't had solar panels installed on the roofs of these buildings. A matter of practice what you preach. They pay for the whole electric bills in these buildings. Along with all the hot water. We do have more sunny days than cloudy ones. Beyond my understanding.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Good one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny...so true!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## babetoo

MrsLMB said:


>



now you can tell us how it works, please!


----------



## Andy M.

You provide your shoe size and DOB, the rest is just shuffling the numbers around so it looks like magic.

There was a similar puzzle a while back involving a string of calculations ending up with your age or DOB.  Supposedly it would nly work in that current year.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

According to DH:



View attachment 16782


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it DL


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 16784


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

http://youtu.be/xVrJ8DxECbg


Oh my god, this is hilarious (search for invisible driver prank if the link doesn't work for you)


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei:


----------



## babetoo

oh my gosh that is funny. i can certainly relate. 
 good one tax lady.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

From #OverlyHonestMethods Captures All The Hilarious Science Not Fit For Publication (TWEETS)

Things that scientists post on twitter, but not in the stuff they publish. Some of my favourites:



500 kW laser pulses were employed BECAUSE LASERS. Pew pew.
LITERATURE CITED (but not actually read)
The effects of TOR pathway disruption in C. elegans were not explored further because that ****'s lethal & I dont wanna
Before measurement, samples were kept free from contamination & if we dropped any we totally followed the 5 second rule
We know it's pointless but we did it anyway because somebody was stupid enough to give us funding for it.
we didn't test as many clams as oysters because we're pretty sure someone found the samples and ate them


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16787



View attachment 16789


----------



## Skittle68

Lol... I love this thread...


----------



## Dawgluver

^^ all!



View attachment 16790


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it MrsL


----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> Love it MrsL


That is a good one. I have certainly had days like that.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

That one cracks me up every time!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16795


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16798


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

*Some            Pretty Good Science Here !!!! *
 
*Not a            pretty story... About 200 dead crows near Boston.* 
 
*There            was concern for Avian Flu. *
*A            Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows and confirmed            the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's            relief. *
*However,            he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with            trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impacts. *
*The            State engaged a Behavioral Ornithologist to determine the reason(s)            for the disproportionate percentages of truck versus car            kill. *
*The            Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short            order.* 
*When            crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out crow" in a nearby            tree, to warn of impending danger.*
**
*The            conclusion was that the look-out crow could say "Cah", but he could            not say "Truck."*


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *Some            Pretty Good Science Here !!!! *
> 
> *Not a            pretty story... About 200 dead crows near Boston.*
> 
> *There            was concern for Avian Flu. *
> *A            Bird Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows and confirmed            the problem was definitely NOT Avian Flu, to everyone's            relief. *
> *However,            he determined that 98% of the crows had been killed by impact with            trucks, and only 2% were killed by car impacts. *
> *The            State engaged a Behavioral Ornithologist to determine the reason(s)            for the disproportionate percentages of truck versus car            kill. *
> *The            Ornithological Behaviorist determined the cause in short            order.*
> *When            crows eat road kill, they always post a "look-out crow" in a nearby            tree, to warn of impending danger.*
> **
> *The            conclusion was that the look-out crow could say "Cah", but he could            not say "Truck."*


LMAO


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


>



I I love it!!!!


----------



## taxlady

chopper said:


> LMAO


+1


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I guess it depends on the font.


----------



## Andy M.

I had to read it over 4 times to get it.  I kept focusing on the numbers.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I found the mistake...it has nothing to do with font...


----------



## taxlady

The hubster just shared this on Facebook:

Chicken flavour


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I found the mistake...it has nothing to do with font...


Dang, you're right. I even looked for misspellings.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I couldnt find it at first, but after looking at it a few times, I spotted it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

But still, the mistake has absolutely NOTHing to do with the font.  Read the sentence again, don't look at the numbers.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> The hubster just shared this on Facebook:
> 
> Chicken flavour



That is just wrong on every level.


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> The hubster just shared this on Facebook:
> 
> Chicken flavour



Classic


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16816


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have the black and white hat...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I have the black and white hat...




Does yours have slots for your ears?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Those are knit in for cute, otherwise my real ears would get frost bite...


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Those are knit in for cute, otherwise my real ears would get frost bite...


So you have kitty ears on it? Sounds wonderful.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cheap Entertainment


----------



## PrincessFiona60

another one of Pacanis's sous chefs


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

*Three Old Ladies*

Three old ladies are sitting in a cafe, chatting about various things.
One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”
The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed, and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to bed or had just woken up!”
The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory’s just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16822


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

Omg best wedding proposal ever. I laughed, I cried, I watched it again. Lol

http://youtu.be/vBCFdpppYTU


----------



## taxlady

Skittle68 said:


> Omg best wedding proposal ever. I laughed, I cried, I watched it again. Lol
> 
> Engagement Proposal - Live Lip-Dub Wedding Proposal.mp4 - YouTube


That is good. I've seen it before. Their friends must have rehearsed a lot.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> Omg best wedding proposal ever. I laughed, I cried, I watched it again. Lol
> 
> Engagement Proposal - Live Lip-Dub Wedding Proposal.mp4 - YouTube



Very good!


----------



## MrsLMB

Skittle68 said:


> Omg best wedding proposal ever. I laughed, I cried, I watched it again. Lol
> 
> Engagement Proposal - Live Lip-Dub Wedding Proposal.mp4 - YouTube


 

That was very creative and cool ... what great memories they made !!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh funny, MrsLMB!  And all!

The Valentines bouquet I want:


View attachment 16826


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Oh funny, MrsLMB!  And all!
> 
> The Valentines bouquet I want:
> 
> 
> View attachment 16826



Yes, yes!!  I need those.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yes, yes!! I need those.


 
It took a second look to get it. Such beauty.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Salad Cups!!!


----------



## taxlady

Science teachers


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Science teachers



+1!!


----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Salad Cups!!!



Lol! Best way to make a salad unhealthy!! (Reminds me of the people who are obviously trying to eat something healthy, and then they order extra dressing, and ask if we can fry the chicken). Smh


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Salad Cups!!!



Brilliant


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
And they were overweight!


----------



## mollyanne

Be sure to watch this all the way through. 
I watch it whenever I need a good laugh.

Denver Official Guilty Dog Video www.facebook.com/guiltydog - YouTube


----------



## Skittle68

mollyanne said:


> Be sure to watch this all the way through.
> I watch it whenever I need a good laugh.
> 
> Denver Official Guilty Dog Video www.facebook.com/guiltydog - YouTube



Lol I thought my dog growing up was good at looking guilty. But this dog looks truly miserable lol. I think he's relieved at the end ha ha


----------



## bakechef

Skittle68 said:


> Lol! Best way to make a salad unhealthy!! (Reminds me of the people who are obviously trying to eat something healthy, and then they order extra dressing, and ask if we can fry the chicken). Smh



My sister-in-law was on a diet and she often when to taco bell for a taco "salad", this was when they did the one in the big fried shell.  She'd eat the whole thing and feel good about being healthy.

She never did get the hang of healthy eating.


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> And they were overweight!



Love this one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Skittle68

MrsLMB said:


> View attachment 16860



Yes. This. LOL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Merlot

This is me ^


----------



## taxlady

Merlot said:


> This is me ^


----------



## Dawgluver

Love Maxine!

View attachment 16870


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> Love Maxine!



Rolf!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Love Maxine!
> 
> View attachment 16870


What a good idea. 

I should plan a few ladies' nights.


----------



## Somebunny

Lol Taxlady!  I sometimes have "ladies day" on a stay at home weekend day!


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> Lol Taxlady!  I sometimes have "ladies day" on a stay at home weekend day!


Well, at home is different. I call it "free boobing it".


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Love Maxine!
> 
> View attachment 16870


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Okay, whose cat is this?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Okay, whose cat is this?




It's both of mine.


----------



## Dawgluver

I know some of these folks:

View attachment 16883


----------



## Dawgluver

Ah! So that's what it means!

View attachment 16884


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I know some of these folks:
> 
> View attachment 16883



LOL!  I've seen this happen!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Ah! So that's what it means!
> 
> View attachment 16884



Love it


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!  I've seen this happen!



And at least the one in the photo is wearing something under the gown.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> And at least the one in the photo is wearing something under the gown.



Yes!  Oh the sights we have seen...


----------



## taxlady

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> And at least the one in the photo is wearing something under the gown.




(Yes, I have worked in hospitals and in a nursing home.)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> I know some of these folks:
> 
> View attachment 16883


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!



Reminds me of the new "talk to text" lol.


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!



Sounds a little backwards to me. LOL.


----------



## CWS4322

Another Maxine:


----------



## MrsLMB

Hilarious story about picking your battles !!







http://thebloggess.com/2011/06/and-thats-why-you-should-learn-to-pick-your-battles/


----------



## Andy M.

The sad part is that she had no idea her DH wouldn't find that funny.


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 16910


----------



## GotGarlic

Found on Facebook: "Newborn baby gorilla at Melbourne Zoo gets a checkup at the hospital and reacts to the coldness of the stethoscope.
So cute ♥"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

^^^

Love 'em!

Cookie!



View attachment 16917


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## PrincessFiona60

[FONT=comic sans ms,sans-serif]At any given time the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away.
...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.[/FONT]


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> [FONT=comic sans ms,sans-serif]At any given time the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away.
> ...a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.[/FONT]


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Awww love it


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I want that puppy! Or one like him. He's so cute! I would name him Fafhrd. My cat would never let me keep him though.


----------



## MrsLMB

I've done this before


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> I've done this before


Yup, done that. I find it especially useful with the little quick search window in FireFox, so I don't even need to open a new tab to do it.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16922

Kinda speaks for itself....


----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:


> Kinda speaks for itself....



Lol I've heard my mom say, "You never get hot flashes when you want them..."


----------



## Addie

I love Maxine. She is my hero. We share the same attitude about life.


----------



## Addie

Poor kitty!


----------



## Andy M.

*That Reminds Me Of This...*

Poor Puppy!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Happy weekend to all!



View attachment 16937


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Jeff Foxworthy always cracks me up:



View attachment 16941


----------



## Dawgluver

This truly made me laugh!  The look on the dog's face, priceless!



View attachment 16942


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16946


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!!


----------



## CWS4322

If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you'll get this one:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> If you watch The Big Bang Theory, you'll get this one:



Happy kitty, sleepy kitty
Purr, Purr, Purr


ROFL!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

smart dog


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Katie H

PrincessFiona60 said:


> smart dog




OMIGOSH!   This dog is an identical twin to our Harley.  Plus, she's sooooo addicted to Canine Carry-Outs (bacon flavor).  She would crawl over broken glass just to eat the crumbs at the bottom of the package.

This is just too perfect.  I'll laugh the rest of the day.


----------



## Kylie1969

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 16946


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Here are two more cat funnies


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB

The Dying Granny
A dying granny tells her granddaughter... I want to leave you my farm. 

That includes the villa, the tractor and other equipment, the farmhouse, all the livestock and $22,398,750 in cash. 

The granddaughter, about to be rich, says ...oh my goodness granny! 

You are so generous. 

I didn't even know you had a farm. 

Where is it?. 

With her last breath, her granny whispered....... 


"Facebook"


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## Zhizara

Nice bunch of !  Thanks!!


----------



## MrsLMB

The Perfect Diet 

I have found the perfect dieting technique !!

Eat in the nude & you will quickly loose your appetite! 

Sadly, I've been banned from 5 area restaurants, but I've lost 10 lbs so far!


----------



## taxlady

This one has been around for about six years, but I love it. It's in Norwegian with English subtitles. If you have ever helped someone learn to use a computer, you will probably appreciate it.

Medieval helpdesk with English subtitles - YouTube


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Taxy.  That was hilarioud!!!

Good one MrsLMB, too true!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:


> This one has been around for about six years, but I love it. It's in Norwegian with English subtitles. If you have ever helped someone learn to use a computer, you will probably appreciate it.
> 
> Medieval helpdesk with English subtitles - YouTube



I work as helpdesk. I'm afraid to watch this.


----------



## Zhizara

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I work as helpdesk. I'm afraid to watch this.



I suggest you go to the bathroom first!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I just watched it. Yes, that is exactly what it feels like some days.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL...love the help Desk...sounds like what I go through at work with computer phobes..


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16959


----------



## Kylie1969

Oh dear


----------



## CWS4322

For those who have also been enduring this January deep freeze...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Somebunny

CWS4322 said:


> For those who have also been enduring this January deep freeze...



Rofl!


----------



## Snip 13

It was entertainment night at the senior citizens' centre. After the community sing song led by Alice at the piano, it was time for the Star of the Show, Harvey the Hypnotist!

Harvey explained that he was going to put the whole audience into a trance.
"Yes, each and every one of you ...and all at the same time!", said Harvey.


The excited chatter dropped to silence as Harvey carefully withdrew from his waistcoat pocket a beautiful antique gold pocket watch and chain.


"I want you to keep your eyes on this watch" said Harvey, holding the watch high for all to see.
"It is a very special and valuable watch that has been in my family for six generations", said Harvey.
He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch --- Watch the watch ----Watch the watch..."


The audience became mesmerised as the watch swayed back and forth, the lights twinkling as they were reflected from it's gleaming surfaces.


One hundred and fifty pairs of eyes followed the movements of the gently swaying watch.


And then, suddenly, the chain broke!!!


The beautiful watch fell to the stage and burst apart on impact.

"SH@T!" exclaimed Harvey.
 
It took them 3 days to clean the Senior Citizens Centre and Harvey the hypnotist was never invited to entertain again!


----------



## taxlady

Snip. I laughed so hard I startled the cat.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I scared the you know what out of Shrek...


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I scared the you know what out of Shrek...


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## Merlot

That was hilarious!!


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## chopper

This thread is SO funny!  You guys are the best.  Thanks all!


----------



## Somebunny

I really do like Ina, but this was so funny ;-)

View attachment 16972


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> I really do like Ina, but this was so funny ;-)
> 
> View attachment 16972



ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Somebunny said:


> I really do like Ina, but this was so funny ;-)
> 
> View attachment 16972


----------



## MrsLMB

LOL   Ina's not alone !!


----------



## Skittle68

This. 



View attachment 16975


----------



## Snip 13

Skittle68 said:


> This.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16975


 
That's me


----------



## Kylie1969

Me too


----------



## Addie

I started out and got half the silverware in the sink washed, then I noticed that the coffee pot was empty, had to stop for that, when I brought my fresh cup of coffee over to the computer, I noticed that there was a lot of dust on the bookcase, got a couple of shelves dusted, had to answer the phone, management came for the walk through, had to go down to get my mail, came back upstairs and picked up some towels in the bathrrom to go into the laundry basket. Now what was I doing? Oh yeah. The silverware. I am too tired to do that now. A typical day.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Skittle68 said:


> This.



My sister and I both do that.


----------



## chopper

Nice to know that I am not alone in my cleaning habits.


----------



## Somebunny

chopper said:


> Nice to know that I am not alone in my cleaning habits.



+1 lol!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## tinlizzie

Mrs. LMB, you take the prize for hilarious posts!


----------



## Snip 13

Lol! Good one


----------



## Dawgluver

For our Easterner friends (you know who you are):



View attachment 16978


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:


> For our Easterner friends (you know who you are):
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16978


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> For our Easterner friends (you know who you are):
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 16978


 
Oh yes. We have a language of our own. We even have a translation  book for tourists so they will know what we are saying.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 16987


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> Oh yes. We have a language of our own. We even have a translation  book for tourists so they will know what we are saying.


I'm reminded of a joke from the '60s.

Why did President Kennedy say "Cubar" and "Africar"?

Because he had two "r"s left over from "Hahvahd".


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is brilliant


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16993


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 16993



I had to send that the Shrek!


----------



## Snip 13

Love them all lol!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

same here...


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> same here...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

From George Takei on Facebook:







I was tempted to post that in the dinner thread.


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Another:

View attachment 16997

Or shovel snow.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> Another:
> 
> View attachment 16997
> 
> Or shovel snow.


A friend of mine, when I lived in the country, had a nice big vegetable garden. Some well intentioned guests weeded out those funny looking weeds with the palmately compound leaves with five leaflets. They had been planted in with the vegis quite intentionally. My friend was not happy.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> A friend of mine, when I lived in the country, had a nice big vegetable garden. Some well intentioned guests weeded out those funny looking weeds with the palmately compound leaves with five leaflets. They had been planted in with the vegis quite intentionally. My friend was not happy.



  Thankfully we don't have any plants like that around here.  Hmm.  I could be wrong, we have unmonitored wooded acreage.  At least they're not in my vegetable containers!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 16998

Unfortunately, that's when I have the time....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Paperman - Full Animated Short Film - YouTube


----------



## chopper

Love it!


----------



## Kylie1969

Very good!


----------



## Dawgluver

This made me laugh!



View attachment 17006


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

I bet it would be too


----------



## Kathleen

Gotta have venison!


----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL, love it Kathleen


----------



## Dawgluver

Some advice for anyone with upcoming nuptials:



View attachment 17018


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:


> Some advice for anyone with upcoming nuptials:


Would straps help their posture?? Lol


----------



## PrincessFiona60

umm...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Dogwood:


View attachment 17029


----------



## taxlady

This cracked me up:


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> This cracked me up:



 

So polite, eh?


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hey-Hey, language, watch your language!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

He he


----------



## jharris

PrincessFiona60 said:
			
		

> Hey-Hey, language, watch your language!



Really?


----------



## bakechef

jharris said:


> Really?



No, not really


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Zhizara

Shrek?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Yeah, Shrek...he yells at the TV no matter what is on...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yeah, Shrek...he yells at the TV no matter what is on...


So do I. 

I guess it's just as well we don't have TV any more, just downloads. I talk to those too.


----------



## Zhizara

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yeah, Shrek...he yells at the TV no matter what is on...



Oh, I was thinking he was trying to tell _you_ how to cook!

Silly me, I'm sure he knows better.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zhizara said:


> Oh, I was thinking he was trying to tell _you_ how to cook!
> 
> Silly me, I'm sure he knows better.



Oh!  LOL!  He found out a long time ago that he ends up doing things if he thinks his way is better than mine...


----------



## Zhizara

Does he ever get on the computer?  I think we'd all have fun with him if you could get him to join in the fun.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zhizara said:


> Does he ever get on the computer?  I think we'd all have fun with him if you could get him to join in the fun.



He's a member, just doesn't think it's as fun as we do.  Shrek is more into playing Golf and learning new music. He and one of my co-workers are working together as a band.


----------



## Zhizara

He needs to expand his horizons.  He should spend at least 15 or 20 minutes a day with us.

I'll bet he has a quirky sense of humor, after all he is Shrek.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zhizara

Awww, that's better than chicken soup!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zhizara said:


> He needs to expand his horizons.  He should spend at least 15 or 20 minutes a day with us.
> 
> I'll bet he has a quirky sense of humor, after all he is Shrek.



And he is married to me.  That takes a huge sense of humor.  I'll see if he wants to play.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Yes, please...


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 17049


----------



## Dawgluver

She looks just like my (long deceased) Jezabel!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 17050


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17051


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is soooooo funny


----------



## taxlady

And apropos of our current weather:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Two Men Experiencing Labor Contractions

Proefkonijnen, Dutch guys giving birth. English subs! - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

Yikes!  Good ones, guys!



Me :
View attachment 17062


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 17064


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny guys


----------



## Zhizara

*If only life could be like   a Computer ! *

*If you messed up your life, you could press "Ctrl, Alt, Delete" and start all over!

To get your daily exercise, just click on "Run"!

If you needed a break from life, click on "Escape".

  Hit "any key" to continue life when ready.

To add/remove someone in your life, click settings and control panel.

To improve your appearance, just adjust the display settings.

  If life gets too noisy, turn off the speakers.

When you loose your car keys, click on "Find".

"Help" with the chores is just a click away.

*
*Auto insurance wouldn't be   necessaryou would use your “Restore” to recover from a crash.*
*
  And, we could click on "SEND NOW" and a Pizza would be on it's way to YOU!

*


----------



## chopper

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17064



Leave it to Maxine to come up with a great idea like this!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Very funny, but her big sister's laughter is infectious...


My little girl Amaya peacefully sleeping...until her favorite song comes on! ORIGINAL - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

all!



View attachment 17081


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 17090


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17090



Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday...


----------



## GotGarlic

View attachment 17093


----------



## PrincessFiona60

You've been watching me again, right?


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> You've been watching me again, right?



Lol, no, me


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek thinks I should remember why HE walked into another room...


----------



## MrsLMB

Petting Guide for Dogs and Cats


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Unless your cat has "elevator butt"...one of mine does.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Unless your cat has "elevator butt"...one of mine does.


I thought almost all cats had elevator bum.

Shreddy's weird. He likes having his tail petted from bum to the end and prefers if you pull firmly. He doesn't mind if I lift his back end by pulling up on his tail!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Nimbus is very picky about where you can pet him and it changes with his mood. Under the chin, top of the head, cheaks and inner side of the ear are usually safe but sometimes are "I'm putting up with this but you better be done in ten seconds." Belly flip flops between "That's perfect" and "What, you wanted to keep that hand?" Legs are usually "You must have a death wish" but occassionally (sp?) are more "I'm too comfortable to protest." Tail flip flops between "I'm going to kill you in your sleep" and "Die now!" Back and sides could be any of those. And once in a while he gets elevator butt.


----------



## Addie

Next month this thread will be one year old and we have more than filled up a book of laughter. Thanks everyone for making my day. Any time I am feeling a little down, I just have to come here to Today's Funny or the Chicken Chronicles.  And a couple for all of you, good friends.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Unless your cat has "elevator butt"...one of mine does.



I heard that when they put their tail straight up when you pet them that it means, "end of cat, start over."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> I heard that when they put their tail straight up when you pet them that it means, "end of cat, start over."



ROFL!!!

There is no end of cat...


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!!
> 
> There is no end of cat...



So true!


----------



## CWS4322

For all the engineers I know:


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

CWS4322 said:


> For all the engineers I know:



Sometimes a twist tie or superglue works better, but it's amazing how many things are fixable with duct tape.


----------



## Katie H

CWS4322 said:


> For all the engineers I know:




This chart reminds me of two things...Do you know what redneck auto air-conditioning is?  WD-40.  Windows down, 40 miles per hour.

And...

A homemade sign Buck made for his woodworking shop.  It read:

This shop protected by "G.O.D."  Then, in small print, in parentheses, just below, it read "Good Old Duct Tape."  The "t" wasn't included, but the point was still made.


----------



## CWS4322

I keep cable ties (wish I'd invented those!) on hand and have superglue in the fridge...and have lots of WD 40 (buy it in a gallon container and transfer it to a spray bottle--I swear the DH uses DW 40 as aftershave--he has three engineering degrees...) and duct tape in the basement!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> I keep cable ties (wish I'd invented those!) on hand and have superglue in the fridge...and have lots of WD 40 (buy it in a gallon container and transfer it to a spray bottle--I swear the DH uses DW 40 as aftershave) and duct tape in the basement!



Self adhesive velcro...


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 17124


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17124


I'm slightly concerned about this one. Red cats are almost always male.


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> For all the engineers I know:


I have to send that one to my sister, the engineer.


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> For all the engineers I know:


 
If my memory serves me, didn't they they make life saving repairs on Apollo 13 with Duct Tape? But then what do I know, I am old.


----------



## tinlizzie

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17124



That one was a great, big LOL -- woke up the napping cat, even.


----------



## Kylie1969

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17124


----------



## Dawgluver

Cracked me up:

View attachment 17130


----------



## Skittle68

Tee hee...




View attachment 17139


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Not that Sprout looks like a pug, or a dog in general, she *looks* human, but I'm pretty sure I've seen a picture of her in a similar pose to this. Actually, I think she might be holding a dog.


----------



## Kylie1969

Skittle68 said:


> Tee hee...
> 
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17139



Love it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ahem...


----------



## Andy M.

My younger daughter would make a dozen trips to the bathroom during dinner because she "really had to go".  Each time, she left the table with a mouthful.  We tolerated it once in a while.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  I never thought of that!


----------



## Dawgluver

Great idea!  I always made sure I had a paper napkin at the table, where the icky food would be deposited, then thrown in the garbage when nobody was looking....


----------



## Addie

I cringe when I see a parent fighting with their child to eat something the child doesn't like. I want to ask the parent if they would eat liver if they didn't like it. I use liver because it is a food that most folks just don't like.


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:


> Tee hee...



I want a Cute Owl....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> I cringe when I see a parent fighting with their child to eat something the child doesn't like. I want to ask the parent if they would eat liver if they didn't like it. I use liver because it is a food that most folks just don't like.



I found it funny considering the discussion on another thread, that this should show up today...this could be me when I was little.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I found it funny considering the discussion on another thread, that this should show up today...this could be me when I was little.



I can relate.


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:


> Great idea!  I always made sure I had a paper napkin at the table, where the icky food would be deposited, then thrown in the garbage when nobody was looking....



So...I guess you didn't have a beagle back then.  Funny thing is, I did have a beagle back then (her name was Tippy), and she liked the food I didn't.  It worked out very well for both of us.


----------



## Dawgluver

chopper said:


> So...I guess you didn't have a beagle back then.  Funny thing is, I did have a beagle back then (her name was Tippy), and she liked the food I didn't.  It worked out very well for both of us.



  No beagle, but we did have the nastiest cocker spaniel who only liked my mom and would literally bite the hand that fed him!  He was of no help whatsoever.


----------



## bakechef

Addie said:


> I cringe when I see a parent fighting with their child to eat something the child doesn't like. I want to ask the parent if they would eat liver if they didn't like it. I use liver because it is a food that most folks just don't like.



I really liked deer liver as a child, and I was one of the most picky children around!  As an adult it is one of those smells and tastes that makes my stomach churn, any liver.  I was a weird child, maybe I'm becoming more normal as an adult?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> I really liked deer liver as a child, and I was one of the most picky children around!  As an adult it is one of those smells and tastes that makes my stomach churn, any liver.  I was a weird child, maybe I'm becoming more normal as an adult?



Personally, I find that odd...  Shrek has recently lost his taste for Brussels Sprouts, that was a nice change for me.

I was ravenous for liver and spinach as a child...still the same.


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Personally, I find that odd... Shrek has recently lost his taste for Brussels Sprouts, that was a nice change for me.
> 
> I was ravenous for liver and spinach as a child...still the same.


 
Both my children love liver and onion and so do I  We all love spinach too!


----------



## taxlady

For all the Scandihoovians at DC:


----------



## Snip 13

A man is rushing to a hospital from a business trip because his wife has just gone into labor with twins, and there is a family tradition that the first family member to arrive gets to name the children. The man is afraid his idiot brother will show up first and give his kids horrible names. When he finally arrives at the hospital in a cold sweat he sees his brother sitting in the waiting room, waiving, with a big dumb grin on his face. He walks unhappily in to see his wife who is scowling and holding two little babies, a boy and a girl. Almost afraid to hear it, the man asks, "What did he name the girl?" "Denise" says the wife. "Hey that's not too bad! What did he name the boy?" "De-nephew."


----------



## Snip 13

All the passengers are seated on a plane out on the tarmac and the stewardess announces “we’re just waiting for the pilots.”. The passengers look out the window and see two men, dressed as pilots walking towards the plane. Both men are using guide dogs and appear to be blind. There are murmurs among the passengers, and some believe it is a joke. The men board the plane and go into the cockpit. More concerned murmurs and uneasy chuckles from the passengers. The plane taxis normally to the runway and begins it’s takeoff. As passengers look out the window they realize they are nearing the end of the runway. The entire passenger cabin begins screaming but the plane lifts off just before the end of the runway. The passengers calm down and chuckle to themselves. In the cockpit, the pilot turns to his copilot and says “you know, one day those people are gonna scream too late and we’re all gonna die!”


----------



## Snip 13

I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before..
PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
You never know where to look when eating a banana.
You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad


----------



## Snip 13

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?
Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'?
Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
Is French kissing in France just called kissing?
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'?
What do people in China call their good quality plates?
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
What do you call male ballerinas?
Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'?
If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.


----------



## Skittle68

Addie said:


> I cringe when I see a parent fighting with their child to eat something the child doesn't like. I want to ask the parent if they would eat liver if they didn't like it. I use liver because it is a food that most folks just don't like.



I mostly agree with you, but the parents are just trying to get some good nutrition in the kids. Plus, some things you just need to try a few times to learn to like them. My aunt would always have my cousin take one bite of everything, and if he didn't like it, no problem, he could eat whatever he did like. I liked that policy  no reason he couldn't take one bite, right?


----------



## Snip 13

Skittle68 said:


> I mostly agree with you, but the parents are just trying to get some good nutrition in the kids. Plus, some things you just need to try a few times to learn to like them. My aunt would always have my cousin take one bite of everything, and if he didn't like it, no problem, he could eat whatever he did like. I liked that policy  no reason he couldn't take one bite, right?


 
That's what I do, my kids must taste something before deciding they don't like it. 
I try every food 10 times, most of the time they like it before they get to 10 tries. 
I also offer more than one veg with each meal. They must pick at least one and eat that.
So far so good, they like almost everything.
I'm lucky, my kids are like vacuum cleaners


----------



## taxlady

My mum said that one should never try to force a child to eat, because it will just teach the child that they have a weapon to use against the parent.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Snip 13 said:


> A man is rushing to a hospital from a business trip because his wife has just gone into labor with twins, and there is a family tradition that the first family member to arrive gets to name the children. The man is afraid his idiot brother will show up first and give his kids horrible names. When he finally arrives at the hospital in a cold sweat he sees his brother sitting in the waiting room, waiving, with a big dumb grin on his face. He walks unhappily in to see his wife who is scowling and holding two little babies, a boy and a girl. Almost afraid to hear it, the man asks, "What did he name the girl?" "Denise" says the wife. "Hey that's not too bad! What did he name the boy?" "De-nephew."



Reminds me of the woman who couldn't choose between Polly and Esther so she named the baby Dacron...


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them 



Snip 13 said:


> I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'
> When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.
> I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
> I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
> A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.
> Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
> My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.
> S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand.
> I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.'
> If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat?
> I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.
> I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
> Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before..
> PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
> Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
> At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
> Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
> You never know where to look when eating a banana.
> You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
> Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
> Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
> Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm sorry, I would not be able to say "Bad Dog" without laughing.


----------



## Dawgluver

Reminds me of when we first got Beagle.  She chewed through the strap of a brand new black bra, not even out of the package, and managed to chomp the lace out of my favorite Keen sandal.   She's also destroyed several vaccuum cleaner parts that the cleaning lady leaves out.  Mind you, she has many toys.  Obviously killing more black snakes.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I would laugh because it would keep me from getting mad at a critter who had no idea what they were doing.  If they did it a second time, I'd still laugh...at my stupidity for not learning from the first time.


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh yes, I laughed too!


----------



## CWS4322

Now you got me wondering what was going through my "little brat dog"s" (70 lb) mind when she chewed the toe off of the right shoe of several pairs of shoes...I blamed it on separation anxiety and she got into the closet, but maybe she thought she was killing a ... rat? crocodile? armadillo? What? (So what, who needed $500 worth of shoes? and I still wonder why it was only the toe of the right shoe????) She was left pawed....passive aggression against the right pawed world????


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL


----------



## jharris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qyAnRxnBRLI&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## medtran49

CWS4322 said:


> Now you got me wondering what was going through my "little brat dog"s" (70 lb) mind when she chewed the toe off of the right shoe of several pairs of shoes...I blamed it on separation anxiety and she got into the closet, but maybe she thought she was killing a ... rat? crocodile? armadillo? What? (So what, who needed $500 worth of shoes? and I still wonder why it was only the toe of the right shoe????) She was left pawed....passive aggression against the right pawed world????


 
I had an American Eskimo that decided he liked the strap of one of a pair of wedge-heeled sandals.  He chewed it up repeatedly and I kept having it repaired.  Nice looking but extremely comfy shoes.  It got to the point they knew what I was coming in for and would say "Again?"  Only the same part of the strap of the one shoe, never the other or anywhere else on the shoe. He'd nudge open the closet door to get to it.


----------



## Snip 13

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## GotGarlic

Today's super-cute video. Turn up the volume if you can:

Dog Waits While Toddler Splashes In Puddle - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

No elastic waistbands/drawstrings on kitty beds.


----------



## Dawgluver

all!



View attachment 17210


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17211

I kinda liked this!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all guys


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17211
> 
> I kinda liked this!



Where can I find this mat?  I love it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So true


----------



## CWS4322

ROFL:


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww love it


----------



## Skittle68

I disagree with the taco one- I pick the stuff up and put it back in the taco, and continue on the same side lol


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> I disagree with the taco one- I pick the stuff up and put it back in the taco, and continue on the same side lol



I just get a fork.


----------



## jharris

I just eat soft tacos.

Taco in one hand, Jalapeno in the other and a beer in the other.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

jharris said:


> I just eat soft tacos.
> 
> Taco in one hand, Jalapeno in the other and a beer in the other.



I thought your clothes fit funny...


----------



## jharris

Maybe so but I can do a hands stand better'n anybody!


----------



## MrsLMB

Kitty Persistance

Cat Uses Lightning Kick To Go Inside | Watch the video - Yahoo! Screen


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The truth comes out...


----------



## Kylie1969

*How To Stop Church Gossip*

Mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church’s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people’s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. 

She made a mistake, however, when she accused Frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town’s only bar one afternoon. 

She emphatically told Frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.

Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment before turning and walking away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.

Later that evening, Frank quietly parked his pickup in front of Mildred’s house, walked home... and left it there all night


----------



## Kylie1969

*Juggling*

A policeman pulled a car over near the border of South Australia and Victoria. When the highway patrolman asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a magician and juggler and was on his way to Adelaide to do a show. He didn't want to be late.

The highway patrolman told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and said if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket. He told the highway patrolman he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.

The highway patrolman said he had some flares in the boot of his car and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the highway patrolman got five flares, lit them and handed them to him.

While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car. A drunken bloke got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in. The highway patrolman observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing. The drunk replied, “You might as well take me to jail, cause there’s no way I can pass that test.”


----------



## Dawgluver

^^^ rofl!!!  Good one Kylie!!  Love 'em all!!



View attachment 17231


----------



## Zhizara

ROFL, Kylie!

You too, Dawg!  

Thanks for the laughs, both of you!


----------



## taxlady

+1 Dawg.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love that one too DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## jharris

kylie1969 said:
			
		

> how to stop church gossip
> 
> mildred, the church gossip and self-appointed monitor of the church&#146;s morals, kept sticking her nose into other people&#146;s business. Several members did not approve of her extra-curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence.
> 
> She made a mistake, however, when she accused frank, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town&#146;s only bar one afternoon.
> 
> She emphatically told frank (and several others) that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing.
> 
> Frank, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment before turning and walking away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing.
> 
> Later that evening, frank quietly parked his pickup in front of mildred&#146;s house, walked home... And left it there all night



roflmao!!!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17237


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17237


----------



## Skittle68

Lol

View attachment 17242


----------



## Dawgluver

For the Oscars:



View attachment 17243


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I just fell off the boat...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Just for something different


----------



## taxlady

I've been faking for years.


----------



## MrsLMB

Cute Puppies ... Laughing Babies ... what could be better !!!

Babies Laughing at Puppies | Yahoo! Screen Blog - Yahoo! Screen


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Cute Puppies ... Laughing Babies ... what could be better !!!
> 
> Babies Laughing at Puppies | Yahoo! Screen Blog - Yahoo! Screen




Well, that's definitely contagious...my ribs hurt.


----------



## MrsLMB

So annoying !!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Soooo true!!!   The one at work stops a print job (2 pages short) to tell me it can only print 300 more pages...


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> I've been faking for years.


That's why I'm tired all the time! I thought it was menopause!


----------



## MrsLMB

*Shoplifting

*An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting.

When she went before the judge, he asked, "What did you steal?"

She said, "A can of peaches."

The judge asked, "Why did you steal them?"

She said, "I was hungry."

The judge asked, "How many peaches were in the can?"

She answered, "There were 6 peaches in that can."

The judge said, "I sentence you to 6 days in jail."

The woman’s husband stood up and asked the judge if he could make a statement. The judge gave him permission. 

He said, "Judge, she also stole a can of peas."


----------



## MrsLMB

Taking A Risk

Baptist pastor was presenting a children's sermon. During the sermon, he asked the children if they knew what the resurrection was.

Now, asking questions during children's sermons is crucial, but at the same time, asking children questions in front of a congregation can be risky. 

The Pastor having asked, the children if they knew the meaning of the resurrection, a little boy raised his hand.

The pastor called on him and the little boy said.

"I know if you have a resurrection that lasts more than four hours you are to call the doctor."

It took over ten minutes for the congregation to settle down from their laughter for the worship service to continue.


----------



## Skittle68

*Bloody Marys*

Actual picture of Bloody Marys served at a restaurant in Duluth. Wonder how much these things cost?? LOL!  (Personally, I think they should have unwrapped the sandwiches before putting them on the skewer, but that's just me...)

View attachment 17282


----------



## Dawgluver

Awwww....

View attachment 17284


----------



## Dawgluver

Forward March!


View attachment 17285


----------



## Skittle68

Eek!

View attachment 17287


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:


> Eek!



Warning:  do NOT shave your bear!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> Eek!
> 
> View attachment 17287



Yikes!


Loved the box of chocolates and the jokes were good, too!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Skittle68 said:


> Eek!



I want to know who was brave enough to shave that poor creature.


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:


> Eek!



Aha!  Now I know why .40's bear left his picnic table!  Mystery solved!

.40, no more bear-shaving.


----------



## taxlady

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I want to know who was brave enough to shave that poor creature.


I read that it wasn't shaved. The bear has a skin problem and the fur fell off. If you look closely, you can see places where the fur is just very sparse.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Awwww....
> 
> View attachment 17284



That is so sweet DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Oh, so true. But it reminds me of this:


----------



## Skittle68

taxlady said:


> I read that it wasn't shaved. The bear has a skin problem and the fur fell off. If you look closely, you can see places where the fur is just very sparse.



I was wondering if that might be the case  I couldn't think of a reason to shave an entire bear lol. A patch for surgery or something would make sense, but not the whole thing!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I read that it wasn't shaved. The bear has a skin problem and the fur fell off. If you look closely, you can see places where the fur is just very sparse.


 
The poor animal looks undernourished also. How sad. When have you ever seen the wrinkles on a bear's skin? I have to ask. Is that photo really appropriate for Today's Funny? Hate to be a killjoy. I just find it hard to laugh about a helpless animal in distress.


----------



## Dawgluver

Funny stuff all!  Yes, poor bear.

Friday afternoon meeting, not good....

View attachment 17297


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Funny stuff all! Yes, poor bear.
> 
> Friday afternoon meeting, not good....
> 
> View attachment 17297


 
I know that four o'clock Friday afternoon feeling only too well. There is more than one kind of brain freeze.


----------



## Dawgluver

For my tooth:



View attachment 17298


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



That's what it's like trying to eat lunch at work...even salad.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Funny stuff all!  Yes, poor bear.
> 
> Friday afternoon meeting, not good....
> 
> View attachment 17297



That hit me about 2...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I love that one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
That one hit home. My girlfriend at daycare has a cat and she brought in pictures like this. She was so mad. She learned her lesson. Now doesn't leave it around, not even to go to the bathroom. I know it wasn't nice, but I couldn't help letting off with a belly laugh.


----------



## Dawgluver

Makes sense.


View attachment 17306


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Makes sense.
> 
> 
> View attachment 17306


But, but, that means that they, uhm, copulated, yeah that's an acceptable word, that they copulated in that room.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> But, but, that means that they, uhm, copulated, yeah that's an acceptable word, that they copulated in that room.



Now, we don' t know that for certain.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



What a precious baby!


----------



## Kylie1969

Awwwwwwww


----------



## Addie

I love that face! Have any of you watched "Too Cute" on the Animal Planet channel?


----------



## Kylie1969

No I havent seen that Ads, sounds like there would be a lot of awwwwwwwing going on watching that


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




That is soooooo me!!!  ROFL!!


----------



## jharris

On the differences between men and women . . . by Dave Berry

 Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it --that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ..... .

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... .'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''


----------



## jharris

View attachment 17343


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  @ Dave Berry...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!  @ Dave Berry...


Agreed.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## GotGarlic

Morning exercise! Make sure to watch this all the way to the end. It's worth it 

Dancing to Runaround Sue


----------



## Skittle68

I live in a snow castle built by my bf lol



View attachment 17345



View attachment 17346



View attachment 17347


----------



## bakechef

That's really awesome skittle!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Morning exercise! Make sure to watch this all the way to the end. It's worth it
> 
> Dancing to Runaround Sue


That was wonderful.


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> That's really awesome skittle!


Yes it is.


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> Morning exercise! Make sure to watch this all the way to the end. It's worth it
> 
> Dancing to Runaround Sue



Great video.  Thanks for posting.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> I live in a snow castle built by my bf lol



That is just fantastic!  Bet it kept him busy!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> Morning exercise! Make sure to watch this all the way to the end. It's worth it
> 
> Dancing to Runaround Sue



ROFLMFAO!!!   That is priceless!


----------



## Kylie1969

That looks amazing Skittle!

How long did that take him to do?




Skittle68 said:


> I live in a snow castle built by my bf lol
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17345
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17346
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17347


----------



## Kylie1969

Close to public transport


----------



## taxlady

Yup, that's close to public transit. Any idea where that pic was taken?


----------



## Kylie1969

Hanoi I think Taxy


----------



## MrsLMB

jharris said:


> On the differences between men and women . . . by Dave Berry
> 
> Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else. And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?'' And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence. She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.
> 
> And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.
> 
> And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?
> 
> And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . . February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.
> 
> And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it --that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.
> 
> And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.
> 
> And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.
> 
> And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.
> 
> And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.
> 
> And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ..... .
> 
> ''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.
> 
> ''What?'' says Roger, startled.
> 
> ''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so . .... .'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)
> 
> ''What?'' says Roger.
> 
> ''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''
> 
> ''There's no horse?'' says Roger.
> 
> ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.
> 
> ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.
> 
> ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.
> 
> (There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.) ''Yes,'' he says.
> 
> (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.
> 
> ''What way?'' says Roger.
> 
> ''That way about time,'' says Elaine.
> 
> ''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''
> 
> (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)
> 
> ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.
> 
> ''Thank you,'' says Roger.
> 
> Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.) The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either. Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''


 
  Yep .. that pretty much sums it up !


----------



## MrsLMB

GotGarlic said:


> Morning exercise! Make sure to watch this all the way to the end. It's worth it
> 
> Dancing to Runaround Sue


 

OMG  that was priceless !!!  I love that hip and shoulder action .. awesome clip !!


----------



## MrsLMB

Skittle68 said:


> I live in a snow castle built by my bf lol


 

Awww .. you are his queen !! That's cool and he's a keeper for sure !


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

Some people are like slinkies.  They're good for nothing but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Andy


----------



## bakechef

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwybMQW4PbU

This cracked me up!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Now that made my night!  Thanks!


----------



## Skittle68

Kylie1969 said:


> That looks amazing Skittle!
> 
> How long did that take him to do?



I'm not really sure how long- he did it over the course of a few days. He finds ways to entertain himself when I'm at school/work all the time lol


----------



## Kylie1969

It is great, he seems to enjoy doing things like that, good on him


----------



## Skittle68

Kylie1969 said:


> It is great, he seems to enjoy doing things like that, good on him



Yes he does. At the first place we lived in, there was an awning over the front door, and he had the entire thing enclosed with snow walls, and you had to walk through an archway to get in. Pretty much made it into an enclosed porch lol. 

The second house we lived in had a huge yard with a long sloping, moderately steep hill in the back, and he built an ice bar complete with cup holders, ice benches around the fire pit insulated with pink insulation styrofoam (so your butt stays warm and dry), and a luge track that meandered down the hill, ending at the fire pit. We had a couple of fun snow parties. He would probably feel cooped up in the winter if he didn't do something, so he builds stuff. Now if he would just build me some steps to the hot tub...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dead Penguins - I never knew this! 
 Did you ever wonder why there are no dead penguins on the ice in  Antarctica? Where do they go? 
 It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualistic bird which  lives an extremely ordered and complex life. The penguin is very committed to its family and will  mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its  life.
​If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the  family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and  beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.  The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and  sing:
 


 "Freeze a jolly good fellow..." 
 "Freeze a jolly good fellow..." ​ Then,  they kick him in the ice hole.


----------



## bakechef

LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Andy M.

ROFL


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 17351


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 17351


That's brilliant.


----------



## MrsLMB

Dogs, Cats and Trust

Dogs, cats and trust. - YouTube


----------



## Somebunny

Oh MrsLMB!   After all the smiling......that made me laugh out loud!  Too cute!


----------



## chopper

Oh Mrs LMB!  You found the funniest one yet!  I was not only laughing out loud, but crying too because it was so funny!  Roped us in with the sweet puppy and sweet dog, and then gave us the laugh of living with cats!  Love it, and my Hubby loved it too!  Thanks from the bottom of my heart!  Good thing I just used the restroom or I may have wet my pants.


----------



## GotGarlic

From that, this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xITL62e2u-4&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## taxlady

Saw this on Facebook:


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Taxy, as a half-breed Canuck, I can fully relate!


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all sooo funny


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> Taxy, as a half-breed Canuck, I can fully relate!



Dawg, are you half Canadian? =\


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Think I posted something like these before, but they still "crack" me up:



View attachment 17365


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Think I posted something like these before, but they still "crack" me up:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17365


 
This is hilarious. Someone is a genius.


----------



## Skittle68

Dawgluver said:


> Think I posted something like these before, but they still "crack" me up:



I think I would prefer to stand at that bar LOL!


----------



## Kylie1969

me too


----------



## taxlady

I've seen it before, but it's brilliant. I would definitely sit in one of those chairs and have a picture taken.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Zereh




----------



## Skittle68

Zereh said:


> View attachment 17376



Exactly!! Lol! 

 I'm working two serving jobs- one for lunch shift, and one for dinner shift for the next 4 days. 40 hours of serving in 4 days, and I might just be closer to what my drivers license says! I'm putting in my two weeks at the one place, and I'm on spring break, so I have time. That's why the double duty.


----------



## Skittle68

If you walk in to work an hour late, just walk in with a smile and a big hello. Pretend there is nothing amiss and the boss will probably think he forgot that you told him you were going to be an hour late.....  

 ~Wisdom from my sister


----------



## Addie

I completely overslept one morning. So when I finally called work, I told them I started to call in sick, but twice each time I started to dial, I had to throw up and I didn't think they wanted to hear that while I was on the phone. It worked. They bought it.


----------



## MrsLMB

*Windows Frozen
*
Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Gently pour some cold tapwater over it."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"Computer really screwed up now"


----------



## MrsLMB

Jeff Gordon

Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks!!!, MrsLMB.  Hilarious!


----------



## jharris

MrsLMB said:
			
		

> Jeff Gordon
> 
> Pepsi MAX & Jeff Gordon Present: "Test Drive" - YouTube



Sorry but in this case an acronym will not suffice...  lmao!!!!

It would have been better with  Danica.

After all she's "just a girl" 

I'd bet she'd have made the salesman wet himself.

Hilarious!!!!!!!


----------



## jharris

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&...1338691&qsubts=1363212046960&q=danica+patrick


----------



## PrincessFiona60

“I just started the Dr. Doolittle
Diet. That’s where you don’t
eat food. You just talk to it.”
— Lisa Pedace


----------



## taxlady




----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


>


----------



## CWS4322

Had to share:


----------



## CWS4322

And this one:


----------



## jharris

I've got news for you Beatrice. Arthur is long gone.

Eeek!!!


----------



## Somebunny

CWS4322 said:


> Had to share:



Lol!  Lmao! Hilarious!  The kitty one is cute too!


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> Had to share:



That is so funny


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>



ROFL


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Had to share:


Ow! Ow! Ow! and Ow!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> *Windows Frozen
> *
> Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
> "Windows frozen, won't open."
> 
> Husband texts back:
> "Gently pour some cold tapwater over it."
> 
> Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
> "Computer really screwed up now"


----------



## tinlizzie

Sent the booby trap one to my 40-something DIL, who pronounced it awesome. I'm going with TL's ow, ow, ow.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

MrsLMB said:


>


ROFLMAO!!! We feed earthworms to the girls...they don't think they taste like chicken. ROFLMAO!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Dawgluver

all!  

Spider bum, so Canadian!    Canadian cats 

Computer really screwed up.  

Chicken


----------



## Somebunny

http://www.viralviralvideos.com/2012/12/20/the-motherhood-rap-fiat-commercial-music-video/

I love this!


----------



## MrsLMB

We Still Need Paper

Le papier ne sera jamais mort / Paper is not dead on influencia.net ! on Vimeo


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> We Still Need Paper
> 
> Le papier ne sera jamais mort / Paper is not dead on influencia.net ! on Vimeo




Oh!  You Beat me to it..ROFLMFAO!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Too funny!


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> ROFLMAO!!! We feed earthworms to the girls...they don't think they taste like chicken. ROFLMAO!!!


 
Do they taste like elastics? (running as fast as my legs can carry me)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> Do they taste like elastics? (running as fast as my legs can carry me)


Run, Addie, Run!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


 Been there, done that.


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> Run, Addie, Run!


 
 And I am taking my pile of elastics with me. I am out of breath.


----------



## CWS4322

Sorry, Addie, but nice to know you got some exercise today <g>. Chickens do move faster than you'd think.

PF--saw this and thought you might need it:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Almost perfect...I wonder if Craven's Coffee (local) has an IV set up...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Heck, I wonder if the pharmacist will let me prepare it at work...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Heck, I wonder if the pharmacist will let me prepare it at work...


You could put in one of those old fashioned glass IV bottles.


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Heck, I wonder if the pharmacist will let me prepare it at work...


I bet if you offered to do one for everyone, the pharmacist might "buy in."


----------



## MrsLMB

Dog + Cat + Bathtub

Dog Pushes Cat Into Bathtub | Watch the video - Yahoo! Screen


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:


> Been there, done that.



Oh my gosh, we end up eating chocolate chips all of the time!  LOL


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


> Dog + Cat + Bathtub
> 
> Dog Pushes Cat Into Bathtub | Watch the video - Yahoo! Screen



Love it!  Thanks for the laugh!


----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> Oh my gosh, we end up eating chocolate chips all of the time! LOL


 
That's why I no longer keep them in the house. They never make it to the baking part.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Dog + Cat + Bathtub
> 
> Dog Pushes Cat Into Bathtub | Watch the video - Yahoo! Screen



That is very funny


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> That's why I no longer keep them in the house. They never make it to the baking part.


Guilty as charged. I put mine in the freezer to keep them "out of sight, out of mind."


----------



## CWS4322

ROFL:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!!  Kitten Pox!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Awww that is adorable


----------



## Dawgluver

Cuteness....

Heh:  


View attachment 17416


----------



## Dawgluver

more heh:

View attachment 17419



View attachment 17420



View attachment 17421


----------



## taxlady

Grandparent cats  The looks on those faces.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Reminds me, I have two avocados that need to be eaten.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> more heh:
> 
> View attachment 17419
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17420
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17421



They are all soooo funny DL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Indeed!

Thought something tasted like chicken:


View attachment 17424

Careful, Addie!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Indeed!
> 
> Thought something tasted like chicken:
> 
> 
> View attachment 17424
> 
> Careful, Addie!


 
I still haven't gotten my peeps.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Indeed!
> 
> Thought something tasted like chicken:
> 
> 
> View attachment 17424
> 
> Careful, Addie!



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

This almost looks like one of my squirrel photos:






And for all of us having snowstorm today (or other days)






Can you tell I'm ready for Spring, which is supposed to start tomorrow!


----------



## CWS4322

I think I might be missing out not having a cat...they seem to do a lot of silly things...or maybe it is their owners...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

MrsLMB said:


>


In my house, s/one keeps breaking in and stealing eggs that I leave on the table on a towel to dry...his name is Cliff. I've learned to put them in the oven (turned off) to dry. He'd REALLY like a foot-activation peddle to open the oven....


----------



## MrsLMB

CWS4322 said:


> In my house, s/one keeps breaking in and stealing eggs that I leave on the table on a towel to dry...his name is Cliff. I've learned to put them in the oven (turned off) to dry. He'd REALLY like a foot-activation peddle to open the oven....


 
LOL  Understood !!

We lost a whole ham a couple years ago to a certain Jack Russell and Doxie.

Went shopping and like we always do - or used to do - when something needs to go to the freezer we set it by the door to the basement which is where the freezer is.

So we bought a ham .. the butcher cut it in 2 for us and wrapped each piece.  We brought it in from the car and set the bag by the door to the basement.

Also set by the door were a couple containers of ice cream.

Went back out to the car to get the rest of the groceries and there we no dogs in sight.

Paid no attention to that really since for once we thought they were being good.

A few minutes later I heard them growling at each other in the living room.

Went to see what was up and OMG .. they had drug that bag with the 18 lbs of ham into the living room and had eaten almost all of it.

I was stunned .. just could not believe what I was seeing.  Of course they both took of running and went into hiding.

So needless to say it was another trip back to the store to replace the hams.

The dogs didn't want to eat for a day or so and we do NOT leave ANYTHING in bags by the basement door anymore .. lesson learned !!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!!!


----------



## taxlady

A friend shared, a photo from "Meanwhile in Canada":


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17434


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## CWS4322

Because I have experienced this, I ROFL:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Because I have experienced this, I ROFL:



LOL!


----------



## CWS4322

No words necessary


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

When my kids were growing up, all socks went into the sock drawer. Even hubby's. Match your own socks. The boys didn't care, Their long pants covered the tops. All socks were white on the foot part. I never bought colored socks for anyone. I also bought two matching packages of tube socks with the same tops in each package. If the dryer ate one, there was always a match somewhere in the drawer.


----------



## Dawgluver

all!



CWS4322 said:


> Because I have experienced this, I ROFL:



On a related subject:


View attachment 17443


----------



## Skittle68

View attachment 17444


----------



## MrsLMB

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 17444


 
OMG


----------



## Dawgluver

Another from George Takei:



View attachment 17445


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> View attachment 17444



There's nothing more embarrassing than seeing Shrek take a leek in the produce department.


----------



## chopper

Oh Princess!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There's nothing more embarrassing than seeing Shrek take a leek in the produce department.


 
Now I get it. I know, I am a little slow.


----------



## Kylie1969

They are all so funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Laughed so hard my sides hurt 

Treadmill FAILS: The Ultimate Compilation - YouTube


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> They are all so funny


 
So true Kylie. Maxine is my heroine. We share the same attitude towards life. This has to be my favorite thread though.


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> When my kids were growing up, all socks went into the sock drawer. Even hubby's. Match your own socks. The boys didn't care, Their long pants covered the tops. All socks were white on the foot part. I never bought colored socks for anyone. I also bought two matching packages of tube socks with the same tops in each package. If the dryer ate one, there was always a match somewhere in the drawer.


The DH buys only one color and style of sock. That way, they all match. I've picked up that habit...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Skittle68

CWS4322 said:


> The DH buys only one color and style of sock. That way, they all match. I've picked up that habit...



Unfortunately this doesn't work for me- the older ones are longer, and must be paired with the other longer ones, and same goes for similarly dirty bottoms lol. Dang my mild OCD!! 

Love the treadmill one!! Omg! So funny! I was laughing out loud, and the cat was sitting on my bouncing stomach looking at me the whole time like I was a nut case.


----------



## taxlady

I knew there was a good reason not to have or use a treadmill.


----------



## Dawgluver

A friend sent this as a birthday wish, as one owned by a beagle it cracked me up:


View attachment 17457

Advice to live by.


----------



## bakechef

MrsLMB said:


> Laughed so hard my sides hurt
> 
> Treadmill FAILS: The Ultimate Compilation - YouTube



That last one reminded me of a story that my mom told.  She was flying here with my dad, for Christmas.  They were in the airport, my dad in a wheelchair, they were waiting for someone to push my dad, and my mom decided that she could do it.  She wheels him around the corner and doesn't realize that she was approaching a very long, gradual ramp.  Well the chair starts rolling faster, my mom's tiny legs start moving faster, and faster, to the point where she was kicking her own bum with her heels.  Someone caught the situation on a security camera, and ran to help, by the time that they caught up with her, the chair was in control and dragging her, dad, half terrified, half laughing historically.   She never let go of the wheel chair. 

She had the hardest time catching her breath from running and laughing so hard.


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> That last one reminded me of a story that my mom told.  She was flying here with my dad, for Christmas.  They were in the airport, my dad in a wheelchair, they were waiting for someone to push my dad, and my mom decided that she could do it.  She wheels him around the corner and doesn't realize that she was approaching a very long, gradual ramp.  Well the chair starts rolling faster, my mom's tiny legs start moving faster, and faster, to the point where she was kicking her own bum with her heels.  Someone caught the situation on a security camera, and ran to help, by the time that they caught up with her, the chair was in control and dragging her, dad, half terrified, half laughing historically.   She never let go of the wheel chair.
> 
> She had the hardest time catching her breath from running and laughing so hard.




Wheel chairs have brakes.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Wheel chairs have brakes.



NOT those kind of brakes...jam those on and the person in the chair will be face down with the person pushing the chair on top of them.  And it's quite easy to get your hand caught in a spinning wheel trying to get to those brakes.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> That last one reminded me of a story that my mom told.  She was flying here with my dad, for Christmas.  They were in the airport, my dad in a wheelchair, they were waiting for someone to push my dad, and my mom decided that she could do it.  She wheels him around the corner and doesn't realize that she was approaching a very long, gradual ramp.  Well the chair starts rolling faster, my mom's tiny legs start moving faster, and faster, to the point where she was kicking her own bum with her heels.  Someone caught the situation on a security camera, and ran to help, by the time that they caught up with her, the chair was in control and dragging her, dad, half terrified, half laughing historically.   She never let go of the wheel chair.
> 
> She had the hardest time catching her breath from running and laughing so hard.



Great story and I'm glad neither one was hurt!  Wheelchairs are easier to push than you think they should be and they can get away from you quick as a wink.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Great story and I'm glad neither one was hurt!  Wheelchairs are easier to push than you think they should be and they can get away from you quick as a wink.



+1!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. A cop pulls him over and asks, “Where have you been?”
“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.
“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.”
“I did alright,” the drunk says with a smile.
“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”
“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”


----------



## Kylie1969

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. “Boss,” he says, “we’re doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff.”
“We’re short-handed, Smith” the boss replies. “I can’t give you the day off.”
“Thanks, boss,” says Smith “I knew I could count on you!”


----------



## Kylie1969

Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!" "I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

What is it about cats and boxes?


----------



## MrsLMB

There is some kind of magic between cats and boxes .. here ya go tax ..


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great!


----------



## taxlady

What a face on that first cat.


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny I agree


----------



## Dawgluver

I so love this thread!   all!

For frequent fliers:

View attachment 17459
And another for cat lovers:
View attachment 17460


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!  I so love Tarder Sauce!  She's the Maxine of cats!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

more boxes...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

The chip thing: been there, done that.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> The chip thing: been there, done that.



I can well relate too.  Like, almost every time.


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


>


 
I had to finish what I was typing when I had the heart attack. It was only then I called 911. I know what is the most important thing.


----------



## taxlady

From Facebook


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> I had to finish what I was typing when I had the heart attack. It was only then I called 911. I know what is the most important thing.



Ads, that made me laugh


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> From Facebook



Oh dear


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


That would be worth all the bumping around and dizziness.


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:


> That would be worth all the bumping around and dizziness.



I'm with you!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Sounds perfect!


----------



## MrsLMB

Not my cat


----------



## Dawgluver

Tardar reflects my feelings about Mondays:


View attachment 17483


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:


> Not my cat



  Friends on LOW actually had a full polar bear skin rug, complete with head.  When I was a kid, I could relate!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Tardar reflects my feelings about Mondays:
> 
> 
> View attachment 17483



I really love Tardar...


----------



## Bolas De Fraile

yesterday a new tomb was found in Egypt, the mummy was wrapped in a strange way. In between each layer of cloth was chocolate and nuts, I think its Ferrero Rocher.


----------



## jharris

[QUOTE="]

...I think its Ferrero Rocher.

[/QUOTE]

Laughing!  It took me half a minute but.....Laughing!


----------



## MrsLMB

Yelling Goats LOL

Goats Yelling Like Humans - Super Cut Compilation - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Yelling Goats LOL
> 
> Goats Yelling Like Humans - Super Cut Compilation - YouTube


I wonder what they are yelling about. That was pretty funny, but I really liked that last one.


----------



## MrsLMB

Not really a funny .. more of a truism


----------



## Kathleen

*This 6th Grader Deserves an A!*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

No pic, Kathleen...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> No pic, Kathleen...



I see it...very baconny!


----------



## jharris

Laughing!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C1tDZ9b6Q0&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I see it...very baconny!



Okay, now I see it!  Wonder where it was hiding before...must've been bacon-napped.


----------



## CWS4322

I couldn't help but think of Pac (or maybe this is the one Kathleen posted--if so I missed it):


----------



## tinlizzie

taxlady said:


> I wonder what they are yelling about. That was pretty funny, but I really liked that last one.


  I wonder what the goats think when they hear humans yelling.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney


----------



## chopper

Snip 13 said:


> One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
> Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
> So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
> For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
> Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney


----------



## chopper

Kathleen said:


>



This one didn't come through for me.    I can't see it!


----------



## Snip 13

Good one hey? I just had to share


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

Kathleen said:


>



I cant see one either


----------



## Kylie1969

Snip 13 said:


> One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
> Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
> So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
> For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
> Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney


----------



## Dawgluver

Seriously, is this for real?  I wouldn't buy it!

View attachment 17511


----------



## Kylie1969

I wouldnt either


----------



## jharris

Snip 13 said:
			
		

> One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp, but the genie was angry that the man had kicked his lamp.
> Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
> So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appear in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
> For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lambergini, Ferrari and a Porsche appeared, but at the same time outside his boss' house appeared two of each car.
> Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully", and so the man replied... "I've always wanted to donate a kidney



ROFLMAO!!!

Who was the first boss that you thought of past or present?

Laughing laughing laughing!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13

jharris said:


> ROFLMAO!!!
> 
> Who was the first boss that you thought of past or present?
> 
> Laughing laughing laughing!!!!


 
Current, I'm a housewife


----------



## Skittle68

Snip 13 said:


> Current, I'm a housewife



So you want your house to donate 2 kidneys??


----------



## Snip 13

Skittle68 said:


> So you want your house to donate 2 kidneys??


 
Yeah, that's it


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> Seriously, is this for real?  I wouldn't buy it!
> 
> View attachment 17511


Yuck! Nor would I. But I'll check the soup aisle when I'm in northern MN to see if it is there. I really do NOT like lutefisk. My Scandinavian genes don't include the lutefisk lover gene, even though my Norwegian ancestors almost had a monopoly on the lutefisk market.


----------



## taxlady

I stole this from FaceBook. I think the reply is brilliant.

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."

A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:


> I stole this from FaceBook. I think the reply is brilliant.
> 
> A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
> 
> A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


----------



## taxlady

From the I Can Haz Cheezburger site: Cat Walks The Dog Home - Cheezburger


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> From the I Can Haz Cheezburger site: Cat Walks The Dog Home - Cheezburger


Too funny!


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Too funny!


I love the cat really has to tug on the leash a couple of times.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> I stole this from FaceBook. I think the reply is brilliant.
> 
> A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day. "In English," he said, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language where a double positive can form a negative."
> 
> A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."


I like that one!


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> From the I Can Haz Cheezburger site: Cat Walks The Dog Home - Cheezburger


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17526

Oh myyy... 

50 shades of True Value.


----------



## Lindazoe

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17526
> 
> Oh myyy...
> 
> 50 shades of True Value.



 oh my for sure !!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17526
> 
> Oh myyy...
> 
> 50 shades of True Value.


 

Well I suppose if they have "isles" at True Value, they might have parties.

From Wiktionary: 
*Noun*

*isle* (_plural_ *isles*)


(obsolete or poetic) An island.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Well I suppose if they have "isles" at True Value, they might have parties.
> 
> From Wiktionary:
> Noun
> 
> isle (plural isles)
> 
> 
> [*](obsolete or poetic) An island.



  At least they spelled "apparently" right!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> At least they spelled "apparently" right!




Spell checker would catch that. spell checkers don't catch misuse of words. 

My all time favourite: someone I know spell checked a report for work. Then she skimmed it and caught the words, "doe snot". Took her a while to figure out that the spell checker hadn't caught a misplaced space in "does not".


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17533

Courtesy of Bakechef.  Their food sounds really good!


----------



## bakechef

I totally wasn't taking a picture while driving....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Just don't text...


----------



## Dawgluver

Yeah, right.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17526
> 
> Oh myyy...
> 
> 50 shades of True Value.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17535

Whatever floats your boat....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Don't you mean un-floats your boat?  ROFL!!!


----------



## Zereh

Not my dog, but I can so relate!


----------



## MrsLMB

In honor of tomorrow ....


----------



## CWS4322

Since this is a cooking forum...


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Since this is a cooking forum...


I love it and I'm not usually fond of puns.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Avogadro's Avacado  Sounds like a Jeopardy Answer!!  What is Guacamole?


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Avogadro's Avacado  Sounds like a Jeopardy Answer!!  What is Guacamole?


Okay, another good pun. 

Maybe I like them because they are science puns.


----------



## CWS4322

Here's something else to ponder...


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Here's something else to ponder...


Hear! Hear!


----------



## CWS4322

I find the whole concept of convenience interesting. The fact that women entered the workforce during WWII changed how we eat. It was following WWII that convenience foods entered the market. My grandmother spent on an average 3 hours/day preparing food. My mother's generation, an hour. My generation, 30 minutes. Today's generation, 15 minutes or less.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> In honor of tomorrow ....



Always loved that one


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


>


That's wonderfully silly. What a great stunt.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Unless you get your B____ kicked!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is pretty funny


----------



## Lindazoe

Kylie1969 said:


> Always loved that one



.........so funny...


----------



## Lindazoe

TATTRAT said:


>




..... very funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



That's what Shrek does...


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17562

Happy Easter!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

He he


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17564

From under the bed....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Real Dust Bunnies!!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

(psst, I lifted them from FB)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  I thought you got them in my living room...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!  I thought you got them in my living room...


 or mine. 

But, I think mine are dust kitties.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17564
> 
> From under the bed....



So funny


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:


>



ROFL!


----------



## TATTRAT

I shot my first turkey today!


I think it freaked out the people in the frozen food isle.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

GAH!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

I know...too scary


----------



## Dawgluver

Danbuter posted this, I'd seen it before and it haunts me.....

View attachment 17569


----------



## Dawgluver

TATTRAT said:


> I shot my first turkey today!
> 
> I think it freaked out the people in the frozen food isle.


----------



## jharris

Dawgluver said:
			
		

> Danbuter posted this, I'd seen it before and it haunts me.....



Disturbing!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Danbuter posted this, I'd seen it before and it haunts me.....
> 
> View attachment 17569



Yes, that one freaks me out


----------



## jharris

Queezy! 

Poor baby! Can I smack whoever terrified that beautiful baby?

Thoughtless and mean!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> I shot my first turkey today!
> 
> 
> I think it freaked out the people in the frozen food isle.



ROFL!!!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

If only the dreams would come back after the snooze button.


----------



## jharris

Or maybe not.

The other night I dreamed that I was lying in bed awake and I couldn't move any part of my body.

I finally woke up in a cold sweat.

Not fun!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17595

Heh.


----------



## MrsLMB

My DH does this for real and he misses more calls


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17595
> 
> Heh.



Wow...I have a compost pile, too!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17595
> 
> Heh.


 
I so love Maxine. She is my hero. We think alike.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> My DH does this for real and he misses more calls


----------



## Skittle68

The murder scene. 



View attachment 17607

The prime suspects. 



View attachment 17608


Who done it?? Where did they hide the body??!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Skittle68 said:


> The murder scene.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17607
> 
> The prime suspects.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17608
> 
> 
> Who done it?? Where did they hide the body??!



I'd definitely be checking my shoes before sliding my feet in...and look before I leap into bed.


----------



## Dawgluver

Skittle68 said:


> The murder scene.
> 
> The prime suspects.
> 
> Who done it?? Where did they hide the body??!



Oh dear.  Is there a dog missing?


----------



## taxlady

Actually, this probably happens in Scandinavia too.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Oh dear.  Is there a dog missing?



Um...I don't see the BF, either...


----------



## Skittle68

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Um...I don't see the BF, either...



Lol! He was the first witness. He requested protective custody.

(Went to work and let me take care of it lol)


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Actually, this probably happens in Scandinavia too.



I've seen similar in ND and MN.  Just sayin'.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I've seen similar in ND and MN.  Just sayin'.


Yeah, I didn't put the caption.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

All very funny


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei:


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> From George Takei:



This cracked me up!

Good stuff, all!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS's Dream House...

Lasquite's Saint Bernards 2011 - YouTube!


----------



## jharris

At what point does a pack of dogs become a herd?!

I'm glad I don't have to pick up after them. Talk about a full time job!


----------



## TATTRAT

jharris said:


> At what point does a pack of dogs become a herd?!
> 
> I'm glad I don't have to pick up after them. Talk about a full time job!



Their lawn must look amazing with all that natural compost.


----------



## buckytom

needs lime...


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> CWS's Dream House...
> 
> Lasquite's Saint Bernards 2011 - YouTube!


Ha-ha! The most number of Saints I've had in the house at one time was FIVE. I have pictures of 8 Saints out for an off-leash walk in the bush...and pics of 13 Saints that got together for a "Camp St. Bernard" Day. And, many picks of the 10 Saints that took 2-8 week agility courses together (only Saints in the class--it was SO MUCH FUN!). And, that background noise is NOT a babbling brook...that's the sound of Saints panting. Definitely a full time job (and I hope they can afford a housekeeper and a dog nanny!--always wanted a dog nanny...).


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17622

George Takei

And this cracked me up, so true!


View attachment 17623


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment. 

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER." 

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it. 

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."


----------



## Kylie1969

Q: Why did the forgetful chicken cross the road?

A: To get to the other side -- er, no -- to go shopping -- no, not that either -- damn it


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


>


I have to pay $1 to fill my tires with air.


----------



## Kylie1969

That is crazy Taxy!!! Ours is free here, well for now anyway!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> That is crazy Taxy!!!


You don't have to put coins in the machine that fills tires?


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> You don't have to put coins in the machine that fills tires?



No, no coins, it is free to use


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> I have to pay $1 to fill my tires with air.



The air is free.  You're paying to rent the equipment that forces the air into your tires.  (If that makes you feel any better)


----------



## Kylie1969

That is what Steve said too

So Andy, it must be Australia and US that dont charge for the air


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> The air is free.  You're paying to rent the equipment that forces the air into your tires.  (If that makes you feel any better)


The sign says it's a donation to some charity. Whatever, I don't get any air for my tires if I don't put in that loony (Canadian $1 coin).


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> The sign says it's a donation to some charity. Whatever, I don't get any air for my tires if I don't put in that loony (Canadian $1 coin).



It's been that way around here for decades.  I keep a tire pump in my trunk.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Ha-ha! The most number of Saints I've had in the house at one time was FIVE. I have pictures of 8 Saints out for an off-leash walk in the bush...and pics of 13 Saints that got together for a "Camp St. Bernard" Day. And, many picks of the 10 Saints that took 2-8 week agility courses together (only Saints in the class--it was SO MUCH FUN!). And, that background noise is NOT a babbling brook...that's the sound of Saints panting. Definitely a full time job (and I hope they can afford a housekeeper and a dog nanny!--always wanted a dog nanny...).



I thought you would enjoy that one.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> It's been that way around here for decades.  I keep a tire pump in my trunk.


I have a tire pump. I should use it and get the exercise. I bought it for my bicycle. I hate dedicated bicycle pumps. I have a tire pump that plugs into my cigarette lighter, but it's very  s l o w .


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> I have a tire pump. I should use it and get the exercise. I bought it for my bicycle. I hate dedicated bicycle pumps. I have a tire pump that plugs into my cigarette lighter, but it's very  s l o w .



Manually pumping a car tire is a lot harder than pumping a bicycle tire.  Mine plugs in.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Manually pumping a car tire is a lot harder than pumping a bicycle tire.  Mine plugs in.


Yeah, I guess it would be. But, it's worth trying it at least once.


----------



## Dawgluver

Another one from Takei.  PF, you better warn Shrek!

View attachment 17625


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Another one from Takei.  PF, you better warn Shrek!
> 
> View attachment 17625


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Another one from Takei.  PF, you better warn Shrek!
> 
> View attachment 17625



Shrek promises to not turn his back on the Pirates...


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> Another one from Takei.  PF, you better warn Shrek!



Oh no PF, he must be so traumetized.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Oh no PF, he must be so traumetized.



Looking at him it had to have happened at least 18 months ago....


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

On a different note:


View attachment 17626

Looks much better than I do when I go to Walmart....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh have I got the outfit for a Wal-Mart run....


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> Another one from Takei.  PF, you better warn Shrek!
> 
> View attachment 17625


ROTFLMAOGood find, Dawglover!


----------



## CWS4322

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> On a different note:
> 
> 
> View attachment 17626
> 
> Looks much better than I do when I go to Walmart....


I've seen that dog at Walmart in MN!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So true


----------



## Kylie1969

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."


----------



## Skittle68

Kylie1969 said:


> Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it&#146;s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."



Lol the first thing I thought when he said, "Look up at the stars" was, "What happened to their tent?" (Although some tents have mesh ceilings with the optional rain cover)


----------



## Zhizara




----------



## taxlady

Yeah, Shreddy could have been the cat saying this:


----------



## CWS4322

And there is this one:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Yeah, Shreddy could have been the cat saying this:



ROFL!!!  That's exactly right!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> And there is this one:



Where is the place to sit staring into the dark hallway space?  Latté was doing that to me the other night, I finally had to turn and look.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Where is the place to sit staring into the dark hallway space?  Latté was doing that to me the other night, I finally had to turn and look.



Also missing the spot where they sit and stare at you until they creep you out enough to wake you.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17646

Aha! 

 and #%*€£!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hey, I can read those signs...


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17646
> 
> Aha!
> 
> and #%*€£!


I think I laughed loud enough to wake the cat.


----------



## MrsLMB

I know it's Monday but ...  I guess


----------



## MrsLMB

So relatable at times !!!

Kitten suddenly falls asleep - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> I know it's Monday but ...  I guess



Mine just turn their backs to me when it gets close to time for me to leave.


----------



## Chef Munky

Can't help but laugh at my own self right now.

Just woke up. Turned on my puter to see an email from DC wishing me happy b-day.. Well hell I thought it was tomorrow!

It's alright, nobody worry about me.
Thanks for noticing me. No need to throw me a parade or anything like that.


Munky,


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> I know it's Monday but ...  I guess



Awwwwwwwwwww


----------



## chopper

Chef Munky said:


> Can't help but laugh at my own self right now.
> 
> Just woke up. Turned on my puter to see an email from DC wishing me happy b-day.. Well hell I thought it was tomorrow!
> 
> It's alright, nobody worry about me.
> Thanks for noticing me. No need to throw me a parade or anything like that.
> 
> 
> Munky,



Too funny!  Is that what happens when you get old?   

Ducking and running!


----------



## taxlady

Chef Munky said:


> Can't help but laugh at my own self right now.
> 
> Just woke up. Turned on my puter to see an email from DC wishing me happy b-day.. Well hell I thought it was tomorrow!
> 
> It's alright, nobody worry about me.
> Thanks for noticing me. No need to throw me a parade or anything like that.
> 
> 
> Munky,


Well, Happy Birthday to you.


----------



## jharris

Awww! Want that kitten!!!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek has a thing for Scottish Folds, too!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

MrsLMB said:


> I know it's Monday but ...  I guess



I would never make it to work. Ever.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Dawgluver

For Chopper and all our snow-covered buddies:



View attachment 17660


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

This is a great idea!  Now why didn't I think of it?


View attachment 17661


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Yikes!!!  Road rage!!!



View attachment 17662


----------



## chopper

Dawgluver said:


> For Chopper and all our snow-covered buddies:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17660



Aw wow, so nice that you are thinking about me.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> This is a great idea!  Now why didn't I think of it?
> 
> 
> View attachment 17661



I love it


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kayelle

I've had several pages of good laughs lately! 

This is a bit of a long read, but bathing suit time will be here soon, so be prepared!


When I was a child in the  1950s, the bathing suit for the "mature figure" was-boned, trussed and  reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back  and uplift, and boy they did a good job.    
Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.    
The  mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity  department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking  like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can  wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a  sensible choice from what amounts to a designerhttp://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/kitchentable/msg0404452630886.html?4# range of fluorescent rubber bands.    
What  choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and  entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first  thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch  material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,  
by  NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added  bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would  be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your  passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.    
I fought my  way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place  I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!    
Eventually, I  found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find  the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.    
The  problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman  is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed  bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a  full view assessment.    
The bathing suit fit all right, but  unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it.  The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I  looked like a lump of Playdough wearing undersized cling wrap.    
As  I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the  prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there  you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.    
I replied that I  wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a  cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a  floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a  serving ring.    
I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers  with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant  with triplets and having a rough day.    
I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.    
I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.    
Finally,  I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style  bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and  bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful  outcome, I figured.    
When I got it homehttp://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/kitchentable/msg0404452630886.html?4# I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."    
So,  if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this  year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!     
You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time.  Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the  rain, with or without a stylish bathing suit!


----------



## Andy M.

In the area of swim suits, men are truly fortunate to have a simpler life.  All you have to do is cover the privates and pretend the rest looks good.  Unless you're into Speedos, all you have to worry about is how long they are.


----------



## Dawgluver

Kayelle said:


> I've had several pages of good laughs lately!
> 
> This is a bit of a long read, but bathing suit time will be here soon, so be prepared!
> 
> When I was a child in the  1950s, the bathing suit for the "mature figure" was-boned, trussed and  reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back  and uplift, and boy they did a good job.
> Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
> The  mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity  department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking  like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can  wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a  sensible choice from what amounts to a designerhttp://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/kitchentable/msg0404452630886.html?4# range of fluorescent rubber bands.
> What  choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and  entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first  thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch  material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,
> by  NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added  bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would  be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your  passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
> I fought my  way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place  I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!
> Eventually, I  found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find  the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
> The  problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman  is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed  bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a  full view assessment.
> The bathing suit fit all right, but  unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it.  The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I  looked like a lump of Playdough wearing undersized cling wrap.
> As  I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the  prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there  you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.
> I replied that I  wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a  cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a  floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a  serving ring.
> I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers  with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant  with triplets and having a rough day.
> I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
> I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
> Finally,  I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style  bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and  bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful  outcome, I figured.
> When I got it homehttp://ths.gardenweb.com/forums/load/kitchentable/msg0404452630886.html?4# I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."
> So,  if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this  year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!
> You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time.  Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the  rain, with or without a stylish bathing suit!



OMG, ROFLMAO!!!  Kayelle, this is a scream!!!  (and sadly, true....)


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> OMG, ROFLMAO!!!  Kayelle, this is a scream!!!  (and sadly, true....)


+1

I nearly lost it reading about boobs disappearing.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Actually, one of the side effects of my glaucoma drops is thicker, longer eyelashes. Unfortunately, mine are so short that it doesn't really help.


----------



## Addie

And that is why I haven't had a bathing suit since the 90's. I have lost all my courage in appearing in one. Shorts and a top will just had to do for me.


----------



## CWS4322

Mine's the third one from the left.


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> Mine's the third one from the left.


 
Mine is the second from the left.


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> Mine's the third one from the left.


Love it.

I was looking at the third one from the right and thinking, that didn't really seem like your style. Then I read it again - the other left!

Which reminds me, what you really don't want to hear the pilot or co-pilot saying, "The other up!"


----------



## MrsLMB

Kayelle said:


> I've had several pages of good laughs lately!
> 
> This is a bit of a long read, but bathing suit time will be here soon, so be prepared!
> 
> 
> When I was a child in the 1950s, the bathing suit for the "mature figure" was-boned, trussed and reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back and uplift, and boy they did a good job.
> Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the prepubescent girl with a figure carved from a potato chip.
> The mature woman has a choice, she can either go up front to the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus that escaped from Disney's Fantasia, or she can wander around every run-of-the-mill department store trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of fluorescent rubber bands.
> What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material. The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed, I believe,
> by NASA to launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if you manage to actually lever yourself into one, you would be protected from shark attacks. Any shark taking a swipe at your passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash.
> I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap in place I gasped in horror, my boobs had disappeared!
> Eventually, I found one boob cowering under my left armpit. It took a while to find the other. At last I located it flattened beside my seventh rib.
> The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman is now meant to wear her boobs spread across her chest like a speed bump. I realigned my speed bump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view assessment.
> The bathing suit fit all right, but unfortunately it only fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it. The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked like a lump of Playdough wearing undersized cling wrap.
> As I tried to work out where all those extra bits had come from, the prepubescent sales girl popped her head through the curtain, "Oh, there you are," she said, admiring the bathing suit.
> I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what else she had to show me. I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking tape, and a floral two-piece that gave the appearance of an oversized napkin in a serving ring.
> I struggled into a pair of leopard-skin bathers with ragged frills and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane, pregnant with triplets and having a rough day.
> I tried on a black number with a midriff fringe and looked like a jellyfish in mourning.
> I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg I thought I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them.
> Finally, I found a suit that fit, it was a two-piece affair with a shorts-style bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had a successful outcome, I figured.
> When I got it home I found a label that read, "Material might become transparent in water."
> So, if you happen to be on the beach or near any other body of water this year and I'm there too, I'll be the one in cut-off jeans and a T-shirt!
> You'd better be laughing or rolling on the floor by this time. Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain, with or without a stylish bathing suit!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


>



+1


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Actually, one of the side effects of my glaucoma drops is thicker, longer eyelashes. Unfortunately, mine are so short that it doesn't really help.



I know one lady who can only use the drops in one eye...great lashes on one side...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I don't wear swimsuits, either...


----------



## jharris

View attachment 17671


----------



## MrsLMB

jharris said:


> View attachment 17671


----------



## MrsLMB

Oh Grumpy Cat


----------



## CWS4322

"Psycho" cat:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## vitauta

Zhizara said:


>




HA!!  that is me all over!  it seems a lesson i need to learn over and over again with every new dumb question, "ohhh, i can google THAT too?  (duh)


----------



## Kylie1969

All so funny


----------



## jharris

CWS4322 said:
			
		

> "Psycho" cat:



ROFLMAO!!!!!!

So hilarious!!!!!


----------



## taxlady

Ever see this?

Let me google that for you

http://lmgtfy.com/?q=who+was+the+first+president+of+the+US?


----------



## jharris

????


----------



## bakechef

taxlady said:


> Ever see this?
> 
> Let me google that for you
> 
> http://lmgtfy.com/?q=who+was+the+first+president+of+the+US?



Yes, and I love it, brings out my sarcastic side


----------



## Snip 13




----------



## Snip 13

OTF!!!!!!!

Rhod Gilbert - Luggage on Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Snip 13 said:


> OTF!!!!!!!
> 
> Rhod Gilbert - Luggage on Michael McIntyre's Comedy Roadshow - YouTube




My blood pressure monitor can't get a reading while watching this.  It's says I have an irregular heart beat and I have tears streaming down my face.


----------



## CWS4322

ROFLAMO! Too funny.


----------



## Snip 13

I've watched it 4 times and it's still funny! Loved it lol!
Laughed almost as much at your comment though PF!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Snip 13 said:


> I've watched it 4 times and it's still funny! Loved it lol!
> Laughed almost as much at your comment though PF!



Took me almost 30 minutes to get a reading that made sense!  LOL!


----------



## taxlady

jharris said:


> ????


Here's an example: Someone asks, "Who was the first US president?"

So, you go to Let me google that for you and type in the question. Then click "Google Search" or "I'm Feeling Lucky". It will give you a URL that you copy and paste as your reply to the question.

Try it and see what happens. Let me google that for you

It was sort of a reply to the previous "funny" with Bart Simpson.


----------



## Snip 13

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Took me almost 30 minutes to get a reading that made sense! LOL!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Here's an example: Someone asks, "Who was the first US president?"
> 
> So, you go to Let me google that for you and type in the question. Then click "Google Search" or "I'm Feeling Lucky". It will give you a URL that you copy and paste as your reply to the question.
> 
> Try it and see what happens. Let me google that for you
> 
> It was sort of a reply to the previous "funny" with Bart Simpson.



Let me google that for you


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Took me almost 30 minutes to get a reading that made sense! LOL!


 
What a great way to start my day off. Thank you. Will be giggling all day now. I have had my luggage arrive before me.


----------



## jharris

Thanks TL, 

I'll give it a try.


----------



## Andy M.

Sounds right...


----------



## Snip 13

Love this ad lol!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=93GhykXtd4Y


----------



## vitauta

Let me google that for you


----------



## jharris

Andy M. said:
			
		

> Sounds right...



Re "second hand vegetarian"

ROFL! 

Me too!


----------



## jharris

vitauta said:
			
		

> Let me google that for you



Laughing! Laughing! Laughing!

Thanks Vituata (no it wasn't all that hard) 

Still laughing!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


That's how my cat got his name: Shrederik.


----------



## taxlady

George Takei wrote, "Whenever I lose heart in the human race, I need only read customer reviews like these. Thanks to the several fans who pointed me to this gem."






Amazon.com: BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk): Office Products

Go read the reviews. They are hilarious.


----------



## vitauta

jonathan winters, one of the funniest men in the history of the whole world...rip, JW.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> George Takei wrote, "Whenever I lose heart in the human race, I need only read customer reviews like these. Thanks to the several fans who pointed me to this gem."
> 
> Amazon.com: BIC Cristal For Her Ball Pen, 1.0mm, Black, 16ct (MSLP16-Blk): Office Products
> 
> Go read the reviews. They are hilarious.



I saw this on FB at work, too funny!


----------



## Dawgluver

vitauta said:


> jonathan winters, one of the funniest men in the history of the whole world...rip, JW.



RIP.  I remember the characters he created.  Ma Frickett was a fave!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> Ever see this?
> 
> Let me google that for you
> 
> http://lmgtfy.com/?q=who+was+the+first+president+of+the+US?



Yes, love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

He he


----------



## MrsLMB

Take a look - do you see anything dangerous about this







Yep, that's right - no safety goggles or ear muffs!


----------



## CWS4322

I'd be more concerned that he's starting it on his leg and not the ground. 

Which reminds me, I think Husqvarna has a warning not to operate a chain saw naked.


----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


> Take a look - do you see anything dangerous about this
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's right - no safety goggles or ear muffs!


----------



## chopper

CWS4322 said:


> I'd be more concerned that he's starting it on his leg and not the ground.
> 
> Which reminds me, I think Husqvarna has a warning not to operate a chain saw naked.



When thy type up those kinds of warnings it is usually because someone has done it.


----------



## CWS4322

I better not let the girls see this...and I've hidden the hair dryer.


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Take a look - do you see anything dangerous about this
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's right - no safety goggles or ear muffs!


Oh dear!

I'm reminded of a story. When my exDH went to the one-day gun safety course required for a firearms handler's permit, they read out a list of stupid gun accidents from the previous year.

One dude got a cartridge jammed in his lever action rifle. So, he braced it on his foot and worked the lever back and forth. It unjammed the cartridge. He doesn't have as many toes as he used to have. 

Another one: Two guys, who couldn't swim, and weren't wearing life vests, in a canoe, saw a moose on the shore. One of them stood up and shot at the moose. They both drowned.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Oh dear!
> 
> I'm reminded of a story. When my exDH went to the one-day gun safety course required for a firearms handler's permit, they read out a list of stupid gun accidents from the previous year.
> 
> One dude got a cartridge jammed in his lever action rifle. So, he braced it on his foot and worked the lever back and forth. It unjammed the cartridge. He doesn't have as many toes as he used to have.
> 
> Another one: Two guys, who couldn't swim, and weren't wearing life vests, in a canoe, saw a moose on the shore. One of them stood up and shot at the moose. They both drowned.


 
 Has no one noticed that the cutting part is BETWEEN his legs? Does he not want a family?


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> Has no one noticed that the cutting part is BETWEEN his legs? Does he not want a family?


That would be an unusual Darwin Award.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> That would be an unusual Darwin Award.



+1

For our snowbound folks:


View attachment 17685

And our fisherfolks:

View attachment 17686


----------



## Dawgluver

another Takei


View attachment 17687


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Take a look - do you see anything dangerous about this
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yep, that's right - no safety goggles or ear muffs!



OMG


----------



## Kylie1969

CWS4322 said:


> I better not let the girls see this...and I've hidden the hair dryer.



So funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## CWS4322

MrsLMB said:


>


LOL! Since when could cats read recipes? Doesn't every recipe say "add catnip" in the eyes of a cat???


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!  I feel much safer.


----------



## chopper

I love the sharks!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so good


----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


>



So funny


----------



## jharris

chopper said:
			
		

> I love the sharks!!!



I still don't trust them. They look like politicians.


----------



## Dawgluver

jharris said:


> I still don't trust them. They look like politicians.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I wonder if there is a shark denturist...


----------



## jharris

Naw! They'd go broke. Sharks grow new teeth throughout their lives.


----------



## Zhizara

No wonder they're so bad tempered.  Think of the tooth aches!  Ouch!


----------



## jharris

Zhizara said:
			
		

> No wonder they're so bad tempered.  Think of the tooth aches!  Ouch!



I know right?!

Here's one that's sure to tickle...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qBay1HrK8WU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

There's nothing like a BBL (baby belly laugh) to improve the mood! Especially X 4.


----------



## chopper

jharris said:


> I know right?!
> 
> Here's one that's sure to tickle...
> 
> FunnyFuse Faves: Laughing Quadruplet Babies! - YouTube



Oh my gosh, that was so cute!


----------



## jharris

Thank God for babies, animals and old folks. Without them I fear I'd lose all perspective.


----------



## chopper

jharris said:


> Thank God for babies, animals and old folks. Without them I fear I'd lose all perspective.



Amen brother.


----------



## taxlady

I want to see the faces Dad was making at those babies.


----------



## MrsLMB

jharris said:


> I know right?!
> 
> Here's one that's sure to tickle...
> 
> FunnyFuse Faves: Laughing Quadruplet Babies! - YouTube
> 
> There's nothing like a BBL (baby belly laugh) to improve the mood! Especially X 4.


 

That is so cool .. I loved watching that.  You can't help but smile and even giggle along .. awesome post !!


----------



## Dawgluver

So cute!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Snip 13




----------



## Snip 13




----------



## Snip 13

Kylie1969 said:


> That is so good


----------



## taxlady

Bagpipe cat


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## jharris

Bagpipe Cat


Priceless!!!

I thank you, my sister thanks you, my mother thanks you, my boss thanks you, my.......


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


I wonder if they were "that" kind of brownies...


----------



## jharris

taxlady said:
			
		

> I wonder if they were "that" kind of brownies...



I doubt it. That pup doesn't appear to be at all "mellow"

On second thought he is leaning to one side and what might appear to be a growl could be a big cheesy grin.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## vitauta

MrsLMB said:


>




man, i need to get a tattoo made of that one

mrslmb, where do you find all of your funnies?


----------



## MrsLMB

Turn up your volume 

Epic Old Man - Picking Up Young Ladies - YouTube


----------



## jharris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ugK9vZlL0E&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## MrsLMB

jharris said:


> fat guy breathing in - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So true


----------



## taxlady

Those were great. That fat guy who sucked in his gut, OMG. And I love those Just For Laughs Gags. Most of them are filmed here in Montreal.


----------



## chopper

View attachment 17699


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh cheez, Chopper!  

More:



View attachment 17700



View attachment 17701


----------



## Kylie1969

chopper said:


> View attachment 17699


----------



## taxlady

The Smart Car


----------



## jharris

ROFL

Farting in a car without rolling a window down?

That's sooooo not smart!


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny Jeff


----------



## Snip 13

Dawgluver said:


> Oh cheez, Chopper!
> 
> More:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17700
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17701


 
Hehe!


----------



## Snip 13

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. 

Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. 





He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.



As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, 'What happened here today?' She again smiled and answered, 'You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world I do all day?' 'Yes,' was his incredulous reply. She answered, 'Well, today I didn't do it!"


----------



## Kylie1969

I have heard that one before...always makes me laugh


----------



## MrsLMB

For those of us who have a tiny bit of stress daily .. I found that this really helps and I wanted to share it with you.

DIET FOR STRESS 

This diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day. 
 
Breakfast: 

1/2 grapefruit 
1 slice whole wheat toast 
8 oz. skim milk 

Lunch: 

4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast 
1 cup steamed spinach 
1 cup herb tea 
1 Oreo cookie 

Mid-Afternoon snack: 

The rest of Oreos in the package 
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream 
1 jar hot fudge sauce 

Dinner: 

2 loaves garlic bread 
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke 
1 large sausage, mushroom, and cheese pizza 
3 Snickers bars 

Late Evening Snack: 

Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer) 
 
Additional Rules for this Diet: 

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories. 

2. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count if you do 
not eat more than they do. 

3. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, 
brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake. 

4. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner. 

5. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you 
are in the process of preparing something. 

6. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due 
to gravity and the density of the caloric mass. 

7. Anything consumed from someone else's plate has no calories 
since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and 
will cling to his/her plate. 
 
REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS.


----------



## Snip 13

Good one!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Dawgluver

Hola!

View attachment 17709


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!!


And with that I am off to bed!   I'll probably dream about cats and piñatas...


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Hola!
> 
> View attachment 17709


----------



## taxlady

For all the teachers here:


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:


> For all the teachers here:



  so true!


----------



## Dawgluver

chopper said:


> so true!



Yes it is!


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Just for the halibut:


View attachment 17722


----------



## GotGarlic

MrsLMB said:


> Turn up your volume
> 
> Epic Old Man - Picking Up Young Ladies - YouTube



I about choked on that! Hilarious!


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> Just for the halibut:
> 
> 
> View attachment 17722



I love this one


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Snip 13

taxlady said:


>


 


Must be why my DH knew my eye colour


----------



## Snip 13




----------



## Snip 13




----------



## Snip 13




----------



## chopper

Snip 13 said:


>



  flies do this all day long.


----------



## taxlady

Snip 13 said:


>



I love it. I stole it for Facebook.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Taxy!


----------



## Kylie1969

Snip 13 said:


>



That cracks me up everytime I see it


----------



## Andy M.

I feel your pain.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


>


 
That is when you empty the fridge and when they want to know what it is you tell them, "I don't know."


----------



## Andy M.

MrsLMB said:


>





This is hilarious!


----------



## Addie

Do I dare ask "Who is Jessica Biel?" This one is lost on me.


----------



## Andy M.

She's an actress and it doesn't matter.  It's just a play on words.


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> She's an actress and it doesn't matter. It's just a play on words.


 
Thank you. You're right. It doesn't matter.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

I roared, Taxy!   :


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>



Classic


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Very good


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!!


----------



## taxlady

I can watch The Daily Show!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Gee...If I'd know I would have offered you my seat for it everyday...


----------



## bakechef

Cat in a shark costume chases duck while riding a roomba...  A little weirdness for the day.


Cat In A Shark Costume Chases A Duck While Riding A Roomba - YouTube


----------



## tinlizzie

The only other thing that's needed is a great big net -- for the owner! 

Are we easily amused or what?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> Cat in a shark costume chases duck while riding a roomba...  A little weirdness for the day.
> 
> 
> Cat In A Shark Costume Chases A Duck While Riding A Roomba - YouTube




Okay, now nothing that happens at work today can faze me.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kylie1969

*The Seniors Chant*


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## chopper

you guys outdid yourselves today!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

all!!


----------



## MrsLMB

Kylie1969 said:


> *The Seniors Chant*


----------



## Addie

First I have to stop laughing so I can type. Kylie, are you deliberately trying to have me go from aches in my side from laughing? Both of them are absolutely hilarious. 

ROFLACGU! You have outdid yourself girl.


----------



## Kylie1969

I am so pleased you loved them Mrs L and Ads....they certainly do tickle the old funny bone  

Yes I particularly liked ROFLACGU too


----------



## Kylie1969

Yesterday, my daughter asked me again why I don’t do something useful with my time.
It seems to be her favourite topic of conversation whenever we've gotten together recently.
She suggested I go to the senior centre and hang out with the guys. I did this, but all the while I was thinking about how to teach her to stay out of my business.
The next day, I told her that I had joined a parachuting club. She said, “Are you nuts? You’re almost 72 years old and you’re going to start jumping out of aeroplanes?”
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card. She said to me, “Good grief, where are your glasses?! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club!”
“I don’t know what to do,” I told her. “I signed up for five jumps a week.”
She fainted.
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it can be fun.


----------



## Kylie1969

My memory is really bad so I changed my password to "incorrect"

That way, when I log in with the wrong password, the computer will tell me, "your password is incorrect"


----------



## Kylie1969

*"Ode to getting old"*

Just a line to say I'm living, That I'm not among the dead Though I'm getting more forgetful And something's slipping in my head;
I got used to arthritis, To my dentures I'm resigned. I can manage my bifocals, But oh, how much I miss my mind.

For sometimes I cannot remember When I stand atop the stairs, If I must go down for something Or if I've just come up from there.

And before the fridge, so often My mind is filled with nagging doubt. Have I just put food away, or Have I come to take some out.

I called a friend not long ago, When they answered I just moaned. I hung up quickly without speaking, For I'd forgotten who I'd phoned.

And when the darkness falls upon me I stand alone and scratch my head. I don't know if I'm retiring, Or just getting out of bed?

Once I stood in my own bathroom, Wondering if I'd used the pot. I flushed it just in case I had And sat down just in case I'd not.

So, now if it's my turn to write you. There's no need for getting sore It may be that I think I've written And don't need to write no more.

Now I stand beside the mail box With a face so very red Instead of mailing you the letter I have opened it instead.


----------



## Kylie1969

*Senior citizen exercise program*

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. 
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Who does this look like guys?


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Kylie!  It's great to start the day with a few belly laughs!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> Who does this look like guys?


I need to have this one explained.


----------



## Zhizara

Maxine!  She's real!

Good one, Kylie.


----------



## MrsLMB

Ok .. insert the face of my DH and you get an idea of what I go through at least once weekly LOL

Yahoo!


----------



## Kylie1969

Zhizara said:


> Maxine!  She's real!
> 
> Good one, Kylie.



I new someone would spot the resemblance, well done Z


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> I need to have this one explained.



Taxy, as Z spotted, it is a Maxine lookalike...it really does look like her too


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Ok .. insert the face of my DH and you get an idea of what I go through at least once weekly LOL
> 
> Yahoo!



That is priceless...especially picturing a grown man.


----------



## jharris

View attachment 17777



View attachment 17778

Yep! I'm convinced.

Too funny Kylie


----------



## Kylie1969

It is amazing how much they look like each other


----------



## jharris

You've never seen them both in the same room have you?


----------



## Kylie1969

He he...I'd be lying if I said I did


----------



## jharris

Coffee...

View attachment 17781


----------



## jharris

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KMRj9mvBdzw&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I need to have this one explained.


 
Looks like Maxine!


----------



## Addie

jharris said:


> Andy Andrews - 50 Famous Parental Sayings - YouTube


 
Good one jh. Words that have been uttered to all of my kids at sometime or another. No wonder I am grey.


----------



## Kylie1969

jharris said:


> Coffee...
> 
> View attachment 17781



You found a photo of me Jeff


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Hmm


View attachment 17784


----------



## Kylie1969

Hmmm indeed


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Z


----------



## PrincessFiona60

*Scotch with two drops of water.**

 A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.  
 As the bartender gives her the drink she says, 'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today....'
 The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday,  I'll buy you a drink.  In fact, this one is on me.'
 As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'
 The old woman says, 'Thank you.  Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'
 'Coming up,' says the bartender.
 As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'
 The old woman says, 'Thank you.  Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'
 'Coming right up,' the bartender says.
 As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am,  I'm dying of curiosity.  Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'
 The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor.  
 Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB

Do You See It??


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!!!  Great song!


----------



## Dawgluver

Had to expand it as I couldn't see what was going on, but when I did, really cute!


----------



## Kylie1969

I dont get it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

*Pass to all* *older people **& anyone else**who could benefit from* *Cardiovascular Exercise** 
*

*The  older we get the more important it is to  incorporate exercise into our  daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and  maintain muscle mass.** 
*
*If  you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more  repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It  may be too strenuous for some.** 
*

*Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
*


*Scroll  Down 
*



























































*NOW SCROLL UP 
**That's enough for the first day. Great job.
Have a glass of wine.*


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Fi


----------



## Dawgluver

Kylie1969 said:


> I dont get it



"Head and shoulders, knees and toes"

A popular children's song here, Kylie, though you may not sing it in Oz.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Pass to all older people & anyone elsewho could benefit from  Cardiovascular Exercise
> 
> 
> The  older we get the more important it is to  incorporate exercise into our  daily routine. This is necessary to maintain cardiovascular health and  maintain muscle mass.
> 
> If  you're over 50, you might want to take it easy at first, then do more  repetitions as you become more proficient and build stamina. Warning: It  may be too strenuous for some.
> 
> 
> Always consult your doctor before starting any exercise program!
> 
> 
> Scroll  Down
> 
> 
> NOW SCROLL UP
> That's enough for the first day. Great job.
> Have a glass of wine.



Perfect!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Head Shoulders Knees And Toes - YouTube


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

MrsLMB said:


> Do You See It??



Nice.


----------



## jharris

Addie said:
			
		

> Good one jh. Words that have been uttered to all of my kids at sometime or another. No wonder I am grey.



Right? I don't have kids but every phrase spoken in that video still rings in my ears. If a parent has said those words to their child then they're doing or have done their job.

Thumbs way up!!!!!


----------



## jharris

Kylie1969 said:
			
		

> You found a photo of me Jeff



I think I found a photo of most of us.

For those who wake up all chipper and ready to go I say only this...

View attachment 17788


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> "Head and shoulders, knees and toes"
> 
> A popular children's song here, Kylie, though you may not sing it in Oz.



Thanks DL...I did have a feeling it may have been that, but wasnt sure..yes, we had that song here too


----------



## Kylie1969

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Head Shoulders Knees And Toes - YouTube



Thats the one, thanks Fi


----------



## Addie

jharris said:


> Right? I don't have kids but every phrase spoken in that video still rings in my ears. If a parent has said those words to their child then they're doing or have done their job.
> 
> Thumbs way up!!!!!


 
Do any of you remember the yellow Golden kids records? My kids had several and Head Shoulders was one of them. They loved that record. Played it to death.


----------



## buckytom

those must have been wax cylinders, addie. 

just kidding.

i remember golden kids books, but not the records.

in fact, i have a load of childrens' books that i need to donate somewhere. from baby picture books, to first readers, and so on.

lol, most of the baby and golden books are unchewed.

i'm going to have a hard time giving them to just anybody, though. i have such a strong, sentimental attachment to them. i was the one who sat my baby boy on my lap and read to him when he was just able to do so, right through kindergarten.

dw has taken over his school education from there, for the most part.

i used to work a double shift every saturday back then when i worked mostly dayshifts, and would take my dinner hour to rush home like a madman from the city at around 7pm, give him his bath, then read to him until he fell asleep. then drive like a crazed bostonian back into the city before anyone knew where i was.

i didn;t want my job to interfere with even one day of his life.

i don't regret a minute of it, but whomever gets these books, i pray, at least feels the same for their child.


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> those must have been wax cylinders, addie.
> 
> just kidding.
> 
> i remember golden kids books, but not the records.
> 
> in fact, i have a load of childrens' books that i need to donate somewhere. from baby picture books, to first readers, and so on.
> 
> lol, most of the baby and golden books are unchewed.
> 
> i'm going to have a hard time giving them to just anybody, though. i have such a strong, sentimental attachment to them. i was the one who sat my baby boy on my lap and read to him when he was just able to do so, right through kindergarten.
> 
> dw has taken over his school education from there, for the most part.
> 
> i used to work a double shift every saturday back then when i worked mostly dayshifts, and would take my dinner hour to rush home like a madman from the city at around 7pm, give him his bath, then read to him until he fell asleep. then drive like a crazed bostonian back into the city before anyone knew where i was.
> 
> i didn;t want my job to interfere with even one day of his life.
> 
> i don't regret a minute of it, but whomever gets these books, i pray, at least feels the same for their child.


 
Yup, I was right there sitting next to Edison when he recorded Mary had a little lamb. I wanted him to record something from "The Ring" but he couldn't sing opera. 

Your son is so fortunate to have you for a Dad!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

Just give me your cupcakes folks. I want all of you to eat healthy.


----------



## GotGarlic

buckytom said:


> i used to work a double shift every saturday back then when i worked mostly dayshifts, and would take my dinner hour to rush home like a madman from the city at around 7pm, give him his bath, then read to him until he fell asleep. then drive like a crazed bostonian back into the city before anyone knew where i was.
> 
> i didn;t want my job to interfere with even one day of his life.
> 
> i don't regret a minute of it, but whomever gets these books, i pray, at least feels the same for their child.



I remember that 

You should box up those books and put them in the attic or basement. Then surprise your son with them when he has a child. My grandmother sent me a box of my mother's books when I was in second grade. I loved them.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> I remember that
> 
> You should box up those books and put them in the attic or basement. Then surprise your son with them when he has a child. My grandmother sent me a box of my mother's books when I was in second grade. I loved them.


 
Great idea GG. You can bet his son will read them to his children also. He wil always remember his father reading to him and what it meant to him. He will want to pass that on to bt's grandchild. My youngest son still remembers lines of the book_ Amelia Bedelia_. He loved that book. Of course I had to read it a thousands times to him.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

B. Tom,  
Save some of those books at your house to read to your grandkids yourself.  I have some here, and the boys love it that the book used to belong to Daddy and Uncle.  It brings back great memories for me, and makes new ones too.  It also gives you the chance to share stories with the grandkids.  My seven year old grandson said that he will bring his kid here some day so I can read to him too.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Here is an interesting experiment about wringing out a washcloth in space, aboard the ISS.

APOD: 2013 April 24 - Wringing a Wet Towel in Orbit


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Here is an interesting experiment about wringing out a washcloth in space, aboard the ISS.
> 
> APOD: 2013 April 24 - Wringing a Wet Towel in Orbit



Wow.  Fascinating!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Wow.  Fascinating!



Wasn't that freakin cool!  I'm totally geeked over it.


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Here is an interesting experiment about wringing out a washcloth in space, aboard the ISS.
> 
> APOD: 2013 April 24 - Wringing a Wet Towel in Orbit


 

Wow .. that was awesome !!!  I love stuff like that.


----------



## chopper

That was great PF!  Thanks for sharing!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB

Can't wait for this !!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I will need that!


----------



## Addie

After the large print, it will come in Braille. That should be interesting.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Hunh? And she is holding that rifle wrong.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Well, the way she's holding it she WILL lose an eye...


----------



## jharris

And probably some teeth

View attachment 17809


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Can't wait for this !!


----------



## Dawgluver

The circle of life?  Thanks to George Takei:


View attachment 17812


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB

Sleepy Kitty

'Hungover' Cat Sleeps In Flower Pot | Watch the video - Yahoo! Screen


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Skittle68

Just catching up on the funnies  love the space washcloth and the cat in the flower pot! So funny!!


----------



## taxlady

The cat in the flower pot was hilarious.


----------



## Dawgluver

For our friends in all directions:


View attachment 17822

We just have nasty cold stuff.  Thankfully it's just rain.  For now.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Looks like lots of folks are enjoying "Springtime in the Rockies" this year...


----------



## vitauta

I love chris hadfield.  his exuberance for science is a joyful and contagious thing!  I look forward to his demonstrations of science and space which he likes to share with his earthbound audience from his space station.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

In Honor of Tomorrow


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, MrsLMB for my first belly laugh of the day.  I needed that!


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:


> In Honor of Tomorrow







View attachment 17834


----------



## PrincessFiona60

"Right! _Stop_ that! It's _SILLY_. Very _SILLY_ indeed!"


----------



## Zhizara

Good one, Dawg!  I LOVE Futerama!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17835


----------



## tinlizzie

Oh, my side!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17835



Just trying to get all the Tardar off her teeth!


----------



## taxlady

*Secret Cat Diary*



*DAY 752* - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.  
*DAY 761* - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).  
*DAY 762* - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.  
*DAY 765* - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...  
*DAY 768*- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.  
*DAY 771* - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.  
*DAY 774* - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Secret Cat Diary
> 
> DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from shredding the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant and cough it up on the carpeting.
> DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their bed (again).
> DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.
> DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan...
> DAY 768- I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo". What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth and the tiny bit of flesh under my claws.
> DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies". Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
> DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Just trying to get all the Tardar off her teeth!



  I'll get her a Placker!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

Kylie, you're on a roll!


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, gasp!  Laughing helplessly!


----------



## Addie

The pain in my side from laughter is now stronger than the pain in my leg. Thanks.


----------



## Kylie1969

I am glad you all had a good laugh...they cracked me up too


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh

^ hahah 

Loving the grin in the last pic:


----------



## Dawgluver

Zereh said:


> ^ hahah
> 
> Loving the grin in the last pic:



Looks just like Beagle when we take her to Dairy Queen!

BTW, DQ gives you a free doggy dish ice cream.  We have to ask for a very small dish, otherwise they'll heap it on, and we will have a fat beagle.


----------



## MrsLMB

A word to the wise man -


----------



## Zereh

Besties!


----------



## chopper

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Looks like lots of folks are enjoying "Springtime in the Rockies" this year...



Lol. Welcome to the club all!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17844


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them all


----------



## Addie

I hope none of my neighbors are up at this hour and hear me laughing at this great thread. Anytime I feel down all I have to do is come here and I am cheered up instantly. I just go back about ten pages and look at them again. Thank you all for putting a bunch of cheer into an old lady's life when she needs it most. Nw I have to have a brain fart! Still giggling, Can't stop.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Addie

Teddy has a game he plays with Spike every morning when Spike is tryiing to get dressed. The instant he sees Spike go to get clean socks he runs over and as Spike is trying to put on the first sock he grabs it and wrestles it from Spike and then runs downstairs with it. When Spike has run out of clean socks, he retrieves the ones downstairs on the couch.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

I would be happy there too


----------



## taxlady




----------



## jharris

View attachment 17850


----------



## Kylie1969

He he, love them both


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


 Got me.


----------



## taxlady

A tourist couple was visiting Canada by car. They stopped in a smallish city and asked a passerby where they were.

"Saskatoon, Saskatchewan."

Mabel, they don't speak English. (Saskatoon is the capitol of province, Saskatchewan.)


----------



## MrsLMB

Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !

A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone 
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" 
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. 
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!" 


A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic. 
His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?" 
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing. 
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks. 
"Here boy!" he replies. 


A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet. 
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks. 
"Hanging myself," the blonde replies. 
"It should be around your neck" says the guard. 
"I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".


A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish. 
I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet. 
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me". 
The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet". 


An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?" 
To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be 
in the boat


----------



## MrsLMB

Cat Alarm Clock

Cat Alarm Clock - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:


> Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !
> 
> A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
> "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
> "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
> "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
> 
> A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
> His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
> He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
> "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
> "Here boy!" he replies.
> 
> A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
> "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
> "Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
> "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
> "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
> 
> A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
> I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
> The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
> The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
> 
> An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
> To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
> in the boat



  I've met guys like this!  They do exist!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Time for some Blonde Dude Jokes !
> 
> A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone
> "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
> "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
> "No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"
> 
> 
> A blonde man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
> His wife says "Why don't you put an ad in the paper?"
> He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
> "What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
> "Here boy!" he replies.
> 
> 
> A blonde man is in jail. Guard looks in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
> "Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
> "Hanging myself," the blonde replies.
> "It should be around your neck" says the guard.
> "I tried that," he replies, "but then I couldn't breathe".
> 
> 
> A blonde man goes to the vet with his goldfish.
> I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
> The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me".
> The blonde man says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".
> 
> 
> An Italian tourist asks a blonde man: "Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
> To which the blonde man replies: "If they fell forward, they'd still be
> in the boat


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Cat Alarm Clock
> 
> Cat Alarm Clock - YouTube



That is great!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

I can relate to this. When I lived in Tacoma, there was a total eclispe of the sun around 9 am. Some genius after sold cans of Eclispe Darkness. And he cleaned up. The directions on the can were to never open the can or they would lose the darkness. The cans were empty.


----------



## Dawgluver

From Takei:

View attachment 17858


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## jharris

Addie said:
			
		

> I can relate to this. When I lived in Tacoma, there was a total eclispe of the sun around 9 am. Some genius after sold cans of Eclispe Darkness. And he cleaned up. The directions on the can were to never open the can or they would lose the darkness. The cans were empty.



"There's a sucker born every minute" 
PT Barnum

Or "There's an ass for every seat"
Used car salesman


----------



## MrsLMB

Ever want to say this to someone?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Daily...


----------



## jharris

...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Ever want to say this to someone?


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

From Takei, these rabbit reviews are, um, well, see for yourself.  Gives one paws.

http://amzn.to/11YO7JF


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> From Takei, these rabbit reviews are, um, well, see for yourself.  Gives one paws.
> 
> http://amzn.to/11YO7JF



Oy. The comments are great!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I will use this down the track


----------



## jharris

Kylie1969 said:
			
		

> I will use this down the track



I use it almost every morning.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## jharris

Oh yeah? Keep laughing youngster!


----------



## Kylie1969

He he...I know...I will be there one day too


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> From Takei, these rabbit reviews are, um, well, see for yourself.  Gives one paws.
> 
> Fresh Whole Rabbit: Amazon.com: Grocery & Gourmet Food



Well...that wasted about an hour and I lost my grip on the water bottle, LMAO!!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Perfect!


----------



## Zereh




----------



## PrincessFiona60

to close to true...


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> to close to true...



Yes! And then you're like, "Why didn't you do that in the last few minutes while you were waiting for me?" and he's all, "Because I didn't have to go then."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Yes! And then you're like, "Why didn't you do that in the last few minutes while you were waiting for me?" and he's all, "Because I didn't have to go then."



I may have to change our user names to Opal and Earl...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> to close to true...



This is quite familiar.....

Though it's usually DH who takes the long time getting ready.


----------



## Addie

My SIL is always the one who runs late. So my daughter always tells him that they need to be there an hour earlier than true. Now they arrive on time. Me, I freak out if I keep anyone waiting for me.


----------



## Barbara L

Break time!


----------



## Barbara L

Yeah!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Frank are you reading this one????  ^^^^^^^^


----------



## Kylie1969

They are great


----------



## Addie

Barbara L said:


> Yeah!!!


 
Gee I only took fourteen years. Now I have to look up your noses. Hence the expression, "You better keep your nose clean."


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17889


----------



## Zereh

haha =P 

Another great cat one:


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## vitauta

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Here is an interesting experiment about wringing out a washcloth in space, aboard the ISS.
> 
> APOD: 2013 April 24 - Wringing a Wet Towel in Orbit


 

 astronaut chris hadfield is returning to earth after five months in a space station, taking spectacular pictures of earth while in orbit.

coming home in the space craft, chris is said to have been singing david bowie's space oddity.  y'all remember, 'ground control to major tom'.....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Chris Hadfield's 'Space Oddity' is a hit: What's next for space superstar? - Cosmic Log


----------



## vitauta

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Chris Hadfield's 'Space Oddity' is a hit: What's next for space superstar? - Cosmic Log


 

coolest astronaut ever! chris's enthusiasm for space, science and our earth is positively contagious!


----------



## MrsLMB

Next time you feel your commute is a bit rough, think of this .....

Workers commute via two excavators cross river in Russia Siberia, Crossing a river with excavators - YouTube


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Barbara L

Apparently there is something to this, as Cubbie barks at the mail lady and James and I are still alive!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Barbara L

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

Awwww I love that one 

That is a look of guilt if ever I saw one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

The Husband Song

The Husband Song - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Rc Round Up Directors Cut - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

OMG!!

:gasp:  Too funny, MrsLMB and PF!!!

As it should be, MrsLMB.

PF, love the Benny Hill theme!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> OMG!!
> 
> :gasp: Too funny, MrsLMB and PF!!!
> 
> As it should be, MrsLMB.
> 
> PF, love the Benny Hill theme!!!


 
 Dito! Ditto! Ditto! That is absolutely hilarious. I will go back and view this one time and again.


----------



## Andy M.

I exercise regularly.  I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest.  I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night.  I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKGs and colonoscopies.  I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress.  I don't drink.  I don't smoke. I don't do drugs.  I don't have crazy reckless sex with strangers.

If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:


> I exercise regularly.  I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest.  I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night.  I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKGs and colonoscopies.  I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress.  I don't drink.  I don't smoke. I don't do drugs.  I don't have crazy reckless sex with strangers.
> 
> If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.



  So true!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> I exercise regularly.  I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest.  I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night.  I've had chest x-rays, cardio stress tests, EKGs and colonoscopies.  I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress.  I don't drink.  I don't smoke. I don't do drugs.  I don't have crazy reckless sex with strangers.
> 
> If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.



ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Funny: Scared Kitten over Iguana - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Funny: Scared Kitten over Iguana - YouTube



Love it!!!

MrsLMB, as we have always suspected!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Me, me


----------



## Barbara L

Hilarious!!!


----------



## Barbara L

Who can relate?


----------



## MrsLMB

Just In Case You Need One


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

MrsLMB said:


> Just In Case You Need One



I like the idea of Raiden from Mortal Combat telling knock knock jokes.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I was stuck on Kevin Spacey telling knock knock jokes...


----------



## Barbara L

A cat is a cat!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Two boxes, two cats...I wonder if I got another box, another cat would show up.


----------



## Barbara L

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Two boxes, two cats...I wonder if I got another box, another cat would show up.


Probably! As we all know, empty boxes are cat magnets! We had a cat who would get in any box lying around. If it was too small to fit into, she would put as much of herself into the box as she could.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Think I'll put an extra box out to see what happens.


----------



## Barbara L

Just make sure it isn't leopard sized.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

OOOH, good catch, I think I need a smaller box...


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> A cat is a cat!



So true


----------



## Zereh




----------



## medtran49

Cute kitten and iggy.  We had a pet "backyard" iguana for a while.  She was obviously somebody's pet that they let loose because we could pick her up and hand feed her.  We fed her hoping to keep her in the yard and out of danger from other things (live not far from the eastern edge of the everglades and have various creatures around), although we didn't want to bring her in the house and have another pet.  BTW, if iggys are brought into animal shelters here they are killed as they are considered nuisance animals.  Anyway, she just didn't exist for our pugs, they took absoluely no notice of her.  Don't know if it was because they are all senior citizens or just because they are spoiled rotten and think nothing in the universe exists but them, but she could be on the ground when they were out and they just didn't notice her.  

She had access to our family room roof that juts out from our second story bedroom and liked to sun on our roof and the neighbor's (they fed her too)  roof that she could also get to from a tree in their yard, particularly when it was cold.  I climbed out of our second story bedroom window and brought her in the house to put in the bathtub with some heat a few times when we'd have really cold snaps for a couple of years and, of course, we'd also take her out of her spot on the tree to bring her in as well if that's where she was.  Unfortunately, she got caught in one cold snap on a place on the neighbor's roof that we couldn't see from our second story a few years back and froze to death.  The roofer's found her when they were working on the neighbor's roof.  All in all though, not a bad way to go for an iggy as they go into hibernation when they get cold.  We had iggys literally falling out of trees all over South Florida that 1 year in particular because it got so cold.


----------



## Barbara L

This is SO true! I have stood in some hotel showers for a few minutes trying to figure them out!


----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


>


----------



## Barbara L

Good to know!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Is 90 minutes "a few extra"?


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> Good to know!



Love it


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17930


----------



## Barbara L

I would! I really would!!


----------



## Barbara L

I wonder if this works like Wile E. Coyote's hole and tunnels?


----------



## Kylie1969

Barbara L said:


> I would! I really would!!


----------



## taxlady

That Maxine one about the bra really cracked me up.


----------



## MrsLMB

Barbara L said:


> I wonder if this works like Wile E. Coyote's hole and tunnels?


 
And speaking of him .........


----------



## MrsLMB

Like in cookbooks, we aim to please here on DC so here's a 
picture of Chicken Cordon Bleu


----------



## Barbara L

Love them MrsLMB!!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

This is my kind of exercise.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL...so funny


----------



## MrsLMB

Need to find this place !!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

all! ^^^

View attachment 17952


----------



## taxlady

Dawg, that's my kind of salad.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> all! ^^^
> 
> View attachment 17952




I love that salad!!!


----------



## MrsLMB

Dawgluver said:


> all! ^^^
> 
> View attachment 17952


 
Aren't you going to share the recipe  

That's a good one Dawg .. will be one of my favs


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."
The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"
The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".


----------



## Kylie1969

*A Seniors Poem*

At the chemists today, the lad was a gent. 

From my purchases, he knocked off ten per cent. 

I asked for the reason for the lesser amount; 

And he said - "Because of the Seniors discount!"


I went to McDonald's for a Burger and Fries;

And once again, I got quite a surprise. 

The girl poured some coffee which she handed to me; 

She said, "For you sir, as a Senior - the coffee is free." 


The point is, I'm not Old! - I'm merely Mature!

But some things are changing; just how, I'm not sure. 

The print on the pages, seems to get smaller each day;

And people speak softer - can't hear what they say. 


My teeth are my own (I still have the receipt!); 

And I can still recognise most of the people I meet. 

Oh, I've slowed down a bit - not a lot, I am sure. 

You see - I'm not Old, I'm merely Mature.


The colour in my hair has been bleached by the sun. 

You should see all the damage that chlorine has done!

It appears that washing my hair has turned it all white; 

But don't say I'm going bald! - it doesn't sound right. 


My friends all get older, much faster than me. 

They seem much more wrinkled, from what I can see. 

I've got "character lines," not wrinkles, for sure. 

But don't call me Old! - just call me Mature!


The steps in the houses they're building today

Are all so high, they take your breath away. 

The streets are much steeper than ten years ago. 

That certainly explains why my walking is slow. 


But I'm keeping up, on what's hip and what's new. 

I reckon I can still dance a mean boogaloo. 

I'm still in the running, in this I'm secure, 

But don't call me Old! - I'm merely Mature!


----------



## Kylie1969

Funny Cat Video


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!^^^



View attachment 17975



View attachment 17976


----------



## Zereh




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zereh said:


>




ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17981


----------



## Kylie1969

Awwwww


----------



## chopper

Kylie1969 said:


> Awwwww



+1. Love it!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 17995


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 17995


 
 I am going to be giggling all night now. Thanks


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh. My. Bat.  Actually, needs a couple more Nanas.



View attachment 17996


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> Oh. My. Bat.  Actually, needs a couple more Nanas.



Hmmm.. .....why don't I get it?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Oh. My. Bat.  Actually, needs a couple more Nanas.
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 17996



ROFL!!!  I have a t-shirt that is similar...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> Hmmm.. .....why don't I get it?



Na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na na... BATMAN! - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

Loved the great Dane and the kitten.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Exactly, MrsLMB!



View attachment 18011


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh

This thread always makes me giggle. <3


----------



## Dawgluver

Love 'em!


----------



## chopper

Zereh, that is so funny!    I showed Hubby and he is cracking up with me.  Thanks from both of us for the laugh!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## PrincessFiona60

There was a bit of confusion at the local grocery store this morning. 

When I was ready to pay for my groceries, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

Making a mental note to complain to  my congressman about Homeland Security running amok, I did just as she  had instructed. When her hysterical shrieking finally subsided, I found  out that she was referring to my credit card. 

       I have been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. 
 They need to make their instructions to us *seniors* a little clearer!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hmmmm...there's a Bunn in storage.


----------



## tinlizzie

OMG!  You people are killin' me!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Andy M.

Amen to that.


----------



## Kylie1969

So good Andy!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

^^^


From a diver buddy:

View attachment 18018


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Actually, that is kinda scary...I may go make some comparisons in the store.


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Actually, that is kinda scary...I may go make some comparisons in the store.


 
Yeah .. you are right on that !  There are way too many labels that are too close.  Used to be you could grab something by the color .. not any more !


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Earworm?  Hey, we love food, and Annie would a brie!

View attachment 18019


----------



## Zereh

haha ^^


----------



## Kylie1969

Love that one Z


----------



## jabbur




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

That's it Mrs. LMB!  I should be 7'2",


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Andy M.

Reminds me of:  "I'm not overweight, I'm undertall."


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Deep wisdom from Tardur:



View attachment 18023


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> Deep wisdom from Tardur:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18023



Love the Tardar sauce!


----------



## Addie

Grumpy the cat has been called to Hollywood. For Real. Read a quick news piece. He is to be trained for cat food commercials.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Saw a commercial last night with Maru.  Grumpy Cat aka Tardar Sauce is a girl kitty and she deserves only the best.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Great one Mrs. LMB!  I nearly spit my lunch across the table!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



Our daughter would probably wear it that way on purpose.  With DDDs build, however, Mickey's hands would be all the way in front on her hip bones.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

chopper said:


> Great one Mrs. LMB!  I nearly spit my lunch across the table!



It ricocheted Shrek off his chair and into the wall...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Time for a cat nap. Or lap.

View attachment 18042

Looks like my driver's license pic:

View attachment 18043


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is cool


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Red necks have dogs too!




View attachment 18048


----------



## MrsLMB

He could not find the mixer or the beaters but he really wanted to make pudding. 

BTW .. this is not my DH .. he knows better LOL


----------



## Kylie1969

chopper said:


> Red necks have dogs too!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18048


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18053


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 18053



Their There  They're just crazy that way.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Babies Taste Lemons for the First Time - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Babies Taste Lemons for the First Time - YouTube


 

  Funny how they always go in for a 2nd taste. 

 Good one !!


----------



## MrsLMB

Future foodie and DC member !!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> Funny how they always go in for a 2nd taste.
> 
> Good one !!



Dill pickles are fun, too!  I'm the worst Aunt, I feed the babies lemons and pickles...just to watch their faces.  (once they are old enough for solid foods, of course)


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


> Future foodie and DC member !!!



Nice choice


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



LOL!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Mrs L


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So funny


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Dill pickles are fun, too! I'm the worst Aunt, I feed the babies lemons and pickles...just to watch their faces. (once they are old enough for solid foods, of course)


 
Next time try sour pickles. My g'daughter always wanted a piece of my liver until she put it in her mouth. Could't get it out fast enough, then want a second piece.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Zereh

Maru ~


----------



## Zereh

I may or may not have been known to do this:


----------



## MrsLMB

Zereh said:


> I may or may not have been known to do this:


 

   I echo your statement .. maybe yes but maybe no


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

I was in tears reading some of these

23 Reasons Why Parents Should Never Be Allowed to Text | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers


----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:


> I was in tears reading some of these
> 
> 23 Reasons Why Parents Should Never Be Allowed to Text | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> I was in tears reading some of these
> 
> 23 Reasons Why Parents Should Never Be Allowed to Text | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers



I'm about dead from laughing...


----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


> Maru ~



I love this


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> I was in tears reading some of these
> 
> 23 Reasons Why Parents Should Never Be Allowed to Text | FB TroublemakersFB Troublemakers



"When are you coming home?"


----------



## jabbur

MrsLMB said:


>



At my house we'd have to add #6 ketchup!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Oh yes!  ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh

hehe Great stuff up there.


----------



## Kylie1969

So good Z


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18081


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



  

Straight to the point!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 18081



Rock-Paper-Scissors.  The ultimate argument-settling tool as far as our kids are concerned!   They're in their 30s and they still use it on occasion.


----------



## Dawgluver

^^^ 



View attachment 18084

Profundity.


----------



## MrsLMB

Dawgluver said:


> ^^^
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18084
> 
> Profundity.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Zereh




----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zereh said:


>



Is your name George???

LOL!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

A dog is truly a man's best friend.
If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.
Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.
When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Dawgluver

True, dat!!


----------



## Dawgluver

We're an international bunch:

View attachment 18091


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> We're an international bunch:
> 
> View attachment 18091



Someone's been following Shrek with a camera.


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> We're an international bunch:



At my house too!  DH does it everyday!  Drives me nuts!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's what I do when I butter a slice of toast and am not sure if I'll be going for a second one.  Guess I'm fluent in "knife".  Or "sloppy".


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh

haha Me too =P


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Absolutely!  I could sleep myself skinny!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



Lose weight AND get to sleep??? I'm so in!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18093

Laser-faire, my precious.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



Odd, I don't remember seeing that sign in our neighborhood.


----------



## Dawgluver

Earworm, thanks again to George Takei:

View attachment 18121

Though I was never much into disco, more of a rocker, I did love the song.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Earworm, thanks again to George Takei:
> 
> View attachment 18121
> 
> Though I was never much into disco, more of a rocker, I did love the song.



Ditto...thanks alot.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Ditto...thanks alot.



Welcome!


----------



## Dawgluver

Dogs....

View attachment 18123


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I have a rule that I don't except kisses on the face from anything that licks itself clean.


----------



## Andy M.

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I have a rule that I don't except kisses on the face from anything that licks itself clean.



That's not a bad rule.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh

I've had days like this:


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969

An old man walks into a bar, sits down, and starts crying.
The bartender asks, “What’s wrong?” The old man looks at the bartender through
Teary eyes and between sobs says, “I married a beautiful woman two days ago. She’s a natural blonde, twenty-five, intelligent, a marvelous cook, a meticulous housekeeper,
Extremely sensitive to my wants and needs, very giving and my best friend
The bartender stares at the old man for a brief moment and says, “But that sounds great! You have what every man wants in a woman, so why are crying?”
The old man looks at the bartender and says, “I can’t remember where I live!”


----------



## Kylie1969

An elderly woman called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car had been broken in to.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the officer radios in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Italian Hedgehog?


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Italian Hedgehog?



Awww, I want one!  Beagle would love her own personal hedgehog too. Or she would eat it.


----------



## Kylie1969

*The Difference If You Marry An Aussie Girl*

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai girl. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Australia. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. The first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he urinates.


----------



## chopper

Kylie, that last one was so funny, I think I spit my iced tea five feet!


----------



## Kylie1969

Glad you liked it Chops


----------



## Kylie1969

*Pet Parrot*

A man buys a pet parrot and brings him home. But the parrot starts insulting him and gets really nasty, so the man picks up the parrot and tosses him into the freezer to teach him a lesson. He hears the bird squawking for a few minutes, but all of a sudden the parrot is quiet. The man opens the freezer door, the parrot walks out, looks up at him and says, "I apologize for offending you, and I humbly ask your forgiveness."
The man says, "Well, thank you. I forgive you."
The parrot then says, "If you don't mind my asking, what did the chicken do?"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL!!!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

^^^

Another Takei earworm,  please feel free to sing along:


View attachment 18137


----------



## Zhizara




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

all!



View attachment 18157


----------



## Dawgluver

And this is too cute not to share:


View attachment 18158


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Corgis are so even tempered and cute.  LOL!


----------



## Andy M.

It's a good thing.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> It's a good thing.




LOL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Caddis Trout Fly / Spotlight Caddis Emerger -- Orvis


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## chopper

Perspective.......I guess it really is in how you look at things.

View attachment 18164


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> And this is too cute not to share:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18158



Awww, I love this one


----------



## Cooking Goddess

chopper said:


> Perspective.......I guess it really is in how you look at things.
> 
> View attachment 18164



Wow, that's such a cute way of making a very good point!  Thanks chopper.


----------



## Kylie1969

After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it - to find a book entitled: "The Meaning of Dreams."


----------



## Kylie1969

A 60-year-old millionaire has just married a 20-year-old model. ‘You crafty old devil,’ says his friend. ‘How did you manage to get a lovely young wife like that?’ ‘Easy,’ replies the millionaire. ‘I told her I was 95


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Addie




----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


>



I love it.


----------



## taxlady

Maybe some other booze than vodka:


----------



## SmokeAlarmSaysImDone

I have to do this because of my dogs and sometimes my DH


----------



## Zereh

SmokeAlarmSaysImDone said:


> I have to do this because of my dogs and sometimes my DH



With my dog it's the jingle of keys! hahah


----------



## taxlady

Zereh said:


> With my dog it's the jingle of keys! hahah


For many pets, like Shrederik (my cat), it's the sound of the can opener.


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


>



That is so funny Ads


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

And raising some children is like trying to nail jello to a wall.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love them guys


----------



## MrsLMB

Wow I wish I had some of this


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I picked up some Invisible Duct Tape today...good stuff!


----------



## taxlady

I wonder if they will get any takers.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



So agree


----------



## Zereh




----------



## taxlady

Zereh said:


>




I *need* that t-shirt.


----------



## Addie

When The Pirate was in his 20's I gave him a shirt that said, "To create a jerk, add alcohol." He thought the shirt was hilarious. Then a couple of weeks later he was putting the shirt on and thought, "My mother thinks I am a jerk." He stopped drinking that day and hasn't touched a drop since. Today he is in his 50's. Strange the power a piece of cloth can have.


----------



## taxlady

I'm reminded of this song:

The Pursuit of Happiness "I'm an Adult Now" - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Well, it won't play here, Taxlady...says it's blocked in my region.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Well, it won't play here, Taxlady...says it's blocked in my region.


<shakes head> Weirdos. It's a Canadian group. How different a region is that from the US? 

Does this work?

The Pursuit Of Happiness "I'm An Adult Now" (Original 12" Single and Video) - YouTube

Here's a link to the lyrics: I'M AN ADULT NOW Lyrics - PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS

Here's the first three lines, which, is the part that sticks in my mind:

 Well, I don't hate my parents
I don't get drunk just to spite them
I got my own reasons to drink now


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That one played, thanks!


----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


>



I so love that


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

^^



View attachment 18215


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I fell off the couch LMFAO!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL! Puppy about to be wearing a new fur hat that won't let go...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL! Puppy about to be wearing a new fur hat that won't let go...


The occasional acupuncture...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## taxlady

I think this one is appropriate to DC, well at least for some of us


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## chopper

taxlady said:


> I think this one is appropriate to DC, well at least for some of us



That's it!  Tat is how I cook with wine!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Me too!  I love to cook with wine.  Sometimes I even put it in the food!


----------



## Kylie1969

So funny, that is how I like to drink red wine when given the opportunity


----------



## Addie

It sure takes out the stress of cooking and getting the meal on the table on time. For those of you who practice this act, ENJOY!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Right on!


----------



## Kylie1969

Good one Mrs L


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




Absolutely!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Never quite sure what my age is, but whatever it is, I've never acted it....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm 52 and a half years old.


----------



## Dawgluver

Close enough.


----------



## Kylie1969

Dawgluver said:


> And this is too cute not to share:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18158



Awwwww


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, that is NOT funny...


----------



## Dawgluver

^^ What PF said.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Mrs L


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Anti-locks braking demo:


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Cooking Goddess said:


> Anti-locks braking demo:



Lol. I had to show that one to hubby.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Anti-locks braking demo:



LOL!!!


----------



## Zereh

I'm easily amused ~


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Cats get themselves into the oddest situations.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!! or a sandwich that looks like the ones in Subway commercials...


----------



## Dawgluver

Another Takei.
View attachment 18246

I figured Taxlady could translate.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Another Takei.
> View attachment 18246
> 
> I figured Taxlady could translate.




Not a clue. I need real Swedish to translate.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Me too!!


----------



## taxlady

Oh yeah, Bear is my handle sometimes. They have reproduction down. Not only do they sleep through giving birth, they mate in spring and only implant the fertilized eggs in fall, if they had enough to eat that summer.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

My hair...the only thing that makes me shower each day...so it can at least be clean when it does it's thing.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My hair...the only thing that makes me shower each day...so it can at least be clean when it does it's thing.



+1 Usually I like what it does, but I have no illusions about trying to control it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My hair...the only thing that makes me shower each day...so it can at least be clean when it does it's thing.



Ugh, don't know what I would do if I had to wash mine every day.  I'm usually good for 3.  If I'm really lazy I'll pull the hair back at my nape and pin it so it doesn't flop forward when I lean into the utility tub.  Then I wash my part.  Bingo, looks freshly shampooed!  My hair is finally long enough (just below the collar bone) so that when I band, twist and pin it on top my head it's pretty much in place.  I haven't worn it down (except to wash it or go to sleep) since it got really hot - nearly a month ago, with only one or two small breathers.   I'm afraid that by the time the weather finally cools off my hair will be down to my waist!


----------



## Addie

I have a really short pixie cut. I haven't had long hair since ... I can't remember when. Truly a wash and wear style. I look horrible in long hair. My picture was taken in the late 80's. That was the last time I had it that long.


----------



## MrsLMB

I do this - for real - anyone else?


----------



## Andy M.

MrsLMB said:


> I do this - for real - anyone else?



I write it once in the order of the aisles.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Not that exactly but I do something similar. My base grocery list is taken from the weekly (or sometimes bi-weekly) meal plan, then staples and extras are added. Then it's re-written, sorted by store with similar items grouped together and in the order we are most likely to encounter them.


----------



## Zhizara

I do mine like Andy does.  That way I don't have to rewrite it.  I also have a list for each of the two stores where I generally shop.


----------



## Dawgluver

What's cool about the "Our Groceries" app is that you can categorize everything.  If you want to sort it by aisle, you can!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> What's cool about the "Our Groceries" app is that you can categorize everything.  If you want to sort it by aisle, you can!


I use Our Groceries too. I don't bother sorting by aisle. I sort alphabetically.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I use Our Groceries too. I don't bother sorting by aisle. I sort alphabetically.



I just recently figured out, you can sort any way you want!  Produce, Meat, Dairy, Non-Food, etc.  Love this app.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Mine is handwritten by store...it depends on how much is on the list if I re-write it in the order I meet it in the store.  Since the store is on the way home, I stop off after work, most days.


----------



## Dawgluver

The app will do that too, I break mine out by Costco, Asian Market, Grocery, Walmart, etc.  And it automatically goes to all our devices.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> The app will do that too, I break mine out by Costco, Asian Market, Grocery, Walmart, etc.  And it automatically goes to all our devices.



I'm not buying a cell phone so I can get an app so I can poke out a grocery list.  Pen and paper are just fine for me.


----------



## Addie

I am with you PF. And I do mine by aisle. Aisles 1 through 8 are mine, the rest of the store belongs to Spike. We get a months groceries in less than 45 minutes.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm not buying a cell phone so I can get an app so I can poke out a grocery list.  Pen and paper are just fine for me.



  DH felt the same way.  Initially he would look at the app list on his phone, and write everything down.  Then he would lose the list, as usual.  Took awhile, now he gets it, and I can add, subtract, and stalk him as he gets items and disappears them.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm a landline only kinda gal...


----------



## Dawgluver

DH thinks we should get rid of ours, and go all cellular.  I'm thinking not.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> DH thinks we should get rid of ours, and go all cellular.  I'm thinking not.


I agree. We have an old fashioned phone that works when the power is out.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I agree. We have an old fashioned phone that works when the power is out.



Yes.  And when you apply for things, they still want a landline phone number.


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> Yes.  And when you apply for things, they still want a landline phone number.



I've been cell only for 10 years and have had no issues applying for anything with that number, credit cards, mortgage, car etc...   Most friends of ours are cell only.


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> I've been cell only for 10 years and have had no issues applying for anything with that number, credit cards, mortgage, car etc...   Most friends of ours are cell only.



Interesting.  Many of our friends are cell only too.  But I still feel more comfortable with a landline, everything's under that number.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Addie

Even though my cell is free, I was reluctant to get rid of the landline. Mainly for 911 purposes. But after talking to several others who need to have quick access to 911, I decided to bite the bullet. Sure enough I needed to call 911. The State Police answer the line and immediately see that the number is located in the Boston area and connect me directly to the 911 Boston Dispatcher. The Boston Dispatcher Dept. has now replaced my landline number with my cell number. So now when the State Police patch me over, it shows all my info as if I had called from a land line. So in the event I am unable to talk, they know where to send the help. 

Bonus? One less bill to pay each month.


----------



## Zereh

mmmmmm s'getti


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> I do this - for real - anyone else?



I used to write such a nice list, in store order, and even indicated if I had coupons for things.  After we moved and it was just Himself and me my list got smaller.  Now I use the grocery store ad and a wide-tip magic marker.  Circle the items I need.  Write with a thinner marker along the top of each "department" if there are items not listed in the ad.  The ads are laid out the same every week and I know how to flip the pages to follow along as I shop.  When I'm almost done I go over each page to make sure I'm not forgetting anything.  I'm usually spot-on with picking up everything as I go from one end to the other.  As a bonus, if I can't find something it's a lot safer to show the ad to a stocker and say "where can I find this?" while pointing to the picture rather than trying to explain myself in a way they can understand.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> Interesting.  Many of our friends are cell only too.  But I still feel more comfortable with a landline, everything's under that number.



I'll admit at first it was a little strange giving up the land line, but in my situation it made sense, one guy 2 phone bills, when I only needed one.

If you ever decide to go cell only, you can have the land line number ported to a cell phone!

It all depends on your situation.  The biggest thing to get used to is grabbing your cell phone when going to a different part of the house.  I have chargers scattered throughout.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




ROFL!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



That is great


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18287

Burt Reynolds approved.


----------



## Kylie1969

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of yourhairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,'Mommy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


> One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of yourhairs white, Mum?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'
> The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,'Mommy, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?'


 Mwahaha. Serves her right for laying a guilt trip on her kid.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> Mwahaha. Serves her right for laying a guilt trip on her kid.



  That is what I was thinking


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Aw, poor puppy...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Awwww


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



Eek!  What are you doing watching me in the shower? 

I take the expression "All the World's a Stage" VERY literally.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB

Kylie1969 said:


>


 
OMG  So funny !!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## bakechef

Kylie1969 said:


>



I have that book and it confirmed my suspicions.....


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup, he's a gonner.

View attachment 18294


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROLF!!!  I got Shrek an Expendable ST shirt...


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18295

Watch your kitties, catlovers.


----------



## Zereh

^^ haha!


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Zereh!  Phew, I think I'm finding out what a hot flash is!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> Watch your kitties, catlovers.




I was thinking if that is a kitty fireman he's not getting down that pole in the most efficient manner.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Geez..nip, coffee and fat jokes...my monitor will be cleaned in a minute...


----------



## Dawgluver

As a recovering Angry Birds addict:

View attachment 18296


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

I called hotel management from the hotel room and said,, “Please, come quick. I’m having an argument with my wife and she says she’ll jump out the window of your hotel”.
“That is a personal matter”. answered the hotel manager.
“Sod you!” I screamed. “The window won’t open so that’s a maintenance matter.”


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB!  Reminds me of the kids' song
do your ears hang low - YouTube

At my age this song can now be sung with a different part of the anatomy...


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> MrsLMB!  Reminds me of the kids' song
> do your ears hang low - YouTube
> 
> At my age this song can now be sung with a different part of the anatomy...


I've sung that one. It seemed funnier when I was younger, when the answer was "no".


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I did check too


----------



## Zereh

hahah Lotsa great ones today!!

Please tell me I'm not the only one to try and verify that earlobe factoid ...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

That's kind of how my brain always is at bed time. Although it's not always questions about penguins. Sometimes it's questions okapis.


----------



## Kylie1969

Duck walks into a bar. Says to the bar tender, "I'd like to buy some peanuts." Bar tender says, "Sorry, don't sell peanuts." The duck leaves.

Next day, duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts." Bar tender replies, "I already told you I don't sell peanuts!" The duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "I want to buy some peanuts!" Bar tender yells back, "I told you, I don't sell peanuts! If you ask one more time, I'll nail you to the wall!" So the duck leaves.

Next day, the duck walks into the bar, "Do you have any nails?" Bar tender says, "Sorry, don't have nails." Duck asks, "Do you have any peanuts?"


----------



## Kylie1969

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large." Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, "We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows." The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, "And what are those?" The Aussie, fed up with the Texan's bragging replies with an incredulous look, "What, don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas?"


 
 Kylie you certainly come up with some really good ones.


----------



## Kylie1969

Thank you Ads


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


>


 
Teddy does this as soon as he sees the large lawn outside our property. Spike has to drag him the whole length until they get to the blacktop. Only he is on his belly with legs outstretched. To him it is a game he likes to play with Spike. Not so much for Spike!


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny Ads...it is funny how some dogs just dont feel up for a walk sometimes...like us I guess


----------



## taxlady

A Newfoundlander was visiting a Texan. The Texan was bragging about how big his ranch was. "See all that land, it's mine. I could get in my truck and drive for three days and barely get all the way around it." The Newfoundlander replied, "I have a truck like that."


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> A Newfoundlander was visiting a Texan. The Texan was bragging about how big his ranch was. "See all that land, it's mine. I could get in my truck and drive for three days and barely get all the way around it." The Newfoundlander replied, "I have a truck like that."


 
 Good One!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



I just got Shrek with that.


----------



## Dawgluver

My first boyfriend:


View attachment 18320


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18321


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> My first boyfriend:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18320



Mine looked like that, too...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


>



Thanks.  Now all I can think of is BACON!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> A Newfoundlander ...



My BIL was just up to PEI on business.  Got schooled in how to pronouce "NewFOUNDland".   I think he was saying it "Newfinland".  He means well, but he butchers a lot of words.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

All!



View attachment 18337

Take that, Tardur!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

So funny


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

ROFL


----------



## bakechef

So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.

I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.  

I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm.  I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...


----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny BC


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.
> 
> I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.
> 
> I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm.  I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Eeeeeee! Turtle.


----------



## Addie

bakechef said:


> So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.
> 
> I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.
> 
> I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm. I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...


 
 Thanks I needed a good laugh just about now.


----------



## bakechef

Addie said:


> Thanks I needed a good laugh just about now.



You are welcome!


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Kylie1969

Zereh said:


>



Awww, I love it


----------



## taxlady

Thirsty cat.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

bakechef said:


> So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.
> 
> I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.
> 
> I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm.  I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...



  You know what's even funnier than that story bakechef?  The fact that it isn't a joke someone came up with, it's real life!  That scares me.  After all, people like her can still vote and procreate.   Thanks for sharing!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> You know what's even funnier than that story bakechef?  The fact that it isn't a joke someone came up with, it's real life!  That scares me.  After all,* people like her can still vote and procreate.*   Thanks for sharing!


Mwahaha.


----------



## Andy M.

bakechef said:


> So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.
> 
> I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.
> 
> I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm.  I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...



You showed remarkable restraint.


----------



## bakechef

Cooking Goddess said:


> You know what's even funnier than that story bakechef?  The fact that it isn't a joke someone came up with, it's real life!  That scares me.  After all, people like her can still vote and procreate.   Thanks for sharing!



And she likely DROVE herself there!


----------



## bakechef

Andy M. said:


> You showed remarkable restraint.




Thanks.

Although sometimes I think that I am holding back the sarcasm when I'm really not....


----------



## Dawgluver

For our medical professionals:


View attachment 18348


----------



## tinlizzie

Cooking Goddess said:


> You know what's even funnier than that story bakechef?  The fact that it isn't a joke someone came up with, it's real life!  That scares me.  After all, people like her can still vote and procreate.   Thanks for sharing!



On behalf of my fellow SOWs (silly old women), I thank you for your kindness.

You just wait.


----------



## Aunt Bea

bakechef said:


> So yesterday at work a lady brought over a loaf of bread and asked "is this the day the bread was baked or the day it expires?" After a short pause, she said "this says July 26th and today is July 24th" It was actually the 25th.
> 
> I'm not sure if this lady thinks that we can travel to the future to make bread or what, but she didn't think that there was anything wrong with her question.
> 
> I had to just smile, and tell her it was the expiration date, because if I had said anymore, it would have been pure sarcasm.  I'm not completely sure that I escaped sarcasm with those few words...



I always think these people are sent to test me, some days I pass, some days I fail! 

You passed!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> For our medical professionals:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18348



I so want to do this!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I so want to do this!!!



  Me too!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Me too!



'specially since I just got my bill for a chest x-ray.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Dawgluver

I prefer Coke Zero:

View attachment 18350


----------



## Cooking Goddess

tinlizzie said:


> On behalf of my fellow SOWs (silly old women), I thank you for your kindness.
> 
> You just wait.



I've already got two feet into my 60s.   Fortunately, all my brain burps have been around Himself, not in public.  So far...

I've given strict instructions to our daughter that if I get like my Mom (who had serious short-term memory loss due to an OR "oops" during bypass surgery) she is to go walking with me deep into the woods, turn, and run like hell!   Thank goodness she is the good child.


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> I've already got two feet into my 60s.  Fortunately, all my brain burps have been around Himself, not in public. So far...
> 
> I've given strict instructions to our daughter that if I get like my Mom (who had serious short-term memory loss due to an OR "oops" during bypass surgery) she is to go walking with me deep into the woods, turn, and run like hell!  Thank goodness she is the good child.


 
 I told Spike I want the least expensive funeral and burial possible. So he said he will make arrangements for the dumpster truck to pick me up on a Thursday. Trash day! I just have to die on a Wednesday night. What a loving son!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kylie1969 said:


>



When suddenly WHAT?  The bottom of the image got cut off Kylie.  Or am I supposed to "fill in the blank"?


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> When suddenly WHAT?  The bottom of the image got cut off Kylie.  Or am I supposed to "fill in the blank"?


I think the "when suddenly" is that all these doggies showed up.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> I told Spike I want the least expensive funeral and burial possible. So he said he will make arrangements for the dumpster truck to pick me up on a Thursday. Trash day! I just have to die on a Wednesday night. What a loving son!



My father-in-law would tell us to put him on a bag at the curb for pick-up on trash day.  Never made any plans or told us what to do - OR where anything we would need was!  He was gonna live forever.  Didn't.  Getting things together was rough on Himself and his sister.  Although SIL lived in FL too, about 200 miles from Dad, she was a basket case.  She always is at any funeral.  Won't even be going to her own.  Loverly already knows pretty much how we want it to go, and when we move back home she'll know where everything is.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

This one would be funnier, I think, if bread were replaced with bacon.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> I've already got two feet into my 60s.   Fortunately, all my brain burps have been around Himself, not in public.  So far...
> 
> I've given strict instructions to our daughter that if I get like my Mom (who had serious short-term memory loss due to an OR "oops" during bypass surgery) she is to go walking with me deep into the woods, turn, and run like hell!   Thank goodness she is the good child.



Shrek has asked me to do the same thing...

This is "Life With Shrek"


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I think the "when suddenly" is that all these doggies showed up.


 
Like you, the doggies are waiting for the "what" also. Look at the expressions on their faces. Mouths open, along with wide eyes.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I think the "when suddenly" is that all these doggies showed up.



That's what it's like at work when I eat lunch, swap out the dog on the left for a shi-tzu and the chocolate lab for an Australian Shepard.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I promised Shrek I would buy Hefty Bags instead of using store brand...actually it's all set I have both of our urns in the closet, we picked them out.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I promised Shrek I would buy Hefty Bags instead of using store brand...actually it's all set I have both of our urns in the closet, we picked them out.



The new bags are fortified, and can really stretch and hold a lot of body, er, I mean stuff.  Cremation is a wonderful thing.  Makes one so portable.  Just make sure the crematory's burners are in good working order so there are no big chunks left.  You want a texture of whole wheat flour.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> The new bags are fortified, and can really stretch and hold a lot of body, er, I mean stuff.  Cremation is a wonderful thing.  Makes one so portable.  Just make sure the crematory's burners are in good working order so there are no big chunks left.  You want a texture of whole wheat flour.



Yes, we have it all set up and prepaid.  We decided we wanted it all taken care of in case something happened, since we are so far away from family.  I also like the idea that it's all covered if Shrek goes before I do, I won't have to deal with the details.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yes, we have it all set up and prepaid.  We decided we wanted it all taken care of in case something happened, since we are so far away from family.  I also like the idea that it's all covered if Shrek goes before I do, I won't have to deal with the details.



Perfect.  The only way to go, IMHO.


----------



## taxlady

A friend of mine was extremely relieved, when her mother died, that her parents had arranged everything ahead of time.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I did the funeral prearrangements for my aunt when she was in a nursing home and "spending down" her assets before Medicare kicked in.  I was surprised how much fun it can be when you aren't under duress!  Not only that, but the DIL f the owner was also a lawyer and advised that I give Auntie T. a good sendoff...so that we spend HER money on HER instead of ending up with the government.  She's not there anymore, she's lawyering now.  Hope her hubby is as smart when we go to take care of our business.


----------



## Dawgluver

The best time I had with Baby Bro and the Evil Thing (my sister) on the trip from Hell was when we sprinkled Mom around the lake where we spent our summers.  No spouses or children allowed.  And the three of us all have a sick, twisted sense of humor.  It was a blast!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> The best time I had with Baby Bro and the Evil Thing (my sister) on the trip from Hell was when we sprinkled Mom around the lake where we spent our summers.  No spouses or children allowed.  And the three of us all have a sick, twisted sense of humor.  It was a blast!



I think I share that sense of humor.

Shrek and I both want to be sprinkled in the same place, but he has to wait for me so we are sprinkled together.  We both spent our childhoods in the same spot, at different times.  Baby Brother knows the exact spot, he spent his childhood there at a different time, too.  He is willing to bend the laws to sprinkle us in the right place.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I think I share that sense of humor.
> 
> Shrek and I both want to be sprinkled in the same place, but he has to wait for me so we are sprinkled together.  We both spent our childhoods in the same spot, at different times.  Baby Brother knows the exact spot, he spent his childhood there at a different time, too.  He is willing to bend the laws to sprinkle us in the right place.



I saved a bit of Mom in her baggie following previous sprinkling, and also saved $450, by sprinkling some of her around her newly laid flat headstone that was laid by her parents.  We did have the whole fam damily, including cousins, sisters and my aunt, along with Mom's  grandchildren, who got to witness the final sprinkle.  We did have a tough time locating her marker, but thankfully, the cemetery was not well patrolled.  In fact, it was dead.


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> I saved a bit of Mom in her baggie following previous sprinkling, and also saved $450, by sprinkling some of her around her newly laid flat headstone that was laid by her parents.  We did have the whole fam damily, including cousins, sisters and my aunt, along with Mom's  grandchildren, who got to witness the final sprinkle.  We did have a tough time locating her marker, but thankfully, the cemetery was not well patrolled.  In fact, it was dead.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I saved a bit of Mom in her baggie following previous sprinkling, and also saved $450, by sprinkling some of her around her newly laid flat headstone that was laid by her parents.  We did have the whole fam damily, including cousins, sisters and my aunt, along with Mom's  grandchildren, who got to witness the final sprinkle.  We did have a tough time locating her marker, but thankfully, the cemetery was not well patrolled.  In fact, it was dead.



ROFL!!!  

That's worse than the remark I made about the ash...


----------



## Kylie1969

Cooking Goddess said:


> When suddenly WHAT?  The bottom of the image got cut off Kylie.  Or am I supposed to "fill in the blank"?



When suddenly, there are a heap of dogs staring at me is what I gather...that is the complete image


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!!
> 
> That's worse than the remark I made about the ash...



No it's not.

Thank you!  I'll be here all week, please remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> No it's not.
> 
> Thank you!  I'll be here all week, please remember to tip your bartenders and waitresses!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kylie1969 said:


> When suddenly, there are a heap of dogs staring at me is what I gather...that is the complete image



Oh, you mean I have to use my imagination?   OK, thanks.  Guess I didn't think dogs were that keen on bread.  Now had it said "I was eating a piece of steak..."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek got "cat snubbed" several times last night and again this morning.  And he wonders why the cats don't follow him around.


----------



## Dawgluver

For our Nutella fans:


View attachment 18360

And just 'cause it cracked me up, and I'm in the moooood for nursery rhymes:

View attachment 18361


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!!

Yeah, I've been caught like that cat...


----------



## Addie

Kylie1969 said:


> When suddenly, there are a heap of dogs staring at me is what I gather...that is the complete image


 
Think folks,  think. You are watching a murder mystery. Just as the dastardly villain is about to do the young damsel in, and approaching is her hero who is going to try and save her if it is not too late, you have to wait until next week. What expression would you have on your face? One of disbelief!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie, I just couldn't believe the dogs would be that interested in toast.  Toast!  I've been had by a number of dogs over my lifetime and I never knew one that liked toast like that.  Now if the food was beef jerky....


----------



## Kylie1969

I have known dogs that are interested in anything and everything


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## chopper

Kylie1969 said:


>



Ditto!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## chopper

Cooking Goddess said:


> Addie, I just couldn't believe the dogs would be that interested in toast.  Toast!  I've been had by a number of dogs over my lifetime and I never knew one that liked toast like that.  Now if the food was beef jerky....



My dad had a boxer that was the biggest toast eater ever.  That is what both Dad and boxer had each morning for breakfast.  They both loved it!  

We also had a dog that always wanted to eat the hamburger and hotdog buns.  He almost craved them.  It is the only thing he ever took from the counter.  I have since seen that bread is not good for dogs.  You couldn't have convinced this dog of that.


----------



## Addie

chopper said:


> My dad had a boxer that was the biggest toast eater ever. That is what both Dad and boxer had each morning for breakfast. They both loved it!
> 
> We also had a dog that always wanted to eat the hamburger and hotdog buns. He almost craved them. It is the only thing he ever took from the counter. I have since seen that bread is not good for dogs. You couldn't have convinced this dog of that.


 
I am a firm believer that animals know instinctively what is good for them and what isn't. Stick a herd of cattle out on the range and they steer clear of any loco weed. Most canines are meat eaters. But every so often you will see them eating grass or some other vegetation. Vets, like doctors don't know EVERYTHING! They do know that chemically, there are foods like chocolate that are certainly not good for a dog. But this has been learned the hard way. If a dog loves bread, I say let him have it in moderation.


----------



## chopper

Addie said:


> I am a firm believer that animals know instinctively what is good for them and what isn't. Stick a herd of cattle out on the range and they steer clear of any loco weed. Most canines are meat eaters. But every so often you will see them eating grass or some other vegetation. Vets, like doctors don't know EVERYTHING! They do know that chemically, there are foods like chocolate that are certainly not good for a dog. But this has been learned the hard way. If a dog loves bread, I say let him have it in moderation.



I know we are a bit off topic, but......

Foods That Can Be Poisonous to Pets : The Humane Society of the United States


----------



## chopper

More on topic...I wonder how safe this is for dogs?..

View attachment 18368


----------



## taxlady

I had a cat who loved chocolate cake. It was the first thing I ever caught her eating off my plate. She didn't want more than a little taste. The vet said that if she only ate a small amount, it probably wouldn't do her any harm. She lived to 15 1/2 y.o., having eaten it from her first year. It never made her puke.


----------



## Andy M.

chopper said:


> More on topic...I wonder how safe this is for dogs?..
> 
> View attachment 18368



...and the driver.


----------



## chopper

Andy M. said:


> ...and the driver.


----------



## CWS4322

chopper said:


> My dad had a boxer that was the biggest toast eater ever.  That is what both Dad and boxer had each morning for breakfast.  They both loved it!
> 
> We also had a dog that always wanted to eat the hamburger and hotdog buns.  He almost craved them.  It is the only thing he ever took from the counter.  I have since seen that bread is not good for dogs.  You couldn't have convinced this dog of that.



I trained a Saint who would do anything for toast. Another loved mini marshmallows. One of my dogs loved squash--she'd go in the compost and eat the shells. Another loved baking powder biscuits (the only time she'd counter surf). Yet another loved kale. He'd steal it off the counter when I brought it in from the garden. And yet another would raid the asparagus patch every year (I'd get the first few stalks, after that, it was a race between us to see which of us would get to the new stalks first).


----------



## chopper

CWS4322 said:


> I trained a Saint who would do anything for toast. Another loved mini marshmallows. One of my dogs loved squash--she'd go in the compost and eat the shells. Another loved baking powder biscuits (the only time she'd counter surf). Yet another loved kale. He'd steal it off the counter when I brought it in from the garden. And yet another would raid the asparagus patch every year (I'd get the first few stalks, after that, it was a race between us to see which of us would get to the new stalks first).



Funny, my bread loving dog was a Saint/Lab mix.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

chopper said:


> More on topic...I wonder how safe this is for dogs?..
> 
> View attachment 18368



Doesnt look too safe does it Chops!


----------



## Dawgluver

Octopie.  I love this:


View attachment 18397

Reminds me of Davy Jones from Pirates...


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Octopie.  I love this:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18397
> 
> Reminds me of Davy Jones from Pirates...


That's amazing. I have to try doing that some time.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Octopie.  I love this:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18397
> 
> Reminds me of Davy Jones from Pirates...



I thought it looked more like Cthulhu...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I thought it looked more like Cthulhu...



Yes, that's it!  (What the heck is Cthulhu?)

Ha!  Looked it up, H.P. Lovecraft.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Yes, that's it!  (What the heck is Cthulhu?)
> 
> Ha!  Looked it up, H.P. Lovecraft.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cool!  Not exactly like the octopi I usually see...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

He's not an octopi...


----------



## Dawgluver

Awww.  He's adorable!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Love Takai!


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>


----------



## taxlady

For Cooking Goddess and Dawgluver


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> For Cooking Goddess and Dawgluver



Awww, thanks Taxy!


----------



## Addie

My heroine! I just love Maxine. We think alike.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

chopper said:


> My dad had a boxer that was the biggest toast eater ever.  That is what both Dad and boxer had each morning for breakfast.  They both loved it!
> 
> We also had a dog that always wanted to eat the hamburger and hotdog buns.  He almost craved them.  It is the only thing he ever took from the counter.  I have since seen that bread is not good for dogs.  You couldn't have convinced this dog of that.



I should have figured there would be toast-loving dogs.  My FIL had a little fluff-ball that loved cantaloupe and carrots!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> ...They do know that chemically, there are foods like chocolate that are certainly not good for a dog. But this has been learned the hard way....



Sometimes I wonder how right the experts are though.  My aunt used to put out an Easter display every year when I was a kid - plastic grass all over the coffee table, then all kinds of molded chocolates in bunnies and crosses and ducks.  We went out for the day, only to return and find out the dog had done a real number on all that chocolate - most of it was gone and never found.  Well, until Buttons threw some up.  But she never got sick-sick and lived for ages after that chocolate binge.  Heck, that much chocolate in one sitting would have killed me!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


>



That's why I use the stuff in the box!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> For Cooking Goddess and Dawgluver



Aw, thanks!  Thinking of prepping some ingredients for soft tacos Friday - I want to go blow the day away but still eat a cheap meal at home.  Besides, Thursday will be grocery day and I'm stocking up on limes to go with my new bottle of tequila and a nearly full bottle of triple sec.    Gonna partay on Friday like I'm...taxy!   Oh wait...


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> For Cooking Goddess and Dawgluver



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB

Need help waking up ???

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIyQn9jRjP8&feature=player_embedded


----------



## Addie

I can understand practical jokes that bring on laughter. But when someone is hurt or property is destroyed, I fail to see the humor. My family has learned the hard way to never pull crap like that on me. It is very hard to live in the same house and have someone like your mother or wife stop talking at all. And I mean to everyone. Not just the culprit. The whole household pays dearly.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> That's why I use the stuff in the box!


I was thinking something similar.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I so love that Mrs L


----------



## Dawgluver

I can do this....

View attachment 18401


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I can do this....
> 
> View attachment 18401


Oh dear. I have done similar.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> Need help waking up ???
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIyQn9jRjP8&feature=player_embedded



HOW much alcohol was involved in the plotting of those wake-up plans?  It's evident that lots of them had to be inspired by drunkenness. 

However, there may be a couple I can employ the next time Himself is hugging the pillow a bit too long.  Snowball fight anyone?


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Kylie1969

They have seen better days


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


>



That's what plants that come to my house look like!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

This is says it all (given that I've been cleaning all week since I have house guests arriving later today):


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> HOW much alcohol was involved in the plotting of those wake-up plans?  It's evident that lots of them had to be inspired by drunkenness.
> 
> However, there may be a couple I can employ the next time Himself is hugging the pillow a bit too long.  Snowball fight anyone?


I wonder how many people were killed or seriously injured pulling those stunts. Obviously, if the video taker got killed, the video wouldn't be as likely to get posted.

I would never trust the person again.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I wonder how many people were killed or seriously injured pulling those stunts. Obviously, if the video taker got killed, the video wouldn't be as likely to get posted.
> 
> I would never trust the person again.


 
I wouldn't even trust the person who thinks they are funny.


----------



## MrsLMB

taxlady said:


> I wonder how many people were killed or seriously injured pulling those stunts. Obviously, if the video taker got killed, the video wouldn't be as likely to get posted.
> 
> I would never trust the person again.


 


Addie said:


> I wouldn't even trust the person who thinks they are funny.


 
Ok ok.  I did  - and still do - think it is a funny video.

I agree that some people do get hurt doing stupid things and that is not funny.

I am also not on the receiving end of the pranks.

I have been on the receiving end of pranks in the past and didn't like it.

However .. life goes on .. and I still have a sense of humor and I think it was at least giggle worthy.

This is the jokes section, not the disect and tear apart section.

So for those of you who are offended .. I apologize .. let's just read on and drop it ok?


----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


> Ok ok. I did - and still do - think it is a funny video.
> 
> I agree that some people do get hurt doing stupid things and that is not funny.
> 
> I am also not on the receiving end of the pranks.
> 
> I have been on the receiving end of pranks in the past and didn't like it.
> 
> However .. life goes on .. and I still have a sense of humor and I think it was at least giggle worthy.
> 
> This is the jokes section, not the disect and tear apart section.
> 
> So for those of you who are offended .. I apologize .. let's just read on and drop it ok?


 
 I apologize. My bad!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



I concur


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Yes, but how did you know?


----------



## taxlady

YouTube is almost as bad as an encyclopedia.


----------



## bakechef

MrsLMB said:


>



Rob gets sucked into YouTube, I've seen him spend an entire Saturday watching it on the TV!

Sometimes I'll show him a video and at the end a bunch of related videos come up, he'll say, "what's that? Click on it" and I have to say no, or we'll get sucked in!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Good one


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




Shrek agrees with this one...


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I was at Sprout's house for dinner when my 3 y/o (almost 4!) niece got a piece of fringe from her mama's scarf stuck on a table leg. As I was trying to help her get it unstuck I asked, "What'd you do kiddo?" She responded, "I don't know adult."

Made Sprout and I chuckle.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I was at Sprout's house for dinner when my 3 y/o (almost 4!) niece got a piece of fringe from her mama's scarf stuck on a table leg. As I was trying to help her get it unstuck I asked, "What'd you do kiddo?" She responded, "I don't know adult."
> 
> Made Sprout and I chuckle.



Shrek and I are cracking up...  That's priceless!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Shrek and I are cracking up...  That's priceless!



+1!  Sweet!


----------



## taxlady

This has had me giggling since yesterday. I understand it takes place in Finland.
LiveLeak.com - Deer Gets Sucker Punched (comments)


----------



## Kathleen

I saw this on a placard:

Anyone who thinks I do not exercise has obviously never witnessed me pulling on a pair of jeans fresh from a hot dryer.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kathleen said:


> I saw this on a placard:
> 
> Anyone who thinks I do not exercise has obviously never witnessed me pulling on a pair of jeans fresh from a hot dryer.



ROFL!!!!!


----------



## Kylie1969

Kathleen said:


> I saw this on a placard:
> 
> Anyone who thinks I do not exercise has obviously never witnessed me pulling on a pair of jeans fresh from a hot dryer.



So funny Kathleen


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

LOL!!


----------



## MrsLMB

This is me !!!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kathleen

Love it.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 18426


----------



## Zhizara

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 18426




Thanks.  Laghing out loud!!  Honest!

Thanks Dawg!  XOXOXox

Good, healthy, hearty, laugh!


Sally


----------



## Dawgluver

Zhizara said:


> Thanks.  Laghing out loud!!  Honest!
> 
> Thanks Dawg!  XOXOXox
> 
> Good, healthy, hearty, laugh!
> 
> Sally



Thanks sweetie!  Cracked me up too!


----------



## Zhizara

You're doing great lately!  Keep up the good work!


----------



## Dawgluver

Zhizara said:


> You're doing great lately!  Keep up the good work!



  You too!  So glad you're feeling better!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:



Gee, thanks Dawg.  NOW when I go to cut up Himself's scallions for salads I'll remember this!  How can I cut a vegetable that does "the dip"?  AND wears a beret?


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Cooking Goddess

I think it's fair to say this goes for ALL the married ladies here.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Dawgluver

Good stuff guys!

Awww, another Takei:



View attachment 18427


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

I could have written this:


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kylie1969 said:


>


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Me too taxy!  I always say I am a PRO at PROcrastinating!  Like now...


----------



## Kylie1969

Cooking Goddess said:


>



It's a good one isn't it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Heh.  My math section is much smaller:


View attachment 18438

Thankfully, not a unibrowser:


View attachment 18439


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> Heh.  My math section is much smaller:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18438



My science section takes over the math...the rest is about right...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My science section takes over the math...the rest is about right...



 I knew you could relate, PF!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I knew you could relate, PF!



Last time I get a CT scan at Wal-mart...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Last time I get a CT scan at Wal-mart...



Huh.  Didn't know they had them, will check it out!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Perhaps this belongs in Monday's dinner thread:


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My science section takes over the math...the rest is about right...


 
I don't have a math section.


----------



## taxlady

I think my math section has shrunk. It used to be huge.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I think my math section has shrunk. It used to be huge.



My math section still counts on it's toes.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh, no, Barbie, please say it ain't so!


View attachment 18448


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## Kylie1969

*Jumping on the bed*

A 56-year-old woman is at home happily jumping on her bed and squealing with delight. Her husband watches her for a while and then asks, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look? What’s the matter with you?”

The woman continues to bounce on the bed and says, “I don't care, I just came from having a mammogram and the doctor says I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.”

The husband says, “What did he say about your 56-year-old bum?” 

“Your name never came up,” she replied


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



Arg!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## bakechef

Kylie1969 said:


>



So so true.

I often think about how much smaller my world was before Google!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's a good one MrsL!  For me there is about a 2-3 hour gap between "upright" and "functional".


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> That's a good one MrsL!  For me there is about a 2-3 hour gap between "upright" and "functional".



+1...


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



ROFL


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Arg!


I have a neighbour who doesn't think pirates are funny at all. She's retired and when she vacations it is usually as a nurse with Doctors Without Borders or as a nurse on a freighter. She has fought off pirates twice since I've known her.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

this is funny?


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> this is funny?





What's funny?  I forgot....


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18457


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> What's funny?



Hmmm??


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 18457



I know that feeling...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I know that feeling...



I don't know how they got that picture of me in the dressing room.  I'll have to contact Management.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


>



  Dawg, where did you find a picture of Himself?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> this is funny?



Having a bad memory isn't so bad when you can't remember you have a bad memory.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Kylie1969

That is so funny CG


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Yeah right


----------



## taxlady

Another one from George Takei:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Exactly...really don't want to carry that heavy, hard butt around.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969

Awwww


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> this is funny?


 
 I am sorry. I just can never find humor in anything that even remotely addresses Alzheimer's. I see it at it very worst every time I go to Winthrop.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> I am sorry. I just can never find humor in anything that even remotely addresses Alzheimer's. I see it at it very worst every time I go to Winthrop.



I work with Dementia and Alzheimer's on a daily basis, I have to laugh...if I don't I cry.  Crying caregivers are not good caregivers.  And if you think I laugh AT my patients, you have another think coming.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## bakechef

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I work with Dementia and Alzheimer's on a daily basis, I have to laugh...if I don't I cry.  Crying caregivers are not good caregivers.  And if you think I laugh AT my patients, you have another think coming.



My family goes with the flow with the goofy stuff that comes out of my grandmother's mouth.  Instead of correcting her and causing her stress, they just agree with her and keep her smiling.  

We're lucky, she still has some lucid moments.  Last week my aunt took her out to lunch, she told the waitress that she was 51, my aunt just giggled and told the waitress "she looks good doesn't she" which made my grandmother very happy.  I responded to my aunt "well the good news is that she's finally admitting to being in her 50's", she's 91...

She's (hopefully) coming to the wedding and she's quite excited.  Who knows how lucid she'll be, but she'll be happy to be around so many people.  She's quite the celebrity at her assisted living center.


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I work with Dementia and Alzheimer's on a daily basis, I have to laugh...if I don't I cry. Crying caregivers are not good caregivers. And if you think I laugh AT my patients, you have another think coming.


 
Believe me, I don't. But my heart breaks every time I am faced with it. There is a couple in Winthrop. The husband was the first patient. He goes there every day because it was getting to difficult for his wife to care for him 24/7. Now she too is an Alzheimer patient. And he doesn't even know her anymore. He has  progressed to where he is in the section behind locked doors. And each morning when the van brings her, she heads straight for that door so she can spend her days with him. This couple are in their 80's and have been married for more than 50 years. On weekends when there is no daycare for the wife, she stays with her daughter and they both spend their weekend visiting the husband. 

You know PF, when I worked at the Revere Mem. Hosp. sometimes auto crash victims were brought in DOA as to the closest hospital and needed a doctor to make the pronouncement. You stand back and bring down that veil that stands between you and the family as they say their last goodbyes. I even was able to wrap up stillborn babies with an attitude of professionalism. But for some reason I can't seem to do that when it comes to Alzheimer's. I think it is the cruelest joke God has played on mankind. It is a disease that destroys all hope for the future of its victims.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Way before they were cool...


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> I am sorry. I just can never find humor in anything that even remotely addresses Alzheimer's. I see it at it very worst every time I go to Winthrop.



Over here on the radio lately, we are hearing about several new things they have found that can cause Alzheimer's...one is sugar and the other is if you used to binge drink as an adolescent....apparently, with the binge drinking in your youth, that can effect you before you even reach 65 years of age

I am a bit concerned now, as I was one of those teenage binge drinkers...I knew there was the possibility it may come back to haunt me 

I have also recently heard that by having 2 cups of hot chocolate or hot cocoa a day can help put off the effects of the disease...it is something to do with the cocoa


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> My family goes with the flow with the goofy stuff that comes out of my grandmother's mouth.  Instead of correcting her and causing her stress, they just agree with her and keep her smiling.
> 
> We're lucky, she still has some lucid moments.  Last week my aunt took her out to lunch, she told the waitress that she was 51, my aunt just giggled and told the waitress "she looks good doesn't she" which made my grandmother very happy.  I responded to my aunt "well the good news is that she's finally admitting to being in her 50's", she's 91...
> 
> She's (hopefully) coming to the wedding and she's quite excited.  Who knows how lucid she'll be, but she'll be happy to be around so many people.  She's quite the celebrity at her assisted living center.



They say some of the best things.  So much fun when patients are just confused and out there, sad when they become angry and aggressive, but usually we can get them to enjoy most of their day.

I'd much rather be demented or have Alzheimer's than have a stroke and be unable to speak or make my needs known.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> Believe me, I don't. But my heart breaks every time I am faced with it. There is a couple in Winthrop. The husband was the first patient. He goes there every day because it was getting to difficult for his wife to care for him 24/7. Now she too is an Alzheimer patient. And he doesn't even know her anymore. He has  progressed to where he is in the section behind locked doors. And each morning when the van brings her, she heads straight for that door so she can spend her days with him. This couple are in their 80's and have been married for more than 50 years. On weekends when there is no daycare for the wife, she stays with her daughter and they both spend their weekend visiting the husband.
> 
> You know PF, when I worked at the Revere Mem. Hosp. sometimes auto crash victims were brought in DOA as to the closest hospital and needed a doctor to make the pronouncement. You stand back and bring down that veil that stands between you and the family as they say their last goodbyes. I even was able to wrap up stillborn babies with an attitude of professionalism. But for some reason I can't seem to do that when it comes to Alzheimer's. I think it is the cruelest joke God has played on mankind. It is a disease that destroys all hope for the future of its victims.



But Addie, it sounds like you are censuring me for laughing instead of crying over something that has been a VERY large impact on my life.  It was Alzheimer's Patients that made me want to go into nursing.  And even they will tell you that laughter is the best and sometimes only way to cope.


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> My family goes with the flow with the goofy stuff that comes out of my grandmother's mouth.  Instead of correcting her and causing her stress, they just agree with her and keep her smiling.
> 
> We're lucky, she still has some lucid moments.  Last week my aunt took her out to lunch, she told the waitress that she was 51, my aunt just giggled and told the waitress "she looks good doesn't she" which made my grandmother very happy.  I responded to my aunt "well the good news is that she's finally admitting to being in her 50's", she's 91...
> 
> She's (hopefully) coming to the wedding and she's quite excited.  Who knows how lucid she'll be, but she'll be happy to be around so many people.  She's quite the celebrity at her assisted living center.



Endearing, Bakechef!

Having worked at the local nursing home when I was a teen, I remember the sweet old gal who would strip naked and gleefully run out the side door through the wheat field (we always caught her), old Wild Billl, who had a "surprise" for any pretty young thing he would happen to brush up next to, and many others who I was entrusted to feed and help.  I loved them all.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> They say some of the best things.  So much fun when patients are just confused and out there, sad when they become angry and aggressive, but usually we can get them to enjoy most of their day.
> 
> I'd much rather be demented or have Alzheimer's than have a stroke and be unable to speak or make my needs known.



+1...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> I have a neighbour who doesn't think pirates are funny at all. She's retired and when she vacations it is usually as a nurse with Doctors Without Borders or as a nurse on a freighter. She has fought off pirates twice since I've known her.



I agree that real pirates aren't funny.  The captain of that ship captured a year or two ago is from somewhere up here in MA or NH or something. Even if you didn't know him you were still concerned for his safety and that of his crew.  But cartoon pirates are cute, right?  And make-believe ones, like the folks that founded "Talk Like A Pirate Day".  

I have total admiration for your friend who "vacations" by ministering to others.  She's a good one.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## bakechef

PrincessFiona60 said:


> They say some of the best things.  So much fun when patients are just confused and out there, sad when they become angry and aggressive, but usually we can get them to enjoy most of their day.
> 
> I'd much rather be demented or have Alzheimer's than have a stroke and be unable to speak or make my needs known.



For us it's sad, but for her it may be the best thing.  She's always dreaded getting old, she's never looked or acted her age.  My family has previous experience with Alzheimers so that helps. Her assisted living is a very good place, in the town that she grew up in, so when she had to move there, there were lots of familiar faces.  It's also a nursing home/skilled care facility for when she needs more care, so the transition should be easy.


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> Endearing, Bakechef!
> 
> Having worked at the local nursing home when I was a teen, I remember the sweet old gal who would strip naked and gleefully run out the side door through the wheat field (we always caught her), old Wild Billl, who had a "surprise" for any pretty young thing he would happen to brush up next to, and many others who I was entrusted to feed and help.  I loved them all.



During my junior year in high school, I would take care of my great grandmother over night. My grandmother (the one now in assisted living) didn't want to put her mother in a nursing home, so she would hire a day nurse, she would stay with her in the evening then either me or my brother would spend the night with her.  Many an evening I'd get woken by her scuffing around, totally naked....  Or I'd wake up to her playing the piano at 2 am.  At this point she really didn't know who anyone was except her daughter, but she never forgot how to play that piano.  When she finally went to the nursing home, the family donated the piano to the home and she continued to play.  She stayed mobile, on her feet until she was 98, she died at 99.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Alzheimer's is harder on family and loved ones than it is on the victim.  That being said...I'm on my way to work, a place where I am a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter to many folks who love me just because I am there.  And I love them all whether they have been streaking in the halls or they are having a bad day.  At the end of my day I get to come home, they OTOH live there.


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Alzheimer's is harder on family and loved ones than it is on the victim.  That being said...I'm on my way to work, a place where I am a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter to many folks who love me just because I am there.  And I love them all whether they have been streaking in the halls or they are having a bad day.  At the end of my day I get to come home, they OTOH live there.



People like you are heroes to me, PF. I've had more than my share of nursing care and the good ones are a treasure.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Alzheimer's is harder on family and loved ones than it is on the victim.  That being said...I'm on my way to work, a place where I am a sister, a daughter, a granddaughter to many folks who love me just because I am there.  And I love them all whether they have been streaking in the halls or they are having a bad day.  At the end of my day I get to come home, they OTOH live there.


+1
Dementia of all kinds is very hard on the family. I live with the fear that I will be like my mom s/day.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Oh I like that, MrsLMB!


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 18483


----------



## Addie

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 18483


 
At Revere Beach you can find hundreds of old women like this that wear the skimpiest of bathing suits. As soon as the sun shines sometime in early May they are down there getting their tan. By the middle of September they all look like a piece of tanned cow hide. And the men aren't much better. In their late 60's with a paunch belly that reaches their knees. They strut around wearing a Speedo. Unfortunately you can't see it though because their paunch hides it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> Endearing, Bakechef!
> 
> Having worked at the local nursing home when I was a teen, I remember the sweet old gal who would strip naked and gleefully run out the side door through the wheat field (we always caught her), old Wild Billl, who had a "surprise" for any pretty young thing he would happen to brush up next to, and many others who I was entrusted to feed and help.  I loved them all.



I guess every nursing home has a "Pincher"?  I also worked at a nursing home as a teen and yup, we had one.  Then there was Bridget, who didn't like the vowels in her alphabet soup.  I had to hold my hand out and take them as she plucked them from her mouth.  *sigh*  I don't remember any nudists, but then again the nursing home is run by the Sisters of the Holy Spirit.  I'm sure they have some nun-type way of keeping the residents in check.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


>



Uh, yup!  "Feed me!  Feed me NOW!" when my serotonin levels start to drop.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> At Revere Beach you can find hundreds of old women like this that wear the skimpiest of bathing suits. As soon as the sun shines sometime in early May they are down there getting their tan. By the middle of September they all look like a piece of tanned cow hide. And the men aren't much better. In their late 60's with a paunch belly that reaches their knees. They strut around wearing a Speedo. Unfortunately you can't see it though because their paunch hides it.



Be very grateful that Revere Beach isn't like Florida's Playalinda Beach, parking lot 13.  That's the nudist stretch on the Cape Canaveral National Seashore.   At least the beach in Florida attracts young, tanned swimmers.


----------



## Kylie1969

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 18483



Love it


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

That is true


----------



## Dawgluver

This one is cute:

View attachment 18486

This one is NOT cute:

View attachment 18487

I'm OK with spiders, it's clowns that scare me!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Love it.


----------



## taxlady

Earworm.


----------



## Kathleen

That is awesome, Taxlady.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Earworm.



Wonderful, now I'll be singing that wrong all night.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Wonderful, now I'll be singing that wrong all night.


That's why I called it an earworm.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> That's why I called it an earworm.


 
If there is no objection 'earworm' is going to be added to my vocabulary. I just love it. Fits perfectly.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> If there is no objection 'earworm' is going to be added to my vocabulary. I just love it. Fits perfectly.


No objection. I didn't invent the term, but, it's a good one, eh?


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> No objection. I didn't invent the term, but, it's a good one, eh?


 
It sure is.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady

I guess this is for teachers.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

I think this would make a great girls-night-in invitation


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> I guess this is for teachers.



 is right!  

 Hmm, maybe for college students.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I guess this is for teachers.



I'm on my way to stock up!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I guess this is for teachers.



Maybe it's for stay at home parents...


----------



## Dawgluver

Too many good lols^^

Have a seat....

View attachment 18488


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Maybe it's for stay at home parents...



First year our son went to college (Arizona State, 2100 miles from home, soon to be 2700 when we moved) Himself could not get vacation to go along.  I took the boy and his twin sister (who was going to a local college and would share driving on the return trip) and Dad kept company with Jim.  Jim Beam.  He felt no pain.   Well, not till the next day.


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>



Love it


----------



## taxlady

I saw this on Facebook:





*Bette Sherman* 
Teachers'  hefty salaries are driving up taxes, and they only work 9 or  10 months a  year! It's time we put thing in perspective and pay them  for what they  do - babysit! We can get that for minimum wage. That's  right. Let's give  them $3.00 an hour and only the hours they worked;  not any of that  silly planning time, or any time they  spend before or  after school. That ...would be $19.50 a day (7:45  to......... 3:00 PM  with 45 min. off for lunch and plan-- that equals 6  1/2 hours). Each  parent should pay $19.50 a day for these teachers to  baby-sit their  children. Now how many students do they teach in a  day...maybe 30? So  that's $19.50 x 30 = $585.00 a day. However, remember  they only work  180 days a year!!! I am not going to pay them for any  vacations. LET'S  SEE.... That's $585 X 180= $105,300 per year. (Hold on!  My calculator  needs new batteries).What about those special education  teachers and  the ones with Master's degrees? Well, we could pay them  minimum wage  ($7.75), and just to be fair, round it off to $8.00 an  hour. That would  be $8 X 6 1/2 hours X 30 children X 180 days = $280,800  per year. Wait  a minute -- there's something wrong here! There sure is!

 The average teacher's salary (nation wide) is $50,000. $50,000/180 days   = $277.77/per day/30 students=$9.25/6.5 hours = $1.42 per hour per   student--a very inexpensive baby-sitter and they even EDUCATE your   kids!) WHAT A DEAL!!!!

 Heaven forbid we take into account highly qualified teachers or NCLB...

 Make a teacher smile; re-post this to show appreciation  all you out there!


----------



## Dawgluver

Great breakdown, Taxy!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


>


Oh dear.


----------



## Addie

Those are great Kylie. Quite a collection. Love the 'gator.


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:


> Those are great Kylie. Quite a collection. Love the 'gator.



+1

Love 'em all, guys!



View attachment 18492


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kylie1969 said:


>



Wonder if it would work on my hair.  

That "after" horse is a beauty, isn't she?  Always wanted to learn to ride but I'm afraid after my weight gain since moving the horse would ask ME to put the saddle on.


----------



## Dawgluver

A FB friend is having a Gary Larson moment again:


View attachment 18493


----------



## Kylie1969

Addie said:


> Those are great Kylie. Quite a collection. Love the 'gator.



Thanks Ads


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> A FB friend is having a Gary Larson moment again:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18493


Mwahaha


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> A FB friend is having a Gary Larson moment again:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18493




Atlantic Dolphins...

If they were from the Pacific they would say "Konichiwa"

Very funny!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

And why do grocery stores rarely put the canned milk next to or nearby the pumpkin pie filling?


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> And why do grocery stores rarely put the canned milk next to or nearby the pumpkin pie filling?


 
I have to admit my store at holiday time does make sense in their placement of items. Canned milk, pie spice, and boxes of dry pie crust mix are all placed together with pie fillings. At the front of the store you will find the unsliced bread for stuffing and piles of Bell's Seasoning. There are piles of pie crust in the refrigerator area. They remove the slow selling items to make room. Oddly enough you can only buy canned pumpkin starting in October and until December 31st. I buy several small fresh sweet ones and freeze my own so I can make muffins or pumpkin bread throughout the year. I buy them after November 1st. They really drop in price then. When my kids were small, I am sorry to say they would steal them off porches and bring them home for me to cook and freeze. They were not the angelic kids I wanted. They were normal.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> .....Oddly enough you can only buy canned pumpkin starting in October and until December 31st...


I've seen it in the baking aisle of my regular store all year long. I'll use it if I want to make pumpkin bread.  Hmm, wonder why your local store doesn't have it - or maybe they put it somewhere else off-season?



Addie said:


> ....When my kids were small, I am sorry to say they would steal them (pumpkins) off porches and bring them home for me to cook and freeze. They were not the angelic kids I wanted....


Ah, but they were ahead of their time, recycling and repurposing something that could only hope for some better future than the compost pile.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I hope that is photoshopped, who would paint that baby?


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## bakechef

Cooking Goddess said:


> And why do grocery stores rarely put the canned milk next to or nearby the pumpkin pie filling?



Most stores in this neck of the woods do, it is usually on the bottom shelf of the baking aisle.  Ours goes, from left to right, sweetened condensed milk, evaporated milk, pumpkin, then canned pie fillings.

During the holidays there is always a baking display and these are always side by side.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I hope that is photoshopped, who would paint that baby?


I hope so too.


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Oh yeah, I know that feeling


----------



## medtran49

Addie said:


> When my kids were small, I am sorry to say they would steal them off porches and bring them home for me to cook and freeze. They were not the angelic kids I wanted. They were normal.


 

REALLY?? normal??  Not so much in my world.  If my child had done that, she would have been marched back to the appropriate house(s) carrying the pumpkin(s) and made to apologize, plus the punishment from me and her dad.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

medtran49 said:


> REALLY?? normal??  Not so much in my world.  If my child had done that, she would have been marched back to the appropriate house(s) carrying the pumpkin(s) and made to apologize, plus the punishment from me and her dad.



I think what Addie meant was they were no more perfect than anyone else's children. They had their weeknesses just like everyone else.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Mrs L


----------



## Addie

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I think what Addie meant was they were no more perfect than anyone else's children. They had their weeknesses just like everyone else.


 
Two reasons why I didn't march my kids back. One, because they were with a bunch of other kids. Who stole what? 

Second reason, I never shamed my kids in public. The matter was taken care of in the home all the time. My family business staid in the home. The one time I did shame one of my kids, still haunts me to this day. 

One time my granddaughter was caught shoplifting. I had to go pick her up. When we left the store, she was sobbing. I never said a word to her. When we got home I asked her if she was wondering why I didn't yell at her. My answer to her was, "because could you have felt any worse if I started to yell at you in public than you did when you saw me?" Of course her answer was "no'. She knew she had disappointed me. And that is what hurt her more than anything I could say to her. And I certainly wasn't going to berate her in the store in front of total strangers. I always tried to remember, "Children have feelings too."


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## taxlady

Kylie1969 said:


>


 mwahaha

When I was about 10 years old, I got this stupid urge to write on the kitchen cabinets. I took a piece of chalk (so it could be washed off easily) and wrote my little sister's name. 

My mother saw it and was giving my sister a real dressing down. Sister, "But Mommy, I can't write in handwriting. I can only print." 

Oh my, was I ever in trouble. Far more for trying to put the blame on my sister than for the fairly harmless writing in chalk. I have apologized to my sister.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady




----------



## medtran49

Addie said:


> Two reasons why I didn't march my kids back. One, because they were with a bunch of other kids. Who stole what?
> 
> Second reason, I never shamed my kids in public. The matter was taken care of in the home all the time. My family business staid in the home. The one time I did shame one of my kids, still haunts me to this day.
> 
> One time my granddaughter was caught shoplifting. I had to go pick her up. When we left the store, she was sobbing. I never said a word to her. When we got home I asked her if she was wondering why I didn't yell at her. My answer to her was, "because could you have felt any worse if I started to yell at you in public than you did when you saw me?" Of course her answer was "no'. She knew she had disappointed me. And that is what hurt her more than anything I could say to her. And I certainly wasn't going to berate her in the store in front of total strangers. I always tried to remember, "Children have feelings too."



If the pumpkins were in their possession, they stole them.  Try telling a police offiicer differently.  

When i was very  small, I wanted some candy from the display when mother and I were checking out at the grocery.  She did'nt want to buy it because it was of my teeth.  Well, I lifted it while she was busy.  I wasn't smart enough to wait until we got home and go to my room to eat and stuffed it in my mouth while she was putting the groceries in the car.  Of course i got caught.  She made me spit it out and marched me back in and made me apologize to the store manager.  Yes, I was ashamed but when I was in my teens and some of my friends were 'experimenting' with shoplifting, I had no desire to join in.  Apologizing as a little kid is a lot better than standing in front of a judge in criminal court.


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


>


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kylie1969 said:


>



 Ah, my life with twins!   Except in our home the red one was "she".

The kids were just a couple years old.  Loverly and I were sitting at the kitchen table when she said "Mom, look at Goober".  I turned to look at our son...who had his blanket draped over his head Linus-style, busy writing on the wall in pencil.  I lifted the blanket and said "WHAT are you doing???" to which he replied "how did you know I was here?".   Have I mentioned that he's our kid with the really high IQ?  Book smart - life stupid.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Great stuff, guys!





View attachment 18516



GAAAHHH!!!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Great stuff, guys!
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18514
> 
> GAAAHHH!!!



Love you Maxine. My Hero!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Ah, my life with twins!   Except in our home the red one was "she".
> 
> The kids were just a couple years old.  Loverly and I were sitting at the kitchen table when she said "Mom, look at Goober".  I turned to look at our son...who had his blanket draped over his head Linus-style, busy writing on the wall in pencil.  I lifted the blanket and said "WHAT are you doing???" to which he replied "how did you know I was here?".   Have I mentioned that he's our kid with the really high IQ?  Book smart - life stupid.



I had two kids that were book smart. And with a smart and quick wit mouth. And I still can't win a battle of words with Spike. He ALWAYS has a quick comeback. The other one, Poo, just tilts his head and says, "Okay Ma." Then he rattles off some medical reason why I am the way I am. Can't win with him either. No wonder I feel like a loser some days.


----------



## Somebunny

*Now That's Funny!*

View attachment 18515


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


That's hilarious. I saw that a while ago. Gotta wonder how that turned out. Are they still married?


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> mwahaha
> 
> When I was about 10 years old, I got this stupid urge to write on the kitchen cabinets. I took a piece of chalk (so it could be washed off easily) and wrote my little sister's name.
> 
> My mother saw it and was giving my sister a real dressing down. Sister, "But Mommy, I can't write in handwriting. I can only print."
> 
> Oh my, was I ever in trouble. Far more for trying to put the blame on my sister than for the fairly harmless writing in chalk. I have apologized to my sister.



Funny story Taxy


----------



## Kylie1969

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Here, here!!


----------



## vitauta

where, where?


----------



## taxlady

I find this particularly appropriate for a cooking forum:


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:


> I find this particularly appropriate for a cooking forum:



Rol and I saw that at the restaurant along with a few other "Boneisms" and both giggled childishly.


----------



## Kylie1969

Love it Taxy


----------



## Dawgluver

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Rol and I saw that at the restaurant along with a few other "Boneisms" and both giggled childishly.



We do that too.

Logical:


View attachment 18521


----------



## taxlady

Maybe not the best thing about being over 40, but certainly one of the advantages.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Maybe not the best thing about being over 40, but certainly one of the advantages.




So true, so true!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

love 'em!

Cute, hey, it works!

View attachment 18522


----------



## Kylie1969

taxlady said:


> Maybe not the best thing about being over 40, but certainly one of the advantages.



Yes, very true


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> love 'em!
> 
> Cute, hey, it works!



Works for cats too!


----------



## Kylie1969




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kylie1969

Always thought I should get a maid in


----------



## MrsLMB

The Ostrich

A young man walked into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. 

The waitress asked them for their orders. 

The man said, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." 

She turned to the ostrich. "What's yours?" she asked the ostrich. 

"I'll have the same," said the ostrich. 

A short time later the waitress returned with the order. "That will be $9.40, please." And the man reached into his pocket and pulled out the exact change for payment. 

The next day, the man and the ostrich came again and the man said, "A hamburger, fries and a coke." 

The ostrich said, "I'll have the same." 

Again the man reached into his pocket and paid with exact change. 

This becomes routine until the two entered again. "The usual?" asked the waitress. 

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," said the man. 

"Same," said the ostrich. 

Shortly the waitress brought the order and said, "That will be $32.62." 

Once again the man pulled the exact change out of his pocket and placed it on the table. 

The waitress could not hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?" 

"Well," said the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there." 

"That's brilliant!" said the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!" 

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," said the man. 

The waitress asked, "What's with the ostrich?" 

The man sighed, paused and answered, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees with everything I say."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

And if you play on DC you're not bothering anyone when you spend hours in the kitchen whipping up the recipes the members post!  I've acquired menu ideas, skills and weight in the last few months...


----------



## taxlady

From George Takei:


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>



 I can't breathehelp....


----------



## Cooking Goddess

True story I forgot to share on Friday:  I was doing my weekly big grocery shopping, spending what Himself considers an inordinate amount of time in produce (which is why I don't take him shopping...).  A family of 4 was shopping, the younger (about 3) son walking with his mom and the older (maybe 6-ish?) boy sitting in a second cart, being pushed by his dad.  I noticed them because the older boy was scream-crying like crazy, like a spoiled child does when they can't get what they want.  After a couple of minutes the crying shut off as if someone had flipped a switch.    When I looked over at the family I thought it might be possible the older boy had some sort of issue, some sort of "capital letter" condition (ADD, ASD, some sort of developmental delay issue) by the way he was behaving and the way the dad was dealing with him.  It was obvious that the mom knew they could be in for a very long shopping trip, since she didn't have much in the cart yet.  Just then, she asked the younger boy what his favorite vegetable was.  "Chocolate!" the boy piped up!   The mom said "chocolate isn't a vegetable" and started to laugh so hard I thought she would pop - you know the kind of laugh, just when the nervous tension gets so bad you NEED that kind of relief?  Then she looked around to see if anyone had noticed.  Duh!   I was laughing too and said "cocoa is a bean, beans are vegetables, I don't see a problem with his logic!"   Later when we were passing each other  I smiled at her and said "sometimes they just know when to say the right thing" and she nodded and smiled.  Perfect timing on the younger son's part - little did he know he probably rescued the rest of the shopping trip.


----------



## Addie

Children have more wisdom than we give them credit for.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18541

Makes me think of something Beagle might do.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 18541
> 
> Makes me think of something Beagle might do.



Smart dog. I had a friend whose boxer just tried harder every time she saw a skunk. I remember standing outside the dep (Quebec English for convenience store) at ~23h with his dog, while he went inside to buy several cans of tomato juice.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's when all my manners go out the window and I slurp them up from the bowl sans spoon!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

^^ indeed!

Happy National Dog Day!


View attachment 18552


----------



## Addie

Of course I had to send it to Spike. And ever since Poo was really small I have always called him "My precious puppy." So he got it also. Now that he is 40 y.o. I only do it in private now.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

I hope this doesn't offend anyone:


----------



## Addie

When it comes to Maxine I always have a sense of humor. Thank you.


----------



## MrsLMB

CWS4322 said:


> I hope this doesn't offend anyone:


 

Love it !!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

I was wondering if this should go in Chicken Chronicles.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I was wondering if this should go in Chicken Chronicles.



A Calico Chicken! I bet CWS doesn't have one of them!


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I was wondering if this should go in Chicken Chronicles.



Love it! I think I'll be a chrysanthemum too!

Another Takei:

View attachment 18559


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Guess I'm old:


View attachment 18562


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Guess I'm old:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18562



Join the club. You won't be lonely.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>



My best friend back home would always say the best sleep happens between 10:00 AM and Noon.


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> A Calico Chicken! I bet CWS doesn't have one of them!


No, I don't. I "think" that's a Polish (Morgan&#039;s Chicks - Polish Breeders Club)

I looked into getting one. They tend to be flighty and skittish because that crest gets in the way (impairs their vision). They also are only fair layers and lay smallish eggs. Also, I didn't want Myrtle to be jealous, after all, Myrtle is the show-off in the flock and she probably would not appreciate the competition.


----------



## Addie

CWS4322 said:


> No, I don't. I "think" that's a Polish (Morgan&#039;s Chicks - Polish Breeders Club)
> 
> I looked into getting one. They tend to be flighty and skittish because that crest gets in the way (impairs their vision). They also are only fair layers and lay smallish eggs. Also, I didn't want Myrtle to be jealous, after all, Myrtle is the show-off in the flock and she probably would not appreciate the competition.



Myrtle would probably pluck out her feathers one by one. Chickens do have a pecking order. And Myrtle will peck out the eyes of her competition, if you can find them.


----------



## taxlady

This is a commercial, but it's worth the 1 minute and 41 seconds.

Contrex - Contrexperience (English Version) - YouTube


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxy, if my bike did that I might ride it more often!   That is creative for sure!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> taxy, if my bike did that I might ride it more often!   That is creative for sure!



To  heck with the bike. Can I get him to my house?


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


>



I'm really afraid of Johnny Depp too....


----------



## Andy M.

Coincidently, I'm terrified of Halle Berry and Jennifer Anniston and Sofia Vergara and...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The consensus here is, I'm afraid of Johnny Depp and Shrek is afraid of Halle Berry and Jennifer Aniston...it's going to be crowded tonight.


----------



## MrsLMB

taxlady said:


>


 

Oh my .. yes .. Johnny Depp terrifies me


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>



If only that worked. Sigh...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


>



I'm so frightened by the thought of Nathan Fillion that I check under the bed for him every night.   *sigh* Just dust bunnies...


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> I'm so frightened by the thought of Nathan Fillion that I check under the bed for him every night.   *sigh* Just dust bunnies...


Oh yeah, I'm very afraid of him too.


----------



## Dawgluver

My, we are a fearful bunch!  

Now for something much less serious:


View attachment 18573


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> My, we are a fearful bunch!
> 
> Now for something much less serious:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18573


 It's onomatopoetic.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> It's onomatopoetic.



  That's right, you speak French!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> I'm so frightened by the thought of Nathan Fillion that I check under the bed for him every night.   *sigh* Just dust bunnies...




Absolutely terrified of Nathan Fillion...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Absolutely terrified of Nathan Fillion...



I had to look up Nathan Fillion.  I agree, I'm also terrified of him....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I had to look up Nathan Fillion.  I agree, I'm also terrified of him....



Oh no, the competition is bad enough with women who know who he is...to the back of the Nathan line!!!!  I'll sic Jayne Cobb on you!!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Oh no, the competition is bad enough with women who know who he is...to the back of the Nathan line!!!!  I'll sic Jayne Cobb on you!!!


 <snort> <giggle>


----------



## vitauta

so far, my amulets have been working very effectively on both jd and nf...oops, oh my!!  i seem to have lost them down the garbage disposal!  whatever shall i do?!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Can you imagine a conversation between Dawg and Jayne???  ROFLMFAO!!!  Think she would try to correct his grammar???


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Can you imagine a conversation between Dawg and Jayne???  ROFLMFAO!!!  Think she would try to correct his grammar???



You know, I adore Jayne as a character. He's tied with Shepard as my favorite. But if I actually had to try to converse with him I'm sure it wouldn't be long before I just rolled my eyes and walked away or put on a pair of head-phones and picked up a book. 

And it's not the grammar or the lack of education that would get me. It's the gorram (sp?) thick-headed obstinance that would force me to either ignore him or push him out a window. And since I'm a non-violent type (and pretty sure Jayne would beat me in a fight), head-phones and a book seem like the best option.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> You know, I adore Jayne as a character. He's tied with Shepard as my favorite. But if I actually had to try to converse with him I'm sure it wouldn't be long before I just rolled my eyes and walked away or put on a pair of head-phones and picked up a book.
> 
> And it's not the grammar or the lack of education that would get me. It's the gorram (sp?) thick-headed obstinance that would force me to either ignore him or push him out a window. And since I'm a non-violent type (and pretty sure Jayne would beat me in a fight), head-phones and a book seem like the best option.



If nothing else we will goad Dawg into watching _Firefly_...I think you are right PAG, Jayne would make me nuts because of his obstinance.  Come to think of it, the only time Mal got through to him was when he was going to space him.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> If nothing else we will goad Dawg into watching _Firefly_...I think you are right PAG, Jayne would make me nuts because of his obstinance.  Come to think of it, the only time Mal got through to him was when he was going to space him.


Dawg hasn't seen _Firefly? 

_Didn't River get through to him by scaring the c**p out of him?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Dawg hasn't seen _Firefly?
> 
> _Didn't River get through to him by scaring the c**p out of him?



He was always scared of River...the once he took up directly against her convinced him he was right.


----------



## taxlady

Jayne was an uncouth, scary, stubborn, uneducated character in Firefly.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Can you imagine a conversation between Dawg and Jayne???  ROFLMFAO!!!  Think she would try to correct his grammar???



What the heck are you guys talking about???  Sheesh.  Leave and go down to the pool for awhile, come back, and look what happens!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> What the heck are you guys talking about???  Sheesh.  Leave and go down to the pool for awhile, come back, and look what happens!



'S-okay Dawg, I'm not getting any of it either.  Like you, I've never seen the one-season wonder show called "Firefly".  Our loss, apparently!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

We were lucky there was one season...it was a fantastic show and the network had a hit on their hands and never even knew it.


----------



## CWS4322

taxlady said:


> If only that worked. Sigh...


I married Johnny Depp's doppelganger (whose middle name starts with "Q"--my favorite letter). But, it was those brown eyes and the resemblance to Johnny Depp that caught my eye...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> We were lucky there was one season...it was a fantastic show and the network had a hit on their hands and never even knew it.


It was a great show. The networks do that. Star Trek and WKRP in Cincinnati spring to mind.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 18581


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



That is so true...some days walking even does it to me.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That is so true...some days walking even does it to me.


Sad, but true.


----------



## Addie

I am screwed. With a serious heart condition, I get out of breath very easily and then come the chest pains. So as much as I would like to be able to exercise, it is out of the question.


----------



## vitauta

the depressed economic situation has been getting substantially worse here in the u.s.  if things don't take a turn for the better soon, we may be forced to move back in with england....


----------



## Zereh




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Good one MrsLMB


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Love it MrsLMB!


----------



## MrsLMB

This one really made me LOL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


Word


----------



## Dawgluver

all!! ^^^

View attachment 18592

Hmm.  Never thought about it this way.

Beagle's nose.  She wasn't very cooperative:

View attachment 18593


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## CWS4322

I am NOT riding up front with the lutefisk. 

The 29 Most Minnesotan Things That Ever Happened


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Wait!  Image #4.  Is that Steve Kroll's back yard?


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Wait!  Image #4.  Is that Steve Kroll's back yard?


Shoot! That thing is two backyards long!


----------



## CWS4322

I admit, we did sit out in the snow sunbathing and drinking beer many a times in late March, early April. Only in MN. And it is either Steve K's backyard or my cousins up in Roseau. They all live on the same block and play hockey.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

CWS4322 said:


> I admit, we did sit out in the snow sunbathing and drinking beer many a times in late March, early April. Only in MN. And it is either Steve K's backyard or my cousins up in Roseau. They all live on the same block and play hockey.



The sunbathing in the snow isn't limited to MN. Yoopers have been known to do that also. As for the ice rink, yoopers would say it was too fussy and then play on it anyway.


----------



## MrsLMB

The Anniversary

While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona café, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days." 

Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. 

One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"

"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.

The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "Well sir, for our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. 

Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and get her."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


It must be. What could be better?


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

Scotland vs New Zealand

Scottish Haka - YouTube


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Zereh




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


>


Yes,


----------



## GotGarlic

From Grammarly:


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> From Grammarly:



ROFL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> From Grammarly:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> From Grammarly:



Wow!  Up close and personal service...you don't see that often these days


----------



## MrsLMB

GotGarlic said:


> From Grammarly:


 
  OMG    ROFL


----------



## MrsLMB

This will probably be our destination tomorrow


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> This will probably be our destination tomorrow



Perfect!  Shrek always asks and that's how I answer.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Good one MrsLMB!  There is a bar down in Warwick RI called "The Office"...."Honey?  I'll be late tonight.  Got stuck at the office....""


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## taxlady

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


>


Me too.


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Good one MrsLMB!  There is a bar down in Warwick RI called "The Office"...."Honey?  I'll be late tonight.  Got stuck at the office....""



That name is very popular all around the country. Fortunately, wives are wise to it. Another popular name is "The Red Light." I got hung up at a Red Light Honey.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

One of my all-time favorites is a bar across the street from a hospital in my growing-up hometown:  "The Recovery Room".


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> One of my all-time favorites is a bar across the street from a hospital in my growing-up hometown:  "The Recovery Room".



Okay folks, looks like we have a theme going. Anyone else have a cute name for a barroom?


----------



## CatPat

"The Morning After."

"In Traffic."

"The Pink Elephant."

I have only been in one bar and some man became very ill and threw up. 

Your friend,
~Cat


----------



## Addie

CatPat said:


> "The Morning After."
> 
> "In Traffic."
> 
> "The Pink Elephant."
> 
> I have only been in one bar and some man became very ill and threw up.
> 
> Your friend,
> ~Cat



I like "In Traffic." "Honey, I got stuck in traffic." You could place a barroom at any location in Boston during rush hours and that name would be perfect right next to the road. In fact you could put your car in park, run in for a quick one and get back to your car and the traffic hasn't moved one inch.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The Elbow Room


----------



## CatPat

"BH Airlines."

I was traveling on BH Airlines with Papa in 2007 and the plane was very decrepit with the flying being very turbulent. He took many drinks in that flight!

Your friend,
~Cat


----------



## taxlady

A bar not too far from here, "The Firm"


----------



## CatPat

taxlady said:


> A bar not too far from here, "The Firm"



Maybe this is a solicitor agency? As of lawyers?

Or is it to do with being fit? If so, what about "The Flabby?"

Your friend,
~Cat


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> A bar not too far from here, "The Firm"



Honey, I am a member of "The Firm." I have to be there for the meeting.


----------



## taxlady

"The Firm" is another way of saying the company for which one works.


----------



## MrsLMB

Addie said:


> Okay folks, looks like we have a theme going. Anyone else have a cute name for a barroom?


 
There was one not far from where we used to live called "He's Not Here"


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


> There was one not far from where we used to live called "He's Not Here"



As a former part time barroom waitress, I know that one well enough.


----------



## CatPat

Ha!

Your friend,
~Cat


----------



## GotGarlic

When we first moved here, there were two bars across the street from the medical school where I used to work: The Operating Room and The Recovery Room.


----------



## GotGarlic

You are aboot to be assimilated, hoser, eh?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> You are aboot to be assimilated, hoser, eh?



ROFL!!!!


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> You are aboot to be assimilated, hoser, eh?



Hmmm, I wonder how taxlady is doing.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Hmmm, I wonder how taxlady is doing.


I was assimilated into Canada a long time ago. Doing fine, thank you.


----------



## taxlady

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


>


----------



## taxlady

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits. 
 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
  4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits. 
 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.

 CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
> 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
> 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
> 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
> 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Brits.
> 
> *CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you*.



 I didn't see that coming!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## taxlady

Couch Potato, cute.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

And if there is no price tag (nor one posted on the shelf) does that mean it's free?  Cuz.....If it's Free, It's for ME!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18656


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Off the couch!!!!!!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 18656


Well that was different. Almost as good as when I put live lobsters on the floor of a very long hallway. I had three cats at the time. Dang I wish I had some pix of that.


----------



## Addie

If that spoon handle was in the  other claw, the lobster would just snap that off in a hurry. BTW, that is a left handed lobster.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18661


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Zereh




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

*NO NURSING HOME FOR ME
*
With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old & feeble. 

I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night. 

That leaves $138.77 a day for:
1. Breakfast, lunch and dinner in any restaurant I want, or room service.
2. Laundry, gratuities and special TV movies. Plus, they provide a swimming pool, a workout room, a lounge, washer, dryer, etc. Most have free toothpaste and razors, and all have free shampoo and soap. 

They treat you like a customer, not a patient. 

$5 worth of tips a day will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 

There is a city Bus stop out front, and seniors ride free. 

The Handicap bus will also pick you up (if you fake a decent limp). 

To meet other nice people, call a Church bus on Sundays.

For a change of scenery, take the Airport shuttle Bus and eat at one of the nice restaurants there. 

While you're at the airport, fly somewhere. Otherwise, the cash keeps building up. 

It takes months to get into decent nursing homes. 

Holiday Inn will take your reservation today. 

And you are not stuck in one place forever, you can move from Inn to Inn, or even from city to city.

Want to see Hawaii? They have a Holiday Inn there too.

They fix everything, and apologize for the inconvenience. 

The Inn has a night security person and daily room service. 

The maid checks to see if you are ok. 

If not, they will call the undertaker or an ambulance. 

If you fall and break a hip, Medicare will pay for the hip, and Holiday Inn will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

And no worries about visits from family. 

They will always be glad to find you, and probably check in for a few days mini-vacation. 

The grandkids can use the pool. What more can you ask for?

So: When I reach the Golden age I'll face it with a grin. Just forward all my email to: me@Holiday.Inn.


----------



## Dawgluver

This makes a lot of sense!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

MrsLMB said:


> *NO NURSING HOME FOR ME
> *
> With the average cost for a Nursing Home per day reaching $188.00, there is a better way when we get old & feeble.
> 
> I have already checked on reservations at the Holiday Inn for a combined long term stay discount and senior discount of $49.23 per night.



Hmmm.....Now you really have me thinking...


----------



## Dawgluver

Awwww....



View attachment 18664


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Awwww....



dawwwwwww...


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## GotGarlic

Baby's got the moves! 

http://mommyhasapottymouth.com/dancing-baby-crashes-daddys-concert-2-10620/


----------



## MrsLMB

*THE RULES OF CHOCOLATE

*If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices & strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite and you'll eat less.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Isn't that handy?

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves.

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, that is a balanced diet because they counteract each other.

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger.

Q. Why is there no such organization as Chocoholics Anonymous?
A. Because no one wants to quit.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

Strapless gowns, of course!  I was going in an entirely different direction.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Strapless gowns, of course!  I was going in an entirely different direction.


We all were.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

So are the dresses...


----------



## Dawgluver

I posted that one quite a while ago, thanks for the revival!  It needs to be reseen (or unseen) again!

Now for some cuteness:  


View attachment 18666


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 18675


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That works for nurses, too!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Somebunny said:


>



LOL!  Or how about "when did you last have something to eat?"  Our son was about 9, had been playing in the woods behind the houses with a friend of his from around the corner, and came home complaining of tummy aches.  I was so worried he had eaten some sort of evil berry or other wild thing, then said "when was the last time you ate?"  "Well, there was breakfast."  "AND?"  "Chris had a packet of those cheese crackers that he gave me half of".  Um, those cheese crackers come six in a package.  The poor kid was starving!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## MrsLMB

What Is It?

In order to eat this, you peel away the outside, cook the inside, then you eat the outside and throw away the inside.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Addie

Dave Coverly: Cartoonist of the Year! | Parade.com


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

From George Takei


----------



## Somebunny

taxlady said:


> From George Takei



Lol-lol!


----------



## taxlady

Things are somehow different in Canada


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Things are somehow different in Canada



ROFL!!!!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

taxlady said:


> Things are somehow different in Canada


 
Seems pretty normal to me...


----------



## taxlady

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> Seems pretty normal to me...


Yeah, I think it's normal too. 

It reminded me of this:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

has this happened to anyone?


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> has this happened to anyone?



Yup. I remember waking up very angry at DH for something he had done in a dream. I knew it was irrational, but it took a while for the feeling to go away lol


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> Things are somehow different in Canada



The comments crack me up, too, eh!?


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> The comments crack me up, too, eh!?


Yes the are. Thank you for pointing that out. I make a habit of not looking at comments, because they are so often ugly - hateful and ignorant.


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> has this happened to anyone?



YES!  SO will sometimes fall asleep on the sofa later in the evening and will suddenly start talking to me about something completely bizarre.  I tell her OK go back to sleep.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> YES!  SO will sometimes fall asleep on the sofa later in the evening and will suddenly start talking to me about something completely bizarre.  I tell her OK go back to sleep.



I was so mad at Shrek once for eating a custard bismarck I had put on the headboard of the bed and it was gone when I woke up...took me a couple of hours to get over that mad...and I had dreamed the whole thing.


----------



## Dawgluver

^^^

Is this true, Taxlady?


View attachment 18689


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  I thought that was the name of the OTC I take after my cholesterol meds...


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> ^^^
> 
> Is this true, Taxlady?
> 
> 
> View attachment 18689



Yes it is. "Fart" can also mean motion. Many Danish elevators light up "I fart", meaning "in motion", when you press the button. The Queen of England was coming to visit. Somebody was assigned the task of covering up every one of those lights that the queen might see. 

The Danish word for fart is "prut" or "fis". And some people claim there are no onomatopoetic words.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Yes it is. "Fart" can also mean motion. Many Danish elevators light up "I fart", meaning "in motion", when you press the button. The Queen of England was coming to visit. Somebody was assigned the task of covering up every one of those lights that the queen might see.
> 
> The Danish word for fart is "prut" or "fis". And some people claim there are no onomatopoetic words.





And what a great history lesson!  We all know the Queen would never fart/prut/fis.  Actually, I have a feeling Her Majesty would have gotten a good laugh from the elevators!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!  I thought that was the name of the OTC I take after my cholesterol meds...


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> And what a great history lesson!  We all know the Queen would never fart/prut/fis.  Actually, I have a feeling Her Majesty would have gotten a good laugh from the elevators!


Many an anglophone has been surprised when they pushed a Danish elevator button. I've seen tourists staring quizzically at the little light/sign.


----------



## Dawgluver

This makes so much sense:


View attachment 18690


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> This makes so much sense:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18690


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> This makes so much sense:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18690



two ogres on the floor!!!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 18691


----------



## Cooking Goddess

LOL Somebunny!  I can relate to that!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 18691



Yup, that's me!!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

Ontario Ducks competing in synchronized swimming.


----------



## taxlady

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> Ontario Ducks competing in synchronized swimming.



Are you sure they aren't just mooning you?


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

taxlady said:


> Are you sure they aren't just mooning you?


 
 I never thought of that.


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> ^^^
> 
> Is this true, Taxlady?



In Germany, it's Fahrt. And the equivalent of our Surgeon General is the Gesundheit Minister


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> In Germany, it's Fahrt. And the equivalent of our Surgeon General is the Gesundheit Minister





Years ago, German friends had a big wedding anniversary, and I wanted to decorate t shirts for them with the German equivalent of "Old Fart" and "Old Fart's Wife".  (Well, I thought it was funny at the time....). Anyway, pre-internet, I couldn't find anyone to translate fart, finally asked the German couple, apparently it was something like firtzen.  The t shirts turned out cute, though probably not grammatically correct.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

GotGarlic said:


> In Germany, it's Fahrt. And the equivalent of our Surgeon General is the Gesundheit Minister


----------



## bakechef

http://www.sadanduseless.com/2013/09/texts-from-my-cat/

This is some funny stuff.


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> http://www.sadanduseless.com/2013/09/texts-from-my-cat/
> 
> This is some funny stuff.


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> Texts From My Cat
> 
> This is some funny stuff.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

those were just plain hilarious...


----------



## bakechef

As much of a drama queen as Oscar is when we're late getting up to give him treats, I imagine that his texts would be similar...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>




Okay, I caught my breath. 

That's me.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I guess that's better than having a boob tuck...and tucking those into your panty hose.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

rofl!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> rofl!


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


>



+1 lol!


----------



## taxlady

What kind of tea...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> What kind of tea...



You want a good giggle, find this movie Saving Grace (2000) - IMDb


----------



## MrsLMB

This has happened to me more times than I care to admit  LOL


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> This has happened to me more times than I care to admit  LOL


 

How about when the browser crashes with 30 tabs open and restarts that session and there is music coming from more than one tab.


----------



## bakechef

taxlady said:


> How about when the browser crashes with 30 tabs open and restarts that session and there is music coming from more than one tab.



One day I counted 27 open tabs on rob's laptop...  And he wonders why videos on youtube stutter and struggle to play.  That doesn't count any other programs he might have open.


----------



## MrsLMB

taxlady said:


> How about when the browser crashes with 30 tabs open and restarts that session and there is music coming from more than one tab.


 
OMG yes ... and even worse than that was the day that happened but rather than music it was people talking


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Every day, good thing I remember to hit the snooze alarm first.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

^^^Exactly!

:snicker:


View attachment 18717


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> :snicker:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

It would be even funnier if it added "with your tongue" to the end. That would stop the complaining.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## MrsLMB

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!


 



Been there and done that    but not for 3 years .

Did it with my first cell phone.  Didn't know there was protective film on the thing.  After about 3 weeks it began to curl on the edges.  I thought the phone was defective and tried to return it.  Boy was my face red when the clerk pulled that film off


----------



## MrsLMB

Christmas Time in Washington

The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas. 

This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol. 

There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!



We had (many) problems with our LG refrigerator when we first got it.  Problems with temp fluctuations.  Well, one try to fix it was to replace the touch control pad for temp and ice selection, plus a few other options.  After a few months the front of the panel began to bubble where I would press the "buttons".  Tech came over, diagnosed that we needed a new panel, then left to wait for the part and my next appointment.  Between that visit and the eventual replacement visit I found out that it was the plastic protector that was bubbling!  Hmm, trained technician my tushie!


----------



## MrsLMB

Here is one I think Cooking Goddess might like


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

^^

As George Takei put it, practice safe socks....


View attachment 18731


----------



## Dawgluver

Thought this was cute:



View attachment 18732


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Thought this was cute:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 18732


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> Here is one I think Cooking Goddess might like



LOVE it MrsL!  Thanks so much!  Now if we could just figure out how to make sure the noise didn't cross the property line...


----------



## middie

MrsLMB said:


> Christmas Time in Washington
> 
> The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas.
> 
> This isn't for any religious or constitutional reason, they simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol.
> 
> There was no problem however finding enough asses to fill the stable.





Hilarious!!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB, love it. It reminded me of this one:


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That one deserves a 
	

	
	
		
		

		
		
	


	




 taxy!


************************************************


Turnabout is fair play, "they" say.  Well, when I saw this one I thought of MrsLMB!


----------



## MrsLMB

Cooking Goddess said:


> ************************************************
> 
> 
> Turnabout is fair play, "they" say. Well, when I saw this one I thought of MrsLMB!


 

Yeppers ... 'specially the free drinks !!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## Addie

Zereh said:


>



Zereh, what does it say under your name? The print is so light that I can't even make out one word. Is it a secret saying?


----------



## MrsLMB

Addie - it says
_We are fed by a food industry which pays no attention to health, and healed by a health industry that pays no attention to food_ - Wendell Berry 

If you put your mouse over it and hold down the left button it will highlight it and you can read it then.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Drinking & Driving

I would like to share a personal experience with my closest friends
about drinking and driving.

As you well know, some of us have been known to have had brushes with
the authorities on our way home from an occasional social session over
the years.

A couple of nights ago, I was out for an evening with friends and had
a couple of cocktails and some rather nice red wine.

Knowing full well I may have been slightly over the limit, I did
something I've never done before ~ I took a cab home. 

Sure enough, I passed a police road block but, since it was a cab, they waved it past.

I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise; as
I have never driven a cab before and am not sure where I got it or
what to do with it now that it's in my garage.


----------



## Addie

MrsLMB said:


> Addie - it says
> _We are fed by a food industry which pays no attention to health, and healed by a health industry that pays no attention to food_ - Wendell Berry
> 
> If you put your mouse over it and hold down the left button it will highlight it and you can read it then.



Thank you.


----------



## MrsLMB

My Wife Won't Like It
　
One day I accidentally overturned my golf cart.

Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa
on the golf course, heard the noise and called out:
"Are you okay, what's your name?"

"Its Jack and I'm Okay thanks," I replied.

"Jack , forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while
and I'll help you get the cart up later."

"That's mighty nice of you," I answered, but I don't think
my wife would like it."

"Oh, come on," Elizabeth insisted.

She was very pretty, very sexy and persuasive . . . I was weak.

"Well okay," I finally agreed, and added, "but my wife won't like it."

After a restorative brandy, and some creative putting lessons,
I thanked my hostess. 

"I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset."

"Don't be silly!" Elizabeth said with a smile: "She won't know anything.
By the way, where is she?"




"Under the cart!" I said


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

ROFL






And the Russian lady and the Scot don't look nearly as fit as those soldiers.


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks for the huge laugh out loud, Taxy!  I needed that.

You too MrsLMB! Good ones!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

Drat.  Why didn't I think of this:


View attachment 18745


----------



## Zhizara

Snicker, chuckle, giggle!!!


----------



## MrsLMB

Cat Chillin'   

Cat Just Chills - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Good ones MrsLMB. That's quite the odd position for a cat.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 18747

Making an asp of itself?


----------



## Dawgluver

Cracked me up:


View attachment 18752


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Cracked me up:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18752


----------



## Dawgluver

I have a FB friend who just won't stop cracking me up:


View attachment 18753



View attachment 18754


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, stop...my head is about to explode.  Floating Goats


----------



## taxlady

Sign in a Danish store or shopping mall:

*Children who are not being supervised by their parents will be offered a cup of espresso and be given a free kitten to bring home!

Enjoy.*


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> Cat Chillin'
> 
> Cat Just Chills - YouTube


For some reason this video made me think of the print we have hanging in our half-bath:


----------



## CWS4322

dawgluver said:


> All!
> 
> Drat.  Why didn't i think of this:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18745


roflmao!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

mrslmb said:


>



roflmfao!!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Too funny, all!

A couple more from FB:


View attachment 18756



View attachment 18757


----------



## Dawgluver

And for you broccoliphobes:


View attachment 18758


----------



## MrsLMB

Dawgluver said:


> And for you broccoliphobes:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18758


 
LOL  I love broccoli but not so sure I'd enjoy that !


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



I so want to page that at work!!!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I so want to page that at work!!!



Do let us know the results if you do.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> Do let us know the results if you do.



The way the Exec Admin has been lately..."You're Fired" is a big possibility.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 18759


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

I could use one of these:

Dog Trained to Carry Cat Home - YouTube


----------



## GotGarlic

Yikes.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> I could use one of these:
> 
> Dog Trained to Carry Cat Home



That poor dog!  He must weigh less than that cat.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> Yikes.



 Ain't that the truth?  Then again -


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'd need an Irish Wolfhound to carry Shrek home...


----------



## MrsLMB

I raised 5 boys and I sure wanted to do this in my bathroom !!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!!

A few more FB:


View attachment 18768



View attachment 18769



View attachment 18770


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Facebook is great source for these kinds of jokes.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

And another one:


----------



## bakechef

The nerdier you are, the funnier that this will be,  
http://imgur.com/e0LcT6J


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> The nerdier you are, the funnier that this will be,
> Netflix Customer Service WIN - Imgur


I'm sharing this on FB.


----------



## MrsLMB

*But First ...*

I'm writing you to let you know that I have recently been diagnosed with a serious condition and there's no hope I will ever get over it. It may be hereditary as well.

It's called the "Butfirst Syndrome."

It's like when I decide to do the laundry; I start down the hall and notice the newspaper on the table. Okay, I'm going to do the laundry.

Butfirst I'm going to read the newspaper. After that, I notice the mail on the table. Okay, I'll just put the newspaper in the recycle stack...

Butfirst, I'll look through that pile of mail and see if there are any bills to be paid. Now where's the checkbook?

Oops! There's the empty glass from yesterday on the coffee table. I'm going to look for that checkbook,

Butfirst I need to put the glass in the sink. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice my poor flowers need a drink of water. I put the glass in the sink, and darn it, there's the remote for the TV on the kitchen counter. What's it doing here? I'll just put it away...

Butfirst I need to water those plants. Head for the door and step on the dog, Dog needs to be fed. Okay, I'll put that remote away and water the plants...

Butfirst I need to feed the dog.

At the end of day; Laundry is not done, newspapers are still on the floor, glass is still in the sink, bills are unpaid, checkbook is still missing, and the dog ate the remote control.

AND, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done all day, I'm baffled, because I KNOW I was BUSY ALL DAY!

I realize this condition is serious...and I should get help.

Butfirst I think I'll read all my email!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> The nerdier you are, the funnier that this will be,
> Netflix Customer Service WIN - Imgur




That was great


----------



## taxlady

I have "butfirst" too.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I have "butfirst" too.



Cute!!!


----------



## MrsLMB

My mother-in-law's dream highway.  Everytime we go someplace we have to base the route on where the restrooms are  LOL


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!   My Mom knows where every public bathroom is from Denver, CO to Missoula, MT.


----------



## yummy_food

Soooo true


----------



## Dawgluver

yummy_food said:


> Soooo true





Yes indeed!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

Wonder if I could get Myrtle to lay an egg while riding on the Roomba...

Chicken Lays Egg While Riding Vaccum - YouTube


----------



## CatPat

Tim O`Rourke was walking his Irish Setter in the country side. He picked up a stick and threw it, the dog went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in a different direction and the dog once again went and retrieved it and brought it back. Tim then threw it in another direction and it landed in a small lake. The dog went down to the water`s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back.Well, Tim was astounded. He couldn`t believe what he had seen and threw stick in the lake again, and the dog once again walked across the water to bring the stick back. As he went into town, he promised that he would show his dog`s wonderful new trick to the first person he came across.Once in town the first person the dog owner came across was the town drunk Declan Dunphy. Tim dragged Declan to the lake to show him what his dog could do. Once again, the dog owner threw the stick into the small lake and the dog went to the water`s edge, walked across the water, picked up the stick and brought it back to it`s owner.Once the drunk saw that, he turned to the dog owner and said; "Why that`s great, mister! But when are you going to teach your dog how to swim?"

source: Setter Jokes | Funny Humor by Joke Buddha

This is funny!

With love,
~Cat


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Per Himself:  Mostly fuzzy.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## CWS4322

I love this one!


----------



## Dawgluver

All!

Some pre-Halloween humor:


View attachment 18802



View attachment 18803


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## yummy_food

Lolll
Wish it would work


----------



## Dawgluver

Mama said:


View attachment 18815


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## taxlady

Love it PF.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

If you guys have time....this is the funniest.
A Funny Mexican Guy with Groucho Marx


----------



## MrsLMB

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> If you guys have time....this is the funniest.
> A Funny Mexican Guy with Groucho Marx


 
Very funny .. thanks for the share !


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

Nerd Vandalism

Nerd Style Vandalism - Funniest/Best Vines (Jack & Jack) - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Looks like Frank...


----------



## Katie H

Dawgluver said:


> Mama said:
> 
> 
> View attachment 18815



Omigosh!  This photo brought back such a sweet memory.

My daughter is now in her 40s. When she was about 3 I took her to our neighborhood fire house to see the fire trucks and talk to the firefighters about being safe, etc.

It was a lovely spring day and all the vehicles were clean and shiny, as they usually are, and the firemen were very accommodating.  They showed us all around the firehouse and allowed Nicole to climb up on one of the big trucks.  She was quite fascinated by the pair of big boots that stood near the truck.  The guy showing us around noticed her curiosity and asked if she would like to put the boots on.  Translate that to having him lift her up and into the boots.

Of course I brought a camera and she happily smiled as he stood back behind her for me to take a picture.  Good thing he was right there, too.  We didn't realize that Nicole's feet didn't reach down to the soles of the boots and, after a few seconds, she toppled over just like a bowling pin.  
But, luckily, the fireman caught her and we had a good laugh.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Firemen and Policemen, a little kid's best friends.  

My Brother was scared of Firemen, he thought they raced around at night and put fire on people's houses.  When he heard the sirens he would just get hysterical.  We took him to the Firehouse to meet the firemen, they had a dalmatian, and it was tough keeping him away from his new friends after that.

Funny, he studied to be an EMT...


----------



## Dawgluver

Cute stories!


----------



## MrsLMB

New Miracle Cure for PMS


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Gee, where were those when I had PMS???


----------



## MrsLMB

This is something my DH would do !!


----------



## taxlady

The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

I guess the store had eggs.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
> 
> The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
> 
> I guess the store had eggs.



ROFL!!!!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:


> The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
> 
> The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
> 
> I guess the store had eggs.



That's funny!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
> 
> The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
> 
> I guess the store had eggs.



This reminds me of a video I laughed my way through more than once.
Jeanne Robertson "Don't send a man to the grocery store!" - YouTube


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, CG!  Laughing like crazy at almost 5AM.  What a great way to start the day!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> This reminds me of a video I laughed my way through more than once.
> Jeanne Robertson "Don't send a man to the grocery store!" - YouTube



Cleaning V-8 off the computer screen.


----------



## Addie

That is one funny lady!


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
> 
> The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
> 
> I guess the store had eggs.



Makes perfect sense to the mind that is immersed in coding.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Makes perfect sense to the mind that is immersed in coding.


It was Stirling's reply to the half peeled potatoes. He thought it made perfect sense.


----------



## taxlady

CG, thanks for sharing that video. I've seen it before and I love it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> It was Stirling's reply to the half peeled potatoes. He thought it made perfect sense.


Then there is the story of the gifted child who, when asked "what is half of eight?" replied "three".  If you think about it, he was kinda right... (Think visually, not mathematically.)


----------



## Andy M.

Cooking Goddess said:


> Then there is the story of the gifted child who, when asked "what is half of eight?" replied "three".  If you think about it, he was kinda right... (Think visually, not mathematically.)



Zero would also be a valid answer...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Right you are, Andy.  You must be one of those annoying "smart people".


----------



## Zhizara

Andy M. said:


> Zero would also be a valid answer...




Smarty-Pants!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

Cooking Goddess said:


> Right you are, Andy.  You must be one of those annoying "smart people".



Depends on who you ask.  My kids think I'm smart.  SO, not so much.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Spouse's prerogative Andy.


----------



## Andy M.

Cooking Goddess said:


> Spouse's prerogative Andy.



Yup.  Doesn't mean she's right, though.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Yup, that's in the kitty rule book.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm trying that one!  LOL!


----------



## taxlady

Another one from George Takei. It's been making me giggle/smile all day.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Just shows which part they think with. 

Himself used to ride a motorcycle.  He calls a helmet a "brain bucket".  He figures that those who don't use one, especially in high-risk riding (traffic, highway) really don't have something they think is worth protecting.   And he never bothered to leave it off on the gentle country roads so he could feel the wind through his hair because you first need to HAVE hair!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Eeew. Glad I don't like candy corn.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

that one squeemed me...


----------



## Dawgluver

FB at it again:


View attachment 19243



View attachment 19244


----------



## MrsLMB

Kids Halloween Treats Gone Wrong 

Halloween Treats Gone Wrong - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Zhizara

You did it again, Princess.  I laughed out loud so hard my neigbor's must think I'm nuts.  Maybe I am.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It about did me in...LOL!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

*Broccoli Kitten Loves Broccoli (not Brussels sprouts)*

Just in case you haven't seen this before, and if you have, it's probably time to see it again. Listen to the kitten. 

Kitten LOVES Broccoli - YouTube


----------



## Zhizara




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

Zhizara said:


>



That looks like my scooter.


----------



## Dawgluver

Shhh:


View attachment 19550


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cheryl J

Love these funnies!


----------



## Cheryl J

These are always fun.  LOL

I'm Noelle, the Jingling Dope Dealer.  Pleased to meet you.  LOL!


----------



## Zhizara

Umm.  Maybe not so much.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Addie

If you feel overloaded with Work…

Immediately go to the nearest *“Biological Anxiety Relief*” (BAR) center and place order for any one or more of the following Antidotes:

1: *Work Isolating Neutralizing Extract *(WINE)

2: *Radioactive Un-work Medicine *(RUM)

3: *Bothersome Employer Elimination Rebooter* (BEER)

4: *Vaccino Officio Depression Killing Antigen *(VODKA)

This is issued in public interest by *“Buddies for Eradication of Work Disease Association *(BEWDA)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

With clamato and tabasco...


----------



## Dawgluver

For CWS and the girls:


View attachment 19560


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

Dawgluver said:


> For CWS and the girls:



Love it.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 19564


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 19564


That's terrible. *snerk*


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> For CWS and the girls:
> 
> 
> View attachment 19560


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 19564



Well, they got three wigs out of it


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:


> That's terrible. *snerk*



That is definitely terrible. In the most awesome way.


----------



## Dawgluver

I think it has to be at least 12 inches long....


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> I think it has to be at least 12 inches long....



Eh, a bit of braiding and a few pretty bows, I'm sure no one would notice. Just interesting tights.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I think it has to be at least 12 inches long....



and?...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> and?...



12 inches sticks out of the tights.  Also, Locks of Love doesn't accept any dye jobs.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Locks of Love doesn't accept any dye jobs.



Dye job?!?  This is my natural color...this week.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> 12 inches sticks out of the tights.  Also, Locks of Love doesn't accept any dye jobs.



I was thinking if you braid creatively you can turn the 12 inches into tights. Spiral cornrows or continuous cable braids maybe?


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

I now have this strange urge to do a Google search for braided leg hair but I'm affraid I'd find something and it would have pictures.


----------



## Dawgluver

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I now have this strange urge to do a Google search for braided leg hair but I'm affraid I'd find something and it would have pictures.



Now I need the eyebleach.  Thanks, PAG!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Now I need the eyebleach.  Thanks, PAG!



 And I need a bigger bottle of Windex for my screen! SPLAT! I am trying to drink a nice cup of coffee. Most of it is on my screen. Now I need to hire a cleaning lady.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Glad I could be of service.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## MrsLMB

Not a funny but something very cool


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Weird!


----------



## taxlady

Neato


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

MrsLMB said:


> Not a funny but something very cool



But the details are all wrong for a profile. Like his ear isn't sideways enough and eyes don't look like that from a side view and he shouldn't have a nostril at the tip of his nose. I can almost see if if I look just at his lips but even they are off for a profile view. And that's ignoring things like the lack of jawline or back of the head or connection from head to neck to back... I think I've just drawn too many faces for this to work. It just looks all misproportioned if I try to see it as a profile.


----------



## MrsLMB

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> But the details are all wrong for a profile. Like his ear isn't sideways enough and eyes don't look like that from a side view and he shouldn't have a nostril at the tip of his nose. I can almost see if if I look just at his lips but even they are off for a profile view. And that's ignoring things like the lack of jawline or back of the head or connection from head to neck to back... I think I've just drawn too many faces for this to work. It just looks all misproportioned if I try to see it as a profile.


 


ummmm ..  ok .. but I still like it and it works for me.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

All!


View attachment 19573


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> All!



Huh, I never noticed before that from straight on, looking at the chin of an orca peeking above the water kind of looks like a duck's bum when they dive their heads into the water.


----------



## Dawgluver

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Huh, I never noticed before that from straight on, looking at the chin of an orca peeking above the water kind of looks like a duck's bum when they dive their heads into the water.



Or penguin bums, keeping with the color theme.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> Or penguin bums, keeping with the color theme.



Yes! That definitely works.

Sigh, I can see aquatic bird bums from the orcas' chins but not the sideways face. Curse you brain, for having a mind of your own.


----------



## Dawgluver

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> Yes! That definitely works.
> 
> Sigh, I can see aquatic bird bums from the orcas' chins but not the sideways face. Curse you brain, for having a mind of your own.



Puffin bums work too, I think they're black and white as well.

Beagle bums don't work, they don't like water.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> Puffin bums work too, I think they're black and white as well.
> 
> Beagle bums don't work, they don't like water.



Lol. You can say the same about cat bums.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19577


----------



## Kathleen

MrsLMB said:


> ummmm ..  ok .. but I still like it and it works for me.



I like it and it works for me great!  Thanks for the giggle and for something to ponder!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## yummy_food

View attachment 19592


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## yummy_food

Lolll I hope their secrets are well kept


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>



I like this solution.


----------



## Kathleen

MrsLMB said:


>



This was my plan with parents when I was a teenager.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19593


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh, Lordy, Bunny, that cracked me up!


----------



## Somebunny

Lol!  Me too Dawg, did you read all the shopping bags? Lmao!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:


> Lol!  Me too Dawg, did you read all the shopping bags? Lmao!!!!



Yes!  :lmao:


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19742


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 19742


----------



## MrsLMB

He has his own "dining table" .. how about this for a way to feed the dog !


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, both of those knocked me off the couch laughing.


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Dawgluver

all!


----------



## Dawgluver

Gah!  From Takei:


View attachment 19880


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Gah!  From Takei:
> 
> 
> View attachment 19880




Those things should be banned.


----------



## cave76

Men's Rules

Women should learn these.

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. 

We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. 

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present again! 

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it. 

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be. 

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. 

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! 

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!! 

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? 

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. 

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor. 

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. 

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. 

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!! 

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. 

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic. 

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. 

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. 

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends. 

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is. 

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. 

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing", we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. 

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. 

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. 

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) 

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. 

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19888


----------



## Dawgluver

Por vous, PF:



View attachment 19891


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Por vous, PF:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 19891



LMAO!!!!


----------



## taxlady

From video description, "My husband was just about to hop in  the shower when I reminded him he hadn't taken the garbage out to the  curb yet - he decided against getting dressed before heading out into  the -21C/-5.8F Canadian weather on our last day of Autumn   Quite  chilly on his bare skin as the wind made it -36C/-32.8F !!!  My kids and  my daycare kids found it very entertaining!" 
Husband in underwear does Chores in -36C/-32.8F - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

Looks just like DH, who's done that a few times!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

He needs to run faster!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



No kidding!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19900


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## taxlady

"Proceed with butt wiggle"


----------



## GotGarlic

Hey caveman! Oops, sorry, I meant cave76!

Rules for Men (as written by Women)

    Call.
    Don't lie.
    Never tape any of her body parts together.
    If guys' night out is going to be fun, invite the girls.
    If guys' night out is going to involve strippers, remember the zoo rules: No Petting.
    Don't expect her to clean up after YOUR buddies have been over.
    The correct answer to "Do I look fat?" is never, ever "Yes."
    Ditto for "Is she prettier than me?"
    Ordering for her is good. Telling her what she wants is bad.
    Being attentive is good. Stalking is bad.
    Talking is good. Shouting is bad. Slapping is a felony.
    Victoria's Secret is good. Frederick's of Hollywood is tacky.
    Unless she likes that sort of thing.
    If you ARE going to get her lingerie, get her the kind of things SHE likes to wear - NOT what YOU'D like to see her in.
    And for god's sake, get her size right. It's not THAT hard.
    A grunt is seldom an acceptable answer to any question.
    If you don't want another mother, don't act like a child.
    None of your ex-girlfriends were ever nicer, prettier, or better in bed.
    Don't buy the $9.99/dozen roses on the way home -- They tell her you are not only unimaginative, you're cheap.
    Her cooking is excellent.
    That isn't an excuse for you to avoid cooking.
    You are a capable adult. Don't feign incompetence around the house in some feeble attempt to get her to "do it for you".
    Notice when the floor crunches beneath your feet. You too can learn to use a broom (or vacuum).
    Dish soap is your friend.
    Learn to clean in and around a toilet. Especially since YOU are the one who "misses" it.
    Hat does not equal shower, after shave does not equal soap, and warm does not equal clean.
    Five O'Clock stubble has all the erotic qualities of sandpaper.
    Buying her dinner does not equal foreplay.
    You too, can learn to iron your shirts.
    Answering "Who was that on the phone?" with "Nobody" is never going to end that conversation.
    Ditto for "Whose lipstick is this?"
    Two words: clean socks.
    Two MORE words: clean underwear.
    Believe it or not, you're probably NOT more attractive when you're drunk.
    Burping is not sexy.
    Farting ceases to be funny after the 7th grade.
    Making excuses for being an ass is bad. Learning how to admit you were wrong and apologize is good.
    Supportive is good. Patronizing is bad.
    She is probably less impressed by your discourse on your cool car than you think she is.
    Ditto for your discourse on football.
    Ditto for your ability to jump up and hit any awning in a single bound.
    She might show more interest in YOUR hobbies if you genuinely show some interest in HERS.
    "Will you marry me?" is good. "Let's shack up together" is bad.
    Don't assume PMS is the cause for every bad mood.
    Don't assume PMS doesn't exist.
    No means No. Yes means Yes. Silence could mean anything she feels like at that particular moment in time, and it could change without notice.
    "But, we kiss..." is not justification for using her toothbrush. You don't clean plaque with your tongue.
    Basic courtesy and respect for feminism are NOT mutually exclusive.
    Pick her up at the airport. Don't whine about it, just do it.
    If you want to break up with her, break up with her. Don't act like a complete jerk until she does it for you.
    Don't tell her you love her if you don't.
    Tell her you love her if you do. Often.
    Always, always suck up to her brother.
    The underwear your mother buys you is NOT sexy.
    Think boxers.
    Silk boxers.
    Unless you have a GQ body. Then think French Cut. Silk French Cut.
    Remember Valentine's Day, and any cheesy "anniversary" she so-names.
    Don't expect HER to remember your mother's birthday or buy the gift.
    Don't try to change the way she dresses.
    Learn to dress yourself. Men's clothing comes in more colors than blue, black and grey, and more styles than t-shirts and jeans.
    Her haircut is never bad.
    Don't let your friends pick on her.
    Don't ask her to fix your friends up with HER friends.
    Call.
    Don't lie.
    The rules are never fair. Accept this without question. The fact that she has to go through labor while you sit in the waiting room smoking cigars isn't fair either, and it balances everything.


----------



## Andy M.

Makes all women sound needy and bossy and all men like jerks.  Neither is true.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> Makes all women sound needy and bossy and all men like jerks.  Neither is true.



Heh. What in this thread is true?


----------



## cave76

GotGarlic ----

Yeah, pretty good! 
I  resurrected an old post (another forum far, far away) that I'd written in reply to the friend that posted Men's Rules. BTW----  I'm female, so I totally agree with your version. 

[KDN means Knuckle Dragging Neanderthal]

KDN suggested ****It's time for you to write up Women's Rules, if there are any.***

Yes, dear KDN, there are plenty of Women's rules.

It's just that they constantly shift and change, appear and disappear, like 
Brigadoon, depending on just which man or KDN is involved.

The good thing about that--- is we never have to adhere to the same ole, same ole Rules, like KDN's do because they (KDNs) are limited in scope and ability.  

Let the Games Begin

Dear KDN, Esq. 

In keeping with the Global War Between the Sexes these "Rules" shall henceforth be designated as "Women's Edicts"; thereby establishing our might and superiority at the onset.

This is a Zero-Sum event

Live with it!


Edict # 1

This Edict and all future Edicts can be edited or amended or dismissed at any 
time depending on the time of month, a bad hair day or just for the joy, glee 
and bliss of it.

Live with it!

Edict # 2

Do not try to discern a reason for any of these Edicts. They are here for a 
reason, but can change willy-nilly at a Woman's discretion.

Edict # 3

Do not look for Victory. That is unattainable for Men OR KDNs

If Men THINK they have attained Victory, it is a figment of their imagination. 
Testosterone has been proven, in many double-blinded studies, to be responsible for Mens false perception of their superiority. 

Something to do with the amygdala, I think, or some organ.

Edict # 4

Women may, in their all-knowing way, seem to defer to Men. That is part of the battle plan, rather like a flanking maneuver and guarantees that Men will not score "anything".

Edict # 5

Tomorrow Edict # 5 may become Edict # 3.

Live with it!


Now that the basic, but still unfinished, ground rules are uttered, I shall go 
on to publish some more specific Edicts. 

Edict # 6

“NO” is NOT a word, when uttered alone. Many years of observing KDNs have shown that they use the word “no” didactically, hoping to preclude any intelligent and bilateral discussion about a subject.

Interestingly, it is most often used when they are wrong about a subject. 
Perhaps a polarity between their brain and another organ?


Edict # 7

KDNs shall never EVER come up behind a Woman who is standing at the stove, putting the final touches on a Sauce Bearnaise for a dinner party, hair 
perfectly in place, dressed to the nines and start “foolin’ around”.

If the KDN shall do that---he is not to be dismayed by a 6 inch stiletto heel 
jammed down on his toes.

If he should have to go to the ER, then he shall ask a friend down at the local 
pool hall to drive him, NOT the Woman.  

Edict # 7

“YES” is also NOT a word, when uttered alone.

Men mistakenly believe that by seeming to agree with Women that said agreement will be forgotten in a day or so.

They’re basing that notion on faulty evidence; e.g. how short their attention 
span is, e.g. VERY short. 

Men might do better by using more words after the word Yes.

1. Yes, you’re right dear. How silly of me to not realize that. 

2. Yes, I’m glad you brought that up. I’ll try to remember it.

3. Yes, I promise to always pick up after myself.

4. Yes, you may remind me if I forget that I agreed.

…..thereby reinforcing in their minds that they DID utter “Yes”.

Edict # 65

This Edict is issued at this point in order for Men to have sufficient time to 
study it since it’s an advanced topic. There will be a test later.

Acknowledging that Men have a problem with communication, this Edict will start with teaching Communication via Email and progress to Communication in Vivo.

First---Emails

1. Communication is not to be considered the same as a soliloquy or monologue. 
That applies to Email communication as well as In Vivo. 

2. In the Cyber-World if a question is posed in Email #1 then it’s expected that the Reply Email will answer or at least acknowledge the question and 
“communicate” (hence the name of this course).

In the interest of KISS those two sub-sections will suffice for now. 

In the Remedial Class (for KDNs) more time will be allowed. Even though 
Communication via Email involves just two numbers (Zero and One) this concept seems to prove difficult for KDNs.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19907


----------



## Zereh




----------



## cave76

I hope that people won't think that my post (Women's Rules, yesterday) was directed at anyone here. 

It was just a joke and it was one that I'd written to a close friend with whom I enjoyed a joking and exchange of friendly ''insults'. 

Maybe this explanation wasn't needed---- but that''s all it was.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



LOL!  Family of six, here.


----------



## taxlady

Family of three here, but then Stirling is twice as big as me.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## GotGarlic

Hee hee! We have four


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19916

Lol!


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:


> Lol!





Many years ago, my cockers ate some red enamelled fake styrofoam apples that they'd ignored for many years.  Long story short, they pooped bubblegum pink for a week!  And their eyes turned a strange brilliant green from the fake leaves!


----------



## Somebunny

Dawgluver said:


> Many years ago, my cockers ate some red enamelled fake styrofoam apples that they'd ignored for many years.  Long story short, they pooped bubblegum pink for a week!  And their eyes turned a strange brilliant green from the fake leaves!



Rofl!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Another from George:


View attachment 19919


----------



## MrsLMB

The Perfect way to serve pumpkin pie


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Zereh




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## GotGarlic

I am no cook. But I can follow the directions. Which said to let the bird chill in the sink for a few hours.


----------



## cave76

That's priceless (bird chillin') LOL


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

GotGarlic said:


> I am no cook. But I can follow the directions. Which said to let the bird chill in the sink for a few hours.


 
 Good one.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 19924


----------



## PrincessFiona60

[FONT=&quot]
 [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot]She's singing our song![/FONT]*
 [FONT=&quot]Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson - YouTube[/FONT]


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> She's singing our song! Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson - YouTube



:roflmao:


----------



## taxlady

good one PF


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> good one PF



What are you talking about?


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> [FONT=&quot]
> [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot]She's singing our song![/FONT]*
> [FONT=&quot]Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson - YouTube[/FONT]



 Ah yes! The truth never hurts unless it ought to. Ouch!


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> [FONT=&quot]
> [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot]She's singing our song![/FONT]*
> [FONT=&quot]Memory-a spoof by Pam Peterson - YouTube[/FONT]




Sad but true!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>




I'm so glad my cat is an adult and doesn't do that stuff anymore. Okay, some it's cause he's old and doesn't jump or climb as high now.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:


View attachment 19953

(borrowed from George)


----------



## Zhizara

Good one!  A real belly laugh.  Thanks, Dawg!


----------



## Addie

Gee Dawg. That is what I have been doing these past weeks trying to stay off my poor broken foot. I am so sick *of* my bed. Better than being sick *in* bed I suppose.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Somebunny

Perhaps a bit inappropriate 


View attachment 19960


----------



## Cooking Goddess

A little late, but just catching up on some threads...

********************************



MrsLMB said:


> The Perfect way to serve pumpkin pie



********************************

Face it, pie is just a vehicle for the whipped cream.  It's ALL about the whipped cream.  Exhibit A:  Himself's "Breakfast Pie" on Black Friday:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## MrsLMB

Cooking Goddess said:


> A little late, but just catching up on some threads...
> 
> ********************************
> 
> 
> 
> ********************************
> 
> Face it, pie is just a vehicle for the whipped cream. It's ALL about the whipped cream. Exhibit A: Himself's "Breakfast Pie" on Black Friday:


 


My DH does the same thing so I showed this to him .. "Now THAT'S the way to eat everything .. a touch of whipped cream" he says  LOL


----------



## MrsLMB

So relateable !!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Spelling does make a difference:

View attachment 19977


----------



## Dawgluver

Pour vous, PF, and any of our other med pros:



View attachment 19982


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> So relateable !!



Should see the closet where I keep the backup rolls.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Pour vous, PF, and any of our other med pros:
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 19982



I so gotta do that...there is a party I'm headed to on Saturday...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I so gotta do that...there is a party I'm headed to on Saturday...



Jello shots!  Now why didn't I think of this?

Vodka and jello, some various food colorings, doesn't all have to be yellow....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Jello shots!  Now why didn't I think of this?
> 
> Vodka and jello, some various food colorings, doesn't all have to be yellow....



I had to look up Jello Shots...  Never had one.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I had to look up Jello Shots...  Never had one.



They're sorta a younger set thing, but not bad.  Easy to do in specimen cups.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> They're sorta a younger set thing, but not bad.  Easy to do in specimen cups.



So...now you are telling I'm getting old...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So...now you are telling I'm getting old...



So how does giving you a recipe suggestion make you old?  

I just wouldn't use the recycled containers.


----------



## Dawgluver

How "Poe" etic:


View attachment 19983


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Dawgluver said:


> Pour vous, PF, and any of our other med pros:



Or drink apple juice.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> So how does giving you a recipe suggestion make you old?
> 
> I just wouldn't use the recycled containers.





> sorta a younger set thing




'nuff sayed...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> My DH does the same thing so I showed this to him .. "Now THAT'S the way to eat everything .. a touch of whipped cream" he says  LOL



You know the saying about needing only two tools?  Duct tape if it's broken, WD-40 if it's stuck?  Well I figure there are two culinary fixes:  Bacon for savory, whipped cream for sweet.  Whipped cream saved dessert the two years first Mom then I forgot sugar in the pumpkin pie.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> They're sorta a younger set thing, but not bad.  Easy to do in specimen cups.





PrincessFiona60 said:


> So...now you are telling I'm getting old...


Not just for the young-uns PF.  My also-62 Y.O. best friend back home has them at all their summer parties.  Large family=lots of parties.  l've never seen the big deal.  I guess I prefer my alcohol in liquid form.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Not just for the young-uns PF.  My also-62 Y.O. best friend back home has them at all their summer parties.  Large family=lots of parties.  l've never seen the big deal.  I guess I prefer my alcohol in liquid form.



I usually prefer my booze liquid too. However, I used to make a really good and easy dessert: canned peaches in a gelatin made from the syrup, whisky, and Knox gelatin.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Not just for the young-uns PF.  My also-62 Y.O. best friend back home has them at all their summer parties.  Large family=lots of parties.  l've never seen the big deal.  I guess I prefer my alcohol in liquid form.



I had heard of Jello shots, just didn't know what they were.

Still picking up lemon Jello and some specimen cups today.  No booze though.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 19985


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Exactly!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 19985



Now that is cool!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Cooking Goddess said:


> You know the saying about needing only two tools?  Duct tape if it's broken, WD-40 if it's stuck?  Well I figure there are two culinary fixes:  Bacon for savory, whipped cream for sweet.  Whipped cream saved dessert the two years first Mom then I forgot sugar in the pumpkin pie.



You can turn graham cracker squares into desert with a dab of chocolate syrup and a dollop of whipped cream.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'm happy with "dessert" graham crackers if they have a little schmear of butter on them!  Or plain.  I'm easy!  When Reddi-Wip had chocolate whipped topping (do they still?  I buy another brand) my neighbor's son loved it.  He'd ask for the "chocolate mousse on a spoon"!  You can get a lot of mileage out of that can of cream-and-stuff!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## bakechef

True Story

Last week I was in the gym locker room with lots of guys in various stages of dress.  I took the phone out of my pocket and on the way out it snapped a picture, made the noise and set off the flash.  Awkward!!!!

I may have to find a new gym....

Didn't get anything good though 

It was so horribly awkward and hilarious that I've pretty much told everyone I know.


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> True Story
> 
> Last week I was in the gym locker room with lots of guys in various stages of dress.  I took the phone out of my pocket and on the way out it snapped a picture, made the noise and set off the flash.  Awkward!!!!
> 
> I may have to find a new gym....
> 
> Didn't get anything good though
> 
> It was so horribly awkward and hilarious that I've pretty much told everyone I know.



This cracked me up!  Umm, awkward?

Very wise of you to tell everyone you know, Bakechef, cuz it's obviously gonna get out!     Bummer that the pic didn't turn out.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> True Story
> 
> Last week I was in the gym locker room with lots of guys in various stages of dress.  I took the phone out of my pocket and on the way out it snapped a picture, made the noise and set off the flash.  Awkward!!!!
> 
> I may have to find a new gym....
> 
> Didn't get anything good though
> 
> It was so horribly awkward and hilarious that I've pretty much told everyone I know.



So you didn't holler out, "That'll cost each of you $10"?


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## MrsLMB

A classic Maxine on Christmas


----------



## MrsLMB

Cats In Control

https://showyou.com/v/y-S7znI_Kpzbs...ebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=timeline


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


> Cats In Control
> 
> https://showyou.com/v/y-S7znI_Kpzbs...ebook&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=timeline


The cats have done a good job of training those dogs. Size of dog didn't seem to matter.


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> True Story
> 
> Last week I was in the gym locker room with lots of guys in various stages of dress.  I took the phone out of my pocket and on the way out it snapped a picture, made the noise and set off the flash.  Awkward!!!!
> 
> I may have to find a new gym....
> 
> Didn't get anything good though
> 
> It was so horribly awkward and hilarious that I've pretty much told everyone I know.


I told this story to Stirling. I said, "I guess that's a good reason not to have that noise on the camera on the phone." He replied, "Or maybe a good reason to have it." So I asked him how he would feel if he was getting dressed and heard a camera. He replied, "Not nearly as bad as if someone was taking pictures and there wasn't that sound."


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I told this story to Stirling. I said, "I guess that's a good reason not to have that noise on the camera on the phone." He replied, "Or maybe a good reason to have it." So I asked him how he would feel if he was getting dressed and heard a camera. He replied, "Not nearly as bad as if someone was taking pictures and there wasn't that sound."



Now that's just plain creepy.  Gimme the noise!


----------



## Addie

*Unusual pet*

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
 So he asked the centipede in the box, Would you like to go to Frank`s with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?
 But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few more minutes, thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time, putting his face up against the centipede`s little house he shouted, HEY, IN THERE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK`S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH ME?
 A little voice came out of the box, “I HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME! I`M PUTTING ON MY SHOES!”


----------



## cave76

Oh, Addie----- that centipede joke had me falling of my chair laughing. LOL


----------



## Addie

cave76 said:


> Oh, Addie----- that centipede joke had me falling of my chair laughing. LOL



You didn't see that punch line coming, did you!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> You didn't see that punch line coming, did you!


That was a good 'un Addy.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

And then there is this one


----------



## Addie

Quit drinking !

A juggler, driving to his next performance, is stopped by the police. “What are these matches and lighter fluid doing in your car?”, asks the cop.
“I`m a juggler and I juggle flaming torches in my act.”
 “Oh yeah?” says the doubtful cop. “Lets see you do it.” The juggler gets out and starts juggling the blazing torches masterfully.
 A couple driving by slows down to watch. “Wow,” says the driver to his wife. “I`m glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they`re giving now!”


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## GotGarlic

, MrsLMB!


----------



## Addie

For Cat!

Natural Born Citizen!

In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.

A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office.

She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with, “What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?”


----------



## cave76

The Front Fell Off

I don't know if everyone will find this as hilarious as I did, but hope so. The first link is to the video. I had a bit of trouble with the delightful British accent---- so found a transcript for it (in the second link).

Front Fell Off - YouTube

The front fell off - Xr's blog


----------



## bakechef

cave76 said:


> The Front Fell Off
> 
> I don't know if everyone will find this as hilarious as I did, but hope so. The first link is to the video. I had a bit of trouble with the delightful British accent---- so found a transcript for it (in the second link).
> 
> Front Fell Off - YouTube
> 
> The front fell off - Xr's blog



That was hilarious!  I understood them perfectly, I must be watching a a lot of Australian and British TV!


----------



## Addie

bakechef said:


> That was hilarious!  I understood them perfectly, I must be watching a a lot of Australian and British TV!



I understood perfectly. The front fell off because it wasn't made of paper. I need a vacation after that one. A vacation in Australia. I won't be traveling by oil tanker though.


----------



## Addie

One morning a blonde calls her friend and says, “Please come over and help me. I have this killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can`t figure out how to start it.”

Her friend asks, “What is it a puzzle of?”

The blonde says, “From the picture on the box, it's a tiger.”

The friend figures he's pretty good at puzzles, so he heads over to her place. She let him in and shows him to the table where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a minute, then studies the box.

He then turns to her and says, “First, no matter what I do, I'm not going to be able to show you how to assemble these to look like the picture of that tiger.”

“Second, Id advise you to have a cup of coffee and put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

As to the gift wrap roll:  Yup.  And it's also a Dur-Dur.   You put it to your mouth and through it loudly say, "Dur-dur.". To any dog, cat, or person who might appreciate it.


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> Yup.  And it's also a Dur-Dur.   You put it to your mouth and through it loudly say, "Dur-dur.". To any dog, cat, or person who might appreciate it.





We had a Dobie that would absolutely go bonkers when he saw an empty tube---- I would do an imitation of the race track starting trumpet through it and he could barely contain himself.


----------



## MrsLMB

cave76 said:


> We had a Dobie that would absolutely go bonkers when he saw an empty tube---- I would do an imitation of the race track starting trumpet through it and he could barely contain himself.


 
When we lived on the Oregon coast my DH was doing the "dur dur" into a tube and he got a reply .... from the elk outside!

After that all tubes were his and he would torment those elk with his tube calls  LOL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

MrsLMB said:


> When we lived on the Oregon coast my DH was doing the "dur dur" into a tube and he got a reply .... from the elk outside!
> 
> After that all tubes were his and he would torment those elk with his tube calls  LOL



  Cave and MrsLMB, DH and Beagle do not appreciate the Dur-Dur.  Nor have any of my previous dogs, come to think of it....  Don't quite understand it.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> As to the gift wrap roll:  Yup.  And it's also a Dur-Dur.   You put it to your mouth and through it loudly say, "Dur-dur.". To any dog, cat, or person who might appreciate it.



You do that too???  LOL!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> You do that too???  LOL!



You do that too???  It's an underrated musical instrument!  An icon!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Cave and MrsLMB, DH and Beagle do not appreciate the Dur-Dur.  Nor have any of my previous dogs, come to think of it....  Don't quite understand it.



Neither do the cats...


----------



## CatPat

Dawgluver said:


> You do that too???  It's an underrated musical instrument!  An icon!



I love doing that. I make that farting noise of my mouth and Misty hisses at me.

Azia barks, and Kali just looks at me as if to say, "Are you nuts?"



With love,
~Cat


----------



## Dawgluver

CatPat said:


> I love doing that. I make that farting noise of my mouth and Misty hisses at me.
> 
> Azia barks, and Kali just looks at me as if to say, "Are you nuts?"
> 
> 
> 
> With love,
> ~Cat



Well, Cat, you need a Dur-Dur!  DA could benefit as well!


----------



## CatPat

Dawgluver said:


> Well, Cat, you need a Dur-Dur!  DA could benefit as well!



I do! I'll try that!

With love,
~Cat


----------



## MammaCat

What also is funny is Misty riding Cat's Roomba!

She loves that thing!

MammaCat


----------



## taxlady

Isn't that called a didgeridoo?






ducks and runs


----------



## CatPat

Oh that is funny, Mamma! I didn't think of that. 

With love,
~Cat


----------



## CatPat

taxlady said:


> Isn't that called a didgeridoo?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ducks and runs



What is that? If you're ducking and running, it must be very funny!

With love,
~Cat


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Isn't that called a didgeridoo?
> 
> ducks and runs



A poor man's didgeridoo. Or recycling.   It doesn't quite have the bass notes.  Of course, I'm more of an alto.


----------



## CatPat

Ha! I Googled this.

The didgeridoo (/ˌdɪdʒərɪˈduː/) (also known as a didjeridu) is a wind instrument developed by Indigenous Australians of northern Australia around 1,500 years ago and still in widespread use today both in Australia and around the world. It is sometimes described as a natural wooden trumpet or "drone pipe". Musicologists classify it as a brass aerophone.[1]

I think that cardboard tube is! That's funny!

With love,
~Cat


----------



## Dawgluver

MammaCat said:


> What also is funny is Misty riding Cat's Roomba!
> 
> She loves that thing!
> 
> MammaCat



  Beagle just eyes the Roomba and runs away from it!  You'll have to take a pic of Misty riding Roomba!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20059


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> A poor man's didgeridoo. Or recycling.   It doesn't quite have the bass notes.  Of course, I'm more of an alto.



There is a didgeridoo in the house, too...yes, Shrek and his musical journey continues...please don't tell him about bagpipes...


----------



## CatPat

Dawgluver said:


> Beagle just eyes the Roomba and runs away from it!  You'll have to take a pic of Misty riding Roomba!



I'll do that...if I can catch her on it when it's not moving!

PF, bagpipes are scary. They sound like a cat fight.

With love,
~Cat


----------



## CatPat

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 20059





With love,
~Cat


----------



## Addie

It is even better when there are several empty rolls and you can have a marching band. Keeps the kids busy. Along with DH and other big kids!


----------



## taxlady

Stirling has family in Australia, so he has been there. He picked up this didgeridoo when he was there:







They are not easy to play. I did produce some noises. Shreddy was surprised and curious. The didgeridoo is about 4' long.


----------



## Somebunny

Snowman humor!


View attachment 20062



View attachment 20063


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Stirling has family in Australia, so he has been there. He picked up this didgeridoo when he was there:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> They are not easy to play. I did produce some noises. Shreddy was surprised and curious. The didgeridoo is about 4' long.



So far Charlie has been able to make fart noises.  I was surprised when it showed up.  Takes a lot of breath to play one...something he doesn't have.


----------



## cave76

So now we know what the people do for entertainment around here! I'm not going to mention that saying that starts with 'small minds'. Oh, no----- not me!


Not a joke, but it's funny anyway, I think. A long time ago there was a suction toy that was  meant to put onto a high chair to amuse the baby.  It was much much simpler than these. Amazon.com: Sassy Sensation Station Suction Toy: Baby

Anyway, my then husband just had to suction it to his forehead! (Go figure!) Was a devil to pry loose and  it left a red round mark there. A get-together had been planned for a couple of days later----- and two other men showed up with the same mark!

What is it with men?  Probably  the same thing that made me shout through a cardboard tube!


----------



## MrsLMB

cave76 said:


> Anyway, my then husband just had to suction it to his forehead! (Go figure!) Was a devil to pry loose and it left a red round mark there. A get-together had been planned for a couple of days later----- and two other men showed up with the same mark!
> 
> What is it with men?  Probably the same thing that made me shout through a cardboard tube!


----------



## MrsLMB

The Official Cat Lady Christmas Tree


----------



## Dawgluver

cave76 said:


> So now we know what the people do for entertainment around here! I'm not going to mention that saying that starts with 'small minds'. Oh, no----- not me!
> 
> Not a joke, but it's funny anyway, I think. A long time ago there was a suction toy that was  meant to put onto a high chair to amuse the baby.  It was much much simpler than these. Amazon.com: Sassy Sensation Station Suction Toy: Baby
> 
> Anyway, my then husband just had to suction it to his forehead! (Go figure!) Was a devil to pry loose and  it left a red round mark there. A get-together had been planned for a couple of days later----- and two other men showed up with the same mark!
> 
> What is it with men?  Probably  the same thing that made me shout through a cardboard tube!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20117


----------



## taxlady

"venison"


----------



## Andy M.

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 20117




Sixty-One points with the 35 point bonus for using all your letters!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

True Thing:

New Shop in town "Gluten Free Prairie"  they sell oats and things like that, it's owned by the Wheaton's...just saw the commercial.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> True Thing:
> 
> New Shop in town "Gluten Free Prairie"  they sell oats and things like that, it's owned by the Wheaton's...just saw the commercial.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

I seem to have gotten this wrong. Of all the choices, I have a pet.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## tinlizzie

That one's a killer, Taxy!


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I seem to have gotten this wrong. Of all the choices, I have a pet.



I picked kids and pets years ago. That explains a lot about me. Sanity? What is that?


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20188


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Life Size Lego Car Powered by Air - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

Thank you for posting that PF. Very cool.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Thank you for posting that PF. Very cool.



Welcome, Shrek sent it to me.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Macgyver1968

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel around his crotch.

The bartender says "hey buddy...you got a sterring wheel attached to your crotch"

The pirate replies "Arrrrrgh....it's drivin' me nuts"


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks for making me laugh out loud, Mac.  Cute!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20232


----------



## Kathleen

Poor SAD CATS!!!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!!  Dear Diary: lately, when I sit in the hallway and sing the song of my people, tennis balls fly through the air, I don't know how they get there.  I will continue to sing, hopefully to discover the intent.


----------



## taxlady

Zefrank has a number of good videos. Here's the Sad Dog Diary:

Sad Dog Diary - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  Dear Diary,  Dearest Human had a friend in, I had to go get the treat I had just hidden and guard it with my life, then guard my food bowl, growling, barking and eating too much in order to show it was mine.  He is now holding a treat out for me, I must bite his hand as I snatch it.


----------



## GotGarlic

Princess Fiona, perhaps you and Shrek would like to renew your vows for your next wedding anniversary that ends in 0 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/art...wedding-make-guests-come-fancy-dress-too.html


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That would be fun!  We would be renewing our renewed vows...LOL!  Great idea, it will take me a year to get it all planned.  (29 years next Friday)


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That would be fun!  We would be renewing our renewed vows...LOL!  Great idea, it will take me a year to get it all planned.  (29 years next Friday)



Congratulations in advance! We celebrated our 29th in June!


----------



## taxlady

Talk of horses on the pets thread reminded me of this joke:

_An English man and a Scottish man are sitting in the pub and the  English fellow is teasing the Scot: 'Isn't it funny that you Scottish  people eat so much porridge and oats? We only feed that stuff to the  horses!' 'Aye' replies the Scot, 'that's why the English have the finest  horses, and the Scottish have the strongest men.'_


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20279

Lol!


----------



## Aunt Bea

These guys crack me up!

TWO DOGS DINING - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That one cracks me up Aunt Bea!  A good Monday morning giggle.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I was chasing a fat man in a red suit!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## cave76

O.K.------ I'm completely missing that joke (camel/xmas day). I'm sure once it's explained to this nincompoop I'll bust out laughing.


----------



## MrsLMB

cave76 said:


> O.K.------ I'm completely missing that joke (camel/xmas day). I'm sure once it's explained to this nincompoop I'll bust out laughing.


 

Here

GEICO Hump Day Camel Commercial - Happier than a Camel on Wednesday - YouTube


----------



## cave76

MrsLMB------ Thanks! Now (!) I'm laughing. LOL


----------



## MrsLMB

cave76 said:


> MrsLMB------ Thanks! Now (!) I'm laughing. LOL


----------



## Andy M.

MrsLMB said:


> Here
> 
> GEICO Hump Day Camel Commercial - Happier than a Camel on Wednesday - YouTube




This ad just doesn't get old.  My grandson loves it and can recite it on demand.


----------



## Kathleen

Every Wednesday at work, Andy.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>




ROFL!!!!!


----------



## Rocklobster

Worth a listen. Press the play button, or the "Play All" button on 12 Daze of Christmas...

Grooveshark - Free Music Streaming, Online Music


----------



## Andy M.

*They're All The Same*

I ran across this on another site and thought it worth sharing.  It's a short demonstration of how the top country music hits of 2013 are the same.

Proof That Every Country Music Song This Year Was Exactly the Same


----------



## cave76

One of my all time favorites:

Intel Ad: Jokes - YouTube


----------



## cave76

And another one that always makes me laugh. Yeah, small minds.......

Alvin Hall Ostrich Attack - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Cave.


----------



## MrsLMB

Andy M. said:


> This ad just doesn't get old. My grandson loves it and can recite it on demand.


 
LOL Andy .. got to tell you about our experience with this ad.

Our next door neighbor is named Mike.  Mike has 2 dogs.  Our 2 dogs and his 2 dogs get along quite well.  Our 2 dogs look forward to visiting Mike.

Everytime this ad would show on TV our dogs would run to the back door when that camel would say Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike Mike.  They thought they were going to see Mike !  We had to start turning the TV down when that ad came on  LOL


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!! over the Intel Ad Cave and the Camel story Mrs LMB!!!

Thanks for the laughs!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20315


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20316


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I was chasing a fat man in a red suit!



I would so not find that funny if I came home to it. I'm very protective of my books. I would probably end up crying because the alternative would be to yell and the hubby would have to deal with the dog and the mess.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I would so not find that funny if I came home to it. I'm very protective of my books. I would probably end up crying because the alternative would be to yell and the hubby would have to deal with the dog and the mess.



Oh, I would not handle it well.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

I've seen this happen:


View attachment 20443


----------



## CWS4322

19 Idiotic (But Real) Travel Complaints | Blogdramedy


----------



## Andy M.

CWS4322 said:


> 19 Idiotic (But Real) Travel Complaints | Blogdramedy



Unbelievable!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Hysterical...


----------



## bakechef

I can believe every one of those.  Working in retail you hear some pretty crazy things.  I can only imagine that they are amplified when someone has spent thousands on a vacation.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

CWS4322 said:


> 19 Idiotic (But Real) Travel Complaints | Blogdramedy



That kind of stuff is exactly why I can't do straight customer service jobs anymore. Dealing with internal customers still has its headaches and stupidity, but not as consistantly and you have a supervisor to turn to if the person is being really unreasonable.


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> I've seen this happen:
> 
> 
> View attachment 20443



LOL--- I just have to tell the story of a Christmas Eve get-together with a couple of neighbors. Our tradition, since there were no children involved  was to buy or make fancy finger food to nosh on all evening. The neighbor wife brought a chocolate decadence cake which we put out on the screened porch for later. Because it was a fairly warm night (California) we had the door open a bit from the front room to the porch.

When it was time to bring in the cake we discovered our two Dobies out there with Chocolate Decadence all over their mugs and part of the cake missing! We just cleaned it up a bit and joined them.

Which of course put paid to the story that chocolate is poisonous to dogs.

(But I don't want anyone else to feed chocolate to their dogs, just in case!)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## cave76

A man's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another drink.

Attributed to W.C. Fields


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Taxy, Himself, the 3-year astronomy major, got a good laugh out of that one.  Very cute!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Taxy, Himself, the 3-year astronomy major, got a good laugh out of that one.  Very cute!


I laughed so hard when I read it that I had a coughing fit.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## cave76

How to Suck at Facebook

How to Suck at Facebook - The Oatmeal


----------



## Mad Cook

cave76 said:


> How to Suck at Facebook
> 
> How to Suck at Facebook - The Oatmeal


I don't do Facebook but I have a horrid feeling that those people highlighted really exist.


----------



## cave76

I quit FB long ago when I found out "those people" really DO exist!

Too bad it's become a cesspool of inane remarks because there are still some good things about FB--- like during a crisis, Amber Alert, hurricane etc. Or even just keeping in touch.

And FBs Friending thing? Argghhh!


----------



## Andy M.

It's one form of communication with family.  That's about it.


----------



## Andy M.

*Ads You'll NEVER See Agin*

Ahhh, the good old days!


----------



## cave76

Andy, I bet your favorite song is Put Another Log on the Fire!

Tompall Glaser ~ Put Another Log On the Fire - YouTube


----------



## bakechef

cave76 said:


> I quit FB long ago when I found out "those people" really DO exist!
> 
> Too bad it's become a cesspool of inane remarks because there are still some good things about FB--- like during a crisis, Amber Alert, hurricane etc. Or even just keeping in touch.
> 
> And FBs Friending thing? Argghhh!



Facebook can still have all of those great things, you just have to filter out those people who make the experience unpleasant.

I find Facebook awesome to keep in touch with people and their lives.  Those I found annoying just get un-friended or removed from my news feed.


----------



## Andy M.

cave76 said:


> Andy, I bet your favorite song is Put Another Log on the Fire!...
> 
> HA!  The theme song for the "doesn't have a clue gang"


----------



## Mad Cook

Andy M. said:


> Ahhh, the good old days!


Don't you just want to kill some of those copywriters, girls?

Cocaine and sanitized tape worms  !

And perhaps we should point out that the term "fag" has a different connotation in Britain, where I suspect that advert came from, than in America!

The beer ad aimed at mothers isn't as insane as it sounds. It's only fairly recently that midwives over here have stopped advising nursing mothers to drink a glass of Guinness a day. (And some "authorities" on the subject of breast feeding still do eg:-
Mother Food - A Lactogenic Diet: The Best Beer for Breastfeeding )


----------



## Andy M.

My daughters were breast-fed and a glass of beer a day was recommended.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> My daughters were breast-fed and a glass of beer a day was recommended.



My aunt said the same thing; my cousin just turned 50 and has done very well for herself


----------



## taxlady

I knew someone who smoked pot before feeding her baby, when he was cranky. It worked.


----------



## cave76

Andy M. said:


> My daughters were breast-fed and a glass of beer a day was recommended.



No offence meant but is that for the same reason that cows are fed fermented silage---- to relax them and to encourage milk production?


----------



## Andy M.

cave76 said:


> No offence meant but is that for the same reason that cows are fed fermented silage---- to relax them and to encourage milk production?




None taken.  I've called my Ex many things.  Cow is not one of them.  

I think it is to encourage milk production.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Holiday Dinner Party - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Perfect!


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Perfect!



Thanksgiving at Pac's house!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Perfect!



Definitely a dinner for Spike. For a snack, he will cook up a pound of bacon. And this is the kid who has had eight heart attacks so far. And I am worried about my daughter? I give up!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That was a good one PF!  Thanks!



PrincessFiona60 said:


> Holiday Dinner Party - YouTube


----------



## Aunt Bea

Bacon is such a versatile food!

This year I think I will ditch the high carb. gingerbread house for this low carb. Nativity scene.!


----------



## cave76

Aunt Bea said:


> Bacon is such a versatile food!
> 
> This year I think I will ditch the high carb. gingerbread house for this low carb. Nativity scene.!



That's priceless! Next years project.


----------



## Addie

Now who wouldn't want to eat that? Who eats those high carb ones anyhow? Save some for me. I will take care of the roof.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Add a McStraw to that!


----------



## Dawgluver

For some reason, DH is always in the Dangerous zone:


View attachment 20572


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> For some reason, DH is always in the Dangerous zone:
> 
> 
> View attachment 20572



------ Words for Husbands to Live By!


----------



## Dawgluver

cave76 said:


> ------ Words for Husbands to Live By!



Yeah, nothing to do with hormones!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Yeah, nothing to do with hormones!


Gee, I thought the chart meant that which column the man chose would depend on *his* hormone levels.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Gee, I thought the chart meant that which column the man chose would depend on his hormone levels.



+ 1, I prefer your interpretation!


----------



## MrsLMB

Some Learn and Some Don't


----------



## MrsLMB

Earworm ahead !!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kman

I need to be careful around here!


----------



## taxlady

MrsLMB said:


>


You know my cat?


----------



## taxlady

This is also like Shreddy.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

And my two...


----------



## bakechef

Oscar sits outside the bedroom door and howls if we happen to sleep past 9 am on the weekend, it's like he's going to die of starvation!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Those could all be my cat also. Cats may all have unique personalities, but they also all have some rather distinct similarities.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## taxlady

Zereh said:


>


Love it.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20635


----------



## Zereh




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

He could have thought of lots worse explanations


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  Yes, a superhero...


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Another perspective: 



View attachment 20644


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Dawgluver

A concise explanation from George:


View attachment 20647


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## cave76

Mrs LMB----- So funny and so true! LOL


----------



## taxlady

That's hilarious.


----------



## taxlady

We were just discussing these two in petty vents.



Cooking Goddess said:


> Dear Canada:  Could you please take your  Biebs back? We have far too many home-grown idiots of our own to be  putting up with your guy too. Thank you.





Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> Dear America; You made him, you keep him. Besides, we have Rob Ford.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Good one taxy! Too bad all of your celebrities and exports couldn't be like Michael Bublé or Nathan Fillion. *sigh*


----------



## cave76

Cooking Goddess said:


> Good one taxy! Too bad all of your celebrities and exports couldn't be like Michael Bublé or Nathan Fillion. *sigh*



Nathan Fillion! YES! I love him.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

Cooking Goddess said:


> Good one taxy! Too bad all of your celebrities and exports couldn't be like Michael Bublé or Nathan Fillion. *sigh*


Hmm...for some reason I was thinking of Alex Trebek and William Shatner.


----------



## Andy M.

I was thinking more along the lines of Elisha Cuthbert, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Erica Durance, to name just a few.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Good one taxy! Too bad all of your celebrities and exports couldn't be like Michael Bublé or Nathan Fillion. *sigh*



Yes, Nathan Fillion...


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> I was thinking more along the lines of Elisha Cuthbert, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Erica Durance, to name just a few.


Never heard of them. But, I can see why you chose them. 

Do you actually keep up on that stuff, or did you just Google, "Hot female Canadian celebrities"?


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> Never heard of them. But, I can see why you chose them.
> 
> Do you actually keep up on that stuff, or did you just Google, "Hot female Canadian celebrities"?



I just wanted to represent a male point of view.

Google is your friend.  It never ceases to amaze me the things you can find on the internet.  There's no need to "keep up' on stuff because you can find it any time you want it.

Have you ever tried the Google game where you try to search a two word combination that turns up zero results?  It's not that easy and demonstrates just how vast and all-encompassing the internet is.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ha! At least Mr. Ed looks comfy. Wonder if Mad Cook brought her horse in to stay warm.


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


>



We had a horse that I KNOW we could have brought inside and he would have been more careful than many teens I have known!


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

Andy M. said:


> I just wanted to represent a male point of view.
> 
> Google is your friend.  It never ceases to amaze me the things you can find on the internet.  There's no need to "keep up' on stuff because you can find it any time you want it.
> 
> Have you ever tried the Google game where you try to search a two word combination that turns up zero results?  It's not that easy and demonstrates just how vast and all-encompassing the internet is.



I've gotten zero results but only a few times and it was always searching for either and obscure music group or some technical thing for school that was a footnote in a text book. The last one was five or so years ago so I'm sure it would be more difficult now.


----------



## Addie

I must do four or five Google's a day. If a thought comes to mind, Google! And I always find an answer. The most popular and informative ones are always are listed first. Then if you don't have a life, you can look at the 200K more sites. I no longer have to read up on something. I can just Google it. 

I wanted to know how to do an embroidery stitch I had never done before. I Googled it and learned something new in five minutes. You just got to love those YouTube instructions.


----------



## cave76

Addie said:


> The most popular and informative ones are always are listed first.



And if they've done the right thing to optimize the search. Or if you're looking for Justin Bieber!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

*Graphic Photo of My Robotic Surgery*

Don't look if you are easily grossed out!!!


----------



## taxlady

Neato PF. Is that some doctor game that the robots are poking at?


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Neato PF. Is that some doctor game that the robots are poking at?



It's Operation!  Very popular when I was a kid.


----------



## bakechef

That's hilarious!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Neato PF. Is that some doctor game that the robots are poking at?





Dawgluver said:


> It's Operation!  Very popular when I was a kid.





bakechef said:


> That's hilarious!



Yes, that is the daVinci and it's playing Operation.  

That is how they started my surgery, but it would have taken 8 hours to do it with the robot, so they switched to open.  Not good to keep a patient in a trendelenburg position for more than an hour or so.


----------



## Dawgluver

Which robot is yours, PF?


----------



## Somebunny

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yes, that is the daVinci and it's playing Operation.
> 
> That is how they started my surgery, but it would have taken 8 hours to do it with the robot, so they switched to open.  Not good to keep a patient in a trendelenburg position for more than an hour or so.




Good to see they didn't remove your "funny bone" PF lol!


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20680


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yes, that is the daVinci and it's playing Operation.
> 
> That is how they started my surgery, but it would have taken 8 hours to do it with the robot, so they switched to open.  Not good to keep a patient in a trendelenburg position for more than an hour or so.



Is there a name for when you derrière is higher than you head and feet?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Which robot is yours, PF?



The whole thing is the daVinci Robot.  It has 5 arms and the doctor controls it from a console across the room.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> Is there a name for when you derrière is higher than you head and feet?



Means you are in for an Endoscopy...of the Colon type.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Himself says if we could figure out how to make kielbasa cologne we'd be rich. I suppose we could also offer bacon bath gel?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Bacon Shampoo and conditioner.  Did you go get your hair cut?


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## cave76

Aunt Bea said:


>



 Sorta frees up your life, right?


----------



## taxlady




----------



## vitauta

reminds me of the time people got all in snit and wanted to expel john lennon from the u.s. for suggesting that the beatles were more popular than jesus.


----------



## Dawgluver

vitauta said:


> reminds me of the time people got all in snit and wanted to expel john lennon from the u.s. for suggesting that the beatles were more popular than jesus.



I recall that, Vit.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 20694


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ...Did you go get your hair cut?


Not yet. Waiting for the weather to get warmer. I figure the longer I wait the more I'll have to donate.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Not yet. Waiting for the weather to get warmer. I figure the longer I wait the more I'll have to donate.



That's true!  I'm having to start wearing mine with a headband to pull it back.  Soon, I'll have to wear it in a ponytail.


----------



## taxlady

Mwahaha


----------



## cave76

Taxlady---- that 'backsides' joke is already on it's way to many of my friends! LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

This cracked me up:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0chZbltGmJQ&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:
> Three reasons to quit drinking - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


>



Killed me watching the poor guy bashing the arm....


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Drinking an IBC will never be the same.


----------



## Aunt Bea

This made me chuckle.


----------



## taxlady

That's brilliant Aunt Bea.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek is upset the Desperado doesn't offer the same service.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:


View attachment 20752


----------



## Dawgluver

Dang!  I thought so too!

View attachment 20753


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Somebunny

Speaking of yum.........View attachment 20778


----------



## GotGarlic

Somebunny said:


> Speaking of yum.......



 Reminds me of Marie Osmond: "Bacon roses! Bacon rose-es!" Hee hee!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> Reminds me of Marie Osmond: "Bacon roses! Bacon rose-es!" Hee hee!



That's what I thought when I saw them!!! LOL!!


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That's what I thought when I saw them!!! LOL!!



Great minds, PF, great minds


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> The whole thing is the daVinci Robot.  It has 5 arms and the doctor controls it from a console across the room.


Sorry, PF, technically, the whole thing is the da Vinci(R) Surgical System. Although sometimes referred to as a robot, it is 100% under the control of the surgeon. It is not programmable nor is it able to be controlled via a computer or other device, hence, it is not a robot (sorry, the technical writer/editor in me could not resist). And the manufacturer calls it a surgical system.


----------



## Dawgluver

Looks like ND, our usual winter:


View attachment 20780


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Looks like ND, our usual winter:
> 
> 
> View attachment 20780


I've seen that same picture claiming to be in Canada. That has to be a scary drive in spring.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Sorry, PF, technically, the whole thing is the da Vinci(R) Surgical System. Although sometimes referred to as a robot, it is 100% under the control of the surgeon. It is not programmable nor is it able to be controlled via a computer or other device, hence, it is not a robot (sorry, the technical writer/editor in me could not resist). And the manufacturer calls it a surgical system.



Now, I know all of that, I also know the technical terms for the "arms" are "waldoes".  But the romantic in me calls it a robot...being a lifelong Science-Fiction freak, I can't help it.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20789
The caption read "human I require your assistance". Lol!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 20789
> The caption read "human I require your assistance". Lol!



That is why we have vertical blinds...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That is why we have vertical blinds...



That's exactly what I was going to type.


----------



## Dawgluver

Happy President's Day!


View attachment 20797


----------



## Dawgluver

Another gleanage from FB.  As an educator, I totally understand...


View attachment 20798


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Now, I know all of that, I also know the technical terms for the "arms" are "waldoes".  But the romantic in me calls it a robot...being a lifelong Science-Fiction freak, I can't help it.


Looking at the pic, ummm...I question your sense of romance. To me, that looks like s/thing out of a nightmare involving a visit to the gynecologist...


----------



## Zhizara

Just to get back on track.


----------



## GotGarlic

Easy-peasy.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I guess white wine would work for things that just sit there too, huh GG? Although I think cavemen didn't eat veggies.

I'm wondering why MrsLMB hasn't been around for a long while. She was a daily contributor to this thread. Now, nada. Where ARE you MrsLMB???


----------



## Zhizara

Me foo, CG.   I'd love to find her sites for those funnies!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS4322 said:


> Looking at the pic, ummm...I question your sense of romance. To me, that looks like s/thing out of a nightmare involving a visit to the gynecologist...



No, it's used to get rid of the nightmare by the gynecologist...it works and is a very nice machine, even though it is quite scary looking.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

THERE you are, MrsLMB!  We've been worried about you!  Welcome back!


----------



## MrsLMB

I was at the YMCA  

Thanks Dawg .. had a family emergency that took me out of state for a while ... but yep .. I am back


----------



## Dawgluver

Sweet!


View attachment 20812


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Sweet!
> 
> 
> View attachment 20812



That is so delightful. I'd say let her come.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> That is so delightful. I'd say let her come.


+1!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawg, that was one smart pup! I should have thought of this when our kids were in high school. I may have had only two, but with all their friends coming and going we considered putting a revolving door on the front of the house!  *sigh* I miss those days...



MrsLMB said:


> I was at the YMCA  :


Thanks for the earworm MrsL.


----------



## taxlady

I just heard a commercial on the radio. I don't remember what it was for, but I heard, "So, how cold is it in Canada?" "My teenage son pulled up his pants."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Dang, I already filled out my app for the year!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Sweet!
> 
> 
> View attachment 20812




Awwwwwww!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> I was at the YMCA
> 
> Thanks Dawg .. had a family emergency that took me out of state for a while ... but yep .. I am back



I thought maybe you were one of those people who were still out of electricity.  Glad you are back!


----------



## MrsLMB

Dawgluver said:


> Sweet!
> 
> 
> View attachment 20812


 
Awwww ... love that !!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



 There's coffee dripping of the screen...


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

PrincessFiona60 said:


> There's coffee dripping of the screen...



I've seen this one before and it still got and audible chuckle from me.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Cooking Goddess

I am *SO* there!  Don't forget, it's best to have your foods in a variety of colors.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

MrsLMB said:


>



Plus his hat won't fly off in high winds.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Plus his hat won't fly off in high winds.


That's what I was thinking too.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Himself calls me the "Queen of Bungee Cords". I think you've found the King!  Disclaimer:  I have never, ever used one to hold up an article of clothing. Yet...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Himself calls me the "Queen of Bungee Cords". I think you've found the King!  Disclaimer:  I have never, ever used one to hold up an article of clothing. Yet...



You better hurry and invent the bungee bra before someone else does.


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> You better hurry and invent the bungee bra before someone else does.


When they first put "stretch straps" on bras, there was a definite bungee cord like effect.


----------



## MrsLMB

Some days !!!!


----------



## taxlady

Did I see this one here? If so, I apologize for the rerun.

That's me for sure, and I'm not that far off...  Stirling says he has already said that about me.


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>




I don't blame that wolf one little bit.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


If only...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## tinlizzie

Andy M. said:


> Plus his hat won't fly off in high winds.



Plus he can tip his hat and moon ya simultaneously.


----------



## taxlady

tinlizzie said:


> Plus he can tip his hat and moon ya simultaneously.




You're silly. I love it.


----------



## MrsLMB

As a public service I am reminding you all that ......


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

I like this vet:


View attachment 20842


----------



## taxlady

Sounds like a fun vet.


----------



## MrsLMB

Dang !!  And I was hoping it was !!!


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> all!
> 
> I like this vet:
> 
> 
> View attachment 20842



Clever signs and also a sign of a good sense of humor. I'd go to that vet!

My vet had a sign in the waiting room:

*The Vet will be with you shortly.
Sit.
Stay.*


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



I love that canine!!!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

Chicken Horror Movie


----------



## taxlady

I nearly sprayed the monitor.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Me too taxy! How DO cats sleep like they do?  Ours sleeps with her head in the window or patio door track. Why? 




MrsLMB said:


> Dang !!  And I was hoping it was !!!



And how big would those Swedish meatballs be?


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Me too taxy! How DO cats sleep like they do?  Ours sleeps with her head in the window or patio door track. Why? ...


Shreddy used to use the stretcher (cross bar) on our dining chairs as a pillow. We have different dining room chairs. That's why it was in past tense.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I nearly sprayed the monitor.



Brownies all over...


----------



## taxlady




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zereh




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!!!

Another courtesy George Takai:


View attachment 20853


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


>



I keep telling autocorrect where to go, but it keeps changing it to "heck".


----------



## Aunt Bea

Today's funny is not really funny, it's kinda sad!


----------



## cave76

Aunt Bea said:


> Today's funny is not really funny, it's kinda sad!



Amen!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Aunt Bea said:


> Today's funny is not really funny, it's kinda sad!



Amen! 2


----------



## taxlady

Amen 3

Don't get me started.


----------



## bakechef

I have friends that use paper plates and plastic utensils.  They have a nice dishwasher, they keep their house quite tidy, I have no idea why they have an aversion to washing dishes.


----------



## cave76

bakechef said:


> I have friends that use paper plates and plastic utensils.  They have a nice dishwasher, they keep their house quite tidy, I have no idea why they have an aversion to washing dishes.



Maybe they figure ----- paper plates probably come from a renewable resource (until we cut down all the trees in the world) but* plastic is forever.
*
Just guessing, maybe they figure the energy (electric and hot water) used in a dishwasher is too cost* non-*effective. I believe there are people who actually have figured that out. Better brains than mine.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20854


----------



## taxlady

Yup, must be a good spot, since so many cats seem to like it.


----------



## Addie

bakechef said:


> I have friends that use paper plates and plastic utensils.  They have a nice dishwasher, they keep their house quite tidy, I have no idea why they have an aversion to washing dishes.



I use paper plates but no plastic. But I do have glass bowls for mixing, etc. I hate plastic anything. I hunted high and low to find Ace rattail combs. They are made from hard rubber. I finally found them on Amazon and ordered them. They came five to a pack. But I only need one or two. But I ordered them and was only to happy to pay for shipping. I HATE plastic.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20869


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



That is absolutely true!  I'm the "Pied Piper" of the village and have dogs following me everywhere.  Facility dogs have started bringing in friends (visitors dogs).


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Especially for the Canadians.

Heard in a Rick Mercer Report  video: Rick asked his guest if she had any tattoos. Jann Arden replied,  "I have one of Canada on my bum. Every time I fart, Quebec separates."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Good one MrsLMB.


----------



## MrsLMB

*One Word - 2 Meanings*

Two Meanings for One Word

1. *THINGY* (thing-ee) n.

Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.


2. *VULNERABLE *(vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
Male….. Playing football without a cup.


3. *COMMUNICATION* (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n

Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.


4. *COMMITMENT* (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.


5. *ENTERTAINMENT *(en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.


6. *FLATULENCE* (flach-u-lens) n.

Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.


7 *MAKING LOVE* (may-king luv) n.

Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.


8. *REMOTE CONTROL* (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


----------



## cave76

*LOL ----- love them! And so true.* My favorite?---- Communication!




MrsLMB said:


> Two Meanings for One Word
> 
> 1. *THINGY* (thing-ee) n.
> 
> Female…… Any part under a car’s hood.
> Male….. The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.
> 
> 
> 2. *VULNERABLE *(vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
> 
> Female…. Fully opening up one’s self emotionally to another.
> Male….. Playing football without a cup.
> 
> 
> 3. *COMMUNICATION* (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n
> 
> Female… The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one’s partner.
> Male… Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.
> 
> 
> 4. *COMMITMENT* (ko- mit-ment) n.
> 
> Female….. A desire to get married and raise a family.
> Male…… Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.
> 
> 
> 5. *ENTERTAINMENT *(en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
> 
> Female…. A good movie, concert, play or book.
> Male…… Anything that can be done while drinking beer.
> 
> 
> 6. *FLATULENCE* (flach-u-lens) n.
> 
> Female…. An embarrassing by-product of indigestion.
> Male…… A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.
> 
> 
> 7 *MAKING LOVE* (may-king luv) n.
> 
> Female…… The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
> Male….. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.
> 
> 
> 8. *REMOTE CONTROL* (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
> 
> Female…. A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
> Male… A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.


----------



## cave76

Her Side, His Side

Funny Jokes : Her Side/His Side


----------



## GotGarlic

This cracked me up 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77ql1emlCn4


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

That one cracks me up...it's what my floor looks like, only more.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

bacon seeds


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 20884


----------



## cave76

I have one of these magnets. I'm not quite sure I understand the analogy because I don't have a clean, uncluttered house and yet I do have a dirty mind! 

A Clean Uncluttered House IS THE Sign OF A Dirty Mind Magnet | eBay


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My favorite sign in the kitchen is one that says, "No woman ever shot a man who was washing dishes."


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 20885
Yup I agree!


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 20885
> Yup I agree!


That's why older folks think slower. Too much information. They have done tests with computers loaded with too much info and they slow down too. It's the digging through the huge database that slows things down.


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


> That's why older folks think slower. Too much information. They have done tests with computers loaded with too much info and they slow down too. It's the digging through the huge database that slows things down.



The last two informative posts certainly work for me!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


>



This is SO me!  Thanks Dawg.


----------



## MrsLMB

What a bargain !


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Memo to self: Okay, stop wearing matching underwear...


----------



## taxlady

This one has been showing up on my Facebook feed. The Canadians here may enjoy it.


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

taxlady said:


> This one has been showing up on my Facebook feed. The Canadians here may enjoy it.



I usually get the Canada based jokes but this one is lost on me.


----------



## taxlady

purple.alien.giraffe said:


> I usually get the Canada based jokes but this one is lost on me.


PQ = Parti Québecois

It's the separatist party. They are currently in power in Quebec and there's a whole lot of dissent about their "Charter of Values", which I believe is being voted on soon in the National Assembly (Quebec parliament).


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## GotGarlic

These noodles are a little ... chewy.


----------



## taxlady

According to Dubbing Benny Hill Music Over Rave Music Is Inexplicably Hilarious | Unlooker.com

"This is literally just a clip of ravers dancing at a music festival, but with the rave music taken out and Benny Hill music put in."

Dansje doen @ Awakefest 2013 (Benny Hill) ORIGINAL - YouTube


----------



## Andy M.

That was cool.  I would have liked to see it start out with the original music then switch.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> That was cool.  I would have liked to see it start out with the original music then switch.


Me too!


----------



## Dawgluver

Benny Hill theme song always cracks me up!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> These noodles are a little ... chewy.



LOL!!!  That is a great Bento!


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!!  That is a great Bento!



I thought you'd like it


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek wants me to make him one like that.  If I can manage it, I will snap a pic of it.

Now we need an R2D2 cupcake...


----------



## taxlady

That is a great bento. I see we were posting at about the same time. I was wondering how I missed it.


----------



## cave76

GotGarlic said:


> These noodles are a little ... chewy.



O.K. another 'joke' I don't get. (Losing it fast and furious here!)
What am I missing?


----------



## Dawgluver

cave76 said:


> O.K. another 'joke' I don't get. (Losing it fast and furious here!)
> What am I missing?



It looks like Chewbacca (aka Chewy) from Star Wars.

View attachment 20904


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> It looks like Chewbacca from Star Wars.




No one will believe this, but I was thinking Chewbacca ( the word 'chewy' being a play on words) but STILL didn't see Chewbacca in the noodles!
So the jokes on me!


----------



## taxlady

I wish this wasn't true:


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> I wish this wasn't true:



Don't feel bad, I haven't run since 1976.  

My Mother never did and she lived to be 91!


----------



## taxlady

Aunt Bea said:


> Don't feel bad, I haven't run since 1976.
> 
> My Mother never did and she lived to be 91!


I think the last time I ran was in the late '90s. It was to catch a commuter train. My Birkenstock-like sandals kept flying off.


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


> I wish this wasn't true:



Me too. The last time I ran (or rode a  horse or gardened or worked or....)was just a week or so before the tick(s) that gave me Lyme disease bit me. That was about 20  years ago. (Sorry for my pity party, but some days it just gets to me! )


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Shrek wants me to make him one like that.  If I can manage it, I will snap a pic of it.
> 
> Now we need an R2D2 cupcake...



Not a cupcake, but along the same theme, a Wookie cookie:


View attachment 20905


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!  I made Wookie Cookies from the Star Wars Cookbook.


----------



## taxlady

The discussion of cats who won't play with the laser pointer dot reminded me of this:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> The discussion of cats who won't play with the laser pointer dot reminded me of this:




Yes!!!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Dawgluver

all!

This reminds me of someone I live with.... (pssst, it's not Beagle)

View attachment 20915


----------



## taxlady

I'm glad I didn't have any coffee in my mouth when I saw this one.


----------



## Zhizara

Good one, Taxy!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


>



Where is that like button!


----------



## tinlizzie

OK, move it along, kid.  There's a line of women stretching around the block.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## taxlady

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wkDvqQKGgDA


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Vit, Vit, Vit!!!

Neil Degrasse Tyson [SLOW MOTION] - YouTube


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Whoa PF! I'm still trying to decide if it was Tyson who dropped that acid or was it me?   

Kinda made me think of Bill Cosby in the way he was talking, especially at the very end.


----------



## taxlady

Oh my, that's brilliant. I love Neil Degrasse Tyson. Slowing it down really makes it come across as '70s hippy dippy, oh wow man.


----------



## cave76

*“I would challenge you to a battle of wits, but I see you are unarmed!”*

― William Shakespeare


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Whoa PF! I'm still trying to decide if it was Tyson who dropped that acid or was it me?
> 
> Kinda made me think of Bill Cosby in the way he was talking, especially at the very end.





taxlady said:


> Oh my, that's brilliant. I love Neil Degrasse Tyson. Slowing it down really makes it come across as '70s hippy dippy, oh wow man.



He is amazing and I'm sure he has had a good laugh over this.


----------



## cave76

*How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy Steps*

1. Announce that it's time to go to bed.

2. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.

3. Explain that bedtime is not a punishment.

4. Explain that bedtime is not a new concept.

5. Explain that, yes, bedtime will happen every night.

6. Console your toddler.

7. Announce that it's still bedtime.

8. Let your toddler know that we don't call names in this house.

9. Tell your toddler it's time to go upstairs.

10. Watch your toddler move at a snail's pace.

11. Wait for your toddler to stop crying.

12. Pick up your toddler.

13. Walk your toddler upstairs.

14. Pick out the wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.

15. Pick out another wrong pair of pajamas for your toddler.

16. Explain that the right pair of pajamas are in the wash.

17. Explain that you will not be doing a load of laundry this evening.

18. Console your toddler while he/she cries.

19 Explain that in this house we don't call names.

20. Watch your toddler struggle to get into his/her pajamas.

21. Ask your toddler if you can help.

22. Continue watching your toddler struggle.

23. Watch your toddler try to wear a pair of pants like a shirt.

24. Console your toddler.

25. Put the wrong pair of pajamas on your toddler.

26. Announce that it's time to brush teeth.

27. Explain the benefits of dental hygiene.

28. Console your toddler.

29. Carry your toddler into the bathroom.

30. Put a microscopic amount of toothpaste (poison) onto the toddler toothbrush.

31. Wet toothbrush.

32. When your toddler opens his/her mouth 1/45th of an inch wide, attempt to clean teeth.

33. Your toddler will attempt to spit in the sink, but will actually spit on the counter. Clean it up.

34. Console your toddler.

35. Ask your toddler to pick out two books.

36. Toddler will pick out the two longest books in your home.

37. Read the first line of every third page of the two books.

38. Field unrelated questions and interruptions.

39. Tell toddler it's time for a good night kiss.

40. Toddler will be suddenly and urgently thirsty, give toddler a small drink of water.

41. Toddler will ask a question. Answer question.

42. Say "good night" and kiss toddler.

43. Toddler will ask for a hug. Hug toddler.

44. Toddler will take up a sudden interest in potty training and ask to use the bathroom. It's poop.

45. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that there is no poop.

46. Toddler may become afraid. Assure toddler that there is nothing to be afraid of.

47. Toddler will ask a question about life. Answer question.

48. Toddler will need another hug and kiss. Give hug and kiss.

49. Toddler needs to urinate. Help toddler in the bathroom. Notice that toddler actually urinates.

50. Toddler requires a sticker for urinating successfully.

51. Put a sticker on toddler's potty chart.

52. Toddler may want to tell you a brief 10-minute story. Listen to story while backing out of the room.

53. Turn off the light.

54. Toddler remembers that he/she needs a special stuffed animal.

55. Ask where the stuffed animal is.

56. Toddler tells you it's in the car. Find your keys and look in the car. It's not there.

57. Look in the living room.

58. Look in the kitchen.

59. Look in the backyard.

60. Scout the neighbor's property.

61. Find the toy in your toddler's room, under the bed.

62. Ask toddler if he/she knew the toy was under their bed.

63. Toddler will ask for dinner. Explain to toddler that dinner ended hours ago.

64. Toddler will cry that he/she is hungry. Explain to toddler that he/she should have eaten said dinner.

65. Explain that we do not call people in this house names.

66. Toddler will ask for hug and kiss. Hug and kiss toddler.

67. Toddler will ask you to help arrange his/her pillows and blankets. Arrange pillows and blankets.

68. Toddler will ask you three essay questions. Answer them.

69. Toddler will notice that the tag end of the blanket is next to his/her face and will kick it off. Fix blanket, this time with care and precision.

70. Toddler will ask for the hall light on. Turn on the hall light.

71. Toddler will ask for another story. Explain that there will be no more stories.

72. Toddler will ask what the plan for tomorrow is. Resist the urge to say, "I won't be here. I'm running away tonight."

73. Tell toddler "good night."

74. Toddler will say his/her back, legs or butt is itchy.

75. At your discretion, try to relieve itchiness through lotion or wipes.

76. Put toddler back in bed.

77. Arrange blanket in the proper formation.

78. Say good night.

79. Toddler will say "good night."

80. As you reach the door, toddler will inform you that he/she is not wearing socks.

81. Choose the wrong pair of socks for your toddler.

82. Choose another wrong pair of socks for your toddler.

83. Choose the right pair of socks for your toddler.

84. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler's feet.

85. Put the right pair of socks the wrong way on your toddler's feet.

86. Get the right pair of socks the right way on your toddler's feet.

87. Use your last thread of energy to stand.

88. Say "good night."

89. Toddler will say "good night."

90. As you leave the room, toddler will ask for a sip of water with pathetic sad look on face.

91. Give toddler sip of water and beg to be released from this Hades.

92. Toddler will ask for a back rub/tapping.

93. Tap toddler's back until you lose feeling in your arm and your toddler seems tired.

94. Slowly stop tapping. Stand up. Try to float out of the room.

95. Toddler will look at you. Say, "it's time to go to bed."

96. If toddler cries, pretend to be serious this time.

97. Say "good night."

98. Act like you're walking downstairs but just linger by the door, out of sight.

99. Pray.

100. Walk downstairs.

You may now relax for 2-5 minutes before you're called back in. Congrats!

_The Honest Toddler: A Child's Guide to Parenting is out in paperback April 22, 2014.
_

How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy StepsÂ*|Â*Honest Toddler


----------



## Andy M.

cave76 said:


> ...How to Put a Toddler to Bed in 100 Easy StepsÂ*|Â*Honest Toddler




Not in my home.


----------



## GotGarlic

From Fb:


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I think that cardinal was in our back yard today!


----------



## Addie

Maxine says,

"Don't worry, be crabby!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm tired just reading about putting a toddler to bed.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm tired just reading about putting a toddler to bed.



Sounds just like my nephew.  And his new earworm and constant singing is from "Frozen":  Go! GoooGo! Go.... Driving SIL nuts.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Sounds just like my nephew.  And his new earworm and constant singing is from "Frozen":  Go! GoooGo! Go.... Driving SIL nuts.



Glad you are safe home!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Glad you are safe home!



Thanks PF!  It was interesting.


----------



## taxlady

This afternoon Stirling accidentally posted what he intended to be his status update on FaceBook as a comment on a friend's post.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxy, Stirling must provide you with endless hours of amusement!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> taxy, Stirling must provide you with endless hours of amusement!


He does. I love his sense of humour.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Non-Sequiter Man...here to embrace chaos of the human kind.

He needs a uniform...


----------



## Aunt Bea

This beer commercial cracks me up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6DVf4TifNkg


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Caution...Warning!!


----------



## GotGarlic

In case anyone's feeling crabby today, here's an otter showing you its baby. 

View attachment 21004


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> In case anyone's feeling crabby today, here's an otter showing you its baby.
> 
> View attachment 21004



I love that picture!  Thanks GG!


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I love that picture!  Thanks GG!



It makes me laugh every time I look at it! I may have to make it my tablet wallpaper


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It's in my wallpaper rotation...I need to send it to myself at work!


----------



## taxlady

Aww, otter! I love the pic too.


----------



## Somebunny

The otter pic looks like she is saying "listen I've been up all night, you take him!"


----------



## GotGarlic

Somebunny said:


> The otter pic looks like she is saying "listen I've been up all night, you take him!"


----------



## Dawgluver

Somebunny said:


> The otter pic looks like she is saying "listen I've been up all night, you take him!"



But Mama has the sweetest smile on her face...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> The otter pic looks like she is saying "listen I've been up all night, you take him!"



I see, "For a dollar a day you can feed an otter in need."


----------



## GotGarlic

View attachment 21019


----------



## cave76

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 21019



  So true!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 21019


If only the media would introduce the "opposing view" that way, when appropriate. They seem to have a bizarre notion of "balanced reporting" nowadays.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It finally came today!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It finally came today!!!



Oh thank goodness, now you're legal!


----------



## Dawgluver

No snow right now, but it's still April.

View attachment 21039


----------



## yummy_food

So cruel

View attachment 21040


----------



## CWS4322

This cracked me up:


----------



## purple.alien.giraffe

CWS4322 said:


> This cracked me up:



My cat would never offer that. In fact I'm pretty sure he starts plotting my death every time I star talking about getting a new pet of any kind.


----------



## taxlady

Shreddy wants/insists on cuddles on demand. 

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Same with Latté, when I want a cuddle she wanders off...when I'm busy or preoccupied is when she insists on being cuddled.


----------



## Dawgluver

Not so funny, kinda sad, but it fits so many of us.  
http://link.brightcove.com/services...Su-RqdTbpobEiBNy0&bclid=0&bctid=3399601721001


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That was cute, in a sad sort of way. It's scary how much the singers sounded like Simon and Garfunkel.


----------



## GotGarlic

Hee hee!


----------



## GotGarlic

This is a little long - 2 minutes - but worth it. 

http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr3_mXJeP1


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Video not there GG!


----------



## GotGarlic

Whoops!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zr3_mXJeP1g


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That's a good dog!!


----------



## taxlady

Love them both, GG and Dawg.

Sent from my SGH-I747M using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Brilliant!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQGtblTDU_4#t=20


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Brilliant!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uQGtblTDU_4#t=20



I'll have to try this!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg




----------



## Dawgluver

Our Florida and other tropical friends may avert their eyes:


View attachment 21051


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!   There were so many cancelled egg hunts when I was a kid.


----------



## Dawgluver

Growing up in northern North Dakota, we had our egg hunts in June.  Otherwise our eggs were frozen...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

If we had hidden eggs we wouldn't have found them until June!

At an altitude of over 7000' it stayed cold longer...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> This is a little long - 2 minutes - but worth it.


You want me to watch a video that doesn't exist for two minutes?  

Then I watched the "good" one. Gee, I wish I had known about "Omar" when our kids were young.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

This is hilarious. Only in Newfoundland. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dB5cgwTY5ME&feature=youtube_gdata_player


----------



## taxlady

I love it Rocket. I wonder if anyone else knows what that pole is for.


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

taxlady said:


> I love it Rocket. I wonder if anyone else knows what that pole is for.



I was wondering that exact thing myself. LOL.


----------



## taxlady

So, does anyone have a guess as to the nature of that pole, especially the non-Canucks?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Not a clue.


----------



## Somebunny

It looks like a clothesline pulley.....but it can't be that simple. So perhaps the postman pins the mail to it, so you can reel it in, when the the snow makes the sidewalk impassable????


----------



## Addie

Somebunny said:


> It looks like a clothesline pulley.....but it can't be that simple. So perhaps the postman pins the mail to it, so you can reel it in, when the the snow makes the sidewalk impassable????



Exactly. We have them on almost every house in this town. My daughter has a great one. She lives on the second floor and her clothesline is hooked up to the utility pole which is quite a distance away. She can hang three or four large queen size sheets all at the same time full out. You don't use your dryer here in the summer. Not is you are lucky enough to have a line. When I lived in Everett, I had two and they were hooked up to the house across from me. I shared them with the neighbor who also lived on the second floor.


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> It looks like a clothesline pulley.....but it can't be that simple. So perhaps the postman pins the mail to it, so you can reel it in, when the the snow makes the sidewalk impassable????


Jumpin' Jesus, you got it on the first guess.


----------



## taxlady

Addie, I nearly typed that folks in Boston might recognize it.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Addie, I nearly typed that folks in Boston might recognize it.



When they built the project housing after the war, they even put them there. I love the smell of my sheets after I bring them in from the line. I used to hang them out in the winter also. When I brought them in, sometimes they were frozen solid.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> *Jumpin' Jesus,* you got it on the first guess.



Quick story. When my sister's oldest daughter was about three, they were in Woolworth's looking at Christmas stuff. An ad for the Baby Jesus had been showing for weeks on TV. When my sister came across it, she mention, that here was that ad for Jesus. Her daughter burst out loud enough for everyone to hear, "Mommy hold me up so I can see Jumping Jesus!


----------



## Rocket_J_Dawg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-ssXJtzFOjA


----------



## Dawgluver

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-ssXJtzFOjA



Love it!


----------



## Andy M.

Rocket_J_Dawg said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=-ssXJtzFOjA




Excellent!  Thanks.  If you're keeping score, let me know and I'll do a three click thanks for you.


----------



## CWS4322

Hmmm...this cat might be on to something.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## taxlady

LOL CWS.

I wouldn't do that to a cat, but it does look awfully sweet in that silly getup.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Addie

Good one Aunt Bea. Now who is going to clean my computer screen?


----------



## taxlady

I saw this on FaceBook. It has some "colourful" language, so I will just put the link, not the pic. I had tears running down my cheeks from laughing.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...74598705.62048.235455286519064&type=1&theater


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


> I saw this on FaceBook. It has some "colourful" language, so I will just put the link, not the pic. I had tears running down my cheeks from laughing.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?...74598705.62048.235455286519064&type=1&theater



I've been there, done that! 

That's the time for a Byte-Bat. I had one when our first computer sat and glowered at us  with just a dot for a cursor on a black screen waiting for us to read it's mind.

It was a kind of baseball bat made of soft materials so you could hit your stupid computer without anything breaking.


----------



## taxlady

I solve the password problem by using Password Safe | Free Security & Utilities software downloads at SourceForge.net. I tell it the password rules and it makes up a random password that follows those rules. I don't have to remember the password, just the master password for Password Safe. I highly recommend it.


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


> I solve the password problem by using Password Safe | Free Security & Utilities software downloads at SourceForge.net. I tell it the password rules and it makes up a random password that follows those rules. I don't have to remember the password, just the master password for Password Safe. I highly recommend it.



Do you think it would withstand breeches like this one (reported today)?

Critical Security Bug 'Heartbleed' Hits Up To 66 Percent Of The Internet


----------



## taxlady

cave76 said:


> Do you think it would withstand breeches like this one (reported today)?
> 
> Critical Security Bug 'Heartbleed' Hits Up To 66 Percent Of The Internet


Yes. That security bug is serious. It involves bank servers and other sensitive data. But, it isn't able to open properly encrypted files like the ones created by Password Safe.

BTW, CNET gives this link Test your server for Heartbleed (CVE-2014-0160) as a way to check the servers to which you connect. I don't know how well that works and his server is kinda busy with a lot of people checking.

Edit: I'm not a security expert, so I assume it can't open a properly encrypted file.


----------



## cave76

Thanks, TL. You said: "*I tell it the password rules *and it makes up a random password that follows those rules."

Can you explain what that means? Since different sites have different 'rules' (like 2 capitals or 4 capitals) how can you set rules that will cover all sites?

Am I missing something? (I answer: Of course I am!)


----------



## taxlady

cave76 said:


> Thanks, TL. You said: "*I tell it the password rules *and it makes up a random password that follows those rules."
> 
> Can you explain what that means? Since different sites have different 'rules' (like 2 capitals or 4 capitals) how can you set rules that will cover all sites?
> 
> Am I missing something? (I answer: Of course I am!)


I can set default rules and I can set rules for each entry.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Getting back to that image you posted the link to taxy, that was SO me when I had to create my password for the Hell Connector website. Himself could hear me yelling and swearing all the way from the kitchen to the living room.


----------



## Aunt Bea

What do you call a rabbit in a kilt?  *Hopscotch!!!!!!!*


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Gosh Aunt Bea, how adorable is THAT!?!  And just in time for Easter.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Beats Bonny Bunny...


----------



## GotGarlic

This has *got* to give you a smile 

What these Baby Elephants do is so Adorable. You literally can't stop Loving this!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> This has *got* to give you a smile
> 
> What these Baby Elephants do is so Adorable. You literally can't stop Loving this!


Awwww, that was wonderful.

I found that it was best to open it in a new tab and let it load for several minutes. When I first looked at it everything was in sssslllloooowwww miotion.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love watching baby elephants!  Thanks, GG!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ah, memories of springtime in OH. This is from Coshocton OH, about an hour south of our daughter.


----------



## Dawgluver

Ahh, Maxine:


View attachment 21108


----------



## Dawgluver

And another Maxine:


View attachment 21109


----------



## Addie

Knowing Maxine if my heroine, my sister gave me a book of her wise sayings. Oscar from the Odd Couple is The Pirate's hero. Or at least during his teenage years.


----------



## Zereh




----------



## Cheryl J

I love Maxine!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Zereh said:


>


Oddly enough, as I read the words they came out to the melody of "I Will Survive".


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Oddly enough, as I read the words they came out to the melody of "I Will Survive".


Um, yeah.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZBR2G-iI3-I


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I found myself dancing and singing to "Stayin' Alive" in the car yesterday.  Didn't know I still knew all the words.  Just glad a mirror globe didn't pop down from the roof of the car.


----------



## bakechef

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I found myself dancing and singing to "Stayin' Alive" in the car yesterday.  Didn't know I still knew all the words.  Just glad a mirror globe didn't pop down from the roof of the car.



I have that album on the usb stick in my car.  There was a day that I thought, "what if I'm in a wreck and this is still playing on the radio and I can't reach the knob to turn it off" 

Now that I've recently turned 40, I've earned the right to not give a flip!  I'll crank the disco with the windows down!

Often Rob and I will sing whatever is on the radio as the Bee Gees, song after song after song...


----------



## taxlady

Bakechef, if you just turned 40, disco would be oldies to you.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Bakechef is younger than my baby brother...but he did get to watch Sesame Street.


----------



## Dawgluver

Hmm.  Bakechef is younger than my Baby Bro too....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

He's younger than 2 of my stepkids...


----------



## Andy M.

...and I have a child and two step children over forty.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Does this mean we can call him "Kiddo"?


----------



## Dawgluver

Apparently, 40 is the new 20!  And we can harass Bakechef!  And he puts up with it!


----------



## Addie

BC is younger than my four kids and only a year or so over my oldest grandchild. Good heavens, I have some very old family members.


----------



## cave76

Ever get one of these e-cards??


----------



## Dawgluver

cave76 said:


> Ever get one of these e-cards??



  But true!

Baby Bro terms it "Whole Paycheck".


----------



## bakechef

Thanks y'all for making me feel young!  I was alive during disco

Sent from my XT1080 using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## Zereh




----------



## PrincessFiona60

bakechef said:


> Thanks y'all for making me feel young!  I was alive during disco
> 
> Sent from my XT1080 using Discuss Cooking mobile app



I bet you were so cute in your little disco outfit...  Disco only lasted about 5-6 years, '74-'80. It was dying when I was old enough to go to the Discotheque.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

bakechef said:


> ...Now that I've recently turned 40, I've earned the right to not give a flip!  I'll crank the disco with the windows down!...


I've always done the karaoke in the car bit when I drive. One time on the MA-to-OH trip traffic and drivers were exceptionally bad in the CT-NY stretch of the route. When I got off the highway for a pit stop I went into the closest store with a music department, grabbed a Jimmy Buffett disc, checked out and popped it into the slot in the van. Presto! Instant Happy Music! I'm not a Parrothead by any means, but I find it's really hard to be upset or mad when listening to Jimmy Buffett!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I always make sure there is a Buffett CD in the car for any long trip!!!

Jimmy Buffett - Come Monday - YouTube


----------



## bakechef

On a catamaran out in the water off the coast of Mexico when they start playing Jimmy Buffet, perfect moment!


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh yeah!  Or driving on a long, flat stretch of highway in North Dakota, watching a beautiful sunset.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dcVyZ9CH9Y


----------



## cave76

C&W fans:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nplVWRQkLYo


----------



## cave76

And one of my favorites:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oOCC1EKXRBc


----------



## Rocklobster

Here's to people who celebrate 4/20. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRH0jhuc1r4


----------



## Dawgluver

Rocklobster said:


> Here's to people who celebrate 4/20.
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRH0jhuc1r4





Forgot what day it was, other than Easter Sunday!  You rock, Rock!


----------



## Somebunny

Love me some Buffet!  PF! 
Lol! Rock, you doooooo rock!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Um, you guys DO know we have a thread just for sharing favorite music, don't you? 
http://www.discusscooking.com/forums/f26/music-feeds-the-soul-85944-2.html#post1356887





PrincessFiona60 said:


> Fins!


The cousins in PA play that at every friends and family weddings! That, and 
Garth Brooks' "Friends in Low Places".


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Um, *you guys DO know we have a thread just for sharing favorite music, don't you? *
> .




Thanks CG. I couldn't figure out what was so funny about the song they were posting.


----------



## Somebunny

Some of those songs are "funny"


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 21144
Here ya go!  We're back on track now!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Addie said:


> Thanks CG. I couldn't figure out what was so funny about the song they were posting.



It's Buffett...he is always on topic in the Off Topic.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

True PF, but Buffett would probably fit in even better in the Alcoholic Drinks forum.


----------



## cave76

Somebunny said:


> Some of those songs are "funny"



I thought some were too.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

What I think is funny is how many of us are closet Parrotheads.


----------



## Somebunny

Lol! PF.  I'm not in the closet, we really like JB.  We saw him in concert many years ago in Vancouver BC and we have most of his music.  It's a prerequisite for boating in our book.  We used to take our little 15ft runabout out in Puget Sound, island hopping almost every summer weekend and Jimmy always came with us (boat has a cassette player) his music is so happy!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Somebunny said:


> Lol! PF.  I'm not in the closet, we really like JB.  We saw him in concert many years ago in Vancouver BC and we have most of his music.  It's a prerequisite for boating in our book.  We used to take our little 15ft runabout out in Puget Sound, island hopping almost every summer weekend and Jimmy always came with us (boat has a cassette player) his music is so happy!



Yes, we saw him a couple of times when we were in Demver.  Puts on a great show.  Also, a girlfriend and I spent a couple summers tooling around the country in an old Datsun and one JB cassette tape.


----------



## cave76

@ cookinggoddess----- did you listen to the two songs that I posted? I think they're really funny but then I may have a twisted sense of humor. That's why I posted them in this forum.


----------



## taxlady

Be forewarned, this is nsfw (not safe for work). I laughed so hard my stomach hurts.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=847717595242064


----------



## Somebunny

Ok that must have cheered you up a bit Linda ...... Lmao!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LMFAO!  Hysterical!


----------



## Addie

So everybody who keeps a spray bottle and cleaning cloth next to their monitor, raise their hand. Laughter may be the best medicine, but not if you bust a gut laughing. Someone please come pick me up off the floor.


----------



## Dawgluver

Roflmao!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

<raises hand>


----------



## Andy M.

Freakin' hilarious!


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> Be forewarned, this is nsfw (not safe for work). I laughed so hard my stomach hurts.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=847717595242064



Those were the days, now I'm happy with just a spark or two!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

B et you won't see this one on Saturday Morning

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNWr9eF2Huk


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> B et you won't see this one on Saturday Morning
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNWr9eF2Huk



Yikes!!  Kinda belongs with the SNL "questionable toy" skit with Candice Bergren and Dan Akroyd!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek says he had one.


----------



## Aunt Bea

It seems that all of the TV shows had a toy gun of some sort,

The Rifleman
Wanted Dead or Alive
The Wild Wild West

and we never had such things as school shootings, go figure!


----------



## Andy M.

I had a Hopalong Cassidy gun belt with two shiny six shooters with 'ivory' handles.  The gun belt was shiny black leather with shiny metal studs all over.  I was one cool dude!


----------



## taxlady

I had toy guns and cap guns, but we weren't allowed to point them at people or animals, ever.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L49VXZwfup8


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Be forewarned, this is nsfw (not safe for work). I laughed so hard my stomach hurts.
> 
> https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=847717595242064


I missed it! When I first saw the link I was on my phone. Wanted to look when I was on the laptop. I got the "This content is currently unavailable" message telling me the link might be expired, I might not have permission to look, or the content has been removed. Content removed? HOW funny was this photo?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

cave76 said:


> @ cookinggoddess----- did you listen to the two songs that I posted? I think they're really funny but then I may have a twisted sense of humor. That's why I posted them in this forum.


Rest assured my sense of humor is completely twisted too, but I skipped right past after seeing they were country. I just can't do country. Sorry. Different strokes for different folks.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> I missed it! When I first saw the link I was on my phone. Wanted to look when I was on the laptop. I got the "This content is currently unavailable" message telling me the link might be expired, I might not have permission to look, or the content has been removed. Content removed? HOW funny was this photo?


I think FB removed the content. It wasn't THAT risque. My FB post with that link is gone. It doesn't just not work, the whole dang post, with comments is gone. It was a video of a totally inappropriate toy. I think it was particularly funny because of the Scottish dude who described it as he opened the package and followed the instructions.


----------



## cave76

Cooking Goddess said:


> Rest assured my sense of humor is completely twisted too, but I skipped right past after seeing they were country. I just can't do country. Sorry. Different strokes for different folks.



O.K.----- that's fine and I understand.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I think FB removed the content. It wasn't THAT risque. My FB post with that link is gone. It doesn't just not work, the whole dang post, with comments is gone. It was a video of a totally inappropriate toy. I think it was particularly funny because of the Scottish dude who described it as he opened the package and followed the instructions.



I can't get it anymore either.  I've seen a lot worse on FB, this was funny.


----------



## Somebunny

CG, if you want see the video it's a you tube belonging to bigclivedotcom.  It was funny, if totally inappropriate. Taxlady is right the "Scottish dude's" reaction is hilarious.


----------



## taxlady

Somebunny said:


> CG, if you want see the video it's a you tube belonging to bigclivedotcom.  It was funny, if totally inappropriate. Taxlady is right the "Scottish dude's" reaction is hilarious.


Thanks Somebunny.

Here it is:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcDgOGC5Lcc


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> B et you won't see this one on Saturday Morning
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNWr9eF2Huk



I can. We have a local station that shows all the OLD shows. The Lone Ranger, Hopalong Cassidy, Lash LaRue, all the cowboys you saw in the Saturday Matinée. It is a real hoot seeing Johnny Mack Brown. I always loved the part where the mike is hidden near a rock and as they run by fast the horses hoofs get louder and louder and then fade off into the distance.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

You won't see the _AD_!

I can watch old serials anytime.


----------



## taxlady

I wonder if it was someone at Canadian Tire or at Cuisinart who was having fun with the names of various levels of doneness of meat. The last two are my favourites.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Thanks Somebunny.
> 
> Here it is:



 Thanks taxy. I think. All I can say is that poor doll sure could use a big tube of preparation h!


----------



## Dawgluver

My favorite sea creature!

http://blog.petflow.com/im-dying-th...source=ds&utm_medium=Facebook&utm_campaign=ds


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> My favorite sea creature!
> 
> I’m Dying. This Video About The Octopus Is HILARIOUS! | PetFlow Blog - The most interesting news for pet parents around the world.


Oh man, that was funny. I love Zefrank's stuff. I hadn't seen that one yet. Thanks for sharing it.


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> My favorite sea creature!
> 
> From the Monterey Bay Aquarium! He might have discovered a way to get kids (and some adults ) to listen to the entire video while possibly getting a little knowledge at the same time. (I know *I* finished the entire vid.)


----------



## Dawgluver

Less funny "haha" and more funny "weird":

View attachment 21209

I see Albert without my glasses, Marilyn with them on.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's just creepy Dawg...AND I think I need new glasses. Unless I'm holding my head just right I'm getting Marilyn with a mustache and bow tie. 

****************************

Taxy, thanks for posting that video! I watched it, then the one about the Aye Aye, and then told Himself about them. When I went back in the living room later on he was on something like the 5th video, then he found Ze at the 2004 TED convention, so we proceeded to watch that! Ze sounds rather normal when he's talking as himself. I figured he did some sort of voice distortion thing for the videos - which makes him sound like a more distinct speaking Steven Hawking to my ears.


----------



## taxlady

CG, it was Dawg who posted the video. I just mentioned the name "ZeFrank" and hinted that there was more funny stuff by him. He also did "The Sad Cat Diary" and "The Sad Dog Diary".

That picture - whether I see Marilyn or Einstein depends on how close I am to my monitor.

Dawg, are your glasses right?


----------



## cave76

Dawgluver said:


> Less funny "haha" and more funny "weird":
> 
> View attachment 21209
> 
> I see Albert without my glasses, Marilyn with them on.



Oof! I only see Einstein no matter how close or far I sit with my glasses on. With them off everything blurs but I think it's more Marilyn.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 21217


----------



## Zhizara

Good one, Dawg.  I'm still snickering!


----------



## Zhizara

Nice site, Dawg.  Here's another one:


----------



## taxlady

Goodness Dawg & Z. I'm still giggling too.


----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 21224


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 21237

Much better than strawberries and apple slices!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Somebunny said:


> View attachment 21224



I love that picture!

It reminds me of Sam Cooke's song  _"Another Saturday night, I ain't got nobody...."_


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawg, Himself's first reaction was "Where's the bacon? You HAVE to have bacon!"


----------



## Dawgluver

You're right, CG!


----------



## Zhizara

It's so messy I figured I must have just missed the bacon, it _had_ to be there.


----------



## cave76




----------



## taxlady

I wasn't sure where to post this, because it's not so much funny, as cute and seemed appropriate for a cooking forum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JOCtdw9FG-s


----------



## cave76

taxlady said:


> I wasn't sure where to post this, because it's not so much funny, as cute and seemed appropriate for a cooking forum.
> 
> Good caveat, tax!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Addie

Yesterday I found the following in the wastebasket at my hairdressers.

Sung to the tune of "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things."

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polidant and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a fee of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads, and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.


----------



## cave76

Addie said:


> *Yesterday I found the following in the wastebasket at my hairdressers*.




Huh???


----------



## Addie

cave76 said:


> Huh???



There was a piece of paper just sitting on top of everything else. I got curious and picked up that piece of gem.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love puns...drives Shrek crazy.


----------



## taxlady

groan


----------



## Zereh




----------



## taxlady

Good one Z. Here's another one about older folks. Got it from FB.

 Appreciation of loud Music

          Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it.  I was in a  Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I  realized that I desperately needed to fart.  The place was packed but  the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce     embarrassment I  timed my farts to the beat of the music.  After a couple of songs I  started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.  I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod.

 This is what happens when old people start using technology.


----------



## Zereh

hahaha


----------



## Somebunny

Roflmao!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, I'm slayed by both...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Zereh, I'm afraid I was born at "that age". 


Here's a good one for everybody, but especially PF.






It's official: I have everything!


----------



## Addie

Oh dear! I am one of those crazy friends.


----------



## vitauta

Aunt Bea said:


>


:
i love these, bea, i'm choking!  do you have a link for this punography?  i'd like to be able to pass it on....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Zereh, I'm afraid I was born at "that age".
> 
> 
> Here's a good one for everybody, but especially PF.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's official: I have everything!



I'm the crazy friend, right?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PF, what gives you the idea I have only ONE crazy friend? 

When my SIL and I used to go on our "girls' week" we did some things that I'm surprised we didn't end up in jail.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> PF, what gives you the idea I have only ONE crazy friend?
> 
> When my SIL and I used to go on our "girls' week" we did some things that I'm surprised we didn't end up in jail.



Well, I'd go to jail with you!


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

LOL, inbreeding would explain those weird looking ears.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Another Takei.  Should have been for Cinco de Meow!  
View attachment 21332


----------



## Somebunny

Lol!


----------



## GotGarlic

Purr-fect!


----------



## cave76

GotGarlic said:


> Purr-fect!



That is SO cute. I've sent it on to several friends.


----------



## taxlady

Love the toner cat.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Toner babies!!!


----------



## taxlady

That is how I felt about getting up when I had a job.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 21385

Heh.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

So me...


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Dawg and PF.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YTjEEYzIQQ0


----------



## Somebunny

OMG! Roflmao!


----------



## taxlady

Uh oh. Someone knows me too well.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

me too!  I hate the folding and putting away!  LOL!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Dude looks like a lady!


----------



## Dawgluver

all!

More lol:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/05/growing-up-is-optional-photos_n_5440934.html?utm_hp_ref=tw


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Those were great!


----------



## Dawgluver

Loved the plastic tube arms!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh yes, I want to do that, definitely!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Somebunny

View attachment 21421


----------



## Dawgluver

guys!

This cracked me up:
http://www.smosh.com/smosh-pit/photos/people-who-tried-things-pinterest-and-totally-nailed-it


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawg, that was hilarious! lmao!


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

I love North Dakota:

View attachment 21438


----------



## creative

ANIMAL CRACKERS (The Best of BBC One's Walk On The Wild Side) [Shamrock Edit] (HQ) - YouTube


----------



## MrsLMB

*The Intellevator*

Intelevator (intelligent voice activated Elevator) - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

That was 13+ minutes WELL wasted...  Thanks for the laughs!


----------



## Aunt Bea

One of my pet peeves!


----------



## MrsLMB

*Carriage Return*

Especially for you CG  

Carriage Return 

.. if you are under age 40 you probably won't get this

back_to_work_after_thirty_years.wmv - YouTube


----------



## Addie

Aunt Bea said:


> One of my pet peeves!



I hear ya! If I have that few items, I go through the self service checkout aisle.


----------



## Aunt Bea

Addie said:


> I hear ya! If I have that few items, I go through the self service checkout aisle.



Those things are another one of my pet peeves!


----------



## Addie

Aunt Bea said:


> Those things are another one of my pet peeves!



I love them. In&out!


----------



## taxlady

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4QzHeUE-CM


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O4QzHeUE-CM



Absolutely delightful. Loved every word.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> Especially for you CG


Um, thanks? LOL!  Good thing my computer is a laptop and not a desk model, huh?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

This has been making the rounds amongst my Facebook friends. I especially like it since my nationality heritage is Polish. Enjoy!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> This has been making the rounds amongst my Facebook friends. I especially like it since my nationality heritage is Polish. Enjoy!


I saw a different picture with the same words on FB (and shared it). It's such a great thing to remember when you are about to be dragged into other people's nonsense.


----------



## bakechef

Addie said:


> I love them. In&out!



I love them too unless

-you KNOW that you cannot use anything computer related and still go through one!
-have a huge cart of groceries that won't fit on the scale-thingy in the bagging area
-feel that you need to look for the barcode, here is a hint, just spin it around in your hand, the laser will likely find it before you do!

I feel that there should be a one question quiz before you are allowed to use it, the question would be "What color is the sky" both answers would be "Blue", if it takes you more than 10 seconds to figure out the answer to the question, then the register locks up and directs you to a cashier.   It amazes me how people cannot follow voice prompts even when the register repeats them over and over "Please place your item in the bagging area".

I still use them every chance I get.


----------



## Addie

bakechef said:


> I love them too unless
> 
> -you KNOW that you cannot use anything computer related and still go through one!
> -have a huge cart of groceries that won't fit on the scale-thingy in the bagging area
> -feel that you need to look for the barcode, here is a hint, just spin it around in your hand, the laser will likely find it before you do!
> 
> I feel that there should be a one question quiz before you are allowed to use it, the question would be "What color is the sky" both answers would be "Blue", if it takes you more than 10 seconds to figure out the answer to the question, then the register locks up and directs you to a cashier.   It amazes me how people cannot follow voice prompts even when the register repeats them over and over "Please place your item in the bagging area".
> 
> I still use them every chance I get.



 Sometimes the stupidity of people stuns me. Past amazing.


----------



## MrsLMB

*Discretion*

Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.

Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five continue playing standing up. 

Finkelstein looks around and asks, "So, who's gonna tell the wife?"

They draw straws. 

Goldberg picks the short one. 

They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.


"Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you'll ever meet. Discretion is my middle name. Leave it to me."

Goldberg goes over to the Meyerwitz apartment and knocks on the door. The wife answers and asks what he wants.

Goldberg declares, "Your husband just lost $500 in our poker game and is afraid to come home."

The wife says, "Tell him to drop dead!"

"I'll go tell him," says Goldberg.


----------



## cave76

MrsLMB said:


> Six retired Floridians were playing poker in the condo clubhouse when Meyerwitz loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table.



That reminded me of this old joke:

"Two guys are golfing on a course that is right next to a cemetery. After they tee off, one of the golfers notices that there is a funeral procession passing by.

 So he takes off his hat, and places it over his heart. When the funeral is over, the other golfer looks at the guy and asks, ''Why did you do that?''

The man replies, ''Well we were maried for almost 40 years. It's the least I could do.''

Funny Jokes | Golf and Funerals Joke | Comedy Central


----------



## MrsLMB

DANGER DANGER
Two drunken men were driving home from the local pub. 

Suddenly the first man started screaming. "Jim, watch out for that wall, watch out for the waaaaaaaall!"

Baaaaaaaam! 

They hit the wall. 

The very next day, in the hospital, the first man angrily said to his friend. "You good for nothing drunk, I screamed and screamed for you to watch out for the wall, why didn’t you?"

Jim answered him, "YOU WERE DRIVING!!!"


----------



## Dawgluver

guys!

View attachment 21457


----------



## creative

Dawgluver said:


> guys!
> 
> View attachment 21457



Reminds me of what a fat comedienne said..."my idea of a workout is sitting up in bed to have a cigarette!"  

I have been known to raise an arm occasionally....


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL, I like all the new products out to complement my bacon - Baconnaise, Bacon Salt, Bacon Ritz...


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Dawgluver

This cracked me up:
http://www.iflscience.com/health-an...ance-being-bitten-uruguay’s-luis-suarez-shark


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zhizara

I'm so glad you're back, MrsLMB!  You find the funniest cartoons that always crack me up!

Thanks for the laughs!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

No kidding!  LOL!


----------



## cave76

PrincessFiona60 said:


> No kidding!  LOL!



What PF said! LOL


----------



## Addie

*Sung to the tune of "These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things*

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataract, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses.
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.​


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!!


But is it certified organic?


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zhizara

Better on his hands instead of in the pot.  I hate it when I take off those shaker tops!


----------



## GotGarlic

Closed on Sunday, in the name of the lard. (stolen from a Facebook commenter)


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Zhizara

LOL!  It sure looked like it at first.


----------



## cave76

This may or may not be funny unless 'funny' can be interpreted as 'strange'. 






KFC Chicken Turns Out To Be Deep-Fried Paper Towel (PHOTOS)


----------



## GotGarlic

cave76 said:


> This may or may not be funny unless 'funny' can be interpreted as 'strange'.



If you read back a few pages, you'll see that it's not


----------



## GotGarlic

Hee hee!


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> Hee hee!



Oh dear! Those clouds have to be hanging out over the Mid-West.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I've seen this several times and each time have a difficult time seeing the puppies.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  I always mop the floor after Shrek fills the ice cube trays.


----------



## Addie

I have two ice trays somewhere. But not in the freezer. They may still be in their wrap from when I bought them. I should dig them out.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's life at our daughter's place. I absolutely love our refrigerator ice maker, especially in weather like this summer's. Alas, she rents and has what she has.


----------



## Zhizara

I'm lucky that there's a large ice maker downstairs in the community room.  If I need ice, I just take a zip bag downstairs and fill it up.

No more ice trays taking up valuable room in my freezer.  I rarely use ice as I don't like my beverages watered down.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I do that every morning, for at least 2 hours, in order to wake up.  Very slow starter, if I was a car, you'd trade me in.


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I do that every morning, for at least 2 hours, in order to wake up.  Very slow starter, if I was a car, you'd trade me in.



Ditto


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I do that every morning, for at least 2 hours, in order to wake up.  Very slow starter, if I was a car, you'd trade me in.





GotGarlic said:


> Ditto


Me too.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

That's how I label things...


----------



## taxlady

I never thought of labelling things that way. I might start.

I'm reminded of something. This happened not long after Stirling bought the condo in which we live (he was single). Stirling had grocery list attached to the fridge with a magnet. His best friend added "norkfrunters" to the list. Stirling's mum came by while he was at work. She grabbed the list and did the shopping for him. She left a note that said that she done the shopping and the norkfrunters were in the crisper. He found a bag of grapes in the crisper.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I don't let Himself write my grocery list after the time he called mushrooms "poot berries"!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## taxlady

Yeah, that would do it.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Sent that one to Shrek...


----------



## MrsLMB

Circle Flies

An old farmer got pulled over by a young state trooper for speeding. 

The trooper, fresh on the job, decided to throw his weight around and started lecturing the farmer about his speed. 

He did his best to make the farmer feel uncomfortable but eventually got around to writing the ticket. 

As he wrote, he had to swat at several flies that were buzzing around his head.

"Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?" asked the farmer.

The trooper stopped writing the ticket and looked up. "Well yeah, if that's what they are," he said. "I never heard of circle flies, though."

"Oh, they're pretty common on farms," said the farmer. "We call 'em circle flies because they're always circling around the back end of a horse."

"I see," said the trooper as he continued writing the ticket. 

All of a sudden, he stopped and looked up at the farmer. "Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?"

"Oh no, officer," replied the farmer. "I have far too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass."

"Well, that's a good thing," said the trooper as he resumed writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer continued. "Hard to fool them flies, though."


----------



## Aunt Bea

Great story MrsLMB!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## GotGarlic

Hee hee!


----------



## taxlady

Love it GG.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Not to mention a shoulder injury.  LOL!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Not to mention a shoulder injury.  LOL!



For which one. The victim or the old lady!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

For the slapper...


----------



## MrsLMB

Ever wonder what to do with all those beer bottles left after a great party?

Well these guys have the answer !!

Michael Jackson on Beer Bottles - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

That was cool.


----------



## Addie

That was quite a pleasant surprise.


----------



## GotGarlic

That was great, MrsLMB!


----------



## GotGarlic

I kinda wish it *was* contagious


----------



## taxlady

That's too cute GG.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Aw, I want kitten pox!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> Ever wonder what to do with all those beer bottles left after a great party?
> 
> Well these guys have the answer !!


Well that was kinda like the book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie..."  After this one I had to watch "Under the Sea" and then "Walking on Sunshine". Had to stop before I developed an addiction!  So cute!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## creative




----------



## Aunt Bea

MrsLMB said:


>



Great story!

I was talking to one of my flea market buddies yesterday and he told me that when he was a kid he and his friends would go to the corner grocery store to buy an ice cold root beer for a nickle a bottle. The grocer did not charge them the additional two cent deposit if they drank it out on the front porch and returned the bottle when they had finished.  He told me he used to dawdle around until the grocer was busy and then take off with his bottle!  A few days later he would go back, return the bottle to the grocer's wife and she would give him two cents credit on his purchase that day.

I bet the grocer and his wife got plenty of chuckles over this scam!

I miss those little corner grocery stores.  We did all of our shopping in one until the early 70's.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love Walter, he's such a grump!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Kayelle

Older Ladies by Donnalou Stevens - YouTube


----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  Great!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I love Walter, he's such a grump!


I enjoy Jeff Dunham's humor!

Alright, just stating up front this is NOT a political statement. Just a visual comparison. And you have to admit there is a resemblance...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

If you like parody songs, you need to "meet" Tim Hawkins. Like Weird Al, he uses a familiar song and writes his own words. One of my favorites:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XpFD-kgQxnI


----------



## creative

The host proudly boasted "I've been cooking for 15 years...."

The guest replied "It should be done by now then..."


----------



## MrsLMB

Two Lawyers

Two lawyers were walking along, negotiating a case. 

“Look,” said one to the other, “let's be honest with each other.” 

“Okay, you first,” replied the other. 

That was the end of the discussion.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

absolutely!


----------



## chiklitmanfan

A society matron threw an elaborate dinner for her close friends.  Everything was going smoothly until her head cook called her back to the kitchen in a panic and exclaimed "I have run out of Tapioca for the pudding!"  The lady took a quick look in the pantry and spied a box of loose birdshot.  "Just throw this in" she instructed, "they've all had too much wine to know the difference."  The next day the hostess began to phone her guests out of guilt to confess.  On her first call, she confessed "I put buckshot in the tapioca pudding."  Her guest answered "I was just about to call you to apologize as well.  Last night, after dinner, I bent over to tie my shoe and shot your cat."


----------



## taxlady

Go squirrel!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DsuVLsDyln4&feature=kp


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Taxy!  That was great.


----------



## taxlady

Zhizara said:


> Thanks, Taxy!  That was great.


I'm glad you liked it.

It's a wild squirrel. They started with just one obstacle and kept adding as the squirrel learned the new obstacles.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> I'm glad you liked it.
> 
> It's a wild squirrel. They started with just one obstacle and kept adding as the squirrel learned the new obstacles.




I wonder why the squirrel didn't just climb the pole where the food is instead of running the maze.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> I wonder why the squirrel didn't just climb the pole where the food is instead of running the maze.


I would imagine they have really good baffles on that pole. On the other hand, the squirrel may just be having fun.


----------



## Zhizara

I especially liked how well the video matched the music.


----------



## Addie

It was a sunny and pleasant Saturday morning. The wife was in the house doing her spring cleaning. The husband decided to go out and work on the motor in his car giving it a tune up. He takes different parts out, cleans them and then puts them back, going on to the rest of the motor. Finally he's working on the last part and is putting it back in. He has the last screw in his hand and the screwdriver slips and makes a nasty gouge right across his hand. There is blood everywhere. 

The moral of the story?

You can get blood out of a tune up!. 

I am running as fast as my short legs will go.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> I'm glad you liked it.
> 
> It's a wild squirrel. They started with just one obstacle and kept adding as the squirrel learned the new obstacles.



I don't know what amazes me more, the fact that the squirrel actually mastered that course or that humans put that much time and work into building it! Cute video taxy, thanks!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

After watching Mission Impossible Squirrel, I was intrigued by a video at the end.  While it is NOT funny, it is very heart warming.  It is an hour long and I watched the whole thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZlu0RciMU0


----------



## GotGarlic

Huge cute factor! 
http://www.dailydot.com/lol/cute-kitten-reflexes/


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Huge cute factor!
> These 7 kittens are totally in sync


I've seen it before, but yes, huge cute factor.


----------



## Andy M.

For those who care, this is funny.

For those who don't, this is instructional.


Weird Al airs all his grammar grievances in hilarious spoof of Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" | 22 Words


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> For those who care, this is funny.
> 
> For those who don't, this is instructional.
> 
> 
> Weird Al airs all his grammar grievances in hilarious spoof of Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" | 22 Words


It's been all over FaceBook this morning. I love it.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## creative

When it comes to football, I like a child's view of it...
"why don't they give them a ball each - then they won't have to fight!"


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's a good one TAT!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Aunt Bea

MrsLMB said:


>




_*Ain't it the truth!*_


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Andy M.

LOL  It took me a second or two.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## creative




----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


>



Chocolate works, too!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

creative said:


>



Mine has extra hours...


----------



## taxlady

"Hour glass with extra minutes", yup, that's me.


----------



## Dawgluver

I thought this was adorable:

http://blog.petflow.com/pup-apologizes-for-stealing/


----------



## TATTRAT

I'd say this little girl really enjoyed her cake!





















SHE. REGRETS. NOTHING!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I thought this was adorable:
> 
> Our Dog Stole The Baby’s Toy But Made Up For It In The Most PRECIOUS Way! | PetFlow Blog - The most interesting news for pet parents around the world.



Utterly adorgable!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> I'd say this little girl really enjoyed her cake!
> 
> 
> SHE. REGRETS. NOTHING!



She'll be re-blued when she turns 40...  What a wonderful mess.


----------



## Dawgluver

That's how I'd like to enjoy my cake!


----------



## taxlady

Dawg, that really was adorable.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Aunt Bea

MrsLMB said:


>



That ain't right!  

It's funny, it just ain't right I tell ya!


----------



## chiklitmanfan

A kindergarten teacher was roving through her group of little ones during an art exercise.  She came to one little girl and could not make out her picture.  "What are you painting" she asked the little girl.  "A picture of God" the little girl answered confidently.  To which the teacher answered "But nobody has seen God."  To which the little girl answered "They will when I'm done with this."


----------



## creative

A child reciting the Lord's prayer....

"Our father...watch out in heaven..."


----------



## Kathleen

BEST SWIMMING HOLE JOKE from swimmingholes.org

Two Ole' Boys are at a swimming hole in the woods and are amazed at the size of           it. 

          "Wow, that's some hole;             I can't even see the bottom. I wonder how deep it is?"  

"I don't know. Let's             throw somethin' down there, and see how long it takes to hit bottom." 

           "Hey, there's an old             car transmission over there.  Give me a hand, we'll throw it in and             see."  

So they pick it up and carry it over and             count one, two, three and heave it in the hole. 

They are standing there listening, looking             over the edge, when they hear a rustling behind them.  As they             turn around, they see a goat come crashing through the underbrush, run up to             the hole and, without hesitation, jump in headfirst.

While they are standing there staring at each             other in amazement, peering into the hole, trying to figure out what that             was all about, an old farmer saunters up.  "Say there," says the farmer, "You fellers             didn't happen to see my goat around here anywhere, did you?" 

          One of the Ole' Boys says,  "Funny you should ask,             but we were just standing here a minute ago and a goat came running out of             the bushes doin' 'bout a hunnert miles an hour and jumpedheadfirst into this here hole!" 

The old farmer said, "Naw, that's impossible.           I had him chained to a transmission."


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Andy M.

The "answer" will always be half the "add six" number.  So if your first number is "add x" the answer will be 1/2x.  Add 4, answer 2 etc.


----------



## chiklitmanfan

One from Blue Collar comedian Bill Engvall: A Truck driver carrying an oversized load couldn't quite clear one of the overpass bridges and was stuck fast.  A policeman drove up and asked the truck driver the wrong question: "Gee, you're really stuck under this bridge?" To which the exasperated truck driver replied "Nah, I was just delivering this bridge and ran out of fuel."  (here's yer sign)


----------



## taxlady

Yup


----------



## Dawgluver

How'd you find that picture of me?


----------



## creative




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Definite road rage.  Some people are too stupid to have the right to push a shopping cart.


----------



## Zhizara

Whole families stopping to talk in the middle of the aisle.


----------



## creative

Don't mind the chat (I tend to be assertive re. pushing through if they don't respond to "excuse me") but do you have some customers that go to supermarkets in their pyjamas in US?  We do here in UK! (They may sling a coat over themselves....pyjama bottoms clearly in view).


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*MrsLMB*, I get that way in the grocery stores! 


*creative*, I see that all the time. People sure don't care how they look anywhere anymore, right? For myself, I have "at home" clothes and "being seen in public" clothes. Those two streams NEVER cross!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Definite road rage.  Some people are too stupid to have the right to push a shopping cart.



I was on the handicap shopping cart. A women had her cart in the middle of the aisle. I couldn't get by. I politely asked her to move it. She gave me a dirty look and walked off leaving her cart right there. Okaaay! I backed up and gave her cart a shove with my motorized cart that sent it down to the other end of the aisle and almost into the checkout line. When she came back, she was looking for her cart. I just smiled and continued shopping! 

BTW, I have even been known to put on makeup for my seven a.m. shopping trip.


----------



## Katie H

Zhizara said:


> Whole families stopping to talk in the middle of the aisle.



Buck used to call those people "professional aisle blockers."  He surmised that they were paid by management to stall customers so they would make impulse purchases.


----------



## Katie H

Cooking Goddess said:


> *MrsLMB*, I get that way in the grocery stores!
> 
> 
> *creative*, I see that all the time. People sure don't care how they look anywhere anymore, right? For myself, I have "at home" clothes and "being seen in public" clothes. Those two streams NEVER cross!



My philosophy is quite different.  I _always_ make sure I'm made up and dressed to go out/meet folks.  Just the way I am.  In fact, at about 4 every afternoon I go to the bathroom and freshen up my hair and makeup and brush my teeth.  Have always done that.

Funny story, though, about going to Wal-Mart one time back when Buck and I lived in Washington, DC.  You want funny looks....

One evening we'd attended a black tie diplomatic event and were out quite late.   On our way home we realized we needed something for breakfast in the morning.  Wal-Mart.  They were the only place open with full merchandise open at that late hour.  We stopped.

We were fully decked out.  Buck in a tux, shiny shoes, etc. and I was in a long evening gown, hair all done up, makeup extra nice, evening clutch bag, evening shoes, and sparkly jewelry.  We were quite the pair but...at Wal-Mart at 2 a.m.?  Yep.

Needless to say we certainly garnered some long stares, but we received top notch service.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Cute story Kayelle! Reminds me of when Himself and I went camping along the Shenandoah National Park in 1980. Wanted to go to a restored historic restaurant that served a foods prepared from old recipes. As in slave recipes from the 1700's. Here we are stepping out of our 9x9 tent, Himself in a suit and me in a long dress. The looks! Did the same thing a few years earlier when we camped in Sturbridge MA (MA actually was a vacation destination a couple of times for us when we lived in OH...it's a nice place to visit...) and got all duded up for a trip to Salem Cross Inn.  We've been there once since we moved to MA. It's a lot more casual (ie: jeans and polo shirts) and they were playing...jazz!  In a colonial structure? The hostess told us later that the "tour bus people" requested it. 

I personally don't dress to go out UNTIL I'm going out. Otherwise you can put money on the fact that I'll spot my shirt and have to change. Don't bother with make-up or contact lenses at home either to give my skin and eyes a rest.


----------



## Addie

I have one drawer dedicated to just nightgowns. And when they are all clean except for the one I may be wearing, they drawer is full to the top. Nicely folded. They are my at home clothes. And I have about ten housecoats. I put one of them on if the doorbell rings. I keep one handy all the time. Clean nightgown and undies every day. I believe in comfort when I am in my own home alone. As a result, my going out clothes last a long time.


----------



## taxlady

And such a good looking cat. The glasses really look good on that cat.


----------



## Katie H

taxlady said:


> And such a good looking cat. The glasses really look good on that cat.




Love it, taxlady.  The quote is great, as is the kitty.  Our Bella looks almost like the kitty in the picture, except the tips of her paws looks like they've been dipped in milk or white paint.  Oh, and she doesn't wear glasses...yet.  She just turned 2.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## chiklitmanfan

A drunk wandering home, got lost, staggered through a cemetery and fell into a freshly dug grave hole.  He clawed, scrambled, screamed but could not get out.  Finally he gave up and laid down and passed out.  Awhile later, another drunk stumbled along and fell into the same grave hole. Thinking the other drunk was a dead body, he began to claw, scramble and scream for someone to get him out.  The first drunk, lying down, finally said "Relax, you'll NEVER get out of here."  He got out.


----------



## Sir_Loin_of_Beef

*Some People Just Can't Handle the Truth*

My Favourite Animal​
Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken." She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. 

My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favourite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. 

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again. 

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite *live *animal was. I told her it was a chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again. I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am. 

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, Colonel Sanders. Guess where the heck I am now...


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 21576


----------



## Katie H

Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.

I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip.  Okay, no big deal.

Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland.  Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped.  I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly.  I missed my good old pillow.

This morning I created a word for the event:  I was _disapillowed._  The word came to me because I was _disappointed  _that my pillow _disappeared.

_Think the word will make it into Webster's?


----------



## Addie

Katie H said:


> Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.
> 
> I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip.  Okay, no big deal.
> 
> Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland.  Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped.  I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly.  I missed my good old pillow.
> 
> This morning I created a word for the event:  I was _disapillowed._  The word came to me because I was _disappointed  _that my pillow _disappeared.
> 
> _Think the word will make it into Webster's?



PF is our "word of the day" expert. She has posted some humdingers. I have been disapillowed on occasion. I always have on on my side so I can throw my leg up on it when my spine starts to hurt. Then in the middle of my sleep, it causes me to be disapillowed. And I find it on the floor the next morning.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Katie H said:


> Not a joke per se, but my goofy brain working at its normal behavior.
> 
> I've almost always slept with an extra pillow, using it between my knees to keep pressure off my aching hip.  Okay, no big deal.
> 
> Last night we went to bed as usual, me with my trusty old pillow and off to dreamland.  Some time during the night my pillow apparently escaped.  I couldn't find it and was both too tired and too lazy to look too thoroughly.  I missed my good old pillow.
> 
> This morning I created a word for the event:  I was _disapillowed._  The word came to me because I was _disappointed  _that my pillow _disappeared.
> 
> _Think the word will make it into Webster's?



I'll send the suggestion to Merriam-Webster...


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

This cracked me up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIgMeyW4TEM


----------



## tinlizzie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


>



Yes, yes.  This person also needs to accompany me to the supermarket  for those impulse items.  ;o)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

You know how I know how cold it is in Minnesota?

Even Penguins and Polar Bears don't live there...


----------



## tinlizzie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> You know how I know how cold it is in Minnesota?
> 
> Even Penguins and Polar Bears don't live there...



Here's a quote that, strictly speaking, belongs in the Quotes thread, but . . . .

"It's practically impossible to look at a penguin and feel angry." - Joe Moore


----------



## PrincessFiona60

But, it's so true!!


----------



## taxlady

Yes, it is true.


----------



## creative




----------



## taxlady

Good one Creative. Mine usually only sings for toast. It's far enough away from the kitchen, but the toaster is in the dining area of the living room.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

It's Monday, forgive my juvenile humor...


----------



## Kathleen

I miss Duke.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kathleen said:


> I miss Duke.



ROFL!!!!!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## TATTRAT

*shoe drop*


----------



## taxlady

Goodness, gracious, Agnes, me


----------



## Cooking Goddess

SOMEONE needs a lesson on how to frame pictures and look for "oopsies" before clicking and sending.


----------



## taxlady

It shouldn't be too hard to edit out that shoe.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MPl8V_21E-8


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Katie H

TATTRAT said:


>




Has to be one of the funniest shoes I have ever seen.  Whoa!

Buck was a film writer and movie producer, so I was steeped in "composition" of a photo or a scene.  This would have had him rolling.

It's surprising how many images I have seen of people with trees, utility/telephone poles, steeples, etc. growing out of their head because the person taking the photo didn't take a minute to observe the potential for a goofy photo.  This one takes the cake.


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It's Monday, forgive my juvenile humor...


LOL! This is Myrtle's funny...she is having a hard time learning continental knitting...I think she'd be better as a therapy chicken...

Raising Chickens : Keeping Chickens in your Backyard: Henopause cartoon by Dan Reynolds


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!  Henopause!


----------



## creative

Re. henopause and menopause.

I used to do stand up comedy.  I still think of material and this idea occurred to me long after my performance days.

Why do they call it the menopause?

Because you think men???...oh _pause_!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21684


----------



## CWS4322

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LOL!!!  Henopause!


And I started knitting again this year.......but yes, there is such a thing as henopause.


----------



## creative




----------



## PrincessFiona60

yep, I am...


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!  I'll have a coffee with cream and sugar please.


----------



## Cheryl J

Speaking of IKEA...an oldie but a goodie.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21699


----------



## creative




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Thanks for the earworm PF. I'll get you, my pretty.....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My work is done...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FU-s9uEakAc


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> My work is done...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A little mousse in the hair will fix you right up...


----------



## GotGarlic

Princess Fiona, I was wondering how your yoga routine is going. 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn3mMmy_ghY


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The cats just try to sit on me while I am in a pose.  LOL!!!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


>



Oh dear! Tsk! Tsk! One must control one's temper.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## GotGarlic

Tattrat, lol!


----------



## Dawgluver

Yep.
View attachment 21736


----------



## Kathleen

After seeing this protest, I guess I am not one bad r/ship from being a certified cat lady after all!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## creative

Girl reciting a nursery rhyme....

(Since this is a UK nursery rhyme... it goes:-
'Mary, Mary quite contrary')


"Mary, mary quiet and hairy..."


----------



## GotGarlic

creative said:


> Girl reciting a nursery rhyme....
> 
> (Since this is a UK nursery rhyme... it goes:-
> 'Mary, Mary quite contrary')
> 
> 
> "Mary, mary quiet and hairy..."



We grew up with it here, too.


----------



## creative

GotGarlic said:


> We grew up with it here, too.


Ah...then you might like another one I heard a child recite.

"Little Miss Muffett, sat on a tuffet,
eating her curtain away..."


----------



## GotGarlic

LOL!


----------



## taxlady

Creative. Kids do come up with some good ones, don't they?


----------



## chiklitmanfan

Hi diddle-diddle the cat and the fiddle, the cow jumped over the moon..........and ripped her bag.


----------



## chiklitmanfan

Little Miss Muffet
sat on her tuffet
eating her curds and whey
along came a spider 
who sat down beside her
and said "Hey lady, whatcha got in the bowl??"


----------



## chiklitmanfan

I shot an arrow into the air
It fell to the earth I know not where
Lose more (^&%#@#!! arrows that way....


----------



## Dawgluver

This gave me a chuckle:
View attachment 21749


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> This gave me a chuckle:
> View attachment 21749


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> This gave me a chuckle:
> View attachment 21749



Sounds like Rose talking to Charlie on Two and a Half Men.


----------



## TATTRAT

Jack wasn't nimble, 
Jack wasn't quick.
He sat on a candle,
and burnt his corduroys.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's hilarious TAT! Our son has a friend who is deathly afraid of spiders. He's better not prank her that way - she's sporting a serious cast on her leg right now.


----------



## creative

"Laughter is the best medicine....unless you have diabetes - then it's insulin!"


----------



## bakechef

I'll just leave this here...

Simply Genius Shower thoughts with Nick Offerman
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OK34L4-qaDQ&list=PLSKUhDnoJjYmssyvYJQ6ioYaYYOFWPSGj


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tODvS_TahbU


----------



## taxlady

That was hilarious GG. Those dogs weren't doing that by accident. They were concentrating and looking to see that they got it right.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Protecting their eyes and noses...


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 21770

Happy Labor Day!


----------



## Andy M.

Check out this link.  Mind numbing stupidity is alive and well in the USA.

I especially like the 911/China tweet.

Dump A Day 40 People Who Are Literally Too Dumb To Insult

Some may have issues with language.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> Check out this link.  Mind numbing stupidity is alive and well in the USA.
> 
> I especially like the 911/China tweet.
> 
> Dump A Day 40 People Who Are Literally Too Dumb To Insult
> 
> Some may have issues with language.



I fear for our future. 

I told DH yesterday about the map one - he used to teach a GIS class. He told me it's really hard to teach some kids today how to use a ruler - a tool that has been around for hundreds of millennia.

Of course, global climate change will probably take care of the future part


----------



## GotGarlic

For Addie:


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Check out this link.  Mind numbing stupidity is alive and well in the USA.
> 
> I especially like the 911/China tweet.
> 
> Dump A Day 40 People Who Are Literally Too Dumb To Insult
> 
> Some may have issues with language.



The stupid, it burns.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> Check out this link.  Mind numbing stupidity is alive and well in the USA.
> 
> I especially like the 911/China tweet.
> 
> Dump A Day 40 People Who Are Literally Too Dumb To Insult
> 
> Some may have issues with language.



Okay, now my brain hurts.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

At least you HAVE one PF!  Some of those people are so stupid I wonder how they find their way out of the covers in the morning...


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> For Addie:



My dream cup! One pot at a time.


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh good gravy!

http://m.tickld.com/x/the-25-best-two-line-jokes-ever-14-is-priceless


----------



## PrincessFiona60

itheberg...LOL!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21799

DH didn't get this...

View attachment 21800


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Oh good gravy!
> 
> The 25 Best Two-Line Jokes Ever. #14 Is Priceless.



Outstanding!  #24 is my favorite!


----------



## Dawgluver

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 21799
> 
> DH didn't get this...
> 
> View attachment 21800




I refuse to shop with DH anymore because he does this.  Without the announcement.


----------



## taxlady

I liked # 14, a lot.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> Oh good gravy!
> 
> The 25 Best Two-Line Jokes Ever. #14 Is Priceless.


Those are funny, but as I read them in my mind it wasn't my voice saying the words but Steven Wright's.  His humor is like that. 

Steven Wright Quotes - BrainyQuote


----------



## creative

Thanks Cooking Goddess - I am a fan of Steven Wright's very dry, offbeat, deadpan humour.  Here are some more...


Steven Wright Jokes: Part 1 - Wright Knowledge


----------



## GotGarlic

Darn it!


----------



## taxlady

Love it GG


----------



## Katie H

Andy M. said:


> Check out this link.  Mind numbing stupidity is alive and well in the USA.
> 
> I especially like the 911/China tweet.
> 
> Dump A Day 40 People Who Are Literally Too Dumb To Insult
> 
> Some may have issues with language.



Andy, I'm speechless and scratchin' my head!  I knew there were clueless beings out there, but had no idea they were _this_ clueless.

Thanks for the breathtaking laugh!!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Every Comment On Recipe Blogs


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Every Comment On Recipe Blogs


Yup.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Yup.




+1!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> Every Comment On Recipe Blogs



And all those were in the Goulash thread...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I've seen too many of those kinds of comments in the review part of a recipe. I think I read those reviews just for the humor of it!  Seriously people, if you CHANGE the recipe, you can't complain to anyone but yourself if it tastes like garbage.


----------



## bakechef

GotGarlic said:


> Every Comment On Recipe Blogs



OMG YES!

I don't know if I could cope with these people every day if my blog ever got popular.  I approve all of the comments and stupid ones like these don't make the cut, I'm afraid that I'd just tell them off,


----------



## bakechef

Cooking Goddess said:


> I've seen too many of those kinds of comments in the review part of a recipe. I think I read those reviews just for the humor of it!  Seriously people, if you CHANGE the recipe, you can't complain to anyone but yourself if it tastes like garbage.



I end up telling people, I don't know what recipe that you used, but that isn't my recipe!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## GotGarlic

PF,


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Now I'll have a giggle at the gaggle when our flock comes back through...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That is "aboot" the funniest goose joke I've ever seen.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

None of our Canadian friends seem to care for it so far...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> None of our Canadian friends seem to care for it so far...


I thought it was good except for "aboot".


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Well, I was hoping I hadn't offended anyone...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Well, I was hoping I hadn't offended anyone...


I don't think anyone is offended. I'm not. Just tired of the "aboot" jokes. We can hear that we say it differently than Yanks do, but doesn't sound like "a boot" to us.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxy, I must have spent five minutes searching for a closer phonetic spelling than that. Looked ALL over. It just can't be spelled out. I suppose I could have looked for an audio clip, but I have a short attention span.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> taxy, I must have spent five minutes searching for a closer phonetic spelling than that. Looked ALL over. It just can't be spelled out. I suppose I could have looked for an audio clip, but I have a short attention span.


I know. It's really hard to explain the difference. We've heard lots of Yanks trying to imitate it by saying "a boot".

A lot of the time I have the attention span of a kitten.


----------



## Dawgluver

Being half Canadian, I find I can slip in and out of the accent quite naturally, especially when I'm in Canada.  Most of the time I can talk like normal people.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kinda takes my feeling of fun out of the pic...


----------



## Dawgluver

No worries, PF, I thought it was spot-on!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Being half Canadian, I find I can slip in and out of the accent quite naturally, especially when I'm in Canada.  Most of the time I can talk like normal people.


So you can speak normally on either side of the border.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yes.  You betcha.  Sorry.


----------



## Caslon

Dog dressed up as huge spider makes unsuspecting victims flee in video | Mail Online

Says it all, lol...


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Well, I was hoping I hadn't offended anyone...



I don't think anyone was really offended, just  ruffled a few feathers!


----------



## creative

"There are 2 types of people I hate - Norwegians and racists" (Stewart Francis)


----------



## taxlady

There are 10 kinds of people.
Those who understand binary and those who don't.




(10 in binary = 2 in base ten)


----------



## Andy M.

There are three different kinds of people.  Those who can count and those who can't.


----------



## creative

"I wouldn't say he is emotional, but he cries if a traffic light is against him!"


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
21-actual-analogies-used-by-high-school-students-in-english-essays-8-is-gold


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawg, those are the kinds of random thoughts our son will toss up as his Facebook "status update". Some of them engender quite a goodly number of posts.  Most days Mom and Dad just shake their heads...


----------



## Dawgluver

Sadly, being in education for many years, these are a lot more creative than what I've seen!  If only!


----------



## GotGarlic

Poor momma. 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=h4zKhJxJO34


----------



## GotGarlic

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, updated for 2014


----------



## taxlady

Good one GG. Unfortunately too true.


----------



## taxlady

Stirling, my DH works from home. Today he posted the following on his FB page,

"Gah! This morning's commute was a nightmare. The Coffee Access in the Kitchen was bumper to bumper!"

I love his wacky sense of humour.


----------



## creative

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anwy2MPT5RE&feature=youtu.be


----------



## Cooking Goddess

creative, that "Spam" routine is a good one! Also love their "bring out the dead". 






GotGarlic said:


> Poor momma.


Thanks GG. Reminded me what worked to get my shape back to it's pre-pregnancy state: chasing my twins like that once they started to crawl.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, updated for 2014



ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Stirling, my DH works from home. Today he posted the following on his FB page,
> 
> "Gah! This morning's commute was a nightmare. The Coffee Access in the Kitchen was bumper to bumper!"
> 
> I love his wacky sense of humour.


----------



## creative

Seeing Caslon's location "inside the fridge" today reminded me of an amusing situation.

Peter Cook & Dudley Moore were very famous here in UK; in particular when they had their comedy stage revue "Beyond The Fringe".  They would frequent a particular Italian restaurant where they were warmly greeted by "Peter!  Dudley!  Behind the fridge!"


----------



## Andy M.

Epic Fail!


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Epic Fail!




Well, if you're gonna fail, it may as well be epic.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:


> Epic Fail!




OMG.  Pizza strips!


----------



## creative

I like your comment to the photo Andy! 






What happened there?  Too much filling? Base didn't crisp? Both?


----------



## Andy M.

A pizza needs a stone or a pan.


----------



## buckytom

why cats rule:

Dubstep Cat - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

Some cats will let you do stuff like that, as long as they are the *centre of attention*.

But, for dancin' critters, I vote for this little guy. She/he has great moves.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NVXC1hWlPic


----------



## buckytom

well yeah. dogs definitely know how to cut a rug if there's food involved.

or you love de latin rhythm. 

but that cat was totally leading the human. that's how good he was.

sponsored by the cats rule; dogs drool foundation. if you have a cat, you'll never need to look for someone to serve, er, i mean something good to do


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Amazing, Dubstep Cat took me on a 45 minute big kitty wander through you tube.  Was watching baby cougars...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

buckytom said:


> why cats rule:...


As I was watching that I was thinking of how easy-going LittleBit had been, but she never would have let me get away with THAT much cat-handling.

Loaded that onto Himself's tablet, watched him watch it, and walked away as he was searching for more to watch. Hooked! BwaHaHa!


----------



## Dawgluver

Happy Friday!
View attachment 21854


----------



## taxlady

That's just silly.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Love it!


----------



## Addie

https://www.facebook.com/DudePerfec...3025843429181/557599610971800/?type=1&theater


----------



## creative

The meek shall inherit the earth....if that's alright with the rest of you?

The meek shall inherit the earth - they're too weak to refuse!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## GotGarlic

I have no doubt some here will find something on this list they want 

http://diply.com/different-solutions/25-incredibly-awesome-things-you-never-knew-you-needed/49718


----------



## PrincessFiona60

The bacon Alarm...definitely.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

It was a good day in my Facebook feed today. Isn't there a saying about "all good things come in threes"? Although I vaguely remember the "calories" one maybe showing up here once before...


----------



## taxlady

Good ones CG


----------



## taxlady

From my FB feed today:


----------



## creative

If at first you don't succeed....so much for skydiving!


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh fer cute:
View attachment 21879


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Oh fer cute:
> View attachment 21879


That's adorable.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 21881


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Mine used to be a Unicorn, now it's a fat dachshund in a party hat...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Mine used to be a Unicorn, now it's a fat dachshund in a party hat...


----------



## buckytom

lol, pf. i'm gonna use that.


----------



## bakechef




----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Mine used to be a Unicorn, now it's a fat dachshund in a party hat...


----------



## GotGarlic

Awww!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Now that's an overbite!


----------



## taxlady

Not quite there yet.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I am so there, unfortunately I have to change my 3 different computer passwords at work at 3, 4 and 6 weeks...I never have them all be the same at the same time.


----------



## Souschef

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I am so there, unfortunately I have to change my 3 different computer passwords at work at 3, 4 and 6 weeks...I never have them all be the same at the same time.


Dear Fi, I was faced with the same problem at work. I had to log on to multiple customer websites that wanted to change passwords.
My solution-Michael Jacksons's book on single malt distilleries. He has a list of about 400, and I just worked my way through them.
My screen name on another website was Talisker - the only distillery on the island of Skye, and I actually got to visit it once.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Souschef said:


> Dear Fi, I was faced with the same problem at work. I had to log on to multiple customer websites that wanted to change passwords.
> My solution-Michael Jacksons's book on single malt distilleries. He has a list of about 400, and I just worked my way through them.
> My screen name on another website was Talisker - the only distillery on the island of Skye, and I actually got to visit it once.



Great tip, Steve!  Thanks!  

What I have done is start with my birth year, working my way back, and then add whatever fruit or vegetable I happen to have that day for my lunch.  It's worked so far.  I keep track of them in a date book.  May try the cable channel listing for awhile for the heck of it.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21886

... and I've got the BIG BOX of crayons!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Sounds like my kind of diet:


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> Sounds like my kind of diet:


----------



## GotGarlic

They've got rhythm! 
http://lockerdome.com/tre/6170042811288129/6941722135505940


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## GotGarlic

And I'm not even religious.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> And I'm not even religious.


I need an Advent calendar like that, and I'm a heathen.


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> And I'm not even religious.




Want.


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> Want.



I used to have a shoe rack kind of like that. I bet they have racks with 24 slots.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

TAT, Michael Symon was just saying on yesterday's "The Chew" how ubiquitous "pumpkin spice" flavoring has become. That is one funny testament to his comment!


GG, you just gave me a new idea for my wine rack. I am SO doing this come December.  Thanks!


----------



## Addie

It is that time of year again when pumpkin can be found in everything you buy. Coffee and muffins that have the pumpkin spice in them go flying out the doors of Dunkin' Donuts. I make several small pumpkin breads with cranberries and/or nuts for the church fail. They are the first thing to sell on the food table.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:  View attachment 21905


----------



## buckytom

since were good to go on lightly mocking religion:

how does moses make his coffee?


----------



## Dawgluver

I'm afraid to ask.  So how does Moses make his coffee?


----------



## buckytom

hebrews it...


----------



## Dawgluver

Duh.  Shoulda known...


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Duh.  Shoulda known...



I am so glad it was you and not me.


----------



## buckytom

if my dad were jewish, he'd have been insulted. religion is nothing to joke about.

unless you can see peter's house from here.

or your mother follows you around..


----------



## buckytom

or the bible, in it's infinite wisdom, says nothing about a woman's hormone imbalance.


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> if my dad were jewish, he'd have been insulted. religion is nothing to joke about.
> 
> unless you can see peter's house from here.
> 
> or your mother follows you around..



Then your father (if he were Jewish) would just not like me. I can always find and appreciate the humor in any forbidden subject. It puts fun in life.


----------



## buckytom

nah, he'd love you addie, with your admirable life stories, your patriotism, and your backbone fixed against all who come against us.

mom might have to come over there and kick your ass.
.


----------



## buckytom

ya can't teach funny. and a straight "man" is invaluable.


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> nah, he'd love you addie, with your admirable life stories, your patriotism, and your backbone fixed against all who come against us.
> 
> mom might have to come over there and kick your ass.
> .



You don't know how close to the truth you are right now. I have raised five kids all alone and been widowed twice. I just put my head down and barrel through. I never had time to feel sorry for myself. One of the reasons I loved doing Temp Work was because I was never unemployed unless I wanted to be. And with my skills, I always got top dollar. 

If Mom comes to kick my arse (Bostonian pronouncement here) she would break a toe. As I have always told folks, "I am a small piece of leather and my hide is tanned and toughened."


----------



## buckytom

god bless you, addie.

ach, you should be the face of the song "mother machree".



cho: Sure, I love the dear silver
That shines in your hair,
And the brow that's all furrowed,
And wrinkled with care.
I kiss the dear fingers,
So toil-worn for me,
Oh, God bless you and keep you,
Mother Machree.

but seriously, god bless you, dear, from me. 
go on,  an' get on yer big glasses, now.


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> god bless you, addie.
> 
> ach, you should be the face of the song "mother machree".
> 
> 
> 
> cho: Sure, I love the dear silver
> That shines in your hair,
> And the brow that's all furrowed,
> And wrinkled with care.
> I kiss the dear fingers,
> So toil-worn for me,
> Oh, God bless you and keep you,
> Mother Machree.
> 
> but seriously, god bless you, dear, from me.
> go on,  an' get on yer big glasses, now.



Thank you bt. I just keep plugging along. Now if I could just learn to stop worrying and doing so much for my kids and start doing for me....


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## medtran49

Mere cat?  As if a cat would ever utter such blasphemy!  Cute though.


----------



## creative

Funny Talking Animals - Walk On The Wild Side Preview - BBC One - YouTube


----------



## taxlady

medtran49 said:


> Mere cat?  As if a cat would ever utter such blasphemy!  Cute though.


You took the words right out of my mouth.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21967


----------



## taxlady

On the same note, Stirling posted this on FB:

I had no idea just how much stress rum could cause! As I work to reduce  the rum in the house, I find that stress levels are falling rapidly!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> On the same note, Stirling posted this on FB:
> 
> I had no idea just how much stress rum could cause! As I work to reduce  the rum in the house, I find that stress levels are falling rapidly!



I might have to try that.


----------



## Dawgluver

Ewww.
View attachment 21968


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I don't need one THAT bad.


----------



## Dawgluver

A little bit CSI, a little bit Criminal Minds...


----------



## taxlady

Now that's creepy.


----------



## Dawgluver

May have posted this before, but it still cracks me up:


View attachment 21991


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

A couple weeks ago, I was taking a dish to a master gardeners meeting and DH took it out to the car for me. This is what I saw when I got in.


----------



## Andy M.

Very clever.  My rule is to never carry food on a car seat because the worst thing you can imagine will happen.  We either put the pot on the floor of the front seat (more level) or in the trunk in the cargo net.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> Very clever.  My rule is to never carry food on a car seat because the worst thing you can imagine will happen.  We either put the pot on the floor of the front seat (more level) or in the trunk in the cargo net.



Yes, I usually follow that rule, too. This pot wasn't full enough to worry about; it had meatballs in sauce, but the sauce was only about an inch deep. Made me smile, though


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> Yes, I usually follow that rule, too. This pot wasn't full enough to worry about; it had meatballs in sauce, but the sauce was only about an inch deep. Made me smile, though



It's important to protect precious cargo.


----------



## buckytom

lol, gg. i always strap down takeout food on the passenger's seat since it's usually in liquid tight containers. but a pot of sauce that just has a lid goes on the floor wrapped in towels.

cars should have a turn and slip indicator like in a plane. that sauce is gonna stay level until you go around a turn. if you turn quickly enough, it's gonna ride up the side of the pot.

the back seat of my truck has a nice stain from sausages and meatballs that i brought in to work a few years ago. one quick turn and it was all over.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

gg, I could have used your DH's skills when I took a crock pot full of ham and bean soup to a choir soup supper. In a hurry, I set the entire assembly (inner crock, outer heating shell, lid) into a shallow box on the floor that was more like a lid to a box. One quick stop for something running across the road and  About 1 1/2 cups from the 3 quarts were still in the pot. The rest had ended up on the van floor. Lesson learned - brought bread the next time!


----------



## medtran49

Yep us too, baked beans and an iguana (big one) that ran across the road in front of us - all over the back, sigh.


----------



## GotGarlic

One time I took a crock pot of stew to work for a contest. I put it in a stock pot with at least twice the capacity of the stew and took the crock pot empty. A co-worker brought hers in the crock pot and ended up with a mess, but mine arrived safely. I didn't win, though


----------



## Dawgluver

After a few incidents like these, I got a CP that came with a thick rubber band that loops around the handles to keep the lid on tight, as well as a zipper plastic case.  Then my SIL put the case too close to a light fixture and burned a big hole in it.


----------



## GotGarlic

Aaarrgghhg! lol


----------



## Andy M.

Some of the newer CPs have clamps to lock down the lid for travel.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 21997


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh my gosh, that is so true!  I have a 68 year old who is incorrigible.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup, I have one too...a bit younger, but I still have to keep an eye on him.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I see your "incorrigible" hubbies, and raise you an almost-66 curmudgeon. Still love him. Usually...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

He would be a curmudgeon if he would only grow up....


----------



## Andy M.

I don't see it at all.


----------



## forty_caliber

Hrrrrummmpppffff.....childless indeed. 

.40


----------



## bakechef

When people ask if we're going to adopt a kid, my response is always "I have all I can do keeping Rob and the cat alive"


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> When people ask if we're going to adopt a kid, my response is always "I have all I can do keeping Rob and the cat alive"




Beagle is much less maintenance than DH...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Beagle is much less maintenance than DH...



 keeping my mouth shut now


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> Beagle is much less maintenance than DH...



Same with the cat

Sent from my IdeaTabA2109A using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Is this the "pick on your spouse" thread? Cuz Himself was good today. Even returned his own bottles and cans from pop (some call it soda, but to me that's the flavorless stuff you add to your Bourbon to make a Bourbon Presbyterian, or to mix with simple syrup for a mint julep) to get out deposit money back. So I got nuthin'. That could change. ~~~ After all, tomorrow is another day.


----------



## buckytom

hunting season opens soon:

View attachment 22003


----------



## buckytom

and for cats:

View attachment 22004


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> hunting season opens soon:
> 
> View attachment 22003



 Good one bt. Got my day started with a good laugh! Thanks.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## MrsLMB

*Ceramics at the Senior Center with Aunt Chippy*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nxreQ6B_t6o&sns=em


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That was funny MrsL! I love that she kept telling George he had to be nice and kind when she was so not!

Today's Funny hasn't been the same while you were gone. You find good stuff every day. Thanks for the chuckle.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cousin Sal is lucky she doesn't carry a knife...LOL!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22013


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22021


----------



## MrsLMB

Apparently someone doesn't like these !


----------



## PrincessFiona60

sounds and looks appropriate


----------



## Dawgluver

I find it to be an apt description.


----------



## vitauta

mrslmb, still queen of the TFs!
(btw, i love those balls)


----------



## tinlizzie

Hail to the Queen!  Happy to see your funnies again.


----------



## creative

Actually brussel sprouts are little green balls of _combating_ death! I am sure many here know that they help to fight chronic diseases like cancer...not funny maybe, but true!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> sounds and looks appropriate





Dawgluver said:


> I find it to be an apt description.



NOOO!

View attachment 22022

Brussel Sprouts can be delicious, this how we have learned to eat them
pull the leaves apart and saute in olive oil garlic s&p to a crisp-tender
and bob's your uncle
I've converted many a folk to this technique rather than that absolutely 
*NASTY*
way of serving them the way our parents did, I could never get them down


----------



## Dawgluver

Sorry, K-girl, but we anti-sprouters here have all tried them every way possible, and still find there is absolutely no food value to them short of compost.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Dawgluver said:


> Sorry, K-girl, but we anti-sprouters here have all tried them every way possible, and still find there is absolutely no food value to them short of compost.



View attachment 22023

I hear 'ya


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Sorry, K-girl, but we anti-sprouters here have all tried them every way possible, and still find there is absolutely no food value to them short of compost.



Smaller than average Polish people use them to make appropriately-sized golabkis.  Also very popular on the cocktail party circuit for hors de oeuvres.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:


> Smaller than average Polish people use them to make appropriately-sized golabkis.  Also very popular on the cocktail party circuit for hors de oeuvres.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> NOOO!
> 
> View attachment 22022
> 
> Brussel Sprouts can be delicious, this how we have learned to eat them
> pull the leaves apart and saute in olive oil garlic s&p to a crisp-tender
> and bob's your uncle
> I've converted many a folk to this technique rather than that absolutely
> *NASTY*
> way of serving them the way our parents did, I could never get them down



I'm old enough now to say "NO" when offered brussels sprouts...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'm glad you don't like Brussels sprouts PF and Dawg. And all you other haters out there. More for K-Girl and me and the rest of us who love those mini-beauties. Thank you.


----------



## creative

There are many more palatable ways of serving brussel sprouts than overboiling them until they are soggy. I prefer to bring them to the boil (in a little water, i.e. not immersed fully) then lowering the heat substantially and barely simmering until al dente.  That way the outer leaves are not mushy.

A nice alternative is halving them and sauteeing them with pancetta (and perhaps roasted chestnuts at xmas).  

Also grated into a coleslaw is another way with them (might need something sweet in the coleslaw to counteract their sharpness though, e.g. raisins).


----------



## PrincessFiona60

This is Today's Funny forum...putting recipes you would like others to try will get lost very fast.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## creative

PrincessFiona60 said:


> This is Today's Funny forum...putting recipes you would like others to try will get lost very fast.


Oops sorry...I forgot!  How about this then?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22026

liver, ack!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love liver and spinach!   You can have my sprouts.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

HORSE TRADING

Jim strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. “Listen here” said John, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for, the only thing is, he was trained by an interesting fellow. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way. The way to get him to stop is to scream heyhey the way to get him to go is to scream Thank God."

Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?”

Jim was having the time of his life. This horse sure could run he thought to himself. 

Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo” screamed Jim but the horse just kept on speeding ahead. It was 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered “heyhey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff.

Jim could not believe his good fortune, he looked up to the sky, raise his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief and said with conviction “Thank God.”


----------



## MrsLMB

*The Priest's Retirement Speech*

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. 

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.

"Thank goodness Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions; taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that you people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the Priest finished his talk ,the politican arrived full of apologies at being late. 

He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: "Ill never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived, said the politician. 

In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late!


----------



## GotGarlic

So cuuuuuuttteee!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nYW6T-bwGCc&list=UUlo9KayMj1gPLGvEywGcF4w


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
> 
> A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner. However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited.
> 
> "Thank goodness Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor! I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss's wife; had sex with his boss's 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions; taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that you people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."
> 
> Just as the Priest finished his talk ,the politican arrived full of apologies at being late.
> 
> He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk: "Ill never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived, said the politician.
> 
> In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
> 
> Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late!



ROFL!!!


----------



## MrsLMB

*Poor Phil*

The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers.

Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Phil, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Phil must have experienced.

"Phil was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of his scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Phil.

"Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Phil is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.

A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium.

He said, "I'm Phil." The entire congregation held its breath.

"I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum"


----------



## Katie H

Okay.  Food joke.  Food joke.

Do you know what happens when you eat 4 cans of alphabet soup?










You have one heck of a vowel movement.

However, I think in my case a secondary effect would be to also have an uncontrollable desire to watch _Wheel of Fortune._


----------



## PrincessFiona60

MrsLMB said:


> ...
> 
> "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum"



 wheeze...gasp


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Katie H said:


> Okay.  Food joke.  Food joke.
> 
> Do you know what happens when you eat 4 cans of alphabet soup?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> You have one heck of a vowel movement.
> 
> However, I think in my case a secondary effect would be to also have an uncontrollable desire to watch _Wheel of Fortune._


----------



## Dawgluver

Bwahaha

View attachment 22049


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I resemble that!  I must say, we do a nice job at parallel parking too.


----------



## MrsLMB

OUT OF THE MOUTH OF BABES

A first grade teacher collected well known proverbs. She gave each kid in her class the first half of a proverb, and had them come up with the rest.

Better To Be Safe Than. .. Punch A 5th Grader.

Strike While The... Bug Is Close.

It's Always Darkest Before... Daylight Savings Time.

Never Under Estimate The Power Of.. Termites.

You Can Lead A Horse To Water But.. How?

Don't Bite The Hand That... Looks Dirty.

No News Is... Impossible.

A Miss Is As Good As A... Mr.

You Cant Teach An Old Dog New... Math.

If You Lie Down With The Dogs, You'll... Stink In The Morning.

Love All, Trust... Me!

The Pen Is Mightier Than The... Pigs.

An Idle Mind Is... The Best Way To Relax.

Where There's Smoke, There is... Pollution.

Happy The Bride Who... Gets All The Presents!

A Penny Saved Is... Not Much.

Two's Company, Three's... The Musketeers.

Don't Put Off Tomorrow What... You Put On To Go To Bed.

Laugh & The Whole World Laughs With You, Cry & You Have To Blow Your Nose.

None Are So Blind As... Helen Keller.

Children Should Be Seen And Not... Spanked Or Grounded.

If At First You Don't Succeed... Get New Batteries.

You Get Out Of Something What You... See Pictured On The Box.

When The Blind Leadeth The Blind... Get Out Of The Way.

There Is No Fool Like... Aunt Eddie.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Bwahaha
> 
> View attachment 22049



Don't make me get my broom!


----------



## Katie H

A guy walks into a bar and heads to a seat at the bar.  He inquires of the bartender if he could tell a blonde joke.  The bartender points out that, he/she is blonde, the biker girl to the right of the customer is blonde, the female to the left of the customer is blonde, as are the two women behind him.  After pointing this out, the bartender asks if the customer still wants to tell his blonde joke.

To that question, the customer replies, "Well, heck no!  If I have to explain it 5 times!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## buckytom

my baseball team's best joke:

what do you have if you hold 7 baseballs in one hand, and 8 baseballs in the other?

really big hands.


----------



## creative

buckytom - good to see that, although you are ill, you haven't lost your sense of humour!  

A child's opinion after watching football (soccer to you lot!)....

"why don't they give them a ball _each_ - then they won't have to fight for it?"


----------



## buckytom

lol, and thanks, creative.

i'm a bit loopy on cough medicine.

being sick is like the elevator business.

my honey-do list has been postponed for today. but now it's longer for tomorrow.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## creative




----------



## GotGarlic

It's almost too real to post in this thread


----------



## creative

Bavarian farmer puts cow in nappy to protest EU fertiliser rule | Environment | theguardian.com


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> It's almost too real to post in this thread



Or read it in the National Enquirer...


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. 

He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding.

Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed. 

Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. 

He tried a fourth time with the same result.

He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace.

Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## TATTRAT

How I burned 1500 calories in only 30 minutes!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

TAT, when my food turns out like that I just say "Cajun for dinner. 


**********************


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


>



I'ma Special Crazy...


----------



## creative

ha TATTRAT that burnt pizza pic (burning calories) made me laugh.  If that were me, I might cut out the middle man and chuck it in the bin!


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh fer cute!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MrsLMB said:


> (Slow Cooker turtle)


I had to hunt that down and send it to our daughter. She adores turtles! So glad you found this - so cute.


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Cheryl J

This was on my FB feed today....
Dogs afraid to walk past cats. 

You Shall Not Pass, Dog - YouTube


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Most of those dogs were bigger than the cats...LOL!!


----------



## buckytom

i'm sure most of you have seen this as it's an oldie, but it's still a goodie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wvQFHk7gXko


----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## MrsLMB




----------



## PrincessFiona60

buckytom said:


> i'm sure most of you have seen this as it's an oldie, but it's still a goodie:



Alan, Alan, Al, Alan!


----------



## buckytom

steve, steve, steve, steve.

where's mr.kroll when we need him?

probably with alan.


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Alan, Alan, Al, Alan!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22105


----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 22105



 In Virginia, too


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


>



ROFL!!!


----------



## Aunt Bea

It took me a minute!


----------



## creative

That reminded me of a one liner by Stewart Francis...

“I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any Seventies music. At _first I was afraid_. Oh, I was petrified.”


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Aunt Bea said:


> It took me a minute!



ROFL!!!

Once the music from the 70's is stuck in your brain...it never leaves.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22108


----------



## GotGarlic

Lol, k'girl! Reminds me of Aunt Bea's coffee cartoon


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 22108



... or when said Women says to her husband, 

View attachment 22109


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Fer shizzle:View attachment 22114
I was going to put this in my will, but 'twould be too late by then...


----------



## Addie

A friend of The Pirate's had the unpleasant duty of deciding to unplug his father's life support. The family were all around his bed and had said their goodbye's. But the father fooled them all. He lived. 

When he was released to go home, he told his son, then next time he goes into the hospital, he was going to get a restraining order against him first. True story.


----------



## creative




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

*Happy Halloween*

View attachment 22125


----------



## vitauta

Don't forget to turn your clocks back. I'm turning mine back to when I was 20. | Seasonal Ecard


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22129


----------



## Dawgluver

Brilliant!
View attachment 22132


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Brilliant!
> View attachment 22132


----------



## Dawgluver

Yes, what DO they do?
View attachment 22152


----------



## yummy_food

So true...

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N910A using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Zhizara

This subject came up in the Stray Thoughts thread, but I thought this would be a better place for it. 

Hilarious!

http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCAQtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DIVO3OKvi4fI&ei=B_pkVP_dD9CsyATMoYKwDA&usg=AFQjCNEkvrph4rZ_4fwmfo2KoosFkGDv6g&bvm=bv.79189006,d.aWw


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22214


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Dawgluver

Yup.View attachment 22220


----------



## PrincessFiona60

piiiiiizzzzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........!!!!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

And Beaggllleesss!  This was from Takei, but sure looks like my girl!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I can see Beagle dragging herself across the floor with one paw moaning "zzzaaaaa, neeed the zzzzaaaaaaaaa!!!!"


----------



## Dawgluver

How'd you know?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

same reaction as shitzu's with snausages...


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Addie

I offered Teddy a piece of mushroom pizza. He gently picked off every one of the pieces of mushrooms, and gently placed them on the carpet. He then gobbled down the slice of pizza. Crust and all. :He too had that same look. angel:


----------



## ShannaLee83

*I just got a beagle/yorkie mix. We already had one beagle mix. I wanted a yorkie and my S/O's cousin found my girl for me and her favorite out of the 3 older dogs is her fellow beagle hound. *


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22231
(Love ferrets.  They can be kinda stinky though.)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22233


----------



## Aunt Bea

Pac would get a kick out of that one!


----------



## Andy M.

This is worth a click and listen.


http://images.businessweek.com/ss/05/11/egreetings/image/01.swf


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 22231
> (Love ferrets.  They can be kinda stinky though.)



LOL, cat snake?! That's hilarious! DH and I found one one time. It liked to collect shoes and other stuff under the bed. We had to get rid of it, though, when I woke up one night with its teeth on my neck  I think we gave it to one of his Navy buddies.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Dawgluver

My SIL was questioning whether to get an elf on the shelf for the kids.  I'm sending her this:
View attachment 22315


----------



## Andy M.

Good one. Dawg.  My grandson was telling me about his elf the other day.  I'll send this to my daughter.  She'll get a kick out of it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawg, that looks like the companion elf to the photo Himself's cousin posted to Facebook. That elf was perched on the edge of the toilet, dropping starlight mints into the water.


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Creative!

More Christmas cheer:

View attachment 22318


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Dawgluver

Gotta love Maxine:
View attachment 22322


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Cooking Goddess

True Dat!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Oh yes, that would be nice.


----------



## Cheryl J

I'm lovin' all these funnies 

An oldie but still a goodie....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Too Many oldie but goodies:


----------



## creative




----------



## Addie

A just woke up and these were a pleasant thing to see. Thanks for the laugh.


----------



## Aunt Bea

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Which is the Guilty Dog? 

http://youtu.be/_kLdO3EsECs


----------



## CWS4322

Aunt Bea said:


> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pk7yqlTMvp8


Good one, Aunt Bea. (Herding chickens is also tough to do, but done on foot).


----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fybch3DX8c8


----------



## Addie

Good one PF. Thanks for the laugh!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22349


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Autobot for dogs...


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pj2ceEcpbgg


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Andy M.

10 Short Jokes Anyone Can Remember | Reader's Digest


----------



## Dawgluver

From Uncle George:

View attachment 22393


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 22405

Merry Christmas!


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Andy M.

Worthy of a rerun:


----------



## Cheryl J

Santa Dog on a Roomba.  LOL    Merry Christmas!


http://www.buzzfeed.com/abagg/this-...hile-wearing-a-santa-costume-is-al#.bto9VbV9R


----------



## Dawgluver

Cheryl J said:


> Santa Dog on a Roomba.  LOL    Merry Christmas!
> 
> 
> http://www.buzzfeed.com/abagg/this-...hile-wearing-a-santa-costume-is-al#.bto9VbV9R






Beagle would not put up with that.  She's annoyed with our Roomba, and would probably take it down.  Or hide upstairs.


----------



## Cheryl J

If dogs Facebooked or Instagrammed, they would have a page laughing at Santa Dog.


----------



## Dawgluver

I got Beagle to wear antlers for maybe 20 seconds!  She refuses to wear any of her sweaters or raincoats.  A whole wardrobe wasted...

Guess if you came with a built-in fur coat, you really don't need much more.


----------



## Dawgluver

I'm thinking about getting this:
View attachment 22429

For me.  Not for Beagle.  I'm pretty certain she wouldn't wear it.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22436

That's about right.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

So, explain the cats...


----------



## Dawgluver

No explanation for cats...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Of course, I don't follow them, but I do steal it.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22438

Yep.


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Of course, I don't follow them, but I do steal it.



LOL! I can't understand why Bella is so insistent on getting attention and scritches when I'm in the bathroom but not while I'm lazing in bed! Maybe that explains it!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 22438
> 
> Yep.



Yeah, we slept in until 10 AM...of course we went to bed at 3 AM.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> LOL! I can't understand why Bella is so insistent on getting attention and scritches when I'm in the bathroom but not while I'm lazing in bed! Maybe that explains it!



Both cats have wrecked the carpet outside the bathroom door, heaven forbid I go in there on my own.

No such thing as a shy bladder when you have cats...


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup.View attachment 22448


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Me too,  Dawg. At least I'm wearing more clothing.  ;-)


----------



## Dawgluver

Me too, CG!


----------



## GotGarlic

Whew, it's not just me! But I wear more clothing, too. At least till late spring


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have socks on, do those count as one or two?


----------



## Dawgluver

Two.  I'm dressed more like the dinosaur, but with fleece pants...


----------



## Zhizara

I disagree. * A* pair of socks would be singular.  Unless you only had one sock on.. uh, wait a minute...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

So, it doesn't frighten anyone that I'm sitting around in my underwear and socks....


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So, it doesn't frighten anyone that I'm sitting around in my underwear and socks....



Doesn't scare me.

I grew up in a house where everyone sat around in their underwear before every major event.  Suits and dresses went on at the last minute so you didn't get wrinkled or dirty before you left the house.  We still laugh about it when we get together.


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> So, it doesn't frighten anyone that I'm sitting around in my underwear and socks....




Sounds to me like you're overdressed!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Should just be socks, right?

Love the picture Aunt Bea!  Underwear was always fully dressed at home, too.  Luckily, as a kid I understood "at home" and "not at home".


----------



## Dawgluver

Dang.  They caught me:
View attachment 22470


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## creative

That somehow reminded me of another joke...

Using a feather to get turned on is called erotic.....using the _whole chicken_ is perverted!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Now who woke that poor dog up in order to dress him like that?  Very cute!


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Now who woke that poor dog up in order to dress him like that?  Very cute!



Definitely not a morning dog!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

LOVE it, Aunt Bea!


----------



## Dawgluver

Sweet tired pup!

My feeling today:

View attachment 22477


----------



## GotGarlic

Lol!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 22478

"OOHHHHH, A hunting I will go, ..."


----------



## Aunt Bea

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 22478
> 
> "OOHHHHH, A hunting I will go, ..."



Pac's baby picture!


----------



## Dawgluver

Aunt Bea said:


> Pac's baby picture!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Aunt Bea, your comment is just as funny as that picture!


----------



## Dawgluver

Cracked me up:  (from a dear friend)
A rather old fashioned lady, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language, was planning a weeks holiday in Sydney with her husband, so she wrote to a particular camping ground and asked for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure that the camping ground was fully equipped, but didn't know quite how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself
to write the word "toilet" in her letter.
After much thought, she finally came up with the old fashioned term "Bathroom closet" but when she wrote it down, she still thought she was being too forward, so she started all over again, rewrote the letter, and referred to the bathroom closet as the B.C.
"Does the camping ground have it's own B.C." is what she wrote.
Well, the camping ground owner wasn't a bit old fashioned, and he just couldn't figure out what the old lady was talking about, so he showed the letter around a few of the campers and the only thing they could come up with was that B.C. stood for Baptist Church, so he wrote the following reply.
Dear Madam,
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure of informing you that a B.C. is located nine miles north of our camping ground, and is capable of seating 250 people at one time.
I admit that it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of campers go there and many take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive nice and early and stay quite late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that there is a special supper planned there to raise money to buy more seats so that everyone will be able to sit in comfort.
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part, just that I am so busy most of the time.
As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort to go, especially in the cold weather. If you decide to come down to our camping ground perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you and introduce you to all the other folks.
Remember this is a very friendly community


----------



## Souschef

Dawg,
That is sooo old! It was originally done about a W.C. Water closet (toilet) and was interpreted as to a Wayside Chapel.
Jack Paar quit the tonight show many years ago because they would not let him tell that joke.


----------



## Dawgluver

I know, Souschef, but every time I see the joke in one of its many variations, it still cracks me up!  The first time I saw it, it was W.C. 

Figured some of our younger folks might enjoy too, a true classic!  Didn't realize Jack Paar quit because of it though, great trivia!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> I know, Souschef, but every time I see the joke in one of its many variations, it still cracks me up!  The first time I saw it, it was W.C.
> *
> Figured some of our younger folks might enjoy too, a true classic!*  Didn't realize Jack Paar quit because of it though, great trivia!



Every great comic knows you don’t need to keep coming up with new material. You just need to find a new audience.

Henny Youngman - _"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."_


----------



## Andy M.

For those of you who are worried about     how your eating and drinking habits affect your risk of heart attacks,     here's the final word on nutrition and health.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats ad suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
     6. Swedes eat lots of     chocolate yet suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
    7. British, Irish and Scots drink lots of alcohol and have     similar heart attack rates as Americans. 

*THE INESCAPABLE CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink whatever you want.  Speaking English is what causes heart attacks.

*


----------



## Dawgluver

I knew it!


----------



## Cheryl J

Dawg...I've never heard that before and got a kick out of it! 

Andy, makes sense to me!  LOL, I loved that.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Tres bien, Andy.  Merci beaucoup!


----------



## Andy M.

Cooking Goddess said:


> Tres bien, Andy.  Merci beaucoup!



De nada.


----------



## Kayelle

Souschef said:


> Dawg,
> That is sooo old! It was originally done about a W.C. Water closet (toilet) and was interpreted as to a Wayside Chapel.
> Jack Paar quit the tonight show many years ago because they would not let him tell that joke.



 Let me tell all of you that my Souschef has me rolling my eyes  *daily* over the old jokes he tells me. He remembers every single one he ever heard. Tiz a curse I tell ya!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kayelle said:


> Let me tell all of you that my Souschef has me rolling my eyes  *daily* over the old jokes he tells me. He remembers every single one he ever heard. Tiz a curse I tell ya!



All you can do is be thankful he remembers things


----------



## Kayelle

PrincessFiona60 said:


> All you can do is be thankful he remembers things



Amen to that!! He has a mind like flypaper.  I often tell him he needs a delete key.


----------



## Cheryl J

I love old, silly, eyeroll jokes from loved ones.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay...this is a true story.

I had gotten out of bed, at some point I had put on my glasses, but I was unable to read something so moved them to the top of my head.  When I got done with what I was messing with I opened my glasses case and they were not there.  They were not on the nightstand or on the bed.  I hollered for Shrek, and he couldn't find them either.  Just as he turned to go get a stronger flashlight, I put my hand up to push my hair back.  I told Shrek to stop and look at me.  He's still laughing his butt off.

Later was looking for one of the cats, asked Shrek to check to see if she was on my head.


----------



## Kayelle

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay...this is a true story.
> 
> I had gotten out of bed, at some point I had put on my glasses, but I was unable to read something so moved them to the top of my head.  When I got done with what I was messing with I opened my glasses case and they were not there.  They were not on the nightstand or on the bed.  I hollered for Shrek, and he couldn't find them either.  Just as he turned to go get a stronger flashlight, I put my hand up to push my hair back.  I told Shrek to stop and look at me.  He's still laughing his butt off.
> 
> Later was looking for one of the cats, asked Shrek to check to see if she was on my head.



 Lowrdy truth is often stranger than fiction.....and the beat goes on....


----------



## Cheryl J

I do that regularly.   Often there are no other humans here to share my laughter with when I do that, but I'm pretty sure I've seen my cat roll his eyes and snicker at me.


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL!  Glad you discovered them, PF!

Here's one for the working ladies:
View attachment 22510


----------



## Zhizara

Snicker, snort, chortle!!!   Good one, Dawg, and so very true!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I knew what my priorities were!


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> I knew what my priorities were!



+1,Dawg!


----------



## Wyshiepoo

I watched a documentary on tv last night, it was called 'How They Built the Titanic.'




It was riveting.......


----------



## creative

Wyshiepoo said:


> I watched a documentary on tv last night, it was called 'How They Built the Titanic.'
> It was riveting.......


Ah nice try....you got it from  Stewart Francis - "I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. Riveting!"

Here's some other oneliners of his you might like:-

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We'll see about that." 

"I dedicate this show to my dad who was a roofer. So dad, if you're up there...." 

I quit my job at the helium gas factory. I didn't like being spoken to in that voice." 

"I wrote a book about a transsexual with a speech impediment. It's called Man or Myth." 

"I want to donate a large amount of money to a rape clinic and I won't take no for an answer." 

"There are two types of people I hate .... racists and Norwegians."

"Standing in the park, I was wondering why a frisbee looks larger the closer it gets...then it hit me" 

"I went to a Karaoke Bar last night that didn't play any 70s music, at first I was afriad, oh I was petrified" 

"My dad has a wierd hobby he collects empty bottles, which sounds so much better than alcoholic" 

"My girlfriend say's that I'm afraid of committment....well she's not my girlfriend...more a wife" 

"Crime in a multi storey car park....that's just wrong...on so many levels..."


----------



## Wyshiepoo

Ha ha, love 'em.


Actually got it from a friend, maybe he got it from Stewart Francis?


What about, I applied for a new position in our Seoul head office, I thought it would be a good Korea move.


----------



## Zhizara

Groan.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Too many puns for this time of day...right now I am only a half-wit...


Shrek's response to the Titanic Pun..."Go Away!"


----------



## creative

Wyshiepoo said:


> Ha ha, love 'em.
> 
> Actually got it from a friend, maybe he got it from Stewart Francis?
> 
> What about, I applied for a new position in our Seoul head office, I thought it would be a good Korea move.


Not bad...did you make that one up?


----------



## Wyshiepoo

creative said:


> Not bad...did you make that one up?


 

I'd like to say yes, but got it from the same friend.


----------



## bakechef

Saw this on I-95 in Florida

Sent from my XT1080 using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL, How sweet, looks like someone making a little boy happy by tying down his tractor for a tow.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Roflmfao!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22557


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Normally, I like snow. This year, not so much. Why? Because WE HAVE SO MUCH!!! 
	

	
	
		
		

		
			











PF, you are still more than welcome to my snow. As much as you want!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Normally, I like snow. This year, not so much. Why? Because WE HAVE SO MUCH!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PF, you are still more than welcome to my snow. As much as you want!



CG, let's get together and ship it all to Montana. I'll even pay the shipping costs. More coming today. I am not even going to look out the window.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Waiting is...


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Normally, I like snow. This year, not so much. Why? Because WE HAVE SO MUCH!!!
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> PF, you are still more than welcome to my snow. As much as you want!



And my weather report from the Weather Station out at Logan Airport says we are going to have four days of snow this weekend.


----------



## TATTRAT

https://i.imgur.com/KIz03ry.gifv


----------



## Dawgluver

Good advice:
View attachment 22583


----------



## Mad Cook

Dawgluver said:


> Good advice:
> View attachment 22583


Looks as though the poor thing has been thrown. Cruel not funny


----------



## GotGarlic

Mad Cook said:


> Looks as though the poor thing has been thrown. Cruel not funny



It doesn't look like that to me.


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> It doesn't look like that to me.




Me either!


----------



## Mad Cook

Dawgluver said:


> Me either!


You've seen a dog assume that position unaided?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

MC, I'm going to guess Doggie didn't pose. I'm guessing it's one frame from from a series of action shots. Doggie was probably having a blast chasing a Frisbee.


Dawg, not only do I dance like no one is watching, I sing like no one is listening. I'm also one of those annoying people who seems to have a song for every occasion. Don't ask a question that could cause me to sing out an answer with song lyrics!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Cooking Goddess said:


> MC, I'm going to guess Doggie didn't pose. I'm guessing it's one frame from from a series of action shots. Doggie was probably having a blast chasing a Frisbee.
> 
> 
> Dawg, not only do I dance like no one is watching, I sing like no one is listening. *I'm also one of those annoying people who seems to have a song for every occasion.* Don't ask a question that could cause me to sing out an answer with song lyrics!



Me too, and the earworm can last for several days!


----------



## Dawgluver

Cooking Goddess said:


> MC, I'm going to guess Doggie didn't pose. I'm guessing it's one frame from from a series of action shots. Doggie was probably having a blast chasing a Frisbee.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Dawg, not only do I dance like no one is watching, I sing like no one is listening. I'm also one of those annoying people who seems to have a song for every occasion. Don't ask a question that could cause me to sing out an answer with song lyrics!




  Yep, thanks CG and AB.  I too am one to sing like no one is listening.  And I know all the the lyrics of most musicals!  Not necessarily a good thing to those who may be listening.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Mad Cook said:


> You've seen a dog assume that position unaided?



Yep, when they are chasing something thrown like a ball or a treat.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> MC, I'm going to guess Doggie didn't pose. I'm guessing it's one frame from from a series of action shots. Doggie was probably having a blast chasing a Frisbee.
> 
> 
> Dawg, not only do I dance like no one is watching, I sing like no one is listening. I'm also one of those annoying people who seems to have a song for every occasion. Don't ask a question that could cause me to sing out an answer with song lyrics!





Aunt Bea said:


> Me too, and the earworm can last for several days!





Dawgluver said:


> Yep, thanks CG and AB.  I too am one to sing like no one is listening.  And I know all the the lyrics of most musicals!  Not necessarily a good thing to those who may be listening.



Me, four!!!


----------



## Cheryl J

Love it, Dawg!   Made me smile.  That was my first thought too, that the dog was having fun chasing a ball or Frisbee, and someone got lucky with a great shot. 

My daughter has 2 large playful dogs and some of the shots she gets are similar to that, no one has ever said they were cruel or abusive pics.  LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

Thanks PF and Cheryl!  The pic came from a brother of a dear friend, who's a total dog freak.  No way any dogs were hurt in the making!


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## Dawgluver

Some happy little Bob Rosses.   I miss him, and am old enough to watch him when he was alive!


----------



## Cheryl J

Me too, Dawg.  Hard to believe he's been gone 10 years or so now.  I used to enjoy his happy little painting shows.  


edited...more like 20!  Just looked him up.  Holy cow...


----------



## Dawgluver

Every Sunday, PBS.  Good grief, 20 years...


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Me, four!!!



Me Five! Only for me I want to harmonize with every song. And don't get me into church singing a hymn. Pity the poor person next to me who hasn't never had to sing in a group with harmony. I have to sing softly and step away from them. I always try to take an end seat.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

"Happy little trees...". Back in the late '80s or early '90s he was at a juried art show in Orlando. My SIL and her hubby liked him alot too. They went to the art show and...long story short, they own an original Bob Ross!  Very cool.


----------



## bakechef

Mad Cook said:


> Looks as though the poor thing has been thrown. Cruel not funny



My best friend's previous dog pretty much thought she could fly.  Sheer excitement about treats or a car ride would turn her into a ball of unbridled excitement!


----------



## GotGarlic

It's 23 degrees here right now so it's got a ways to go!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Grocery shopping in eastern MA:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22599


----------



## Dawgluver

I feel pretty, oh so pretty:  View attachment 22600


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Our Bearded Lady, Felicia is wearing the newest creation by Orang U'Tan, isn't she lovely?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

You KNOW you know people like this...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

YES!


----------



## Addie

Yeah. We have one. Spike mentioned something about bacon. Then he changed the subject to flour for baking. 

Denise: "Oh, I didn't know you had to use flour for your bacon!" Definite a dead hamster. And that is not one of her best.


----------



## creative

Overheard conversation....

"I've been cooking for 15 years!"

"It should be done by now then"


----------



## Cooking Goddess

This, right now, for those of us dealing with Siberian-like weather.


----------



## Zhizara

During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what  the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be  institutionalized. 

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; we then offer a  teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to  empty the bathtub." 

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."  

"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


----------



## Aunt Bea

Zhizara said:


> During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what  the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be  institutionalized.
> 
> "Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub; we then offer a  teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to  empty the bathtub."
> 
> "Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
> 
> "No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 22609


----------



## TATTRAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RgSieJU70BQ


----------



## CWS4322

ROFL! I should take that out and play it for the girls! They'd know exactly about what that bird was complaining!


----------



## Cheryl J

That's hilarious!  I wonder if a babbling toddler lives in that house!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Aunt Bea

Ain't it the truth!


----------



## Andy M.

Aunt Bea said:


> Ain't it the truth!




I do this every week.  I see nothing wrong with it.


----------



## Zhizara

That used to be me, Aunt Bea. 

Then again, there's this:

Folding Shopping Cart, Black - Walmart.com

Now I roll my groceries home.  Much easier on my old achy body.


----------



## creative

Zhizara said:


> That used to be me, Aunt Bea.
> 
> Then again, there's this:
> 
> Folding Shopping Cart, Black - Walmart.com
> 
> Now I roll my groceries home.  Much easier on my old achy body.


I have thought about this but wonder what you do with it when reaching the supermarket.  Do you carry it around with you with the shopping trolley or what?


----------



## Addie

creative said:


> I have thought about this but wonder what you do with it when reaching the supermarket.  Do you carry it around with you with the shopping trolley or what?



There is usually a hook on the front side of it to hang onto your shopping cart. Then when you get to the checkout, you put a paper bag into cart and as they get checked by the checkout girl, you can put your groceries in the bag. It is a handy thing to have. Some use it here in the building I live in to bring their laundry downstairs to the laundry room. Well worth the money for those who walk to or around their grocery store.


----------



## creative

Addie said:


> There is usually a hook on the front side of it to hang onto your shopping cart. Then when you get to the checkout, you put a paper bag into cart and as they get checked by the checkout girl, you can put your groceries in the bag. It is a handy thing to have. Some use it here in the building I live in to bring their laundry downstairs to the laundry room. Well worth the money for those who walk to or around their grocery store.


Ah...well, I am in UK..that paper bag method by the checkout girl doesn't happen here.  However, I guess the hook idea could work; I usually place my shopping bag on this (that has stuff from other shops).  Haven't noticed anyone using this for their own shopping cart though which is why I asked.


----------



## Addie

creative said:


> Ah...well, I am in UK..that paper bag method by the checkout girl doesn't happen here.  However, I guess the hook idea could work; I usually place my shopping bag on this (that has stuff from other shops).  Haven't noticed anyone using this for their own shopping cart though which is why I asked.



If I have bags from other shops, I put them in the child's seat. And then I would hang the little cart on the front of the shopping cart. It is really a handy cart to have around. You would be surprised how many things you would use for. The one I had came with a think liner and a cover that zipped close to protect your groceries from the rain. Then I made the mistake of loaning it out to a relative. Goodbye Cart! She overloaded it and broke the two sets of wheels on it.


----------



## taxlady

I call that a "granny wagon". I have used them for decades. I often ask a cashier if she or he minds if I leave it at the cash while I shop.


----------



## creative

taxlady said:


> I call that a "granny wagon". I have used them for decades. I often ask a cashier if she or he minds if I leave it at the cash while I shop.


Yes I have contemplated doing this (I have one of these but never used it) but would come unstuck (not know what to do) if they said no.  Wouldn't just chance it and leave it around somewhere in case it got stolen.


----------



## taxlady

creative said:


> Yes I have contemplated doing this (I have one of these but never used it) but would come unstuck (not know what to do) if they said no.  Wouldn't just chance it and leave it around somewhere in case it got stolen.


Do it on a day when you don't mind just leaving if they say no.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Do it on a day when you don't mind just leaving if they say no.



And try to shop on a day when there aren't many people in the store shopping. For me, I go shopping at 7 a.m. The store has just opened, parents are getting their kids to school and don't show up until after 9 a.m. The only folks in the store are me and my son, and the employees.


----------



## Zhizara

creative said:


> I have thought about this but wonder what you do with it when reaching the supermarket.  Do you carry it around with you with the shopping trolley or what?



Some of them have a hook that hangs the folded cart  The handle goes between the basket and the push handle of the grocery cart.

Make sure the description says that it has this hook.  Many don't have it as I found to my annoyance when I got my last one.  I was able to figure a do around by removing the handle and turning the cart upside down and letting the wheels hold it to the grocery cart.

If you drive, you can keep it in the trunk of your car.  You use the store cart to move the bags to your car, then when you get home, you load up your cart for transport to your kitchen.

I also found it's easier to pull the cart using just the back wheels.  Pushing takes lots more energy.


----------



## taxlady

Pushing those things is mostly for going down a step, like at the curb.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I have three carts now...I forget to use it and make one trip with my 17 bags.


----------



## Addie

Living in the section of Boston that I do, a lot of folks skip buying one of those "granny carts". They just steal one of the stores big ones and wheel the groceries home in it. Yup, they go right past and out of the parking lot and head home. Then they store it in the back yard. If you report a stolen one, you can collect a $25 reward. We have two of those carts here in this building. One is from Target and the other from Walgreen's. We use them to bring our bundles up to our apartment. You would think HUD would have bought one for the building. Instead we have to rely on stolen property.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Zhizara said:


> Then again, there's this:
> 
> Folding Shopping Cart, Black - Walmart.com
> 
> Now I roll my groceries home.  Much easier on my old achy body.


I still have my Mom's very old (vintage 1950s) cart. She always called it her "Polish Cadillac".  I remember when we got to the register she made sure we put the heavy things up first so that they would be put on the bottom. Produce always was the last to be rung up. To this day, even though I have the reusable bags, use the grocery cart to get them to my car trunk, and then drive them home to the garage, I still unload my shopping cart heavy items first, produce last when I get to the check-out. Old habits die hard.


----------



## Zhizara

I unload the same way at checkout.  Bread, chips and produce last so no crushed bread or bruised produce.


----------



## Zhizara

I always make sure I buy something I can just heat up.  I'm beat by the time I'm done shopping, and the fridge is packed full of things that need prep work done just to make room in the fridge to maneuver!


----------



## creative

Zhizara said:


> I unload the same way at checkout.  Bread, chips and produce last so no crushed bread or bruised produce.


The bread I buy is quite solid, i.e. organic stoneground wholemeal so could go in first!

I wonder if others do what I do - I always put the meat/poultry/fish in a smaller plastic bag that has the milk carton in it and tie them up together.  That way it stays fairly chilled until I get home, since I walk and take buses.


----------



## Addie

Zhizara said:


> I always make sure I buy something I can just heat up.  I'm beat by the time I'm done shopping, and the fridge is packed full of things that need prep work done just to make room in the fridge to maneuver!



When I went shopping last Tuesday, I got one of the electric carts that was defective. I was at the back of the store and was trying to get the cart up front to change carts. I asked one person (worker) to help me. According to him, I didn't know how to use it properly. It would start and just STOP with a jerk. I almost banged my head on the handle console. It took me 20 minutes to get the dang thing up front where a lovely girl transferred all my groceries to a cart she tested and knew would work. But those 20 minutes of fighting that cart left me exhausted. Spike put my groceries away (bless his heart) and I had to lay down after taking some of my heart meds. The Pirate came by later and did the meats for me. He even straightened out the freezer. I fell asleep for four hours. That battle with the defective cart just knocked me for a loop!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Zhizara said:


>



Guilty! If I time my cooking and shopping just right, I have enough leftovers in the refrigerator for both of us on the day I shop. If I'm out of leftovers, one of those rotisserie chickens usually follows me home...


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
http://www.hrtwarming.com/woman-mak...e-her-this-but-is-shocked-with-what-followed/


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I used to have a sweatshirt with a bear and a big sundae. It said "life is short, eat dessert first". I "ate dessert first" so often the shirt didn't fit and I sold it in a garage sale.


----------



## taxlady

That was funny and cute Dawg.


----------



## Dawgluver

Thanks, Taxy, I thought it was cute too!


----------



## callmaker60

*Help me Lord*

Heard this on a recent Joel Osteen program.

Pastor was out bear hunting and had no luck, he threw his gun on the ground, and sat my a stream to relax, all of a sudden he see's a bear running straight toward him, the Pastor stood up, and said Lord I need help rescue me, make this bear a christian bear.  All of a sudden the bear stops in his tracks, looks toward the sky, and says thank you Lord for this food I am about to eat.


----------



## taxlady

Shorts and sandals weather in tomorrow's forecast: 6° (43°F).


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Himself said somebody lost a bet.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> Shorts and sandals weather in tomorrow's forecast: 6° (43°F).





Cooking Goddess said:


> Himself said somebody lost a bet.




Maybe not.  We see teens in shorts and tees in the dead of winter all the time.  SO's son was like that 35 years ago.  half a dozen winter coats in the closet and he never wore them.


----------



## Dawgluver

Having worked in schools for over 30 years, I've seen all manner of young "machismos" braving the weather in shorts and t-shirts.  Not particularily attractive, they just turn blue and shiver   And they all have coats available.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I see them at the bus stop across the street, wondering whose mother let them out of the house dressed like that.  I guess parents were allowed to be "abusive" when I was young and make us dress for the weather.


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I see them at the bus stop across the street, wondering whose mother let them out of the house dressed like that.  I guess parents were allowed to be "abusive" when I was young and make us dress for the weather.



Sometimes when I'm picking up my grandson at the school bus stop, I see teens walking home in short sleeves and shorts with a winter jacket under one arm.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

We see guys in shorts when it's snowing a lot. Heck, guy-in-picture is actually wearing a hooded sweatshirt, so he's kinda overdressed for the weather. It's the sandals, SANDALS!, that makes me wonder about this one. Even when I was young and crazy, as opposed to just crazy like now, my toes didn't come out to play until the temperatures hit the 50s.


----------



## Addie

One of the nice thing about old age? You get a good dose of common sense. You dress according to the weather. I have a faux fur coat that looks like the fur of a snow leopard. I get more compliments on that coat. I almost hate to see winter end.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> ...I almost hate to see winter end...


Bite your tongue, *Addie*!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Bite your tongue, *Addie*!



Forgive me. My tongue is now gushing with blood. YUM! Oh dear I need a lot of help. I think I am the only person who loves the smell of fresh blood.


----------



## CWS4322

Warning: Do not read while drinking a beverage:


A Travel Agent looked up from his desk to see an old lady and an old
 gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity.
 He called them into his shop, 'I know that on your pension it would probably be difficult for you to ever hope to have a real holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at myexpense.  ... I won't take no for an answer.'
 He had his secretary to write two flight tickets and arrange  a room in a five star hotel.   As can be expected, the elderly pair accepted with gratitude, and were off!
 About a month later the little old lady came in to his shop. 'And how did
 you like your holiday?' he asked eagerly.
 'The flight was exciting and the room was lovely,' she said. 'I've come to
 thank you, but one thing puzzled me. Who was that old bugger I had to
 share the room with?


----------



## Aunt Bea

Cooking Goddess said:


> We see guys in shorts when it's snowing a lot. Heck, guy-in-picture is actually wearing a hooded sweatshirt, so he's kinda overdressed for the weather. It's the sandals, SANDALS!, that makes me wonder about this one. Even when I was young and crazy, as opposed to just crazy like now, my toes didn't come out to play until the temperatures hit the 50s.



I'll give him a pass on the sandals, I'm impressed that his pants are pulled up around his waist!


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

So true...


----------



## creative

I used to like Nutella until I read the ingredients! 

I have since been experimenting, making my own i.e. with far less sugar and with coconut oil...work in progress.


----------



## taxlady

Won't make me happy with Nutella.


----------



## Zhizara

I broke down and tried Nutella (expensive).  I ended up throwing it out.  The chocolate tasted like hot chocolate made with water, and I couldn't taste nuts at all.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I personally don't care for Nutella. Unlike you, Z, I ended up eating all of the small-but-pricey jar worth. I posted the picture for all the Nutella fans around here. Besides, it's kinda hard to not like a Minion.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Minions Rule!

When I get done buying all the finger puppets available I will post a pic of the Minion Invasion.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## Andy M.

PF, I showed that picture to SO and she was inspired to try it.  Here is part of what she did with a neighbor kid.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> PF, I showed that picture to SO and she was inspired to try it.  Here is part of what she did with a neighbor kid.



Might raise  some spirits around Boston and the East Coast.  Wish I had some of the white stuff to be able to do it.

But it is nice and rainy here today, I have to get the umbrella out, too cold to get wet.


----------



## Andy M.

Rainy and cold here too.


----------



## Kayelle

That's so cool Andy! What did they use to color the snow?


----------



## Andy M.

Kayelle said:


> That's so cool Andy! What did they use to color the snow?



SO found some non-toxic water-based paints at the craft store.


----------



## Dawgluver

Sneaky: View attachment 22661


----------



## Aunt Bea

That ain't right!

It's funny, it just ain't right I tell ya!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Of course I thought of CWS and her girls as soon as I saw this today:


----------



## Dawgluver

Aunt Bea said:


> That ain't right!
> 
> It's funny, it just ain't right I tell ya!




I just can't imagine any pet snake holding still for wabbit ears.

Lol, CG!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I just can't imagine any pet snake holding still for wabbit ears.
> 
> Lol, CG!


Though I have never put clothes on a snake, most constrictors move slowly enough that it would be easy. I don't see a problem other than, "How the harper do you attach bunny ears to a snake?" I think it's photoshopped.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek is still moaning over a chicken sedan...


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Of course I thought of CWS and her girls as soon as I saw this today:



Of course. They always talk amongst themselves.


----------



## CWS4322

Addie said:


> Of course. They always talk amongst themselves.


 Cute.


----------



## CWS4322

For the cat people...


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## taxlady

Good one Aunt Bea.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Aunt Bea said:


>


And now I have "Dueling Earworms". Thanks.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> And now I have "Dueling Earworms". Thanks.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> And now I have "Dueling Earworms". Thanks.


----------



## taxlady

A friend shared this on FaceBook:


----------



## Addie

And I thought they joined because they like how they looked in a uniform.  They looked at all the uniforms available and didn't like the ones from the County Jail.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## taxlady

Saw this and it made me laugh.






It's from 21 Best Animal Parenting Photos That Will Make You Say 'Awww' - brainjet.com Be forewarned, it plays music and I couldn't find an off switch.


----------



## Addie

I love the supermarket one.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Saw this and it made me laugh.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> ...


Since I have a touch of Monk in me, I counted legs. Nine legs. Hmmm. BTW, cute pic, taxy! So glad you're back here with us!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Since I have a touch of Monk in me, I counted legs. Nine legs. Hmmm. BTW, cute pic, taxy! So glad you're back here with us!


I counted nine legs too, twice. I guess someone is standing on one leg, like a stork.


----------



## taxlady

taxlady said:


> I counted nine legs too, twice. I guess someone is standing on one leg, like a stork.


Nope, that second leg from the left is two legs, one behind the other.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Or...one of them is a 3-legged bird. Gets to run THAT race all by himself! 

OK, getting punchy. Time for me to go to bed.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Or...one of them is a 3-legged bird. Gets to run THAT race all by himself!
> 
> OK, getting punchy. Time for me to go to bed.


I hope you had a good sleep.

Look at the top of the second leg. That's where I see a bit of another one.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Andy M.

Cooking Goddess said:


> Or...one of them is a 3-legged bird. Gets to run THAT race all by himself!
> 
> OK, getting punchy. Time for me to go to bed.




Mommy bird loves them all the same, one leg or two.


----------



## taxlady

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ka3SY4GFio&feature=youtu.be


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Ka3SY4GFio&feature=youtu.be



Thank you. I needed that. Today is in the 40's. Sshh. I don't want to say it too loud or the mercury will plummet.


----------



## bakechef

The indoctrination to the Costco cult is complete.

Today I'm wearing Kirkland brand underwear, boxer briefs...


----------



## taxlady

bakechef said:


> The indoctrination to the Costco cult is complete.
> 
> Today I'm wearing Kirkland brand underwear, boxer briefs...


Are they comfy?


----------



## bakechef

taxlady said:


> Are they comfy?



Actually quite comfortable, I'd put the quality somewhere between my hanes and nautica.  They are excellent quality for the money.  



Sent from my XT1080 using Discuss Cooking mobile app


----------



## Whiskadoodle

I wear Kirkland brand Smart Wool Socks.  ( very expensive at sporting goods stores)  Costco sells them in 4 paks (of course) and calls theirs Outdoor Trail Socks  / 70 % merino wool.  BC,  I bet they don't sell these in your neck of the woods.


----------



## bakechef

Whiskadoodle said:


> I wear Kirkland brand Smart Wool Socks.  ( very expensive at sporting goods stores)  Costco sells them in 4 paks (of course) and calls theirs Outdoor Trail Socks  / 70 % merino wool.  BC,  I bet they don't sell these in your neck of the woods.



Most likely not, they wouldn't see much use here.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Taxy, do you think it's possible that U.S. Climatologists determined it to be the warmest winter because of how warm it was where they had their heads?


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Taxy, do you think it's possible that U.S. Climatologists determined it to be the warmest winter because of how warm it was where they had their heads?


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Caterine!

Words to live by:

View attachment 22698


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Caterine!
> 
> Words to live by:
> 
> View attachment 22698



Finally a reason for me to sign up for cable!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Addie

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday.

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question:What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: Nuts!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their dult kids will want to store stuff there. 


Question:What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question:What is the bestway to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.

Question: What do you do all week?
Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING..... Saturday & Sunday, I rest.

SERENITY 
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 
'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied... 
'Two years older than me' 
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.. 
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it? 

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 
'And what do you think is the best thing 
about being 104?' the reporter asked.. 

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' 

The nice thing about being senile is 
you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them. 

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. 

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 
'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week' 

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. 

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. 

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' 

THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people 
I never liked anyway, 
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>



LOL!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Zhizara

Awww, poor bunnies!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22716


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's the crabbiest Easter bunny I've ever seen, Dawg!


----------



## CWS4322

I can relate.


----------



## taxlady

CWS4322 said:


> I can relate.


 Me too


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Shrek wants that shirt.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I noticed Himself doing a head-bob when I showed him the picture. Guess he forgot who cooks his food.  BwaHaHa!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


>



HELP!  I've fallen and I can't get up.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cracked me up.  No way Beagle would do this!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gAjlEY5e0c


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Cracked me up.  No way Beagle would do this!
> 
> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_gAjlEY5e0c



Good for Beagle, ya gotta know where to draw the line!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Glad to hear Beagle has standards! Not sure the poor doxie was happy with the circumstances, though.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cooking Goddess said:


> Glad to hear Beagle has standards! Not sure the poor doxie was happy with the circumstances, though.




Beagle thinks doxies are wimps.  She "rolls" the neighbor's doxie, and strangely enough, he allows her to!  He tucks his legs in, and Beagle gives him a good shove, and he rolls like a sausage.  He hates most other people and dogs other than us and his immediate family.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Beagle thinks doxies are wimps.  She "rolls" the neighbor's doxie, and strangely enough, he allows her to!  He tucks his legs in, and Beagle gives him a good shove, and he rolls like a sausage.  He hates most other people and dogs other than us and his immediate family.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> ...He tucks his legs in, and Beagle gives him a good shove, and *he rolls like a sausage*...


Well of course he does, he's a sausage dog.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


>



I could get the kitchen floor half way to clean just trying to get back up.


----------



## alucy0210

Thanks.


----------



## creative

Addie said:


> I could get the kitchen floor half way to clean just trying to get back up.


Yes I know that problem (since I am er....not slim!)  I tend to place a chair nearby so I can haul myself up on it.


----------



## Addie

creative said:


> Yes I know that problem (since I am er....not slim!)  I tend to place a chair nearby so I can haul myself up on it.



My biggest problem is deciding which leg I could put the weight on today. I have a leg that had a very, very large ulcer right on the shin bone that has been repaired. But left me with lots of nerve damage. Can it hold my weight today? If I make the wrong choice, I go down real quick. I hang on with both hands when going up a flight of stairs and pull myself up with my hands. I have also been known to go up on all four. Now that is a sight to see. I make sure I am wearing slacks. That would make "Today's Funny!"


----------



## creative

Addie said:


> My biggest problem is deciding which leg I could put the weight on today. I have a leg that had a very, very large ulcer right on the shin bone that has been repaired. But left me with lots of nerve damage. Can it hold my weight today? If I make the wrong choice, I go down real quick. I hang on with both hands when going up a flight of stairs and pull myself up with my hands. I have also been known to go up on all four. Now that is a sight to see. I make sure I am wearing slacks. That would make "Today's Funny!"


Oh I see...different predicament to myself then.  I guess you know of those kneelers you can get (at least over here in UK)...or would you still be in the same dilemma?


----------



## Addie

creative said:


> Oh I see...different predicament to myself then.  I guess you know of those kneelers you can get (at least over here in UK)...or would you still be in the same dilemma?



We do have them, but my kids would think I was praying for them.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22813


----------



## creative




----------



## taxlady

Good one Creative


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 22813



I'll take two!

Maybe a meatwoof, too!


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'll take two!
> 
> Maybe a meatwoof, too!




Would love a good meatwoof!  (So would Beagle).


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Good one, Creative!


----------



## creative




----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

It's a TITANIC iceberg!!!


----------



## creative




----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Zhizara

I've been there done that.  It makes me so glad that all I have now is a debit card.  I _have_ to live within my means.


----------



## Cheryl J

Just saw this on Facebook and had to share....


----------



## Dawgluver

Cute Cheryl!  

An oldy but goody:
View attachment 22840


----------



## taxlady

Hahahaha


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> An oldy but goody:


I'm grateful for that joke. Thanks!


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## creative

In UK we have just had an election...


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Oh fer Pete's sake: http://distractify.com/beth-buczynski/white-things-overheard-at-whole-foods/


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Those were pathetically funny, Dawg. And now I have yet ANOTHER website on which to waste way too much time.


----------



## Dawgluver

:sigh:  I know!


----------



## medtran49

Taxy, that is just like a cat!  They are ALWAYS in the know and right.


----------



## ardchoille

Couldn't resist posting:


----------



## GotGarlic

ardchoille said:


> Couldn't resist posting:


----------



## taxlady

I don't get it.


----------



## Dawgluver

Taxy, I thought it was just me.  I don't get it either.


----------



## GotGarlic

Maybe this will help:


----------



## Dawgluver

Ah, now I get it!  Thanks GG!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Ah, now I get it!  Thanks GG!


ditto


----------



## ardchoille

Sorry about that,folks, must be the geek in me that sees things differently


----------



## Dawgluver

No problem.  Taxy and I are both pretty geeky too.  As is GG!  She figured it out and explained it perfectly.


----------



## Dawgluver

Bad image.  Next post...


----------



## Dawgluver

Hmm.  I need a microscope to read that.  Let's try again.View attachment 22875


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> Maybe this will help:


It's more likely than not most of you would have seen one of these over your lifetime:





My Mom had a lot of fun with her "Newton's Cradle"...for a while. Then I drove her nuts with "look at THIS Mom!" over and over and over...


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Hmm.  I need a microscope to read that.  Let's try again.View attachment 22875



I got a kick out of 13 and 15, 16 wasn't bad either! 

13. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur  built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out  as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until  they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.


----------



## ardchoille

Dawgluver said:


> Hmm.  I need a microscope to read that.  Let's try again.View attachment 22875




I liked them all, I got to number 16.. and laughed out loud


----------



## Addie

Aunt Bea said:


> I got a kick out of 13 and 15, 16 wasn't bad either!
> 
> 13. A person who is nice to you but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
> 
> 15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur  built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
> 
> 16. Final thought for the day: Men are like fine wine.. They start out  as grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the snot out of them until  they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.



#1 was sound advice! That one cracked me up. 

Never take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.


----------



## Zhizara

About all I could read was the title so I googled it and got a legible copy.  Thanks for the laughs, Dawg!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Pretty much describes me:
View attachment 22879


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Pretty much describes me:
> View attachment 22879


I'm sure I must have tried to act normal at some point. Must have been a very long time ago.


----------



## Dawgluver

I can't recall any time I've tried to act normal, except at the airport.  Oh wait, not there either.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

What is normal?


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> What is normal?


It's a statistical term and a type of graph curve, like a bell curve.


----------



## Dawgluver

"Define normal."  I have the tote bag from the Addams Family.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I've seen one of the Minions ones that says "Someone called me normal. I've never been so insulted." Yup, me!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

For our Dane, taxy, and all her friends at the Danish Club. And for the rest of us, too!


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh dear, the sights I've seen.  Speedos and thongs on folks who should never wear speedos and thongs.

Me, I'd probably wear a Snuggy if it wouldn't weigh me down when I'm snorkeling.  Or maybe a hoodie.  I need the high test spandex.


----------



## taxlady

You know that Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands, eh? It's not in Denmark.


----------



## Dawgluver

Well, it's kinda sorta in the same general area.  Or not.  OK, not.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> "Define normal."  I have the tote bag from the Addams Family.



I have an Optimus Prime Lunch Bag, Full Metal Alchemist messenger bag...Happy Kitty Hoodie (BBT), Firefly Lunch Box, Hello Kitty Lunch Box... Enough toys for the over 50 crowd.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I have an Optimus Prime Lunch Bag, Full Metal Alchemist messenger bag...Happy Kitty Hoodie (BBT), Firefly Lunch Box, Hello Kitty Lunch Box... Enough toys for the over 50 crowd.




Lol.  PF, you definitely out-geek me!  Now as far as creepiness, I think I've got this!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> You know that Amsterdam is the capital of the Netherlands, eh? It's not in Denmark.








In my defense, I sometimes have problems with the geography in my own country.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> In my defense, I sometimes have problems with the geography in my own country.


Don't feel bad, it's a common mistake: Dutch/Danish and Swedish/Swiss.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## creative

DistractYourself » Similar objects


----------



## Zhizara

Thanks, Creative!!  What a blast!


----------



## Dawgluver

Too funny, Creative!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 22895. Heh.  Need more bacon.


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 22895. Heh.  Need more bacon.



Good one! Get rid of the egg. Too much cholesterol.


----------



## Zhizara

Get rid of the toast too.  Too much carbohydrates.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup.  Probably should ditch the coffee too, high blood pressure.


----------



## GotGarlic

Yes, I'd much rather have a French breakfast -  croissant with Nutella and coffee with cream. Or a German breakfast with cold cuts, cheese and hard rolls. Yum


----------



## creative

I wouldn't say he had delusions of grandeur but when I remarked "It's a beautiful day", he replied "Thank you!"


----------



## Dawgluver

Delusional indeed!


----------



## taxlady

A friend made beer butt chicken. He used Heineken. He says it's what you got use for shoving up a chicken's heiny.


----------



## Zhizara

*Groan*


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  Sorry guys:
View attachment 23054


----------



## Dawgluver

This so cracked me up:

View attachment 23091


----------



## Zhizara

I see you still have Cozumel on your mind, Dawggie!

How soon do you go, or are you already there???


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Cozumel is always on my mind, Z!  And that truck is soooo Cozumel!


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Dawgluver

OK, one more.  Can't resist:
View attachment 23092


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> OK, one more.  Can't resist:
> View attachment 23092




For some values of "fits".


----------



## creative




----------



## GotGarlic

I'm not to blame if you lose the next half hour of your life to Netflix. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eQgIwwKmjdo

Warning: Videos beyond this one may include salty language.


----------



## Andy M.

*Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal. Pistol*

Woman Stops Grizzly Attack With 25 Cal Pistol 

This is a story of self-control and marksmanship with an itsy bitsy shooter by a woman against a fierce predator.

While out hiking in Alberta Canada with my boyfriend we were surprised by a huge grizzly bear charging at us from out of nowhere. She must have been protecting her cubs because she was extremely aggressive. 

"If I had not had my little Beretta Jetfire with me I would not be here today"! 

"Just one shot to my boyfriend's knee cap was all it took.

The bear got him and I was able to escape by just walking away at a brisk pace".


----------



## taxlady

Andy, that's terrible.


----------



## Dawgluver

Story of my life as far as drivers license or passport photos:
View attachment 23118


----------



## taxlady

First high resolution image of Pluto causes concern:






https://twitter.com/rpaulwilson/status/621012591335342081/photo/1


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Took a minute, then I got it. Now all I "hear" is the march music. Thanks a lot for the earworm.


----------



## GotGarlic

I can do this!


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Took a minute, then I got it. Now all I "hear" is the march music. Thanks a lot for the earworm.



Pirate had to explain it to me in detail. I didn't have the slightest clue. But then the world of Sci-Fi is beyond my knowledge. I have only see the original Star Wars with Carrie Fisher and the rest of the crew. 

All I could see in it was the big button. I thought it may represent a belly button. But then what do I know.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> I can do this!


I am sooooo tempted to get one of those oval "26.2" stickers that marathoners put in the car windows. I will do a bit of "editing" though, so that mine will read ".262". I think I could manage a quarter mile. Maybe. On a good day. ~~ I mentioned that to another shopper walking next to me on our way to our cars. We had just passed a car with the 26.2 sticker, I told him my idea. He said a friend of his got one that said 0.0! Now all we have to do is find those stickers, GG! I bet they have them on etsy...


----------



## taxlady

I have wondered this myself.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Yep.

View attachment 23192


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> Yep.
> 
> View attachment 23192


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Yep.
> 
> View attachment 23192


Bahaha


----------



## Dawgluver

Life is not fair.


----------



## Zhizara

The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.

						Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

						"It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.

						As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.

						He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"

						The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.

						"Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."

						"Why?" asked the pilot.

						"Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and  photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great  exasperation.

						After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"


----------



## creative




----------



## taxlady

Zhizara said:


> The photographer for a national magazine was assigned to get photos of a great forest fire.
> 
> Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.
> 
> "It will be waiting for you at the airport!" he was assured by his editor.
> 
> As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway.
> 
> He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, "Let's go! Let's go!"
> 
> The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air.
> 
> "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make three or four low level passes."
> 
> "Why?" asked the pilot.
> 
> "Because I'm going to take pictures! I'm a photographer, and  photographers take pictures!" said the photographer with great  exasperation.
> 
> After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"


----------



## Zhizara

I burst out laughing when I read this one!  Ir got me good.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Close enough.
> 
> You have to start drinking Addie  I was just telling Princess Fiona how much fun it would be to go to bars with you and her and be rowdy and get kicked out.
> 
> We could be "Hell's Grannies" (even though you are the only actual granny).



Heck I will share the title with all who want to be grannies. BTW, I once or twice (I can't remember all the times) I have been spoken to or asked to leave a wake because I couldn't behave myself. Some of the dead were even a relative of mine. I am so bad. You can't take me anywhere.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> ...I have been spoken to or asked to leave a wake because I couldn't behave myself. Some of the dead were even a relative of mine. I am so bad. You can't take me anywhere.


I would have been kicked out of one by my uncle's wife if it hadn't been my own Mom's funeral!   Mom and Aunt never really saw eye-to-eye. Mom was fun-loving and fully believed that a funeral should be a full celebration of the loved one's life. Mom had a pretty full life that was jam-packed with fun. How else was I to behave???


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> I would have been kicked out of one by my uncle's wife if it hadn't been my own Mom's funeral!   Mom and Aunt never really saw eye-to-eye. Mom was fun-loving and fully believed that a funeral should be a full celebration of the loved one's life. Mom had a pretty full life that was jam-packed with fun. How else was I to behave???



Absolutely! I love a good Irish wake.


----------



## Cheryl J

Same old day according to my kitty.


----------



## GotGarlic

Cheryl J said:


> Same old day according to my kitty.



Mine, too!


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## creative

https://youtu.be/HPjJCVylFBo


----------



## Dawgluver

I so want to do this!

View attachment 23260


----------



## GotGarlic

Lol!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 23261

Even without being hung over and passed out on the lawn, this has happened a couple times, at 7 am on a Sunday!  They got to feel the brunt of my wrath!


----------



## Dawgluver

Guess it doesn't take me much, but I found this funny:
View attachment 23274


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Guess it doesn't take me much, but I found this funny:
> View attachment 23274



ain't it the truth!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Guess it doesn't take me much, but I found this funny:
> View attachment 23274


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Guess it doesn't take me much, but I found this funny:
> View attachment 23274



 A good one Dawg.


----------



## Dawgluver

Why did this make me laugh so much?  Must be easily amused.  Dogs can't make the "f" sound.

View attachment 23275


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Why did this make me laugh so much?  Must be easily amused.  Dogs can't make the "f" sound.
> 
> View attachment 23275



LMAO!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Saw this on a friend's Facebook post. Went hunting for it and found it at the website "The Redhead Riter".


*Two Ladies Talking in Heaven*


1st woman: Hi, Wanda!

2nd woman: Hi, Sylvia! How’d you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.

2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn’t so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy. Eventually I died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early so that I could catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched. Then I scurried down into the basement. After that, I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere! Finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn’t look in the freezer. We’d both still be alive.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## taxlady

Good one CG.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

You all know who you are!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> You all know who you are!


Oh yeah. I think this evening is like that. I forgot to eat supper until I saw the supper thread. I decided to have smoked salmon on a bagel. So, I cut the bagel in half and toasted it. Got out the fixin's and I thought I was ready to eat. I brought the plate to the coffee table and looked at the bagels. They didn't look quite right. There was cream cheese, sliced red onion, and capers. D'uh! I forgot the salmon.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

There are some days that NO amount of coffee will help, *taxy*. Not even if it was an IV.


----------



## Addie

Pirate is still laughing. I have gotten up and sleepwalked myself to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee. I told him I was trying to get a head start on my day. "At two in the morning Ma?"


----------



## CrazyCatLady

I got this in my email today:







[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## FoodieFanatic

This is silly but I vaguely recall it from a movie. A man (who I'll call Man 1) is at a bus stop and there is a dog sitting by him. Another comes to sit down and says to Man 1, "Does your dog bite?" The man says,"No, he doesn't." So, the Man 2 reaches to pet the dog and gets bit! The Man 2 says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite." Man 1 says, "HE doesn't, this isn't my dog!"


----------



## Addie

Okay, if you insist. But be forewarned. This is a groaner!

It is a beautiful Spring Saturday morning. The wife decided to do spring cleaning and hubby go outside to work on the car. He takes the whole engine apart and meticulously cleans each part. He begins to place the parts back and gets down to the very last screw. All of a sudden the screwdriver slips and cuts the palm of his hand wide open. There is blood everywhere. All over his nice clean engine. 

The moral of the story?


Scroll Down































You can get blood out of a tune up.


----------



## Dawgluver

FoodieFanatic said:


> This is silly but I vaguely recall it from a movie. A man (who I'll call Man 1) is at a bus stop and there is a dog sitting by him. Another comes to sit down and says to Man 1, "Does your dog bite?" The man says,"No, he doesn't." So, the Man 2 reaches to pet the dog and gets bit! The Man 2 says, "I thought you said your dog doesn't bite." Man 1 says, "HE doesn't, this isn't my dog!"




Inspector Clouseau, "The Pink Panther Strikes Again".  A classic!

Addie, yours is a groaner...


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Inspector Clouseau, "The Pink Panther Strikes Again".  A classic!
> 
> Addie, yours is a groaner...



Can't say I didn't warn you.


----------



## FoodieFanatic

Thanks I couldn't recall what movie but I did know it was a long time ago. Peter Sellers was hysterical!


----------



## taxlady

Wasn't sure where to post this, but here seems good enough.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vDa0z0gEvI4


----------



## bethzaring

Cooking Goddess said:


> You all know who you are!


 

Has anyone else filled the carafe with water, set it on the hot plate, turned on the coffee maker, and a few minutes later wondered why I was not smelling fresh coffee?

I have done this more than once.


----------



## Cheryl J

I LOVE the Scottie pinwheel!  That's adorable!


----------



## Addie

bethzaring said:


> Has anyone else filled the carafe with water, set it on the hot plate, turned on the coffee maker, and a few minutes later wondered why I was not smelling fresh coffee?
> 
> I have done this more than once.



Oh yes. I just figure it was deliberate so I could rinse out the coffee maker innards.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

"Scottie Pinwheel" is great! Just what I needed for a lift-me-up today. Thanks, *taxy*!



bethzaring said:


> Has anyone else filled the carafe with water, set it on the hot plate, turned on the coffee maker, and a few minutes later wondered why I was not smelling fresh coffee?
> 
> I have done this more than once.


Himself has done that.  I use a measuring cup for the water; if I use the carafe I end up missing the reservoir with some of the water. I'm more guilty of putting the grounds in the basket, then forgetting to add water at all. And when I'm really foggy, I've even put water in, then forgot the grounds.  You end up with a very weak cup of coffee.


----------



## Andy M.

Oh Good!  I'm not the only one.

I have, on more than one occasion, put coffee into the coffeemaker and forgotten the water.  I don't recall ever putting in water and forgetting the coffee.

Keurig makes it harder to screw up that way but adds the option of starting the brew cycle and forgetting the coffee cup.


----------



## Dawgluver

I remember Pacanis mentioning the Keurig doesn't work too well without a coffee cup.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Andy M. said:


> ...I don't recall ever putting in water and forgetting the coffee...


I have to clarify how I can add water and forget grounds. I'm actually not as stupid as that sounds. Close, maybe, but...

Our coffee maker is on the kitchen counter and is "parked" under the upper cupboards when not in use. When pulled out, you can't open the door to get to the bowls and small plates. IF I put water in, then distract myself (or get distracted) by the need for a bowl or plate, I have to slide the maker back under the cover. The lid to the unit closes, I forget there's no grounds, and pull the thing back out from under the cupboard. Since it's heavier than when empty, I figure it's ready to go and push the button.  Result: weak "coffee".

Besides, I rather end up with hot water IN the pot than hot coffee ON the counter.


----------



## taxlady

I have probably figured out more ways to have a coffee fail than most people. I have forgotten the water. I have forgotten the coffee grounds. I have left the lid off the carafe, so the little button on the basket doesn't get pushed up and the basket overflows. I have forgotten to empty the carafe of yesterday's leftover coffee, so the carafe overflows. I think I have done other things. I remember once almost pouring yesterday's old coffee into the water reservoir.


----------



## GotGarlic

I'm so glad DH gets up earlier than I do so the coffee is already made!  When he's out of town, I try to remember to set it up with the timer the night before, so I don't have to think about it in the morning.


----------



## Cheryl J

I've forgotten to fill the reservoir, thankfully keurig lets me know.  I've also forgotten to put a kcup in.  *So far,* I've remembered to put a coffee cup in place.


----------



## Zhizara

bethzaring said:


> Has anyone else filled the carafe with water, set it on the hot plate, turned on the coffee maker, and a few minutes later wondered why I was not smelling fresh coffee?
> 
> I have done this more than once.



I've poured the water into the coffee maker then forgot to put in the part that holds coffee and filter.  Hot water everywhere to clean up before I can have the all so important first cup of coffee.  I've done this a few times.  ACK!

Even worse is forgetting to put the carafe back in place.  Huge mess, coffee everywhere, smelling the wonderful coffee but not being able to get any.


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> I remember Pacanis mentioning the Keurig doesn't work too well without a coffee cup.



I can confirm, did it this morning...


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> I can confirm, did it this morning...




  Hope it wasn't on the "mega cup" setting!


----------



## Addie

Not too much can go wrong with tea bags. Although when using loose leaves, I have been known to forget the leaves. I have a beautiful Brown Betty English teapot. It even has that little leaf catcher just below the spout. I pour the boiling water in the pot, dump out the water and put in fresh boiling water. Let it steep, get my pretty strainer and pour myself a lovely cup of strained hot water. 

Anyone care to come for tea?


----------



## Dawgluver

In honor of National Dog Day:
View attachment 23322


----------



## Cheryl J

Truth!


----------



## taxlady

hahahaha


----------



## taxlady

Oh yeah.


----------



## Dawgluver

You got that right!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Absolutely!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 23357

Gluten free, soy free, non GMO, vegan, raw, organic, antibiotic free, low carb, fat free...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> View attachment 23357
> 
> Gluten free, soy free, non GMO, vegan, raw, organic, antibiotic free, low carb, fat free...



Made from the tears of a fat kid, oh how I miss carbs!


----------



## Dawgluver

Yes, I had the urge to punch the screen!


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> View attachment 23357
> 
> Gluten free, soy free, non GMO, vegan, raw, organic, antibiotic free, low carb, fat free...



Don't forget paleo.


----------



## Dawgluver

Drat.  Forgot Paleo.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Probably not a good meal option if you're prone to retaining water, though.


----------



## Dawgluver

Indeed.  It needs to be dehydrated.


----------



## Dawgluver

My favorite state!  And this is all true:

View attachment 23363


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> My favorite state!  And this is all true:
> 
> View attachment 23363



I got the title, but what is the jist of what it is saying?


----------



## Dawgluver

I'll try to blow it up.  Basically, it states that ND handles cold just fine, and other states are sissies.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Cute, Dawg. I had to increase the display size on my screen and it was a wee bit fuzzy, but I read enough to laugh. Girl Scouts are a hardy bunch, ain't they?


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 23417

Umm, and what were we talking about?


----------



## bakechef

Dawgluver said:


> I'll try to blow it up.  Basically, it states that ND handles cold just fine, and other states are sissies.



I chuckle all summer when reading my Maine friends moan and complain about the heat when it gets in the 80's.  Here in the south we look forward to a break from the summer heat when it finally dips down into the 80's


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  I love Egyptology.
View attachment 23452


----------



## Dawgluver

For the arachnophobics.  I say, just get out The Tongs.

View attachment 23453


----------



## Andy M.

bakechef said:


> I chuckle all summer when reading my Maine friends moan and complain about the heat when it gets in the 80's.  Here in the south we look forward to a break from the summer heat when it finally dips down into the 80's



I chuckle all winter when our Florida relatives call and complain how cold it is in Florida when it's 60ºF in FL and 10ºF in MA.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> For the arachnophobics.  I say, just get out The Tongs.
> 
> View attachment 23453


Nooooooooo!


----------



## taxlady

Saw this on FB. It do understand. Why is the pic coming out so small? Let me try that again.


----------



## FoodieFanatic

I love spiders. They are natural at keeping plants clear of nasty pests. If one is in the house I catch it and relocate it outside.


----------



## Dawgluver

FoodieFanatic said:


> I love spiders. They are natural at keeping plants clear of nasty pests. If one is in the house I catch it and relocate it outside.




I love spiders too.  They fascinate me.  I don't go out my back door since there's a little lady who's built her web across the step.  Did you see my pics of my big girl who made her web at my front door?  She was a beauty!

My friend who lives in Mexico keeps a pair of tongs out  for spider and scorpion relocation.  She gets tarantulas the size of your hand!


----------



## Dawgluver

Taxy, that is too funny!


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> I chuckle all winter when our Florida relatives call and complain how cold it is in Florida when it's 60ºF in FL and 10ºF in MA.



Oh yeah. Makes my heart just flood with sympathy for them. In their dreams.


----------



## medtran49

Hey now, you guys just don't understand.  Your blood thins out or something after you've lived here for a few years.  After my mom and I moved down here we would always go back for X-mas and it didn't bother me for the first few years.  Then, we skipped a few years.  After that, went back for X-mas 1 year and I thought I was going to die, couldn't get warm the whole time we were there no matter how many layers I wore or how many blankets I piled on at night.  Never went back when it was cold there again.  If they wanted X-mas with us, they could come to nice warm South Florida for a winter vacay.

I will admit though Craig and I laugh at how some people dress when it gets "cold" here.  You'd think they were in Russia or something.


----------



## Dawgluver

Thinking I might have to add these to Kleenex's Lays Potato Chip new flavor reviews:

View attachment 23456


----------



## Andy M.

medtran49 said:


> Hey now, you guys just don't understand.  Your blood thins out or something after you've lived here for a few years...



Sure we understand.  You're not one of us any more.


----------



## Dawgluver

Andy M. said:


> I chuckle all winter when our Florida relatives call and complain how cold it is in Florida when it's 60ºF in FL and 10ºF in MA.




I chuckle as well when we're in Mexico and the temp hits 60.  The locals and expats break out the parkas, while we tourists are wandering around in swimsuits and tank tops.


----------



## Andy M.

When we're in Aruba in Jan/Feb it's nice to watch the weather forecasts at home and tease about the snow storms and cold but then we have to go back home and deal with it.  Last year was the winter from hell and we missed the biggest storm of the winter!


----------



## Addie

medtran49 said:


> Hey now, you guys just don't understand.  Your blood thins out or something after you've lived here for a few years.  After my mom and I moved down here we would always go back for X-mas and it didn't bother me for the first few years.  Then, we skipped a few years.  After that, went back for X-mas 1 year and I thought I was going to die, couldn't get warm the whole time we were there no matter how many layers I wore or how many blankets I piled on at night.  Never went back when it was cold there again.  If they wanted X-mas with us, they could come to nice warm South Florida for a winter vacay.
> 
> I will admit though Craig and I laugh at how some people dress when it gets "cold" here.  You'd think they were in Russia or something.



I died with the heat the first year in Texas. When I came back to Boston in the *Fall* mind you, I dang near froze to death. It took a couple of years for my system to readjust to the weather that I had grown up in.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Thinking I might have to add these to Kleenex's Lays Potato Chip new flavor reviews:
> 
> View attachment 23456



Those are wonderful, still laughing.


----------



## FoodieFanatic

Dawgluver said:


> Thinking I might have to add these to Kleenex's Lays Potato Chip new flavor reviews:
> 
> View attachment 23456



Those are funny!  I'd add Potato to the Couch....Couch Potato sounds right.

Not crazy about any of the contest flavors this year.  I entered so many times last year.  Not sure how they select the finalists.  There were so many other entries that I thought sounded tastier.

One year Kettle chips had this offer where they sent you packs of flavorings for you to make your own.  That was so fun!  You could mix and match the flavors, you'd toss in some plain chips and they became YOUR flavor.  Wish they'd do that again.


----------



## Dawgluver

Orange juice and toothpaste flavor had me on the floor...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Orange juice and toothpaste flavor had me on the floor...



Yeah, I had to pick up Shrek from that one, too!...


----------



## Dawgluver

Oops, sorry PF.  It's still cracking me up!

I'm easily entertained.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm positive that Shrek and I are easily entertained.


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Proud to be a NoDak!
> 
> View attachment 23463



What does it say?


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh drat, I'll have to blow it up again!


----------



## Dawgluver

dawgluver said:


> oh drat, i'll have to blow it up again!




View attachment 23464


----------



## Addie

I am sorry. Eyes for the Elderly again. Thanks. I will never make it in N. Dak. Yesterday was in the low 80's. I had a sweater on as well as slacks.


----------



## FoodieFanatic

It can be raining, windy, 35 degrees and kids are standing at the bus stop with shorts and t-shirts, no coats,  no umbrellas, just ridiculous IMO. We couldn't leave the house when we were kids if we dressed like that. Times sure have changed.


----------



## Dawgluver

I found this amusing:
View attachment 23502

I'm Tidal Doctor, the Silencer of Europe.


----------



## Cheryl J

I'm _Grey Whip, the Mistake of Earth._


----------



## Dawgluver

You need to get a different birthdate, Cheryl!


----------



## Cheryl J

Seriously!  Sounds very unvillain-like.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> I found this amusing:
> View attachment 23502
> 
> I'm Tidal Doctor, the Silencer of Europe.



I'm Infinity Croc, The Watcher of Earth


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, that's better...


----------



## Addie

Pirate was riding in an unsafe part of Boston. He went past a perfectly centered on a dumpster, in very large letters, the following. It was done by an upstanding citizen with his paint cans. Must have thought he was in the subway.

TRUMP'S VOTING BOX. It even had a slot painted on it for the ballot.

Pirate said cars were slowing down to look at it.


----------



## GotGarlic

Black Tyrant, The Ruler of Men! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> Black Tyrant, The Ruler of Men! Bwa-ha-ha-ha!



Yours turned out cool.


----------



## bethzaring

no matter if I use my birth or married name

Dark Born, the Consort of Men    _or_

Dark Warrior, the Consort of Men


----------



## taxlady

No, no, no, just no.

Infinity doctor, the mistake of men.


----------



## taxlady

I choose: Dragonwind, the doom of fools.


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> I choose: Dragonwind, the doom of fools.



Mine is Dark Warrior the Ruler of Gotham.

I wonder what causes dragon wind,_ he, he._


----------



## GotGarlic

Aunt Bea said:


> Mine is Dark Warrior the Ruler of Gotham.
> 
> I wonder what causes dragon wind,_ he, he._



Aunt Bea,


----------



## taxlady

Aunt Bea said:


> Mine is Dark Warrior the Ruler of Gotham.
> 
> I wonder what causes dragon wind,_ he, he._


----------



## Aunt Bea

I was thinking about this innocent little game and maybe I'm paranoid but it's interesting how a few amusing little games like this would allow a phishing/scammer type person to collect information about an individual. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NecK4MwOfeI


----------



## medtran49

Aunt Bea said:


> I was thinking about this innocent little game and maybe I'm paranoid but it's interesting how a few amusing little games like this would allow a phishing/scammer type person to collect information about an individual.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NecK4MwOfeI



Paranoid (or hopefully just safety conscious) minds think alike.  I checked out my name earlier, it was NOT a nice name, pretty scary actually, and then I had the same thought.


----------



## GotGarlic

Cheers!


----------



## Dawgluver

medtran49 said:


> Paranoid (or hopefully just safety conscious) minds think alike.  I checked out my name earlier, it was NOT a nice name, pretty scary actually, and then I had the same thought.




I think it should be fine.  I borrowed it from the FB page of a friend of mine who was in IT (she's on the up and up) and I just posted the pic.

And it's villain names!  They're supposed to be evil!  It reminded me of the one awhile back where one posted the name of one's first pet, the street where you grew up, and a few other things, and came up with something like Lady Snuggles of Fabian Highway.


----------



## taxlady

It's the surveys on FB that I won't do the regular way. You know that they are just scraping info. If I want to do any of that stuff, I do it in a brand new "private browsing" page.


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> I think it should be fine.  I borrowed it from the FB page of a friend of mine who was in IT (she's on the up and up) and I just posted the pic.
> 
> And it's villain names!  They're supposed to be evil!  It reminded me of the one awhile back where one posted the name of one's first pet, *the street where you grew up*, and a few other things, and came up with something like Lady Snuggles of Fabian Highway.



Our online credit card rewards account was made inactive because we hadn't logged into it in several months. When we got on the phone with the bank to have it reinstated, they asked me several questions, including a series of questions about streets where I had once lived


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> It's the surveys on FB that I won't do the regular way. You know that they are just scraping info. If I want to do any of that stuff, I do it in a brand new "private browsing" page.




Yeah, I don't do FB surveys on FB or share my results.


----------



## medtran49

Dawgluver said:


> And it's villain names! They're supposed to be evil! It reminded me of the one awhile back where one posted the name of one's first pet, the street where you grew up, and a few other things, and came up with something like Lady Snuggles of Fabian Highway.


 
That one is definitely phising as though 2 are answers to very common security questions on multiple sites.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 23561


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 23561


Yup, that just about exactly what my phone saw, but even smaller.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Yup, that just about exactly what my phone saw, but even smaller.




Yes, a lovely dot on my phone too.  The binoculars helped, and if I was camera-savy, I could have used them to take a pic.  But others already did better!


----------



## Cheryl J

That itty bitty one is about what I got from my cellphone, too.  
I used the night setting, cropped out a ton of air space, enlarged it, and ended up with an enlarged version of a fuzzy blur. LOL


----------



## Cheryl J

Cheryl J said:


> That itty bitty one is about what I got from my cellphone, too.
> I used the night setting, cropped out a ton of air space, enlarged it, and ended up with an enlarged version of a fuzzy blur. LOL


----------



## Dawgluver

Cheryl J said:


>




 

I think your dot looks lovely, Cheryl!


----------



## taxlady

So, here is a great photo taken in Dallas. The photographer took a picture about every 10 minutes. I found it on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100390784942587&set=gm.903041396416923&type=3&theater


----------



## Cheryl J

thanks Dawg! 

Taxy, I saw that on FB too - that's an incredible series of pics!


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> So, here is a great photo taken in Dallas. The photographer took a picture about every 10 minutes. I found it on FaceBook: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10100390784942587&set=gm.903041396416923&type=3&theater




Looks just like Cheryl's and my pic!


----------



## Cheryl J

Dawgluver said:


> Looks just like Cheryl's and my pic!


----------



## Dawgluver

Hm.  Not sure I'd try the possum flavored.
View attachment 23584


----------



## Souschef

The difference between a Northern Zoo and a southern Zoo-
In each animal exhibit a Northern Zoo has a little card telling you about the animal
In each Southern Zoo there are two cards-one telling you about the animal, and the other a recipe


----------



## Dawgluver

Indeed!


----------



## Aunt Bea

It doesn't take much to amuse me! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhg7Xm4FXAY


----------



## Dawgluver

I LOVE it!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  Love those videos.  Thanks Aunt Bea!


----------



## Cheryl J

Love that, AB!


----------



## taxlady

Loved it AB. No wonder there was only one cat. The cat wouldn't play.


----------



## Kayelle

Love that AB..especially the couple under the mistletoe 
I think I spot several relatives of mine.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kayelle said:


> Love that AB..especially the couple under the mistletoe
> I think I spot several relatives of mine.



Funny, I thought it looked like my relatives.


----------



## Addie

*pirate*



Aunt Bea said:


> It doesn't take much to amuse me!
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vhg7Xm4FXAY



just funny. if you don't like this . you just don't like animals

Posted by Pirate!


----------



## Zhizara

Good one, Aunt Bea!  I thoroughly enjoyed that and have a big smile pasted on my face!

Very funny and creative.


----------



## Andy M.

Deforestation has become a major issue.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Looks familiar:
View attachment 23644


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Looks familiar:
> View attachment 23644


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Aunt Bea said:


> It doesn't take much to amuse me!


That was so sweet! Thanks for posting it. I watched the "behind the scenes" video, too. Made me want to run right out to the nearest shelter and adopt a cutie...until I remembered how much "fun" it was to move Midnight this way. Nope, gotta wait until whenif we get back to OH.


----------



## Dawgluver

Gotta love Starbucks!
View attachment 23646


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Gotta love Starbucks!
> View attachment 23646


I once said, "My name is Linda, with an i." So they spelled it Lyndi.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*For Chief Longwind, mostly*


----------



## creative

In view of Starbucks tax avoidance, one comic suggested saying your name is "tax" when they asked....never had the nerve to do this - yet!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Having been a dalmation owner as well as being an auntie, I can understand this:

View attachment 23652

Oh, and I like spiders too.


----------



## Andy M.

creative said:


> In view of Starbucks tax avoidance, one comic suggested saying your name is *"tax"* when they asked....never had the nerve to do this - yet!!!




I'll bet they would spell it "tacks".


----------



## Cheryl J

Starbucks has been mangling people's names on purpose for a long time now.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 23654


----------



## Dawgluver

This cracked me up.  Just reverse the roles:

View attachment 23655


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Having been a dalmation owner as well as being an auntie, I can understand this:
> 
> View attachment 23652
> 
> Oh, and I like spiders too.


 What a hilarious idea.

Poor doggie. 

Back in the '70s there was a commercial for something, can't remember what. There was a lady in a white suit with black polka dots. She had a matching broad brimmed hat and I think the shoes matched. She was walking a dalmatian. I always wanted to do that.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> What a hilarious idea.
> 
> Poor doggie.
> 
> Back in the '70s there was a commercial for something, can't remember what. There was a lady in a white suit with black polka dots. She had a matching broad brimmed hat and I think the shoes matched. She was walking a dalmatian. I always wanted to do that.




When I had my dal, I considered dressing as Cruella DeVille for Halloween.


----------



## Kayelle

Speaking of cute costumes, I remember a little very pregnant waitress with a pig nose and ears, dressed in a pink leotard with rows of baby bottle nipples all down the front.


----------



## Dawgluver

Kayelle said:


> Speaking of cute costumes, I remember a little very pregnant waitress with a pig nose and ears, dressed in a pink leotard with rows of baby bottle nipples all down the front.




That does sound cute, Kay.


----------



## CatPat

~Cat


----------



## creative




----------



## Addie

CatPat said:


> ~Cat



It is "So Cat!" I love it.


----------



## Andy M.

Cute costume but not for everyone.


----------



## Aunt Bea

I got a kick out of this one, she appeared on FB the other day!

I wish I had an imagination! 






Little Old Granny Baby Costume


----------



## taxlady

Andy, Aunt Bea, I love both of those costumes.


----------



## Andy M.

Looks really good Aunt Bea.  Little kids and old folks both benefit from a walker!


----------



## CatPat

That is very cute!







~Cat


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## CatPat

~Cat


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## CatPat

Ha! This is funny, Cooking Goddess!

~Cat


----------



## Dawgluver

Laughed, then cried cuz it's true:
View attachment 23701


----------



## taxlady

I dunno about that last one, Dawg. If you count old age as starting at 65, then the women in my family have had 30 years or so of old age and my maternal grandmother had 39 years of it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Dawgluver

Aw, Facebook!

This would be in my nightmares:
View attachment 23705


----------



## Kayelle

Dawgluver said:


> Aw, Facebook!
> 
> This would be in my nightmares:
> View attachment 23705



and mine........that's hysterical...


----------



## creative

https://youtu.be/1NjTWvl8x-U


----------



## Dawgluver

Doxie owners will understand:
View attachment 23749


----------



## taxlady

I saw this on FaceBook and thought it was particularly appropriate here.


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> I saw this on FaceBook and thought it was particularly appropriate here.


----------



## creative

I realise that the above facebook post is light hearted but it got me thinking.... 

Of course they are sweeping generalisations but, if looked into, there is much that is omitted in that survey that may well be relevant in the summary of its finding, e.g the possible influence of predisposing factors like genes impacting on physical constitution.  

For instance, could being brought up in a certain lifestyle (e.g. diet) make the body more _tolerable/accommodating _ to certain food products?


----------



## GotGarlic

Maybe you could copy the image and start a new thread for discussing it.


----------



## creative

GotGarlic said:


> Maybe you could copy the image and start a new thread for discussing it.


I just mentioned it to provide further thought.  Any feedback would be largely speculation in the absence of a way of gauging the situation accurately.


----------



## GotGarlic

It's just a joke. Laugh, or not, and move on.


----------



## creative

GotGarlic said:


> It's just a joke. Laugh, or not, and move on.


I guess you missed my   Never mind.


----------



## GotGarlic

creative said:


> I guess you missed my   Never mind.



I saw it. The sentence preceding it makes no sense to me. Honestly - I don't have any idea what you're trying to say.


----------



## GotGarlic

Back to your regularly scheduled funnies


----------



## creative

"Laughter is the best medicine....unless you're diabetic 
- then it's insulin"


----------



## Cheryl J

This has been going around FB. Isn't it the truth.


----------



## Addie

When I was a kid living on the Cape, we got on the school but and watch the sun rising over the Atlantic. But by 3 p.m. it was pitch black out when we got out of school. I remember the teacher Miss Stone would pull down the shades at 2 p.m. every day during the winter months. Our class windows faced east and saw the dark real early. Today I understand why. What third grader wants to go to night school?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie, I'm going to guess that Miss Stone pulled those shades down for one of two other reasons: the kids started to gaze out the window instead of pay attention at the end of the school day, or the windows leaked air so bad she was trying to keep some of the cold out. You see, unless the tilt of the earth has changed dramatically since you were a wee one, the earliest sunset in the eastern edge of the Cape is around 4:10 PM.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Addie, I'm going to guess that Miss Stone pulled those shades down for one of two other reasons: the kids started to gaze out the window instead of pay attention at the end of the school day, or the windows leaked air so bad she was trying to keep some of the cold out. You see, unless the tilt of the earth has changed dramatically since you were a wee one, the earliest sunset in the eastern edge of the Cape is around 4:10 PM.


That early? That's the earliest sunset in Montreal. I'm pretty sure we are north of Massachusetts.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*taxy*, I used Eastham, MA as my reference point since it and Chatham both seemed to be pretty "east" and Eastham is the more north of the two. The sunrise/sunset chart I used starts here: [URL="http://www.sunrisesunset.com/calendar.asp"]http://www.sunrisesunset.com/calendar.asp[/URL] You have to select "US cities" and then work your way through other options to get to the monthly calendar. The December calendar shows each day's sunrise and 'set.

Don't forget to factor in that Montreal is further north than MA. Apparently the slant of the sun puts sunset at about the same time for your latitude and Eastham's longitude. Our old hometown in OH is practically due north of Fort Myers Beach in FL, albeit about 1200 north. The difference in sunset times is nearly half an hour at this time of year. The only thing I could learn to like about FL is later sunrises and sunsets.


----------



## medtran49

Cooking Goddess said:


> . The only thing I could learn to like about FL is later sunrises and sunsets.


 
Well, it's been pitch black by 6 last 2 nights, not too happy about that.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> *taxy*, I used Eastham, MA as my reference point since it and Chatham both seemed to be pretty "east" and Eastham is the more north of the two. The sunrise/sunset chart I used starts here: http://www.sunrisesunset.com/calendar.asp You have to select "US cities" and then work your way through other options to get to the monthly calendar. The December calendar shows each day's sunrise and 'set.
> 
> Don't forget to factor in that Montreal is further north than MA. Apparently the slant of the sun puts sunset at about the same time for your latitude and Eastham's longitude. Our old hometown in OH is practically due north of Fort Myers Beach in FL, albeit about 1200 north. The difference in sunset times is nearly half an hour at this time of year. The only thing I could learn to like about FL is later sunrises and sunsets.


I forgot that the further east something is in its time zone, the earlier the sunset and sunrise. OTH, if it's the same longitude, then sunset is earlier the further north you go and sunrise is later.

I used Sunrise and Sunset Calculator. It makes a list, instead of a calendar. I found it easier to find the earliest sunset. BTW, the two sites agree on the times I checked.


----------



## Andy M.

Teacher just has to ask better questions!


----------



## taxlady

Well, the kid did *show* his/her thinking.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Now that's funny!!  Thanks for the laugh Andy!


----------



## Sir_Loin_of_Beef




----------



## creative

Sugar free too!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 23766
Beagle would do this too!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> View attachment 23766
> Beagle would do this too!


Dogs can be silly people.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Dogs can be silly people.




We were going on vacation, and I mistakenly told Beagle we were going to ride in the car.  She insisted that she would sit in the car.  No potty, no food, no treats.  Nope.  She had to sit in the car.  We were still packing.  She spent an hour in the car waiting for us.  No problem.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  That's the truth!


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> View attachment 23766
> Beagle would do this too!



Poor guy is all confused.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

From FaceBook:


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> From FaceBook:




  My mom's best friend growing up was Jewish, and her favorite food when she escaped her house was bacon!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

One time we were at our favorite "local" Jewish deli (45 miles away deli  ) I asked her why they had items with bacon or ham on the menu. She said that it's OK if the place isn't Kosher.


----------



## GotGarlic

What will I do?


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> What will I do?



No need for fear GG. Have you ever heard of a ghost ACTUALLY hurting anyone? And you have your DC friends to protect you.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> What will I do?


Hahahah, groan


----------



## Dawgluver

Thinking of this for my arm flaps:
View attachment 23817


----------



## taxlady

Dawg


----------



## creative

"I went to a Karaoke night that didn't play any 70s music!  
At first I was afraid, oh I was petrified..."  

(Stewart Francis, Canadian comic)


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> What will I do?



Tell Gloria you prefer pre-disco BeeGees...


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Works for me:
View attachment 23852


----------



## taxlady

I love it Dawg.


----------



## Alice Norton




----------



## MarcD

Totally unfair, Alice. Where did you get a picture of my kitchen after my son cooked dinner??.....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

creative said:


>



Definitely a conspiracy!  Wait till they add in a pig...


----------



## GotGarlic

Me two.


----------



## Aunt Bea

Another take on dog trials!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y07at1bU89Q


----------



## taxlady

Love that one Aunt Bea.

And another video that shows men and dogs and sheep:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGOGOxtN2lM


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> Love that one Aunt Bea.
> 
> And another video that shows men and dogs and sheep:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGOGOxtN2lM



I love these things.  

It amazes me how much time, talent, energy and technology people put into these videos just to make me laugh!


----------



## Dawgluver

Lutefisk.  Blech.
View attachment 23855


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Lutefisk.  Blech.
> View attachment 23855


One of these days I will have to try lutefisk.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> One of these days I will have to try lutefisk.




Don't bother.  It's nasty.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Don't bother.  It's nasty.


So I have been told. But, sometimes I like weird stuff that other people don't like. Danish licorice comes to mind.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> So I have been told. But, sometimes I like weird stuff that other people don't like. Danish licorice comes to mind.




Give me Danish or Canadian licorice any time.  It's actually edible, unlike lutefisk.

If you have a Lutheran church anywhere nearby, that may be a good way to check out lutefisk.  That way you can spit it out without spending money.  Get lots of napkins/serviettes.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Give me Danish or Canadian licorice any time.  It's actually edible, unlike lutefisk.


Have you ever tried Danish licorice? It has ammonium chloride.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salty_liquorice

When my mum would bring it back from Denmark we would try to be nice and share it with friends. The response was almost always that it tasted like soap. We learned to make sure other kids only took one. It would make me want to cry when they took six and then spit them out. Six, because they were little lozenge shapes. You take six, lick one side of each, and stick them to the back of your hand in the shape of a six pointed star, then lick the star.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Have you ever tried Danish licorice? It has ammonium chloride.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Salty_liquorice
> 
> When my mum would bring it back from Denmark we would try to be nice and share it with friends. The response was almost always that it tasted like soap. We learned to make sure other kids only took one. It would make me want to cry when they took six and then spit them out. Six, because they were little lozenge shapes. You take six, lick one side of each, and stick them to the back of your hand in the shape of a six pointed star, then lick the star.




Sounds like it would work great to take the taste of lutefisk out of your mouth!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Sounds like it would work great to take the taste of lutefisk out of your mouth!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

This was an amusing post about lutefisk and the art of eating it (following copious shots of akvavit, apparently  ):

*Make Love, Not Lutfisk*


----------



## Dawgluver

Funny article, CG!

My mom used to love finnan haddie.  It stunk up the house something fierce when she cooked it, and reminded me of lutefisk, though it's referred to as "poor man's lobster."  Sorry, give me "regular lobster", or walleye.


----------



## Dawgluver

Winter is here, amateur night:
View attachment 23865


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Winter is here, amateur night:
> View attachment 23865


Yup, it happens every year.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## MarcD

Aunt Bea said:


>





No snow yet......but when it gets here most drivers need retrained. Actually pretty nice outside at 59 F.......I've been in and out without a shirt all day.


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

guys!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Don't bother.  It's nasty.



Listen to her TL. I would rather be sick than ever put a piece of that nastiest stuff in the world in my mouth.


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Funny article, CG!
> 
> My mom used to love finnan haddie.  It stunk up the house something fierce when she cooked it, and reminded me of lutefisk, though it's referred to as "poor man's lobster."  Sorry, give me "regular lobster", or walleye.



I love finnan haddie. The only problem I have when I buy it is I keep pecking at it all the way home. By the time I get in the door, the package is empty. When I do cook it, I soak it first and then change the water before I cook it. I can't find it anymore.


----------



## creative




----------



## GotGarlic

You think insulting people is funny? Weird British humor, I guess


----------



## GotGarlic

Mush!


----------



## creative

GotGarlic said:


> You think insulting people is funny? Weird British humor, I guess



Huh?  Er...Gene Wilder is American, so it is an _American_ joke not British!  Ha!


----------



## Whiskadoodle

creative said:


> Huh?  Er...Gene Wilder is American, so it is an _American_ joke not British!  Ha!



Ha.  and here I was thinking how do companies in other countries _survive_ without Black Friday sales and all that commotion.


----------



## creative

Whiskadoodle said:


> Ha.  and here I was thinking how do companies in other countries _survive_ without Black Friday sales and all that commotion.


Well, we have it here in UK but, the news today revealed that there has been an online spending surge both here and in US  



More dignified at least!


----------



## GotGarlic

creative said:


> Huh?  Er...Gene Wilder is American, so it is an _American_ joke not British!  Ha!



Are you saying you actually think Gene Wilder said that? It's a meme. Someone took that image and put words on it. And it's not a joke - it's preachy.

By British humor,I meant that you apparently think it's funny, since you posted it in this thread.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Are you saying you actually think Gene Wilder said that? It's a meme. Someone took that image and put words on it. And it's not a joke - it's preachy.
> 
> By British humor,I meant that you apparently think it's funny, since you posted it in this thread.


This

And then said the Brits were more dignified


----------



## Andy M.

I must be less sensitive. I took no offense. It's just a quip. 


Sent from my iPhone using Discuss Cooking


----------



## creative

taxlady said:


> This
> 
> And then said the Brits were more dignified


????  What? 

I am sorry you seem to have difficulty in understanding me. My sentences were fairly straightforward, i.e. not cryptic.  I was referring to shopping online being more dignified, i.e. _regardless_ of country.  If you read it again you will see it says both UK and US.    





However, when I first joined here I was tipped off about the attitude to those who are not American, notably the Brits and I now see why.  Jeez.  Chill!!!


----------



## creative

Andy M. said:


> I must be less sensitive. I took no offense. It's just a quip.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using Discuss Cooking


Thank you. 





It was not a barbed/targeted joke _at all_  since Black Friday is not just an American event, i.e. occurs in UK too.


----------



## taxlady

creative said:


> ????  What?
> 
> I am sorry you seem to have difficulty in understanding me. My sentences were fairly straightforward, i.e. not cryptic.  I was referring to shopping online being more dignified, i.e. _regardless_ of country.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> However, when I first joined here I was tipped off about the attitude to those who are not American, notably the Brits and I now see why.  Jeez.  Chill!!!


I apologize. I did misread that. I don't have my knickers in a twist. (Someone from the US would say, "panties in a bunch".)


----------



## taxlady

creative said:


> Thank you.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It was not a barbed/targeted joke _at all_  since Black Friday is not just an American event, i.e. occurs in UK too.


It has been taking place in the US for many decades. This is the first year that I am hearing that it takes place in the UK too. I believe it is because of the influence of US retailers on the internet. Black Friday, as an event for sales, is fairly new in Canada.


----------



## Dawgluver

There was nothing wrong with creative's post.  The Gene Wilder pic has been used for many other things as well!  Let's get back to posting funny stuff!


----------



## MarcD

Apologies if the one has already been posted.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGeKSiCQkPw


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Hilarious, *Marc*!

I just want to add a general comment about Black Fridays. For a few years, I worked in a mall that offered free gift wrap for anything bought in the mall. Any store. (HooBoy, have you ever tried to wrap a kayak?  Don't ask...) Anyway, most of the people who showed up at our unit had been shopping for gifts to give on their December holiday of choice. Not only were there hundreds of people very thankful for the fact that we were saving them the time and trouble of wrapping the presents, they in turn made many family members and friends very thankful for being gifted with something nice. So, no matter what some internet meme may say, there is a way to be thankful in all we do.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## creative

What do you call 4 french cats drowning?

Une, deux, trois, cat sank


----------



## GotGarlic

Unfortunately, this is not possible, according to snopes.com, but it's funny anyway 

https://youtu.be/NYpo4yVwNfs


----------



## Dawgluver

On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "There's a dog inside of our tree."
View attachment 23939


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> On the first day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "There's a dog inside of our tree."
> View attachment 23939


----------



## GotGarlic

Aw...


----------



## taxlady

That's so cute, GG.


----------



## Addie

I love that GG. I know the feeling so well.

Pirate subscribes to a site that shows stupid things people say. Here is a recent one that has me still shaking my head.
*
"Hunters should just go to the supermarket where the meat is made and no animals are hurt."  *


----------



## medtran49

Plus however many GG.  That's adorable.

DG, I saw that picture and just busted out laughing cause that is something I could totally believe our Keena would have done, half golden retriever, half malamute.  We also had a cat that loved to climb up into the tree and take naps.  Had us scared to death the first time she did it cause she "disappeared" for hours, we thought she had gotten out since she wasn't in any of her usual spots.  We have a table top metal tree this year that has handmade ornaments on it.  I don't even want to know what our 2 cats and pug puppies would do to a real tree.  

Our DD got a Chihuahua puppy Thanksgiving week, he was just over 2 pounds when they brought him home.  He has decided that the tree branches make WONDERFUL tug toys and the skirt is just made for him to scratch up and make into a nice nest.  Of course there are also the nice balls hanging just over his head.  She's been having to keep him in an exercise pen in the living room except when she can be in there to constantly watch him.  As well, 1 of her cats has also decided that the tree branches are a nice napping place.


----------



## Dawgluver

Just replace "cat" with "beagle" and I'm there:
View attachment 23972


----------



## bakechef

This cracks me up, I'm not sure if I've posted it before, but it's good for a chuckle.  It's and interview with the Nativity innkeeper.

An Interview With the Nativity Innkeeper | Whatever


----------



## Dawgluver

bakechef said:


> This cracks me up, I'm not sure if I've posted it before, but it's good for a chuckle.  It's and interview with the Nativity innkeeper.
> 
> An Interview With the Nativity Innkeeper | Whatever




This did crack me up, BC!


----------



## Dawgluver

I want me some bed pugs.  They snore terribly though:
View attachment 23973


----------



## Andy M.

bakechef said:


> This cracks me up, I'm not sure if I've posted it before, but it's good for a chuckle.  It's and interview with the Nativity innkeeper.
> 
> An Interview With the Nativity Innkeeper | Whatever




Very funny.  Thanks for sharing.


----------



## medtran49

Dawgluver said:


> I want me some bed pugs. They snore terribly though:
> View attachment 23973


 
I'll guarantee you that's a bed just for pugs.  With that many, the humans would get pushed off.  Even a tiny little pug puppy will eventually get their human on the very edge of the bed.  They like to snuggle, you get hot, move away in your sleep, they follow.  Next thing you know, you are at the very edge of the bed about to fall off.  Arwen is a *HUGE* bed hog, she takes sheets, scratches them off me and makes herself a nice nest.  She also hogs pillows.  The other night I woke up freezing.  She had somehow managed to roll herself up in my sheet and was totally cocooned.  She was hot as you know what.  I can't believe she wasn't trying to get out of her roll.  She's also started taking over my pillow and plopping herself crosswise if I get out of bed in the night.  I think she's decided her and Daddy should have the bed to themselves and I (maybe Strider too) can just go elsewhere.  He likes to snuggle and hog pillows but doesn't steal covers.  Fortunately, neither of them snore, at least yet.  The little black pug we had previously snored like a lawnmower.  It's hard to believe that little guy made so much noise but we got used to it.  I miss him.


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 23986


----------



## taxlady

Bahaha


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 23999

Admittedly, I like oatmeal raisin.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> View attachment 23999
> 
> Admittedly, I like oatmeal raisin.


I like oatmeal raisin, but it is kind of a let down when your mouth is ready for chocolate chip.


----------



## Dawgluver

Indeed.  But the look on the seal's (I think it's a seal) face is priceless!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Indeed.  But the look on the seal's (I think it's a seal) face is priceless!


It is, isn't it? Might be a seal; might be an otter.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yes, I wondered if it might be an otter too.  Apparently whatever it is, it was expecting chocolate chip cookies!


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Katie H

Apropos to this week's opening of the new _Star Wars_ movie, I offer the following:


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## taxlady

Groan


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LMAO!!!


----------



## taxlady

From FaceBook.


----------



## medtran49

NERD ALERT!  If you actually get that.  Unfortunately, I do and surprisingly so did Craig.


----------



## taxlady

medtran49 said:


> NERD ALERT!  If you actually get that.  Unfortunately, I do and surprisingly so did Craig.


You say that as though it's not a good thing.


----------



## Souschef




----------



## taxlady

Souschef said:


>


----------



## Souschef

Third time is the charm


----------



## bakechef

taxlady said:


>



I'm glad that Disney banned these, I only wish that they had done it before I went last year.  I nearly ran into them multiple times because people were sticking them out in foot traffic to get a "selfie"


----------



## Aunt Bea

This pretty much says it all!  

I have been searching for some old documents, that required me to empty out a closet.

Why is it that what I need is always on the bottom of the pile! 

The good news is that I have another load for the thrift shop.


----------



## taxlady

That sounds like my housekeeping style as well.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 24119


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Wait, wait, I can't stop laughing!

https://www.facebook.com/cisncountry/videos/10156117319435094/

You gotta watch this video!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Giddy-up, little cowboy!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

So cute...LOL!!!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Lucky kids, to have someone that would take the time to set that up for them!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Sweet!

DH and I went through the airport immigrations in Atlanta yesterday.  Usually painless as we have Global Entry, where you scan your passport, the machine takes your fingerprints and picture, and you bring the resulting document and they wave you through.

We got to the Global Entery machines, and there was a lot of "blue" language coming from DH.  His machine wasn't working.  It wouldn't take his fingerprints.  Huh.  My machine worked just fine.  Turns out DH was trying to scan his fingerprints on the same side where he scanned his passport, not on the fingerprint screen.  It would be very difficult to pass your fingers through the passport slot.

Then, in order to save face, DH had to announce to any official who looked like they had a line we'd have to wait in, that we had GoPro clearance.  Nobody seemed that impressed.  After I picked myself up off the floor from laughing, I had to mention to DH that nobody cared that we had a camera, the program is called Global Entry, not GoPro...

Needless to say, we had a very quiet remaining trip.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## Addie

An in spite of all that, you still continue to love him. It is those little things that make him so endearing. And gives us a good laugh.

Thank you DH!


----------



## taxlady

Hahahaha


----------



## Dawgluver

Those of us who didn't grow up in the era of computers seem to get particularily confused!  

It is really strange.  DH isn't interested in reading directions, and wants instant gratification.  I tend to take my time to figure stuff out.

This does provide fodder for many years of fun-making and mockery though, so the experience was worth it!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Those of us who didn't grow up in the era of computers seem to get particularily confused!
> 
> It is really strange.  DH isn't interested in reading directions, and wants instant gratification.  I tend to take my time to figure stuff out.
> 
> This does provide fodder for many years of fun-making and mockery though, so the experience was worth it!



You lucky girl!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawg, at least you don't have to pay for your entertainment. DH is like your own comedy club.   Thanks for sharing these little vignettes of your life for our amusement too.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Cooking Goddess

But then again, too few to mention.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


>


Or yell, "It's just toast."

My stupid smoke detector often screams a minute after the toast (not burnt) is out of the toaster.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> But then again, too few to mention.



LOL!!


----------



## Dawgluver

LOL, all!

Heh:
View attachment 24134


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Just to make a point-er...


----------



## Dawgluver

Apologies if I posted this one before, but:

View attachment 24140


----------



## Andy M.

Think about it...


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> Think about it...



Okay, I stared at it for quite a while and the only problem I see is that every member of the class has a long nose. I am totally lost.


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:


> Okay, I stared at it for quite a while and the only problem I see is that every member of the class has a long nose. I am totally lost.




English as Second Language.  How would they read the note, Addie?


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> English as Second Language.  How would they read the note, Addie?



Thank  you. Got it!  Oh dear, I definitely need help if I am going to continue into this journey of old age.


----------



## taxlady

It took me a half a minute, 'cause it didn't occur to me that it was the first session.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> It took me a half a minute, 'cause it didn't occur to me that it was the first session.




  Or at least an early one.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Or at least an early one.


Exactly


----------



## Dawgluver

Hope to not offend any Texans:
View attachment 24164


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 24165


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Dawg


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 24168


----------



## Dawgluver

A dear Irish friend posted this:
View attachment 24185


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> A dear Irish friend posted this:
> View attachment 24185




The writing is awfully tiny. I had to copy and paste it into IrfanView and make it bigger until it was fuzzy. Any chance of a bigger version?


----------



## Dawgluver

Let's try this one:
View attachment 24187


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Let's try this one:
> View attachment 24187


Nope, same size. Can you link it instead of attaching it? Or would you like me to type it up?


----------



## Dawgluver

Huh.  It came out bigger for me.  My friend has horribly biased conservative political views, but I love him anyway.

Here's the Irish website:  the irish way photos


----------



## taxlady

Yes, really


----------



## GotGarlic

People without cats just don't understand...


----------



## GotGarlic

Storm's coming...


----------



## Aunt Bea

GotGarlic said:


> Storm's coming...



Reminds me of this Campbell's commercial! 

Campbell's Tomato Soup TV Spot, 'Real Real Life: Headache' - iSpot.tv


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> Huh.  It came out bigger for me.  My friend has horribly biased conservative political views, but I love him anyway.
> 
> Here's the Irish website:  the irish way photos



Good one Dawg. It did enlarge the second time. I just clicked on the second one and it opened immediately.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Yes, really



I understand completely. Teddy sits there right in front of me with a tilted head and big sad eyes. He gives me a short bark and lets me know that he know I see him. What am I supposed to do? I pat my mattress and tell him "Up". He jumps up on my bed throws himself down and he gets his scratchies from head to toe. Cats are the only ones who talk to you.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Dawg*, you aren't Irish by any chance, are you? ducks and runs...

*taxy*, I sure miss my conversations with a kitty. Midnight talked some, but LittleBit was so chatty we figured we should have named her "Chatty Catty". 



GotGarlic said:


> Storm's coming...


What a shame, I'm in the "one bottle" zone. Well, nothing like being over-prepared, I say.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Dawg*, you aren't Irish by any chance, are you? ducks and runs...
> 
> 
> 
> *taxy*, I sure miss my conversations with a kitty. Midnight talked some, but LittleBit was so chatty we figured we should have named her "Chatty Catty".
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> What a shame, I'm in the "one bottle" zone. Well, nothing like being over-prepared, I say.




Apparently I am!  Baby Bro did some searching...  Lots of German, a bit of Brit and Scot, and a bunch of Irish!


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Dawg*, you aren't Irish by any chance, are you? ducks and runs...
> 
> *taxy*, I sure miss my conversations with a kitty. Midnight talked some, but LittleBit was so chatty we figured we should have named her "Chatty Catty".
> 
> 
> What a shame, I'm in the "one bottle" zone. Well, nothing like being over-prepared, I say.



Ah, Chatty Catty! I love it! 

We're right on the edge of 6 and 12. I figure I better go for the 12, just to be safe


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I want to know why I get a 4" wide strip on the bed and the three cats get the rest...

If Shrek is in bed, too, I only get a 3" wide strip and two of the cats sleep on me.


----------



## Kayelle

Old men behaving badly!! 

You're too old for this shit...


----------



## taxlady

Kayelle said:


> Old men behaving badly!!
> 
> You're too old for this ****...


----------



## creative

Kayelle said:


> Old men behaving badly!!
> 
> You're too old for this ****...



They look like they were just aiming to have childish fun.  

I still blow bubbles and I am retired now.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I want to know why I get a 4" wide strip on the bed and the three cats get the rest...
> 
> If Shrek is in bed, too, I only get a 3" wide strip and two of the cats sleep on me.


Years ago, one of my co-workers complained about his wife being a cuddler. I asked him why that was a problem. "Because she'll cuddle, I'll scoot over, she'll cuddle even more...and then I practically fall out of bed. Gotta get out, get in on the other side, and go back to sleep. Then she turns around and starts to cuddle..."  Poor guy never had enough sleep.


----------



## Kayelle

Blowing bubbles? Hardly the same. 
I would love to have seen how they all got up there, and why the heck did they decide to stand??


----------



## creative

Kayelle said:


> Blowing bubbles? Hardly the same.
> I would love to have seen how they all got up there, and why the heck did they decide to stand??


Clearly it was done for fun too!  





 
The camera must have caught their first attempt since, if they knew it would end so disastrously they would never do a re-run!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Addie

Aunt Bea said:


>



Someone definitely has to much time on their hands or their work or school has called for a snow day.  Either way I love that picture!!


----------



## taxlady

Aunt Bea


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  Na na na na na na na na na na na na na:

View attachment 24237


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Oops, forgot a couple of na's...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cracking me up!!!!


----------



## creative




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Love the look on "Expresso" (sic). Now I'll be picturing these silly owls when I hear our Great Horned calling out each night.


----------



## Dawgluver

Love owls!  Any caffeination!

Heh.  Been there, done that, have the tshirt:

View attachment 24248


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Love owls!  Any caffeination!
> 
> Heh.  Been there, done that, have the tshirt:
> 
> View attachment 24248



I've done it too.


----------



## Addie

Took me a second to get it.


----------



## CharlieD

Dawgluver said:


> Huh.  It came out bigger for me.  My friend has horribly biased conservative political views, but I love him anyway.
> 
> Here's the Irish website:  the irish way photos




I love the saddle pocking at conservatives by peace loving liberals. Never fails to amuse me. 


Sent from my iPhone using Discuss Cooking


----------



## creative




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*creative*!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  As a former school psychologist:
View attachment 24283


----------



## GotGarlic

Someone actually did put this on the wall of the career counselor's office in my high school:

The-
Rapist

Could not figure that out for the longest time.


----------



## taxlady

I once saw a list of URLs that hadn't been carefully looked at before they were registered. This one got changed, but it was my favourite - an Italian power generating company - powergenitalia.com.


----------



## creative

Reminds me a bit of subtitles - they are automatically generated going by sound.  There was a news item on _cycle paths  _but it read as psychopaths!


----------



## Dawgluver

This looks very familiar:
View attachment 24287


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I get the same look, but from felines...three of them, lined up...


----------



## Addie

Do any of them tilt their head while they give you that sorrowful look? When Teddy does that I turn away immediately. Only because I know I can't stand up to it. He always wins.


----------



## Aunt Bea

This appeared on my FB feed.


----------



## andylewis

Nice


----------



## taxlady

Love it Aunt Bea.


----------



## Addie

And I may not be finished at the end of today either.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Aunt Bea*, I wish I could find a t-shirt for Himself with that image on it. 

************************************************




Dawgluver said:


> This looks very familiar:





PrincessFiona60 said:


> I get the same look, but from felines...three of them, lined up...


I get that look from Himself. My Mom was even worse: if you were eating the very last of something, she would watch, then swallow really hard right before you went to swallow. I would have to leave the room, or at least turn around, so I didn't see her do that. 

Mom had all kinds of tricks. When she was a kid, she used to slap at herself while yelling "Ma, Leonard is hitting me. _Stop it, Leonard_. MOM!". Meanwhile, her brother was sitting next to her reading the newspaper or something.  Usually got her brother in trouble. Until the last time. Grandma walking in on Mom slapping her own arm.  OOPS!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Aunt Bea*, I wish I could find a t-shirt for Himself with that image on it.  ...


There are online stores that will custom print t-shirts. Just sayin'.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yep.  I walked the mayonnaise out to the sunroom to put it with the candles.  The new candle would have ended up in the fridge with the condiments.  Well, they were about the same size.
View attachment 24289


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Yep.  I walked the mayonnaise out to the sunroom to put it with the candles.  The new candle would have ended up in the fridge with the condiments.  Well, they were about the same size.
> View attachment 24289


Yup. I just stole that pic, so I can put it on FB.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

We've been known to almost put the milk in the pantry where the cereal goes. Almost. But you know there's gonna come the day...


----------



## creative

The above posts remind me of the time I went to post a letter.  I was a bit daydreamy and eating a banana...yeah, you guessed it - I bit the letter and posted the banana!


----------



## taxlady

creative said:


> The above posts remind me of the time I went to post a letter.  I was a bit daydreamy and eating a banana...yeah, you guessed it - I bit the letter and posted the banana!


----------



## Dawgluver

Gotta love dogs!  This really cracked me up:
View attachment 24290


----------



## Cooking Goddess

creative said:


> The above posts remind me of the time I went to post a letter.  I was a bit daydreamy and eating a banana...yeah, you guessed it - I bit the letter and posted the banana!



Oh No!


----------



## Addie

I used to do silly stuff like that all the time. Now due to walking so slow, I can catch myself before I can be so silly. I like being silly better. It gives me something to giggle about all day.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Maybe this should be in "The Wine Cellar" sub-forum?


----------



## taxlady

It's really cold here, -24°C (-11°F), so this is appropriate.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Looks like a good reason to me.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*taxy*!

You KNOW it's cold when you hear the studs in the house popping every once in a while. Good enough for me, since I have no plan to check outside via the "squeaky snow" test and the "nose hairs freeze" test.


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> *taxy*!
> 
> You KNOW it's cold when you hear the studs in the house popping every once in a while. Good enough for me, since I have no plan to check outside via the "squeaky snow" test and the "nose hairs freeze" test.



CG, last week when we got snow and they closed the schools, someone in up Buffalo by Lake Erie posted: Know what we call 4inches of snow? Tuesday!"


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ages ago our favorite Cleveland weatherman said we would have "partly cloudy skies overnight". Most of us woke up to 4" of snow. The next night he apologized for the "4 inches of partly cloudy".


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Ages ago our favorite Cleveland weatherman said we would have "partly cloudy skies overnight". Most of us woke up to 4" of snow. The next night he apologized for the "4 inches of partly cloudy".


----------



## creative




----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 24366

Not sure I would earn any of them...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Those are funny, *Dawg*. I saw this one on Facebook sometime last week. Glad to say I could proudly wear this one...today.


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 24366
> 
> Not sure I would earn any of them...





Cooking Goddess said:


> Those are funny, *Dawg*. I saw this one on Facebook sometime last week. Glad to say I could proudly wear this one...today.



Oh My!  Our standards have certain been "relaxed" over the years.


----------



## creative

^  .... I have been known to wake up at the crack of noon!


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 24366
> 
> Not sure I would earn any of them...


Whoopee! I earned the last two and the one about not hitting snooze. That one is easy, when you don't set an alarm.


----------



## Dawgluver

This sounds like a good idea:
View attachment 24374


----------



## GotGarlic

It does, Dawg! 

So does this:


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Dawg and GG.


----------



## creative

https://youtu.be/WxgN6cmueh0


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 24400


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 24400


 
No wonder that cat looks old.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup:
View attachment 24415


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

Good one GG


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 24466


----------



## Farmer Jon

Love Dr House


----------



## PrincessFiona60

finally


----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> finally


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 24481


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

Yes,  but true.


----------



## creative

"I used to be indecisive.....but now I'm not so sure!"


----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

Taxy,  !


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ewwwwwwwww!


----------



## Farmer Jon

My wife accidentally burned supper one night. She was upset naturally. So I posted this on her Facebook page. 

It did bring a smile to her face.....after she smacked me.


----------



## GotGarlic

Farmer Jon said:


> My wife accidentally burned supper one night. She was upset naturally. So I posted this on her Facebook page.
> 
> It did bring a smile to her face.....after she smacked me.



Ah, those Mad Men, whadda buncha characters!


----------



## creative




----------



## taxlady

Good one Creative.


----------



## LizStreithorst

It tickles my funny bone, too.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

How true that is, *creative*!

While we're "wining" about cooking, I do like this little sign I have hanging off of my wine stand:


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

Too cute, Taxy!


----------



## Addie

That is a good one Taxy.  An excellent reminder to us that Canada is not another State just north of the lower 48.


----------



## Silversage

What happened to Florida?


----------



## Addie

Silversage said:


> What happened to Florida?



Or Cape Cod? And Alaska?  I don't mind losing Canada, but not our own land.


----------



## taxlady

Silversage said:


> What happened to Florida?


Pixelated, can't be showing the "naughty" bits.


----------



## taxlady

Saw this on FaceBook.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFLMFAO!!!  That is hysterical.


----------



## Dawgluver

+1!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 24622


----------



## medtran49

That picture reminded me of what happened with my friend's cat.  She (the cat) loved to play with plastic bags, pounced on them, got in them, etc, etc.  One day though, she managed to get her head through the handle hole and got scared.  My friend told me she was running through the house like a wild thing and she thought it was funny at first and was laughing at the cat.  Then, she realized the cat was truly terrified and was trying to get away from the bag.  She said it took her forever to catch the cat and by the time she did, they were both so out of breath with their hearts racing that she thought they one or both of them was going to have a heart attack (early 70s lady, 13 year old cat).  She won't let the cat have a bag to play with anymore.


----------



## Dawgluver

Oh dear!  I've heard of that happening with cats and paper bags with handles too.


----------



## taxlady

That happened to my cat, Dumbshit (Yes, he was so stupid, that we actually called him that.). This was in the 1970s. The plastic bag had a paper grocery bag inside (Yes, the stores usually double bagged that way back then.). So, it made crackling noises as he ran up and down a long hallway. We were laughing so hard we could hardly move. Because there were two of us, we caught him fairly quickly. Poor guy, something was strangling him and making scary crackling noises at him and he couldn't run fast enough to get away from it.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

When Django gets a hold of a paper bag, he tears his way out the bottom.  Then he runs at it and slides all the way through.  I haven't let him have a plastic bag.


----------



## taxlady

Saw this on FB. It's in Swedish. It translates to,

"I ate lunch with a girlfriend yesterday and pointed at two older ladies  at the other side of the room and said, "That's us in 10 years." She  answered, "That's a mirror."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## creative

^  Hmmm taxlady - unfortunately I resonate with that, i.e. sometimes catch my reflection and think "who is that old woman?!"


----------



## Addie

I am there already. It seems that this past year I have come to the conclusion that I am truly *now* an elderly person. At 77 y.o., and considering my immediate family history and that of my ancestors, I honestly didn't think I would make it past 50 years. I had three grandparents that went in their late 30's, early 40's. On my father's side, the tribe members all die young. My grandfather beat the odds and made it to his late 60's.


----------



## CrazyCatLady

[/URL][/IMG]


----------



## Addie

CrazyCatLady said:


> [/URL][/IMG]



Love it!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Saw this on FB. It's in Swedish. It translates to,
> 
> "I ate lunch with a girlfriend yesterday and pointed at two older ladies  at the other side of the room and said, "That's us in 10 years." She  answered, "That's a mirror."...


When I look into a mirror these days, I sometimes think I'm looking at a photo of my Mom.  Didn't used to be that way. When I was younger, there was no confusion as to who my Dad was - I looked a lot like him. Now, though, I have Mom looking back at me. Just so long as I don't resemble Himself, with his full beard and balding head, I have nothing to complain about!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I still look like Mom when she was my age, we don't look alike now, the 17 year difference in age is showing.  But, I do know what I will look like in 17 years...


----------



## creative

"Hallo, this is the incontinence hotline - can you hold?"


----------



## Souschef




----------



## taxlady

Souschef said:


>


Yup. I have helped clients and friends, over the phone, with problems in software that I didn't know. That first instruction does it most of the time.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  So what's the problem?

View attachment 24684


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## Cheryl J

So THAT'S where they went.


----------



## taxlady

Cheryl J said:


> So THAT'S where they went.



I figure it's all that lint in the dryer's lint trap. It's chewed up socks. I know my clothes didn't have that much lint on them.


----------



## Addie

I prefer the explanation of "All those lost socks have turned into unmatched Tupperware covers."


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

Many, many years ago, in 1912, there was a dearth in Mexico of their favourite salad dressing which was made by Hellmans in Germany. The entire country got together and raised funds for a huge shipment to be transported via England to New York and thence by rail to Mexico.
However, the ship that was transporting their delicacy was the R.M.S. Titanic which struck an iceberg.
...and to this day the Mexican people mourn the event.

It's called 'Sinko de Mayo'.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> Many, many years ago, in 1912, there was a dearth in Mexico of their favourite salad dressing which was made by Hellmans in Germany. The entire country got together and raised funds for a huge shipment to be transported via England to New York and thence by rail to Mexico.
> However, the ship that was transporting their delicacy was the R.M.S. Titanic which struck an iceberg.
> ...and to this day the Mexican people mourn the event.
> 
> It's called 'Sinko de Mayo'.



All that salad dressing must have gone well with the iceberg.










runs and hides


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> All that salad dressing must have gone well with the iceberg.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> runs and hides




Oh :sheesh:  Taxy!


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## taxlady

^^ Good one CG. I stole it.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

As we are packing up all of our things in preparation for our big move to Northern Arizona, I made the decision that my Weber Little Smokey Joe grill would not be coming with us.
View attachment 24717
So I made up handmade "FREE" signs for him and his pal Weber Rapidfire Chimney and took them out to the main road from our place. I also left in the Chimney the remains of the bag of charcoal and the lighter on the side of the road at a predominate intersection.
I bet my DH that they would be gone in 5 minutes... guess who won the bet? BAHAHAHA!
They weren't there EVEN 5 minutes and they were GONE!


----------



## Dawgluver

Good job, K-girl!

Heh:
View attachment 24725


----------



## taxlady

K-girl and Dawg, good ones.

Saw this on FB.  







 It's upside down and actually says iSmart.  D'oh! The person who posted it wrote, "I NOT smart."


----------



## creative




----------



## taxlady

creative said:


>


D'oh!


----------



## Farmer Jon

How true this is.


----------



## creative

Kickstarting a hoover?

https://videos.files.wordpress.com/Xblfe4qf/retired-vacum-cleaner_dvd.mp4


----------



## GotGarlic

Cheers!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

He's MY hero, for sure!


----------



## Dawgluver

A couple of groaners:

View attachment 24827View attachment 24828


----------



## Dawgluver

Chianti and fava beans:
View attachment 24829


----------



## taxlady

Norwegian forest cats were the cats of the Vikings.


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady;Norwegian forest cats were the cats of the Vikings.[/QUOTE said:
			
		

> now hand over your gold_*fish! *_


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Here, kitties! 

**********************
Pretty much sums up how I feel this year:


----------



## GotGarlic

Let me know if you can train cats to do that


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  My earworm du jour:
View attachment 24836


----------



## GotGarlic

Good dog!


----------



## Dawgluver

Here ya go, PF:

View attachment 24849


----------



## Dawgluver

This makes sense:

View attachment 24851


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Here ya go, PF:
> 
> View attachment 24849


 
ROFL!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I will sing you the song of my people:
View attachment 24859


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I can relate to that, *Dawg*!  The neighbors behind our first house had beagles; raised a litter, too. Ended up keeping three of the four from the litter because they didn't try too hard to sell them. I think it was love.  Anyway, "Cupcake" was a small female and didn't say much. Neither did her Mom. However, "the Lads" were singers. Rather dis-harmoniously, too. But the human neighbors were great. All I had to do was call and say "Guess what?" and she's say "oops, dogs must be barking, huh"? They were used to it - I never have been able to ignore a barking dog.  Anyway, one call and the Lads were back in the house. Harmony restored.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  We thought Beagle was mute, she said nothing for two years after I brought her home from the Humane Society.  Now she voices her opinion on a daily basis, usually around midnight.  Mainly to warn us of the neighbor's cats, though she has pointed out deer, turkeys, possums, coons, rabbits, coyotes, foxes, and who knows what else.

I want her to learn how to sniff out morels, but I'm afraid that won't happen.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Sitting outside and listening to the coyotes is nice, until the neighborhood dogs start chiming in...if they would howl too it wouldn't be so bad but they just bark.


----------



## GotGarlic

This is where we take our dog when we go out of town and can't bring her with us. This non-swimming dog is an Internet sensation! 
https://youtu.be/ZPEDt_4eplc


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> This is where we take our dog when we go out of town and can't bring her with us. This non-swimming dog is an Internet sensation!
> https://youtu.be/ZPEDt_4eplc




That poor pup, tippy-toeing around


----------



## GotGarlic

People are calling her Dogosaurus Rex


----------



## Dawgluver

True dat:
View attachment 24917


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!  That is great!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Dawg*, it just might be his first flight.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

Oooohh, taxy, I want some!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I love the way they spin that, *taxy*! Makes poutine sound almost like health food. 

Good to see you around these parts. For a while I was afraid that your keyboard (or fingers) was broken.


----------



## taxlady

I've been lurking.   Just not feeling much like replying.


----------



## GotGarlic

https://youtube.com/watch?v=H-y-J8GeYKk


----------



## medtran49

OMG!!!    I had tears coming out.


----------



## Dawgluver

Love it!


----------



## Dawgluver

School Reunion:

Jack hadn't been to a school reunion in decades.
When he walked in, Jack thought he recognized a woman over in the corner, so he approached her and extended his hand in greeting.
"You look like Helen Brown," he remarked.
"Well", replied the angry woman, "you don't look so great in blue either!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

*This is something that happened at an assisted living center. 

*  The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for  breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if  everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that  he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the  dining area.

An hour later he still  hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room  and she found him  on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of  time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble  getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an  ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to  have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the  stairs and he had his breakfast.

When  he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even  the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later  she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there  said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer  shorts.


----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *This is something that happened at an assisted living center.
> 
> *  The people who lived there have small apartments but they all eat at a central cafeteria. One morning one of the residents didn't show up for  breakfast so my wife went upstairs and knocked on his door to see if  everything was OK. She could hear him through the door and he said that  he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the  dining area.
> 
> An hour later he still  hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room  and she found him  on the stairs. He was coming down the stairs but was having a hell of  time. He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble  getting his legs to work right. She told him she was going to call an  ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to  have his breakfast. So she helped him the rest of the way down the  stairs and he had his breakfast.
> 
> When  he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even  the first step so they called an ambulance for him. A couple hours later  she called the hospital to see how he was doing. The receptionist there  said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer  shorts.



OMG, Princess!!! I can't believe you did that!!!!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Funny, *PF*, but it begs a question: what on earth is the Medicare code for "boxer anklitis"?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Funny, *PF*, but it begs a question: what on earth is the Medicare code for "boxer anklitis"?



G26.9


----------



## Kayelle

GotGarlic said:


> https://youtube.com/watch?v=H-y-J8GeYKk



We never miss AGT......!! The most entertaining show on TV for the summer!!

OMG.......he was hysterical!!


----------



## Dawgluver

Makes sense to me:
View attachment 24983


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Makes sense to me:
> View attachment 24983


Me too


----------



## Dawgluver

There may be some truth in this:

View attachment 25022


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 25096


----------



## GotGarlic

OMG, Dawg, that's bizarre and hilarious!


----------



## GotGarlic

All me.


----------



## GotGarlic

Yasssss.


----------



## Dawgluver

So true on both counts, GG!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I totally agree with the Garlic pic.  And who would ever MAKE those brownies...people are crazy.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> OMG, Dawg, that's bizarre and hilarious!


Exactly.

The one about the garlic is spot on.

The brownie, yuck!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love that picture.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*taxy*, that kitty completely "gets" gluten-free, no sugar, vegan brownies.


----------



## GotGarlic

PF - is Shrek messing with the pools at the Olympics??


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  That's where he's been.


----------



## GotGarlic

Argh!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Argh!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 25245


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ooooohhhhhhhh!


----------



## Addie

Oh dear! You are so bad Dawg. But that is all right. I love it.


----------



## taxlady

Mwahaha


----------



## Addie

That sounds like a delightful person to know. I want to be that fly on the wall.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Mwahaha



 That is SO evil! 

I love it!

I suppose you could do that with the wrappers from Lindt Chocolate Lindor Truffle wrappers...


----------



## Aunt Bea

taxlady said:


> Mwahaha



What a great idea for a stocking stuffer, more thoughtful than coal!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm so doing that to my Mom...


----------



## expatgirl

I wouldn't suggest doing it in an office with PMS, menopausal, or expecting women.......life is too short as it is........Hahaha!


----------



## Dawgluver

Happy Labrador weekend!
View attachment 25311


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


>






Often wondered what a mermaid sounded like.  Apparently like a siren.

Weren't sirens the reason Ulysses strapped himself to his ship's mast as they sang so beautifully?


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 25353View attachment 25354


----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady

I want pants like this:


----------



## PrincessFiona60

so strange...


----------



## GotGarlic

Typical...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> so strange...


You wouldn't want to look like you were riding a teddy bear?


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Typical...


Ain't it the truth?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> You wouldn't want to look like you were riding a teddy bear?


 I don't think so...


----------



## Addie

I showed the picture to Pirate. He tells me that he saw one with a kangeroo on Newbury Street. That's where the hoity toity folks like to stroll and show off all their riches. Nothing they do on that street surprises me.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'm not a Patriots fan, and I have yet to listen to the entire soundtrack from "Hamilton", but I do love a good parody. For the two or three people in the world who do not know that Patriot's quarterback Tom Brady is benched for the first four games, this parody "introduces" the back-up quarterback. Silly as all get-out. Now, like you *Dawg*, I would love to go see Hamilton! Youtube has been playing the soundtrack for a while now...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8XWJ9wGuGuc


----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## expatgirl

GotGarlic said:


> Typical...


   omg......our cats are related..........!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I'm tagging my younger sister.  This resembles her more.
View attachment 25389


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I sent it to youngest sister so she can tag the older sister...that sister never sends anything to me...


----------



## dragnlaw

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they're flashing behind you.​


----------



## expatgirl

Dawgluver said:


> I'm tagging my younger sister.  This resembles her more.
> View attachment 25389




she's "gorillageous" and I hope she is coming after you with both knuckles on the ground, you silly brother!!!


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## taxlady

Good one GG.


----------



## expatgirl

red, white, and blue lights behind you can mean many things..........depends on what's going on..........


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Comic manatees! That's cute, *GG*.


----------



## Dawgluver

Cute, GG!  There actually may be some truth in that, some think Nessie may be a trio of cavorting seals lined up perfectly.

Not a real fan of the R,W, and B if it's lit up, expat, especially if it's coming up behind me.

One of my favorite seasons:
View attachment 25442


----------



## medtran49

Dawgluver said:


> Cute, GG!  There actually may be some truth in that, some think Nessie may be a trio of cavorting seals lined up perfectly.
> 
> Not a real fan of the R,W, and B if it's lit up, expat, especially if it's coming up behind me.
> 
> One of my favorite seasons:
> View attachment 25442



Hah, I shaved mine today because I had a doc appt and thought he might do an EKG and/or ankle swelling check, wasted effort.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I only shave for the Dr. or fall and winter...love knee high socks.


----------



## Addie

One of the nice things regarding menopause is that you no longer have leg hair to shave. At least I don't. Also under my arms. 

The bad side are those chin hairs that come to some of us.


----------



## dragnlaw

*I'm great at multi-tasking--I  can waste time, be unproductive,
and procrastinate all at once.​*


----------



## expatgirl

Addie said:


> One of the nice things regarding menopause is that you no longer have leg hair to shave. At least I don't. Also under my arms.
> 
> The bad side are those chin hairs that come to some of us.


"oh, my, God".........as said and intonated on "Friends".............Chandler's exgirlfriend............you are my sister.........that's exactly what happened to me.............I'm not complaining......the chin hairs I take care of with a razor..............what is with that...........any sound gynecological advice here...I only hope it's normal..........


----------



## expatgirl

medtran49 said:


> Hah, I shaved mine today because I had a doc appt and thought he might do an EKG and/or ankle swelling check, wasted effort.




just breathe and relax (I hate it when people tell me to do that)..........let your body go limp as jelly, breathe in for 4 counts, hold breath for four counts, and then slowly exhale for 4 counts..............and do that for a few times...........make them wait........i always do that the doctor's office.........it's you paying the bill, they can wait on your BP reading........and if it's high, then have them retake it later.........but it's best if you take your BP over a week's time while you're at home and relaxed.......

I hope that your EKG went well.........my hubby's ankles swell but it's due to his BP medicine..........glad to know that you're under a doctor's advisement


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Addie

expatgirl said:


> "oh, my, God".........as said and intonated on "Friends".............Chandler's exgirlfriend............you are my sister.........that's exactly what happened to me.............I'm not complaining......the chin hairs I take care of with a razor..............what is with that...........any sound gynecological advice here...I only hope it's normal..........



Fear not. It is just your female hormones are receding leaving room for your male ones to come to the front. You would be surprised how many women this happens to, but they will never admit it. I would rather shave my chin than under my arms. I know one woman who has a full grown beard. Fortunately, it is now all white and doesn't show as much. It used to be blonde.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*'fox*, you might enjoy your primitive camping, and campfire cooking, but some of us have higher (lazier?) standards.


----------



## Katie H

Cooking Goddess said:


> *'fox*, you might enjoy your primitive camping, and campfire cooking, but some of us have higher (lazier?) standards.



That's funny,CG.  Over our 32+ years together, Buck and spent a large portion off that time roughing-it camping and really enjoyed it.  One of my favorites was camping in January.  Made the tent and sleeping bag even more appreciated.

We had a husband and wife couple who were among our dearest friends and we encouraged them numerous times to join us, not in wintertime, to camp with us.  The husband was all for it, but the wife always said she didn't go anywhere she couldn't plug her blow dryer into.  It was along-time joke among us.

Now that I'm older, the "great indoors" is more appealing but I haven't closed the door to sleeping under the stars.


----------



## Dawgluver

Yup, that's how I camp now.

This is a very good idea:
View attachment 25479


----------



## dragnlaw

Dawgluver,  I tried that with my son, who IS a cop and uses an unknown number...  

All I got was a very puzzled -   "Mother, what the h**l are you talking about?" 

How to deflate anticipation...


----------



## blissful

Regarding chin hair. This: https://www.amazon.com/Tinkle-D120-...rd_wg=uI62P&psc=1&refRID=XYFH0NS3K8064CRBGW46
It's called a Tinkle. Works great!


----------



## taxlady

This cracked me up.


----------



## Dawgluver

Fear the wife!  Odin, not so much.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Fear the wife!  Odin, not so much.


I liked the comparison of the wife to Odin in terms of scariness.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Katie H said:


> That's funny,CG.  Over our 32+ years together, Buck and spent a large portion off that time roughing-it camping and really enjoyed it....Now that I'm older, the "great indoors" is more appealing but I haven't closed the door to sleeping under the stars.


We tent camped a lot when our bones were young. Never backpack camped, though; camping was more of a cheap lodging to us when on vacation. Got a bigger tent when the kids showed up, but still tent camped from our car - a VW Golf. Then we got a station wagon...and never camped after that.  Mostly because weekend were taken up with CYO football or basketball games.


----------



## taxlady

(Those speeds are in km/hour.)


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> (Those speeds are in km/hour.)



It's clear they want you to speed up temporarily and just a bit.


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL  yup - cops're just sitting around waiting to take the idiots who believe it off the road!! 

Andy, here, if you are caught doing any little thing over the speed posted at a school or children's playground - it is an automatic suspension - right then and there.  You can fight it in court but in the meanwhile you are suspended til your court date!


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> LOL  yup - cops're just sitting around waiting to take the idiots who believe it off the road!!
> 
> Andy, here, if you are caught doing any little thing over the speed posted at a school or children's playground - it is an automatic suspension - right then and there.  You can fight it in court but in the meanwhile you are suspended til your court date!


I wish they would enforce that around here. I often get honked at for going at the posted, school zone speed. I was once passed by an impatient school bus driver for going at max school zone speed in a school zone.


----------



## Dawgluver

Rofl!
View attachment 25514


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 25572

(The moment you want to decorate your pumpkin, but don't have much talent)


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> View attachment 25572
> 
> (The moment you want to decorate your pumpkin, but don't have much talent)


----------



## Dawgluver

Official:
View attachment 25577


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I am the Wyoming Regional Director  for the Reese's Recall.


----------



## dragnlaw

my son says he has a bunch for me...  

but they're all Reese-cycled.


----------



## Andy M.

I like the mini Reese's.  I opened one the other day and found some stuff in it that didn't belong.  Looked like some of a paper cup they pour the candy into.  That turns me off and no I hesitate to eat one of my favorite candies.

Now I'm breaking them open to check before I eat them.


----------



## medtran49

Can I please be the Southeast Regional Director?  please, please


----------



## dragnlaw

Best kept in the freezer for watching TV.


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> Best kept in the freezer for watching TV.


Just reading that makes my teeth hurt.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

medtran49 said:


> Can I please be the Southeast Regional Director?  please, please



Volunteers are welcome...lord knows I can't eat all of them by myself.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Katie H

You are welcome to all of mine.  I never cared for chocolate and peanuts/peanut butter together.  My palate just can't do it.  Sometimes even the slightest whiff of the two gets to me.

I can't trace it back to anything because I like both peanuts and chocolate, just not together.


----------



## Dawgluver

This amused me.  But admittedly, I'm weird:

View attachment 25655


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> This amused me.  But admittedly, I'm weird:
> 
> View attachment 25655


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  Too funny.


----------



## Dawgluver

We understand each other, don't we, PF?  

Thinking I may send the second one to DH.


----------



## dragnlaw

Did you ever think, as Americans, how weird it must be to have your highest election of the country always take place just before your Thanksgiving feast?

Bit of a  - joke - conundrum - riddle ...  as it were?  no?

has to go under joke of the day month?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> We understand each other, don't we, PF?
> 
> Thinking I may send the second one to DH.



One you would send with a heart shaped box of candy.  The other with a heart...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> One you would send with a heart shaped box of candy.  The other with a heart...




Or a liver or a kidney...

What the heck.  We're all cooks here.  With a side of fava beans and a nice glass of chianti.


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> Did you ever think, as Americans, how weird it must be to have your highest election of the country always take place just before your Thanksgiving feast?
> 
> Bit of a  - joke - conundrum - riddle ...  as it were?  no?
> 
> has to go under joke of the day month?



No. What's weird about it?


----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 25657


----------



## taxlady




----------



## dragnlaw

You guys are hysterical!!  

You forgot the Entree - blood pudding?

Then what's for dessert?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Or a liver or a kidney...
> 
> What the heck.  We're all cooks here.  With a side of fava beans and a nice glass of chianti.



How do you cook a kidney?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

dragnlaw said:


> You guys are hysterical!!
> 
> You forgot the Entree - blood pudding?
> 
> Then what's for dessert?



Ah...dessert...eyeballs glacé. One each...


We'll be here all week...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Ah...dessert...eyeballs glacé. One each...
> 
> 
> We'll be here all week...




Don't forget to tip your server.  Or serve your tipper.


----------



## dragnlaw

PrincessFiona60 said:


> How do you cook a kidney?



With a steak and a pie crust.  Allow to cool 10 minutes on the counter and then either chuck it in the disposal or feed to the dogs...  they'll love it. 

Apologies to our UK members who grew up on this stuff. 

 Luckily I did not.


----------



## Dawgluver

dragnlaw said:


> With a steak and a pie crust.  Allow to cool 10 minutes on the counter and then either chuck it in the disposal or feed to the dogs...  they'll love it.
> 
> 
> 
> Apologies to our UK members who grew up on this stuff.
> 
> 
> 
> Luckily I did not.




  As a young college student, I took a trip to the UK.  Davy Jones from the Monkees had stated he loved steak and kidney pie in one of the teen fan mags I read.  Just had to try it.  Oh yuck.  I'll stick with the fava beans and chianti.


----------



## taxlady

A very long time ago, when I lived in a log cabin and we had almost no money, I cooked kidneys a few times. They were delicious. However, the last time I cooked them, the house stank of pee and we chucked them. Never tried cooking them again.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> A very long time ago, when I lived in a log cabin and we had almost no money, I cooked kidneys a few times. They were delicious. However, the last time I cooked them, the house stank of pee and we chucked them. Never tried cooking them again.



I had a neighbor in Texas that used to cook kidneys almost every week. She cooked them outside and the whole neighborhood could smell them. She used to buy pig kidneys. YUCK!


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> I had a neighbor in Texas that used to cook kidneys almost every week. She cooked them outside and the whole neighborhood could smell them. She used to buy pig kidneys. YUCK!


They smelled fine the first times I cooked them. And yes, they were pork kidneys.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

dragnlaw said:


> With a steak and a pie crust.  Allow to cool 10 minutes on the counter and then either chuck it in the disposal or feed to the dogs...  they'll love it.
> 
> Apologies to our UK members who grew up on this stuff.
> 
> Luckily I did not.



Aw...nobody picked up on the punchline...

You just boil the p*** out of it...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Don't forget to tip your server.  Or serve your tipper.



Cream of Shrek soup??? Yurk!

 He's the one who leaves the tip, after much encouragement to leave a nice tip...


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Cream of Shrek soup??? Yurk!
> 
> He's the one who leaves the tip, after much encouragement to leave a nice tip...




Ah, but Clarice, did the lambs stop screaming?


----------



## dragnlaw

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Aw...nobody picked up on the punchline...
> 
> You just boil the p*** out of it...



YOU WIN!!!  BEST LINE YET!  

If anyone tops that my dragonettes will come and poop fertilizer on your gardens for a month after the first snow fall (-see, otherwise it is too rich. It really needs the winter to age).


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Ah, but Clarice, did the lambs stop screaming?



For a little bit...until the chops hit the frying pan...


----------



## dragnlaw

I didn't sleep a wink all night.


----------



## Dawgluver

Lol, dragn!

Here we go:

View attachment 25664


----------



## dragnlaw

Dawg!  feel like I'm making new friends everyday! lol - 

  weird ones but definitely friends!


----------



## Addie

dragnlaw said:


> Dawg!  feel like I'm making new friends everyday! lol -
> 
> weird ones but definitely friends!



Yeah, we are a bunch of friendly sorts, aren't we.


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:


> Yeah, we are a bunch of friendly sorts, aren't we.




And a mite bit weird.  Weird is good.  As my shopping bag from the Addams Family play we went to states, "Define Normal."


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> And a mite bit weird.  Weird is good.  As my shopping bag from the Addams Family play we went to states, "Define Normal."



I only know weird folks. My kind of people. There is no normal. At least not in my world.


----------



## dragnlaw

YOU GO GRAMMA!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 25673


----------



## dragnlaw

Hear!! Hear!!  Well said Jon!


----------



## Dawgluver

View attachment 25685

Lefse works too.


----------



## Dawgluver

And this is how I roll:

View attachment 25686


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Dawg.


----------



## Dawgluver

Breaking out the lefse.

Oh wait, I have a flour tortilla.  This will work.  Give me a minute.


----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 25689


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> And this is how I roll:
> 
> View attachment 25686



She is my hero!


----------



## Dawgluver

An oldy but a goody:

View attachment 25702


----------



## Cheryl J




----------



## Kayelle

It's only an Oldy if you've seen it Dawg..........that's *funny!! 
*


----------



## Dawgluver

Gives a whole new meaning to Netflix and Chill!


----------



## dragnlaw

True *Kayelle*  that is a new funny for me too!

Thanks *Dawg!!!*


----------



## Dawgluver

Looks just like my sister!
View attachment 25716

Resemblance is incredible.  She has blue eyes though.


----------



## Cheryl J

Dawg!  Muahahahaha!


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Dawgluver

Farmer Jon said:


>




I like this!


----------



## GotGarlic

Can't. Resist.

View attachment 25812

(No, I didn't make it. A friend who lives in Conn. posted it on Fb. )


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> Can't. Resist.
> 
> View attachment 25812
> 
> (No, I didn't make it. A friend who lives in Conn. posted it on Fb. )



Seems to be right on target.


There is no arguing the parochial attitudes of New Englanders.  There was a story making the rounds many years ago. A huge disaster befalls the city of New York, killing thousands, and the headline in the local Boston papers reads:  Local Man Dies in the Big Apple".


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Wow, *GG*, that can be so accurate!

This makes me remember back to ages ago when I had a real-life friend who was native Canadian. She straightened me up about the correct distinction between "American" and "US Citizen". Understandably, many Americans to the north and south of our country's borders take umbrage with us thinking the term "American" applies exclusively to US. We forget that Canadians and Mexicans are still residents of North America - hence, "Americans". I don't know if that's still the feeling today, or that the dear Canadian people have just given up on us!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Wow, *GG*, that can be so accurate!
> 
> This makes me remember back to ages ago when I had a real-life friend who was native Canadian. She straightened me up about the correct distinction between "American" and "US Citizen". Understandably, many Americans to the north and south of our country's borders take umbrage with us thinking the term "American" applies exclusively to US. We forget that Canadians and Mexicans are still residents of North America - hence, "Americans". I don't know if that's still the feeling today, or that the dear Canadian people have just given up on us!


That's one of the reasons people use the the terms "Merkan", "Merikan, "'Murkan", etc.


----------



## buckytom

Most Canadians that I know don't care to be called Americans, nor do they care if we call ourselves it. Afterall, it's the last word in our name, but it's not in either Canada's or Mexico's. So it's somewhat just a shortening of our whole name.


----------



## Addie

buckytom said:


> Most Canadians that I know don't care to be called Americans, nor do they care if we call ourselves it. Afterall, it's the last word in our name, but it's not in either Canada's or Mexico's. So it's somewhat just a shortening of our whole name.



Canadien of America or Mexican of America? Just doesn't sound right. So how would I answer when someone asks me what I am. Native of North America? I think I will just stick with what I use now. Native American. Less confusing to me and the other person.


----------



## Andy M.

Citizens of USA, Mexico and Canada are all North Americans.


----------



## Addie

Andy M. said:


> Citizens of USA, Mexico and Canada are all North Americans.



True. And my people cover the whole of North America. Thus we are just simply North Americans.


----------



## Katie H

This isn't your run-of-the-mill "Today's Funny."  I drove to a doctor's appointment this morning and, after I left the office, I had a short errand to run in a little strip shopping area.

 I have handicap tags, so I was fortunate enough to park on an end space of the double rows of parking.  As I was getting ready to exit my car, I noticed what appeared to be an almost brand new Toyota car.  A convertible.  So what?

Well, the _so what_ is that the top was down.  Not too surprising except that, in the sun, it's barely above freezing today.  Not my kind of day to do the top down thing

The driver was, literally, a little old lady with a babushka on, typical older lady glasses and a big smile.  Next to her, in the passenger seat, was her floosy-doosy walker.  Yep, walker.  Between her and the walker was a little dust mop dog.  Pekinese or some such breed, bouncing around like it had springs in its feet.

My first thought was that the mechanism that raised and lowered the top was broken.  Nope.   I was disabused of that idea when she parked directly across the aisle from me and proceeded to raise the top to its completed position, rolled the windows up, removed her walker, patted the dog on its head and she and her walker wheeled across the lot to the dollar store.

I wish I'd had the forethought to have taken a picture.  Never can remember that my "dumb" phone can do that.

The cold didn't seem to phase her and she and the dog seemed to be happy as a clam at high tide.  Maybe she suffers from extreme hot flashes.  I have my doubts.  If she was as old as she looked, she'd be waaaay past that.

Quite a sight and I nearly laughed all the way home.


----------



## GotGarlic

Katie H said:


> This isn't your run-of-the-mill "Today's Funny."  I drove to a doctor's appointment this morning and, after I left the office, I had a short errand to run in a little strip shopping area.
> 
> I have handicap tags, so I was fortunate enough to park on an end space of the double rows of parking.  As I was getting ready to exit my car, I noticed what appeared to be an almost brand new Toyota car.  A convertible.  So what?
> 
> Well, the _so what_ is that the top was down.  Not too surprising except that, in the sun, it's barely above freezing today.  Not my kind of day to do the top down thing
> 
> The driver was, literally, a little old lady with a babushka on, typical older lady glasses and a big smile.  Next to her, in the passenger seat, was her floosy-doosy walker.  Yep, walker.  Between her and the walker was a little dust mop dog.  Pekinese or some such breed, bouncing around like it had springs in its feet.
> 
> My first thought was that the mechanism that raised and lowered the top was broken.  Nope.   I was disabused of that idea when she parked directly across the aisle from me and proceeded to raise the top to its completed position, rolled the windows up, removed her walker, patted the dog in its head and she and her walker wheeled across the lot to the dollar store.
> 
> I wish I'd had the forethought to have taken a picture.  Never can remember that my "dumb" phone can do that.
> 
> The cold didn't seem to phase her and she and the dog seemed to be happy as a clam at high tide.  Maybe she suffers from extreme hot flashes.  I have my doubts.  If she was as old as she looked, she'd be waaaay past that.
> 
> Quite a sight and I nearly laughed all the way home.



"When I am old, I shall wear purple..." and drive a convertible with the top down and the wind in my hair!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> "When I am old, I shall wear purple..." and drive a convertible with the top down and the wind in my hair!



Exactly...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Love the story, Katie.  Thanks for sharing, makes me smile.


----------



## Dawgluver

Katie!

When I was a teen, my friends and I would hop in my mom's convertible, and cruise around town with the top down.  In the dead of winter.  In northern ND.  Because why not?


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  Don't remember if this was posted before, but I still get a kick out of it:
View attachment 25820


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Katie!
> 
> When I was a teen, my friends and I would hop in my mom's convertible, and cruise around town with the top down.  In the dead of winter.  In northern ND.  Because why not?



But that was when you were young and stupid, not old and eccentric


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> But that was when you were young and stupid, not old and eccentric




I was young and eccentric, now I'm old and stupid!


----------



## taxlady

Katie, love it.


GotGarlic said:


> "When I am old, I shall wear purple..." and drive a convertible with the top down and the wind in my hair!


Yes! yes! yes!

Dawg,


----------



## taxlady

I don't remember if this has been posted here before.


----------



## Katie H

taxlady said:


> I don't remember if this has been posted here before.




Just combine this concept with "the dog did it" and it's a perfect world...for a cat.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> I don't remember if this has been posted here before.



Aaaaahhh, now it all makes sense!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Katie H said:


> This isn't your run-of-the-mill "Today's Funny."...


You're right, *Katie*, nothing run of the mill about that one! However, it's even funnier than the formula ones because this one is true! When I grow up I want to be like THAT woman!


----------



## dragnlaw

At one time I was jockeying cars for a Rental company.  When we had to move convertibles we were not "supposed" to put the tops down.  Well, approx. one block from HQ, down would come the tops, crank up the heat to screaming and away we would go!  It was hilarious to see other drivers faces.  Only worked if we were going to another station far enough but it was fun! Most of the young jockey's were 'polite' to 'gramma' (me) but they soon learned to reach past me and grab the convertible keys first! LOL!


----------



## Mad Cook

What does the Gingerbread Man have on his bed?

A cookie sheet.

(OK so you've probably heard that one but I only heard it today and the English friend I handed on looked at me blankly - we call them baking trays!


----------



## Mad Cook

Dawgluver said:


> Katie!
> 
> When I was a teen, my friends and I would hop in my mom's convertible, and cruise around town with the top down.  In the dead of winter.  In northern ND.  Because why not?


In 1969, when I was young and foolish (well - 20) I had a boyfriend who had a little MG Midget - a small two-seater sports car with a soft top. My abiding memory of that car is going out to a country pub up in the hills on Christmas Eve in a snow storm with the top down because there were SIX of us squashed into it! One chap was riding in the boot!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MG_Midget


----------



## dragnlaw

Mad Cook said:


> What does the Gingerbread Man have on his bed?
> 
> A cookie sheet.





Mad Cook said:


> In 1969, when I was young and foolish (well - 20)



LOL...  no *Mad Cook*, I had not heard that one - Very Funny!! 

My husband and a friend, both had Mini Coopers, we would charge around the Highway clover-leafs of the on & off ramps...   side by side!  

another time my husband and I came home from a country road trip with a Huge Brass Bed strapped onto the Corvette, had the top down, of course.  Got a few big smiles along the way with that one!  But...  that was the most miserable thing to clean - never again! I lacquered it so I would never have to do it again.  It is still at the cottage but I imagine it is starting to be in need of another cleaning.  Not sure as I don't go there very often since we split.


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## Dawgluver

Drat.  All I get is a broken picture, AB.  Can't see it.


----------



## Aunt Bea

Dawgluver said:


> Drat.  All I get is a broken picture, AB.  Can't see it.



Can ya see me now?


----------



## Dawgluver

Drat.  No.  Stupid iPad.

Others may be able to see it.


----------



## Addie

Mad Cook said:


> In 1969, when I was young and foolish (well - 20) I had a boyfriend who had a little MG Midget - a small two-seater sports car with a soft top. My abiding memory of that car is going out to a country pub up in the hills on Christmas Eve in a snow storm with the top down because there were SIX of us squashed into it! One chap was riding in the boot!
> 
> https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/MG_Midget



I had eight units that I was managing for a relative. They were all military. One was a couple and the wife was 16 and pregnant. The had this little convertible, two door low sports, lime green. She thought it was the coolest car. But by the time she was in her fifth month, it was getting harder and more difficult to bend and get into that "cool" car. By the time she was in her eighth month, the car had to go. Before she went into labor. I have never seen anyone walk around before or since with such a long face. He sold it. And when he came home with the new used car, he didn't even want to show it off to his wife. Two days later she had a bouncing baby boy. Phew! Just in time.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Drat.  No.  Stupid iPad.
> 
> Others may be able to see it.


Can't see it on my 'puter.

I got an email notification of the post. It showed the link, so I tried clicking on that. Got to a page that said I had to be logged in to see it.


----------



## Katie H

Don't see a thing.


----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 25864


----------



## dragnlaw

*JON!!!*  That is supposed to be a secret!  you're in big trouble now!


----------



## Farmer Jon

You can stop anytime now. Lol its -24 here.


----------



## buckytom

https://youtu.be/z0O_VYcsIk8


----------



## Andy M.

buckytom said:


> https://youtu.be/z0O_VYcsIk8



Funny!  Thanks, BT.


----------



## dragnlaw

Farmer Jon said:


> You can stop anytime now. Lol its -24 here.



hee hee, yeah maybe - but it's working for me - it's +22f here.  

funny BT! thanks


----------



## GotGarlic

The Jet Stream is beating out the Polar Express! Woo hoo! :woot2:


----------



## GotGarlic

It never fails


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> It never fails



I just open a package of pork rinds...or butter.


----------



## medtran49

GotGarlic said:


> It never fails


 
I just sent that to my daughter.  She loves ancient Egypt and Bastet is her fav.  She asked for a perfume named Bastet for Christmas and I found a tee shirt that has these huge cat eyes right at the tatas (she's "blessed" like me) with a few other symbols in the design.  She's being difficult to buy for this year, says there's nothing she really wants or needs.


----------



## GotGarlic

medtran49 said:


> I just sent that to my daughter.  She loves ancient Egypt and Bastet is her fav.  She asked for a perfume named Bastet for Christmas and I found a tee shirt that has these huge cat eyes right at the tatas (she's "blessed" like me) with a few other symbols in the design.  She's being difficult to buy for this year, says there's nothing she really wants or needs.



Hee hee! That sounds like a great shirt  I love ancient Egypt, too. My parents took us to the King Tut exhibit at a museum in Chicago when I was 12 and I was smitten.


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> Hee hee! That sounds like a great shirt  I love ancient Egypt, too. My parents took us to the King Tut exhibit at a museum in Chicago when I was 12 and I was smitten.




Loved the Tut exhibit in Chi-town!

The shirt sounds cute!


----------



## medtran49

She goes to every Egyptian exhibit she can and watches the PBS shows and reads book, etc.  We spent the majority of a day in the Vatican museums just in the Egyptian rooms.  I refused to go back to that part on subsequent days, knew I'd never get her out, besides the fact that we ended up with a security guard sort of following us around toward the end of the day.  I think he thought we were casing the place.  There also happened to be a traveling exhibit showcasing 1 of the Queens, Nefertiri or Nefertiti, don't remember which, when we were in Rome that we got to spend a morning at, well off the beaten path.  I think the taxi driver thought we were crazy when we gave him the addy.  They had King Tut in Tampa (I think) several years back and she went to that.


----------



## Addie

medtran49 said:


> I just sent that to my daughter.  She loves ancient Egypt and Bastet is her fav.  She asked for a perfume named Bastet for Christmas and I found a tee shirt that has these huge cat eyes right at the tatas (she's "blessed" like me) with a few other symbols in the design.  She's being difficult to buy for this year, says there's nothing she really wants or needs.



I know that I don't want anything that has to be cleaned. I now prefer money. Even dirty money.


----------



## Addie

medtran49 said:


> She goes to every Egyptian exhibit she can and watches the PBS shows and reads book, etc.  We spent the majority of a day in the Vatican museums just in the Egyptian rooms.  I refused to go back to that part on subsequent days, knew I'd never get her out, besides the fact that we ended up with a security guard sort of following us around toward the end of the day.  I think he thought we were casing the place.  There also happened to be a traveling exhibit showcasing 1 of the Queens, Nefertiri or Nefertiti, don't remember which, when we were in Rome that we got to spend a morning at, well off the beaten path.  I think the taxi driver thought we were crazy when we gave him the addy.  They had King Tut in Tampa (I think) several years back and she went to that.



My sister and I went to see the Egyptian exhibit many years ago when it came to Boston and the Museum of Science. After that she fell in love and saved up for years and finally went to Egypt for a ten day stay. Did the whole tourist thing. Even riding a camel. Had a cartouch with her name made.


----------



## GotGarlic

Addie said:


> My sister and I went to see the Egyptian exhibit many years ago when it came to Boston and the Museum of Science. After that she fell in love and saved up for years and finally went to Egypt for a ten day stay. Did the whole tourist thing. Even riding a camel. *Had a cartouch with her name made*.



I have one of those. DH got it for me when he was on deployment with the Navy and the ship stopped in Alexandria.


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh.  If I've posted this before, my apologies.  I still get a kick out of it:
View attachment 25873


----------



## medtran49

Addie said:


> My sister and I went to see the Egyptian exhibit many years ago when it came to Boston and the Museum of Science. After that she fell in love and saved up for years and finally went to Egypt for a ten day stay. Did the whole tourist thing. Even riding a camel. Had a cartouch with her name made.


 
When we were picking out where to go on our trip, DD really wanted to go to Egypt.  There was a combo land/cruise trip that we looked at.  However, at the time we were going, that part of the world was experiencing a big uptick in the unrest that is unfortunately so common in that area.  Being that it was just going to be me and her traveling, plus the fact that I had already been to Italy several times and felt comfortable there, I vetoed going to Egypt.  If it had been me and Craig, I probably would have gone, but to take my kid even though she was technically an adult in her early 20s, big nope.  Yes, I was an overprotective mom since she is an only.


----------



## Dawgluver

medtran49 said:


> When we were picking out where to go on our trip, DD really wanted to go to Egypt.  There was a combo land/cruise trip that we looked at.  However, at the time we were going, that part of the world was experiencing a big uptick in the unrest that is unfortunately so common in that area.  Being that it was just going to be me and her traveling, plus the fact that I had already been to Italy several times and felt comfortable there, I vetoed going to Egypt.  If it had been me and Craig, I probably would have gone, but to take my kid even though she was technically an adult in her early 20s, big nope.  Yes, I was an overprotective mom since she is an only.




Understand.  A couple teacher friends of mine won grants to go basically anywhere, and both really wanted to go to Egypt.  Sadly, it got taken off the list due to the unrest.  

I'd have no problem going if it was just DH and me. Love ancient Egyptian history.  And as I understand, the snorkeling is fabulous in the Red Sea.


----------



## taxlady

I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this at the moment.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this at the moment.




Yep.  Except for the spiders that live in my basement, and the snakes that live in the garage in order to terrify DH that I get to remove, we're fine in the Great White North.


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> Yep.  Except for the spiders that live in my basement, and the snakes that live in the garage in order to terrify DH that I get to remove, we're fine in the Great White North.


I generally like spiders. I'm not so sure I would want to find one that big running around my house.


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> I generally like spiders. I'm not so sure I would want to find one that big running around my house.




I learned from a friend who lives in the jungle in Mexico to always have a spare set of tongs.  She gets tarantulas, boas, and scorpions.  DH eeks at spiders and snakes up here.  The tongs come in handy.  I keep them separate from my food tongs.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> I generally like spiders. I'm not so sure I would want to find one that big running around my house.


Or to find your condo garage looking like this waste water treatment plant:

*4-Acre Spider Web Engulf Building*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> Or to find your condo garage looking like this waste water treatment plant:
> 
> *4-Acre Spider Web Engulf Building*


 
AAAAAAUUUUUgggggghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!


----------



## Addie

medtran49 said:


> When we were picking out where to go on our trip, DD really wanted to go to Egypt.  There was a combo land/cruise trip that we looked at.  However, at the time we were going, that part of the world was experiencing a big uptick in the unrest that is unfortunately so common in that area.  Being that it was just going to be me and her traveling, plus the fact that I had already been to Italy several times and felt comfortable there, I vetoed going to Egypt.  If it had been me and Craig, I probably would have gone, but to take my kid even though she was technically an adult in her early 20s, big nope.  Yes, I was an overprotective mom since she is an only.



My sister went by herself. She told me one thing she did that I am still shaking my head over. You CANNOT take pictures inside any tomb that has paintings on the wall. The constant flash from cameras they found, damages the painting and causes the paint to fade. She snuck a couple of pictures without getting caught. When the group was leaving the tomb, she hung back until she was last. The guide was at the head. Just before she left the tomb, she turned quickly and took two pictures. When she told me what she had done, I couldn't help it, I had to admonish her. I refused to allow her to tell me anything more about her trip. I can't imagine visiting a country and deliberately disobeying their rules an laws. The Ugly American!


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:

View attachment 25892


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> Heh:
> 
> View attachment 25892



I... I don't think I can pull that off...


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> I... I don't think I can pull that off...




Please don't try.


----------



## Andy M.

Somebody give that woman a hand.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Andy*! 





Dawgluver said:


> Heh:


I'm so "Adrian Monk" that I would try to put her arm back in her socket.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I see dropped shoulders are back in style...


----------



## Dawgluver

From my brother on FB:

"So...I watch A Christmas Story with my 4 year old on Christmas Day.  He loved the Chinese restaurant scene...and has been singing  "deck da hars wif bars of ha-ry...fa ra ra ra rah..." etc.  over and over.  Especially when we went out for Chinese yesterday.  Tonight...pizza (delivered)."

(BTW, his dad would have done the same thing at that age...Apple, tree and all.)


----------



## buckytom

Andy M. said:


> Somebody give that woman a hand.





PrincessFiona60 said:


> I see dropped shoulders are back in style...



Lol.


----------



## mcrx

there's no like buttons?? yeah I saw that the other day. Yep, women don't stand a chance! ha!

Ok, can I put this here?? (I love how these make me feel a little bit better about my cooking...until I find one that I've done. ha! :P Still, if you can't laugh at yourself...)


Literally Just 33 Hilarious Cooking Fails From 2016
https://www.buzzfeed.com/jemimaskelley/cooking?utm_term=.jgd6b6V24&bffbtasty#.km0vwv3k2


----------



## Addie

mcrx said:


> there's no like buttons?? yeah I saw that the other day. Yep, women don't stand a chance! ha!
> 
> Ok, can I put this here?? (I love how these make me feel a little bit better about my cooking...until I find one that I've done. ha! :P Still, if you can't laugh at yourself...)
> 
> 
> Literally Just 33 Hilarious Cooking Fails From 2016
> https://www.buzzfeed.com/jemimaskelley/cooking?utm_term=.jgd6b6V24&bffbtasty#.km0vwv3k2



Who was hiding in my kitchen taking all those pictures?


----------



## Dawgluver

Heh:
View attachment 25929


----------



## Dawgluver

This made me giggle:
View attachment 25930


----------



## taxlady

A friend posted this on FaceBook and said he might be one. Yes, he has that phobia


----------



## Dawgluver

Reason I cut my own hair:
View attachment 25975


----------



## Cheryl J

Seriously!  Not to mention walking the walk from the shampoo station to the stylist's chair. With the slicked back wet hair and cape. In a small town. Where you're bound to see everyone you know. 

I have an appt. this Thursday.


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 26129


----------



## taxlady

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 26129



Bahahaha


----------



## Dawgluver

Lol!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Yup and snakes, bugs...


----------



## GotGarlic

You have to wonder what your husband does at work all day when he comes home and asks you which is more - a crap-ton or a butt-load.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> You have to wonder what your husband does at work all day when he comes home and asks you which is more - a crap-ton or a butt-load.


 

Now you have me wondering.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> [emoji38]
> 
> Now you have me wondering.


I said a crap-ton, because there is obviously no butt that can hold that big a load. He begged to differ.


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL  I know a few! so I guess I agree with him.


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> LOL  I know a few! so I guess I agree with him.


So we're at an impasse. He has to figure out how many to order, so I guess he's on his own [emoji38]


----------



## dragnlaw

GG,
 I'm going to be chuckling over this every time I meet up with one today...  Thanks!  Just hope none ask me why!  I might tell them!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> I said a crap-ton, because there is obviously no butt that can hold that big a load. He begged to differ.


You make a good point.


----------



## Katie H

Don't know how many of you know of or understand the talent in the pinkie of John Hartford, but I was fortunate to have had him as part of my life.  A post on Facebook reminded me of one of John's most enjoyable/hilarious lampoon pieces.  If you have one of the new high-eff washers, you might appreciate his humor.  Get a load of this:

Good Old Electric Washing Machine.  Bet you at least smile, or laugh out loud.  He nailed it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## PrincessFiona60

amen


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26364


----------



## Cheryl J

Good ones, CG and kgirl


----------



## Andy M.

The Food Police are gearing up for a full frontal attack on food in bread.


----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Katie H

Andy M. said:


> The Food Police are gearing up for a full frontal attack on food in bread.



And, we just _thought_ there were the food police.  Eek!!  

There is a town in Illinois named Sandwich.  Perhaps this is a picture of one of their black-and-whites.


----------



## Addie

Katie H said:


> And, we just _thought_ there were the food police.  Eek!!
> 
> There is a town in Illinois named Sandwich.  Perhaps this is a picture of one of their black-and-whites.



We also have one here on Cape Cod. It is the first village you enter when you come off the canal bridge. Famous for making glass items. Specially Cranberry Red glass.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26414


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Katie H

My contribution to _Today's Funny_ is purely personal.

I glanced at my, admittedly, stupid phone this morning to see a screen message asking me if I wanted to have the time on the phone adjusted to reflect the Daylight Saving Time change.  I knew the phone was not a smart phone but I didn't know just how stupid it is.

I replied in the negative because I'd already manually made the change.

Clearly my phone is barely a step above two tin cans and a string.


----------



## Addie

Katie H said:


> My contribution to _Today's Funny_ is purely personal.
> 
> I glanced at my, admittedly, stupid phone this morning to see a screen message asking me if I wanted to have the time on the phone adjusted to reflect the Daylight Saving Time change.  I knew the phone was not a smart phone but I didn't know just how stupid it is.
> 
> I replied in the negative because I'd already manually made the change.
> 
> Clearly my phone is barely a step above two tin cans and a string.



You can borrow my two cans should your phone go out of commission. 

My kids are trying to talk me into a smart phone. Why? I do just two things on my phone. Talk and text. Anything else, I have my desk computer.


----------



## Katie H

Addie said:


> You can borrow my two cans should your phone go out of commission.
> 
> My kids are trying to talk me into a smart phone. Why? I do just two things on my phone. Talk and text. Anything else, I have my desk computer.



We don't have text available for either of our phones.  They are very basic.


----------



## bethzaring

Addie said:


> We also have one here on Cape Cod. It is the first village you enter when you come off the canal bridge. Famous for making glass items. Specially Cranberry Red glass.



There is also one in New Hampshire.  I attended a family reunion there 12 years ago.  One of my ancestors surveyed the town in the 1760's. It is also real close to Keepsake Quilting, a fabulous fabric store.


----------



## Addie

bethzaring said:


> There is also one in New Hampshire.  I attended a family reunion there 12 years ago.  One of my ancestors surveyed the town in the 1760's. It is also real close to Keepsake Quilting, a fabulous fabric store.



I have been to that store with my sister. She was the sewer in the family. I  prefer needle and thread for mending and a hoop for embroidery. You can get lost in history there. If you are a sewer. I will admit I did greatly admire the quilting skills of some of the ladies there. No sewing machines for them. All handmade quilts were on display. Anytime we would go to one of the fairs in New England, I always headed for the displays of the quilts. She headed for the foods from the garden.


----------



## Dawgluver

This makes sense to me:
View attachment 26424


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'd rather drive with pie...


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'd rather drive with pie...



Me too.

I fly with pie.  Perhaps you've heard of Pie in the Sky airline.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

rolf lmfao





View attachment 26444


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Memories...*

This video brought back a lot of repressed memories. We STILL call our kids' first year a "Sleep Deprivation Study", but year two wasn't a big improvement.

WATCH: Toddlers skip sleep to party in bedroom - Story | FOX 13 Tampa Bay


----------



## Farmer Jon

View attachment 26498


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26502


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Three Jokes I created for my Gandkids, but have worked with adults, and yes, I enjoy corny jokes.

What do you get when you cross a cocker spaiiel with a rooster?
A very confused bird dog.

What do you get when you cross a begale with cotton-tail rabbit:
A dog that can't stop chasing it's cotton tail.

What do you get when you cross a deep stream with a mountain bike?
Wait for it...................wet!

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Good one Chief!


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


Are you hinting that Larry got a Darwin Award?


----------



## Katie H

I would post this under "Petty Vents" but I think it more appropriately goes here.

Our local NBC television station has got to be the most elementary and poorest in the nation when it comes to capability.

During a report a couple of months ago the anchor reported a story about a sizeable vehicle accident on the nearby interstate highway.  There were a number of injuries and a few casualties.  Names of the dead were disclosed and, at one point, the anchor commented that after the collision, Mr. John Doe stated that he was dead.  He WAS dead since he was listed in sentences earlier that he was one of the victims.  Glenn and I just shook our heads

But, last night's 10 p.m. news just rocked the boat.  There'd been a house fire where the single occupant/owner was found dead inside.  So far, so good.

However, since we live in a somewhat rural area, homes aren't necessarily elbow-to-elbow next to each other.  The on-site reporter stated that no one sought to help because the home could only be seen if one was either walking or driving by it.  Hmmmm?  What else does that leave?  Aircraft of some sort, drone, submarine?

The station has had multiple cutbacks and, now, the anchors and reporters are responsible for writing, proofing and editing their own copy.  Whoa!  They have a long way to go.

And...don't even let me get started on spelling and grammatical errors.  Some of the "crawling" alerts across the bottom of our screen look like a child did them after failing a spelling test.


----------



## medtran49

Katie H said:


> I would post this under "Petty Vents" but I think it more appropriately goes here.
> 
> Our local NBC television station has got to be the most elementary and poorest in the nation when it comes to capability.
> 
> During a report a couple of months ago the anchor reported a story about a sizeable vehicle accident on the nearby interstate highway.  There were a number of injuries and a few casualties.  Names of the dead were disclosed and, at one point, the anchor commented that after the collision, Mr. John Doe stated that he was dead.  He WAS dead since he was listed in sentences earlier that he was one of the victims.  Glenn and I just shook our heads
> 
> But, last night's 10 p.m. news just rocked the boat.  There'd been a house fire where the single occupant/owner was found dead inside.  So far, so good.
> 
> However, since we live in a somewhat rural area, homes aren't necessarily elbow-to-elbow next to each other.  The on-site reporter stated that no one sought to help because the home could only be seen if one was either walking or driving by it.  Hmmmm?  What else does that leave?  Aircraft of some sort, drone, submarine?
> 
> The station has had multiple cutbacks and, now, the anchors and reporters are responsible for writing, proofing and editing their own copy.  Whoa!  They have a long way to go.
> 
> And...don't even let me get started on spelling and grammatical errors.  Some of the "crawling" alerts across the bottom of our screen look like a child did them after failing a spelling test.



Glad my mom isn't still alive to see that.  She was the General Manager's assistant years ago.  It's a high pressure job.  She used to come home some days telling us that she couldn't even go to the bathroom without 1 of the secretaries coming to get her because of some crisis.


----------



## Addie

Katie H said:


> I would post this under "Petty Vents" but I think it more appropriately goes here.
> 
> Our local NBC television station has got to be the most elementary and poorest in the nation when it comes to capability.
> 
> During a report a couple of months ago the anchor reported a story about a sizeable vehicle accident on the nearby interstate highway.  There were a number of injuries and a few casualties.  Names of the dead were disclosed and, at one point, the anchor commented that after the collision, Mr. John Doe stated that he was dead.  He WAS dead since he was listed in sentences earlier that he was one of the victims.  Glenn and I just shook our heads
> 
> But, last night's 10 p.m. news just rocked the boat.  There'd been a house fire where the single occupant/owner was found dead inside.  So far, so good.
> 
> However, since we live in a somewhat rural area, homes aren't necessarily elbow-to-elbow next to each other.  The on-site reporter stated that no one sought to help because the home could only be seen if one was either walking or driving by it.  Hmmmm?  What else does that leave?  Aircraft of some sort, drone, submarine?
> 
> The station has had multiple cutbacks and, now, the anchors and reporters are responsible for writing, proofing and editing their own copy.  Whoa!  They have a long way to go.
> 
> And...don't even let me get started on spelling and grammatical errors.  Some of the "crawling" alerts across the bottom of our screen look like a child did them after failing a spelling test.



I wonder if John Doe notified his next of kin of his demise.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Are you hinting that Larry got a Darwin Award?



That he did.  Told him to stay out of the fenced area.

Tiger got some Slow Food that day.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26521


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26531


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

A classic Dad joke if I ever heard one:

A child asked his father, "How were people born?" So his father said, "Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on." The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, "We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now." The child ran back to his father and said, "You lied to me!" His father replied, "No, your mom was talking about her side of the family." 

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26545


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26545



That's how all spas work for me.  Can't stand the heat of a sauna.  Don't want anyone kneading, or walking on my back (kneading is for bread dough0.  Don't want someone smearing goop all over my face.  Don't want cucumbers over my eyes.

I just want to go fishing!  And so does Fido.  Get that dog out of that sink and give him a fishing pole.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Dawgluver

I am the walrus, kookookachu:
View attachment 26547


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> I am the walrus, kookookachu:
> View attachment 26547


----------



## dragnlaw

*think Betty White jumping up and down screeching*

Didn't know whether to post this in 'Petty Vents' or here...  guess this one won, even if only "head shaking, oh geez"

This evening, (early evening, sun still bright on the horizon) I'm reading various posts on DC, my back to the windows, when my dog goes nuts, howling and barking. Well, I recognize that sound in that there is definitely something out there and the direction is ...  the goose pen.  

First day of letting them out, being able to finally get their door open and ... so a fox turns up...* nice bright red fox, very pretty*... *the bloody little killer! * *Those are MY geese! *
*
I go charging out the front door, screaming like the fish monger's wife who has just caught him with the barmaid!* I don't go off the front porch because I have little tiny house type shoes on and my driveway is 10" deep in mud with the thaw... but I stand there *screeching and jumping up and down like a banshee. * The fox takes off like lightening, down the goose paddock, thru the wire fence, over the stone fence and into the thicket. 

Upon my return to the den, look out the window...   AWKK!!!  there he is just laying out on the stone fence!!  So this time I say, "Fine, you little sucker..." and I let the dog out the door.

Now normally I would not let her out. I don't think she would have a chance with a coyote/wolf/raccoon etc. but a fox usually runs. So although dog Maya is very fast, still think a fox could/would dodge her.  Which it did..  and so it did the trick...  just sort of hope the fox doesn't go to the neighbour's free range chickens!


----------



## taxlady

Glad to read that your geese, dog, and shoes are fine. That musta been a sight, you jumping up and down and yelling.


----------



## dragnlaw

thanks taxy...  not that anyone can see my front stoop, too far from the road...  but the way I was screeching...  I'm surprised a couple of neighbours didn't hear me! LOL  

All's well that ends well.  The fox gets to live another day, my shoes and socks survive, I got a chuckle out of it (in retrospect, I mean - think Betty White with an extra 20 lbs!), my dog got some exercise and last but not least... hopefully some will get at least a little chuckle here,


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  You paint a pretty picture of what a ScareFox would look like.


----------



## caseydog

I know people like this...

.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

When my younger niece and her Taiwan-born husband were living in FL they would go to a local all you can eat sushi place that had really good food. After a number of visits, the restaurant refused to seat them. I think they had a photo of her hubby at the register with a note to chase them away because every time they went there he did serious damage to the buffet!


----------



## CakePoet

My daughter gave her  dad a ketchup filled  vanilla muffin with chocolate frosting and dad got her back with a pepper filled  oreo.


----------



## Dawgluver

CakePoet said:


> My daughter gave her  dad a ketchup filled  vanilla muffin with chocolate frosting and dad got her back with a pepper filled  oreo.




I like these ideas.  Another good one is a toothpaste-filled oreo.


----------



## Cheryl J

Loved your story, dragn!  Glad all the critters, and you, are all right though. 

-----------------

I just texted my daughter and told her I took a pregnancy test, and it came back positive.  She had totally forgotten it's April Fools Day.  

I don't usually prank but I couldn't resist this time.


----------



## Dawgluver

Bwahahaha!  Bad Cheryl!

One of my girlfriends posted that she broke her leg falling down the stairs, along with a picture of (we thought) her leg in a cast.  Much sympathy ensued.

Total hoax!  I told her, "No soup for you!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I haven't pranked anyone, yet.   Karma got me this morning.  I had been thinking about calling the Nurse coming on at 5 AM at 2AM and asking her if she was coming to work, "You are 15 minutes late."  I didn't, but then she DID sleep in and was 45 minutes late for work.


----------



## CakePoet

No tooth paste oreo for our daughter,  her tummy doesnt like a lot of tooth paste ( yeah she tried to eat it once), but the pepper oreo was great and she  didnt get sad but instead went to dad with words you fooled me, old man.

And she got a proper oreo


----------



## Cheryl J

Dawgluver said:


> *Bwahahaha! Bad Cheryl!*
> 
> One of my girlfriends posted that she broke her leg falling down the stairs, along with a picture of (we thought) her leg in a cast. Much sympathy ensued.
> 
> Total hoax! I told her, "No soup for you!"


 
I'm not going to believe anything she tells me today. 

I would have been tempted to make a small pot of soup for the friend anyway and hot sauce the heck out of it.  Not really, but it would be fun to think about.  haha


----------



## Farmer Jon

Cooking Goddess said:


> When my younger niece and her Taiwan-born husband were living in FL they would go to a local all you can eat sushi place that had really good food. After a number of visits, the restaurant refused to seat them. I think they had a photo of her hubby at the register with a note to chase them away because every time they went there he did serious damage to the buffet!


That reminds me of a friend of mine and his mother. One of the local bars started $1 taco Tuesday. It went over real well for them until Jed and Jolene  found out about it. They don't drink much but they can eat. They went 2 or 3 times then the bar quit taco Tuesday.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26584


----------



## Dawgluver

I hear ya, K-girl.

Heh:
View attachment 26589


----------



## dragnlaw

Do you know how long I stared at that dog before I got it?    ARGHHHH!


----------



## Dawgluver

He obviously had a good stylist and baker!  Beagle would not have put up with the bread.  It would have been long gone before I could get a pic.


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> He obviously had a good stylist and baker!  Beagle would not have put up with the bread.  It would have been long gone before I could get a pic.


Is it real? Or is it Photoshop?


----------



## GotGarlic

I really need to find me some ruby slippers... 
View attachment 26593


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> Is it real? Or is it Photoshop?




Hard to tell anymore, isn't it?  All I know is that bread would have been toast with Beagle.

Looking for my ruby slippers, GG.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Me too, *dawg*. I need them to go back home! I think the movers might have lost them when we moved to MA.


----------



## Dawgluver

Iowa fair food:

View attachment 26605


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> Iowa fair food:
> 
> View attachment 26605



LIKE!


----------



## Dawgluver

This cracked me up:
View attachment 26606


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:
> View attachment 26606


----------



## taxlady

Two good ones Dawg.


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:
> View attachment 26606



LIKE!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:


Hilarious, *dawg*! My genius Himself could not figure this one out! I thought that was strange, since he used to write out my grocery list in code when I would call out what was needed as I went through fridge and cupboards.


----------



## Dawgluver

It continues to crack me up every time I look at it!

For those who may need a bit of help, think of sandwich condiments...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26609


----------



## Dawgluver

Yes.  This is why we merely walk.  Haven't found any bodies yet.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ya know *K-Girl*, I never thought of that but I think you are right...



Dawgluver said:


> It continues to crack me up every time I look at it!


I tried making it as my lock or home screen for my home, but I have too many links and icons to make it readable!


----------



## Cheryl J

In this crazy world we live in now, sometimes the joggers end up being the bodies...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26625


----------



## Dawgluver

I'll drink to that!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26625



BAHAHAHA!
It's been one of those days ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> Hilarious, *dawg*! My genius Himself could not figure this one out! I thought that was strange, since he used to write out my grocery list in code when I would call out what was needed as I went through fridge and cupboards.




OH MY GAWD!!
It just hit me ... I may be a bit slow shall we say


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:
> View attachment 26606



It was the two T's in LETT that gave it away.  And I love the cattails/corndog schtick.  And did you know that the cattail has something edible on it in every season.  It used to be a staple in Native American diets in the Great Lakes area.  I don't think my ancestors ate them with mustard though. 

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Dawgluver

Indeed.  Native Americans made flour out of cattails.  I don't think they used mustard either, though they probably could have.  It grows here.  We will have to suggest it for next time.

I have to stop looking at the Tom condiment list.  I keep cracking up.  I am easily amused.


----------



## taxlady

Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> It was the two T's in LETT that gave it away.  And I love the cattails/corndog schtick.  And did you know that the cattail has something edible on it in every season.  It used to be a staple in Native American diets in the Great Lakes area.  I don't think my ancestors ate them with mustard though.
> 
> Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


Isn't it tuberous parts of the roots that are edible on the "wild corn dogs"?


----------



## Dawgluver

I think you can eat all parts of a cattail.  Skip the mustard though.


----------



## dragnlaw

While we lived in Mahtomedi, before it became a sub of Twin Cities, Mom took us looking for the cat tail heads as they were just developing. We had to build our own fire and boil them in a can and eat them with butter.  She claimed they were tastier than the ones in southern Ontario. Not quite as good as the ones in northern Ontario though.  

Don't remember what they tasted like, but also don't remember taking any home to have later.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26628


----------



## Andy M.

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26628



My SO is the poster child for losing things.  I can't begin to tell you all the things she has lost from diamond earrings to her wallet to her glasses and phone and so much more.  It seems I spend half my time helping her find stuff she's misplaced.  I could tell you stories. . .


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> My SO is the poster child for losing things.  I can't begin to tell you all the things she has lost from diamond earrings to her wallet to her glasses and phone and so much more.  It seems I spend half my time helping her find stuff she's misplaced.  I could tell you stories. . .


That describes DH to a T...


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> That describes DH to a T...



The funniest part of this is she always guesses wrong where she left stuff.  If she can't find her glasses, she's convinced she left them at the supermarket.  They are almost never at the supermarket.  

She was in the habit of removing jewelry and placing it in a facial tissue and leaving it on a counter or the bathroom sink then coming back later and tossing that tissue in the trash.  She did that with diamond studs ( before my time) and a diamond and tanzanite necklace.

When we were in Aruba one year, I asked a jeweler to sell me some of those little silk purses they put your purchase in.  He gave me a dozen!  I handed them out to our friends and had them randomly hand her one and tell her to use it instead of tissues.  The grand finale was when we were at a restaurant and the waitress came over with a covered platter as a "special presentation" for her.  It was the final silk purse.  She hasn't used a tissue since then to wrap jewelry!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

K-Girl, that is so me! So far, though, I can keep track of my keys and (most of) my mind.




Andy M. said:


> My SO is the poster child for losing things....I could tell you stories. . .


Just so long as she never loses you she'll be alright.  Then again, after your jewelers pouch story I wouldn't blame her. :


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> This cracked me up:
> View attachment 26606



I keep coming back to this again and again. Still don't get it. What am I missing?


----------



## Dawgluver

Addie said:


> I keep coming back to this again and again. Still don't get it. What am I missing?




OK.  You go to a local sandwich shop, and ask for mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion on your sandwich.  They don't write out the whole words, just abbreviate them.  The onion must be picked by Tom.

Now I'm cracking up again...


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> OK.  You go to a local sandwich shop, and ask for mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion on your sandwich.  They don't write out the whole words, just abbreviate them.  The onion must be picked by Tom.
> 
> Now I'm cracking up again...


----------



## Dawgluver

Dawgluver said:


> OK.  You go to a local sandwich shop, and ask for mustard, lettuce, tomato, pickles, onion on your sandwich.  They don't write out the whole words, just abbreviate them.  The onion must be picked by Tom.
> 
> Now I'm cracking up again...




MUSTard, LETTuce, TOMato, PICKles,ONION.

Hopefully Tom picks good onions.


----------



## GotGarlic

View attachment 26637


----------



## medtran49

It looks like there is no national Peeps diorama contest this year.


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 26637




That's a great picture of Addie enjoying her Peeps!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 26637


 
"Ohhh no, there goes Tokyo, Go go Godzilla, wheeoo-oo-oo.  Oh no, they say he's got to go, go go Godzilla, wheeoo-oo-oo.  History shows again and again how nature points out the folly of man, Godzilla!"  Lyrics, courtesy of Blue Oyster Cult.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26642


----------



## Dawgluver

For our Peeps-loving peeps, like Addie:

View attachment 26666


----------



## taxlady

Dawgluver said:


> For our Peeps-loving peeps, like Addie:
> 
> View attachment 26666


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> That's a great picture of Addie enjoying her Peeps!



Yup! That's me! 

Thank you Dawg. Unfortunately, this year, Spike put out the word. "NO PEEPS FOR MY MOTHER!" Although Denise did call me and wished me a Happy Peeps Easter. She is my biggest offender when it comes to providing me with Peeps. There are very few candies or sweets I find difficult to pass on. Peeps give me the most grief. I have to eat them all any time I see them.

Hmmm! A six pack of Peeps. Well I will only eat one. Well two won't hurt me too much. 

Who ate the rest of my Peeps? Oh, I better go check my sugar reading. Aha! Now I know who ate all six of them. Guilty as charged!


----------



## Aunt Bea

Well the dreaded income tax is finally finished, the checks are in the mail and I learned a new word!

*INTAXIFICATION:*  The euphoria felt upon receiving a tax refund, until it dawns on you that it was your money in the first place.


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Addie said:


> Yup! That's me!
> 
> Thank you Dawg. Unfortunately, this year, Spike put out the word. "NO PEEPS FOR MY MOTHER!" Although Denise did call me and wished me a Happy Peeps Easter. She is my biggest offender when it comes to providing me with Peeps. There are very few candies or sweets I find difficult to pass on. Peeps give me the most grief. I have to eat them all any time I see them.
> 
> Hmmm! A six pack of Peeps. Well I will only eat one. Well two won't hurt me too much.
> 
> Who ate the rest of my Peeps? Oh, I better go check my sugar reading. Aha! Now I know who ate all six of them. Guilty as charged!



Now where is that Godzilla when you need Him! 

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26691


----------



## dragnlaw

Love it Kgirl!!  

which brings to mind...  my portrait - and I am NOT the dog...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Psst, *K-Girl*:


----------



## GotGarlic

http://mb.ntd.tv/inspired/video/toddler-excitedly-eats-whipped-cream.html


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Toddler's First Time Tasting Whip Cream, and She's Hooked! - NTD Inspired


 Aww


----------



## Dawgluver

Happy 4/20, Willie!  

View attachment 26706


----------



## Cheryl J

Not that it matters what month or day it is for Willie, but happy 4/20 to him!


----------



## Dawgluver

Ha!  Good point.  Well, something got Willie, Keith Richards, and Mick Jagger to their age!  Oh, can't forget Cher and Dolly, though their help was probably a bit more, um, surgical.

I worked at a high school for many years, and had absolutely no idea what the kids were talking about when they were wishing everybody "Happy 4/20".


----------



## Cheryl J

Yeah, took me a while too. Facebook helped.


----------



## Dawgluver

I had to look it up too.  My "tough guys" couldn't explain it to me, they just thought it made them look cool!  They had no idea either.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26707


----------



## Andy M.

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26707



LIKE!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Just Cooking*'s comment about memory and aging in the "Petty Vents" thread made me think of this one:







Yup! That's how my best friend back home and I will be in a few years!  That is if Himself and I don't take sooo long getting back home Dellie and I have forgotten who each other was!


----------



## Just Cooking

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Just Cooking*'s comment about memory and aging in the "Petty Vents" thread made me think of this one:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> Yup! That's how my best friend back home and I will be in a few years!  That is if Himself and I don't take sooo long getting back home Dellie and I have forgotten who each other was!



Uh huh....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26717


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26717




THAT is NOT fair...


----------



## Dawgluver

My home state:
View attachment 26732


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Just Cooking

Me too...


----------



## dragnlaw

Good one Dawg!


----------



## Dawgluver

They got snow last week!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Don't know if I've shared these jokes with you yet.  If I have, just turn to whoever your with and say, "Man, the Chief is getting old enough that he repeats himself".

Ok, so, what do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel with a rooster?
Answer - a very confused bird dog.

What do you get when you cross a beagle with a cotton-tail rabbit?
Answer - a beagle who can't stop chasing his cotton tail.

What do you get when you cross a deep stream with a mountain bike?
Answer - wet.

Bwahahahah.  I hope you enjoyed a little frivolity.

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

View attachment 26734


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Hey, I'm better with East and West than I am with "right" and "left".  "I meant my OTHER right!"


----------



## Dawgluver

"East" means nothing to me.  Nor does left or right.  "Go past the church, turn after the grocery store, and pull into the place past Walmart."


----------



## Andy M.

Dawgluver said:


> "East" means nothing to me.  Nor does left or right.  "Go past the church, turn after the grocery store, and pull into the place past Walmart."





You're a prime candidate for gps nav system. "Turn left here", "your destination is on the right "


----------



## dragnlaw

I used to have a pair of socks, one said "Left" the other said "Right". 
Just had to glance at them as you followed the directions.

They worked beautifully. 

Only as long as you had them on the correct foot.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I just want the address and I'll look it up on Google Maps.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> "East" means nothing to me.  Nor does left or right.  "Go past the church, turn after the grocery store, and pull into the place past Walmart."


Don't forget that I'm married to a 3-year astronomy major and amateur astronomer.  The problem we've had with people giving us directions like that is they tell us the way they remember it being before the church burned down and the grocery store became a cute tea shoppe.


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Don't forget that I'm married to a 3-year *astronomy major *and amateur astronomer.  The problem we've had with people giving us directions like that is they tell us the way they remember it being before the church burned down and the grocery store became a cute tea shoppe.



So what happens if I were to ask him for directions on a clear night when the stars are showing brightly?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

He'd tell you where to go! Those are the easiest nights, since he can spot the various constellations and know exactly which way is what - and what time it is, too. He can also "read" terrain while driving, anticipating hills, valleys and curves ahead based on the lay of the land he can see. The guy is a genius...until it comes to housework.


----------



## Dawgluver

Let's see if this works.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Speaking of driving directions ....



HA!!!


----------



## Addie

Kgirl, we have a resident here that drives so slow, my scooter goes faster than him. Everyone says his driving is so dangerous, but no one will report him. That cartoon is so him. Unfortunately!


----------



## Dawgluver

My friend and I went to an antique car show.  This teeny little old man in his teeny little MG almost backed over a man in a wheelchair.  Apparently the MG owner wasn't tall enough to see out the back window or his mirrors.  We were screaming and waving like crazy.  Little old man just thought we were being friendly, and waved back.  I don't think he even saw the poor guy in the wheelchair.


----------



## GotGarlic

This has DH written all over it [emoji38]


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> This has DH written all over it [emoji38]
> View attachment 26742



... and me too.  I enjoy coffee flavored coffee.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> ... and me too.  I enjoy coffee flavored coffee.


I like coffee flavoured coffee too. That reminded me of this funny, 30 second commercial:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE44u4gkx24&feature=youtu.be


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> I like coffee flavoured coffee too. That reminded me of this funny, 30 second commercial:
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RE44u4gkx24&feature=youtu.be



. . . on the other hand, I don't like the taste of vodka.  I don't mind lime vodka on the rocks.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Colour me dumb...  I don't get it, Kgirl?


----------



## Katie H

dragnlaw said:


> Colour me dumb...  I don't get it, Kgirl?



Just think of a wooden spoon as an antique tool of childhood discipline.


----------



## dragnlaw

OK, and so??  my colour just got deeper!  LOL - what do you use now?

I often use wooden spoons!  oh boy, do I still not get it?


----------



## medtran49

Our half malamute, half golden lab ate more than 1 wooden spoon that she helped herself to, as well as multiple other things since she was big enough to stand up on the counter and help herself to things on the sink, on the counter, on the stove, etc, etc.  The dog had a cast iron stomach when she was young, not so much when she got older.  She was one of the 2 that had colitis episodes and had to go on rice and boiled chicken diets.  Clean up was NOT fun.


----------



## dragnlaw

I hear you medtran...  both my sons have/had dogs that could and did devour anything that was not in bullet proof/cast iron lock down.  I once stashed a loaf of bread in the toaster oven to go outside for few minutes... and it was gone, door to toaster oven open, when I got back.

a few things on the list: 
a dozen hard boiled eggs, cooling on the counter
a loaf of bread, in the toaster oven
2 lbs of brown sugar (new bag) opened the cupboard door, BIG scratch marks
5 raw chicken legs, defrosting in the sink covered with a big pan
and the list goes on, you'd think I'd learn! ​


----------



## Addie

dragnlaw said:


> OK, and so??  my colour just got deeper!  LOL - what do you use now?
> 
> I often use wooden spoons!  oh boy, do I still not get it?



When we were kids, our mothers' would threaten us with a few whacks with the wooden spoon. I did it to my kids. But I always would use the cup side of the spoon. Less painful, but they still got the message. Today, we would be hauled into court and the child removed from the home. Child discipline has become child endangerment.


----------



## Farmer Jon

Hahaha I can't even count how many wooden spoons were broken in our house. Mom finally switched to the fly swatter.


----------



## dragnlaw

yup...  I broke a few spoons on my kids


----------



## Addie

Did anyone ever try to hide them? I did and then got a couple of more whacks for that.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> ... and me too.  I enjoy coffee flavored coffee.



Ditto.  I want coffee flavored coffee, rarely want to add to it.  Sometimes a bit of cinnamon or use Sugar in the Raw for a slight caramel flavor.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26744



... the last time that my Mother took a Wooden Spoon to my behind, 
it broke and it went sailing through the air, over my head and 
landed on the floor in front of me with on ominous KLUNK...
I was STUPID enough to laugh my fool head off, WELL!
I got wailed on like never before  
that was the *last* time a got whooped


----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> ... the last time that my Mother took a Wooden Spoon to my behind,
> it broke and it went sailing through the air, over my head and
> landed on the floor in front of me with on ominous KLUNK...
> I was STUPID enough to laugh my fool head off, WELL!
> I got wailed on like never before
> that was the *last* time a got whooped



Spike was about 13 or so. He has always had a dry sense of humor. I was cooking and he was standing in the doorway. He made a smarta$$ remark about what I was cooking. I had a table fork in my hand and just threw it at him. I really expected it to miss him. It went through his pants and right into his knew. "Oh am also I on the menu tonight?" To this day if I tell him I am going to put him over my knee (he is 60 y.o.) he tells me to use a fork instead. My aim is better. I will never live down that fork episode.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

My parent to child incident had nothing to do with disciplining one of my children.  Rather, one of them was too young, and in the wrong place at the wrong time when older boys struck the entrance hole of an underground yellow-jacket nest.  He came running home with one of the little buggers caught in his hair and stinging him repeatedly.  So trying to find the critter as quickly as I could, I searched through his hair with my fingers.  I found the little wasp and swated it hard with the palm of my hand, right on top of his head.  I'm not sure which he resented more, me clobbering him in an attempt to kill the yellow-jacket, or that he had been the innocent victim of other, older boy's actions.  I felt bad, but did kill the bug.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

yup!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...



I felt that this was a very apropos today


----------



## Dawgluver

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...
> 
> 
> 
> View attachment 26791
> 
> 
> 
> I felt that this was a very apropos today




This is so true, K-girl!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Right Dawg?!

GEEZ LOUISE!
It was just a little thing, put your big girl panties on


----------



## Dawgluver

Speaking of big girl panties, one of my dearest friends manages a convenience store in another state.  She put on a pair of skinny-leg dress pants, and got to work with one of her fave employees for about 6 hours.  Then she noticed the look of horror on his face as he pulled a lump from the bottom of her pantleg.  It was yesterday's granny panties, and she had been dragging them around all day.  So what does she do?  She puts them on her head, and tells him it's a hat.  I suggested that she attach a feather and maybe a couple flowers.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dawgluver said:


> speaking of big girl panties, one of my dearest friends manages a convenience store in another state.  She put on a pair of skinny-leg dress pants, and got to work with one of her fave employees for about 6 hours.  Then she noticed the look of horror on his face as he pulled a lump from the bottom of her pantleg.  It was yesterday's granny panties, and she had been dragging them around all day.  So what does she do?  She puts them on her head, and tells him it's a hat.  I suggested that she attach a feather and maybe a couple flowers.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> DH had Oral Surgery today and you'd think that the World was coming to an end ...
> 
> View attachment 26791
> 
> I felt that this was a very apropos today



Depends on the man.  Some of us are made of sturdier stock than others., and I'm not talking fish stock either.



Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26797



Living where I live, I've assumed that position more than once, and from standing tall to lying on my back, sliding.  And I can live to tell about it due to having learned all of thos Judo falling techniques in my youth (true story).

Think man walking with a 6 foot ladder in one hand, and a forty pound bag of tools in the other, on ice.  Suddenly one foot slips forward uncontrollably and that man is falling backward.  The tools get thrown to one side, while the ladder gets thrown to the other, without thinking about anything as I'm hurtling toward the ground.  My head tucks forward, and my arms swing down to slap the ground hard with my forearms, to absorb much of the force.  My head never hits the ice, and my back upper back and my forearms spread the force so that no one part hits hard enough to cause injury.  And it all happens so fast, with no thought involved that it seems almost instantaneous.

Any of you who have learned falling technique in martial arts class can back me up on this.  But I have to tell you, when people see you go down in such situations, women gasp, some yell your name, some squeal.  Men rush to your side to see if you're still alive.  Then you get up and brush yourself off, completely unhurt, and people tell you that your are so lucky to not have been hurt, and just last week, so and so slipped on ice and broke his/her arm. 

A week or so later, it's the funniest story in the workplace.  You learn to grin and take the jabs, because you were the one silly enough to lose your footing on slippery ice, and your legend grows.

I've slid down many a slippery slope, just like that bear, and I probably looked just as crazy and helpless.  Only one fall ever scared me, and the ice-damn at the edge of my 2nd story roof allowed me to halt my downward plunge to the ground.  That one would have hurt.

Seeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Addie

Chief, I was nine months pregnant and two weeks overdue. There was a car crash right in front of my door at night time. There was also black ice on the sidewalk. Hard to see in the dark. So I went out to see if anyone was hurt and if I could help them. I went flying on the ice. It was Christmas Eve. I landed half on my tummy. "Oh great, I guess I will be having a Christmas present. A neighbor came to me while I was still on the ground. "Are you all right? Do you need any help? 

"Oh no, I was just checking the under part of the car to make sure they would be able to drive it home." 

"Oh, okay. As long as you aren't hurt." And he walked away. Fortunately, someone else came along and helped me up. I went inside and let someone else worry about the car and driver. I had the baby two days later.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26797



Where did you get that picture of me with 4 paws in the air?  I hate those intersection cameras...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26806



Yep!  But there's no photo showing the canine "protector" directing the thief to where the good jewelry, weapons and silver are stored.  For some reason, the words "jewelry, silver, guns, valuables" sound like "treats."

Just sayin'!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Katie, also not shown is the image sound of any cutlery clinking against dishware, the refrigerator door opening, the electric can opener, or loud crunching sounds coming from their humans... the list is endless


----------



## dragnlaw

Well, I think my current companion would not only show them where the silver was but help them carry it out!  

One animal trains the next one so it goes on and on and on...  how in the world do they know what the sound of that cheese wrapper means?  She will ignore the fridge door opening but as soon as she hears that cellophane, she's 2" from my hip.


----------



## Addie

I  used to think Teddy's barking every time a neighbor's door was opening was to warn us that someone was near my door. But now I have second thoughts. Every since #211 asked where he was yesterday. She didn't hear him bark when she left her apartment. His barking is not a warning to us, but a big hello to the other tenants.


----------



## taxlady

Addie said:


> I  used to think Teddy's barking every time a neighbor's door was opening was to warn us that someone was near my door. But now I have second thoughts. Every since #211 asked where he was yesterday. She didn't hear him bark when she left her apartment. His barking is not a warning to us, but a big hello to the other tenants.


You may well be right.


----------



## Dawgluver

We boarded the plane.  Directly in front of me, three very large men who didn't know each other were all squished into one row.  I offered to give them my shoehorn.  Think of three pieces of pizza, point side down.

Thankfully, the flight wasn't totally full, so the slice in the middle got to move.  The rather large lady in my row (we had a seat between us!) told them she'd move into their middle seat.  Cracked me up!


----------



## Addie

Dawgluver said:


> We boarded the plane.  Directly in front of me, three very large men who didn't know each other were all squished into one row.  I offered to give them my shoehorn.  Think of three pieces of pizza, point side down.
> 
> Thankfully, the flight wasn't totally full, so the slice in the middle got to move.  The rather large lady in my row (we had a seat between us!) told them she'd move into their middle seat.  *Cracked me up*!



Me too! I believe I am safe in saying that her offer was turned down!


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> You may well be right.



You know TL, at the Christmas party, I took him downstairs to the Community Room for the Christmas Party. He ran right to MaryAnn. He sees her maybe once or twice a year. Yet he knew who she was. The lady that is just going in and out of her apartment. There are three other tenants that go in and out, and he didn't run to them. I think he is barking because he wants her to come in and say Hello. So tonight when she comes home and he starts to bark, I will let him go out to the hall and say Hello to her. 

He never barks when Spike, Pirate or myself are coming in. Sometimes Spike leaves him here for the day when he has to work. Otherwise he would have to stay home alone. He is used to it, but he loves coming here, so why not drop him off every now and then. Pirate takes him out for a 'walk' a couple of times so he can do his thing. I would do it, but I can't walk that much outside.


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

I just heard this joke from a nurse:  What's the difference between an oral, and rectal Thermometer?  

Answer:  the taste.[emoji47]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A nurse walks up to the cashier, starts to write a check, she reaches behind her ear and pulls out a thermometer, she says, "Some a-hole has my pen!"


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Bahahaha!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ain't that the truth, *K-Girl*! My first car was a standard. Himself and I always had at least one stick-shift in the garage until right before our kids turned 16. Ended up trading his standard car for when we got our van. The kids were mad, since it looked like they would never get to drive one. Loverly got a job shortly after working in the emissions control station and had to learn. When Goober ended up with a job there too, she got to teach her brother how to drive one!


----------



## Addie

The only car Pirate will buy is a standard.


----------



## dragnlaw

I worked for a rental car place at one time, at the airport one of the frequent incidents that would happen and the employees would be wincing all the while watching them drive off... would be some Europeans trying to shift gears in an automatic, sometimes hitting the brake in between shifts.  

I only saw it happen once myself but I have to say it was pretty funny. It was only because they had told me about it that I cottoned on to why that car was jack rabbiting down the ramp.


----------



## GotGarlic

Addie said:


> The only car Pirate will buy is a standard.


He's the one with severe neuropathy in his feet and legs, right? It seems like a manual transmission would be much more difficult, and painful, for him to operate, with all the extra brake manipulation required. 

Many years ago, after I got a new job where I had to go through heavy stop-and-go tunnel traffic to get to work, I was thrilled to get a new car with an automated transmission. And that was long before I developed neuropathy.


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> He's the one with severe neuropathy in his feet and legs, right? It seems like a manual transmission would be much more difficult, and painful, for him to operate, with all the extra brake manipulation required.
> 
> Many years ago, after I got a new job where I had to go through heavy stop-and-go tunnel traffic to get to work, I was thrilled to get a new car with an automated transmission. And that was long before I developed neuropathy.



Yeah. But he knows and has accepted that he no longer can drive. He gave up driving last year. He can't feel the pedals any more. And when he least expects it, his legs and/or feet will cramp up on him and if he is walking, he falls. Fortunately, like me, his health plan provides all his transportation needs.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL - Kgirl!  Good one.  

What I text people and say "MAY I CALL?"  

is that better?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> LOL - Kgirl!  Good one.
> 
> What I text people and say "MAY I CALL?"
> 
> is that better?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

That is soo cute!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

True Story.

DW and I were visiting some friends.  One of he women had a teenage daughter who happened ot be on a dinner date and who was expected home soon.  Sure enough, she arrived on time with her boyfreind in tow.  She enteed the house by way of the kitchen, where we were all sitting and talking.  It was at this point that I spouted the funniest sentence of my lifetime.  I personally regretted it later, for it embarrassed both the young man, and the young woman terribly, and I felt very bad.  Here's how it went.

Young couple walk into the door.

Chief: "I now what you two have been doing."

Friend's Daughter, in a challenging but playful tone:  "And what would that be?"

Chief: "You two have been out masticting."

Both friends instantly howled with laughter, for they had enough medical knowledge to know that what I said was accurate, if misleading to a pair of teenagers who had never heard the word masticating.

That poor girl turned so red that her skin was almost crimson, as was her embarrassed date.  Later, I explained to her that masticating describe the act of chewing food.  She was mad at me for a while.

In my defense, I was only 26 years of age, still prone to water balloon fights, water hose fights, scaring campers in the middle of the night (they also had teenage boys and camped back in the woods on our property, with my permission,  I made sounds like a bear.  The mother had a 22 rifle with her and told me the next day that she had heard a bear in their camp, and that if she hadn't gotten so tangled up in her sleeping bag, she would have shot it.  I kept her pickup truck between me and the camp when I was acting out my shenanigans.

The young lady eventually forgave me, and we laughed about the _masticate_ incident as she grew older.  But it was so funny when it happened, to everyone but her and her boyfriend.

Anybody else play a joke on someone that was extremely funny, but not for the mark?

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## dragnlaw

ChiefLongWind... that is 'truly' funny.

As much as I can hear a cricket sneaking across the floor boards in the third floor... I don not have an ear for comprehension on certain things. Often I do not understand a certain word my neighbour says with her accent, but as soon as she spells it.. ta da! instant recognition. 

The written work masticating I recognize instantly - would I have if I had been there?...  LOL  - all this to say..

*GOOD STORY!*


----------



## taxlady

In high school we used to tell kids that their epidermis was showing.


----------



## Addie

We lived in a very large five bedroom apartment. Right across from the kitchen was a disconnected "silent butler". I kept my paper goods in there. Napkins, toilet paper, paper towels,, etc. along with cleaning supplies. 

One day a neighbor was just leaving my home and one of my kids asked me if we had any toilet paper. I told him to see the butler. My neighbor got a strange look on her face. 

A couple of days later, her husband knocked on my door and said he needed to talk to me. His tone of voice was not very friendly. It seems his wife was a "keeping up with the Jones's" type of person. She had been driving her husband crazy wanting help like I had. Huh? Why did I have to show off how much money my husband and I had. He was yelling at me as he was talking. 

It seems she wanted a live-in housekeeper instead of a butler. I showed him the "butler". He couldn't apologize enough to me for the next six months every time I saw him. I don't know what he said to his wife when he got back into his own home. But she never did get a housekeeper.


----------



## taxlady

Good story Addie. I was sort of expecting you to say that the your paper stuff was gone, because someone had pushed the button for the silent butler.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Good story Addie. I was sort of expecting you to say that the your paper stuff was gone, because someone had pushed the button for the silent butler.



TL, my oldest child asked me why I called the silent butler, 'the butler.' I explained the difference between a butler and a silent one. It was much easier to just say 'the butler.' She told her childhood friends for years that we had a butler. She didn't help my cause at all. But I guess it made her feel important to her friends. So I never corrected her and told her to stop. To this day she is still a snob. She takes after my sister.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

LIKE!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26879



Excellent!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Let the weekend begin,
Happy Friday All!!


----------



## dragnlaw

I was wondering if any could help me... 

I've been looking for some 710 for my van but can't seem to find it anywhere. Does anyone know a supplier?


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

dragnlaw said:


> I was wondering if any could help me...
> 
> I've been looking for some 710 for my van but can't seem to find it anywhere. Does anyone know a supplier?



You're as much of a goof as I am.  Whoda thunk it?

Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Andy M.

dragnlaw said:


> I was wondering if any could help me...
> 
> I've been looking for some 710 for my van but can't seem to find it anywhere. Does anyone know a supplier?



LIKE!


----------



## Souschef

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 26885
> 
> Let the weekend begin,
> Happy Friday All!!


Then there are "Trailer Park Mimosas"
Box wine and Tang


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

young man and young lady get married.  They have similar interests and are very willing to try out new experiences.  The chemistry is perfect.  On Saturday morning, the husband asks, "Hey, have you ever been trout fishing?"  His wife says "No, but I think I'd like to."
He replies; "Great.  I've got some fishing poles and we can get some worms at a bait shop near the stream."
"Ooh I can't wait."

So off they go, to a place where there are some great fishing holes.  Soon enough, they have their bait, and are at his favorite trout stream.  He says; "you aren't squeamish about puttin' the worm on the hook, are you?"
"No, um, I can do it,"
"Good, let's hit the water."

Before long, with her husband's guidance, she hooks into a big rainbow.  She lands teh fish and her husband says; "Wow!  I haven't' seen a fish like that in a long time.  That rainbow must be 18 inches long.

She picks up her still squirming fish and looks at his head, then at his tail, then back to the head, and back to the tail.  She flips him over and again takes turns examining her catch at the head and tail.  Finally, she looks at her husband and remarks; "I thought you said this was a rainbow."
"It is, it is a rainbow."
She throws the fish to the ground, points at it and firmly states; "That is not a rainbow."
"Honey, I've been fishing these fishn all my life.  I thnk I know what a rainbow looks like, and I'm telling you that that is a rainbow."
"Nope, it isn't, and I can prove it."
"Ok, proove it."
"Do you see a pot of gold at either end of that fish?  Everyone knows there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow."

Seeeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Souschef said:


> Then there are "Trailer Park Mimosas"
> Box wine and Tang




Ohmygosh SC, I'm not too sure I'd want to try that one 



Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> .... snipped ....
> "I thought you said this was a rainbow."
> "It is, it is a rainbow."
> She throws the fish to the ground, points at it and firmly states; "That is not a rainbow."
> "Honey, I've been fishing these fishn all my life.  I thnk I know what a rainbow looks like, and I'm telling you that that is a rainbow."
> "Nope, it isn't, and I can prove it."
> "Ok, proove it."
> "Do you see a pot of gold at either end of that fish?  Everyone knows there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow."
> 
> Seeeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North



HA!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

... and continuing on with the Wine theme ...


----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> ... and continuing on with the Wine theme ...
> 
> View attachment 26904


That applies to me too.


----------



## taxlady

From a friend's FaceBook discussion:


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

... LOTS of Padding!!


----------



## Dawgluver

I don't watch sports, but I walked into the sunroom and heard the announcer comment about the girls' softball team.  What I heard was "And she ripped one out across third base."  Having a brother and a DH, this means something different to me than hitting a ball somewhere.  Cracked me up!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I wonder what the Third Baseman thought about it...


----------



## dragnlaw

I would have thought the same thing!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

huh?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> huh?



Ripped one = leaving a nasty odor behind for others to smell from ones back end. 

I hope I have not offended anyone. If so, my apology.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Addie said:


> Ripped one = leaving a nasty odor behind for others to smell from ones back end.
> 
> I hope I have not offended anyone. If so, my apology.



Oooohh!

Well, color me stupid!
I sooooo did not get that one


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

love it!!!!


----------



## Dawgluver

+1!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*K-Girl*, I'll drink to that!


----------



## GotGarlic

*Crazy Orders Chefs Get*

A sampling:



> Giga Leszay
> 
> Can I have a caprese salad, but with no tomato, no mozzarella.
> 
> Joyciel
> 
> I had this one customer who always ordered, regardless of how busy it was, an arugula salad with the stems pulled off. Then she had the audacity to complain that it takes too long, even on busy Saturday nights no less.
> 
> Anthony Scott
> 
> I got one two days ago... "Is the ice cream soft or hard, I am allergic to soft ice cream..."



   

https://www.finedininglovers.com/blog/points-of-view/stupid-food-orders-list/


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> *Crazy Orders Chefs Get*
> 
> A sampling:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.finedininglovers.com/blog/points-of-view/stupid-food-orders-list/



WOW!  I'm dumbfounded!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

gotgarlic said:


> *crazy orders chefs get*
> 
> a sampling:
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> https://www.finedininglovers.com/blog/points-of-view/stupid-food-orders-list/



bahahaha!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> *Crazy Orders Chefs Get*...


I read the entire list. Some people are so stupid you wonder how they find their way out of bed in the morning, no less figure out how to put on pants. 

They ARE hilarious, though, for people who can actually think.


----------



## dragnlaw

*CG* - I sort of agree with you. But a lot of these people are not stupid, just ignorant. 

The whole list is hilarious!  Thanks *GG*!


----------



## Kayelle

That was a great read GG......A favorite was.....my Dr. said I can't have red meat so cook all the red out.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

My doctor says lots of things about what I eat...I just ignore her.  Gave up half my blood pressure medicine the other day and my diabetes meds a few months ago.  Weight loss at 25 pounds.  It's obvious my diet is doing me lots of harm


----------



## GotGarlic

Kayelle said:


> That was a great read GG......A favorite was.....my Dr. said I can't have red meat so cook all the red out.[emoji38]


That was one of my faves, too!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Hmmm, I'd have to say Uptown Funk!
"... I'm too hot..."

HA!! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OPf0YbXqDm0


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Fun Fact:
Did you know that Bruno Mars aka Peter Hernandez, 
is from Honolulu?


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Fun Fact:
> Did you know that Bruno Mars aka Peter Hernandez,
> is from Honolulu?



Fun Fact - Did you know Chief Longwind of the North was from Earth!  I know, he's so strange that it's hard to believe.

I cultivate a peculiar attitude.  It makes life more fun.  That's why Mrgreen is my favorite emoticon (smiley).Seeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## dragnlaw

Chief Longwind Of The North said:


> Fun Fact - Did you know Chief Longwind of the North *was *from Earth!  I know, he's so strange that it's hard to believe.



May he rest in peace.


----------



## Kayelle

A couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
 ‘Sounds good,’ the wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’
 ‘I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ said the waitress.
 ‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ she asked incredulously.
 YES!’ stated the waitress.
 ‘I’ll take the special then,’ the lady said.
 ‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.
 ‘Raw and in the shell,’
 She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
 DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!


----------



## taxlady

Kayelle said:


> A couple went to breakfast at a restaurant where the ‘seniors’ special’ was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $2.99.
> ‘Sounds good,’ the wife said. ‘But I don’t want the eggs.’
> ‘I’ll have to charge you $3.49 because you’re ordering a la carte,’ said the waitress.
> ‘You mean I’d have to pay for not taking the eggs?’ she asked incredulously.
> YES!’ stated the waitress.
> ‘I’ll take the special then,’ the lady said.
> ‘How do you want your eggs?’ the waitress asked.
> ‘Raw and in the shell,’
> She took the two eggs home and baked a cake.
> DON’T MESS WITH SENIORS!


I'll have to remember that next time I run into that nonsense. And yeah, I'm a senior.


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL - let us know if it works!


----------



## Aunt Bea




----------



## PrincessFiona60

didn't show up Aunt Bea!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> didn't show up Aunt Bea!



Same here!


----------



## Aunt Bea

I guess you'll have to take my word for it!!!


----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Recently, a group of teens on a nearby, inhabited island, were up to no good.  It seems theey thought it was funny vanalizing automobile batteries.  They would sneak in late at night, open the car and truck hoods, and pour a generous amount of salt onto the battery top.  The salt, was then made wet with a spray bottle.  The boys would hten leave to do the same thing to other cars.

When the salt was made wet, it acted as a conduction fluid and caused the batteries to discharge so much that they were ruined.  This was expensinve for the vehicle owneers.

The island cops were trying valiantely to catch the vandals and finally got a beak.  They followed a lead and caught the boys red-handed.  They were charged with, are you ready for this, a salt and battery.

Seeeeeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Andy M.

Shocking!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

A friend of ours sent this to us:

_Seasoned Citizen Quiz

Great mental exercise for the over-60 crowd. Which of the following names are you familiar with?

1. Monica Lewinsky
2. Spiro Agnew
3. Benito Mussolini
4. Adolf Hitler
5. Jorge Bergoglio
6. Alfonse Capone
7. Vladimir Putin
8. Linda
Lovelace
9. Saddam Hussein
10. Tiger Woods

You had trouble with #5, didn't you?

You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope??

Lovely, just lovely ... sometimes I worry about you..._

 I didn't know #5 either


----------



## taxlady

Good one K-girl. I didn't know #5 either.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?



...a stick!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?
> 
> 
> 
> ...a stick!





I told this one to DH...he didn't get it


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> A friend of ours sent this to us:
> 
> _Seasoned Citizen Quiz
> 
> Great mental exercise for the over-60 crowd. Which of the following names are you familiar with?
> 
> 1. Monica Lewinsky
> 2. Spiro Agnew
> 3. Benito Mussolini
> 4. Adolf Hitler
> 5. Jorge Bergoglio
> 6. Alfonse Capone
> 7. Vladimir Putin
> 8. Linda
> Lovelace
> 9. Saddam Hussein
> 10. Tiger Woods
> 
> You had trouble with #5, didn't you?
> 
> You know all the liars, criminals, adulterers, murderers, thieves, sluts and cheaters, but you don't know the Pope??
> 
> Lovely, just lovely ... sometimes I worry about you..._
> 
> I didn't know #5 either



aww, geeze...  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> aww, geeze...
> 
> Ross



Ross, did you get them right?


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Ross, did you get them right?




All but #5....  That was an embarrassed "aww geeze"...   

Ross


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I told this one to DH...he didn't get it



It's one of Shrek's favorites, along with:

"Do you want your pizza cut into 6 or 8 pieces?"

"Oh just 6, I don't think I could eat 8."


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It's one of Shrek's favorites, along with:
> 
> "Do you want your pizza cut into 6 or 8 pieces?"
> 
> "Oh just 6, I don't think I could eat 8."


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

Just Cooking said:


> All but #5....  That was an embarrassed "aww geeze"...
> 
> Ross



You shouldn't be embarrassed.  You know him by his title, Pope Francis.  His name is almost never used. There are lots of famous people whose real names are not common knowledge.


----------



## Just Cooking

Andy M. said:


> You shouldn't be embarrassed.  You know him by his title, Pope Francis.  His name is almost never used. There are lots of famous people whose real names are not common knowledge.





That's true Andy... 

After all... I wouldn't know Linda Lovelace's real name either...   

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Addie

It was a nice pleasant Saturday morning. Not too hot, not too cool. Hubby decided to work on the car while the wife did some spring cleaning.
He goes outside and takes the engine apart and cleans every part. He then starts to put it back together again. He has the last part in his hand and the screw driver slips and tears his palm wide open. There is blood everywhere. The moral of the story?

Scroll down.





































You can get blood out of a tuneup.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Love it K-girl


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

taxlady said:


> Love it K-girl



HA!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

, *K-Girl*! Except with my hair's tendency to fluff, I'd probably come out looking like Janis Joplin!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> , *K-Girl*! Except with my hair's tendency to fluff, I'd probably come out looking like Janis Joplin!


----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27058



Do you know of anyone who has a dryer like that? I sure could use it. At least for the wrinkles. I am starting to get worried. I was happy at 115 lbs. But the weight keeps going down and I am not even trying. I need to mention it to Winthrop on my next visit. I am now down to 100 lbs. According to the insurance charts, for my height, I should weigh 97 lbs. I weighed that as a teenager. I am no longer a teenager. 

But I love the cartoon!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Cute K-girl! ...  but in my case - I live in the country, no one can see the house nor the car from the road...  my keys are in the car! My son took them out one day, then left in his own car. Next day I nearly had a fit when I went to go somewhere and had no keys!!!

so for me it is the cell phone,  I don't have a land-line anymore, but when I did I would just call myself to find my phone.  someone showed me how to get the computer to call my phone...  of course, I've since forgotten how!


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> Cute K-girl! ...  but in my case - I live in the country, no one can see the house nor the car from the road...  my keys are in the car! My son took them out one day, then left in his own car. Next day I nearly had a fit when I went to go somewhere and had no keys!!!
> 
> so for me it is the cell phone,  I don't have a land-line anymore, but when I did I would just call myself to find my phone.  someone showed me how to get the computer to call my phone...  of course, I've since forgotten how!


If you have a Gmail account, Gmail can be used to make phone calls. It's also handy if you need to phone a US 1-800 number that doesn't work from outside the US.


----------



## dragnlaw

Thanks taxy...  think that is it...    just have to "explore"


----------



## Kayelle

*[FONT=&quot]Windows vs. Ford.[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


[FONT=&quot]For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on[/FONT][FONT=&quot] *At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) :* Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, *"If  Ford had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we  would all be driving $25 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."*[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]In response to Bill's comments, Ford issued a press release stating[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot]:[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]If  Ford had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving  cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this part):[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash........twice a day.[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]3.  Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would  have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut  off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could  continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]4.  Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your  car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to  reinstall the engine.[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]5.  Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable,  five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only  five percent of the roads[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]6.  The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be  replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation"  warning light.[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]7. The airbag system would ask, [/FONT]**[FONT=&quot]"Are you sure?" [/FONT]**[FONT=&quot]before deploying.[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]8.  Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and  refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle,  turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]9.  Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how  to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in  the same manner as the old car.[/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.[/FONT]**[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


*[FONT=&quot]PS  - I'd like to add that when all else fails, you could call "customer  service" in some foreign country and be instructed in some foreign  language how to fix your car yourself![/FONT]*[FONT=&quot][/FONT]


   [FONT=&quot] [/FONT]


----------



## Andy M.

Kayelle, that's a classic and one of my all time favorites.  Proves you shouldn't compare apples and oranges.


----------



## Farmer Jon

Seen on Facebook. Not me so much anymore but in y younger years.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

True fact:

Himself wandered into the kitchen this evening and said "last night's supper was eggs, corn muffin, and what else? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember". I replied that we had ham, then told him "if you forget again, you can always look at my photos. I don't take them just to display on Discuss Cooking. I can always look up what we've had recently".

He said "so it's your short-order memory?"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> True fact:
> 
> Himself wandered into the kitchen this evening and said "last night's supper was eggs, corn muffin, and what else? I've been wracking my brain trying to remember". I replied that we had ham, then told him "if you forget again, you can always look at my photos. I don't take them just to display on Discuss Cooking. I can always look up what we've had recently".
> 
> He said "so it's your short-order memory?"



So basically, you could make the same dinner over and over and Himself would not remember he already had it the night before...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Hey, the same could be said for me!  He never seems to wonder what's for today's meal, care about tomorrow's, and normally remembers the last few. He's pretty easy to feed. 

I've already resorted to checking photos to figure out how old a leftover might be...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

cooking goddess said:


> hey, the same could be said for me!  He never seems to wonder what's for today's meal, care about tomorrow's, and normally remembers the last few. He's pretty easy to feed.
> 
> *i've already resorted to checking photos to figure out how old a leftover might be... *



roflmfao!!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> I've already resorted to checking photos to figure out how old a leftover might be... [emoji3]



OMG, I never thought of that! Brilliant!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> ...
> I've already resorted to checking photos to figure out how old a leftover might be...





GotGarlic said:


> OMG, I never thought of that! Brilliant!


It really is and it gives me motivation to remember to take some photos.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Uh oh, looks like I started a "Thing". Cool!


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL...  you have!  now, just have to figure out which photo is that under the grey/green foamy blanket covering the food...  naw, guess I'll just toss it.


----------



## Souschef

Cooking Goddess said:


> I've already resorted to checking photos to figure out how old a leftover might be...


Or you can Carbon date them


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Nah, before they reach that point, they grow beards. If the food is fuzzy, we pitch.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*All 50 States Reimagined as Food Puns*

From Mental Floss:

*All 50 States Reimagined as Food Puns*

My home state is an "Ohioatmeal Raisin" cookie. I'll be OK with it if they just toss in some chocolate chips.  Although MA is "Mashdachusetts" and is covered in brown gravy, I can always cross over the border to "Baconnecticut". Bacon always wins!


----------



## Cheryl J

You got some good ones, CG.  California is a boring Kaleifornia.  Pffft....

The next closest state to me is Nevada, guess I could head over there for some Bananavada Bread!


----------



## GotGarlic

Livirginia?! Are you kidding me?! Yuk!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I thought Ryeoming was pretty sad...


----------



## taxlady

Fishigan was pretty good.


----------



## Andy M.

Funny!  I thought Pork Lo Maine was the best fit.


----------



## GotGarlic

I thought Fishigan was the best  Since I grew up there, I'll claim that one


----------



## taxlady

Good advice:


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

HA! Good one taxy!


----------



## taxlady

Even swatting just one of them would have been good enough.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'm guessing that we each know at least one person like this...:...


----------



## taxlady

Good one CG.


----------



## GotGarlic

CG [emoji38]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

CG!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27318


Right there with you, girlfriend!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'll drink to that, *K-Girl* and *GG*! I'd prefer the glass of red, please. Or white. I know *GG* would like the pink.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> I'll drink to that, *K-Girl* and *GG*! I'd prefer the glass of red, please. Or white. I know *GG* would like the pink.



I'll take the white, but, HEH!  The pink has more in it, "MOM! GG got more than meeeeee!"


----------



## PrincessFiona60

If you lined up every person in the world along the equator...more than half would drown.


----------



## Dawgluver

PrincessFiona60 said:


> If you lined up every person in the world along the equator...more than half would drown.




  Never thought of it that way!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27335



Crap and a half!  I should've been shouting "jenga" every day for the last 2 years.  I'm ready to quit playing.


----------



## dragnlaw

colour me '***'   I don't get it. Is it an 'inside' joke?


----------



## Katie H

dragnlaw said:


> colour me '***'   I don't get it. Is it an 'inside' joke?



For a pretty good explanation, look here.  I've played it and, truly, it can be fun but not when applied to real life, which is what I was referring to.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Dawgluver

My mom's favorite tool!

Heh:


----------



## dragnlaw

*Kgirl, Dawg*....   LOL  - hear hear!  absolutely spot on!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

HA! Happy Taco Tuesday!


----------



## Andy M.

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27362
> 
> HA! Happy Taco Tuesday!



LIKE!


----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27362
> 
> HA! Happy Taco Tuesday!


----------



## Cheryl J

Good one kgirl


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

WAIT, WAIT!
I gotta get one more in for today...




Happy Tako (Octopus) Tuesday!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

good one* Kgirl!*

I have a door mat that just says *GO AWAY* I'd take a picture but it is now faded with age.  Trying to think of what to use to revive the paint.


----------



## Addie

dragnlaw said:


> good one* Kgirl!*
> 
> I have a door mat that just says *GO AWAY* I'd take a picture but it is now faded with age.  Trying to think of what to use to revive the paint.



Repaint it with Marine Paint. The kind for salt water. If it can stand up to a polluted ocean, then it should last for a door mat.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> good one* Kgirl!*
> 
> *I have a door mat that just says GO AWAY* I'd take a picture but it is now faded with age.  Trying to think of what to use to revive the paint.




... like this dragn?

https://www.amazon.com/Kempf-Go-Away-Doormat-1-Inch/dp/B000I1UYXO


----------



## dragnlaw

close* Kgirl! *close.  Mine has a 'greek key' border. 

One of my boarders gave it to me, we laughed so hard we had tears. She told me she saw it while on vacation and both she and her daughter immediately looked at each other and said... "That's for dragn!"

Thanks *Addie* - good suggestion! I'll check it out!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

awww, c'mon kgirl,  "WE" can share your fries.....

I'll share my pipe with you...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27454



I passed those words of wisdom on to Pirate.  Now he wants me to make some cupcakes.


----------



## dragnlaw

funny funny Kgirl....  now I have to pass that on to all my contacts. they'll hate me..


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

The other day, DH had his first appointment with a new GP, finally!
Been trying to find a doctor that would take Medicare, do you believe that, for over a year now! 
Anyways, this guy is a comedian!
After his MA does her thing, she says, "The doctor will be in to see you in just a minute. In the mean time, here's some light reading that doctor wants to share with everyone on some medical terms".



  I like this guy!


----------



## Just Cooking

My kind of doctor... Amazing how healing humor is as I age..  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> My kind of doctor... Amazing how healing humor is as I age..
> 
> Ross




So true Ross!


----------



## dragnlaw

+1   lol


----------



## Merlot

My patients like this one


----------



## GotGarlic

Merlot said:


> My patients like this one


----------



## GotGarlic

To the library!


----------



## Merlot

GotGarlic said:


> To the library!
> View attachment 27477


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


----------



## taxlady

I think it's pretty terrifying.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

beach!


----------



## Merlot

I'm going to the beach in 3 days &#55356;&#57225;&#55356;&#57226;&#55356;&#57225;&#55356;&#57226;&#55356;&#57098;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Merlot said:


> I'm going to the beach in 3 days ����������



I'm soooooooo
jealous Merlot!
We went to Newport Beach California last October, 
I NEED THE OCEAN!!!


----------



## Merlot

I had a crazy ex husband so I didn't go for years.  My fiancé hates the beach but he said go with your gal friends and kiddo.  I'm sooooooo excited even if its short!


----------



## Just Cooking

I know better than to make any "I live on the beach" comments...  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> I know better than to make any "I live on the beach" comments...
> 
> Ross


----------



## dragnlaw

Just Cooking said:


> I know better than to make any "I live on the beach" comments...
> 
> Ross



HA!!  ..  got that one right!  


sorry, just wishful thinking on my part.


----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I'm soooooooo
> jealous Merlot!
> We went to Newport Beach California last October,
> I NEED THE OCEAN!!!



I completely understand. Five times I have left Massachusetts, only to return again and again. And all because I missed being within walking distance of the Atlantic Ocean. When I lived in Honolulu, I had a job transcribing medical notes from a tape. I would send Poo off to school and head for Ala Moana Beach and be done in time for when he got home from school. When I lived in Texas, it was right on the waterfront of the Gulf. Tacoma, right on Pudget Sound. I used to go watch the Orcas return every year. 

But none of those waters were the Atlantic Ocean. So I understand.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I think it's pretty terrifying.



I know...but ya gotta laugh or you'll cry...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I guess you need to be born by the shore to want to live by the shore. All of you beach lovers are welcome to my patch of sand. I'd much rather have country roads with trees and hills. 




Just Cooking said:


> I know better than to make any "I live on the beach" comments...
> 
> Ross


And you pay dearly for that privilege.  Your apartment is 700 square feet. Our last house had a *Great Room* (family room, kitchen, dinette) that measured 21X31. Then there was the formal living room, the dining room, four bedrooms, including a 14x30 Master Suite...


----------



## Just Cooking

Cooking Goddess said:


> I guess you need to be born by the shore to want to live by the shore. All of you beach lovers are welcome to my patch of sand. I'd much rather have country roads with trees and hills.
> 
> 
> 
> And you pay dearly for that privilege.  Your apartment is 700 square feet. Our last house had a *Great Room* (family room, kitchen, dinette) that measured 21X31. Then there was the formal living room, the dining room, four bedrooms, including a 14x30 Master Suite...




Yes, we pay dearly and love doing so to be home.. Downsizing is something I'd not have considered 20 years ago but its amazing how easy it was @ our age.. 
We miss certain things which having space offered except where housework is involved..  I miss outdoor space more than anything else.. 

Ross


----------



## Addie

CG, I will take your patch of sand any day. On a day like today(overcast and foggy) you can smell the salt air. And you know when stormy weather is on the way. All the sea gulls come inshore and sit on top of our building. It is a small beach and most of the folks in Eastie don't know about it. It is more of a park, than a beach. At low tide you can walk right across to the airport. (But don't try it) And in spite of the lack of really deep water, we have a lifeguard on duty. Picnic tables, a food stand, (of excellent quality) grass areas for kids to play on, a walking trail that leads all the way down to the far end of Eastie. A good hours walk. I have gone on that trail half way on my scooter. 

On a cool day, I love to go early in the morning, find an empty table and sit while I do my sewing. I get to see the planes lined up for take off, see the planes come in for landing, and watch families arrive with their children. I even share my table with some. I really don't need a full table to do some sewing.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL

I could go barefoot and no one would know - the tan lines of my thongs look like white thongs!

Gads - have to take a pic!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> lol
> 
> i could go barefoot and no one would know - the tan lines of my thongs look like white thongs!
> 
> Gads - have to take a pic!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kayelle

Folks who don't "need" the ocean will never understand those of us who do. 
I've lived my entire life near the Pacific and I know for sure I could never live very far away from it. I need the breeze, the smell and the open space that only comes from that glorious Pacific ocean!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

On the other hand, *Kayelle*, folks who are born near the ocean don't understand how the rest of us can actually love being inland. I know I'm not a city mouse and would never want to live in The City, but I loved living in our outlying suburb in Ohio. Big lots, farmland still in that suburb, but real farms about a  half-hour away...as was the Lake. Lake Erie isn't an ocean, but I can't see Canada so it was always good enough for me.  Besides, I hateHateHate the sticky feeling you get from being in salt water. I'd rather walk along a beach on a freshwater body of water and smell the country air.


----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## Kayelle

Cooking Goddess said:


>


 How TRUE!!
SC breaks into a cold sweat in front of the color chips at the paint store.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


>



I'm sitting here, tears rolling down my cheeks, laughing so hard DH comes over to see what's so funny...

He doesn't get it!


----------



## taxlady

My DH doesn't even discriminate that much between colours. Well, he has an excuse. He's more or less colour blind. So, to him there's brown, yellow, blue, and grey, if I remember correctly.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I'm sitting here, tears rolling down my cheeks, laughing so hard DH comes over to see what's so funny...
> 
> *He doesn't get it!*



 


I'm surprised that the guy's side differentiates between pink, violet, and red. To Himself, pink IS red, and the violets would get divided up between red or blue, depending on which one was closer. SEEING color isn't a problem. Describing? That's a whole 'nuther game.  Like me trying to describe something technical like computers or electricity...


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> I'm surprised that the guy's side differentiates between pink, violet, and red. To Himself, pink IS red, and the violets would get divided up between red or blue, depending on which one was closer. SEEING color isn't a problem. Describing? That's a whole 'nuther game. [emoji38] Like me trying to describe something technical like computers or electricity...


When I was in high school, I worked for a time at a men's clothing store. I was instructed on the first day not to describe certain shirts as pink but as rose, because men will not buy or wear pink shirts [emoji38]

That was obviously a long time ago 

DH will wear red or purple shirts, but not pink/rose


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27536





LIKE!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Gotta tell Dad that and see his expression


----------



## rodentraiser

Here ya go:


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> On the other hand, *Kayelle*, folks who are born near the ocean don't understand how the rest of us can actually love being inland. I know I'm not a city mouse and would never want to live in The City, but I loved living in our outlying suburb in Ohio. Big lots, farmland still in that suburb, but real farms about a  half-hour away...as was the Lake. Lake Erie isn't an ocean, but I can't see Canada so it was always good enough for me.  Besides, I hateHateHate the sticky feeling you get from being in salt water. I'd rather walk along a beach on a freshwater body of water and smell the country air.




Oh oh, I see an issue rising up here... fresh water versus salt water...


----------



## rodentraiser

I've lived on the West Coast since 1975 and I can count on one hand the number of times I've even waded in the ocean. There's just too many things living out there that would like me for dinner, so I admire the water at a distance.


----------



## Addie

rodentraiser said:


> I've lived on the West Coast since 1975 and I can count on one hand the number of times I've even waded in the ocean. There's just too many things living out there that would like me for dinner, so I admire the water at a distance.



It was low tide just before sunset. I waded into the water and surrounding my feet were thousands upon thousands of minnows. Really to small to even think of taking any home if I had a pail to scoop them up. But I could feel them on my feet and swimming past my ankles. 

That is the only time I have ever seen any creature of the ocean so close to shore. Although shrimp will come in to shore in the spring when the water starts to warm up. They come in to shed off their shell and develop a bigger one. Lobsters do the same thing.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Decades ago, before marriage, I would visit my best friend/future SIL and her hubby in Dayton. They were part of a SCUBA diving club in the area, and a bunch of us went over to a quarry in Cedarville, OH that allowed diving and swimming at the time. They have since closed the quarry to the public. I had a great time that day, sitting on one of the ledges at the edge of the water, immersed up to my neck and surrounded by the small fish (trout?) that darted around and came right up to everyone. If I opened my hand palm-up under the water, some of the fish would come and rest on my palm. It was facinating! Except for swims out-and-back to the floating deck about 100 feet from "shore", I sat on the ledges dangling my feet and watching the fish all day long. So much fun...until I got up the next day and saw I looked like a lobster!  My poor skin felt like I had spent some time in a pot of boiling water, too. I got over the sunburn and, fortunately don't seem to have any ill effects ages later, but I'll never forget how much fun those fish were.


----------



## Addie

CG, I feel that anytime you can get close up to nature and all the wonder it holds, than that make you a winner. Aside from the sunburn, you now have some wonderful memories.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27554



This is going to get sent right over to Pirate. He absolutely amazes me with his inability to spell even the most simple word.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Yeah, *Addie*, but how's his math?


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> Yeah, *Addie*, but how's his math?



He is my savior when it comes to math. He is one of those folks who can just look at a long column of figures and in a matter of seconds can give you the correct total. And he does it just to show off in front of me.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

you're welcome!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Addie said:


> He is my savior when it comes to math. He is one of those folks who can just look at a long column of figures and in a matter of seconds can give you the correct total. And he does it just to show off in front of me.


So....if he does your math, and you do his spelling, you can both be perfect.


----------



## Addie

Cooking Goddess said:


> So....if he does your math, and you do his spelling, you can both be perfect.



Close to it. I spent close to 400 dollars for groceries this last trip. When I came home I tore off the total and left only the taxes on the bottom. I handed him the long two sided piece of paper. All right smart ass, how much did I spend. In less than 60 seconds he came up with the exact total. I just hate showoffs! 

His biggest regret is that he never took advanced mathematics in high school. I blame the school. They knew how good he was with it and failed to provide him with the opportunities.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I left the sprinkler on overnight...went outside and the succulent I had planted in a milk can was 6 inches above the can!  I couldn't believe that the potting soil had expanded so much.  Then I remembered I had placed empty water bottles in the bottom before adding the soil.  With over watering and no drainage, the bottles became buoyant.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Another...I poured another cup of coffee, using the cup I had used the night before.  My coffee was good but had an odd flavor...it wasn't MY used coffee cup, it was the cup Shrek used for some beef Better Than Bouillon...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I left the sprinkler on overnight...went outside and the succulent I had planted in a milk can was 6 inches above the can!  I couldn't believe that the potting soil had expanded so much.  Then I remembered I had placed empty water bottles in the bottom before adding the soil.  With over watering and no drainage, the bottles became buoyant.





PrincessFiona60 said:


> Another...I poured another cup of coffee, using the cup I had used the night before.  My coffee was good but had an odd flavor...it wasn't MY used coffee cup, it was the cup Shrek used for some beef Better Than Bouillon...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Another...I poured another cup of coffee, using the cup I had used the night before.  My coffee was good but had an odd flavor...it wasn't MY used coffee cup, it was the cup Shrek used for some beef Better Than Bouillon...


...and that's how *Princess Fiona* invented "Better Than Caffeine"...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27594



These are delightful. Just keep them coming. Everyone needs a good daily laugh. Thanks.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27607



That is definitely Pirate! Or maybe it was Spike! Aha! It was both of them. I just wished the angel had warned me.


----------



## Farmer Jon

I hate washing dishes.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

K-Girl..

LOL...You just might have been on a couple of our back and forth trips to Cali, when we lived in Missouri...   

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

BAHAHAHA!

DH asked me what I was laughing at, so I read this one to him...

"Is that a bad thing?"


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> BAHAHAHA!
> 
> DH asked me what I was laughing at, so I read this one to him...
> 
> *"Is that a bad thing?" *



That's a good thing... Jennie would shake her head because I'd pick out stuff I never do for home consumption...   

Ross


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Isn't road food an excuse to eat things you normally wouldn't? I hope it is. Otherwise we're in trouble for the TJ'S coconut cashews and the package of soft double chocolate cookies and all of the other yummies we had in our snack basket at the start of our trip. At least we had a cooler filled with zip bags full of fresh fruit and veggies, too.


----------



## Just Cooking

+1 @ CG...  

Somehow I always forgot the fruit and veggie bags...  

Ross


----------



## TATTRAT

Anyone ever wonder why North Koreans excel at drawing straight lines?





It's because they have a supreme ruler.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> Isn't road food an excuse to eat things you normally wouldn't? I hope it is. Otherwise we're in trouble for the TJ'S coconut cashews and the package of soft double chocolate cookies and all of the other yummies we had in our snack basket at the start of our trip. At least we had a cooler filled with zip bags full of fresh fruit and veggies, too.





Just Cooking said:


> +1 @ CG...
> 
> Somehow I always forgot the fruit and veggie bags...
> 
> Ross





Back in 2013, DH and I took our "Great Western Adventure", 31 days on the road, it was a blast!
We started out with this:



You will notice the small soft-sided cooler to the far right?
That's our fruits and veggies, the rest our goodies


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

tattrat said:


> anyone ever wonder why north koreans excel at drawing straight lines?
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's because they have a supreme ruler.


----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27666
> 
> Back in 2013, DH and I took our "Great Western Adventure", 31 days on the road, it was a blast!
> We started out with this:
> 
> View attachment 27667
> 
> You will notice the small soft-sided cooler to the far right?
> That's our fruits and veggies, the rest our goodies



It doesn't look very full to me. Whereas some other containers look like they are bursting at the seams. No wonder you had a blast. A blast back to childhood! I am jealous.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

addie said:


> it doesn't look very full to me. Whereas some other containers look like they are bursting at the seams. No wonder you had a blast. A blast back to childhood! I am jealous.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27670



You Bet!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27718



For me it is the stupid ladle. I have had that ladle for more than 30 years. It doesn't even have a hole in the handle so it can be hung up. It  holds exactly 3/4 of a cup. Odd measurement. 

My tater masher runs a close second. It is the typical kind that your mother and grandmother had. That too can't be hung up. 

Right now I have a few extra dollars that I have been hanging on to. I just might go to Amazon and see what they have for replacements.


----------



## Cheryl J

So true, kgirl! 

Addie...you might think about buying an inexpensive crockery jar from a big box store...they're handy to store odd sized cooking utensils in there next to the stove. Easier and more practical than trying to hang them on the wall.


----------



## Addie

Cheryl J said:


> So true, kgirl!
> 
> Addie...you might think about buying an inexpensive crockery jar from a big box store...they're handy to store odd sized cooking utensils in there next to the stove. Easier and more practical than trying to hang them on the wall.



I actually have one and it holds the wooden spoons and rubber spatulas. It was a gift from my sister. It has the Weeping Blue Willow pattern on it. At one time my whole kitchen was Blue Willow. There is room for both of those items. It never occurred to me to put those two items in it. Problem solved. Thank you for the help. Great idea!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Okay, long story short.  I had to make an emergency, middle of the night run to Walmart.  Shrek was worried I would fall asleep driving or hit a deer.  I told him I would likely hit a skunk and I was fine to drive.

So, leaving Henry, NE up the little rise and I just get to highway speed.  I was getting to the point I could flip on the brights when I spotted in front of me, running hell-bent for leather, a black and white fuzzy tail.  It was a skunk, running up the middle of the two lane.  I swerved and missed him, he sprayed his "Thank You".


----------



## taxlady

Okay, that's funny that you predicted the skunk. How do you get the smell off the car?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Okay, that's funny that you predicted the skunk. How do you get the smell off the car?



I'm not going to worry about it, but I will be parking on the street for a while.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, long story short.  I had to make an emergency, middle of the night run to Walmart.  Shrek was worried I would fall asleep driving or hit a deer.  I told him I would likely hit a skunk and I was fine to drive.
> 
> So, leaving Henry, NE up the little rise and I just get to highway speed.  I was getting to the point I could flip on the brights when I spotted in front of me, running hell-bent for leather, a black and white fuzzy tail.  It was a skunk, running up the middle of the two lane.  I swerved and missed him, he sprayed his "Thank You".





PrincessFiona60 said:


> I'm not going to worry about it, but I will be parking on the street for a while.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

^This^, *K-girl*!  And sometimes when I look into a mirror, I see my Mother's face gazing back at me. 



PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, long story short.  I had to make an emergency, middle of the night run to Walmart.  Shrek was worried I would fall asleep driving or hit a deer.  I told him I would likely hit a skunk and I was fine to drive.
> 
> So, leaving Henry, NE up the little rise and I just get to highway speed.  I was getting to the point I could flip on the brights when I spotted in front of me, running hell-bent for leather, a black and white fuzzy tail.  It was a skunk, running up the middle of the two lane.  I swerved and missed him, he sprayed his "Thank You".


How rude! If you're gonna smell like Peppy, you may as well go back and run the little country kitty over as a "you're welcome". BTW, I'll pass on that ride you offered to take me for...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27731



I have that magnet on my fridge.  Mom laughs her butt off when she sees it.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> ^This^, *K-girl*!  And sometimes when I look into a mirror, I see my Mother's face gazing back at me.
> 
> 
> How rude! If you're gonna smell like Peppy, you may as well go back and run the little country kitty over as a "you're welcome". BTW, I'll pass on that ride you offered to take me for...



Oh, he was just being a skunk, I don't run over animals in the road if I can help it.  As for the car, once through the carwash and it's all better.


----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27731


When we hosted exchange students, I was shocked at how much that happened


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Oh, he was just being a skunk, I don't run over animals in the road if I can help it.  As for the car, once through the carwash and it's all better.




Glad to hear that your car smells purdy again.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 27744



And we have a few of them in my family.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

BAHAHAHA!
I don't think it'll ever happen!


----------



## rodentraiser

Our elevator, I swear....I was on the first floor, wanting to go up to the third floor. The elevator is coming down from the third, going to the basement because the maintenance guy is on it and that's where he's going. It stops on the first floor, I get in, and hit "3" The elevator goes to the basement, the maintenance guy gets off, and  the elevator starts back up.

And all by its little lonesome, the elevator stops on the first floor again. I'm tired, I'm not paying attention, so I get off. Then I look around and realize this ain't the third floor. And as soon as I realize this, the doors close behind me and the elevator takes off to the third floor while I'm still standing there on the first. Gee whiz, haven't I just been here?

I had to wait till the elevator (empty) went all the way up to the third floor and came back down again to finally get on it a second time. 

Yes, this time I made it to the third floor.

It wasn't quite as funny as the time my mom and I were arguing in the parking lot of Walmart while our cart of groceries rolled away unnoticed ("Where's the cart?" "I thought _you_ had the cart!"), but it was close.


----------



## Cheryl J

LOL kgirl and RR! 

I just walked down the driveway to get the mail, and a roadrunner ran in front of me. Startled me half to death. My neighbor was getting his mail at the same time and said we should get back inside before an ACME anvil falls on our heads.


----------



## taxlady

Cheryl J said:


> LOL kgirl and RR!
> 
> I just walked down the driveway to get the mail, and a roadrunner ran in front of me. Startled me half to death. My neighbor was getting his mail at the same time and said we should get back inside before an ACME anvil falls on our heads.


----------



## Addie

I went out with my daughter today for lunch and a trip to the hairdressers. I was beat when I got home. For me it was a long day.

As I walk into the kitchen, Pirate is standing there looking down at the toaster waiting for the toaster to eject the toast. He had two large slices of Italian bread in it. All of a sudden it released the bread. And I mean *release*! The bread flew out of the slots and hit him smack in the eyes. It looked like a scene out of a Three Stooges movie. Pirate is now the proud owner of two black eyes. I was so much help to him. NOT! I was just about on the floor with laughter. And the more I laughed, the madder he got. 

After I stopped laughing, I went to take a nap. When I woke up Pirate stated that he was hungry. He did not take kindly to my suggestion that he make toast. I suppose I should start thinking about getting a new toaster. But I want to keep it just for the laughs it gives me and the black eyes it give Pirate.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Okay, long story short.  I had to make an emergency, middle of the night run to Walmart.  Shrek was worried I would fall asleep driving or hit a deer.  I told him I would likely hit a skunk and I was fine to drive.
> 
> So, leaving Henry, NE up the little rise and I just get to highway speed.  I was getting to the point I could flip on the brights when I spotted in front of me, running hell-bent for leather, a black and white fuzzy tail.  It was a skunk, running up the middle of the two lane.  I swerved and missed him, he sprayed his "Thank You".


We found your skunk, PF. And, unintentionally, Himself hit it.  I saw it and started yelling "look out! look out!" He glanced towards the curb, thinking I spotted a cyclist or someone walking in the street. Nope, he was missing out on the country kitty crossing the median line and waddling into the path of the car.

As soon as our daughter gets home, I'm asking here where the nearest car was is - one that does the underbody, too.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Cheryl J said:


> I just walked down the driveway to get the mail, and a roadrunner ran in front of me. Startled me half to death. My neighbor was getting his mail at the same time and said we should get back inside before an ACME anvil falls on our heads.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> We found your skunk, PF. And, unintentionally, Himself hit it.  I saw it and started yelling "look out! look out!" He glanced towards the curb, thinking I spotted a cyclist or someone walking in the street. Nope, he was missing out on the country kitty crossing the median line and waddling into the path of the car.
> 
> As soon as our daughter gets home, I'm asking here where the nearest car was is - one that does the underbody, too.



I'm not laughing, I'm not laughing  Heck it only took him 4 days to get to Ohio


----------



## dragnlaw

*All of you* - your posts last night and this morning are the best things to wake up to!    LOL


----------



## Just Cooking

dragnlaw said:


> *All of you* - your posts last night and this morning are the best things to wake up to!    LOL




+1... Funny stuff to read this morning...   

Ross


----------



## Cooking Goddess

You guys wouldn't be laughing if YOUR car was a Skunk-mobile.


----------



## Just Cooking

Cooking Goddess said:


> You guys wouldn't be laughing if YOUR car was a Skunk-mobile.




I agree... If I laughed at Jeannie having to clean a skunk-mobile, she would be very upset with me...   

Ross


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> You guys wouldn't be laughing if YOUR car was a Skunk-mobile.



That's what makes it so funny and thankful to be NOT!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> You guys wouldn't be laughing if YOUR car was a Skunk-mobile.



The only time it isn't funny is if it's your car.  

I'm looking for a bumper sticker that says "Skunk Slayer".


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

... not funny, our 130lb. GSD did this THREE TIMES!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

were my parents still here - they would appreciate this - more than once they took the laundry room door completely off!

I mean the dogs did, of course...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ...I'm looking for a bumper sticker that says "Skunk Slayer".


That's Himself! At least we think the skunk died. Didn't stick around long enough to find out. 

I am happy to report that the car did not smell like skunk when we went out. Didn't even need to have it washed. Lucky, lucky us!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

... Oh and don't forget the Coleslaw!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Sounds like my bucket list...LOL


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Sounds like my bucket list...LOL





Depends on the day though


----------



## Addie

Thank you so much, all of you. I really needed a laugh today. I am sitting here waiting to hear from my SIL to go get a new TV. Been watching shows on my monitor. Can't watch and be on DC at the same time. This home is like a morgue. No TV going while I sit at the computer. And for some strange reason my fingers just don't want to work on the keyboard. I keep having to look at the keys and that slows my typing way down. And the freezer is totally empty and not much in the larder. 

I need all the laughter right now that come my way.


----------



## Just Cooking

Addie said:


> Thank you so much, all of you. I really needed a laugh today. I am sitting here waiting to hear from my SIL to go get a new TV. Been watching shows on my monitor. Can't watch and be on DC at the same time. This home is like a morgue. No TV going while I sit at the computer. And for some strange reason my fingers just don't want to work on the keyboard. I keep having to look at the keys and that slows my typing way down. And the freezer is totally empty and not much in the larder.
> 
> *I need all the laughter right now that come my way*.




Let me throw in a hug for good measure... ((((hug))))
Smile big...   

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Here you go Addie



BAHAHAHA!!


----------



## Addie

Thank you to the both of you. I am in a much better mood today. I didn't get to go for the TV. By the time they got back from NH, unpacked, had a quick bite, they both headed for a long nap. Their health is in worse shape than mine, so I don't ask to much of them. I have my computer and can stay in touch with my friends. It doesn't take much to make me happy. I am always grateful for what I have and not upset with what I don't have. I look upon the have nots as less things to clean day in and day out. 

It has been decided that late tomorrow afternoon will be just fine with my SIL and myself. I HAVE to grocery shop tomorrow. 

Today, I pulled out all the opened bags of frozen veggies, made a broth enhanced with BTB and made myself a veggie soup. It was so tasty. Even Pirate had a big bowl. Wanted me to make another batch. I was glad to accommodate him. Now I have to add some frozen veggies to the shopping list.


----------



## dragnlaw

Kgirl!  that is sooo funny!  

I used to decorate all my kids and friends cakes but haven't done it in more than 30 years, lol  - and my grandson wanted spiderman on his cake.  I did cheat with the cupcakes but the cake itself was pretty funny!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I cook like that lately...order online or by phone and pick it up.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking




----------



## dragnlaw

It is really true!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*WANT!*


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL

Procrastinating....  think I've almost earned my MA in that...  then going to work on my PHD


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I'm a Pro at PROcrastinating, *dragn*.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## CharlieD

TATTRAT said:


>





Looks like they missed oven.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Love it Kgirl. LOL


----------



## Cheryl J

TATTRAT said:


>


 
That's a good one, good play on words.  I saw that on FB recently.


----------



## Addie

Pirate couldn't stop laughing when he say this one. Beaten future generations really sent him over the edge. Love it!!!


----------



## Katie H

Came across this earlier today.  Gotta love children..."outta the mouth of babes."


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Funny Katie, thanks!


----------



## TATTRAT

CharlieD said:


> Looks like they missed oven.



I believe that was the "Burn in Hell" step.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

GEEZ! 
WTH happened?


----------



## GotGarlic

I dunno but Cary Grant looks incredible for a 13-year-old 

https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/cary-grant-gentleman-style/


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

REALLY!
I always loved Grant's look


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> I dunno but Cary Grant looks incredible for a 13-year-old
> 
> https://www.gentlemansgazette.com/cary-grant-gentleman-style/


Yeah, that was my thought too. 

I did a Google search and finally found it. It's from 1946.
https://www.soniceditions.com/image/cary-grant-in-london


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Good one Taxy!


----------



## Addie

https://www.facebook.com/beckybear72/posts/10214509758046379


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Good one K-girl!


----------



## GotGarlic

lolz


----------



## dragnlaw

Lolz +2! *GG!*


----------



## Cooking Goddess

As a Linux/Windows/Android family, Himself and I found this very amusing.


----------



## dragnlaw

Sending that to my son!  LOL


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

CG, I just read that one to DH, 
"Yeah and?"


----------



## CharlieD

Funny or not, what I want to know why in the world it's going to cost $1000 bucks? Either one of them. It's beyond craziness.


----------



## Just Cooking

CharlieD said:


> Funny or not, what I want to know* why in the world it's going to cost $1000 bucks*? Either one of them. It's beyond craziness.


No facts to back this up but, to me, the answer is because people WILL pay the $1000... 

I also remember when internet access was cheap... Not good but cheap.. Yes, R&D is expensive but, with the amount of people using the internet now, I'd think it would be less expensive rather than more..

Don't get me started on prescription medications..  

Seems to me that if a company can report earnings of multi millions (billions) of dollars, the consumers are getting taken, pricewise..

Ross

Ross


----------



## TATTRAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_QqfEYNRlc


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

ohmy!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 28043



I'm soooo not understanding this.  I can't read the chalk word in the middle of the sign.  Could someone enlighten me?


----------



## medtran49

Katie H said:


> I'm soooo not understanding this.  I can't read the chalk word in the middle of the sign.  Could someone enlighten me?



"Today's soup is beer."

Then it has the hashtag for pizza rocks IV or whatever it was, can't remember and can't see attachments when I'm in "Reply."


----------



## GotGarlic

medtran49 said:


> "Today's soup is beer."
> 
> Then it has the hashtag for pizza rocks IV or whatever it was, can't remember and can't see attachments when I'm in "Reply."


#PizzaRockLV

No idea what that means.


----------



## Andy M.

Pizza Rock Las Vegas | (702) 385-0838 | 201 North Third Street, Downtown Las Vegas | Gourmet pizzas, hand-crafted artisan cocktails, over 30 craft beers, wine and more!


----------



## Just Cooking

GotGarlic said:


> #PizzaRockLV
> 
> No idea what that means.



Restaurant in Las Vegas... Oktoberfest celebration..

Ross


----------



## Katie H

medtran49 said:


> "Today's soup is beer."
> 
> Then it has the hashtag for pizza rocks IV or whatever it was, can't remember and can't see attachments when I'm in "Reply."



Thank you.  Now it makes sense.  The image I saw was all smooshed up and I couldn't make out the word "beer."


----------



## Just Cooking

Just Cooking said:


> Restaurant in Las Vegas... Oktoberfest celebration..
> 
> Ross




Oops... Andy already answered the question.. My bad...  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

BAHAHAHA!

We were in Las Vegas, staying Downtown with DH's family 
as a group vacation.
We were all walking around and I saw this sandwich board out in front 
of this restaurant and it struck my funny bone, 
"Today's Soup is BEER"
We didn't eat there, but I just thought that was pretty funny.


----------



## Andy M.

A personal pet peeve:


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Nope, we're retired. In our little world, EVERYDAY is Saturday!


----------



## Cheryl J

Cooking Goddess said:


> Nope, we're retired. In our little world, EVERYDAY is Saturday!


 
Yep! Except for Wednesday. That's trash and recycling pick up day.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Ours is every-other Monday. Each Sunday night I have to ask "is THIS the week you take the trash to the curb, or is it next week?" Himself can't remember, either. Now I just mark it on the calendar.


----------



## Andy M.

I have it on my electronic calendars.  Every Monday for trash and every other for recycle.  A nice little reminder pops up to make sure I don't forget.  And don't forget trash/recycle holidays.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> Nope, we're retired. In our little world, _*EVERYDAY is Saturday!*_





For us, everyday is Friday, it's the weekend y'all

CHEERS!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

Very important safety information.


----------



## dragnlaw

Lol... +1+2!


----------



## GotGarlic

Ran out of candy.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji38] tatt!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Andy M.

...and they no longer laugh and call him names!


----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji38]


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

How does the song go? ... look at Rudolph go!


----------



## taxlady

Those are not reindeer. The antlers are wrong.


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> Those are not reindeer. The antlers are wrong.



My, my, I can't fool you!


----------



## taxlady

andy m. said:


> my, my, i can't fool you!


lol


----------



## TATTRAT

I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.

If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

tattrat said:


> i used to sell security alarms door to door, and i was really good at it.
> 
> If no one was home, i would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
> 
> If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Addie

TATTRAT said:


> I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
> 
> If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.



Good one Tat.


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


> I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was really good at it.
> 
> If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.



That could work.


----------



## dragnlaw

That's good Tat!  

Goes right along with my husband finding a car unlocked at a train station or somewhere.  He would write up the ticket, put it on the front seat and lock the doors.


----------



## rodentraiser

Yes, this is what we call them.


----------



## taxlady




----------



## GotGarlic

https://youtu.be/YAzz-kxs_rk


----------



## dragnlaw

*GG* that's too funny!  I actually know someone like that!


----------



## Katie H

Sounds like my youngest sister.  She went grocery shopping with me when she was in one of her food "stages" and spent almost the whole time in the store "editing" everything I put in my cart.  I'm a very patient person but I seriously considered jail time that day.


----------



## taxlady

I would have found it funnier if I didn't see far too much of that on FB. I particularly dislike the amount of nonsense that goes along with this. Then there are other friends who are so turned off by that nonsense that they rave about anyone trying to eat healthy.


----------



## TATTRAT

the CFL has beat anything I've seen in NFL celebrations this year.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> https://youtu.be/YAzz-kxs_rk


Funny because it's true, in some cases.
Sad because it's true, too, in some cases.

Diets: Pick it and stick to it.  Sadly, I seem to be on the see-food diet lately...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

TATTRAT said:


> the CFL has beat anything I've seen in NFL celebrations this year.


I dunno, *TAT*, I think the Eagles had a pretty good one themselves on Sunday:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJBvXySPz0Y


----------



## JustJoel

Addie said:


> Good one PF.


I’m sure you’ve heard that old joke:
St. Peter:What would you like to hear people say about you at your funeral?
Deceased: “He’s still breathing!”


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*Kgirl.*..  I was wondering where my glass got to!...   gonna send a few dragonettes to have a little talk with that (poor) soul.

He will learn...  if you can't take the heat - don't tickle the dragon....  

harumph............


----------



## dragnlaw

ooops...  

I meant...                     (dang! how'd my baby pic get in there?)


----------



## Just Cooking

dragnlaw said:


> ooops...
> 
> I meant...                     (dang! how'd my baby pic get in there?)


----------



## GotGarlic

This Woman Asked Her Mom For Recipe, Regretted It Immediately

This Twitter conversation is a little long, but it's hilarious!

https://www.boredpanda.com/homemade-bread-conversation-tweet-krista-ball/


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> This Woman Asked Her Mom For Recipe, Regretted It Immediately
> 
> This Twitter conversation is a little long, but it's hilarious!
> 
> https://www.boredpanda.com/homemade-bread-conversation-tweet-krista-ball/



LIKE!

That's really funny.  I've run into that too. If you've learned by watching, measurements are never precise.


----------



## JustJoel

GotGarlic said:


> This Woman Asked Her Mom For Recipe, Regretted It Immediately
> 
> This Twitter conversation is a little long, but it's hilarious!
> 
> https://www.boredpanda.com/homemade-bread-conversation-tweet-krista-ball/


This is hilarious! The only time my mom ever used recipes or measured ingredients, except when she was on Weight Watchers, back in the old days when they had to measure EVERYTHING.


----------



## GotGarlic

When my MIL was telling me how to make sauce for lasagna, she said, put in a palm-size amount of basil and a dime-size amount of oregano... [emoji38]


----------



## taxlady

Loved it. For anyone who doesn't know, a Newfoundland accent has a strong Irish influence.

The part about the temperature as "not too hot" probably comes from the time of baking in a wood stove and determining the temperature by waving your hand around in the oven.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

GotGarlic said:


> This Woman Asked Her Mom For Recipe, Regretted It Immediately...


It sounds just like the conversation I heard between my Mom and my Nana in our kitchen when I was a kid. Mom was trying to write down Nana's recipes, and Nana wasn't cooperating.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Loved it. For anyone who doesn't know, a Newfoundland accent has a strong Irish influence.
> 
> The part about the temperature as "not too hot" probably comes from the time of baking in a wood stove and determining the temperature *by waving your hand around in the oven*.



That is how my mother taught me the temperature of her wood stove oven. I can still tell you how hot my oven is.


----------



## Cheryl J

dragnlaw said:


> ooops...
> 
> I meant... (dang! how'd my baby pic get in there?)


 
Love it....been meaning to ask....are you related to Puff?


----------



## dragnlaw

Puff is a distant cousin...  only met him once or twice.

But he seems like a nice guy...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cheryl J

dragnlaw said:


> Puff is a distant cousin... only met him once or twice.
> 
> But he seems like a nice guy...


 
Good to know.


----------



## TATTRAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8xPhU5132I


----------



## Cooking Goddess

That is hilarious, *TAT*! There is a fellow thespian whom I've done shows with at our community theatre that would do true justice to that part. Thanks for sharing!


----------



## dragnlaw

Wonderful *TAT* - thank you so much. 
Funny thing is - I know from personal experience he's got those moves just right!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*World's Dumbest Crook*

Not sure if he's the winner, but this guy sure makes a case for being crowned King of the Dumb Crooks:

*Robber with ludicrously fake gun subdued by clerk and customers at Circle K in Akron*


----------



## Kayelle

Thinking here..When someone tells me a joke I've heard, I never say.." Oh that's an old joke", as some people do. That remark always sounds like it's insulting who's doing the telling. It's even worse if they correct the way you told it. Ghaa..
Anyway, here's a joke I've heard several times and it makes me laugh every time.

George goes on vacation to Hawaii and leaves his brother in charge of his beloved cat, and their mother. He calls home to tell his brother he'd like to talk to his cat. His brother says "you can't talk to your cat because he's dead".  "Oh NOOO, why did you have to tell me that when I'm so far away from home. You ruined my vacation! You could have said anything, like the cat is on the roof or something!"
The next week George calls home again and said, "well, since I can't talk to my cat, let me talk with Mom". "You can't talk with her either...she's on the roof".

Badda Bing...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

kayelle said:


> thinking here..when someone tells me a joke i've heard, i never say.." oh that's an old joke", as some people do. That remark always sounds like it's insulting who's doing the telling. It's even worse if they correct the way you told it. Ghaa..
> Anyway, here's a joke i've heard several times and it makes me laugh every time.
> 
> George goes on vacation to hawaii and leaves his brother in charge of his beloved cat, and their mother. He calls home to tell his brother he'd like to talk to his cat. His brother says "you can't talk to your cat because he's dead".  "oh nooo, why did you have to tell me that when i'm so far away from home. You ruined my vacation! You could have said anything, like the cat is on the roof or something!"
> the next week george calls home again and said, "well, since i can't talk to my cat, let me talk with mom". "you can't talk with her either...she's on the roof".
> 
> Badda bing...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## taxlady

I may have posted this one before, but it's particularly appropriate with the weather some of us are having right now.


----------



## dragnlaw

*+1 taxy!  maybe even a +3!*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I may have posted this one before, but it's particularly appropriate with the weather some of us are having right now.



Absolutely!


----------



## Katie H

Actually, we've been having some unseasonably cold weather.  Part of what we've had is that we are experiencing some seriously dry weather.  The dryness has caused some burning challenges.  Burn bans have been in effect for several weeks/months.  There's nothing like seeing acres of fields burning with no help.  Farmers are on alert here.

Having said this, it's been colder than normal...26F and lower without wind chills.  Crazy.

Today, when we got up it was a brisk 26F. Now, this may be tropical temps for those in our northern-most regions but, for here, it's brisk.

Tonight promises to be colder.  We'll see


----------



## taxlady

Katie H said:


> Actually, we've been having some unseasonably cold weather.  Part of what we've had is that we are experiencing some seriously dry weather.  The dryness has caused some burning challenges.  Burn bans have been in effect for several weeks/months.  There's nothing like seeing acres of fields burning with no help.  Farmers are on alert here.
> 
> Having said this, it's been colder than normal...26F and lower without wind chills.  Crazy.
> 
> Today, when we got up it was a brisk 26F. Now, this may be tropical temps for those in our northern-most regions but, for here, it's brisk.
> 
> Tonight promises to be colder.  We'll see


But does it make your face hurt?


----------



## GotGarlic

Sing it! [emoji445]


----------



## taxlady

Took me about a minute.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> [emoji2] Took me about a minute.


[emoji106]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Addie

At 2:25 a.m. it is all the way up to 18ºF. It was a lot colder when they were putting me in the ambulances. Both going to and coming home from the hospital. 

It must be me. I have my heat blowing on high and I am shivering.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Took me about a minute.



It must be me, because I still don't get it. I saw the words "sing it". Sing what?


----------



## Cheryl J

GotGarlic said:


> Sing it! [emoji445]
> View attachment 28854


 
Thanks for the earworm! I'll never forget that phone number.  

Addie.....are you sure you're on the right page?  Hope you're feeling better tomorrow.


----------



## Addie

Addie said:


> At 2:25 a.m. it is all the way up to 18ºF. It was a lot colder when they were putting me in the ambulances. Both going to and coming home from the hospital.
> 
> It must be me. I have my heat blowing on high and I am shivering.



Change that. It is now -2ºF. and the "Feels like" says -14ºF. How fast that temp dropped. 

Cheryl, I am on the page where GG posted the temps for the week with the words above it that says "Now sing it with notes. Am I looking at the wrong one?


----------



## GotGarlic

Addie said:


> Change that. It is now -2ºF. and the "Feels like" says -14ºF. How fast that temp dropped.
> 
> Cheryl, I am on the page where GG posted the temps for the week with the words above it that says "Now sing it with notes. Am I looking at the wrong one?


Addie, this is the funny page, not the weather page. It's a joke. 
https://youtu.be/ON56AKnqbog


----------



## Addie

GotGarlic said:


> Addie, this is the funny page, not the weather page. It's a joke.
> https://youtu.be/ON56AKnqbog



OK. I should never try to understand anything when I am in a lot of pain. It went right over my head. Now I get it. Thank you for the explanation.


----------



## Katie H

I'm glad someone explained it because I've never heard of the song.  Thanks GotGarlic.

All I could think of was the song by the Marvelettes, _Beechwood 4-5789_.


----------



## GotGarlic

Funny - when I saw it on Facebook, it was captioned, "No one under 40 will get this." [emoji38]


----------



## Katie H

GotGarlic said:


> Funny - when I saw it on Facebook, it was captioned, "No one under 40 will get this." [emoji38]



I'm almost 70 and still didn't get it.


----------



## Dawgluver

GotGarlic said:


> Sing it! [emoji445]
> View attachment 28854



My Canadian cousin sent me this too!  My neck of the woods!

DH didn't get it at first either so I got to sing it to him.  Steely Dan,'74!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Dawgluver said:


> My Canadian cousin sent me this too!  My neck of the woods!
> 
> DH didn't get it at first either so I got to sing it to him.  Steely Dan,'74!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Guitar Solo Faces Make A Lot More Sense When Guitars Are Replaced With Giant Slugs*


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Guitar Solo Faces Make A Lot More Sense When Guitars Are Replaced With Giant Slugs*


----------



## dragnlaw

Guitar faces


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Souschef

This is a good one!


----------



## GotGarlic

Souschef said:


> This is a good one!


----------



## Souschef

Here is another
There was a Scottish painter named Gavin Macgregor who was very  interested in making a penny where he could, so he often thinned down  his paint to make it go a wee bit further.

  As it happened, he got away with this for some time, but eventually  the Baptist Church decided to do a big restoration job on the outside of  one of their biggest buildings. Gavin put in a bid, and, because his  price was so low, he got the job.

  So he set about erecting the scaffolding and setting up the planks,  and buying the paint and, yes, I am sorry to say, thinning it down with  water...

  Well, Gavin was up on the scaffolding, painting away, the job nearly  completed, when suddenly there was a horrendous clap of thunder, the sky  opened, and the rain poured down washing the thinned paint from all  over the church and knocking him clear off the scaffold to land on the  lawn among the gravestones, surrounded by tell-tale puddles of the  thinned and useless paint.

  Gavin was no fool. He knew this was a judgement from the Almighty, So he got down on his knees and cried:

  "Oh, God, Oh God, forgive me; what should I do?"

  And from the thunder, a mighty voice spoke..
  .
  .
  .
  .
  .
  .
  (wait for it...)
  .
  .
  .
  .
  .


  "Repaint! Repaint! And thin no more!"


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## taxlady

Souschef, I love them both.


----------



## TATTRAT

Apparently you can't uses beef stew as a password.







It's not stroganoff.


----------



## GotGarlic

TATTRAT said:


> Apparently you can't uses beef stew as a password.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> 
> It's not stroganoff.


----------



## TATTRAT

"Do you remember the first time we made love together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..

Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.

The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."


----------



## dragnlaw

No translation necessary


----------



## dragnlaw

oh boy....

what did I do wrong?

could a mod please delete?


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I don't think you did anything wrong, *dragn*. Is it because the video doesn't show up when you look? While I couldn't watch the video when I was on my tablet, it played just fine on my laptop. And it was hilarious!  I wish I was younger and more agile - I would be greatly tempted to do that to crosswalk nibblers.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Heh-heh, Poetic Justice*

I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.

*Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa*


----------



## dragnlaw

yup CG - all I get is a black screen saying it will show in 30 seconds all the music plays - then it goes back to "play"  

but it doesn't matter if you all can see it 'cause I already have - and it's still funny!


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.
> 
> *Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa*



Absolutely right! Poetic Justice says *there won't BE a next time!* at least for that guy - hopefully they will put up a display to deter future sacrificed poachers. 

Hey now! there's a good sign - Poachers will become afternoon tea...  for the lions.


----------



## TATTRAT

The police just pulled me over, he came up to my window and said, “papers?”

I said, “ Scissors, I win” and drove off.

I think he wants a re-match he’s been following me for 45 minutes.


----------



## TATTRAT

Cooking Goddess said:


> I guess he'll know better next ti... Never mind.
> 
> *Suspected Poacher Eaten by Lions in South Africa*



Not lions, but I imagine them like this:


----------



## dragnlaw

So I was at the bar last night and the waitress screamed... 

"Anyone know CPR?"

I said "Hell, I know the entire alphabet."

Everyone laughed...  well everyone except this one guy.


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*Cowboy School Class 101*

*First Lesson...   How to tie up your horse*


----------



## Farmer Jon

Some of you can relate to this.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!! any little victory...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## buckytom

dragnlaw said:


> No translation necessary



I actually did something like that once. An intersection  was stuck in heavy gridlock, and with the crosswalk completely impassable with cars, my friends and I opened the back door of a car stuck in the crosswalk, slid through, and exited the other side. The driver was freaking out.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I bet that guy has locked his car each time he gets into it now, *bucky*!


----------



## buckytom

Lol, I know I do. There's nutcases out there...


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## dragnlaw

too funny!


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## taxlady




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Thanks KL, cracks me up!


----------



## Farmer Jon

Its funny because its true!


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kayelle

Time for a groaner...



> A pregnant woman lapses into a coma. She  awakens and frantically calls for her doctor. "You had twins, a boy and  a girl. They're fine," he says. "Your brother named them."
> Oh, no, the new mother thinks. He's an idiot. Expecting the worst, she asks, "What's the girl's name?"
> *"Denise," *the doctor says.
> Not bad, she thinks. I guess I was wrong about him. "And the boy?"
> 
> 
> 
> 
> *"DeNephew."*


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Farmer Jon*, ain't that the truth. 

*Kayelle*, you've found a run of good ones lately. That last one holds a bit of truth to it. A neighbor friend up the street from us in our last home is named Laniece. When I asked how she got that name, she told me it was because a little cousin of hers (about age 2 at the time), when asked "who's that baby?", shouted out "la niece" because she had trouble with the word "the". So...a new first name was born.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## dragnlaw

that almost looks like a poster in a store window!  Good one GG.


----------



## dragnlaw

Yesterday I had my annual Medicare wellness check. 


The Dr. said, at my age I should probably put up a bar in the shower. 


So I took his advice.


----------



## Kayelle

*Here's a smile for those friends in need at DC..






*


----------



## Cheryl J

dragnlaw said:


> Yesterday I had my annual Medicare wellness check.
> 
> 
> The Dr. said, at my age I should probably put up a bar in the shower.
> 
> 
> So I took his advice.


 
At first I thought that loofah was a banana.


----------



## Cheryl J

Aww...sweet one, Kay. 

Catching up here...good ones, all!


----------



## dragnlaw

Funny lady...  

til death do us part


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Thanks, Dragn, for that clip.  Love Mrs. Hughes.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*The Big Sneeze*

Here I've been, sitting in the upstairs "den", playing online. Himself is just below me, busy whatevering on his tablet. All of a sudden I let out a huge sneeze...just as one of the suction cups that hold some bath tool lets loose from the tub wall and crashes down. Himself yells up "What was that noise?" Once I tell him what fell in the shower he asks "how hard did you sneeze?" 

Don't blame me - no matter how hard I sneeze, the wind isn't going to travel 25 feet or so.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

y'all would have cracked up watching me trying to turn off the TV with the phone yesterday....

I think Shrek left because of remote overload...three remotes to watch a movie with the phone thrown in for good measure.


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## GotGarlic

Kayelle said:


>


----------



## taxlady

That selfie pup, oh my!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> y'all would have cracked up watching me trying to turn off the TV with the phone yesterday....
> 
> I think Shrek left because of remote overload...three remotes to watch a movie with the phone thrown in for good measure.


Himself has three remotes: TV, audio system, and DVD player. I have one remote and, truth be told, it really needs only one button. The "MUTE" button.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## Aunt Bea

PrincessFiona60 said:


> y'all would have cracked up watching me trying to turn off the TV with the phone yesterday....
> 
> I think Shrek left because of remote overload...three remotes to watch a movie with the phone thrown in for good measure.





I don't think Shrek will ever be very far away!!!


----------



## taxlady

That Alpaca,


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> That Alpaca,


Makes me laugh every time I look at it [emoji38]


----------



## Cheryl J

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *y'all would have cracked up watching me trying to turn off the TV with the phone yesterday....*
> 
> I think Shrek left because of remote overload...three remotes to watch a movie with the phone thrown in for good measure.


 
I've done that!  

I've also got a ceiling fan remote on the end table next to the other remotes, just to make things more fun.


----------



## Cheryl J

Kayelle said:


>


 
 Wow! I saved that pic to send to my daughters!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Oh, and don't forget your Bunny Slippers too!


----------



## Kayelle

Haaaa....true, so true Kgirl!


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## taxlady

Kayelle said:


>


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## taxlady

Graffiti in the old folks home in cursive for the win.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

BAHAHAHA!


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## GotGarlic

Kayelle


----------



## GotGarlic

For all y'all in the Great White North


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Love the kitties, *Kayelle*!

*GG*, that one is funny even though the scene outside my window looks just like that  minus the little kid.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kayelle

Haa Haaa...now there's a new one Kgirl.

Sorta like..
"He's half a bubble out'
"The elevator doesn't go all the way up"
"A few ants short of a picnic"
"The lights are on and nobody's home
"Not the brightest bulb on the tree"
"He's a brick shy of a load"
"Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"
"He's as much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory"

Who can think of more?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kayelle said:


> Haa Haaa...now there's a new one Kgirl.
> 
> Sorta like..
> "He's half a bubble out'
> "The elevator doesn't go all the way up"
> "A few ants short of a picnic"
> "The lights are on and nobody's home
> "Not the brightest bulb on the tree"
> "He's a brick shy of a load"
> "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"
> "He's as much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory"
> 
> Who can think of more?



Not the sharpest tool in the shed (came to mind)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

"he's not operating with both oars in the water"
"he's 9 cents short of a dime"


----------



## Cheryl J

"Not the brightest Crayon in the box"...


----------



## Andy M.

Not dealing from a full deck.
Fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down. 
They are depriving some village of its idiot. 
 A poster child for birth control.


----------



## dragnlaw

Useless as t's on a bull.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kayelle said:


> Haa Haaa...now there's a new one Kgirl.
> 
> Sorta like..
> "He's half a bubble out'
> "The elevator doesn't go all the way up"
> "A few ants short of a picnic"
> "The lights are on and nobody's home
> "Not the brightest bulb on the tree"
> "He's a brick shy of a load"
> "Not the sharpest knife in the drawer"
> "He's as much use as a hedgehog in a condom factory"
> 
> Who can think of more?



a sandwich short of a picnic


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!

Hi LT!  Good to see you!


----------



## taxlady

Good one Luckytrim.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!

He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'

So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'

That's how the fight started.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

dragnlaw said:


> i rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a really bad day!
> 
> The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf!!
> 
> He looked up at me and said 'i am not happy!'
> 
> so i said, 'well, which one are you then?'
> 
> that's how the fight started.



roflmao!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

*Easter is fast approaching*

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Another one for Easter


----------



## dragnlaw

taxy...

but who ate all that chocolate from the foil?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

taxlady said:


> Another one for Easter





I'm so doing this to DH!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*Taxy*!


----------



## dragnlaw

And this is what carl was up to earlier...

woops...  don't know how the pic shrunk! but it says 
"mailman jumped 15 feet
dog was right. This is fun."


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 29595



Always a favorite!


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Always a favorite!


Yes it is. I have even seen it in Danish.


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 29593


I wish that was less true.


----------



## Kayelle

Yet another reason tailgating is a bad idea..


----------



## taxlady

Kayelle said:


> Yet another reason tailgating is a bad idea..


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


 I'm glad I didn't have any liquid in my mouth when I read that.


----------



## dragnlaw

*Last of the Easter Eggs*

We ate the rest as....   deviled eggs (still yummy - I can't get tired of them)


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Kayelle

Breaking news..
Thanks to fossils, archaeologists have been able to determine that there  once a genetic mutation millions of year ago, causing the creation of a  five-legged dinosaur.
As far as we know, this is the first evidence we have ever seen of a reptile dysfunction.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Whiskadoodle

The following questions from lawyers were taken from official court records nationwide.

1) Was that the same nose you broke as a child?

2) Now, doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, in most cases he just passes quietly away and doesn't know anything about it until the next morning?

3) Q: What happened then?
A: He told me, he says, 'I have to kill you because you can identify me.' 
 Did he kill you?

4) Was it you or your brother that was killed in the war?

5) The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?

6) Were you alone or by yourself.

7) How long have you been a French Canadian?

8) Do you have any children or anything of that kind?

9) Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture.
A: That's me.
Q: Were you present when that picture was taken?

10) Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in?

11) Q: Now, Mrs. Johnson, how was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

12) Q: Do you know how far pregnant you are now?
A: I'll be three months on November 8.
Q: Apparently, then, the date of conception was August 8?
A: Yes.
Q: What were you doing at that time?

13) Q: Mrs. Jones, do you believe you are emotionally stable?
A: I used to be.
Q: How many times have you committed suicide?

14) So you were gone until you returned?

15) Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there girls?

16) You don't know what it was, and you didn't know what it looked like, but can you describe it?

17) Q: You say that the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

18) Q: Have you lived in this town all your life?
A: Not yet.

19) A Texas attorney, realizing he was on the verge of unleashing a stupid question, interrupted himself and said, "Your Honor, I'd like to strike the next question."

20) Q: Do you recall approximately the time that you examined the body of Mr. Edington at the rose Chapel?
A: It was in the evening. The autopsy started about 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Edington was dead at the time, is that correct?
A: No, you stupid, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy!


----------



## taxlady

Good ones Whisk


----------



## taxlady

Saw this on Facebook.


----------



## GotGarlic

tl


----------



## dragnlaw

what makes it funnier is that is exactly what is happening here now!

well, not sure about the Monkeys - but the rest is true!


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## taxlady

So true Kayelle.


----------



## dragnlaw

taxlady said:


> So true Kayelle.



+1 !


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kayelle said:


>



They are still trying to figure out how we got it off in the first place...


----------



## dragnlaw

True true *Princess*! 

Reminds me of the time I had to undo my bra for a medical exam.  Not strip, just undo.  But then when it was over, due to my bum shoulder at the time, I could not do it back up without removing all and doing it up in the front/twist it around/blah blah blah...  you know the routine.  

told the doc, "well here yuh go, you get to do it up for me, probably not your normal thing."  
He replied, "sure I can!" and he did, in less than 10 seconds!  
I was impressed and told him so.  Guess I shouldn't have been, think he's on his 3rd wife.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!  That's funny!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kayelle said:


>


Amen! Except I've been wearing camisoles for about the last 15 years - basically grown-up undershirts. When you're built the same way as when you wore undershirts as a young girl...:

There is a chain of restaurants called "Dick's Last Resort". There used to be one in downtown Cleveland when we still lived back home. One of their gimmicks was to offer a free drink to a "lady" if she tossed her bra up onto the rows of bottles at the bar back.  We never went there, but my FIL did when he and his lady friend visited. He was absolutely enamored with the trick - and Kay was way too much of a lady to indulge him that night.


----------



## Kayelle

Cooking Goddess said:


> Amen! Except I've been wearing *camisoles for about the last 15 years - basically grown-up undershirts.* When you're built the same way as when you wore undershirts as a young girl...:



Haa..these days I've been wearing a sports bra....no hooks or anything pinching. I'm just interesting in containment for these big girls, because perky girls have left the building.


----------



## dragnlaw

*LOL!!!   ARE YOU GUYS ALL ENJOYING THIS? *


----------



## Whiskadoodle

dragnlaw said:


> *LOL!!!   ARE YOU GUYS ALL ENJOYING THIS? *



I am.  (answering for a friend.)


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kayelle said:


> Haa..these days I've been wearing a sports bra....no hooks or anything pinching...


Yup, comfort. Once you get to a certain age (mine was around 50), it's all about comfort. And when it comes to my, ahem, physical attributes? Let's just say that it's a good thing that Himself is a "Leg Man".


----------



## Cheryl J

LOL Whisk 

Yep...comfort.  For me it's a 'real bra' as seldom as possible, but mostly sports, camisoles, or if I'm home alone and not expecting anyone...setting the girls free.


----------



## Addie

The most famous words spoken every night. 

I would walk in the front door from work. The first thing I did was to kick off my heels. Then those famous words came from my mouth every night. 

LET ME GET OUT OF THIS BRA! 

Today, I wear one that hooks in front. So comfortable that I will never wear one with hooks in back again.


----------



## TATTRAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvYPUHpZerU&feature=youtu.be&t=21


----------



## Cooking Goddess

My waffle maker doesn't do that...


----------



## Just Cooking

Too funny...  

Ross


----------



## Andy M.

I don't need a machine to do that for me.


----------



## dragnlaw

I agree Andy!  But now I know what to tell people... 

"It wasn't me! it was the ________  (fill in blanks with appliance of choice)"


----------



## Kayelle




----------



## taxlady

Kayelle. It reminds me of the story about someone who had a unicorn tattooed to their bum. Years later, it looked like a dachshund with a party hat.


----------



## Cheryl J

Ewww! 

My friend's beautiful 19 yr. old granddaughter had a tat done of huge black skeletal hands around her neck...


----------



## Kayelle

taxlady said:


> Kayelle. It reminds me of the story about someone who had a unicorn tattooed to their bum. Years later, it looked like a dachshund with a party hat.


----------



## Kayelle

Cheryl J said:


> Ewww!
> 
> My friend's beautiful 19 yr. old granddaughter had a tat done of huge black skeletal hands around her neck...



That's shocking and sad Cheryl. I'd be really concerned about her mental health.


----------



## Cheryl J

It *is* sad, Kay.  What a young person considers 'cool' at under 21 years old is usually vastly different when they're 30+.  Well, hope she likes it 30 years from now because she's pretty much stuck with it.


----------



## Katie H

TATTRAT said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jvYPUHpZerU&feature=youtu.be&t=21



Our waffle iron only does that when it's filled a little full.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Cheryl J said:


> ...Well, hope she likes it 30 years from now because *she's pretty much stuck with it*.


Nope. Tattoo removal options have been available for years. The older ones took many trips to wherever and cost $$$. I'm sure this method doesn't come cheap, but it looks like removing a regret is easier and more efficient. 

*Laser treatment offers fresh look with no downtime*


----------



## dragnlaw

*warning - graphic pics LOL*

I'm 73 now and I still love my tats.  They are not very noticeable, easily covered, ON PURPOSE!  I got one in the late 70's and one in the early 2 mil. 

Funny story,  my first tat was at a big convention in Mtl. at the prestigious  Queen Elizabeth Hotel.  Walked in and in the lobby were quite a few leather vests with shaved and oiled, arms, chests and heads to show off their tats....   and also quite a few silver-haired mink stoles looking rather wild and wide eyed at them.
It was quite amusing!   (and yes, this was just before the time  idiots began throwing paint on people wearing furs)

When I got my 2nd one, I was to get an anklet (I was retired, lived on a farm) - She wanted a bracelet of horses galloping around her wrist.  BUT, at the time, she was still a working nurse.

It took me ages to convince her that although tattoo's were becoming more acceptable it could/would be still upsetting to certain people who still thought of tattoos only on druggies or gangsters.  She finally agreed to a horses' head on her shoulder which would easily be covered by a short sleeved shirt. - A black & white paint with a feather behind his ear - absolutely beautiful.

And then, the tattooist (word looks funny!) actually came out to the farm to do them! Neat-O! His day with his kid and brought his 8 yr old daughter which was great as while he was doing my friend I took her around to see all the horses, and vice-versa.  

While talking, it turned out that his dad had been the organizer for the convention at which I had gotten my first tat!  but no, it didn't get me a discount! 

So all in all, I guess what I am trying to say - to each his own.  That guy in the pic still looks quite happy if not proud to have his picture taken with his tats.  

Now - face tattoos and body piercing heads - I have a problem with...


----------



## Cheryl J

Cooking Goddess said:


> Nope. Tattoo removal options have been available for years. The older ones took many trips to wherever and cost $$$. I'm sure this method doesn't come cheap, but it looks like removing a regret is easier and more efficient.
> 
> *Laser treatment offers fresh look with no downtime*


 
Better just to give it *some* *really serious* thought when spending all that money on tats (especially if it's really visible and not hide-able when you want to) only to spend more to have them removed after regret mode sinks in.


----------



## Addie

I will skip the tattoos. I prefer scars. Right now I have a brand spanking new one. It runs from my ankle all the way up to my groin and abdomen. It is not quite healed completely yet. Then there is the open heart  scar. That one was opened twice. I belong to the Zipper club for that one. The second time it was for my gastro surgery. And then there is the one from the hysterectomy. There isn't a part of my body that doesn't have a scar.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

*Seniors at the Movies*

An elderly man lay awkwardly sprawled across three entire seats in the movie theatre

.

When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered
to the old man,

      "Sorry sir, but you're only allowed one seat."

        The elderly man didn't budge.

      The usher became more impatient.



      "Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have
to call the manager."

      Once again, the elderly man just muttered and did nothing.

      The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a
moment he returned with the manager.

      Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the elderly dishevelled man, but with no success.


      Finally they summoned the police.

      Officer Ken surveyed the situation briefly then asked,
"All right buddy what's your name?"

      "Jim" the old man moaned.

      "Where you from, Jim"?asked officer Ken.

      With a terrible strain in his voice, and without
moving, Jim replied;

        "The balcony above".......


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!



Move over! I am with you.

I think this is the first time I have let out a good belly laugh since I got home from the hospital. Thanks for the much needed humor and laugh!!


----------



## taxlady




----------



## Andy M.

Outstanding, TL!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

I'll just leave this here...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Both Himself and I got a good chuckle from that, *GG*. 

I know our neighbors claimed that their big dog was a Great Pyrenees, but I'm suspecting that dog might have been a Blabador...


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> [emoji38] Both Himself and I got a good chuckle from that, *GG*. [emoji38]
> 
> I know our neighbors claimed that their big dog was a Great Pyrenees, but I'm suspecting that dog might have been a Blabador...


Hee hee!  Cracked me up, too! We have a few Blabadors in the neighborhood! [emoji38]


----------



## dragnlaw

oh oh...  'fraid I might have a Blabador!    Thank the Egg, I live in the boonies!

Good one *GG*!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

A Blabador just moved in next door...popular dog breed...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 29839


 

That actually sounds like really good advice.


----------



## dragnlaw

You can see why I can't keep him...  sigh...

Gentle dog to give away.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> You can see why I can't keep him...  sigh...
> 
> Gentle dog to give away.


OMG


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## roadfix

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> View attachment 29939


----------



## TATTRAT

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*GG*, someone has a great sense of humour!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction.
> 
> So I packed up my stuff and right.



ROFL!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 29947





And this is why my husband wears gloves when cutting hot peppers. Soap and water don't always get all the capsaicin off your hands.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> And this is why my husband wears gloves when cutting hot peppers. Soap and water don't always get all the capsaicin off your hands.


Water spreads the capsaicin around. He should be washing with sour cream  Although gloves are a better solution hee hee


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> Water spreads the capsaicin around. He should be washing with sour cream  Although gloves are a better solution hee hee



After handling hot peppers, I "wash" my hands with a splash of white vinegar then soap and water. Seems to work OK for me. The capsaicin in hot peppers is a strong alkali. A strong acid will neutralize it. Vinegar or lemon juice will do the trick.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> After handling hot peppers, I "wash" my hands with a splash of white vinegar then soap and water. Seems to work OK for me. The capsaicin in hot peppers is a strong alkali. A strong acid will neutralize it. Vinegar or lemon juice will do the trick.


It's also fat-soluble, which is why people often eat dairy products with it. Good to know, though.


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> It's also fat-soluble, which is why people often eat dairy products with it. Good to know, though.



Hmmm, neutralized by acid and fat soluble.  So a little oil a little vinegar and you're all set. Pass the salad dressing, please.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

That's an Inventive greeting card, LT.  [emoji3]


----------



## dragnlaw

Thank youse luckytrim  Isappreshtates...


----------



## Andy M.

Hail the colorectal surgeon.

https://na01.safelinks.protection.o...2TKoqzaONDN5koNq72YWyCf13LEgDTzQU=&reserved=0


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Still cracks me up, have to listen to it at least once a year.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I've never seen/heard that video! It is a good one! Now I have to share it with Himself...


----------



## Addie

Well, Pirate finally got me today. 

He is 55 years old and he has always managed to keep his blonde hair. I noticed a strand of grey and I pointed it out to him. I was planning on teasing him for quite a while, until his whole head was grey. His reply, which I will remember to the end of my days.

*"That is not grey hair, that is the strands of wisdom and intelligence." *

I have a full head of wisdom and intelligence. He is just starting. I will turn the tables on him.


----------



## Andy M.

.....


----------



## taxlady

It's in Swedish. There are subtitles. She started cooking this way when she lived in student housing at university. She didn't have kitchen, just a coffee pot. She has a YouTube channel.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM4h2G0OTUs


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 30056


----------



## PrincessFiona60

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 30056


LOL!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I got home after visiting too long with Mom and Dad, we were weeding in the garden when Dad says, "It's Dark!"  Sure enough the sun had set.


So, I go into the bathroom and there is, _"SOMETHING DEAD"_ in the shower.  I take two tissues to pick it up and throw in the toilet.  The _"SOMETHING DEAD" _jumped towards me covering 25% of the shower floor...I covered 25% of the house.  I went back with a broom to find a one inch house spider...I chased him out of the shower and into the corner where there is an opening in the baseboard.  Now I get to worry that he'll come out to say, "Hi!" again.


----------



## dragnlaw

*Poor Princess!  *

Although spiders really don't bother me too much, I probably would have sprayed that hole with every bug spray I could find in the house!


----------



## luckytrim

Remember;  Spiders in the home are good luck !


----------



## dragnlaw

I have a Field Stone basement.  

I also have a deal with the spiders - you stay in the basement...  you live - if not....


----------



## Cooking Goddess

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ...I go into the bathroom and there is, _"SOMETHING DEAD"_ in the shower.  I take two tissues to pick it up and throw in the toilet.  The _"SOMETHING DEAD" _jumped towards me covering 25% of the shower floor...I covered 25% of the house.  I went back with a broom to find a one inch house spider...I chased him out of the shower and into the corner where there is an opening in the baseboard.  Now I get to worry that he'll come out to say, "Hi!" again.


Spiders are our friends. They eat bugs that are evil. Sure some spiders are evil, too, but I don't have to worry much about those around by us. Mostly, when I see a spider, I provide a Spider Relocation Service and take it outside. I usually use a tissue - except for Daddy Long Legs. Daddy Long Legs spiders are sooooo cute!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I didn't kill him, I left him in the house.  I don't kill spiders, but they cannot be in my shower, that is my space.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I've had a tiny one in the shower my last couple of times.  Little stalker! If it want to be there, it could at least scrub my back. But oh, no, just clings to the wall about the shower head and...laughs. I feel so violated!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I don't know how many of you have come across this. It's from some tweets by someone whose user name is @bibliophileq.

The first tweet in what became a very popular thread was:


> I work with a guy from Mexico who doesn't speak a lot of English. A  Canadian goose made a nest by one of the paddock gates and hissed at him  while he was putting horses out. He comes back to us after and says, "I  do not like the cobra chicken."


Cobra chicken  I think it's a great description
 If you want to see the rest, here is link: https://threadreaderapp.com/thread/1005339119000674304.html?utm_source=ext


----------



## TATTRAT

This gets more and more real everyday.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Yes, yes it does, TAT.


----------



## Whiskadoodle

I was reading a detective novel,  the detective was attempting to  interview a woman for facts and clues.  Her woman friend kept interjecting with opinions and was otherwise not helpful to the conversation.  She finally had enough from her friend, and said-- why don't you do me a favor and drop  dead.  To which her friend replied--  ok, but if I do, it will be the last thing I ever do for  you.   

Cracked me up. The story simply continued in a serious mode.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## JustJoel

A beginning college creative writing class was assigned to write a short story comprised of four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.

One student got an “A.” He wrote:
“My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant! I wonder who the father is?”


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I walked into a spiderweb, I got 1 hour's worth of tai chi done in 5 seconds.


----------



## dragnlaw

JustJoel said:


> A beginning college creative writing class was assigned to write a short story comprised of four elements: religion, royalty, sex, and mystery.
> 
> One student got an “A.” He wrote:
> “My God,” said the Queen, “I’m pregnant! I wonder who the father is?”



That's funny! Especially when you visualize our Queen!



PrincessFiona60 said:


> I walked into a spiderweb, I got 1 hours worth of tai chi done on 5 seconds.



LOL  LOL
and I'm still chuckling!


----------



## JustJoel

Moses, to God on Mount Sinai:
“So, let me get this right, God. They get to eat shrimp, crab and lobster, and we have to cut off WHAT???”


----------



## dragnlaw

I had given my son a tomato plant with flowers already starting tomatoes. 

He just sent me a text saying they had been wondering why they hadn't gotten any tomatoes yet.  

today they just caught Sadie, their dog, eating them straight off the vine.


----------



## Rascal

I'm having on my grave stone printed.
I told you I was crook.
Lol

Russ


----------



## dragnlaw

*bathroom visit before or change your pants after*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQMGgMw-gq0


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Just Cooking

Love it...


Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Lucky!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Cooking Goddess

I absolutely love the eyes on this kitty! Bigger than shooter marbles. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_kgRFHaNo-Y


----------



## taxlady

CG, love that video. Thank you for finding it on YouTube. I've only seen it in crumby FB videos. I love the way the pupils on that cat change size. Putting a phone or video cam in front of the cat was brilliant.


----------



## Just Cooking

Made me smile..


----------



## dragnlaw

Vegan Lobster....   Made Me LOL!


----------



## TATTRAT

R.I.P. Boiling Water.

You will be mist.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


> R.I.P. Boiling Water.
> 
> You will be mist.




ROFL!


----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji38]


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> [emoji38]View attachment 30666




ROFL!


----------



## dragnlaw

*thinking of caseydog*

cd:   I was doing an overnight at a hotel away from home. I took my computer down to the bar to do some data entries. I sat down at the bar and I asked the bartender ‘What’s the w ifi password?’

 Bartender: 'You need to buy a drink first.'

 cd:  'Okay, I’ll have a beer.'

 Bartender:  'We have Molson’s Canadian on tap.'

 cd:  'Sure. How much is that?'

 Bartender:  '$8.00.'

  cd:  'Here you are.  OK now, what’s the wifi password?'

 Bartender: "youneedtobuyadrinkfirst";  No spaces and all lowercase.'

*(apologies to cd for liberties taken) *


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## GotGarlic

Good one, tatt.


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


>


I have seen this one on FB a couple of times. I saw it when you posted it yesterday.

It wasn't until GG replied that the penny finally dropped.


----------



## Just Cooking

I'll just leave this here..


----------



## PrincessFiona60




----------



## GotGarlic

PrincessFiona60 said:


>


I can see how that would get annoying!


----------



## taxlady

I love it. 
Notice that the sheep who says, "Humbug" is wearing glasses.


----------



## Kayelle

-----


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Got an email today from my trash collection service. What caught my eye was:

...Your payment of -$8.70 is due on 08/09/2018...

Um, how do I "pay" a negative amount?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

One of my cousins posted this n Facebook and I thought my DC friends would enjoy it.




After a long day at the office, Chris came home one day to find his dog  with the neighbor's pet rabbit in his mouth. The rabbit was obviously  dead. 

Chris panicked! 

"If my neighbors find out my dog killed their bunny, they'll hate me forever," he thought. 

So he took the dirty, chewed up rabbit into the house, gave it a bath and blow-dried its fur. 

Chris knew his neighbors kept their backdoor open during the summer,  so he sneaked inside and put the bunny back into the cage, hoping his  neighbors would think it died of natural causes. 

A couple of days later Chris and his neighbor saw each other outside. 

"Did you hear that Fluffy died?" the neighbor asked. 

"Oh. Uhmm... Sorry to hear that. What happened?" Chris mumbled. 

The neighbor replied, "We just found him dead in his cage one day.  But the strange thing is that the day after we buried him, we went out  to dinner and someone must have dug him up, gave him a bath and put him  back into the cage!  There are some sick people out there."


----------



## Just Cooking




----------



## dragnlaw

Just Cooking said:


>



+1...


----------



## taxlady

[emoji23] [emoji38]


----------



## blissful

Just Cooking said:


> I'll just leave this here..


The lovely elderly lady watering the flowery tattoos, that is precious! I love it.


----------



## luckytrim

A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said," Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20million.I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied," The pictures are of you with your secretary."


----------



## dragnlaw

Funny - funny!


----------



## GotGarlic

The sun, the stars and...


----------



## Andy M.

Certainly the astronauts were getting mooned.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> The sun, the stars and... View attachment 30832




ROFL!!!


----------



## Katie H

I'm so sorry, but this put me on the floor.


A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a  question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab,  and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a  lamppost.

After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"

"Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.

"It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.

"Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I should not have read that without a bathroom break first...[emoji38]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Katie H said:


> I'm so sorry, but this put me on the floor.
> 
> 
> A man in a taxi cab taps the driver on the shoulder to ask him a  question. The driver screams bloody murder, loses control of the cab,  and swerves onto the sidewalk before stopping just inches from a  lamppost.
> 
> After checking to make sure the passenger is OK, the driver says "I'm sorry, but you scared the daylights out of me!"
> 
> "Sorry. I didn't realize a simple tap on the shoulder would freak you out so much," the passenger says.
> 
> "It's not your fault," replies the cabbie.
> 
> "Today is my first day on the job after 25 years of driving a hearse."




Okay, in the past 40 minutes that joke has gotten 12 likes/laughs, 2 comments and 12 shares on my humor site.


----------



## dragnlaw

KatieH....   hysterical!  Thank goodness I HAD just taken a potty break!


----------



## Rascal

I made an appointment last week to see a fortune teller.i turned up to the door with a note on it.
It read
Closed due to unforeseen circumstances.
Russ


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## TATTRAT

Talk about advertising placement


----------



## TATTRAT

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

TAT...  sorry - I've read it and read it and I don't get it.


----------



## Andy M.

dragnlaw said:


> TAT...  sorry - I've read it and read it and I don't get it.





She held up four fingers and she won’t say where she got them. 

They weren’t her fingers. . .


----------



## Cooking Goddess

TATTRAT said:


> ...She smiled and held up four fingers.
> 
> It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.


----------



## luckytrim

I, too, couldn't put it all together......... Mensa humor, I'm thinking....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I had to reread it.


----------



## dragnlaw

Egads...  it's so obvious now!  

Now is that  at the joke or at me?


----------



## Kayelle

I still don't get it, even after Andy's explanation. Oh well.


----------



## GotGarlic

Kayelle said:


> I still don't get it, even after Andy's explanation. Oh well.


"She smiled and held up four fingers." 

"She refuses to tell us where she got them."

They weren’t her fingers.

They were someone else's fingers


----------



## dragnlaw

TATRAT -  me thinks, perchance, you need to work on that one!


----------



## Kayelle

I guess I don't get the humor because I'm reading a book about a serial killer that's giving me nightmares. 
(Stillhouse Lake, Rachel Caine)


----------



## dragnlaw

Kayelle - now you know who did it! the little girl!  so throw the book away and find something lighter!


----------



## Dawgluver

ROFL! I immediately got Tatt's finger joke. You need a warped sense of humor...


----------



## TATTRAT

lol!


----------



## Andy M.

I want to know who gave that little girl the finger. Four times.


----------



## dragnlaw

I don't really have a warped sense of humour - but my ex and son do - so after all that time you'd think I would have gotten it.  Groan...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dawgluver said:


> ROFL! I immediately got Tatt's finger joke. You need a warped sense of humor...


I did too. Then again, I was able to out-gross my kids when they thought they could freak their mom out with something. A fine skill I learned from my Mom!


----------



## luckytrim

Kayelle said:


> I still don't get it, even after Andy's explanation. Oh well.






The four fingers she held up were NOT hers.......


----------



## dragnlaw

ANIMAL CONTROL:  What the hell were you thinking?

ME:  Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!

ANIMAL CONTROL:  You released ostriches!


----------



## Addie

It has been killing my kids just waiting until I am strong enough to start with the jokes.

My daughter informed me that her skull cap was moving around due to some loose screws and bolts. Her doctor told her that "yes, she is presently experiencing that she is definitely missing some screws up there and I don't have a leg to stand on.

They want to rename me "I"lean. Then there is Peg for pegleg. And Pirate wants to put me in one of those large round bubbles fishermen use and then toss me into the ocean so he can call me "Bob". And on it goes.


----------



## taxlady

Me: It's not how many times you fall down. It's how many times you get up. 

Police officer: That's not how a field sobriety test works.


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> ANIMAL CONTROL:  What the hell were you thinking?
> 
> ME:  Releasing birds at a wedding is romantic!
> 
> ANIMAL CONTROL:  You released ostriches!


[emoji38] [emoji23]


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Me: It's not how many times you fall down. It's how many times you get up.
> 
> Police officer: That's not how a field sobriety test works.



Good one TL. Pirate and myself love to watch the police shows when they are stopping drunk drivers. Lots of laughs for the audience.


----------



## dragnlaw

*just a spelling correction*

this is not political - just an example of a spelling mistake...


----------



## TATTRAT

dragnlaw said:


> this is not political - just an example of a spelling mistake...



A "very stable" jenius.


----------



## luckytrim

"...... It's still a duck..."


----------



## Andy M.

OK, maybe there's one kind of collieflower I like...


----------



## Andy M.

Could be my favorite wall decoration.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Someone we all know posted this on Face Book...
DH is still going back to it to quander


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Someone we all know posted this on Face Book...
> DH is still going back to it to quander
> 
> View attachment 30980




That one just cracks me up!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> OK, maybe there's one kind of collieflower I like...





Andy M. said:


> Could be my favorite wall decoration.




ROFL!!!!!  and I do like that collieflower!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess




----------



## GotGarlic

I laughed till I cried [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23] (long but worth it) 
https://youtu.be/WYoKw3tPRKY


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

My husband sent me this funny ...



HMMM ...


----------



## dragnlaw

Oh my Kgirl...   Have you figured out which one you are?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> Oh my Kgirl...   Have you figured out which one you are?



YUP!
I'm all four of them!!


----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> YUP!
> I'm all four of them!!




I'm with you K'girl.  Definitely part of all.  Go for it!!


----------



## Rascal

Great headstone. 
I always remember being told this as a young man. A woman is looking for a man that will open doors for them, but slap them on the ar$& as you go through.

Hope I didn't offend anyone.

Russ


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Kgirl - my kind of thinking!  I'll stick a on note on the "Jim".

So now instead of "He's in the library."  you can say "He's in the "Jim"  

at which point the caller could comment - "Wow, didn't know you had a home jim."  

making the perfect entrance for your comment - "Doesn't everybody?"

and on and on and...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Rascal

I remember them days, my kids won't,lol.

Russ


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Rascal said:


> *I remember* them days, my kids won't,lol.
> 
> Russ



Okay, that's ONE!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*K-Girl*, I just used my fingernail. 



Rascal said:


> I remember them days, my kids won't,lol.
> 
> Russ


Himself and I were just listing a lot of things that younger people won't "get". I know when I was growing up, my folks used to explain old-time expressions and actions they had when they were growing up. We've used lots of those expressions with our own kids over the years - and most of them haven't needed explaining. But neither of them have kids or look like they'll be adding to the population, so I guess any old expressions will die off with them.

Our daughter was around 4th grade, so maybe 10 years old? It was about 1993 or '94. She got to be a helper in the school office. One day one of her classmates had to use the office phone to call her Mom - the girl wasn't feeling good and needed to go home. They had a rotary dial in the office. The sick girl looked at the phone and said "how do I use it"? Since Grandma had an old rotary phone at home, our daughter got to show her.


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> *K-Girl*, I just used my fingernail.
> 
> .



+1


----------



## Just Cooking

From the movie, "The Sounds of Apathy"...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Those cat cartoons are funny, guys!  Not sure I'd want to be a little old lady in that alternate universe, though, l*t*.


----------



## Rascal

Cooking Goddess said:


> *K-Girl*, I just used my fingernail.
> 
> 
> Himself and I were just listing a lot of things that younger people won't "get". I know when I was growing up, my folks used to explain old-time expressions and actions they had when they were growing up. We've used lots of those expressions with our own kids over the years - and most of them haven't needed explaining. But neither of them have kids or look like they'll be adding to the population, so I guess any old expressions will die off with them.
> 
> Our daughter was around 4th grade, so maybe 10 years old? It was about 1993 or '94. She got to be a helper in the school office. One day one of her classmates had to use the office phone to call her Mom - the girl wasn't feeling good and needed to go home. They had a rotary dial in the office. The sick girl looked at the phone and said "how do I use it"? Since Grandma had an old rotary phone at home, our daughter got to show her.



Cooking goddess I know exactly what you are saying. We have a lot of family sayings that are distinct to us. My grandkids all are familiar with them. It amuses me when my gks say something in front of their friends that only us know what it means, I hope it carries on. 

Russ


----------



## Addie

Rascal said:


> Cooking goddess I know exactly what you are saying. We have a lot of family sayings that are distinct to us. My grandkids all are familiar with them. It amuses me when my gks say something in front of their friends that only us know what it means, I hope it carries on.
> 
> Russ



Long live the rotary dial phone. Lets hope the grandmas of the world keep theirs.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

or bowel control...


----------



## GotGarlic

Wait...


----------



## Just Cooking

That's too funny... Happens to me all the time as, I'm a two finger typist, always looking at the keyboard.. My daughter cracks up at some of the messages she gets from me..  
Ross


----------



## Andy M.

Given my limited typing skills, I'm still not sure if it's better to manually type a text or correct the auto-correct version or dictate it and correct that.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji177][emoji445] [emoji514]


----------



## luckytrim

Good One, GG.


I love Rock Parody 'toons !


----------



## taxlady

GG, Lucky, good ones. The one with the horses took the longest to register.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

*..In a Chicago Bar ...*

A 71 year-old man is sitting in a Chicago bar... a beautiful, voluptuous young lady comes in and takes a seat at the bar near him.  She is so beautiful, the old man can't help but stare.
  The young lady notices him and moves toward him.
  Before the old man has a chance to apologize, the Girl leans over, gazes into his eyes and says;
  "I will do anything you want.  Anything, no matter how weird or kinky, anything you desire"...
  The old man was taken aback.               
  The girl continued, "Anything you can think of is fine with me.  I have two rules only; I require $100, and whatever you want, you have to tell me in only three words."
  The old man pondered this for a moment, took out his wallet and produced ten crisp $10 bills, handed them to the girl and said................... 

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
."Paint my house".


----------



## Alix

Hahahahahaha!


----------



## TATTRAT

If pronouncing your B's like V's makes you sound Russian, than Soviet.


----------



## dragnlaw

Is it just me or is that backwards TATRAT.  

which ever the case...  it's funny!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> [emoji177][emoji445] [emoji514] View attachment 31264




ROFL!!


----------



## Andy M.

This says it all.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> This says it all.


Like I was saying!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

Lol, K'girl!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Good one Kgirl!  ...but maybe not all 9 of them. 

(ref: cooking skills)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> good one kgirl!  ...but maybe not all 9 of them.
> 
> (ref: Cooking skills)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

This describes me to  "T".


----------



## Andy M.

This brought tears to my eyes from laughter.


----------



## Andy M.

...and this for one of our members.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> This describes me to  "T".




Resembles me, too! LOL!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

20 EXTRA YEARS....  SO TRUE - SO TRUE!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 31376




ROFL!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 31385




Absolutely, stop with the questions already!  LOL!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Al, waiting for the pizza....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Kgirl, the pic is too small to read but I was able to make out the first words about the Pilbury doughboy's demise. 

I recognized it and is a beautifully written eulogy that I read quite a while ago.  Pretty funny.  Big Grin!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## PrincessFiona60

TATTRAT said:


>




LMAO!!!!


----------



## Katie H

PrincessFiona60 said:


> LMAO!!!!




From someone who has spent most of her life "playing" in words, this is tooo good!


Thanks, Tatt.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Awww...


----------



## GotGarlic

I'm ready! [emoji16]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT

What do you get when you cross a hippy, and a ninja?

Peace and quiet.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## taxlady

This was on Facebook. It has had me giggling all day.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT

What's the difference between ignorance, and apathy?

I don't know, and I don't care.


----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


> What's the difference between ignorance, and apathy?
> 
> I don't know, and I don't care.


Good one


----------



## luckytrim

Passive / Aggressive Hippie ....


"You want a Peace of Me ??"


----------



## TATTRAT

luckytrim said:


> Passive / Aggressive Hippie ....
> 
> 
> "You want a Peace of Me ??"



You know what you get when you cross a Hippy and a Ninja?

Peace and quiet.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

Anybody under 25 won't understand.


----------



## taxlady

Farmer Jon said:


> Anybody under 25 won't understand.View attachment 32028


That's actually a very good description of what happens.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

You are having just too much fun with these cartoons. Keep them coming. I need a good laugh each day. Thank you!


----------



## luckytrim

THX, Addie !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

lt, you are having just too much fun with these cartoons. Along with the rest of us. Thank you for making each day one of laughter for me. 

Do I dare ask? Halloween is almost over. What's in store for Thanksgiving for us? I am looking forward to then.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Happy Halloween!  [emoji316] [emoji317]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

New England Vs. Washington !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Happy Thanksgiving to all!  well, almost all...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

*The Legend of the Christmas Tree Angel*

 Santa was very cross. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right.

 Mrs.  Claus had burned all the cookies. The elves were complaining about not  getting paid for the overtime they had worked making toys, and were  threatening to go on strike. The reindeer had been drinking eggnog all  afternoon. To make matters worse, a few of the other elves had taken the  sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and had crashed it into a  tree.
 Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver  millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours, and all of  my reindeer are drunk, the elves are walking out, and I don't even have a  Christmas tree! I sent that stupid little angel out HOURS ago to find a  tree and he isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

 Just  then, the little angel opened the front door and stepped in from the  snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree. The angel said, "Yo, fat man!  Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

 And thus the tradition of angels atop the Christmas trees came to pass...


----------



## Addie

Here it is 3:30 in the morning and I am sitting here laughing my fool head off. Thanks for the laugh.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## bethzaring

Somehow this last joke reminds me of a joke my father told me as a child.


How did Helen Keller's parents punish her?











They rearranged the furniture.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Darn computers!  Get'cha everytime.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Thank you so much for giving me my laugh for the day. A great way to start my day. It is the first thing I go for when I turn on the 'puter.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

I love Maxine. I have a calendar with Maxine's quotes. Each day has a new quote.


----------



## taxlady

From my archive


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Reminds me...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

I have had better holidays. But this thread has made it more bearable and each day gets me to laugh.

Thank you to all contributors.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Reminds me...



Any time I had the option of what shift I could work, I always chose 11 p.m. to 7 a.m.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

The winter solstice has been a tradition for thousands of years. In some places, it was celebrated with decorated evergreen trees.


----------



## Sir_Loin_of_Beef

On December 15th 1773 a group of men dressed as indians boarded ships at Griffin's wharf and dumped hundreds of tea chests into Boston harbor.


----------



## luckytrim

taxlady said:


> The winter solstice has been a tradition for thousands of years. In some places, it was celebrated with decorated evergreen trees.




Are you referring to the Flintstones cartoon ?


They are celebrating Christmas.........  Christ wasn't born yet ...


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> Are you referring to the Flintstones cartoon ?
> 
> 
> They are celebrating Christmas.........  Christ wasn't born yet ...


Yes I was. It looks like a solstice celebration to me.


----------



## luckytrim

........ Christmas Tree, Santa hats.... yeah, okay ..........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

*trivia 12/18*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cheryl J

Saw this on FB today.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Did anyone notice the stick of dynamite under Santa's ottoman yesterday ? 

I guess the mob finally found him.


----------



## buckytom

Does anyone listen to The Moth radio hour?

I was cracking up yesterday while listening to "Jewish Santa". Ophira Eisenberg is great!

https://themoth.org/stories/jewish-santa

It starts off slow, but it gets hilarious.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## buckytom

FB_IMG_1545692130048.jpg


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

I turned the wrong burner on shortly after I got a glass-top range. Completely incinerated a pot holder. Stank the house up for hours!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> I turned the wrong burner on shortly after I got a glass-top range. Completely incinerated a pot holder. Stank the house up for hours!







When we were younger, my sister switched on the range 
and burned up her own birthday cake sitting on one of the burners


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Aha, so that's the explanation.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

luckytrim said:


>


I've been tempted to sell my treadmill with an ad like this:

For Sale: Nordic Track clothes rack for sale. Can also be used as a treadmill.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

My favourites are #s 1, 6, and 9.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## buckytom

One of my best friends is an executive chef at a local restaurant that is closing. He's dyslexic, though, so all I can say say is don't order the carp.


----------



## caseydog

buckytom said:


> One of my best friends is an executive chef at a local restaurant that is closing. He's dyslexic, though, so all I can say say is don't order the carp.



Why would anyone order carp? 

CD


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Caslon

The Far Side. One indian is circling the covered wagon train in the wrong direction.  Another indian yells out.  "Clockwise, always clockwise".


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Showed the plumbing book one to Pirate. He is a retired plumber. It got a big laugh from him. I am really enjoying this thread. Thanks for all the laughs. There are days when I really need one.


----------



## Katie H

Try this on for size:


Roses are red,
My fingers are blue.
I'm sick of winter,
How 'bout you?


----------



## taxlady

Katie H said:


> Try this on for size:
> 
> 
> Roses are red,
> My fingers are blue.
> I'm sick of winter,
> How 'bout you?


 Yup. Reminded me of this one from FaceBook


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Pirate loves these cartoons. Our laugh for the two of us each day. Thank you.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 33382


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

You've seen `em, you love `em …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=10&v=6RzcvFLPg1A


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

Her are a few I found on Facebook. I may have shared one of these before. I can't remember.


----------



## Farmer Jon

A few more


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 33563
> 
> View attachment 33564



Another day I will be rolling around in my chair letting out little giggles every time I think of "Today's Funny". If this keeps up they will be looking for a home for me with locked doors. 

Thanks for my daily laugh. I really does help to keep my spirits up.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

What did Watson and Crick discover?

Rosalind Franklin’s notes.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady




----------



## taxlady




----------



## luckytrim

Taxlady ;


It used to crack me up when George Reeves as Superman would stand there and let the bad guy empty the pistol at his chest, then the bad guy would throw the empty gun, and Superman would duck !


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> Taxlady ;
> 
> 
> It used to crack me up when George Reeves as Superman would stand there and let the bad guy empty the pistol at his chest, then the bad guy would throw the empty gun, and Superman would duck !


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## JustJoel

*Rating tree nuts*

I didn’t put this in the “nuts” forum; it is a rating of nuts, but it makes no sense and has no value culinarily. It’s very funny, though, in a completely nonsensical and non sequiter way.

I stumbled across it because I was searching for a ranking of nuts by hardness.

_7 TreeNuts, Ranked..._


----------



## JustJoel

JustJoel said:


> I didn’t put this in the “nuts” forum; it is a rating of nuts, but it makes no sense and has no value culinarily. It’s very funny, though, in a completely nonsensical and non sequiter way.
> 
> I stumbled across it because I was searching for a ranking of nuts by hardness.
> 
> _7 TreeNuts, Ranked..._


PS. I never did find a good ranking of nuts by their hardness!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Guilty...


----------



## Just Cooking

Cooking Goddess said:


> Guilty...



LOL...  I made a vanilla pudding last week... Standing RIGHT THERE stirring it and it took me a long time to realize that I'd turned on the wrong burner...  

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 33966
> 
> View attachment 33967



Off the mark is Teddy completely. Even if someone is knocking on a different door in the alcove.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I'm loving today's batch of humour.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> I'm loving today's batch of humour.



Same here. It is the very first posting I open when I sit down at the computer.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*ahem* Some of us like it this way...


----------



## dragnlaw

.....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## dragnlaw

If I'm repeating, please forgive.  When I come across some cute ones I need to share...  again...


----------



## Addie

dragnlaw said:


> If I'm repeating, please forgive.  When I come across some cute ones I need to share...  again...



It never hurts to have a second laugh in reserve. If someone can make my day with laughter, I am one happy camper.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

How to find Kentucky on a map:


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> How to find Kentucky on a map:


lolz


----------



## taxlady

Relevant some days:


----------



## taxlady

That's cute, CG.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> Relevant some days:


That made me lol [emoji23]


----------



## Katie H

Cooking Goddess said:


> How to find Kentucky on a map:




Hey...I resemble this opinion!!! LOL


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## simonbaker

Thank you, I needed a good laugh today![emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 34173


Smart woman [emoji362]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

I get out of bed, head for the outhouse, make a cup of tea and sit down at the computer while I drink it. This thread is the first place I head for. I like to start my day laughing. 

Thank you everyone who contributes.


----------



## simonbaker

I couldn't agree more!  It brightens my day as well![emoji2][emoji2][emoji2]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Andy M.

How do you tell an alligator from a crocodile?

One will see you later and the other will see you after a while.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

getting closer


----------



## TATTRAT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=azhgpelu0vY


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Useful idea


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> Useful idea


Brilliant! [emoji16]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

Oh My!


----------



## dragnlaw

*Ogden Nash*

'And God in his wisdom, created the fly...

... And then forgot to tell us  why.'


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Whenever I am having a bad day, I know I can count on you to cheer me up enough to get a laugh out. Today is one of those days. Thanks.


----------



## simonbaker

Ditto that!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 34492
> 
> View attachment 34493
> 
> View attachment 34494



And I hope you too had a Happy Easter. Thanks for all the laughs you have been given us these past months. I look forward to them everyday. And right now I certainly do need a good laugh.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

And in the same vein:


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## dragnlaw

OMG...   GG! that is sooo funny!  I cn't stop laughing!


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> OMG...   GG! that is sooo funny!  I cn't stop laughing!


Same here


----------



## dragnlaw

taxy you were with me one time when we were in the Asian market.  Most of their vegies are labeled "Legumes" no matter which vegetable they are.


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> taxy you were with me one time when we were in the Asian market.  Most of their vegies are labeled "Legumes" no matter which vegetable they are.



Yup, I guess that's what happens when  you use a translate program. But, in French they are all "légumes", vegetables.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*GG*, that's so funny even Himself let out a hearty laugh! Cute.

******************************************************


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## Kayelle

Adore all the cartoons, and thank you!


_Charlie’s  wife, Lucy, had been after him for  several weeks to paint the seat on  their toilet. Finally, he got around  to doing it while Lucy was out.  After finishing, he left to take care  of another matter before she  returned._
_She came in and undressed to take a shower.  Before getting in the  shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to  stand up, she realized  that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her  to the toilet seat._
_About that time, Charlie got home and realized  her predicament.  They both pushed and pulled without any success  whatsoever. Finally, in  desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat  bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet  around herself and Charlie  drove her to the hospital emergency room._
_The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her._
_Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all  by saying,  “Well, Doctor, I’ll bet you’ve never seen anything like this  before.”_
_The Doctor replied, “Actually, I’ve seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed.”_


----------



## taxlady

Mounted and framed


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

To follow Kayelle's odor problem ....






Curtain Rods 

When her husband left for the islands, he told her she had to be out of  their house in three days, as He was bringing his new girlfriend home  then.....  

She spent the first day packing  her belongings into boxes,  crates and suitcases.

On the second  day, she had the movers come and  collect her things. 

On  the third day,she sat down for the last  time at their beautiful  dining room table  by candle-light, put on some soft background  music,  and feasted
on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle  of spring-water. 

 When she had  finished,she went into each and every  room and deposited  a few half-eaten shrimps and some shells dipped in caviar into the  hollow of the curtain rods.
She then cleaned up the  kitchen and left.. 

When her ex husband returned with his new  girlfriend, all was bliss for  the first few days; then, slowly, the house began to  smell.

They tried everything;  cleaning mopping and airing the place  out....
Vents were checked for dead  rodents and carpets were steam  cleaned.   
Air fresheners were hung  everywhere.
Exterminators were brought  in to set off gas canisters, during which  they had to  move out for a few days and in  the end they even paid to  replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing  worked!!! 

People stopped coming over  to visit. 
Repairmen refused to work in the house. 
The maid  quit.
Finally, they could not take  the stench any longer and decided to  move.
A month later, even though they had cut their price in half,
they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. 

Word  got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to  return their calls.    
Finally, they had to borrow  a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a  new place..


The ex-wife called the man  and asked how things were  going. 
He  told her the saga of the rotting house.She listened  politely and  said that she missed her old home terribly and would  he be willing to  reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the  house.

Knowing his ex-wife had no  idea how bad the smell
was, he agreed on a price  that was about 1/10 th of what the house had  been worth, but only if she  were to sign the papers that very day.  
She agreed and within the  hour his lawyers delivered the  paperwork.    

A week later the man and his  girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the  moving company pack everything to take to their new   home........    
And just to spite the  ex-wife, they even took  the curtain rods.


----------



## Addie

taxlady said:


> Mounted and framed



Me too!


----------



## Addie

Yesterday was not one of my favorite days. A lot of pain. When I came home from LM, I sat down at the computer and the first thing I clicked on was "*Today's Funny.*" 

Thank you so much to every one for making the start of my days on the right note. It is hard to feel the pain when you are full of laughter.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kayelle, your joke reminded me of an aunt and uncle's 25th anniversary party that their daughter and SIL held in their basement rec room. The daughter had "framed" one of the wedding photos with a toilet seat and had mounted it on the wall at the bottom of the steps. It was the first thing that you saw as you went down the stairs. [emoji38]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Love the rock 'n roll humour.


----------



## Cheryl J

LOL...


----------



## taxlady

The part about there being too much stuff in one's brain is probably true. They did an experiment with computers to compare to older people's difficulty / slowness with some memory retrieval. As they loaded more and more data into the computers, they took longer and longer to find the answers to a search.


----------



## Cheryl J

I just saw that on FB earlier today and thought I'd post it, thought it was funny.


----------



## Addie

That's what I get for reading too much. An overstuffed brain.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

lol  - outdid yourself today lucky!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Not so Funny Today ....


----------



## dragnlaw

Hear  hear...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL...  too funny! and too true!  

 I went to show a friend a picture on my phone and I couldn't find it for all the food pictures!


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> LOL...  too funny! and too true!
> 
> I went to show a friend a picture on my phone and I couldn't find it for all the food pictures!


Do you use Google Photos? I was surprised at how good the search feature is. I searched for Baking and it found all the pictures I've taken of things I've baked.


----------



## Andy M.

I use the photo app on my mac. I create folders for different photos. That makes searches much easier. I think the "Food" folder is second only after my folder for "Grandson"


----------



## dragnlaw

Unfortunately it was a picture I hadn't categorized yet.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*dragn*, if you're using Google Photos you can still find a photo (most of the time) if you search by category. For example, when I just searched "bakery" like *GG* said, there was a photo of deviled eggs along with lots of baked goods.  It ain't foolproof, but it's better than rolling and scrolling.


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> Unfortunately it was a picture I hadn't categorized yet.





Cooking Goddess said:


> *dragn*, if you're using Google Photos you can still find a photo (most of the time) if you search by category. For example, when I just searched "bakery" like *GG* said, there was a photo of deviled eggs along with lots of baked goods. [emoji38] It ain't foolproof, but it's better than rolling and scrolling.


Yes, that's what I meant. Google is pretty good at categorizing pictures based on characteristics it can identify from its vast database of photos people and organizations have put on the internet since the '80s. So it uses that "training" to identify types of photos in your archive. It's pretty cool [emoji41]


----------



## dragnlaw

hmmm, well thanks guys, (I think.. LOL)  

I'm using the camera and gallery that came with my phone - whomsoever - whatsoever that may be.    

It's OK, I usually place my photos in separate "albums" but sometimes I receive them or take them when I'm too busy to fuss.  I do that while I'm waiting for an appointment, my body to recoupe from some sort of effort and/or just plain bored but don't want to think.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Thank you so much luckytrim. I really needed a good belly laugh just about now. And you came through. 

Addie


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Addie

Thank you so much LT for my much needed daily laugh. Today was a belly laugh day.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

* MY DECISION-MAKING SKILLS CLOSELY RESEMBLE THOSE OF A SQUIRREL WHEN CROSSING THE ROAD.


----------



## GotGarlic

Our dog gets prime rib all the time


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cheryl J

I don't comment a lot, but LOVE these daily funnies!  Thanks, all!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

it's called *karma*
and it's pronounced
ha ha ha​


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 35427





Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

Not a bad idea...


----------



## dragnlaw

Now if that window had a swinging hinge - wouldn't the Postman get a surprise!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Ahhh, so true, so true


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

Yummm...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I think a few people here can relate to this one.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

almost forgot what I came here to do...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kayelle

Yep!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 35639


----------



## dragnlaw

*AHA!*  Maybe now the doctor will be able to figure out where all these strange maladies that I suffer come from...  along with the bizarre rash around my mouth.

or maybe I'll just stop singing


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

OK, everybody...  I explaining "IT" to somebody and suddenly realized I don't remember which cartoon it came from.

Help!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

I didn't think "IT" had/was a cartoon of his own.  He was often as a side comment in another series.  Am I mistaken?


----------



## luckytrim

You are correct !
Cousin Itt is a minor character in "The Addams Family' cartoons and TV series.
.and I'm sorry as well; I thought you meant what cartoon recently posted.... my bad !


 He shows up in one-panel cartoons now and again, especially ones  like this "Play-on-Words' cartoon.


Here's Cousin ITT...


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f2ajHEdsdU4


----------



## dragnlaw

OMG! Of course!  Thank You lucky! 


 it was driving me nuts there for a while.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

****


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I've been invited to  fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends to go fishing, for  the long weekend.
 This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been  wanting, so could you please pack enough clothes for a three-day  weekend.  
 And also, would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic?  We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I'll swing by the house to  pick-up my things. Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas.”  
 Following the long weekend he returns home a little tired, but,  otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he  caught many fish?   
He says, “Yes! Lots of walleyes, some bass, and a few pike.” "But",  he said, "why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas, like I asked you  to do?”  
 The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".  

Never, Never, Never try to outsmart a woman!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

..


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## ezduzit

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, 

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" 

 "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him. 

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. 

 Finally, he says, 

"I'm going to have to put him down." 

“Why, just because he's cross-eyed?”

 "No, because he's _really_ heavy."


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

.,.,


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## ezduzit

For the newlywed couple's first Thanksgiving, the husband’s in-laws came over for dinner.

His bride roasted a beautiful turkey which she brought to the table on a silver tray. 

With a sharp knife, the husband quickly carved it into lovely piles of thinly sliced white and dark meat. 

Anxious to finally win his acceptance, he smiled proudly at his father-in-law, a well known surgeon, and said, 

“How was that for a stunning bit of surgery?”

The father-in-law laughed and replied, 

“Not bad...Now let’s see you put it back together!”


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Saw this on Facebook.


----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## dragnlaw

soo funny *taxy*!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

*If this doesn't make you smile, nothing will. 
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL_AX_4JXjk


----------



## GotGarlic

Kayelle said:


> *If this doesn't make you smile, nothing will. [emoji3]
> *
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FL_AX_4JXjk



That's adorable! [emoji38]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

"99¢ POWER! Every item 99¢ and Up or Less" 

That pretty much covers it!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic




----------



## dragnlaw

*lucky, GG  *

*GOOD ONES!*​


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

.....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT

Saw this outside a shop in Manhattan:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## TATTRAT

Someone broke into our garage and stole my limbo stick!

How low can you go?!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 36489
> 
> View attachment 36490
> 
> View attachment 36491



That second one works.


----------



## GotGarlic

TATTRAT said:


> Someone broke into our garage and stole my limbo stick!
> 
> How low can you go?!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Found on Facebook:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Oh My!  Ground Control....   that is too funny!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Ready For Halloween !!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Spicy pumpkins...   LOL  funny!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji522] [emoji484]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> [emoji522] [emoji484] View attachment 37180



ROFL!


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> [emoji522] [emoji484] View attachment 37180



We choose to make limoncello instead.


----------



## GotGarlic

Oooohh, I like that, too! [emoji16] [emoji522] [emoji484] 





Andy M. said:


> We choose to make limoncello instead.


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> Oooohh, I like that, too! [emoji16] [emoji522] [emoji484]



It's surprisingly easy. The hardest part is waiting for it to be ready.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL

I just went thru HOURS of trying to get into my account!  

loop after loop after loop ...  ad naseum... and suddenly got in - and now have no idea what my password is


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I love Sally's reaction to the explanation about work.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Bama-Rick

Consider this:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

BBQ Truth..


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

I thought barbecue meant cooking outside, till I moved to the South and learned better! [emoji38]





Just Cooking said:


> BBQ Truth..


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## cookieee

Luckytrim,  Merry Christmas !!!   

Thank you so much for all the laughs.  Laughter is the best present ever. May you have many more laughs in your life.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

we have now entered the 12 days of  Christmas and the dogs are singing...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

*Happy birthday!*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji895] [emoji893] [emoji482]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

alright!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

CWS!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

luckytrim said:


>


We SO should have had this version of vows on our wedding day.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I particularly like the one about apple terms and conditions.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Meanwhile, at Costco …

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sUlbaoxxTRk


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

An old Doberman starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost.  Wandering about, he notices a lion heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch. The old Doberman thinks, "Oh, oh!  I'm in trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.  

Just as the lion is about to leap, the old Doberman exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious lion!  I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young lion halts his attack in mid-stride, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!" says the lion, "That was close! That old Doberman nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the lion. So off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the lion, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the lion.  The young lion is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old Doberman sees the lion coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old Doberman says...

"Where's that squirrel?  I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another lion!"

Moral of this story…

Don't mess with the old dogs.


----------



## cookieee

HA HA Thanks Andy, that was great!!!!!!   (from an old dog)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

*I love February because it contains two of my favorite annual events:
Groundhog Day, and the State of the Union Address.*
*
One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a  notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in  reality. *
*The other involves a groundhog.*


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I do that a lot!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *I do that a lot!*



Bahaha! 
(sshhh, so do I )


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

That last one, LT, 

What a drag it is getting oooooold.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

https://twitter.com/i/status/1217150650347401218

BAHAHAHA!!


----------



## luckytrim

Has anyone noticed ??


I've been running my comics themes in alphabetical order....


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> Has anyone noticed ??
> 
> 
> I've been running my comics themes in alphabetical order....



Nope, I hadn't noticed. Went back and looked. Sure 'nuff, alphabetical order.


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> https://twitter.com/i/status/1217150650347401218
> 
> BAHAHAHA!!



Now THAT's funny..  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> Now *THAT's funny*..
> 
> Ross



I've been trying to figure out how to "share" that from another site that I follow


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

luckytrim said:


> Has anyone noticed ??
> 
> 
> I've been running my comics themes in alphabetical order....



No I didn't, but that's pretty cool there* LT*!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

This just in...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 39071



LOL... Jeannie and I each lost a sock (separate laundry loads) in the same week.. Not a tuperware lid in sight..  

Ross


----------



## taxlady

I'm pretty sure some missing socks are chewed up by the dryer and turned into lint. I know my clothes didn't have _*that much lint*_ on them.


----------



## dragnlaw

Sent the Penguins to my 4 kids and spouses - Created a texting marathon for over 2 hours...  

I've never seen the Pebble and the Penguin?  Have you? 

Literally made the dog jump when I LOL'd on the tupperware sock!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Lost socks become wire hangers that you have never seen before...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Lost socks become wire hangers that you have never seen before...



I thought that was a completely different process. Wire hangers have orgies. You have probably caught them in the middle of one. They just freeze when you open the closet door and hope you don't notice how tangled they are, even though you left them all tidy. Then they have babies, that look like paper clips.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> I thought that was a completely different process. Wire hangers have orgies. You have probably caught them in the middle of one. They just freeze when you open the closet door and hope you don't notice how tangled they are, even though you left them all tidy. Then they have babies, that look like paper clips.



ROFL!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

taxlady said:


> I thought that was a completely different process. Wire hangers have orgies. You have probably caught them in the middle of one. They just freeze when you open the closet door and hope you don't notice how tangled they are, even though you left them all tidy. Then they have babies, that look like paper clips.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

That last one...ROFL!  My nephew was supposed to draw a cat and he drew one with one eye. The teacher was concerned and called my sister in to discuss it.  Sis explained that nephew's cat had only one eye.  It was a great picture my sister had it framed.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 39103



Good one.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

OK lucky...  can't wait to see 'X'

xylophone ... exit ...

waiting, waiting...


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> OK lucky...  can't wait to see 'X'
> 
> xylophone ... exit ...
> 
> waiting, waiting...


X-ray. X factor. Ex-(spouse). So many options lol


----------



## dragnlaw

right on *GG*!  well said... LOL  

*lucky*, you know you're dead meat if you don't post tomorrow - just to make us howl and gnash our teeth fangs...  grrrr


----------



## cookieee

Any cartoons about XFINITY? lol


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Aww, shucky-darns...   I think we made it too easy for him. 

 yuk yuk yuk!


----------



## luckytrim

No, you didn't ...........
My cartoon sets, as well as my trivia sets, are assembled weeks in advance .... but THX for the help !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

exactly!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> exactly!



BAHAHAHA!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Okay, so, Z, *LT* ? 
What have you up your sleeve?


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Z-bras


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *Z*-bras



I had no idea that size existed 
Look out Dolly Parton!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Zombies!  Love Zombies!


----------



## luckytrim

.if anyone has any ideas....... I'm running short on 'Q's.........


----------



## cookieee

quarterback, there must be a lot of football cartoons/jokes out there.

quarter moon?


----------



## dragnlaw

*If you boil a Funny Bone it becomes Laughing Stock.  That's humerus.*


----------



## dragnlaw

I don't watch zombie movies...  and we are not allowed to use them as target practice... go figure... 

But Zebra's on the other hand  ...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Andy M.

Funny stuff, dragnlaw.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

last one


----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I'm stealing the one with the cat parallel universe.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

And, continuing the theme:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

A bit of wisdom from Himself: "Ham is bacon's cousin".


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

The good old days... they were terrible! [emoji16]


----------



## dragnlaw

That's so funny *GG* and perfectly true.  Although I never saw 39 days or anything like it but hours were common.  

What would they do in the movies with the killer stalking down the hall and the guy (or gal) whispering to themselves "hurry up, hurry up, com'on, com'on"  with their hand on the USB stick, they hear the key in the door and....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Katie H

A friend of mine posted one of the funniest things ever on Facebook today.  By the time I was halfway through reading it, Glenn and I were almost on the floor.  At the end we WERE on the floor and I had tears streaming I was laughing so hard, so you've been warned.

Duane Lay
March 3 at 6:50 PM
WARNING FOR ALL MALES FROM ME when buying a security device for a loved one.

Last weekend I saw something at The Gun Show that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Dana. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse effect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Dana what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Leo looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Leo (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. He is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Taser in another.

The directions said that:
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.

I'm sitting there alone, the cat looking on with his head cocked to one side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!! I AM CERTAIN I JUST MET JESUS!!!

I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Taser,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!

A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

· My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.
· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
· I had no control over the drooling.
· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
rotflmao...


----------



## taxlady

And people wonder why women live longer than men.




runs and hides


----------



## Andy M.

I would have definitely tried it on the cat first.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> And people wonder why women live longer than men.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> runs and hides


I've read that joke before, so I thought your comment was even funnier!

*running to catch up and hide with you*


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Read it before and it still cracks me up, tears running...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

taxlady said:


> And people wonder why women live longer than men.
> 
> 
> 
> 
> runs and hides





+1


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

I saw this and thought it quite appropriate for the times we live in now …


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Eenie-meenie works only for one person. If two have to decide, the default choice mode is "rock-paper-scissors".


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Imagine a panic shopper
coming home to THIS!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

OMG   love it   love it   love it

Can we rent them and sneak them into some homes?


----------



## cookieee

Luckytrim - X?

Please don't say you ran out of ideas.  We need you.  If need be, just go on  to Y.


----------



## luckytrim

Sorry Folks !
Busy Morning ........


----------



## taxlady

Found this on Facebook.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Now that's funny, taxy. Funny and true.



luckytrim said:


> Sorry Folks !
> Busy Morning ...



In these times, I bet we'll all be worrying about each other when "a regular" doesn't check in every day.


----------



## Souschef

Too funny, if not serious


----------



## GotGarlic

Souschef said:


> Too funny, if not serious


Lol. I'd have gloves on, too.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Kgirl...  you're outdoing yourself...   soo funny!


----------



## dragnlaw

I so appreciate all the check up calls I've been getting...  

except it is now to the point where as I see a number from someone I speak with maybe once, sometimes twice a year...  I now answer...  with a very subdued...

Cough, koff, cough, koff...   


Of course, my daughter, bless her wicked little heart said - OK good, just checkin' on you....  and she hangs up before I can say a word.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Keep on keepin' on.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Keep on keepin' on. View attachment 39817



Hahahaha


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Stole this from FB.

Checking the map for ideas of fun places to travel this weekend.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

d is for dog week ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

I saw this one comin' a mile away! 



I now foresee loads of ads on the different
social media sites from these hoarders
trying to sell their ill-gotten wares
for cash, so that they can pay their
rent/mortgage


----------



## dragnlaw

saw my first ad for a Miracle Anti-Virus Oil.  

wondered why it took so long...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I saw this one comin' a mile away!
> 
> View attachment 39934
> 
> I now foresee loads of ads on the different
> social media sites from these hoarders
> trying to sell their ill-gotten wares
> for cash, so that they can pay their
> rent/mortgage



Yay!  Costco rocks!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Yay!  Costco rocks!



*PF*, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop
and have Walmart follow suit!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I saw this one comin' a mile away!
> 
> View attachment 39934
> 
> I now foresee loads of ads on the different
> social media sites from these hoarders
> trying to sell their ill-gotten wares
> for cash, so that they can pay their
> rent/mortgage





Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> *PF*, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop
> and have Walmart follow suit!!


\

Heck yeah!


----------



## Andy M.

Don't worry. I got this!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

The hubster wrote this on FB last night. 

Taking out recycling and fetching the mail:
Me: (putting on coat) Okay, we're now under quarantine conditions. No touching the face until I return and wash my hands.
Nose: *starts to itch intensely*
Me: ARGH!
Me: Haul out recycling.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Find an empty bin.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Put recycling in.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Go to Mailbox.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Fetch mail.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Back inside.
Nose: *itches*
Me: Wash hands.
Nose: ...
Me: *Goes to scratch nose.*
Nose: Nah, I'm good.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> The hubster wrote this on FB last night.
> 
> Taking out recycling and fetching the mail:
> Me: (putting on coat) Okay, we're now under quarantine conditions. No touching the face until I return and wash my hands.
> Nose: *starts to itch intensely*
> Me: ARGH!
> Me: Haul out recycling.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Find an empty bin.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Put recycling in.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Go to Mailbox.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Fetch mail.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Back inside.
> Nose: *itches*
> Me: Wash hands.
> Nose: ...
> Me: *Goes to scratch nose.*
> Nose: Nah, I'm good.



LOL!  So true, as soon as I glove up for anything, eyes or nose chime in.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GimmeAnother1

Sorry I added captions to some of these. Thought it would go well


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GimmeAnother1




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

Without a doubt the best I've heard yet.  



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykieEE1j9eA


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy, love it!


----------



## taxlady

That is a good one Andy.

And everyone, Wash your hands!


----------



## taxlady

Found on FB:


----------



## luckytrim

Hollywood Squares was a hoot... but that was when we were able to laugh at our own foibles... and others, as well:</SPAN>

Q . Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness! (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years?
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you  think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's  married?
A.. Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.

Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark..

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and  has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## cookieee

I guess "The Emotional Support Dog" was  for "E"?  lol


----------



## luckytrim

'E' is for 'Earthquake' ....


----------



## cookieee

Forgive me, I missed that. I will try to keep up better. lol  I know you have been told this many times, but you do such a great job and I really appreciate all the work and time you put into making us laugh and making us happy and making us SMARTER!!!!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!  THANK YOU!!!!!!   THANK YOU!!!!!!


----------



## Just Cooking

+1..

Thank you, LT..  A morning smile starts the day on a positive note..  

Ross


----------



## taxlady

+2 Thanks LT, for the laughs and smiles.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## msmofet




----------



## taxlady

Saw this on FB
.


----------



## medtran49

taxlady said:


> Saw this on FB
> .



I'm  about to that point.  Since I work from home, I'm  used to having hours and hours of alone quiet time.  The incessant noise of the tv is about to drive me up a wall.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I just want to know if we can shower yet or are we still just washing our hands...


----------



## Just Cooking

@ PF

Ross


----------



## dragnlaw

+1 @ PF


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

American gothic 2020


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

Smile.


----------



## taxlady

Seen on Twitter:


> They said all you needed to go out for groceries was a mask and gloves. They LIED! Everyone else was wearing PANTS!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40115





Ross


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!


----------



## Souschef

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40115




The funny thing was as I was reading the joke, our phone rang. It was someone trying to sell health insurance


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Souschef said:


> The funny thing was as I was reading the joke, our phone rang. It was someone trying to sell health insurance




Now THAT'S funny!!! 

(nice to see ya' there Souschef)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMB...7AprOfsL0Wqfm8XDYqFdLe4YgFCHQtoW29MVjOd1iA4o8


----------



## msmofet

Please forgive me if someone has already posted this.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## msmofet

Warning: BLUE!!


----------



## msmofet




----------



## taxlady

msmofet said:


> View attachment 40141





I suspect that was intentional, even back then.


----------



## Andy M.

Yikes!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/wd40-ad/


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/wd40-ad/



Good job. Not a big surprise. I should have thought of checking Snopes.


----------



## Andy M.

Then there's this one.


----------



## Katie H

I thought this should be under "Today's Funny," so here goes.

When I was at the grocery store on Tuesday I grazed their "We baked too much" rack and spied a dozen very nice vanilla cupcakes with vibrant blue icing swirled on top.  I hadn't yet made anything for dessert for the week and these were just the ticket until I did.

There are 3 left and, guess what....

You know what you get when you eat something with really, really blue icing?

Smurf poop!  Glenn and I have been laughing for two days.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

Good afternoon.


----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji102] [emoji179] [emoji79]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> Good afternoon.



ROFL!  Or Bacon

That's all cauliflower is good for...


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> That's all cauliflower is good for...



Can't argue with that!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD

Dog humor gone awry


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!  No kidding, Buttercup barks at everything. She is a year and a half old, a mix of Maltese and Dachshund. We call her a Malted-Weenie.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## msmofet




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

I saw a meme that said something like:

The bargain on gas prices right now is like a special on hairbrushes to a bald man.


----------



## GimmeAnother1




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## cookieee

DaveSoMD said:


> View attachment 40266


ROTFLMAO    Thank you!!!!!!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

I love that one, Dave!


----------



## msmofet




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## DaveSoMD

Rotflol





luckytrim said:


> View attachment 40276
> 
> View attachment 40277
> 
> View attachment 40278


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Good ones. I partiularly like the one with the possums.


----------



## dragnlaw

I'm telling yuh.  The jokes about the virus are spreading 'almost' faster than the virus.

They've all been great!


----------



## GotGarlic

Rut roh! [emoji16]


----------



## Andy M.

When Newton was quarantined due to the plague, he invented calculus. Any idea how bored you have to be to invent calculus?!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## taxlady

Translation: What have you learned during the confinement?


----------



## dragnlaw

hysterical! taxy - 

I'm waiting to hear how many are trying it.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Souschef

*selfies*

coronavirus humor


----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Seen on FB


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Seen on FB



Dang, Superhero Day is tomorrow...honestly, it really is...never mind


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Dang, Superhero Day is tomorrow...honestly, it really is...never mind



Just don't mix your story lines unless it's an approved Marvel/DC crossover.


----------



## dragnlaw

taxlady said:


> Just don't mix your story lines unless it's an approved Marvel/DC crossover.



LOL...  you have no idea how annoyed my son seems to become with me when I do that.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Well, I can't find my Guardians of the Galaxy t-shirt...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Road traffic, too true to be funny  

Loose lips, funny! 

News tonight, glad I don't fly any more!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Seen on Facebook


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## PrincessFiona60

LOL!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40513


[emoji1787][emoji1787][emoji1787]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40513



I think a spanking would be more in line...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I think a spanking would be more in line...



Both


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Well, the time may have come ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

for some reason I missed a couple of days here......   I'm  and thinking if I should have gotten some Depends.


----------



## luckytrim

CAT WEEK !   Seven days of Cats !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

The Warden and I were driving to Miami on our Honeymoon....
We saw a sign "_Kissimmee_" ..... She said,"KISS-a-me ??".... I  responded, "No, Ki-SIM-me.... We debated that for a while.... Shortly  after, we stopped at an outlet of our favorite fast-food joint fo  lunch.....


The Warden asked the gal behind the counter, "Where are we ?? How do y'all pronounce it ?"


The gal responded , "BURR-Gurr- KING" !!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 40546
> 
> View attachment 40547
> 
> View attachment 40548



Oh I wish the attached would show up in a quote.

Anyway, the one where the guy goes in and turns the page...my very first thought was, "That's something Dad would do!" So I sent it to him.

His reply: *Now I'm embarrassed - I never knew there was someone behind me with a camera.*

And he answered me the same day, it usually takes 3-4 days to reply.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

luckytrim said:


> The Warden and I were driving to Miami on our Honeymoon....
> We saw a sign "_Kissimmee_" ..... She said,"KISS-a-me ??".... I  responded, "No, Ki-SIM-me.... We debated that for a while.... Shortly  after, we stopped at an outlet of our favorite fast-food joint fo  lunch.....
> 
> 
> The Warden asked the gal behind the counter, "Where are we ?? How do y'all pronounce it ?"
> 
> 
> The gal responded , "BURR-Gurr- KING" !!


----------



## Just Cooking

PrincessFiona60 said:


>



+1...  

*"BURR-Gurr- KING" !!*

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40582



Good one. 

It reminded me of this one I saw on FB:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

Good cooks...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

Here you go.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

When its over..


----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## PrincessFiona60

DaveSoMD said:


> View attachment 40641



ROFL!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL, I so get the herding cats. Trying to get all of them out of a room before I close the door...suffice it to say, sometimes I have to go back in 15 minutes to let the one I missed out of the room.

And this morning I missed the dog...


----------



## DaveSoMD

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL, I so get the herding cats. Trying to get all of them out of a room before I close the door...suffice it to say, sometimes I have to go back in 15 minutes to let the one I missed out of the room.
> 
> And this morning I missed the dog...


ROTF I bet the dog was none too happy about that. [emoji1787][emoji1787]


----------



## PrincessFiona60

DaveSoMD said:


> ROTF I bet the dog was none too happy about that. [emoji1787][emoji1787]



She acted like she hadn't seen me in 72 hours, it was only 10 minutes when I decided to go looking for her. She's usually attached at the hip.


----------



## medtran49

Our Mindy has taken to sneaking out onto the screened in porch when we go out there to get something out of the refrigerator out there.  She spent a good portion of the night out there a week or so ago, but we both happened to wake up at the same time and realized she hadn't been to see us like she normally does.  Craig said oops, she might be outside because I forgot to check.  So, I got up to go see and sure enough, she was stretched out on top of boxes he has that have stuff for his work.  A couple of days ago, I woke up around 6 and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to get up.  When I got to the kitchen to get some water, heard meow, meow, meow, meow, meow progressively louder and then something started batting against the sliding glass door.  Guess who spent the night out?  Miss Mindy was not happy, yet she keeps going out there.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

medtran49 said:


> Our Mindy has taken to sneaking out onto the screened in porch when we go out there to get something out of the refrigerator out there.  She spent a good portion of the night out there a week or so ago, but we both happened to wake up at the same time and realized she hadn't been to see us like she normally does.  Craig said oops, she might be outside because I forgot to check.  So, I got up to go see and sure enough, she was stretched out on top of boxes he has that have stuff for his work.  A couple of days ago, I woke up around 6 and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to get up.  When I got to the kitchen to get some water, heard meow, meow, meow, meow, meow progressively louder and then something started batting against the sliding glass door.  Guess who spent the night out?  Miss Mindy was not happy, yet she keeps going out there.



I rarely close Latte anywhere, she doesn't follow me around much anymore (21.5 years old), usually sleeping on her rocking chair in a pile of towels. The babies on the other hand, Hazel and Hermione beat me to wherever I am going and they are stubborn about leaving. 'Mione is pretty good about leaving, she does not like being picked up, being kissed and hugged. Hazel on the other hand will hide, if I can see him, he loves being picked up, etc. It's usually Buttercup who lets me know I've closed someone up, she can't stand not having her cats to boss around.


----------



## GotGarlic

medtran49 said:


> Our Mindy has taken to sneaking out onto the screened in porch when we go out there to get something out of the refrigerator out there.  She spent a good portion of the night out there a week or so ago, but we both happened to wake up at the same time and realized she hadn't been to see us like she normally does.  Craig said oops, she might be outside because I forgot to check.  So, I got up to go see and sure enough, she was stretched out on top of boxes he has that have stuff for his work.  A couple of days ago, I woke up around 6 and couldn't get back to sleep, so I decided to get up.  When I got to the kitchen to get some water, heard meow, meow, meow, meow, meow progressively louder and then something started batting against the sliding glass door.  Guess who spent the night out?  Miss Mindy was not happy, yet she keeps going out there.


We have a sunroom off the kitchen/laundry area with an extra fridge and freezer, and a run of countertop with cabinets below. DH has put a lamp in there with a black light. One of our cats, Arwen, likes to sleep there on the counter sometimes in the summer.

That's the only counter where the cats are allowed, btw [emoji38] No food prep is done there.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Midnight (cat #1) loved exploring the garage.  We'd make sure the door was down (except for that one time...: ) and then let her out to play. There were a couple of times we'd head up the steps to bed, wondering why Midnight wasn't darting between our legs, trying to trip us. Checked the garage - yup, she's sitting right outside the door to the house with the most p'ed off look a cat could muster.  We haven't had a cat in the house for years (and LittleBit wasn't fond of the garage anyway) but I still check the garage every night before heading to bed. Mostly to make sure the door is down now.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Hope Y'all enjoyed Cat Week !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Governor Ducey has extended our States Stay At Home order ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Our recycle bin before the Trash Man came last week ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 40722
> 
> View attachment 40723
> 
> View attachment 40724



all 3 are winners...  

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Whatever kind of canine that is, it's pretty funny.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

taxlady said:


> Whatever kind of canine that is, it's pretty funny.



It's a Hyena!


----------



## dragnlaw

Best buddies with this Naked Chicken...  he was sitting on the hyena's back at the time...


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> It's a Hyena!



I was trying to decide between hyena and painted wolf (African wild dog). But, the arched back says hyena.


----------



## Souschef

Our hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
 While working as a student nurse, however, I found one elderly   gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his   feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
 After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
 On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
 "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Souschef said:


> Our hospital regulations require a wheelchair for patients being discharged.
> While working as a student nurse, however, I found one elderly   gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his   feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
> After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
> On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown.



ROFL

Waiting for the day when somebody stops me from leaving the facility


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## taxlady

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 40806



Love it.


----------



## dragnlaw

I'm gonna peel mine.


----------



## DaveSoMD

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 40800



Love this!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## PrincessFiona60

DaveSoMD said:


> View attachment 40826



ROFL!  That's where my socks go...


----------



## taxlady

DaveSoMD said:


> View attachment 40826



.....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Souschef

*Weight Loss?*

Too Funny


----------



## taxlady

Souschef said:


> Too Funny





Well, I have heard that they aren't doing autopsies when the cause of death is Covid-19.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Made me laugh right out loud.
.
.


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

What??? Unclear on the concept..


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL   

New Requirement Laws for Face Masks better specify WHAT PART OF THE FACE needs to be covered.


----------



## Kayelle

dragnlaw said:


> LOL
> 
> New Requirement Laws for Face Masks better specify WHAT PART OF THE FACE needs to be covered.




Does this answer your question?


----------



## dragnlaw

*Kayelle*  -  I can't stop giggling....


----------



## taxlady

Kayelle said:


> Does this answer your question?


----------



## Kayelle

Keep in mind, a photo would have been worthy of being deleted as obscene. It's only a drawing.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Stole this from FB.
.


----------



## Kayelle

*^^ rotflmao....*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

Really good ones today LT...thanks.


----------



## Katie H

taxlady said:


> Stole this from FB.
> .



 I was thinking that she might have swallowed her bubble gum and then, um, passed gas.

Just sayin'.


----------



## Just Cooking

Katie H said:


> I was thinking that she might have swallowed her bubble gum and then, um, passed gas.Just sayin'.


----------



## taxlady

Katie H said:


> I was thinking that she might have swallowed her bubble gum and then, um, passed gas.
> 
> Just sayin'.



Another one I stole from FB


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 40911



Sounds like a good idea.


----------



## Rocklobster

.....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Dinner suggestion?


----------



## Souschef

On Tuesdays we gather on Zoom, 

From backyard to family room;
 Pour your wine, gin or beer, 

Or whatever brings cheer, 

Together we'll dispel some gloom.


----------



## Souschef

*Sis Boom Baa*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wzA2A2T1Q


----------



## Souschef

*And then there was the Siamese elephant story ROFLMAO*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2OkR35ketA


----------



## Cooking Goddess

While I was never a fan of Carol Burnett (I know, that's almost un-American), I absolutely loved Tom/Tim Conway. His "Dorf" character was so silly! 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pEig1D4sJdI


----------



## medtran49

You can actually buy DVDs with Dorf.  Craig LOVES Tim Conway as Dorf and I got him some for his birthday 1 year.  We get them out and play them every now and again.


----------



## luckytrim

PC Today !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Just leaving this here...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kayelle

I LMAO with all the above ^ TY.


There will never ever be another comedy team like these two guys..*priceless entertainment...
*
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQMGgMw-gq0&feature=emb_rel_pause


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

^^^^


----------



## DaveSoMD

Souschef said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76wzA2A2T1Q


What is the sound of an exploding sheep?  

Yes I knew that without watching. Do not ask me why I remember that, I have no clue.


----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## Farmer Jon

I don't remember if I posted this one yet.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Dawgluver




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Dawg, Bahaha


----------



## Dawgluver

taxlady said:


> Dawg, Bahaha





Uncanny resemblance of my baking skills!


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Dawgluver said:


> Uncanny resemblance of my baking skills!



ROFL!!!


----------



## Souschef

*Prevention*

Great idea!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Funny, but then not funny --- it's true!


----------



## Souschef

Too Funny


----------



## Andy M.

Souschef said:


> Too Funny



Extra safe. You can back in.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## DaveSoMD

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 41108
> 
> Funny, but then not funny --- it's true!


We have been watching a realty show called Hawaii Life so I know it is very true! [emoji26]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

WOWZERS !  Back to "A" already ???


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

*I don't know who wrote this but whoever you are, it's brilliant and hilarious.  
*


I  hope they give us two weeks notice before sending us back out into the  real world. I think we'll all need the time to become ourselves again.  And by "ourselves" I mean lose 10 pounds, cut our hair and get used to  not drinking at 9:00 a.m.


· New monthly budget: Gas $0 Entertainment $0 Clothes $0 Groceries $2,799.


· Breaking News: Wearing a mask inside your home is now highly recommended. Not so much to stop COVID-19, but to stop eating.


·  Low maintenance chicks are having their moment right now. We don't have  nails to fill and paint, roots to dye, eyelashes to re-mink, and are  thrilled not to have to get dressed every day. I have been training for  this moment my entire life!


· When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some people.


· I stepped on my scale this morning. It said: "Please practice social distancing. Only one person at a time on scale."


· Not to brag, but I haven't been late to anything in over 6 weeks.


· It may take a village to raise a child but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home school one.


· I wanted zombies and anarchy. Instead we got working from home and toilet paper shortages.


· Worst-Apocalypse-Ever!


· You know those car commercials where there's only one vehicle on the road - doesn't seem so unrealistic these days ...


· They can open things up next month, I'm staying in until July to see what happens to y'all first.


· Day 37: The garbage man placed an AA flyer on my recycling bin.


· The spread of Covid-19 is based on two things:


o How dense the population is...and...


o How dense the population is!


o  Appropriate analogy: "The curve is flattening so we can start lifting  restrictions now" = "The parachute has slowed our rate of descent, so we  can take it off now".


· People keep asking:  "Is Coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the churches and  casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing it's  probably pretty serious.


· Never in a million years could I have imagined I would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.


· Home school Day 1: I'm trying to figure out how I can get this kid transferred out of my class.


· Putting a drink in each room of my house today and calling it a pub crawl.


· Okay, the schools are closed. So, do we drop the kids off at the teacher's house or what?


· For the second part of this quarantine do we have to stay with the same family or will they relocate us? Asking for myself...


·  Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We wander around the house  looking for food. We get told "No" if we get too close to strangers and  we get really excited about going for walks and car rides.


· The dumbest thing I've ever bough t was a 2020 planner ...


· I was in a long line at 7:45 am today at the grocery store that opened at 8:00 for seniors only.


o  A young man came from the parking lot and tried to cut in at the front  of the line, but an old lady beat him back into the parking lot with her  cane.


o He returned and tried to cut in again  but an old man punched him in the gut, then kicked him to the ground and  rolled him away.


o As he approached the line for the 3rd time he said, "If you don't let me unlock the door, you'll never get in there."


Enjoy your day. You don't have anything else to do.


_Wash your hands 
_


----------



## taxlady

Good one Kayelle. Some of those lines were laugh out loud funny.


----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle

taxlady said:


> Good one Kayelle. *Some of those lines were laugh out loud funny.*




No doubt many were real knee slappers…both for me   and thinking of my sweet daughter in law locked up with educating our 6 yr   old Cheyenne…..


· New monthly budget: Gas $0 Entertainment $0 Clothes   $0 Groceries (and wine) $2,799.·

 Low maintenance chicks are having their   moment right now. We don't have nails to fill and paint, roots to dye,   eyelashes to re-mink, and are thrilled not to have to get dressed every day.   I have been training for this moment my entire life!


· When this quarantine is over, let's not tell some   people.

 It may take a   village to raise a child but I swear its going to take a vineyard to home   school one.


· Worst-Apocalypse-Ever!


· They can open things up next month, I'm staying in   until July to see what happens to y'all first.


 People keep   asking: "Is Coronavirus REALLY all that serious?" Listen y'all, the   churches and casinos are closed. When heaven and hell agree on the same thing   it's probably pretty serious.


· Never in a million years could I have imagined I   would go up to a bank teller wearing a mask and ask for money.


· Home school Day 1: I'm trying to figure out how I   can get this kid transferred out of my class.


· Okay, the schools are closed. So, do we drop the   kids off at the teacher's house or what?


· Coronavirus has turned us all into dogs. We wander   around the house looking for food. We get told "No" if we get too   close to strangers and we get really excited about going for walks and car   rides.


· The dumbest thing I've ever bought was a  2020 Daily Planner​


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## cookieee

Luckytrim, where are you? Please be alright.


----------



## luckytrim

Sorry, I'm Late !! Bad HAIR day


----------



## cookieee

Darn, can't work the PM thing. Did you get my reply?


----------



## luckytrim

Yes, My Friend ... Twice ....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## GotGarlic

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 41255


Lol. I somehow fell into the pig pen at my great-grandparents' farm when I was little. My dad grabbed me out of there so fast!! [emoji16]


----------



## luckytrim

.Somehow, I didn't find that funny , Farmer John.........


----------



## dragnlaw

Agree with lucky  - sad comment on the human race - guess we're headed for collapse just like the Roman Empire.

OTOH, a little macabre but...   good ol' hogs!  Waste not, want not!  LOL


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Marriage" Week


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## Cooking Goddess

luckytrim said:


>


I have told people for decades that Himself can't hear two different pitches: high-pitch noises, and when his wife asks him to do something. 

Except I have to qualify that second part. Granted he ignores me when I ask him to do any work around here. (Think of Maynard on the "Dobie Gillis Show"). However, Himself is even cheaper than he is adept at avoiding house repairs. My dryer stopped drying. He did a little trouble-shooting, found the problem, ordered the part. It came in yesterday afternoon; he had the dryer heating again by late last night. My Hero!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

I cant remember if I shared this one yet. I giggled a little bit every time I run across it.


----------



## luckytrim

LOL - Good one John !!!!
Truth in Humor !!


----------



## Andy M.

Farmer Jon said:


> I cant remember if I shared this one yet. I giggled a little bit every time I run across it. View attachment 41316



Also, NEVER BUY A DOG WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!


----------



## Farmer Jon

Andy M. said:


> Also, NEVER BUY A DOG WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK!


Hahahaha


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Andy M.

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 41319



Florida, right?


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

2020 4evr!


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> 2020 4evr!View attachment 41329



 Ain't that the truth!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

OMG....   can you imagine if that line had actually been in the movie?

We'd never hear the end of the theorizing!  LOL  too too funny


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> OMG....   can you imagine if that line had actually been in the movie?
> 
> We'd never hear the end of the theorizing!  LOL  too too funny


Jeez, you're right lol The conspiracy theorists would be ALL. OVER. IT.


----------



## Andy M.

My buddy Dave was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.       

He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died.

Dave wanted two things:

• to learn how to invest his inheritance and,
• to find a wife to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

Her natural beauty took his breath away        

"I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million dollars."

Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## msmofet

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 41349


ROTFL

Just put bag between your palms and then rub them a few times.


----------



## dragnlaw

Well, I was at the grocer's and a young boy at checking, trying to do exactly that...  struggling to open a thin plastic bag..  

I said "Go ahead, lick your fingers."  He broke down laughing.  I didn't expect to get such a reaction, we both chuckled thru-out the whole check-out.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

End of Marriage Week .........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## taxlady

Good ones Andy, and timely.


----------



## msmofet

Kitty waving

https://giphy.com/gifs/f5edeLEUyvTBPYsT3w/html5


----------



## taxlady

msmofet said:


> Kitty waving
> 
> https://giphy.com/gifs/f5edeLEUyvTBPYsT3w/html5



That's soooooo cute.


----------



## dragnlaw

mine doesn't wave..


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> mine doesn't wave..



I had to wait a bit before it waved.


----------



## dragnlaw

nope  

but it's OK, I get the point.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Hee-Hee.


----------



## Katie H

Cooking Goddess said:


> Hee-Hee.
> View attachment 41450


Somehow I don't get it.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

This is an oldie but goodie. I really need to have this sign made and hung in the cattle barn.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Katie H said:


> Somehow I don't get it.


Let's see if I can put it in different terms that doesn't make it more confusing, *Katie*. A guy comes home from work after it got dark. The neighborhood probably has street parking only, no driveways. Decides to be cute and put a love note on what he thinks is his wife's car. Finds out the next day that he did not put it on his wife's car, but on someone else's car.  Figures the best way to "apologize" is to put a sign up explaining his mistake. Is that better? Or still clear as mud? I'm good at muddying the waters when I "clarify" stuff.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

word - play week


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

....... Where'd Everybody Go ....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Superman and Wonder Woman


----------



## cookieee

Thanks Taxlady, my two favorite comic book characters.


----------



## Josie1945

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 41519
> 
> View attachment 41520
> 
> View attachment 41521



Hey Lucky, I loved todays cartoons.
Thanks 
Josie


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## cookieee

luckytrim said:


> ....... Where'd Everybody Go ....



I'm still here and now I have my daughter and grandkids reading you every day. THANK YOU AGAIN SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!

PS  We are now also taking some of your quiz's. (just the ones that I think I can answer lol)


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

end of word play week !!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

Pretty accurate!


----------



## thefoodson

people say that nothing is impossible, but I do nothing everyday.... 
A.A. Milne


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL...Carpenter Ants!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Good ones LT. Funny and accurate.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Fun fact: the word "thagomizer" was coined by Gary Larson, in that cartoon. Nowadays, it is the term used by scientists for the spiky end of a dinosaur tail.

Thagomizer on Wikipedia


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 41690



Hahahaha


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I just did, too, taxy! It's perfect for these times.

Great find, lucky!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Food week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Sigh.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Sigh.
> View attachment 41751



Yup.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kayelle




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I have seen that picture of the eagle before. But, this is the best caption I have seen yet.


----------



## taxlady

I may have shared this one before, but it still makes me giggle. I guess I am a six year old.


----------



## dragnlaw

Me too, *taxy*, me too!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Some people are taking this virus thing *very* seriously [emoji16]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL...   Zakowski was hired right away - no interview required!


----------



## luckytrim

monster week !!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Ooh, I love the Lego one.


----------



## luckytrim

.....When SNL was Funny !





https://video.search.yahoo.com/yhs/search?fr=yhs-Lkry-SF3&hsimp=yhs-SF3&hspart=Lkry&p=land%20shark%20SNL#id=1&vid=85d86f2cb7364d7cf2a3c84f7d0e3762&action=click


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

End of Monster Week ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> ....View attachment 42214



groan


----------



## dragnlaw

taxlady said:


> groan



ditto


----------



## Lisa B

taxlady said:


> groan


This genuinely made me laugh out loud.


----------



## taxlady

The beauty of the pun is in the oy of the beholder.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Those are hilarious, lucky. Just like usual.


This one is so me in warm weather! When it's cool, I suppose my type is Merl-O.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

.....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

ROFL!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

.......and back to "A"...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Good one LT. It reminds of something I saw on Facebook.

*They say it takes a village to raise a child. It will take an entire orchard to home school one.*


----------



## Sir_Loin_of_Beef




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

Eggcellent!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

See, this is just one reason why I'll probably never buy an instant pot...


----------



## GotGarlic

Cooking Goddess said:


> See, this is just one reason why I'll probably never buy an instant pot...
> 
> View attachment 42538


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Cooking Goddess said:


> See, this is just one reason why I'll probably never buy an instant pot...
> 
> View attachment 42538



Totally stole that one!


----------



## luckytrim

It's *i*ndians week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 42565


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji53]


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> [emoji53]View attachment 42594


----------



## taxlady

LT, GG, Both of those 2020 jokes are hilarious, sad, but hilarious.


----------



## GotGarlic

Gotta laugh or we're gonna cry, right? [emoji16] / [emoji22]


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Laugh or drink, *GG*. But if I'm gonna drink white wine, I'll uncork the bottle or open the box myself, thank you.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

End of Indian Week ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL...  good one GG!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> ....View attachment 42690


----------



## dragnlaw

I have found that 3 Tbsp per egg goes well. 
Drizzle with Madeira to serve.


----------



## luckytrim

M -  Let's pay tribute to Mothers-in-Law !


----------



## Just Cooking

YUP!!


----------



## dragnlaw

just cooking said:


> yup!!



+1  lol


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## Andy M.

GotGarlic said:


> .... View attachment 42752




I don't hear anything.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

GotGarlic said:


> .... View attachment 42752



ROFL!!


----------



## taxlady

PrincessFiona60 said:


> ROFL!!



+1 and Andy's reply was funny too.


----------



## dragnlaw

Don't get it...


----------



## PrincessFiona60

dragnlaw said:


> Don't get it...



Simon and Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence"


----------



## dragnlaw

egads..  have hidden my sons' mallet.

thank you Princess


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## msmofet

GotGarlic said:


> .... View attachment 42752





dragnlaw said:


> Don't get it...





PrincessFiona60 said:


> Simon and Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence"


OOPS. I thought it was because the menu looked like the ten commandments tablet.


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> I don't hear anything.


----------



## luckytrim

S is for .................


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> S is for .................View attachment 42778
> 
> View attachment 42779
> 
> View attachment 42780



That first one took me a minute.


----------



## Kathleen

GotGarlic said:


> .... View attachment 42752





Andy M. said:


> I don't hear anything.





msmofet said:


> OOPS. I thought it was because the menu looked like the ten commandments tablet.



It just kept getting better and better!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

luckytrim said:


>


My friend's husband used to wake her during the night because he kept pressing the TV remote even though he wasn't holding one.


----------



## luckytrim

V is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

​


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I was reminded of the birds called boobies in a game thread here on DC. That reminded me of this short (2:26) video

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oGdVSvsiaOk


----------



## luckytrim

Good One, TL !


----------



## dragnlaw

yup, good one taxy!  put a smile on me, cute and clever.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## luckytrim

X - I'll be skipping this letter after today's X- Gen Funnies.........


----------



## luckytrim

Y is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

GotGarlic said:


> .... View attachment 42918



soo cute!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

"... their most valuable resource."


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

What's even funnier is the fact that people even think of a firefly cartoon!! 

LOL


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

K is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

L is for ....the Lockhorns !


----------



## luckytrim

M is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Omg   wtf   lol


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*K-Girl*, that reminds me of an old, old joke from back when I was a kid. We were at a party to celebrate some occasion (cousin's high school graduation, maybe?) at  an uncle's house. His wife was a rather stuffy, thought she was better than most people kind of person. My Mom had told a joke to my Dad's sister about a foul-mouthed young lady being sent off to a finishing school, where they taught her to use the word "fantastic" anytime she wanted to use the word "bull....". A little while later, my Aunt-in-law was walking around pointing out all the new decorating, furnishings, and accessories that she had done since we were there the last time. I though my Mom was going to split a gut as my Aunt H would exclaim "Fantastic!" each time Aunt Fuddy-Duddy pointed out something new.


----------



## dragnlaw

*CG* - I had a similar story about a young southern girl sent to finishing school. After graduation she had occasion to meet another southern girl from a very rich family. This girl was continually bragging about how her daddy would buy her this and that for graduation, engagement, wedding etc. After each of these descriptions the young girl would say "That's nice" 
She finished the conversation by saying although her daddy couldn't afford to buy her all those gifts, he was able to send her to a fine finishing school where they taught her to say  "That's nice!  instead of f.. y..!"

So peoples!  just remember these stories when you brag and hear "Fantastic" and "That's nice."


----------



## luckytrim

'O' is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ....


----------



## Just Cooking

Uh huh.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kgirl,


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 43193



I can relate.  My father was a physician and he must have gotten an "A" in handwriting demolition.

Having said this, when we (my sibings) received notes from Santa and the Easter Bunny, his handwrighting was nothing short of stellar.

Never mind.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Say hello to Autumn!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...


----------



## DaveSoMD




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Just Cooking

AND so true..


----------



## dragnlaw

I have an extremely rude password....   and my daughter then told me that is one one of most common used...


----------



## taxlady

Any system that can read what your password isn't secure. It should read a "hash" of your password and match the hash of what you type to the stored hash.

But, yes, that is often how resetting a password feels. I don't think it only applies to seniors.


----------



## GotGarlic

taxlady said:


> Any system that can read what your password isn't secure. It should read a "hash" of your password and match the hash of what you type to the stored hash.
> 
> But, yes, that is often how resetting a password feels. I don't think it only applies to seniors.


For many years, I've been using RoboForm, an encrypted password manager and form filler. It can also generate a password using a variety of criteria and "remember" it for you. Just FYI.


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

It's 'ALIENS' Week !!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Oh, that's a good one Kgirl.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 43369


----------



## taxlady




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

End of Aliens Week ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Did you notice ??  

Casper is really the ghost of Richie Rich .........


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

It's dentist week !


----------



## dragnlaw

I remember those times...   so long ago


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

*Run...  run...  hide*    that date is almost here!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Just Cooking

Was this a mistake?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 43677


.
.
.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## DaveSoMD

Cooking fun...er pun. [emoji38]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....  my grandchildren's chant


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*Kgirl.*..   it's soo good to know I'm not alone! 

 I keep feeling the top of my head to make sure it's closed.  If I bend over everything will spill out and *that ruddy music will still be playing *somewhere!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Kathleen

All are epic!  ::


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ....IN-LAWS !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Here in the midwest, that's as true as it is funny. 

Ross


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

no comment...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ......


----------



## Farmer Jon

Actually I like snow but I almost spit my coffee out when I seen this.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for .....


----------



## Kathleen




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Hmmm


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

No, no, no.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 44065



Where are you?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

This cracked me up.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 44169



ROFL!


----------



## Kathleen

*Boy Discovers Turkey's Gender*

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgKoADEaW9I


----------



## Andy M.

I saw this last week. I think it's hilarious! I completely understand his feelings.


----------



## taxlady

turkeys don't have penises. They have a cloaca instead.


----------



## Just Cooking

taxlady said:


> turkeys don't have penises. They have a cloaca instead.



Oh geeze.. so many possible puns here.   

Ross


----------



## GotGarlic

Poor kid. He's going to be traumatized for life [emoji1787]


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kathleen said:


> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgKoADEaW9I



Oh.My.GAWD!

I was rolling, tears streaming down my cheeks!
HILARIOUS!

I showed this video to DH, who does not cook, and the look on his face was PRICELESS!!!

He said, "I don't think I want to eat that now!"


Thank you, thank you, thank you Kathleen, you made my entire year!!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is For ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL   nativity scene!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

And then, this happens.


----------



## luckytrim

Kathleen said:


> And then, this happens.






I know what the SECOND thing I would do is ........... Clean myself up, and change my underwear...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 44439



Oh, we should be styling!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

kathleen said:


> *oh, we should be styling!*



bahahaha!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## bethzaring

Just ran across these...


----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 44439


Hey! How did you sneak into my Amazon purchases!? [emoji1787]

(Seriously, I have bought three pairs of jeggings, two with sparkles  Now looking up tutus! Gotta look cute in isolation)


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

#3 cracked me up. My daughter was born on December 12th and son on the 21st. I was so guilty of that. Clothes on B'Day, toys on Christmas. 

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

Love Santa humor!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Just wait!  the year ain't over yet!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Stole this on FB


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

[emoji38]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 44587


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 44606





Uh huh.  And when they left, the wise women would say:
- "That baby doesn't even look like Joseph."
- "That donkey they are riding has seen better days."  
- "How long do you bet it takes to get that casserole dish back?"
- "Joseph isn't even working right now!"
- "They let those filthy animals around that baby."
- "Did you see those sandals Mary was wearing with that gown?"
- "Virgin my a$$.  I knew her in high school."


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 44642



hahahaha!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 44642





Kathleen said:


> hahahaha!



Yup,


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 44673



 

Ow, ow, ow


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Poser of the Day ;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

I'm going to yell "JUMANJI" and hope for a reset to normal.


----------



## dragnlaw

Well said Princess.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

My Fireworks-loving neighbors would like to wish everyone a Happy 8:42 P.M. !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Well, The 2020'S  are finally over!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Something Andy wrote reminded me of this old commercial / PSA about the North American House Hippo.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBfi8OEz0rA


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Something Andy wrote reminded me of this old commercial / PSA about the North American House Hippo.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBfi8OEz0rA


Lordy, Himself is a house hippo! [emoji38] It seems like he sleeps 16 hours a day, he's up more at night than daytime, and he burrows into bed like it's his nest. This explains a lot!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Lordy, Himself is a house hippo! [emoji38] It seems like he sleeps 16 hours a day, he's up more at night than daytime, and he burrows into bed like it's his nest. This explains a lot!


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for Dummies ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Guess What Day It Is ............


----------



## dragnlaw

Happy Birthday Lucky?   

and please take your teeth off the cake...  gross!


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL... guess I just had an "epiphany"!


----------



## Andy M.

Wednesday???

Happy Birthday, Lucky.


----------



## Just Cooking

Happy Birthday, LT. Keep the fun stuff coming.  

Ross


----------



## Josie1945

Happy Birthday Lucky,

Josie


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Happy birthday, LT! I hope you're having a funtabulous day!


----------



## Kathleen

Happy Birthday!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for .........


----------



## Kathleen

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 44854



LOL....I so love Dairy Queen.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

LOL....I love all of these!


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

Conversation Lessons!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Oh.My.GOSH!
Nooooooo ... 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu0SFXFvgV0


----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Oh.My.GOSH!
> Nooooooo ...
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lu0SFXFvgV0



Bahaha


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

"Worst Vacation Ever!"    That is both of our cats on a boat!

Speaking of Cats:


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ...................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

OMGosh...  just looking outside and this is sooooooooo true!


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> OMGosh...  just looking outside and this is sooooooooo true!



  Yeah, really.


----------



## luckytrim

"W" s for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> OMGosh...  just looking outside and this is sooooooooo true!





taxlady said:


> [emoji38]  Yeah, really.


Why we live in Virginia and not Michigan... [emoji1787]


----------



## dragnlaw

and I'll repeat one of taxy's submissions... LOL  You have those rather large spiders there...  Wolf Spiders (?)


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> and I'll repeat one of taxy's submissions... LOL  You have those rather large spiders there...  Wolf Spiders (?)


Not that I know of. We do get some terrific nor'easters, but we have a generator, which allows us to stock up and stay home.


----------



## taxlady

GotGarlic said:


> Why we live in Virginia and not Michigan... [emoji1787]



Probably doesn't apply much where you live:


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Katie H

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 45197



Lost it?


----------



## dragnlaw

Pretty damn close!  

"In culture The Carolina wolf spider (H. carolinensis) is the official state spider of South Carolina, designated as such in 2000. South Carolina is the only U.S. state that recognizes a state spider."

Actually I had heard of Wolf Spiders a long time ago but didn't know a lot about them other than being _huge_.  Then a friend recently told me of a trip he had taken to Virginia camping and riding.  Putting up their tent the first night involved listening to several heavy thumps landing on their tent.

Needless to say they, much to their dismay, discovered their first encounters with the Wolf Spider.  LOL - glad i didn't go on that trip!  

Spiders don't really bother me.  In my house we have an understanding.  You live in the basement, I live upstairs.  You come up... you die.  You stay downstairs, I leave you alone.


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> Pretty damn close!
> 
> "In culture The Carolina wolf spider (H. carolinensis) is the official state spider of South Carolina, designated as such in 2000. South Carolina is the only U.S. state that recognizes a state spider."
> 
> Actually I had heard of Wolf Spiders a long time ago but didn't know a lot about them other than being _huge_.  Then a friend recently told me of a trip he had taken to Virginia camping and riding.  Putting up their tent the first night involved listening to several heavy thumps landing on their tent.
> 
> Needless to say they, much to their dismay, discovered their first encounters with the Wolf Spider.  LOL - glad i didn't go on that trip!
> 
> Spiders don't really bother me.  In my house we have an understanding.  You live in the basement, I live upstairs.  You come up... you die.  You stay downstairs, I leave you alone.


I don't mind most spiders. The rule at my house is that if you kill a spider, you have to eat it. I used to have cats and I like house rules to apply to everyone as equally as possible. But, I don't want to be surprised in my own home by a spider that big. I don't mind snakes, especially smaller ones. Heck, I even had a pet boa constrictor. But, I wouldn't want to meet something like the snake in that picture at my front door.


----------



## GotGarlic

dragnlaw said:


> Pretty damn close!
> 
> "In culture The Carolina wolf spider (H. carolinensis) is the official state spider of South Carolina, designated as such in 2000. South Carolina is the only U.S. state that recognizes a state spider."
> 
> Actually I had heard of Wolf Spiders a long time ago but didn't know a lot about them other than being _huge_.  Then a friend recently told me of a trip he had taken to Virginia camping and riding.  Putting up their tent the first night involved listening to several heavy thumps landing on their tent.
> 
> Needless to say they, much to their dismay, discovered their first encounters with the Wolf Spider.  LOL - glad i didn't go on that trip!
> 
> Spiders don't really bother me.  In my house we have an understanding.  You live in the basement, I live upstairs.  You come up... you die.  You stay downstairs, I leave you alone.


That explains why I don't camp in tents, either [emoji1787]

This is how I camp  


My dad had a pet boa constrictor when I was a kid. I remember taking the skin to school for show and tell one day.


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for .........


----------



## Just Cooking

That's me.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## taxlady

TATTRAT said:


>



I don't know what's going on. I can't see the picture. But, if I copy the URL, which I can see when I quote this post, I can paste that in a new tab and see the picture.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Back to "A" ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ..............


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ......


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

love it!


----------



## taxlady

"I'm with stupid", bahahaha


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

HA!

We rented a car back a few years ago that was "key-less" ... 
we had go find a car lot kid to show us how to start the dang thing!


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*Kgirl* - that is particularly funny today 

- we are having a big storm 

- it's my sister's birthday 

- and that's my mood


----------



## Kathleen

Is it the storm or sister's birthday that caused the mood?  The best Rx for grouchiness is hot cocoa, marshmallows, and delicious and adorable mini pies.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> *Kgirl* - that is particularly funny today
> 
> - we are having a big storm
> 
> - it's my sister's birthday
> 
> - and that's my mood



I saw this somewhere and it just hit my funny bone.
That Nor`Easter coming by you folks I had forgotten about... 
And Hauoli la hanau Sister Dragon`nette 



Kathleen said:


> Is it the storm or sister's birthday that caused the mood?  The best Rx for grouchiness is hot cocoa, marshmallows, and delicious and adorable mini pies.



*Kathleen*, maybe a shot of hooch in that Hot Chocolate wouldn't hurt either 
Ooh, some Bailey's Irish Cream or Frangelico ???


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Godiva's chocolate liqueur, K-Girl. [emoji6]


----------



## dragnlaw

You guys are too funny...  Love it!

I won't mention I just opened another bottle of wine..


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z7JL90KNlT0


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for .............


----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I saw this somewhere and it just hit my funny bone.
> That Nor`Easter coming by you folks I had forgotten about...
> And Hauoli la hanau Sister Dragon`nette
> 
> 
> 
> *Kathleen*, maybe a shot of hooch in that Hot Chocolate wouldn't hurt either
> Ooh, some Bailey's Irish Cream or Frangelico ???


Irish creme.....yes.....hmmmmm!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Made me smile.


----------



## taxlady

Just Cooking said:


> Made me smile.



Made me smile too. I betcha it's true.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

just cooking said:


> made me smile.


----------



## Kathleen

It *has* to be true.  I had a co-worker from China who wanted to go to Taco Bell.  Everyone got three regular tacos.  I ate mine as did two of the other co-workers.  Haun ate 1/2 of hers and carefully wrapped it up.  Then she took it with the other two tacos home and said, "Supper tonight and tomorrow plus lunch again!"

At a pot luck, all I can say is "One meatball is not a meal."


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1BVdqtDmKg


----------



## dragnlaw

*Kgirl* - I've seen it before but *THANK YOU!  so funny! *


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## pepperhead212

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 45496



I need those for when I walk down to the basement!  I go down there all the time, and get distracted - "here's something I should do while I'm down here.  Oh yeah, I meant to do this before...", and eventually I go upstairs, and immediately I see something on the counter, reminding me why I went downstairs!

Now, if only they made those in my shoe size...and I'd remember to put them on, to go downstairs!


----------



## pepperhead212

That kissing test was so funny!  We all need a laugh these days, and I appreciate these funnies!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

pepperhead212 said:


> I need those for when I walk down to the basement!  I go down there all the time, and get distracted - "here's something I should do while I'm down here.  Oh yeah, I meant to do this before...", and eventually I go upstairs, and immediately I see something on the counter, reminding me why I went downstairs!...



We have a two story house with a basement (where the washer and dryer are). I've said for years that you don't need a Stair Master when you have a bad memory and mine has been dreadful for decades!

Whenever my doctor asks if I exercise, I tell her my memory story - and add that I kinda lift weights, too, since I cook in cast iron.


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> We have a two story house with a basement (where the washer and dryer are). I've said for years that you don't need a Stair Master when you have a bad memory and mine has been dreadful for decades!
> *
> Whenever my doctor asks if I exercise, I tell her my memory story - and add that I kinda lift weights, too, since I cook in cast iron.*



I really gotta remember that!


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> We have a two story house with a basement (where the washer and dryer are). I've said for years that you don't need a Stair Master when you have a bad memory and mine has been dreadful for decades!
> 
> Whenever my doctor asks if I exercise, I tell her my memory story - and add that I kinda lift weights, too, since I cook in cast iron.



Same here, but we have our chest freezer in the basement too.  There are also spare canned goods and dry goods on shelving in the basement.

Last week I was going to bake some tourtière for supper. I went to the basement to pull it out of the freezer. I figured I would bring some extra stuff from the fridge freezer down to the chest freezer and bring up some stuff that we needed in the fridge freezer. I would also bring some stuff down from the most recent grocery delivery. When I got back upstairs, guess what I didn't bring - the tourtière, so we didn't have that for supper. I didn't have the spoons to go back down there. We spend most of our time in front of computers upstairs. So, going to the basement at the moment is something I generally avoid. I want a one story home.


----------



## Kathleen

You all are funny today!  Thanks!  I needed the laugh!

My contribution is not as good, but gave me a smile.

Boy: Mom, can I have a dime?

Mother: I gave you a dime yesterday.  What did you do with it?

Boy: I gave it to this little old lady who asked me for it.

Mom (bursting with pride): I'm so proud of you!  Here is another dime!  Why are you so interested in this old lady?

Boy: Because she is the one who sells the candy.


----------



## dragnlaw

*Kathleen* - you caught me on that one!   LOL!  good one!


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 45518



Oh my goodness, ain't that the truth?


----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...........


----------



## taxlady

That one about the anniversary. 

I had our anniversary inscribed on the inside of our wedding rings, so we could always remember and have an easy way to end the argument, if one of us remembered wrong.


----------



## luckytrim

....Wouldn't have worked for me, Taxie - Can't get the blamed thing off anymore ............


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> ....Wouldn't have worked for me, Taxie - Can't get the blamed thing off anymore ............



Not as bad as my husband's experience. We went on a low carb diet and we both lost a bunch of weight. His wedding ring fell off. After much searching, he found it and put it in a safe place. I'm sure you know about the infamous safe place.   We haven't seen it in years. Too bad, the ring would fit him now.


----------



## dragnlaw

luckytrim said:


> ....Wouldn't have worked for me, Taxie - Can't get the blamed thing off anymore ............



Just be careful there *lucky* - my mom had to go to a jeweler and have hers cut off when her finger turned a horrid colour.  Ring was much thinner when he stretched it out and repaired it... LOL


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ..............


----------



## bethzaring

My instant read thermometer appears to have told a joke.


----------



## dragnlaw

Doesn't your thermometer have sound?  Could you ask it to repeat the joke?  Think we would all love to hear it.  

Of course unless it's laughing at your burnt roast.


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ............


----------



## bethzaring

dragnlaw said:


> Doesn't your thermometer have sound?  Could you ask it to repeat the joke?  Think we would all love to hear it.
> 
> Of course unless it's laughing at your burnt roast.



(s)he wouldn't say.  Said, you had to have been there!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

That's tooooo  funny!  Trying to pack my hobbies - it's amazing what I have, well, maybe not to _you_ Kgirl. 

And the the funny looks I get from friends when they say "What on earth are you doing with THAT!"


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> That's tooooo  funny!  Trying to pack my hobbies - it's amazing what I have, well, maybe not to _you_ Kgirl.
> 
> And the the funny looks I get from friends when they say "What on earth are you doing with THAT!"




RIGHT?!
I wrangled all of my ONE hobby into Dollar Tree plastic buckets ... I haven't 'made' anything in, gosh, I don't know how long and yet I'm still shopping at Hobby Lobby and Michael's all.the.time!!!


----------



## dragnlaw

Privately, away from prying eyes - 

I will secretly pack in hidden places of boxes a small collection of STONES.  

Rather large but have already cleaned and sealed them ready to paint!  

I CAN'T throw them away! 

Of course, then I will have to find them once there - but what a lovely surprise when I do unpack - 

and I must remember to have my camera ready should someone be helping me and find one.  (for the look on their face)


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for .....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for .................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ..............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ............


----------



## msmofet




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for "ZEN"


----------



## luckytrim

Back to "A"............


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for............ Caveman Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Sending that to all my grandkids....   (and kids!)


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

Emma Royd.  I can see it happening.  You would be stunned to know what people name some kids.  

Sunny Breezy
Adonis VanCampen
Harley Davidson
Kelly K Kelley

My list goes on and on.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

The Cleveland Indians once had an outfielder named Howard Johnson. I kid you not! LOL!


----------



## luckytrim

A Philippine Catholic Leader was "Cardinal Sin"   No BS !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

That last one reminded me of something I saw on Facebook:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## phinz

A little nerd humor.


----------



## taxlady

phinz said:


> A little nerd humor.


----------



## luckytrim

End of "Caveman" week...


----------



## luckytrim

"D" stands for ... DEATH Week !!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Culinary Comic:

Our neighbor two doors over, has limited mobility and is home-alone, as his Wife is away for a week, babysitting their Grandson. Before she left, she said to me, "Ya know, Randy is gonna get pretty hungry, wink wink."  I regularly share dishes with them ... I gotcha Randy! 
I was plating up our dinner last night and made a plate for Randy too.
You folks all know I always take a snap shot of each meal that I put together; as I'm looking at this one, I'm thinking to myself ... this kinda, sorta, looks like Carmen Miranda!


----------



## dragnlaw

It's true it really does!  

Well done* Kgirl!*


----------



## medtran49

Kathleen said:


> Emma Royd.  I can see it happening.  You would be stunned to know what people name some kids.
> 
> Sunny Breezy
> Adonis VanCampen
> Harley Davidson
> Kelly K Kelley
> 
> My list goes on and on.



I knew a man named James James James.  He went by Jimmy.


----------



## taxlady

medtran49 said:


> I knew a man named James James James.  He went by Jimmy.



My Swedish grandfather's name was Gustaf August Gustafsson. People called him Gusten, which means The Gus.


----------



## luckytrim

medtran49 said:


> I knew a man named James James James.  He went by Jimmy.




When I was in the Navy, there was a man in my unit named Howard Boughdadt , not sure about the spelling ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

actually laughed out loud at the egg one. 

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## TATTRAT




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Katie H

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 45958



With bifocals, it might mean 4 glasses.  Yes?


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ....


----------



## Andy M.

1.  Dad, are we pyromaniacs?   Yes, we arson.

2.   What do you call a pig with laryngitis?   Disgruntled.

3.   Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.

4.   Why do bees stay in their hives during winter?   Swarm.

5.    If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.

6.    Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

7.    A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.

8.     I lost my job as a stage designer.   I left without making a scene.

9.    Never buy flowers from a monk   Only you can prevent florist friars.

10.   How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced?   A buccaneer.

11.   I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by.   I kneaded the dough.

12.   My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’.   It’s a cover band.

13.   I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.

14.   Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c?   Because you can’t see in the dark.

15.   Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock?   Well, time will tell.

16.   When I told my contractor I didn’t want carpeted steps, they gave me a blank stare.

17.   Bono and The Edge walk into a Dublin bar and the bartender says, “Oh no, not U2 again.”

18.   Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.

19.   Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.

20.   I’m trying to organize a hide and seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.

21.   I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts.   I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.

22.   What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar?  There, their, they’re.

23.   I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”

24.   What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision?   Suture self.

25.   I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes.   It’s all about raisin awareness.


----------



## dragnlaw

Well done *Andy!*  - have actually never heard a ONE of those.  I chuckled thru the whole list!


----------



## Kathleen

Most of those were new to me as well.  Thank you for the giggles and smiles!


----------



## taxlady

Stole this from Facebook. Lazy tip for car clocks: set it in Spring and leave it there. It's daylight time longer than regular time nowadays.


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for .....


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ..............


----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for .....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...........


----------



## Just Cooking

Uh huh..


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

Okay....all of these are funny!


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

some repeats are worth it...


----------



## luckytrim

Well Dragnlaw . back to the drawing board for tomorrow's Funnies, lol!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## phinz

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46129



I've driven past this exit so many times on the way back to Tennessee from Charleston. It makes me chuckle every time.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

Hmmm....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

All EGGcellent Easter funnies!  

love'em! 

and another repeat...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46201



This reminds me of a story. A friend of mine has smallish breasts. One day she was wearing a padded bra. She asked the friends who were over for supper, if they had noticed. My DH said that he had, but didn't want to embarrass her by mentioning it. She said, "You always say that they are 'large and nice'". After supper, somehow the topic of lady moustaches came up. Friend asks if anyone had noticed hers. My DH replied, "Yes, it is large and nice."


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

taxlady said:


> this reminds me of a story. A friend of mine has smallish breasts. One day she was wearing a padded bra. She asked the friends who were over for supper, if they had noticed. My dh said that he had, but didn't want to embarrass her by mentioning it. She said, "you always say that they are 'large and nice'". After supper, somehow the topic of lady moustaches came up. Friend asks if anyone had noticed hers. My dh replied, *"yes, it is large and nice."*



bahahahahaha!!!


----------



## Kathleen

taxlady said:


> This reminds me of a story. A friend of mine has smallish breasts. One day she was wearing a padded bra. She asked the friends who were over for supper, if they had noticed. My DH said that he had, but didn't want to embarrass her by mentioning it. She said, "You always say that they are 'large and nice'". After supper, somehow the topic of lady moustaches came up. Friend asks if anyone had noticed hers. My DH replied, "Yes, it is large and nice."



Epic.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

:Z: is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL  LOL


----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 46236


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

LT, I resort to frying bacon if the smell of coffee doesn't wake Himself up! [emoji1]


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ............


----------



## Just Cooking

I have to find this kid and put him/her in my will.  

Ross


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Love it, Ross! My aunt was skinny, a light eater. Some nights after dinner she would say she was stuffed. But when the topic of dessert came up after the meal (because we ALWAYS had dessert after dinner when I was a kid), she always had room. When I would point out that she just said she was full, she would tell me she had a special spot in her stomach that was for dessert only.


----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46220



For me, every single day.  



Just Cooking said:


> I have to find this kid and put him/her in my will.
> 
> Ross



Right?  I mean, little Blair has to be related to almost all of us!


----------



## dragnlaw

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46220



yup, me too! 

and yet my sons AND their kids can all say the alphabet backwards too!

I didn't dare let them know I have to mumble to myself while looking something up in the dictionary.

also.... any of you young'uns out there even_ know _what a dictionary is????


----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ..................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Hello! You're in the produce department! Just pick up a little water on your fingers from one of the displays that spray the veggies. Easy-peasy!

That's how I've been doing it since a few months into the pandemic.


----------



## Andy M.

I hate Siri!

Me: Hey Siri, set a timer for one hour.

Siri: For how long?

Me: One hour.

Siri: How long?

Me: 60 minutes

Siri: Ok. I've set a timer for one hour.

Me: AARRRGGGHHH!!!!!


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Artificial Intelligence my eye. [emoji38]

Himself has a Fire tablet. We're always amused by Alexa's replies. When we want a real answer,  though, we use one of our Android devices. Google even replies differently each time you thank her!


----------



## luckytrim

Me:  "Alexa, I Love You !"
Alexa: "Aw, that makes me smile from speaker to speaker."


----------



## Andy M.

When I want to use a voice command to lookup something, I use Google. Much better answers.


----------



## Katie H

Cooking Goddess said:


> Hello! You're in the produce department! Just pick up a little water on your fingers from one of the displays that spray the veggies. Easy-peasy!
> 
> That's how I've been doing it since a few months into the pandemic.



Been doing this before the pandemic.  Also, if you choose, keep some of the cart wipes and moisten your fingers with them.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> Hello! You're in the produce department! Just pick up a little water on your fingers from one of the displays that spray the veggies. Easy-peasy!
> 
> That's how I've been doing it since a few months into the pandemic.




Yes *CG*, I started doing this some time back too, but at my Green Grocer, I keep getting a good shock! 



Katie H said:


> Been doing this before the pandemic.  Also, if you choose, keep some of the *cart wipes and moisten your fingers with them*.



Great idea *Katie*!  Some of the places that I shop at have cart wipes and some do not, but I always have those individually wrapped ones in my hand bag


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

Bubble wrap!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kathleen said:


> Bubble wrap!!





When we moved this last time, we had very large sheets of the stuff as we were un-packing ... *Kathleen*, have you ever laid it all down on the floor and just walked over it?


----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> When we moved this last time, we had very large sheets of the stuff as we were un-packing ... *Kathleen*, have you ever laid it all down on the floor and just walked over it?
> 
> View attachment 46303


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kathleen said:


> I moved 9 times in 11 years once.  I could tap across it!  Step, step, jumpity jump!




Some things just turn you into a kid


----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> Some things just turn you into a kid



It really does not take much.  Wanna go ride bikes?  I'll bet we can catch the ice cream truck!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kathleen said:


> It really does not take much.  Wanna go ride bikes?  I'll bet we can catch the ice cream truck!



When we were getting ready to sell the Kaneohe house, we had the house painted and the Ice Cream truck came by at his usual time ... I yelled out really loud from the backyard, ICE CREAM MAN, ICE CREAM MAN!!! 
All of the guys stopped what they were doing and went running!!!!! 

*Kathleen*, I think that's it's probably a good idea that you and I are not neighbors ... we would get into _FAR_ too much trouble


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Okay Monday, let's do this!!


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for the ..........


----------



## Kathleen

Love the "Funnies!"  Thanks to all who posted them!!!!



Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> When we were getting ready to sell the Kaneohe house, we had the house painted and the Ice Cream truck came by at his usual time ... I yelled out really loud from the backyard, ICE CREAM MAN, ICE CREAM MAN!!!
> All of the guys stopped what they were doing and went running!!!!!
> 
> *Kathleen*, I think that's it's probably a good idea that you and I are not neighbors ... we would get into _FAR_ too much trouble



LOL.....well, one of us would.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## medtran49

That sweet little baby, no way!  It was a set up/frame job!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Caption this photograph please?


----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46363
> 
> Caption this photograph please?



Young Joe Cocker.  "You are so beautiful, to meeeee."

Ross


----------



## luckytrim

"We represent, the Lollipop Guild,
the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild,


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ..............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> Young Joe Cocker.  "You are so beautiful, to meeeee."
> 
> Ross



My first thought ... 



luckytrim said:


> "We represent, the Lollipop Guild,
> the Lollipop Guild, the Lollipop Guild,



... and my second thought.

BAHAHAHAHA!!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

I love some of these Salada Tea "tag lines".


----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## expatgirl

Love the comics!  Great way to start an early day with a cup of coffee!  Thanks y'all!!!


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for..........


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for  NOAH Week !​


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

Rare Photo of Stork Delivering Baby !!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

A Little COVID Humor ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ..............ODOR !!


----------



## luckytrim

It's people week !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kathleen

Happy World Naked Gardening Day!  (First Saturday in May)


----------



## GotGarlic

This is what came up on my feed today! [emoji16]


----------



## dragnlaw

gotgarlic said:


> this is what came up on my feed today! [emoji16]
> View attachment 46615



lol....   Love it!


----------



## Kathleen

GotGarlic said:


> This is what came up on my feed today! [emoji16]
> View attachment 46615



I gardened almost all day today too.    No worries though.  I wore appropriate protective gear.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

That last one about the supermarket reminded me of one I saw on FB:

I bought a toilet brush.
Long story short:

I switched back to toilet paper.


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

An awesome collection to bring smiles and chuckles!  Thank you all!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

Found this on FB.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Kgirl, that is tooo funny!  Made me LOL! 

 especially after all the thread on Spam! Well done girl!


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ........


----------



## lastmanstanding




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ............


----------



## RobinWhite90




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for "Wordplay Week"


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 46815



LOL. Isn't that silly of us? We have only had mobile phones for about 20 years and panic when we leave home without them. The silliest thing is, we seldom get calls.   

Ross


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Just Cooking said:


> LOL. Isn't that silly of us? We have only had mobile phones for about 20 years and panic when we leave home without them. The silliest thing is, *we seldom get calls*.
> 
> Ross



So true *Ross*!

When and _if _my cell phone ever rings,
it scares the pee-wad outta me!


We no longer have a land-line ...


----------



## Andy M.

We rarely get calls too. As a matter of fact some of my best friends are telemarketers!


----------



## dragnlaw

TOOOO FUNNY GUYS!  and absolutely true!


----------



## taxlady

My grocery list app, Our Groceries, is on my phone. I might want to call my husband or he might want to call me, when I'm shopping. I really don't expect (or want) calls from anyone else when I'm shopping.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## medtran49

How true.  There's this 1 place we occasionally  go to that I use the map to go because I always forget where to turn once we are nearly there.  Every single time though, about half way there, it wants me to take a right turn onto a side street, travel a few blocks, make a left, travel a few blocks, make another left, then a right back onto the same street I was originally on.  Every single time.  No construction, no detour, nothing to give Google Maps a reason to do that, yet every single time.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

medtran49 said:


> How true.  There's this 1 place we occasionally  go to that I use the map to go because I always forget where to turn once we are nearly there.  Every single time though, about half way there, it wants me to take a right turn onto a side street, travel a few blocks, make a left, travel a few blocks, make another left, then a right back onto the same street I was originally on.  Every single time.  *No construction, no detour, nothing to give Google Maps a reason to do that, yet every single time.*


----------



## Andy M.

medtran49 said:


> How true.  There's this 1 place we occasionally  go to that I use the map to go because I always forget where to turn once we are nearly there.  Every single time though, about half way there, it wants me to take a right turn onto a side street, travel a few blocks, make a left, travel a few blocks, make another left, then a right back onto the same street I was originally on.  Every single time.  No construction, no detour, nothing to give Google Maps a reason to do that, yet every single time.




We were headed to Burlington, VT for a nice weekend visit. I was using a GPS to guide me up the highway. We were directed to take the eastbound exit for a certain road, cross over the highway, get back on the highway headed in the opposite direction so we could take the westbound exit for that same road.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Andy M. said:


> We were headed to Burlington, VT for a nice weekend visit. I was using a GPS to guide me up the highway. We were directed to take the eastbound exit for a certain road, cross over the highway, get back on the highway headed in the opposite direction so we could take the westbound exit for that same road.



I do that all by myself, I don't need a GPS to tell me what to do.


----------



## Andy M.

PrincessFiona60 said:


> I do that all by myself, I don't need a GPS to tell me what to do.


----------



## taxlady

medtran49 said:


> How true.  There's this 1 place we occasionally  go to that I use the map to go because I always forget where to turn once we are nearly there.  Every single time though, about half way there, it wants me to take a right turn onto a side street, travel a few blocks, make a left, travel a few blocks, make another left, then a right back onto the same street I was originally on.  Every single time.  No construction, no detour, nothing to give Google Maps a reason to do that, yet every single time.



When there is a mistake like that, I send feedback to Google Maps. They have corrected a number of problems that I have pointed out. There is a link at the bottom right of the map for feedback. It might take a while. I have been pestering them about some directions to my house. I just checked on that and it's fixed.


----------



## Kathleen

taxlady said:


> My grocery list app, Our Groceries, is on my phone. I might want to call my husband or he might want to call me, when I'm shopping. I really don't expect (or want) calls from anyone else when I'm shopping.



I LOVE that app!  I also loved watching items get crossed off when Frank made a grocery run!  



PrincessFiona60 said:


> I do that all by myself, I don't need a GPS to tell me what to do.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Sadly tho, I have known a husband or two who were no far off this thinking.

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

I don't like most puns, but that is a good one, K-girl.


----------



## Kathleen

I love puns and play on words.  Am loving today.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

*What Women Want In A Man ...*

What I want in a Man, Original List   

1. Handsome
2. Charming
3. Financially successful
4. A caring listener
5. Witty
6. In good shape
7. Dresses with style
8. Appreciates finer things
9. Full of thoughtful surprises   

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 32)  

1. Nice looking
2. Opens car doors, holds chairs
3. Has enough money for a nice dinner   
4. Listens more than talks
5. Laughs at my jokes
6. Carries bags of groceries with ease
7. Owns at least one tie
8. Appreciates a good home-cooked meal
9. Remembers birthdays and anniversaries   

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 42)  

1. Not too ugly
2. Doesn't drive off until I'm in the car
3. Works steady - splurges on dinner out occasionally
4. Nods head when I'm talking
5. Usually remembers punch lines of jokes
6. Is in good enough shape to rearrange the furniture   
7. Wears a shirt that covers his stomach
8. Knows not to buy champagne with screw-top lids
9. Remembers to put the toilet seat down
10. Shaves most weekends   

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 52)  

1. Keeps hair in nose and ears trimmed
2. Doesn't belch or scratch in public
3. Doesn't borrow money too often
4. Doesn't nod off to sleep when I'm venting
5. Doesn't re-tell the same joke too many times
6. Is in good enough shape to get off the couch on weekends
7. Usually wears matching socks and fresh underwear
8. Appreciates a good TV dinner
9. Remembers your name on occasion
10. Shaves some weekends   

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 62)   

1. Doesn't scare small children
2. Remembers where bathroom is
3. Doesn't require much money for upkeep
4. Only snores lightly when asleep, doesn't fart in public
5. Remembers why he's laughing
6. Is in good enough shape to stand up by himself
7. Usually wears some clothes
8. Likes soft foods
9. Remembers where he left his teeth
10. Remembers that it's the weekend   

What I Want in a Man, Revised List (age 72)  

1. BREATHING  
2. DOESN'T MISS THE TOILET  


KEEP READING, THERE'S MORE BELOW  

AFTER  BEING MARRIED FOR 44 YEARS, I TOOK A   CAREFUL  LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,   "Darling, 44 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT,   A CHEAP  CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK  AND WHITE TV, BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GIRL.  NOW I HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA SCREEN TV, BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 65-YEAR-OLD WOMAN.  IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU'RE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS ."   

MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN.  SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT AND FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD GAL, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE  TV.   

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

LOL!


The Cataract in my right eye looks a lot like the Bat Signal !


----------



## luckytrim

Hope you enjoyed "word play" week !!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

OMG!  *Kgirl! * I have a bunch of those screwdrivers in my drawer!


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for ........... "Aliens Week" !!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

COVID Cartoon of the Day ;


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## dragnlaw

nah, nothing important but you might want to crawl back inside for another 7 years.

LOL, good one GG~


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

"Kwak" really struck my funnybone!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> "D" is for ............
> 
> 
> View attachment 47097
> 
> View attachment 47098
> 
> View attachment 47099



That first one reminded me of this, a drunk moose stuck in an apple tree, in Sweden.







Here's an article: Drunk Swedish elk found in apple tree near Gothenburg


----------



## medtran49

Poor thing.  I had a cousin that looked like that once from apples, not drunk though, too many not quite ripe apoles of the first of the season.


----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ..........


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## dragnlaw

LOL...  too funny Jon,  reminds me of my ex.  A savvy cop but NOT a country boy.  Walking up behind a horse who'd been out to pasture about 7 months, him - daydreaming, her - ears laid back, hind end hunched and ready. 

and he had the nerve to tell me I embarrassed him by yelling at him!  

ahhh, silly me, should have never said a word, would have been a widow instead of an ex...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 47140





That reminds me of a Dane (H.C. Andersen, I believe, but I won't swear to it.) who wrote that he had put a plaque on his umbrella that said something to the effect of "If you find this, keep it and send me $5" and there was an address. This person claimed to have received $5 in the mail eight or so times in two years.


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ................


----------



## Cooking Goddess

*True story*

When I was grocery shopping last week, I bought four small zucchini. After going through the checkout, I reviewed my register receipt to make sure everything was correct. (I do this every week before I leave the store because mistakes happen!) Rather than ring up my zucchini at 99 cents per pound, the cashier called them pickling cukes at the price of $1.99. When I went to customer service to get a price adjustment, the clerk asked if I wanted the zucchini reweighed.   All I could say was "I'm pretty sure they're going to weigh the same whether you call them zucchini or cucumbers...".


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> When I was grocery shopping last week, I bought four small zucchini. After going through the checkout, I reviewed my register receipt to make sure everything was correct. (I do this every week before I leave the store because mistakes happen!) Rather than ring up my zucchini at 99 cents per pound, the cashier called them pickling cukes at the price of $1.99. When I went to customer service to get a price adjustment, the clerk asked if I wanted the zucchini reweighed.   All I could say was "I'm pretty sure they're going to weigh the same whether you call them zucchini or cucumbers...".







That sounds like just about _any_ establishment here in Cowboyville!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

That's a good one, CG.


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Um...


----------



## dragnlaw

That's because they're from 'down under' and got 'up here' by mistake.


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .............


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## lastmanstanding

*The inventor of the umbrella was actually just going to call it brella*









*But he hesitated*


(from Reddit)


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ..............


----------



## lastmanstanding

luckytrim said:


> "N" is for ..............
> 
> 
> View attachment 47269
> [


In 1996 I guess, during the Lake House bomb blast and subsequent army operations around the place, I was just a few hundred meters away at the bus station. Helicopters and gunshots could be heard and people were running away. I hurried back to my hostel and switched on TV to a local channel to find "there's some incident going on in Colombo around Lake House. We will give you more information later." Then I switched to CNN where they were already there with a live cam. By the time the local channel reported the incident the whole country knew even how many people were dead.


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ..........


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> "S" is for ..........
> 
> 
> View attachment 47339
> 
> View attachment 47340
> 
> View attachment 47341



That third one,


----------



## dragnlaw

taxlady said:


> That third one,



Ditto


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for .............


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ..............


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> "W" is for ..............
> 
> 
> View attachment 47378
> 
> View attachment 47379
> 
> View attachment 47380



I can only find three "special symbols" in that middle one, the one from Bizzaro. There are supposed to be four. There's a little "4" above the author's signature.


----------



## Andy M.

Rabbit, pie, eye, dynamite.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> Rabbit, pie, eye, dynamite.



Thank you. I forgot that the bunny was one of the "secret symbols".


----------



## dragnlaw

LOL - I saw all those symbols but was never a big fan of Bizzaro so didn't know you were supposed to look for them and didn't know they were a "secret"!


----------



## lastmanstanding

upload photos online


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ............


----------



## taxlady

Stolen from FB


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

Bread...


----------



## Just Cooking

Smart Fridge


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for Alexa Week !


----------



## Just Cooking

Uh huh, uh huh.


----------



## dragnlaw

Just Cooking said:


> Uh huh, uh huh.



ditto, ditto


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## GotGarlic

Just Cooking said:


> Uh huh, uh huh.





dragnlaw said:


> ditto, ditto


My mom told me as a child, never pass up the opportunity to go to the bathroom. Excellent advice! [emoji16]


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Must be every Mom's line. When we were out whether on vacation or just for a ride, she made me go to the bathroom just before we got back into the car whether I needed to or not. [emoji1] It took Himself a while to get used to my "preemptive" pit stop.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

.Hope Y'all enjoyed "Alexa Week !"


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ..........


----------



## dragnlaw

true true - safety first when it's too hot to handle


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for  Cat Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

Never forget


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 47644
> 
> View attachment 47645
> 
> View attachment 47646





That last one reminded me.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...........


----------



## dragnlaw

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 47658



LOL...   you forgot the wringer washing machine!  

also the washing machine that emptied the water from the 'whites' rinse cycle into the laundry-tub then sucked it back in to do the dark wash.

Who still has laundry tubs - or even 2 of them side-by-side.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Took me a second - then scared the cat when I suddenly


----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for FRANKIE WEEK !


----------



## luckytrim

Baptism Ceremony in the era of COVID -


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## jameswaikom

*helpful  to live life happy*

It really helps to live life happy


----------



## jameswaikom

very nice!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for .............


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ............


----------



## dragnlaw

Scissors?  Don't get it.


----------



## luckytrim

Don't RUN WITH SCISSORS !


----------



## dragnlaw

egads, where am I?  

ever had someone tell you - 'BE CAREFUL!'  after you slip?  

like, why didn't you say that BEFORE I slipped?


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ................


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .....


----------



## taxlady

From Facebook


----------



## Kathleen

*My sister sent this to me!*

I can not shop at Costco anymore ))))Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me.  Guy behind me could not stop laughing.  Costco told me not to return when I am going to be such a disruption.


----------



## dragnlaw

They've been great guys!  Keep it up!


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## dragnlaw

Cat jumped with my LOL's this morning!  

Chicken coop - that's me!


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for .........


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for .....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 47963



Truth!


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Too much aerobic exercise to pick up
an ice cube!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Too much aerobic exercise to pick up
> an ice cube!



Bahahahaha!!!


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## taxlady

Hahahah, good descriptions


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Hahahah, good descriptions


Oh *taxy*, that is hilarious! I told Himself I knew just enough technology to get the joke before I read it to him, too. He then told me to share it with a friend on Facebook. Looks like this joke is going "home".


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> Oh *taxy*, that is hilarious! I told Himself I knew just enough technology to get the joke before I read it to him, too. He then told me to share it with a friend on Facebook. Looks like this joke is going "home".





I really want to dump Windog and switch to Linux. I'm just not willing to start building light bulbs.

Do you want the link or is the attachment good enough?


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Cooking Goddess

*taxy*, I already posted it on FB. It took some work, but I put up a nice cropped image. When it comes to manipulating photos and screenshots, I rank about -1 on a scale of 1-10.  I'm good if I can take a photo with my phone (or grab a screen shot), then crop it from there. However, with the app not working on my phone (or tablet) I opened a browser window to log into DC. Meanwhile, it appears that DC is having issues that have some glitching going on that way, too.  The "User CP" gives me nada. It's like I needed to use a ladder to "The Back Porch" because the steps don't work. I scavenger-hunted my way over to your post and *voila* copied the image.

I know I'm crabbing about a free app. I should appreciate it more than I do.It's just that when I sign in on my laptop, I lose track of time. If I'm on my phone, I'm usually leaning against the counter for a quick check. Once I sit down...

There's a Progressive Insurance ad that says it best: Progressive told you how easy it is to save online, they just didn't warn you about the rest of the internet..."


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...........


----------



## taxlady

Well, that's rude


----------



## Andy M.

taxlady said:


> Well, that's rude
> 
> View attachment 48032



What the heck did you do!?!?!?


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ..........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*Hey!  *

We can't both share the same SuperPower!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Bahahaha!


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for .......


----------



## dragnlaw

All of these are great today, lucky! Thank you!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 48187



HEH!
I said that!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 48191



Bahaha  Nope, I wouldn't be able to say that straight faced.


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .................


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ..............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Cooking Goddess

lucky, the cookies and milk one is great!


----------



## dragnlaw

Cooking Goddess said:


> lucky, the cookies and milk one is great!



ditto...   have passed it on!


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ..............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ..........


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ............


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ........


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

Life Imitates ................


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ..............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for .............


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady




----------



## dragnlaw

Dance, Microchips 

LOL


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Which Brings Us Back to "A"...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

* kgirl! *


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .......


----------



## dragnlaw

Good ones Lucky!  can relate to all of them..


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

I simply must share this with you all:

We three started out on an afternoon adventure in town
when DH looks down as he's driving.
DH: We have to go home
Moi: Why? Is there something wrong?
DH: Yes
Moi: What is it?
DH: LOOK!
(as he points down at his feet)



DH: I've still got my house slippers on


We all were just dying laughing so hard ... 

Mom: I reminded you as we went out the door, what happened?
DH: *shrug* I don't pay attention AND I'm hard of hearing



p.s. this is NOT the first time he's done this!  
The day he went to the bank this way a few days earlier


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for .............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

funny Kgirl, funny!  

Think I might drop one off at our local test lab....


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 48757





dragnlaw said:


> funny Kgirl, funny!
> 
> Think I might drop one off at our local test lab....



I made one and gave it to my primary after my initial run in with colitis. His nurse asked me what I did as she had never in the 5 years she worked with him hear him laugh out loud. It stayed in that exam room for a couple of years last I saw him. Be nice to know if he still has it, but I haven't been back since we moved back home.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

PrincessFiona60 said:


> *I made one* and gave it to my primary after my initial run in with colitis. His nurse asked me what I did as she had never in the 5 years she worked with him hear him laugh out loud. *It stayed in that exam room for a couple of years* last I saw him. Be nice to know if he still has it, but I haven't been back since we moved back home.




I had to read this 
SEVERAL
times ... I thought you meant that you "made" one for him


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> I had to read this
> SEVERAL
> times ... I thought you meant that you "made" one for him



Oh I made several at the time, as in sent to the lab. But, the joke one was a one off.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ..............


----------



## GotGarlic

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for Old Age Week !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

OH WAIT!
It's Tuesday, same diff!


----------



## karadekoolaid

I worked with a chef a few years ago who made mashed potatoes with 3 tbsps of salt and 3 sticks of butter.
One day the police came and arrested him...
for assault and buttery.


----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age" Week ;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

..to get to the other slide ??


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## lastmanstanding

to divide it to four sections


----------



## lastmanstanding

AntHill5 said:


> Yes!  It's very funny!


 Yes to which answer? My answer or luckytrim's answer? Your answer is ambiguous. Please make it just guous.


----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age" Week ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age" Week ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age Week"


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age Week"


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Old Age" Week;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## karadekoolaid

luckytrim said:


> "P" is for .........



Nah! the "P" is silent.As in swimming.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## lastmanstanding

karadekoolaid said:


> Nah! the "P" is silent.As in swimming.


lol. This is a good one.


----------



## lastmanstanding

Moosedemeanor


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 48969



Bahaha


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for Sex Week !!


----------



## Andy M.

Interesting choice of artwork on the wall in the third panel.


----------



## luckytrim

Good catch, Andy !  



Variation on the theme -


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 48985



So funny!  The fridge in the front conference room at work is stocked with water bottles. The vendor ran out of the water we usually get, so he subbed a different brand. They were glass bottles, instead of plastic and had caps that needed a bottle opener. I thought I was cutting my hand off trying to twist it off. Next day there was a bottle opener on the side of the fridge.  No problem I must have 6 or 8 of them.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

princessfiona60 said:


> so funny!  The fridge in the front conference room at work is stocked with water bottles. The vendor ran out of the water we usually get, so he subbed a different brand. They were glass bottles, instead of plastic and had caps that needed a bottle opener. *i thought i was cutting my hand off trying to twist it off.* next day there was a bottle opener on the side of the fridge.  No problem i must have 6 or 8 of them.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"SEX" week, cont'd...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Hi, Gang ;


It's been pointed out to me that my Sex Week Cartoons may be a bit out of line for this Forum, so I'll be back after sex week is over... See ya Friday !
LT


----------



## lastmanstanding

luckytrim said:


> Hi, Gang ;
> 
> 
> It's been pointed out to me that my Sex Week Cartoons may be a bit out of line for this Forum, so I'll be back after sex week is over... See ya Friday !
> LT


Isn't that opinion changing now? Sex itself is changing and transgender is the new trend. Nothing to be concerned about a cartoon.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

lastmanstanding said:


> Isn't that opinion changing now? Sex itself is changing and transgender is the new trend. Nothing to be concerned about a cartoon.



Not in these forums and we are NOT all adults here. We have several members under 18 years. Try to keep our humor PG. Thanks


----------



## lastmanstanding

PrincessFiona60 said:


> Not in these forums and we are NOT all adults here. We have several members under 18 years. Try to keep our humor PG. Thanks


 Oh ok understood. My apologies. I honestly thought that the audience is all adults.


----------



## dragnlaw

It's a public forum and you don't have to be a member to "read" it.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

While my phone usually catches and hides known spam callers, sometimes a voicemail shows up. Just in case it's from someone I know calling from a number not in my contact list, I listen to them. The message that I got today made me chuckle. It was: "Sorry, you did not reveal yourself to be a human. Goodbye!"

At least the automated caller was polite. 




lastmanstanding said:


> Oh ok understood. My apologies. I honestly thought that the audience is all adults.


We might be adults, but that doesn't mean that we're grown up.


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for .............


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ........


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

dragn, that probably holds true for Massachusetts, too. [emoji23]


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> ....



But, shouldn't it be spelled "borcestershire shot"?


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for.....


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Which Brings us back to "A" ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 49207



YES....................


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for .......


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping.
 They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep.  
Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up:  ''Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.''
Watson says, ''I see millions of stars and even if a few of  those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if  there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be  life.''
Holmes replies: ''Watson, you idiot,  somebody stole our tent!''


----------



## Andy M.

luckytrim said:


> Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are going camping.
> They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep.
> Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up:  ''Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce.''
> Watson says, ''I see millions of stars and even if a few of  those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if  there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be  life.''
> Holmes replies: ''Watson, you idiot,  somebody stole our tent!''



Hmmm. Used to be the Lone Ranger and Tonto...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ..............


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Please caption this


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ...


----------



## GotGarlic

Andy M. said:


> Hmmm. Used to be the Lone Ranger and Tonto...


[emoji38]


----------



## GotGarlic

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 49303


----------



## luckytrim

Definitely worth the three minutes....


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRQxzvHJsUA


----------



## Andy M.

Hmmm. I take all of those!


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ....


----------



## dragnlaw

Think I know that guy on the island.  

Frog's Legs


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

*ISO*

*ISO* - in search of..   never knew that 

In Canada many companies have a sign plastered across the front of their buildings with 

*ISO ******* * insert long number* ****   which stands for 
International Organization for Standardization  
(and yes I know the letters don't match the title but hey, I didn't create it, don't shoot the messenger)

So it really had me puzzled when I first saw one of the threads with ISO -   who knew recipes were ISO rated!

Not only do they plaster these signs across their buildings, they are usually humongous banners - and half the time you have no idea the name of the company, much less what they do/make! 

Go figure.


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ..............


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

'N' is for ....


----------



## taxlady

Good ones LT. Reminds me of this one.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

This!!!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

[FONT=&quot]trivia 10/28[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]DID YOU KNOW... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]THE MIRAGE HOTEL IN LAS VEGAS HAS 12 GARDENERS ON ITS STAFF TO [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]CARE FOR ARTIFICIAL PLANTS. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1. Who Am I ??[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I am a political adviser to three Presidents of the United States and Secretary of State for two Presidents of the United States I was awarded the Nobel Peace prize for establishing a cease fire agreement with Le Duc Tho...[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]2. What Baseball team, during the 1930's, was nick-named the "Gas House Gang" ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]  a. – New York Yankees[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]  b. – Brooklyn Dodgers[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]  c. – Chicago White Sox[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]  d. - St. Louis Cardinals[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]3. What does the protagonist of The Gift of the Magi sell to buy a watch fob ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]4. The "Pinna" is the outer, visible part of your body's.............what ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]5. In what European city would you find the Spanish Steps ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]6. Fill in the blank; [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]When the first dinosaur bones were discovered in China over 2,000 years ago, they were [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]mistaken for ______ bones. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]7.Herb Alpert and Jerry Moss formed what recording company in 1962 ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]8. What does the National motto of Canada, "A mare use ad mare", translate to in [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]English ? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]TRUTH OR CRAP ?? [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Interstate 10, which runs from Santa Monica California to Jacksonville Florida, is the [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]longest continuous interstate highway in the USA. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]1. I am Henry Kissinger [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]2. – d[/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]3. her hair [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]4. ear [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]5. ROME [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]6. DRAGON [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]7. A & M RECORDS [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]8. "from sea to sea" [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]CRAP !! [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]That would be interstate 90, at 3,090 miles, which runs from Boston to Seattle. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Interstate 10 ain't no shortie, though. It stretches 2,460 miles. [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

OOPS !   What was I thinking when I posted yesterday's trivia here ???  I Dunno !!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

....


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> ....View attachment 49598



I love it. For me, there is a hand off to tea in the middle.


----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 49597



I wake up looking like an Ogre...


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNuVifA7DSU


----------



## Farmer Jon

Push play button


----------



## Andy M.

Farmer Jon said:


> View attachment 49635
> Push play button



PLAY button doesn't work.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> PLAY button doesn't work.



I guess we are the asses.


----------



## Just Cooking

taxlady said:


> I guess we are the asses.



I was afraid that someone would point that out. 

Ross


----------



## dragnlaw

oh dear..  guess I'm in there too!  but that's ok, my ass is big enuf to take it! 

LOL  good one Jon and well done taxy


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

THX, Cris !


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for .....


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ..........


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for .....


----------



## Just Cooking

Hmmm


----------



## dragnlaw

yup, yup, purty sure he's got that right!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

Which brings us back to "A" .........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Just Cooking

Oh geeze...  I could sooo make a political comments right now..  

Ross


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ...........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for .... Dentist Week !


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## AllRicksStuff

I never thought my hands would consume more alcohol than my mouth.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I need to find that pasta, so I can make password protected alphabet soup.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Just Cooking

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 50027



No wonder I laugh so often now.  

Ross


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for....


----------



## luckytrim

Welcome to Fish Week !!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

A local farmer drives two miles into town to get  his truck fixed. The mechanic says he doesn’t have that particular part in stock  and asks the farmer if he could leave the truck overnight to which he agrees and  decides to walk home.

On his way he stops at the general store and picks  up a bucket, a can of paint, a goose and two chickens. He steps outside  wondering how he’s going to get all of this home while walking.

While he  contemplates this, a nice looking, middle aged women approaches him and ask if  he knows where 327 Mockingbird Lane is. He replies that he does and tells her  its right on the way to his farm and he could walk her there but he’s still  having a hard time figuring out how to get the paint, bucket, goose and two  chickens home.

She suggests ‘well you could put the can of paint in the  bucket, hold the goose in the other hand and put a chicken under each arm. He  agrees that’s a good idea and they head to their destination.

On the way  he suggests going down this alley will be a shortcut that will cut off their  walk time.

She balks saying she is recently widowed has no man to protect  her and what’s to keep him from having his way with her while in the  alley.

He says ‘ma’am, in one hand I’m holding a bucket with a paint can,  the other hand has a goose and I’ve got a chicken under each arm, how in the  world could I possibly do that ?

She says ‘well you could put the goose  down, cover it with the bucket and place the paint can on top and I’ll hold the  chickens!


----------



## karadekoolaid

Walked into a bar last night.
OUCH!
Metal bar.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon

Merry Christmas!


----------



## luckytrim

Hope You Enjoyed Fish Week !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

That would be me...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for .............


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

*"L" is for ....*
*
*
*



*


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

The perfect Stocking Stuffer


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

*"M" is for ...*

*



*


----------



## luckytrim

*"N" is for ...*

*



*


----------



## luckytrim

*"O" is for ..........*

*



*


----------



## pepperhead212

Loved that self cleaning oven comic, *luckytrim*, and the timing couldn't have been better!  I found a link with that, and a bunch of other self cleaning oven comics, and sent to a friend whose sister "set the oven on fire" (her words!) yesterday, when I was there, and smoked their house out!  She baked something that leaked onto the oven floor, causing all that smoke.  Fortunately, it was 68° here yesterday, so it was easy to air it out.  I asked her if she learned anything from this, and she got a sort of puzzled look on her face, so I answered it for her - any time you cook something that could possibly drip or leak, bake it in a tray, with sides.  They should get a laugh out of the comics.


----------



## luckytrim

*"P" is for...*

*



*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

*"Q" is for ...*

*



*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

t


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

All "chucklers'' guys!  *THANKS*


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## PrincessFiona60

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 50654



Ha Ha!  I have cats for that!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 50566
> 
> View attachment 50567





PrincessFiona60 said:


> Ha Ha!  I have cats for that!!



RIGHT!


----------



## luckytrim

Okay, now , where were we ........

Oh, Yes ; "R" is for ..........


----------



## Roxiee

Haha


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for .....


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...........


----------



## roadfix

….


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Just Cooking

Amen. 

Ross


----------



## Farmer Jon




----------



## taxlady

Stole this one from FB.


----------



## buckytom

taxlady said:


> Stole this one from FB.
> 
> View attachment 50977




Lol,, taxy.

Along those lines: I was just talking to a buddy that I've flown with as copilot, and he always said that "There are old pilots, and bold pilots. But there are no old, bold pilots".


----------



## buckytom

Or, growing up in Jersey, you quickly learn that should only be interested in things that concern you.

Never the opposite. Being concerned with things that interest you.

The only books ever banned from NJ libraries are the "Curious George" series.

What's he so curious 'bout, huh?
Tell that monkey and the freak in the yellow hat to mind their own business,


----------



## Katie H

A pirate walks into a bar with a roll of paper towels on his head, sits down and orders a drink.

Bartender serves the pirate his drink, and asks about the paper towels.

The pirate smiles and says, "That be the bounty on me head!"


----------



## Andy M.

Found this link through FB. Readers' comments on a NYT recipe for "Homestyle Spaghetti Carbonara". It'll make you smile.


https://medium.com/@mrtoddlevin/rea...style-spaghetti-carbonara-recipe-2c3ab6ede095


----------



## buckytom

My wife keeps telling that she wants to go into the city for a trip to the museum of modern art, then out to dinner for authentic Mexican food.

I think she's getting too artsy fartsy for me.


----------



## Just Cooking

Andy M. said:


> Found this link through FB. Readers' comments on a NYT recipe for "Homestyle Spaghetti Carbonara". It'll make you smile.
> 
> 
> https://medium.com/@mrtoddlevin/rea...style-spaghetti-carbonara-recipe-2c3ab6ede095


----------



## PrincessFiona60

buckytom said:


> My wife keeps telling that she wants to go into the city for a trip to the museum of modern art, then out to dinner for authentic Mexican food.
> 
> I think she's getting too artsy fartsy for me.


----------



## Andy M.




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Genders can be reversed depending on how close the hardware store is...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

How is it that I get better looking every day, and the rest of you just get a day older?  I wish there was an emogi for _I'm Pulling Your Leg_., or, _Full of hot air_.

Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## pepperhead212




----------



## Chief Longwind Of The North

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 51133



Was that my Raging Bull Salsa that he ate?  if so, someone forgot to supply a bottle of Tabasco Sauce to cool his mouth down.

Seeeeya; Chief Longwind of the North


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Katie H

Had a bunch of unemployment jokes....but none of them worked!


----------



## Andy M.

Katie H said:


> Had a bunch of unemployment jokes....but none of them worked!



Dad joke!


----------



## Katie H

Andy M. said:


> Dad joke!



Yep!!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Sure wonder what's keeping luckytrim away so long...

********************************


----------



## Just Cooking

Cooking Goddess said:


> *Sure wonder what's keeping luckytrim away so long...*



Yes. I wonder each time I look at this thread.

Ross


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Sir_Loin_of_Beef




----------



## Just Cooking

To me, this is more true nostalgia than funny.  
A FB Friend found it and we don't know where it came from.

What Made Me.....Me
Long ago and far away........In a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan,.....Or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents....And they were you and me,
Long ago and far away.........In the Land That Made Me Me.
For Ike was in the White House...In that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges.....And Peyton Place was porn.
We learned to gut a muffler......We washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry...........In circles on the lawn.
We longed for love &romance......And waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz.....And no one's seen him since.
We danced to "Little Darlin".....And sang to "Stagger Lee"
And cried for Buddy Holly.........In the Land That Made Me Me.
Only girls wore earrings then......... And 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts.....Except for Jean McKinney.
And only in our wildest dreams.........Did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick......In the Land That Made Me Me.
We fell for Frankie Avalon,......Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie.......They never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five.....Or Psycho Two &Three,
Or Rockey-Rambo Twenty...... In the Land That Made Me Me.
Miss Kitty had a heart of gold........And Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat.......Whose co-star was a chimp.
We had a Mr. Wizard........But not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet............In the Land That Made Me Me.
We had our share of heroes........We never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin...........................Or Marilyn Monroe.
For youth was still eternal.........And life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever...............In the Land That Made Me Me.
We'd never seen the rock band......That was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson .....And Zeppelins were not Led.
And Beatles lived in gardens then.......And Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was a virgin...............In the Land That Made Me Me.
We'd never heard of microwaves.......Or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed......But they weren't grown in jars.
And pumping iron got wrinkles out.....And "gay" meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed...........In the Land That Made Me Me.
We hadn't seen enough of jets.....To talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left.....At the bottom of the bag.
And Hardware was a box of nails.....And bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction.........In the Land That Made Me Me.
Buick's came with portholes...... And side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough.....To cover both your cheeks.
And Coke came just in bottles......And skirts came to the knee, 
And Castro came to power..........In the Land That Made Me Me.
We had no Crest with Fluoride......We had no Hill Street Blues,
We all wore superstructure bras.....Designed by Howard Hughes.
We had no patterned pantyhose.....Or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms.......In the Land That Made Me Me.
There were no golden arches.......No Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda.....And cats were not called Bill.
And middle-aged was 35........And old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents........In the Land That Made Me Me.
But all things have a season.....Or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline.....We swear by Retin-A.
And they send us invitations..........To join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby.......From the Land That Made Me Me.
So now we face a brave new world.....In slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using.......Smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children's children.....Of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away.......In the Land That Made Me Me.........


----------



## dragnlaw

ahhhh...  nostalgia,  lest we forget


----------



## dragnlaw

When I was a kid, I wanted to be older... 

This is not what I expected.


----------



## Katie H

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.  I don't know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping all day!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

If you can't think of a word, say "I forgot the English word for it." 

That way people will think you're bilingual instead of an idiot.


----------



## dragnlaw

.....


----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for...........


----------



## cookieee

Yea!!!!!!!    Back to normal!!!!!!!


Welcome back luckytrim!!!!!!!!


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...




Word Play Week !


----------



## cookieee

HA HA I really liked the one with the old lady and the shoes.  

THANK YOU!!!!!!


----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week !


----------



## luckytrim

Quote of the Day ;
  "That was a great time, the summer of 71 !
  I can't remember it, but I'll never forget it !"
        -  Lemmy Kilmister


----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week ;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Just Cooking

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 51330



Absolutely!!


----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week ...


----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week ;


----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Word Play Week ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

Hope you Enjoyed Word Play Week !


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Great to know we are in good company! 
LOL, thanks *Kgirl!*


----------



## Cooking Goddess

From "Lennon Cartoons" on Facebook:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

yeah, I know, they're repeats, but cute...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

You keep posting snow jokes but you live in Arizona. How much snow did you guys get this winter??? [emoji38]


----------



## dragnlaw

She's just trying to rub it in that she's really wearing her string bikini out on the patio, lying on the lounge, drinking Mai Tai's


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

Cooking Goddess said:


> You keep posting snow jokes but you live in Arizona. How much snow did you guys get this winter??? [emoji38]



We got in total about a foot and a half, so far!  It's happened before to snow on Mother's Day. 



dragnlaw said:


> She's just trying to rub it in that she's really wearing her string bikini out on the patio, lying on the lounge, drinking Mai Tai's



BAHAHAHA!
*dragn*, I've only ever worn a string bikini in my youth, although ... our back patio, where DH & I do sunbath is very private, I was thinking about that just the other day


----------



## dragnlaw

End of April usually brings a big surprise snow dump - just after you've washed all the jackets and put the boots and shovels away.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> End of April usually brings a big surprise snow dump - just after you've washed all the jackets and put the boots and shovels away.



Don't forget those heavy blankets/comforters/throws 
Funny you mention that *dragn*, I just did that, and changed out the bedding!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> We got in total about a foot and a half, so far!  It's happened before to snow on Mother's Day...


So you've had a foot and a half "so far".  Not, like, in one snowfall? Because we get at least one snowfall resulting in 18" of snow every stinking winter. You would so not be able to deal with a real winter, *K-Girl*, but I still love ya! 

BTW, since we moved here in 2000, Worcester MA (the closest big city to us) has had six of the top baker's dozen snowiest winters, with the least snowy getting 91. Six out of the last 13. We gotta get out of this place!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

In honour of overlapping holidays:


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ....


----------



## dragnlaw

and todays gems are...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Seriously?


----------



## luckytrim

..........Which brings us back to "A" !


----------



## luckytrim

Throw-Back Thursday ;


----------



## Andy M.

luckytrim said:


> Throw-Back Thursday ;
> 
> 
> View attachment 51511




I don't think Bell and Howell had anything to do with her "projection" equipment.


----------



## luckytrim

LOL !


The famous bullet bra !!!


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> LOL !
> 
> 
> The famous bullet bra !!!



The ones that gave us torpedo tits.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for.........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ........


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ..........


----------



## Marlingardener

The best things about the "good old days" is I wasn't good, and I wasn't old.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ..........


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for..........


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for .............


----------



## dragnlaw

"H" is for....   hold the belly, still chuckling 

"M" is for....   Mom! will you stop sending those jokes! I'm at work!

"N" is for....    Nope.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

...............and from our "Whole Truth and Nothing But......" Dept;


  ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
  WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
  ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
  WITNESS: My name is Susan!

  ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
  WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

  ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
  WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

  ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
  WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

  ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
  WITNESS: Yes.
  ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
  WITNESS: None.
  ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
  WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

  ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
  WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

  ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
  WITNESS: Oral...


----------



## luckytrim

Throw-Back Thursday ;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ........


----------



## Andy M.

*Ponder This!*

Why do peanuts float in a regular coke and sink in a diet coke. Go ahead and try it.....

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going? (taxes?)

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change??? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

HOW DID THE MAN WHO MADE THE FIRST CLOCK, KNOW WHAT TIME IT WAS?


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for .......


----------



## luckytrim

............Which Brings us Back to "A".....


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ....


----------



## dragnlaw

*lucky*....  you had better head for the bomb shelter!


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for .....


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ... Doctor Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## lastmanstanding

_The Lone Ranger's Last Request

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party.
The Indian Chief proclaims, "So, you are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds,"I'd like to speak to my horse."

The Chief nods and Silver is brought before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.

The next morning the Indian Chief admits he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request???"

The Lone Ranger again asks to speak to his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this  time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.

She enters the Lone Rangers tent and spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds, "I'd like to speak to my horse, .... alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,and Silver is brought to the Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...

*"BRING POSSE"*_


----------



## lastmanstanding




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ....
Family Circle !


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for Hell Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## lastmanstanding

Here's an old one. 



 A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he   glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon   realized She was heading straight  towards his seat. As fate would have  it, she took The seat right beside  his. Eager to strike up a  conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or  pleasure?”


   She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."


   He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen   Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
  Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”


   “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from   my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about   sexuality.”


   “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”


   “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men   are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native   American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another   popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is   men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that  the  lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”


    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m   Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with   you. I don’t Even know your name.”


     “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
.
.
.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for the ......


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"l" is for ...........


----------



## Marlingardener

I saw a chameleon today. I am assuming he wasn't a very good one.


----------



## lastmanstanding

Marlingardener said:


> I saw a chameleon today. I am assuming he wasn't a very good one.


Took a few seconds to get this. lol


----------



## GotGarlic

Kitchen humor! [emoji1787]


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ......


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ........


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ............


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for .........


----------



## luckytrim

We are back to "A"...


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...........


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Y'all realize *Canada Day* was celebrated yesterday, July 1st 


 3 days _before_ you _southerner_s


----------



## luckytrim

Yup !
Three days before, but 91 years AFTER .............


----------



## dragnlaw

Don't forget to shut the back door...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ....


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS: 

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax." 

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food." 

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish." 

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price." 

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow." 

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned." 

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared." 

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers." 

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts." 

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun." 

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair." 

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller." 

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service." 

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners." 

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning." 

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel." 

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes." 

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ...


----------



## Cooking Goddess

Every once in a while a TV ad comes along that isn't annoying. There have been a few over the years that Himself and I enjoy enough to unmute the TV and watch the ad. While this is still funny when silenced, it's better with sound on.

https://youtu.be/ldLN9jN6Tvc


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ...


----------



## taxlady

Just stole this one from Facebook


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for "Outhouse Week ;


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

Good one lucky!  The Quickening!


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Now that's MY kind of canning!  
No fuss, 
no hot kitchen in the middle of summer, 
pretty sure everything 'sealed' well. 
large variety 
done in a single afternoon


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...


----------



## GinnyPNW

Maybe this post doesn't belong here...if so, please feel free to move it!

I bought a new mirror online.  It arrived today.  It came with written instructions!  Nothing comes with written instructions these days, but the mirror did!  ��


----------



## Andy M.

GinnyPNW said:


> Maybe this post doesn't belong here...if so, please feel free to move it!
> 
> I bought a new mirror online.  It arrived today.  It came with written instructions!  Nothing comes with written instructions these days, but the mirror did!  ��



I've never seen instructions for a mirror. They usually expect you to see for yourself.


----------



## GinnyPNW

Andy M. said:


> I've never seen instructions for a mirror. They usually expect you to see for yourself.


----------



## dragnlaw

oh look everybody!  Andy wants to play "behind the 8 ball"  and I want to be first up with the cue!  Who's next?


----------



## GotGarlic

OMG [emoji1787] I've watched this over and over [emoji16]
https://www.facebook.com/reel/569050451247433


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

*GG* - Instant anti-depressant!


----------



## luckytrim

GG - Have you seen this one ?


https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1233039044097500


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Andy M.

I met a microbiologist the other day. He was a lot bigger than I expected.


----------



## dragnlaw

*is skirting around facebook possible?*

I tried to forward the facebook video's but only people with facebook accounts can see it.  

Is there anyway around it?


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> I tried to forward the facebook video's but only people with facebook accounts can see it.
> 
> Is there anyway around it?



You can't share a FB video the same way you can share a YouTube video here, that plays in the post. But, if the video is public, you can link to it and anyone should be able to see it. Let's see if it works with this Jacques Pépin video.

I tested by opening it in a private window, where I am not logged into FB and it shouldn't be able to recognize me.


----------



## dragnlaw

Thanks taxy.  I tried Jacques P in an incognito window and it worked.  But go to GG's post and open in an incognito window and it doesn't work. 

Not understanding why...  have Asians blocked us? 
I was able to continue around the site to other places.  Some funny, others interesting, so actually just typical facebook ...  loads,


----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> Thanks taxy.  I tried Jacques P in an incognito window and it worked.  But go to GG's post and open in an incognito window and it doesn't work.
> 
> Not understanding why...  have Asians blocked us?
> I was able to continue around the site to other places.  Some funny, others interesting, so actually just typical facebook ...  loads,



I just checked and you are right. That's not a regular FB video. That's a special kind called a "reel". They seem to have different rules.


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

....


----------



## luckytrim

Happy Birthday, Jerry - Wherever you are...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## pepperhead212

Looks the garlic in like my recipes, as well as the peppers!


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"A" is for Alien Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw

Make that 2 Bacon Salads, please.   hold the lettuce!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

The earth cries out... everyone should get a seashell, must get a seashell. 

should listen, must listen!


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

I love that last one there, from Bizzaro.


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

Funny you posted that, K-Girl. When I got back from grocery shopping today, Himself had a bowl of Special K on his lap tray. This after devouring an aprium, a handful of cherries, and a good size end of watermelon. Someone had the munchies while unsupervised. LOL!


----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...
Dog Week !


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> View attachment 52970



Good one.


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ;


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 53074



Hahahahaha


----------



## LovelyLinda

Lol!


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

My husband's new Barber Shop front door ... please hit the photo so that you can read what's on that sticker in the corner .... BAHAHAHAHA!


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...


----------



## taxlady

The one about drug paraphernalia reminded me of another joke. Kid's mum asks when she started smoking crack. "What makes you think I smoke crack?" I found this in the glove compartment of your car."


----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ...


----------



## dragnlaw

*funneeeee!!*

Today's - all 3 - are LOL's 

I especially like #2 !


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"R' is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

fascinated , lol !


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw

You don't have round bales in the States?


----------



## luckytrim

I think it refers to the sign ...
...and what's in that Bale...


----------



## luckytrim

"X" is for .........


----------



## dragnlaw

I got the cartoon part, it was the "Only in My Canada" that puzzled me.

There are a few differences between us - like here we can get milk in bags. (well, at least this part of Canada)..  and before you say anything, please note, I've said we can "get it in" bags as against it "comes from a" bag.  

and then there's Tim Horton's and Dunkin' Donuts -  Smarties and M & M's.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I remember the first time we saw milk in bags. It was when we were camping in Mississauga with the kids in 1984. So strange, and yet so genius!

We ended up cutting off a corner with the (tiny) scissors on his pocket knife and pouring (most of) it into our own container.


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> I remember the first time we saw milk in bags. It was when we were camping in Mississauga with the kids in 1984. So strange, and yet so genius!
> 
> We ended up cutting off a corner with the (tiny) scissors on his pocket knife and pouring (most of) it into our own container.



Yeah, whenever I have bought (or seen) the bags, you get 3 bags for a total of 4 litres (1.056688 US gallons). Each bag is 1 1/3 litres = 1.4089 US quarts. I like that you get the ~ gallon price, but don't have to move an entire gallon of milk every time you want to pour some. And, the other two bags are still closed, so they stay fresh longer.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I definitely get the freshness factor, *taxy*. Someone here on DC said that once they open a gallon of milk, they pour it off into smaller containers. It seems to stay fresher when you don't expose the entire gallon to the air each time you take off the cap. Well, I have plenty of "souvenir" glass bottles from buying farm fresh milk years ago - half gallon, quarts, pints. Two of the pints are actually from some upscale salad dressing that Himself liked. They have screw-on caps rather than ones that just pop on. I can hide four pint bottles against the back wall of the fridge, then have the three quarts where the gallon used to be. Well, now just one quart since I've been buying mostly half-gallon jugs. Anyway, this method actually does seem to keep the milk from going off later in it's life span.


----------



## taxlady

We mostly use milk in our tea, so we go through about a liter of milk in a week. I just get the one liter cartons. Bigger won't fit in the door of the fridge anyways. I keep a spare carton, lying on its side on a shelf.


----------



## dragnlaw

CG, it may have been me. I often did that at the farm.  Some of my smaller containers must still be in storage, can't find them here. (only been 17 months) 

What I do now is pour out enough from the bag to keep me in coffee for the day.  As likely as not there is always some left over in the little pot - goes sour, dog loves it. I don't leave it out on purpose - I just forget.


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

Which brings us back to "A"...


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"G" is for ...


----------



## dragnlaw

I've always remembered a cartoon from the New Yorker.  An insanely visious grin on a garbage collector, heaving an empty can down a New York (one assumes) alley in the early norming hours. LOL


----------



## luckytrim

"H" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## pepperhead212

Most of the smaller watermelon I see in supermarkets these days is seedless.  The larger ones I see in the farmer's markets I'm sure have seeds.


----------



## luckytrim

"I" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"J" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"K" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"L" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"M" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"N" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"O" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"P" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Q" is for ...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"R" is for ...


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## luckytrim

"S" is for ..


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## luckytrim

"T" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"U" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"V" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"W" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"Y" is for ...


----------



## taxlady

That first YMCA cartoon, heck that could be the original, now.


----------



## luckytrim

"Z" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

... Which Brings us Back to "A"


----------



## luckytrim

"B" is for ;


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## luckytrim

"C" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim




----------



## luckytrim

"D" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

"E" is for ...


----------



## luckytrim

An elderly man in Louisiana had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back. It was properly shaped for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond since he hadn't been there for a while and look it over.
He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.
As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. 
As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, 'we're not coming out until you leave!'
The old man frowned. 'I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond, naked.'
Holding the bucket


up, he said,
'I'M HERE TO FEED THE ALLIGATOR.'


----------



## luckytrim

"F" is for ...


----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## luckytrim

Gee, I thought this was a Funny Thread .... why the politics ?
If we're gonna go Cultish, I'm outta here.........


----------



## Marlingardener

I thought both were funny. These days if you can't laugh at "current events" you are in sad shape.


----------



## dragnlaw

I guess they fit in with the blondie joke, eh?


----------



## taxlady

luckytrim said:


> Gee, I thought this was a Funny Thread .... why the politics ?
> If we're gonna go Cultish, I'm outta here.........


Yeah, I was rather taken aback by the captions on those two pictures.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Cooking Goddess

taxlady said:


> Yeah, I was rather taken aback by the captions on those two pictures.


And from a moderator, no less!  

@dragnlaw, methinks you need to apologize to @luckytrim. He's been yelled at for cartoons like that, so I don't blame him for avoiding us. I miss his daily chuckles...


----------



## taxlady

Cooking Goddess said:


> And from a moderator, no less!
> 
> @dragnlaw, methinks you need to apologize to @luckytrim. He's been yelled at for cartoons like that, so I don't blame him for avoiding us. I miss his daily chuckles...


Thank you for speaking up. I have been wanting to say something, but I have been dithering.

I miss LuckyTrim too, especially here and in the daily supper thread.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## GinnyPNW

Ya kind a gotta respect the simplicity!


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

I prefer PIE


----------



## dragnlaw

Gawd....   hate to tell you how long it took me to see it...


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Andy M.




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M WEARING 
TO THE LIVING ROOM NEW YEAR'S EVE.

I MIGHT NOT EVEN GO.


----------



## taxlady

Andy M. said:


> I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M WEARING
> TO THE LIVING ROOM NEW YEAR'S EVE.
> 
> I MIGHT NOT EVEN GO.


Is it RSVP?


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Andy M.

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 62697


GROAN!


----------



## Farmer Jon

Been gone a while. I hope you enjoy these.


----------



## Farmer Jon

Scrolling through Facebook at ran across this post my wife made.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## taxlady

Kaneohegirlinaz said:


> View attachment 62782


----------



## cookieee

luckytrim said:


> Gee, I thought this was a Funny Thread .... why the politics ?
> If we're gonna go Cultish, I'm outta here.........


luckytrim, where are you? Please come back!!!!!


----------



## Andy M.

These made me laugh!


----------



## cookieee

Julie Andrews on turning 79

To commemorate her birthday, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews made a
special appearance at Radio City Music Hall for the
benefit of AARP. One of the musical numbers she performed was 'My
Favourite Things' from the legendary movie 'Sound Of Music'.

Here are the lyrics she used:

Botox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts, hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favourite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favourite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favourite things.

Back pain, confused brains and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.

(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted
over four minutes and repeated encores.)


----------



## Kathleen

A Granny meme and Julie Andrews!  Plus all of the other postings.  Thanks for all of the smiles!


----------



## taxlady

cookieee said:


> luckytrim, where are you? Please come back!!!!!


I second that. I would love to see @luckytrim back here.


----------



## Cooking Goddess

I could be remembering incorrectly, but didn't lucky mention that he was having vision issues? I thought someone here was (or maybe knew of?) someone with macula degeneration? If it was lucky, perhaps that was his way of exiting DC? I know that I miss him coming around. 

@Andy M., I might be guilty of that procrastination thing. I'll have to get back to you on that.


----------



## cookieee

According to his avatar, it said he last visited here Mon. at 7:43 AM.  I guess he was checking to see if anyone missed him. Just my opinion.


----------



## taxlady

cookieee said:


> According to his avatar, it said he last visited here Mon. at 7:43 AM.  I guess he was checking to see if anyone missed him. Just my opinion.


Well, I miss him.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## dragnlaw




----------



## taxlady

dragnlaw said:


> View attachment 62991


The first car I bought was a 1972 station wagon with three on the tree. That caused confusion, because no one would believe it was standard transmission until I told them to count the pedals.  Station wagons were thought of as suburban housewives' cars and were almost all automatics by then.


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz

dragnlaw said:


> View attachment 62991


 I have!
My first boyfriend's old Ford pick up


----------



## Kaneohegirlinaz




----------



## Kathleen

taxlady said:


> The first car I bought was a 1972 station wagon with three on the tree. That caused confusion, because no one would believe it was standard transmission until I told them to count the pedals.  Station wagons were thought of as suburban housewives' cars and were almost all automatics by then.


I learned to drive with Dad's 1963 GMC pick-up truck that had three on the tree.  Dad felt that one should not be driving if they could not drive a vehicle with a standard transmission.  The current car is my first automatic.


----------



## taxlady

Kathleen said:


> I learned to drive with Dad's 1963 GMC pick-up truck that had three on the tree.  Dad felt that one should not be driving if they could not drive a vehicle with a standard transmission.  The current car is my first automatic.


I learned to drive on automatics -  my dad's early 1960s Oldsmobile Cutlass and some dual control car in driver training in high school. We did sort of learn to drive standard in the simulators. When I came to Canada, I had a bit of experience driving standard in Denmark, but couldn't really manage hills well. I went out of my way to take driving lessons in winter and in a standard transmission car. I am so glad for those lessons. It makes such a difference with a good teacher. My dad was a good driver, but he had no experience in teaching someone how to drive.


----------



## Kathleen

That's funny, Taxy!  My mother ended up teaching me because Dad had little patience for teaching me to drive.  He taught me many things, but driving was not one of them.  Hills are a challenge for newbie's driving standard.  They are also a god-send for broke college students who could not afford a starter.  Just get someone to push the car out of the parking space and get it rolling to pop the clutch to get started.


----------



## taxlady

Kathleen said:


> That's funny, Taxy!  My mother ended up teaching me because Dad had little patience for teaching me to drive.  He taught me many things, but driving was not one of them.  Hills are a challenge for newbie's driving standard.  They are also a god-send for broke college students who could not afford a starter.  Just get someone to push the car out of the parking space and get it rolling to pop the clutch to get started.


Only a god-send if you are going downhill.   

My best hill story was in that rusty, old station wagon. Since it was a station wagon, it didn't have a hand brake. It only had an emergency break with a peddle and a release. There was no easing off the that emergency brake. It was on or it wasn't. The timing on that old wagon didn't stay good for a long time after a tune up. I was stopped at a stop light on a fairly steep hill in Montreal. I knew that I was going to roll a few feet backwards before the car would start going forward. If I tried using the emergency brake, when I released it, the car would jump forward; cough; and die.

It was about 4 AM and there was no traffic, except some dingbat who pulled up behind me. He was only about 2 feet behind my bumper. When the light turned green, I waved at him to go around me. He just honked at me. I set the emergency brake and put the car in first gear and turned off the engine. I got out and walked to his window and explained the situation. He said, "Too bad, if you hit me, you are paying for the damages." Luckily, I had a brain storm. "I'll just say you rear ended me. There's no one here to witness it. You try to prove you didn't rear end me." He backed up and went around me.


----------



## medtran49

I didn't learn to drive stick shift until I wanted to buy a car that didn't have an automatic transmission.  Went ahead and bought it but Craig had to drive home.  DO NOT EVER ask a spouse/significant other to teach you to drive stick shift after you've been driving for years.  Two lessons from a coworker in her car and I was doing just fine with the stick shift.


----------



## Phaedra




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## Andy M.

The family 1958 Chevrolet sedan was our first car with an automatic transmission. My sister, who is 9 years older, begged my dad to get an automatic. Said she'd pay for it. So I inherited that car. Then I switched to a VW Bug with a manual transmission and taught myself to drive it. Had a lot of fun in that Bug. . .


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## dragnlaw




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## Phaedra




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## Andy M.

> *I don't always go the extra mile, but when I do it's because I've missed my exit.*
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## Andy M.

> *Today I saw a dwarf climbing down a prison wall.I thought to myself, "That's a little condescending"*
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## Andy M.

> *They say every piece of chocolate eaten shortens your life by two minutes.
> I've done the math. Seems I died in 1537.*
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## Andy M.

> *I got myself a seniors' GPS. Not only does it tell me how to get to my destination,
> it tells me why I wanted to go there.*
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## Andy M.




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## Andy M.




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## Andy M.

> A *paraprosdokian* is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending. It means “against expectations” in Greek.  _Will glass coffins be a success?    _Remains to be seen.
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> _What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?_
> One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter
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> _Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?_
> There’s no menu - you get what you deserve.
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> _I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn't find any.
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> What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?_
> A maybe.
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> _I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. _
> I lost my case.
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> _Is it ignorance or apathy that's destroying the world today?_
> I don't know and don't really care.
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> _I wasn’t originally going to get a brain transplant, but then I changed my mind.
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> Which country’s capital has the fastest-growing population?_
> Ireland. Every day it’s Dublin.
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> _I saw an ad for burial plots, and I thought: “That’s the last thing I need!”
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> Need an ark?_
> I Noah guy.
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> _You’re not completely useless, you can always serve as a bad example.
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> I broke my finger last week. On the other hand, I’m okay.
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> Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda?_
> He was lucky it was a soft drink
> To_ the mathematician who thought of the idea of zero.   _Thanks for nothing!
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> _Son: "Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?”  _
> Dad: "No sun.
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## Phaedra

*@Andy M.*


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## Phaedra

A man was coming out of a café when he saw a very unusual funeral passing by. A coffin was followed by a second coffin, behind which walked a man with a large black dog. Following him was a procession of 200 men in single file. 

He asked the man with the dog, whose funeral was it, as he had never seen a funeral like this before. The man replied that it was for his wife, who had been killed by the dog.

'Then who is in the second coffin?', he asked. The man said it was his wife's mother, who had tried to save her, but had also been killed by the dog.

After a moment's thought, the first man said thoughtfully, 'Would you be prepared to let me look after the dog?'.

'Join the queue', the mourner replied.


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## Andy M.

A woman went to the emergency room, where she was seen by ayoung new doctor. 

After about 3 minutes in the examination room, the doctor told her she was pregnant.

She burst out of the room and ran down the corridor screaming.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was; after listening to her story, he calmed her down and sat her in another room.

Then the doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor's room.

"Whats wrong with you?" he demanded. This woman is 63 years old, she has two grown children and several grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?!!"

The new doctor continued to write on his clipboard and without looking up said: "Does she still have the hiccups?"


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## Phaedra

*Takeaway Diet Lunch 

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## Phaedra

A man has been out fishing by the lake all day but hasn't caught anything. He decides to just give up and call it a day, but on his way he notices an old man fishing but a few feet away from him. The man immediately notices the other fisherman has several buckets full of fish, then witnesses him reeling in yet another one.

“Excuse me, sir”, the man says, “I’ve never been able to catch much of anything around here. I’ve got to ask, what’s your secret?”

The old man pauses for a moment, then mumbles “hmmm mmmph mmm mmph mmm hmm mmmph”.

“I’m sorry, could you say that again?”

The man repeats, a little louder this time, “hmmm mmmph mmm mmph mmm hmm mmmph!”

“I-I still didn’t quite get that, sorry”

Finally, the old man picks up a plastic cup, spits a mouthful of live worms into it, and yells “Ya gotta keep your worms warm!”.


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## Phaedra




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## Phaedra

How to tell you're really old according to little kids:

Old people have melty faces, so they just pretty much stay home with their dogs. Sydney E, age 5

Old people are crabby, and snore when they sleep. Some old ladies just wear pajamas all day. But old grampas have to wear underwear and stay in the bedroom - they're not allowed in the living room - Jennifer, age 3

Did you know that old people can get even older than dogs and cats?   That's probably why they scream when they look in the mirror - Lynn, age 4

I only know a little bit about old people.  I know they have a yard sale and sell all their stuff, and then a dump truck comes and puts them in it and takes them to heaven. And that's it - Delaney W, age 3

Some old people go to heaven.  All the other ones go to Canada - Matthew, age 4

Really old people look tired and like to visit graveyards. But they have to be careful because if they fall asleep there, they will get dead too - Michelle, age 5

Old people get bent, and then they die - Matt, age 4

All I know is old people get mad at you if you bite them - Mikey, age 3

Grown ups are old. So are mothers. They usually eat just dinner - and nothing else. They laugh and pretend they are funny like me, but they're not. To have fun they go play with their old people friends - like dinosaurs Sophia M, age 3


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## Phaedra




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## dragnlaw




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## Phaedra




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## Phaedra




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