Adventures With Mom

[cjmmytunes]

When my mom is acting like a toddler, I tend to think of it like I did when my kids were growing up. I noticed that, as toddlers and olders, they only act out out with the people they feel safest with and trust the most. Take a deep breath, get away from the situation for a bit and vent - just like you did.

 

[Andy M.]

I think you did the right thing too. Keep in mind this move and relocation is a major change for her too. She probably doesn't adjust to change as readily as she did when she was younger.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Team Trivia And Dinner Out

My Neighborhood Gal Pals have been going to a restaurant a few towns up from us to play Team Trivia and have some dinner before had.
Each player puts in $3 to the kitty and there's first, second and third place winners splitting the bounty.
This all takes place on their outdoor covered patio.

I haven't had the opportunity to tag along until now,
and dragged Mom with me.

Missus Next-Door Neighbor volunteered to drive, thankfully, because DH had a late doctor's appointment and still had the car when it was time for us to leave.

My Pal and I decided to share a bottle of wine and happy hour priced appetizers. Mom said that she didn't want any wine, but did want one of the specially priced small plates.
Not long after we finished our food that games began!
There was 6 of us all together and we kicked butt!!!

WE WON!!!

I tell ya Mom is a ringer! She got each question right.

My Pal asked Mom if she had enjoyed herself; she gave a very enthusiastic reply of YES!!
"I liked the food, I thought the Team Trivia was fun and when can we go again."

 

[GinnyPNW]

Sounds like fun!!!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Sounds like fun!!!

It was Ginny!
We already have a reservation foe next week!

 

[GinnyPNW]

That's great! Sounds like a busy mom is a happy mom!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I Know, I Know

I've been hearing this an awful lot as of late from my Mother.

I'll gently remind her of some little thing and I get "I know, I know" when she clearly didn't know.

When we come back from being in public, we all go and wash our hands with warm soapy water for 30 seconds... gotta get rid of those nasty germs.

Mom and I had just gotten in from a grocery store run and I reminded her to go wash her hands, "I know, I know ... I did already!" in a snotty tone to boot!

DH heard that and calmly walked over to her and said, "Mom, we all wash our hands when we've been out and about, touching things. We don't want to get sick. AND don't talk to your daughter that way."

Mom went in the bathroom, washed her hands, came out and said to me,
"I'm sorry for speaking to you like that Baby."

I have never, ever in my entire life heard my Mother apologize to me, ever!

Later that evening, during DH and my private-quiet time, he told me that he felt so bad saying that to Mom; that he doesn't want to be the disciplinarian.
I said that this is going to have to be a team effort.
"Yeah, but you have so much more patience than I do with her."

Deep breath, exhale and move on ... that's what I say.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

We Had Such A Good Week, What Happened?

I could have just kicked myself!!!

Last night during DH and my private-quiet-time after Mom toddles off to bed, I said, "Wow! We've had such a good week. No outbursts, no crankiness, all was right with the World."

WELL!

Mom kept asking what the date was all week long.
Neither DH nor I thought much of it, until

TODAY!

As soon as Mom got up we both knew it was NOT going to be a good day.
She had such a scowl on her sour-puss of a face that made it crystal clear her mood for the day.

Mom didn't speak all morning, she just sat on the sofa and sulked.

Then it dawned on me ... today was my Father's Birthday
AND
their wedding anniversary!

DANG IT ALL!

My Father has been gone a good 30 years and yet Mom still wants EVERYONE to acknowledge the day... I stopped that long after his death.

Yeah, yeah I know, that was her husband, but it wasn't all hunky dory with him. He was a schmuck, sorry, I can't help it, but he was ... plain and simple truth of the matter.

SO ...
DH and I bagged it for most of the day, without Mom!
We went to run errands together; while we were driving back to the house, I got a text from Missus Next-Door-Neighbor, Gal Pal Wine Gathering on her patio at 3pm-be there or be square


DH said it was best that I went and that he would go nap in our bedroom for the rest of the day with the door closed-oh and took his IPad with him for entertainment.

Mom was left by herself to stew on it.
DH said that we would quietly "ice her out" when she acted this way until she got it. No interactions with her, she doesn't go anywhere and we'd leave for the day.
I had given her a big breakfast and when I got back from the Wine Gathering, I made her dinner and DH & I retired back into our bedroom.

... and the adventure continues.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

A Follow Up To Turn On Some Lights, Will'ya?

I have to keep reminding my Mother that we do have lights in our home, unlike her apartment in California that we just recently rescued her from.

But seriously, Mom only had a total of three lamps in her 2 bedroom apartment, and rarely used them.

I'm of the camp more is a good thing.
I can light this joint up like Times Square on News Eve!
I had been told by our ophthalmologist that as we get older, our eyes need more light and its best to have plenty of it, day or night.

Mom also has taken to the new habit of "locking up shop" far before sundown.
She'll go into her bedroom and close the blinds and drapes long before it gets dark outside.
So I made a comment about this last night, "Mom, why is your room so dark already?"
Her reply was its dark outside already.
I started to say something, but DH shot me a look and that ever so tiny shake of his head as in "LEAVE IT!"

View attachment 49046

I did, and simply went and turned on some lights!!!

Since we did so well getting my Mother to remember her manors with Please and Thank You, I figured that I'd try a similar tactic with the lights.

DH and I have a running joke between us, his Father was notorious for not turning on lights and just sitting in the dark. His name was Frank, so when DH has not gone around the house to lock up shop and turn on the lights, I comment, "Heh Frank! Howz about some lights?"
I started to do that and then go around the house and turn on lights, even in Mom's bedroom.



She got the hint and last night when she went into her room to close the blinds and the drapes, she turned on the light not only in her room, but in the small hallway as well

Small victories

 

[Cooking Goddess]

Maybe your Mom isn't of the mind that more light is good? In our house, the only time a lamp is on is when we are actively using it. I have candle lights placed strategically throughout the house so we can see to navigate. Some are on timers, set to turn off when we should be going to bed. My favorite is a short string (10 bulbs) of Christmas lights that I have hung from the curtain over the sink! But as far as lamps or ceiling lights? Only when we're reading or doing close work.

BTW, my system is born from being my Father's child. He would go through the house turning lights off if we didn't do it when leaving a room. [emoji38]

 

[blissful]

Cooking Goddess, your lighting solution is such a good practical way of working around it all.
I had a similar situation with my dad growing up, we would not close the garage door to the family room quickly enough, and he'd say "are you paying the heating bill" Or "are you trying to heat the outdoors"? And with the refrigerator, "are you trying to use it as an air conditioner"?


When I became an adult who was conditioned not to waste the electric bill money, we kept the rooms fairly cold, especially the family room. So he came to visit in my home and he said, don't you heat this room? Internally I smirked since I was paying the heating bill, externally I just mentioned yes, we keep the temperature low. I am a child of my father's teachings. The teachings aren't wrong but how you get to understanding are important in a nuanced way.



The work around solutions, the timers, are less dependent on the work it takes to raise a child or manage an elderly adult. We use nightlights that go on when it gets dark, so if a light is on, the nightlight doesn't shine. We're never without some light when needed.

 

[GinnyPNW]

We have the "candles" on timers too. Our bedroom, entry, dining room, and the great room too. And a lighted art piece in the hallway. I like the bit of light they put out and that they continue to work even when we are not home. Then there are my hydroponic gardens! Talk about some light! They come on a 4AM and off at 7PM-ish. They are in the office and kitchen. But still, most times of the year, we need to turn on lights. This time of the year, lights are usually on in the kitchen all day, or it gets depressing!

Sounds like Mom is learning and adjusting. Looking forward to more great reports!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Thanks everyone.
I had thought about timers, but they make this funny noise that annoys Mom.

 

[Cooking Goddess]

You could leave the candle lights on all the time then, K-Girl. I do in two bathrooms and the living room. I still haven't figured out if the timer uses more or less electricity than the candle bulb. It's probably a wash.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I have two night lights in Mom's bathroom and then a small adorable ceramic Owl lamp on a cute little table in that hallway with a 7.5W bulb in it that we keep on all night, but Mom likes her room pitch black when she's sleeping.

I want her to have a bedside lamp on when she "locks up shop" so that it's not so dark that she hurts herself when she goes to bed at night.
DH like to have some sort of light on in each room, whether anyone's in there or not.

Like Ginny, we like loads of light, I don't like it dark, it's depressing.
If we have more than two days of gloomy weather, both DH and I are grumpy bears.

 

[GinnyPNW]

When we remodeled the master bath, DH had them put an electric outlet in the toilet room. This allows one of those plug-in lights that come on in the dark and just aim at the floor. Kind of like the aisle lights in a movie theatre? It is nice not to need to turn on a light at night. It is enough light to guide you, not so much as to blind you.

 

[dragnlaw]

My son has quite a few of those 'half moon' style nightlights. Have them around the basement and they are perfect. Just enough to see by and not be blinded.

Plus you don't need to turn off and on.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Outside In The Sunshine

My Mother really does not care for Air Conditioners nor the forced heat.
She does like to sit outside during the day.
When she was living at "The Home" in California, she had a nice patio,
both front and back. But the pollution had been getting so bad that
she could only take it for a short period of time.

DH and I live in a mountainous area, mile high, with gorgeous weather.
Our air quality is fabulous!
We too have a patio both in the front and back of our home,
with nice, comfortable furniture on each.

Not long after Mom moved in with us, the new back patio furniture
finally arrived and she so anxious to use it! It's much warmer in
our backyard as opposed to the front.

I also ordered a matching Market Umbrella so she (and I) won't get scorched in the mid-day sun.

Mom is just as happy as a clam out there.
"This is so nice. I really like it here."

 

[blissful]

That's so nice. Sometimes the high point of the day is coffee outside, or a meal outside watching birds and the clouds.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

That's so nice. Sometimes the high point of the day is coffee outside, or a meal outside watching birds and the clouds.

Right Bliss ?!
I watch Mom from inside, and she's just looking around and marveling at all of nature. We have loads of flora and fauna. Mom will come inside to tell me about this group of Hummingbirds or the Falcon that has claimed our area of the neighborhood as theirs (it's a mated pair that hunt here ... watch your little dogs!).
She's so loving it here and that was the very first time that she actually said to me that she did!

Aah, but wait until Winter! She won't be outside then!