Need advice - did I maybe offend somebody?

[MexicoKaren]

Hey friends, help me out here, please. We often entertain people in our home. Because we have a nice big patio and (gratefully) lots of friends, we frequently have 15-20 people over for dinner. The last time we had a party to introduce our son and his family to our friends, we invited 17 people. One of our guests showed up with four extra people that she invited and brought with her...one of them ate fully 1/3 of the pulled pork and there wasn't enough to go around. Really!!

We are having another party Saturday night, to introduce my friend Laury who just arrived here from our home town. We've invited 15 people, and I'm making Chiles en Nogada (labor-intensive, and one prepared entree per person sort of thing). Because we are inviting the same person who brought all the extra guests last time, DH suggested that I send out an email asking all the inviutees to please not bring extras....so here is what I sent:

Hola amigos y amigas - I thiught I'd better remind everyone about Saturday night and
clarify the time : 7 pm Jalisco...don't think I said that in my earlier email.

Also, as I prepare to make Chiles en Nogada, it has occurred to me that I'm going to need an exact count of guests, so as much as I usually enjoy (or at least tolerate) "the more the merrier", I'm not going to be prepared to accommodate any extra guests this time around...wouldn't want anyone to go without (although whether the Chiles en Nogada are going to be good is a matter to be decided on Saturday)...looking forward to seeing you all!

OK, now I am feeling a little bit guilty about it....do you think I might have offended anyone? PLEASE BE HONEST.

Muchas gracias to all my DC friends

 

[babetoo]

no, i don't think you were rude. the person bringing the extra people without asking was the rude one. for those kind of people guess you need to spell it out. i am having guests tomorrow night for my granddaughter's b-day dinner. like topsy the number of people grew. but i knew a week ago though so not quite as bad.one thanksgiving, at the last hour my granddaughter said two of her friends were coming. she had invited them without asking me. a married couple , and the biggest moochs you ever saw. i told her she had to resend the invite. i think she learned a very good lesson. there really would have been a shortage of food for two more people.yours is not quite the same. but i think you did it correctly. babe

 

[kadesma]

Karen,
your guest who imposed extras on you, should have been taken aside after the party and told that some people went without food because of a certain guest of hers...It just boggles my mind someone would be so rude..Not to even call ahead of time..to let you know or ask if it was alright..People should have enough smarts to know better..If they don't I'd not have them as a guest again..That was a rude,unthoughtful thing to do..Your e-mail should not have been necessary for thoughtful people, but boars I suppose need to be reminded...Do not feel guilty for thinking of your guests and again shame on the one who caused this...
kades

 

[deelady]

I don't think what you said was offensive but I do think you made it clear that you weren't too thrilled last time and don't want history to repeat itself! (which is not a bad thing) you may have an embarrassed friend on your hands but how they decide to handle your hint is up to them....they can act offended but it would only be their own fault not yours! So no I don't feel you said anything wrong....you just made a point! Good for you!

 

[Andy M.]

You stated it a lot more nicely than I would have, I think your email is perfect. It makes your point and offers both a true and reasonable explanation foryour request.

If anyone is offended it will be the person who brought extras last time. She may well assume the email is directed at her (and she would be right). If she still brngs extras, it may be time to cross her off the guest list.

 

[Chico Buller]

One of the things that I have learned in my five decades on earth is that there will always be people who take whatever you do and turn it into a social slight centering on them. I think they actually like feeling offended--or trying to create the uproar.

Your parameters for the party, then and now, was to serve entertainment and refreshment for a limited number of people. The important issue here is that all functions are designed around a limited number of people, even the Presidential Inaugural Ball.

Just be prepared to see it. There are always folks who bring toddlers to invitations marked "no children." You can put up a sign of any size saying "no smoking" and some imbecile will light up--it happened this morning to me as I got gasoline.

My question has always been why don't these guys feel bad about walking around clueless in society? There must have been a coronation I missed...

 

[kitchenelf]

You worded it perfectly! You interjected some humor in with everything. Just remember that if she gets horribly offended it's just a knee-jerk reaction to being embarrassed. Embarrassed or not that is very impolite. We have had parties for 50 and 4, even 10 extra guests aren't an issue...(ok, maybe 10 would be pushing it)...you get the idea. Your wording was very kind and I would feel just as badly as you for having to spell it out. It's awfully presumptuous to invite people to a party you are invited to.

 

[MexicoKaren]

Oh thanks, everyone....this is a small community and we try to get along with everybody. I've been reading your responses to DH and he is feeling relieved as well.

 

[kitchenelf]

Oh thanks, everyone....this is a small community and we try to get along with everybody. I've been reading your responses to DH and he is feeling relieved as well.

I understand about small community...next time I'm in a quandary I will call for your assistance!!!

 

[smokeyblue]

Perfectly polite, to the point and even gave an explination as to why you were asking that of the guests. Nothing out of line here, couldnt have put it better my self.

 

[MexicoKaren]

Friends are a real blessing, but sometimes a mixed one. Poor hubby was trying to take a siesta today, and people kept stopping by to see us...I told him, "just be grateful we have so many friends." Well, maybe we'll have fewer friends after this email!!!!

 

[kadesma]

Friends are a real blessing, but sometimes a mixed one. Poor hubby was trying to take a siesta today, and people kept stopping by to see us...I told him, "just be grateful we have so many friends." Well, maybe we'll have fewer friends after this email!!!!

No you won't those at the last party who saw and are aware of what went on, will thank you for thinking about them..Those offended are the ones embarrassed by their own behavior...If it were me I"d give you a big hug for being so thoughtful.
kadesma

 

[MexicoKaren]

If it were me I"d give you a big hug for being so thoughtful.

Oh thanks,kades - virtual hug gratefully accepted!

 

[ChefJune]

Friends are a real blessing, but sometimes a mixed one. Poor hubby was trying to take a siesta today, and people kept stopping by to see us...I told him, "just be grateful we have so many friends." Well, maybe we'll have fewer friends after this email!!!!

I doubt that greatly! You said it just right. It's your friend who brought ANY extra guests without asking ahead who was rude.

sounds like you have a great evening planned.

 

[Fisher's Mom]

I agree with everyone here, Karen. Your e-mail was gracious but still addressed the issue. I suspect that you are an exceptional hostess who always seems to take everything in stride and makes it appear effortless! That's probably why your friend thoughtlessly brought the extra people. I think your message was a gentle way to remind your friend that you plan carefully for each of your guests' comfort and enjoyment and unexpected ones can play havoc with that. I'm sure she will be more considerate in the future. (On the bright side - only wonderful events get crashed!)

 

[Lynd]

If you lost a friend over that email they wouldnt be a very good friend, the request you sent out was fair I think

 

[Adillo303]

absolutely appropriate. You stated a rational reason, you stated it plesantly. Yuo did not close the door on extras in the future.

Well Done

AC

 

[PattY1]

Friends are a real blessing, but sometimes a mixed one. Poor hubby was trying to take a siesta today, and people kept stopping by to see us...I told him, "just be grateful we have so many friends." Well, maybe we'll have fewer friends after this email!!!![/quote]


If you do, they are not REAL friends to begin with. You were much more tackful then I would have been. I would have said something that night. If not, my attitude would tell all.

 

[TanyaK]

Nothing wrong with that mail. I just can't believe that your friend arrived with 4 extra people! You were much nicer about it than I would have been.

 

[pacanis]

Looks perfect to me.
I feel your friend who brought their frends last time might be a little rude. They should have asked you first IMO.

Now..... where's my invite