Adventures With Mom

[GinnyPNW]

I don't much care for eating by myself. For just me, I'll make a sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal and that will be that. For for others, well, it is going to be a social event then, so I'll make something to appreciate. If that makes sense?

 

[taxlady]

I don't much care for eating by myself. For just me, I'll make a sandwich or a bowl of cold cereal and that will be that. For for others, well, it is going to be a social event then, so I'll make something to appreciate. If that makes sense?

Sounds just like me.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I don't know gals, I love food WAY too much
I'll make myself a dish, mostly because no one else wants to/cares to eat it.

Exhibit A:

Lunch for Moi

Plus, I'm not big on sandwiches nor cold cereal. I've
always had a hot lunch, all through school (we got fed K-12) and even in the working force.

 

[dragnlaw]

Kgirl, you ain't alone! Food, I'll eat it all. But funny thing is, like you Mom, when I serve myself when others are present, I take just very small amounts and it seems to satisfy me.

But when I'm alone - MAN - NOTHING is safe! I'll have cereal (hot or cold) a sandwich AND soup, then go back and find something else in the fridge! I eat late in the mornings but then I don't stop til mid afternoon. Around 8 pm I'm hungry again but don't want to really eat as then I'll have intense dreams all night. But I kill a full meal for sure if I dared.

 

[blissful]

The salt. Since we cut WAY back on salt, my blood pressure is now normal. (I was on two blood pressure medications previously.) But give me a bowl of delicious home fermented sauerkraut and I can hear my heart beat in my ears, so I can't do that. Besides that, salt seems to deaden tastes of natural food. Especially natural sweetness of foods you might not otherwise consider 'sweet'. It takes 11 days to grow new tastebuds, and that is an ongoing thing, for everyone. What you get used to, is what you usually eat, lots of salt, then lots of salt to get the same taste.



Anyways, my point is that, restaurant food will be a bigger problem for mom, if she is cutting back at home. Restaurants tend to want big profits based on taste, so more salt, oil, and sugar than cooking at home. Salt shakers off the table is a good idea.



The size of meals varies depending on if it is calorie dense or not calorie dense foods. The average US person eats 2000 lbs of food per year, or about 5 lbs per day, or 6-10 cups of food, divided by 3 meals and a snack, 2-3 cups/meal. (salads can be compressed by 2, so a 4 cup salad is a 2 cup meal)

 

[Andy M.]

Kgirl, you ain't alone! Food, I'll eat it all. But funny thing is, like you Mom, when I serve myself when others are present, I take just very small amounts and it seems to satisfy me.

But when I'm alone - MAN - NOTHING is safe! I'll have cereal (hot or cold) a sandwich AND soup, then go back and find something else in the fridge! I eat late in the mornings but then I don't stop til mid afternoon. Around 8 pm I'm hungry again but don't want to really eat as then I'll have intense dreams all night. But I kill a full meal for sure if I dared.

When I cooks big meals such as Thanksgiving or Christmas dinners, I'm never really hungry when we sit own at the table. Working over the food and absorbing all those aromas take the edge off your appetite.

 

[dragnlaw]

Andy +1... not to mention by that time I'm also exhausted and replete with my wine. I just sit back and enjoy watching the others.

How is it then, as I'm putting the leftovers away... I continuously seem to have food in my mouth?

Will wonders never cease!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I agree!
When I make a big, involved meal, that takes me a good deal of time,
I don't want to eat.
But Mom hasn't got that problem, she doesn't cook
Even when we all lived back in Hawaii and had adjoining homes,
I cooked for all of us.
Mom claims that her blood pressure has come down since
moving here to Cowboyville with us, she said it was much higher ...
even with the meds I still think that her PCP was not
looking for her very well, just sayin'
That changes here and now!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I Messed Up!

I have a problem with allowing my Mother to touch
food or utensils in the kitchen.
She is extremely unsanitary!
In other words, she does not wash her hands with
any sort of frequency and I don't want her cross
contaminating anything! My biggest fear!
Same as there's no double dipping
There's no spooning up TWO bites of something straight from the pot
Wash your hands before handling any foods or utensils!!!

My Mom is insisting upon setting the table for each meal.
I really don't want her to.
How do you tell your Mother that she needs to wash her hands
before she even comes into your kitchen?

My work-around that I found was to set the table prior
to starting the prep for the meal, it's work for a bit now.

Today, I was multi-tasking and forgot to set the table!
DANG IT!!!!
Mom pops up like a Jack-In-The-Box ... "What do we need on the table?
Forks, knives, spoons, sharp knives?"

Uummmm ..." I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well."

CRUDE! Too late.
She just plows past me and starts pulling everything out of
the Silverware drawer

Another work around:
When she wasn't looking, I took the cutlery off the table and washed them!
(except for hers, she can make herself sick)


I know that this a conversation that we need to have,
but both DH and I can plainly see that her cognitive abilities
are waning.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I know that this a conversation that we need to have, but both DH and I can plainly see that her cognitive abilities
are waning.

Poking my nose in...first you are doing your utmost best with your Mom.

Second, I appreciate that you as a Daughter are not blind to the difficulties your Mom is having. So many kids refuse to see or accept the changes that are occurring.

Third, write down your experiences, the things that trouble you and the behaviors you are dealing with. Present them to the doctor when she eventually can see one. By writing it down as they happen, Mom Journal, nothing will be missed. You will be presenting the "backstory" to what your Mom is telling the doc.

I hope this helps, wish I was closer so we could walk through this together. I sure love my old folks and wish your Mom the best life, she already has the best Daughter.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Poking my nose in...first you are doing your utmost best with your Mom.

Second, I appreciate that you as a Daughter are not blind to the difficulties your Mom is having. So many kids refuse to see or accept the changes that are occurring.

Third, write down your experiences, the things that trouble you and the behaviors you are dealing with. Present them to the doctor when she eventually can see one. By writing it down as they happen, Mom Journal, nothing will be missed. You will be presenting the "backstory" to what your Mom is telling the doc.

I hope this helps, wish I was closer so we could walk through this together. I sure love my old folks and wish your Mom the best life, she already has the best Daughter.

First off, AAWWWW, you're just the bestest PF!

Second, yes, I keep a log of good days, bad days, things that I notice.

She's really trying to buck me on the doctor thing.

I knew that she has starting to get some sort of Allergy/Sinusitis/Upper Respiratory Issue.

DH & I discussed it and we let her go until I said enough was enough!
Hackin', coughing, sneezing, nose running so bad, she just held a handkerchief to her face.
My work around was, take her temp ... 99.1° NO BUENO!

Took her to Urgent Care and yes, upper resp. viral infection and allergies.
She only heard allergies, turned to me while still on the exam table and said to me, "I told you so!" (Please insert the bratty 6 year old voice but minus the tongue being stuff out at me).
The upper resp. infection was bothersome to me!

She did not like when I spoke up in the doc's office and corrected her answers. TOUGH! She wasn't being forth-right.

The doc scolded her, and told her the same things I had been saying for almost 3 months now ... you must take the OTC meds every day!

I don't want to disrespect her and treat like a child, but...

We can't get her in to see a PCP for a New Patient appointment until the ending of December, so ... we'll muddle through this some how.

And any tips/tricks/advice you want to through my way, you poke your nose in all you want PF, I'd appreciate any and all advice ... from anyone here at DC.

 

[PrincessFiona60]

I have had family members make an appointment for mom/dad and show up without them, just so they can discuss what's going on without their parent there. Then the parent has their appointment without the kid there so the Doctor can ask pertinent questions and sort of put them on the spot.

We all only hear what we want to hear and it gets worse with age. Me, I would have stuck MY tongue out at my Mom when she told me, "I told you so!"

 

[GinnyPNW]

I gotta +1 on the World's Best Daughter comment! You know Mom best. Is there a way, being super careful with the "tone"...that you can just be honest with Mom?

" I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well." -- Followed by something like, "no wait, Mom, we want to keep our germs to our self, right?" Just make a mental note for next time, so you'll be prepared with a comment that won't offend?

 

[blissful]

I don't know how important tippee toeing around the issue is helpful.


When my husband comes home from anywhere, I ask him to wash up, 3 out of 4 times.
When I cook I wash my hands. When I use the bathroom I wash my hands, then touch the door knob, then wash my hands in the kitchen. (and yes I wash the knobs on the sink weekly)


When he helps me cook, I ask him to wash his hands before touching anything. When my son cooks with me, I ask him to wash his hands before touching things or handling dough.



Between covid and general food safety, we ought to wash our hands in warm soapy water for 30 second and then rinse well.

 

[GinnyPNW]

There are a lot of online pages dedicated to the importance of handwashing...particularly these days...here's one that isn't so "kid" oriented:

https://blogs.ifas.ufl.edu/alachuaco/2020/04/21/the-importance-of-handwashing-during-covid-19-and-everyday/

Just a thought, but maybe print it out and have a conversation with DH about it ask him to read it. Then offer it to Mom too, "good info here!"?? Then, start reminding DH and then Mom too? "I washed my hands! How about you Mickey? Mom?"

Or, tell her if "I" get sick, you're next in line for the chef's hat, Mom!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I have had family members make an appointment for mom/dad and show up without them, just so they can discuss what's going on without their parent there. Then the parent has their appointment without the kid there so the Doctor can ask pertinent questions and sort of put them on the spot.

We all only hear what we want to hear and it gets worse with age. Me, I would have stuck MY tongue out at my Mom when she told me, "I told you so!"

And the insurance companies are okay with that, PF?
If so, I'm in!
I suppose I'd have to self-pay?

I sooooooo wanted to do that, but we were still in the doc's exam room... I just let her embarrass herself and I remained grown up.

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I gotta +1 on the World's Best Daughter comment! You know Mom best. Is there a way, being super careful with the "tone"...that you can just be honest with Mom?

" I got it Mom, you relax, you haven't been feeling well." -- Followed by something like, "no wait, Mom, we want to keep our germs to our self, right?" Just make a mental note for next time, so you'll be prepared with a comment that won't offend?

Ginny, DH & I have already talked to Mom about handwashing and how very important it is given everything out there these days.
Being honest and upfront with her is exceeding tough... she's a very difficult person to get along with.
We've explained that we all live in this household as a family now, it's not just her by herself any longer. Each of us impacts the other.
I don't want to be a nag, she already told her friend that "she's too controlling."

She hasn't seen anything yet!

I know dog-gone well she's P.O.'d with me today.... I made her take her temp, reminded her of her meds, again, grilled her on what she's expelling (mucus, but she's lying to me that it's okay) and made her go out to the local pharmacy with me to get some Mucinex for the chest congestion.
She's got to get rid of that before it just gets worse.

She's just not getting it! Upper respiratory infections are a killer for elders!
I also took her for a rapid Covid Test, just to rule that out, like the doc wanted to do the other day and she REFUSED!!!

She's looking at all of this as I'm f___ing with her

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

I don't know how important tippee toeing around the issue is helpful.


When my husband comes home from anywhere, I ask him to wash up, 3 out of 4 times.
When I cook I wash my hands. When I use the bathroom I wash my hands, then touch the door knob, then wash my hands in the kitchen. (and yes I wash the knobs on the sink weekly)


When he helps me cook, I ask him to wash his hands before touching anything. When my son cooks with me, I ask him to wash his hands before touching things or handling dough.



Between covid and general food safety, we ought to wash our hands in warm soapy water for 30 second and then rinse well.

You're right bliss... I'm not looking at this as tippee toeing, more of work arounds to resolve issues that talking about are not resolving.

We've explained to Mom over and over the importance of washing our hands, she seems to not want to do this at all. I get a "tosh!" like I have no idea what I'm talking about.

 

[GinnyPNW]

Ah, well...pick and choose your battles. Know that my heart goes out to you!

 

[Kaneohegirlinaz]

Ah, well...pick and choose your battles. Know that my heart goes out to you!

EXACTLY!
I had to run away to be by myself for a bit, so this morning
after I "fed the animals" aka gave DH & Mom breakfast,
I quick like a bunny snuck out of the house and ran up to
the Green Grocery for a few things.
I just had to get some ME TIME.
No one even noticed that I was gone ... it was only for an hour