Petty Vents II

taxlady said:

I don't think the water got high enough to cause damage. It was in the underground garage. By the time I looked, the water was part way up the wheels, but not as far as the centre part of the wheels. I think it didn't get as high as the axels. But, I don't know for sure. Also, I can't just start it and try driving it. The battery is completely out of charge and the car has been sitting for a while. I have been planning on arranging to get my car towed to the garage and they can check it over and fix anything that needs fixing. They have done that before. The problem is that tow trucks can't get into the garage. The garage door isn't tall enough. If it weren't for that, it would have been handled quite a while ago. I didn't want my late DH straining himself, as he helped push the car to where the tow truck can attach it. He wasn't worried about overexerting himself.

Of course, all my efforts at getting the car looked at got sidelined by the hubster dying.

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Well, if no water got inside the car, it should be okay. If water gets inside, it ruins a lot of electronics. If we lived a wee bit closer than a whole country apart, I'd come over and take car of the car for you, but I'm thinking the airline fare would do a number on my budget.

As long as the carpets stayed dry, you probably just need some maintenance work done from sitting a long time.

CD

caseydog said:

Well, if no water got inside the car, it should be okay. If water gets inside, it ruins a lot of electronics. If we lived a wee bit closer than a whole country apart, I'd come over and take car of the car for you, but I'm thinking the airline fare would do a number on my budget.

As long as the carpets stayed dry, you probably just need some maintenance work done from sitting a long time.

CD

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I don't think any water got in the passenger compartment. I checked after the water went down. The carpets were dry and there was no sign of water getting under the car door.

I did get a bit panicked when my neighbour told me that my car was sitting in water.

With this talk about cars/water/tires, I can't help but remember one year at my daughter's apartment building, the outdoor parking lot had about 6 or 8 inches of water. It froze solid over night. There was not a single thing anyone could do. ALL tires were solidly encased in the ice. I felt so sorry for all the owners! There was maybe 30 cars?
Of course, it is funny now but not then. I was also rather glad it wasn't my problem.

Grrr... I was so looking forward to spending the week in my friend's kitchen, almost Gourmet appointed.

and I just don't feel like cooking......... gahhh

I spent the day moving my mom into an assisted living apartment, or as she thinks of it, my sister and I spent the day locking her up. She has an apartment with a concierge, and there's a dining room with an Executive Chef. I wish I could get "locked up" like that.

She just moved from on independent living apartment, to an assisted living apartment in the same building, but has no idea where she is.

I didn't have any time for lunch. I ate McDonald's in the truck on the way back to my hotel. The hotel has a bar. I rarely drink anymore, but Mr. Jim Beam was callin' to me. I had a stupidly expensive drink, and went to my room for a hot shower.

I love my mom, and feel bad about what is happening to her health and her mind. But, there is nothing I can do about what's happening to her other than try to be supportive. I'm 63, and my sister is 65, and has health issues of her own.

She called my sister seven times this evening, my sister finally called me completely worn out. I can generally calm her down. My voice sounds just like my dad's, which I think helps. My sister also doesn't deal with stress as well as I do -- I got that from my dad, too.

Mom said she wanted me to come visit her because of what my sister is doing. I told her I was there with her all day... and she didn't know I had been there at all. I told her my sister and I would be back there tomorrow, and Saturday to finish setting up her apartment. She won't remember any part of that phone call.

Here's the weird thing, she remembers her mother's birthdate, but asks us all the time how to get in touch with her mom, who died 19 years ago. When she talks to people where she lives, she is very witty, and everybody loves her. Even today, she met the staff at her new apartment, and she had them laughing with her. She doesn't have dementia, like my dad did. She remembers things from fifty years ago, but doesn't remember if she ate lunch today.

Anyway, it's been a rough day. Tomorrow is not likely to be much better. I'm going to have to deal with my mom's mental decline, and keep my sister from going off the rails on a crazy train (some of you will like that reference).

CD

caseydog said:

I spent the day moving my mom into an assisted living apartment, or as she thinks of it, my sister and I spent the day locking her up. She has an apartment with a concierge, and there's a dining room with an Executive Chef. I wish I could get "locked up" like that.

She just moved from on independent living apartment, to an assisted living apartment in the same building, but has no idea where she is.

I didn't have any time for lunch. I ate McDonald's in the truck on the way back to my hotel. The hotel has a bar. I rarely drink anymore, but Mr. Jim Beam was callin' to me. I had a stupidly expensive drink, and went to my room for a hot shower.

I love my mom, and feel bad about what is happening to her health and her mind. But, there is nothing I can do about what's happening to her other than try to be supportive. I'm 63, and my sister is 65, and has health issues of her own.

She called my sister seven times this evening, my sister finally called me completely worn out. I can generally calm her down. My voice sounds just like my dad's, which I think helps. My sister also doesn't deal with stress as well as I do -- I got that from my dad, too.

Mom said she wanted me to come visit her because of what my sister is doing. I told her I was there with her all day... and she didn't know I had been there at all. I told her my sister and I would be back there tomorrow, and Saturday to finish setting up her apartment. She won't remember any part of that phone call.

Here's the weird thing, she remembers her mother's birthdate, but asks us all the time how to get in touch with her mom, who died 19 years ago. When she talks to people where she lives, she is very witty, and everybody loves her. Even today, she met the staff at her new apartment, and she had them laughing with her. She doesn't have dementia, like my dad did. She remembers things from fifty years ago, but doesn't remember if she ate lunch today.

Anyway, it's been a rough day. Tomorrow is not likely to be much better. I'm going to have to deal with my mom's mental decline, and keep my sister from going off the rails on a crazy train (some of you will like that reference).

CD

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Sorry you and your sister are having to deal with this. My mum had confusion about the assisted living place she was staying at. My sister moved her to a private, licensed residence. They were very nice to her there. But, I think the lucid moments were the worst. "Where's Daddy (meaning my dad)?" She saw my face while I was trying to figure out how to tell her, "Oh, he died, didn't he." And then she was sad, as was I, that she remembered.

Sending positive vibes that your mum will relax and enjoy her new surroundings.

taxlady said:

Sorry you and your sister are having to deal with this. My mum had confusion about the assisted living place she was staying at. My sister moved her to a private, licensed residence. They were very nice to her there. But, I think the lucid moments were the worst. "Where's Daddy (meaning my dad)?" She saw my face while I was trying to figure out how to tell her, "Oh, he died, didn't he." And then she was sad, as was I, that she remembered.

Sending positive vibes that your mum will relax and enjoy her new surroundings.

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Thanks. I'll be fine, my sister lives 15 miles from my mom, and she carries a heavier load than I do. Over the last six months, I've gotten my sister to tell my mom to call me when mom gets overbearing. My mom is starting to call me -- sometimes at 2AM. The difference is that I will tell my mom, "It's 2AM, go back to bed. I'll call you in the morning." My mom says, "Okay, I'll talk to you in the morning," then forgets she even called me. My sister will stay on the phone for fifteen minutes. I'm off the phone in less than two minutes. Like I said, in the morning, she won't remember she called either one of us.

My parents spent over $200,000 to get into this Senior Living Community. It is wonderful. Like I said, they have an Executive Chef. I've sometimes wondered, why don't I sell my house and move in there? Then I remember it is in Houston, and I hate Houston.

My sister is going on a Caribbean cruise in a few weeks. I'll be back in Houston to look after my mom while she's on her cruise. No big deal. Like Taylor Swift says, "Shake it Off."

When my sister gets back, at some point I need to have a sit down with her, because she has health issues she's been ignoring, and using my mom as an excuse for that. My sister is one of the most hard-headed people I know. She knows I have an art degree, and she's filled her house with "artwork" that some salesman told her was "collectable," even though I told her not to buy it. Luckily, my dad did listen to me, and my mom's apartment is decorated with some valuable pieces of original art.

I dread the thought of confronting my sister on these health issues, because she is NOT going to take it well. If I tell her she needs to lose fifty pounds (at least), she will react by eating a whole cheesecake. A few months ago I told my sister I lost twenty pounds over six months. Instead of being happy for me, she took it as an insult to her. I ended up thinking I should have kept my mouth shut about losing twenty pounds.

I'm not looking forward to the Holidays.

Thanks for letting me vent. It's nice to vent when nobody knows actually who you are. It is kind of like screaming profanities into your pillow.

CD

Don't bother telling your sister about losing weight. She already knows she needs to lose weight. It probably really bothers her that she hasn't been able to lose it or hasn't been able to get started on a weight loss plan.

The only thing I can think of talking to her about is if you can tell her something positive that you experienced with weight loss, especially if it is something a bit unusual.

BTW, I lost 50 pounds after I was diagnosed with arthritis in my hip. The doctor was very matter of fact telling me that losing some weight would be very helpful with the arthritis and could help keep it from getting worse as quickly. She didn't start lecturing me about about how bad it can be for one's health, which of course it can be. If my husband had been consistent in his efforts to lose weight, the entire cascade that eventually led to his death could have been mitigated. He was in the neighbourhood of 70-80 pounds overweight. He was 6 feet tall and built like he should have been a blacksmith. The excess weight was terrible for his knees. So, getting exercise by walking was no longer a great option. So, bad knees and lack of exercise meant that he wasn't in very good shape. But, like so many middle aged men, he would overexert himself. Overexerting ourselves while we are young exhausts us and might make us ache/hurt, but within a few days, we are generally fine again. Then, as we get older, it takes longer and longer to recover. That sudden spurt of exertion puts more strain on our bodies. The classic example is how many middle aged men die of shovelling snow.

I feel for you casey, I am your sister. I know I have to loose weight and every time I try I sabotage my own efforts. I remember tons of ancient history with my family and myself. My bro and I had a great time last weekend. He remembers very little from earlier years whick is sad. He has a fantastic analytical brain, but one subject at a time, don't throw anything else in or his brain stalls - literally he just stands there while he sorts out the subjects. This depresses him that he can't sort it out, which makes it even more difficult trying to sort out two subjects and control the helpless feeling of not being able to in a timely manner.
I can't remember what I had for lunch yesterday without stopping and concentrating very hard about the day. I put it down to the fact it is not important to me so I can't be bothered to remember. But I also recognize it as a common 'trait?' amongst the elderly. Short term versus long term. My kids aren't looking at me out of the corner of their eyes.... yet.
Gosh casey - you sure opened a door around the corner with this one, eh?

Casey, This is a sucky thing you have to deal with. It must really hurt to watch your mom deteriorate and at the same time support your sister with her pain. I saw some of what you're experiencing when my sister lost her mental facilities and went downhill quickly and it made me feel helpless.

Just to add a little wrinkle to the trip to Houston, early voting is going on, and believe it or not, my hotel is a polling place.

The parking lot is packed, and I'm driving a rented 20-foot long 4X4 crew cab pickup truck. It's like parking a monster truck in a space made for a mid-size car.

I have never seen a hotel used as a polling place, and this is a nice hotel -- a Marriott. Plus, there is a community college right across the street. That's Houston.

People are lined up around the building. I walk past everyone to enter the hotel, and so far, nobody has said anything to me.

CD

Watch out for the "Kick Me" patted on your back.

dragnlaw said:

Watch out for the "Kick Me" patted on your back.

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I was pretty testy after six hours with my mom and sister yesterday, so I was kinda' hoping someone would tell me to "Wait in Line!" I had my finger on the pull tab of my...



CD

It's so hard when our parents start to decline. Hang in there, CD.

Kathleen said:

It's so hard when our parents start to decline. Hang in there, CD.

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I got a call from my sister tonight. "You need to call mom!!!" My mom really pi$$ed off my sister, and my mom was definitely out of line. Problem is, my mom has no short term memory, so she had no idea what she said.

My maternal grandmother did the same thing to my mom, and now my mom is doing it to my sister. My dad had to be the one to tell my grandmother to knock it off, and now I have that job. My mom doesn't do this kind of crap to me, because she knows I won't put up with it.

CD

Things have gone from bad to worse, which is my way of saying it is not only my sister that my mom is pi$$ing off.

She called me today, and after about twenty minutes, I told her I was hanging up before I say something I am going to feel bad about later.

Mom: Do I have any money?

Me: Yes.

Mom: Where is it?

Me: (short version) Lisa and I manage it.

Mom: How do I know you and your sister aren't going to take my money and leave me here to die?

Me: Seriously? We I have our own money. We don't need your money.

Mom: I don't know if I can trust you since you "put me here." (BTW: the best an most expensive retirement community in Texas)

Me: We love you!

Mom: I'm not sure I believe that.

Anyway, that was the end of the conversation I never wanted to have, and hope none of you ever have.

CD

Aw, Casey, sorry you are having to deal with that. It's not an unusual side effect of dementia to become paranoid. My mother did. I spent a couple of hours in a café with her while my sister supervised some cleaners getting her apartment ready to stay in. This was her apartment in Copenhagen and it had been a while since my mother had been there. The entire time we were in the café, my mother tried to figure out who I really was. I told her, but she didn't believe me. She was convinced I was some sort of professional agent who was trying to find out her secrets. It's very disconcerting when they don't believe you.

Me too casey, I'm so sorry you, and your sister! are having to go thru this as well.
At least you know the staff there to be confident concerning her paranoia.

taxlady said:

Aw, Casey, sorry you are having to deal with that. It's not an unusual side effect of dementia to become paranoid. My mother did. I spent a couple of hours in a café with her while my sister supervised some cleaners getting her apartment ready to stay in. This was her apartment in Copenhagen and it had been a while since my mother had been there. The entire time we were in the café, my mother tried to figure out who I really was. I told her, but she didn't believe me. She was convinced I was some sort of professional agent who was trying to find out her secrets. It's very disconcerting when they don't believe you.

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Sorry to hear that about you and your mom. Dementia hits different people in different ways. My dad became very cooperative and the staff and other people there loved him. My mom seems to be going down the other path.

She is doing to my sister exactly what her mom did to her, and is also starting to annoy the staff where she lives, who take good care of her.

Up until today, my mom didn't do that to me. It was definitely a wake-up call for me. It is not that I didn't believe what my sister was telling me, it was just that I didn't experience it first hand, so I didn't take it as seriously as I should have.

My sister is booked on a cruise in about ten days. I told her, "Do not cancel that cruise."

I am gong down to Houston while my sister is on that cruise. I can, and have no problem with having a face-to-face conversation with my mom.

CD