Old Venting Thread

[suziquzie]

FM I can't convince my mother that the sky is blue some days......

 

[pdswife]

lol! I have to add my vent about MOM.... we had Christmas at MY house this year. Mom wanted to help so I gave her two jobs. 1. Bring a pie. 2. Make the mashed potatoes.

She bought a "bake at home pie" baked it and burned the poor thing. BLACK!
I told her NOT TO put the potato peels down the disposal. I know my pipes. I knew they'd get clogged. SHE DID IT ANY WAY! Paul spent 45 minutes taking the sink apart and unplugging every thing. She kept saying she didn't hear me telling her about the peels... maybe she didn't but... as Paul was unscrewing pipes she was telling me how
Grandpa had done the same thing to her one Thanksgiving. She lied to me and said that she only put a few peels down at a time. Wrong..she only turned the disposal one ONE time. She kept insisting that MY disposal was bad and that I needed a good one.

AND to top it all off
instead of being late she came TWO dang hours early!
We'd discussed times three times. She was supposed to come at 4:00pm but at
1:30pm she called and said " I hope you're home because I don't have anywhere else to go and I'm 15 minutes from your house."

Boy I was saying nasty words in my head all weekend long.

 

[mikki]

Well I have to say I relate to everyone of these stories.
Went to Dads and Steps for T-Day Told to be there a 2 we ate at 6:00 because her kids told her that morning that they couldn't come till then,she didn't feel the need to call me.
the next year I asked what time we were eating then called her back to make sure then told her that if it wasn't done by such-n-such time we would have to leave,that we had "somewhere" else to be.
Had a hard time getting to places on time the first few times with kids when they were little, then figured it out.
Inlaws are always late we usually tell them to be here 1 hour before everyone else, then they are on time.
Now that my kids are older, this year I tried to make it easier for the relatives that have little kids or had other places to go. My moms side- cousin has two small boys, we do Christmas breakfast, I was going to have it at my house, then remembered that she said something about how hard it was to get the boys out that early so I talked to her and said that if it was easier she could host breakfast, she was thrilled and I told her when she was ready to give it up let me know and I'd host.
My BIL, wife and 3mo baby girl came in from Florida. His wifes family lives in the same area that we do so I called can asked her family when they were planning Christmas celebration. I moved ours with them to Christmas eve so it would be easier for them to see everyone. BILs mother thanked me in tears because she has always had to compete with the inlaws for holidays. To me it doesn't matter what day we celebrate as long as we get to spend time with family.
This was the first Christmas we didn't have to worry about getting from one place to another in time. I think this is the first Christmas I have really enjoyed with MY kids.

 

[TanyaK]

Does anyone have friends who always wait until the last minute to RSVP when you invite them to something? When you say "please let me know by Wednesday" they'll call on Friday when the party is for Saturday. It always makes me think they're waiting for something better to come up. The last time it happened I said "sorry you didn't let me know and I've already catered for the amount of people who RSVP'd" and then I ended up feeling like a horrible person. I understand that now and again people forget to RSVP on time but when the same couple do it every time it makes me not actually want to invite them to anything anymore.

 

[texasgirl]

I'm sorry, but, I'm going to say something that might make some of you mad, but, I have to say it. I've been reading how your "mom's" are making you mad by doing some stupid things. Please, sit down and breathe and be appreciative that you have your parents at all. My dad died when I was 7 and I have no memories of him at all. My mom died Oct. 5 1992 when I was 23. Christmas was her all time favorite holiday. She loved the weather, she loved decorating, baking, buying for everyone and loved that day that we all were able to be together with her. Do you know how much I would give to have her here burning something, or breaking something or getting early or even 4 hours late. My boys don't even know what it's like to have a real grandmother as the MIL is material and only cares about the girls in the family. I don't want your sympathy, I just want you to realize how good you have it. Next time one of you family members, parents especially, make you angry, sit down, breathe, and think about, what if they were gone and you were alone without them. You will no longer have that phone call on your birthday, have that that ability to call them when you need a shoulder to cry on or when you have exciting news. Hold tight to them and be glad that you still have them. After all, things can be replaced, loved ones can't be.

 

[texasgirl]

Does anyone have friends who always wait until the last minute to RSVP when you invite them to something? When you say "please let me know by Wednesday" they'll call on Friday when the party is for Saturday. It always makes me think they're waiting for something better to come up. The last time it happened I said "sorry you didn't let me know and I've already catered for the amount of people who RSVP'd" and then I ended up feeling like a horrible person. I understand that now and again people forget to RSVP on time but when the same couple do it every time it makes me not actually want to invite them to anything anymore.

Is that not the most maddening thing? Some people just forget, like you said, I have before, but, it's the same people each time. That is just laziness or rude. You can either not invite them next time or if they always show to each party, just expect them next time. Even if they don't show, it's lunch the next day

 

[LEFSElover]

I think every family must have perpetually late people. I do too but I solved it 4 years ago. I cheerfully let everyone know that the meal would be served at whatever time but not to worry if they were late - I'd save them a plate. And that's exactly what I do. I plate up one plate for the straggler(s) and then proceed as planned. It's unfair to make the prompt folks suffer every time. Plus, I'm not good at holding a meal without having it suffer in some way so it's a double loss.

Anyway, there were some very surprised folks the first year or two when they arrived to find the table already cleared! I served them each a plate I had made for them and told them to join us in the living room when they were finished. I didn't fuss at anyone for being late but I didn't accommodate anyone's tardiness, either.

What has happened is that the young folks who were always late are still late, but I don't hold up the meal or birthday cake or whatever for them so things are better. But the older people who were always late aren't anymore. Apparently, they don't like being unable to have seconds or missing the wine with the meal or not being in the pictures, etc. They may not like having to make the effort now but since I never scold and I save them a plate, there really isn't much they can say!

I'm just browsin through this thread reading and silently saying, "yeh, I've had that before or done that before and been there before."
This one hits home though.

Christmas in our young family, my husband and I and our 3 little kids, were always on the run to everyone's house. We couldn't possibly make it to everyone's house on time. They'd all forgotten there was NO extra time for us, schlepping 3 kids on Christmas to get to their comfortable house on our time and our dime. We'd always get the cold shoulder and get reprimanded, what a great way to enter into a new bout of several hours at a place we probably didn't want to be anyway. Honestly, I just wanted to often times, turn tail and run right out.

A cousin prepared Easter dinner one day, when the entire group of family members she was waiting on got there very late, also, very as usual, as they were always late..............we sat down to dinner, like all 18 of us and she said, "I'll say this once and once only. I have slaved over dinner all day. I have cleaned this house, kept it clean, watched my children not to mess it up, gotten tidied up myself, got my husband and his chores taken care of, all in the expectation of you all being here and having a lovely hot scrumptous dinner. You have no concern or regard for what time you show up. You couldn't care less what I've been through all day. This is the last time I'll say this to you because you aren't children and know better. You're rude and self absorbed. Please know how much this affected my day. But it won't continue to ruin it. Let's enjoy dinner." She prayed the Norwegian prayer and all was wonderful/lively and forgotten about. We all had a wonderful day. I take my hat off to her for mustering up the courage I would not have been able to do.

 

[jpmcgrew]

I would have the courage that would make me so mad.What I do is tell people is to come an hour or so before dinner. If you are not in time then tough cookie we are eating when it was planned. When they finally show up I give them a paper plate and show them the microwave or make their plates ahead and tell them glad you finally made it we saved a plate for you. Its just plain rude and selfish to make people wait. Unless it a plane delay or bad snow storm there is no excuse.I see nothing wrong starting dinner when it was planned. After all you work your butt off to this and if they cant appreciate your efforts then that is just too bad.
When I worked at lodge in the high country we would get groups of 12 at a time (fisherman) well these guys would sit and wait for the 2-3 guys that just would not come in for dinner if the fish were biting.So I would tell them the day they showed up dinner is when you guys set the time and thats when it will be ready if you dont want to come in fine we will save you a plate. That worked out great the ones that showed up could eat and the ones who didn't had a plate waiting and could stay out longer. That way everybody was happy.

 

[expatgirl]

I read somewhere that chronically late people are actually displaying passive nonagressive tendencies. Well guess what........at my house we'll delay about 20 minutes for you PNAG derriere and then we're moving on.....and you get whatever is left over when you do finally grace us with your exalted presence......we do a lot of entertaining and most people are very thoughtful and on time....sometimes on the dot.....but the ones who are chronically late are just plain rude and I've come to not get bothered by them...how about the ones who show up at your parties with their ears glued to their cell phones and take calls all night long........you feel like your dinner get-togethers are interfering with their busy lives......oh well I've been set off.......

 

[LEFSElover]

we were asked to dinner by friends. just hubby and I, no kids yet, they had none either. they said come over whenever. it was a saturday, we had stuff to do in the day, yard work etc. we'd never been to their house either and in those days, yahoomaps.com didn't exist. we stopped for a bottle of wine for them as a gift, didn't have any at home to give them back then. when we got there, they were furious. the wife didn't even talk. he just said, 'sit down, dinner's ready." didn't acknowledge the wine or anything.
here's what all the upset was about.
dinner:
1 cheese stuffed mostacholli [sp?]

oh no, wait no longer to read anything else.
that was it.
no sauce over the top.
no salad.
no bread.
no drink.
no dessert.
nothing else.

that's what we got heck for not showing up earlier for.
I've made a better meal for our goats.

 

[csalt]

Have I got this wrong? did you say they were friends ?

That's not a good way to treat anyone, especially your friends.

Isn't it incredible that sometimes we all find it so difficult to love one another that includes me I regret to say.

 

[Barbara L]

we were asked to dinner by friends. just hubby and I, no kids yet, they had none either. they said come over whenever. it was a saturday, we had stuff to do in the day, yard work etc. we'd never been to their house either and in those days, yahoomaps.com didn't exist. we stopped for a bottle of wine for them as a gift, didn't have any at home to give them back then. when we got there, they were furious. the wife didn't even talk. he just said, 'sit down, dinner's ready." didn't acknowledge the wine or anything.
here's what all the upset was about.
dinner:
1 cheese stuffed mostacholli [sp?]

oh no, wait no longer to read anything else.
that was it.
no sauce over the top.
no salad.
no bread.
no drink.
no dessert.
nothing else.

that's what we got heck for not showing up earlier for.
I've made a better meal for our goats.

Yikes! Did they at least provide plates and eating utensils to eat the lone element of dinner? Or did they expect you to all take a side and just start eating toward the middle? Did they ever invite you again, and if so did you go? You must have really felt uncomfortable!

Barbara

 

[love2"Q"]

i would have walked out ..
but thats me ..

 

[jpmcgrew]

Maybe the wife was trying to punish you by being a you know what and kept the rest of the meal hidden. I just cant believe anyone would consider that dinner. If they expected you at a certain time they should have said so.
A lot of people have trouble communicating and expect you to have ESP and when we dont get it they get mad.

 

[Katie H]

Maybe you were the victim of a "secret" progressive dinner. The rest of the dinner was in the "diner protection program."

 

[expatgirl]

What time did you guys show up? I have learned not to say "anytime" you get here........really, they don't mean it and we don't say it because people will take you literally if you do say it.........it's a shame that you were served a goat's meal-----your friends should have been more specific if they had expected y'all at a specific time.....shame on them for not being more specific.....as I think that you would have been there at 7pm if they wanted you there at that time.

 

[krichardson]

My problem with being late is a little different. We had a family christmas in Louisville, Kentucky this year (A 3 1/2 hour drive for me). The whole family goes down and is then expected to spend the night and enjoy a breakfast and leave in the afternoon. Well sorry to be selfish but I don't want to spend the night. I think going down and enjoying my family for the day is fine, but spending 2 days is hard for me. I either was out of town or working every weekend in December and wanted one day to myself. My family eventually understood, although I got quite a guilt trip. What I didn't understand was we were to arrive at 3:00, on the dot and that was when dinner was to be served. I had never done this trip before and all I was going on was mapquests estimated arrival time. So I ended up being about 1/2 hour early. Do you know that the hostess did not come out to say hi until 3:00! I thought I was being courteous by making sure that I was not late to the table, I mean it's a 3 1/2 hour drive I was planning for any out of the unplanned things that can go wrong on a drive. Oh well I guess you can't please them all!

 

[csalt]

Maybe in 6 month's time it may seem funny and you'll be able to laugh about it but it's somewhat daunting at the time isn't it.
I hope you have a very Happy New Year and don't even think about the next celebration yet.

 

[Barbara L]

What I didn't understand was we were to arrive at 3:00, on the dot and that was when dinner was to be served. I had never done this trip before and all I was going on was mapquests estimated arrival time. So I ended up being about 1/2 hour early. Do you know that the hostess did not come out to say hi until 3:00! I thought I was being courteous by making sure that I was not late to the table, I mean it's a 3 1/2 hour drive I was planning for any out of the unplanned things that can go wrong on a drive. Oh well I guess you can't please them all!

Arriving half an hour before the meal is served is perfectly reasonable as far as I'm concerned. It gives everyone time to greet each other and freshen up a little before the meal. She was being very rude IMHO.

Barbara

 

[jpmcgrew]

If that happened to me I would not go back again.I dont have a desire to feel on edge because of another person. Lets face it some people are control freaks and I just wont have any part of it.You said you you wanted a day to your self well then take it no big deal I do it all the time. People will get mad but they get over it. There is nothing wrong with taking time for your self its not being selfish its just that you need some down time for your self.