Are you a guy or a girl?

[dragnlaw]

Well, I must say this has turned into a very entertaining Thread.
So Thank You Wan. I know it wasn't your original idea but it turned out well.

 

[Andy M.]

I will never call myself a 'girl' , I am above 10 years of age. 'Girl' Is something strangely used for women of all ages, yet nobody calls mature men 'boys'. I'm a mature woman, not a girl.

I'm a woman, wife, rebel, 36 years old .

So when an adult woman who may be married with children is looking for a fun night out with her friends and says she's going out for drinks with the girls, that's bad?

 

[Aunt Bea]

IMO using familiar jargon should depend on how well you know the people involved.

I find it a bit offensive when a stranger refers to older people as girls or boys in a familiar and often condescending tone but it’s fine with me when family and my circle of friends use such terms.

 

[Xocolatl]

So when an adult woman who may be married with children is looking for a fun night out with her friends and says she's going out for drinks with the girls, that's bad?

I know no such women, and I don't live in an English speaking country. Here they would say they're going out with their friends for a 'ladies night'.

Also, that I personally consider this way of saying things wrong, doesn't mean I correct people who do it. This is the internet where we can write what we think. I'm not going to tell people what to do irl.

 

[taxlady]

I know no such women, and I don't live in an English speaking country. Here they would say they're going out with their friends for a 'ladies night'.

Also, that I personally consider this way of saying things wrong, doesn't mean I correct people who do it. This is the internet where we can write what we think. I'm not going to tell people what to do irl.

Mostly I agree, but I will tell people not to call me a girl. I have done so in the past and will do so if it comes up again. I do not consider it a complement to call me, a woman over 70 years old, to call me a girl. I only think that is a complement when a woman's worth is measured by her youth.

 

[dragnlaw]

I think some are taking offence at a phrase that is not said in a personnel reference. It is merely a phrase, a saying, colloquial or not, not intended as an insult, nor even in a condescending manner. It is mere said because that's the way they heard it growing up.

In the southern states, "hon" is used so often most people don't even hear it. Waitress' call almost all females "hon". From a baby in a carry to granny.
Even here in southern Ontario, I met a lady in a shop. Shop owner, lady and myself had a 10 minute conversation. As the lady left, she said "It was nice to meet you, Have a good day "Hon".
She was not being disrespectful - It was just a phrase.
Have to admit I am constantly surprised every time some one uses it, I'm not used to it.... but it is just a phrase.
To take it as a personal affront is silly.

 

[Aunt Bea]

I think some are taking offence at a phrase that is not said in a personnel reference. It is merely a phrase, a saying, colloquial or not, not intended as an insult, nor even in a condescending manner. It is mere said because that's the way they heard it growing up.

In the southern states, "hon" is used so often most people don't even hear it. Waitress' call almost all females "hon". From a baby in a carry to granny.
Even here in southern Ontario, I met a lady in a shop. Shop owner, lady and myself had a 10 minute conversation. As the lady left, she said "It was nice to meet you, Have a good day "Hon".
She was not being disrespectful - It was just a phrase.
Have to admit I am constantly surprised every time some one uses it, I'm not used to it.... but it is just a phrase.
To take it as a personal affront is silly.

I remember hearing coaches calling boys ladies, telling boys that they run/throw like girls, etc…

but it is just a phrase…

I heard many things growing up that I wouldn’t think of saying today and IMO that’s not a bad thing.

 

[Kathleen]

@Aunt Bea Dad taught me to "punch like a boy." A skill that came in useful twice in my life. In neither case did the other person wish to pursue a second hit. Thanks for making junior high bearable, Daddy!

 

[dragnlaw]

good on you Kathleen! Aunt Bea, there is a distinct difference between an insult and a common expression.

Aunt Bea - because that's what coaches said... "back in the day!" It was a deliberate insult "back then" to get them to try harder because "back then" girls were thought not to be able to match boys in anything, including brains. But times have changed - at least on the surface.
And I am not saying it is OK to insult with old phrases, unless, of course, you want Kathleen to come up and bop you on the nose!

Did anyone go up and harangue the coach for sexual harassment?
OMG, just think, high school boys (who are now in their 50's, 60's, 70's and 80's can now sue their schools for sexual harassment.

 

[Marlingardener]

"Hon" and "Dear" are common here in Texas. I take no offense, and even use the terms myself.
However, if a Texas woman says, "Bless your heart" it is an insult! Being a lady, she says that instead of something more potent and less ladylike.

 

[dragnlaw]

Marlingardener - you are right! That's true!

I remember Tennessee Ernie Ford's well loved phrase though, always made me smile..
"(Well, God) Bless your little Pea Pickin' Heart"

not sure exactly how it went after all these years.

 

[Silversage]

IMO using familiar jargon should depend on how well you know the people involved.

I find it a bit offensive when a stranger refers to older people as girls or boys in a familiar and often condescending tone but it’s fine with me when family and my circle of friends use such terms.

This.

Also, the combination is important. If someone uses comparable terms for men & women, it usually isn't offensive. I don't find 'boys & girls', or 'guys & gals', or 'men & women', or 'ladies & gentlemen' offensive. But mixing them usually causes me discomfort. For example, 'girls & guys', reduces the women to children, but not the men.

 

[LovelyLinda]

Wow, this all seems a little complicated for me. I seem to call everyone 'dear', whether it a man, woman child or other!

 

[GotGarlic]

I think some are taking offence at a phrase that is not said in a personnel reference. It is merely a phrase, a saying, colloquial or not, not intended as an insult, nor even in a condescending manner. It is mere said because that's the way they heard it growing up.

In the southern states, "hon" is used so often most people don't even hear it. Waitress' call almost all females "hon". From a baby in a carry to granny.
Even here in southern Ontario, I met a lady in a shop. Shop owner, lady and myself had a 10 minute conversation. As the lady left, she said "It was nice to meet you, Have a good day "Hon".
She was not being disrespectful - It was just a phrase.
Have to admit I am constantly surprised every time some one uses it, I'm not used to it.... but it is just a phrase.
To take it as a personal affront is silly.

Waitresses don't do that much anymore - at least not in my part of the South.

A man I didn't know called me sweetheart in a store. I told him I wasn't his sweetheart and he got all offended, as if I was in the wrong. Ask yourself this: would he have called me that if my husband had been with me? Damn straight he would not have. It's not just a phrase - there's a subtext.

 

[GinnyPNW]

Waitresses don't do that much anymore - at least not in my part of the South.

A man I didn't know called me sweetheart in a store. I told him I wasn't his sweetheart and he got all offended, as if I was in the wrong. Ask yourself this: would he have called me that if my husband had been with me? Damn straight he would not have. It's not just a phrase - there's a subtext.

I do agree with you, GG. I think we just "know" when it is something else? I remember, many years back...my boyfriend's co-worker made advances. I don't remember what he said, but it was clear. In my own kitchen, no less. (Everyone else was in the pool...but I had work to do.) Anyway, dear BF poo-pooed it. Said I misunderstood or something. The following month, above mentioned co-worker was fired. Got caught sleeping with the boss's wife!

 

[taxlady]

A friend of mine once said that some service person had called her a "pretty little thing". "He called me a thing!" She was upset by being called a thing. My first reaction was, "It's just a phrase." But, then I thought about it and no, I do not want to be called a thing, even if it is "just a phrase". We used to let a lot of phrases just pass without thinking about what they were actually saying.